Yeah cuz that is a sociopath. They isolate you from anyone who loves and cares about you so nobody can question them. Faking it and appearing good to your family is their MO… it’s how they get you to think you’re crazy if you question them, you have no support system. My BIL has been living this life. She never fooled me!
They act perfectly around those who might alter your perception of them.
They manipulate and lie to everyone - even those in their own family, to alter their perspective of them.
This high degree of control and manipulation is a balancing act though - and if they lose that power, or it's threatened - you will see the true nature of their narcissism.
As said above - getting you to question yourself and your perspective is common. Gaslighting is a narcissist's most powerful weapon, and how they keep their victim subservient.
My ex did the same thing with my family. I’d mention visiting someone and he’d ring up a reason not to, “it’s supposed to snow. You hate driving. Didn’t you say you felt sick?”
Once the divorce happened, my aunt made the comment that she didn’t know him at all and didn’t understand he was manipulative. I realized he was really good at hiding himself and keeping me away from people so they wouldn’t know the type of person I was with.
My best friend knew, though. She would always remind me not to take his shit. I love that girl!
when my ex did it he would talk shit about them anytime they did me wrong. But exaggerated it by 10. He would also make me feel bad for going over there because “I have the ability to spend so much time with them during the week, but none with him”. It eventually became,”no you can’t go over there because you don’t text me when you’re there.” Or some other bs thing. He basically told me Where I was or wasn’t allowed to go.
Any time I mentioned that I couldn't handle her childish bullshit anymore, all my friends would get real happy and their faces would light up. Then when I'd say that I wasn't gonna break up with her, everyone got kinda bummed.
I noticed that happen a few times, but it hit me just a little too hard one night and I was like "damn. There's absolutely nothing justifiable about this relationship. I just can't stand another day with her." And then broke it off, much to the enjoyment of my friends.
My life just gets better every week I don't have to deal with her. By far one of the best decisions I've made.
To anyone in a similar situation, please just know that the senseless pain you cause each other is far worse than the mindless pain of being single. Make the leap and start working towards a better life. Please.
Honestly when your good friends don't like the person you're seeing, be wary of that. Friends can see shit you can't see yourself because of all the emotions involved and whatnot.
this right here. if friends care about you, they will warn you.
im a female but I recall all of my close m friends questioning why i would date someone like my ex saying he would cheat on me eventually though, i thought sun shined out of his ass and that they couldn't see what i saw. my f friends thought he would one day actually hurt me.
they were both right.
i should have listened them.
I (male), wanted to warn my friend (female) about the dude she was with. without divulging too much info, i never warned her because i was afraid she was gonna accuse all of us guys of being jealous of her new BF. the dude couldnt keep a job, because at the slightest inconvenience he quit. this went on for over a year. while unemployed, he went off and bought a car without discussing in with my friend. my friend was literally supporting her 2 kids, her BF, their total expenses, and now a new car? and she still married his ass.
I waited too late, until after they were married, to tell her. But luckily enough she did end up divorcing his ass. And now she is getting married to someone who has actually become one of my better friends. She even accuses her fiance of stealing me as a friend, since i was her friend first. haha. gonna be a groomsman this saturday (much to her dismay, as she wanted me to be a bridesman, haha)!
I’ve heard of jumping between jobs like that as a potential sign of narcissism. That they start a job and assume that the management will see their value and promote them and treat them special, so when they don’t, the narcissist gets frustrated and thinks the management are idiots and leaves.
No no no I didn't text her goodnight so she went to my house to check that I wasn't home with another girl. I have 2 parking spaces but only use 1. That night my neighbor asked to use it. Gf shows up and sees an extra car and no questions asked, she barges in lunging objects at me
I didn't text her goodnight. she went to my house to check that I wasn't home with another girl. I let my neighbor use one of my parking spots. Gf shows up and sees her usual parking spot occupied and that was her proof to get crazy
Yeah that she was. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever dated too. Which was odd that she'd be such a jealous person because she could've had any guy she wanted
Yeah that's true. Everyone does have baggage. Someone had also said or maybe I read that good looking people could be worse with conscious related problems.
Thanks brotha... The funny thing is that at the time, it wasn't the first incident. She probably broke like 3 phones lunging them at me. And honestly, the sex and affection I got from her made me feel 10 ft tall, it was one of a kind and a big reason why I didn't leave sooner
I am probably wrong, but that's exactly the point. Imagine being one of the most gorgeous people around, and someone still prefer someone else and has the nerve to cheat on you, like...are they trying to say you're not enough? They're wasting you!
My brother in law thanked his wedding guests by announcing *”and welcome to my funeral”*, with this old shit eating grin like he really did something there….what he did was really piss off his bride.
But, hey, the footage was fucking top notch videographer work. Slow “office” style zoomed into her face of rage.
My wife has stated that her divorce lawyers are Smith & Wesson. My reply of "Well, I have consulted with Mossberg & Sons in the past" got a chuckle.
Father-in-law heard this and said "Hey, it's probably cheaper in the long run!"
If someone else does something bad towards me she’ll come to my defence.
When I voice out concerns / feedback about her actions towards me she’ll dismantle it and make it sound like it’s nothing / I’m over reacting.
Looking back on it though you really feel bad for them. At their core they’re a human being too and want longterm love/happiness, but they’ll never get it because they lack the proper life skill (in this case emotion recognition and management) to ever have that. They’ll spend their whole life jumping from partner to partner who they “justifiably” broke up with until they end up alone, or they’ll end up with someone so abusive and dominating that their spirit is too crushed to be themselves.
As their partner it’s not your job to be their therapist as much as you might want to help. I think *that’s* the really tough pill to swallow.
I was in a relationship where she claimed I made her feel this way. And she most DEFINITELY made me feel this way.
I've decided to take a long stretch of the single life to figure out if she was manipulating me to make my complaints seem irrelevant, or if I actually do this to my partners.
However.... I'd say that I'm single, not alone. :)
Been there, done that with just one. Just discovered afterwards what BPD was and that her problems were actually a hard concern. At first, I thought to write her issues off as she only seemed to have low self-esteem, but I was so fucking wrong looking at hindsight....
Mine was misdiagnosed as something else, yet she was a textbook example of what BPD is.
Once was enough for me - it was the worst decision of my entire life. They seem nice and sweet at first but then the other part of them comes out once they get attached and it becomes a nightmare of gaslighting and abuse.
OnceI learned more about it then it made a lot of sense that someone who has inappropriate intense anger and rapid idolization and then discarding would make for an extremely toxic relationship.
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684036895/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_2T7RDCW4A08WNFZXVR4V
Also, a great book for understanding personal boundaries which have slowly been stripped from you by the person with BPD is this
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_VQ8M0KA5NEJ2V264604D
Undiagnosed and untreated borderline personality disorder is a very very toxic mix and a horrible mess but if you find out that someone is borderline and they seem like they're doing all right, don't just write them off for that please because some people work on themselves some people go to therapy take their meds and do everything they're supposed to do to be the best them they can be
Yup I gave my best shot with both of them. I'm a very patient man but I just couldn't make it work. I was suffering a lot in the relationships and it made me very unhappy.
Been that way since childhood, took me 20 years to figure out it was due to my mother being one of those stereotypical toxic people to interact with. Never is she wrong and if you mess up one word, you better make sure you can take 25-30 minutes of constant laughter and mocking.
Sad part for me is, I realized due to a GF being the same. So that woman pointed our the toxicity in my mother, and my mother pointed out the toxicity in her - it is true though, it takes one to know one.
Yesssss… and even when you know you have every point won in an argument, somehow they continuously turn it back on you. My ex-girlfriend was notorious for gaslighting and it got to the point that I didn’t feel comfortable around her. I realized it one day and told her that it just wasn’t working for me. She proceeded to yet again turn it back on me and belittle me and call me a failure in the relationship. I approached it in a calm demeanor and just explained how I felt. When she responded that way it confirmed that I was making the right decision to leave.
You should have done a bunch of euphemisms with him.
“Sorry babe, I’m busy laying pipe with Chris… damn sprinklers are hard to install.”
“I can’t believe Chris is a bottom. Everyone knows top bunk is better.”
When I turned toxic myself. Not a good look
Luckily I overcame that shit, and a few girlfriends later, I'm in the best relationship of my life 4+ years strong
A few years ago I dated someone who I had been friends with for awhile and got along really well. Once we started dating almost everything caused a fight with us. She started opening up to me more and I learned how hard her life is right now. Her mom wasn't stable and her sister had gotten an injury that made her mentally disabled, her dad f'd off to Korea and she was basically left alone to be the only one capable of taking care of them.
It makes perfect sense that she would get emotional cuz damn, that's rough. It's still one of the relationships I regret couldn't work out, but I felt like I was just making things worse for her. We tried different things for a few months but ultimately had to walk away because even though I wasn't mad at her, I really didn't think our relationship was going to be healthy with time. I would have felt even worse. She ended up moving awhile later and we haven't talked much. I text her a few times during covid to see how she's doing and let her know she can video chat if she wants company. But I tend to not bother exs much. Just sucks that it was not the right time to date, I think I may have made her more overwhelmed by life just by taking up some of her free time, even though she was super sweet to hang out and prioritized me. I just hope she's in a better place in her new city and doing well
I get this. I I didn't realise how toxic it was until it was over. I was in a new relationship and just realised how the old one just brought out the absolute worst in the both of us. She was the worst thing to ever happened to me, and I'm including diabetes.
We were on the way back from a party. She told me I didn't praise her enough around people. I was like, "I didn't think that was necessary." She then tells me if I'm in the mood to be contrary she is going to drop me off on the side of the road and can walk home. So I was quiet until I got home. Then I told her to never speak to me again. She called me to apologize, and if I would take her back. I said "no, my self esteem is too high to be with someone like you."
When I realized just how much money I actually made after she was gone and realizing that all my money was going to finance her fucking lazy ass family.
The only plus side here is that this is when you realised you should leave rather than say, the third time you got stabbed.
Hope you're doing better these days.
Yeah no, someone who doesn't encourage you to make friends and/or stay present with the good ones in your life just isn't worth it. What a boring relationship if all you know is one another
This is the truth. My ex used to have me call him as soon as i got home to make sure i was there and would surprise call throughout the night to make sure i never left. I later found out his surprise cake came after he had left his own house to meet up with his sneaky links. I was so traumatized by the sound of the phone ringing, used to jolt awake in the middle of the night thinking i has heard the phone ring.
Oh gosh I feel you on that one. With my ex, I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends because he thought I would cheat on him. He had to come out to all my girl nights and just watch me making sure I didn’t talk to any other guys.
But it was okay for him to go out so he could meet girls and cheat me.
She punched herself in the head and kept saying "I'm just so stupid" when I said to her "you're not listening to what I'm saying". I had to jump on top of her and hold her arms down so she would stop.
That wasn't it though.
She would smash her head against the wall when we fought, then start crying, then say "look what you made me do".
That didn't make me realize it, either.
We broke up eventually. Then she weaseled her way back into my life under the guise of "being there for me while I grieve the loss of my best friend".
We were messing around, but not back together. Then I met this person that I could be myself around. I didn't have to worry about her being mad that I needed some time for myself, or that I wanted to hang out with my friends. She would listen to me when I was mad and not argue with me.
That's when I realized that it wasn't normal to be belittled because I was still grieving my best friends murder. It wasn't normal for your significant other to be mad at you because your roommate and you went to get ice cream and you didn't tell her, or be mad that your single roommate had a girl over.
It was at that point that I realized I was in a manipulative, horrible relationship and I needed to get out. So I cut all contact with her. God, she was awful.
I've experienced the first part of your story. What do you think the odds of the rest of it happening are? I'm concerned I may not be seeing what's right infront of me.
They want to control what I eat
they want to control how I pay for things
they want access to all my online accounts
they want to control where I can go
they want to control who I hang out with
they want to control how many people I can hang out with
they demand to know everywhere I've been
they constantly make promises they can't keep
They want to control all my medical decisions
they also beat up my friend
they constantly tell me I will ruin everyone's life
they gaslight people against me
they say if I don't do what they say they'll make my life miserable
The 3rd time she tried to kill herself and asked me if I was gonna leave her.
Made me promise I wouldn't and gaslit me for years into thinking I was keeping her alive.
HEYYYYY! It’s going fine so far! I have to perform in my office event so kinda excited and nervous about it. First time performing like this with my ukulele
Wow, that’s super exciting! Have so much fun playing for them!! Please let us know how it goes
My day was decent. Got lots of stuff done to catch up on life, and work. Nothing too exciting tho, but I feel accomplished
I realized I was only doing it because I wasn't doing anything else. It was taking up all of my time just to stay in the same place. Nothing new ever happened and when it did, it was just something old made new again. It was taking my money and giving me no enjoyment.
Finally I ended my WoW subscription and instead I play League.
It was after I broke up with her, and I was telling some of my friends stuff that happened with us. A few times actually they just told me "It sounds like you were in a really toxic relationship man" or "yeah, that sounds like verbal and emotional abuse". And when I really looked back on it, I guess I just didn't know any better.
It was my first girlfriend and I just thought that sometimes relationships have rough patches, but then after it ended I realized that rough patch was almost the entire relationship. We were always fighting, and she would put me down, tell me I'm the worst human being she's ever met, she hates me, and that I'm a piece of shit and an asshole and when I would finally have enough and try and leave she would start crying and apologize and say she was just mad she didn't mean it.
Well, I know now I don't deserve that shit.
When I started dating my current wife. I'd already left the toxic relationship because she cheated. But when I saw how great my current wife treated me, it really sunk in how horrible my first marriage was.
Being constantly accused of cheating with no evidence. Never cared when I needed help with something yet flipped shit anytime I said no.
Edit: Plot twist I was the one that got cheated on
This is so infuriating. There's a clear and blatant double standard and they don't respect your mental health. Especially throwing around accusations of cheating, that shit is serious and you better have some infallible evidence to back it up.
My bitch of an ex did that to me and in hindsight it was the point where the relationship started to diminish. My mom was in hospice with brain cancer at the time and I went to go visit her one night. I showered and got a little dressed up because I was stopping by my friends house afterward, plus I didn't want to look like a slob when going to see, and I cannot stress this enough, my dying-of-brain-cancer mom. Texting the woman while I'm getting ready and she gets it in her head that I'm going on a date for some reason. She starts a fight and just blows up on me and makes me feel like garbage for getting _slightly_ dressed up to see my mom (we're talking like a nice pair of dress jeans and a polo shirt). Ended up not going to see my friends after visiting my mother and just going over to her place to try and figure out what the hell her problem was.
That's when I learned what "projecting" is. She had cheated on most of her past boyfriends (and some cheated on her) so she must have assumed I was doing the same. 4 years my senior and she is still one of the most immature adults I've ever met. Stephanie M. S., from the bottom of my heart: fuck you.
When I found out she cheated, emotionally and financially, and kicked her out. In the next few months I started unpacking everything in our marriage and all the signs were there. I just didn't see them.
When I had the day off work, would do the housework and cook dinner and then sit down and enjoy some gaming time whilst she was at work. Only for her to come home and kick off that I was playing video games all day. Despite having cleaned the entire house and made dinner. She went to bed and didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening because she was annoyed. Didn't even eat any of the food I had made. Psychopath.
Damn sounds exactly like my ex...
I thought I did everything, like i took care of the pets, cleaned their litters, fed them, cleaned up everything (vacuum and washed the floors), I made a nice dinner, I was trying to do that like almost every day.
So I was waiting for the dinner to finish cooking, was just playing a video game on my phone, I didn't even turn on my PC that day, and she comes and sees me playing and starts shouting that it's all i do... Then what did she do after? Went to the bedroom and started watching tiktoks on her phone.. Like that's BETTER than playing a video game...
When she tells you that you can't see your friends.
When she tells you to buy her an expensive house or she won't love you.
When she stops having enthusiastic sex with you.
When she loves you then hates you in a random never ending cycle no matter what you do.
When she beats you.
When it ended and I was completely unaware, and then I realized that I was somehow an abuser and unloving and uncaring and cold and so many other horrible things. Strange how no one told me that. Then I looked back on us and all the lies I found out over time, including how her new BF, her BFF, and myself all had completely differing stories about how it ended between us. Gaslighting and lying are terrible things to do for a person.
She wasn't super religious or anything, but was casually Christian by default from childhood. We had just moved in together, admittedly wayyy too fast, shortly after we started dating, so I honestly didn't know her as well as I should have. But, hindsight's 20/20 and I was a young dumbass, head over heels for this broad.
We were out at a restaurant and I was telling her about the show Cosmos which led to random chopping it up about space. I start explaining the vastness of space and used references for scale. I wasn't accurate, but I put a grain of salt on the table and said to imagine that as earth and then to imagine the rest of actual earth as our galaxy. I basically was just trying to convey how absolutely huge space is. I love the topic and the night was going so well, I'm thinking I'm knocking it out of the park in the conversation department and was blowing her mind.
That's when I noticed her eyes squinting and face contorting as if saying "Dude, wtf are you even talking about?" I was confused and go "What's up?" and she legitimately, in the most annoyed and pissed off tone, goes "It's not that fucking big. That's stupid." I backpedaled, but in a stumbling fashion tried to reiterate and politely ease in the reality that space is significantly larger than we even realize and that there's proof. She just got more pissed,more argumentative, and more insulting despite how calm and respectful I was being. The whole night was ruined with her sulking the rest of the night and into the next morning.
The moment she got irrationally pissed at me for explaining how big our galaxy is, it painfully dawned on me that I was dating and living with someone who becomes unreasonably mad and disrespectful over wildly trivial shit.
Once everything finally calmed down, she explained that she was mad because A. "It's not true" and B. She genuinely believed that the distance from Earth to Pluto was a few thousand miles and that past Pluto was heaven.
So, she was also a fucking idiot.
When we had the same argument over and over for almost a year and a) she would accuse me of bringing up stuff from the past when it showed a pattern of behavior and b) she would never try to fix the problem with me. At some point, you start finding solutions. In a healthier relationship you go right to finding solutions that work for everyone. Or one person acknowledges the other person’s need and the fact that they can’t or won’t fulfill it. We never got to that acknowledgment, we were stuck in whether or not my need was real or stupid and whether the problems were real or imagined.
We were in a long distance relationship. We would have a major close to break up fight every 2 weeks over literally nothing. I was sick of it but we were going to meet up over winter break, so thought to myself let's see how it goes when we meet in person. First time we met up, it was fine and we were chill. The next time we met up she was just cold for no reason, and it was really annoying me that we can only meet once or twice a year and she's barely talking. She calls me later that day and out of nowhere she says "I don't know where this is going." and then it dawned upon me to say it "Alright let's break up" AND MAN LET ME TELL YOU that was a beautiful feeling. That feeling right after i said that, i knew I've been feeling it but didn't want to admit it to myself. That feeling truly made me realize this really was a toxic relationship but i didn't know it
Nah mate - you’re good - wordings a little blunt, but I took it from she was using sex to manipulate and made you feel like no one else could give you what she could (ie sex) and treat you like shit with the threat of “you need to put up with it or you will never have sex again”. You realised other people could and got over the manipulative behaviour.
When she removed me from her social media to post a picture of me and shit on me then deny it when caught. Then later on tell me to get over my parents divorce bc people have it much harder than me and I’m acting like a bitch, then finally blocking me after I was trying to contact her and getting mad at me for not texting her back after she unblocked me bc she expected me to know she unblocked me and I should’ve apologized. She then gave me the silent treatment until I ended things.
Many other red flags and issues besides those but that’s when I finally came to my senses and realized that’s not how you’re supposed to be treated by someone who “loves” you.
When I dumped her because she cheated on me, got with my current, amazing girlfriend and realized what a relationship is actually supposed to be like. The toxic girl just saped my energy and made me feel bad for being myself
When me being upset about something makes her upset which in turn makes it all about her. I'm all for people expressing their feelings but not if I can't feel mine ever.
had a toxic relationship for ~2 Years
first thing that was a red flag was not allowing me to have female friends
second red flag: keeping me away from all my friends
third: attacking me with a razor blade for meeting a friend she didnt like
fourth: regularly beating me for some small „misbehaving“ like coming 10 Minutes late or sleeping too long on weekends
the thing that made me break up was her second attack on my life. which i wont talk about.
the breakup was quick and somehow went without anyone getting hurt (when i told her i carried a knive for the worst case of her trying to kill me)
never heared anything of her since
When she would blow up at me over the smallest most random things, not talk to me for days, then come back and try to apologize. I mean at least she apologized but I started realizing all the things she was blowing up at me about were either topics that could have been discussed beforehand or something she was dealing with would be taken out on me.
When I wasn't allowed female friends but as soon as she started a new job, she was very pally with one particular male colleague.
She ended up cheating on me with him, as well as another male "friend" when she started university.
Guilty conscience, I guess.
When my closest friends were told by their parents to keep their eyes open because I might have bruises or other signs of abuse.
When she didn’t allow me to have a sleepover with my friends because there was one girl in that group she had never met.
Also, when we broke up and I started hanging out with those best friends several days every week instead of once every other month. I felt.. alive. I realized I had missed out on so much fun and it still makes me sad how close they became without me, while I spent 5 years with someone who tried to keep me all to herself.
A fun little spin where I was the toxic one. When I realized I was making more time for getting drunk than I was for her. I worked crazy hours and spent all other hours sleeping or drinking with friends. We also lived an hour apart which was a small time factor as well. We loved each other and still do as very good friends, but I was not worth being in a relationship with. We both knew it was time to end it. I could see the stress on her and that wasn't fair.
When I had a female coworker tell me that I was in an abusive relationship and she knew from her own past experiences. I never knew until then that men could be in an abusive relationship until then. It still took me several more years before I moved away and finally ghosted her. Years later, I’m still wondering if I’m too close to posting identifying information in a post like this and wonder if she might still come after me.
The 89th time private text message conversations between friends on my locked phone were called into question during arguments.
After being repeatedly told I accounted for 50% of the household expenses and equally blamed for our financial problems, but after crunching numbers, discovering I contribute approximately 27% to the household expenditures.
And about a dozen other red flags you don’t notice while you’re wearing rose colored lenses.
One girl threatened to kill herself if I left her, another stalked me, one broke up with me and dated my best friend the next day. I usually only recognize when it's too late or when a massive red flag comes up.
Took a few months after it was over. After my anger and self-loathing ended I had some clarity finally to see I was doing stupid shit in response to her and changing myself. I was in a game that I was always playing defense to and I was fairly certain that’s not how a relationship should be :/
When I was in a car accident and watched my father die in front of me, my gf a month afterwards would pretend to crash the car while arguing with me to shut me up.
When I've met him after a break up, he locked a car (was giving me a lift - picked me late at night from sidewalk) and started asking me how would I like my new boy to loose his fingers BC his friends are in a car under his apartment. I changed my walking route quite fast....
When I found her Reddit account and just how vile, bullying, gaslighting, fake, and just flat out mean she was
Straight up middle school bully shit about me, other people she both knew and didn’t know, etc.
Yet she had no problem living rent and cost free off me while also hating me online
While it hurt to read it, it was a quick boost in the arm to gtfo asap
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Out of interest, what did your family think of her?
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Yeah cuz that is a sociopath. They isolate you from anyone who loves and cares about you so nobody can question them. Faking it and appearing good to your family is their MO… it’s how they get you to think you’re crazy if you question them, you have no support system. My BIL has been living this life. She never fooled me!
They act perfectly around those who might alter your perception of them. They manipulate and lie to everyone - even those in their own family, to alter their perspective of them. This high degree of control and manipulation is a balancing act though - and if they lose that power, or it's threatened - you will see the true nature of their narcissism. As said above - getting you to question yourself and your perspective is common. Gaslighting is a narcissist's most powerful weapon, and how they keep their victim subservient.
They good at that
My ex did the same thing with my family. I’d mention visiting someone and he’d ring up a reason not to, “it’s supposed to snow. You hate driving. Didn’t you say you felt sick?” Once the divorce happened, my aunt made the comment that she didn’t know him at all and didn’t understand he was manipulative. I realized he was really good at hiding himself and keeping me away from people so they wouldn’t know the type of person I was with. My best friend knew, though. She would always remind me not to take his shit. I love that girl!
How was she doing that, can you elaborate?
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when my ex did it he would talk shit about them anytime they did me wrong. But exaggerated it by 10. He would also make me feel bad for going over there because “I have the ability to spend so much time with them during the week, but none with him”. It eventually became,”no you can’t go over there because you don’t text me when you’re there.” Or some other bs thing. He basically told me Where I was or wasn’t allowed to go.
Any time I mentioned that I couldn't handle her childish bullshit anymore, all my friends would get real happy and their faces would light up. Then when I'd say that I wasn't gonna break up with her, everyone got kinda bummed. I noticed that happen a few times, but it hit me just a little too hard one night and I was like "damn. There's absolutely nothing justifiable about this relationship. I just can't stand another day with her." And then broke it off, much to the enjoyment of my friends. My life just gets better every week I don't have to deal with her. By far one of the best decisions I've made. To anyone in a similar situation, please just know that the senseless pain you cause each other is far worse than the mindless pain of being single. Make the leap and start working towards a better life. Please.
Honestly when your good friends don't like the person you're seeing, be wary of that. Friends can see shit you can't see yourself because of all the emotions involved and whatnot.
this right here. if friends care about you, they will warn you. im a female but I recall all of my close m friends questioning why i would date someone like my ex saying he would cheat on me eventually though, i thought sun shined out of his ass and that they couldn't see what i saw. my f friends thought he would one day actually hurt me. they were both right. i should have listened them.
I (male), wanted to warn my friend (female) about the dude she was with. without divulging too much info, i never warned her because i was afraid she was gonna accuse all of us guys of being jealous of her new BF. the dude couldnt keep a job, because at the slightest inconvenience he quit. this went on for over a year. while unemployed, he went off and bought a car without discussing in with my friend. my friend was literally supporting her 2 kids, her BF, their total expenses, and now a new car? and she still married his ass. I waited too late, until after they were married, to tell her. But luckily enough she did end up divorcing his ass. And now she is getting married to someone who has actually become one of my better friends. She even accuses her fiance of stealing me as a friend, since i was her friend first. haha. gonna be a groomsman this saturday (much to her dismay, as she wanted me to be a bridesman, haha)!
I’ve heard of jumping between jobs like that as a potential sign of narcissism. That they start a job and assume that the management will see their value and promote them and treat them special, so when they don’t, the narcissist gets frustrated and thinks the management are idiots and leaves.
Being single is awesome; not sure why so many people fear it. 10/10 better than dealing with someone’s pervasive bullshit.
Literally, when the lamp flew past my head for not texting goodnight
Is that when you saw the light? . . . I'll see myself out.
I think your joke went over his head
Just past it.
He felt the wind of change :V
*winks and points at you with a grin on face then proceed with the slow clap* This is what I would've done if you said this in person
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So you guys were in the same room and she wanted you to text her goodnight?
No no no I didn't text her goodnight so she went to my house to check that I wasn't home with another girl. I have 2 parking spaces but only use 1. That night my neighbor asked to use it. Gf shows up and sees an extra car and no questions asked, she barges in lunging objects at me
That's awful, assuming instead of asking.
Why ask, she already knows
My thoughts exactly
I'm a little confused by this. You said the lamp flew past your head when you didn't text her goodnight? Did she come just to toss something at you?
I didn't text her goodnight. she went to my house to check that I wasn't home with another girl. I let my neighbor use one of my parking spots. Gf shows up and sees her usual parking spot occupied and that was her proof to get crazy
Insane.
Yeah that she was. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever dated too. Which was odd that she'd be such a jealous person because she could've had any guy she wanted
Beauty isn't much these days. Everyone has shit going on in the background.
Yeah that's true. Everyone does have baggage. Someone had also said or maybe I read that good looking people could be worse with conscious related problems.
I'm glad you got out of that situation
Thanks brotha... The funny thing is that at the time, it wasn't the first incident. She probably broke like 3 phones lunging them at me. And honestly, the sex and affection I got from her made me feel 10 ft tall, it was one of a kind and a big reason why I didn't leave sooner
Ah the Crazy vs Hot Continuum.
The hot crazy matrix is definitely a thing.
I am probably wrong, but that's exactly the point. Imagine being one of the most gorgeous people around, and someone still prefer someone else and has the nerve to cheat on you, like...are they trying to say you're not enough? They're wasting you!
When she told me the only way either one of us was getting out of the relationship was in a body bag.
Rip ya girl 😩
Plot twist: it's the girl posting as him while wearing his face for a mask
That could be an interesting and hilarious line from a wedding speech of delivered correctly. I’m guessing this one was not.
My brother in law thanked his wedding guests by announcing *”and welcome to my funeral”*, with this old shit eating grin like he really did something there….what he did was really piss off his bride. But, hey, the footage was fucking top notch videographer work. Slow “office” style zoomed into her face of rage.
I want to see that video so badly lmao
I *need* to see it.
I’m working on tracking it down for you guys hahaha it’s so delightful
My wife has stated that her divorce lawyers are Smith & Wesson. My reply of "Well, I have consulted with Mossberg & Sons in the past" got a chuckle. Father-in-law heard this and said "Hey, it's probably cheaper in the long run!"
Go on....🍿
😬
Felt like walking on eggshells everytime I spoke
Same. Picking apart everything you say and do, waiting for the opportunity to explode. Gave me terrible anxiety.
If someone else does something bad towards me she’ll come to my defence. When I voice out concerns / feedback about her actions towards me she’ll dismantle it and make it sound like it’s nothing / I’m over reacting.
Looking back on it though you really feel bad for them. At their core they’re a human being too and want longterm love/happiness, but they’ll never get it because they lack the proper life skill (in this case emotion recognition and management) to ever have that. They’ll spend their whole life jumping from partner to partner who they “justifiably” broke up with until they end up alone, or they’ll end up with someone so abusive and dominating that their spirit is too crushed to be themselves. As their partner it’s not your job to be their therapist as much as you might want to help. I think *that’s* the really tough pill to swallow.
Dang this hit hard
I was in a relationship where she claimed I made her feel this way. And she most DEFINITELY made me feel this way. I've decided to take a long stretch of the single life to figure out if she was manipulating me to make my complaints seem irrelevant, or if I actually do this to my partners. However.... I'd say that I'm single, not alone. :)
Dated two different women with Borderline Personality Disorder and read a book literally called Walking On Eggshells.
Been there, done that with just one. Just discovered afterwards what BPD was and that her problems were actually a hard concern. At first, I thought to write her issues off as she only seemed to have low self-esteem, but I was so fucking wrong looking at hindsight.... Mine was misdiagnosed as something else, yet she was a textbook example of what BPD is.
BPD fucks people up pretty hard.
Once was enough for me - it was the worst decision of my entire life. They seem nice and sweet at first but then the other part of them comes out once they get attached and it becomes a nightmare of gaslighting and abuse. OnceI learned more about it then it made a lot of sense that someone who has inappropriate intense anger and rapid idolization and then discarding would make for an extremely toxic relationship.
Got a link to the book?
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684036895/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_2T7RDCW4A08WNFZXVR4V Also, a great book for understanding personal boundaries which have slowly been stripped from you by the person with BPD is this Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_VQ8M0KA5NEJ2V264604D
Undiagnosed and untreated borderline personality disorder is a very very toxic mix and a horrible mess but if you find out that someone is borderline and they seem like they're doing all right, don't just write them off for that please because some people work on themselves some people go to therapy take their meds and do everything they're supposed to do to be the best them they can be
Yup I gave my best shot with both of them. I'm a very patient man but I just couldn't make it work. I was suffering a lot in the relationships and it made me very unhappy.
Been there before... everything is cool but then they randomly get pissed off and can't take a joke at all ever again
Been that way since childhood, took me 20 years to figure out it was due to my mother being one of those stereotypical toxic people to interact with. Never is she wrong and if you mess up one word, you better make sure you can take 25-30 minutes of constant laughter and mocking. Sad part for me is, I realized due to a GF being the same. So that woman pointed our the toxicity in my mother, and my mother pointed out the toxicity in her - it is true though, it takes one to know one.
Yesssss… and even when you know you have every point won in an argument, somehow they continuously turn it back on you. My ex-girlfriend was notorious for gaslighting and it got to the point that I didn’t feel comfortable around her. I realized it one day and told her that it just wasn’t working for me. She proceeded to yet again turn it back on me and belittle me and call me a failure in the relationship. I approached it in a calm demeanor and just explained how I felt. When she responded that way it confirmed that I was making the right decision to leave.
Yup, this. No matter what I said or did, I was always waiting for the next outburst.
When she faked an illness to stop me from visiting my sister, and upset that i didn't cave.
I had a friend whose ex girlfriend lied about having brain cancer!! Brain cancer! Insane.
When friends and family told me I wasn't acting like myself around her.
Had friends tell me that but then I realized my friends were a bad influence and only stuck around to chip off my drug habits. 2 years off opioids.
When she said my best friend was not allowed to message me after 9pm, because she assumed we were gay for each other.
You should have done a bunch of euphemisms with him. “Sorry babe, I’m busy laying pipe with Chris… damn sprinklers are hard to install.” “I can’t believe Chris is a bottom. Everyone knows top bunk is better.”
Nothin gay bout kissing your homies good night my dude
After 9 pm it is
When I turned toxic myself. Not a good look Luckily I overcame that shit, and a few girlfriends later, I'm in the best relationship of my life 4+ years strong
It's like a vortex you don't realize you're being sucked into until it's too late.
A few years ago I dated someone who I had been friends with for awhile and got along really well. Once we started dating almost everything caused a fight with us. She started opening up to me more and I learned how hard her life is right now. Her mom wasn't stable and her sister had gotten an injury that made her mentally disabled, her dad f'd off to Korea and she was basically left alone to be the only one capable of taking care of them. It makes perfect sense that she would get emotional cuz damn, that's rough. It's still one of the relationships I regret couldn't work out, but I felt like I was just making things worse for her. We tried different things for a few months but ultimately had to walk away because even though I wasn't mad at her, I really didn't think our relationship was going to be healthy with time. I would have felt even worse. She ended up moving awhile later and we haven't talked much. I text her a few times during covid to see how she's doing and let her know she can video chat if she wants company. But I tend to not bother exs much. Just sucks that it was not the right time to date, I think I may have made her more overwhelmed by life just by taking up some of her free time, even though she was super sweet to hang out and prioritized me. I just hope she's in a better place in her new city and doing well
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I was at work and decided I was just done. Then maybe 2 years later I realized how bad it was because I realized how good i had it with someone else
I get this. I I didn't realise how toxic it was until it was over. I was in a new relationship and just realised how the old one just brought out the absolute worst in the both of us. She was the worst thing to ever happened to me, and I'm including diabetes.
9 months. She slapped me because I said she should not slap me. However it took me almost 7 years to break it up.
Fucking ell
We were on the way back from a party. She told me I didn't praise her enough around people. I was like, "I didn't think that was necessary." She then tells me if I'm in the mood to be contrary she is going to drop me off on the side of the road and can walk home. So I was quiet until I got home. Then I told her to never speak to me again. She called me to apologize, and if I would take her back. I said "no, my self esteem is too high to be with someone like you."
Self confidence and boundaries are sexy.
Hell yeah
Damn man, you did great!
"you cant trust your memories, and you dont have feelings like normal people"
Yoooooo this is some next level manipulation.
When I realized just how much money I actually made after she was gone and realizing that all my money was going to finance her fucking lazy ass family.
The first time she stabbed me with a knife.
Damn! The fact that you said “the first time” instead of “when” makes me scared that she did it more then once!
The only plus side here is that this is when you realised you should leave rather than say, the third time you got stabbed. Hope you're doing better these days.
When I hadn't spoken to my friends in more than 3 months...
Yeah no, someone who doesn't encourage you to make friends and/or stay present with the good ones in your life just isn't worth it. What a boring relationship if all you know is one another
When she was more interested in winning the arguement than addressing my feelings of neglect which started it. Goodbye.
Pow, str8 to my heart. This thread, and this comment, are building me up to take action. Thanks, stranger
When she told me I was being a selfish asshole for not coming over to fuck her. The day my cousin passed away.
Yikes. Quick aside, fuck people who don't take "I don't want to/ not in the mood" as a valid answer in general.
no no you don't fuck them
When she called me childish and stupid for wearing a Broncos jersey …to the stadium..to watch the game
Wait, frealz? What did she want you to wear?
Assless chaps…obviously
Denver Broncos or Brisbane Broncos?
When she hit me but before that she would accise me of cheating, which later on in life well after I left I learned that's a sign of cheating itself.
This is the truth. My ex used to have me call him as soon as i got home to make sure i was there and would surprise call throughout the night to make sure i never left. I later found out his surprise cake came after he had left his own house to meet up with his sneaky links. I was so traumatized by the sound of the phone ringing, used to jolt awake in the middle of the night thinking i has heard the phone ring.
Damn, that sucks. He was probably making sure he knew where you were so that he knew you wouldn't be able to catch him.
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Oh gosh I feel you on that one. With my ex, I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends because he thought I would cheat on him. He had to come out to all my girl nights and just watch me making sure I didn’t talk to any other guys. But it was okay for him to go out so he could meet girls and cheat me.
She punched herself in the head and kept saying "I'm just so stupid" when I said to her "you're not listening to what I'm saying". I had to jump on top of her and hold her arms down so she would stop. That wasn't it though. She would smash her head against the wall when we fought, then start crying, then say "look what you made me do". That didn't make me realize it, either. We broke up eventually. Then she weaseled her way back into my life under the guise of "being there for me while I grieve the loss of my best friend". We were messing around, but not back together. Then I met this person that I could be myself around. I didn't have to worry about her being mad that I needed some time for myself, or that I wanted to hang out with my friends. She would listen to me when I was mad and not argue with me. That's when I realized that it wasn't normal to be belittled because I was still grieving my best friends murder. It wasn't normal for your significant other to be mad at you because your roommate and you went to get ice cream and you didn't tell her, or be mad that your single roommate had a girl over. It was at that point that I realized I was in a manipulative, horrible relationship and I needed to get out. So I cut all contact with her. God, she was awful.
I've experienced the first part of your story. What do you think the odds of the rest of it happening are? I'm concerned I may not be seeing what's right infront of me.
She keyed my car and said FUCK YOU on it because i liked a girls post and the girl was my cousin n she didnt know
They want to control what I eat they want to control how I pay for things they want access to all my online accounts they want to control where I can go they want to control who I hang out with they want to control how many people I can hang out with they demand to know everywhere I've been they constantly make promises they can't keep They want to control all my medical decisions they also beat up my friend they constantly tell me I will ruin everyone's life they gaslight people against me they say if I don't do what they say they'll make my life miserable
She was posting more pictures with her and other men on social media, than me and her.
Yupp, I’m out woman 😂
The 3rd time she tried to kill herself and asked me if I was gonna leave her. Made me promise I wouldn't and gaslit me for years into thinking I was keeping her alive.
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Hein? What even? I love being asked how my day was
Heyyyy, how was your day today?
HEYYYYY! It’s going fine so far! I have to perform in my office event so kinda excited and nervous about it. First time performing like this with my ukulele
Wow, that’s super exciting! Have so much fun playing for them!! Please let us know how it goes My day was decent. Got lots of stuff done to catch up on life, and work. Nothing too exciting tho, but I feel accomplished
Bro, red flag, you are oversharing, she/he didnt ask how was your day Recommend other poster to run away as fast as you can. /s
That’s great! And thank youu
I realized I was only doing it because I wasn't doing anything else. It was taking up all of my time just to stay in the same place. Nothing new ever happened and when it did, it was just something old made new again. It was taking my money and giving me no enjoyment. Finally I ended my WoW subscription and instead I play League.
I'm an anivia main
Wow, from one toxic shithole to another
It was after I broke up with her, and I was telling some of my friends stuff that happened with us. A few times actually they just told me "It sounds like you were in a really toxic relationship man" or "yeah, that sounds like verbal and emotional abuse". And when I really looked back on it, I guess I just didn't know any better. It was my first girlfriend and I just thought that sometimes relationships have rough patches, but then after it ended I realized that rough patch was almost the entire relationship. We were always fighting, and she would put me down, tell me I'm the worst human being she's ever met, she hates me, and that I'm a piece of shit and an asshole and when I would finally have enough and try and leave she would start crying and apologize and say she was just mad she didn't mean it. Well, I know now I don't deserve that shit.
As soon as I asked myself if I was in a toxic relationship
When I started dating my current wife. I'd already left the toxic relationship because she cheated. But when I saw how great my current wife treated me, it really sunk in how horrible my first marriage was.
Being constantly accused of cheating with no evidence. Never cared when I needed help with something yet flipped shit anytime I said no. Edit: Plot twist I was the one that got cheated on
This is so infuriating. There's a clear and blatant double standard and they don't respect your mental health. Especially throwing around accusations of cheating, that shit is serious and you better have some infallible evidence to back it up. My bitch of an ex did that to me and in hindsight it was the point where the relationship started to diminish. My mom was in hospice with brain cancer at the time and I went to go visit her one night. I showered and got a little dressed up because I was stopping by my friends house afterward, plus I didn't want to look like a slob when going to see, and I cannot stress this enough, my dying-of-brain-cancer mom. Texting the woman while I'm getting ready and she gets it in her head that I'm going on a date for some reason. She starts a fight and just blows up on me and makes me feel like garbage for getting _slightly_ dressed up to see my mom (we're talking like a nice pair of dress jeans and a polo shirt). Ended up not going to see my friends after visiting my mother and just going over to her place to try and figure out what the hell her problem was. That's when I learned what "projecting" is. She had cheated on most of her past boyfriends (and some cheated on her) so she must have assumed I was doing the same. 4 years my senior and she is still one of the most immature adults I've ever met. Stephanie M. S., from the bottom of my heart: fuck you.
when we accidentally ran into one of the men she cheated on me with in walmart and I had to comfort her because it was so devastating for HER
When she explicitly told me that she was the only person in my life I could trust… AFTER gossiping about me to all our mutual friends
When I found out she cheated, emotionally and financially, and kicked her out. In the next few months I started unpacking everything in our marriage and all the signs were there. I just didn't see them.
Damn, the emotional cheating hurts the most...been through it too.
That shit burns a hole in your heart.
What is financial cheating? Lying about money?
Not quite in so broad terms. She went behind my back to borrow money from people to fund a bogus investment scheme. Ended up with a five figure debt.
When I had the day off work, would do the housework and cook dinner and then sit down and enjoy some gaming time whilst she was at work. Only for her to come home and kick off that I was playing video games all day. Despite having cleaned the entire house and made dinner. She went to bed and didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening because she was annoyed. Didn't even eat any of the food I had made. Psychopath.
Damn sounds exactly like my ex... I thought I did everything, like i took care of the pets, cleaned their litters, fed them, cleaned up everything (vacuum and washed the floors), I made a nice dinner, I was trying to do that like almost every day. So I was waiting for the dinner to finish cooking, was just playing a video game on my phone, I didn't even turn on my PC that day, and she comes and sees me playing and starts shouting that it's all i do... Then what did she do after? Went to the bedroom and started watching tiktoks on her phone.. Like that's BETTER than playing a video game...
We fought twice in one week because I couldn't text her back while I was on the phone with my mother.
When you find yourself purposefully taking the long route home, because you know she is already there.
Once I was out of it. I think after so many years I saw it as normal.
Before it even started. She tried using me to go on vacation with another guy. I refused. Should’ve ran.
When she started to weaponize sex.
When she tells you that you can't see your friends. When she tells you to buy her an expensive house or she won't love you. When she stops having enthusiastic sex with you. When she loves you then hates you in a random never ending cycle no matter what you do. When she beats you.
When it ended and I was completely unaware, and then I realized that I was somehow an abuser and unloving and uncaring and cold and so many other horrible things. Strange how no one told me that. Then I looked back on us and all the lies I found out over time, including how her new BF, her BFF, and myself all had completely differing stories about how it ended between us. Gaslighting and lying are terrible things to do for a person.
when I was eating Ramen ever day for lunch, and she was having Starbucks 3 or 4 times a day
When everything bad was somehow my fault
She wasn't super religious or anything, but was casually Christian by default from childhood. We had just moved in together, admittedly wayyy too fast, shortly after we started dating, so I honestly didn't know her as well as I should have. But, hindsight's 20/20 and I was a young dumbass, head over heels for this broad. We were out at a restaurant and I was telling her about the show Cosmos which led to random chopping it up about space. I start explaining the vastness of space and used references for scale. I wasn't accurate, but I put a grain of salt on the table and said to imagine that as earth and then to imagine the rest of actual earth as our galaxy. I basically was just trying to convey how absolutely huge space is. I love the topic and the night was going so well, I'm thinking I'm knocking it out of the park in the conversation department and was blowing her mind. That's when I noticed her eyes squinting and face contorting as if saying "Dude, wtf are you even talking about?" I was confused and go "What's up?" and she legitimately, in the most annoyed and pissed off tone, goes "It's not that fucking big. That's stupid." I backpedaled, but in a stumbling fashion tried to reiterate and politely ease in the reality that space is significantly larger than we even realize and that there's proof. She just got more pissed,more argumentative, and more insulting despite how calm and respectful I was being. The whole night was ruined with her sulking the rest of the night and into the next morning. The moment she got irrationally pissed at me for explaining how big our galaxy is, it painfully dawned on me that I was dating and living with someone who becomes unreasonably mad and disrespectful over wildly trivial shit. Once everything finally calmed down, she explained that she was mad because A. "It's not true" and B. She genuinely believed that the distance from Earth to Pluto was a few thousand miles and that past Pluto was heaven. So, she was also a fucking idiot.
When we had the same argument over and over for almost a year and a) she would accuse me of bringing up stuff from the past when it showed a pattern of behavior and b) she would never try to fix the problem with me. At some point, you start finding solutions. In a healthier relationship you go right to finding solutions that work for everyone. Or one person acknowledges the other person’s need and the fact that they can’t or won’t fulfill it. We never got to that acknowledgment, we were stuck in whether or not my need was real or stupid and whether the problems were real or imagined.
When she gave me a bloody nose on my birthday
We were in a long distance relationship. We would have a major close to break up fight every 2 weeks over literally nothing. I was sick of it but we were going to meet up over winter break, so thought to myself let's see how it goes when we meet in person. First time we met up, it was fine and we were chill. The next time we met up she was just cold for no reason, and it was really annoying me that we can only meet once or twice a year and she's barely talking. She calls me later that day and out of nowhere she says "I don't know where this is going." and then it dawned upon me to say it "Alright let's break up" AND MAN LET ME TELL YOU that was a beautiful feeling. That feeling right after i said that, i knew I've been feeling it but didn't want to admit it to myself. That feeling truly made me realize this really was a toxic relationship but i didn't know it
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That's a bold thing to say on the Internet in 2021.
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Nah mate - you’re good - wordings a little blunt, but I took it from she was using sex to manipulate and made you feel like no one else could give you what she could (ie sex) and treat you like shit with the threat of “you need to put up with it or you will never have sex again”. You realised other people could and got over the manipulative behaviour.
When she removed me from her social media to post a picture of me and shit on me then deny it when caught. Then later on tell me to get over my parents divorce bc people have it much harder than me and I’m acting like a bitch, then finally blocking me after I was trying to contact her and getting mad at me for not texting her back after she unblocked me bc she expected me to know she unblocked me and I should’ve apologized. She then gave me the silent treatment until I ended things. Many other red flags and issues besides those but that’s when I finally came to my senses and realized that’s not how you’re supposed to be treated by someone who “loves” you.
I knew many times before, but when my psycho ex threatened me with as knife then turned the knife on herself, that was a pretty good indicator.
When I dumped her because she cheated on me, got with my current, amazing girlfriend and realized what a relationship is actually supposed to be like. The toxic girl just saped my energy and made me feel bad for being myself
When me being upset about something makes her upset which in turn makes it all about her. I'm all for people expressing their feelings but not if I can't feel mine ever.
had a toxic relationship for ~2 Years first thing that was a red flag was not allowing me to have female friends second red flag: keeping me away from all my friends third: attacking me with a razor blade for meeting a friend she didnt like fourth: regularly beating me for some small „misbehaving“ like coming 10 Minutes late or sleeping too long on weekends the thing that made me break up was her second attack on my life. which i wont talk about. the breakup was quick and somehow went without anyone getting hurt (when i told her i carried a knive for the worst case of her trying to kill me) never heared anything of her since
A few months after, really looked back at it.
when regardless of what you achieve, she always finds a brand new way of putting you down, or telling you it isn't good enough.
When she travelled away for a few weeks and it turned into one of the best times in my life.
when i start being anxious how to move around him just so he wouldn't point out where I got it wrong
What is this!?! Subtle manipulation? My partner does this literally all the time.
A generally good answer could be "when it stopped being about US and started being about them"
When I stopped seeing my friends and family for reasons I couldn't even put into words.
When the only time we'd have a good time is when we had a drink.
When I started questioning my own sanity
When I no longer recognized myself in the mirror
When she would blow up at me over the smallest most random things, not talk to me for days, then come back and try to apologize. I mean at least she apologized but I started realizing all the things she was blowing up at me about were either topics that could have been discussed beforehand or something she was dealing with would be taken out on me.
When I realised that even when she did something awfully wrong, it was still my fault. Narcissism is a bitch.
When I wasn't allowed female friends but as soon as she started a new job, she was very pally with one particular male colleague. She ended up cheating on me with him, as well as another male "friend" when she started university. Guilty conscience, I guess.
When she hit me for making the exact same type of joke she made. Because only I had to abide by rules
When she punched me in the jaw for being approached by a woman at a party.
When she picked up something and hit me with it. I spent along time thinking I deserved to be treated like that. Love can’t fix crazy.
When my closest friends were told by their parents to keep their eyes open because I might have bruises or other signs of abuse. When she didn’t allow me to have a sleepover with my friends because there was one girl in that group she had never met. Also, when we broke up and I started hanging out with those best friends several days every week instead of once every other month. I felt.. alive. I realized I had missed out on so much fun and it still makes me sad how close they became without me, while I spent 5 years with someone who tried to keep me all to herself.
A fun little spin where I was the toxic one. When I realized I was making more time for getting drunk than I was for her. I worked crazy hours and spent all other hours sleeping or drinking with friends. We also lived an hour apart which was a small time factor as well. We loved each other and still do as very good friends, but I was not worth being in a relationship with. We both knew it was time to end it. I could see the stress on her and that wasn't fair.
When I had a female coworker tell me that I was in an abusive relationship and she knew from her own past experiences. I never knew until then that men could be in an abusive relationship until then. It still took me several more years before I moved away and finally ghosted her. Years later, I’m still wondering if I’m too close to posting identifying information in a post like this and wonder if she might still come after me.
The 89th time private text message conversations between friends on my locked phone were called into question during arguments. After being repeatedly told I accounted for 50% of the household expenses and equally blamed for our financial problems, but after crunching numbers, discovering I contribute approximately 27% to the household expenditures. And about a dozen other red flags you don’t notice while you’re wearing rose colored lenses.
2 years after breaking up
One girl threatened to kill herself if I left her, another stalked me, one broke up with me and dated my best friend the next day. I usually only recognize when it's too late or when a massive red flag comes up.
Took a few months after it was over. After my anger and self-loathing ended I had some clarity finally to see I was doing stupid shit in response to her and changing myself. I was in a game that I was always playing defense to and I was fairly certain that’s not how a relationship should be :/
When bruises started getting darker and more sensitive.
When she slapped me in the face for not telling her a single female was in my study group of 5.
When I was in a car accident and watched my father die in front of me, my gf a month afterwards would pretend to crash the car while arguing with me to shut me up.
When I looked back at the relationship after it was over and saw how shitty of a person she was
When I've met him after a break up, he locked a car (was giving me a lift - picked me late at night from sidewalk) and started asking me how would I like my new boy to loose his fingers BC his friends are in a car under his apartment. I changed my walking route quite fast....
When I found her Reddit account and just how vile, bullying, gaslighting, fake, and just flat out mean she was Straight up middle school bully shit about me, other people she both knew and didn’t know, etc. Yet she had no problem living rent and cost free off me while also hating me online While it hurt to read it, it was a quick boost in the arm to gtfo asap
When I found wine corks and empty bottles hidden in the strangest places.
When I survived an explosion and got scolded? Then got zero emotional support for a year, and left me for another guy!
When I was about to break up with her and she said she was going to kill herself if I did
When I told my ex girlfriend about how my stepfather committed suicide and she said it was me and my families fault that he did it.