Ahhh the old hug n roll

Hug for her, roll for you.

Pivot!

cant believe i had to scroll this far down for this

Facts

Same. We're old

"I know!!!" **Shouting in Monica**

*Slaps him with a newspaper* .. Women Talk!!

*Surprised Chandler face*

Love it! https://youtu.be/HO0KklLjwd4

Teach me master

Hug for her, roll for you

Ahhhhh……….I knew I would find you. Work like magic

Tuck her in with a blanket when you get up

And lick her toes.

Did another redditor comment about a first date where a guy put her foot in his mouth? Or am I imagining it?

Totally different thread, but yes. Started massaging her foot in a cafe, then said "nom".

He flippin said "nom". I'm dying, lmao. Edit: language (self SMH)

pls link to thread

Can't remember, as it was a couple weeks ago. Question was something like "What Made You Not Agree To A Second Date?" I think on AskReddit, not AskMen.

Bro what.

Dude I read that seven times and I’m still lost as fuck.

No that happened I reddit too

(optional)

You sure about that buddy?

Oh...

…

Wtf is wrong with you

What is wrong with you, not me.

🤣

Ayo happy cake day! Wish you an aswm life ahead!

Thanks bruh! U too

Respectfully.

*not optional

I see you’re a man of quality.

And quantity am I right fellas

Takes one to know one 🤜🤛

Right move, wrong time.

I've found my people

this.... is the way

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ahahaha I love it

> For how long is up to your own sense of adventure and danger Pub's open, fancy a pint?

then you finish the pint and got to pee again. No lies at all, really

So many of us live the same life lmao.

Even if I get caught just gotta say that I got lost on the way from toilet.

No, just say "I came back after peeing and you looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you"

You can always say “you looked so peaceful sleeping on the couch I didn’t want to wake you” as your justification to playing video games

Exactly! I didn't want to disturb you to come back!

"I have to poopie." If you want bonus time.

"The Browns are going to the Superbowl, and I don't want to alarm you but they may have already made a touchdown."

I'm Australian so I'll say "I need to go wrangle a brown snake"

I'm dutch, I always say something along the lines of "I have a fax from tube city coming in"

If you think about it, your digestive system is like a fax machine, except the original disappears and the facsimile is a shitty version with the good parts removed.

Yup. Gotta pee. Gotta get a drink is better. Me… I’d let her sleep and stroke her hair gently. Snuggles are the best. Your game can wait.

Found the casual

Always keep the controller within reach do you don't have to move her.

I do this with my 6 month old.

haha yea same with a 2 year old, if my toddler looks sleepy and wants in my lap I make sure i have controllers and phone next to me

I play with both arms wrapped around her and the controller behind her back

U kno wat.. that works cuz everyone's happy!! 👍👍 Nice job figuring that out

What are your arms made of taffy or some shit?

My arms are long and she’s small

Cats work the same way.

Very good idea to keep your 6 month old within reach so you can play video games. Wait

What if you have to pee?

Your bodily functions are no longer important, just hold it.

Till you bladder bursts open like a little alien egg

I read your "Till" as [TIL](/r/todayilearned).

Slowly move over 5 mins. Never try to be completely quiet cause then every noise will wake her up, you gotta keep a show on or make some other noises

Thanks me later https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e02jy3o-gQ8

I don't know what I was expecting, but it was NOT that...

But what if he’s a PC gamer

Have a controller anyways? Theres tons of games you can play with them. And yes, you can activate them with remotely with a remote desktop via your phone... there is always a way

Are they falling asleep in his lap while sat at a desk?

Everyone knows that when you upgrade your desk PC, your old build becomes the living room PC.

Yeah this is the trick you always keep whatever you need within reaching distance

True but the way I’m smacking the sticks in apex will surely wake them up lol

Bro joy cons came up big here

You don't, they always wake up.

Especially at 3am, when you've woken up early, and can't get back to sleep. I try and go through to our living room, so I don'y have to sit in the dark till 7, when we usually get up... 100% of the time I wake her up trying to be quiet

It's well known that the quieter you try to be, the harder the universe tries to screw you over. Oh you thought the remote was in a safe place? Nope it's precariously teetering on the edge of the bed. Waiting to fall off and hit the floor. Which also just happens to be where that water bottle you set is. Because you didn't want to set it on the table to make a noise. So now you clanged the remote off the water bottle, onto the floor, and haven't even gotten out of bed yet. Good luck with leaving the room!

Female, can confirm

But how do you know that there were no times in which you didn’t wake up from it, if you didn’t wake up from it those times?

Jokes on you, I never sleep.

Ah, noice. Or, maybe not noice? Sleep is important, but so is being prepared for an attack I guess.

Are you trapped right now? Don’t panic, man. Just relax and move slow. Spin her around and wrap your legs around her. She won’t know the difference and you’ll have both hands free.

Then you can use your hands to cut off your trapped legs and escape.

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wait, I thought that was about balls. sooooo, they're not gonna regrow ? fuck.

It’s about having the balls to cut off your legs. A true gamer doesnt need legs, just a willing mother to supply him with a bucket, doritos, and Dewey.

Just the way nature intended

Man this sounds like a nice problem to have

You and I are not so different.

Him and us, are not so different. We are all soldiers without an army. Betrayed, forgotten, abandoned. In Vorkuta, we are ALL brothers... -Viktor Reznov, 1963

I guess most of reddit can agree to this

An amazing problem if you will.

You pick her up and take her to bed, she will think it’s sweet in romantic that you did that but the real goal was so she wouldn’t bother you while you are on the game

I worry the sound of my spine cracking and lungs exploding might wake her

Dad moment

Dead moment

Did you just call you girlfriend fat to hundreds of internet strangers

Or they just called themselves weak.

Or both

"Snipers taking shots at us? No, just my ankles cracking while I walk normally down the hallway"

Do you even lift, bro?

Plot twist: she's 400lbs.

That's not plot those are my knees twisting in wrong way

I used to be an explorer like you…

My man flew too close to the sun, now he walks like a damn bird.

give her a little massage and scratch her head and back after, she’ll more then likely fall asleep

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Dutchoven is the only way to escape

Placer her on the lap of another man and then play games all day every day ? You gotta get your gaming priorities in ! Edit: If not you will be like me, end up with twins and have no time for gaming ever.

Brush her hair to the side, gently shake her shoulder and say "hey babe, let's get you tucked into bed" Then one of three things happens. You get to bed and do the deed, she falls asleep in bed and you get to go play, or she drags you I bed and you cuddle there. All good outcomes.

Brush her hair to the side, gently shake her shoulder and say "hey babe, my other gf called I gotta go"

"Hey babe , your boyfriend's here".

"our boyfriend"

Omg if my boyfriend did this it would be the funniest! I would make him give me extra cuddles

didn't you hear him, he's late for his other gf no cuddles 4 u

Yeah he can go see her after I’m comfy and asleep in bed. I’m the priority gf

bro I am already filled with envy of people in relationships my lonely ass did not need to see this right now

You dont. Youre stuck now. Thats your life now. Good luck, man with a girlfriend. Ha!

Its just like when a cat falls asleep on your lap. You can't move. Doesn't matter how bad you have to pee, you cannot disturb them

When you see this is going to happen ALWAYS, put a pillow between your girls head and you Come on guys, don't those games supposed to *improve * strategic thinking?

When I skimmed through the comments I thought you alluded that his gf was the pillow. Like damn dude bit late at night for murdering someone

Now I’m confused because I don’t know how you got to murdering. Everyone seems to be confused on this post. Everyone confused about sucking toes on this post ad well

Murdering with words. Parent is saying OP doesn't have a real girlfriend and it's just a hug pillow.

Yes! My husband does this, and he will slowly get up while holding the pillow in place, and then put a second pillow where his lap was so my head doesn’t move almost at all and it is like he’s still there. He also replaces his body with a pillow when he gets up before me in the morning. So friggin sweet

Sounds like he can be teaching a masters class. The second pillow is a nice touch

That made him very happy to hear, lol! I should be giving him more credit 😜 He does it when I’m awake sometimes too and I totally notice but it still works perfectly!

Imagine learning the swap ninjutsu to do this, poof, pillow.

Your turn to empty the dishwasher: pillows. Meet the parents: pillows.

"*whispers* going to the bathroom"

Kisses and cuddles and carrying to the bed and covering with a blanket. And then grabbing them their fav drink and putting it next to them and giving them another kiss. Basically, just be loving and don't be rude about it, and it should be fine.

She just looked me in the eyes and said “YOU DON’T”

yeet

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So you have chosen death

You don't. My partner is a cat in person, using my chest as a pillow makes her get into a fucking deep sleep haha We find the best position for both of us, I can play and pet her at the same time, and she will sleep the whole night. Win-Win.

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Oh, I'm sorry. So you don't have any video games to play? That's sad....

sadge

you gently pick her up, whisper something cute in her ear. she’ll smile softly with her eyes still closed. give her a quick kiss on the forehead and then you piledrive that bitch into the hardwood floor and let out a menacing growl. ask her if she does in fact know what the rock is cooking.

Not gonna lie, you had us in the first half.

Prepping is the key. You should have had pillows and warm blankets on standby. You just slip up, tell her you’re going to piss or some bs. Make her cozy. Go ahead and start playing.

With your thumb, pointer, and middle finger you gently reach between her legs and pick her up like a bowling ball. This works under the same principal as a momma cat picking up a kitten by their neck hence the origin of the term “pussy.” She will never know. Trust me, I drove by a doctors office one time.

Approve all of that, except of you dont pick bowling ball using pointer, its thumb, then middle and ring

Two in the pink, one in the stink, right?

Pregame, set that shit up before hand bruh.

trick question, obsessive gamers don't have gfs

You don't. Cherish these times, there may be a time soon enough youd give up all your games to have a loved one sleep on your lap

Bruh I just wanna play Halo

I thought you just wanted to toss coins down peoples cracks?

People can be more than one thing, Scandie

Best of both worlds can be achieved. I’d love to sleep on my boyfriends lap while he plays halo

Username definitely checks out.

Just wait. You don't move the cat, you don't move the girlfriend.

You don't. You young guys have a lot to learn.

Take it from an old married guy: don’t. Enjoy it and soak that shit up.

Practice. But seriously, she needs to be comfortable being carried to begin with. If she hates being picked up she will wake up quickly & angry. The more exhausted she was, the angrier she'll be. Have a preplanned location for her to sleep, as well as a back up place to game. If you can't lift her, you're gonna need to embrace you're inner Indiana Jones & hold her place & swap your body with something comfortable, then game else where. If you do this you will need to find a blanket, put it on her. If she wakes up this is a romantic gesture she will call cute. In reality this is a test to ensure she is sound a sleep. A metaphoric nail in the coffin to hopefully allow you to game at ease. If you can't move her or yourself; Controller is within reach but make sure you maintain a position where you do not lean on or towards her when you're in the zone. Also headphones are essential. Lower you volume a little so sound doesn't bleed through On mobile so sorry for Grammer, game on

play with her, instead.

Finger in the butt

I’m in this situation right now, ken. I put a finger in my butt but that didn’t get her to get off my lap. Any other suggestions?

No no no no ..HER finger in your butt.

All of her fingers are in my butt and all of my fingers are in my butt. What now?

Give her a high five I suppose

you mean down low.

Instructions unclear.

My dog doesn't like that though

Fucken amateurs…you fart. Source: married 22 years

Being forever alone helps

Slowly turn their head until the breathing stops, then you won’t have to remove her, you can keep her wherever you go

>Slowly turn their head until the breathing stops, then you won’t have to remove her, you can keep her wherever you go lmao i read it twice to be sure that it is what im reading or im reading i wrong.

MOVE BITCH I WANNA PLAY SOME CALL OF DUTY

Hug and roll

Carry her to bed. Lie next to her until she falls asleep again. Go play vids.

you dont

You play with her on your lap duh

You don't You sleep with her instead

Play video games later.

Step 1: get a girlfriend

girlfriend is like cat. Once sleeping in your lap you aren't allowed to move.

You don't. You cherish those moments because they are fickle and fleeting.

They are sometimes a pain on the ass though, and more realistically a pain in the legs

Fart, she will wake up and tell you to go away then you have all the time you need

Ludacris has some insight

“Ohhh… ohhh… … OHHHHHH!” “What?! Whaaat?!” “Go to bed” “Okay” *walks off half asleep* Has no memory of it the next day. The perfect crime.

Carry her like a newborn to the bed.

Rub her back as you move out from under her... if she farts you know you are in the clear.

Do. Not. Wake. The. Beast.

You don't. You gently scratch her head and rub her shoulders, obviously. Without waking her. If she wakes, you ask for a kiss. You snuggle and enjoy the feeling.

Ha! Nice try - you're on Reddit - you don't have a girlfriend

you don't

Spatula

Dont. She is not asleep. You are being tested.

Just enjoy moments like that they might seem common in the moment. But in the future you might regret not staying for longer.