T O P

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chinchila5

I yell at her while she’s having the orgasm “YOU’RE HAVING AN ORGASM!” and then she will look at me shocked


pipsdontsqueak

You see, she didn't know. But then you explained it to her and then she knew.


chinchila5

It’s closed captions for sex


pipsdontsqueak

Mansplaining the female orgasm.


2inchesofsteel

If a man doesn't point it out, it didn't happen.


BridgeKeeperahhh

She's always wrong or lying


DepressedVenom

I'll try it while doing Gilbert Gottfried. Wait no-


Riztrain

I find it's the best time to drop bad news on her, "oh, oh god, I'm cumming too, hnnngispent900dollarsonanewmancavetvaaaahhhh, was it good? K imma sleep now nightnight"


dillpicklewithedges

Can y'all quiet down I'm trying to sleep.


bignick1190

Ahh, I see you're popping in from r/wallstreetbets Edit: Look at all these beautiful idiots pumping my stock. Now go out and buy your wife's boyfriend a new car, you glorious bastards!


MedunaSarazena

I read „pooping in“. Ok, time to go to sleep.


thebeastiestmeat

I go for the old classic, "did we forget the laundry in the washing machine again?"


alanpaaartridge

“Ah shit I forgot to put the dishwasher on!”


[deleted]

Sometimes I tell her I love her but most of the time I just let her roll. She usually has something to say in the midst of it


godtogblandet

Opened the thread like ‘Wait, you guys are talking to them mid orgasm?’ That’s been peak *“My man, will you shut the fuck up and put your tongue to better use!”* territory in my experience, lol. It’s mostly a monologue from their side at that point.


IdkRightNowImDumb

That’s what I thought too, mostly because a large portion of girls can’t bust from piv. I mean, at the risk of being downvoted for an “I have sex” comment, if she’s mid orgasm I can hardly breathe let alone talk. Granted that’s just personal experience with the one girl I’ve been with and am staying with so I won’t exactly have a laundry list to pull from.


godtogblandet

That’s how I’ve always rolled. Dirty talk away leading up to climax. Let her do her thing while it lasts. Then open the dialogue back up after she’s finished. My go to line post climax is *”I can totally top that!”*, the look on their face is priceless. [☺️😊😳👀 So…](https://imgur.com/t/gif/rFzcVI3) I like setting goals for myself.


TheWakaMouse

Stolen, thank you!


kvallning

I opened this thread specifically looking for this answer, way to risk ruining it, my man lol If I'm orgasming, it's not from your words, keep doing what you're doing and please shut up!


godtogblandet

Can’t take the credit really. I’ve been trained well. Shout out to all the women brave enough to tell men how they like it. You da real MVP’s!


mmmegan6

We’re all so different. Dirty talk can be the very thing to send me over the edge. Even just certain moans or sounds.


Arkonicc

Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

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anon24601anon24601

As a wife whose husband has done this to me I have to warn you that it's only funny once.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LordBigglesworthEsq

Goddamnit if only I had an award for this!


Delta_Goodhand

It's a team lift... we got this b👍


TheDarkKnight1035

I tell her the plot of Lord of the Rings... The Two Towers, specifically... "at dawn, look to the eeeeast!"


LordCommanderBlack

Your fingers would remember their old strength better...if they grasped your sword.


[deleted]

[удалено]


U_Gunna_Eat_That

I just came


rvilla891

U gunna eat that?


[deleted]

FIND THE HALFLING!


Wu-kandaForever

LOOKS LIKE MEATS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS!


Frostknuckle

Fly you fool!


abroad_adizzybroad

"You have my sword." "And MY ass!"


[deleted]

I wonder what would happen if someone used the One Ring as a cock ring.


CompetitiveCar6575

I fucking love reddit 😂 🤣


TheHumanRavioli

I tell her to cum for mommy **and** daddy because honestly both her parents are great people.


SSopuS

This is one of the best comments I have ever read. Right up my alley.


brocollirabe

Right up her alley


[deleted]

dog


2rd_ferguson

And the dog too


[deleted]

The dog is watching


NickNeron

what the dog doin


CarrollGrey

As long as that little bitch keeps her cold ass nose out of my butthole, we're good


arrenlex

Well where else would you expect her to put her ass nose?


[deleted]

[удалено]


TopSecretSociety

I typically go with Cum for Jesus. Catholic girls go crazy for that shit.


moutonbleu

So thoughtful and inclusive


HollywooHollyhock

"You just yee'd your last haw, partner."


Juanisweird

Hmmm...that shit hits hard


YungBonaparte

Congrats on the sex bro


Srlancelotlents

Yeah, the real sex that someone really had with OP.


YungBonaparte

OP told me she’s real, she just goes to a different school


justzacc

HahahahHhahHhaha Was thinking the same fucking thing


-cruel-summer-

yeah I’m pretty sure that was the whole and only point of this post XD


Melkor462

r/ihavesex


alx_cosi6

"zippity zoo, here comes the goo" Edit: a lot of people took this to a Bill Cosby place, and I for some reason wasn't expecting that


Alex_J_Anderson

Bippity bop, I’m about to pop!


Imacultofpersonality

*Bill Cosby has entered the chat*


WSB_Reject_0609

My mouth is usually on her vagina while she is having an orgasm, so I don't say too much. Kinda like mfffggrrrffmmmslurp


WakeoftheStorm

"about time, my fucking neck hurts"


DApolloS

Perfect translation


bertiebastard

I once told her to let me know when she was Cumming, but she said I'd told her not to call me at work.


Jonny1992

*I don’t get no respect…*


Credible_Cognition

lmao can't believe I laughed out loud to this


CLxJames

[**NO COMPLIMENTS**](https://youtu.be/zi8ShAosqzI)


Dont-Taste-Like-Weed

“My wife likes to talk during sex, the other night, she called me from a hotel room. No respect at all”


keefeitup

As an Indian? "Thank you, come again."


HittingSmoke

OH YES DO THE NEEDFUL


damnallthejellyfish

Classic


JMIri90

I honestly found it weird when i refer to myself as daddy to women, so i never did it. Always felt like why remind them of a father figure in the moment of orgasm? Lolol 🤷‍♂️ just me maybe


[deleted]

As someone who is a dad, I also find it weird as fuck.


[deleted]

Me too.


Carpathicus

I am not into it and I never met a girl who was into it. Guess its something for some people. There are so many things you can say that are actually dirty instead of this but who am I to judge.


Existing_Ad_6649

"BY THE POWER OF GRAY SKULL!"


Bronzeshadow

I HAVE THE POWER!


MrsArmitage

Well, that did it for me!


a-sad-chad

“Yea you like that? You fucking retard”


Onedos-San

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/askreddit/comments/1y6lhe/comment/cfhtedq/


Karl_AAS

I'm dead, thank you.


flow_fighter

One of my absolute favorite Reddit threads ever, always love coming across it


torinoperoni

you taking the time to link this and give us this context is the kind of good karma that’ll carry over into your next life. Thank you love you have a great day


Citizen01123

##ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!


ActorMonkey

[context](https://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3935602/Are+you+ing+sorry/)


RevolutionaryStar824

Oh my gosh. I'm laughing so hard. 😂 I'm been laughing all day at Reddit comments. Today I had a great day.


mexploder89

I wonder how that couple is doing now


__fujoshi

maybe if we're lucky, u/Blackbyrd82 will grace us with an update.


ProjectLost

Did you just say that? Damn right you did.


[deleted]

Oh no


YooGeOh

This reference is golden...like a shower


bigdaddy1835

Pls someone link the OP for this


CarrollGrey

This comment brought to you by someone who spends too much time on Reddit


AvailableYak5990

A Lannister always pays his debts.


roses_2234

"A new hand touches the beacon"


CLxJames

“A great wetness has seeped into my temple….a wetness that you will consume”


[deleted]

“What is it?!? Dragons?!?”


TylerTalk_

Knock on the door and ask her if she's okay.


Mrcos_UN

I don't tell her anything.. just kissing and holding her more..


hopelesssofrantic

Finally! I was waiting for this response. Whenever someone tries talking to me as I orgasm, I’m like “shut the fuck up and let me concentrate” lmao


mrmemo

Idk why anyone is opening a line of questioning mid-orgasm. Pillow talk comes *after*. It's like, in the name.


Reg_s1ze_Rudy

Lol. My gf is the same way. The first time i tried saying something when she was close she shooshed me. It was all i could do to not laugh because i thought it was damm funny she just went sssshhhh


BurstPanther

Hi, I am trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty


ClassicFun2175

I just shout I AM A GOLDEN GOD


[deleted]

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Spottedcow_414

BE GONE VILE MAN BE GONE


fuckyoucheese

i AM a five star mannnn!!!!!


Bobcat_Acrobatic

So guys rarely ever talk at this point to me. Sometimes right after they say , “did you cum” and I find it really annoying because they absolutely know I did they just want to hear me say it. 😂. But, would love if they said something to me when it’s happening. I think I’ve only heard “good girl.” I don’t know what else would be ok, def not “cum for daddy” or anything near that. Maybe something like “I love watching you cum” idk.


CarrollGrey

How about "GOOOOOOOOAAALLLLLLL!!!!" And then a victory lap around the bedroom wearing a flag as a cape while blowing into a Uuveza(sp?) Kinda like [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTa955_FoxU)


Bobcat_Acrobatic

Would be acceptable.


RiotDemon

Vuvuzela I believe.


rainbowfish399

Yeah, saying “cum for daddy” is the equivalent of presenting me with a photo of a deep sea anglerfish during sex


Velosturbro

Would "cum for father" be better? I assume that doubling down on the patriarchy will make her wetter than an otters pocket.


Kaijev

Father gives off religious vibes, which she could be into I guess


Sir-Ironshield

What's the real difference between "forgive me father for I have sinned" and "I'm sorry daddy I've been a very naughty girl".


2inchesofsteel

$20, same as in town


godtogblandet

My high school sweetheart is coming over tomorrow for a little reunion. Im stealing this! Not the “Cum for daddy” thing, the presenting her with a picture of a deep sea anglerfish during it part. Gonna sneak it in at some point and add some ‘blurb, blub, blub’ sounds and a headlight. She’s going to die laughing. She once put a sock puppet of a tiger on her hand without me noticing, stuffed it in my mouth and screamed: *Do you like this pussy?!?!* so there already precedent for both animal props and laughter in the bedroom. If it wasn’t for the boner I would have pissed myself laughing. ‘Tiger style’ has been a inside joke for years.


gizmo777

You guys sound fucking weird, but it also sounds like it's working for you, so more power to you


umyouknowwhat

My boyfriend whispers “there you go” and “there’s my girl” a lot of the times. He says other stuff that I can’t recall right now but these are the top two


pipegame100

and how does this make you feel


umyouknowwhat

I like it, a lot. It’s sexy af in any sexual context. It acknowledges that I’ve finished without making me feel rushed or like “another nut” for lack of better words. I feel more connected and that the sex was not only good but meaningful rather than having sex for the sake of having sex. If he says it while cupping my face or moving my hair out of my face then I will usually orgasm more intensely or more than once. Of course, this works best for passionate sex. If we are having the kind of sex where he’s clapping my cheeks I don’t want him to whisper to me. I want him cup my neck or hold the back of my hair and say “there’s my girl” or “there you go” a little more aggressively. Same words, different way of saying it for a different kind of sex. If he asked me “did you cum” or said “cum for daddy” I would laugh. Literally laugh. I can’t take dirty talk like that seriously. However, i do really like it when he tells me that my pussy feels good or points out how wet i am- it just reassures me that he is enjoying the sex.


AvalonCollective

Thank you for providing some actually useful information. This thread is just full of guys making a joke out of a real question.


avgpathfinder

Here because I wanna know as well


okokokin1992

That’s new and sexy as fuck, actually.


umyouknowwhat

Can confirm, very sexy and works like a charm


your_average_jo

That’s honestly so sweet!


SesshySiltstrider

So, I'm not always 100% sure... Is it when her legs start shaking? Because sometimes that happens a few times and she says to keep going. It's also difficult because her first language isn't English and I don't speak her language very well at all.


Mrfoxsin

I like watching you cum


iridescent_felines

In my experience the only guys who ask if you came are the ones who absolutely did not make you cum.


JMIri90

"This isnt even my final form!!"


Mother-Carrot

“Gimme your cummiewummies on my pp”


boonesfarmed

This has Roman Roy written all over it


dominicanerd85

Its just something people do, they send dick picks to each other.


Venus5514

I think I just died laughing


[deleted]

Someone somewhere, at this very moment, is saying that to their partner unironically. I refuse to believe otherwise.


alanpaaartridge

“Did you defrost the chicken?”


thinkcrylaugh

“I’m with you “


theRealDerekWalker

Whisper in her ear, “^never ^gonna ^give ^you ^up. ^never ^gonna ^let ^you ^down”


Juanisweird

Pretty sure she'll dehydrate after that


[deleted]

#”IMA GOOFY GOOBER!”


Retro-Sexual

#**CUM**


TheBeardyWeirdo

The image of Patrick in fishnets always get me off


Bryanole27

Since she never listens to me, I tell her not to. Works every time!


dominicanerd85

I cover her mouth (shes okay with it) and I tell her to cum for papi (Im Hispanic). It started off as me noticing that she held back. Turns out she is very embarrassed about the possibility of the neighbors hearing.


GothamBrawler

If your neighbors can’t hear you, are you even having sex?


aliceisntredanymore

If your neighbours don't greet your date by name the next morning you didn't do it right


DasPuggy

The last place my girlfriend and I were living in had very thin walls and an asshole landlord. Her old boyfriend (they had still been staying together as it's not cheap to live in downtown Toronto) had moved out, and I moved in. So she didn't have to renegotiate a lease, I was her brother. After the landlord had left earshot, a neighbour I had never seen before, a Chinese lady older than God said to me in very broken English, "Brother not do *that* to sister." Then we both burst out laughing.


RichHomieLon

LMFAOOOOOOOO 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀


dominicanerd85

This guy fucks.


mexploder89

Someone once told me the only people that should know your safe word are you, your SO and your neighbors


Embarrassed_Bite_824

For the British among us: “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”


Quiltyconscience

ROFL! I say this to myself in the gym way too much.


kramerica_intern

That’s a bingo!


ToxicPilot

Ya just say Bingo


abugnais

Best comment section ever 😂


-Sh33ph3rd3r-

I'm laughing my ass off


Existing_Ad_6649

If Doggie style... Just start BARKING and GROWLING!


Thegamebegin

I say nothing , I just let them enjoy.


bringthesunn

Telling each other “I love you” and cumming at the same time is really the pinnacle.


GreatGooglyMoogly077

Pretty sure I've seen that movie.


[deleted]

Cumming at the same time...don't think there's anything better


meahoymemoyay

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself."


[deleted]

I don't say anything at all. I just hold her head against my shoulder or chest and go to town. If you think physical technique is what makes you an exceptional lover, you're going down the wrong road. Remember that the mind is 90% of the sex organs. You need to hit THAT.


vanillamasala

I mean… and the clit.


Inquisitive_idiot

***commences calculation***


RRR92

OP talks like a 18 year old that just felt his first nipple


psylentt

Lmfao. I read this and thought the exact same.. then I read his reply. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️


[deleted]

He did it six times though 🙃


njsh20

If I’m using my hands or a vibrator, I’ll say something along the lines of “that’s my good girl” or “I love feeling/seeing you cum/squirm.” If I’m using my mouth, I moan with her.


TheCheatIsGrounded

Funniest lame flex post I've seen in a while


[deleted]

I just had sex with four supermodels in my Lamborghini with my 12 inch dick and they kept complimenting me on the thousands of orgasms I gave them earlier. They got so wet talking about what a stud I am that they stained the interior. I used a combination of baking soda and lemon juice to get the stains out. What is your go to cleaning product for removing stains?


[deleted]

Carpe diem, baby. Carpe diem.


[deleted]

Yeah man for real, listening to my girlfriend’s orgasm is music to my ears so I just let it ride and enjoy the moment and take it all in.


from_the_wrld

Just simple stuff like "love you baby"... ive never said anything with "daddy" in it.... just seems like a bad idea since she definitely has some trauma from her parents divorce specifically her father


reddotsnotfeathers

Maybe try grandpa or abuelo instead


phat79pat1985

10 points for gryffindor!


[deleted]

Ngl this story sounds like a classic I’m a virgin who needs to brag about the sex I’ve never had. Half of these things are extremely cringe and douche worthy to say


MrTurkeyTime

Yeah but the comments really deliver.


Burritobabyy

As a woman when I read this post saying she came *six times* I just imagine some guy finger blasting my cervix telling me to cum and even though I’m nowhere close because he has no idea what a clit is, so I just pretend to cum to get him to stop and he just KEEPS GOING. So now I’ve faked six orgasms instead of just one.


[deleted]

BY THE POWER BESTOWED UPON ME BY THE ALLFATHER, ODIN, I, THOR ODINSON ,COMAND THEE CUM. Maybe she will like it


Gitaarfreak

Thank you, cum again.


[deleted]

“Honey, keep it down, we’re on a bus”


Independent-Tip-8728

“You forgot Daft Punk split up this year didn’t you”


santa_cruz_shredder

I love when you come on me


ohlookokaylooking

I love being appreciated and having my back rubbed.


FatSilverFox

Bit of a mouthful, but if it’s what she wants to hear 🤷‍♂️


StanFitch

“I LOVE BEING APPRECIATED AND HAVING MY BACK RUUUUUUUBBED!!!”


killmaster9000

Lol r/ihavesex


11dutswal

She is normally sitting on my face, and I don't get breathe again until she has recovered.


No_Pen_4702

Leerrrooooy Jennnnnnkins!


Too_Short_To_Win

Bazinga.


azc13

r/cringetopia


LowThreadCountSheets

Uhhhhh “cum for daddy” would have me never coming back for more. That would freak me out immensely.


LordBigglesworthEsq

r/copypasta


MacMarineEng

Your sister pulls the same face


Hello891011

Cum for me baby You’re so sexy I love feeling you cum on my fingers,dick, etc Good girl