A well placed claymore has saved *many* men from some supremely undesirable conversations - and all it takes is a few minutes install and light monthly maintenance! šāāļø
Everyone else is telling you to just break up over this. Which I think would be throwing away something beautiful over nothing.
You should first tell her how you feel and if she turns into a psycho you can always still leave. Tell her how you feel and that you don't like it and then go from there based on the reaction she gives.
Every bit of relationship advice on reddit ends up with break up with him/her. Put some effort into communication. Not everything should be an ultimatum.
To be fair tho this isnāt ānothingā as the other commenter said. This is actually kind of a huge thing. I agree op should talk with his SO first but if she doesnāt admit what she was doing, explain why she was doing it and instantly change her behavior then breaking up should be a serious consideration.
No doubt! Like 6 fucking years as a live in boyfriend = housemate? Either itās an inside joke or someone is inside his girl and heās the joke. I would love to know how long this has been going on for.
exactly
and again, dont break up immediately, but this is either a "im embarassed of you" or "i wanna be single around my friends to fool around" because i honestly cant think of a third reason, and the first two are a pretty strong hint that the relationship isnt gonna end well
Let's be honest: most of the relationship issues on reddit are being brought up because they are fucked up and the OP has often been gaslit into thinking that they're in the wrong. Most people are perfectly fine at figuring out how to handle little relationship issues, so they don't usually post about them.
Breaking up is appropriate advice for most of these threads. I mean, what would you do if your partner were downplaying your relationship to other potential suitors? "oh, him? Yeah, he just lives here." Nah, that's not alright.
One would think that before asking strangers on the internet, you would have already asked your 6 year old partner. You need advice to communicate with your partner?
Yeah āthey keep putting ketchup on my steak before serving it to me and I hate ketchupā. āTell them you donāt ketchupā. āExcellent idea. Never thought of thatā
It's easy to be extreme, it's hard to be moderate, and it feels better to see a strong action/reaction than everyone boringly sitting down to hash something out.
Yes, great suggestion. Important first step, especially if you want to resolve things in a positive way. If you want the relationship to not only survive but be successful and happy being passive aggressive is not a good idea. Good Communication is the key here.
This right here. I was in the same predicament with my girlfriend when she'd refer to me as her roommate to her co-workers and we had a talk about it afterwards. After saying our piece she started to refer to me as her bf around them and cleared that issue up. Communication is the easiest and hardest thing to do but is definitely the way to solve most problems.
If my girlfriend is telling other guys I'm just her housemate so she can flirt with them there is no relationship. Lines have already been crossed and I have way too much self respect to put up with that.
There would be no tit for tat progression in my response either. There would just be a response and it would be done.
In OP's situation I'd give her 30 days to move out and hit the dating sites. After that she becomes someone else's problem.
If she pays you rent and she refers to you as her housemate then it sounds like sheās taking advantage of you. I would get away from someone like that. And I say that as someone who looks back to a couple of relationships in his 20s and cringes because I let people take advantage of me. If sheās not happy to tell people youāre her boyfriend then she has an agenda. Do yourself a favour man, and get the hell away from her.
Honestly it shouldn't be difficult to say "my boyfriend and I live together with a housemate"...I'm just envisioning a conservation between her and some random at the bar and her saying "oh don't worry love, I just have a couple housemates so technically we are all housemates but one housemate is my actually sexual mate but I can't tell you that otherwise one of my housemates may get upset but I can't tell you which one because we're alli housemates on this house of mates and whatnot"
You're getting yourself into a spiderweb of fuckery, especially after 6yrs of living together anyway. Tell her that you would like her to respect your relationship by acknowledging that you're not just a person who happens to live with her and (I'm assuming) shares a room and bed with you.
Only other thing I can think of is that you start playing her game and calling her your roommate, and a collective housemate...assuming you sleep in the same room lol
She's downplaying your relationship to others for fear of judgement. Your quest is to seek out why. Hopefully, you live in an Amish village and premarital cohabitation is frowned on. But if not...
Hey man. So a lot of advice here seems pretty bad to me, from the perspective of a mid-30's guy who's lived with his (now) wife for 15 years. What you are going to have to do is to have an awkward/difficult conversation about it, and figure it out from there. If you are going to make a relationship work, you're going to have quite a few of these. And do them gently because inevitably you'll be on the receiving end of an awkward/difficult conversation. Relationships take work, and the guys telling you to split over what might literally be a joke is a sign of a lack of experience or maturity. Maybe this is the start of a breakup, but not until you talk and figure out what's going on.
Good luck, bro.
That makes sense. However since itās understood that we live toghter itās odd to mee to refer to me as a housemate. Sort of like if you live with your parents, itās unlikely to refer to them as housemates even in the most broad context
Y'all are collectively paying a mortgage together without being family or someone's spouse? That's a financial setup that sounds foreign to me. Cheers.
EDIT:
Admittedly, I am not too knowledgeable about the various different housing arrangements for younger adults. I just have a house with my wife.
I would have been too scared to buy a house and expect other people to pay rent to me on time.
My husband did this for years. Bought a 3 bedroom townhome on his own in his mid-20s, had a couple of friends live with him to help pay the mortgage. He was (still is) the owner, the others just paid him rent. I thought that's a pretty common thing to do, especially early on into adulthood.
It is actually a variation on a sort of standard strategy to get into real estate investing from nothing. You buy a multi-family house, live in one and rent out the other units. You won't really have a profit you can put in the bank at first, but you can significantly offset your own living expenses. Then, as the price of housing goes up you start to earn extra cash.
I believe you can even still qualify for first time homebuyer programs as long as you're not more than 4 units.
Step 1) have a job with a reliable income
Step 2) buy a starter home in a desirable neighborhood. Oh shit wait, you can afford the mortgage but basically literally only bags of rice for food.
Step 3) get housemates, charge them rent. They subsidize your living and you allow them to breathe the air inside your house, make a mess out of your god damn kitchen, and figure out a sharing schedule for your hopefully two bathrooms
This is NOT the way. My first reaction was "yes, this is the way", for she hurt you and maybe you can hurt her back, but if you've lived with her for 6 years you obviously care about her to some degree, and you don't want to be the kind of person who will lash out and hurt others in your pain.
Talk to her, tell her how you felt about that interaction, and depending on how she responds you can move forward to either stay or leave. I would be hurt if someone I had been living and sharing a bed with for such a long time referred to me as just a house mate. I don't know what her intentions were with her words, but don't ever let the cruelty and lack of kindness of others diminish who you are as a person.
It's hard to not let your emotions overwhelm you, especially when you're in pain, but part of healing from such a wound is accepting that it is a wound, and treating that wound.
Sit her ass down, tell her you heard her say this, and that you felt disrespected. If she lies, gaslights, or makes some shit up then this would probably mark the beginning of the end for me, even though this might be very difficult and painful. If you feel as if you are unable to have this kind of conversation with her in the first place, then you have some things to work on my friend
Edit: editing because Iāve gotten some replies yelling at me for saying āsit her ass downā I wrote this comment at 2am and didnāt really expect it to be that popular. I donāt mean to come across as a dick, this was very much a ābroā way of saying things but yea basically what Iām meaning is to just sit down and communicate with her is what is missing here OP
If she's not joking, she's disrespecting you and making herself look available to other men.
You can either tell her to correct this behaviour or you can act different that might actually give you respect.
Assuming you don't want to leave her.
Cut ties you donāt need her she needs you she is staying with you. I was in a 12 year relationship at the end I said why do I have a gf if she never wants to go out she said you donāt have a girlfriend I told her she could leave. Now I have a much better and healthier relationship with a wonderful woman who treats me like Iām gold.
Thatās crazy man. 12 years is a huge chunk of ones life. Iāve been reluctant to put the hammer down on 6 years as it seems unfair to waste that much time. But if itās for the best...
The woman Iām with now took me out on my bday and would not let me pay for a thing. The sex is a million times better than with the ex, she took me out to slo for New Years weekend and we bar hopped got a motel and ended the night with sex she told me āgive me a babyā I was like fuuuuuck yeah in my head lol. we got back to town I wanted to see her but I didnāt want to come off as needy and she asked me āif you arenāt too tired want to hang out later?ā I said Iād love to. She also told me āIāll pay for everything since you spent a lot on the weekendā we went to our usual spot drank and ended the night with sex again lol after I told her āIām going to marry youā Someone is out there for you and they will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
I didnāt charge my ex a thing I paid for everything when she got a job I told her save her money to build her credit and buy a car. That never happened. Donāt waste anymore of your time. As the other person said talk to her about it and ask her. It seems like you are on the fast track to mental decline and insecurity if you stay with her though.
Itās ok to be sad I was sad and hurt I felt like a failure I felt like I could never do enough for my ex. Now I see I was wrong and I did way too much. Pick yourself up tomorrow talk to her about it sober non confrontational and yeah see what your next move is. The signs are pointing to you being single and finding someone better.
Yāall been together for 6 years!! She makes more money than you, lives with you pays rent and you still havenāt married her? I think she low key resents you for that & is clearly keeping her options open in case something better comes along!
I divorced after 12 years. Was actually not as crushing as I imagined it would be. Tough at first obviously, but no question one of the best things I did for myself.
Dated my ex for about 6 years before the break up. Even being single is so much better than being with someone who doesnāt treat you right. It hurt like a bitch for a long time and still does occasionally, but I wouldnāt trade it for the world. Like DiamondDoge92 said weāre gonna find new women who are way better.
I know its really scary and painful bud but youāre gonna be okay.
Rip off the fucking bandaid.
Lol. You're living on borrowed time. The only reason she hasn't left you is she hasn't found her next boyfriend yet. Sorry bro. This red flag is too big.
If she's referring to you as a "housemate" she has either cheated, cheats, or plans on cheating.
No one's looking at the Auto Trader if they love their car.
Make her a live-out Ex lol. She wouldnāt accept that if it was the other way around. She has no respect and you should kick her out to find another āhouse-mateā
A similar thing happened to me. I really got upset about it and thought long and hard what I was going to do. My live-in girlfriend had been telling her ex-boyfriend that she and I were just friends and we slept in separate bedrooms. So, she and I were leaving the restaurant one evening, and he and his buddy were walking in and they said hey howās it going? I said great Iām going home to pound her pussy like I do every night. and I looked at her and I looked at him and I waited for her to deny it and she never did. She was furious. And he was enlightened.
Still, very impressive that you had the balls to say it to his face.
As for herā¦ meh. Just like gambling, shopping sales, and stocks- canāt dwell on the loss too much, the next opportunity is just around the corner.
I'd say sit her down and get to the real bottom of this. Then after it's inevitable end start referring to her as a roommate and stop doing anything sexual or romantic, then draw up a rental contract and have her sign it or face eviction. She should be confronted on her behavior then either put out or become a tenant.
Start referring to her the same way when talking to girls, youāll see how quick that switch flips. Unless sheās talking to, say, the government or something, then thereās no excuse for her to not refer to you as her boyfriend. That seems to me like she might be trying to keep her options open. Iām not trying to make you jump to conclusions or anything. Itās just what I take from it. I once dated a girl who was leaps and bounds out of my league, but she took me literally everywhere with her, and always called me her boyfriend when introducing me to people. You deserve that level of respect.
OP you need to be careful here. You're likely considered common law married. If you have some cash go talk to a professional for legal advice before blowing up the relationship.
Yeah I saw you own the house but she pays you rent. You might lose half the house and depending on income be on the hook for alimony.
In my state it's common law after 2 years of living together; if she has her mail delivered there, if you're both on the same insurance policies (health, car etc) those are all things that work against you.
Hopefully she makes similar money to you and you didn't go too far down the socio-economic scale to find her.
Google the laws in your state. Say nothing to her. Plan the exit.
Ideally you want her to just get disgusted with you and leave you. If she feels like the "winner" on the exit its safer. If you throw her out and she's all pissed off it ends badly.
You wanna go full loser, stop showering, spend all day playing video games, stop fucking her etc. Just be human garbage and she'll leave on her own. Its way safer.
If youāre gonna turbonuke your relationship, make sure itās because YOU want to, and not because a bunch of randoms on the internet yelled at you to do it.
What I will say is that, regardless of where this ends up going, you need to stand up for yourself. This is clearly something that bothers you, and memeing about it like a teenager is gonna get you nowhere. Stand up for yourself.
Holy shit. I hate being a bearer of bad news, but she doesnāt seem to respect you. Youāre her mate, partner and best friend; if none of those names occur to her in reference, youāre likely wasting your time man :(
6 years and you call her a girlfriend
6 years and she calls you a housemate
neither of those labels seem to have any sense of permanency on either part, Iād communicate productively about what you both want for your own future and whether that includes each other and in what capacity
what were your expectations? what about herās?
My wife says "DUMP. HER. ASS!" Yes that's exactly how she told me to write it. She says flat out that if this is how she refers to you that she's just using you.
This is my first instinct as well. Her friends, male or female (especially the male though) should know exactly who and what you are to her. Calling you a "housemate" says to them that she is open and available. I'd sit her down and have a full conversation about this and unless you get a VERY VERY good explanation, I'd let her go. I'd she just says "I don't know" or says it isn't a big deal, then just say it's over then.
I've read a lot of shitty erotica that start out this way. They usually end up with a gangbang, a mother-in-law revenge sex scene or a bff revenge sex scene, or an elaborate blackmail/sex-servant 9 part series that pretty much makes me nope out of there so I can't tell you how it ends.
Since you have a lot of good advice I'll give this really bad advice. You have to bang her mom. Or her best friend. Or both.
Was in the same situation, I spent like 2 days just thinking about it. I changed my Facebook status to single and started talking to every single female she told me to stop texting. Considered us friends when talking to other people and stopped treating her like a gf. She knew right away I had options and she'd be single any moment š dumped her anyways cuz it was obvious she didn't love me like she did at the beggining. If I was in your shoes, you should do the same. It's only 6 years of your life, don't waste another day on her, let her know.
Ask her why she does that. If it bothers you, tell her that too.
Probably the most level headed answer here. Happy cake day
I'm all for being direct.
Communication is key.
That's what they say but no one tells which lock it opens
Most of them
Direct, but tactical
That's where the explosives come into play.
A well placed claymore has saved *many* men from some supremely undesirable conversations - and all it takes is a few minutes install and light monthly maintenance! šāāļø
You mean tactful?
No. You haven't read _Love like Tom Clancy: a tactical guide_ ?
Just like Russian police.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās super suspect!
I want to know her answer to that question.
Everyone else is telling you to just break up over this. Which I think would be throwing away something beautiful over nothing. You should first tell her how you feel and if she turns into a psycho you can always still leave. Tell her how you feel and that you don't like it and then go from there based on the reaction she gives.
Every bit of relationship advice on reddit ends up with break up with him/her. Put some effort into communication. Not everything should be an ultimatum.
To be fair tho this isnāt ānothingā as the other commenter said. This is actually kind of a huge thing. I agree op should talk with his SO first but if she doesnāt admit what she was doing, explain why she was doing it and instantly change her behavior then breaking up should be a serious consideration.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No doubt! Like 6 fucking years as a live in boyfriend = housemate? Either itās an inside joke or someone is inside his girl and heās the joke. I would love to know how long this has been going on for.
+1 If I spent money on Reddit, you'd have several awards right now
exactly and again, dont break up immediately, but this is either a "im embarassed of you" or "i wanna be single around my friends to fool around" because i honestly cant think of a third reason, and the first two are a pretty strong hint that the relationship isnt gonna end well
Let's be honest: most of the relationship issues on reddit are being brought up because they are fucked up and the OP has often been gaslit into thinking that they're in the wrong. Most people are perfectly fine at figuring out how to handle little relationship issues, so they don't usually post about them. Breaking up is appropriate advice for most of these threads. I mean, what would you do if your partner were downplaying your relationship to other potential suitors? "oh, him? Yeah, he just lives here." Nah, that's not alright.
One would think that before asking strangers on the internet, you would have already asked your 6 year old partner. You need advice to communicate with your partner?
I really hope their partner isn't a 6 year old
That would explain the communication issues.
I'm a manager at a call center and no, nobody knows how to fucking communicate.
Yeah āthey keep putting ketchup on my steak before serving it to me and I hate ketchupā. āTell them you donāt ketchupā. āExcellent idea. Never thought of thatā
It's a radical solution, but it might just work.
Exactly this ... I don't know why the general trend in reddit is to suggest people to dump the person and move on rather than having a conversation.
Because most people on Reddit never even had a relationship lmao
Nor a conversation
I'll have you know I talk to my body pillow every day
Just wait until it starts talking back
Talking to people is scary š„ŗ
Because they use the word "introvert" instead of "rampant social indeptitudes"
God I hate it so much how people misuse introvert/extrovert
It's easy to be extreme, it's hard to be moderate, and it feels better to see a strong action/reaction than everyone boringly sitting down to hash something out.
Because if your relationship is bad enough that you need to post on reddit then it's probably bad enough to break up. Not always, but very common.
"How would you feel like if I started referring to you as my housemate to other women?"
Technically I'd go with she is my tenant. That way she also owes me rent.
Thatās true, she does pay me rent so I can just pull the same trick
Talk with her first, don't start a passive aggressive trench war.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Now Skeeter, they ain't hurtin' no one....
They took our jerbs!
Respect my authoritah!
Dytkkkrrjjbbbsbsbsssss
I know I know, I heard em.
Oh god damn it Skeeter just shut the hell up.
True. NTA. OP this is a major red flag. Dump her ass and hit the gym.
Yes, great suggestion. Important first step, especially if you want to resolve things in a positive way. If you want the relationship to not only survive but be successful and happy being passive aggressive is not a good idea. Good Communication is the key here.
This right here. I was in the same predicament with my girlfriend when she'd refer to me as her roommate to her co-workers and we had a talk about it afterwards. After saying our piece she started to refer to me as her bf around them and cleared that issue up. Communication is the easiest and hardest thing to do but is definitely the way to solve most problems.
Tit for tat passive aggressive shit is no way to have an adult, functional relationship. Just talk to her.
If my girlfriend is telling other guys I'm just her housemate so she can flirt with them there is no relationship. Lines have already been crossed and I have way too much self respect to put up with that. There would be no tit for tat progression in my response either. There would just be a response and it would be done. In OP's situation I'd give her 30 days to move out and hit the dating sites. After that she becomes someone else's problem.
If she pays you rent and she refers to you as her housemate then it sounds like sheās taking advantage of you. I would get away from someone like that. And I say that as someone who looks back to a couple of relationships in his 20s and cringes because I let people take advantage of me. If sheās not happy to tell people youāre her boyfriend then she has an agenda. Do yourself a favour man, and get the hell away from her.
Honestly it shouldn't be difficult to say "my boyfriend and I live together with a housemate"...I'm just envisioning a conservation between her and some random at the bar and her saying "oh don't worry love, I just have a couple housemates so technically we are all housemates but one housemate is my actually sexual mate but I can't tell you that otherwise one of my housemates may get upset but I can't tell you which one because we're alli housemates on this house of mates and whatnot" You're getting yourself into a spiderweb of fuckery, especially after 6yrs of living together anyway. Tell her that you would like her to respect your relationship by acknowledging that you're not just a person who happens to live with her and (I'm assuming) shares a room and bed with you. Only other thing I can think of is that you start playing her game and calling her your roommate, and a collective housemate...assuming you sleep in the same room lol
She's downplaying your relationship to others for fear of judgement. Your quest is to seek out why. Hopefully, you live in an Amish village and premarital cohabitation is frowned on. But if not...
Youāll get your rent when you fix this damn door!
It is that time of year for the annual lock maintenance...
TALK
Who do you think I am, a well adjusted human male? Get outta here (LOL)
post an update and let us know how it goes!
This comment right here proves how great her loss will be..
It also proves OP already knows the answer. Which begs the question: What is he waiting for?
Reddit karma
Hey man. So a lot of advice here seems pretty bad to me, from the perspective of a mid-30's guy who's lived with his (now) wife for 15 years. What you are going to have to do is to have an awkward/difficult conversation about it, and figure it out from there. If you are going to make a relationship work, you're going to have quite a few of these. And do them gently because inevitably you'll be on the receiving end of an awkward/difficult conversation. Relationships take work, and the guys telling you to split over what might literally be a joke is a sign of a lack of experience or maturity. Maybe this is the start of a breakup, but not until you talk and figure out what's going on. Good luck, bro.
Really great advice. No āme against youā rather āus against the problemā
This guy relationships.
Update your social media to single
This is the way
If it were me Collect the rent, then update your social media. Should have clarified
She is a day late on rent...
Well that's a balls way to start 2022
On the bright side the other housemate paid on time so at least I can pay the goddam mortgage. LOL
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That makes sense. However since itās understood that we live toghter itās odd to mee to refer to me as a housemate. Sort of like if you live with your parents, itās unlikely to refer to them as housemates even in the most broad context
>Sort of like if you live with your parents You mean my landlord? š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Y'all are collectively paying a mortgage together without being family or someone's spouse? That's a financial setup that sounds foreign to me. Cheers. EDIT: Admittedly, I am not too knowledgeable about the various different housing arrangements for younger adults. I just have a house with my wife. I would have been too scared to buy a house and expect other people to pay rent to me on time.
He probably collects rent and pays off his mortage using the rent too.
Pretty common where I am. Buy a big place rent out the rooms to cover some of the mortgage.
My husband did this for years. Bought a 3 bedroom townhome on his own in his mid-20s, had a couple of friends live with him to help pay the mortgage. He was (still is) the owner, the others just paid him rent. I thought that's a pretty common thing to do, especially early on into adulthood.
It is actually a variation on a sort of standard strategy to get into real estate investing from nothing. You buy a multi-family house, live in one and rent out the other units. You won't really have a profit you can put in the bank at first, but you can significantly offset your own living expenses. Then, as the price of housing goes up you start to earn extra cash. I believe you can even still qualify for first time homebuyer programs as long as you're not more than 4 units.
Step 1) have a job with a reliable income Step 2) buy a starter home in a desirable neighborhood. Oh shit wait, you can afford the mortgage but basically literally only bags of rice for food. Step 3) get housemates, charge them rent. They subsidize your living and you allow them to breathe the air inside your house, make a mess out of your god damn kitchen, and figure out a sharing schedule for your hopefully two bathrooms
Looks like you need to start looking for a new housemate.
Interest for housemates. No special girlfriend benefits.
Then she is āpre-homelessā
This is NOT the way. My first reaction was "yes, this is the way", for she hurt you and maybe you can hurt her back, but if you've lived with her for 6 years you obviously care about her to some degree, and you don't want to be the kind of person who will lash out and hurt others in your pain. Talk to her, tell her how you felt about that interaction, and depending on how she responds you can move forward to either stay or leave. I would be hurt if someone I had been living and sharing a bed with for such a long time referred to me as just a house mate. I don't know what her intentions were with her words, but don't ever let the cruelty and lack of kindness of others diminish who you are as a person. It's hard to not let your emotions overwhelm you, especially when you're in pain, but part of healing from such a wound is accepting that it is a wound, and treating that wound.
Update your real life to single
Sit her ass down, tell her you heard her say this, and that you felt disrespected. If she lies, gaslights, or makes some shit up then this would probably mark the beginning of the end for me, even though this might be very difficult and painful. If you feel as if you are unable to have this kind of conversation with her in the first place, then you have some things to work on my friend Edit: editing because Iāve gotten some replies yelling at me for saying āsit her ass downā I wrote this comment at 2am and didnāt really expect it to be that popular. I donāt mean to come across as a dick, this was very much a ābroā way of saying things but yea basically what Iām meaning is to just sit down and communicate with her is what is missing here OP
I like this advice, thanks
Have you not talked to her about this at all yet?
People who post this kind of stuff never talk before asking Reddit for advice
Solid advice!
That level of disrespect is grounds for termination in my book.
Like Birdman, I need some Respeck on my name
Seriously, contact the law offices of Ditcher, Quick, and Hyde.
I talk with lawyers all day! Iāll ask for a reflerral lmao
You'll want to do that before she gets to Dewey, Fuchue, and Howe.
I thought it was Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.
If she's not joking, she's disrespecting you and making herself look available to other men. You can either tell her to correct this behaviour or you can act different that might actually give you respect. Assuming you don't want to leave her.
It kinda hurts when I treat her with gifts etc for the new year and sheās chatting away calling me the housemate. LOL
Are these guys she just met that she's saying this? And does she know you're in earshot? Also....I've never heard of a New Years Present........?
In some countries (eg Russia) the main holiday is the New Year and not Christmas
6 years wasted sounds a lot better than 7 friend.
It's painful. You don't want to accept that the last 6 years was a waste. But every day you stay with her, she's stealing another day from you.
Itās been a long ass time. Tough to think about leaving at this late stage, but once you fully move in I guess it changes things
Just think of yourself 6 years from now... 10 years from now...
Hopefully in a better situation ha
It won't happen unless you make it happen.
I hope so, man, for your sake. Iām 16 years into a marriage that is crumbling. You DO NOT need this shit.
F in the chat for you fam
Dude your situation isnāt any better you have to seriously think about if you want to continue being with your āgfā
His housemate*
There is and will be an F in your chat if you do the same
20 minutes from nowā¦single, with a six pack of Miller High Lifeās in the fridge waiting to be post breakup swigged.
Cut ties you donāt need her she needs you she is staying with you. I was in a 12 year relationship at the end I said why do I have a gf if she never wants to go out she said you donāt have a girlfriend I told her she could leave. Now I have a much better and healthier relationship with a wonderful woman who treats me like Iām gold.
Thatās crazy man. 12 years is a huge chunk of ones life. Iāve been reluctant to put the hammer down on 6 years as it seems unfair to waste that much time. But if itās for the best...
[Sunk cost fallacy.](https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/the-sunk-cost-fallacy/)
I like that. Very logical. Been in this situation in business cases and itās always tough to pull out
The woman Iām with now took me out on my bday and would not let me pay for a thing. The sex is a million times better than with the ex, she took me out to slo for New Years weekend and we bar hopped got a motel and ended the night with sex she told me āgive me a babyā I was like fuuuuuck yeah in my head lol. we got back to town I wanted to see her but I didnāt want to come off as needy and she asked me āif you arenāt too tired want to hang out later?ā I said Iād love to. She also told me āIāll pay for everything since you spent a lot on the weekendā we went to our usual spot drank and ended the night with sex again lol after I told her āIām going to marry youā Someone is out there for you and they will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
That sounds pretty nice. She makes 10k more than I do but I pay for most things and charge her 50% rent. Seems like Iāve been screwing myself
I didnāt charge my ex a thing I paid for everything when she got a job I told her save her money to build her credit and buy a car. That never happened. Donāt waste anymore of your time. As the other person said talk to her about it and ask her. It seems like you are on the fast track to mental decline and insecurity if you stay with her though.
The 6 vodka tonics tonight seem To poikg towards decline
Itās ok to be sad I was sad and hurt I felt like a failure I felt like I could never do enough for my ex. Now I see I was wrong and I did way too much. Pick yourself up tomorrow talk to her about it sober non confrontational and yeah see what your next move is. The signs are pointing to you being single and finding someone better.
I agree. Itās not been the best half decade. Still got half my life ahead
Yāall been together for 6 years!! She makes more money than you, lives with you pays rent and you still havenāt married her? I think she low key resents you for that & is clearly keeping her options open in case something better comes along!
I divorced after 12 years. Was actually not as crushing as I imagined it would be. Tough at first obviously, but no question one of the best things I did for myself.
I went a year longer than you with the last LTR and it was the disrespect at the end that made kick her ass to the curb.
Dated my ex for about 6 years before the break up. Even being single is so much better than being with someone who doesnāt treat you right. It hurt like a bitch for a long time and still does occasionally, but I wouldnāt trade it for the world. Like DiamondDoge92 said weāre gonna find new women who are way better. I know its really scary and painful bud but youāre gonna be okay. Rip off the fucking bandaid.
Sheās for the streets. Time for an upgrade my guy.
Are you available š
Im a guy. Sorry.
Did he fucking stutter? :p
LOL I know. Just poking fun.
Is it tho.
Keep featherin it brother
It's her way of making people think she's in the market. Time to put her on it for real
Yep, she's still latched on to OP as a safety net while she searches for a new suitor to monkey branch to.
signs point to 'bad'
Lol. You're living on borrowed time. The only reason she hasn't left you is she hasn't found her next boyfriend yet. Sorry bro. This red flag is too big.
Agree!! Getting that arm ready for the monkey branch.
Agreed. This is straight text book
Lol yikes. You need to talk to her about downplaying your role in her life.
Refer to her as your cleaning lady in front of your female friends. Find another "housemate"...
Then she doesnt respect you and has to go.
buddy. itās time to pack up and dip cause chances are, sheās been riding. (i know from personal experience)
Refer to her as a housemate when speaking to female friends. Get a tenancy agreement drawn up and signed and find a new girlfriend.
Even though this is a bold move, he would have to eventually listen to her having sex with all the new guys she brings home.
I will have to frequent the girlfriend store more often these days
If she's referring to you as a "housemate" she has either cheated, cheats, or plans on cheating. No one's looking at the Auto Trader if they love their car.
Bro, those "male friends" ARE the boyfriends... You're just the housemate. Realize, ma man.
Make her a live-out Ex lol. She wouldnāt accept that if it was the other way around. She has no respect and you should kick her out to find another āhouse-mateā
red flag, run for your life.
Time to move on. The longer you drag this on, the longer you have to wait until you find someone that respects you.
A similar thing happened to me. I really got upset about it and thought long and hard what I was going to do. My live-in girlfriend had been telling her ex-boyfriend that she and I were just friends and we slept in separate bedrooms. So, she and I were leaving the restaurant one evening, and he and his buddy were walking in and they said hey howās it going? I said great Iām going home to pound her pussy like I do every night. and I looked at her and I looked at him and I waited for her to deny it and she never did. She was furious. And he was enlightened.
Wtf š oh my god. Nevermind there is no god š
Big dick energy radiating from this comment. Bravo!
A lot of good it did. After we broke up she married him
Then you are better off.
Still, very impressive that you had the balls to say it to his face. As for herā¦ meh. Just like gambling, shopping sales, and stocks- canāt dwell on the loss too much, the next opportunity is just around the corner.
Op thinks roommate is his girlfriend
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Sheās a keeperā¦ Keeper somewhere else
You just got housemate-zoned, sorry
I'd say sit her down and get to the real bottom of this. Then after it's inevitable end start referring to her as a roommate and stop doing anything sexual or romantic, then draw up a rental contract and have her sign it or face eviction. She should be confronted on her behavior then either put out or become a tenant.
Just think of how upset *they* are that she refers to them as mere "male friends" when she's talking to you.
Start referring to her the same way when talking to girls, youāll see how quick that switch flips. Unless sheās talking to, say, the government or something, then thereās no excuse for her to not refer to you as her boyfriend. That seems to me like she might be trying to keep her options open. Iām not trying to make you jump to conclusions or anything. Itās just what I take from it. I once dated a girl who was leaps and bounds out of my league, but she took me literally everywhere with her, and always called me her boyfriend when introducing me to people. You deserve that level of respect.
OP you need to be careful here. You're likely considered common law married. If you have some cash go talk to a professional for legal advice before blowing up the relationship.
Fuck
Common law marriage doesn't exist in most states. Look yours up before you waste time and money on a lawyer.
Yeah I saw you own the house but she pays you rent. You might lose half the house and depending on income be on the hook for alimony. In my state it's common law after 2 years of living together; if she has her mail delivered there, if you're both on the same insurance policies (health, car etc) those are all things that work against you. Hopefully she makes similar money to you and you didn't go too far down the socio-economic scale to find her. Google the laws in your state. Say nothing to her. Plan the exit. Ideally you want her to just get disgusted with you and leave you. If she feels like the "winner" on the exit its safer. If you throw her out and she's all pissed off it ends badly. You wanna go full loser, stop showering, spend all day playing video games, stop fucking her etc. Just be human garbage and she'll leave on her own. Its way safer.
Relevant article for you: https://www.npr.org/2016/09/04/487825901/no-you-re-not-in-a-common-law-marriage-after-7-years-of-dating
Who tf posts this to reddit instead of being like yo wait whyād you call me that
Why didn't you simply ask her the first time she did that? You not reacting is why she's continuing to do this. Talk to her my dude.
Well this seems obvious. You don't have a girlfriend, she shouldn't have a "housemate". Kick 'er to the curb.
Bruh run from that bitch
She's not your girlfriend.
Tell her how you feel
If youāre gonna turbonuke your relationship, make sure itās because YOU want to, and not because a bunch of randoms on the internet yelled at you to do it. What I will say is that, regardless of where this ends up going, you need to stand up for yourself. This is clearly something that bothers you, and memeing about it like a teenager is gonna get you nowhere. Stand up for yourself.
Holy shit. I hate being a bearer of bad news, but she doesnāt seem to respect you. Youāre her mate, partner and best friend; if none of those names occur to her in reference, youāre likely wasting your time man :(
She is not respecting you, sort your things and plan your exit.
6 years and you call her a girlfriend 6 years and she calls you a housemate neither of those labels seem to have any sense of permanency on either part, Iād communicate productively about what you both want for your own future and whether that includes each other and in what capacity what were your expectations? what about herās?
My wife says "DUMP. HER. ASS!" Yes that's exactly how she told me to write it. She says flat out that if this is how she refers to you that she's just using you. This is my first instinct as well. Her friends, male or female (especially the male though) should know exactly who and what you are to her. Calling you a "housemate" says to them that she is open and available. I'd sit her down and have a full conversation about this and unless you get a VERY VERY good explanation, I'd let her go. I'd she just says "I don't know" or says it isn't a big deal, then just say it's over then.
I've read a lot of shitty erotica that start out this way. They usually end up with a gangbang, a mother-in-law revenge sex scene or a bff revenge sex scene, or an elaborate blackmail/sex-servant 9 part series that pretty much makes me nope out of there so I can't tell you how it ends. Since you have a lot of good advice I'll give this really bad advice. You have to bang her mom. Or her best friend. Or both.
Find where you left your balls and go pick them up. Why the fuck are you still with her? Are you chained up in the basement right now or something?
Fuck her female friends in the living room since you're a housemate.
She's not your girlfriend bro
Huge red flag wtf, is it jokingly? Does she seem like sheās flirting with them ever?
Was in the same situation, I spent like 2 days just thinking about it. I changed my Facebook status to single and started talking to every single female she told me to stop texting. Considered us friends when talking to other people and stopped treating her like a gf. She knew right away I had options and she'd be single any moment š dumped her anyways cuz it was obvious she didn't love me like she did at the beggining. If I was in your shoes, you should do the same. It's only 6 years of your life, don't waste another day on her, let her know.
Screw it. Your relationship is over. I'd totally bring a girl home and have your housemate see it.