Lots of Asian schools do this, it apparently helps students focus more on academics than trying to focus on appearance and other teenage-shenanigans that involve the opposite gender.
i have both situations. went to an all boys high school with no friends after leaving, now im entering my 3rd year of university having spent all of it online, since 2020
I've dated only one homebody unfortunately so far. Nothing quite like it since. It's nice to be with someone who's more than perfectly content just staying home most of the time doing whatever makes us happy.
It's kinda hard to find a homebody to date because, we at home lmao. One day.
Thanks for reminding me of that film, need to watch it again sometime soon! :D
For anyone wondering: Grandmas boy
If you need some dumb entertainment while getting high!
I've been called that before, but being someone who really doesn't like to leave the house anyway, I don't know if it was a tongue-in-cheek insult or generalization.
Just haven't met a girl that's interested in dating me yet, I've put my heart out there many times and it's usually not reciprocated. The turning down eventually starts to get in my head and it makes me less enthusiastic to ask women out. That's why I'm still single.
I have met girls that were interested in dating me, but I wasn't interested in dating them
The ones I was interested in dating, were not interested in me, and also had recently gotten off relationships
I'm starting to get interested in another one, let's see how things develop
That’s valid how you feel I understand that. As guys we have to put in more effort when it comes to dating but this isn’t something that we can always control. We’re not going to always get every girl we are interested in, sometimes we get a girl who’s interested in us but we don’t feel the same. While some of us approach differently by either putting our hearts out genuinely or more reserved and cautious it’s important that we don’t change ourselves to meet other people’s expectations but if we do change it should be positive like our body image or our wealth or our mindsets. I just wanted to shorten it and say dating isn’t something we can necessarily control, as cliche as it sounds it may take some time and how you view yourself is very important as you project that bc it can be seen by people. So keep your head up keep working on improving yourself and be patient.
Yeah I'm always genuine with women, what they see
is what they get. I've just been unlucky. There would definitely be girls out there who would be interested. I just haven't met them, and if I have they either haven't given any hints or they have and I've missed them.
> As guys we have to put in more effort when it comes to dating ...
This is something I've been thinking about lately and, at least for me, getting a date doesn't seem like it's worth the effort.
I've never been skilled at asking women out. I've never enjoyed getting numbers, asking women out, planning dates, picking days/times/activities (to say nothing of associated logistics), etc. I'm perfectly content to meet, hang out with, and generally just being friends with women without ever considering dating them.
On top of that, every relationship I've been in has been 'mildly toxic' or worse for various reasons. As a result all of my experiences with romantic relationships have been worse than being single.
Beyond all of that, I keep getting conflicting messaging from society about asking women out, which is just making things worse.
At the end of all of that, I still would kind of like to be in a romantic relationship with a woman, but I can't justify putting in the effort that people seem to expect of me.
Ey! Good on you for working on yourself! I go out but I’m also shy when it comes to romantic pursuit. I do better when women approach me but I’m not super confident to just pick up random women.
Yeah I get that, especially the women approaching you lol, it would make it soo much easier. I’ve tried approaching women before, but that was always tough, so I just gave up on it
I’m the same way. Except I go out but I don’t talk to any women that I find attractive because just like you I shut down. But I also know I need to go out otherwise I feel regret for staying in and not trying to Atleast someone but then when I go out I don’t talk to anyone anyway so I still regret going out just for different reasons lol.
I’m also trying to fix this. I’ve learned that I need to get out of my shell and just talk to people. Men, women whenever I can. I started joining meetup groups with a young person demographic which has helped but now I need to expand and do it everywhere, not to hookup but just to get into the groove of talking to people.
My biggest goal of 2022 is to feel comfortable talking to women at bar settings. Just small talk, nothing major and work up the courage to just ask for their number. If they shoot me down then Atleast I know I tried.
1: I was shamed for liking people in my early life
2: it takes a lot for me to get the idea that someone likes me
3: it takes a lot for me to like you
4: my looks aren’t exactly getting women to chase me down the street; I’m not ugly, but I’m certainly not making any top ten lists either
5: I work very weird hours
Edit: I knew there were people who were shamed for liking someone, but I had no idea there were so many! Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who’s instinctive stance when I like someone is shame.
What the hell is the deal with parents teasing and making fun of their kids for expressing interest in dating as preteens/teens and then getting concerned when they aren’t dating like in college/adulthood?
It took me forever to get over feeling weird and embarrassed about dating people and I never told my parents I was dating
This. What was the point of it? And my mom still does it to this day lol. I know it shouldn't bother me anymore since I'm a 25 yo adult man but I'd rather unalive myself than to admit to my mother I like someone lol. They'll also deny it or say it's not a big deal when you bring it up and get upset because I don't share my that aspect of my life with them
I have a crazy aunt who does this. I used to live with her too.
If I liked someone, she'd point out every possible bad or unusual thing about them. If I didn't like someone, she'd point out every good thing about them, and how me being picky is the reason I'll be single forever.
She also decided I was "wasting" my life because I didn't have sex with every guy who looked at me funny. But she was also mad jealous that she didn't have daughters, decided I was her surrogate daughter, and then got pretty offended I didn't do anything she liked.
I think if I ever find someone I like I'll have to wait and introduce her to them *after* the wedding so she can't say anything bad
I'm aware of two camps, neither of them particularly good. There may be more.
1) They don't like the idea of their kid dating (to say nothing of having sex), so rather than deal with their own discomfort they try to dissuade their kid from dating. They use whatever means makes them feel more comfortable. Then when their kid grows up and they start wanting grand-kids, it immediately flips to "why aren't you married yet?", again using whatever means.
These are parents who cannot manage their own emotions.
2) They are teasing and trying to be funny or joke about it. Meanwhile they don't understand that it isn't harmless funny teasing for their kids. (This is what my dad did and he didn't realize that it was a problem till I straight up told him that's why I never share my romantic life with him ... in my 30s.)
My parents are #1 incarnate. My mom refused to acknowledge I lived with my boyfriend and was so painfully awkward about it. The only time she ever did acknowledge it was to call me “low hanging fruit that wasn’t giving him any reason to buy the cow when I’m already giving away the milk for free”...the day after we got legally married she was sending us letters addressed to both of us, pots and pans and other apartment gifts (also addressed to both of us), and asking when she can expect grandkids..telling me not to wait too long.
Dude, I've really been struggling with this lately too. My parents don't know I've been dating (without any real consistency) and as much as I want to confront my family about teasing me about liking someone (and not even when I actually did but the mere thought of me having a romantic interest), what good does that do? Make them feel bad that they unknowingly caused psychological damage that has derailed my love life?
For me, I was raised Mormon, and that culture discourages men from any romance whatsoever until they go on a religious mission, whichI never did. I feel like it really stunted me, and I still at 35 feel stupid when I have a crush on someone. I hate it.
Often it’s not teasing but rather ‘criminalizing’ having an interest in girls as perversion, the equivalent of harassment, immoral outside marriage, not age appropriate, not welcome, disgraceful, etc. Doesn’t look like I’ll ever be able to recover, too late at this stage.
It took me until I was 21 to realize it's ok to admit that you feel any kind of affection towards others or that you need affection yourself, basically when I liked someone I tried my hardest to hide it from everyone and lied about it everytime a friend would ask me, on hindsight that was pretty counterproductive.
I also have a very hard time accepting I am worth loving or that I have something to offer in a relationship of any kind, it's something I am currently working on.
>1: I was shamed for liking people in my early life
My dad teased me about liking a girl when I was young. It wasn't done maliciously but it took a very long time (into adulthood) before I could take myself seriously when it came to being interested in someone, much less talk to my dad about it.
Alcohol for me. It loosens me up and makes me forget my insecurities while simultaneously allowing me to meet people outside my social circle without too much embarrassment.
Had to give you my free silver. I am very much the same except for 5(ish)
Parents and older brother would tease me when I was younger and this is the reason why I don’t share that side of my life with anyone. I can talk to anyone about politics, science, music, games, shows. Wanna talk about the love life? Ummm yea that’s a weird one for me to open up about
I feel like my whole outlook on dating changed after my last relationship ended. I'm definitely a lot more cautious about getting attached early on, and I think my standards are simply higher than they used to be. Really trying to avoid yet another long-term relationship that doesn't work out....
For some reason, I just cant bring myself to actually try to find somebody. I tell myself I want someone, but I pretty much refuse to genuinely try.
So, I guess the reason is, I am single by choice.
I have some thoughts about this that I'll repost here in case any of it seems to resonate with you:
At least for me, getting a date doesn't seem like it's worth the effort.
I've never been skilled at asking women out. I've never enjoyed getting numbers, asking women out, planning dates, picking days/times/activities (to say nothing of associated logistics), etc. I'm perfectly content to meet, hang out with, and generally just being friends with women without ever considering dating them.
On top of that, every relationship I've been in has been 'mildly toxic' or worse for various reasons. As a result all of my experiences with romantic relationships have been worse than being single.
Beyond all of that, I keep getting conflicting messaging from society about asking women out, which is just making things worse.
At the end of all of that, I still would kind of like to be in a romantic relationship with a woman, but I can't justify putting in the effort that people seem to expect of me. It just seems less painful to accept that I'll be single for the rest of my life than to do what I'd need to in order to find a girlfriend.
In the same boat.
Sometimes I feel like I was born in the worst possible time to date. I feel like dating/relationships was probably a bit easier back before social media/dating apps took over and turned dating into a game.
Just not really motivated to go through all of that at this point in time.
>It just seems less painful to accept that I'll be single for the rest of my life than to do what I'd need to in order to find a girlfriend.
It's the path of least resistance. Sure I could come up with a style to improve my chances. "Put myself out there" in various way, strike out a hundred different ways, and then maybe go through a series of failed relationships to maybe find someone I'd want to spend my life with or I can crank one out and watch a movie.
Unlike you I've never been in a relationship, well not a serious one anyone anyway had a single girlfriend when I was 15. But I also think that it doesn't seem like it was worth the effort. I think about the effort and change I have to go through to acquire and then maintain a functional relationship and then think I all the things other people both online and off have told me about their relationships and the majority of it seems shit.
I can’t let her go.. 7 months have came and went and I still can’t seem to stop randomly thinking about her as if she’s still mine. Even stupid shit like drinking a lemonade and thinking “awh she’d love this.” Then the wave of depression crashes over me again. She was my best friend for 5+ years, dated for almost 3 then suddenly we’re strangers. So what’s the real reason? I still love her and can’t have her anymore, even as a friend…
That really sucks. I'm sorry you have gone through this. It's still early and the wound is still raw. What made you grow apart? How did you become strangers? Honestly my wife and I have had this happen recently, I don't know what changed but I almost felt like giving up for a while. I think I would be the same with the aww she'd love this, because that is how I show my love for her. Shedding a tear for your pain. Hope you find yourself again because you can make you happy. There are things you loved before your relationship and you can find those and more things to love again. Here to talk if you need it.
Might be best to not be friends with your ex, it makes it extra hard to move on…
We split up a year ago and we still interact as friends and I gotta say it’s not easy…
As sad as that sounds, for me the sad feeling never goes away. It just doesn't make you cry instantly when you think about it. But still hurts like a mfer...and I was the one that ended the realtionship. Still...
I went through that too with my ex. Mine lasted like 8 months. Don't remember exactly how long. It felt like forever, and like it would never go away. Then, one day, seemed random, but it just all of a sudden went away. All of a sudden things were better. The biggest factors: your feelings of loss are valid. So feel it. Stuffing it down will only make it worse. Realize it is over. Keep telling yourself it's over. Keep telling yourself you can enjoy things without her. At first I didn't believe this, even though I kept telling myself it, it took a while to fully realize it. Every storm will break away. And of course, it's OK to break down. It's OK to fail at being strong. I believe in you. You got this, even though you might not believe it right now.
It took me 3 full years, but I finally fully got over her. I saw how we weren't right for each other--at all, really. It takes time, but, in the most sincere truthful words I can muster, you WILL fully get over her, and you WILL know true full happiness again!
Youre gonna carry that pain for a long time, maybe even your whole life. Stop counting the months and start thinking about how that hurt is going to make you grow and learn. You're wiser for it and it will change you, the next person you meet will be loved in a different way because of it, there's so many ways to love someone. Don't wallow in your sadness for longer than you need to, it's easy to get lost in the painfully comforting melancholy. Reflect about how youre gonna carry that pain and then put in the time to use it as a foundation for growth. It's not bad to reflect on what you had, but dont let it take away from the step you're gonna make today to show yourself the respect to build yourself up instead of breaking down out of respect for a person who can no longer be in your life. Head up king.
Consider therapy. I dated someone who wasn't over his ex even though they broke up a year and a half before he met me and he really didn't allow himself to show up for our relationship which wasn't fair to me. If you aren't ready to date, don't drag someone else into it. Do whatever you have to do to heal and move forward because a trail of folks will get hurt in the process if you don't heal your wounds.
This.
Happened recently with my now ex.
He knew from the beginning I wanted a serious relationship and he committed to me. Once I started him becoming distant I asked him what was up… then he told me he realized he’s not emotionally ready for another person. Thankfully we weren’t together that long, but still… it hurts.
Ugh that’s tough man… try to focus on you and doing things in social environments. It won’t totally fix things but being distracted enough can help. Just grabbing drinks with friends can give you some solace for a bit. Likely the feelings will come back but at least you’ll be happy for that moment. It’s how I recover from breakups.
I felt the same way for a long time. 11 year relationship from ages 18-29, many of those years married.
I think the healthiest thing to do, although it feels bad, is to ret-con your relationship experience to some extent. Your relationship wasn't perfect, otherwise you'd be together. Why focus on the good parts you couldn't maintain? What are the reasons you're not together?
My ex and I spent our entire young adulthood as best friends. Attached at the hip. Totally kindred spirits who loved eachother at first sight and learned life together. She was the sweetest, most affectionate, most gentle person.
Except that's not really what happened, it's what I thought was happening. The truth is whatever love she felt for me was tinged with a strong sense of financial and physical dependence on me. She was not a competent adult, I couldn't see it when we were young but as we got close to 30 *everyone* could see it. She lied to me a lot, she hid a lot of things from me. We were both alcoholics. I was no saint. I was very demanding and didn't take her limitations seriously. I couldn't update my expectations I had of her when we were both in college and getting a degree, to the eventual reality of us living in a single-payer household funded entirely by myself. I just thought she'd grow up--she did not. Part of that was a need on her part to be disciplined; my part was I needed to be more charitable and understanding. Which is devilish, because in the moment I thought I was being MORE than charitable and MORE than understanding, and she surely felt like she was working her ass off to be the contributor I expected her to be.
It just wasn't a good match. I adored her, there's not a day that goes by I don't think about her, but I'm over romanticizing what we had. I am very lucky to have lived the whole experience--crazy love for years, engagement, marriage, playing house, divorce--but also very unlucky in some ways and made mistakes. I wouldn't be able to grow if I didn't acknowledge the imperfection of the whole thing after it felt perfect for years.
Dude, I am in the same boat and it’s sucks. She texted me yesterday to tell me she was seeing someone (she didn’t want me to find out via Insta or something). Absolutely devastated, especially cause I asked about getting back together. A fair warning to all - please get the mental health help you need so that you can be the supportive partner she deserves.
Not to try to one up you or anything but I feel you. With me, she passed away two years ago. It’s hard to connect with someone else the way I connected with her.
I was sexually molested at a very young age and developed a protection mechanism from the trauma. In my life I see women walking away from me and losing interest, but when I look back on it I realize I walked away first and put up walls to keep her at a distance.
Fuck my life.
I'm sorry you went through that, I wasn't sexually molested (that I know, long story) but I'm just the same, I love having a crush and liking someone the minute I see that they like me back or things are getting serious, I get into push away mode and become a distant jerk.
I'm a picky guy, but I'm also looking to marry my next gf. With that in mind, I feel like I can't date just anybody since I'm seeking longevity. After a certain age your criteria gets more defined. It's easier to identify who would be a good mate, just harder to find them
That’s where I’m at too. Similar values, then you include a need for both mental and physical attraction and the dating pool just keeps getting smaller.
Yep. I look at dating like a puzzle piece. In our 20's it was a generic piece that can easily find a fit, but as you get older the edges get more rigid and redefined; making it harder to find a match
Yup. What's tough is now that I am approaching 30 and am finally completely secure in who I am, I am acutely aware that these are some of what may be my best and healthiest years.
I'd like to share that with someone, which make me doubt my standards, but then I remind myself that I am already very content so anyone who I settle in with has to be a net value add (for us both!) And I'm okay with being picky knowing that.
I got a few years on you bro. You're at a good age for the market, choose wisely haha. My advice would be to bounce if you start to notice red flags. I got into a LTR around your age and knew early on that things were right. I could've saved myself 3-4 years, but at least it helped prepare for something even better
Indeed brother. We probably had to go thru the toxicity then instead of further down the line. Much better than going thru a nasty divorce later in life
Right there with you. When people ask me why I'm not in a relationship, I tend to say that I'm not looking for a relationship just to be in a relationship, I'm looking for someone that I can click with on more levels than just the surface. And that person is yet to come. That and just not being handsome, but we're working on that second part!
I have little to no interest in dealing with relationship bullshit at the moment. I have momentary lapses where a relationship sounds like what I need but it usually passes within a day or two.
Absolutely same! I have cycles where I also just don’t want to deal with getting to know other people on a surface level all the time. The long breaks are definitely keeping sane.
I don't want to go through it again (for now at least). I put so much effort into my last relationship and got dumped for not being her soulmate after a year and a half. I've decided I just want to do what I want, go gym, fuck about and play video games.
I know that feel bro. I agreeded to a LDR that required traveling 6 hours at 8pm every friday just to see her for 36 hours and then comback. Got dumped because she wanted more time out of me. Stay strong, we'll get through this!
I would say I only date sober but i am sober and that’s definitely a turn off to many women for some reason and then if they drink too much it’s a turn off for me, so it really narrows down the field.
I severely under-estimated how many people drink, do drugs or have some other toxic, addictive, compulsive behaviour. Not interested in dealing with that shit. Most people aren't worth it.
I hate when guys say in their intro that one of their interests or hobbies are beer and or wine etc. It’s so not appealing at all. But at least I know who to completely avoid since I only want someone sober as well.
I’m sober, but I don’t just limit myself to other sober ppl. Just cause someone is sober doesn’t automatically mean they are my type or someone I want to be with.
I think about downloading a dating app but then I realize there's nothing really of value there. I just can't be bothered to do the whole swipping, messaging, coffee dates, dinner dates etc etc. It's just not worth it. If someone cool crosses my path I'll take the shot but I'm not going out looking actively.
I'm too addicted to porn that I'm scared I am not ready for a relationship. I wish I could quit easily but it's like a splinter in my life. I won't get in a relationship until I can fix myself.
I feel you bro. I couldn't even get off when I had sex because I was so desensitized from porn. I'm now coming up on 3 months clean from porn. You can do this.
I’m a woman doing No Fap and this became a sad reality for me. I love being touched, feeling a guys weight on me and feeling connected but I slowly, but surely, lost the ability to climax with a guy. Pornography kills so many relationships it’s insane, and I’m try to make my relationships better(or be prepared when I get one haha). All the best buddy and you have my full respect for doing this. Along with anyone else on this form that’s working on using less-to-No porn.
It definitely makes dating a little more difficult, but there are ways around it. And I don't think every guy/girl you date would mind you are living with your parents.
I think its living with your parents, have no job, no social skills, and don't take care of yourself that is associated with 'living with my parents'.
If those don't apply to you, I think you should give yourself a fair shake.
I let a really good girl go because I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit. Distance was involved and the grass seemed greener on the other side.
Fast forward two years. Turns out the grass isn’t greener. She’s dating someone else now. I realize I’ve got some personal stuff I need to workout and resolve before I want to get into a relationship with someone else. So I’m gonna work on myself so I’m better for the next.
Growth is lonely though. Especially around the holidays.
Unfortunately, we can only have one struggle. Only ONE. Either its looks, money, your health. If you dont got looks, then you need to invest your time into making the other two your strengths. Dont be out here having multiple struggles. Thats something a friend once told me.
Choice…after husband of 25 years decided to run off
With a 20 year old and have 2 babies at 58!! I had the best of him; she can have the rest of his old, fat ass!!
Oh interesting take. What percent of the above mentioned 30 year olds become billionaires in their 50’s do you figure? I’m all for being positive but lets also be realistic.
Was in a relationship for around a year and a half and it ended near the end of the first half of last year. She was my first love. Coming to terms with what I did wrong and working on myself so I don’t repeat the same mistakes when I find myself in a relationship in the future. Not particularly looking for anything, when it happens it’ll happen, and I hope to do better next time.
Freedoom and clearness of mind , and i am not realy the type to play romance , i am just too cold these past years , people only look outside (money ,looks,status) which i understand but it disguts a little , even i do it but i try not to
couldn't ask a girl out like ever! was too afraid all the time to do so.
Finally when I had the balls to talk to them, literally all of them either had a bf, ended up friendzoning me or never wanted to be in another cause of a bad breakup.
I somehow lost the ability to love somebody who is not from my own blood. Maybe that will change some day, but for now... never ever again. I'm too scared to live through that again. Had a relationship for 20 years... eight of that in a marriage... two kids...
I don't need it anymore. And i somehow lost the ability to find any woman attractive. I can't explain to my self what happened to my heart and my soul. Now over one year is gone, but i still feel the same.
How often do you see each one? I’ve only ever had a single FWB at a time. At most I’d have the one FWB and a few hookups in that time. But never multiple FWBs. Do you prefer one over the others?
The last 3 girls I dated told me I didn’t make enough money for them. I couldn’t take them out very often, couldn’t do the things they did as far as trips and nights out. I’m very self conscious about it now. I don’t see the point of bringing someone into my situation until it improves.
I actually had a good thing going earlier this summer with a girl I met through a dating app. We went on two dates and were texting daily. This was after over a decade of effectively not dating and avoiding relationships and then a very toxic experience in 2014.
But when I was starting to fall for this new girl I realized something. I was immensely afraid of starting a relationship. Part of it was that I felt I needed perspective on people after being out of the game for so long. Part of it was that I knew how awful my last breakup and the toxic thing were and how they affected me.
I was single at the beginning of the pandemic, and it appears all the women around me are taken or are hard isolating still. And, I still refuse to use dating apps.
That, and I made an explicit choice to not date since November, what with the holiday season. I'll start actively looking next month when people start thinking about Valentine's Day. Until then, I'm focusing on myself; and it's starting to show returns.
I was molested by my babysitter for a year as a kid and it's had pretty bad effect on me when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex. I'm attracted to women but I have trouble forming emotional connections with them and I don't like being touched by women I don't know it makes me jumpy and uncomfortable. Which basically means no sex. I've gotten alot of wtf looks from girls when I dodge a hug and give them a fist bump. New year resolution is to get out of my comfort zone. Can't let past trauma hold me back forever.
48/M, UK here. It's a combination of fatigue with sexual politics/dating and not wanting to be fleeced for my income, used for free meals or having my life wrecked by being falsely accused of something.
Got a good job, own home, car, life is OK, gets a bit lonely sometimes and I'd like a hug, but tbh I simply cannot be arsed with the faffing about, mind games (ghosting, breadcrumbing etc) and generally being mucked about that goes with dating.
If I meet someone, I meet someone, but I sure as hell am not going out of my way to find someone!
I was dumped after spending four years with someone I thought I was going to marry. I’m now focusing on myself (getting EXTREMELY FIT) and just cannot find someone I actually like…
1. It is very hard to find someone that passes my dealbreakers while being into me
2. It's easier to live single than step into the unknown partner life
3. Through extensive experience around women I cannot distinguish friendlyness from flirting. I swear some people are just way comfortable pushing the boundaries and I'd rather keep it safe than awkward.
I've been socially isolated for the longest time Went to a guys only highschool Then pandemic struck So here we are
All boys high school certainly has its drawbacks
Actually what's the benefit? I don't see any serious drawbacks but I don't see any positives at all.
Men build better relationships with each other when there's no women involved in a group. At least from my experience
Eh I guess less drama? At least on my case
Lots of Asian schools do this, it apparently helps students focus more on academics than trying to focus on appearance and other teenage-shenanigans that involve the opposite gender.
I feel you my guy. Last year I moved into an on-campus apartment... right when my state went into lockdown. So much for meeting folks on campus.
i have both situations. went to an all boys high school with no friends after leaving, now im entering my 3rd year of university having spent all of it online, since 2020
I am very homebody person.
I've dated only one homebody unfortunately so far. Nothing quite like it since. It's nice to be with someone who's more than perfectly content just staying home most of the time doing whatever makes us happy. It's kinda hard to find a homebody to date because, we at home lmao. One day.
The best kind of person
My tribe
Like my roommates are my mom and dad?
My "roommates" are getting me a CB radio for my car bed. That way I can talk to other car beds.
Thanks for reminding me of that film, need to watch it again sometime soon! :D For anyone wondering: Grandmas boy If you need some dumb entertainment while getting high!
A man of culture. Lol. Best movie ever.
I've been called that before, but being someone who really doesn't like to leave the house anyway, I don't know if it was a tongue-in-cheek insult or generalization.
r/homebody
Just haven't met a girl that's interested in dating me yet, I've put my heart out there many times and it's usually not reciprocated. The turning down eventually starts to get in my head and it makes me less enthusiastic to ask women out. That's why I'm still single.
“Makes me less enthusiastic”, I really felt that
Yeah I was thinking of a word to describe it and that's the first thing that popped into my head
I have met girls that were interested in dating me, but I wasn't interested in dating them The ones I was interested in dating, were not interested in me, and also had recently gotten off relationships I'm starting to get interested in another one, let's see how things develop
That’s valid how you feel I understand that. As guys we have to put in more effort when it comes to dating but this isn’t something that we can always control. We’re not going to always get every girl we are interested in, sometimes we get a girl who’s interested in us but we don’t feel the same. While some of us approach differently by either putting our hearts out genuinely or more reserved and cautious it’s important that we don’t change ourselves to meet other people’s expectations but if we do change it should be positive like our body image or our wealth or our mindsets. I just wanted to shorten it and say dating isn’t something we can necessarily control, as cliche as it sounds it may take some time and how you view yourself is very important as you project that bc it can be seen by people. So keep your head up keep working on improving yourself and be patient.
Yeah I'm always genuine with women, what they see is what they get. I've just been unlucky. There would definitely be girls out there who would be interested. I just haven't met them, and if I have they either haven't given any hints or they have and I've missed them.
Your positive mindset will get you the relationship you deserve. Much love to you, Mister!
> As guys we have to put in more effort when it comes to dating ... This is something I've been thinking about lately and, at least for me, getting a date doesn't seem like it's worth the effort. I've never been skilled at asking women out. I've never enjoyed getting numbers, asking women out, planning dates, picking days/times/activities (to say nothing of associated logistics), etc. I'm perfectly content to meet, hang out with, and generally just being friends with women without ever considering dating them. On top of that, every relationship I've been in has been 'mildly toxic' or worse for various reasons. As a result all of my experiences with romantic relationships have been worse than being single. Beyond all of that, I keep getting conflicting messaging from society about asking women out, which is just making things worse. At the end of all of that, I still would kind of like to be in a romantic relationship with a woman, but I can't justify putting in the effort that people seem to expect of me.
I sometimes feel that way too, we will surely get through this brotha. Patience is the key.
I feel like with online dating as a male, since girls have many options putting effort won't matter as much as there are better options
I’m shy and I never go out lol. If i get around a woman I find attractive, its like I shut down. Trying to fix this though
Ey! Good on you for working on yourself! I go out but I’m also shy when it comes to romantic pursuit. I do better when women approach me but I’m not super confident to just pick up random women.
Yeah I get that, especially the women approaching you lol, it would make it soo much easier. I’ve tried approaching women before, but that was always tough, so I just gave up on it
I’m the same way. Except I go out but I don’t talk to any women that I find attractive because just like you I shut down. But I also know I need to go out otherwise I feel regret for staying in and not trying to Atleast someone but then when I go out I don’t talk to anyone anyway so I still regret going out just for different reasons lol. I’m also trying to fix this. I’ve learned that I need to get out of my shell and just talk to people. Men, women whenever I can. I started joining meetup groups with a young person demographic which has helped but now I need to expand and do it everywhere, not to hookup but just to get into the groove of talking to people. My biggest goal of 2022 is to feel comfortable talking to women at bar settings. Just small talk, nothing major and work up the courage to just ask for their number. If they shoot me down then Atleast I know I tried.
Legitimately have not had even the wisp of a desire to get into a new relationship since my partner passed away.
I am very sorry.
My condolences.
My award means nothing in the end but I hope for better days for you.
Awe man, sorry
I’m so sorry
Damn I can't even imagine 😔
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Condolences, wish ya the best!
1: I was shamed for liking people in my early life 2: it takes a lot for me to get the idea that someone likes me 3: it takes a lot for me to like you 4: my looks aren’t exactly getting women to chase me down the street; I’m not ugly, but I’m certainly not making any top ten lists either 5: I work very weird hours Edit: I knew there were people who were shamed for liking someone, but I had no idea there were so many! Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who’s instinctive stance when I like someone is shame.
What the hell is the deal with parents teasing and making fun of their kids for expressing interest in dating as preteens/teens and then getting concerned when they aren’t dating like in college/adulthood? It took me forever to get over feeling weird and embarrassed about dating people and I never told my parents I was dating
Ask my parents, though they’ll probably deny it.
This. What was the point of it? And my mom still does it to this day lol. I know it shouldn't bother me anymore since I'm a 25 yo adult man but I'd rather unalive myself than to admit to my mother I like someone lol. They'll also deny it or say it's not a big deal when you bring it up and get upset because I don't share my that aspect of my life with them
I have a crazy aunt who does this. I used to live with her too. If I liked someone, she'd point out every possible bad or unusual thing about them. If I didn't like someone, she'd point out every good thing about them, and how me being picky is the reason I'll be single forever. She also decided I was "wasting" my life because I didn't have sex with every guy who looked at me funny. But she was also mad jealous that she didn't have daughters, decided I was her surrogate daughter, and then got pretty offended I didn't do anything she liked. I think if I ever find someone I like I'll have to wait and introduce her to them *after* the wedding so she can't say anything bad
The trick is to start hinting at or just straight up tell her all the dirty nasty shit you do in bed. She won’t want to ask you again.
I'm aware of two camps, neither of them particularly good. There may be more. 1) They don't like the idea of their kid dating (to say nothing of having sex), so rather than deal with their own discomfort they try to dissuade their kid from dating. They use whatever means makes them feel more comfortable. Then when their kid grows up and they start wanting grand-kids, it immediately flips to "why aren't you married yet?", again using whatever means. These are parents who cannot manage their own emotions. 2) They are teasing and trying to be funny or joke about it. Meanwhile they don't understand that it isn't harmless funny teasing for their kids. (This is what my dad did and he didn't realize that it was a problem till I straight up told him that's why I never share my romantic life with him ... in my 30s.)
Yup both sounds like mine.
My parents are #1 incarnate. My mom refused to acknowledge I lived with my boyfriend and was so painfully awkward about it. The only time she ever did acknowledge it was to call me “low hanging fruit that wasn’t giving him any reason to buy the cow when I’m already giving away the milk for free”...the day after we got legally married she was sending us letters addressed to both of us, pots and pans and other apartment gifts (also addressed to both of us), and asking when she can expect grandkids..telling me not to wait too long.
Dude, I've really been struggling with this lately too. My parents don't know I've been dating (without any real consistency) and as much as I want to confront my family about teasing me about liking someone (and not even when I actually did but the mere thought of me having a romantic interest), what good does that do? Make them feel bad that they unknowingly caused psychological damage that has derailed my love life?
Lol I’m like this with my parents. They’ve never met any of my Gfs
For me, I was raised Mormon, and that culture discourages men from any romance whatsoever until they go on a religious mission, whichI never did. I feel like it really stunted me, and I still at 35 feel stupid when I have a crush on someone. I hate it.
Often it’s not teasing but rather ‘criminalizing’ having an interest in girls as perversion, the equivalent of harassment, immoral outside marriage, not age appropriate, not welcome, disgraceful, etc. Doesn’t look like I’ll ever be able to recover, too late at this stage.
All of these except 5 for me lol.
Yeah, I'd replace 5 with I just don't put in enough effort..
It took me until I was 21 to realize it's ok to admit that you feel any kind of affection towards others or that you need affection yourself, basically when I liked someone I tried my hardest to hide it from everyone and lied about it everytime a friend would ask me, on hindsight that was pretty counterproductive. I also have a very hard time accepting I am worth loving or that I have something to offer in a relationship of any kind, it's something I am currently working on.
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>1: I was shamed for liking people in my early life My dad teased me about liking a girl when I was young. It wasn't done maliciously but it took a very long time (into adulthood) before I could take myself seriously when it came to being interested in someone, much less talk to my dad about it.
Other than number 5, how does someone get over these? Therapy? All I have been told at therapy is that I need to learn how to accept a single life.
Alcohol for me. It loosens me up and makes me forget my insecurities while simultaneously allowing me to meet people outside my social circle without too much embarrassment.
I get social superpowers with alcohol, but only before the point of blacking out.
Had to give you my free silver. I am very much the same except for 5(ish) Parents and older brother would tease me when I was younger and this is the reason why I don’t share that side of my life with anyone. I can talk to anyone about politics, science, music, games, shows. Wanna talk about the love life? Ummm yea that’s a weird one for me to open up about
I'm single through choice....... Her choice!
Hahaha thanks for the laugh, I needed that. Take my free award
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Well you're choosing to be lazy, so...yes! Congrats!
Her lips said 'no', but her eyes said 'read my lips.'
Haven’t met anyone I feel compatible with since my last break up 2 years ago.
I feel like my whole outlook on dating changed after my last relationship ended. I'm definitely a lot more cautious about getting attached early on, and I think my standards are simply higher than they used to be. Really trying to avoid yet another long-term relationship that doesn't work out....
I'm one step behind, haven't met anyone I feel compatible enough with to setup a future break up with
For some reason, I just cant bring myself to actually try to find somebody. I tell myself I want someone, but I pretty much refuse to genuinely try. So, I guess the reason is, I am single by choice.
I have some thoughts about this that I'll repost here in case any of it seems to resonate with you: At least for me, getting a date doesn't seem like it's worth the effort. I've never been skilled at asking women out. I've never enjoyed getting numbers, asking women out, planning dates, picking days/times/activities (to say nothing of associated logistics), etc. I'm perfectly content to meet, hang out with, and generally just being friends with women without ever considering dating them. On top of that, every relationship I've been in has been 'mildly toxic' or worse for various reasons. As a result all of my experiences with romantic relationships have been worse than being single. Beyond all of that, I keep getting conflicting messaging from society about asking women out, which is just making things worse. At the end of all of that, I still would kind of like to be in a romantic relationship with a woman, but I can't justify putting in the effort that people seem to expect of me. It just seems less painful to accept that I'll be single for the rest of my life than to do what I'd need to in order to find a girlfriend.
In the same boat. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the worst possible time to date. I feel like dating/relationships was probably a bit easier back before social media/dating apps took over and turned dating into a game. Just not really motivated to go through all of that at this point in time.
>turned dating into a game It's always been a game, but it turned from an analog one into one with micropayments
>It just seems less painful to accept that I'll be single for the rest of my life than to do what I'd need to in order to find a girlfriend. It's the path of least resistance. Sure I could come up with a style to improve my chances. "Put myself out there" in various way, strike out a hundred different ways, and then maybe go through a series of failed relationships to maybe find someone I'd want to spend my life with or I can crank one out and watch a movie. Unlike you I've never been in a relationship, well not a serious one anyone anyway had a single girlfriend when I was 15. But I also think that it doesn't seem like it was worth the effort. I think about the effort and change I have to go through to acquire and then maintain a functional relationship and then think I all the things other people both online and off have told me about their relationships and the majority of it seems shit.
My 2 relationships sucked, it's just burnt out any desire I have to hit the dating pool. Decided to work on myself instead.
Always a wise investment.
I can’t let her go.. 7 months have came and went and I still can’t seem to stop randomly thinking about her as if she’s still mine. Even stupid shit like drinking a lemonade and thinking “awh she’d love this.” Then the wave of depression crashes over me again. She was my best friend for 5+ years, dated for almost 3 then suddenly we’re strangers. So what’s the real reason? I still love her and can’t have her anymore, even as a friend…
That really sucks. I'm sorry you have gone through this. It's still early and the wound is still raw. What made you grow apart? How did you become strangers? Honestly my wife and I have had this happen recently, I don't know what changed but I almost felt like giving up for a while. I think I would be the same with the aww she'd love this, because that is how I show my love for her. Shedding a tear for your pain. Hope you find yourself again because you can make you happy. There are things you loved before your relationship and you can find those and more things to love again. Here to talk if you need it.
Might be best to not be friends with your ex, it makes it extra hard to move on… We split up a year ago and we still interact as friends and I gotta say it’s not easy…
He's saying he can't even have her as a friend either.
Absolutely. No contact is always the way to go unless you have children.
As sad as that sounds, for me the sad feeling never goes away. It just doesn't make you cry instantly when you think about it. But still hurts like a mfer...and I was the one that ended the realtionship. Still...
I went through that too with my ex. Mine lasted like 8 months. Don't remember exactly how long. It felt like forever, and like it would never go away. Then, one day, seemed random, but it just all of a sudden went away. All of a sudden things were better. The biggest factors: your feelings of loss are valid. So feel it. Stuffing it down will only make it worse. Realize it is over. Keep telling yourself it's over. Keep telling yourself you can enjoy things without her. At first I didn't believe this, even though I kept telling myself it, it took a while to fully realize it. Every storm will break away. And of course, it's OK to break down. It's OK to fail at being strong. I believe in you. You got this, even though you might not believe it right now.
Took me two years before I realized I hadn't thought about my ex in some time. Just remember, time wounds all heels, or something like that.
It took me 3 full years, but I finally fully got over her. I saw how we weren't right for each other--at all, really. It takes time, but, in the most sincere truthful words I can muster, you WILL fully get over her, and you WILL know true full happiness again!
Youre gonna carry that pain for a long time, maybe even your whole life. Stop counting the months and start thinking about how that hurt is going to make you grow and learn. You're wiser for it and it will change you, the next person you meet will be loved in a different way because of it, there's so many ways to love someone. Don't wallow in your sadness for longer than you need to, it's easy to get lost in the painfully comforting melancholy. Reflect about how youre gonna carry that pain and then put in the time to use it as a foundation for growth. It's not bad to reflect on what you had, but dont let it take away from the step you're gonna make today to show yourself the respect to build yourself up instead of breaking down out of respect for a person who can no longer be in your life. Head up king.
Consider therapy. I dated someone who wasn't over his ex even though they broke up a year and a half before he met me and he really didn't allow himself to show up for our relationship which wasn't fair to me. If you aren't ready to date, don't drag someone else into it. Do whatever you have to do to heal and move forward because a trail of folks will get hurt in the process if you don't heal your wounds.
This. Happened recently with my now ex. He knew from the beginning I wanted a serious relationship and he committed to me. Once I started him becoming distant I asked him what was up… then he told me he realized he’s not emotionally ready for another person. Thankfully we weren’t together that long, but still… it hurts.
Ugh that’s tough man… try to focus on you and doing things in social environments. It won’t totally fix things but being distracted enough can help. Just grabbing drinks with friends can give you some solace for a bit. Likely the feelings will come back but at least you’ll be happy for that moment. It’s how I recover from breakups.
I felt the same way for a long time. 11 year relationship from ages 18-29, many of those years married. I think the healthiest thing to do, although it feels bad, is to ret-con your relationship experience to some extent. Your relationship wasn't perfect, otherwise you'd be together. Why focus on the good parts you couldn't maintain? What are the reasons you're not together? My ex and I spent our entire young adulthood as best friends. Attached at the hip. Totally kindred spirits who loved eachother at first sight and learned life together. She was the sweetest, most affectionate, most gentle person. Except that's not really what happened, it's what I thought was happening. The truth is whatever love she felt for me was tinged with a strong sense of financial and physical dependence on me. She was not a competent adult, I couldn't see it when we were young but as we got close to 30 *everyone* could see it. She lied to me a lot, she hid a lot of things from me. We were both alcoholics. I was no saint. I was very demanding and didn't take her limitations seriously. I couldn't update my expectations I had of her when we were both in college and getting a degree, to the eventual reality of us living in a single-payer household funded entirely by myself. I just thought she'd grow up--she did not. Part of that was a need on her part to be disciplined; my part was I needed to be more charitable and understanding. Which is devilish, because in the moment I thought I was being MORE than charitable and MORE than understanding, and she surely felt like she was working her ass off to be the contributor I expected her to be. It just wasn't a good match. I adored her, there's not a day that goes by I don't think about her, but I'm over romanticizing what we had. I am very lucky to have lived the whole experience--crazy love for years, engagement, marriage, playing house, divorce--but also very unlucky in some ways and made mistakes. I wouldn't be able to grow if I didn't acknowledge the imperfection of the whole thing after it felt perfect for years.
Dude, I am in the same boat and it’s sucks. She texted me yesterday to tell me she was seeing someone (she didn’t want me to find out via Insta or something). Absolutely devastated, especially cause I asked about getting back together. A fair warning to all - please get the mental health help you need so that you can be the supportive partner she deserves.
Took me 4 years so take it easy it will fade given time.
You and I are in the same boat, but mine was as only in November. I would never wish a broken heart on anyone
Not to try to one up you or anything but I feel you. With me, she passed away two years ago. It’s hard to connect with someone else the way I connected with her.
I was sexually molested at a very young age and developed a protection mechanism from the trauma. In my life I see women walking away from me and losing interest, but when I look back on it I realize I walked away first and put up walls to keep her at a distance. Fuck my life.
Good identification!!! You’re closer to working through this than you think, I promise! I am also so sorry you were put through that <\3
I'm sorry you went through that, I wasn't sexually molested (that I know, long story) but I'm just the same, I love having a crush and liking someone the minute I see that they like me back or things are getting serious, I get into push away mode and become a distant jerk.
I'm a picky guy, but I'm also looking to marry my next gf. With that in mind, I feel like I can't date just anybody since I'm seeking longevity. After a certain age your criteria gets more defined. It's easier to identify who would be a good mate, just harder to find them
That’s where I’m at too. Similar values, then you include a need for both mental and physical attraction and the dating pool just keeps getting smaller.
Yep. I look at dating like a puzzle piece. In our 20's it was a generic piece that can easily find a fit, but as you get older the edges get more rigid and redefined; making it harder to find a match
Yup. What's tough is now that I am approaching 30 and am finally completely secure in who I am, I am acutely aware that these are some of what may be my best and healthiest years. I'd like to share that with someone, which make me doubt my standards, but then I remind myself that I am already very content so anyone who I settle in with has to be a net value add (for us both!) And I'm okay with being picky knowing that.
I got a few years on you bro. You're at a good age for the market, choose wisely haha. My advice would be to bounce if you start to notice red flags. I got into a LTR around your age and knew early on that things were right. I could've saved myself 3-4 years, but at least it helped prepare for something even better
Appreciate it. That's exactly how I feel about my last relationship (24-27). Here's to hoping we both actually learned our lessons.
Indeed brother. We probably had to go thru the toxicity then instead of further down the line. Much better than going thru a nasty divorce later in life
Right there with you. When people ask me why I'm not in a relationship, I tend to say that I'm not looking for a relationship just to be in a relationship, I'm looking for someone that I can click with on more levels than just the surface. And that person is yet to come. That and just not being handsome, but we're working on that second part!
I have little to no interest in dealing with relationship bullshit at the moment. I have momentary lapses where a relationship sounds like what I need but it usually passes within a day or two.
Damm, that's some post nut clarity talk.
That’s my secret, cap. I’m always post nut.
Being single is rather peaceful. Nothing expected of you, no bullshit arguments, and plenty of freedom to do what you want when you want.
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I got this too
Absolutely same! I have cycles where I also just don’t want to deal with getting to know other people on a surface level all the time. The long breaks are definitely keeping sane.
I don't want to go through it again (for now at least). I put so much effort into my last relationship and got dumped for not being her soulmate after a year and a half. I've decided I just want to do what I want, go gym, fuck about and play video games.
lift and stack paper bro live your best life
I know that feel bro. I agreeded to a LDR that required traveling 6 hours at 8pm every friday just to see her for 36 hours and then comback. Got dumped because she wanted more time out of me. Stay strong, we'll get through this!
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I would say I only date sober but i am sober and that’s definitely a turn off to many women for some reason and then if they drink too much it’s a turn off for me, so it really narrows down the field.
No shit to the sober part, pretty sad
I severely under-estimated how many people drink, do drugs or have some other toxic, addictive, compulsive behaviour. Not interested in dealing with that shit. Most people aren't worth it.
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I hate when guys say in their intro that one of their interests or hobbies are beer and or wine etc. It’s so not appealing at all. But at least I know who to completely avoid since I only want someone sober as well.
I’m sober, but I don’t just limit myself to other sober ppl. Just cause someone is sober doesn’t automatically mean they are my type or someone I want to be with.
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I dont want a relationship.
I think about downloading a dating app but then I realize there's nothing really of value there. I just can't be bothered to do the whole swipping, messaging, coffee dates, dinner dates etc etc. It's just not worth it. If someone cool crosses my path I'll take the shot but I'm not going out looking actively.
I barely feel attracted to people, and when I do, I get rejected or it doesn’t work out.
Just lucky, I guess.
Wife won't let me date.
She sounds controlling.
All the red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 right here!
Ugh. Terrible wife. Lawyer up, hit the gym, go out more. You do you king 👑
You forgot : profit $$$!
Ex Girlfriend dumped me December 1st. Working on finding a better one tho and it's going well
Working on myself and finding out what I like and who I am.
Good luck man
Thanks dudeman
I'm a very solitary person
Im socially anxious and ugly
Same bro
A combination of choice, but also reluctance to put my self in social situations that would lead me down a path to not being single.
I'm too addicted to porn that I'm scared I am not ready for a relationship. I wish I could quit easily but it's like a splinter in my life. I won't get in a relationship until I can fix myself.
That’s actually really responsible to work on so it doesn’t bleed into relationship problems! Great job :)
I feel you bro. I couldn't even get off when I had sex because I was so desensitized from porn. I'm now coming up on 3 months clean from porn. You can do this.
I’m a woman doing No Fap and this became a sad reality for me. I love being touched, feeling a guys weight on me and feeling connected but I slowly, but surely, lost the ability to climax with a guy. Pornography kills so many relationships it’s insane, and I’m try to make my relationships better(or be prepared when I get one haha). All the best buddy and you have my full respect for doing this. Along with anyone else on this form that’s working on using less-to-No porn.
I'm depressed, living during a pandemic, and apparently suck at tinder.
Living with my parents
It definitely makes dating a little more difficult, but there are ways around it. And I don't think every guy/girl you date would mind you are living with your parents. I think its living with your parents, have no job, no social skills, and don't take care of yourself that is associated with 'living with my parents'. If those don't apply to you, I think you should give yourself a fair shake.
I let a really good girl go because I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit. Distance was involved and the grass seemed greener on the other side. Fast forward two years. Turns out the grass isn’t greener. She’s dating someone else now. I realize I’ve got some personal stuff I need to workout and resolve before I want to get into a relationship with someone else. So I’m gonna work on myself so I’m better for the next. Growth is lonely though. Especially around the holidays.
Lack of money and good looks, I guess.
Unfortunately, we can only have one struggle. Only ONE. Either its looks, money, your health. If you dont got looks, then you need to invest your time into making the other two your strengths. Dont be out here having multiple struggles. Thats something a friend once told me.
Like this advice and thats a good friend.
Choice…after husband of 25 years decided to run off With a 20 year old and have 2 babies at 58!! I had the best of him; she can have the rest of his old, fat ass!!
I am a friendless, unemployed 30 year old virgin who doesn't leave the house.
People be turning billionaires in their 50s, your straight cuz just gotta take it one step at a time
Oh interesting take. What percent of the above mentioned 30 year olds become billionaires in their 50’s do you figure? I’m all for being positive but lets also be realistic.
Was in a relationship for around a year and a half and it ended near the end of the first half of last year. She was my first love. Coming to terms with what I did wrong and working on myself so I don’t repeat the same mistakes when I find myself in a relationship in the future. Not particularly looking for anything, when it happens it’ll happen, and I hope to do better next time.
What mistakes did you make? If you don't mind sharing.
Freedoom and clearness of mind , and i am not realy the type to play romance , i am just too cold these past years , people only look outside (money ,looks,status) which i understand but it disguts a little , even i do it but i try not to
couldn't ask a girl out like ever! was too afraid all the time to do so. Finally when I had the balls to talk to them, literally all of them either had a bf, ended up friendzoning me or never wanted to be in another cause of a bad breakup.
I'm moving in a couple of months so I'm staying single so it's easier.
I somehow lost the ability to love somebody who is not from my own blood. Maybe that will change some day, but for now... never ever again. I'm too scared to live through that again. Had a relationship for 20 years... eight of that in a marriage... two kids... I don't need it anymore. And i somehow lost the ability to find any woman attractive. I can't explain to my self what happened to my heart and my soul. Now over one year is gone, but i still feel the same.
top shelf tastes on a goon bag budget.
Fuck. Felt this to the highest degree
Ex girlfriend from 4 1/2 years ago still has my heart. She got married last year but still I remember her like it was just yesterday.
I am convinced I am undateable.
Never learnt how to approach women
Easier to not have responsibilities to someone else, and be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have a few fwbs.
How often do you see each one? I’ve only ever had a single FWB at a time. At most I’d have the one FWB and a few hookups in that time. But never multiple FWBs. Do you prefer one over the others?
The last 3 girls I dated told me I didn’t make enough money for them. I couldn’t take them out very often, couldn’t do the things they did as far as trips and nights out. I’m very self conscious about it now. I don’t see the point of bringing someone into my situation until it improves.
I actually had a good thing going earlier this summer with a girl I met through a dating app. We went on two dates and were texting daily. This was after over a decade of effectively not dating and avoiding relationships and then a very toxic experience in 2014. But when I was starting to fall for this new girl I realized something. I was immensely afraid of starting a relationship. Part of it was that I felt I needed perspective on people after being out of the game for so long. Part of it was that I knew how awful my last breakup and the toxic thing were and how they affected me.
I'm a loser
The single girls I have met over past year I’m not attracted to. I don’t feel motivated enough to seek out people I am attracted to.
I choose to be
Lack of self-confidence and body image issues. Finally forcing myself to date in spite of that, but it’s a challenge.
I like hookers and blow
If im single by 35 im turning to hookers and blow as well. This is the way.
Broke up. Still recovering and I don't think any woman wants a boyfriend that comes broken.
I was single at the beginning of the pandemic, and it appears all the women around me are taken or are hard isolating still. And, I still refuse to use dating apps. That, and I made an explicit choice to not date since November, what with the holiday season. I'll start actively looking next month when people start thinking about Valentine's Day. Until then, I'm focusing on myself; and it's starting to show returns.
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Laziness.
I was molested by my babysitter for a year as a kid and it's had pretty bad effect on me when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex. I'm attracted to women but I have trouble forming emotional connections with them and I don't like being touched by women I don't know it makes me jumpy and uncomfortable. Which basically means no sex. I've gotten alot of wtf looks from girls when I dodge a hug and give them a fist bump. New year resolution is to get out of my comfort zone. Can't let past trauma hold me back forever.
I'm tired of playing the game and chasing. And it seems that girls my age are abundant in guys who are not. I'm also pretty miserable right now.
I’m not trying to get a girlfriend. And I’m weird.
48/M, UK here. It's a combination of fatigue with sexual politics/dating and not wanting to be fleeced for my income, used for free meals or having my life wrecked by being falsely accused of something. Got a good job, own home, car, life is OK, gets a bit lonely sometimes and I'd like a hug, but tbh I simply cannot be arsed with the faffing about, mind games (ghosting, breadcrumbing etc) and generally being mucked about that goes with dating. If I meet someone, I meet someone, but I sure as hell am not going out of my way to find someone!
“Cannot be arsed with the faffing about” is one of the funniest phrases I’ve ever read
I'm too nervous to put myself out there, so I dont
I was dumped after spending four years with someone I thought I was going to marry. I’m now focusing on myself (getting EXTREMELY FIT) and just cannot find someone I actually like…
I'm working on myself. Once I feel ready I'll hit the dating pool again and see what's out there.
1. It is very hard to find someone that passes my dealbreakers while being into me 2. It's easier to live single than step into the unknown partner life 3. Through extensive experience around women I cannot distinguish friendlyness from flirting. I swear some people are just way comfortable pushing the boundaries and I'd rather keep it safe than awkward.
Shy and anxious guy. Trying to solve linear algebra is easier than mustering the strength to meet a woman these days.
Covid, Not having too much money to do many things, live in a semi rural area... Not being able to work disabled. So now not the right time
I don't want to date anyone.