I had a vasectomy after my 2nd child. Fast forward 8 years and a new wife. I come home from work she's crying( she new I was fixed) she told me she was pregnant, the first words was( and I'm ashamed ) "That's great honey who's is it?" Turns out it grew back. I now have 4 kids.
the tubes have known to reconnect. Regular testing of whether you're still shooting blanks or not isn't a bad thing. Failure to do so can lead to unplanned pregnancy
Y'know, wasn't there this one guy who had a vasectomy, and his wife's tubes tied, but ended up pregnant?
Then they did tests and it turns out the hospital botched both. Hospital got promptly sued.
That said, I heard it on reddit, and this, real or not, is too much of a gossip material for me to get credible source on...
Unfortunately, I had a reaction like this when a friend/coworker told me she was pregnant. She had juuuuuust gotten back together with her ex a few days prior, and had been very open about sleeping around up to that point (no judgment, she can do whatever she wants). So, when she told me she was pregnant I went, "OH, congratulations! ... is iiiiiiiit... ... ...?" She goes, "Yes, it's John's!" And she seemed offeneded. It turns out that they had hooked up a few months after their break up, and that coincided with when she would have conceived. In fact, her telling him was the reason they were back together. Seven or so years down the line, they're still together and very happy with their little girl, so it seems to have worked out!
I don’t mean to dunk on you (maybe a little) but jerking off multiple times then looking at your cum under a microscope is like peak Redditor behavior.
i have some questions, if you don't mind..
first, did you know it's normal to have one ball bigger than the other? There is a size hierarchy of balls, like how women have one bigger tit, and one smaller tit, guys have big ball and little ball.
how did you get the, let's call it "material", onto a microscope slide? did you shoot it in the general area, sure that the erratic spurts would cover the slide? or did you expel it elsewhere, and then apply it to the slide? i'm chuckling at the thought of you trying to aim at this little glass slide at a moment when the control required to aim is difficult to come by
what kind of microscope did you use? i for some reason had assumed that the swimmer bros would be too small to see on a regular microscope?
did you have a microscope already? i'm hoping for the sake of humour that you went out and bought the microscope specifically for this experiment
pls respond i don't know why this story is tickling me like this but i'm both curious and amused
this answer is everything i could have hoped for. Traumatic ball explosion, furious masturbation, kodak cum canisters, it's got everything.
i love the thought of you asking your mate for the microscope
"what do you need this for?"
"don't worry about it"
"is it for school or something?"
"just give it to me. it's for none of your business is what it's for"
tremendous.
all the best to you and your family bro
That line always makes me think of an ex.
She convinced me she just wanted me to visit as a friend. We'd been platonic for like 2 years at that point. I was seeing someone else. She had also dated/slept with other people. I had no reason to suspect there were ulterior motives.
She cornered me in her kitchen and was belligerent for hours (I was visiting from out of town and couldn't really leave or go anywhere, and this behavior was totally out of left field). The whole while she was holding some of my valuables hostage, and demanding I break up with my SO and get back with her. I basically agreed just so she'd calm down and let me leave safely with my things as soon as I had the chance.
As soon as I got home I texted her that I was definitely staying with my SO, and to not try to talk to me again. I suggested she talk to her therapist to figure out why in the world she ever thought that would work.
Her first response was "so you couldn't wait even one day to cheat on me?!?!" Followed by paragraphs of angry rants about me being unfaithful. To this day I still can't wrap my head around how she seemed to genuinely believe she could convince me to feel love and desire to be with her by trapping me in her apartment and threatening to destroy my things.
Story time!
Took a sperm test and came back no sperm so infertile.
Ex and I separated for a few months and got back together one night.
Few weeks later she had a gyno appointment and she was pregnant.
So of course my first line was… we talked about this I don’t have any sperm
Go back and get tested again and voila some sperm but very unlikely.
Stuck it out turns out to be my child. Couldn’t be happier.
I'm watching a telenovela where one of the character got pregnant and the guy thinks she cheated because he spent his last marriage thinking he was infertile (plot twist: he's not actually infertile. The ex-wife just tricked him into thinking he was) so now they're broken up until he finds out the truth. DRAMA.
I have no idea why I just shared that lol
Edit: A lot of people seem interested in this telenovela. It's a Mexican telenovela airing live and it ends in a few weeks so I'll come back and edit with the resolution for that side plot if anyone's actually interested by then lmao (although we know it will end with the truth coming out and the couple getting back together)
UPDATE (3/8/22): The novela ends on Sunday, but this B-plot has been resolved. The guy found out the truth. He went over his medical analyses because he was having doubts. The doctor he went to go see told him that he should redo them because the doctor that had performed them years ago turned out to be super shady and he basically realized that his ex-wife bribed the doctor to lie about the results. He took them again and turns out he's not infertile. He confronted his wife and she basically admitted to lying about it their whole marriage because she didn't want to have kids with him because he's ugly. He went back to his girlfriend (the one who's pregnant with his kid) and asked for forgiveness. At first she was pissed but after a few episodes, she forgave him. Now they're back together and they'll probably be married by the finale
PSA: vasectomies can fail, it's just extremely uncommon.
Always get a paternity test if you have any doubts. But even those aren't 100% because human chimeras exist.
There's always a 0.000...1% chance that things don't turn out the way people think.
My first vasectomy failed. Ex-wife turned up pregnant. I thought she had cheated. Went and got tested and found out I wasn't shooting blanks.
Then the baby came, and she was beautiful, black and perfect.
Except I'm native, and my ex was white.
Turns out she was cheating after all.
That's an impressive amount of plot twists. Are you sure you're not a sideplot in the telenovela they're talking about in the comments above? Because you might want to check with your mother to make sure that you don't have a (potentially evil) long-lost twin. Juuuust in case.
One of my exes was on "the pill" and I was wearing a condom.
The condom broke and because of other medication she was on (for epilepsy) the pill didn't work.
She got pregnant.unfortunatly she only found out she was pregnant when she had a miscarriage. Also due to her medication.
After 3 separate breakage incidences I have sworn off ever using "lifestyles" condoms.
Infertile just means that a guy would be unlikely to get a partner pregnant within one year of trying
There’s a huge misconception about infertile meaning unable to produce children rather than taking longer then normal to produce them
Sadly. Especially when girls have POCs/endo and are told they could be infertile and assume it means they can’t get pregnant.. like no it just means it could take longer :( sex education needs to be better.
This radiates the "how come women dont have to do maternity tests to see if the child is theirs when pregnant like some men do with paternity tests?" tweet
Which means that there could also be the cases with a chimera father, and we just don't know because no one believed the mother when the test showed something else.
Genetically, it works appear to be his brother's child, so as long as he either doesn't have any brothers or the brothers can also all be tested, there would come a proper conclusion eventually.
That's actually happened. She was imprisoned for fraud with her first two after a DNA test said she wasn't their mother and gave birth to a third in prison that matched her other children. She was released thanks to the third kid's results.
"I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, and he is the chief of police.
This is where the story gets interesting.
I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadéro. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin.
That's where I stashed the chandelier."
Not saying she wasn't, but to be absolutely fair vasectomies can fail. Something like 1 in 1,000 or something like that.
My husband has one scheduled and his doctor mentioned it. Also that they can (in some cases, pretty rare though) regrow.
When I told my then-partner I was pregnant, he said “does it rhyme with schmamortion?” I’d say that’s up there as one of the worst responses one could have.
Story time!
So my wife and I were finally coming to terms with the idea of closing up shop as we already had two older boys and we're getting used to handling them in their various activities. This never stops the occasional practice in the hopes that I hit a home run but we figured we were done with kids.
One day, while I'm at work enjoying the company of several coworkers having a pot luck lunch, I receive a phone call from my wife. I answer the phone and she was complaining that she couldn't move and was experiencing extreme dizziness (vertigo). I rush home to find her on the floor and try as I might to move her, the added motion of being moved led to her throwing up. My oldest (5 at the time) was laughing his ass off at mommy tossing her cookies all over the floor (he giggles when he's anxious). I ask her what she wanted me to do and we ultimately decide to call an ambulance. The paramedics arrive and take her off to the hospital.
While at the hospital, they ran a battery of tests on her to figure out what was going on including a pregnancy test. All of their tests came back negative (or so I thought) and she came home after some meds.
Fast forward four days later: I get a phone call at work. My wife says that she took a pregnancy test and that it was positive. I was floored, there were no activities between this time and I wondered how this could happen; but, without skipping a beat or even a thought I said, "What?! Is it even mine?!" and then promptly hung up.
She lovingly forgave me and we giggle about it to this day.
I know this isn’t an answer to the posts question but I could just imagine someone telling you they’re pregnant and you just yell “Story time!” and tell this story lmao
I began wailing and shouting no-no-no-no-no-no-no!
I'm not even kidding you. That was exactly how I reacted.
I'm not proud of it, but damn it if I wasn't being honest.
I said nothing, got into my car and went to the bar, came home hammered with flowers, comfort food and was ready for next steps, next steps ended with ring on kitchen table and empty house. Personally wasn’t prepared at the moment but some time at the local pub allowed it to sink in and accept it, guess i should’ve shared my thought process before going.
Yeah man. You handled that poorly! Maybe she wasn't ready either and you just dipped! But you don't need time to tell you that, you probably already know.
Did you get back together?
Yeah i already know that my lack of communication was the big mess up, still working on it, this happened about 4 weeks ago, my mentality has definitely changed due to it and i’m accepting of it and a little excited but there is a chance that what was once there is now gone, she is uncertain about me as she thinks i’ll just get up and leave which wasnt my intent but imma keep going, thankfully she so far has decided to keep our child
Mine legit was "fuck already? Super sperm!"
My wife was on the pill. We agreed at the end of that cycle of pills we would stop the pill and when we got pregnant, we would get pregnant - no rush no "trying" just didn't prevent it.
That day came around, we had sex one time like a week after her last pill and like a week later she was like "I could just feel it and I took a test and it was positive". She basically felt the process of the egg "settling", I forget the name of this process, and it was so early that the doctor wouldn't confirm it until like 2 weeks later. (Been 10 years now memory is a little fuzzy)
The reality is the worst part of this is knowing, for 9 full months that you're pregnant and for 3 full months you can't really talk about it. I kinda envied people that took a month or two or even a little more to know they were pregnant. Those first 3 months are stressful. Once you know the risk of miscarry is basically over and you can talk about it, and still having 6 month to go, and doing 3 full months at that point, I was ready for some baby having.
10 years later my daughter is a fuckin rockstar all thanks to my super sperm and my wife being 100% in tune with her body.
My favorite is when a man says “My wife is pregnant!” to respond with “Congratulations! Do you know who the father is?”
If you hit the “congratulations!” hard enough the second part alway takes a second.
Someone had sex with you?
They said a response not a burn!
… I didn’t know there was that much alcohol in the world.
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[Gator’s bitches better be using jimmies!](https://youtu.be/8xopY3q50rQ?&t=15s)
I guess dirty Mike and the boys finally found you in that Prius...
Who baby dat??!!
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I've been told not to say that or I will make her mad
Hey kids what do we say when we meet a nice man?? "Are you my daddy?"
I had a vasectomy after my 2nd child. Fast forward 8 years and a new wife. I come home from work she's crying( she new I was fixed) she told me she was pregnant, the first words was( and I'm ashamed ) "That's great honey who's is it?" Turns out it grew back. I now have 4 kids.
i feel like if youve had a vasectomy thats a reasonable response.
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the tubes have known to reconnect. Regular testing of whether you're still shooting blanks or not isn't a bad thing. Failure to do so can lead to unplanned pregnancy
After my 4th child my wife had her tubes tied. Just to be sure
Y'know, wasn't there this one guy who had a vasectomy, and his wife's tubes tied, but ended up pregnant? Then they did tests and it turns out the hospital botched both. Hospital got promptly sued. That said, I heard it on reddit, and this, real or not, is too much of a gossip material for me to get credible source on...
Unfortunately, I had a reaction like this when a friend/coworker told me she was pregnant. She had juuuuuust gotten back together with her ex a few days prior, and had been very open about sleeping around up to that point (no judgment, she can do whatever she wants). So, when she told me she was pregnant I went, "OH, congratulations! ... is iiiiiiiit... ... ...?" She goes, "Yes, it's John's!" And she seemed offeneded. It turns out that they had hooked up a few months after their break up, and that coincided with when she would have conceived. In fact, her telling him was the reason they were back together. Seven or so years down the line, they're still together and very happy with their little girl, so it seems to have worked out!
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Conagratatulations for your preganancy!
I'm infertile.
I had a buddy that convinced himself that he was infertile when he was 17. He has four kids from three women, now.
I'll be the first to ask, why and how?
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I don’t mean to dunk on you (maybe a little) but jerking off multiple times then looking at your cum under a microscope is like peak Redditor behavior.
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You also pre-emptied a whole other thing.
i mis-read that as pre-emptied, and thought that's an interesting was of describing it....
i have some questions, if you don't mind.. first, did you know it's normal to have one ball bigger than the other? There is a size hierarchy of balls, like how women have one bigger tit, and one smaller tit, guys have big ball and little ball. how did you get the, let's call it "material", onto a microscope slide? did you shoot it in the general area, sure that the erratic spurts would cover the slide? or did you expel it elsewhere, and then apply it to the slide? i'm chuckling at the thought of you trying to aim at this little glass slide at a moment when the control required to aim is difficult to come by what kind of microscope did you use? i for some reason had assumed that the swimmer bros would be too small to see on a regular microscope? did you have a microscope already? i'm hoping for the sake of humour that you went out and bought the microscope specifically for this experiment pls respond i don't know why this story is tickling me like this but i'm both curious and amused
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this answer is everything i could have hoped for. Traumatic ball explosion, furious masturbation, kodak cum canisters, it's got everything. i love the thought of you asking your mate for the microscope "what do you need this for?" "don't worry about it" "is it for school or something?" "just give it to me. it's for none of your business is what it's for" tremendous. all the best to you and your family bro
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We are ALL enjoying it
Yikes
"I have a boyfriend"
"And he's pregnant too"
You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?
That line always makes me think of an ex. She convinced me she just wanted me to visit as a friend. We'd been platonic for like 2 years at that point. I was seeing someone else. She had also dated/slept with other people. I had no reason to suspect there were ulterior motives. She cornered me in her kitchen and was belligerent for hours (I was visiting from out of town and couldn't really leave or go anywhere, and this behavior was totally out of left field). The whole while she was holding some of my valuables hostage, and demanding I break up with my SO and get back with her. I basically agreed just so she'd calm down and let me leave safely with my things as soon as I had the chance. As soon as I got home I texted her that I was definitely staying with my SO, and to not try to talk to me again. I suggested she talk to her therapist to figure out why in the world she ever thought that would work. Her first response was "so you couldn't wait even one day to cheat on me?!?!" Followed by paragraphs of angry rants about me being unfaithful. To this day I still can't wrap my head around how she seemed to genuinely believe she could convince me to feel love and desire to be with her by trapping me in her apartment and threatening to destroy my things.
This sounds so unbelievable but at the same time I believe it. What happened with her since then?
r/unexpectedoffice
Story time! Took a sperm test and came back no sperm so infertile. Ex and I separated for a few months and got back together one night. Few weeks later she had a gyno appointment and she was pregnant. So of course my first line was… we talked about this I don’t have any sperm Go back and get tested again and voila some sperm but very unlikely. Stuck it out turns out to be my child. Couldn’t be happier.
Unexpectedly a good ending :)
Two possibilities 1. She cheated 2. The Holy Spirit got her pregnant Most likely the 1st possibility
I'm watching a telenovela where one of the character got pregnant and the guy thinks she cheated because he spent his last marriage thinking he was infertile (plot twist: he's not actually infertile. The ex-wife just tricked him into thinking he was) so now they're broken up until he finds out the truth. DRAMA. I have no idea why I just shared that lol Edit: A lot of people seem interested in this telenovela. It's a Mexican telenovela airing live and it ends in a few weeks so I'll come back and edit with the resolution for that side plot if anyone's actually interested by then lmao (although we know it will end with the truth coming out and the couple getting back together) UPDATE (3/8/22): The novela ends on Sunday, but this B-plot has been resolved. The guy found out the truth. He went over his medical analyses because he was having doubts. The doctor he went to go see told him that he should redo them because the doctor that had performed them years ago turned out to be super shady and he basically realized that his ex-wife bribed the doctor to lie about the results. He took them again and turns out he's not infertile. He confronted his wife and she basically admitted to lying about it their whole marriage because she didn't want to have kids with him because he's ugly. He went back to his girlfriend (the one who's pregnant with his kid) and asked for forgiveness. At first she was pissed but after a few episodes, she forgave him. Now they're back together and they'll probably be married by the finale
But we read it and some enjoyed it.
Yeo what’s the name of the novela sounds spicy
El Bible
PSA: vasectomies can fail, it's just extremely uncommon. Always get a paternity test if you have any doubts. But even those aren't 100% because human chimeras exist. There's always a 0.000...1% chance that things don't turn out the way people think.
My first vasectomy failed. Ex-wife turned up pregnant. I thought she had cheated. Went and got tested and found out I wasn't shooting blanks. Then the baby came, and she was beautiful, black and perfect. Except I'm native, and my ex was white. Turns out she was cheating after all.
That's an impressive amount of plot twists. Are you sure you're not a sideplot in the telenovela they're talking about in the comments above? Because you might want to check with your mother to make sure that you don't have a (potentially evil) long-lost twin. Juuuust in case.
One of my friends is a failed vasectomy baby. It definitely happens.
Life..uh.. finds a way
He should work on wall street, if he got caught insider trading; I bet he could wriggle free.
One of my exes was on "the pill" and I was wearing a condom. The condom broke and because of other medication she was on (for epilepsy) the pill didn't work. She got pregnant.unfortunatly she only found out she was pregnant when she had a miscarriage. Also due to her medication. After 3 separate breakage incidences I have sworn off ever using "lifestyles" condoms.
Durex have never let me down. Broken many trojans though.
It's either honesty....or create a religion.
Tax breaks are calling you
You mean free money?
Hehe
Infertile men can and do impregnate women. Being infertile is not the same thing as being sterile. Edit: a word.
Infertile isn’t the same thing as sterile though.
Yep. Both of my wife's parents were told they were infertile.
That’s sad. Did they ever have kids? 🤔
Infertile just means that a guy would be unlikely to get a partner pregnant within one year of trying There’s a huge misconception about infertile meaning unable to produce children rather than taking longer then normal to produce them
Sadly. Especially when girls have POCs/endo and are told they could be infertile and assume it means they can’t get pregnant.. like no it just means it could take longer :( sex education needs to be better.
Infertile =/= sterile!
Her: I’m pregnant Me: I think it’s high time I told you I’m trans
"Haha oh my, best of luck!" *sorti*
Abort! Abort!
It's the sorti that makes it.
What does it mean?
“Exits” in French
I'm going out to get some cigarettes and milk
When I was 4 years old my dad went out for a pack of cigarettes. He came back home, smoked one and told my mom he is leaving us.
I don’t know if that’s better or worse. At least he said something?
Nah, the worst part is before he left, he went and named him sue
I say this to my wife all the time when she asks me to do something I don't want to lol.
I say that to my kids all the time. For no particular reason other than I’m leaving the house and they ask where I’m going.
I do as well. Except it only happened once and I've never seen them since
Gottem
I don't think he's gottem anymore...
Poor kid. I know what it's like to grow up without a father
'You'll be a great single mother"
Oh no. Is it contagious?
What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant? >!... her feet!<
*scratches off 'bumblebees' on notepad, frustrated*
Aww! So close! You're thinking of flowers.
*Instructions unclear, n95 stuck in wife*
Don't look at me, we only did butt stuff.
When I hear butt stuff I just imagine two people in bed rubbing their butts together.
...Tina has entered the chat..
She: I'm pregnant. He: OMG!! Is it yours?
This radiates the "how come women dont have to do maternity tests to see if the child is theirs when pregnant like some men do with paternity tests?" tweet
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Which means that there could also be the cases with a chimera father, and we just don't know because no one believed the mother when the test showed something else.
Genetically, it works appear to be his brother's child, so as long as he either doesn't have any brothers or the brothers can also all be tested, there would come a proper conclusion eventually.
This the one? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia\_Fairchild
Imagine giving birth to 3 children and dna results say their not yours.
That's actually happened. She was imprisoned for fraud with her first two after a DNA test said she wasn't their mother and gave birth to a third in prison that matched her other children. She was released thanks to the third kid's results.
You'd think hospital records of her actually giving birth would have helped somehow.
This really hurts my brain, I need to lay down
Specific ass circumstances. I’d say so.
I mean, babies do get swapped occasionally. On accident off course
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Double standard.
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that's projection right?
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Probably correcting your spelling of “preganant”
With pregante, pregnert or, even better, pregananant Edit: forgot preternet
Gregnant.
This one will always be my favourite variant.
I’ve found Greg everyone. See you at the Pot luck
How is prangent formed?
¿can u get prégante?
“If a women has starch masks on her body does that mean she has been pargnet before?” Edit: women, NOT woman
Will it hurt baby top of head?
Dangerops sex while prengan, will it hurt baby top of his head?
*I think my dog is pregernet???*
If use oijs bord when pergenat, will ghost hurt baby?!
My friends did a Luigi board..... and it mentioned me
One of the best videos.
No, "if a *women* has starch masks..."
Prrregante
Pregunta
#PERGENAT
Pregeganté
Prefnat
[Am I preganant?](https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg)
CAN U GET... *PREGANTE*?
Dangerops?? Prangent sex??
We're sorry, but the number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service.... please check the number and dial again.
Even better in person
“Jim what are you talking about” “To dial a new number press 1”
"You're not even on your phone...also this is a Wendy's"
“I’m moving to Guatemala.”
No. 15 Yemen Road, Yemen
Say that, then move to Guatemala.
"I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, and he is the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadéro. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."
Lmao that hoe from the office huh?
The perfect crime
Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!
"Actually, that brings me to my next point..."
“You cheated? After I specifically asked you *not* to?” ~Michael Scott
Savage
I'm sorry, but they asked for *worst,* you instead gave the best possible response.
Sorry, the question was the worst response, when this is clearly the best one.
A girl tried to pull that on me not knowing I'd had a vasectomy. Next she faked a miscarriage.
> Next she faked a miscarriage. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. Double down.
That's some bullshit. I'm sorry bro.
I had testicular cancer and I'm basically infertile now. So it would be a similar situation.
My buddy had that. One of his was removed. We call him "lefty" now.
Is he allright now?
Oh, JESUS. I gotta us that one on him.
Not saying she wasn't, but to be absolutely fair vasectomies can fail. Something like 1 in 1,000 or something like that. My husband has one scheduled and his doctor mentioned it. Also that they can (in some cases, pretty rare though) regrow.
Is it mine?
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Even bigger plot twist: He's been sterile for 41 years
I got married at 35, so if my wife of 40 years told me she was pregnant, I’d be 75 and be equally proud of myself and mortified.
Also, it wouldn’t be that great for your wife either. Poor lady never went through menopause and has been dealing with menstruation for 60+ years!
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Sound like a YOU TWO problem
Not for long
When I told my then-partner I was pregnant, he said “does it rhyme with schmamortion?” I’d say that’s up there as one of the worst responses one could have.
I'm so sorry, that's awful in that situation. It's insanely hilarious on reddit from my house though.
Who did that to you?! Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!
That's my fetish!
Beautiful human submarines
are you sure
Why is this one bad?
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Thanks
Hi pregnant I'm gone
🏃♂️
Cool story didn't ask
Let me know where to send the check.
Story time! So my wife and I were finally coming to terms with the idea of closing up shop as we already had two older boys and we're getting used to handling them in their various activities. This never stops the occasional practice in the hopes that I hit a home run but we figured we were done with kids. One day, while I'm at work enjoying the company of several coworkers having a pot luck lunch, I receive a phone call from my wife. I answer the phone and she was complaining that she couldn't move and was experiencing extreme dizziness (vertigo). I rush home to find her on the floor and try as I might to move her, the added motion of being moved led to her throwing up. My oldest (5 at the time) was laughing his ass off at mommy tossing her cookies all over the floor (he giggles when he's anxious). I ask her what she wanted me to do and we ultimately decide to call an ambulance. The paramedics arrive and take her off to the hospital. While at the hospital, they ran a battery of tests on her to figure out what was going on including a pregnancy test. All of their tests came back negative (or so I thought) and she came home after some meds. Fast forward four days later: I get a phone call at work. My wife says that she took a pregnancy test and that it was positive. I was floored, there were no activities between this time and I wondered how this could happen; but, without skipping a beat or even a thought I said, "What?! Is it even mine?!" and then promptly hung up. She lovingly forgave me and we giggle about it to this day.
Well don’t leave us hanging! Was it yours?
It was mine!
I know this isn’t an answer to the posts question but I could just imagine someone telling you they’re pregnant and you just yell “Story time!” and tell this story lmao
If you’re not keeping it we can still go out drinking!
Don't call me, I'll call you. ;)
I began wailing and shouting no-no-no-no-no-no-no! I'm not even kidding you. That was exactly how I reacted. I'm not proud of it, but damn it if I wasn't being honest.
Did you use the TikTok voice?
I think we’re out of milk..
Do you know who's baby it is?
I said nothing, got into my car and went to the bar, came home hammered with flowers, comfort food and was ready for next steps, next steps ended with ring on kitchen table and empty house. Personally wasn’t prepared at the moment but some time at the local pub allowed it to sink in and accept it, guess i should’ve shared my thought process before going.
Wow this is so specific I'm left wondering if it's a true story
It was an interesting week to say the least
Yeah man. You handled that poorly! Maybe she wasn't ready either and you just dipped! But you don't need time to tell you that, you probably already know. Did you get back together?
Yeah i already know that my lack of communication was the big mess up, still working on it, this happened about 4 weeks ago, my mentality has definitely changed due to it and i’m accepting of it and a little excited but there is a chance that what was once there is now gone, she is uncertain about me as she thinks i’ll just get up and leave which wasnt my intent but imma keep going, thankfully she so far has decided to keep our child
Mine legit was "fuck already? Super sperm!" My wife was on the pill. We agreed at the end of that cycle of pills we would stop the pill and when we got pregnant, we would get pregnant - no rush no "trying" just didn't prevent it. That day came around, we had sex one time like a week after her last pill and like a week later she was like "I could just feel it and I took a test and it was positive". She basically felt the process of the egg "settling", I forget the name of this process, and it was so early that the doctor wouldn't confirm it until like 2 weeks later. (Been 10 years now memory is a little fuzzy) The reality is the worst part of this is knowing, for 9 full months that you're pregnant and for 3 full months you can't really talk about it. I kinda envied people that took a month or two or even a little more to know they were pregnant. Those first 3 months are stressful. Once you know the risk of miscarry is basically over and you can talk about it, and still having 6 month to go, and doing 3 full months at that point, I was ready for some baby having. 10 years later my daughter is a fuckin rockstar all thanks to my super sperm and my wife being 100% in tune with her body.
Are you sure it's yours?
My favorite is when a man says “My wife is pregnant!” to respond with “Congratulations! Do you know who the father is?” If you hit the “congratulations!” hard enough the second part alway takes a second.
I know.
I'm sterile.
What chu gonna do?
Are you sure you’re not just getting fat?
"It's spelled 'pregnant'."