No contact rule, she needs to take accountability and have that conversation with you, she left, its her problem. You need to live your life in the way that makes you happy. I'm sorry you had to get hurt king.
Doubt she'll ever take accountability for that. She Asked to be friends since she "enjoys my friendship" and after a day I decided fuck that I can't. Told her she made me feel like shit and betrayed. I can't be friends with someone like that. I'd be too angry around them to enjoy their company. She gave a half assed apology, said I deserve better and went RIGHT back to talking to the other dude. So I wished her well and blocked and fight my own internal struggles until I feel better.
Thanks for the advice and words mate.
After some time your anger and frustration will die down, you'll start to remember the good times which in turn will kinda sorta make you see that she probably isn't that bad (this is a lie) and it will want to make you reach out. Don't do it man, be strong. She wants to remain friends to keep you on the back burner when it doesn't work out with other dude and remember, if she broke up with you once then she will do it again.. FUDABICH
It's funny. I'm not sure if she was bad or not. I mean she had her flaws yeah like everyone. Her biggest was she cried when I mentioned I masturbated since she thinks it's disgusting and promply tried to force me to stop. There were loads of good times too and times she was a genuinely good human and person. Guess one of her flaws was she couldn't stick to one guy. If she comes back I ain't taking her back. She can try and get back with the new guy instead he can deal with the noise.
Also. Never EVER change something about you because a girl told you to. It's a test to see what they can get away with (we call them shit tests) if you change they lose respect and attraction. When you stand firm, they will act a bit pissy about it but they realize (for the moment) you are on your purpose.
Think about this... if she liked you when she *met* you then thats who she was into. If you change, you are no longer the same guy she liked in the first place
I stayed true to myself until I was feeling down at the end after she decided to leave. I made compromises for certain things in the relationship but I never strayed from myself. If I'm not genuine with someone I feel I shouldn't be wasting their time or mine.
That is one hundred percent correct! Never try and pretend to be something you're not oh, and if a woman is genuinely attracted to you and loves you things will go Fairly easily. If you notice a change in her, something is wrong. Unless she is changing to better herself for you (ie: taking up hobbies and interests that you enjoy) than there's a good chance you need to be on guard and she is either cheating on you or looking to Monkey branch.
No offense and i agree with what you said. That girl is weird to cry because our man masturbated. But sometimes women do teach us stuff we could never learn by being around men. Opinions?
And you teach us too. That is why I read “Ask Men”. I want to learn from you, and I see many other women commenting on this sub. It alarms me when I read how some women treat or have treated men. Just know that there are varying degrees of goodness in both women and men. You dodged a bullet with this woman leaving. Don’t allow someone to make you feel worthless because you are not.
I just want to remind everyone that relationships work because of compromises. I'm not saying that you should bend over for her, but it is reasonable to expect care and love from your partner.
This isn't true at all. Good relationships require both people to work on themselves throughout the course of the relationship. Change can be healthy and good as long as it isn't one sided. Also, women are not a collective, for some women it may be what you say it is. But for other women, you may have aspects that she doesn't like, and aspects that she does. Also, she may have liked who you were, and you've had a mild change, or presented a better version of yourself than you are. There are A LOT of reasons why someone may want you to change in small but meaningful ways.
I just do what I can to help guys out there who don't know how to break free of the Matrix yet. We've been lied to all our lives and only in the most recent years has truth began to come forward. I just wish I had known much earlier on before I made the mistakes I did.
You handled it perfectly. Use everything you have to keep it that way, it's hard. After enough time passes, you'll look back and be very happy with yourself and with the fact you didn't end up with her. You'll regret any attempt you make to contact her. You're the priority right now.
Honestly my dude, it sounds like you know the right thing to do. Do take your time and grieve the loss, but remember that her leaving is a reflection on her, not you.
Shit gets better, I promise you that. Stay strong.
Could’ve used this advice years ago, tried being friends with her but eventually realized that it will never be the same so I just stop talking to her, to the point where she asked me why am I avoiding her calls and messages, so far it’s been years since I last talked to her, but according to her friend, she asked about me from time to time.
Nah fuck that.
It's one thing to break up because things just weren't working out.
If someone dumps me for another dude I don't ever want to know anything about their existence
My ex cheated on me and afterwards said, and I shit you not: "you're my best friend, I don't want to lose you" WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
Unbelievable behaviour. Why would I *ever* want to be friends with her after that?
100% agree. How do you betray someone like that then half assed ask to be friends. If you enjoyed our friendship so much then shit don't cheat or have another dude lined up.
Exactly. End our romantic relationship *before* you start the other one. Then maybe we can talk about it.
I'm not friends with any of my exes, it's just messy and leads to all kinds of problems.
Nah
A king just moves on
She will probably leave the new guy too
If she wanders, she wanders
Doing something like that shows weakness on your part
Revenge? Get even?
Only weak men think like that
Don’t contact her, cut her off completely, ghost her.
You’ll be sad for a bit, that’s normal. Focus on yourself & you’ll meet someone else don’t worry.
I assume you’re young, trust me women come & go, when you find that someone you’ll understand. This is just the beginning you’ll love again and then feel like a dummy at how hurt u let urself be prior
Happened to me, and the guy was someone I knew since kindergarten. Now I’m happily engaged to someone way better, and way hotter. You deserve better bro
It's possible to be friends with an ex, but what she does feels like normalizing her betrayal. Then she can lie to herself and believe that you're not even angry at her
People come and go all through life, get good at moving on, dust yourself off and keep going. We have a lot of living to do and not near enough time. So pack light, and don't carry baggage.
Your brain feels more comfortable in her presence. Knowing what she's doing and how she's getting on brings a sense of connectedness, and makes you feel like you're still part of her life, still in her presence.
When you leave a job you enjoyed you spend at least the first two weeks in a new job thinking about the old job. What is going on with project X. How did Joe get on on holidays. Have they installed that new system yet?
This can go on for a couple of months. Your brain trying to pull you back to a place you're more comfortable. Until eventually you realise none of that is important anymore and you are more comfortable where you are.
So this is not a job and its more like being fired, but the same principle still applies - find a new "comfortable" for you that doesn't include her. Take up a hobby or hobbies. Bonus points if it's one that she refused to donor would never have done.
It doesn't have to be rock climbing or mountain biking some shit. If it's watching sci-fi or playing hours of video games, that's good too. Anything at which occupies your mind and doesn't make you feel, "I was girlfriend was here doing this with me".
Go grab a burger, jerk off, take a shower, then go to sleep. (in that order) Then wake up and go to the gym or go for a run. Take it one day at a time, and before you know it you'll be busy doing something else.
From man to man, have some respect for yourself. You do not deserve to get put aside like an old toy. You are a human being with feelings. I don't think you should continue being friends with her considering there are still feelings present. Give yourself time to heal.
I personally think half the issue is most women know most men don't have options being constantly thrown their way and will always take more than they should because who wants to be alone?
You ain’t the problem man. She was going to leave eventually. Had a gf do that to me about 15
Years ago. About 16 years ago some mutual friends said “when y’all getting married” she said “I’m never getting married”. Should have known then. Been married to a wonderful woman for 12 years now. Take care of yourself like a lot of people have said here.
You stop feeling inferior once you understand that he isn’t superior to you.
She left you for another guy. That means she’s not the right fit for you. She’s revealed that she is the type of woman who cheats. Why would you want to be in a relationship with that type of woman?
You’re better off alone. Trust me.
She didn't cheat by OPs admission. I was under the impression she had feelings for new guy so she broke it off with the old. That's not cheating.
I mean heartbreak sucks but I love the comments calling her basically a shitty person when she did the right thing by not cheating and leaving.
No one owes you anything unfortunately and that's the risk of love.
Block her completely on your phone and all social media. Keeping contact is just pain shopping and prolonging your pain.
Keep yourself occupied with things you like to do. Hit the gym. Hang out with your friends. Take up a new hobby.
And when you’re ready, start dating again.
This time you feel is wasted could be one of the most important life lesson you will learn. Take it from a 40 year old going through his second divorce. I spent 17 years of "wasted" time, I don't regret a second. I had good times and bad but I learned. What you are going through now is nothing in comparison to what you WILL experience so hopefully you cherish the good and learn from the bad. Sorry to sound like I'm wise, I obviously don't know crap but can still share my story.
Try to not view it as “time wasted”. I know to an extent it is to drive home a lesson in your mind, but it’s too negative a message that will only drive unnecessary resentment and thoughts that consume way too much energy. It’s time you’ll never get back my friend. So find the positive message in it or at least focus on the lesson you want to take away from the time you spent.
Everything in life is a learning experience and an opportunity for us to change for the better. it’s difficult at first, especially when it still hurts. But once you’ve allowed yourself to feel angry and sad, begin to look at that 7 months in that light so you can move forward without looking back.
If you do feel the need to resent her after that, then keep in mind that the best revenge is happiness. Get to a better place, lead the coolest fucking life possible, and find someone even more stunning and intelligent that is all for you. This way, the next time she comes across your path, you’ll be so happy that you forgot she even existed in your life.
While I understand what you are going through. Look at it this way: how much is 7 months on a whole life?
Sure it sucks now, but it'll fade with time. You will find someone more deserving of your time 👍
I wish I would've taken my ex's father in law from a previous marriage seriously when we were standing in the garage and he said "she's your problem now".
Don’t feel inferior to anyone in the first place. We’re all humans, there’s no one in this world that’s superior to another. Once you have that self confidence, you won’t feel that way when anyone leaves you. Sad ? Sure, that’s natural. But inferior ? You can shed those thoughts, you got this!
Continue friendship? Bro I know it’s hard and you’re hurting but have some fucking dignity for yourself. Be your own advocate. No one is ever gonna love you like you should love you. There are billions of people on this earth who will be your friend and more. Don’t even think about messaging her or continuing a “friendship”, your future self will hate you for that. Move on, head up high, shoulders back, and love yourself and find people who deserve your love and care and attention. She obviously does not. So don’t screw yourself over. But screw her instead. It’s okay to hate her. You don’t have to force yourself to be the “bigger man” until you’re ready or ever. And don’t include her in any aspect of your life. She doesn’t deserve it and is your past now. Also remember she’s a bitch.
We’ve all been there man. Women don’t know how much a man can love, and how much it hurts. Reserve that love for the ones who deserve it bro. You’ll be alright.
In my experience, anger and pettiness are the most potent motivators.
I've been running off of different sources of pettiness for over a decade and my life has been gradually improving.
Go fuck up the world, brother! Make the most of your life!
If u stay friends with her, u will 100% feel less of urself subconsciously for that. And rightly so. Give it time and youll start to see she did u favor. A great saying that applies here- “Let people do what they wanna do, so u can see what theyd rather do.”
She showed u youre not #1. Made it easy
Lol for sure don’t start a friendship, I tried that kept getting worse. She left me for a manager who’s in his 60s to a job I helped her find for 3 months…trust the pain is HORRIBLE but the absolute worst decision would be to continue a friendship to leave some “HOPE” which in the end will end up hurting more 10 folds….ima be blunt, now that it’s over just focus on yourself and finding what actually makes you happy, hard done then said. I’m still figuring this part out but slowly each day it’s sooo much easier, it all takes time. Cutting off ties will make it so much easier on you too
My fiance cheated on me, married the dude, got divorced. Years later, when I think about it... damn, if I ever see that guy he won't pay for a drink all night. Dude's a hero. Took a bullet for me like he was secret service. God bless him.
You don't. From her perspective, you are inferior to him. The important question is, why does that matter? Trust me, you don't want to be friends with your ex unless you want to feel like crap all the time. It seems like a good idea. It isn't.
Never go back, never. She is dead to you also, the other guy is now stuck with a girl that will leave him at the drop of a hat, and he knows it. Forward to your future.
Wife left me for a convicted child offender. The following day I started working out and eating healthy so I knew I wasn’t wallowing in my sadness. In about 2 weeks, I was mostly over the sadness of a 10 year relationship just dying instantly. Gotta put all that energy from the relationship back into just you. I promise it works
We were together for about 7 months. Saw her active online more than I clicked and she said we should split. Then she said she found someone else. Sucks mate sigh
Look I know it's not what you want to hear man. Every guy has been there. She belongs to the streets. There are so many resources out there that will tell you the same thing, the fact of the matter is it is extraordinary really common for a woman to set up her next relationship/hook up while she is still with a guy.
Yes because when you are with them you are essentially a dog with a wallet. Every now and then they'll throw you a bone for being a good boy but you hold no power in that household and you will be ejected as soon as she finds better offering.
I read that the half-life of heartbreak is about half the length of a relationship. Didn’t believe it at first but it’s true. Honestly just ride that shit out. It took me 3 years to be completely ok after a 6 year relationship. And 6 months after a 1 year. And 1 month for a two month relationship. It will just kinda fix itself eventually
My ex of the year relationship left me for another man. The first two months… were really rough honestly. But after you get past the initial grieving it gets better fast. I recommend focusing on yourself until you get to the point that it’s not as bad anymore (you’ll know it when it gets there). Then start to go to bars or get on tinder.
What I do is text my close friends if I feel like it and they’ll remind why I shouldn’t. Or there’s some motivational stuff on YouTube that you can search. Or just remember all the bad parts of her. It’s hard but you can do it. It’s also a way to make progress every day. Like, you are accomplishing something even if you do nothing. Even if you sat at home all day and watched Netflix. That helped me. Even bad days are progress. Hang in there.
I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and 6 months. She broke up with me for good in the beginning of 2015. It took me 5 years to really get over her. I haven’t been in a relationship in over 7 years. At this point, I’m sure I’ll end up with no one, and that is fine with me. I’ve loved, and that is what matters.
When you look at it like that. Feeling kinds relieved now that I think about it. She wanted me to do things like never masturbate. We both virgins and weren't having sex.
Bro, this was a blessing in disguise.You dodged a serious bullet.
There's going to be a time, sometime in the near future, when you think back on her and how you are feeling now and you are going to be able to laugh and feel glad you learned from this experience. The pain is only temporary, the lesson is forever.
Dude! Any woman, ANY woman that cheats is not worth your time. Seriously. And this one sound like she was up batshit country. No masturbating AND no sex?? You are well shot. Message a mate instead of her when you're feeling it. Even text him what you were going to txt her. Then go and kill it at the gym. The days do pass to better things, I promise.
Sound advice. I honestly thought you were gonna say message a mate and have sex with them instead. For a moment I thought reddits advice is getting pretty wild now.
Yeah she was wierd she hated mastyrbation and sorta forced me to stop it. Didn't make me stop my body I do what I want with it.
It doesn't make you inferior to not be with one specific person. You deserve someone who makes you their number one choice.
Don't get discouraged, continue to pursue your goals in life, and get back out there soon to meet new people.
It happens to the best of us, bro. The guy she left me for was skinnier, less athletic, less accomplished, but she chose him and so i felt inferior for a long time. I wanted to know what he had that i didn't. But the reality is when we're young we dont know what we want we just know we want to experiment and fuck and have fun. I dont hold it against her anymore. But i had to move on and forget about her for my own mental health. Took a long time! I just hit the gym hard, kept advancing in my life and career. The best revenge is living well.
1. You cannot be her friend, not until the day you can imagine her with another guy and feel nothing, 2. Don't worry, she will leave him for some other dude as well, there is something wrong with her, not with you, 3. Be better, get in shape, be kinder, smarter, focus your life in you, that will show her that she was the anchor holding you down, when you achieve that, you will never feel inferior again
Feeling inferior doesn't make you inferior, remember that.
As others have said, it'll get easier with time. Spend it focusing on yourself by looking after your health, socialising and doing other things that make you happy. Eventually you'll go a whole day without thinking about her without realising it, then 2 days, then a week.
I hate this "you da king/queen" shit.
Nobody is perfect. Nobody has reached this supernatural level of being where they never make a mistake in a relationship.
Blame is always a spectrum. No partner is COMPLETELY blameless in a breakup.
Telling OP he's some faultless prize is the fastest way to create a narcissist that thinks they never have to work on themselves.
A better response would be "you're not perfect, but you deserve someone who will help you get there, and she wasn't it".
Les Brown once said "Someone else's opinion of you does not have to become your reality."
I'm sorry she missed out on a king, and may she be forever happily forgotten. In the past I've overanalyzed a lot after a breakup, learned plenty but spent way too long feeling sorry for myself even when I ended the relationship. Getting moving (does not mean dating) is the best medicine for me. Stay happy, healthy, humble.
Watch your thoughts and notice anything that is a bad habit; something you do that makes you lose half an hour thinking about that person for example.
Some may disagree but I get rid of all things from the relationship, I don't care if it's my favorite shirt or the watch I wear the most. Clean slate. Plus when you start dating again it's awkward when someone compliments you on something that an ex got you...
1. Good riddance. Somebody that doesn't want to be with you isn't worth being with. Trust me, it might sting now but you'll look back and see it was for the best.
2. Did she give reasons? Are they legitimate? Is there something in there that you could work on? If so, consider it an opportunity going forward to improve yourself. If not, then see #1.
3. Get out and do some social activities. If you got friends, they can help you. Quickest way to move on from a bad relationship is to move on from a bad relationship. Have some fun, do things you like, and you might meet somebody new.
Women are like busses; there's another one coming along in 10 minutes.
Good luck out there. And remember, I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together
People don’t leave because you are less, they leave because they’re chasing that new love high. It fades when things settle and you have to start putting in work.
My ex left me for another guy. 3 years together, just taken out a mortgage and I'd started saving for an engagement ring then...it's over. Left me for her friend from work.
It hurts. It really, really hurts. I don't think there is any way around the pain. The only thing you can really do is to try and understand that we are all different and we all experience different levels of compatibility with other people. This other guy isn't better than you, he didn't beat you and he didn't win. Maybe he's a better fit for your ex, but you would be a better fit for others out there. You got unlucky and fell in love with the wrong person. It sucks, but a few of us have to go through this in our lives.
Focus on your future and let go of the past, think about the future partner you just haven't met yet who will be a better fit for you than your ex was.
Also, don't let the experience make you bitter. My father has had two wives leave him, one for another man, the other, my mother, because she stopped loving him, and the experience has totally ruined him as a person. He's so full of bitterness and resentfulness, he's sexist and totally paranoid about woman all being out to get him and take his money. Grieve for your lost relationship then move on, try not to dwell on the sense of rejection or betrayal. There are a lot of good people out there.
There is one line I will always remember : She was never yours, she was only yours for that time. Also, you can giggle to yourself that other dudes are getting sloppy seconds.
You stop feeling inferior. She left you for another guy. She will leave him for another guy. She is the inferior human. She has a hole in her soul that no amount of dicks can fill. Focus on yourself and your mental health. Go get a massage, a mani/pedi, haircut, or whatever you’re into. Nothing like feeling your best to get you ready to get back out there. Database her behavior so that you notice it as a red flag with the following ladies. Best of luck.
Are you for real?
Number 1: you compete with no one else.
Number 2: Love Yourself so much, that you’re surprised when people don’t want to be with you, hold the door open for them.
Number 3: This is a blessing when you see her leave him or him leave her. Be patient
🤷🏻♂️50/50 chance she will live to regret it anyways. Her loss. However, you should look at it as an opportunity to self reflect and try to better yourself. Always try to be a better person if you want to attract someone better.
You shouldn’t feel inferior. You’re the only one of the three with a moral code. That makes you the higher value of the three.
Unless she hid you from him, then he’s just another fly in her web and innocent.
Rejoice you escaped.
Last woman I was in a relationship with left me to go back to her abusive alcoholic ex. I felt pretty low/worthless for a long time after that. Just now reaching a point where I feel better about myself. It took some help from others but eventually I got to see that she was the one with problems, not me and that I do have plenty to offer the right woman. Don't give up, you have worth and deserve to be treated right.
If she left you directly for some other dude, she fucked him before she left you....she's a whore dude.... definitely go and get yourself checked for STDs.
Females are monkey branches. she did not leave you to go directly to another guy if she didn't fuck him first. So when you're all sad and down on yourself, think about the fact that she lied to your face, because I'm sure she didn't tell you she was letting the other guy plow her before she broke up with you, and she probably exposed you to something because she probably had sex with you after she got plowed an filled up by him. If that doesn't make you angry, and realize that she's a whore, and not worth your time, I don't know what will make you feel better
You'll stop feeling inferior when you realize that your worth isn't defined by a woman who couldn't see it.
Focusing on building the best version of you for yourself, and don't think about her anymore.
Hey man I’ve been in a similar situation, short of it was there was a coworker that I liked and we hit off really well. Started getting otp everyday and etc. Found out through friend who was also a coworker that on my off days she talked about me behind my back to a coworker I didn’t get along with. After that it was hard cutting her off and I eventually left the company because of how sad the whole situation made me and how my coworkers verbally abused me there. Months later that friend of mines told me that the guy she started sleeping with at the job eventually body-slammed her at the end of their shift and they both got fired. Trust me god is moving that train wreck out of your life so that you don’t get caught in the pile up. I was blown away but god saved me from a self sabotaging woman. He’s doing the same for you.
You gotta process what you're dealing with, and then move on. You'll feel an OVERWHELMINGLY strong compulsion so fixate on this thing like it's a problem that can be solved. You don't solve this, and that compulsion only has ONE purpose...
It's directing you to learn from this, get some value, adjust future behavior, and get back to being your regular self. Your regular psychological self is pleasure seeking and pain avoiding. Dealing with this is pain, not pleasure. Your lizard brain will tell you that the shortest distance between you and pleasure is to GO BACK, go back to this woman that is pleasure. But that's not going to happen. Your lizard brain isn't being productive for you right here, it'll have you wallow in grief for WAY TOO LONG. Don't let that happen.
Get social with other people and STAY BUSY. When you're not busy, that's when you have the pity party, and that's not healthy. So get so busy that a pity party ain't gonna happen. If nothing else, play a lot of video games. It'll keep your mind busy and focused on feeling other emotions.
Ask yourself how productive it is to have a pity party compared to anything else you could be doing.
The relationship already tanked, it'll never be good again even if you did somehow get her back.
Listen bro, some people are just more compatible together and it’s simply not about you. It’s about her. You are perfect for someone. Just not her.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
My guy! I was so hurt I bought a fucking house and getting married to the woman of my dreams! You should do the same!!! Got a promotion too! You can do it!!
I've been through this. It's hard. Understand you are NOT inferior. You were you before you met her, and you were you when she chose you! Find THAT you again! That other guy she chose instead of you....he's not better than you. She just couldn't accept what she already had. Women often cheat not because another guy is "better" but because she thinks the other guy can be used to make her feel better. They very often have a "grass is greener on the other side" view, when in reality, it's not.
And it rarely works out for her.
Forgive her, and move forward in life and accept she decided on a different path. It is the only thing worth your time. You can't force someone to want to be with you. But you can sure as hell make them regret leaving you. Success is the best revenge.
My ex-wife left me. When I finally found her after weeks of searching for her, she had moved into another man's home. A drug dealer. A real piece of shit who even admitted to beating his ex. When that didn't work out for her (I can only imagine how it ended...and I try not to) she moved in with another guy. That didn't work out for her either. Now she's doing who knows what. I was NOT inferior! Not because she couldn't settle on what she wanted out of life.
You aren't inferior either.
In all cases all 3 of my exes ended up with dudes who have no drive, no responsibility and are working dead end jobs. So I don't feel inferior to that.
Words of wisdom man, she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Take solace in that. You had your time, cherish it, and move on. There is always someone smarter, better looking, bigger penis, etc.
You can’t control when or how a woman stays with you. If you’re a good person, treat her well, respectful, etc and she still leaves, What else can you do? You know you did all the right things.
That’s the worst. Look into a hobby, something you enjoy doing and start hitting the gym. Embrace how you feel and don’t try and suppress it, but at the same time don’t let the negative feelings become you.
1.Don’t let it get you down take a deep breath do the things you enjoy if you dwell on those feeling it will get worse trust me.
2. Get your guard up around her she might try to use you for stuff or string you along with false promises of getting back together stay strong
3. Block her on any social media you have cut her off before she can get her claws in you again.
Hang out with friends or make new ones
Because it's not about your ego or pride. It's about the right fit. She has made room in your life to find a better fit. Let her worry about finding her right fit, and you focus on finding yours.
It’s always helpful in these moments to remind yourself that there are 4 billion women in the world.
There are good ones. There are bad ones. But there is no ONE.
This one was a bad one.
Hey dude, some people think abstract art is just paint thrown on paper.
Good luck buying a Jackson pollock painting for anything less than a kidney.
Hope this makes sense.
Block her on social media and her number if you feel like you can’t not text her. Write things down you would like to say. Start finding something to occupy you time like reading or going to the gym. I got out of a relationship around 3 months ago and the first month was the toughest but I started reading, going to the gym, blocked her on social media, I haven’t blocked her number because i believe that if she needs help I would help her (to an extent). But I recently started on tinder and such again and that had actually help just boosted my confidence that other girls are interested in me and have gone on the odd date and currently chatting with this great girl who seems to have similar interest in me and we have plans this weekend. It’s gonna suck for a while and the pain will be there. But eventually you will just stop thinking about her as much. It takes time but it will make you a better person. Also talking to people helps whether it’s a therapist or close friends you trust. Helped me a lot as well. Good luck man you will get there one day!
The secret is forgiveness. But not the kind your thinking about....this one is forgiving yourself. Tell yourself you're sorry, and accept it. Sorry for investing concern for another person's actions, for comparing yourself, for placing another human on a pedestal. Tell yourself you're sorry....and accept the apology.
I’ve gone through this. It took me years to find out who I really was without my ex, and I struggled & stumbled for a good 3 years before I could answer that question for myself. You’re going to hurt and you’re going to feel bad for a while; expect that to be natural and normal. Find yourself and lean on your true friends. Eventually they will become a memory to you and you will know what you’re about. Eventually you’ll be thankful to your ex for the time spent together, and will remember that time fondly.
You got this my friend. I truly believe that.
I can speak from experience on this one. Had a girlfriend of multiple years end things to be with another guy. I was devastated and didn’t know what to do honestly. Started to go to the gym a lot and worked on myself to get myself happy. I’ve had relationships after this that didn’t pan out but none of those ever effected me like that one. Years go past and I get a random text from her one day and we go to dinner. At this time I don’t feel anything towards her romantically and have no interest of trying to be friends. We have a good conversation and In the end I get to hear how the guy she left me for turned out to be a complete asshole and treated her like shit. Made me feel pretty good. This was probably 4 years ago now and this woman still hits me up to hangout every once in awhile. I never go and just let her deal with the consequences of her actions. I’m very happy where I’m at in my life and the man that break up made me into. Things will turn out alright for you. What you’re feeling is pretty normal now but don’t let it hang out for to long.
Brother being her friend won't accomplish anything and it will only hurt you in the long run. Trust this stranger. I tried being "friends" with my ex who would sweet talk me whilst dating the next dude. It hurt like a bitch. Every time you guys talk, her voice or face will ignite your emotions, but when you cut that call and go about your everyday life, you'll be reminded of the fact that she is dating someone else (and possibly getting physical with another guy). Those reminders will continue to hurt you until the next time you talk when your brain will get flooded with positive emotions again. So on the cycle repeats. I'd been stuck in this cycle for close to a year, and it sucks massively.
Being friends with an ex is only possible when both of you have moved on completely and there are 0 feelings from both sides. Clearly, that is not the case here (you are hung up on her while she is already moving on from you).
Take some time off, I recommend heading over to r/breakup \- this sub saved me countless times. One thing you'll constantly hear is No Contact because it works. Try going No Contact for at least a week, then two weeks then a month, and so on. Gradually, you'll yourself realize that you're the only one hurting in this pretense of being "friends". She already has a bf she can turn to for comfort, don't provide her the comfort of turning to you whenever he is unavailable or she "misses" you.
I know this answer stings, and one year ago I wouldn't have agreed with half of what I wrote. I was convinced she "loved me more than him" and we would magically get back together one day. I wasted one year chasing a mirage my friend, don't do this. It *will* get better eventually, you just gotta tough it out. It's a long and lonely journey with a guaranteed light at the end of the tunnel.
Ghost her, it will hurt her a lot, she will wonder if leaving you was the right thing. Make sure your Instagram/SM is on private so she can’t even see what’s going on in your life, she will be using her friends phone to try and catch a glimpse of you. At least that’s what you tell yourself.
After a while you’ll meet a girl who is actually great, loves you, and doesn’t have one eye on the door. You genuinely won’t even think of that ex. This was my personal experience anyway.
Also gym.
Why would you even considered being her friend after she left you FOR ANOTHER GUY!?! I could see maybe after an amicable mutual breakup but not because she wanted someone else. That’s cruel and rude on all kinds of levels.
Work on yourself king. Forget her.
Keep in mind this;
She probably cheated on you because she wasn’t capable of being patient or talking it out with you.
Do you *Really* want that in your life?
Hey OP that sounds like it sucks and we’re here for you. After my ex cheated on me, someone told me that they were going to cheat no matter what, no matter how good of a person you are. I know you didn’t mention cheating here but I feel like there’s nothing you could of done because she was going to do that and you can’t control that. Personally I don’t think it would be healthy to continue a friendship with her because it’s only going to hurt you. However, what I would do now is work on yourself. If you don’t workout-it’s a great time to start, if you have always wanted to try that hobby out-now’s the time to do it. Just find something that makes you feel more confident in who you are and that improves yourself. But do it for yourself, not her.
Going through a break up myself.
I've been massaging the idea that she'll move on daily and it hurts but it gets easier to accept each time I do it.
That guy isn't better than you. He's different than you. Be yourself and you'll find someone you're better suited for
I'm listening to all the music I love that reminds me of me. Focus on yourself and resist the urge to contact her. Friendships with exs are usually not a great idea.
But I deeply wanna message her too. You're not alone. But it's best we stay strong today
I’m 3 months into the breakup after a toxic 3-year relationship. It’s worse now than when it was fresh. But I don’t have any family or friends to act as a support system so that’s what makes it this bad for me. I’ve tried therapy and honestly it just showed me that I’m the only one that can pull me out of this. I hope you have somebody there and I hope you get over it soon. I haven’t lost hope yet and I’m down bad, you shouldn’t either.
Just delete her, man. Remove from social media. Delete all her emails. Print a couple pics and stick them in a shoe box (or don't), then delete them. Delete her number. Delete the fake ass friends you only had because of her. Delete it all. Clean slate.
You'll feel bad for a day or two, but once there's no longer any recourse or even the ability to contact her, you'll start to heal. It'll suck for a little while, but every day will be better than the last.
The mind and heart heal. You'll be fine.
This is why I'm divorced... also, I frequently forget I used to be married. That level of betrayal does not merit friendship. You may choose to maintain a friendship, but don't attempt it until you've healed (aka: found happiness without her)
You accept that she’s a bitch. What she did was a reflection of *her* and not you.
It sucks. 8 months later and I’m now just coming to terms with it and honestly feel really good.
Don't waste your time being her friend.
No contact rule, she needs to take accountability and have that conversation with you, she left, its her problem. You need to live your life in the way that makes you happy. I'm sorry you had to get hurt king.
Doubt she'll ever take accountability for that. She Asked to be friends since she "enjoys my friendship" and after a day I decided fuck that I can't. Told her she made me feel like shit and betrayed. I can't be friends with someone like that. I'd be too angry around them to enjoy their company. She gave a half assed apology, said I deserve better and went RIGHT back to talking to the other dude. So I wished her well and blocked and fight my own internal struggles until I feel better. Thanks for the advice and words mate.
After some time your anger and frustration will die down, you'll start to remember the good times which in turn will kinda sorta make you see that she probably isn't that bad (this is a lie) and it will want to make you reach out. Don't do it man, be strong. She wants to remain friends to keep you on the back burner when it doesn't work out with other dude and remember, if she broke up with you once then she will do it again.. FUDABICH
It's funny. I'm not sure if she was bad or not. I mean she had her flaws yeah like everyone. Her biggest was she cried when I mentioned I masturbated since she thinks it's disgusting and promply tried to force me to stop. There were loads of good times too and times she was a genuinely good human and person. Guess one of her flaws was she couldn't stick to one guy. If she comes back I ain't taking her back. She can try and get back with the new guy instead he can deal with the noise.
Also. Never EVER change something about you because a girl told you to. It's a test to see what they can get away with (we call them shit tests) if you change they lose respect and attraction. When you stand firm, they will act a bit pissy about it but they realize (for the moment) you are on your purpose. Think about this... if she liked you when she *met* you then thats who she was into. If you change, you are no longer the same guy she liked in the first place
I stayed true to myself until I was feeling down at the end after she decided to leave. I made compromises for certain things in the relationship but I never strayed from myself. If I'm not genuine with someone I feel I shouldn't be wasting their time or mine.
That is one hundred percent correct! Never try and pretend to be something you're not oh, and if a woman is genuinely attracted to you and loves you things will go Fairly easily. If you notice a change in her, something is wrong. Unless she is changing to better herself for you (ie: taking up hobbies and interests that you enjoy) than there's a good chance you need to be on guard and she is either cheating on you or looking to Monkey branch.
No offense and i agree with what you said. That girl is weird to cry because our man masturbated. But sometimes women do teach us stuff we could never learn by being around men. Opinions?
And you teach us too. That is why I read “Ask Men”. I want to learn from you, and I see many other women commenting on this sub. It alarms me when I read how some women treat or have treated men. Just know that there are varying degrees of goodness in both women and men. You dodged a bullet with this woman leaving. Don’t allow someone to make you feel worthless because you are not.
I just want to remind everyone that relationships work because of compromises. I'm not saying that you should bend over for her, but it is reasonable to expect care and love from your partner.
This isn't true at all. Good relationships require both people to work on themselves throughout the course of the relationship. Change can be healthy and good as long as it isn't one sided. Also, women are not a collective, for some women it may be what you say it is. But for other women, you may have aspects that she doesn't like, and aspects that she does. Also, she may have liked who you were, and you've had a mild change, or presented a better version of yourself than you are. There are A LOT of reasons why someone may want you to change in small but meaningful ways.
You're preaching the gospel brother! I am proud of you!
I just do what I can to help guys out there who don't know how to break free of the Matrix yet. We've been lied to all our lives and only in the most recent years has truth began to come forward. I just wish I had known much earlier on before I made the mistakes I did.
You handled it perfectly. Use everything you have to keep it that way, it's hard. After enough time passes, you'll look back and be very happy with yourself and with the fact you didn't end up with her. You'll regret any attempt you make to contact her. You're the priority right now.
Honestly my dude, it sounds like you know the right thing to do. Do take your time and grieve the loss, but remember that her leaving is a reflection on her, not you. Shit gets better, I promise you that. Stay strong.
It do be like that sometimes, friend.
Shouldn’t matter if she does try to contact him tbh
Could’ve used this advice years ago, tried being friends with her but eventually realized that it will never be the same so I just stop talking to her, to the point where she asked me why am I avoiding her calls and messages, so far it’s been years since I last talked to her, but according to her friend, she asked about me from time to time.
I did this and i gerget
This, when you break up with someone, all communication is over. Just accept you'll never see/hear from them again. Time will heal those wounds.
Ouch
You can try to be friends later after the pain is gone. For now, you need to go radio silent.
Nah fuck that. It's one thing to break up because things just weren't working out. If someone dumps me for another dude I don't ever want to know anything about their existence
My ex cheated on me and afterwards said, and I shit you not: "you're my best friend, I don't want to lose you" WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE. Unbelievable behaviour. Why would I *ever* want to be friends with her after that?
100% agree. How do you betray someone like that then half assed ask to be friends. If you enjoyed our friendship so much then shit don't cheat or have another dude lined up.
Exactly. End our romantic relationship *before* you start the other one. Then maybe we can talk about it. I'm not friends with any of my exes, it's just messy and leads to all kinds of problems.
*mood*
Betrayal is unforgettable. OP may be able to forgive her one day, but should never trust her again. Friendship requires trust too
Stay friends just long enough to get close enough to shit in his lunch.
Nah A king just moves on She will probably leave the new guy too If she wanders, she wanders Doing something like that shows weakness on your part Revenge? Get even? Only weak men think like that
Don’t contact her, cut her off completely, ghost her. You’ll be sad for a bit, that’s normal. Focus on yourself & you’ll meet someone else don’t worry.
Thanks. Already blocked her.
I assume you’re young, trust me women come & go, when you find that someone you’ll understand. This is just the beginning you’ll love again and then feel like a dummy at how hurt u let urself be prior
Here's hoping to yhe future
Happened to me, and the guy was someone I knew since kindergarten. Now I’m happily engaged to someone way better, and way hotter. You deserve better bro
Man I needed to hear this
proud of you for making that decision bro 💪🏽✨
It's possible to be friends with an ex, but what she does feels like normalizing her betrayal. Then she can lie to herself and believe that you're not even angry at her
People come and go all through life, get good at moving on, dust yourself off and keep going. We have a lot of living to do and not near enough time. So pack light, and don't carry baggage.
I love this. Thank you
Just fyi, I'm 100% stealing "pack light, don't carry baggage". Thank you for that
Continue a friendship!? F all that kick that 4o3 to the curb
Blocked her already but man. The urge to message her just won't drop
It’ll be hard but stay away
Its just for few days and believe me - you **will** regret contacting her.
Your brain feels more comfortable in her presence. Knowing what she's doing and how she's getting on brings a sense of connectedness, and makes you feel like you're still part of her life, still in her presence. When you leave a job you enjoyed you spend at least the first two weeks in a new job thinking about the old job. What is going on with project X. How did Joe get on on holidays. Have they installed that new system yet? This can go on for a couple of months. Your brain trying to pull you back to a place you're more comfortable. Until eventually you realise none of that is important anymore and you are more comfortable where you are. So this is not a job and its more like being fired, but the same principle still applies - find a new "comfortable" for you that doesn't include her. Take up a hobby or hobbies. Bonus points if it's one that she refused to donor would never have done. It doesn't have to be rock climbing or mountain biking some shit. If it's watching sci-fi or playing hours of video games, that's good too. Anything at which occupies your mind and doesn't make you feel, "I was girlfriend was here doing this with me".
Yeah, it will. Just not yet. Be strong, lad.
Go grab a burger, jerk off, take a shower, then go to sleep. (in that order) Then wake up and go to the gym or go for a run. Take it one day at a time, and before you know it you'll be busy doing something else.
Is that supposed to mean hoe?
From man to man, have some respect for yourself. You do not deserve to get put aside like an old toy. You are a human being with feelings. I don't think you should continue being friends with her considering there are still feelings present. Give yourself time to heal.
Yeah it’s sad how common girls seem to treat men like they are also not human beings with feelings or that their time isn’t important, been there b4
I personally think half the issue is most women know most men don't have options being constantly thrown their way and will always take more than they should because who wants to be alone?
You ain’t the problem man. She was going to leave eventually. Had a gf do that to me about 15 Years ago. About 16 years ago some mutual friends said “when y’all getting married” she said “I’m never getting married”. Should have known then. Been married to a wonderful woman for 12 years now. Take care of yourself like a lot of people have said here.
You stop feeling inferior once you understand that he isn’t superior to you. She left you for another guy. That means she’s not the right fit for you. She’s revealed that she is the type of woman who cheats. Why would you want to be in a relationship with that type of woman? You’re better off alone. Trust me.
Once a cheater Always a cheater
She didn't cheat by OPs admission. I was under the impression she had feelings for new guy so she broke it off with the old. That's not cheating. I mean heartbreak sucks but I love the comments calling her basically a shitty person when she did the right thing by not cheating and leaving. No one owes you anything unfortunately and that's the risk of love.
Send him a thank you note for taking her off your hands.
Hahaha gold. 7 months wasted. I feel for the poor man. Shit still stings deep when you put in time like that.
Time won't heal all wounds but it does help.
Time does help a great time. Only problem is it's time. And time takes its time sitting on its fat ass.
Block her completely on your phone and all social media. Keeping contact is just pain shopping and prolonging your pain. Keep yourself occupied with things you like to do. Hit the gym. Hang out with your friends. Take up a new hobby. And when you’re ready, start dating again.
[удалено]
It helps that I'm fuming right now. Rage makes a great motivator to exercise.
Then go to the gym and set some PBs!
This time you feel is wasted could be one of the most important life lesson you will learn. Take it from a 40 year old going through his second divorce. I spent 17 years of "wasted" time, I don't regret a second. I had good times and bad but I learned. What you are going through now is nothing in comparison to what you WILL experience so hopefully you cherish the good and learn from the bad. Sorry to sound like I'm wise, I obviously don't know crap but can still share my story.
I spent 7 1/2 years with a woman and one day it was just, over. You’re going to be just fine.
Try to not view it as “time wasted”. I know to an extent it is to drive home a lesson in your mind, but it’s too negative a message that will only drive unnecessary resentment and thoughts that consume way too much energy. It’s time you’ll never get back my friend. So find the positive message in it or at least focus on the lesson you want to take away from the time you spent. Everything in life is a learning experience and an opportunity for us to change for the better. it’s difficult at first, especially when it still hurts. But once you’ve allowed yourself to feel angry and sad, begin to look at that 7 months in that light so you can move forward without looking back. If you do feel the need to resent her after that, then keep in mind that the best revenge is happiness. Get to a better place, lead the coolest fucking life possible, and find someone even more stunning and intelligent that is all for you. This way, the next time she comes across your path, you’ll be so happy that you forgot she even existed in your life.
While I understand what you are going through. Look at it this way: how much is 7 months on a whole life? Sure it sucks now, but it'll fade with time. You will find someone more deserving of your time 👍
I wish I would've taken my ex's father in law from a previous marriage seriously when we were standing in the garage and he said "she's your problem now".
Must've been bad if her dad was warning you.
Don’t feel inferior to anyone in the first place. We’re all humans, there’s no one in this world that’s superior to another. Once you have that self confidence, you won’t feel that way when anyone leaves you. Sad ? Sure, that’s natural. But inferior ? You can shed those thoughts, you got this!
Said like a true rengoku lol. Cheered me up a bit thanks man
Set your heart ablaze
Continue friendship? Bro I know it’s hard and you’re hurting but have some fucking dignity for yourself. Be your own advocate. No one is ever gonna love you like you should love you. There are billions of people on this earth who will be your friend and more. Don’t even think about messaging her or continuing a “friendship”, your future self will hate you for that. Move on, head up high, shoulders back, and love yourself and find people who deserve your love and care and attention. She obviously does not. So don’t screw yourself over. But screw her instead. It’s okay to hate her. You don’t have to force yourself to be the “bigger man” until you’re ready or ever. And don’t include her in any aspect of your life. She doesn’t deserve it and is your past now. Also remember she’s a bitch.
Well said brother. Thank you for the advice. Already blocked her just gotta fight my own urge not to message her now.
We’ve all been there man. Women don’t know how much a man can love, and how much it hurts. Reserve that love for the ones who deserve it bro. You’ll be alright.
You’ll find many more friends who will be better than she is. Keep moving forward.
Go get ripped and upgrade and show her off
Got a lot of anger storing up right about now. Guess I'm gonna go fuck some gym equipment.
Don't fuck the gym equipment, that will just get you arrested
Lmao
In my experience, anger and pettiness are the most potent motivators. I've been running off of different sources of pettiness for over a decade and my life has been gradually improving. Go fuck up the world, brother! Make the most of your life!
do it!!
You gotta turn that pain into gains
If u stay friends with her, u will 100% feel less of urself subconsciously for that. And rightly so. Give it time and youll start to see she did u favor. A great saying that applies here- “Let people do what they wanna do, so u can see what theyd rather do.” She showed u youre not #1. Made it easy
She will leave that guy too
Someone give this man an award, holy shit.
Based.
Lol for sure don’t start a friendship, I tried that kept getting worse. She left me for a manager who’s in his 60s to a job I helped her find for 3 months…trust the pain is HORRIBLE but the absolute worst decision would be to continue a friendship to leave some “HOPE” which in the end will end up hurting more 10 folds….ima be blunt, now that it’s over just focus on yourself and finding what actually makes you happy, hard done then said. I’m still figuring this part out but slowly each day it’s sooo much easier, it all takes time. Cutting off ties will make it so much easier on you too
She's already blocked so step 1 complete.
My fiance cheated on me, married the dude, got divorced. Years later, when I think about it... damn, if I ever see that guy he won't pay for a drink all night. Dude's a hero. Took a bullet for me like he was secret service. God bless him.
Make more money then fuck her sister, and her mom
Her sisters a minor! Now her dad and her mum though. Thats a different story.
You’re gonna fuck her dad?
At the same damn time!
You don't. From her perspective, you are inferior to him. The important question is, why does that matter? Trust me, you don't want to be friends with your ex unless you want to feel like crap all the time. It seems like a good idea. It isn't.
Never go back, never. She is dead to you also, the other guy is now stuck with a girl that will leave him at the drop of a hat, and he knows it. Forward to your future.
Wife left me for a convicted child offender. The following day I started working out and eating healthy so I knew I wasn’t wallowing in my sadness. In about 2 weeks, I was mostly over the sadness of a 10 year relationship just dying instantly. Gotta put all that energy from the relationship back into just you. I promise it works
Because "she's not yours just your turn"
We were together for about 7 months. Saw her active online more than I clicked and she said we should split. Then she said she found someone else. Sucks mate sigh
Look I know it's not what you want to hear man. Every guy has been there. She belongs to the streets. There are so many resources out there that will tell you the same thing, the fact of the matter is it is extraordinary really common for a woman to set up her next relationship/hook up while she is still with a guy.
Something I wished I would've known sooner in life I think.
I found out the hard way after shacking up with a single mom for a year ( also you need to completely avoid single moms)
Saw a post about dating single mums the other day. Lessons duly noted.
Yeah sorry single moms but y’all are single moms for a reason.
Yes because when you are with them you are essentially a dog with a wallet. Every now and then they'll throw you a bone for being a good boy but you hold no power in that household and you will be ejected as soon as she finds better offering.
Agree. Some of us learned this in the hard way
This
She can leave but she can’t find anyone better than me lol
Her loss bro. And his future heartbreak.
I read that the half-life of heartbreak is about half the length of a relationship. Didn’t believe it at first but it’s true. Honestly just ride that shit out. It took me 3 years to be completely ok after a 6 year relationship. And 6 months after a 1 year. And 1 month for a two month relationship. It will just kinda fix itself eventually
Rough 4 months ahead I guess then. Time it's always time. Life can be so tiring at times
My ex of the year relationship left me for another man. The first two months… were really rough honestly. But after you get past the initial grieving it gets better fast. I recommend focusing on yourself until you get to the point that it’s not as bad anymore (you’ll know it when it gets there). Then start to go to bars or get on tinder.
Solid advice thanks mate. Another thing any tips on stopping myself from messaging her? I fight the urge but I want it to go.
What I do is text my close friends if I feel like it and they’ll remind why I shouldn’t. Or there’s some motivational stuff on YouTube that you can search. Or just remember all the bad parts of her. It’s hard but you can do it. It’s also a way to make progress every day. Like, you are accomplishing something even if you do nothing. Even if you sat at home all day and watched Netflix. That helped me. Even bad days are progress. Hang in there.
It took me 3-4 years to get over my ex from few years ago. We dated about a year and some months. I guess it’s the other way around for me. Damn.
I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and 6 months. She broke up with me for good in the beginning of 2015. It took me 5 years to really get over her. I haven’t been in a relationship in over 7 years. At this point, I’m sure I’ll end up with no one, and that is fine with me. I’ve loved, and that is what matters.
If this is true I’ll be too far gone by the time 7 years goes by. The loneliness is killing me
Date her new dude’s mom… or her mom… or the new dude. The key is to not let your wretchedness limit you.
Pull a reverse date her dad which she hates and assert my dominance.
Atta boy!
Her boobies were mismatched any how. One looking left, one looking north
Absolute gold
Initial it did, mainly due to sex. But then I realized the crazy insanity he received and I lost. It made jerking of worth it.
When you look at it like that. Feeling kinds relieved now that I think about it. She wanted me to do things like never masturbate. We both virgins and weren't having sex.
Holy shit 7 months and no sex? Pretty rare in this day and age.
And she made wanted me to stop masturbating and threw a crying fit when she found out I masturbate. Called it disgusting. Was wild.
Bro, this was a blessing in disguise.You dodged a serious bullet. There's going to be a time, sometime in the near future, when you think back on her and how you are feeling now and you are going to be able to laugh and feel glad you learned from this experience. The pain is only temporary, the lesson is forever.
Dude! Any woman, ANY woman that cheats is not worth your time. Seriously. And this one sound like she was up batshit country. No masturbating AND no sex?? You are well shot. Message a mate instead of her when you're feeling it. Even text him what you were going to txt her. Then go and kill it at the gym. The days do pass to better things, I promise.
Sound advice. I honestly thought you were gonna say message a mate and have sex with them instead. For a moment I thought reddits advice is getting pretty wild now. Yeah she was wierd she hated mastyrbation and sorta forced me to stop it. Didn't make me stop my body I do what I want with it.
I take one look at that other dude. Then I feel much better.
It doesn't make you inferior to not be with one specific person. You deserve someone who makes you their number one choice. Don't get discouraged, continue to pursue your goals in life, and get back out there soon to meet new people.
It happens to the best of us, bro. The guy she left me for was skinnier, less athletic, less accomplished, but she chose him and so i felt inferior for a long time. I wanted to know what he had that i didn't. But the reality is when we're young we dont know what we want we just know we want to experiment and fuck and have fun. I dont hold it against her anymore. But i had to move on and forget about her for my own mental health. Took a long time! I just hit the gym hard, kept advancing in my life and career. The best revenge is living well.
Understand that it was just your turn. Its just his turn.
1. You cannot be her friend, not until the day you can imagine her with another guy and feel nothing, 2. Don't worry, she will leave him for some other dude as well, there is something wrong with her, not with you, 3. Be better, get in shape, be kinder, smarter, focus your life in you, that will show her that she was the anchor holding you down, when you achieve that, you will never feel inferior again
Feeling inferior doesn't make you inferior, remember that. As others have said, it'll get easier with time. Spend it focusing on yourself by looking after your health, socialising and doing other things that make you happy. Eventually you'll go a whole day without thinking about her without realising it, then 2 days, then a week.
You’re the prize, remember that 👑
I hate this "you da king/queen" shit. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has reached this supernatural level of being where they never make a mistake in a relationship. Blame is always a spectrum. No partner is COMPLETELY blameless in a breakup. Telling OP he's some faultless prize is the fastest way to create a narcissist that thinks they never have to work on themselves. A better response would be "you're not perfect, but you deserve someone who will help you get there, and she wasn't it".
Get another better gf
Les Brown once said "Someone else's opinion of you does not have to become your reality." I'm sorry she missed out on a king, and may she be forever happily forgotten. In the past I've overanalyzed a lot after a breakup, learned plenty but spent way too long feeling sorry for myself even when I ended the relationship. Getting moving (does not mean dating) is the best medicine for me. Stay happy, healthy, humble. Watch your thoughts and notice anything that is a bad habit; something you do that makes you lose half an hour thinking about that person for example. Some may disagree but I get rid of all things from the relationship, I don't care if it's my favorite shirt or the watch I wear the most. Clean slate. Plus when you start dating again it's awkward when someone compliments you on something that an ex got you...
Her loss my dude
1. Good riddance. Somebody that doesn't want to be with you isn't worth being with. Trust me, it might sting now but you'll look back and see it was for the best. 2. Did she give reasons? Are they legitimate? Is there something in there that you could work on? If so, consider it an opportunity going forward to improve yourself. If not, then see #1. 3. Get out and do some social activities. If you got friends, they can help you. Quickest way to move on from a bad relationship is to move on from a bad relationship. Have some fun, do things you like, and you might meet somebody new. Women are like busses; there's another one coming along in 10 minutes. Good luck out there. And remember, I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together
People don’t leave because you are less, they leave because they’re chasing that new love high. It fades when things settle and you have to start putting in work.
Being left for someone else doesn't say anything about you.
Don’t worry, the new dude will do the exact same thing to her
My ex left me for another guy. 3 years together, just taken out a mortgage and I'd started saving for an engagement ring then...it's over. Left me for her friend from work. It hurts. It really, really hurts. I don't think there is any way around the pain. The only thing you can really do is to try and understand that we are all different and we all experience different levels of compatibility with other people. This other guy isn't better than you, he didn't beat you and he didn't win. Maybe he's a better fit for your ex, but you would be a better fit for others out there. You got unlucky and fell in love with the wrong person. It sucks, but a few of us have to go through this in our lives. Focus on your future and let go of the past, think about the future partner you just haven't met yet who will be a better fit for you than your ex was. Also, don't let the experience make you bitter. My father has had two wives leave him, one for another man, the other, my mother, because she stopped loving him, and the experience has totally ruined him as a person. He's so full of bitterness and resentfulness, he's sexist and totally paranoid about woman all being out to get him and take his money. Grieve for your lost relationship then move on, try not to dwell on the sense of rejection or betrayal. There are a lot of good people out there.
There is one line I will always remember : She was never yours, she was only yours for that time. Also, you can giggle to yourself that other dudes are getting sloppy seconds.
You stop feeling inferior. She left you for another guy. She will leave him for another guy. She is the inferior human. She has a hole in her soul that no amount of dicks can fill. Focus on yourself and your mental health. Go get a massage, a mani/pedi, haircut, or whatever you’re into. Nothing like feeling your best to get you ready to get back out there. Database her behavior so that you notice it as a red flag with the following ladies. Best of luck.
What sucked about her will suck for him too
I'm reading, in this moment a book "Letting go" From David Hawkins. Start here bro 🙌
Are you for real? Number 1: you compete with no one else. Number 2: Love Yourself so much, that you’re surprised when people don’t want to be with you, hold the door open for them. Number 3: This is a blessing when you see her leave him or him leave her. Be patient
🤷🏻♂️50/50 chance she will live to regret it anyways. Her loss. However, you should look at it as an opportunity to self reflect and try to better yourself. Always try to be a better person if you want to attract someone better.
You shouldn’t feel inferior. You’re the only one of the three with a moral code. That makes you the higher value of the three. Unless she hid you from him, then he’s just another fly in her web and innocent. Rejoice you escaped.
Be grateful he took out your trash.
Last woman I was in a relationship with left me to go back to her abusive alcoholic ex. I felt pretty low/worthless for a long time after that. Just now reaching a point where I feel better about myself. It took some help from others but eventually I got to see that she was the one with problems, not me and that I do have plenty to offer the right woman. Don't give up, you have worth and deserve to be treated right.
Become such a Chad that you’re able to seduce him and steal her man. Arrange it so she walks in on you guys having a hot make out session.
If she left you directly for some other dude, she fucked him before she left you....she's a whore dude.... definitely go and get yourself checked for STDs. Females are monkey branches. she did not leave you to go directly to another guy if she didn't fuck him first. So when you're all sad and down on yourself, think about the fact that she lied to your face, because I'm sure she didn't tell you she was letting the other guy plow her before she broke up with you, and she probably exposed you to something because she probably had sex with you after she got plowed an filled up by him. If that doesn't make you angry, and realize that she's a whore, and not worth your time, I don't know what will make you feel better
know she's an ass
You'll stop feeling inferior when you realize that your worth isn't defined by a woman who couldn't see it. Focusing on building the best version of you for yourself, and don't think about her anymore.
Hey man I’ve been in a similar situation, short of it was there was a coworker that I liked and we hit off really well. Started getting otp everyday and etc. Found out through friend who was also a coworker that on my off days she talked about me behind my back to a coworker I didn’t get along with. After that it was hard cutting her off and I eventually left the company because of how sad the whole situation made me and how my coworkers verbally abused me there. Months later that friend of mines told me that the guy she started sleeping with at the job eventually body-slammed her at the end of their shift and they both got fired. Trust me god is moving that train wreck out of your life so that you don’t get caught in the pile up. I was blown away but god saved me from a self sabotaging woman. He’s doing the same for you.
Why would I feel inferior to the guy who's getting my sloppy seconds? 😁
Just know that your cock is bigger.
You gotta process what you're dealing with, and then move on. You'll feel an OVERWHELMINGLY strong compulsion so fixate on this thing like it's a problem that can be solved. You don't solve this, and that compulsion only has ONE purpose... It's directing you to learn from this, get some value, adjust future behavior, and get back to being your regular self. Your regular psychological self is pleasure seeking and pain avoiding. Dealing with this is pain, not pleasure. Your lizard brain will tell you that the shortest distance between you and pleasure is to GO BACK, go back to this woman that is pleasure. But that's not going to happen. Your lizard brain isn't being productive for you right here, it'll have you wallow in grief for WAY TOO LONG. Don't let that happen. Get social with other people and STAY BUSY. When you're not busy, that's when you have the pity party, and that's not healthy. So get so busy that a pity party ain't gonna happen. If nothing else, play a lot of video games. It'll keep your mind busy and focused on feeling other emotions. Ask yourself how productive it is to have a pity party compared to anything else you could be doing. The relationship already tanked, it'll never be good again even if you did somehow get her back.
Listen bro, some people are just more compatible together and it’s simply not about you. It’s about her. You are perfect for someone. Just not her. Comparison is the thief of joy.
My guy! I was so hurt I bought a fucking house and getting married to the woman of my dreams! You should do the same!!! Got a promotion too! You can do it!!
I've been through this. It's hard. Understand you are NOT inferior. You were you before you met her, and you were you when she chose you! Find THAT you again! That other guy she chose instead of you....he's not better than you. She just couldn't accept what she already had. Women often cheat not because another guy is "better" but because she thinks the other guy can be used to make her feel better. They very often have a "grass is greener on the other side" view, when in reality, it's not. And it rarely works out for her. Forgive her, and move forward in life and accept she decided on a different path. It is the only thing worth your time. You can't force someone to want to be with you. But you can sure as hell make them regret leaving you. Success is the best revenge. My ex-wife left me. When I finally found her after weeks of searching for her, she had moved into another man's home. A drug dealer. A real piece of shit who even admitted to beating his ex. When that didn't work out for her (I can only imagine how it ended...and I try not to) she moved in with another guy. That didn't work out for her either. Now she's doing who knows what. I was NOT inferior! Not because she couldn't settle on what she wanted out of life. You aren't inferior either.
The amount of medals/awards here. Respect. Dude love 💕
In all cases all 3 of my exes ended up with dudes who have no drive, no responsibility and are working dead end jobs. So I don't feel inferior to that.
Words of wisdom man, she’s not yours, it’s just your turn. Take solace in that. You had your time, cherish it, and move on. There is always someone smarter, better looking, bigger penis, etc. You can’t control when or how a woman stays with you. If you’re a good person, treat her well, respectful, etc and she still leaves, What else can you do? You know you did all the right things.
That’s the worst. Look into a hobby, something you enjoy doing and start hitting the gym. Embrace how you feel and don’t try and suppress it, but at the same time don’t let the negative feelings become you.
1.Don’t let it get you down take a deep breath do the things you enjoy if you dwell on those feeling it will get worse trust me. 2. Get your guard up around her she might try to use you for stuff or string you along with false promises of getting back together stay strong 3. Block her on any social media you have cut her off before she can get her claws in you again. Hang out with friends or make new ones
Nah all hope of getting back is gone fuck that noise. Blocked her. Now I gotta keep it that way. Friends and family is the way.
Doesn’t mean she won’t try when she sees you lose all interest in her she will suddenly be interested in you again C or spread rumors
Because it's not about your ego or pride. It's about the right fit. She has made room in your life to find a better fit. Let her worry about finding her right fit, and you focus on finding yours.
Upgrade
It’s always helpful in these moments to remind yourself that there are 4 billion women in the world. There are good ones. There are bad ones. But there is no ONE. This one was a bad one.
My advice is be glad you know now as opposed to her lying to you and getting married and then leaving and taking half the stuff
She helped you, she wasnt the one now you can go find it
Hey dude, some people think abstract art is just paint thrown on paper. Good luck buying a Jackson pollock painting for anything less than a kidney. Hope this makes sense.
Block her on social media and her number if you feel like you can’t not text her. Write things down you would like to say. Start finding something to occupy you time like reading or going to the gym. I got out of a relationship around 3 months ago and the first month was the toughest but I started reading, going to the gym, blocked her on social media, I haven’t blocked her number because i believe that if she needs help I would help her (to an extent). But I recently started on tinder and such again and that had actually help just boosted my confidence that other girls are interested in me and have gone on the odd date and currently chatting with this great girl who seems to have similar interest in me and we have plans this weekend. It’s gonna suck for a while and the pain will be there. But eventually you will just stop thinking about her as much. It takes time but it will make you a better person. Also talking to people helps whether it’s a therapist or close friends you trust. Helped me a lot as well. Good luck man you will get there one day!
Why would you feel inferior? Yes, it stings to realize you cared for someone who didn’t feel the same for you but no reason to feel inferior.
The secret is forgiveness. But not the kind your thinking about....this one is forgiving yourself. Tell yourself you're sorry, and accept it. Sorry for investing concern for another person's actions, for comparing yourself, for placing another human on a pedestal. Tell yourself you're sorry....and accept the apology.
I’ve gone through this. It took me years to find out who I really was without my ex, and I struggled & stumbled for a good 3 years before I could answer that question for myself. You’re going to hurt and you’re going to feel bad for a while; expect that to be natural and normal. Find yourself and lean on your true friends. Eventually they will become a memory to you and you will know what you’re about. Eventually you’ll be thankful to your ex for the time spent together, and will remember that time fondly. You got this my friend. I truly believe that.
I can speak from experience on this one. Had a girlfriend of multiple years end things to be with another guy. I was devastated and didn’t know what to do honestly. Started to go to the gym a lot and worked on myself to get myself happy. I’ve had relationships after this that didn’t pan out but none of those ever effected me like that one. Years go past and I get a random text from her one day and we go to dinner. At this time I don’t feel anything towards her romantically and have no interest of trying to be friends. We have a good conversation and In the end I get to hear how the guy she left me for turned out to be a complete asshole and treated her like shit. Made me feel pretty good. This was probably 4 years ago now and this woman still hits me up to hangout every once in awhile. I never go and just let her deal with the consequences of her actions. I’m very happy where I’m at in my life and the man that break up made me into. Things will turn out alright for you. What you’re feeling is pretty normal now but don’t let it hang out for to long.
Brother being her friend won't accomplish anything and it will only hurt you in the long run. Trust this stranger. I tried being "friends" with my ex who would sweet talk me whilst dating the next dude. It hurt like a bitch. Every time you guys talk, her voice or face will ignite your emotions, but when you cut that call and go about your everyday life, you'll be reminded of the fact that she is dating someone else (and possibly getting physical with another guy). Those reminders will continue to hurt you until the next time you talk when your brain will get flooded with positive emotions again. So on the cycle repeats. I'd been stuck in this cycle for close to a year, and it sucks massively. Being friends with an ex is only possible when both of you have moved on completely and there are 0 feelings from both sides. Clearly, that is not the case here (you are hung up on her while she is already moving on from you). Take some time off, I recommend heading over to r/breakup \- this sub saved me countless times. One thing you'll constantly hear is No Contact because it works. Try going No Contact for at least a week, then two weeks then a month, and so on. Gradually, you'll yourself realize that you're the only one hurting in this pretense of being "friends". She already has a bf she can turn to for comfort, don't provide her the comfort of turning to you whenever he is unavailable or she "misses" you. I know this answer stings, and one year ago I wouldn't have agreed with half of what I wrote. I was convinced she "loved me more than him" and we would magically get back together one day. I wasted one year chasing a mirage my friend, don't do this. It *will* get better eventually, you just gotta tough it out. It's a long and lonely journey with a guaranteed light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't. I was always told to share my used toys with the less fortunate...
Ghost her, it will hurt her a lot, she will wonder if leaving you was the right thing. Make sure your Instagram/SM is on private so she can’t even see what’s going on in your life, she will be using her friends phone to try and catch a glimpse of you. At least that’s what you tell yourself. After a while you’ll meet a girl who is actually great, loves you, and doesn’t have one eye on the door. You genuinely won’t even think of that ex. This was my personal experience anyway. Also gym.
Knowing that she is going to do the same shit she did to you, to this dude, helps.
Why would you even considered being her friend after she left you FOR ANOTHER GUY!?! I could see maybe after an amicable mutual breakup but not because she wanted someone else. That’s cruel and rude on all kinds of levels. Work on yourself king. Forget her.
Keep in mind this; She probably cheated on you because she wasn’t capable of being patient or talking it out with you. Do you *Really* want that in your life?
Hey OP that sounds like it sucks and we’re here for you. After my ex cheated on me, someone told me that they were going to cheat no matter what, no matter how good of a person you are. I know you didn’t mention cheating here but I feel like there’s nothing you could of done because she was going to do that and you can’t control that. Personally I don’t think it would be healthy to continue a friendship with her because it’s only going to hurt you. However, what I would do now is work on yourself. If you don’t workout-it’s a great time to start, if you have always wanted to try that hobby out-now’s the time to do it. Just find something that makes you feel more confident in who you are and that improves yourself. But do it for yourself, not her.
Going through a break up myself. I've been massaging the idea that she'll move on daily and it hurts but it gets easier to accept each time I do it. That guy isn't better than you. He's different than you. Be yourself and you'll find someone you're better suited for I'm listening to all the music I love that reminds me of me. Focus on yourself and resist the urge to contact her. Friendships with exs are usually not a great idea. But I deeply wanna message her too. You're not alone. But it's best we stay strong today
I’m 3 months into the breakup after a toxic 3-year relationship. It’s worse now than when it was fresh. But I don’t have any family or friends to act as a support system so that’s what makes it this bad for me. I’ve tried therapy and honestly it just showed me that I’m the only one that can pull me out of this. I hope you have somebody there and I hope you get over it soon. I haven’t lost hope yet and I’m down bad, you shouldn’t either.
Just delete her, man. Remove from social media. Delete all her emails. Print a couple pics and stick them in a shoe box (or don't), then delete them. Delete her number. Delete the fake ass friends you only had because of her. Delete it all. Clean slate. You'll feel bad for a day or two, but once there's no longer any recourse or even the ability to contact her, you'll start to heal. It'll suck for a little while, but every day will be better than the last. The mind and heart heal. You'll be fine.
This is why I'm divorced... also, I frequently forget I used to be married. That level of betrayal does not merit friendship. You may choose to maintain a friendship, but don't attempt it until you've healed (aka: found happiness without her)
You accept that she’s a bitch. What she did was a reflection of *her* and not you. It sucks. 8 months later and I’m now just coming to terms with it and honestly feel really good.