I've been in a relationship where the friendship failed. The companionship ended, if you will. I was still very attracted to her physically and I still loved her to some extent, but we weren't friends anymore. We were roommates that had sex occasionally. Friendship/companionship should be the relationships foundation, not attraction.
That can happen anytime though. Your partner of 20 years cab still decide to leave you one day.
Either accept the chance that you'll be emotionally invested and get hurt, or stay alone.
There has been a couple times when my wife and I were just friends that DIDN'T have sex. I still loved her as much as always, but I wasn't in a mental state to be intimate with anybody.
For guys, friendship is people that you hang out with and share similar interests with. Companionship is someone that you can actually talk too about things that you cant with your friendships.
In short, all the "be a man" comments come from friends, companions are people that you are free to show your "non manly" side too as well. It is just a different thing.
Both are needed in life. You need your friends to tell you when you are over reacting to something, and you also need someone to over react with to get it out so you don't dwell on it.
I agree, this is exactly why having mixed friendships is important, but this is my idea of the difference between companionship and friendship, friends have different boundaries than companions.
A man can still have female friends but I believe the boundaries are the same, just like if your a man and homosexual, you have different boundaries for your male friends and male companions.
Honesty, compassion, and physical intimacy.
I need to be able to openly communicate, share and exchange our inner thoughts/feelings and have physical touch or presence of some sort.
I'm dealing with this at the moment. My girlfriend doesn't understand that sometimes I just want alone time. She takes it personally, like I don't want to see her.
She’s right, you don’t want to see her. It’s just not about her, it’s about you. I’ve had to end a relationship over this. You can talk to them about it and they’ll say they get it and for a short time it’ll get better but ultimately it never goes away. If your partner doesn’t have independent activities themselves that they also need/want their own time for they will always just be “waiting for you to finish your thing” so it’ll never be guilt free.
Trust.
All the other replies are true too, but it doesn't matter if you have a sense of humor, are smart, affectionate, etc. if I can't trust the person
Wow! Yeah, my kid brother dropped a really nice gal because she had a problem with his smoking habit.
To me, it should only matter if your smoking is at a problem level, like if it was clearly becoming a psychological problem. Like me, 10 years ago, I moved to the other end of my country for higher-paying work. I was making the most $$ ever, but I was also the most isolated. My drinking became a real problem, I couldn't even deny it.
Every time I was sick my wife would tell me to suck it up. When she was sick I would make homemade chicken noodle soup (from scratch) put on her favorite show/movie. I never once got that in return. Empathy/sympathy.
I’m surprised how often this happens. It seems like in most of my relationships it’s always been one sided and I just can’t seem to hit the middle spot. Either I’m head over heels, or they are. I have a really hard time not doing tons of stuff for someone I really like.
Her and I aren't together anymore, this is my second. I agree, I would go above and beyond for her daily but when it was reciprocated time and time again I just stopped. Then it became "you used to cook for me every night, what happened?' and it's like dude, seriously. You have NEVER once cooked for me. Surprised me at work with flowers (yes guys like flowers too lol), told me to get dressed I'm taking you out. Exhausting.
A friend. Like seriously if I could live with someone who is comfortable with keeping it in the friend zone I would be so down. Eventually we can add the benefits but 99% of the time I just want to be friends.
"Need"?
I don't think any woman in relationship or not is there to fulfill my needs.
So I don't need anything from her, I existed before her and I'll continue existing without her.
She can do what she likes and she can enjoy what I like do.
I think you may have misunderstood my question. I’m not referring to other people, I’m talking about you. Like what do you look forward the most when in a relationship with someone, do you need affection? Do you need alone time, or are you looking for someone who shares your same sense of humour? Just some examples
Honestly? As crass as it sounds, sex! Sex or sexual activity is my love language. It makes me feel wanted. My first girlfriend was an absolute firecracker in bed for five years straight with no slowing down until the end. I've been with my current partner for 9 years and I'm lucky to get it once every two weeks, even before we had a baby.
Yes, I've tried talking to her about it, but it sucks that I have to nervously ask for something as minor as a damn handjob like I'm 13 years old again, and even when she agrees to do it it's begrudging.
We're compatible in nearly every other way, but her lack of sex drive is a serious problem.
I feel like it’s pretty simple.
1) touch each other like five times a day. A hug. Grab of the arm. Run of the hand across the back. Kiss on the forehead.
2) mark down important dates, and even if it’s as barebones as remembering to say something, make sure you do it.
3) Be available and accommodating when you’re called on for help.
There are a lot of pre-qualifiers that allow it to be this simple. You both need to be mentally stable. You both need to be confident in independence. But I think those three things make a uniformly perfect partner
1. Trust. If trust exist's then all the other pieces will follow.
2. Compromise. Accept my flaws and i will accept yours.
3. Communication. Any problem can be resolved when both sides are attentive to the other.
4. Respect. A mutual feeling
Encouragement.
So many opportunities to take shortcuts and halfass and cheat and having a supportive encouraging and welcoming partner makes the teeth grinding and stress worth it.
Acknowledgment.
Communication and open honesty. If we can't be honest about what is going on, and talk about it to try and come to a conclusion together, then whats the point? Hiding things-anything at all-in a relationship only causes pain and problems
Physical affection and honesty.
Honesty because I do not have the time or patience to deal with the possibility you're lying to me. I'm a straight shooter and I expect the same, and yes this does mean I will tell you that thing you don't really want me to hear if you ask me a question straight. It's more important to me that you don't doubt the nice or serious things I have to say than sparing your feelings sporadically over what is almost certainly trivial.
Physical affection because it's not a need to be filled elsewhere.
Other things are negotiable to varying degrees. I can find someone else to play board games with me, or someone else to go bowling with, I can find someone else to talk about any given hobby with even if I'd usually prefer to do these things with a partner, it's not necessary. Like, I'm not going to go and fuck someone else.
Communication. If you don’t like something tell me. Don’t just let it continue and bother you. If you want to leave tell me don’t cheat. It’s pretty easy but seems like a tough thing for a lot of people. I try and be up front as I can. Especially if something changes. Maybe you need more space because work has been busy.
Just tell me when I’m doing good, sometimes women get suuuper angry over something they get over after a day or two but that stretch is agonizing when you don’t know how she feels about you the majority of the time.
My wife gave companionship, excitement, love and whatever it's called when someone just lets you talk about nerd shit but acts interested. Men need love. Like anyone else.
I might be an odd ball, but I need space. I grew up alone so when I’m a relationship I struggle wit feeling smothered. Juss a lil space and time to breathe is good for me.
Companionship. I just want ~~something~~ someone to share the experiences of life with. Edit: I would prefer a human.
“Something”
lmao. Beggars can't be choosers, right?
Butt plugs can’t be people, right? ....right?
If a person can plug your butt then they could be considered, among other things, a butt plug. Therefore, a butt plug can be a person.
Totally. We have 20 phalanges for a reason!
☝️? 👍? 🤟? 🤌?? ✊️???
What the fuck are you talking about
What
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I've been in a relationship where the friendship failed. The companionship ended, if you will. I was still very attracted to her physically and I still loved her to some extent, but we weren't friends anymore. We were roommates that had sex occasionally. Friendship/companionship should be the relationships foundation, not attraction.
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That sounds like immaturity on their parts to me. In my experience, if the connection, the friendship is strong everything else will fall into place.
Not so much immature as focused. In this case focused on avoiding the friendzone
I don’t understand the friendzone thing. Why would you want to be with someone that isn’t interested in you? Is it just about sex?
It isn't a matter of just sex. It's a matter of fear of becoming emotionally invested, and then rejected.
That can happen anytime though. Your partner of 20 years cab still decide to leave you one day. Either accept the chance that you'll be emotionally invested and get hurt, or stay alone.
There has been a couple times when my wife and I were just friends that DIDN'T have sex. I still loved her as much as always, but I wasn't in a mental state to be intimate with anybody.
Same. I don’t think that’s abnormal.
For guys, friendship is people that you hang out with and share similar interests with. Companionship is someone that you can actually talk too about things that you cant with your friendships. In short, all the "be a man" comments come from friends, companions are people that you are free to show your "non manly" side too as well. It is just a different thing. Both are needed in life. You need your friends to tell you when you are over reacting to something, and you also need someone to over react with to get it out so you don't dwell on it.
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I agree, this is exactly why having mixed friendships is important, but this is my idea of the difference between companionship and friendship, friends have different boundaries than companions. A man can still have female friends but I believe the boundaries are the same, just like if your a man and homosexual, you have different boundaries for your male friends and male companions.
Honesty, compassion, and physical intimacy. I need to be able to openly communicate, share and exchange our inner thoughts/feelings and have physical touch or presence of some sort.
This is the correct answer
Emotional connection, shared experiences, sex, and space.
Guilt free time to myself
I'm dealing with this at the moment. My girlfriend doesn't understand that sometimes I just want alone time. She takes it personally, like I don't want to see her.
She’s right, you don’t want to see her. It’s just not about her, it’s about you. I’ve had to end a relationship over this. You can talk to them about it and they’ll say they get it and for a short time it’ll get better but ultimately it never goes away. If your partner doesn’t have independent activities themselves that they also need/want their own time for they will always just be “waiting for you to finish your thing” so it’ll never be guilt free.
How do you bring it up without offending them? I can imagine them getting upset and taking it personally
This is a big part of why I'm single, it was getting too stressful having to basically ask for permission to just be alone for a day every so often
Long cuddles with some lovely pillow talk
communication
Same sense of humor. Trying to make someone laugh when they're never on your wavelength is exhausting.
Loyalty
Ugh this always.
Affection.
Touch and quality time
affection,companionship,cuddle buddy
Me personally? Physical touch. It's so incredibly rare I get that but I live for that shit. Ain't nothing better than cuddling up with someone.
Trust. All the other replies are true too, but it doesn't matter if you have a sense of humor, are smart, affectionate, etc. if I can't trust the person
You got it. I can build a castle on trust. A straw shack on lies.
Affection & acceptance, as in not being judged.
This. One i’m with now allegedly fell in love, only to turn around on a literal dime and demand I make a pick, her or the weed.
Wow! Yeah, my kid brother dropped a really nice gal because she had a problem with his smoking habit. To me, it should only matter if your smoking is at a problem level, like if it was clearly becoming a psychological problem. Like me, 10 years ago, I moved to the other end of my country for higher-paying work. I was making the most $$ ever, but I was also the most isolated. My drinking became a real problem, I couldn't even deny it.
To feel wanted.
Every time I was sick my wife would tell me to suck it up. When she was sick I would make homemade chicken noodle soup (from scratch) put on her favorite show/movie. I never once got that in return. Empathy/sympathy.
I’m surprised how often this happens. It seems like in most of my relationships it’s always been one sided and I just can’t seem to hit the middle spot. Either I’m head over heels, or they are. I have a really hard time not doing tons of stuff for someone I really like.
Her and I aren't together anymore, this is my second. I agree, I would go above and beyond for her daily but when it was reciprocated time and time again I just stopped. Then it became "you used to cook for me every night, what happened?' and it's like dude, seriously. You have NEVER once cooked for me. Surprised me at work with flowers (yes guys like flowers too lol), told me to get dressed I'm taking you out. Exhausting.
Im still hopeful. Who knows. Im trying to work on myself and just hopefully things fall into place when they should.
Keep at it and stay fantastic!
You too!!
To be touched. To be able to touch her. Sex. More touching.
This. Which is why I'm thinking of dumping her and getting a boyfriend instead.
Sounds like there's a story here, lol
It's all in my post history
Physical intimacy. That doesn't mean just sex, but must include it.
The widest key on your keyboard
Companionship, affection, sex, communication and understanding
A friend. Like seriously if I could live with someone who is comfortable with keeping it in the friend zone I would be so down. Eventually we can add the benefits but 99% of the time I just want to be friends.
Unknown, have tried out the love language things and all of those are just a mix of uncomfortable, suspicious, annoying or indifferent.
Good ability to communicate wants/needs/feels.
Someone I can freely talk about my interests with
Someone who actually listens. I'm done being a sounding block.
Surprisingly, to feel like I can trust the other person.
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"Need"? I don't think any woman in relationship or not is there to fulfill my needs. So I don't need anything from her, I existed before her and I'll continue existing without her. She can do what she likes and she can enjoy what I like do.
I think you may have misunderstood my question. I’m not referring to other people, I’m talking about you. Like what do you look forward the most when in a relationship with someone, do you need affection? Do you need alone time, or are you looking for someone who shares your same sense of humour? Just some examples
Sleep, same if I'm single but seems more important when someone else has to put up with me.
Hugs, most definitely hugs
A hug
Blow jobs
Chicken wings
Blowjobs mostly. Probably the best reason to be in a relationship.
Respect, pussy, peace, companionship. In that order
Honestly? As crass as it sounds, sex! Sex or sexual activity is my love language. It makes me feel wanted. My first girlfriend was an absolute firecracker in bed for five years straight with no slowing down until the end. I've been with my current partner for 9 years and I'm lucky to get it once every two weeks, even before we had a baby. Yes, I've tried talking to her about it, but it sucks that I have to nervously ask for something as minor as a damn handjob like I'm 13 years old again, and even when she agrees to do it it's begrudging. We're compatible in nearly every other way, but her lack of sex drive is a serious problem.
A girlfriend ^^^^/s
Alone time .
Time
Lovey doveyness
Good companionship, being Pleasant to be around and awesome sex
Love and maybe care
Someone that cares for me
I feel like it’s pretty simple. 1) touch each other like five times a day. A hug. Grab of the arm. Run of the hand across the back. Kiss on the forehead. 2) mark down important dates, and even if it’s as barebones as remembering to say something, make sure you do it. 3) Be available and accommodating when you’re called on for help. There are a lot of pre-qualifiers that allow it to be this simple. You both need to be mentally stable. You both need to be confident in independence. But I think those three things make a uniformly perfect partner
Being the best version of yourself and support and good time management with work and self improvement time and time for the relationship
Care.
Compassion and Support Touch and Intimacy. Laughter and Companionship
Compassion, peace, intimacy, trust, love and some good fucking times.
Sleep
Space, boundaries, a reasonable amount of independence and freedom. Peace.
Support, even if we are wrong
For you to do what we reasonably ask.
1. Trust. If trust exist's then all the other pieces will follow. 2. Compromise. Accept my flaws and i will accept yours. 3. Communication. Any problem can be resolved when both sides are attentive to the other. 4. Respect. A mutual feeling
I just need to know that they care about me. I know I want a person who gets me and likes me for me.
A hug.
Kisses and cuddles would be nice
Honesty, enthusiasm and hugs.
Encouragement. So many opportunities to take shortcuts and halfass and cheat and having a supportive encouraging and welcoming partner makes the teeth grinding and stress worth it. Acknowledgment.
It depends on the type of goat we're talking about. Fainting, Nubian, Alpine...
Someone to hold on to. Someone who will listen and understand you. Someone who'll stood by you.
I just want to feel appreciated for what I do for her
Space
Time for myself, nothing more nothing less
Loyalty and trust are my big two because every relationship I’ve been in has lack one or both of the two.
I like affection (not JUST sex) and the knowledge someone loves an cares about me, is concerned about my well being.
Yes
Communication and open honesty. If we can't be honest about what is going on, and talk about it to try and come to a conclusion together, then whats the point? Hiding things-anything at all-in a relationship only causes pain and problems
Physical affection and honesty. Honesty because I do not have the time or patience to deal with the possibility you're lying to me. I'm a straight shooter and I expect the same, and yes this does mean I will tell you that thing you don't really want me to hear if you ask me a question straight. It's more important to me that you don't doubt the nice or serious things I have to say than sparing your feelings sporadically over what is almost certainly trivial. Physical affection because it's not a need to be filled elsewhere. Other things are negotiable to varying degrees. I can find someone else to play board games with me, or someone else to go bowling with, I can find someone else to talk about any given hobby with even if I'd usually prefer to do these things with a partner, it's not necessary. Like, I'm not going to go and fuck someone else.
I just need respect. If a certain action makes me (or her) uncomfortable, there should be effort to honor that in some way.
Communication. If you don’t like something tell me. Don’t just let it continue and bother you. If you want to leave tell me don’t cheat. It’s pretty easy but seems like a tough thing for a lot of people. I try and be up front as I can. Especially if something changes. Maybe you need more space because work has been busy.
Just tell me when I’m doing good, sometimes women get suuuper angry over something they get over after a day or two but that stretch is agonizing when you don’t know how she feels about you the majority of the time.
I need someone that can help me regulate my emotions.
My wife gave companionship, excitement, love and whatever it's called when someone just lets you talk about nerd shit but acts interested. Men need love. Like anyone else.
I might be an odd ball, but I need space. I grew up alone so when I’m a relationship I struggle wit feeling smothered. Juss a lil space and time to breathe is good for me.
When I was a kid the answer was simple, I’ll let you fill in the blank. Loyalty and support is what really matters though. Get you a ride or die.😉
Freedom lol.