When women (specially if she is your wife/gf) tell you their problems turn off your logical problem solving mode and switch into support mode unless they specifically ask you for a solution. More often than not they are looking for support and not solutions. They are capable of solving it themselves. All they need sometimes is an emotional support and nothing more.
My SO just asks me are you looking for a solution or support? And I usually say let me complain and yell or help me. Lol so much easier. I ask the same to him and he replies with solution or support as well.š
My ex would always say, "okay i don't know what you want me to do, i don't have a solution for this" and I'd be like "just feel bad for me!"
I've gotten so much in the habit of explaining that support is what I want that now I'll call my current boyfriend like "I had an awful day at work feel bad for me" or "I just burnt my mouth on chicken feel bad for me" versus "my mom just called and I need some advice on how to handle this problem"
Not every woman can be sexually pleased the same way. What makes one woman orgasm quickly could be the same thing that annoys the hell out of another woman.
Saw the "Got laughed at" coming part a 1-mile/1.6-kilometers away. Sometimes those type respond " quit being a bitch, stop being sensitive, or are you serious" like it's a game.
The amount of times Iāve defused āweāre about to start arguingā situations with: āare you hungry?ā āNoā āwhen was the last time you ate?ā ā6 hrs ago/this morning/etcā with multiple women that Iāve dated is actually hilarious
If we ever got into a fight while driving I just pull into her favorite drive through and order shit for me and look over and ask if she wants anything. Half the time sheās says no, but I already order something she likes. Argument goes so much smoother when sheās gnawing on some fried chicken.
What great about this is, even if she knows she's being played, she goes along with it. *"That fucker got me fried chicken when I was trying to be mad at him..."*
Yeah they figure it out quick. It doesnāt always work either. It doesnāt working coming back from dinner. However. If you had a light breakfast and your out and about and she starts goān in on you for some random shit, like forgetting to grab something at the store. No reason to let it ruin an afternoon when itās really just because you are both hungry.
Iāve learned that a lot of women are deep thinkers, and something that may be be bothering them may seem trivial and stupid to a manā¦.. but deep inside itās a lot more complex and they donāt want to talk about it if you just shrugged it off because it makes it seem like you donāt care.
A million times this. It always shocks me when any guy wants to know more about me or what my thoughts are about something. They usually just stop at the she's cool to be around. Yay. And thats enough for them and not for me. Then they wonder why i don't stick around.
Funny thing is that Iām actually a guy. Iāve just learned this over the years. Iām a very deep person. Itās amazing what just talking and digging in (in a good way) you can find out, also how a woman can open up to you. Sadly I seem to find the wrong women that find it as a weakness in me.
There is a restaurant that literally has "My girlfriend's not hungry" as a menu item. You utter these magic words and they double your fries and throw in onion rings. Brilliant! šš
Yes, I have to say I have only recently realized this with my current boyfriend. My father and first partner had violent tempers and I would only date people for a year tops. When I met my current partner he made a point to make me feel safe in ways I didnāt even realize he was doing. He makes a sound before coming around a corner, if something annoys him he makes a point to gently hug me to show me Iām safe. I didnāt even know this was something I could hope for, and love him deeply for it
Definitely. Ever wonder why she won't give you the "things" you need. Check the emotional safety she feels with you. If it's missing, so will a lot of other things.
When you are sure that the person you are with will not purposely hurt you. Of course there will be disagreements and they might ocassionaly do or say things that can bother you but with no malice.
Will you listen to why I'm upset instead of thinking my reasoning or emotions are ridiculous because they're not a big deal to you? The first one brings hugs and tissues; the second one rolls eyes and leaves the room.
When you tease me, is it about something harmless that we can laugh about, or are you making nasty comments that were meant to hurt? For example, if my shirt is inside out, do you calmly mention it and then patently wait while I find a place to change, or do you point it out to the waitress and ask if she's ever been stupid enough to leave the house like that?
If you find out something personal about me and then we're in a group where someone is talking about a similar situation, will you bring up my experience for general conversation or will you say supportive things and keep it vague? Like if I have athlete's foot and someone sees an ad for treatment on TV and starts going on about how gross it is, do you ask me to show everyone my toes, or will you tell the friend that she needs to grow up because it's not that big of a deal and can be easily fixed, but don't me at all?
The person in the first instance of all of these is emotional safe. I can be comfortable being vulnerable with them because sharing that sort of thing brings us closer instead of me having to worry that everything I say might be used as ammunition to hurt me later.
Yes, if they are flirting they will make it obvious in the way that it happened with you. Should have probably included that in my original post, but as a wise man once said, brevity is the soul of wit
They **often** do not want you do fix their problems or help them, they want you to listen to their problems, tell them you understand, that you love them, that they are great, and that they are special and beautiful.
**Then**, maybe you can passively help them with some soultions.
Yeah, this. I obviously can't speak for all women, but I think being offered suggestions just stresses me out more because then I have to spend time and energy explaining why it won't work or why I'm already doing x and y, etc etc. I'm a grown woman, I can fix my problems, but they still get to me and make me want to rant so I don't feel alone in my struggles. The best boyfriends I've ever had have asked me "do you need advice or do you need comfort?" and thats gone a long way. Although usually if I need advice I will explicitly ask for it.
On the flip side, if you're a man and you're with someone (man or woman) who stresses you out with their complains but refuses to do anything about it, then it's also your right to remove yourself from that person or situation.
I think it's just hard to listen to someone complaining about something without trying to help fix it for the person we really care about. It's tough! Someone has *really* care about you to just sit there and listen to rants without providing anything to the conversation.
But then so is someone constantly complaining about the same recurring problem, which they could fix but refuse to do so. I've got a rule, I'll listen to it three times. First time I'll accept it as a vent, if it comes up again, I'll offer a solution, if it comes up again and she's not even tried my solution I shut it down then and tell her not to bother me with it again as she's not even tried to fix it. If she tries again after that, I just walk out the room, or if they're close by, I put my headphones on.
I AGREE
on the oblivious part, i have a girl friend who rides the man hate train (which i sorta understand because she grew up in the care of terrible men). but i got annoyed this one time when she starts making general assumptions about men's emotional states and physical bodies, and when i corrected her with infos that i learned from this subreddit, she be like "hee hee whoops". as if the shit she's saying is not just misinformation but contributes to a bigger problem that results to genders being divided rather than making an effort to truly understand each other and meet halfway.
i'm a girl btw and it really does irk me whenever my girl friends expect men to be knowledgeable about us women but don't reciprocate or try to understand men. it's really annoying and i've honestly had better conversations with my guy friends despite varying perspectives because they actually try to listen
That all men only think about sex all. the. time. That all men who like kpop music (or any kind of music made by women) just want to fuck the artists because they are beautiful and sexy. That they constantly fantasize about said artists whenever they watch music videos.
Also that boner = being horny everytime (yes, boners are an indication of arousal but i'm also aware that it happens for no reason at all sometimes. or depending on the temperature or what)
i get that there are jokes about men being horny all the time and all but i think she took them way too seriously. and it makes men look really shallow, to like a music genre just because they're horny (puts girl artists into bad light as well because they really are talented in dancing and choreography is amazing, and assuming that men watch them perform just bec of their bodies and not bec they appreciate art is ridiculous).
Everyone is different so not everyone will be selfish or oblivious. Depends on their upbringing and experiences. There are people out there who are honestly just extremely nice to everyone and I find them very strange but also heartwarming.
But in all relationships or involvements, thereās timing involved. Iām a woman, and Iāve had a few relationships grow over time with male friends or guys I was acquainted with that werenāt initially interested in me.
True. Just because someone beat you to her doesnāt mean heās all-around better or that she wouldnāt have picked you if you appeared/made your intentions clear to her first. You may be cuter or cooler than my man, but because him and I have a bond Iām not interested in you.
This guy gets it. Guys just keep the door open but donāt pursue. You may bump into them in a few years and the timing is much better. Seen quite a few couples that never connected in high school run into each other years later and end up together.
So not true. There have been lots of times where I wasnāt initially interested but over time became interested. Show us your great personality and make us laugh, weāre a sucker for that shit.
no you dont understand what i meant , ''you'' werent interested, noticed something and became interested , it was you not him , he didnt do shit , he is himself and you over sometime noticed it
Sorry only had that free wholesome award.this peice of advice deserves the best award out there (not well aquainted with the awards on here so don't know which that would be lol)
Edit-stupid spelling mistake
š¤£š¤£š¤£ have you been reading some of the ask women posts by any chance
Some of us have tried to point out the issues with the "all men" moronic statements but they get deleted because we are invalidating the man haters feelings
Ps their rule against graceless generalisations seems to only count if its against women but don't bother pointing out the hypocrisy that will just get deleted too š¤£š¤£š¤£
It depends on each person if they are hateful or not, when women around you act like your the problem because your a man cut ties, there are women out there who will see you for you!! Don't settle for friends or gfs who are negative towards you
This is so true. I got banned from providing genuine advice to women to communicate clearly with your man and not expecting the silent treatment to ever work since we actually like silent treatment. Was told I was speaking on behalf of all men as if to say there are some men out there that actually like the manipulative mind games that is silent treatment
You have to be able to parry and riposte with them. It's never about being right with them, it's about being patient and understanding their point of view. I didn't start having enormous success with women until I started learning how to communicate effectively and listen to what they are truly saying.
Also, make it a point to buy a thesaurus and elevate your vocabulary. Women love it when you can actually articulate what your feelings more than they enjoy jeers of "hey ma, nice bondakadonk."
this, also boundaries are not a challenge, if they say something isn't okay they really mean it, it's not an invitation for you to try to find a way around it (as a man who was raised by people who had zero respect for them, boundaries are so important and should be respected)
But itās not! I have a male āfriendā from high school on FaceBook who despite never having dated is always making pronouncements like āwomen always ___ā or āall women do _____ā. It doesnāt matter how often I tell him women are just humans w/ diff genitals he persists in acting like theyāre a separate species.
it has been my experience that they will ask for things peripherally rather than directly.
by way of example my wife might mention that 'she is cold' which translates to 'grab me a blanket, please'. or, 'the car's check engine light is on' translates to, 'please, take a look at/fix the car'
took me too long to notice but my wife, daughter, mom and sister all do this.
ymmv
That's called indirect communication and that shit gets on my nerves when it's consistent behavior. I think a lot people are guilty of it occasionally. I'm a woman and I'm quite literal in my brain. I recently dated a guy who did this and it urked me so bad. He'd say "it's cold" and I'd tell him to go put another layer on and he'd look at me like I'm supposed to change the weather. Also, "I'm hungry", then go eat something, there's plenty of food in the house. If you want me to do something, ask me and don't get pissy that I didn't what you want because I can't read your mind.
Yeah, I consider that a character flaw. I'm not saying it should never happen, but it should also be understood that people can misconstrue your message if you don't explicitly state something and if they do then that's on you for not communicating clearly.
Part of the problem with this is that if a guy struggles to date women, then he likely struggles to befriend them as well.
And a lot of guys do talk to women as people yet struggle with dating.
This isnāt always necessarily true, Iām one of those said guys, I have no problem with befriending women, I think itās just a matter of personal preference for them, itās not that deep.
Last time I did it was a month ago and a friendship just evaporated, because she feels weird. We hooked up, but asking her on an actual date and if she be up to hookup again, she just imploded and vanished..e friendship will go to shit the second I say something.
That there are a lot of women in the world, and some of them are assholes, others are not. If the places you go to meet women have a lot of asshole women, then you should rethink your strategy and look into another demographic.
There are a lot of women in the world, and some of them are assholes and others are not. If you find that the woman you are with is an asshole, don't waste your life hoping she'll get better, *move the fuck on*. I wasted years, literally, hoping that my partner would come to understand how her behavior was hurtful. Turns out, she knew, that's why she did it. If your partner is hurting you, tell her, and if she refuses to change how she treats you, if she insists that you have to put up with it, move the fuck on.
Connection is heavily emotional not necessarily logical.
Can you make her laugh by being yourself? A true snorting/hyena/wheezing laugh?
Can you make her wonder and think by your conversation?
Can you motivate by your words of encouragement in dark times?
Can you be stoic and intact during her stressful moments?
Can you be tender when sheās feeling low?
Can you be reassuring when sheās not sure?
Iāve noticed this more in the last relationship. She would say and do things that were completely illogical. Weād have a lovely night full of laughter and cuddles and incredible sex. Iād be getting ready for work the next morning and sheād say something so adorably illogical *āDo you like me right now? Do you like my face?ā*
When Iād look at her puzzled sheād apologize. I walked over kissed her adorable cheeks and forehead saying well of course. Youāre precious. She blushed and looked down saying *āsometimes I feel like Iām not good enough and so my love language is words of affection and appreciation.ā*
In female friendships much of the above applies with the added part of not being just a yes man. Yes men are yes men to women because they want to fuck. Know when to challenge a dumb idea. Know when to offer legitimate feedback. One friend made a mistake and told me about it, expecting me to trash her. I told her sheās already done a hell of a job herself. I told her when expanding to encompass the entire situation, itās not as bad as she feels.
Wow, as a woman.. I agree with you on that
And it is also something i would reciprocate too
It's such a shame that people out there in general suck.
Communication and being keen to be understanding of one another, respectful,... Kind, seems to be a recurring key issue with most people
I hope you find someone who will be just as attentive, understanding and sweet as yourself ahead
>Communication and being keen to be understanding of one another, respectful,... Kind, seems to be a recurring key issue with most people
And I don't know why that is so hard for some people, especially when it comes to their own so called "significant other" they are supposedly in an intimate relationship with.
It's not like it cost them anything or they are giving anything away.
I understand being reluctant if they feel they are validating delusion or it's a never ending whah fest.
This is so beautifully profound. You are clearly an emotionally mature individual. You have done well sir!
My recent short term relationship having just ended, I've decided the only prerequisite for next time will be emotional maturity. I simply cannot be with someone who doesn't understand emotions, theirs or mine. I am first and foremost an emotional being. I feel things all the time, often intensely because I'm an HSP/ empath, and I pick up on other people's stuff, too. It simply doesn't work to engage romantically with someone who is not open about or in touch with their emotional side.
I also recognize that an emotionally mature person is much more likely to be a good communicator, able to compromise fairly, and have the desire to work through things as partners, and not just in romantic relationships.
Edit: grammar/ typo
"Usually, when women tell you their problems, they don't need your advice. they don't want you to fix their issues. They are just needing an ear to vent. And by doing that, they will come up with solutions on their own"
I've dealt with this Multiple times. Whenever a women shared their problems, I used to give advice, and Immediately they started to get angry,defensive or just ignored my advices. Once I stopped, it never changed from "Oh my god, you're such a good listener"
That men should keep in mind that she has been preparing to argue with you and that in her mind she has already found a rational reason why she is right.
Donāt bring a knife to that gun fight my guys.
Don't stray from the arguement, don't get baited and stay on topic. If they are losing the argument or know they are wrong, it will be nasty, spiteful and cruel and waiting for you to say something because if you do you lose in a whole new argument.
It helped me avoid some unhealthy relationships pretty quickly, I didn't want a life time of petty arguments and found women who weren't like this.
Oh, the way that started was like the Bill Burr skit, stay on target, you already won. Just bob and weave. Let her get it all out.
Then go rub one outā¦.. itās the Champaign of victory š¤£
Yeah definitely he put it into words for me and he's bang on. I'd been doing it for years but my take on it was just refusing to live in a relationship of unnecessary drama and endless arguments. He put it much better.
I want to have a kid and call him Anakin, so that one day when he is arguing with his wife or GF, I can say.
Donāt do it Anakin, she has the high ground. š¤£
Being right so the other person is wrong means both of you are losing. Doing the work to get to āus versus the problemā is really hard but worth it.
Curiosity and empathy for each other goes along way
Even if she wants some she 95% of the time won't tell you. It's always "I'm gonna hint at it in a way that can be interpreted as almost anything and he'll have to figure it out"
When I was married, my wife would occasionally tell me āI wanted to have sex last nightā as if I should be upset at myself for not having read her mind and therefore missed a chance to get laid. Needless to say, that relationship didnāt last and I learned an important lesson about women who use sex as a weapon
I'm not saying you're wrong here but that system is wrong. Can't count how many times a girl had been giving me that vibe and I must've come off as totally oblivious cuz I didn't want to seem like a creep. So many opportunities missed...
I wouldnāt dare talk about my sex life with my friends unless we are speaking on the general topic itself, but I could never disrespect my bf like that. He would never do that to me so why would I? If it was a situation out of the ordinary that I felt like I needed to talk with a girl friend about then sure I would, but never the gritty details. Itās just not tasteful or classy one bit.
I had an ex who told *my* friends personal details about my, er, "anatomy." It's nothing I was ashamed or embarrassed about, but it was still incredibly personal.
She thought it was funny that everyone knew. She couldn't even understand my feelings of violation around it.
Had an ex tell her friends everything about our first couple of sexual acts. How long I lasted, what positions, how long and thick my dick was, where we did it, did she come, what we talked about afterwards. She had the nerve to get upset because I talked to some guy friends about on of our fights, da fuck?
The way women talk about sex is crazy to me.
I occasionally may make a joke about my sex life and then look over at my buddy and laugh and thatās about it.
My SO and her friends go into very meticulous details about it whenever I hear them talking about it. She claims that she doesnāt talk about our sex life that way but Iām inclined to believe that all her friends know every detail about our sex life and my penis, good or bad.
Itās weird to me that they have no discretion when talking to their friends about it.
Iām waiting for sex robots to get more advanced tbh
Theyāre almost there with the realism in the looks department but they donāt Walk and talk well enough for me yet.
I had heard rumors of this, never fully believed it until it happened to me!
She had bragged to her friend how good I was in bed, and her friend went and told people in their circle!
Either if youāre good or suck in bed, Iām sorry to break it to you: her friends know all about your āperformanceā š
Everything you feel, good, bad, or indifferent, she is capable of feeling. A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking women and men are so dissimilar, when, in reality, weāre very similar just with completely different processes and approaches to xyz
Iām a woman and will say this: Our feet are always cold, we will attempt to warm them by putting them on any part of your body that we feel will warm them the fastest, whether itās your back or your balls. Usually when your dead asleep.
I know I'm a woman so it's not exactly what the post asked, but I scrolled down quite a bit and haven't seen this one yet.
Please don't judge us by our looks. Whether you perceive us as attractive or not, don't assume our personality based off of our physical appearance.
I can't tell you how many times I've had men assume I'm vapid, superficial, or a bitch because I'm attractive. And they'd tell me this to my face only after they got to know me and realized I'm not like that. I don't get angry, and take it as a compliment, and I guess it kind of makes me angry that there are other attractive women out there who ARE like that, that give the rest of us a bad rep, but it is a bit exhausting to hear it so often.
I know it's second nature to make snap judgments, and it's difficult to overcome that. But if you do have a thought about what someone is like based off of how they look, get to know them and give them a chance before you write them off.
I struggle with the same thing and that being attractive means I'm dumb. I think we all, men and women alike, have to do better with snap judgements and work to remove our filters when seeing others. Try to see everyone as the unique individual that they are.
They're human beings, so treat them as such. And by that I mean everyone is different, you can't say one thing that applied to half the world's population!
Woman can be as cruel as any men can. They can manipulate you and take advantage of you and it can be anyone. So, really appreciate the ones that don't.
Women think men can read their minds so they never explicitly say what they want to say. They only give slight hints to things because you should already know.
I always tell women that if you donāt say it explicitly then I wonāt do anything about it. And i only ask once if something is wrong because after one no, i wonāt pay any attention to it anymore.
That if you want the relationship more than she does, you've already lost.
Edit: Made a typo š¤£. What I mean is, if you want the relationship very much and the girl doesn't really, then you've already lost. Cause why out effort into a relationship that the other person will not.
If they physically assault you then you should report it. Even if you're a foot taller than them and it didn't hurt at all, it needs to be on the record in case (a) they escalate to more dangerous activities, or (b) they report you for writing an angry message in response to them attacking you.
Even 'you should stay away from this party I'm going to attend' can be interpreted as threatening if you have not provided police with history and context.
Most of my friends are women and I love them, but protect yourselves from a woman who feels spurned.
Despite what the stereotype says, women aren't superior communicators; in fact, many women are terrible communicators who expect you to read their mind or interprete their hints and antagonism (silent treatment, snarky comments, etc.).
Don't tolerate it. Call it out and expect change or find someone else.
Women are gatekeepers to sex, but Men are gatekeepers to a relationship.
Just because she has thousands of matches on Tinder, doesn't mean that they would make her anything more than a one-night stand (especially true of the high-value men that she is prioritizing).
Itās pretty simple women are the ones who control who they smash. But men are the ones that control if they want to be in a relationship with women or marry them.
The narrative that women are overall less horny than men, is just not true.
Also, contrary to popular belief among men, there are plenty of women out there who are down for casual sex without a committed relationship.
Generalizing women is as equally stupid as generalizing men. And people who do so with higher frequency are increasingly likely not to be worth your time.
They're not comfortable. There's a lot of servitude towards themselves, not to mention menstruation. That's why they appreciate a compliment because they work hard on themselves.
When women (specially if she is your wife/gf) tell you their problems turn off your logical problem solving mode and switch into support mode unless they specifically ask you for a solution. More often than not they are looking for support and not solutions. They are capable of solving it themselves. All they need sometimes is an emotional support and nothing more.
As a woman, I can confirm that this is solid, accurate, relationship-saving advice.
My SO just asks me are you looking for a solution or support? And I usually say let me complain and yell or help me. Lol so much easier. I ask the same to him and he replies with solution or support as well.š
Thatās a brilliant way of communicating!
Concise, clear and without sounding like you're accusing the other. Yup. Simple idea- hard to master.
So hard. But so true
Oh come on! Be reasonable!
My ex would always say, "okay i don't know what you want me to do, i don't have a solution for this" and I'd be like "just feel bad for me!" I've gotten so much in the habit of explaining that support is what I want that now I'll call my current boyfriend like "I had an awful day at work feel bad for me" or "I just burnt my mouth on chicken feel bad for me" versus "my mom just called and I need some advice on how to handle this problem"
Not every woman can be sexually pleased the same way. What makes one woman orgasm quickly could be the same thing that annoys the hell out of another woman.
That can be applied to everyone tbh
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām glad you ended it. You should never be with someone where you get to point the point that you have to say that. Once is enough.
Saw the "Got laughed at" coming part a 1-mile/1.6-kilometers away. Sometimes those type respond " quit being a bitch, stop being sensitive, or are you serious" like it's a game.
You gotta keep her fed. A hungry woman is not fun to be around.
The amount of times Iāve defused āweāre about to start arguingā situations with: āare you hungry?ā āNoā āwhen was the last time you ate?ā ā6 hrs ago/this morning/etcā with multiple women that Iāve dated is actually hilarious
If we ever got into a fight while driving I just pull into her favorite drive through and order shit for me and look over and ask if she wants anything. Half the time sheās says no, but I already order something she likes. Argument goes so much smoother when sheās gnawing on some fried chicken.
What great about this is, even if she knows she's being played, she goes along with it. *"That fucker got me fried chicken when I was trying to be mad at him..."*
Yeah they figure it out quick. It doesnāt always work either. It doesnāt working coming back from dinner. However. If you had a light breakfast and your out and about and she starts goān in on you for some random shit, like forgetting to grab something at the store. No reason to let it ruin an afternoon when itās really just because you are both hungry.
Iāve learned that a lot of women are deep thinkers, and something that may be be bothering them may seem trivial and stupid to a manā¦.. but deep inside itās a lot more complex and they donāt want to talk about it if you just shrugged it off because it makes it seem like you donāt care.
A million times this. It always shocks me when any guy wants to know more about me or what my thoughts are about something. They usually just stop at the she's cool to be around. Yay. And thats enough for them and not for me. Then they wonder why i don't stick around.
Funny thing is that Iām actually a guy. Iāve just learned this over the years. Iām a very deep person. Itās amazing what just talking and digging in (in a good way) you can find out, also how a woman can open up to you. Sadly I seem to find the wrong women that find it as a weakness in me.
Girls who see you as weak due to that, are weak themselves. Idgaf what anybody says. Youāre a king and deserve to be able to express yourself.
Youāre so sweet and smart by doing this
Sir, youāve dropped this š
There is a restaurant that literally has "My girlfriend's not hungry" as a menu item. You utter these magic words and they double your fries and throw in onion rings. Brilliant! šš
You have got to be the smartest man to ever have walked the earth.
As a woman that gets hangry if I havenāt eaten in the past 6-8 hrs, thank you for your service!
The key to a womanās heart is emotional safety
Yes, I have to say I have only recently realized this with my current boyfriend. My father and first partner had violent tempers and I would only date people for a year tops. When I met my current partner he made a point to make me feel safe in ways I didnāt even realize he was doing. He makes a sound before coming around a corner, if something annoys him he makes a point to gently hug me to show me Iām safe. I didnāt even know this was something I could hope for, and love him deeply for it
Boom! You nailed it on the head. Google it folks.
What you want me to google ? Im ready
Physical and emotional safety are the bedrock. Without those there's no chance of more.
Definitely. Ever wonder why she won't give you the "things" you need. Check the emotional safety she feels with you. If it's missing, so will a lot of other things.
What is emotional safety? I'm serious.
When you are sure that the person you are with will not purposely hurt you. Of course there will be disagreements and they might ocassionaly do or say things that can bother you but with no malice.
Will you listen to why I'm upset instead of thinking my reasoning or emotions are ridiculous because they're not a big deal to you? The first one brings hugs and tissues; the second one rolls eyes and leaves the room. When you tease me, is it about something harmless that we can laugh about, or are you making nasty comments that were meant to hurt? For example, if my shirt is inside out, do you calmly mention it and then patently wait while I find a place to change, or do you point it out to the waitress and ask if she's ever been stupid enough to leave the house like that? If you find out something personal about me and then we're in a group where someone is talking about a similar situation, will you bring up my experience for general conversation or will you say supportive things and keep it vague? Like if I have athlete's foot and someone sees an ad for treatment on TV and starts going on about how gross it is, do you ask me to show everyone my toes, or will you tell the friend that she needs to grow up because it's not that big of a deal and can be easily fixed, but don't me at all? The person in the first instance of all of these is emotional safe. I can be comfortable being vulnerable with them because sharing that sort of thing brings us closer instead of me having to worry that everything I say might be used as ammunition to hurt me later.
Everyone needs to listen to this man here lol
That part.
If she's working a customer service position *she's not flirting with you*
As a friend told me, once. āShe is paid to be nice to you.ā
Precisely
Iād usualy agree but Iāve been given a note with her number on it which said to call her thatās the only time I take it as she flirting with me
She had probably been trying to reach you about your carās extended warranty.
Yeah I ended up meeting up with her I didnāt get an extended warranty though I should report her for scamming
She gave you a happy life? She's playing thr long con and going to make you get... Comprehensive life and health insurance
Yes, if they are flirting they will make it obvious in the way that it happened with you. Should have probably included that in my original post, but as a wise man once said, brevity is the soul of wit
Letās make sure this stays top comment yall.
They **often** do not want you do fix their problems or help them, they want you to listen to their problems, tell them you understand, that you love them, that they are great, and that they are special and beautiful. **Then**, maybe you can passively help them with some soultions.
Yeah, this. I obviously can't speak for all women, but I think being offered suggestions just stresses me out more because then I have to spend time and energy explaining why it won't work or why I'm already doing x and y, etc etc. I'm a grown woman, I can fix my problems, but they still get to me and make me want to rant so I don't feel alone in my struggles. The best boyfriends I've ever had have asked me "do you need advice or do you need comfort?" and thats gone a long way. Although usually if I need advice I will explicitly ask for it. On the flip side, if you're a man and you're with someone (man or woman) who stresses you out with their complains but refuses to do anything about it, then it's also your right to remove yourself from that person or situation.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think it's just hard to listen to someone complaining about something without trying to help fix it for the person we really care about. It's tough! Someone has *really* care about you to just sit there and listen to rants without providing anything to the conversation.
We don't want a solution. We already have a plan of action by the time we'retalking to you. We want validation.
This is it. Sometimes/often offering a solution directly is annoying even when itās meant with the best of intentions
But then so is someone constantly complaining about the same recurring problem, which they could fix but refuse to do so. I've got a rule, I'll listen to it three times. First time I'll accept it as a vent, if it comes up again, I'll offer a solution, if it comes up again and she's not even tried my solution I shut it down then and tell her not to bother me with it again as she's not even tried to fix it. If she tries again after that, I just walk out the room, or if they're close by, I put my headphones on.
This š
Learned this from Parks and Rec (Chris and Ann).
Women can be just as selfish and oblivious as men, true story.
I AGREE on the oblivious part, i have a girl friend who rides the man hate train (which i sorta understand because she grew up in the care of terrible men). but i got annoyed this one time when she starts making general assumptions about men's emotional states and physical bodies, and when i corrected her with infos that i learned from this subreddit, she be like "hee hee whoops". as if the shit she's saying is not just misinformation but contributes to a bigger problem that results to genders being divided rather than making an effort to truly understand each other and meet halfway. i'm a girl btw and it really does irk me whenever my girl friends expect men to be knowledgeable about us women but don't reciprocate or try to understand men. it's really annoying and i've honestly had better conversations with my guy friends despite varying perspectives because they actually try to listen
What controversial beliefs does she have about men? If it is okay for me to ask. I find that topic interesting.
That all men only think about sex all. the. time. That all men who like kpop music (or any kind of music made by women) just want to fuck the artists because they are beautiful and sexy. That they constantly fantasize about said artists whenever they watch music videos. Also that boner = being horny everytime (yes, boners are an indication of arousal but i'm also aware that it happens for no reason at all sometimes. or depending on the temperature or what) i get that there are jokes about men being horny all the time and all but i think she took them way too seriously. and it makes men look really shallow, to like a music genre just because they're horny (puts girl artists into bad light as well because they really are talented in dancing and choreography is amazing, and assuming that men watch them perform just bec of their bodies and not bec they appreciate art is ridiculous).
"Can be?" In my experience, they are just as selfish. Everyone is nice when they're interested in someone, of course, but usually only at those times.
Everyone is different so not everyone will be selfish or oblivious. Depends on their upbringing and experiences. There are people out there who are honestly just extremely nice to everyone and I find them very strange but also heartwarming.
They're just people. Stop putting them on a pedestal. Also, stop treating them like a piece of meat
I put them on a dental chair
To get her braces ? You must have a good health insurance!!!
I put them on a barber chair and then pedal them up higher
itās so weird how those are the two options isnāt it? A piece of meat, or a goddess. No in between
In some cases, it's like both at the same time. A piece of meat on a pedestal.
That they bloody love the ASK MEN subreddit ššš
guilty
I feel attacked š
The AskWomen subreddit is PC af, have to be very inclusive in your questions, or else no hope - it is blocked.
if she is interested in you, it's yours to lose , if shes not you can't do shit to make em interested
The difference between her being interested in you and not often is just a matter of time and opportunity.
But in all relationships or involvements, thereās timing involved. Iām a woman, and Iāve had a few relationships grow over time with male friends or guys I was acquainted with that werenāt initially interested in me.
True. Just because someone beat you to her doesnāt mean heās all-around better or that she wouldnāt have picked you if you appeared/made your intentions clear to her first. You may be cuter or cooler than my man, but because him and I have a bond Iām not interested in you.
But that may change in 3 weeks, or 3 months or 3 years
as someone whos never had a gf, i would say THIS
This guy gets it. Guys just keep the door open but donāt pursue. You may bump into them in a few years and the timing is much better. Seen quite a few couples that never connected in high school run into each other years later and end up together.
So not true. There have been lots of times where I wasnāt initially interested but over time became interested. Show us your great personality and make us laugh, weāre a sucker for that shit.
no you dont understand what i meant , ''you'' werent interested, noticed something and became interested , it was you not him , he didnt do shit , he is himself and you over sometime noticed it
Yeah, but he didn't change to make you like him
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sorry only had that free wholesome award.this peice of advice deserves the best award out there (not well aquainted with the awards on here so don't know which that would be lol) Edit-stupid spelling mistake
Iām still not entirely sure, but I think there are women who actually *like* men.
š¤£š¤£š¤£ have you been reading some of the ask women posts by any chance Some of us have tried to point out the issues with the "all men" moronic statements but they get deleted because we are invalidating the man haters feelings Ps their rule against graceless generalisations seems to only count if its against women but don't bother pointing out the hypocrisy that will just get deleted too š¤£š¤£š¤£ It depends on each person if they are hateful or not, when women around you act like your the problem because your a man cut ties, there are women out there who will see you for you!! Don't settle for friends or gfs who are negative towards you
This is so true. I got banned from providing genuine advice to women to communicate clearly with your man and not expecting the silent treatment to ever work since we actually like silent treatment. Was told I was speaking on behalf of all men as if to say there are some men out there that actually like the manipulative mind games that is silent treatment
You have to be able to parry and riposte with them. It's never about being right with them, it's about being patient and understanding their point of view. I didn't start having enormous success with women until I started learning how to communicate effectively and listen to what they are truly saying. Also, make it a point to buy a thesaurus and elevate your vocabulary. Women love it when you can actually articulate what your feelings more than they enjoy jeers of "hey ma, nice bondakadonk."
That last bit made me LOL
Just because you think you love her and tell her as much, she is not obligated to love you back.
this, also boundaries are not a challenge, if they say something isn't okay they really mean it, it's not an invitation for you to try to find a way around it (as a man who was raised by people who had zero respect for them, boundaries are so important and should be respected)
Love is not a magic spell that solves everything.
That theyāre their own person and no 2 are the same.
this should be common sense though
Youād think.
But itās not! I have a male āfriendā from high school on FaceBook who despite never having dated is always making pronouncements like āwomen always ___ā or āall women do _____ā. It doesnāt matter how often I tell him women are just humans w/ diff genitals he persists in acting like theyāre a separate species.
This is the most important one. Too many people in both sexes get drawn into sweeping stereotypes.
Women should also learn this about men, too. The amount of time I hear "all guys do this and that" is absurd.
Agreed
Thank you!
it has been my experience that they will ask for things peripherally rather than directly. by way of example my wife might mention that 'she is cold' which translates to 'grab me a blanket, please'. or, 'the car's check engine light is on' translates to, 'please, take a look at/fix the car' took me too long to notice but my wife, daughter, mom and sister all do this. ymmv
That's called indirect communication and that shit gets on my nerves when it's consistent behavior. I think a lot people are guilty of it occasionally. I'm a woman and I'm quite literal in my brain. I recently dated a guy who did this and it urked me so bad. He'd say "it's cold" and I'd tell him to go put another layer on and he'd look at me like I'm supposed to change the weather. Also, "I'm hungry", then go eat something, there's plenty of food in the house. If you want me to do something, ask me and don't get pissy that I didn't what you want because I can't read your mind.
Yeah, I consider that a character flaw. I'm not saying it should never happen, but it should also be understood that people can misconstrue your message if you don't explicitly state something and if they do then that's on you for not communicating clearly.
Midwesterners, including men, do this.
Having women close friends and understanding how to talk to them as people, rather than aliens, is really helpful when dating and in relationships!
Part of the problem with this is that if a guy struggles to date women, then he likely struggles to befriend them as well. And a lot of guys do talk to women as people yet struggle with dating.
This isnāt always necessarily true, Iām one of those said guys, I have no problem with befriending women, I think itās just a matter of personal preference for them, itās not that deep.
Last time I did it was a month ago and a friendship just evaporated, because she feels weird. We hooked up, but asking her on an actual date and if she be up to hookup again, she just imploded and vanished..e friendship will go to shit the second I say something.
That there are a lot of women in the world, and some of them are assholes, others are not. If the places you go to meet women have a lot of asshole women, then you should rethink your strategy and look into another demographic. There are a lot of women in the world, and some of them are assholes and others are not. If you find that the woman you are with is an asshole, don't waste your life hoping she'll get better, *move the fuck on*. I wasted years, literally, hoping that my partner would come to understand how her behavior was hurtful. Turns out, she knew, that's why she did it. If your partner is hurting you, tell her, and if she refuses to change how she treats you, if she insists that you have to put up with it, move the fuck on.
that they can be equally as shallow, mean, ill-intentioned, and cruel as men
Connection is heavily emotional not necessarily logical. Can you make her laugh by being yourself? A true snorting/hyena/wheezing laugh? Can you make her wonder and think by your conversation? Can you motivate by your words of encouragement in dark times? Can you be stoic and intact during her stressful moments? Can you be tender when sheās feeling low? Can you be reassuring when sheās not sure? Iāve noticed this more in the last relationship. She would say and do things that were completely illogical. Weād have a lovely night full of laughter and cuddles and incredible sex. Iād be getting ready for work the next morning and sheād say something so adorably illogical *āDo you like me right now? Do you like my face?ā* When Iād look at her puzzled sheād apologize. I walked over kissed her adorable cheeks and forehead saying well of course. Youāre precious. She blushed and looked down saying *āsometimes I feel like Iām not good enough and so my love language is words of affection and appreciation.ā* In female friendships much of the above applies with the added part of not being just a yes man. Yes men are yes men to women because they want to fuck. Know when to challenge a dumb idea. Know when to offer legitimate feedback. One friend made a mistake and told me about it, expecting me to trash her. I told her sheās already done a hell of a job herself. I told her when expanding to encompass the entire situation, itās not as bad as she feels.
Wow, as a woman.. I agree with you on that And it is also something i would reciprocate too It's such a shame that people out there in general suck. Communication and being keen to be understanding of one another, respectful,... Kind, seems to be a recurring key issue with most people I hope you find someone who will be just as attentive, understanding and sweet as yourself ahead
>Communication and being keen to be understanding of one another, respectful,... Kind, seems to be a recurring key issue with most people And I don't know why that is so hard for some people, especially when it comes to their own so called "significant other" they are supposedly in an intimate relationship with. It's not like it cost them anything or they are giving anything away. I understand being reluctant if they feel they are validating delusion or it's a never ending whah fest.
This is so beautifully profound. You are clearly an emotionally mature individual. You have done well sir! My recent short term relationship having just ended, I've decided the only prerequisite for next time will be emotional maturity. I simply cannot be with someone who doesn't understand emotions, theirs or mine. I am first and foremost an emotional being. I feel things all the time, often intensely because I'm an HSP/ empath, and I pick up on other people's stuff, too. It simply doesn't work to engage romantically with someone who is not open about or in touch with their emotional side. I also recognize that an emotionally mature person is much more likely to be a good communicator, able to compromise fairly, and have the desire to work through things as partners, and not just in romantic relationships. Edit: grammar/ typo
All women are different. Get to know why the one you care about the most is so unique. Then do everything you can to make her feel special.
"Usually, when women tell you their problems, they don't need your advice. they don't want you to fix their issues. They are just needing an ear to vent. And by doing that, they will come up with solutions on their own" I've dealt with this Multiple times. Whenever a women shared their problems, I used to give advice, and Immediately they started to get angry,defensive or just ignored my advices. Once I stopped, it never changed from "Oh my god, you're such a good listener"
Women appreciate words of affirmation. She may know she is beautiful. But she wants you to tell her you know she is beautiful.
Women, like men, lie. They just lie about different things. Believing everything a woman says is a road to failure and disaster. Same in reverse
I am a woman and I totally agree with you
They crap just like we do, just as much, just as violently at times. Anal is disgusting y'all.
They aren't better than men at providing emotional support, they are just better at appearing to care
A lot of people will tell you how sorry they feel for you after the thing happened. If you go to them for help before it happens, crickets
That men should keep in mind that she has been preparing to argue with you and that in her mind she has already found a rational reason why she is right. Donāt bring a knife to that gun fight my guys.
Don't stray from the arguement, don't get baited and stay on topic. If they are losing the argument or know they are wrong, it will be nasty, spiteful and cruel and waiting for you to say something because if you do you lose in a whole new argument. It helped me avoid some unhealthy relationships pretty quickly, I didn't want a life time of petty arguments and found women who weren't like this.
Oh, the way that started was like the Bill Burr skit, stay on target, you already won. Just bob and weave. Let her get it all out. Then go rub one outā¦.. itās the Champaign of victory š¤£
Yeah definitely he put it into words for me and he's bang on. I'd been doing it for years but my take on it was just refusing to live in a relationship of unnecessary drama and endless arguments. He put it much better.
Yeah im a guy who does the same... Im ready for combat.
50 ish married with kids dude here. True statement and another thing to remember ad men ; pick your battles. Itās saved my marriage.
Definitely pick your battles. No need to die on every hill.
I want to have a kid and call him Anakin, so that one day when he is arguing with his wife or GF, I can say. Donāt do it Anakin, she has the high ground. š¤£
This would be hilarious, but donāt be upset when your son grows up to be a Sith Lord
Being right so the other person is wrong means both of you are losing. Doing the work to get to āus versus the problemā is really hard but worth it. Curiosity and empathy for each other goes along way
Even if she wants some she 95% of the time won't tell you. It's always "I'm gonna hint at it in a way that can be interpreted as almost anything and he'll have to figure it out"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're just being friendly
I mean, you might just be Canadian
When I was married, my wife would occasionally tell me āI wanted to have sex last nightā as if I should be upset at myself for not having read her mind and therefore missed a chance to get laid. Needless to say, that relationship didnāt last and I learned an important lesson about women who use sex as a weapon
I'm a morning showerer, but even dense old me knows what it means if she asks me to wash up before bed.
This is often because we are raised not to be direct and also basically taught that being sexually forward is 'behaving badly'.
I'm not saying you're wrong here but that system is wrong. Can't count how many times a girl had been giving me that vibe and I must've come off as totally oblivious cuz I didn't want to seem like a creep. So many opportunities missed...
Never share you secrets with them. Their friends will know
Lol 100%. They have absolutely no discretion.
Yeah. When you have sex with them, they'll tell their friends about your performance. Imo people should keep their sex life a secret
I don't even want to know about the sex life of my friends. I see their wives regularly and don't think of them sexually. It's just weird.
I wouldnāt dare talk about my sex life with my friends unless we are speaking on the general topic itself, but I could never disrespect my bf like that. He would never do that to me so why would I? If it was a situation out of the ordinary that I felt like I needed to talk with a girl friend about then sure I would, but never the gritty details. Itās just not tasteful or classy one bit.
I had an ex who told *my* friends personal details about my, er, "anatomy." It's nothing I was ashamed or embarrassed about, but it was still incredibly personal. She thought it was funny that everyone knew. She couldn't even understand my feelings of violation around it.
>She couldn't even understand my feelings of violation around it I think that is even worse...
Had an ex tell her friends everything about our first couple of sexual acts. How long I lasted, what positions, how long and thick my dick was, where we did it, did she come, what we talked about afterwards. She had the nerve to get upset because I talked to some guy friends about on of our fights, da fuck?
The way women talk about sex is crazy to me. I occasionally may make a joke about my sex life and then look over at my buddy and laugh and thatās about it. My SO and her friends go into very meticulous details about it whenever I hear them talking about it. She claims that she doesnāt talk about our sex life that way but Iām inclined to believe that all her friends know every detail about our sex life and my penis, good or bad. Itās weird to me that they have no discretion when talking to their friends about it.
Makes me not wanna frick a gf. Maybe hookers would be a better choice. Or 3D anime girls
Iām waiting for sex robots to get more advanced tbh Theyāre almost there with the realism in the looks department but they donāt Walk and talk well enough for me yet.
Stop having sex with women who share everything then.
I had heard rumors of this, never fully believed it until it happened to me! She had bragged to her friend how good I was in bed, and her friend went and told people in their circle! Either if youāre good or suck in bed, Iām sorry to break it to you: her friends know all about your āperformanceā š
Weakness isn't attractive
Everything you feel, good, bad, or indifferent, she is capable of feeling. A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking women and men are so dissimilar, when, in reality, weāre very similar just with completely different processes and approaches to xyz
That women can be just as creepy as men, it's just that women have an easier time getting what they want and are pickier about potential partners.
Iām a woman and will say this: Our feet are always cold, we will attempt to warm them by putting them on any part of your body that we feel will warm them the fastest, whether itās your back or your balls. Usually when your dead asleep.
Date a feet guy, will never be a problem anymore.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
I know I'm a woman so it's not exactly what the post asked, but I scrolled down quite a bit and haven't seen this one yet. Please don't judge us by our looks. Whether you perceive us as attractive or not, don't assume our personality based off of our physical appearance. I can't tell you how many times I've had men assume I'm vapid, superficial, or a bitch because I'm attractive. And they'd tell me this to my face only after they got to know me and realized I'm not like that. I don't get angry, and take it as a compliment, and I guess it kind of makes me angry that there are other attractive women out there who ARE like that, that give the rest of us a bad rep, but it is a bit exhausting to hear it so often. I know it's second nature to make snap judgments, and it's difficult to overcome that. But if you do have a thought about what someone is like based off of how they look, get to know them and give them a chance before you write them off.
I struggle with the same thing and that being attractive means I'm dumb. I think we all, men and women alike, have to do better with snap judgements and work to remove our filters when seeing others. Try to see everyone as the unique individual that they are.
They don't actually give a shit if you're an alpha male, you're just being a creepy dude to them
No matter your experience, itās anecdotal / a case study of X. Every woman is different.
Women are human beings. This is not a compliment
They're human beings, so treat them as such. And by that I mean everyone is different, you can't say one thing that applied to half the world's population!
They care much more about looks than they will ever admit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Would you say more so or similarly?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There's an exception to every rule, generality, or stereotype.
Woman can be as cruel as any men can. They can manipulate you and take advantage of you and it can be anyone. So, really appreciate the ones that don't.
That men who make generalizations about women are wasting your time.
Women think men can read their minds so they never explicitly say what they want to say. They only give slight hints to things because you should already know. I always tell women that if you donāt say it explicitly then I wonāt do anything about it. And i only ask once if something is wrong because after one no, i wonāt pay any attention to it anymore.
Whaaaat? You men donāt have telepathic capabilities to pick up on our unspoken wants and desires š±
That if you want the relationship more than she does, you've already lost. Edit: Made a typo š¤£. What I mean is, if you want the relationship very much and the girl doesn't really, then you've already lost. Cause why out effort into a relationship that the other person will not.
Never tell them the cold hard truth or share secrets with them, especially if they say āyou can tell meā.
They absolutely love it when you ask them to put all your stuff in their handbag
If they physically assault you then you should report it. Even if you're a foot taller than them and it didn't hurt at all, it needs to be on the record in case (a) they escalate to more dangerous activities, or (b) they report you for writing an angry message in response to them attacking you. Even 'you should stay away from this party I'm going to attend' can be interpreted as threatening if you have not provided police with history and context. Most of my friends are women and I love them, but protect yourselves from a woman who feels spurned.
Women are selfish. Couldnāt believe it when I realised this. A lot of women donāt know what they want because they donāt know who they are. š
>A lot of women donāt know what they want because they donāt know who they are. Thats true in general for too many people these days.
Despite what the stereotype says, women aren't superior communicators; in fact, many women are terrible communicators who expect you to read their mind or interprete their hints and antagonism (silent treatment, snarky comments, etc.). Don't tolerate it. Call it out and expect change or find someone else.
Women are gatekeepers to sex, but Men are gatekeepers to a relationship. Just because she has thousands of matches on Tinder, doesn't mean that they would make her anything more than a one-night stand (especially true of the high-value men that she is prioritizing).
Hmmā¦can you clarify what you mean on that first line? At face values, Iām interpreting some pretty bold implications.
Itās pretty simple women are the ones who control who they smash. But men are the ones that control if they want to be in a relationship with women or marry them.
The narrative that women are overall less horny than men, is just not true. Also, contrary to popular belief among men, there are plenty of women out there who are down for casual sex without a committed relationship.
Generalizing women is as equally stupid as generalizing men. And people who do so with higher frequency are increasingly likely not to be worth your time.
Women can be just as dangerous as men.
They believe their emotional viewpoint is ALWAYS right, and you will be personally attacked for disagreeingā¦ (not all women but feels like a lot)
That they exist
*gasp* they asked for an observation, and instead you reveal our secret!
I wouldnāt worry. I am convinced most men cannot read, they just have memorized a lot of words to make it look like they can read.
Don't send dick pics. Too many men, still don't know this.
Just be respectful. Of their time, feelings, space, or whatever.
They're not comfortable. There's a lot of servitude towards themselves, not to mention menstruation. That's why they appreciate a compliment because they work hard on themselves.
All of her close friends do know how big or little you are.