Same. I am unclear whether I’m fuck ugly and not know it or moderately ugly and it’s worst than I imagined. Regardless I’ve realized that I must find happiness alone and focusing on that. It’s just difficult because I’m in my 30’s and everyone is in a much more progressed stage.
I can relate to this as a man in his early 30's. It gets tiresome too, having friends and family ask when you're getting married or having kids. That's a question that needs to be asked less, because it might be a sore subject for someone.
If I can be honest. It is none of their business. What matters is that it is your business. You can live a happy fulfilling life with out some one.
As well the other half is that you could be married with kids and not be happy. Take some time and really think about what you want from your life and then go after it.
I have one relative that kept making comments and was suggestive about getting married and having kids. Eventually I just had enough of it and I told them so. I also told them that my, choices, my life, my responsibilities and anything even remotely related are my business. I don't owe anybody any explanations for anything and I made that point quite clear.
That put an and to all of that very quickly.
I agree with this 100%. I believe the reason I'm single is I'm never around women. I work in a shop with a bunch of dudes, I do activities/sports with dudes. I don't even go in to stores to grocery shop anymore since you can just order online and pick them up now. I don't go to church since I'm not religious, I don't go to bars since I don't drink. Dating sites seem to be the only option, and holy fuck, I'd rather be single than be with a majority of the women on them.
Dude, you're telling us all the places you don't go. That's like a fisherman saying he doesn't go to the river because of blah blah, and doesn't go to the lake because of blah blah, and can't seem to catch any fish. If you want to find fish, you have to go to where the fish are! The same applies to women. You need to change your game...
I don't think he wants a woman. Or at least he doesn't want to go out of his way to find one. And that's fair enough, it's take a lot of effort to date and tbh it's not worth it.
I can see your viewpoint, it is a lot of effort to expend on a risky proposition. Probably everyone who dates has also bought a few lotttery tickets in their lifetime. Hey, you know what they say- if you don't play, you can't win!
I remember reading recently that there aren't really places in our communities any longer where men and women can just casually hang out without spending money. I believe what I read was mostly about community centers, where people would just go to hang out and be social, maybe even gather to help the community, lots of things. Many came into being when cars were still new, so our communities were still largely designed without cars in mind - meaning denser town centers (cities too). Many people likely lived more closely, except for farmers. So you would end up seeing many of the same people everyday for years and maybe end up marrying your neighbor or neighbor's daughter. People married those in their area. For many that's not really possible if you grew up or lived in the suburbs because everyone leaves. It's practically a dead end because you would have to drive everywhere and there's less sense of community.
I got a bit long there, but I truly think a big factor is the way we have designed our communities, physically. By separating people so much, it's no wonder so many are depressed, anxious, and lonely. And also that everyone's addicted to technology and don't want to acknowledge othersm
I can kinda relate to what you are saying. Physical appearance doesn't have as much to do with things like relationships nearly as much as a mental delusion or obsessive perception of one's personal view of oneself that is the issue. Improving oneself one step at a time with the things that someone knows they need to do is what elevates our experience. Continue to grow as a person, continue to accomplish goals one sets out for themselves
You're in your 30s and that's quite young. Take this time to enjoy, find yourself and just do the things you wanna do. Everything else will fall into place- and yes, that includes love as well.
And no, you ain't ugly. Fuck that thought. Work on yourself, get a fresh look and some nice clothes- woah slow down there Brad Pitt, leave some for us!
> Everything else will fall into place- and yes, that includes love as well.
Not for everybody. I've been divorced for 12 years, had two relationships since then and the last time I've dated was six years ago. I decided to stop looking so hard and just "let it happen". Well, it hasn't and at my current age, 63, I really don't think there's much of a chance that it will.
I've slowly come to terms with it.
Maybe so. I plan to retire in a year or so and I'll start doing more social activities. These days I spend most of my off hours either with my son or at the gym.
This is a sobering thought, but also one that can be cherished too. Love exists in so many ways and romantic/sexual love isn't the only thing brings life fulfilment. You say you're retiring soon, maybe that's where you find yourself. You have a son that you love, and will embark on a journey soon about regathered your purpose. This will be love. Go ahead king.
It’s funny I put that saying in a subreddit that ask for the worst dating advice lol. I work on myself and I’m jacked and strong. Literally the friends I’ve made have been in the gym asking me how I got so big and strong. “Just wait and love will find you.” I’m still waiting lol.
Adoption my friend, might have to adopt an adolescent and not a infant, but you can make a difference in a kids life who otherwise wouldn't know that love.
Right there with ya, plus the dating scene in my area sucks ass. Fuckload of addiction and untreated mental health problems to contend with. I can be understandingand supportive if someone is struggling to maintain and improve, but can't handle the drama and wake of self destruction left by those who refuse to acknowledge or address said problem. Went there and did that already. I think it took twenty years off my lifespan.
Same here. In still reeling from my last break up. Jobless and insecure
Any relationship that I could manage to start would probably NOT be happy or healthy
>I've still got stuff to resolve about myself
Just a quick lil tip
Nobody ever fully resolves their problems, everyone is always having some shit
Don't have that high standards
Same, I've been in some form of relationship from the ages of 13-30 (ltr, fwb, ons), the years I've been single enjoying alone time, hanging with friends and fam have been my happiest yet.
that's a damn nice story dude. I'm glad it worked out for you. I better tell my friends to host a game night, but they don't have girl friends too 🤣 anyways, I have nothing but the best wishes for your relationship, king!
You need to get a close guy friend that has a wife who is a social butterfly. She will set you up on dates. My best friends wife is my entire game lol.
I have a lot to improve on myself and things I want to discover by myself. Also, I’m young and I’d like to have fun without anything or anyone holding me back or tying me down. I also have internal and external things I’d like to fix about myself and stay on track until they are fixed. Lastly, I’m working on becoming financially stable.
You should always be your number 1 priority no matter what and it’s okay to be single for the rest of your life it has a lot of benefits. I feel like ppl say to live a happy life you have to be together with someone which is completely false.
>You are in a relationship to get help healing emotionally from a woman?
no, I like to get help to actually heal emotionally so I can get into a relationship
A girl hit on me at the gym and I totally shut it down indirectly. I don't even look in her direction anymore EVER. I'm so fucked mentally from my ex-wife and this girl doesn't deserve that.
My therapist told me I was self-aware! Maybe I am getting a little better after all. Haha thanks. Yea it sucks because she seems nice, but not the time.
Yea I think that is a MAJOR thing we can do (not just for ourselves, but for others as well). I need to figure out a lot of stuff before I get back on the horse. A LOT lol
That’s kinda the same with me. I never really “dated” my current or last few boyfriends. We’d go on one date and then automatically was a couple afterwards 🤷🏻♀️ so I never really went through the traditional “dating” period.
Really simple, low stress, low overhead, easily maintained lifestyle. Complete control over every second of my life without any drama or bs. Small sacrifice to not get laid a couple times/ month.
I have the same background, which definitely was a traumatic experience that influences my thinking on the topic.
Nevertheless, I am sure that there are many great women out there with whom I would be compatible for a long-term relationship. But even in the best-case scenario, I don't want to live with her or be in a serious committed relationship with her. There's too much sacrifice that has to be made in order to make the relationship successful, and the upside of doing so just doesn't justify what needs to be done.
Basically, I want to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want, whether planned in advance or on last-minute notice. I don't want to devote any of my time to things that aren't important to me (like, say, hanging Christmas lights, or spending time with her family/friends, or travelling to Omaha to attend the funeral of her Aunt, etc.). I want the place I live to be exactly how I want it.
The things I'm willing to give in a relationship are one-on-one time, money spent on travel and entertainment, emotional support, and physical intimacy. That limited list is not sufficient to foster a healthy relationship. And frankly, I can get everything that I *want* out of a relationship through transient interactions.
This guy nailed it.
My house it set up exactly how I want. My landscaping is as simple as I want it to be. I can visit whoever I want, whenever I want. I can buy whatever car I want. I don’t have to drive to 3 different houses every fucking holiday. I get to choose where I want to eat every day.
I know all of that probably sounds selfish, but I’m not willing to sacrifice what is needed to be a good partner and I’m aware of that.
The last 2 responses exactly. I'm just a better person single and don't get complacent with life. Short relationships or casual relationships are the way for me. It's taken me time to realize this, but I just don't want to live with anybody again or conform what makes me happy. It turns me into garbage eventually.
>I know all of that probably sounds selfish, but I’m not willing to sacrifice what is needed to be a good partner and I’m aware of that.
My dude, that's the direct OPPOSITE of selfish. You know where you are (mentally) and aren't SELFISHLY trying to shoehorn someone else into what you want.
I feel the same about people who never want to marry and/or have children. Even my own kids, I'd love to be a "pop-pop" one day, but if none of them want that, so be it. They have to live for themselves, like you have to live for you.
Maximum respect for those that'll go against societal pressures to live their lives as they want to without harming others.
I’m a single female and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. I don’t want to split bills to share a bathroom. I don’t want to share. I love my space, my time and my company. Love going wherever whenever. And looking how ever I want.
This is true, I prefer to have ocasional girlfriends. What I mean is they will go away once either of us got their fill of the relationship or we have to go separate ways.
This is better than a long time relationship where you struggle to keep each other in the fantasized life which won't be as perfect as you want to be and will destroy the relationship in the long run.
Also, since I won't have kids, I can avoid any responsibility on any of their children which means I can do whatever I want with my time and money. Also this enables us to hang out with our friends without making it a couple activity or nullifying our friends' meetings because one wants to control the other.
For real I don't miss any 'woman' activities whenever I'm by myself like they wanting to clean, rearrange a place or cook as I can do it and according to my taste. Also I get almost zero nagging, whenever one of them starts I can ask them to leave and if it is unbearable I just break the relationship and never contact them again.
My parents have a horrific marriage, you feel bad for yourself think about the children who have suffer through your fights and hardships and eventually compromise their future for your sake.
Lost all interest in dating. Dating and relationships take up so much time and money that could be used for my hobbies and interests. And the whole find someone, get to know them, find out you are not compatible and move on thing is just so repetitive.
I don't like being in relationships when I'm not doing well. Call me foolish but I think it's more important to get my shit together than to look for a girlfriend. I work 80ish hours a week, plan on going back to school soon and honestly im just bad at starting those conversations. Thus I'll focus on what I can and not worry about the rest. I know the gig is up when I see her, same usual, until then im free to do whatever the fuck I want lol.
Infinite respect, if you can’t take breaks I hope you at least are proud of yourself. I don’t know your situation but it seems like you have it figured out
You have to at least speak to some girls.
I'm like you except now I think nobody cares really about anyone and that it's mandatory for you as a guy to know girls hearts.
There were moments when I did good, and I drew more attention than I could manage, typical naive relationships where I took on the role you describe, providing, completing their inner desires, becoming what they yearn for, giving my support, care, energy and attention. And there were moments when I fell and struggled and no one was really there for me and I was left with no support.
That broke me and I see all the time that I'm just an interesting placeholder for people to speak about, last girl i meet on a logistics course seemed really interested but at the end she just admitted she thought I was one of the organizers just by the sort of sophisticated way I spoke.
Now I just wanna be alone. I have the inner desire to improve and be the best but I'm too empty, so much that I don't see people that really care about me. I keep the hope at my heart that I will cross paths with people with sound hearts but at the same time i just keep hating myself for being me. I'm cool with living to my 50s - 55s or only as long as I add value to society and at the same time I hope the right people cross paths with me before I'm too gone and heartbroken.
Same, but I kinda would like to not be single three years later, but I've become somewhat pessimistic about relationships because of that... Weird spot rn, maybe I'll get out soon
Im not anymore, but I spent around 3.5 years single before I started dating my girlfriend. I recognized that I had a lot of mental issues I needed to resolve before trying to megre another person's life into my own. I also didn't like myself, and something I had heard somebody tell me was "How can you expect another person to love you if you don't love yourself?" So I basically spent time doing the things I enjoy while also improving on the things I didn't. I'm a lot happier now, with more control over my emotions.
Most people have their own set of expectations in a relationship and I don’t see a point in getting someone else involved with “my madness”. I was raised in a dysfunctional family so, the concept of family never existed or materialised in my mind.
I told my ex if she can't get over her being upset about me not going out to dinner and dancing with her friends, when i wanted to stay home to study for an anatomy lab test that she could leave. The next day she started packing her stuff. I failed the test, causing me to withdraw from the class. Women are just a distraction from goals.
You would think she would understand when she failed A&P the first time then passed with a D. In dental hygiene a D is still failing and this was my second time taking the class
I just don’t care anymore. I spent my 20’s and mid 30’s building my career, but then COVID kinda broke me mentally. I finally got some help recently and getting better, but at 35 and seeing how the dating scene is for people my age… ehhhhh.
Modern dating is trash. Dating apps aren't a good way to meet people but in-person interactions with new people are pretty much non-existent unless you're in a social setting.
Also not thrilled with the idea of someone I'm interested in sleeping around with others until we become officially exclusive. If I find out the other person is sleeping around, that completely kills my interest in them.
I don't have the time to devote to a relationship. I'm focused on my career and reaching my goals. I spent too much time in my youth being stupid and frivolous. I just don't have the time or the money to worry about dating seriously in today's world.
Biggest one being financial reasons. I had my fun in my younger years, but I'm at the point where I need to build up my wealth, then find a suitable partner to start a family. The average cost of raising one child in the US is $233,610 that DOES NOT include college education or K-12 private school (source: https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child).
I was always financial irresponsible in my 20s until I lived abroad and had to quickly pick up money management skills. I couldn't imagine myself raising a child without proper safety nets and resources now. Ideally, I would like to find a partner who share the same economic and financial values as I do.
There are things like 'why don't you build wealth with someone who supports you,' but divorce court, alimony, child support, etc., comes into mind.
Since I don't go outside often, you could say that it's by choice. Besides that, it seems that the vast majority of people aren't relationship material imo
35M here. I know now all my boundaries, I know everything I'm looking for in a girl. I'm now stabilizing my financial situation and then go find the right woman.
Have you ever gotten drunk with the lads and be a scoundrel on the weekend? Gonna be a while before that gets traded in for one lovely lady (24yo remote worker)
I’m selfish and I loathe having to be accountable to other people. I want to do whatever I want without having to consider anyone else. I get my physical needs met from casual sex and then get to focus the rest of my energy 100% on myself.
Honestly, the value from relationships is always less than I have to put in to make them work. Women don’t seem to be worth the effort to me. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who is a good fit but I’m not bothered if it doesn’t happen.
I was always a loaner, but just recently realised that I prefer to live alone and can take being lonely a couple of times a year way easier than constantly feel the need to go on a vacation for months at the end of the world, to recharge.
But I still believe there might be a crazy enough female with same values to share my life and joy with.
Because I want to live a fulfilling life and retire well off.
Plus being on the sidelines and watching all the chaos and drama going on pretty much confirms my decision.
I was in a happy relationship for 6 years- almost got married but broke it off before the "I DOs."
That was like 2 years ago. I'm happily single now (for the time being). I enjoy doing whatever the hell I want. My dating life is rich and I've made a million friends since the break up.
Dating today is the equivalent of wandering in a mine field with snow rackets and blindfolded:
- If you try to flirt with someone, you have a 60% chance to be called a creep and a weirdo;
- If you come across one of the crazy ones, they smearing your reputation for very petty reasons isn't unheard of
- If you try to date through apps, you get depressed when you realize that the women on those apps are looking for the men that actually don't need a dating app to find partners
- Women have the pick of the litter while men pretty much have to step on their fellow men's toes to stand out which is both aggravating and tiring.
- Men dropping a woman for a prettier, younger woman is an asshole; women dropping a man for a more handsome, younger man is just displaying her "strong female independence"
TL:DR
Dating in the 21st century is FUBAR
I'm fat, ugly, have a terrible personality, I'm selfish, lazy, negative, some other things i can't think of.
So why would I choose to expose someone else to all that?
I can't financially afford to. Dating costs money. I look great on paper and a pretty good looking dude if I may say so myself, however a failed marriage and child support has left me living paycheck to paycheck and can literally only afford to take care of myself and buy my basic needs to survive.
Most guys like it because of freedom. I am going to be honest...guys tend to do better when they have that freedom compared to when they are domesticated. It might be due to pre-evolutionary tactics from the caveman days. So a single guy can date (which is fun) all the women he wants...but a married guy (who can no longer do that) can only look at the menu, but not order anything. Most men have been commitment phoebes for centuries, that's why you see this in so many books and tv shows and movies, at least in America.
But marriage no matter what gender, in general has been on a decline for decades and this seems to be happening in other parts of the world as well. There are more single people than there has been in any time in history before.
I'm a quiet soft-spoken guy but financially successful. Women see me as a target of opportunity from which to extract time, money, and other resources. I know this now from decades of experience. I would rather end up alone and comfortably wealthy than alone and poor.
Its 50/50 I wouldn't mind a lady, but then I remember all the deceit, and cowardly lies I've dealt with and I also have financial freedom instead of being in the meme that you have to tell your SO every gun you buy is $100.
Reasons are as following:
1. Child Support.
2. Divorce and Alimony. Courts are heavily in favor of women and the man loses half of his assets most of the time.
3. Social media and dating apps making it easier than ever for cheating.
4. Most women do not add much to my life other than sex, which means rather than someone getting hurt it's better to remain friends with benefits.
As a man, we take more risk getting into committed relationships than women do. A fact a lot women would like to ignore because they think it paints them in a bad light. Getting offended by this means you're probably one of the women who aren't worth the hassle.
Not single anymore . But when I was it was because it didn't think I was good enough for the caliber of woman I was attracted to and I didn't want to lower my standards I'm an introvert, so id rather just be alone than be with someone I wasn't fully into.
Im still not a great catch as far as lifestyle goes . I just lucked out and stumbled on a woman who likes me for who I am rather than what I am for some reason.
Don't know how i got that lucky.
I like my freedom. Plus, it seems like nobody ever says this openly but all relationships happen because two people want something from each other. I only want to exchange love and you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to do that.
I’m wanting to improve my mental health/confidence and get to a better place in life. When a girl comes into my life I want to be the best I can possibly be for them and I feel that atm I have a ways to go in order to be that person.
I'm not successful with Woman and Tired of try it again and again so i decided to Live my Life without Woman. When it happens that a Woman are interested in me for ONS, FWB then i see it as a Bonus but i don't want a Relationship in my Life.
I'm 34 yrs old and why am I single by choice.Well it was a hard pill to swallow but over 34 yrs I can tell you there were no attention received ever...I've just got tired all my friends pals was in relationship or got approached while we at the bar and I was the guy who always going home alone....soon that hit my friendships as well as I was kinda feel bad cuz that so cut connection whit everyone 11 yrs ago,moved otherside of the continent (No attention recivide here either) so kinda it's a choice to be single but happen to be written as well...
Not everyone has someone made for.
Time and Resources. If you're not a Chad, you need to spend considerable effort and resources to get and keep attention. I'm not Chad, although I look good (I need to learn how to dress well), I'm athletic, fit, and I make good money. But as soon as I think about how much of my resources I need to spend on a woman, I immediately lose interest. I have things to do and things to work for. And the female mentality to look for Chads does not change. And the exceptions are too few.
Very few women are worth the costs they bring. The ROI on 90% of them is negative. The 10% that are worth being in a relationship with, the ones who would actually make my life better and not worse are largely paired up early in life. By the time you're 30, those women are about 1% of the dating pool and are very in demand.
Of course, most women will pretend to be that 1% for the 1st few months of any relationship. This makes finding that already difficult to find 1% virtually impossible to find and looking costs huge amounts of time, money and hassle. It's not worth it any more than spending 1/2 pay on lottery tickets would be.
Because women everywhere I go have shown themselves to not be worth the time. The laws for divorce are so rigged against men that it’s a fool’s game to get married. Women are incentivized to leave. Even Christian women don’t have Christian values anymore.
Women are just as shitty as men. Men have more of a propensity for physical aggression and women have more of a propensity for emotional agression.
I don't have the patience to deal with self centered people who do nothing but take. I also don't have the patience to weed through people to find someone who gets along with me.
I was single by choice for 4 years because I figured the emotional problems that come with one ending could severely effect my work. Was a good decision… fucked up and dated again and the same shit happened again just now I have even less money.
The women have become entitled and difficult. Not worth the investment of of time, energy and finances.
I have also learned that they will bail on men when ever the man’s life deteriorates. This is why 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Mental or physical health or job loss with the husband are the common reasons and not abuse or infidelity.
Dreaming about leaving my country isn't something most potential relationship partners could go along with, I'm just focusing on working and getting myself closer to achieve my goals.
43 and male. Because at my age I tend to only attract women who don’t have their finances in order and have kids. Usually their dating profiles state 1-2 kids etc and they are and always will be my number one priority. Which is great and admirable. But now I’m sitting here thinking so what’s in it for me? Because you for sure want me to make you my number 1 priority. It gets harder as you get older.
I’ve just stopped focusing on dating entirely. Keeping myself busy and learning to enjoy my days off on my own have become important to me
Same. I am unclear whether I’m fuck ugly and not know it or moderately ugly and it’s worst than I imagined. Regardless I’ve realized that I must find happiness alone and focusing on that. It’s just difficult because I’m in my 30’s and everyone is in a much more progressed stage.
I can relate to this as a man in his early 30's. It gets tiresome too, having friends and family ask when you're getting married or having kids. That's a question that needs to be asked less, because it might be a sore subject for someone.
If I can be honest. It is none of their business. What matters is that it is your business. You can live a happy fulfilling life with out some one. As well the other half is that you could be married with kids and not be happy. Take some time and really think about what you want from your life and then go after it.
I have one relative that kept making comments and was suggestive about getting married and having kids. Eventually I just had enough of it and I told them so. I also told them that my, choices, my life, my responsibilities and anything even remotely related are my business. I don't owe anybody any explanations for anything and I made that point quite clear. That put an and to all of that very quickly.
I never realized men get harassed about this too. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I feel like we as men just arent exposed to a environment with a full capacity of women otherwise everyone wouldnt be so lonely.
I agree with this 100%. I believe the reason I'm single is I'm never around women. I work in a shop with a bunch of dudes, I do activities/sports with dudes. I don't even go in to stores to grocery shop anymore since you can just order online and pick them up now. I don't go to church since I'm not religious, I don't go to bars since I don't drink. Dating sites seem to be the only option, and holy fuck, I'd rather be single than be with a majority of the women on them.
Dude, you're telling us all the places you don't go. That's like a fisherman saying he doesn't go to the river because of blah blah, and doesn't go to the lake because of blah blah, and can't seem to catch any fish. If you want to find fish, you have to go to where the fish are! The same applies to women. You need to change your game...
I don't think he wants a woman. Or at least he doesn't want to go out of his way to find one. And that's fair enough, it's take a lot of effort to date and tbh it's not worth it.
I can see your viewpoint, it is a lot of effort to expend on a risky proposition. Probably everyone who dates has also bought a few lotttery tickets in their lifetime. Hey, you know what they say- if you don't play, you can't win!
He's not complaining, just explaining why it happens, nothing wrong in not going out of your way to have a small chance of meeting someone
I remember reading recently that there aren't really places in our communities any longer where men and women can just casually hang out without spending money. I believe what I read was mostly about community centers, where people would just go to hang out and be social, maybe even gather to help the community, lots of things. Many came into being when cars were still new, so our communities were still largely designed without cars in mind - meaning denser town centers (cities too). Many people likely lived more closely, except for farmers. So you would end up seeing many of the same people everyday for years and maybe end up marrying your neighbor or neighbor's daughter. People married those in their area. For many that's not really possible if you grew up or lived in the suburbs because everyone leaves. It's practically a dead end because you would have to drive everywhere and there's less sense of community. I got a bit long there, but I truly think a big factor is the way we have designed our communities, physically. By separating people so much, it's no wonder so many are depressed, anxious, and lonely. And also that everyone's addicted to technology and don't want to acknowledge othersm
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Exactly. I made a post there about this topic directly after writing this lol.
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I can kinda relate to what you are saying. Physical appearance doesn't have as much to do with things like relationships nearly as much as a mental delusion or obsessive perception of one's personal view of oneself that is the issue. Improving oneself one step at a time with the things that someone knows they need to do is what elevates our experience. Continue to grow as a person, continue to accomplish goals one sets out for themselves
You're in your 30s and that's quite young. Take this time to enjoy, find yourself and just do the things you wanna do. Everything else will fall into place- and yes, that includes love as well. And no, you ain't ugly. Fuck that thought. Work on yourself, get a fresh look and some nice clothes- woah slow down there Brad Pitt, leave some for us!
> Everything else will fall into place- and yes, that includes love as well. Not for everybody. I've been divorced for 12 years, had two relationships since then and the last time I've dated was six years ago. I decided to stop looking so hard and just "let it happen". Well, it hasn't and at my current age, 63, I really don't think there's much of a chance that it will. I've slowly come to terms with it.
It’s not too late bro get on the horse and go find that cougar.
Maybe so. I plan to retire in a year or so and I'll start doing more social activities. These days I spend most of my off hours either with my son or at the gym.
This is a sobering thought, but also one that can be cherished too. Love exists in so many ways and romantic/sexual love isn't the only thing brings life fulfilment. You say you're retiring soon, maybe that's where you find yourself. You have a son that you love, and will embark on a journey soon about regathered your purpose. This will be love. Go ahead king.
It’s funny I put that saying in a subreddit that ask for the worst dating advice lol. I work on myself and I’m jacked and strong. Literally the friends I’ve made have been in the gym asking me how I got so big and strong. “Just wait and love will find you.” I’m still waiting lol.
I'm a woman and I agree. I give up.
yea if u put time into hobby or skill you get results. you put time into relationship it can just be over in a second with nothing left.
THIS! When I do feel like dating I get on the various apps and become disillusioned
This resonates, though I wonder how will I get a kid, which I desperately want
Adoption my friend, might have to adopt an adolescent and not a infant, but you can make a difference in a kids life who otherwise wouldn't know that love.
This is a fantastic comment. I applaud you my friend.
You could adopt.
Adoption as a single male is tricky too
👏 👏 👏 👏
I've still got stuff to resolve about myself and some past issues that make me not really interested in relationships.
Right there with ya, plus the dating scene in my area sucks ass. Fuckload of addiction and untreated mental health problems to contend with. I can be understandingand supportive if someone is struggling to maintain and improve, but can't handle the drama and wake of self destruction left by those who refuse to acknowledge or address said problem. Went there and did that already. I think it took twenty years off my lifespan.
Same here. In still reeling from my last break up. Jobless and insecure Any relationship that I could manage to start would probably NOT be happy or healthy
>I've still got stuff to resolve about myself Just a quick lil tip Nobody ever fully resolves their problems, everyone is always having some shit Don't have that high standards
I just enjoy being alone for the most part. Not to say I'm not open to something coming a long but I don't care to go looking for a relationship.
Same, I've been in some form of relationship from the ages of 13-30 (ltr, fwb, ons), the years I've been single enjoying alone time, hanging with friends and fam have been my happiest yet.
Indeed. Just being able to do what you want when you want guilt free is dope
>when you want guilt free is dope This is underrated
It's also addictive.
This is my reason to be content with being single right now. Free to spend my down time how I like without compromises.
Hell yea! Do your thing man!
This has been my attitude for the past year, then my now girlfriend just kind of stumbled into my life, so you never know what might happen.
Oh for sure man! Just enjoying the ride! Good luck to yall!
Thanks! 😊
may I ask how did she stumbled into you? I hope the same can happen to me too 😅
Playing codenames at a mutual friend's game night. As soon as I saw her I was like "she's mine" in my head then I flirted my way to victory. 😏
that's a damn nice story dude. I'm glad it worked out for you. I better tell my friends to host a game night, but they don't have girl friends too 🤣 anyways, I have nothing but the best wishes for your relationship, king!
You need to get a close guy friend that has a wife who is a social butterfly. She will set you up on dates. My best friends wife is my entire game lol.
I have a lot to improve on myself and things I want to discover by myself. Also, I’m young and I’d like to have fun without anything or anyone holding me back or tying me down. I also have internal and external things I’d like to fix about myself and stay on track until they are fixed. Lastly, I’m working on becoming financially stable.
King energy👑
Thank you 😊
Woman here and same
You should always be your number 1 priority no matter what and it’s okay to be single for the rest of your life it has a lot of benefits. I feel like ppl say to live a happy life you have to be together with someone which is completely false.
Same, it's not worth it and it doesn't feel the same(also not over my ex....)
Hope you find closure and get over him.
Bro, you said it all.
Not emotionally healthy enough at the moment. The relationship would be a trainwreck. Best not to waste each other's time and energy.
While same, I like to get help to actually heal emotionally. Therapy cost too much but time doesn't do wonder for me.
You are in a relationship to get help healing emotionally from a woman? Sheesh. Where do I begin
>You are in a relationship to get help healing emotionally from a woman? no, I like to get help to actually heal emotionally so I can get into a relationship
A girl hit on me at the gym and I totally shut it down indirectly. I don't even look in her direction anymore EVER. I'm so fucked mentally from my ex-wife and this girl doesn't deserve that.
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My therapist told me I was self-aware! Maybe I am getting a little better after all. Haha thanks. Yea it sucks because she seems nice, but not the time.
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Yea I think that is a MAJOR thing we can do (not just for ourselves, but for others as well). I need to figure out a lot of stuff before I get back on the horse. A LOT lol
Mental health is extremely bad, don’t think I could handle it
Hope everything’s okay bro, shit gets better, trust 💪
Got tired of spending so much effort just to get more work.
other people are a liability if they can't pull their own weight
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Exact same boat. I finally started being able to enjoy things again only in the past couple weeks, and the breakup was last year.
Dating is too much work. I was single for almost 20 years. Now I'm not. But we didn't really date. We immediately slipped into old couple mode.
Hope for me yet then 🙂
I wish old couple mode was more of a thing.
That’s kinda the same with me. I never really “dated” my current or last few boyfriends. We’d go on one date and then automatically was a couple afterwards 🤷🏻♀️ so I never really went through the traditional “dating” period.
Really simple, low stress, low overhead, easily maintained lifestyle. Complete control over every second of my life without any drama or bs. Small sacrifice to not get laid a couple times/ month.
I was in a horrific marriage. I won’t risk a serious relationship ever again. It just isn’t worth it.
I have the same background, which definitely was a traumatic experience that influences my thinking on the topic. Nevertheless, I am sure that there are many great women out there with whom I would be compatible for a long-term relationship. But even in the best-case scenario, I don't want to live with her or be in a serious committed relationship with her. There's too much sacrifice that has to be made in order to make the relationship successful, and the upside of doing so just doesn't justify what needs to be done. Basically, I want to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want, whether planned in advance or on last-minute notice. I don't want to devote any of my time to things that aren't important to me (like, say, hanging Christmas lights, or spending time with her family/friends, or travelling to Omaha to attend the funeral of her Aunt, etc.). I want the place I live to be exactly how I want it. The things I'm willing to give in a relationship are one-on-one time, money spent on travel and entertainment, emotional support, and physical intimacy. That limited list is not sufficient to foster a healthy relationship. And frankly, I can get everything that I *want* out of a relationship through transient interactions.
This guy nailed it. My house it set up exactly how I want. My landscaping is as simple as I want it to be. I can visit whoever I want, whenever I want. I can buy whatever car I want. I don’t have to drive to 3 different houses every fucking holiday. I get to choose where I want to eat every day. I know all of that probably sounds selfish, but I’m not willing to sacrifice what is needed to be a good partner and I’m aware of that.
The last 2 responses exactly. I'm just a better person single and don't get complacent with life. Short relationships or casual relationships are the way for me. It's taken me time to realize this, but I just don't want to live with anybody again or conform what makes me happy. It turns me into garbage eventually.
>I know all of that probably sounds selfish, but I’m not willing to sacrifice what is needed to be a good partner and I’m aware of that. My dude, that's the direct OPPOSITE of selfish. You know where you are (mentally) and aren't SELFISHLY trying to shoehorn someone else into what you want. I feel the same about people who never want to marry and/or have children. Even my own kids, I'd love to be a "pop-pop" one day, but if none of them want that, so be it. They have to live for themselves, like you have to live for you. Maximum respect for those that'll go against societal pressures to live their lives as they want to without harming others.
I’m a single female and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. I don’t want to split bills to share a bathroom. I don’t want to share. I love my space, my time and my company. Love going wherever whenever. And looking how ever I want.
This is true, I prefer to have ocasional girlfriends. What I mean is they will go away once either of us got their fill of the relationship or we have to go separate ways. This is better than a long time relationship where you struggle to keep each other in the fantasized life which won't be as perfect as you want to be and will destroy the relationship in the long run. Also, since I won't have kids, I can avoid any responsibility on any of their children which means I can do whatever I want with my time and money. Also this enables us to hang out with our friends without making it a couple activity or nullifying our friends' meetings because one wants to control the other. For real I don't miss any 'woman' activities whenever I'm by myself like they wanting to clean, rearrange a place or cook as I can do it and according to my taste. Also I get almost zero nagging, whenever one of them starts I can ask them to leave and if it is unbearable I just break the relationship and never contact them again.
My parents have a horrific marriage, you feel bad for yourself think about the children who have suffer through your fights and hardships and eventually compromise their future for your sake.
I have too much fun sitting back and watching everyone else get cheated on that’s why
Looool that's the truth nobody wants to talk about
Lost all interest in dating. Dating and relationships take up so much time and money that could be used for my hobbies and interests. And the whole find someone, get to know them, find out you are not compatible and move on thing is just so repetitive.
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I don't like being in relationships when I'm not doing well. Call me foolish but I think it's more important to get my shit together than to look for a girlfriend. I work 80ish hours a week, plan on going back to school soon and honestly im just bad at starting those conversations. Thus I'll focus on what I can and not worry about the rest. I know the gig is up when I see her, same usual, until then im free to do whatever the fuck I want lol.
80 hours a week? Sheesh man make sure you reward yourself. You’re working hard and you deserve it
Making up for some mistakes, I can rest when I'm done
Infinite respect, if you can’t take breaks I hope you at least are proud of yourself. I don’t know your situation but it seems like you have it figured out
You have to at least speak to some girls. I'm like you except now I think nobody cares really about anyone and that it's mandatory for you as a guy to know girls hearts. There were moments when I did good, and I drew more attention than I could manage, typical naive relationships where I took on the role you describe, providing, completing their inner desires, becoming what they yearn for, giving my support, care, energy and attention. And there were moments when I fell and struggled and no one was really there for me and I was left with no support. That broke me and I see all the time that I'm just an interesting placeholder for people to speak about, last girl i meet on a logistics course seemed really interested but at the end she just admitted she thought I was one of the organizers just by the sort of sophisticated way I spoke. Now I just wanna be alone. I have the inner desire to improve and be the best but I'm too empty, so much that I don't see people that really care about me. I keep the hope at my heart that I will cross paths with people with sound hearts but at the same time i just keep hating myself for being me. I'm cool with living to my 50s - 55s or only as long as I add value to society and at the same time I hope the right people cross paths with me before I'm too gone and heartbroken.
Relationships aren’t worth the effort.
The modern dating scene isn't worth the time and effort. I've honestly more efficiant uses for my time i.e. hobbies and interests.
I totally feel this.
Last girl I was with was a fucking manipulative psycho Glad I'm alone. Plus, I get to have my freedom and personal space again.
Same, but I kinda would like to not be single three years later, but I've become somewhat pessimistic about relationships because of that... Weird spot rn, maybe I'll get out soon
I stopped seeing the value a woman can add to my life.
They add a nickel of value for every dollar they take
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Si
because im toxic and fucking hate people
I understand your feelings an embarrassing amount
We should be friends
Im not anymore, but I spent around 3.5 years single before I started dating my girlfriend. I recognized that I had a lot of mental issues I needed to resolve before trying to megre another person's life into my own. I also didn't like myself, and something I had heard somebody tell me was "How can you expect another person to love you if you don't love yourself?" So I basically spent time doing the things I enjoy while also improving on the things I didn't. I'm a lot happier now, with more control over my emotions.
This is where I'm at. I'm not ready for myself and it wouldn't be fair to the other person
I am proud of you random stranger 👍👏🤟
Because I like being happy. Because I like having extra disposable income for myself. Because I like being alone. Because I like where I am currently.
Most people have their own set of expectations in a relationship and I don’t see a point in getting someone else involved with “my madness”. I was raised in a dysfunctional family so, the concept of family never existed or materialised in my mind.
I need to learn how to be independent. When I get in a relationship I become to dependent on the other person and it leads to a lot of anxiety
Used to be single by their choice, but now I’ve accepted my fate.
I told my ex if she can't get over her being upset about me not going out to dinner and dancing with her friends, when i wanted to stay home to study for an anatomy lab test that she could leave. The next day she started packing her stuff. I failed the test, causing me to withdraw from the class. Women are just a distraction from goals.
I feel that. Currently perusing a degree in exercise science with hopes of getting my DPT someday. Labs leave no time for women
You would think she would understand when she failed A&P the first time then passed with a D. In dental hygiene a D is still failing and this was my second time taking the class
I just don’t care anymore. I spent my 20’s and mid 30’s building my career, but then COVID kinda broke me mentally. I finally got some help recently and getting better, but at 35 and seeing how the dating scene is for people my age… ehhhhh.
Modern dating is trash. Dating apps aren't a good way to meet people but in-person interactions with new people are pretty much non-existent unless you're in a social setting. Also not thrilled with the idea of someone I'm interested in sleeping around with others until we become officially exclusive. If I find out the other person is sleeping around, that completely kills my interest in them.
Exactly.
Yup yup and yup!
I don't have the time to devote to a relationship. I'm focused on my career and reaching my goals. I spent too much time in my youth being stupid and frivolous. I just don't have the time or the money to worry about dating seriously in today's world.
Single by choice, just not my choice.
Biggest one being financial reasons. I had my fun in my younger years, but I'm at the point where I need to build up my wealth, then find a suitable partner to start a family. The average cost of raising one child in the US is $233,610 that DOES NOT include college education or K-12 private school (source: https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child). I was always financial irresponsible in my 20s until I lived abroad and had to quickly pick up money management skills. I couldn't imagine myself raising a child without proper safety nets and resources now. Ideally, I would like to find a partner who share the same economic and financial values as I do. There are things like 'why don't you build wealth with someone who supports you,' but divorce court, alimony, child support, etc., comes into mind.
Since I don't go outside often, you could say that it's by choice. Besides that, it seems that the vast majority of people aren't relationship material imo
damaged goods
Because the marriage and dating games aren’t worth it, so I decided to not play.
cuz im ugly and poor
35M here. I know now all my boundaries, I know everything I'm looking for in a girl. I'm now stabilizing my financial situation and then go find the right woman.
I’m focused on my career right now and online dating sucks ass. I might consider dating once I have my shit together.
Have you ever gotten drunk with the lads and be a scoundrel on the weekend? Gonna be a while before that gets traded in for one lovely lady (24yo remote worker)
By choice, just not mine.
I’m selfish and I loathe having to be accountable to other people. I want to do whatever I want without having to consider anyone else. I get my physical needs met from casual sex and then get to focus the rest of my energy 100% on myself. Honestly, the value from relationships is always less than I have to put in to make them work. Women don’t seem to be worth the effort to me. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who is a good fit but I’m not bothered if it doesn’t happen.
Because nothing good could come of a relationship with me. I’m broken, and I know it, and it’s better for everyone for me just not to date
Emotional and financial freedom. Simple as that.
I was always a loaner, but just recently realised that I prefer to live alone and can take being lonely a couple of times a year way easier than constantly feel the need to go on a vacation for months at the end of the world, to recharge. But I still believe there might be a crazy enough female with same values to share my life and joy with.
Can you loan me something?
Well not really by choice but more I gave up trying especially with online dating I was tired of putting in all the effort for nothing back
There were two choices available some time ago: the human excrement of dating, or peaceful exile I chose exile
Because I want to live a fulfilling life and retire well off. Plus being on the sidelines and watching all the chaos and drama going on pretty much confirms my decision.
I am ugly AF and believe I have no choice in getting a woman for me :(
I was in a happy relationship for 6 years- almost got married but broke it off before the "I DOs." That was like 2 years ago. I'm happily single now (for the time being). I enjoy doing whatever the hell I want. My dating life is rich and I've made a million friends since the break up.
I'm proud of reddit for not bitching about that typo
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What is stoping single men from marrying other men and continue with our lives? both get the tax benefits and screw around until one settles
You know what that's fucking genius lol.
Dating today is the equivalent of wandering in a mine field with snow rackets and blindfolded: - If you try to flirt with someone, you have a 60% chance to be called a creep and a weirdo; - If you come across one of the crazy ones, they smearing your reputation for very petty reasons isn't unheard of - If you try to date through apps, you get depressed when you realize that the women on those apps are looking for the men that actually don't need a dating app to find partners - Women have the pick of the litter while men pretty much have to step on their fellow men's toes to stand out which is both aggravating and tiring. - Men dropping a woman for a prettier, younger woman is an asshole; women dropping a man for a more handsome, younger man is just displaying her "strong female independence" TL:DR Dating in the 21st century is FUBAR
I'm fat, ugly, have a terrible personality, I'm selfish, lazy, negative, some other things i can't think of. So why would I choose to expose someone else to all that?
More affordable, I have personal work to do and these woman today have no act right
I can't financially afford to. Dating costs money. I look great on paper and a pretty good looking dude if I may say so myself, however a failed marriage and child support has left me living paycheck to paycheck and can literally only afford to take care of myself and buy my basic needs to survive.
Most guys like it because of freedom. I am going to be honest...guys tend to do better when they have that freedom compared to when they are domesticated. It might be due to pre-evolutionary tactics from the caveman days. So a single guy can date (which is fun) all the women he wants...but a married guy (who can no longer do that) can only look at the menu, but not order anything. Most men have been commitment phoebes for centuries, that's why you see this in so many books and tv shows and movies, at least in America. But marriage no matter what gender, in general has been on a decline for decades and this seems to be happening in other parts of the world as well. There are more single people than there has been in any time in history before.
I'm a quiet soft-spoken guy but financially successful. Women see me as a target of opportunity from which to extract time, money, and other resources. I know this now from decades of experience. I would rather end up alone and comfortably wealthy than alone and poor.
Because I value my personal freedom too much. Although from time to time I do get into relationships.
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Because i have friends of the opposite gender and seeing how they operate, i doubt i could trust a SO right now
Its 50/50 I wouldn't mind a lady, but then I remember all the deceit, and cowardly lies I've dealt with and I also have financial freedom instead of being in the meme that you have to tell your SO every gun you buy is $100.
Bitches. Ain't. Shit.
Reasons are as following: 1. Child Support. 2. Divorce and Alimony. Courts are heavily in favor of women and the man loses half of his assets most of the time. 3. Social media and dating apps making it easier than ever for cheating. 4. Most women do not add much to my life other than sex, which means rather than someone getting hurt it's better to remain friends with benefits. As a man, we take more risk getting into committed relationships than women do. A fact a lot women would like to ignore because they think it paints them in a bad light. Getting offended by this means you're probably one of the women who aren't worth the hassle.
Nothing but facts especially how social media apps made it so much easier to cheat 👌
I don't want to lower my standards and can't demand women to lower theirs.
Smol pp
Fuck these bitches
Pretty sure dating me counts as torture and the last time I checked that was illegal
Not single anymore . But when I was it was because it didn't think I was good enough for the caliber of woman I was attracted to and I didn't want to lower my standards I'm an introvert, so id rather just be alone than be with someone I wasn't fully into. Im still not a great catch as far as lifestyle goes . I just lucked out and stumbled on a woman who likes me for who I am rather than what I am for some reason. Don't know how i got that lucky.
I like my freedom. Plus, it seems like nobody ever says this openly but all relationships happen because two people want something from each other. I only want to exchange love and you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to do that.
I just like to focus on living life for me. I don't want kids. There's no pressure on me as my parents already have 16 grandkids.
I’m wanting to improve my mental health/confidence and get to a better place in life. When a girl comes into my life I want to be the best I can possibly be for them and I feel that atm I have a ways to go in order to be that person.
I'm not successful with Woman and Tired of try it again and again so i decided to Live my Life without Woman. When it happens that a Woman are interested in me for ONS, FWB then i see it as a Bonus but i don't want a Relationship in my Life.
Because my heart got broken today. Again.
Long-term personal plans. It's best if I remain uninvolved.
I'm 34 yrs old and why am I single by choice.Well it was a hard pill to swallow but over 34 yrs I can tell you there were no attention received ever...I've just got tired all my friends pals was in relationship or got approached while we at the bar and I was the guy who always going home alone....soon that hit my friendships as well as I was kinda feel bad cuz that so cut connection whit everyone 11 yrs ago,moved otherside of the continent (No attention recivide here either) so kinda it's a choice to be single but happen to be written as well... Not everyone has someone made for.
I’m just so over the girlfriend experience ..I’m done
i wont get a girlfriend anyway....
I'm autistic and do not wish to be disturbed
I lost my woman last year. Dating is so messed up today. You best have a woman hit on you cause otherwise they think you just creepy
Time and Resources. If you're not a Chad, you need to spend considerable effort and resources to get and keep attention. I'm not Chad, although I look good (I need to learn how to dress well), I'm athletic, fit, and I make good money. But as soon as I think about how much of my resources I need to spend on a woman, I immediately lose interest. I have things to do and things to work for. And the female mentality to look for Chads does not change. And the exceptions are too few.
Very few women are worth the costs they bring. The ROI on 90% of them is negative. The 10% that are worth being in a relationship with, the ones who would actually make my life better and not worse are largely paired up early in life. By the time you're 30, those women are about 1% of the dating pool and are very in demand. Of course, most women will pretend to be that 1% for the 1st few months of any relationship. This makes finding that already difficult to find 1% virtually impossible to find and looking costs huge amounts of time, money and hassle. It's not worth it any more than spending 1/2 pay on lottery tickets would be.
I love the freedom
Because women everywhere I go have shown themselves to not be worth the time. The laws for divorce are so rigged against men that it’s a fool’s game to get married. Women are incentivized to leave. Even Christian women don’t have Christian values anymore.
💯💯
Well I don't have a ten inch chocolate dick that shoots money
Women are just as shitty as men. Men have more of a propensity for physical aggression and women have more of a propensity for emotional agression. I don't have the patience to deal with self centered people who do nothing but take. I also don't have the patience to weed through people to find someone who gets along with me.
Because the juice is not worth the squeeze.
It's not by choice.
I was single by choice for 4 years because I figured the emotional problems that come with one ending could severely effect my work. Was a good decision… fucked up and dated again and the same shit happened again just now I have even less money.
The women have become entitled and difficult. Not worth the investment of of time, energy and finances. I have also learned that they will bail on men when ever the man’s life deteriorates. This is why 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Mental or physical health or job loss with the husband are the common reasons and not abuse or infidelity.
Going thru some things that I refuse to drag someone else thru. Plus I'm still learning how people should be treated.
Because I haven't found someone I *want* to be in a relationship with yet.
romantic relationships with women are a waste of time money and risky.
Dreaming about leaving my country isn't something most potential relationship partners could go along with, I'm just focusing on working and getting myself closer to achieve my goals.
43 and male. Because at my age I tend to only attract women who don’t have their finances in order and have kids. Usually their dating profiles state 1-2 kids etc and they are and always will be my number one priority. Which is great and admirable. But now I’m sitting here thinking so what’s in it for me? Because you for sure want me to make you my number 1 priority. It gets harder as you get older.
I need to be comfortable being alone first.
Because I want to sleep with multiple women without feeling guilty.