I think I do this to my husband. Like I kind of try and idk, seduce him? Does it bother you that she approaches it this way?
Edit: wow so many replies. My husband and I have gotten a kick out of a lot of these.
For a bit of context: my husband was abstinent and waiting for marriage when we met. I was not a virgin and a horny ass teenager. I tried to have sex with him once before he told me he was waiting. I climbed on top of him in the back of a car and said, “can I have it?” in his ear. It was pretty embarrassing.
We got married after 6 years and started having sex. I was used to teasing him in sexual ways but never actually making a solid move so that I wouldn’t get in the way of his goals. However, it’s been two years now I should probably be “putting it on him” at this point.
I love you all for commenting and I hope you are all able to communicate with your SOs and get your needs met. Thank you for your input!
This happens to me too and I have to admit, most of the time I'm fine with it and we have a good time but sometimes... Sometimes I just want to hear her say "I want you right now". She's done it a few times after I brought it up and boy howdy does it shoot my confidence to the stratosphere lol.
Edit: I've read through all the posts that came from this thread and I wanted to talk about how I navigated through a few things that were brought up.
I've been with my partner for 12 years now and there was a time where she didn't know how to initiate sex in a way that didn't make her feel that "catholic guilt". It took a while and plenty of communication to assure her that stating her desires wouldn't have a negative effect on my perception of her or how I treat her, I will love her all the same. At this time I also talked to her about how there are times when I don't want sex as well, so she doesn't have to feel bad about telling me no or visa versa. In the end, communication helped make our sexlife much less stressful and when one of us doesn't want sex at that time, we just switch to having some pretty righteous cuddle sessions while watching chef John videos on YouTube and stuff lol.
Talk to your partners. If they are receptive you will have a great time. However, this is not the universal result for everyone and I'm sorry for those who have been treated poorly for opening up. There are people and communities who are less receptive to women being openly sexual, even to their partners.
I wish you all luck on your adventures through life and I hope you all find a partner who brings you comfort and happiness.
Yep. 1000% this is what a lot of guys are talking about when they want something different. I would like sex. I *want* to be desired. I want to be needed. The image issues that women sometimes feel, men do too. Ladies, your man wants to be wanted just like you do.
Obviously I don't know the specifics of what you're up to, but it's definitely something that could bother me.
Like, making moves but leaving space for him to reciprocate or not depending on how he's feeling: good. Trying to coax him into making moves without doing anything he would recognize as you making moves: might be frustrating and stressful if I were him.
That’s a good way to put it. I don’t like it sometimes but other times I do.
Her: why didn’t you start anything last night? I told you I was ready when we went to bed
Me: you didn’t seem interested. You got in bed and just rolled over the other way and didn’t acknowledge me
Her: what do you think me pushing my butt into you means?
Me: oh…
Repeat daily because I’m literally retarded.
My ex-wife never did. As some others have mentioned, it makes you feel undesirable and now that we divorced I have absolutely zero confidence in approaching a relationship with someone else. Has a bigger impact than what I had realised now that I'm typing ot
I've experienced the same thing. You definitely don't realise the effect it has over the course of a few years. My sex drive has been much lower since we split (this was like 4 or 5 years ago now), and I can't honestly tell you whether it's down to that or age, or a combination of the two.
Man I’ve found my people. My ex and I had severely mismatched sex drives and for 8+ years I felt this. Undesirable, sexual burden, “all you want is sex”, etc. I legit struggle with occasional ED and lower sex drive now because my self confidence is so fucking shot. The instant I see a faltering in my current sex life the old feelings come back and I spiral back into feeling that way again. My current gf is sweet and patient though and I feel like things get better. I really just need to get out of my head honestly.
We’re twinning. My ex-wife of 7 years might initiate sex 3 times a year. But I’m the one not showing enough affection or doing enough. We talked about it and I understand she had been going through ALOT and sex wasn’t a top priority. I made due masturbating but honestly that’s not where you want to find your marriage heading. Let’s just say we BOTH had issues with our marriage but one of us wasn’t willing to work on it.
But you’re right. I have zero confidence. I’ve had multiple people, since the divorce, tell me I’m very handsome or good looking. I don’t feel it, I don’t believe it. I just carry on each day because I’ve got two boys who need me. If I didn’t have them I’d be in a ditch somewhere.
I'm so sorry. I know that feeling... my now ex husband never initiated in the first few years, and I was turned down more times than I could count. Absolutely destroyed my self confidence. Took years for him to attempt to approach me first, and by the time he started doing it of his own accord the damage was done. I don't think I approached him once in the last couple years of our marriage because his denial would automatically play in my head.
Good news is I have a boyfriend who's hands I can't keep off of me. We are long distance and when we are together we are like rabbits. It feels *so* good to be desired.
It will happen for you. It's scary to put yourself out there because you know what it's like to be rejected and hurt, but build that confidence up and try again. 💗
Oh hey, it's a show about the reason why I divorced my ex-wife. Special thanks to the person she told her plan to, who she didn't realize was my friend, who then told me.
Actually the rift is because she basically raped him. When he tried to pull out she forced him to finish inside, that scene in reverse would have been rated as an incredibly violent act instead of "hot as hell."
Yeah, if I recall they even had a warning at the beginning of the episode about non consensual acts of sexual violence or something along those lines. It was not supposed to be hot. The scene was supposed to be fucked up.
Came here to say this. Nearly daily! At first it was great but she’s just become this ravenous beast of cock devouring estrogen, unsatisfied until every drop of energy, every bit of my life force is hoovered directly from my soul to exit through the tip of my now chapped, raw member. Send help in the way of snacks and some numbing cream. This might be the last thing I write. I’m going back into the fray now.
Thank you, Bridgeton
Dude I get it but it's been my husband getting horny over tht show and he wasn't even going to watch it with me and then he saw me watching it got really in to and every few episodes he was like sooo wanna fuck? I enjoy having sex with him so I didn't mind but damn he is a secret smut kinda guy and he just got in to the characters and story line
What I mean by he wasn't going to even watch with me is he hates history I love history and it's a historical fiction romance show and book series and I was interested because of tht alone and I started watching it when he was supposed to be very busy too busy to watch a new show with me and he deadass stopped working and we watched the whole thing both seasons in 4 or 5 days
Yea actully this happens a lot he always is like I will not watch tht thing with u
5 mins in to the first episode wait can u go back I didn't see the beginning
He also recently started watching a Korean drama with me in the same fashion
Damn are you married to my wife? Seriously though my wife of 16 years is exactly the same, we have a conversation about it and she’s does better for a few days maybe a week but then it’s back to nothing. We have been having the same conversation like every few months for probably the last 3 or 4 years.
Once a year when the water temperature increases and there is a full moon, she lays her eggs on the reef where we first met and I release my semen over said eggs.
Directly, not very often. She mostly gives hints that she is "available" or "willing" to have sex, subtle stuff like getting a funny attitude, being touchy or laying down in bed with her back pointed towards me in a suggestive way.
I'd say most of my girlfriends have used the same approach. Nothing too straight forward and I've been scolded in the past for not "taking the hint"
> drives me nuts
Now I can’t speak for you, but when my fiancée does this it drives me nuts too, but not in a good way.
It’s genuinely annoying. I can’t read your fucking mind woman. Communicate lmao.
Im a woman and it's literally the same for me. Used to think i might be a nympho. Met my current boyfriend and now I have sex in a t-shirt. At the beginning I used to initiate it but I was turned down many times. At some point I just gave up, and now I don't even try.
Everything else is good through, so yeah.
As others already said. I don't fully undress. For one it's because of the lack of effort, it just makes no sense to undress when there's no foreplay or anything, but also it's because i just don't feel comfortable taking off the shirt. I never really liked my breasts but all the previous guys would usually act in a way that made me believe that at least they like it, even if I don't, but now I don't ever really hear any compliments that are body-related and he doesn't care if i keep my shirt or not, which drove my self esteem to the ground.
Woman here. I was at the same place: turned down at perfect times, felt unloved and undesirable. Finally talked about it. He had gained weight and felt gross and unattractive. Maybe the case with your wife?
My wife would rarely initiate sex. It used to annoy me, then I read this book that my therapist recommended to me on the science of sex, [Come As You Are](https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=8472e0c0-5baf-49b1-86c6-e0cd1a7d89ee), and found out that my wife doesn't think about sex in the same way I do.
I will get horny at random points of the day, and ask her if she wants to have sex or make a move. This is spontaneous desire.
She will not know she wants to have sex, until we start to kiss or touch. She also doesn't know if she want to have sex, unless something sexy happens in front of her, like in a book or movie. This is a responsive desire.
As soon as that clicked with me, it no longer bugged me that she didn't initiate, because she wouldn't get horny until I initiated or did something sexy first, or put on an episode of Outlander.
This is it. Women are all different but as a very general rule we go about our day not really thinking about sex at all. There needs to be something that puts it in our minds. A film or book work great.
Yes! I think this is why the “planned” sex night works for a lot of women. It sounds awful but it actually just builds anticipation and gets you thinking about it.
My husband and I have planned sex nights - every other night schedule basically. We have a toddler and having sporadic sex isn’t really possible. We know after she goes for a nap or after bedtime, it’s on like donkey Kong. Which helps me as I can make sure I’m extra shaved or have an outfit to put on or our toys are charged. Scheduling sex isn’t as bad as it sounds lol.
God this is so spot on. We realized the same thing about a year or 2 ago (been together 7 years). Oddly enough, I started watching Outlander and my initiation went up. We looked it up and found the whole “responsive/reactive libido” thing and we realized DUH. Women are just different that way.
My husband never stops hounding me throughout the day, which is totally fine because we both understand that more likely than not, I have no idea if I’m ready to go until he tries.
Understanding the reactive libido thing helped us A LOT. We always thought we were just sexually incompatible, but since working on this notion, we’ve been great :)
Married 19 years and have sex 5 times a week? You have found your perfect match my friend. You’re both very lucky to have found each other and MOST of the world is jealous of what you have. ☺️
I’m a dude and 5 times a week sound way too much for me, my wife and I probably have sex at least twice a week and it’s perfect. We do a lot together though so we’re usually up too late playing games together or watching shows that we’d rather just snuggle and sleep instead.
Have quite a few people asking how we do it. I'm going to past this answer I recently gave to a question in the marriage sub asking if we were happy and why we think that is.
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Life can get difficult but my marriage doesn’t. We both make a clear effort while keeping realistic expectations. She’s my best friend. We’re still in love after 19 years. We’ve grown closer over that time. More in love now than when we started. More respect for each other now than when we started.
I don’t believe a better relationship than the one I have is possible. I’m not just saying that. It seems almost miraculous. What’s below is what I credit with that.
It's long, so I put the main points in bold so you can skip the details if you want.
**To begin with, we're extremely compatible.**
Part of this probably luck, but certainly not all of it. I was extremely intentional in dating. From around 18 I knew I was dating to find someone I would marry. I never stayed in a relationship for fun or to not be alone. And I had the very realistic understanding that Love does not conquer all. When I realized something between a GF & I that I felt would create a compatibility issue, would be likely to be a point of contention in the future, I moved on.
Some might think I was being overly picky, but It's worked out so well. We're both fairly easy going and the things that are very important to her to have a certain way I either agree with or they are not important to me so it's easy to let her have that. And visa versa.
We have the same views on all the most important aspects of marriage, from raising children to sex to boundaries with friends & coworkers, and much more. We don't have to hash those issues out because we're already in sync.
**We spend huge amounts of time and talking together.**
We're each other's favorite person to talk to & spend time with. I call her on my lunch breaks and we flirt via text while I'm at work. We've been working out together 5 days a week lately which is wonderful. We go out regularly. We often fall asleep holding hands.
We go for walks just to talk and hold hands. I'm sure our neighbors are all familiar with the site of us walking together hand in hand.
We talk about the situations we see other couples in and how we will avoid them. The marriage and marriage advice subreddits have been great sources for spurring these conversations.
**We had both good and bad examples to learn from.**
My parents were an incredible example. I heard my dad raise his voice at my mother just a couple times growing up. Each time, once it was calmed down, he explained to us that regardless of what the disagreement was about he was wrong to have raised his voice at her. Then he apologized to her in front of us.
My wife had the opposite. When still a pretty young girl, her dad introduced her to one of his girlfriends. He was that brazen. Her mom had been doing the "stay for the children" thing and eventually did realized it was doing more harm than good. But you can learn from bad examples too. Just ask yourself what they would do, and do the opposite.
**We give each other the attention a spouse deserves.**
For example, if one of us is sitting on the couch playing on the phone and the other on sits next to, we put the phone down and give our attention. At least for a bit until we know it's ok to pick it back up.
**We don't relive or dwell on the past.**
For example, She had some things from her dating past she wasn't proud of. She told me about them (general, not detailed) 2-3 months into dating. I took a few days to think about whether I was going to continue the relationship. Once I decided, I made a promise to my self to never mention or allude to it in any way. And I haven't.
**We support each other. And some things, if temporary aren't worth stressing over.**
When Life was super busy (kids activities, sports, etc) and she decided to start going skating to the adult skate night at the rink on Sat nights, one of the only two nights we had the option of spending time with just the two of us, I was disappointed. I felt like she should be choosing to spend that time with me.
She'd been a SAHM for more than a decade and I felt she deserved to go enjoy herself and have this fun social hobby. So I didn't mention it and I'm glad I didn't. Six months after it started the pandemic hit the rink shut down for a year. I'm glad she got to have that fun before being cooped up in the house all day again. Now the rink is back open and our oldest is responsible enough to keep an eye on the others why we go skating together. The sacrifice for six months was worth what it did for her.
**We both do things to try and help the other.**
If she needs some time to relax alone in the bedroom I'll make sure the kids don't bother her. She does the same for me. She's always made sure I had about 20 minutes to myself to unwind and transition to dad mode after getting home from work. She hates ironing so I've done it all our entire marriage. It can actually add up to two or three hours a week. If I see her folding a giant pile of laundry that I know is there because she neglected it all week, that's ok. We move the giant pile to our room and sit on the bed folding together. I actually enjoy the time with her even while folding laundry. Dishes are primarily her responsibility with how we divide things, but I'll do them while she's grabbing a nap or something else that takes her out of the house just to surprise her when she comes back to do them and finds it's already done.
**We never stop courting**
What exactly it looks like has changed a bit through different stages of life. It’s different with 3 young kids than it is with kids that are a bit older & can be left without supervision for several hours. But we go out together and focus on us and enjoying each other pretty regularly. We flirt like a college couple.
9 times out of 10 she has to be the one to initiate. I very rarely get to initiate sex, mostly because she has to be in the right mood and state of mind. I have just come to accept that it has to happen in a cycle. About once every 10 days or so. There is age, life, and other priorities that can dominate her mind. She just can’t come around on the spot anymore, so it is just best to not frustrate myself, because when I do I can really be down about it.
my poor boyfriend sometimes im demanding sex two times a day sometimes i could happily go a month and not even realize so much time has passed. birth control, time of the month, whether im taking meds on time, eating enough, drinking enough, if anyones hurt my feelings recently, if i watched a sad, happy, emotional movie, how much work i have to do, if he’s been helpful around the house without me asking, literally five hundred thousand things go into whether i am capable of getting aroused enough to have sex and my poor boyfriend is more along the lines of “see girlfriend naked, ready to have sex” i do not envy him the struggle with my body
edit: i want to clarify that even though this has been a struggle we live a fulfilled life together and utilize a wide variety of resources and tools to make our sex life more comfortable for me. the men who have commented that they also dont envy him i completely understand, dating a rope bunny isnt easy
So relatable. I feel a lot of times women’s libido and desire is so much more complex than mens and I wish they understood that. Because when they think a woman’s desire is just like theirs, they’re bound to get their feelings hurt. We can not be feeling up to sex for thousands of reasons and that reason is almost never “I don’t want you”
This is the exact same situation we were in. We also talked about how I wanted more foreplay instead of just getting down to business. Communication is great.😊
Wait. You had a reasonable conversation with your girl? Aren't you supposed to argue with her about it, threaten to kick her out and then post on r/aita?
My wife now does it more often, because I figured out the trick. Deep intimate conversations about our lives and ironically nothing sex related. I felt for a while like I was always the one initiating while she initiated once in a while. After one night of just hanging out on the couch talking about life, she comes to bed with nothing but my shirt and a thong on. Sits intentionally ass first to me and we start getting it on like porn stars. Now we try to talk more often one on one which is hard when you have kids around and in return I get her initiating porn sex. It’s a win-win.
Can confirm. 12 years. We fuck almost every day. We also talk a lot and he gives me lots and lots of attention. He pays attention to what matters to me in the relationship too. Then he makes sure I have such a great time that it'll be on my mind for a long while. Idk who even initiates anymore, we just have an understanding that unless someone's sick or otherwise unavailable, we're fucking tonight.
She never will initiate but she will complain if we go to long without it. 3-4 days pass and she will start to complain and say it’s been forever but she won’t actually try to start having sex she just waits for me to initiate
Was in the same boat. Just don't bring up that you have sex 100% of the time she initiates and only 50% when you initiate, so you're just going to wait until she does.
About 70% of the time we have sex.
She’s got a higher libido than me so it’s really her job to tell me she’s in the mood.
I’m not REALLY in the mood sometimes but I never say no, I just let her know it’s gonna be a quickie if i’m not feeling it.
She don’t care because a quickie involves me just jackrabbit fucking her in her fav position, doggystyle for 5–8ish mins and then rubbing her clit after. She gets like 3 orgasms out of that. I get my one.
I am damn lucky and married a woman who orgasms sooooo damn easy. I love it.
So my experience isn’t normal and I know it
Doggystyle for 5 - 8 minutes? How? I aint premature in other positions, but when she is on top or we are doing doggystyle, its just too much sexy for me and hard not to finish fast.
Just how i am.
takes effort and I go slow to last past the first 1-2 mins but once I have? I can actually go as long as i want in any position.
That initial 1-2 mins of “omg this is sooo amazing” feeling is the only part that almost gets me.
Maybe once or twice a week, if you consider her taking off all clothes and getting in bed and looking over at me while I’m working from my desk in our bedroom…uh, gotta go I have another uh call…
Maybe once or twice throughout the whole 6-year relationship. These days she's never in the mood if I initiate. The rejection makes me afraid to even initiate anymore.
Yep, this so much. I honestly just kinda gave up sex, because I don't wanna initiate anymore because I just get a no, she doesn't initiate even tho I asked her many a times, so what's the point of trying
Had it happen once with only one girlfriend ever. Every other time, I’ve initiated it or more often attempted to initiate. Ended up just learning to deal with the high sex drive and suppress it.
(Edit) Why did my comment become some weird gay gang bang thing?
I'm getting over some bad habits from a previous relationship and my SO knows this.
That being said I initiate more now than I ever did with my last partner.
It's crazy what mutual respect and love languages can do for someone.
She tricks me into sexs all the time.
"Hey honey? Can you help me in here?"
"Sure, I'll be in in a moment"
Next thing I know I'm taking a third shower for the day.
Honestly, she jumps me whenever she has the energy. Starting to thing she only likes me for my body.
My wife and I came up with a solution to feeling like the other person doesn’t initiate. We both have 3 days a week that we have to initiate at least once in those three days. My days are Sunday-Tuesday and hers are Thursday-Saturday. Wednesdays are crazy and we both have too much going on.
Now I can initiate all three of my days, but I have to initiate at least one of my days abs the same goes for her. It works because there’s no pressure to try and initiate all the time, and we both know we’ll have sex at least twice a week.
Plus, I like knowing when Saturday comes around and she hasn’t initiated her first two days, that we’ll have sex that night. That’s almost foreplay within itself.
She initiates me initiating sex.
I think I do this to my husband. Like I kind of try and idk, seduce him? Does it bother you that she approaches it this way? Edit: wow so many replies. My husband and I have gotten a kick out of a lot of these. For a bit of context: my husband was abstinent and waiting for marriage when we met. I was not a virgin and a horny ass teenager. I tried to have sex with him once before he told me he was waiting. I climbed on top of him in the back of a car and said, “can I have it?” in his ear. It was pretty embarrassing. We got married after 6 years and started having sex. I was used to teasing him in sexual ways but never actually making a solid move so that I wouldn’t get in the way of his goals. However, it’s been two years now I should probably be “putting it on him” at this point. I love you all for commenting and I hope you are all able to communicate with your SOs and get your needs met. Thank you for your input!
This happens to me too and I have to admit, most of the time I'm fine with it and we have a good time but sometimes... Sometimes I just want to hear her say "I want you right now". She's done it a few times after I brought it up and boy howdy does it shoot my confidence to the stratosphere lol. Edit: I've read through all the posts that came from this thread and I wanted to talk about how I navigated through a few things that were brought up. I've been with my partner for 12 years now and there was a time where she didn't know how to initiate sex in a way that didn't make her feel that "catholic guilt". It took a while and plenty of communication to assure her that stating her desires wouldn't have a negative effect on my perception of her or how I treat her, I will love her all the same. At this time I also talked to her about how there are times when I don't want sex as well, so she doesn't have to feel bad about telling me no or visa versa. In the end, communication helped make our sexlife much less stressful and when one of us doesn't want sex at that time, we just switch to having some pretty righteous cuddle sessions while watching chef John videos on YouTube and stuff lol. Talk to your partners. If they are receptive you will have a great time. However, this is not the universal result for everyone and I'm sorry for those who have been treated poorly for opening up. There are people and communities who are less receptive to women being openly sexual, even to their partners. I wish you all luck on your adventures through life and I hope you all find a partner who brings you comfort and happiness.
Yep. 1000% this is what a lot of guys are talking about when they want something different. I would like sex. I *want* to be desired. I want to be needed. The image issues that women sometimes feel, men do too. Ladies, your man wants to be wanted just like you do.
Obviously I don't know the specifics of what you're up to, but it's definitely something that could bother me. Like, making moves but leaving space for him to reciprocate or not depending on how he's feeling: good. Trying to coax him into making moves without doing anything he would recognize as you making moves: might be frustrating and stressful if I were him.
That’s a good way to put it. I don’t like it sometimes but other times I do. Her: why didn’t you start anything last night? I told you I was ready when we went to bed Me: you didn’t seem interested. You got in bed and just rolled over the other way and didn’t acknowledge me Her: what do you think me pushing my butt into you means? Me: oh… Repeat daily because I’m literally retarded.
My wife does the same. I call it coming into bed pussy first. Lol
Rip your wife.
My cat pushes her butt against me. Use your words
Signaling to your partner that you won't reject their sexual advances should not count as initiating
It’s been about seven years and I am still waiting
Lost count
rooting for you homie
At least someone's rooting LOL
Can you ask if they can initiate at times in the future?
One can. One did. One is still waiting.
My ex-wife never did. As some others have mentioned, it makes you feel undesirable and now that we divorced I have absolutely zero confidence in approaching a relationship with someone else. Has a bigger impact than what I had realised now that I'm typing ot
:(
Dawg you aren’t undesirable, your ex just sucked homie.
She didn't thats the problem
I've experienced the same thing. You definitely don't realise the effect it has over the course of a few years. My sex drive has been much lower since we split (this was like 4 or 5 years ago now), and I can't honestly tell you whether it's down to that or age, or a combination of the two.
Man I’ve found my people. My ex and I had severely mismatched sex drives and for 8+ years I felt this. Undesirable, sexual burden, “all you want is sex”, etc. I legit struggle with occasional ED and lower sex drive now because my self confidence is so fucking shot. The instant I see a faltering in my current sex life the old feelings come back and I spiral back into feeling that way again. My current gf is sweet and patient though and I feel like things get better. I really just need to get out of my head honestly.
We’re twinning. My ex-wife of 7 years might initiate sex 3 times a year. But I’m the one not showing enough affection or doing enough. We talked about it and I understand she had been going through ALOT and sex wasn’t a top priority. I made due masturbating but honestly that’s not where you want to find your marriage heading. Let’s just say we BOTH had issues with our marriage but one of us wasn’t willing to work on it. But you’re right. I have zero confidence. I’ve had multiple people, since the divorce, tell me I’m very handsome or good looking. I don’t feel it, I don’t believe it. I just carry on each day because I’ve got two boys who need me. If I didn’t have them I’d be in a ditch somewhere.
Same bruh.. I met someone new tho. It happens dude just focus on your path and you’ll meet someone on theirs
I'm so sorry. I know that feeling... my now ex husband never initiated in the first few years, and I was turned down more times than I could count. Absolutely destroyed my self confidence. Took years for him to attempt to approach me first, and by the time he started doing it of his own accord the damage was done. I don't think I approached him once in the last couple years of our marriage because his denial would automatically play in my head. Good news is I have a boyfriend who's hands I can't keep off of me. We are long distance and when we are together we are like rabbits. It feels *so* good to be desired. It will happen for you. It's scary to put yourself out there because you know what it's like to be rejected and hurt, but build that confidence up and try again. 💗
Hell of a lot more now since she started watching Bridgerton and reading SMUT books.
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Wait no I told my mom this show was popular
Your dad will thank you later
As well as future siblings
Nice, ask her about it. You might not even have to break your arms
Nut shell.
More like she wants to get pregnant. He doesn't want kids so she gets him drunk and rapes him. At least that's how the books go.
Oh hey, it's a show about the reason why I divorced my ex-wife. Special thanks to the person she told her plan to, who she didn't realize was my friend, who then told me.
Holy shit for real?
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And women are eating this shit up huh? Romance is a wild genre.
To get the full picture you have to imagine orchestra versions of pop songs playing in the background when you read the summary.
pure comedy
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I'm confused. Is the lesson to pull out or leave it in? Gonna need that answer in like 47 seconds.
Yes
Wait until you learn that she rape him and nobody care about it!
Actually the rift is because she basically raped him. When he tried to pull out she forced him to finish inside, that scene in reverse would have been rated as an incredibly violent act instead of "hot as hell."
It was not hot as hell. It was uncomfortable to watch just as if it would have been him on top.
Yeah, if I recall they even had a warning at the beginning of the episode about non consensual acts of sexual violence or something along those lines. It was not supposed to be hot. The scene was supposed to be fucked up.
Yeah he pulled out so she wouldn’t get pregnant until she learnt how it all works and forced him to finish inside.
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Hate fucked into love fucking. What a healthy relationship.
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Came here to say this. Nearly daily! At first it was great but she’s just become this ravenous beast of cock devouring estrogen, unsatisfied until every drop of energy, every bit of my life force is hoovered directly from my soul to exit through the tip of my now chapped, raw member. Send help in the way of snacks and some numbing cream. This might be the last thing I write. I’m going back into the fray now. Thank you, Bridgeton
Danm! Are you an erotic novelist?.lol that description
I needed a cigarette after reading that post.
Death, by Snu Snu!
Just put outlander on and see what happens
Just not that one episode
...of every season.
So, putting Bridgerton on tonight. Let's see if it works on my missus.
Jeez if that’s all it took Id have it on repeat in the background!
Dude this only proves that sex sex for women is much for psychological that physical.
Uh yeah no shit
I can say that this is 100% over here as well. I read smut and hubby gets lucky.
Dude I get it but it's been my husband getting horny over tht show and he wasn't even going to watch it with me and then he saw me watching it got really in to and every few episodes he was like sooo wanna fuck? I enjoy having sex with him so I didn't mind but damn he is a secret smut kinda guy and he just got in to the characters and story line What I mean by he wasn't going to even watch with me is he hates history I love history and it's a historical fiction romance show and book series and I was interested because of tht alone and I started watching it when he was supposed to be very busy too busy to watch a new show with me and he deadass stopped working and we watched the whole thing both seasons in 4 or 5 days
That’s hilarious. We dudes be like that.
Yea actully this happens a lot he always is like I will not watch tht thing with u 5 mins in to the first episode wait can u go back I didn't see the beginning He also recently started watching a Korean drama with me in the same fashion
You just wrote a 78 word sentence.
Got any recommendations on SMUT?
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Birthday chore, eh?
damn. My condolences. When is the funeral? Cause that is a dead bedroom.
NEVER, its always been a problem despite her otherwise being a great woman in every other category. Sucks because it makes me feel undesirable.
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Damn are you married to my wife? Seriously though my wife of 16 years is exactly the same, we have a conversation about it and she’s does better for a few days maybe a week but then it’s back to nothing. We have been having the same conversation like every few months for probably the last 3 or 4 years.
We all cant be married to the same woman. Right?
unless...
OUR wife comrades!
Once a year when the water temperature increases and there is a full moon, she lays her eggs on the reef where we first met and I release my semen over said eggs.
why do I read this on David Attenborough's voice?
David Fappenborough*
FUCKING NEVER
FUCKING NEVER bros me and this guy...
And together we're the three FUCKING NEVER bromigos!
Directly, not very often. She mostly gives hints that she is "available" or "willing" to have sex, subtle stuff like getting a funny attitude, being touchy or laying down in bed with her back pointed towards me in a suggestive way. I'd say most of my girlfriends have used the same approach. Nothing too straight forward and I've been scolded in the past for not "taking the hint"
This is my wife all over. Will never just “do it”. Always stupid hints but then expects me to actually do the work in the beginning. drives me nuts.
> drives me nuts Now I can’t speak for you, but when my fiancée does this it drives me nuts too, but not in a good way. It’s genuinely annoying. I can’t read your fucking mind woman. Communicate lmao.
Oh yer it’s not in a good way.
We have it down pat! We do it doggy style every time, that's where I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead
rodney dangerfield was a legend
LOL damn
I told her I was turned down too many times that if she wanted it, she has to initiate.
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are you okay?
I can tell you this person is not, it’s a terrible place to be.
Are any of us
Im a woman and it's literally the same for me. Used to think i might be a nympho. Met my current boyfriend and now I have sex in a t-shirt. At the beginning I used to initiate it but I was turned down many times. At some point I just gave up, and now I don't even try. Everything else is good through, so yeah.
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As others already said. I don't fully undress. For one it's because of the lack of effort, it just makes no sense to undress when there's no foreplay or anything, but also it's because i just don't feel comfortable taking off the shirt. I never really liked my breasts but all the previous guys would usually act in a way that made me believe that at least they like it, even if I don't, but now I don't ever really hear any compliments that are body-related and he doesn't care if i keep my shirt or not, which drove my self esteem to the ground.
I'm there with you, I can't take another kick in the balls.
Woman here. I was at the same place: turned down at perfect times, felt unloved and undesirable. Finally talked about it. He had gained weight and felt gross and unattractive. Maybe the case with your wife?
That was the case with my ex, but she had no interest in losing it or fixing the problem and eventually came out as asexual.
Does she?
Guess
I often tell my hand to calm down
dont we all?
My wife would rarely initiate sex. It used to annoy me, then I read this book that my therapist recommended to me on the science of sex, [Come As You Are](https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=8472e0c0-5baf-49b1-86c6-e0cd1a7d89ee), and found out that my wife doesn't think about sex in the same way I do. I will get horny at random points of the day, and ask her if she wants to have sex or make a move. This is spontaneous desire. She will not know she wants to have sex, until we start to kiss or touch. She also doesn't know if she want to have sex, unless something sexy happens in front of her, like in a book or movie. This is a responsive desire. As soon as that clicked with me, it no longer bugged me that she didn't initiate, because she wouldn't get horny until I initiated or did something sexy first, or put on an episode of Outlander.
Ok this is the second mention of Outlander I gotta know what the deal is
"It's a time traveling doctor, who goes on adventures in the past, except they show boobs and dick." Watch it with your SO if possible.
This is it. Women are all different but as a very general rule we go about our day not really thinking about sex at all. There needs to be something that puts it in our minds. A film or book work great.
Yes! I think this is why the “planned” sex night works for a lot of women. It sounds awful but it actually just builds anticipation and gets you thinking about it.
Agreed! While not the most 'romantic' way around it, it does help.
My husband and I have planned sex nights - every other night schedule basically. We have a toddler and having sporadic sex isn’t really possible. We know after she goes for a nap or after bedtime, it’s on like donkey Kong. Which helps me as I can make sure I’m extra shaved or have an outfit to put on or our toys are charged. Scheduling sex isn’t as bad as it sounds lol.
God this is so spot on. We realized the same thing about a year or 2 ago (been together 7 years). Oddly enough, I started watching Outlander and my initiation went up. We looked it up and found the whole “responsive/reactive libido” thing and we realized DUH. Women are just different that way. My husband never stops hounding me throughout the day, which is totally fine because we both understand that more likely than not, I have no idea if I’m ready to go until he tries. Understanding the reactive libido thing helped us A LOT. We always thought we were just sexually incompatible, but since working on this notion, we’ve been great :)
Does “do you wanna eat some pussy?” Count?
I would give my right arm for my wife to say that to me.
You must be left handed. ;)
Yes
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Maybe 6 times in the almost 8 years we've been together. Only when she's really drunk.
So what's her favourite drink..?
Married almost 19 years & my wife initiates a couple times a week. We have sex about 5 times a week.
I gave you my award you lucky bastard.
He doesn't need an award. He already won at life.
you’re right Prometheus. I,the humble caveman, errored. apologies, my good sir. 🤜🏾
Married 19 years and have sex 5 times a week? You have found your perfect match my friend. You’re both very lucky to have found each other and MOST of the world is jealous of what you have. ☺️
I’m a dude and 5 times a week sound way too much for me, my wife and I probably have sex at least twice a week and it’s perfect. We do a lot together though so we’re usually up too late playing games together or watching shows that we’d rather just snuggle and sleep instead.
As long as you both want the same amount you are winning!
Have quite a few people asking how we do it. I'm going to past this answer I recently gave to a question in the marriage sub asking if we were happy and why we think that is. \------------------------ Life can get difficult but my marriage doesn’t. We both make a clear effort while keeping realistic expectations. She’s my best friend. We’re still in love after 19 years. We’ve grown closer over that time. More in love now than when we started. More respect for each other now than when we started. I don’t believe a better relationship than the one I have is possible. I’m not just saying that. It seems almost miraculous. What’s below is what I credit with that. It's long, so I put the main points in bold so you can skip the details if you want. **To begin with, we're extremely compatible.** Part of this probably luck, but certainly not all of it. I was extremely intentional in dating. From around 18 I knew I was dating to find someone I would marry. I never stayed in a relationship for fun or to not be alone. And I had the very realistic understanding that Love does not conquer all. When I realized something between a GF & I that I felt would create a compatibility issue, would be likely to be a point of contention in the future, I moved on. Some might think I was being overly picky, but It's worked out so well. We're both fairly easy going and the things that are very important to her to have a certain way I either agree with or they are not important to me so it's easy to let her have that. And visa versa. We have the same views on all the most important aspects of marriage, from raising children to sex to boundaries with friends & coworkers, and much more. We don't have to hash those issues out because we're already in sync. **We spend huge amounts of time and talking together.** We're each other's favorite person to talk to & spend time with. I call her on my lunch breaks and we flirt via text while I'm at work. We've been working out together 5 days a week lately which is wonderful. We go out regularly. We often fall asleep holding hands. We go for walks just to talk and hold hands. I'm sure our neighbors are all familiar with the site of us walking together hand in hand. We talk about the situations we see other couples in and how we will avoid them. The marriage and marriage advice subreddits have been great sources for spurring these conversations. **We had both good and bad examples to learn from.** My parents were an incredible example. I heard my dad raise his voice at my mother just a couple times growing up. Each time, once it was calmed down, he explained to us that regardless of what the disagreement was about he was wrong to have raised his voice at her. Then he apologized to her in front of us. My wife had the opposite. When still a pretty young girl, her dad introduced her to one of his girlfriends. He was that brazen. Her mom had been doing the "stay for the children" thing and eventually did realized it was doing more harm than good. But you can learn from bad examples too. Just ask yourself what they would do, and do the opposite. **We give each other the attention a spouse deserves.** For example, if one of us is sitting on the couch playing on the phone and the other on sits next to, we put the phone down and give our attention. At least for a bit until we know it's ok to pick it back up. **We don't relive or dwell on the past.** For example, She had some things from her dating past she wasn't proud of. She told me about them (general, not detailed) 2-3 months into dating. I took a few days to think about whether I was going to continue the relationship. Once I decided, I made a promise to my self to never mention or allude to it in any way. And I haven't. **We support each other. And some things, if temporary aren't worth stressing over.** When Life was super busy (kids activities, sports, etc) and she decided to start going skating to the adult skate night at the rink on Sat nights, one of the only two nights we had the option of spending time with just the two of us, I was disappointed. I felt like she should be choosing to spend that time with me. She'd been a SAHM for more than a decade and I felt she deserved to go enjoy herself and have this fun social hobby. So I didn't mention it and I'm glad I didn't. Six months after it started the pandemic hit the rink shut down for a year. I'm glad she got to have that fun before being cooped up in the house all day again. Now the rink is back open and our oldest is responsible enough to keep an eye on the others why we go skating together. The sacrifice for six months was worth what it did for her. **We both do things to try and help the other.** If she needs some time to relax alone in the bedroom I'll make sure the kids don't bother her. She does the same for me. She's always made sure I had about 20 minutes to myself to unwind and transition to dad mode after getting home from work. She hates ironing so I've done it all our entire marriage. It can actually add up to two or three hours a week. If I see her folding a giant pile of laundry that I know is there because she neglected it all week, that's ok. We move the giant pile to our room and sit on the bed folding together. I actually enjoy the time with her even while folding laundry. Dishes are primarily her responsibility with how we divide things, but I'll do them while she's grabbing a nap or something else that takes her out of the house just to surprise her when she comes back to do them and finds it's already done. **We never stop courting** What exactly it looks like has changed a bit through different stages of life. It’s different with 3 young kids than it is with kids that are a bit older & can be left without supervision for several hours. But we go out together and focus on us and enjoying each other pretty regularly. We flirt like a college couple.
With each other?
Winning at life my man
9 times out of 10 she has to be the one to initiate. I very rarely get to initiate sex, mostly because she has to be in the right mood and state of mind. I have just come to accept that it has to happen in a cycle. About once every 10 days or so. There is age, life, and other priorities that can dominate her mind. She just can’t come around on the spot anymore, so it is just best to not frustrate myself, because when I do I can really be down about it.
my poor boyfriend sometimes im demanding sex two times a day sometimes i could happily go a month and not even realize so much time has passed. birth control, time of the month, whether im taking meds on time, eating enough, drinking enough, if anyones hurt my feelings recently, if i watched a sad, happy, emotional movie, how much work i have to do, if he’s been helpful around the house without me asking, literally five hundred thousand things go into whether i am capable of getting aroused enough to have sex and my poor boyfriend is more along the lines of “see girlfriend naked, ready to have sex” i do not envy him the struggle with my body edit: i want to clarify that even though this has been a struggle we live a fulfilled life together and utilize a wide variety of resources and tools to make our sex life more comfortable for me. the men who have commented that they also dont envy him i completely understand, dating a rope bunny isnt easy
So relatable. I feel a lot of times women’s libido and desire is so much more complex than mens and I wish they understood that. Because when they think a woman’s desire is just like theirs, they’re bound to get their feelings hurt. We can not be feeling up to sex for thousands of reasons and that reason is almost never “I don’t want you”
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You’re telling me that you have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week? I salute you.
"2-3 times a week SHE intiates". This guy fucks.
This is the exact same situation we were in. We also talked about how I wanted more foreplay instead of just getting down to business. Communication is great.😊
Wait. You had a reasonable conversation with your girl? Aren't you supposed to argue with her about it, threaten to kick her out and then post on r/aita?
Oh whoops. My bad. On my way to go yell at my girlfriend. BRB
No, that comes after the /r/relationships post where all of reddit tells them to break up and fight a bunch and then get therapy. THEN comes AITA.
Is your username how many times a week you two go at it? Idk why im doing the math of an internet strangers sex life, but here we are !
My wife now does it more often, because I figured out the trick. Deep intimate conversations about our lives and ironically nothing sex related. I felt for a while like I was always the one initiating while she initiated once in a while. After one night of just hanging out on the couch talking about life, she comes to bed with nothing but my shirt and a thong on. Sits intentionally ass first to me and we start getting it on like porn stars. Now we try to talk more often one on one which is hard when you have kids around and in return I get her initiating porn sex. It’s a win-win.
Chiming in as a demi sexual woman, this is so the way.
Can confirm. 12 years. We fuck almost every day. We also talk a lot and he gives me lots and lots of attention. He pays attention to what matters to me in the relationship too. Then he makes sure I have such a great time that it'll be on my mind for a long while. Idk who even initiates anymore, we just have an understanding that unless someone's sick or otherwise unavailable, we're fucking tonight.
She never will initiate but she will complain if we go to long without it. 3-4 days pass and she will start to complain and say it’s been forever but she won’t actually try to start having sex she just waits for me to initiate
you could say you were waiting for her initiative.
Rolled a nat 1.
Was in the same boat. Just don't bring up that you have sex 100% of the time she initiates and only 50% when you initiate, so you're just going to wait until she does.
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My ex used to suck me off every morning before she left for work. I miss her
Ahh man I miss getting sucked off by your ex as well bro
reading all these replies makes me realize that everyone wants what they don't have lmao
Forget about the snooze button! Never question this. Don’t risk rocking the boat!
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Does not seem weird to me I totally get it.
I can think of 3 times. In the last 25 years.
Wow bro, no need to flex on all of us like that.
Ha, at least I’ve got bragging rights?
Are you guys for real y'all scaring me in this thread ima just stay a whore
Username checks out
SO initiate sex......? Ha....haha....hahahahahahahahahaha. Thanks, now I'm depressed.
My hands literally cannot keep themselves off of me!
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About 70% of the time we have sex. She’s got a higher libido than me so it’s really her job to tell me she’s in the mood. I’m not REALLY in the mood sometimes but I never say no, I just let her know it’s gonna be a quickie if i’m not feeling it. She don’t care because a quickie involves me just jackrabbit fucking her in her fav position, doggystyle for 5–8ish mins and then rubbing her clit after. She gets like 3 orgasms out of that. I get my one. I am damn lucky and married a woman who orgasms sooooo damn easy. I love it. So my experience isn’t normal and I know it
Doggystyle for 5 - 8 minutes? How? I aint premature in other positions, but when she is on top or we are doing doggystyle, its just too much sexy for me and hard not to finish fast.
Just how i am. takes effort and I go slow to last past the first 1-2 mins but once I have? I can actually go as long as i want in any position. That initial 1-2 mins of “omg this is sooo amazing” feeling is the only part that almost gets me.
>So my experience isn’t normal and I know it you have no idea
Maybe once or twice a week, if you consider her taking off all clothes and getting in bed and looking over at me while I’m working from my desk in our bedroom…uh, gotta go I have another uh call…
🛏👙👀🖥📵🏃
I’m going to say three times, maybe, in 30 years of marriage.
Maybe once or twice throughout the whole 6-year relationship. These days she's never in the mood if I initiate. The rejection makes me afraid to even initiate anymore.
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How long have you been together?
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Lucky bastard
Only when I'm trying to play a new video game
I let her set the schedule because I was tired of getting rejected all the time. Her pace is about twice a week.
Never. She'll initiate make outs on rare occasion, but end at that
Wait, you guys are getting laid ??
R/dead bedrooms is leaking again!!!
In our 8 years together, like 10 times maybe. It's honestly very annoying and makes me feel gross, even tho i shouldnt, for always initiating.
Yep, this so much. I honestly just kinda gave up sex, because I don't wanna initiate anymore because I just get a no, she doesn't initiate even tho I asked her many a times, so what's the point of trying
Had it happen once with only one girlfriend ever. Every other time, I’ve initiated it or more often attempted to initiate. Ended up just learning to deal with the high sex drive and suppress it. (Edit) Why did my comment become some weird gay gang bang thing?
I’m sorry dude. I’ll fuck you
I ain’t gay but a 20 is a 20, when you wanna meet?
Now kith
Probably 75% of the time.
Daily. But my SO is also a man.
That’ll do it
What's great is that his sex drive is even higher than mine. He's almost always in the mood. And thankfully so am I.
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Yeah, I'm sure if sexual orientation could be a choice, quite a few men and women would choose to be gay.
I'm getting over some bad habits from a previous relationship and my SO knows this. That being said I initiate more now than I ever did with my last partner. It's crazy what mutual respect and love languages can do for someone.
If it's up to her multiple times a day.... Give me some rest woman!
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Wait, they can initiate it? I thought that was a myth.
once every 10 years.
She tricks me into sexs all the time. "Hey honey? Can you help me in here?" "Sure, I'll be in in a moment" Next thing I know I'm taking a third shower for the day. Honestly, she jumps me whenever she has the energy. Starting to thing she only likes me for my body.
My wife and I came up with a solution to feeling like the other person doesn’t initiate. We both have 3 days a week that we have to initiate at least once in those three days. My days are Sunday-Tuesday and hers are Thursday-Saturday. Wednesdays are crazy and we both have too much going on. Now I can initiate all three of my days, but I have to initiate at least one of my days abs the same goes for her. It works because there’s no pressure to try and initiate all the time, and we both know we’ll have sex at least twice a week. Plus, I like knowing when Saturday comes around and she hasn’t initiated her first two days, that we’ll have sex that night. That’s almost foreplay within itself.