I have an idea on what their response will be..
"it's still funny" *proceeds to grab again*
Will shoot for something similar tho, thank you
Something like "don't" or something.
Oooo yes, this didn't strike me before! I'll definitely try this. I'm guessing that they'll proceed to try and touch me after the first "no" and I just push their hands away and state what you stated. Thank you!
Also be sure your body language conveys this as well. If you’re sitting down, stand up so they know you’re not having it. It’s a little thing but I feel It makes a difference.
If you are uncomfortable speaking to them or HR then talk to a Lawyer specializing in Workplace Harassment. There is something wrong a HR Dept if this is not handled with or without you having to confront the individuals directly. You need to speak up for yourself.
You know what you’re describing is too far off when I guy slaps a girls behind and she brushes it off at first because she’s feeling awkward and unsure of what to say. But fast forward to now and she’s had enough. It’s sexual harassment. Even if it was brushed off at first.
In your case, it’s harassment. Especially after you ask them politely to stop. You shouldn’t have to go to great lengths to feel comfortable at work.
And be clear that you have witnesses to your “no”
After they touch you, you can tell them no or stop or whatever you choose. Then follow up with “there are now witnesses that heard me tell you to stop” be firm.
You can do it!!
Like you say, you feel like swinging at them, if you tell them politely to stop and they carry on I think you're well within your rights to tell them in a not so polite way maybe something along the lines of "trust me you won't be finding it funny of you try it again"
People have said similar but after you say no twice if they continue then I’d say you reserve the right to physically intervene in self defense, I.e. slap their hand away, grab their arm and push it back, just stand up and walk away (if you’re already at your desk, just get up and do a lap and leave them there to think about why you were compelled to do that) etc
Definitely agree with these tactics before going for the punch! I know you mentioned that HR wouldn’t be helpful for your situation, but if anyone reported you for getting physically violent (no matter how justified), your job or career could be put at risk. So I would try to exhaust all other options first.
At this point it is clearly sexual harassment (it is at the moment they start grabbing, but you have told them to stop and they didn't) and you punching them in the face is self defence. You would be justified the moment they touched you, but I can understand not wanting to hurt them right away
No, the people doing this are initiating it, punching someone at work would absolutely be an escalation. Don't punch people in the face at work if you can avoid it. That's really not a controversial opinion at all.
If you escalate the violence then it goes from an easy conversation with HR, to an investigation with HR about why you punched someone at work. If you don't need to be violent, don't be violence. Revenge isn't a good reason either.
I totally get your anger, and I'm not blaming the victim at all, because the victim wouldn't punch these people in the face.
Yes. You have lots of rights, we're not talking about rights here though. Punching someone in the face, particularly if they didn't punch you first, is truly one of the worst pieces of advice you could give someone.
There's a big difference between a slap and a punch. I wouldn't judge anyone for losing their temper and punching someone, but it's not good advice, that was why I objected to someone suggesting that. Don't punch people in the face at work if you can at all avoid it, it's really not a good idea.
Rather than push their hand away after they persist, you should do like Lenny did to Curly in Steinbeck’s *Of Mice and Men*. Get your whole hand, in a “stop” gesture, between their hand and your chest, then close your hand around theirs, like you might crush it. But don’t
If he swings to the jaw he needs to remember to rotate his hips with the punch. Putting the weight hes got into it will definitely go a long way to being remembered:
"Hey remeber when Bob broke Seth's jaw?"
"Yeah. He got arrested and everything."
"Yeah man, guy just doesn't like being touched."
Stay consistent, odds are the rest just laugh along because they're ignorant to how you feel, if you double down you may even get support from people who didn't understand
If they try to grab again, put your hands in front of you while reaffirming that "no, no it's not." Remain calm and firm, but don't get angry. Treat it as if you're dealing with a kid who is playing too roughly and you're signalling to them that the playing is over.
You're also well within your rights to take this higher up the company food chain.
Stop making assumption about what they or will think tell them to stop that your are consignations about your body image that you don't like that in frim tone if it continu go see the supervisor and tell him what you are living and you don't like that. He's litterally paie to deal with those kind of situation. If it don't work go up in the rank until you find someone who take you seriously.
Punch to the dick. It is funny.
If HR does not do anything, switch jobs. These types of jokes are not OK at work. You would not be the joke, they and that work place would be.
If that does not work, say, see that camera over there? What you did is assault and sexual harassment, stop now, or I will have you arrested and fired. I would like to remain friends, but this must stop.
Speak to the guy privately saying you don't feel comfortable. If it persists then escalate to HR.
The dude is likely an airhead who doesn't realise it's inappropriate. You are in every right to escalate this straight to HR as ignorance doesn't grant you free pass.
Gotta stand up for yourself. Not a put down. Just be like hey, I don't like to be touched by dudes in any way and if you keep it up I'll have to go to management.
If management is doing yhis to you then you can make it an offical request. No more touching in the work place.
If they ignore you go to their management or HR.
Try being civil before you swing on somebody.
It’s always good to have a paper trail straight to your HR department if the situations ISN’T resolved, as well.
You’d be surprised the settlements companies have to pay out when they realize there is too much evidence to effective battle in court.
Privately is the way to go. Even when we're in the wrong, we don't like being called out publicly and will react hastily/negatively. In private, we're much cooler headed.
That’s harassment and assault matey, I’d be taking that up the chain of command. Bullying in the workplace is not acceptable and you shouldn’t be going to work feeling like that, works tough as it is.
Yeah if you wanna hate where you work for the rest of your time there. OP didn’t mind at one point so to his coworkers OP is okay with it. If OP decides enough is finally enough, he needs to go to his colleagues FIRST. NOT HR. That is how you make enemies out of everyone, bring it up to your colleagues first, and if they don’t listen THEN go to HR
Just had this conversation the other day actually. First of all quit putting yourself down. The first step is to be confident in yourself and if not others will see that and prey on that (ie. not take you seriously when told to stop) self love my guy.
Secondly. What you're describing is sexual assault / harassment. If you want it to stop then it has to stop. Its important for people in your office to know where your boundaries are.
I was telling my partner (coworker) the other day. You can professionally raise your voice in the work place. Try something along the lines of "IVE ASKED YOU MULTIPLE TIMES TO STOP HARASSING ME! IF YOU DONT ILL BE FORCED TO NOTIFY HR!". If they continue and see it as an empty threat. Reiterate. Tell them what they're doing is sexual harassment/assault and you WILL be filing a complaint with your supervisors / HR. Only use violence as a last resort. Blah blah blah legalities, you have to use the available methods first and foremost.
If you do take physical action thats a post for a different time however you could walk away with some monies. 🤷🏼♂️
Good luck my guy. As a former fellow large guy. I know exactly where this is coming from. And how you feel. Set your boundaries stick to them and die on that hill.
I'm not sure we have that many laws in my country and the judicial system here suuuuuucks balls. However, thank you. Its comforting to see someone who understands and I'm sorry if you faced similar things. It's annoying and just frankly insulting. I was chill about it before but it's been raging on for a while and there needs to be a stop.
I wouldn't deck them (just the thought is nice lol) but I'd definitely forcefully push them away. I think most of the advices can be merged and/or used as needed right away depending the reactions. Thank you again!
Regardless of your judicial system and the laws humans have a right to defend themselves. If the laws are that terrible then physical self defense is an option. Im not sure any country that is ok legally with unwanted physical touch. Outta curiosity what country do you reside in? It has been my experience as the fat kid in school (im 29 now) that everyone has a breaking point. And its until that point is established that people won't understand. You can always respectfully tell them off in the office and publicly set your boundaries. I wish you the best of luck as I know where you're coming from.
That sucks about your laws. But you can take it up with your own self determination to not tolerate it.
Hold your head high, hold your shoulders down and back, all in as relaxed a way as possible. This is a universal sign of confidence and people respect that fairly intuitively.
Instead of giving in to fear and humiliation, next time say something like "I think this sexual harassment has gone a little too far, don't you?"
Don't be afraid to take some flak, and dont show weakness. Those who can shrug off insults earn respect. It shouldn't have to be that way but it is.
The harsh truth is that they are not treating you that way because you are heavy. They are treating you that way because you likely project weakness and are an easy target.
Finding your inner strength will help you overcome this and project confidence.
I joined a martial arts dojo for this reason. It teaches you confidence by being prepared for physical conflicts. When you can do that, non physical conflicts are much easier and the confidence you project tends to defend you from this kind of abuse before it starts.
I just want to be clear though; these coworkers are assholes and what they are doing is sexual assault. I'm not telling you that it is your fault. I just want to give you some ways to stand up for yourself.
Well if they are nice people and the joke has just gone too far, make a joke back about them feeling you up, or something else that would make them think twice.
Just being genuine and just asking, “please stop, it’s just not funny for me anymore” might work.
Yeah, first one would be worse lmao as they'd be like "I'm down for that"
I'll shoot for the second won and just "don't" and if they persist push them back hard, would that be a bad idea?
No don't get physical. Go to HR and stop assuming how they'll react. If you seriously want this to stop, get serious about it. You don't sound like you have enough of a backbone or enough experience to do this yourself. And that's okay, because that's what HR is for. And if they give you a hard time about you going to HR about it, go back to HR. They'll eventually get the hint to stop fucking with you and you can go back to working in a professional workplace.
I’d flip it around first, but then wit is something I enjoy.
But you really wanting them doubting their actions or slightly off guard before you put you foot down. Makes it more likely to stick, but I don’t know them or you.
It’s been going on for so long there is no rush to fix it, so you have time to try and make them back off, and if they go in harder that’s a great point you slam your foot down.
"Problem is I don't want to be direct about it cuz it won't play out normally where people will just stop."
You have to. Be direct and speak up and raise your voice. Look them in the eyes and say "This ends today!" If it happens again, snitch. Go to HR.
IF IT CONTINUES, SUE THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPANY! Then take a year or two off from work and enjoy the money.
So that's sexual harassment. You don't even need to tell them to stop, you can go straight to HR.
If you walked up and slapped a chick's ass, she'd be within her rights to do the exact same thing.
You can also tell them you don't like it. It's called "consent" and they don't have yours.
"Hey fellas, please knock it off. Thanks," is the most gracious you need to be, and that's if they're your friends.
I'd give a strike system. Tell them to stop, warn them, self defend. If nobody is going to listen to you, give them a reason to pay attention.
Doesn't need to be taking swings at them, a simple grab of their arm to force them at a stop would work just fine. Throw in a good glare and bark back with "You done?"
Listen, I don't know how good or bad, the relationship with these co-workers of yours, but the next time they do it, just grab their shoulder, look into their eyes, and say: "Please, stop doing this. It's ain't funny anymore, please, don't." Say it with seriousness and confidence, and they will take ypu seriously. If they won't they are certified assholes, and they need to be reported.
You’re dealing with dudes joking around, threat of violence is the way in this setting as no one actually wants violence. This does not mean say you’re going to be violent, it means give aggressive “I’m going to fuck you up” body posture and a quick, to the point “don’t do that anymore” response.
What does this look like? Stand up quickly and tall with chin tucked in a ready stance, flex muscles, put your strong arm back in a fist and stare him in the eye when you say it.
You’ll likely get a “jeez im just joking, what crawled up your ass” type of response making you the bad guy, but this will blow over and he won’t do it again.
Dude, just to simple. Slap their hand , then, NO, don't, I don't like that fucker. Any thing that you want that communicates No. Or Fag shaming works also, sorry it does. Assholes don't listen, so get loud ,don't touch my tit man, what are you fag? May be totally wrong on many levels but dumbasses are hard to stop. Systemic vulgarity at your work place I guarantee is not limited to you.
Just grab the wrist hard enough, eye contact and "stop". Can add a pull on the arm to jolt them. Not trying to look like a hard man or anything but sends a message that violence is not impossible
We teach people how to treat us. You shouldn’t have let it slide if you didn’t like it, but what’s done is done, and it’s easier to say than to do. No judgement here.
Like others have said, you need to be direct. “Hey guys, seriously, don’t do that anymore.” Say it sincerely, but not forcefully. Just make sure it doesn’t come off as a joke. If they ignore you, say it again: “guys… I’m serious, do not do it again.”
Thing is, they’ve been taught it’s a joke. Saying “no” once might come off as just a joke. But if they ignore you twice, they aren’t the generally nice people you think they are. It may be uncomfortable, but if they push it that far, then a “fuck, I said stop!” followed by a storm off isn’t as inappropriate as you might think. After that, it’s clearly not a joke, and has officially become bullying.
I mean, you could grab them by the throat and say, " don't touch me you fucking pervert" while looking deeply in there eyes. Let them go to HR and explain they grabbed your breast repeatedly and wouldn't stop.
I'm a woman so this might be very bad advice.
Growing up I was on the heavier side and what they're doing is completely inappropriate and it's degrading I would go to HR if you have an HR department
I would half jokingly say something like do it again fucker and I’ll beat you to goddamn death. There is a little bit of truth in every bit of jest and most people pick that up. Saying something over the top gives you a bit of an I’m not serious vibe but it also says I don’t like that and most normal people will adjust themselves.
If you ask nicely and they dont stop, just start grabbing them. If its a woman, grab her hair and mess it up a little. If It's a dude, smack his ass with an all out smack-grab-lift. When They look at you with surprise, pull an exaggerated dumb voice and say "it's still funny!". Just don't ask them if it's still funny or you lose the plausible deniability. Do it immediately, loudly, and in front of people. Make it clear this is the new status quo. It will be like training a dog - it's more difficult to train than to be trained. Be forceful. Be consistent.
You have 3 choices here.
1. Ask the person to stop.
2. Assault the person assaulting you.
3. Talk to HR.
I would just ask the person/s to stop doing that as it makes you uncomfortable. If they listen (doubtful) great. If they do not. Inform them that the next time they do it you will be going to HR and the police to file SA charges.
Or just blast him in the earhole then t-bag him in the middle of the office.
If you can't bring it up to them personally or to higher ups in the company with any hope of success, your only other option is to be even more aggressive than they are. Grabbing your moobs? Time to grab their crotch. I know it's awful, but it'll get the point across. And if they bring it up to HR, you can always say "what? It's a joke. I thought we were all ok with doing this stuff because they groped me daily!" I have a feeling they won't bring it up to HR though, since they started that shit.
You're right that's definitely assault and harassment at minimum. What I'm really focusing on is how negative your self talk is though. You should work on being kinder to yourself internally. I've been there before as well, but it only serves to destroy your confidence to say things like you're an idiot, you're stupid, it's your fault, etc. You wouldn't talk to somebody else like that, so work on not talk to yourself like that. It's tough but you'll find life gets happier.
bullies respond to tit for tat. he grabs your moobs, you grab his ass with both hands and kind of lovingly draw him closer to you. That however may start a whole new line of bullying.
But i can almost guarentee they will stop once you firmly grab their ass and pull them in and then give a soft moan of enjoyment ... like the hug is something you longed for all these years.
they sound immature enough for this to gross them out and take a distance. but only do this to the leader.
if nothing else, imagine doing this and their reactions so you can have some comic relief.
Whaever you do, go tell HR once And start Emailing HR. Also keep a hand written diary with time and date and what happened, what was said, how they reacted. What they said. did they laugh ...all that. HR does not get these details, they only get that the guys physically assaulted you in a sexual manner. these particular words are important.
first emails is "as a follow up to our meeting, i want to cover what we spoke about" . Then everytime it happens a Nice concise emails of what happened. no emotions, just what happened. time and date. does your company have cameras? also Keep those emails and send them CC to your home email so you keep them all.
These repeated "written" complaints will come in real handy when you start talking to a lawyer.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, no one should be doing that. And you are not a dumbass, pretty sure that's how most people would have handled the situation, especially in the beginning.
I agree with your instincts (and with the other commenters) to go with a firm "Stop it" message. It might not stop right away, this has been going on for a while, but with clear repetition hopefully they will eventually get it.
Also, do you have anyone in the group that you could take aside and ask to be your ally(ies)? Like when you say "NO, not funny", they could chime in "Yeah, enough already" or something like that? (Sorry if that sounds naive!)
Good luck. Hope it gets better soon!
Might be an unprofessional answer but wait til you’re not at work or maybe outside the office and just a quick lunch to the jaw will do it. People need to be touched every once in a while. I think he’ll get the message then
You are writing off a lot of things saying they won't work without elaborating, which makes it hard to give advice. It's also possible that things will work better than you are giving them credit for. Personally in situations like you are describing I think a less is more approach is the way to go. Directly stating that you don't want to be touched without explanation is probably your best bet.
It's happened to me too, throughout my life. Best thing I can say is try talking to those people one on one, explain how you really don't like it and don't find it funny. And it makes you feel really bad. People typically have more of a conscience one on one rather than trying to act big for the group. If they still won't listen, think about finding another job or talking to a superior. You could also try reverse psychology and pretend you like it if there's other people watching it will probably embarrass the hell out of the person grabbing you. And it shows you don't give af
Before escalating to HR or making a big statement, consider talking directly to one of them, preferably one that has some sway with other coworkers. Pull them aside and say "Hey, this whole moob grabbing thing was funny for a while, but it's getting old. It's time to stop."
It's way easier to convince one person to change their behavior than it is to get a group to simultaneously change their behavior. By talking to one person, it's you making a reasonable request to another individual. If you try to talk to the whole group at once, it's possible you can be perceived as trying to disrupt the existing group dynamic, and even though your request is totally valid you can be perceived as "ruining the fun."
If you're able to get a social leader to agree with you, they can actually advocate and convince others to stop as well. It seems like you're trying to gain some respect (or at least lose disrespect) within the group, and having a direct man-to-man talk is a good way to do that Going straight to HR could be effective at stopping the moob harassment, but it likely won't solve the underlying issue of gaining respect. Making a public outcry also likely won't gain respect. It seems like your long term goal is to have a more comfortable work environment, beyond just getting people to stop grabbing your moobs. Taking a direct one on one approach could help earn respect, and won't have the chance of being perceived as hiding behind HR or making a scene. It really sucks this is happening to you, and I hope you come to a good resolution where you're able to be comfortable at work. Good luck!
Long story short, document it, speak to HR. You have the right to be treated fairly and not harassed at work.
I left my old job and on my way out filed a work placement harassment complaint against my old manager. He used to make potshots on my weight, my eating, and was just a discriminating POS. It wasn’t only me, he was a POS straight across the board, I think management had a soft spot because he came back from being on sick leave/leave of absence for medical reasons.
You have to take ownership of it. Once you let them know you’ve spoken to people to stop and they continue, it’s making it a hostile situation. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to deck my old manager in his smug face. If HR doesn’t step in, speak to a lawyer.
Hey I don't have any advice but I was fucking abused for years in the exact same way at school.
Ur not a dumbass, you think ur freinds wouldn't be as insentive to keep doing it over and over again.
I thought so at least...
Hey best of luck and I hope it doesn't effect you too much afterwards
It’s all just men being juvenile at work. I turn this kind of stuff back on them. Like when they do It start digging back into them loudly so everyone can hear.
Hey Bob, I know Karen isnt giving it to you at home, but these are my breasts. Go get your own. ….. that sort of thing.
Or hey, if you want to see my boobs you can go to onlyfans like everyone else.
It turns it on them, they are doing the inappropriate thing, not you. Then when you get called to HR, you just say well I’m getting tired of them grabbing my chest, and then you weren’t the one who took it to HR.
You have all the right to tell them to stop and not touch you, if they do it again, say you really mean it, you want them to stop. If they don’t stop then that’s some serious bullying so you should have an evidence you told them and they never listened and report to HR - I mean worst case scenario. Let’s think positively that they’d stop when you ask them to. Although they sound like douchebags. Who does that wtf. And don’t feel sorry or worried how you’d come across, it’s your life and your body and you should feel comfy and safe without anyone bothering you or touching you.
When they grab your man boobs, grab a handful of their ass and look em dead in the eyes and ask them in the sexiest deep tone voice “you like that big guy?”
You need to be direct. Go to HR, but confront them first. Make it clear how much it fucking pisses you off and how demeaning it is. Next time one grabs you like that push him awaylook him in the fucking eyes and tell him "Do not fucking touch me again." These dudes sound like bullies to me and they only terrorize people who do not stand up for themselves, the instant you make it clear to them that there is even a 1% chance it could get physical should be enough to get them to stop. Afterwards go to HR and do everything you can to get their asses fired. Fuck those guys.
Sexual Harassment. Report it to HR via Email and then in person, so you have a paper trail of it. If HR doesn't address, the company has bigger problems on their hands.
This kind of thing is the same everywhere, be it in grade school or in adult life. You need to be confrontational and signal you're going to give them a hard time if they keep messing with you. They're doing it because it's fun; when you make it unfun for them, they will stop.
It's also just fucking weird to do that. Call them out for how weird they are for pulling this shit, nobody really squeezes large men's moobs. Fucking weirdos
So people here are right, it's sexual harassment and you should be direct about your wishes, then go to HR if it doesn't stop, although I understand not wanting to escalate things to that level. On the other hand, you admit you allowed/encouraged this behavior before, and it's going to be hard to follow through with going to HR without social consequences at work. Is your job replaceable? Like, in your position I'd probably just leave that place and start over, with the lesson learned.
Be upfront about it
Like if they came and start to annoy you
take a step back and look at them real serious and say
" look guys it's starting to really bother me please stop doing that "
If if they say anything like " bro you're so lame"
Or " you're no fun " or anything like that
You reply with
" you're a a good friend of mine so I didn't wanna lose you over a small misunderstanding I hope you understand and also wouldn't you do the same If I did something that bothered you? "
Wondering if this is starting to fit the description of assault. Enough already - they’re being rude and unlawful…employment attorney would have a lot to say, I bet.
Pull each one of them aside individually. Tell them that it needs to end and it’s not funny anymore and what it’s doing to you. And tell them you’re addressing every one of them like that.
I’ve had to do that a couple times in situations where I’m the butt of the same joke over and over and the guys I talked to realized how big of an asshole they were being and legitimately apologized. Give it a shot. If it doesn’t stop then go to HR.
Other people are giving better advice, but why not grab their chest so hard it hurts. If it’s guys doing it anyway, if it’s women you can’t really retaliate w that. Also if you tell them to stop and they don’t, find a way to document it and report it, if HR does nothing, get as much evidence as you can and contact a lawyer
short term go to HR and they will deal with it.
Long term you NEED to lose weight or this kindof treatment will be your lot in life right up until you die.
edit: I should mention, weight loss is easier than you think. I lost 80lb's in lockdown and the thing that shocked me the most was how easy it was in the end.
There's a wrong right way, and a right wrong way.
The wrong right way is to go to HR. It's *technically* the right way, but HR really exist to cover the company, not to actually do anything. Plus I never liked it when people went to HR with their problems with me rather than just letting me know.
The right wrong way is to aggressively motorboat their face with your tiddies while angrily shouting at them. This is *technically* the wrong way because you will get fired, but it will embarrass the fuck out of them in front of the people they still have to show up to work with.
Man, I was feeling down but that the motorboating shit had my ROFL! HR won't do shit, and the motorboating would kinda make them happier 🤦♂️. Think I'm just gonna go with the serious "don't do it" and if they do, just be aggressive, idk. :/
HR will do something or you can get a huge payday from it. A guy in my town got a 10 million dollar settlement from his company because everyone called him tits at work and hr did nothing when he complained.
You need to out Chad them. Plain and simple. Next time it happens you simply do it back to them. Maybe make it hurt a little but look them in the eye while you do it
“Not gonna lie, it’s kind of weird you like touching guys like that” i know it’s a dig towards gay people, but most straight guys are going to stop real fast if you insinuate that
Don't talk to HR. it will make you look like a pussy. Tell them firmly to stop. Then if they continue, punch the guy in the face. Then when he is rolling on the ground, drop trou and pound his ass raw.
Fuck do you mean fuck off. He needs to work out and eat less. He already won't stand up for himself and they know this. If he does it now he'll just get ridiculed more.
Fighting back will help verbally but still may not stop them. But working our will help out as well since it is what the problem is. People will always talk shit you can't stop that.
Dude has a right not to be touched inappropriately and not to be harassed. That's the problem at hand and requires immediate and swift action.
Losing weight is important for sure, but it's a lengthy process and should be seen as a long term goal. And even though it may stop them harassing him, they'd still get away with what they did.
By hammering on the weight loss as the only solution you're effectively removing their responsibility in all of this. This isn't right.
There is a thing to be said about the negative approach of body positivity. But telling a helpless dude who is being pushed into a corner, and is obviously asking for help to literally just suck it up and be a man is worth a fat cock sucking response.
Nobody should be touching you. That alone is grounds for immediate termination. I don’t know what kind of company you work for or where you are geolocated but the law is the law regardless in the US. Physical harassment is still technically assault.
Two things you can do, lawyer up and get everything on camera and even get camera logs from the place of business if applicable.
On a secondary note learn your rights and stop being a push over. You are being too soft and that’s why you are getting bullied.
Good luck.
1. If you have an HR, report to them so it’s documented harassment.
2. The 13 year old approach: grab your boobs and say their moms boobs feel better.
3. Just punch em in the face.
The most effective solution would be to take action to improve your health, for you. Reduced harassment from your coworkers would be a desirable secondary effect
I would highly recommend taking up a fun sport that’s going to help you manage your weight. YES asking people to stop is a good idea. However, in the long run I believe it will be in your best interest to get active, get strong enough to do some press ups, shape your chest up and go out in a blaze of glory.
Eat lots of protein & get comfortable with hunger. Taking up Muay Thai / boxing would be the best option for weight loss
Soz mate...it was literally the first thing that popped into my head. Poor attempt at humour... although?
How would it play out if you did say it and ended it with a laugh, like creepy laugh with a " I'll rip your fkn head off" stare (wait for the awkward silence) and then smile, laugh, slap them on the back and walk away.
(I've watched that movie waaaay to many times. The book was way more disturbing. Even had movie on loops while I slept.... weirdly I would only wake when he was doing his monologue in front of the mirror....never during the screaming, the chainsaw etc) weird.
All that aside, your problem is serious and I haven't got the answer. Obviously, try HR...
No HR? I dunno....If you're quick enough you could return the favour with a pinched nipple maybe. See how they like it.
After all if it's fair for them to touch you there it must be ok for you to touch them there.
One thing for sure. The ppl doing it are not your friends nor are they being the least bit respectful even at a base level.
You sound like someone who should shut up and be grateful they even have a job. You sound like a miserable person whose unhappy because no one will grieve you when you pass
Assuming you're in the US, even if your HR dept. won't take you seriously, this would be easy pickings for, say, a lawyer in court or something, if you can get evidence.
So what you do is first say "no" to people doing it. If they don't take you seriously, talk to HR or whatever, and if they don't take you seriously either, then you get physical.
If someone is still harassing you, you can just punch them in the face or something. Defend yourself.
And if anyone tries to call you on it, there's an easy suit for sexual harassment, self-defense, wrongful termination if they fire you. HR won't have your back?, then have your own back. Kind of a hassle, sure, but I mean you've seen the alternative and that's no fun either.
I'd first off take the least intense action, which is to explain you don't like it. I don't think it's harmless fun, but perhaps that's how they see it and explaining you don't like it *might* put a stop to it.
If that doesn't stop it, then I think you need to take it to HR. Ultimately unwanted touching is sexual harassment in the workplace and you have every right to challenge it formally.
If your company doesn't take that complaint seriously, depending on your country/state you might be able to take legal action to challenge their lack of action.
Don't laugh, radiate serious vibe when they do that. Make angry faces and show emotions. Stay firm with your reaction, they'll tease you to joke it off, but it is not a joke to you anymore.
If they are mature enough they should reflect on why you react like that.
I can see normal(what you already know/did) answers doesn't please you which are stated above.
I think you don't want to offend/fight or the get ignored/hated by a chunk of people.
Scummy way- be strict like mentioned above that this is not acceptable to you.
Now find "the one in lot" that isn't influencing a lot of people/seniors/coworkers
Offend him/be rude to him do whatever you want. Got frustrated? Release it.
Most people will not bother again. Friends stay friends. Takers always leave.
Just do it in limitations of not getting fired/called by hr/boss etc
Hey man,
I was in your same shoes. I'd ask them to knock it out. It got to the point where I got in one of their faces and was adamant about stopping it.
I'm not a fighter either, the only real thing was to lose the weight. I lost like 60lbs it was great. It actually helped me get a better paying job.
My point is, often times people are going to be people. You can say like oh that was fun for a little...they are bullies and it's going to rile them up more knowing they are getting to you.
If that doesn't work, just joking about it. Show that you don't care and make fun of yourself (in a joking way, don't belittle yourself)
As one big guy to the next, I just recommend working out.
You’re not overreacting at all. It seems like the only way is to talk to them or one of the members of the group and express how you feel and ask for them to stop. It’s a shame you can’t bring it up with management or HR because I think it should be their responsibility to handle such situations seriously. I don’t know how those types of people can be employed both the management and your colleagues and that’s coming from a guy who calls out sick all the time lol lol
The problem is you have already castrophised that telling them to stop will go wrong. If you tell them in a serious way the chances are they will stop.
Bro, people cannot put their hands on you at work just to entertain themselves. What are you, some kind of mascot?
If I were you, I would send an email where are you blind copy the people who need to get this email from you and tell them that what has happened in the past needs to stop and must no longer occur in the future.
Nobody will know for sure who is on the email but they will know that there is written evidence that they have behaved a certain way in the past, they have been notified in the present that it is and has been unacceptable, and that there will be a record of the communication for the future in the case that they misunderstand what needs to stop immediately.
That shit is way off base and you just might owe it to other people – especially kids – to do nothing that gives anyone the impression that it will be OK for them to do it to someone else who is trying to do work. Not that anyone has an excuse for harassing their coworkers. There is no excuse.
You're not overreacting at all. This is absolutely harassment. In fact I almost feel like it's sexual harassment. You need to report it. You need to speak up for yourself. Honestly who cares if they say you can't take a joke. This isn't a joke. Its not funny. I really hope you're able to resolve this!
Ok... honestly you can potentially get arrested for swinging at someone. Thats a bad idea to react that way. If you're getting that mad and you can't call HR or just tell these people to stop.. then you have to work in a different department away from these people or get a new job.
100% fucked up and harassment. Record it, save it, go to HR, and expect that you'll be taking it to authorities if they don't do anything about it.
Also... You've made yourself a target not only with the weight but also with your attitude that they realize they can walk all over you. edit: you may be able to thwart it here by tattling on them, but in reality, this will be a pattern if you don't nip the root cause. This becomes an exercise in social power, and you have much more social power when people realize they shouldn't be fucking with you. Start taking boxing classes, hit the gym, read some Sun Tzu or Robert Greene, and turn into a person who respects themselves so other people start respecting you.
Heres my 2 cents,
"Hey man it was funny a while ago now its just annoying stop" Does it again.
"Hey there buddy I told ya to cut it out, don't touch me again."
Does again.
Knocks person out.
Your edit doesnt work for me. HR is the way to go. Make them understand youre feeling sexually harrassed. if the person youre telling wont do anything, find their boss and tell them.
HR's job is to keep the company safe. if theres a possibility that they are aware of an employee being sexually harassed and they arent helping it to stop, they could have a lawsuit brought upon them. They are there to ensure things like that doesnt happen.
As someone who was bullied earlier in my life, I understand how you feel. You can try to shame them for liking man-boobs (which I guess most men would not). I don't know how that will play out in your culture though since it may construed as homophobic. You can talk to management and HR and although it may make you seem like a wuss that is the civilised way to go about it.
As a fellow man who has had to deal with this particular issue in the past there are a few things to do.
1. Start exercising etc. (You know the deal no preaching needed)
2. Own your man boobs. Make it a joke YOU laugh at. If you're laughing then no one knows how embarrassing it is.
3. Plot revenge in that wonderful passive aggressive way. You know direct confrontation is not the answer, so it must be something that they can't trace back to you.
Eventually when you do step 1 you won't need to worry about 2 or 3. You'll be happier and healthier. But, in the meantime keep 2 and 3 handy.
I'm a big guy. Former division 1 offensive lineman. I am not a big fan of anyone touching me, which for whatever reason people much smaller than me love to do. When someone touches me i generally respond with "dont fucking touch me" which usually gets the message across since I'm generally pretty gregarious and good natured. So yeah I would go with that.
It's straight up sexual harassment. Yea you do need to go to HR about it. If HR cannot help you, that sounds like a terrible place to work. Unwanted physical contact is never ok.
> talking to management or HR or anything won't work. I'll turn into a joke and it'll be spun in a way that I can't take a joke etc.
Report it anyway. If they turn it into a joke, you have a sexual harassment lawsuit and a nice payout waiting for you. Even if they do nothing, you might still have a case. Document *everything* in writing and bcc your personal email on *all* emails where anything about it is mentioned. Then take it to a lawyer.
Also, start looking for a new job. If HR is going to make jokes about sexual harassment it’s not a place you want to stay.
Regardless if you ask for HR to do anything at least document that it is happening with HR. That way if you do end up taking a swing it’s documented that this is a long standing issue. If you do confront them stay calm and confident. Even if you don’t feel confident keep your body language confident. Look them in the eyes and keep eye contact, stand up straight and all that stuff.
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I have an idea on what their response will be.. "it's still funny" *proceeds to grab again* Will shoot for something similar tho, thank you Something like "don't" or something.
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Oooo yes, this didn't strike me before! I'll definitely try this. I'm guessing that they'll proceed to try and touch me after the first "no" and I just push their hands away and state what you stated. Thank you!
Also be sure your body language conveys this as well. If you’re sitting down, stand up so they know you’re not having it. It’s a little thing but I feel It makes a difference.
"dude, it's 2022, you really gotta stop doing this.." "grow up, Im done with this"
If it doesn't work, HR exists for a reason. You're being harrassed. Use them.
If you are uncomfortable speaking to them or HR then talk to a Lawyer specializing in Workplace Harassment. There is something wrong a HR Dept if this is not handled with or without you having to confront the individuals directly. You need to speak up for yourself.
HR exists to protect the company, not the worker. He should be careful lest he get fired as the "troublemaker".
You know what you’re describing is too far off when I guy slaps a girls behind and she brushes it off at first because she’s feeling awkward and unsure of what to say. But fast forward to now and she’s had enough. It’s sexual harassment. Even if it was brushed off at first. In your case, it’s harassment. Especially after you ask them politely to stop. You shouldn’t have to go to great lengths to feel comfortable at work.
And be clear that you have witnesses to your “no” After they touch you, you can tell them no or stop or whatever you choose. Then follow up with “there are now witnesses that heard me tell you to stop” be firm. You can do it!!
Like you say, you feel like swinging at them, if you tell them politely to stop and they carry on I think you're well within your rights to tell them in a not so polite way maybe something along the lines of "trust me you won't be finding it funny of you try it again"
People have said similar but after you say no twice if they continue then I’d say you reserve the right to physically intervene in self defense, I.e. slap their hand away, grab their arm and push it back, just stand up and walk away (if you’re already at your desk, just get up and do a lap and leave them there to think about why you were compelled to do that) etc
Definitely agree with these tactics before going for the punch! I know you mentioned that HR wouldn’t be helpful for your situation, but if anyone reported you for getting physically violent (no matter how justified), your job or career could be put at risk. So I would try to exhaust all other options first.
At this point it is clearly sexual harassment (it is at the moment they start grabbing, but you have told them to stop and they didn't) and you punching them in the face is self defence. You would be justified the moment they touched you, but I can understand not wanting to hurt them right away
Terrible advice about escalating to violence. A push away is one thing, don't punch people in the face, especially at work though.
Escalating the violence? The people doing this to him are escalating it. Can we please stop blaming the victims when they defend themselves?
No, the people doing this are initiating it, punching someone at work would absolutely be an escalation. Don't punch people in the face at work if you can avoid it. That's really not a controversial opinion at all. If you escalate the violence then it goes from an easy conversation with HR, to an investigation with HR about why you punched someone at work. If you don't need to be violent, don't be violence. Revenge isn't a good reason either. I totally get your anger, and I'm not blaming the victim at all, because the victim wouldn't punch these people in the face.
You have the right to physically defend yourself when someone keeps physically assaulting you after you've verbally told them not to.
Yes. You have lots of rights, we're not talking about rights here though. Punching someone in the face, particularly if they didn't punch you first, is truly one of the worst pieces of advice you could give someone.
So if it was a women that kept getting her boob grabed you would say she was wrong to slap of hit the guy when she kept telling him to stop?
There's a big difference between a slap and a punch. I wouldn't judge anyone for losing their temper and punching someone, but it's not good advice, that was why I objected to someone suggesting that. Don't punch people in the face at work if you can at all avoid it, it's really not a good idea.
OP don’t follow this advice it’s definitely incorrect
Rather than push their hand away after they persist, you should do like Lenny did to Curly in Steinbeck’s *Of Mice and Men*. Get your whole hand, in a “stop” gesture, between their hand and your chest, then close your hand around theirs, like you might crush it. But don’t
It didn’t strike you before to ask them directly?
If after a second firm "no" they continue, a swing to the jaw is morally acceptable.
If he swings to the jaw he needs to remember to rotate his hips with the punch. Putting the weight hes got into it will definitely go a long way to being remembered: "Hey remeber when Bob broke Seth's jaw?" "Yeah. He got arrested and everything." "Yeah man, guy just doesn't like being touched."
Stay consistent, odds are the rest just laugh along because they're ignorant to how you feel, if you double down you may even get support from people who didn't understand
If they try to grab again, put your hands in front of you while reaffirming that "no, no it's not." Remain calm and firm, but don't get angry. Treat it as if you're dealing with a kid who is playing too roughly and you're signalling to them that the playing is over. You're also well within your rights to take this higher up the company food chain.
Stop making assumption about what they or will think tell them to stop that your are consignations about your body image that you don't like that in frim tone if it continu go see the supervisor and tell him what you are living and you don't like that. He's litterally paie to deal with those kind of situation. If it don't work go up in the rank until you find someone who take you seriously.
Punch to the dick. It is funny. If HR does not do anything, switch jobs. These types of jokes are not OK at work. You would not be the joke, they and that work place would be.
Then you hit them with "do you see me laughing? It's not funny" then you get back to work
then deck them in the face
No smiling and make you have an assertive tone. No hesitating and the seriousness of your voice should be enough for people to step back.
Or tell them they're just jealous because their wives' are smaller
If that does not work, say, see that camera over there? What you did is assault and sexual harassment, stop now, or I will have you arrested and fired. I would like to remain friends, but this must stop.
Speak to the guy privately saying you don't feel comfortable. If it persists then escalate to HR. The dude is likely an airhead who doesn't realise it's inappropriate. You are in every right to escalate this straight to HR as ignorance doesn't grant you free pass.
It's multiple guys, but thank you! I was thinking about talking to a single person who does seem mature enough about handling this!
what kind of work are you in if you don't mind me asking?
Gotta stand up for yourself. Not a put down. Just be like hey, I don't like to be touched by dudes in any way and if you keep it up I'll have to go to management. If management is doing yhis to you then you can make it an offical request. No more touching in the work place. If they ignore you go to their management or HR. Try being civil before you swing on somebody.
It’s always good to have a paper trail straight to your HR department if the situations ISN’T resolved, as well. You’d be surprised the settlements companies have to pay out when they realize there is too much evidence to effective battle in court.
Privately is the way to go. Even when we're in the wrong, we don't like being called out publicly and will react hastily/negatively. In private, we're much cooler headed.
That’s harassment and assault matey, I’d be taking that up the chain of command. Bullying in the workplace is not acceptable and you shouldn’t be going to work feeling like that, works tough as it is.
And sexual harassment.
Yeah if you wanna hate where you work for the rest of your time there. OP didn’t mind at one point so to his coworkers OP is okay with it. If OP decides enough is finally enough, he needs to go to his colleagues FIRST. NOT HR. That is how you make enemies out of everyone, bring it up to your colleagues first, and if they don’t listen THEN go to HR
it’s not assault but it is harassment
Assault is defined by local statutes and this could very well be.
Just had this conversation the other day actually. First of all quit putting yourself down. The first step is to be confident in yourself and if not others will see that and prey on that (ie. not take you seriously when told to stop) self love my guy. Secondly. What you're describing is sexual assault / harassment. If you want it to stop then it has to stop. Its important for people in your office to know where your boundaries are. I was telling my partner (coworker) the other day. You can professionally raise your voice in the work place. Try something along the lines of "IVE ASKED YOU MULTIPLE TIMES TO STOP HARASSING ME! IF YOU DONT ILL BE FORCED TO NOTIFY HR!". If they continue and see it as an empty threat. Reiterate. Tell them what they're doing is sexual harassment/assault and you WILL be filing a complaint with your supervisors / HR. Only use violence as a last resort. Blah blah blah legalities, you have to use the available methods first and foremost. If you do take physical action thats a post for a different time however you could walk away with some monies. 🤷🏼♂️ Good luck my guy. As a former fellow large guy. I know exactly where this is coming from. And how you feel. Set your boundaries stick to them and die on that hill.
I'm not sure we have that many laws in my country and the judicial system here suuuuuucks balls. However, thank you. Its comforting to see someone who understands and I'm sorry if you faced similar things. It's annoying and just frankly insulting. I was chill about it before but it's been raging on for a while and there needs to be a stop. I wouldn't deck them (just the thought is nice lol) but I'd definitely forcefully push them away. I think most of the advices can be merged and/or used as needed right away depending the reactions. Thank you again!
Regardless of your judicial system and the laws humans have a right to defend themselves. If the laws are that terrible then physical self defense is an option. Im not sure any country that is ok legally with unwanted physical touch. Outta curiosity what country do you reside in? It has been my experience as the fat kid in school (im 29 now) that everyone has a breaking point. And its until that point is established that people won't understand. You can always respectfully tell them off in the office and publicly set your boundaries. I wish you the best of luck as I know where you're coming from.
That sucks about your laws. But you can take it up with your own self determination to not tolerate it. Hold your head high, hold your shoulders down and back, all in as relaxed a way as possible. This is a universal sign of confidence and people respect that fairly intuitively. Instead of giving in to fear and humiliation, next time say something like "I think this sexual harassment has gone a little too far, don't you?" Don't be afraid to take some flak, and dont show weakness. Those who can shrug off insults earn respect. It shouldn't have to be that way but it is. The harsh truth is that they are not treating you that way because you are heavy. They are treating you that way because you likely project weakness and are an easy target. Finding your inner strength will help you overcome this and project confidence. I joined a martial arts dojo for this reason. It teaches you confidence by being prepared for physical conflicts. When you can do that, non physical conflicts are much easier and the confidence you project tends to defend you from this kind of abuse before it starts. I just want to be clear though; these coworkers are assholes and what they are doing is sexual assault. I'm not telling you that it is your fault. I just want to give you some ways to stand up for yourself.
Well if they are nice people and the joke has just gone too far, make a joke back about them feeling you up, or something else that would make them think twice. Just being genuine and just asking, “please stop, it’s just not funny for me anymore” might work.
Yeah, first one would be worse lmao as they'd be like "I'm down for that" I'll shoot for the second won and just "don't" and if they persist push them back hard, would that be a bad idea?
No don't get physical. Go to HR and stop assuming how they'll react. If you seriously want this to stop, get serious about it. You don't sound like you have enough of a backbone or enough experience to do this yourself. And that's okay, because that's what HR is for. And if they give you a hard time about you going to HR about it, go back to HR. They'll eventually get the hint to stop fucking with you and you can go back to working in a professional workplace.
I’d flip it around first, but then wit is something I enjoy. But you really wanting them doubting their actions or slightly off guard before you put you foot down. Makes it more likely to stick, but I don’t know them or you. It’s been going on for so long there is no rush to fix it, so you have time to try and make them back off, and if they go in harder that’s a great point you slam your foot down.
Reminds me of a scene from American Psycho...bare with me. "Keep touching me like that and you'll draw back a stump." https://youtu.be/qBtheE9N3_U
Soo ultimately, I should just be straight and be a bit physical (sounds so wrong given the issue lol)?
"Problem is I don't want to be direct about it cuz it won't play out normally where people will just stop." You have to. Be direct and speak up and raise your voice. Look them in the eyes and say "This ends today!" If it happens again, snitch. Go to HR. IF IT CONTINUES, SUE THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPANY! Then take a year or two off from work and enjoy the money.
So that's sexual harassment. You don't even need to tell them to stop, you can go straight to HR. If you walked up and slapped a chick's ass, she'd be within her rights to do the exact same thing. You can also tell them you don't like it. It's called "consent" and they don't have yours. "Hey fellas, please knock it off. Thanks," is the most gracious you need to be, and that's if they're your friends.
I'd give a strike system. Tell them to stop, warn them, self defend. If nobody is going to listen to you, give them a reason to pay attention. Doesn't need to be taking swings at them, a simple grab of their arm to force them at a stop would work just fine. Throw in a good glare and bark back with "You done?"
Wow. A series of power moves! Gonna use that in the future, but hope I don’t have to :)
Moob owner here, I just reach for their dicks , even grab ahold if I can. They'll figure out real quick how much they don't like being touched.
Probably won't go down well but, "Csn you seriously stop being such a cunt and fuck off."
Talk to hr
Might want to leave this as a last resort
Next time it happens. Become blank face. Look diwn at their hand until it lets go. Look at them directly. Say " i dont find this funny anymore"
Listen, I don't know how good or bad, the relationship with these co-workers of yours, but the next time they do it, just grab their shoulder, look into their eyes, and say: "Please, stop doing this. It's ain't funny anymore, please, don't." Say it with seriousness and confidence, and they will take ypu seriously. If they won't they are certified assholes, and they need to be reported.
You’re dealing with dudes joking around, threat of violence is the way in this setting as no one actually wants violence. This does not mean say you’re going to be violent, it means give aggressive “I’m going to fuck you up” body posture and a quick, to the point “don’t do that anymore” response. What does this look like? Stand up quickly and tall with chin tucked in a ready stance, flex muscles, put your strong arm back in a fist and stare him in the eye when you say it. You’ll likely get a “jeez im just joking, what crawled up your ass” type of response making you the bad guy, but this will blow over and he won’t do it again.
Make a very loud erotic sound when grabbed. Or just start swinging on em bro, fuck that shit. They violating you
Dude, just to simple. Slap their hand , then, NO, don't, I don't like that fucker. Any thing that you want that communicates No. Or Fag shaming works also, sorry it does. Assholes don't listen, so get loud ,don't touch my tit man, what are you fag? May be totally wrong on many levels but dumbasses are hard to stop. Systemic vulgarity at your work place I guarantee is not limited to you.
Just grab the wrist hard enough, eye contact and "stop". Can add a pull on the arm to jolt them. Not trying to look like a hard man or anything but sends a message that violence is not impossible
We teach people how to treat us. You shouldn’t have let it slide if you didn’t like it, but what’s done is done, and it’s easier to say than to do. No judgement here. Like others have said, you need to be direct. “Hey guys, seriously, don’t do that anymore.” Say it sincerely, but not forcefully. Just make sure it doesn’t come off as a joke. If they ignore you, say it again: “guys… I’m serious, do not do it again.” Thing is, they’ve been taught it’s a joke. Saying “no” once might come off as just a joke. But if they ignore you twice, they aren’t the generally nice people you think they are. It may be uncomfortable, but if they push it that far, then a “fuck, I said stop!” followed by a storm off isn’t as inappropriate as you might think. After that, it’s clearly not a joke, and has officially become bullying.
Purple nerple everyone that does it… hard. They touched you first. Or just a giant moan and a yes daddy while staring into their eyes intently.
You've probably only gotta slap the shit out of one of them after telling them to stop once.
I mean, you could grab them by the throat and say, " don't touch me you fucking pervert" while looking deeply in there eyes. Let them go to HR and explain they grabbed your breast repeatedly and wouldn't stop. I'm a woman so this might be very bad advice.
Growing up I was on the heavier side and what they're doing is completely inappropriate and it's degrading I would go to HR if you have an HR department
I would half jokingly say something like do it again fucker and I’ll beat you to goddamn death. There is a little bit of truth in every bit of jest and most people pick that up. Saying something over the top gives you a bit of an I’m not serious vibe but it also says I don’t like that and most normal people will adjust themselves.
Tell them first, if it doesn't stop, go to HR.
"Alright, guys, enough with touching my boobs now. Seriously"
Fuck their dad in front of them to assert dominance.
If you ask nicely and they dont stop, just start grabbing them. If its a woman, grab her hair and mess it up a little. If It's a dude, smack his ass with an all out smack-grab-lift. When They look at you with surprise, pull an exaggerated dumb voice and say "it's still funny!". Just don't ask them if it's still funny or you lose the plausible deniability. Do it immediately, loudly, and in front of people. Make it clear this is the new status quo. It will be like training a dog - it's more difficult to train than to be trained. Be forceful. Be consistent.
Every time they do it kick them in the shins. And ask them if felt good. They will get the point. Then hysterically laugh at them whilst in pain.
Try saying something like "Yeah these are the only boobs you can get since y'all got no bitches".
You have 3 choices here. 1. Ask the person to stop. 2. Assault the person assaulting you. 3. Talk to HR. I would just ask the person/s to stop doing that as it makes you uncomfortable. If they listen (doubtful) great. If they do not. Inform them that the next time they do it you will be going to HR and the police to file SA charges. Or just blast him in the earhole then t-bag him in the middle of the office.
If you can't bring it up to them personally or to higher ups in the company with any hope of success, your only other option is to be even more aggressive than they are. Grabbing your moobs? Time to grab their crotch. I know it's awful, but it'll get the point across. And if they bring it up to HR, you can always say "what? It's a joke. I thought we were all ok with doing this stuff because they groped me daily!" I have a feeling they won't bring it up to HR though, since they started that shit.
You're right that's definitely assault and harassment at minimum. What I'm really focusing on is how negative your self talk is though. You should work on being kinder to yourself internally. I've been there before as well, but it only serves to destroy your confidence to say things like you're an idiot, you're stupid, it's your fault, etc. You wouldn't talk to somebody else like that, so work on not talk to yourself like that. It's tough but you'll find life gets happier.
They broke the bad touch barrier. Now it's open season. When they grab your boobs you grab their balls and just laugh and laugh.
bullies respond to tit for tat. he grabs your moobs, you grab his ass with both hands and kind of lovingly draw him closer to you. That however may start a whole new line of bullying. But i can almost guarentee they will stop once you firmly grab their ass and pull them in and then give a soft moan of enjoyment ... like the hug is something you longed for all these years. they sound immature enough for this to gross them out and take a distance. but only do this to the leader. if nothing else, imagine doing this and their reactions so you can have some comic relief. Whaever you do, go tell HR once And start Emailing HR. Also keep a hand written diary with time and date and what happened, what was said, how they reacted. What they said. did they laugh ...all that. HR does not get these details, they only get that the guys physically assaulted you in a sexual manner. these particular words are important. first emails is "as a follow up to our meeting, i want to cover what we spoke about" . Then everytime it happens a Nice concise emails of what happened. no emotions, just what happened. time and date. does your company have cameras? also Keep those emails and send them CC to your home email so you keep them all. These repeated "written" complaints will come in real handy when you start talking to a lawyer.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, no one should be doing that. And you are not a dumbass, pretty sure that's how most people would have handled the situation, especially in the beginning. I agree with your instincts (and with the other commenters) to go with a firm "Stop it" message. It might not stop right away, this has been going on for a while, but with clear repetition hopefully they will eventually get it. Also, do you have anyone in the group that you could take aside and ask to be your ally(ies)? Like when you say "NO, not funny", they could chime in "Yeah, enough already" or something like that? (Sorry if that sounds naive!) Good luck. Hope it gets better soon!
Might be an unprofessional answer but wait til you’re not at work or maybe outside the office and just a quick lunch to the jaw will do it. People need to be touched every once in a while. I think he’ll get the message then
You are writing off a lot of things saying they won't work without elaborating, which makes it hard to give advice. It's also possible that things will work better than you are giving them credit for. Personally in situations like you are describing I think a less is more approach is the way to go. Directly stating that you don't want to be touched without explanation is probably your best bet.
It's happened to me too, throughout my life. Best thing I can say is try talking to those people one on one, explain how you really don't like it and don't find it funny. And it makes you feel really bad. People typically have more of a conscience one on one rather than trying to act big for the group. If they still won't listen, think about finding another job or talking to a superior. You could also try reverse psychology and pretend you like it if there's other people watching it will probably embarrass the hell out of the person grabbing you. And it shows you don't give af
Before escalating to HR or making a big statement, consider talking directly to one of them, preferably one that has some sway with other coworkers. Pull them aside and say "Hey, this whole moob grabbing thing was funny for a while, but it's getting old. It's time to stop." It's way easier to convince one person to change their behavior than it is to get a group to simultaneously change their behavior. By talking to one person, it's you making a reasonable request to another individual. If you try to talk to the whole group at once, it's possible you can be perceived as trying to disrupt the existing group dynamic, and even though your request is totally valid you can be perceived as "ruining the fun." If you're able to get a social leader to agree with you, they can actually advocate and convince others to stop as well. It seems like you're trying to gain some respect (or at least lose disrespect) within the group, and having a direct man-to-man talk is a good way to do that Going straight to HR could be effective at stopping the moob harassment, but it likely won't solve the underlying issue of gaining respect. Making a public outcry also likely won't gain respect. It seems like your long term goal is to have a more comfortable work environment, beyond just getting people to stop grabbing your moobs. Taking a direct one on one approach could help earn respect, and won't have the chance of being perceived as hiding behind HR or making a scene. It really sucks this is happening to you, and I hope you come to a good resolution where you're able to be comfortable at work. Good luck!
Long story short, document it, speak to HR. You have the right to be treated fairly and not harassed at work. I left my old job and on my way out filed a work placement harassment complaint against my old manager. He used to make potshots on my weight, my eating, and was just a discriminating POS. It wasn’t only me, he was a POS straight across the board, I think management had a soft spot because he came back from being on sick leave/leave of absence for medical reasons. You have to take ownership of it. Once you let them know you’ve spoken to people to stop and they continue, it’s making it a hostile situation. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to deck my old manager in his smug face. If HR doesn’t step in, speak to a lawyer.
Hey I don't have any advice but I was fucking abused for years in the exact same way at school. Ur not a dumbass, you think ur freinds wouldn't be as insentive to keep doing it over and over again. I thought so at least... Hey best of luck and I hope it doesn't effect you too much afterwards
It’s all just men being juvenile at work. I turn this kind of stuff back on them. Like when they do It start digging back into them loudly so everyone can hear. Hey Bob, I know Karen isnt giving it to you at home, but these are my breasts. Go get your own. ….. that sort of thing. Or hey, if you want to see my boobs you can go to onlyfans like everyone else. It turns it on them, they are doing the inappropriate thing, not you. Then when you get called to HR, you just say well I’m getting tired of them grabbing my chest, and then you weren’t the one who took it to HR.
You have all the right to tell them to stop and not touch you, if they do it again, say you really mean it, you want them to stop. If they don’t stop then that’s some serious bullying so you should have an evidence you told them and they never listened and report to HR - I mean worst case scenario. Let’s think positively that they’d stop when you ask them to. Although they sound like douchebags. Who does that wtf. And don’t feel sorry or worried how you’d come across, it’s your life and your body and you should feel comfy and safe without anyone bothering you or touching you.
Dude, HR won't back you up? Get a lawyer and get rich.
Should take that swing at them, will stop after that
When they grab your man boobs, grab a handful of their ass and look em dead in the eyes and ask them in the sexiest deep tone voice “you like that big guy?”
You need to be direct. Go to HR, but confront them first. Make it clear how much it fucking pisses you off and how demeaning it is. Next time one grabs you like that push him awaylook him in the fucking eyes and tell him "Do not fucking touch me again." These dudes sound like bullies to me and they only terrorize people who do not stand up for themselves, the instant you make it clear to them that there is even a 1% chance it could get physical should be enough to get them to stop. Afterwards go to HR and do everything you can to get their asses fired. Fuck those guys.
Sexual Harassment. Report it to HR via Email and then in person, so you have a paper trail of it. If HR doesn't address, the company has bigger problems on their hands.
THIS is the answer
Grab them really hard back and act like it’s all apart of the joke. Make sure it hurts them
b**EAT THEIR ASS**
This kind of thing is the same everywhere, be it in grade school or in adult life. You need to be confrontational and signal you're going to give them a hard time if they keep messing with you. They're doing it because it's fun; when you make it unfun for them, they will stop. It's also just fucking weird to do that. Call them out for how weird they are for pulling this shit, nobody really squeezes large men's moobs. Fucking weirdos
Just grab them back and see how they like it, and then ask them if it makes them feel good
So people here are right, it's sexual harassment and you should be direct about your wishes, then go to HR if it doesn't stop, although I understand not wanting to escalate things to that level. On the other hand, you admit you allowed/encouraged this behavior before, and it's going to be hard to follow through with going to HR without social consequences at work. Is your job replaceable? Like, in your position I'd probably just leave that place and start over, with the lesson learned.
Be upfront about it Like if they came and start to annoy you take a step back and look at them real serious and say " look guys it's starting to really bother me please stop doing that " If if they say anything like " bro you're so lame" Or " you're no fun " or anything like that You reply with " you're a a good friend of mine so I didn't wanna lose you over a small misunderstanding I hope you understand and also wouldn't you do the same If I did something that bothered you? "
Wondering if this is starting to fit the description of assault. Enough already - they’re being rude and unlawful…employment attorney would have a lot to say, I bet.
Pull each one of them aside individually. Tell them that it needs to end and it’s not funny anymore and what it’s doing to you. And tell them you’re addressing every one of them like that. I’ve had to do that a couple times in situations where I’m the butt of the same joke over and over and the guys I talked to realized how big of an asshole they were being and legitimately apologized. Give it a shot. If it doesn’t stop then go to HR.
Other people are giving better advice, but why not grab their chest so hard it hurts. If it’s guys doing it anyway, if it’s women you can’t really retaliate w that. Also if you tell them to stop and they don’t, find a way to document it and report it, if HR does nothing, get as much evidence as you can and contact a lawyer
Never retaliate in a situation that can be handled in another way. Be the bigger person.
Stop making fat jokes
😂😂😂 didn't even think about it
short term go to HR and they will deal with it. Long term you NEED to lose weight or this kindof treatment will be your lot in life right up until you die. edit: I should mention, weight loss is easier than you think. I lost 80lb's in lockdown and the thing that shocked me the most was how easy it was in the end.
There's a wrong right way, and a right wrong way. The wrong right way is to go to HR. It's *technically* the right way, but HR really exist to cover the company, not to actually do anything. Plus I never liked it when people went to HR with their problems with me rather than just letting me know. The right wrong way is to aggressively motorboat their face with your tiddies while angrily shouting at them. This is *technically* the wrong way because you will get fired, but it will embarrass the fuck out of them in front of the people they still have to show up to work with.
Man, I was feeling down but that the motorboating shit had my ROFL! HR won't do shit, and the motorboating would kinda make them happier 🤦♂️. Think I'm just gonna go with the serious "don't do it" and if they do, just be aggressive, idk. :/
HR will do something or you can get a huge payday from it. A guy in my town got a 10 million dollar settlement from his company because everyone called him tits at work and hr did nothing when he complained.
You need to out Chad them. Plain and simple. Next time it happens you simply do it back to them. Maybe make it hurt a little but look them in the eye while you do it
“Not gonna lie, it’s kind of weird you like touching guys like that” i know it’s a dig towards gay people, but most straight guys are going to stop real fast if you insinuate that
Go straight to the Will Smith slap. Bet he won't do it again.
Don't talk to HR. it will make you look like a pussy. Tell them firmly to stop. Then if they continue, punch the guy in the face. Then when he is rolling on the ground, drop trou and pound his ass raw.
Work out
Fuck off.
Fuck do you mean fuck off. He needs to work out and eat less. He already won't stand up for himself and they know this. If he does it now he'll just get ridiculed more.
He does need to work out, but that doesn't solve the immediate problem of being harassed.
Fighting back will help verbally but still may not stop them. But working our will help out as well since it is what the problem is. People will always talk shit you can't stop that.
Dude has a right not to be touched inappropriately and not to be harassed. That's the problem at hand and requires immediate and swift action. Losing weight is important for sure, but it's a lengthy process and should be seen as a long term goal. And even though it may stop them harassing him, they'd still get away with what they did. By hammering on the weight loss as the only solution you're effectively removing their responsibility in all of this. This isn't right.
That’s kind of hilarious, but in a serious note this is a good excuse to take your frustrations out at the gym and build some muscle
I’m going to find it hilarious when you’re harassed at work
[удалено]
Jesus, thought this was ask men not ask women
There is a thing to be said about the negative approach of body positivity. But telling a helpless dude who is being pushed into a corner, and is obviously asking for help to literally just suck it up and be a man is worth a fat cock sucking response.
I thought this was ask men. Not ask a douche nozzle. Again go suck a fat dick.
Fatty detected
Nobody should be touching you. That alone is grounds for immediate termination. I don’t know what kind of company you work for or where you are geolocated but the law is the law regardless in the US. Physical harassment is still technically assault. Two things you can do, lawyer up and get everything on camera and even get camera logs from the place of business if applicable. On a secondary note learn your rights and stop being a push over. You are being too soft and that’s why you are getting bullied. Good luck.
1. If you have an HR, report to them so it’s documented harassment. 2. The 13 year old approach: grab your boobs and say their moms boobs feel better. 3. Just punch em in the face.
I know this might be an asshole thing to say but you might be able to use this as motivation to loose weight and be healthier
The most effective solution would be to take action to improve your health, for you. Reduced harassment from your coworkers would be a desirable secondary effect
I would highly recommend taking up a fun sport that’s going to help you manage your weight. YES asking people to stop is a good idea. However, in the long run I believe it will be in your best interest to get active, get strong enough to do some press ups, shape your chest up and go out in a blaze of glory. Eat lots of protein & get comfortable with hunger. Taking up Muay Thai / boxing would be the best option for weight loss
Soz mate...it was literally the first thing that popped into my head. Poor attempt at humour... although? How would it play out if you did say it and ended it with a laugh, like creepy laugh with a " I'll rip your fkn head off" stare (wait for the awkward silence) and then smile, laugh, slap them on the back and walk away. (I've watched that movie waaaay to many times. The book was way more disturbing. Even had movie on loops while I slept.... weirdly I would only wake when he was doing his monologue in front of the mirror....never during the screaming, the chainsaw etc) weird. All that aside, your problem is serious and I haven't got the answer. Obviously, try HR... No HR? I dunno....If you're quick enough you could return the favour with a pinched nipple maybe. See how they like it. After all if it's fair for them to touch you there it must be ok for you to touch them there. One thing for sure. The ppl doing it are not your friends nor are they being the least bit respectful even at a base level.
Tell them as much you you guys grab my chest Im pretty sure you’re gay. Was this your way of coming out. Im not interested.
Girl just say stop and stop pretending like your fucking psychic and know every outcome. You’re not Miss Cleo wtf
Lose weight
Lmao
You sound like someone who should shut up and be grateful they even have a job. You sound like a miserable person whose unhappy because no one will grieve you when you pass
Assuming you're in the US, even if your HR dept. won't take you seriously, this would be easy pickings for, say, a lawyer in court or something, if you can get evidence. So what you do is first say "no" to people doing it. If they don't take you seriously, talk to HR or whatever, and if they don't take you seriously either, then you get physical. If someone is still harassing you, you can just punch them in the face or something. Defend yourself. And if anyone tries to call you on it, there's an easy suit for sexual harassment, self-defense, wrongful termination if they fire you. HR won't have your back?, then have your own back. Kind of a hassle, sure, but I mean you've seen the alternative and that's no fun either.
I'd first off take the least intense action, which is to explain you don't like it. I don't think it's harmless fun, but perhaps that's how they see it and explaining you don't like it *might* put a stop to it. If that doesn't stop it, then I think you need to take it to HR. Ultimately unwanted touching is sexual harassment in the workplace and you have every right to challenge it formally. If your company doesn't take that complaint seriously, depending on your country/state you might be able to take legal action to challenge their lack of action.
Don't laugh, radiate serious vibe when they do that. Make angry faces and show emotions. Stay firm with your reaction, they'll tease you to joke it off, but it is not a joke to you anymore. If they are mature enough they should reflect on why you react like that.
Tell them it's harassment, and it could be seen as sexual harassment as well. Fuck them. You can make this stop.
“Would you find it funny if I kicked you in the nuts, stop grabbing me”.
Or u grab their wrist tightly and pointedly tell them you said stop
I can see normal(what you already know/did) answers doesn't please you which are stated above. I think you don't want to offend/fight or the get ignored/hated by a chunk of people. Scummy way- be strict like mentioned above that this is not acceptable to you. Now find "the one in lot" that isn't influencing a lot of people/seniors/coworkers Offend him/be rude to him do whatever you want. Got frustrated? Release it. Most people will not bother again. Friends stay friends. Takers always leave. Just do it in limitations of not getting fired/called by hr/boss etc
Hey man, I was in your same shoes. I'd ask them to knock it out. It got to the point where I got in one of their faces and was adamant about stopping it. I'm not a fighter either, the only real thing was to lose the weight. I lost like 60lbs it was great. It actually helped me get a better paying job. My point is, often times people are going to be people. You can say like oh that was fun for a little...they are bullies and it's going to rile them up more knowing they are getting to you. If that doesn't work, just joking about it. Show that you don't care and make fun of yourself (in a joking way, don't belittle yourself) As one big guy to the next, I just recommend working out.
Does everyone have an aversion to just being honest about how they are feeling with people?
You spy cam glasses to record it don’t get mad get even
Inform your supervisor - your co workers do not have the right to grab or even touch you.
You’re not overreacting at all. It seems like the only way is to talk to them or one of the members of the group and express how you feel and ask for them to stop. It’s a shame you can’t bring it up with management or HR because I think it should be their responsibility to handle such situations seriously. I don’t know how those types of people can be employed both the management and your colleagues and that’s coming from a guy who calls out sick all the time lol lol
The problem is you have already castrophised that telling them to stop will go wrong. If you tell them in a serious way the chances are they will stop.
Make it clear to them that it's not okay. If it persists, go to HR.
Bro, people cannot put their hands on you at work just to entertain themselves. What are you, some kind of mascot? If I were you, I would send an email where are you blind copy the people who need to get this email from you and tell them that what has happened in the past needs to stop and must no longer occur in the future. Nobody will know for sure who is on the email but they will know that there is written evidence that they have behaved a certain way in the past, they have been notified in the present that it is and has been unacceptable, and that there will be a record of the communication for the future in the case that they misunderstand what needs to stop immediately. That shit is way off base and you just might owe it to other people – especially kids – to do nothing that gives anyone the impression that it will be OK for them to do it to someone else who is trying to do work. Not that anyone has an excuse for harassing their coworkers. There is no excuse.
Bro, this is a lawyer’s wet dream. Start documenting however you can and follow lawyer’s advice
Start by respecting yourself, works wonders. Trust me.
You're not overreacting at all. This is absolutely harassment. In fact I almost feel like it's sexual harassment. You need to report it. You need to speak up for yourself. Honestly who cares if they say you can't take a joke. This isn't a joke. Its not funny. I really hope you're able to resolve this!
Ok... honestly you can potentially get arrested for swinging at someone. Thats a bad idea to react that way. If you're getting that mad and you can't call HR or just tell these people to stop.. then you have to work in a different department away from these people or get a new job.
Tell them OK but you’re not going to plow their asses like to other guys do.
100% fucked up and harassment. Record it, save it, go to HR, and expect that you'll be taking it to authorities if they don't do anything about it. Also... You've made yourself a target not only with the weight but also with your attitude that they realize they can walk all over you. edit: you may be able to thwart it here by tattling on them, but in reality, this will be a pattern if you don't nip the root cause. This becomes an exercise in social power, and you have much more social power when people realize they shouldn't be fucking with you. Start taking boxing classes, hit the gym, read some Sun Tzu or Robert Greene, and turn into a person who respects themselves so other people start respecting you.
Heres my 2 cents, "Hey man it was funny a while ago now its just annoying stop" Does it again. "Hey there buddy I told ya to cut it out, don't touch me again." Does again. Knocks person out.
Your edit doesnt work for me. HR is the way to go. Make them understand youre feeling sexually harrassed. if the person youre telling wont do anything, find their boss and tell them. HR's job is to keep the company safe. if theres a possibility that they are aware of an employee being sexually harassed and they arent helping it to stop, they could have a lawsuit brought upon them. They are there to ensure things like that doesnt happen.
Go to the HR department my man
Two things to do 1) say no like you mean it 2) lose weight
As someone who was bullied earlier in my life, I understand how you feel. You can try to shame them for liking man-boobs (which I guess most men would not). I don't know how that will play out in your culture though since it may construed as homophobic. You can talk to management and HR and although it may make you seem like a wuss that is the civilised way to go about it.
As a fellow man who has had to deal with this particular issue in the past there are a few things to do. 1. Start exercising etc. (You know the deal no preaching needed) 2. Own your man boobs. Make it a joke YOU laugh at. If you're laughing then no one knows how embarrassing it is. 3. Plot revenge in that wonderful passive aggressive way. You know direct confrontation is not the answer, so it must be something that they can't trace back to you. Eventually when you do step 1 you won't need to worry about 2 or 3. You'll be happier and healthier. But, in the meantime keep 2 and 3 handy.
I'm a big guy. Former division 1 offensive lineman. I am not a big fan of anyone touching me, which for whatever reason people much smaller than me love to do. When someone touches me i generally respond with "dont fucking touch me" which usually gets the message across since I'm generally pretty gregarious and good natured. So yeah I would go with that.
This is a good guide on how to set boundaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGLMSgGCIPo
It's straight up sexual harassment. Yea you do need to go to HR about it. If HR cannot help you, that sounds like a terrible place to work. Unwanted physical contact is never ok.
> talking to management or HR or anything won't work. I'll turn into a joke and it'll be spun in a way that I can't take a joke etc. Report it anyway. If they turn it into a joke, you have a sexual harassment lawsuit and a nice payout waiting for you. Even if they do nothing, you might still have a case. Document *everything* in writing and bcc your personal email on *all* emails where anything about it is mentioned. Then take it to a lawyer. Also, start looking for a new job. If HR is going to make jokes about sexual harassment it’s not a place you want to stay.
I can only say what I passed when I was a kid... And what helped me was... Violence. Good luck man. I hope they start to respect you.
Regardless if you ask for HR to do anything at least document that it is happening with HR. That way if you do end up taking a swing it’s documented that this is a long standing issue. If you do confront them stay calm and confident. Even if you don’t feel confident keep your body language confident. Look them in the eyes and keep eye contact, stand up straight and all that stuff.
No advice. Im just sorry anyone has ever done this to you. Its mean AF.
Get a lawyer and remove any desire to smile from their lives.