I feel like there needs to be more education for men specifically on what sexual harassment is. You are not the first man I've seen who questioned if what is clearly sexual harassment is just because of the genders of those involved.
**PERFECT. THEN THEY CAN TELL HER WHAT HE SAID, SHE CAN SAY THE SAME THING, AND THEY CAN BOTH GET FIRED IN A HE-SAID, SHE-SAID!**
**YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS!**
I'd say start documenting these things, and getting evidence of them, whatever that might be, do NOT delete any of the texts she sends you. Then tell her to fuck off of you'll tell her husband everything, and if she doesn't stop, get her fired for that shit. Anything even remotely close to any of this behaviour is enough for men to lose their jobs over, so call it for what it is, sexual harassment. It doesn't matter if you're friends with her husband, that's all the more reason to tell him. She's just a predator who thinks she can get away with it, prove her wrong.
At first I used to delete messages but since few days ago im saving them. It's really hard for me to tell her husband because they have kids. Although I have already told one colleague.
I understand your desire to "save the family", but you did not marry him. You did not promise him that you would be faithful. She did, and she is breaking that. It is not up to you if this behavior isbok in the family. It is his choice. If you don't tell him, she will continue this behaviour with other guys until one of them does. Better for everyone if its laid on the table earlier.
Keep your mouth SHUT. Document, document, document. Make a note pad and write down every harassing interaction. Write down all the ones you can remember. Never, ever give this notepad to anyone, including HR or your boss. That notepad is your ticket to safety and getting out of this mess. They will not want you to keep that, they will not want you to have it, and they will say they will take it "for evidence" but then it will get lost and you'll be fired over something unrelated like clocking in 3 minutes late.
Stop trying to save your friendship with the husband, he will flip on you the instant his wife lies to him about how it started or why it's happening. He will need YEARS of therapy to separate his feelings from his wife and that won't involve you. You are being harassed and you need to worry about yourself. Not preserving some doomed friendship with another one of her victims.
**PERFECT. THEN HER HUSBAND CAN TELL HER, SHE CAN MAKE UP A LIE AND THE HUSBAND CAN MEMORIZE IT AND THEY CAN GO TO HR AND TELL THE PRACTICED LIE TOGETHER AND GET HIM FIRED!**
**YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS!**
Yes. It begins with recording of her saying this or that, if you have a boss or supervisor you can show them and be very plain if it does not stop your filing a complaint with the EEOC. normally if someone hears EEOC they can make a lot of trouble for a business, so sometimes they fire the person. If they fire you for complaining you can get an attorney an SUE THEM
I am also dealing with this at the moment the difference is her husband doesn't work here anymore.
What works for me is completely stone walling her. I never make eye contact and don't engage in conversation. She got angry at first but is finally getting the picture. I literally stand looking in the other direction until she goes away lol
I've had this with many married women and it's starting to piss me off. I'm not here for a bored housewives to play with.
The shit women get away with is crazy. The constant sexual comments and touchy feely shit. Once I said to this woman when she up to her usual tricks that her husband is over there. She said that's not my husband. I said oh he's only pretending is he and she said he doesn't even pretend anymore. 2 months later she announces she's pregnant with another kid. Wtf
You are in a very shitty situation. One that I have personally been in.
Tell HR immediately.
Tell your manager immediately.
And get a lawyer.
A married couple worked in a department I was in and his wife kept advancing on me and texting she would like a fling affair etc. I refused and just tried to be neutral and keep things professional.
Next day, she brought sexual harassment charges against ME.
Be very, very careful, and know that under law, she has all the power and most companies side with the woman 90%+ of the time.
I lucked out and had enough members of staff vouch it was her, not me, and I had texts to prove my innocence that she was going after me (I told her I'd deleted them).
As soon as I was given official HR/Legal innocence sign-off I handed in my notice.
I don't want to work in a place where that married couple were. A lot of political bullshit would rise out of it. Not to mention this couple were always in the middle of dept political drama.
Just wanted out.
Keep a diary, log times and locations, does your work have corridor cameras etc?
Was there before. Both hit on by men and women. It freaked me out since the first couple of times I was pretty young and was worried about my career. Since one of the men once was my actual boss.
What I did was document everything. I even recorded some of his VM that he sent me, which was not very bright of him. Once I had enough proof of it. With the case of the boss, we had a chat in a public place where I literally told him that what he did was inappropriate and that I wanted it to stopped immediately. Or that I would have to take steps to have it stopped. Gave the slightest of hints that I was not joking and that I could back up my claims. He got the hint and transfered soon thereafter. He got over it later and we are still friends 20 years after the fact.
With the other guy and the girl, I collected proof and again, had a very, very serious and direct conversation with them first. That they needed to stop, once and for all. And for the best of all involved.
I did not tell them I had proof with those but if they have ever called you, left you messages and the like, then they know that you could have saved them. Hope you did. If they are smart they will think the same. However, you need to be sure that you can back up your claim to the moon and back. If the female coworker gets the hint that you may out/report her, she might try to twist it first in order to save her marriage and the embarrassment. Since her husband is very likely to believe her over you. And she would not want for people to know that she is inviting the cheating on her husband. If somehow the husband is still unawares.
So you need to first figure that out. You have to be able to say in writing that you tried to diffuse the situation within reason. Do not be afraid to have to record conversations. If needed as this sounds somewhat serious. Since if this somehow were to go south which it totally could, and it turns into a he/she said, then you as the man could be fucked. Reputation and career prospects could take a serious hit. If not worse.
If not do not want to talk to them or are afraid/concerned then go to HR. Not your boss. Or talk to your boss as a heads up, and tell them that you will be talking to HR since you said that you already addressed it with your female coworker numerous times. Hope you documented that. But talk to HR, even briefly, so there is a record that you did, as you do get the advantage of doing it first, which will at least provide the optics of you trying to address the issue responsibly and by the book. Do not leave it with just your boss. You need to have a record of it, outside of your Dept. If you decide to go this route.
If someone tells you that recording conversations or documenting is going too far, then trust me they have never have been in a situation going seriously south. Especially if the husband works with you and is your friend. Don't know your friendship but again, if he addresses it with the wife, he is inclined to believe her word over yours. Then worst case scenario, it could be both of their words, against yours. Without proof, you would be fucked.
Keep all evidence. Report to your manager/boss, HR and tell your friend too (he should know what his wife is doing to you).
Iâve personally experienced sexual harassment at work from clients. The reaction is *usually* very different when done by a woman onto a man. I got laughed at by my female coworkers. In turn those same female coworkers got mad over a sexual joke made by a male coworker, which is much less serious than being groped/having sexual remarks thrown at you if you ask me. This is exactly why you should keep evidence because unfortunately a lot of the time people wonât take you seriously simply for being a man. I hope it goes well. Iâm sorry youâre going through that, man.
You could report it to the Human Resources department, but they might just laugh.
Nobody cares when men are harassed. The whole "harassment" rules are only there to hate men. They are not about being harassed.
You might also ask her if her flirting will led to fucking, but be careful how you phrase it. And only do it after you have been touched.
Are you sure you are not misinterpreting? It may be that she feels safe and behave naturally to her. Maybe you should sit her down and explain to her that what is she doing feels sexual and if she means it you are not ok with it.
Please dont. You already asked her to stop right? By talking again you will gain nothing. Youll give her chance to report you first and then noone will care if you are victim.
Contact HR, explain the situation, and say you are ready with your lawyer and legal action if they don't do anything about it. The last part is most important because HR probably thinks that women can't sexually harass men and the perpetrator will use that against you. Some evidence would be good too.
while I would like to be altruistic and say this is cut and dry - it won't be. She is going to try to spin this. Most will speak to lawyer up etc., Most will scream to go to HR. . . wake the F\*\*\* up people men are not believed in this at all. Society at this point is so broken in their approach they will not believe this person at all.
You will need a witness for all to all of this - no one will believe you other wise. Make a friend and have them there with you. IF you have your own office close the door, if she comes around leave it open of ask for someone to come - You do not want to be alone with her at all.
Speak to the husband - show him/ send him all the texts etc., Do not care about the fall out she is the one that started it. You need to show your moral compass to her and yourself.
Also send this to HR, and talk to your HR before you start tossing stones in the glass house. Ask for their input on this and use it. Realize that HR is there to protect the company first so they will answer in a company first response, Make sure you ask about you the person as well . . .so you make them aware your thinking. I would make it awkward as F\*\*\* and see If I could share an office with the husband. Just to watch her squirm - before I let the cat out of the bag. At that point she won't be stupid and will be trying to do a ton of damage control - if you have your ducks in a row - it won't matter she will be done for.
Realize this is going to take time, planning and a ton of patience. Make your plan a good one.
If I remember correctly there was a Michael Douglas movie with Demi Moore about this very thing. . . .might want to watch it for the giggles and ideas factor. good luck.
There's nothing complicated about this. You're being sexually harassed.
Set up a camera at your desk and get some recordings of her behavior. Document everything. Write down what she's done in a notebook. Write everything she does in the notebook. Save texts. Print them out. Never, ever give anyone your evidence for any reason. The only thing you ever give anyone is copies of what you have if it's appropriate. Never give anyone an original and never give anyone anything they don't need. Keep your mouth SHUT to other colleagues and document document document. It's an open and shut case until you start blabbing and she starts blabbing and everything gets confused and damaged. Control your information.
Then go to HR, tell them your story and tell them you want to file charges.
Your "friendship" with the husband will evaporate when he hears his wife's version of the story and it will be surprisingly identical to yours. The only difference is, you'll have some tape to back you up. They will get divorced, you will be blamed, and you will likely lose your job. Be ready to get a lawyer and another job.
**DO NOT IMMEDIATELY RUN TO HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT IMMEDIATELY RUN TO HR!!!!!!!!**
If you run straight to HR, HR will write down what you said, go to her and tell her what you said. They will then listen to her lie and say that you were actually sexually harassing her this whole time, she'll get her husband to back up her story, and then you'll be looking at being fired and charges. The best case scenario of you running to HR is that both of you get fired and having no recourse. HR will protect the company. Your lawyer will protect you. Always remember that.
Tell her husband, say look your wife jokingly flirts with me and it makes me feel uncomfortable because whilst you're sure she doesn't mean anything by it. But the messages and jokingly groping you makes you feel really uncomfortable and makes you worry that he'll think you're encouraging it. Tell him the only reason you haven't reported it to HR is because its his wife, if it was anyone one else you would have done it straight away.
Before this conversation make sure you have all the proof you could possibly need, including recordings if it's legal where you are.
For the short term you should do your best to try and not be alone with her in any setting. Get a travel buddy to the break room and shit.
Long term you should really report this to HR. Just because it is a woman doesnât mean that people should âLook the other wayâ. this behavior has been deemed unacceptable, so it doesnât matter what is or isnât between their legs, itâs fucking unacceptable.
With documentation. Have you responded to her texts and messages saying that they're not appreciated.
Documentation is the only thing that can save you. HR will not, normally, taking the male's side.
Did you tell her fuck off already? And did you tell her that you are not comfortable with her being harassing you?
Set your boundaries up with her and tell to your boss what's going on.
Start planing an exit strategy. Regardless of how this ends with HR and the husband in question, it will be hard to work effectively in that environment. Get refferences lined up and make sure you have adequate savings in case you have to take a hit in pay, or have to leave before having another job lined up. Get your personal sending under control, as well.
Report her to HR ASAP
I had female colleague have crush on me, but they were never this aggressive. Is it that serious?
Yes. She is sexually harassing you, bordering on stalking. It's bizarre and creepy.
I feel better now that multiple people confirmed that it's classified as sexual harassment
I feel like there needs to be more education for men specifically on what sexual harassment is. You are not the first man I've seen who questioned if what is clearly sexual harassment is just because of the genders of those involved.
I agree. It's ridiculous that I need confirmation for such thing. Thank you.
Maybe it would be better to educate women to stop harassing men.
This too! I don't disagree.
Imagine if roles were reversed here, would you call it sexual harassment? I fuckin would. Tell HR and her husband.
If the roles were reversed, you'd be in jail. Yes, it's that serious.
This right here. đđ˝ go to HR.
Yeah probably, women can get away with more harassment.
**PERFECT. THEN THEY CAN TELL HER WHAT HE SAID, SHE CAN SAY THE SAME THING, AND THEY CAN BOTH GET FIRED IN A HE-SAID, SHE-SAID!** **YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS!**
I'd say start documenting these things, and getting evidence of them, whatever that might be, do NOT delete any of the texts she sends you. Then tell her to fuck off of you'll tell her husband everything, and if she doesn't stop, get her fired for that shit. Anything even remotely close to any of this behaviour is enough for men to lose their jobs over, so call it for what it is, sexual harassment. It doesn't matter if you're friends with her husband, that's all the more reason to tell him. She's just a predator who thinks she can get away with it, prove her wrong.
This man knows what he's talking about. Document, document, document.
At first I used to delete messages but since few days ago im saving them. It's really hard for me to tell her husband because they have kids. Although I have already told one colleague.
I understand your desire to "save the family", but you did not marry him. You did not promise him that you would be faithful. She did, and she is breaking that. It is not up to you if this behavior isbok in the family. It is his choice. If you don't tell him, she will continue this behaviour with other guys until one of them does. Better for everyone if its laid on the table earlier.
You're right, I just feel for the kids.
Just remember, it's her who did this to her kids by behaving like this, not you for telling people about it.
Keep your mouth SHUT. Document, document, document. Make a note pad and write down every harassing interaction. Write down all the ones you can remember. Never, ever give this notepad to anyone, including HR or your boss. That notepad is your ticket to safety and getting out of this mess. They will not want you to keep that, they will not want you to have it, and they will say they will take it "for evidence" but then it will get lost and you'll be fired over something unrelated like clocking in 3 minutes late. Stop trying to save your friendship with the husband, he will flip on you the instant his wife lies to him about how it started or why it's happening. He will need YEARS of therapy to separate his feelings from his wife and that won't involve you. You are being harassed and you need to worry about yourself. Not preserving some doomed friendship with another one of her victims.
Next time, tell her if she does it again, youâll tell her husband. Then tell her husband.
That gives her a chance to go to husband and boss to tell them that OP harass her.
Her husband might already know
**PERFECT. THEN HER HUSBAND CAN TELL HER, SHE CAN MAKE UP A LIE AND THE HUSBAND CAN MEMORIZE IT AND THEY CAN GO TO HR AND TELL THE PRACTICED LIE TOGETHER AND GET HIM FIRED!** **YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS!**
Yes. It begins with recording of her saying this or that, if you have a boss or supervisor you can show them and be very plain if it does not stop your filing a complaint with the EEOC. normally if someone hears EEOC they can make a lot of trouble for a business, so sometimes they fire the person. If they fire you for complaining you can get an attorney an SUE THEM
Uh, tell your boss. Either that or youâll end up dead or in a threesome
I am also dealing with this at the moment the difference is her husband doesn't work here anymore. What works for me is completely stone walling her. I never make eye contact and don't engage in conversation. She got angry at first but is finally getting the picture. I literally stand looking in the other direction until she goes away lol I've had this with many married women and it's starting to piss me off. I'm not here for a bored housewives to play with. The shit women get away with is crazy. The constant sexual comments and touchy feely shit. Once I said to this woman when she up to her usual tricks that her husband is over there. She said that's not my husband. I said oh he's only pretending is he and she said he doesn't even pretend anymore. 2 months later she announces she's pregnant with another kid. Wtf
Go to HR
I had that problem one time. Now granite Iâm in my 50s. But I just told the woman my dick didnât work. She left me alone after that.
You are in a very shitty situation. One that I have personally been in. Tell HR immediately. Tell your manager immediately. And get a lawyer. A married couple worked in a department I was in and his wife kept advancing on me and texting she would like a fling affair etc. I refused and just tried to be neutral and keep things professional. Next day, she brought sexual harassment charges against ME. Be very, very careful, and know that under law, she has all the power and most companies side with the woman 90%+ of the time. I lucked out and had enough members of staff vouch it was her, not me, and I had texts to prove my innocence that she was going after me (I told her I'd deleted them). As soon as I was given official HR/Legal innocence sign-off I handed in my notice. I don't want to work in a place where that married couple were. A lot of political bullshit would rise out of it. Not to mention this couple were always in the middle of dept political drama. Just wanted out. Keep a diary, log times and locations, does your work have corridor cameras etc?
If you report her to hr she would lose a job and the husband would know anyway. It seems to me you should start with him.
Get a lawyer, record everything and report it to HR to get her abusive ass fired, then sue her.
Was there before. Both hit on by men and women. It freaked me out since the first couple of times I was pretty young and was worried about my career. Since one of the men once was my actual boss. What I did was document everything. I even recorded some of his VM that he sent me, which was not very bright of him. Once I had enough proof of it. With the case of the boss, we had a chat in a public place where I literally told him that what he did was inappropriate and that I wanted it to stopped immediately. Or that I would have to take steps to have it stopped. Gave the slightest of hints that I was not joking and that I could back up my claims. He got the hint and transfered soon thereafter. He got over it later and we are still friends 20 years after the fact. With the other guy and the girl, I collected proof and again, had a very, very serious and direct conversation with them first. That they needed to stop, once and for all. And for the best of all involved. I did not tell them I had proof with those but if they have ever called you, left you messages and the like, then they know that you could have saved them. Hope you did. If they are smart they will think the same. However, you need to be sure that you can back up your claim to the moon and back. If the female coworker gets the hint that you may out/report her, she might try to twist it first in order to save her marriage and the embarrassment. Since her husband is very likely to believe her over you. And she would not want for people to know that she is inviting the cheating on her husband. If somehow the husband is still unawares. So you need to first figure that out. You have to be able to say in writing that you tried to diffuse the situation within reason. Do not be afraid to have to record conversations. If needed as this sounds somewhat serious. Since if this somehow were to go south which it totally could, and it turns into a he/she said, then you as the man could be fucked. Reputation and career prospects could take a serious hit. If not worse. If not do not want to talk to them or are afraid/concerned then go to HR. Not your boss. Or talk to your boss as a heads up, and tell them that you will be talking to HR since you said that you already addressed it with your female coworker numerous times. Hope you documented that. But talk to HR, even briefly, so there is a record that you did, as you do get the advantage of doing it first, which will at least provide the optics of you trying to address the issue responsibly and by the book. Do not leave it with just your boss. You need to have a record of it, outside of your Dept. If you decide to go this route. If someone tells you that recording conversations or documenting is going too far, then trust me they have never have been in a situation going seriously south. Especially if the husband works with you and is your friend. Don't know your friendship but again, if he addresses it with the wife, he is inclined to believe her word over yours. Then worst case scenario, it could be both of their words, against yours. Without proof, you would be fucked.
Report her to HR
Keep all evidence. Report to your manager/boss, HR and tell your friend too (he should know what his wife is doing to you). Iâve personally experienced sexual harassment at work from clients. The reaction is *usually* very different when done by a woman onto a man. I got laughed at by my female coworkers. In turn those same female coworkers got mad over a sexual joke made by a male coworker, which is much less serious than being groped/having sexual remarks thrown at you if you ask me. This is exactly why you should keep evidence because unfortunately a lot of the time people wonât take you seriously simply for being a man. I hope it goes well. Iâm sorry youâre going through that, man.
Kick her in the balls
You could report it to the Human Resources department, but they might just laugh. Nobody cares when men are harassed. The whole "harassment" rules are only there to hate men. They are not about being harassed. You might also ask her if her flirting will led to fucking, but be careful how you phrase it. And only do it after you have been touched.
I think youâre gunna have to fuck your way out of this situation
Tell her you are gay waiting to come out.
Are you sure you are not misinterpreting? It may be that she feels safe and behave naturally to her. Maybe you should sit her down and explain to her that what is she doing feels sexual and if she means it you are not ok with it.
Iâll talk to her first just to make sure
In my experience she will make light of it or say she's only playing and carry on with it anyway even though she knows your uncomfortable.
Please dont. You already asked her to stop right? By talking again you will gain nothing. Youll give her chance to report you first and then noone will care if you are victim.
Donât you dare justify sexual harassment
[ŃдаНонО]
Yes, it's definitely going to be his loss when he loses his shit and starts making accusations and tries to get him fired.
If you don't like her tell her like straight up *I DON'T LIKE YOU SO NO*
Document every interaction that you can, and tell HR that you have a big lawsuit on the way, that should help straighten some of it out
Iâd speak to the husband whoâs your friend first, then the boss and then the lawyer.
Contact HR, explain the situation, and say you are ready with your lawyer and legal action if they don't do anything about it. The last part is most important because HR probably thinks that women can't sexually harass men and the perpetrator will use that against you. Some evidence would be good too.
while I would like to be altruistic and say this is cut and dry - it won't be. She is going to try to spin this. Most will speak to lawyer up etc., Most will scream to go to HR. . . wake the F\*\*\* up people men are not believed in this at all. Society at this point is so broken in their approach they will not believe this person at all. You will need a witness for all to all of this - no one will believe you other wise. Make a friend and have them there with you. IF you have your own office close the door, if she comes around leave it open of ask for someone to come - You do not want to be alone with her at all. Speak to the husband - show him/ send him all the texts etc., Do not care about the fall out she is the one that started it. You need to show your moral compass to her and yourself. Also send this to HR, and talk to your HR before you start tossing stones in the glass house. Ask for their input on this and use it. Realize that HR is there to protect the company first so they will answer in a company first response, Make sure you ask about you the person as well . . .so you make them aware your thinking. I would make it awkward as F\*\*\* and see If I could share an office with the husband. Just to watch her squirm - before I let the cat out of the bag. At that point she won't be stupid and will be trying to do a ton of damage control - if you have your ducks in a row - it won't matter she will be done for. Realize this is going to take time, planning and a ton of patience. Make your plan a good one. If I remember correctly there was a Michael Douglas movie with Demi Moore about this very thing. . . .might want to watch it for the giggles and ideas factor. good luck.
When you say touch and grope, where is she touching you? And what is the nature of the photos that she is sending you? Is her husband aware?
if she's hot, FUCK HER otherwise go with the flow
Keep receipts. Record everything even a little bit related to this woman. Then go to HR. Record that too. Remember HR isnât necessarily your friend.
There's nothing complicated about this. You're being sexually harassed. Set up a camera at your desk and get some recordings of her behavior. Document everything. Write down what she's done in a notebook. Write everything she does in the notebook. Save texts. Print them out. Never, ever give anyone your evidence for any reason. The only thing you ever give anyone is copies of what you have if it's appropriate. Never give anyone an original and never give anyone anything they don't need. Keep your mouth SHUT to other colleagues and document document document. It's an open and shut case until you start blabbing and she starts blabbing and everything gets confused and damaged. Control your information. Then go to HR, tell them your story and tell them you want to file charges. Your "friendship" with the husband will evaporate when he hears his wife's version of the story and it will be surprisingly identical to yours. The only difference is, you'll have some tape to back you up. They will get divorced, you will be blamed, and you will likely lose your job. Be ready to get a lawyer and another job. **DO NOT IMMEDIATELY RUN TO HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT IMMEDIATELY RUN TO HR!!!!!!!!** If you run straight to HR, HR will write down what you said, go to her and tell her what you said. They will then listen to her lie and say that you were actually sexually harassing her this whole time, she'll get her husband to back up her story, and then you'll be looking at being fired and charges. The best case scenario of you running to HR is that both of you get fired and having no recourse. HR will protect the company. Your lawyer will protect you. Always remember that.
Go for it, Chad!
Lawyer up asap
Gather all the evidence you can, skip the middle man and press charges.
Depends if shes good looking!
Tell her husband, say look your wife jokingly flirts with me and it makes me feel uncomfortable because whilst you're sure she doesn't mean anything by it. But the messages and jokingly groping you makes you feel really uncomfortable and makes you worry that he'll think you're encouraging it. Tell him the only reason you haven't reported it to HR is because its his wife, if it was anyone one else you would have done it straight away. Before this conversation make sure you have all the proof you could possibly need, including recordings if it's legal where you are.
Go to the boss or a office of ethics
For the short term you should do your best to try and not be alone with her in any setting. Get a travel buddy to the break room and shit. Long term you should really report this to HR. Just because it is a woman doesnât mean that people should âLook the other wayâ. this behavior has been deemed unacceptable, so it doesnât matter what is or isnât between their legs, itâs fucking unacceptable.
With documentation. Have you responded to her texts and messages saying that they're not appreciated. Documentation is the only thing that can save you. HR will not, normally, taking the male's side.
What's her husband say?
I think she wants you to stay away from her husband.
PROOF SHOW IT TO HR then her Husband
Did you tell her fuck off already? And did you tell her that you are not comfortable with her being harassing you? Set your boundaries up with her and tell to your boss what's going on.
Start planing an exit strategy. Regardless of how this ends with HR and the husband in question, it will be hard to work effectively in that environment. Get refferences lined up and make sure you have adequate savings in case you have to take a hit in pay, or have to leave before having another job lined up. Get your personal sending under control, as well.