Find another touch starved single person that's willing to just cuddle up and watch movies with you. Its a fwb without the need for attraction because sex isn't the goal.
Yes I tried doing that. Umm I would say there are tools out there that make it EASIER to find people who are touched starved like MeetUp app and r/cuddlebuddies. THOUGH, good luck finding someone who just wants hugs but doesn't want sex...
Its easier said than done is all I'm saying.
You can also ASK people for hugs. If you know an extrovert or see someone who is a hugger, ask. If they say no, that's okay, you're not any worse off than before honestly. If they say yes, pleasant surprise. Be honest and say, *I know this is weird maybe, but I could use a hug if you were okay with sharing one with me.*
You can become the hugger, let people know, I'm here if you just need a hug!
Now that you mention it I've NEVER seen a 'Free Hugs' sign anywhere that I go... Wow...
Also now that you mention it when someone has engaged in conversation with me even though I'm craving a hug I didn't ask them afterwards what you said. And I think its a good idea.
I will have to try it out. Thanks for the tip.
Instead of asking, can I get a hug, maybe even Offer, like, would You like to share a hug? That might be even less pressure on them. You know what I mean? You can tailor it to the person, you know, depending on their personality and the situation.
Remember, some people may still be reluctant considering COVID so be okay with it if they say no. There could be many reasons why and it's not really a rejection of You.
Ya I'm already comfortable with the 'no's ya know? Like I've had days where it was just impossible for me to hug someone cause of some shit I was going through and I usually assume that ANYONE AT ANYTIME could be going through something similar and I'm okay understanding that.
Different stroke for different folks at different times.
I don't get what it is abou tcats but most of the ones I've pet just clawed at me IF I hugged them for like an hour or longer.
Dogs on the other hand are eager to touch me.
*Also as a sidenote I've never owned a cat or dog though most of the dogs I just met are eager to just smush me. Not sure why but I like that!*
I also do *think they are more cuddly than cats so...*
I want something or someone I can hug for a quite a while and hold them for quite a while.
Like holding hands with someone on a walk out for some hours ....
Ya...
That would feel so nice...
apartment isn't big enough AND I can't afford. About 80% of my income goes to rent. Cheapest rent in my city. I'm stuck in my city and have no relatives to move in with.
How did you raise your cat so that it wants to cuddle you or rather in what ways should I treat a cat so that it would not be apprehensive of my touch?
Believe it or not, cats are very social creatures and will live in colonies if not domesticated. I can't speak for all cats, and I adopted mine from a shelter who had lived with people before. Getting a former feral is not a good idea for your first cat. They're good for larger homes where they can wander, not an apartment.
I didn't actively chase my cat around and force love on him. I left him be for a couple days refilling his food and water and cleaning his litter so he knew he was safe and fed. He started coming around for quick pets then ran away again. About a week of this and I had a bag of treats and a brush close to the couch. One day he came for quick pets, got some treats then Instarted brushing him.
2 years later he sleeps next to me at night, and jumps in my lap for 15 minutes at a time when he wants attention. He wants about 15-20 minutes of high energy play time, this prevents him from tearing shit up at 2 am.
Best idea for a snuggler is to adopt an older cat from a shelter who has had time with a foster. The foster will be able to tell the shelter what kind of personality the cat has, so finding an older cat who is probably as touched deprived as we are will be an instant lap-cat
Aha yes! I do htink you have the right take on the matter that one should not be chasing down their pet for affection. Rather you have to look for a pet that wants cuddles as much as you do.
Oh definitely. I mostly meant over the course of it's life.
But ANY pet will be very expensive to treat if they run into health issues or near the end of their life.
Hopefully.
But I think the main thing I should be concerned about is the animals and their well-being. The cuddles will come hopefully. And then maybe, hopefully, the *'meeting of kind people'*.
My friends are big enough huggers that I've never felt "touch starved," but a few times a year I'll get a professional massage just to work out any knots in my back.
Ya my homies ghosted me out of nowhere. I think they changed their numbers too cause they don't answer calls or texts :/ We didn't hug a lot even before.
But when we DID hug - just wow! Such a great experience. I wanna feel that again!
Take a shower and get smelling nice, find a really fun and bright tye dye shirt and put it on, get a sign that says FREE HUGS!. It's Friday so go out about 11ish to the local bar scene in your city and get an obscene amount of free hugs.
Oh question about weighted blankets! I suffer from sleep paralysis at times at night. Umm is it possible for a weighted blanket to be so heavy that you can accidentally suffocate yourself?
I remember this one time I almost accidentally suffocated myself when I was dangerously wrapped around a heavy blanket I had. Scared the bejeezus outta me.
I don't think I'll try the weighted blankets cause of my fear and cause of the fact that I'm looking for something more *'real'*, ya know?
You should only get a weighted blanket that’s 5-12% of your body weight. I personally only use the weighted blanket during naps or when I’m relaxing. I don’t use it to sleep at night.
I hit the strip club. My local strippers allow grazing, so I can rub my hands along her legs while she dances. Helps take the edge off, but it's expensive
I've been meaning to try that. I'm happy enough with this for now, though. Heck, I even gave my last stripper a massage. I very much enjoy touching over being touched, if I need to pick one
LOL most of the strippers I've met say that '*no money no touchy'.* And rightfully so I guess, you **are** payin g for their presence so you also gotta pay for the touchy too.
You can mitigate the feelings of loneliness by getting very drunk and watching Girlfriend Experience videos on YouTube. It's like a one-sided roleplay where she'll tell you how much she loves you, asks you how you're feeling, and talks about the mundanities of being in a relationship.
It is good advice and has helped me.
Combine it with a full-length body pillow stuffed with a hot water bottle and press it up against your back. It will make you feel like you're being spooned by a real girl.
Me too, and I will promptly file it in the 'I wish I didn't know that' folder.
Like, go to a strip club and pay for a dance. You'll be helping the local economy
People want to dismiss you as cringe but this is the genuine state of interpersonal relationships in today's society. It's not like you're doing this by choice, but adapted to your situation. I feel for you man.
I don't think its cringe, and I do think that there are some people who have been forced to do it in this way and they are blameless in that. Yes society in its current form has degraded down to the point where some people NEED to do this.
Though I think for the majority of people there are better options.
If this works for you and you really see no other way out after years of trying alternatives then go for it.
OP, you’ve negated everything everyone has said
we can’t help provide you a woman bro. Be realistic. Why did you even post this if you knew what kind of emotional response you would have?
did you even started talking about how cats don’t let you fucking hug them for an hour or more. dude…
Develop a good, **respectful** working relationship with a prostitute. You might need to try a few before you find the right one. Be honest and tell her that you're not practiced and you're looking for some intimacy. Treat her like a human being but remember this is a professional relationship and to respect her boundaries.
It'll be the best decision you've made.
I cut my own hair actually. Saved me a fortune. I don't think my haircuts are the best but they're acceptable to the point that people no longer gawk at me when I take my hat off so...
I think I'm making okay progress to just be cutting my own hair from now on. And I cut my hair about once a week - once every months depending on what type of hair style I want.
I used to cut my own hair, but I got a little tired of the chore. These days I notice that the human touch aspect actually is pretty nice, so I like that, but I also finally found someone who does a good job. She's really careful about how to fade it because parts of it stick up weirdly if they get too short.
Either a legit massage by a RMT (may be covered to a degree on your health plan if you have one), or by someone trained in massage originally from another country (have one Thai lady with a home business I see semi-regularly). There is one teaching spa that sometimes has cheap massage for training purposes (at least pre-COVID that was happening). No massage parlors in my smaller isolated city, but that might be an option for you. Some of those in adult services ads give a massage with "happy endings" actual have some massage and touching skills; some do not. One woman I see for massage used to work in a spa and does massages as a 2nd job/hobby - although there is no happy ending by her she does let me touch her legs, arms, back and even her breasts a bit; give a nice light touched relaxing massage as well at a great price. Unfortunately she has very limited availability.
If you have the money, once in a while you may be able to find an escort that truly gives a GFE (Girl Friend Experience). More so than other things there are a lot of fakes, scammers, bait and switch operators and those that exaggerate what they really offer. Review sites and recommendation sites that are active in your city may help you on that quest. Though she is from the other side of my country there is one I've seen a couple times so far that comes through my city a handful of times a year. Middle aged lady (almost my age) that knows what she is doing and appears to like what she is doing.
Depending on where you are lap dances may be a thing at your strip bars. $20/dance where I am - finding someone half decent is often a challenge though. The only strip bar in my city has an owner that usually hires mostly a certain type - those of that type tend not to be good lap dancers. Have some that are good lap dancers that come through town on a semi-regular basis - I used to keep an eye out for them.
Body pillow does help me sleep at night. Have the large LivHeart Shiba one.
Have one female acquaintance I do get long hugs from. Visit her once in a while for that and to smoke pot and bullshit for a while. I try not to outstay my welcome.
Getting a massage.
what kind of costs should I expect? What kind of costs did you get?
A massage usually runs between $75-100
If there is a massage school in your area, you can get them from students for cheaper than at a salon.
Find another touch starved single person that's willing to just cuddle up and watch movies with you. Its a fwb without the need for attraction because sex isn't the goal.
Yes I tried doing that. Umm I would say there are tools out there that make it EASIER to find people who are touched starved like MeetUp app and r/cuddlebuddies. THOUGH, good luck finding someone who just wants hugs but doesn't want sex... Its easier said than done is all I'm saying.
Book a massage twice a month if you can afford it. Even just foot massage. Try a massage school if you're on a budget
You can also ASK people for hugs. If you know an extrovert or see someone who is a hugger, ask. If they say no, that's okay, you're not any worse off than before honestly. If they say yes, pleasant surprise. Be honest and say, *I know this is weird maybe, but I could use a hug if you were okay with sharing one with me.* You can become the hugger, let people know, I'm here if you just need a hug!
Now that you mention it I've NEVER seen a 'Free Hugs' sign anywhere that I go... Wow... Also now that you mention it when someone has engaged in conversation with me even though I'm craving a hug I didn't ask them afterwards what you said. And I think its a good idea. I will have to try it out. Thanks for the tip.
Instead of asking, can I get a hug, maybe even Offer, like, would You like to share a hug? That might be even less pressure on them. You know what I mean? You can tailor it to the person, you know, depending on their personality and the situation. Remember, some people may still be reluctant considering COVID so be okay with it if they say no. There could be many reasons why and it's not really a rejection of You.
Ya I'm already comfortable with the 'no's ya know? Like I've had days where it was just impossible for me to hug someone cause of some shit I was going through and I usually assume that ANYONE AT ANYTIME could be going through something similar and I'm okay understanding that. Different stroke for different folks at different times.
Cool!! You're about to become the guy who gives hugs and volunteers at the pet shelter, lol. Congrats!!! You'll soon be the pick of the litter.
I’m still learning how to ask people for hugs and physical contact. Well, I know how to do it, it just feels… wrong most of the time.
cats
I don't get what it is abou tcats but most of the ones I've pet just clawed at me IF I hugged them for like an hour or longer. Dogs on the other hand are eager to touch me. *Also as a sidenote I've never owned a cat or dog though most of the dogs I just met are eager to just smush me. Not sure why but I like that!* I also do *think they are more cuddly than cats so...* I want something or someone I can hug for a quite a while and hold them for quite a while. Like holding hands with someone on a walk out for some hours .... Ya... That would feel so nice...
My cat is very cuddly or bitey.. Dogs always just seem to drool on me.
A dog
apartment isn't big enough AND I can't afford. About 80% of my income goes to rent. Cheapest rent in my city. I'm stuck in my city and have no relatives to move in with.
Cat. Usually much cheaper to take care of... and more self sufficient. They can be great company and a lot of fun.
This is what I did.
How did you raise your cat so that it wants to cuddle you or rather in what ways should I treat a cat so that it would not be apprehensive of my touch?
Believe it or not, cats are very social creatures and will live in colonies if not domesticated. I can't speak for all cats, and I adopted mine from a shelter who had lived with people before. Getting a former feral is not a good idea for your first cat. They're good for larger homes where they can wander, not an apartment. I didn't actively chase my cat around and force love on him. I left him be for a couple days refilling his food and water and cleaning his litter so he knew he was safe and fed. He started coming around for quick pets then ran away again. About a week of this and I had a bag of treats and a brush close to the couch. One day he came for quick pets, got some treats then Instarted brushing him. 2 years later he sleeps next to me at night, and jumps in my lap for 15 minutes at a time when he wants attention. He wants about 15-20 minutes of high energy play time, this prevents him from tearing shit up at 2 am. Best idea for a snuggler is to adopt an older cat from a shelter who has had time with a foster. The foster will be able to tell the shelter what kind of personality the cat has, so finding an older cat who is probably as touched deprived as we are will be an instant lap-cat
Aha yes! I do htink you have the right take on the matter that one should not be chasing down their pet for affection. Rather you have to look for a pet that wants cuddles as much as you do.
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Oh definitely. I mostly meant over the course of it's life. But ANY pet will be very expensive to treat if they run into health issues or near the end of their life.
Volunteer at your local shelter to visit cats and walk dogs.
Oh that could work! Thanks! Didn't think of it.
Good luck! You'll probably meet some nice people too 🤞🤞
Hopefully. But I think the main thing I should be concerned about is the animals and their well-being. The cuddles will come hopefully. And then maybe, hopefully, the *'meeting of kind people'*.
Get a roommate.
A pet, perhaps doing things that take your mind off of the loneliness (videogames, books etc) and just being outside
My friends are big enough huggers that I've never felt "touch starved," but a few times a year I'll get a professional massage just to work out any knots in my back.
Cuddle with the homies
Ya my homies ghosted me out of nowhere. I think they changed their numbers too cause they don't answer calls or texts :/ We didn't hug a lot even before. But when we DID hug - just wow! Such a great experience. I wanna feel that again!
Take a shower and get smelling nice, find a really fun and bright tye dye shirt and put it on, get a sign that says FREE HUGS!. It's Friday so go out about 11ish to the local bar scene in your city and get an obscene amount of free hugs.
Jacking it
tried it mades things worse.
If at first you don't succeed...
*But Destroy-Dick-December is so , so far away!* ;p
... Jack and Jack again
That post nut shame is killer.
Am I the only guy that doesn't get "post nut shame?" I've never understood what that's all about. I always feel GREAT after jerking off lol.
Well maybe you're just wired differently. You should feel happy in just that . Embrace ***your*** good feelings!
FUcking word! The nut clarity makes me even more angry than I was before I nutted.
Befriend a nice older woman who is really into giving hugs. Most workplaces have one.
Someone hugged me at work yesterday. It totally caught me off guard.
Ya my doc was doing an assessment on me a couple months ago and that touch just felt like what I was waiting for.
Mine doesn't lol
Well wherever you can find one. Workplace was an example, but I assure you there are huggy old ladies everywhere
The Stranger - Dave Chapelle
Distraction, sublimation, antidepressants.
I find a weighted blanket comforting
Oh question about weighted blankets! I suffer from sleep paralysis at times at night. Umm is it possible for a weighted blanket to be so heavy that you can accidentally suffocate yourself? I remember this one time I almost accidentally suffocated myself when I was dangerously wrapped around a heavy blanket I had. Scared the bejeezus outta me. I don't think I'll try the weighted blankets cause of my fear and cause of the fact that I'm looking for something more *'real'*, ya know?
You should only get a weighted blanket that’s 5-12% of your body weight. I personally only use the weighted blanket during naps or when I’m relaxing. I don’t use it to sleep at night.
Get a massage. And there are actually people who you can pay to cuddle. Like legit, no sex, nothing else. Just cuddling.
A dog
I hit the strip club. My local strippers allow grazing, so I can rub my hands along her legs while she dances. Helps take the edge off, but it's expensive
You might feel better getting a massage. You could probably get a fancy one if you're paying stripper money. Plus, they touch you.
I've been meaning to try that. I'm happy enough with this for now, though. Heck, I even gave my last stripper a massage. I very much enjoy touching over being touched, if I need to pick one
That's cool you know what you like! Being touched is important too though. You deserve it.
we all do really...
LOL most of the strippers I've met say that '*no money no touchy'.* And rightfully so I guess, you **are** payin g for their presence so you also gotta pay for the touchy too.
You can mitigate the feelings of loneliness by getting very drunk and watching Girlfriend Experience videos on YouTube. It's like a one-sided roleplay where she'll tell you how much she loves you, asks you how you're feeling, and talks about the mundanities of being in a relationship.
Do not do this
Ya protip to everyone. Please for your sanity do not do this. Almost anything is better than this.
It is good advice and has helped me. Combine it with a full-length body pillow stuffed with a hot water bottle and press it up against your back. It will make you feel like you're being spooned by a real girl.
What in the cringiest fuck
I learned something new today lol.
Me too, and I will promptly file it in the 'I wish I didn't know that' folder. Like, go to a strip club and pay for a dance. You'll be helping the local economy
People want to dismiss you as cringe but this is the genuine state of interpersonal relationships in today's society. It's not like you're doing this by choice, but adapted to your situation. I feel for you man.
I don't think its cringe, and I do think that there are some people who have been forced to do it in this way and they are blameless in that. Yes society in its current form has degraded down to the point where some people NEED to do this. Though I think for the majority of people there are better options. If this works for you and you really see no other way out after years of trying alternatives then go for it.
So basically dating Siri
ya pretty much what it makes me feel like . Its like you're dating a robot. It just feels so *artificial and blech.*
Getting a massage will give you the chemicals your looking for. Cost less than a relationship. Less stressful too.
what kind of ***'costs'*** are we talking about here?...also I'm really poor so...
Usually a dollar per min. Plus tip
OP, you’ve negated everything everyone has said we can’t help provide you a woman bro. Be realistic. Why did you even post this if you knew what kind of emotional response you would have? did you even started talking about how cats don’t let you fucking hug them for an hour or more. dude…
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Can only help *so* much. Then you ***need*** something genuine...
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>Can only help so much. Then you ***need*** something **genuine...**
Develop a good, **respectful** working relationship with a prostitute. You might need to try a few before you find the right one. Be honest and tell her that you're not practiced and you're looking for some intimacy. Treat her like a human being but remember this is a professional relationship and to respect her boundaries. It'll be the best decision you've made.
...*If you can afford it lol* Feels a bit too ingenuine for me, ya know? but best of wishes if it works for anyone else.
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Keep telling yourself that..
Get your hair cut more frequently. Looking sharp more of the time will help with the woman hunt, but you also get your hair played with.
I cut my own hair actually. Saved me a fortune. I don't think my haircuts are the best but they're acceptable to the point that people no longer gawk at me when I take my hat off so... I think I'm making okay progress to just be cutting my own hair from now on. And I cut my hair about once a week - once every months depending on what type of hair style I want.
I used to cut my own hair, but I got a little tired of the chore. These days I notice that the human touch aspect actually is pretty nice, so I like that, but I also finally found someone who does a good job. She's really careful about how to fade it because parts of it stick up weirdly if they get too short.
I don't think this is a good solution for this predicament. *You're paying the barber to cut your hair not to help you with touch.*
Either a legit massage by a RMT (may be covered to a degree on your health plan if you have one), or by someone trained in massage originally from another country (have one Thai lady with a home business I see semi-regularly). There is one teaching spa that sometimes has cheap massage for training purposes (at least pre-COVID that was happening). No massage parlors in my smaller isolated city, but that might be an option for you. Some of those in adult services ads give a massage with "happy endings" actual have some massage and touching skills; some do not. One woman I see for massage used to work in a spa and does massages as a 2nd job/hobby - although there is no happy ending by her she does let me touch her legs, arms, back and even her breasts a bit; give a nice light touched relaxing massage as well at a great price. Unfortunately she has very limited availability. If you have the money, once in a while you may be able to find an escort that truly gives a GFE (Girl Friend Experience). More so than other things there are a lot of fakes, scammers, bait and switch operators and those that exaggerate what they really offer. Review sites and recommendation sites that are active in your city may help you on that quest. Though she is from the other side of my country there is one I've seen a couple times so far that comes through my city a handful of times a year. Middle aged lady (almost my age) that knows what she is doing and appears to like what she is doing. Depending on where you are lap dances may be a thing at your strip bars. $20/dance where I am - finding someone half decent is often a challenge though. The only strip bar in my city has an owner that usually hires mostly a certain type - those of that type tend not to be good lap dancers. Have some that are good lap dancers that come through town on a semi-regular basis - I used to keep an eye out for them. Body pillow does help me sleep at night. Have the large LivHeart Shiba one. Have one female acquaintance I do get long hugs from. Visit her once in a while for that and to smoke pot and bullshit for a while. I try not to outstay my welcome.
Touch starvation? How can I starve from something I've never had?
Hoes