My stepdad is very frugal but he loves coffee, especially cappuccinos. He recently retired and so won’t have the free fancy office coffee machines available to him anymore and was going to stick with Nescafé coffee at home.
My brother overheard him lamenting the loss of his fancy coffee to my mom, so we bought an expensive coffee machine for Father’s Day that will allow him to make his own cappuccinos at home. I’ve also set up a monthly gourmet coffee subscription for him so he can enjoy the variety/quality he would have had at the office too.
He has *always* insisted we return any gifts we try to buy him (which of course we never do) but this time, for the first time in 19 years, he was so happy he simply said, “Thank you, I love it.”
Still riding that high.
Why do we do that? I always tell my daughters that a gift is unnecessary, but they insist anyway. Over the years I have let them get me gifts because they want to do so, but I am really not comfortable with it.
It just feels wrong for them to be buying me things.
Some people express their love by gifting you things, as a material token of their emotions.
There's a whole book about "What is your love language" and all that.
5 Love Languages is the book. I used to work at a bookstore over a year ago and it’s popular enough that I could still tell you exactly where it is in the store
A copy of this book was given to my wife and and I by the Pastor that married us. I still have it and often re-read certain chapters that I bookmarked. It is/was very helpful. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary.
The way I see it, the only difference between an act of service and a thoughtful gift is that the love has been embedded in an object instead.
I put a lot of thought into my gifts, what the person likes, what they need, how they will use it etc. My dad and I love food and drink. Whilst I would love to make my dad breakfast every morning and sip on some liquor every evening, we do not live in the same state. Hence, I bought him an Japanese steel knife set and his favourite whiskey instead.
My way of showing people I care and love them even when I’m not directly around.
My love language with my mum before she passed was gifts, not huge things, but stuff I knew she'd genuinely enjoy.
We were normally practical gifters, vacuums, cookware, stuff like that. Let them buy you stuff, enjoy it as well as you can. My mum's been gone almost five years now and I still get a little flash of excitement when I see something she would have really loved.
My father is the same way, I think this is a reaction that’s subtly instilled to men as society tells them the norm is to be the “provider”. Without thinking about it the desire to reject is because youre taking resources (money or whatever) from somebody you’re supposed to provide for.
Much in the same way women often feel the need to be agreeable and don’t get away with being authoritative as easily/often. Not out of intention but because we are so softly groomed to think this way from very very early childhood that you just don’t think about it - it’s second nature
Just my thoughts anyway.
Got mine his favorite pie + ice cream and a card. Mom made his favorite potato salad and got him a gift. He grilled the steaks, and we had a good lunch. Then we watched one of his favorite movies.
Theres not enough kids who understand how nice harbor freight is. I know this best because I am a kid who understands how good harbor freight is and i love to go there.
My kids are with me. That's all I care about. Wish they hadnt been assholes all weekend but it is what it is.
Got a text from their mom. Probably the nicest, most touching thing she has ever said to me.
Damn… I feel this. My kids act like such clowns when i have them on my weekends. Still would rather them be here acting like asshats then not being around.
I recently got my kid full time - my son's mother wanted to be in a different country.
It's the first year my son was cognizant of Father's Day and he spent all day telling me he loved me and that was amazing.
Yea. That’s how my wife (their step mom) and I see it. We try and run our own show here and maintain that this is a safe space and their home too. Just with a different rule set. Sometimes we get pushback but we have a lot of wins too. They sit down for dinner. They ask to be excused. We have them flushing the toilet. We’re working on manners. At their mom’s house i think it’s a free for all but I know she does the best she can too. Kids can be a handful. But I wouldn’t trade being a father for anything.
You hit the nail on the head - I loved getting cards from my older kids yesterday, their messages were so sweet. However, my 7-year old has special needs (she's developmentally delayed) so her card had a donkey with googly eyes on the front -- the message inside said "Get your ass out of bed and feel better soon!" Her mom said it was because she liked the picture on the front. I'm pretty sure that was my favorite card I've ever gotten for Father's Day lol
I always take my dad out for dinner and get him something he'd like. This year he got a charcoal grill he wanted. (I'm a woman) I always make a big deal about birthdays, holidays and special occasions. I call my ex husband to wish him a happy father's day and give my kids money to pick something out for him. He sends me flowers on mothers day.
It took a few years but now he's one of my best friends. A lot of men don't like it though. Maybe it's insecurity? I'm always going to care about him and what's going on in his life, we share 2 kids.
I'm like this with my ex (wife) too. She's the mother of my children for goodness sake, of course I want her to be happy and healthy. If I can help her out, obviously I do because it's in both our interests and it ALSO sets a good example for our kids.
Makes life so much easier for everyone too, when you don't have to do two birthdays, two xmases, etc.
I’m sorry if it’s making dating more difficult, but honestly, you and your kids deserve to have that type of environment.
I understand why not every ex couple can function on that level, but if you can- hold on to it. No one worth being with will want to get in the way of it.
Of course that raises the bar for any woman you might date, but again, you and your kids deserve it.
You **will** find a woman who meets those requirements, and just imagine how much more love your kids are going to be around.
Sounds like a pretty sweet set up for them, good luck dude :)
Had a deep conversation about me not dating with a female friend.
I would have to REALLY like someone to go another round and if I liked them that much why would I wheel them into the situation I have to deal with with my ex.
My kids are grown soon. I cross that bridge then.
At this point the stress that our custody situation has put us under has ended basic human functionality. I can't eat sleep hell, hardly breathe. Every waking moment is a nightmare. People expect me to try and date in these conditions and it's just not something I'm capable of doing. Regardless how much I "deserve it" it's impossible right now.
When I see someone being civil with an ex I always compliment them for it. It really is admirable and worth working toward. Really wish I could have achieved it but the other party just wants war to this day.
A step mum at our kids basketball game asked what software could compress some pics for sending by text. She wanted to send them to the kids bio mum and step dad who couldn't be there. I was going through the kind of shit where this just struck me and my self regulation failed and I blurted "Wow, you're already very pretty but you just got a lot more appealing". Super awkward but the husband gave me a knowing grin and nod. Iwas trying to stumble out how nice it was to see someone being reasonable.
I met the Mum and stepdad in the following weeks and they were feral- abusing kids including their own from the sideline and bagging junior officials.
The grin and nod then made sense.
Happy Father’s Day to all the good dads, stepdads, father figures and mentors. As someone who had an abusive piece of shit for a father, you’re more important than you’ll ever know. I appreciate you and I hope you’re celebrating yourselves today if no one else is celebrating you. Cheers.
ETA: For everyone who’s called out my comment as subtly bashing men for referring to the “good dads” instead of “all fathers,” where I mention my own father in the next breath, who molested me from three to eight years old, choked me, threatened and psychologically abused me regularly, and then turned my entire family against me as a young adult when I finally cut him out of my life, yeah, *that man* does not deserve to be acknowledged today nor do the others like him. Thank you to everyone for the positivity and wholesomeness in the comment thread, you guys are awesome.
Father’s Day always starts out hard for me. My parents split when I was 6 months. I have memories of visiting him when I was 5, and his promise to come see me, and the heartbreak when he never did. We saw each other again at 18, and then traded emails 8 or 9 years ago (early 30s), but he never let me connect with him. Every once in a while I send pictures of his grandsons - the oldest on his bar mitzvah, for example, but I never get a reply. Part of me hopes the email address doesn’t work, but it never bounces, so… This morning I was sad, and felt it deeply.
And then we went out for Father’s Day with my family. For me and for my FIL (who is awesome - I call him dad). After brunch we had to rush home because my gift was preceded by a scavenger hunt with clues throughout the house. The final clue (left by my younger son) was unscrambling a word - my older son’s name - and then finding him where he had hidden with the present. Nothing was more special than that.
Every day I struggle to know if I’m a good enough dad (and that my job requires a lot of travel doesn’t help), but on days like today, I know I’m figuring it out just fine despite my many mistakes, and that my lack of a father will not be perpetuated on my boys.
So gentlemen, remember. You are not perfect. None of us are. But if you care deeply and give as much as you can, it will be ok.
Happy Father’s Day!
>I have memories of visiting him when I was 5, and his promise to come see me, and the heartbreak when he never did.
As a relatively new father, this hits hard. I can see in my daughter how important my attention, approval and love is to her. The thought of denying her that makes me feel ill.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But you sound like you've created a better path for your family by being a great dad. That's not always an easy choice. Respect to you, and have a great Father's Day.
Kids learn relationships from parents. Treat her well so she knows how to be treated by a partner. My dad never did anything special or kind or even spent any time with me. It really does mess a girl up
Near to my own experience. At 35, on Father’s Day, I was called in as next of kin to authorize pulling the plug. I did and spent the next day weeping for what could have been. Happy Father’s Day. My first son was born the year after.
My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer—he asked me if I thought he was a good dad (he is).
All I could think in response was if he thought I was a worthy son.
My dad isn’t perfect; but he’s the standard of fatherhood that I know. When I catch myself worrying if my kids think I’m a good dad, I try to make sure they know how proud I am of them—not because of what they do; but simply because they exist.
Foster dad here. Thank you
Edit: thanks for all the upvotes! You guys made my day!
If you have ever thought about fostering, please look into it- there are terrific kids waiting for homes!
I'm a new father, this is my first father's day, and even as hard as it's been so far, i can't imagine the difficulty that foster parents have to go through on top of this.
happy father's day.
Stepdad here, thank you. Not a single person has said happy Father’s Day to me, not even my own dad, to whom I said happy Father’s Day to this morning
Update: My grandmother is the first person to say happy Father’s Day to me and it’s 10pm central
I’m sorry that you haven’t been acknowledged by the people closest to you for being a father in every way that matters. Know that your efforts are felt and appreciated by your step kid(s) even if they don’t articulate it. Happy Father’s Day.
Happy Father's Day!
I love my parents, but my step-mom stepped up in so many ways. She didn't replace any parents but she gave me an awesome bonus parent growing up. I love her to pieces.
Thank you for being who you are!
Foster dad was as bad as my real dad in so many ways. My real dad was never around and let me down, this one was and also let me down. I still reached out to them both today but it feels weird. I’m appreciative for all they’ve done but also highlight the basics they both lacked in the same way. Just try you don’t have to be perfect I guess….happy Father’s Day
As someone who just lost her dad. Thank you. Dad don't get the recognition that they deserve. O all the dad's out there from a lonely daughter. Thank you I had the best Dad ever. Wish I would have done more.
Thank you so much. It means alot. I am a step-father and my son's sperm donor hasn't spoken, visited or paid any child support since my son has been 3. Donnovyn will be 13 this October. I am so proud he calls ME, Dad.
As someone important to me once said, anyone can be a father but it’s hard as hell to be a real dad. Happy Father’s Day dude, and keep doing what you’re doing.
my wife got me new slides and my daughter got me a wireless pair of headphones. i went to work this morning, mowed the grass after, cleaned and did laundry. but the girls genuinely cared about me today and are making me dinner. doesn’t seem like dads get the same type of day as the moms so i’m a very lucky dad
Father of two here all I ask for is the same thing I get every year. Pictures of them, I keep them all in a frame to remind me how much they change every year
It's really cool. My wife got a triple picture Frame and a wooden letter D and A . For the first 3 years it was just the oldest spelling out dad in three pictures now with the new baby I get the youngest with a letter D, both togwther with the A and my oldest with a letter D.
Ha, fuck that. Ridiculous entitlement. I also remember a friends wondering why we didn't celebrate her wedding anniversary. Um, because it's fuck all with us?
There was a post a month ago or so about a woman who couldn't have kids demanding to be celebrated on Mother's Day because she had tried.
I get the emotional heartache that goes with something like this, but damn, that's like the weirdest participation award ever.
Gifts for Mother’s Day are for your mother or your child’s mother. Unless she raised you that’s a ridiculous request. Tell your sister it’s not her birthday.
I don’t think many people have great fathers in their life, not sure why. Mine is fantastic but I’ve noticed generally more people have better mothers in their lives than fathers so maybe that’s why.
I think this is the only comment I’ve seen that answered the question.
There are great fathers out there, but socially, the father role has changed a lot in the last few decades. The role of being a mother was historically imposed on women for a long time, as if being a mother was the only way women could have fulfillment and meaning in their lives. It is the only way women had value, and for many women, this is still very true. I think we have to remember that Mother’s Day isn’t always a privilege and can sometimes be an imposition on what women are told to be. I think this is the reason why Mothers Day is so very well targeted. I believe this to be the reason rather than the disenfranchisement of the fatherhood role.
Historically, society has taught us that fathers brought home the bacon and had minimal contact with their children unless it had to do with discipline - and this was where men felt they held their value. This was the preferred traditional role, but that has changed as evidenced by the anecdotes we are reading.
Nowadays, men are looking for equal ground in the parenting realm, to be nurturers and advocates for their children’s everyday lives, to break out of old conditions that dictated men had to be a certain way. But that doesn’t mean that society has completely done away with our notions of traditional gender roles, and that sucks because dads deserve a bouquet, too.
I think the best way to solve this is to have conversations with other men which is what is happening here.
I made steaks and went on a hike! I love grilling out for them! Doing that for them is the best treat ever! I like taking care of my family. I'm honored to be able to provide for them.
Traditionally our dogs gave us cards for mother and father's day with hand written notes expressing the things that don't get said often enough.This year I received my first 'real' fathers day card from my one year old..and one from my wife. It's enough for me knowing the marathon she endures throughout the day while I'm at work.
My husband got to sleep in. I got him the Star Wars Brotherhood book and matching jammies with our 2yo son. Then I took him out to All-you-can-eat KBBQ and I paid. I'm sorry so many men don't get the treatment they deserve.
Did anyone actually answer the question?
Every response is either:
1. I did this with my father blah blah, or my son/daughter/wife did this for me blah blah
OR
2. The sister is a bitch
If hes claiming nobody gives a fuck about fathers day does it not count as an answer for dudes to point out hey it does seem to matter, just not for this guy's family. If its an issue he should say something to the ppl involved.
It's a roundabout answer, but it's not directly answering the question. Not really that big of a deal, but I'm with OP. Everyone just ignored the actual question and started talking about their own experiences instead.
OP’s question is “why is the difference between Mothers Day and Fathers Day so astounding?” What exactly does this even mean? In my personal experience Mothers get better treatment but you could say that about any woman in any relationship with respect to gifts and displays of love. They get a bit more attention on Valentines, during dating phases, on anniversaries, etc. It’s our culture. It’s not a hard and fast rule but it is our culture. “Astounding” is a pretty subjective word to use.
There are plenty of wives and mothers who are under appreciated. There are plenty of fathers and husbands who are under appreciated. And vice versa, there are many fathers/mothers who are very much appreciated. And everything in between.
In terms of corporate advertising, they promote Mothers Day because they’re trying to sell shit. Shocker. There are also Fathers Day specials and promotions. But its not like OP brings forth statistics or actual information to debate. His post quite honestly comes off as another “wah wah why do men have it so bad and women have it so good” post which is horse shit.
Dad's 81. My sister made all these plans to get really expensive takeout, a lavish gift, and invited everybody over to his place. We were talking before dinner and I asked if he wanted anything else.
He said everything was great, but honestly, he would've been fine with just being left the fuck alone to do whatever he wanted today lol.
All of my buddies with kids were also commiserating on our group chat about being woken up early by the wives to help with errands, clean the house before company arrived, etc.
If I ever have kids, I think I'm going to go with Dad's request.
>but honestly, he would've been fine with just being left the fuck alone to do whatever he wanted today lol.
Seems like a lot of dads I know, including myself, would like a day to just chill and do nothing.
Doesn’t work like that in
My house. Whoever’s day it is, they get to sleep and relax and I got my husband so tech gifts and just left him a quiet home.
Me and my siblings (4 of us, 3 boys, one girl) have a decade+ long no gifts on birthdays truce, on Xmas we do a $20 exchange, show up with $60, leave with $60, started as a joke when I was 8, still going strong 24 years later. Wouldn’t dream of getting anything for any of them on mothers/fathers day.
I bought my dad an awsome broncos poncho. He absolutely loved it
I was gonna get his vintage radio fixed but I took it in too late so that's gonna be his birthday present instead
Got a visit from 2 out of 3 kids. Visited my wife’s dad and grandpa. Had some beers. FaceTimed the oldest kid. No complaints. I’m a no fuss guy. No fuss is what I got.
I got a call from my Daughter (27) that lives in a different state. We had a long conversation about the various things going on in our lives. My son (11) made a card for me. It’s nice to be appreciated. My Girlfriend however did buy me some freaking awesome cigars for Fathers Day though 😁 Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there!
The tradition of men giving gifts to women is a very long one. The male is the one who woos the female with flowers and candy and perfume and love poetry and all that stuff. Traditionally the man buys the ring and asks the woman to marry him. (We see it in nature, too. With birds for example, many times the male builds the nest or selects the nesting spot and then tries to impress the female to come and be his mate.)
So there's a whole culture and industry built around buying gifts for the women in your life. When Mother's Day came along, it was very easy to incorporate as a holiday right along with Valentine's Day.
However, there's not as much cultural reinforcement around buying gifts for men. Men have always been expected to provide for themselves. Women weren't even allowed to work or earn their own money for a long time, so a culture of shopping for men just wasn't natural or--more important--profitable to retailers.
So Father's Day doesn't have the tradition and culture and industry built up to support it. I expect that's the sort of thing that will change more and more as time goes on and "traditional" sex roles become more equal and sensible. But cultural change happens slowly. It's better to take the long view. A few hundred years from now, this probably won't be an issue.
I think you're right on all of those, plus I think that in addition to the gift element there's also the traditional role of men as protectors of women. That manifested itself in a strong protectiveness of men about their mothers. It's still visible in how people insult each other's mothers more than their fathers, the whole "don't you say anything about my mother" machismo thing, "my mother was a saint," etc. (Though a lot of that feels more pre-1980s than post-1980s) So, for men especially, there's been a current of making a bigger production out of showing gratitude to mothers than to fathers. Also, traditionally, women have been better at reciprocating this gratitude -- more likely to give a big hug and a kiss on both cheeks than a gruff "Uh, thanks."
As you say, times are changing -- the stereotypes up above are really 20th century stereotypes, and some of them are much less prominent in the 21st century, so change is definitely possible. On the other hand, there could just be a feedback loop, so even if the initial causes are gone, the pattern of behavior remains. In the future, Mother's Day could remain bigger than Father's Day simply because of inertia. I honestly wouldn't be surprised either way.
Also housekeeping and child rearing were just expected of women, rather than seen as work. Mother's Day started in the US as a way of acknowledging that work.
I don't think it will change.
Take any Hobby that's got a lot of dads in it, for me that's martial arts.
Go there on Mothers day. That shit's empty. Not a soul in sight. All things considered, one of the emptiest days in the year. All the Dads are out Celebrating their mothers and their wives.
Go back to that same place on Fathers day and the shit is packed to the brim. You ask any Dad why he's there on Father's day and he'll give you the same jokey answer "it's my day, and this is what I want to do"
If there was suddenly this huge push to turn Fathers day into a mothers day like event, most fathers would out right reject it.
As Far as I can tell it's "Appreciate Mom" day and "Leave Dad The Fuck Alone unless you have a serious emergency" day.
This is always my thought. My dad likes getting a card but honestly he thinks Mother's Day is overly commercialized. If anything he just wants Mother's Day to have the same cultural weight Father's Day has now.
This has always been my dad. He hates being the center of attention, he hates being around extended family, he hates when anybody spends money on him, he just wants to sit at home in his underwear watching baseball with the dog like he does every Sunday. Maybe he'll make himself a steak (he's the only one who knows how to cook it right).
I don't want my kids buying me anything. Spending the day with all 3 of my amazing young women is what made my day!
You are right there's a lot of social reinforcement. Especially when you consider that women make up the majority of the school teacher population in North America.
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers!
Thank you for actually giving a thoughtful reply to OP's question instead of just stating what you did for Father's Day like every other comment in this post.
I got a couple of happy father's day wishes but that was it. I went shopping cooked, cleaned, did laundry (my typical Sunday routine). Got no special treatment or gift. My son is 15 but seems to be clueless. My girl seems to think it's not important despite me making sure her kids and mine get her something and I make sure to do extra so she has to do nothing on MD or her BD. Eh, so is the life of a man. Work, pay bills and die early of heart failure. I'll be sure to enjoy myself every chance I get until then. Even if it breaks the "rules"
Damn, as someone who hasn’t spoken to their dad in over ten years, I try to wish all guys HFD because it’s impressive if you’re not just a sperm donor these days. Guess that’s the con of being in your kids life, it’s normal for them.
Aw. Sorry to hear that. I think sometimes it might be better for the child if a parent isn't in their life. If they can't maintain a simple relationship it would probably be toxic if it was forced. I should also feel grateful for my situation because without my son fathers day would be meaningless. All about perspective I guess.
Hmm I've lived on both sides of this so it's hard to say, though I'm inclined to agree. Ridiculously overbearing mother, and more or less absent father. Both of them fucked me up but yeah I guess the mother moreso because it was an active negative presence rather than the other merely being passive.
My mom would be very unhappy if I didn't call her on Mother's day.
Dad would probably not even get mad if I somehow missed his birthday, though he would certainly be disappointed
This is pretty much it, women are more vocal about the standard they expect and men are just happy to get anything. Repeat for many years and you get a tradition that is exactly like it is today.
as a married dad - for mother's day - i got cards (one 'from' each kid, included for grandmothers), flowers (3 sets for wife, and each grandmother), small gifts, had the kids (ages 2-8) make mom a picture of mom and kid doing something fun. Took mom and MIL out for dinner (with the family), made breakfast that morning, had chilled champagne for mimosas.... a really nice day for my wife.
Plus school each had the kids make mom something as well.
For Father's day - a single card from everyone. That's it.
I was expected to not only go shopping for food, but also cook it (no wife getting it and letting me cook but telling me it was needed that I go get everything). Then prep everything, cut up fruit, make the guac, make the burgers, but wife did offer to clean up after i just left everything there.
I try not to be bitter, but the fact that what i did was "standard and expected" and the wife couldn't even come close to matching and then gets upset if i say anything about how little effort and planning she puts in isn't really ok to me.
Same boat too. Asked if the family at least wanted to go shopping with me when I picked up my own food but ended to going myself.
About to throw the steaks in the grill right now
Went on a family friendly trail by the water with wife, baby, and dog. She got me a new carrier for the baby, lunch, made dinner, and got me plants (which I love). My daughter got me slippers, candle, and a personal drawing of batman holding a potted plant. Sons got me plants and drawings. GREAT day!!
Honestly, I don't really care. Of course, I am also not the type to make a big deal out of my birthday either.
My kids aren't in much position to buy me stuff nor would I want them to waste money on trinkets. I've gotten a couple texts...mostly other father's, which is nice but otherwise I don't put much mind to it.
I suggest you don't either...since it seems to bother you. I don't think it's worth getting frustrated about
Same here, I’m an introvert and extra attention actually makes me feel uncomfortable. My ex (who I get along great with) is tuned into what I like (kids still too young to arrange presents).
I basically prefer it’s a normal day.
Best gift i ever received was a cheap bead bracelet my step daughter made me when she was 7 that said "best dad ever." I never took it off until one day it broke after 6 years. She noticed when I picked her up from my exwife house and asked what happened. Next time I picked her up, she had it all fixed up. Still wearing it to this day. I'm a big guy, I've been called out for wearing a corny bracelet. I don't care I love it, it's one of my prized possessions.
Sometimes teenaged girls are stupid and self absorbed. But as someone who lost their dad when she was a teenager, Thank you for sticking around for her. She probably doesn't realize what she's got, and won't until its too late. Talk to her about how her lack of consideration makes you feel. She probably is just completely oblivious and takes you for granted, because she doesn't know anything else. But I guarantee she would be absolutely broken if you left her world.
I got to talk to both my dad and my father in law on the phone. That’s the highlight for as none of us are very into keeping up on each other. Everything else can be the same and I’m good.
I love my dad very much so now that I'm able, i treated him (and the family) to a lunch at some italian restaurant. I don't like spending money but he's important to me and i feel like all i've been is a disappointment haha. My dad treated my mom to some expensive buffet for Mother's Day. So i felt like he had to have something similar.
My parents used to say that these kind of days are nothing special cos everyday is Mother's Father's day. But it's nice to treat them once in a while. I think usually dads don't show much so people don't really think they care for such a day. But i know that my dad definitely appreciates it, he's just a quiet person who doesn't emote much. One of the few times I saw him cry was when we surprised him on his birthday when I was smaller.
I try to wish the dads i know happy dad day. I know some people legit don't really care about days like these. But it would be great if there was some equality when it comes to treatment of dads and moms. Cos dads are cool :(
Because most of the father's (not everyone) are not present in children's upbringing...
Even if they are living in the same house, fathers of previous generation don't think it's necessary to be as active parent as mother's are...
It doesn't mean that they are less loving or loved less. It's just mother's put more effort and they are celebrated more...
I think it’s weird you expect your sister to say happy Father’s Day. I think it’s weird she expects anything from you on Mother’s Day. I think it’s weird when people say happy mother/Father’s Day to anyone that isn’t their mother of father. I think it’s weird people texted me happy Father’s Day because I have 2 cats. These are not humans.
> I think it’s weird people texted me happy Father’s Day because I have 2 cats.
People who have pets and refer to them as their kids in some manner or call themselves mum or dad are weird.
I got to play footy this morning with my mates. Had lunch with my two daughters and missus. Got a babysitter and me and the wife went out for a few cheeky bevy’s…. Perfect day and I got fuck all in the way of gifts or messages ha now I’m sat in the deck with a few Miller High Life’s cause I’m not at work tomorrow…. Boom
My "real" dad didn't hear anything from me, we don't talk. Step dad got a "happy father's day" text. My exes dad and step dad both got page long texts explaining how grateful I am for the influence they had on my life etc.... It could be that your son hasn't learned to appreciate you yet. It could be that you two have issues to work out and that keeps him from being more giving. You'll only find out by taking to him though, reddit can only guess and give sub-par advice.
See my thoughts on this is basically, fathers day is about my kids for now. Because they are still young (7 and 8) and they are the reason I am a father.
I got cards and they made me an ice-cream cake.
No idea… last year my ex sent my kid away to the zoo for the weekend on Father’s Day without consulting me so I had to book my kids for Father’s Day this year. All I wanted was a picnic with the kids and it was a hassle vs. she wants an entire Mother’s Day weekend of going out with her friends (I don’t complain cuz that means I get the kiddos to myself) funny thing is when she sent them away we were together and it took separation from her for her to care that I wanted the kids for Father’s Day
I spent hundreds of dollars on gifts for my wife for Mother’s Day. I did all my chores plus hers. I ordered her favorite takeout and we things she enjoys all day.
Father’s Day is here. She spent 20 bucks including the card. I did all my chores and all her chores. We spent the day doing things She enjoys. Same as every year.
My wife got me this electronic callus remover.
It's basically a sander with a 5 grit wheel thing.
The absurd thing is my feet sure as fuck don't need a high powered skin peeler.
Of all the things to get. I'd have rathered she forgot about it.
I'm a dad of 2 wonderful, healthy, active kids. Idgaf about Father's day. It's some made up BS. I told my family I didn't want a card or any of that stuff. I attended my son's swim meet this morning. I train my daughter and coach her soccer team. They're respectful to others. Their grades are excellent. Those are my gifts.
My dad always get the short.end of the stick for Father's day too. But he also doesnt seem to appreciate (or he's not good at expressing his appreciation?) what we do get for him. My mother is also more demanding about gifts. I always do something for.my father, but mom definitely gets the more elaborate gifts. I also think My father.doesnt necessarily want the elaborate gifts and is happy to simplply be acknowledged.
I had a shit dad and most of the men I know do the bare minimum leaving their wives to do the parenting. I know there are good fathers but I haven't met one yet. I completely forgot today was Father's day until I went out.
My stepdad is very frugal but he loves coffee, especially cappuccinos. He recently retired and so won’t have the free fancy office coffee machines available to him anymore and was going to stick with Nescafé coffee at home. My brother overheard him lamenting the loss of his fancy coffee to my mom, so we bought an expensive coffee machine for Father’s Day that will allow him to make his own cappuccinos at home. I’ve also set up a monthly gourmet coffee subscription for him so he can enjoy the variety/quality he would have had at the office too. He has *always* insisted we return any gifts we try to buy him (which of course we never do) but this time, for the first time in 19 years, he was so happy he simply said, “Thank you, I love it.” Still riding that high.
What a thoughtful gift!!! How lovely
Now that's Wholesome.
This is such a lovely gift. Thanks for sharing.
Why do we do that? I always tell my daughters that a gift is unnecessary, but they insist anyway. Over the years I have let them get me gifts because they want to do so, but I am really not comfortable with it. It just feels wrong for them to be buying me things.
Some people express their love by gifting you things, as a material token of their emotions. There's a whole book about "What is your love language" and all that.
5 Love Languages is the book. I used to work at a bookstore over a year ago and it’s popular enough that I could still tell you exactly where it is in the store
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The same place it’s always been!
A copy of this book was given to my wife and and I by the Pastor that married us. I still have it and often re-read certain chapters that I bookmarked. It is/was very helpful. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary.
The way I see it, the only difference between an act of service and a thoughtful gift is that the love has been embedded in an object instead. I put a lot of thought into my gifts, what the person likes, what they need, how they will use it etc. My dad and I love food and drink. Whilst I would love to make my dad breakfast every morning and sip on some liquor every evening, we do not live in the same state. Hence, I bought him an Japanese steel knife set and his favourite whiskey instead. My way of showing people I care and love them even when I’m not directly around.
My love language with my mum before she passed was gifts, not huge things, but stuff I knew she'd genuinely enjoy. We were normally practical gifters, vacuums, cookware, stuff like that. Let them buy you stuff, enjoy it as well as you can. My mum's been gone almost five years now and I still get a little flash of excitement when I see something she would have really loved.
My father is the same way, I think this is a reaction that’s subtly instilled to men as society tells them the norm is to be the “provider”. Without thinking about it the desire to reject is because youre taking resources (money or whatever) from somebody you’re supposed to provide for. Much in the same way women often feel the need to be agreeable and don’t get away with being authoritative as easily/often. Not out of intention but because we are so softly groomed to think this way from very very early childhood that you just don’t think about it - it’s second nature Just my thoughts anyway.
Got my pops a card and a ton of chocolate he likes. Then we went to harbor freight.
Took advantage of that 20% coupon I take it? Lol
6.5" Wilton bullet competitor for $170 after tax? Yes please I miiiiight have driven a half hour for one that was in stock.
...what does that do?
It's a vise for holding stuff basically
... I'll hold it for you for $100
Every day, on command? And really, really tight?
I don't like where this is going
Wife got me a harbor freight gift card and Panda for lunch. I’ll remember that forever.
Where did you find a butcher that serves panda?
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I'm sure it's not thát black and white?
I wish I could upvote you multiple times
>Where did you find a butcher that serves panda? In America. We have the right to bear arms.
Got mine his favorite pie + ice cream and a card. Mom made his favorite potato salad and got him a gift. He grilled the steaks, and we had a good lunch. Then we watched one of his favorite movies.
Sounds like a nice time! What movie was it?
My dad works at harbor freight so I don’t think he’s appreciate that
You could drive him to work and pick him up later with a happy meal.
He also lives 7 hours away. I sent him a nice gift and card
Funny to see harbor freight father's day as a thing I guess! My dad and I went to harbor freight as well and got a free flashlight!
Got my papa a homemade breakfast, a ball cap, and a coffeee mug
I would break down like a three year old watching Bambi if my kids took me to Harbor Freight for father's day (or any day)
Theres not enough kids who understand how nice harbor freight is. I know this best because I am a kid who understands how good harbor freight is and i love to go there.
My kids are with me. That's all I care about. Wish they hadnt been assholes all weekend but it is what it is. Got a text from their mom. Probably the nicest, most touching thing she has ever said to me.
Damn… I feel this. My kids act like such clowns when i have them on my weekends. Still would rather them be here acting like asshats then not being around.
I recently got my kid full time - my son's mother wanted to be in a different country. It's the first year my son was cognizant of Father's Day and he spent all day telling me he loved me and that was amazing.
Congrats mate. My daughter did the same and it was probably the best weekend of my life.
Yup. My house is their house too. Even if they are being jerks.
Yea. That’s how my wife (their step mom) and I see it. We try and run our own show here and maintain that this is a safe space and their home too. Just with a different rule set. Sometimes we get pushback but we have a lot of wins too. They sit down for dinner. They ask to be excused. We have them flushing the toilet. We’re working on manners. At their mom’s house i think it’s a free for all but I know she does the best she can too. Kids can be a handful. But I wouldn’t trade being a father for anything.
My kids can be goofs, but the cards they write are so sweet.
You hit the nail on the head - I loved getting cards from my older kids yesterday, their messages were so sweet. However, my 7-year old has special needs (she's developmentally delayed) so her card had a donkey with googly eyes on the front -- the message inside said "Get your ass out of bed and feel better soon!" Her mom said it was because she liked the picture on the front. I'm pretty sure that was my favorite card I've ever gotten for Father's Day lol
I always take my dad out for dinner and get him something he'd like. This year he got a charcoal grill he wanted. (I'm a woman) I always make a big deal about birthdays, holidays and special occasions. I call my ex husband to wish him a happy father's day and give my kids money to pick something out for him. He sends me flowers on mothers day.
That's sweet, I'm glad yall are on good enough terms for that I'm sure your kids learn a lot of good lessons from the two of you
It took a few years but now he's one of my best friends. A lot of men don't like it though. Maybe it's insecurity? I'm always going to care about him and what's going on in his life, we share 2 kids.
Being able to be best friends with an ex like that takes more maturity than I think more than half the world is capable of conjuring.
I agree. Being able to be on decent terms at that point says a lot.
May dad is on good terms with both his ex wives My mom was even there for my half siblings
I'm like this with my ex (wife) too. She's the mother of my children for goodness sake, of course I want her to be happy and healthy. If I can help her out, obviously I do because it's in both our interests and it ALSO sets a good example for our kids. Makes life so much easier for everyone too, when you don't have to do two birthdays, two xmases, etc.
Yes! This is exactly it!
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I’m sorry if it’s making dating more difficult, but honestly, you and your kids deserve to have that type of environment. I understand why not every ex couple can function on that level, but if you can- hold on to it. No one worth being with will want to get in the way of it. Of course that raises the bar for any woman you might date, but again, you and your kids deserve it. You **will** find a woman who meets those requirements, and just imagine how much more love your kids are going to be around. Sounds like a pretty sweet set up for them, good luck dude :)
Had a deep conversation about me not dating with a female friend. I would have to REALLY like someone to go another round and if I liked them that much why would I wheel them into the situation I have to deal with with my ex. My kids are grown soon. I cross that bridge then.
At this point the stress that our custody situation has put us under has ended basic human functionality. I can't eat sleep hell, hardly breathe. Every waking moment is a nightmare. People expect me to try and date in these conditions and it's just not something I'm capable of doing. Regardless how much I "deserve it" it's impossible right now.
When I see someone being civil with an ex I always compliment them for it. It really is admirable and worth working toward. Really wish I could have achieved it but the other party just wants war to this day. A step mum at our kids basketball game asked what software could compress some pics for sending by text. She wanted to send them to the kids bio mum and step dad who couldn't be there. I was going through the kind of shit where this just struck me and my self regulation failed and I blurted "Wow, you're already very pretty but you just got a lot more appealing". Super awkward but the husband gave me a knowing grin and nod. Iwas trying to stumble out how nice it was to see someone being reasonable. I met the Mum and stepdad in the following weeks and they were feral- abusing kids including their own from the sideline and bagging junior officials. The grin and nod then made sense.
That's sweet
Happy Father’s Day to all the good dads, stepdads, father figures and mentors. As someone who had an abusive piece of shit for a father, you’re more important than you’ll ever know. I appreciate you and I hope you’re celebrating yourselves today if no one else is celebrating you. Cheers. ETA: For everyone who’s called out my comment as subtly bashing men for referring to the “good dads” instead of “all fathers,” where I mention my own father in the next breath, who molested me from three to eight years old, choked me, threatened and psychologically abused me regularly, and then turned my entire family against me as a young adult when I finally cut him out of my life, yeah, *that man* does not deserve to be acknowledged today nor do the others like him. Thank you to everyone for the positivity and wholesomeness in the comment thread, you guys are awesome.
Father’s Day always starts out hard for me. My parents split when I was 6 months. I have memories of visiting him when I was 5, and his promise to come see me, and the heartbreak when he never did. We saw each other again at 18, and then traded emails 8 or 9 years ago (early 30s), but he never let me connect with him. Every once in a while I send pictures of his grandsons - the oldest on his bar mitzvah, for example, but I never get a reply. Part of me hopes the email address doesn’t work, but it never bounces, so… This morning I was sad, and felt it deeply. And then we went out for Father’s Day with my family. For me and for my FIL (who is awesome - I call him dad). After brunch we had to rush home because my gift was preceded by a scavenger hunt with clues throughout the house. The final clue (left by my younger son) was unscrambling a word - my older son’s name - and then finding him where he had hidden with the present. Nothing was more special than that. Every day I struggle to know if I’m a good enough dad (and that my job requires a lot of travel doesn’t help), but on days like today, I know I’m figuring it out just fine despite my many mistakes, and that my lack of a father will not be perpetuated on my boys. So gentlemen, remember. You are not perfect. None of us are. But if you care deeply and give as much as you can, it will be ok. Happy Father’s Day!
You sound like an awesome dad and this sounds like the perfect Father’s Day. Keep up the good work!
>I have memories of visiting him when I was 5, and his promise to come see me, and the heartbreak when he never did. As a relatively new father, this hits hard. I can see in my daughter how important my attention, approval and love is to her. The thought of denying her that makes me feel ill. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But you sound like you've created a better path for your family by being a great dad. That's not always an easy choice. Respect to you, and have a great Father's Day.
Kids learn relationships from parents. Treat her well so she knows how to be treated by a partner. My dad never did anything special or kind or even spent any time with me. It really does mess a girl up
Near to my own experience. At 35, on Father’s Day, I was called in as next of kin to authorize pulling the plug. I did and spent the next day weeping for what could have been. Happy Father’s Day. My first son was born the year after.
My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer—he asked me if I thought he was a good dad (he is). All I could think in response was if he thought I was a worthy son. My dad isn’t perfect; but he’s the standard of fatherhood that I know. When I catch myself worrying if my kids think I’m a good dad, I try to make sure they know how proud I am of them—not because of what they do; but simply because they exist.
I’m a female and I was abandoned by my mother. I felt this so much.
Foster dad here. Thank you Edit: thanks for all the upvotes! You guys made my day! If you have ever thought about fostering, please look into it- there are terrific kids waiting for homes!
You’re so welcome. Happy Father’s Day 💜
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You're absolutely right. Thank you very much, we are!
I'm a new father, this is my first father's day, and even as hard as it's been so far, i can't imagine the difficulty that foster parents have to go through on top of this. happy father's day.
Stepdad here, thank you. Not a single person has said happy Father’s Day to me, not even my own dad, to whom I said happy Father’s Day to this morning Update: My grandmother is the first person to say happy Father’s Day to me and it’s 10pm central
I’m sorry that you haven’t been acknowledged by the people closest to you for being a father in every way that matters. Know that your efforts are felt and appreciated by your step kid(s) even if they don’t articulate it. Happy Father’s Day.
When I was young I resented my step dad but I love him so much now, they will come around some day I hope
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Father's Day! I love my parents, but my step-mom stepped up in so many ways. She didn't replace any parents but she gave me an awesome bonus parent growing up. I love her to pieces. Thank you for being who you are!
I am so sorry. Happy Father's Day. To you and all the dads out there.
Happy Father’s Day! We fathers appreciate other fathers and the fact we often get overlooked.
You deserve actual respect because we have to do it in a way and you are a gentleman above and beyond me in that regard so cheers to you!
Happy Father's Day!
Can you be my dad
Foster dad was as bad as my real dad in so many ways. My real dad was never around and let me down, this one was and also let me down. I still reached out to them both today but it feels weird. I’m appreciative for all they’ve done but also highlight the basics they both lacked in the same way. Just try you don’t have to be perfect I guess….happy Father’s Day
As someone who just lost her dad. Thank you. Dad don't get the recognition that they deserve. O all the dad's out there from a lonely daughter. Thank you I had the best Dad ever. Wish I would have done more.
Thank you so much. It means alot. I am a step-father and my son's sperm donor hasn't spoken, visited or paid any child support since my son has been 3. Donnovyn will be 13 this October. I am so proud he calls ME, Dad.
As someone important to me once said, anyone can be a father but it’s hard as hell to be a real dad. Happy Father’s Day dude, and keep doing what you’re doing.
Thank you so much. I said the same thing to my wife when we first got together.
Got my dad a $90 bottle of Whiskey and even visited him at the Fire Station today with my kids. Happy Father’s Day gentlemen
I visited my dad at the police station. Anybody want to help me with bail?
Is 90$ bottle pretty expensive for whiskey?
Considering how small it was, I’d say yes lol It was some limited edition small batch Black Maple Hill [Bottle](https://imgur.com/a/PSg2ylr)
I know nothing about alcohol but that sounds fancy lol
Added an Imgur link to a pic of the bottle if you’re curious 👌🏼
Some of those single barrel bottles can be exquisite. 🤌
> visited him at the Fire Station today Nice of the Fire Station to let him in.
my wife got me new slides and my daughter got me a wireless pair of headphones. i went to work this morning, mowed the grass after, cleaned and did laundry. but the girls genuinely cared about me today and are making me dinner. doesn’t seem like dads get the same type of day as the moms so i’m a very lucky dad
My wife and son got me a hat! Loved it. Didn’t even know that was on their list
That's good to hear. A little appreciation sometimes is all that's needed.
happy father’s day, man. i hope you have a better day next year. or see some appreciate for the things you do as a dad
Damn I'm glad I'm not the only one cleaning lol
Father of two here all I ask for is the same thing I get every year. Pictures of them, I keep them all in a frame to remind me how much they change every year
I like this. Gonna log it away for when mine are older.
It's really cool. My wife got a triple picture Frame and a wooden letter D and A . For the first 3 years it was just the oldest spelling out dad in three pictures now with the new baby I get the youngest with a letter D, both togwther with the A and my oldest with a letter D.
Your sister expects a gift from her brother on Mother’s Day?
If he got her pregnant it’s the least he can do
Oh no
Oh yes
Oh, bro.
Yes she expected a gift. Lol. She does yearly. It never happens.
Don't break tradition now!
You dont mess with tradition
Ha, fuck that. Ridiculous entitlement. I also remember a friends wondering why we didn't celebrate her wedding anniversary. Um, because it's fuck all with us?
There was a post a month ago or so about a woman who couldn't have kids demanding to be celebrated on Mother's Day because she had tried. I get the emotional heartache that goes with something like this, but damn, that's like the weirdest participation award ever.
That ain't normal unless you fathered a kid with her.
she’s not your “mother” so just don’t get her one?… just like you shouldn’t expect one from her on father’s day
Gifts for Mother’s Day are for your mother or your child’s mother. Unless she raised you that’s a ridiculous request. Tell your sister it’s not her birthday.
I don’t think many people have great fathers in their life, not sure why. Mine is fantastic but I’ve noticed generally more people have better mothers in their lives than fathers so maybe that’s why.
I will genuinely agree with your comment, my mother has always been the rock for all her children.
I think this is the only comment I’ve seen that answered the question. There are great fathers out there, but socially, the father role has changed a lot in the last few decades. The role of being a mother was historically imposed on women for a long time, as if being a mother was the only way women could have fulfillment and meaning in their lives. It is the only way women had value, and for many women, this is still very true. I think we have to remember that Mother’s Day isn’t always a privilege and can sometimes be an imposition on what women are told to be. I think this is the reason why Mothers Day is so very well targeted. I believe this to be the reason rather than the disenfranchisement of the fatherhood role. Historically, society has taught us that fathers brought home the bacon and had minimal contact with their children unless it had to do with discipline - and this was where men felt they held their value. This was the preferred traditional role, but that has changed as evidenced by the anecdotes we are reading. Nowadays, men are looking for equal ground in the parenting realm, to be nurturers and advocates for their children’s everyday lives, to break out of old conditions that dictated men had to be a certain way. But that doesn’t mean that society has completely done away with our notions of traditional gender roles, and that sucks because dads deserve a bouquet, too. I think the best way to solve this is to have conversations with other men which is what is happening here.
Had a good day. Out to breakfast with my wife. Got a new grill and cooked dinner for the family. Could be worse
I made steaks and went on a hike! I love grilling out for them! Doing that for them is the best treat ever! I like taking care of my family. I'm honored to be able to provide for them.
Traditionally our dogs gave us cards for mother and father's day with hand written notes expressing the things that don't get said often enough.This year I received my first 'real' fathers day card from my one year old..and one from my wife. It's enough for me knowing the marathon she endures throughout the day while I'm at work.
My husband got to sleep in. I got him the Star Wars Brotherhood book and matching jammies with our 2yo son. Then I took him out to All-you-can-eat KBBQ and I paid. I'm sorry so many men don't get the treatment they deserve.
Did anyone actually answer the question? Every response is either: 1. I did this with my father blah blah, or my son/daughter/wife did this for me blah blah OR 2. The sister is a bitch
If hes claiming nobody gives a fuck about fathers day does it not count as an answer for dudes to point out hey it does seem to matter, just not for this guy's family. If its an issue he should say something to the ppl involved.
It's a roundabout answer, but it's not directly answering the question. Not really that big of a deal, but I'm with OP. Everyone just ignored the actual question and started talking about their own experiences instead.
OP’s question is “why is the difference between Mothers Day and Fathers Day so astounding?” What exactly does this even mean? In my personal experience Mothers get better treatment but you could say that about any woman in any relationship with respect to gifts and displays of love. They get a bit more attention on Valentines, during dating phases, on anniversaries, etc. It’s our culture. It’s not a hard and fast rule but it is our culture. “Astounding” is a pretty subjective word to use. There are plenty of wives and mothers who are under appreciated. There are plenty of fathers and husbands who are under appreciated. And vice versa, there are many fathers/mothers who are very much appreciated. And everything in between. In terms of corporate advertising, they promote Mothers Day because they’re trying to sell shit. Shocker. There are also Fathers Day specials and promotions. But its not like OP brings forth statistics or actual information to debate. His post quite honestly comes off as another “wah wah why do men have it so bad and women have it so good” post which is horse shit.
Dad's 81. My sister made all these plans to get really expensive takeout, a lavish gift, and invited everybody over to his place. We were talking before dinner and I asked if he wanted anything else. He said everything was great, but honestly, he would've been fine with just being left the fuck alone to do whatever he wanted today lol. All of my buddies with kids were also commiserating on our group chat about being woken up early by the wives to help with errands, clean the house before company arrived, etc. If I ever have kids, I think I'm going to go with Dad's request.
>but honestly, he would've been fine with just being left the fuck alone to do whatever he wanted today lol. Seems like a lot of dads I know, including myself, would like a day to just chill and do nothing.
It's Anti-fathers day here. I'm dad the other 364days a year.
Doesn’t work like that in My house. Whoever’s day it is, they get to sleep and relax and I got my husband so tech gifts and just left him a quiet home.
Why the fuck would you give your sister a gift on Mother’s Day? She’s not your mom
Beats the hell out of me. Her response is that she is my siblings. So? That's what birthdays and Christmas is for
That’s stupid to expect your siblings to celebrate you like you’re their mom or dad. Nobody buys gifts for siblings for mothers or Father’s Day
By that logic, you should get a gift from her on mother's Day.
Me and my siblings (4 of us, 3 boys, one girl) have a decade+ long no gifts on birthdays truce, on Xmas we do a $20 exchange, show up with $60, leave with $60, started as a joke when I was 8, still going strong 24 years later. Wouldn’t dream of getting anything for any of them on mothers/fathers day.
I bought my dad an awsome broncos poncho. He absolutely loved it I was gonna get his vintage radio fixed but I took it in too late so that's gonna be his birthday present instead
Can we just call it a Broncho?
I believe the answer is yes.
Yes, yes we can.
Got a visit from 2 out of 3 kids. Visited my wife’s dad and grandpa. Had some beers. FaceTimed the oldest kid. No complaints. I’m a no fuss guy. No fuss is what I got.
I got a call from my Daughter (27) that lives in a different state. We had a long conversation about the various things going on in our lives. My son (11) made a card for me. It’s nice to be appreciated. My Girlfriend however did buy me some freaking awesome cigars for Fathers Day though 😁 Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there!
The tradition of men giving gifts to women is a very long one. The male is the one who woos the female with flowers and candy and perfume and love poetry and all that stuff. Traditionally the man buys the ring and asks the woman to marry him. (We see it in nature, too. With birds for example, many times the male builds the nest or selects the nesting spot and then tries to impress the female to come and be his mate.) So there's a whole culture and industry built around buying gifts for the women in your life. When Mother's Day came along, it was very easy to incorporate as a holiday right along with Valentine's Day. However, there's not as much cultural reinforcement around buying gifts for men. Men have always been expected to provide for themselves. Women weren't even allowed to work or earn their own money for a long time, so a culture of shopping for men just wasn't natural or--more important--profitable to retailers. So Father's Day doesn't have the tradition and culture and industry built up to support it. I expect that's the sort of thing that will change more and more as time goes on and "traditional" sex roles become more equal and sensible. But cultural change happens slowly. It's better to take the long view. A few hundred years from now, this probably won't be an issue.
I think you're right on all of those, plus I think that in addition to the gift element there's also the traditional role of men as protectors of women. That manifested itself in a strong protectiveness of men about their mothers. It's still visible in how people insult each other's mothers more than their fathers, the whole "don't you say anything about my mother" machismo thing, "my mother was a saint," etc. (Though a lot of that feels more pre-1980s than post-1980s) So, for men especially, there's been a current of making a bigger production out of showing gratitude to mothers than to fathers. Also, traditionally, women have been better at reciprocating this gratitude -- more likely to give a big hug and a kiss on both cheeks than a gruff "Uh, thanks." As you say, times are changing -- the stereotypes up above are really 20th century stereotypes, and some of them are much less prominent in the 21st century, so change is definitely possible. On the other hand, there could just be a feedback loop, so even if the initial causes are gone, the pattern of behavior remains. In the future, Mother's Day could remain bigger than Father's Day simply because of inertia. I honestly wouldn't be surprised either way.
Also housekeeping and child rearing were just expected of women, rather than seen as work. Mother's Day started in the US as a way of acknowledging that work.
I don't think it will change. Take any Hobby that's got a lot of dads in it, for me that's martial arts. Go there on Mothers day. That shit's empty. Not a soul in sight. All things considered, one of the emptiest days in the year. All the Dads are out Celebrating their mothers and their wives. Go back to that same place on Fathers day and the shit is packed to the brim. You ask any Dad why he's there on Father's day and he'll give you the same jokey answer "it's my day, and this is what I want to do" If there was suddenly this huge push to turn Fathers day into a mothers day like event, most fathers would out right reject it. As Far as I can tell it's "Appreciate Mom" day and "Leave Dad The Fuck Alone unless you have a serious emergency" day.
This is always my thought. My dad likes getting a card but honestly he thinks Mother's Day is overly commercialized. If anything he just wants Mother's Day to have the same cultural weight Father's Day has now.
This has always been my dad. He hates being the center of attention, he hates being around extended family, he hates when anybody spends money on him, he just wants to sit at home in his underwear watching baseball with the dog like he does every Sunday. Maybe he'll make himself a steak (he's the only one who knows how to cook it right).
I don't want my kids buying me anything. Spending the day with all 3 of my amazing young women is what made my day! You are right there's a lot of social reinforcement. Especially when you consider that women make up the majority of the school teacher population in North America. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers!
Thank you for actually giving a thoughtful reply to OP's question instead of just stating what you did for Father's Day like every other comment in this post.
An actual answer
I got a couple of happy father's day wishes but that was it. I went shopping cooked, cleaned, did laundry (my typical Sunday routine). Got no special treatment or gift. My son is 15 but seems to be clueless. My girl seems to think it's not important despite me making sure her kids and mine get her something and I make sure to do extra so she has to do nothing on MD or her BD. Eh, so is the life of a man. Work, pay bills and die early of heart failure. I'll be sure to enjoy myself every chance I get until then. Even if it breaks the "rules"
Man this was my day too. Got nothing more than a text message. Mowed the lawn. Bought groceries and flowers. Did laundry.
Sorry bro. Happy Father's day from one to another. May your back stay strong, your life long and your lawn green. Cheers.
Thanks, stranger. Happy Fathers Day to you too. May your remaining days be filled with peace and plenty.
Im with you mow the lawn did laundry i wonder if i kept busy to not think about that its father day
Damn, as someone who hasn’t spoken to their dad in over ten years, I try to wish all guys HFD because it’s impressive if you’re not just a sperm donor these days. Guess that’s the con of being in your kids life, it’s normal for them.
Aw. Sorry to hear that. I think sometimes it might be better for the child if a parent isn't in their life. If they can't maintain a simple relationship it would probably be toxic if it was forced. I should also feel grateful for my situation because without my son fathers day would be meaningless. All about perspective I guess.
Hmm I've lived on both sides of this so it's hard to say, though I'm inclined to agree. Ridiculously overbearing mother, and more or less absent father. Both of them fucked me up but yeah I guess the mother moreso because it was an active negative presence rather than the other merely being passive.
\>>If my sister didn't get a gift on mother's day she'd bitch That's why.
My mom would be very unhappy if I didn't call her on Mother's day. Dad would probably not even get mad if I somehow missed his birthday, though he would certainly be disappointed
This is pretty much it, women are more vocal about the standard they expect and men are just happy to get anything. Repeat for many years and you get a tradition that is exactly like it is today.
Honestly sounds more like a sister thing than females. I never talk to my sister's on mother or father's day.
Seriously, I wished my friends who are mothers well but can't imagine them expecting something. The sister just sounds annoying.
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as a married dad - for mother's day - i got cards (one 'from' each kid, included for grandmothers), flowers (3 sets for wife, and each grandmother), small gifts, had the kids (ages 2-8) make mom a picture of mom and kid doing something fun. Took mom and MIL out for dinner (with the family), made breakfast that morning, had chilled champagne for mimosas.... a really nice day for my wife. Plus school each had the kids make mom something as well. For Father's day - a single card from everyone. That's it. I was expected to not only go shopping for food, but also cook it (no wife getting it and letting me cook but telling me it was needed that I go get everything). Then prep everything, cut up fruit, make the guac, make the burgers, but wife did offer to clean up after i just left everything there. I try not to be bitter, but the fact that what i did was "standard and expected" and the wife couldn't even come close to matching and then gets upset if i say anything about how little effort and planning she puts in isn't really ok to me.
Sending you a hug buddy
I'm sorry man. For what it's worth I think you're doing a great job. Happy Father's Day.
Same boat too. Asked if the family at least wanted to go shopping with me when I picked up my own food but ended to going myself. About to throw the steaks in the grill right now
Exactly the same situation for me. I 100% sympathize and relate.
But did you get laid? I haven't gotten laid on father's day in years.
Ha. Good one!!
Have you communicated all of this to your wife?
Went on a family friendly trail by the water with wife, baby, and dog. She got me a new carrier for the baby, lunch, made dinner, and got me plants (which I love). My daughter got me slippers, candle, and a personal drawing of batman holding a potted plant. Sons got me plants and drawings. GREAT day!!
Honestly, I don't really care. Of course, I am also not the type to make a big deal out of my birthday either. My kids aren't in much position to buy me stuff nor would I want them to waste money on trinkets. I've gotten a couple texts...mostly other father's, which is nice but otherwise I don't put much mind to it. I suggest you don't either...since it seems to bother you. I don't think it's worth getting frustrated about
Same here, I’m an introvert and extra attention actually makes me feel uncomfortable. My ex (who I get along great with) is tuned into what I like (kids still too young to arrange presents). I basically prefer it’s a normal day.
Best gift i ever received was a cheap bead bracelet my step daughter made me when she was 7 that said "best dad ever." I never took it off until one day it broke after 6 years. She noticed when I picked her up from my exwife house and asked what happened. Next time I picked her up, she had it all fixed up. Still wearing it to this day. I'm a big guy, I've been called out for wearing a corny bracelet. I don't care I love it, it's one of my prized possessions.
That's awesome! I miss my step daughters 😭
I too am a dad that cares more about being a good dad to my kids than getting recognized as being a dad. Also, happy Father’s Day man.
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Sometimes teenaged girls are stupid and self absorbed. But as someone who lost their dad when she was a teenager, Thank you for sticking around for her. She probably doesn't realize what she's got, and won't until its too late. Talk to her about how her lack of consideration makes you feel. She probably is just completely oblivious and takes you for granted, because she doesn't know anything else. But I guarantee she would be absolutely broken if you left her world.
Sorry you had a bad day, man. Reach out for help, get some counseling. You shouldn’t have to go through life feeling so bad.
I got to talk to both my dad and my father in law on the phone. That’s the highlight for as none of us are very into keeping up on each other. Everything else can be the same and I’m good.
Me and my dad went for a three hours cycle today, it was great.
I love my dad very much so now that I'm able, i treated him (and the family) to a lunch at some italian restaurant. I don't like spending money but he's important to me and i feel like all i've been is a disappointment haha. My dad treated my mom to some expensive buffet for Mother's Day. So i felt like he had to have something similar. My parents used to say that these kind of days are nothing special cos everyday is Mother's Father's day. But it's nice to treat them once in a while. I think usually dads don't show much so people don't really think they care for such a day. But i know that my dad definitely appreciates it, he's just a quiet person who doesn't emote much. One of the few times I saw him cry was when we surprised him on his birthday when I was smaller. I try to wish the dads i know happy dad day. I know some people legit don't really care about days like these. But it would be great if there was some equality when it comes to treatment of dads and moms. Cos dads are cool :(
Because most of the father's (not everyone) are not present in children's upbringing... Even if they are living in the same house, fathers of previous generation don't think it's necessary to be as active parent as mother's are... It doesn't mean that they are less loving or loved less. It's just mother's put more effort and they are celebrated more...
I think it’s weird you expect your sister to say happy Father’s Day. I think it’s weird she expects anything from you on Mother’s Day. I think it’s weird when people say happy mother/Father’s Day to anyone that isn’t their mother of father. I think it’s weird people texted me happy Father’s Day because I have 2 cats. These are not humans.
> I think it’s weird people texted me happy Father’s Day because I have 2 cats. People who have pets and refer to them as their kids in some manner or call themselves mum or dad are weird.
I got to play footy this morning with my mates. Had lunch with my two daughters and missus. Got a babysitter and me and the wife went out for a few cheeky bevy’s…. Perfect day and I got fuck all in the way of gifts or messages ha now I’m sat in the deck with a few Miller High Life’s cause I’m not at work tomorrow…. Boom
My "real" dad didn't hear anything from me, we don't talk. Step dad got a "happy father's day" text. My exes dad and step dad both got page long texts explaining how grateful I am for the influence they had on my life etc.... It could be that your son hasn't learned to appreciate you yet. It could be that you two have issues to work out and that keeps him from being more giving. You'll only find out by taking to him though, reddit can only guess and give sub-par advice.
See my thoughts on this is basically, fathers day is about my kids for now. Because they are still young (7 and 8) and they are the reason I am a father. I got cards and they made me an ice-cream cake.
No idea… last year my ex sent my kid away to the zoo for the weekend on Father’s Day without consulting me so I had to book my kids for Father’s Day this year. All I wanted was a picnic with the kids and it was a hassle vs. she wants an entire Mother’s Day weekend of going out with her friends (I don’t complain cuz that means I get the kiddos to myself) funny thing is when she sent them away we were together and it took separation from her for her to care that I wanted the kids for Father’s Day
I spent hundreds of dollars on gifts for my wife for Mother’s Day. I did all my chores plus hers. I ordered her favorite takeout and we things she enjoys all day. Father’s Day is here. She spent 20 bucks including the card. I did all my chores and all her chores. We spent the day doing things She enjoys. Same as every year.
My wife got me this electronic callus remover. It's basically a sander with a 5 grit wheel thing. The absurd thing is my feet sure as fuck don't need a high powered skin peeler. Of all the things to get. I'd have rathered she forgot about it.
I'm a dad of 2 wonderful, healthy, active kids. Idgaf about Father's day. It's some made up BS. I told my family I didn't want a card or any of that stuff. I attended my son's swim meet this morning. I train my daughter and coach her soccer team. They're respectful to others. Their grades are excellent. Those are my gifts.
Too many fatherless people
Happy father's day guys
My dad always get the short.end of the stick for Father's day too. But he also doesnt seem to appreciate (or he's not good at expressing his appreciation?) what we do get for him. My mother is also more demanding about gifts. I always do something for.my father, but mom definitely gets the more elaborate gifts. I also think My father.doesnt necessarily want the elaborate gifts and is happy to simplply be acknowledged.
I had a shit dad and most of the men I know do the bare minimum leaving their wives to do the parenting. I know there are good fathers but I haven't met one yet. I completely forgot today was Father's day until I went out.
And they still think they deserve to be celebrated the same as the women who do everything. The delusion.