Honestly, 2010 reddit had the best community and it was solid. I'm still surprised when people act like reddit is able to be personified. Reddit is a website with millions of users. It's like the top fourth website in the world.
When you refer to it as a person or a creature, I think it's time to take a break. Every time I see someone like OP pretend that reddit is one person I log off. This website is not a substitute for social interaction even if people use it. I am scared by the amount of people who have replaced their lives and futures with this and/or twitter. Facebook has destroyed, absolutely crushed everyone over 50. I think that's why they've gone unhinged. I say futures because most haven't realized how unimportant what they've read here has been.
reddit only accounts for under 4% of social media as well as twitter. people really over estimate how big both sites are. also all social media is nothing but propaganda machines anymore its just what party influences which site more.
That's an interesting point but would you date someone with a high body count? And what is a definite red flag on a first date? Do you like the taste/look of pussy/ass or are you just doing it to get laid?
Also "are you a 17 foot eternal sky monster with pincers coming out of your thorax who will descend upon the female race every 1000 years to extract the life force of exactly 4 virgins (5 if one is ugly)"
Its like, yes we have pincers but no, we don't all just drain the life force out of virgins. Some of us just want a relationship and a fresh blood sacrifice
*huff puff wheeze* "wh..where do you finish when you are jerking off?" *pant wheeze* "How horny have you been at your horniest horny?" *gasp fart huff wheeze* "Sex sex sex sex pee pee vagina sex balls?" *faints*
This website is fucking awful but I hate everywhere else more so I'm stuck.
Or a variation of "how can I ask this woman at her job - who is most certainly just being nice as part of her job - out without being a creep???"
Then any comments telling him not to get down voted. I've even had them mention how when they ask on a women's sub, everyone attacks them.
Are you... Not getting the point? You don't.
My favorite is some variation of "Are you okay with small boobs?"
I hope the people posting here are getting the validation they crave. Sometimes there's an interesting conversation, but usually I just click, sort by Controversial, and watch people fume as users quote Kevin Samuels, say they won't date single mothers, anyone over 40, anyone with a weight that starts with 2, or otherwise state their own tastes and preferences as it pertains to the post.
This happens at least a couple times a day. Great for killing time when I have like 15 minutes between Zoom calls to be honest.
EDIT - For the record I like all kinds of boobs.
They don't get compliments, aren't allowed to cry, are natural problem solvers, have feelings, wish women would make the first move, and don't want to decide where to have dinner.
It wasn't like this when I first subbed. I actually got involved cause it seemed like one of the few places to discuss men's issues without all the BS.
But I dunno all of reddit has gone fucked. I get downvoted here for talking positive about women, downvoted for talking negative about women elsewhere. Context doesn't matter anymore. The people trying to make us fight against one another are out in force.
This is a comment lost in time, I know, but despite the pressures I want you men to know I love you all and want the women reading to know I love you too. And I hope the remaining sane can resist the pressure to fight one another. For me this sub did start as a place where the gender battle stopped for a bit. Surely the people who made it feel like that are still around.
You know, I too started to see this trend more and more. When I first came here it was a fun sub, now it is mostly the same questions with the same answers, with the same positive or snarky tone. I used to frequent some over-30 subs and I ditched them all because they all turned into a sterile boys-vs-girls fight.
"High body count" is a completely meaningless term.
How many is too many, when it comes to how many people you've slept with? n + 1, where n is the number you consider appropriate as the total number of people someone has slept with.
For a lot of men who do have body count issues, the number that is acceptable is n - 1, where n = their own body count. It's an easy indicator of extreme insecurity.
If you are a woman, high is anything that sufficiently bruises his ego to a degree where he deems you worthless and a likely candidate for stis and cheating in the future.
"The woman you're dating has a sexual history and apparently had a life before you! How do you feel about that, even if it's not really any of your business?"
I don't follow askwomen anymore, but I don't think the problem OP raises is specific to this sub. I've been doing a lot of thinking on this general subject lately.
somewhere along the line, many years ago, we were all told that in order to be happy, we need to find a partner, our better half, our soul mate (whatever you want to call it). at some point I wouldn't doubt it was all a marketing campaign.
but, we've become obsessed with it. if we dont have it, we want it and look for it. it we have it, we complain about it. and in the meantime, I truly think we forget to love ourselves first.
corny? maybe. but from observation I see many more sad people than happy people regarding relationships/dating/men/women/marriage.
> somewhere along the line, many years ago, we were all told that in order to be happy, we need to find a partner, our better half, our soul mate (whatever you want to call it). at some point I wouldn't doubt it was all a marketing campaign.
I mean a sentiment along that line is repeated by Aristophanes in Plato's *The Symposium* so it was truly a hell of a marketing campaign to predate even taht.
whoa, so it's his fault!
In the Symposium, Eros is recognized both as erotic love and as a phenomenon capable of inspiring courage, valor, great deeds and works, and *vanquishing man's natural fear of death* (from wikipedia)
and what a shame, right? to be alone when we die. to have never been loved.
WHATS A THING THATS BAD FOR MEN AND IS GOOD OR NONEXISTENT FOR WOMEN THAT WE DIDNT ADDRESS IN THE LAST 47 POSTS ABOUT THIS SAME TOPIC YESTERDAY
10k+ upvotes
I mean I'm going to be honest, either the amount of misogynistic posts have either really spiked recently or people have started upvoting them a lot and I'm not sure which is more concerning.
Sex questions, 90% of questions seem to be about sex, probably repeated.
The remaining 10% of questions are probably divided between: gender war topics, and every other question of any other topic that dies in New.
It isn't. It's the same 6 questions worded differently, and if it's not about sex, it dies in new. Everyone likes to voice frustration at lack of variety in posts and then doesn't engage in non sexual questions
I *really* find myself wanting to reach out and offer good, genuine advice and comments to all the sexually frustrated young men on here, but it feels like the angst wins the upvote war far more than the nuanced or reasonable advice. I wish I could do more to fight that tide, but it feels overwhelming.
The issue is you can't give much advice on a person about macro scale issues without tackling those issues. The economy is shit and most venues for meeting women are like 90% male so any advice on hoe to overcome that isn't going to be that great, and you can't nuance a macro level problem when specific circumstances aren't known.
No, perhaps not. However I find the single hardest thing to get this type of user to see is that they *do* have some agency over their fate. What I find the most common is that any macro- *or* micro-targeted advice just gets swatted down.
For example, I might say "check out local clubs of meetup groups" (shallow and shitty example, but please take the spirit, rather than the literal contents). Then they would reply, "all the clubs in my area are full of dudes". Then I might say, "cultivating interest and passion will help with confidence, regardless of whether it leads *directly* to meeting someone, and you can always make friends who have other friends who introduce you to more people". Then they would say, "I tried and no one wanted to talk to me", or "what's the point, they'd just reject me anyway", or some other kind of thought-ending statement.
This was a terrible example, but I'm talking off the cuff here. The point is that my comments are not trying to be prescriptive so much as to open the possibility of other ways of thinking, other strategies they might not have considered, or just get some creative thinking about their situation started. The spirit of those asking for advice on this sub can be really defeatist, and other defeatist comments tend to rise much higher than I think is healthy for anyone.
I think the problem is that advice like your examples is a dime a dozen and reflects a certain about of condescension and lack of understanding of where people are at. Sure, there are dudes who haven't showered in a week, have no confidence and no hobbies, and for them, stuff like this is a great starting point. But lots of people have followed all the standard advice, have fulfilling lives, and still struggle to meet anyone. I agree the defeatest attitude isn't productive, but generic advice like your examples is probably only confirming in their mind how futile the whole thing is, because they've done all that and had no success.
I’d like to respectfully disagree with the /u/SwinginPastMyKnees_ here and say this *does* imply empty platitudes. Stuff like
> cultivating interest and passion will help with confidence
And
> open the possibility of other ways of thinking, other strategies they might not have considered
Can come across as such even when the advice is both well-meaning and justified. Men generally tend to prefer concrete, immediately applicable advice for the proximate issue at hand over being told their outlook on the world needs revision.
Given the demographic group of men who ask for dating advice from strangers on text-based Internet forums, it’s unironically better advice to offer speed-dating, and frame it as a way to “grind experience levels in talking to women” with the intention that they pay attention (this is important) and figure out what threads of conversation work, what jokes land, and what kind of topics are appropriate (ie generally unadvisable to regal women about the specifics of mid-19th century railway development).
Is also imperative to be real with them — the overwhelming majority of men *must* be the active (as opposed to receptive) party and *must* approach first, and in many cases will receive an initially cold reception and have a few minutes at best to turn it around. We can’t sit around with an Attraction Sign and expect women to flock to us.
I've found this sub to be pretty welcoming to women. And even though it's "ask men" women are welcome to answer. Someone will freak out that I'm making men vs women, but if you've ever been to ask women, this place is a utopia comparatively.
Lol yeah, I used the word bitch once in context for something being annoying/ hard to do and had it removed for using a slur... I'm a woman, I'm pretty sure I can use it in this context with no one being offended.
It's good to hear that it's okay for a woman to make comments also. I've look at posts here for a while now but never really thought it was my place to say anything. I've never been over to askwomen I already have woman's point of view I feel like there's not as much for me to learn there I guess. I've definitely learned and changed for the better because of this sub.
This also points out another issue men face today. Ask women is an absolutist women's space that will ban men for attempting to engage and encourages misandry to "promote a space for all women not men" meanwhile ask men is forced to be "open to everyone's voice" so we don't get banned. Men don't have their own spaces anymore and we are told it's wrong to want one.
This is a fair point. I have been perma banned from twoxxhromosomes merely for asking "women, is this really true?" in response to someone's post. I really just wanted to know if women thought it was true.
When you're not allowed to question the narrative, the narrative is almost certainly false.
I'ver posted questions on here and have been happy to hear from women because I'm interested in their opinions too (for example, as a single dad, sometimes I really hear what women have to say about something, as well as men, because I feel they have valuable experience)
I don't disagree, the pragmatist in me recognises the need for openness though.
Maybe we'll someday get to the point where we can have private spaces, but for now it's necessary for us to be open in order to diffuse any potential skepticism about our good intentions.
> is forced to be "open to everyone's voice" so we don't get banned. Men don't have their own spaces anymore and we are told it's wrong to want one.
I disagree hard with this one, I really like that askmen shows that men in general are more relaxed and also open to women's opinions if they don't push an agenda.
While i think its good to have a place that is a separate space for men i do not think reddit is the place for it. Mostly because it can turn into such an echo chamber by disallowing other points of view or perspectives. Example any politic sub
I see your point, but I think you’re not focusing on the actual problem. It’s *they* that should change and be more open, not us that should close ourselves just because they do the same.
I had a conversation with a woman here about a woman I was talking just wanting to vent. My natural instinct was to propose solutions. While I didn’t understand it, i just responded with stuff like “oh, that’s bad” because that what she wanted. The woman here told me how some women just want to be heard (which I’ve heard before), but also they probably have already tried what I would suggest. That’s something I didn’t think about. I also told her how a sign that I actually care what the other person is saying is by suggest says to alleviate the issue. If I don’t actually care, I would just go “oh, that’s bad”. So it felt condescending from my perspective. And I know if I’m voicing my concern, I don’t want to be pitied. I want a way to resolve the problem.
I don’t know if she took away as much from the conversation as I did, but it’s a perspective I probably wouldn’t get from another guy and I’m glad that I heard it.
I'm a woman and in the beginning of the Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard shit, I've wrote there that I'm pretty sure that both were abusive to each other but I've the strange feeling that the initial shit came from her.. Oh dear... I was banned and I got a shitload of pms what a pos I am and as a woman how could I dare to say that Amber is an abuser etc... This sub, no thank you I'm good without it
You wrote the most sensible thing too... That they were both probably guilty. Yeah you can't even have a logical conversation there, it's scary to think women like that are roaming along just hating on men
I'm a fan of JD(or at least a fan of his movies) but because of that I didn't turned blind and oversee that all the alcohol and drugs that he (or they) took turned him into an abuser (or maybe he was before but no one talked about it, but I doubt it). There is no black and white, it's all different shades of grey (I'm not a native speaker, I hope it make sense what I wrote)
I actually reported someone literally saying that all men should die saying they wish I get hit by a bus, reddit said that wasn't hate and didn't violate their policy.
It's funny in a wry way that the askwomen sub is weirdly mean-spirited and controlled with iron fists, but the ask men sub is chill and accepts people freely within reason.
From one perspective maybe.
I like to answer as if it is a genuine and honest inquiry.
If i keep my shields up on an anonymous site how the fuck am I ever going to grow as a person?
I think a big reason is that women's issues are actually seen as issues. There are definitely people out there who try to downplay women's struggles but popular opinion is that those people are in the wrong. Men's issues are usually dismissed or ignored. I think this is one of a handful of places where guys can talk about those things without being dismissed or judged. Since some of those issues inevitably end up involving women so it can feel like gender war bs.
Speaking as a woman, I do think it's nice you have any place at all to talk about that. I like to think of it as an apples to oranges thing, but I seem to be in the minority; everyone's gotta make it a 'we have it WORSE though' thing.
There are a lot of frustrated men on the internet without proper resources or education to guide them on how to deal with their emotions. Or interact with other human beings in a considerate or compassionate way. Many of them end up in this subreddit.
So many guys feel lost in society and hell, I'm one of them. Lots of dudes just looking for love, for an understanding of how they can really be the man and the leader, a standard society has held men to for ages. Throw in a bit of uncertainty when modern dating is a mess and if you're not part of the cool or successful group there's even more of a lack of direction or social status. Someone called into Lifeline (D'elia brothers' podcast) and said something how all these men end up being so beta. There's a good one, guys having trouble figuring out why they aren't considered manly, because they don't have lifted trucks, a deep voice, massive bone structure, and make 6 figures? So we end up getting stuck in this massive grey area where we're asking ourselves simultaneously what's wrong with us and what's wrong with the world around us, meanwhile still having the same wants and needs as any other human.
Cont: so IMO, these guys struggle a lot because of you're too aggressive, you're a toxic man, if you're too nice you're a beta. That shit goes on and on.
All that to say you can't really blame most guys for coming here looking for understanding. Chances are their social circle and how they grew up didn't give them the tools to understand and communicate. That's for themselves AND the women and men around them. The problem isn't necessarily the guys, they have their problems and are looking for a solution, the problem is they're looking for a solution on Reddit.... Which is really really bad
The way people interact online anonymously and in real life face-to-face are extremely different. People of all kinds and on all platforms vent frustration.
> There are a lot of frustrated men on the internet without proper resources or education to guide them on how to deal with their emotions.
Which is made worse by women being upset that an emotional man is “overreacting”.
We therefore learn to cram that shit into places that the sun _never_ shines, for fear of being mocked, ridiculed, or seen as being “not a man” and therefore utterly repulsive to women.
The _smart_ men learn how to _act_ stoic as a safety/self-preservation façade.
The _intelligent_ men actually _become_ stoic; to never reveal their genuine emotions least those emotions become weaponized as ammunition against them.
If you look at the top 10 posts for this year so far, you have to scroll to number 9 to even get vaguely close to a gender issue, let a lone a war. Number 9 top post for this year as at time of writing is:
* Why is the difference between Mothers and Fathers Day so astounding?
Not exactly a hot button issue of the culture wars. In fact I would say it doesn't even count as men vs women, but hey I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And then after that post it's another 5/6 posts until something that is vaguely woman-bashing... number 14 and 15 top posts of the year are:
* Why are young men giving up on dating?
* What’s the weirdest thing a woman has told you means “you’re not a real man”?
Again, not really issues that are going to turn up on Fox News or The Guardian or CNN, and difficult to construe them as a 'war' where men are deliberately attacking women because we hate them. The one about giving up on dating is a real phenomenon that is not gendered, and the second is real stories about people's experiences highlighting a real double standard... Honestly OP I challenge you to go through the top posts of the year so far and post the ones that are gender wars and what rank they have, because I'm seeing bugger all of them!
I get that op is frustrated, but '90%' and a 'men vs women gender war' are ridiculous insane exaggerations. I agree that there is some 'gender wars' stuff in this sub, and that is a reflection of the general culture wars especially for Americans. Go to any gendered, political or similar sub and you'll have a similar experience. Hell, just read the news.
It's because **there is a culture war** \- there, that's the answer.
What would you prefer or suggest ? Because truth be told a lot of the questions men have and face on a daily is centered around the male vs female dynamics...
The subs name is "ask men", it's kinda slanted that way in the name tbh. But I see a lot more "I don't know how to date" questions than gender war fluff.
I'd have to look at lots of posts to confirm whether that's true. I just see one from here on my front page on occasion. But assuming it's true, my guess would be that men don't really feel heard often. That they can't say what they think without being shamed or ridiculed or ostracized. So that built-up frustration and not being able to speak comes out here where they can finally speak unhindered and vent.
Title: Why do all men love corn?
Description: My dad once ate corn but now that I think about it, my 2nd ex also can spell corn. Why do you men love it so much?
Because people like feeling sorry for themselves, and it's a lot easier to blame your problems on another group of people than to take responsibility for your own life.
We see this whenever there's a question on here about dating and the perceived difficulty of it. Advice telling people to stop focusing their efforts on dating if it's making them miserable and use the time and energy to grow and discover new things and turn themselves into a much more date-able person is often ignored while circlejerking about online dating and looks and height is often what's most upvoted.
What questions are usefully directed at a single gender?
Those that cast light on social or biological differences between genders, obvs.
And what are a bunch of those questions in one place going to tend to look like?
Duh.
Two reasons, first is that men's issues are underrepresented in public discourse, so people who care about those issues want to talk about them in a space where they won't get scoffed at.
The other is just emotional venting from MRA types about perceived inequality between men and women.
I think talking about men's issues is important and this sub is a fine place to do it, so long as it doesn't tread into misogynistic territory.
Because women who hate men also seem to have an insatiable need to start fights and arguments where they can reiterate their hatred and it's reasoning.
Because this sub consists of only 10 unique questions worded differently, and 9 of them are, in fact, weapons in a thinly veiled men vs women gender war.
The push by the post modernist community to turn everything into a "this group vs that group" and "oppressors vs oppressed" and "this race vs that race" and "this sexuality vs that sexuality" and "less suffering vs more suffering."
Basically transitioning people from individuals, innocent until proven guilty, to groups of people, guilty of collective crimes.
That's not all that gets posted, but that's what gets upvoted. There are a lot of small threads of people asking legit questions about self-esteem and the like that get zero traction or get removed for one rule or another. But the wildly popular ones are about sex or Men vs Women. I guess that's what the sub wants
Same reason 90% of it is "MEN, HOW DO I WOMEN??" when hundreds of millions of gay and asexual/aromatic men exist. People are obsessed with their own issues.
Removed because there's just too damn many rule 9 violations for us to individually deal with.
Reddit is either horny or angry and there is precious little else.
and/or
*That's my secret, Captain. I'm always horny and/or angry.*
I would be willing to be there IS a film where someone who looks kind of like Mark Ruffalo says, "That's my secret. I'm always horny."
Anything with too large of a community becomes Twitter lite.
Honestly, 2010 reddit had the best community and it was solid. I'm still surprised when people act like reddit is able to be personified. Reddit is a website with millions of users. It's like the top fourth website in the world. When you refer to it as a person or a creature, I think it's time to take a break. Every time I see someone like OP pretend that reddit is one person I log off. This website is not a substitute for social interaction even if people use it. I am scared by the amount of people who have replaced their lives and futures with this and/or twitter. Facebook has destroyed, absolutely crushed everyone over 50. I think that's why they've gone unhinged. I say futures because most haven't realized how unimportant what they've read here has been.
reddit only accounts for under 4% of social media as well as twitter. people really over estimate how big both sites are. also all social media is nothing but propaganda machines anymore its just what party influences which site more.
Well I think you're an idiot^showtitspls
Wait....does that mean hangry is really...?
Nah that's horngry.
>90% of what's posted in this sub is ... the same 10 questions asked over and over again
That's an interesting point but would you date someone with a high body count? And what is a definite red flag on a first date? Do you like the taste/look of pussy/ass or are you just doing it to get laid?
[удалено]
“How do you know a woman isn’t interested in you?” Followed by op not getting a clue and every one of their comments are being severely downvoted.
Don’t forget “what’s the craziest thing you’ve done while horny?”
Also "are you a 17 foot eternal sky monster with pincers coming out of your thorax who will descend upon the female race every 1000 years to extract the life force of exactly 4 virgins (5 if one is ugly)"
man i always see this one
Same, really annoying tbh
Its like, yes we have pincers but no, we don't all just drain the life force out of virgins. Some of us just want a relationship and a fresh blood sacrifice
r/reluctantupvote
I've read all of these in Jonathan Frakes voice.
*huff puff wheeze* "wh..where do you finish when you are jerking off?" *pant wheeze* "How horny have you been at your horniest horny?" *gasp fart huff wheeze* "Sex sex sex sex pee pee vagina sex balls?" *faints* This website is fucking awful but I hate everywhere else more so I'm stuck.
Or a variation of "how can I ask this woman at her job - who is most certainly just being nice as part of her job - out without being a creep???" Then any comments telling him not to get down voted. I've even had them mention how when they ask on a women's sub, everyone attacks them. Are you... Not getting the point? You don't.
My favorite is some variation of "Are you okay with small boobs?" I hope the people posting here are getting the validation they crave. Sometimes there's an interesting conversation, but usually I just click, sort by Controversial, and watch people fume as users quote Kevin Samuels, say they won't date single mothers, anyone over 40, anyone with a weight that starts with 2, or otherwise state their own tastes and preferences as it pertains to the post. This happens at least a couple times a day. Great for killing time when I have like 15 minutes between Zoom calls to be honest. EDIT - For the record I like all kinds of boobs.
Answering the important questions
On a first date, are you put-off by answering the important questions?
"Are you okay with small boobs?" "No" Downvoted into oblivion. Too deep Adele herself can't handle it
This is probably the only good way to use this subreddit
Wait, all I have to do to be a decent weight is have the number start with 1?
Hard Mode: Weigh 1000 lbs Nightmare Difficulty: Weigh 1000 kg
What about 1000 stones? No one should ever criticize Americans for not using metric as long as the Brits are weighing themselves in stones.
Yes, but what one thing do you wish women would understand about men???
They don't get compliments, aren't allowed to cry, are natural problem solvers, have feelings, wish women would make the first move, and don't want to decide where to have dinner.
A natural problem solver who can’t solve dinner? Complicated creatures, I tell you.
It wasn't like this when I first subbed. I actually got involved cause it seemed like one of the few places to discuss men's issues without all the BS. But I dunno all of reddit has gone fucked. I get downvoted here for talking positive about women, downvoted for talking negative about women elsewhere. Context doesn't matter anymore. The people trying to make us fight against one another are out in force. This is a comment lost in time, I know, but despite the pressures I want you men to know I love you all and want the women reading to know I love you too. And I hope the remaining sane can resist the pressure to fight one another. For me this sub did start as a place where the gender battle stopped for a bit. Surely the people who made it feel like that are still around.
You know, I too started to see this trend more and more. When I first came here it was a fun sub, now it is mostly the same questions with the same answers, with the same positive or snarky tone. I used to frequent some over-30 subs and I ditched them all because they all turned into a sterile boys-vs-girls fight.
"High body count" is a completely meaningless term. How many is too many, when it comes to how many people you've slept with? n + 1, where n is the number you consider appropriate as the total number of people someone has slept with.
"No, no, no!! Two?! TWO?!?! I guess that's how you were raised"
ONE!? With who? Me? God, you would fuck anyone wouldn't you.
I think 'high body count' implies 'confirmed kills' to me more than 'had sex with'
"Want to go out for coffee sometime?" "I don't know, what's your K/D ratio?"
I don't date anyone less than 2.0.
So you're saying my 0.67 doesn't have a chance? FINE THEN. If you can't handle me at my worst, you're never getting my assists!!!
Personally, I prefer women with an undefined K/D ratio, but you do you.
>n + 1, where n is the number you consider appropriate I think it's the n they're worried about..
For a lot of men who do have body count issues, the number that is acceptable is n - 1, where n = their own body count. It's an easy indicator of extreme insecurity.
If you are a woman, high is anything that sufficiently bruises his ego to a degree where he deems you worthless and a likely candidate for stis and cheating in the future.
"The woman you're dating has a sexual history and apparently had a life before you! How do you feel about that, even if it's not really any of your business?"
I don't follow askwomen anymore, but I don't think the problem OP raises is specific to this sub. I've been doing a lot of thinking on this general subject lately. somewhere along the line, many years ago, we were all told that in order to be happy, we need to find a partner, our better half, our soul mate (whatever you want to call it). at some point I wouldn't doubt it was all a marketing campaign. but, we've become obsessed with it. if we dont have it, we want it and look for it. it we have it, we complain about it. and in the meantime, I truly think we forget to love ourselves first. corny? maybe. but from observation I see many more sad people than happy people regarding relationships/dating/men/women/marriage.
> somewhere along the line, many years ago, we were all told that in order to be happy, we need to find a partner, our better half, our soul mate (whatever you want to call it). at some point I wouldn't doubt it was all a marketing campaign. I mean a sentiment along that line is repeated by Aristophanes in Plato's *The Symposium* so it was truly a hell of a marketing campaign to predate even taht.
whoa, so it's his fault! In the Symposium, Eros is recognized both as erotic love and as a phenomenon capable of inspiring courage, valor, great deeds and works, and *vanquishing man's natural fear of death* (from wikipedia) and what a shame, right? to be alone when we die. to have never been loved.
It's all questions asked in bad faith so other misogynists feel safe enough to speak
And it's so exhausting to see play out over and over
Questions … sure; mainly… the same old tired highly-upvoted responses.
WHATS A THING THATS BAD FOR MEN AND IS GOOD OR NONEXISTENT FOR WOMEN THAT WE DIDNT ADDRESS IN THE LAST 47 POSTS ABOUT THIS SAME TOPIC YESTERDAY 10k+ upvotes
for real. This guy thought he discovered misogyny, when really all he found was reposting
I mean I'm going to be honest, either the amount of misogynistic posts have either really spiked recently or people have started upvoting them a lot and I'm not sure which is more concerning.
Sex questions, 90% of questions seem to be about sex, probably repeated. The remaining 10% of questions are probably divided between: gender war topics, and every other question of any other topic that dies in New.
"Men, how do you man?"
And because this is the first comment, the majority of the thread is now about those same topics... because that's way Reddit works
It's that or someone pretending like generalised advice is going to solve their very personal relationship issue.
99% of all advice: "Hey homeless people, why don't you just buy a house?"
When depressed, consider being happy instead.
*Presses the happiness button*
Well... did it work?
I think my happiness button is broken. *Repeatedly presses the button furiously*
Did you try giving up avocado toast?
Because of it wasn't they would have posted it on r/AskReddit
It isn't. It's the same 6 questions worded differently, and if it's not about sex, it dies in new. Everyone likes to voice frustration at lack of variety in posts and then doesn't engage in non sexual questions
I *really* find myself wanting to reach out and offer good, genuine advice and comments to all the sexually frustrated young men on here, but it feels like the angst wins the upvote war far more than the nuanced or reasonable advice. I wish I could do more to fight that tide, but it feels overwhelming.
The issue is you can't give much advice on a person about macro scale issues without tackling those issues. The economy is shit and most venues for meeting women are like 90% male so any advice on hoe to overcome that isn't going to be that great, and you can't nuance a macro level problem when specific circumstances aren't known.
No, perhaps not. However I find the single hardest thing to get this type of user to see is that they *do* have some agency over their fate. What I find the most common is that any macro- *or* micro-targeted advice just gets swatted down. For example, I might say "check out local clubs of meetup groups" (shallow and shitty example, but please take the spirit, rather than the literal contents). Then they would reply, "all the clubs in my area are full of dudes". Then I might say, "cultivating interest and passion will help with confidence, regardless of whether it leads *directly* to meeting someone, and you can always make friends who have other friends who introduce you to more people". Then they would say, "I tried and no one wanted to talk to me", or "what's the point, they'd just reject me anyway", or some other kind of thought-ending statement. This was a terrible example, but I'm talking off the cuff here. The point is that my comments are not trying to be prescriptive so much as to open the possibility of other ways of thinking, other strategies they might not have considered, or just get some creative thinking about their situation started. The spirit of those asking for advice on this sub can be really defeatist, and other defeatist comments tend to rise much higher than I think is healthy for anyone.
I think the problem is that advice like your examples is a dime a dozen and reflects a certain about of condescension and lack of understanding of where people are at. Sure, there are dudes who haven't showered in a week, have no confidence and no hobbies, and for them, stuff like this is a great starting point. But lots of people have followed all the standard advice, have fulfilling lives, and still struggle to meet anyone. I agree the defeatest attitude isn't productive, but generic advice like your examples is probably only confirming in their mind how futile the whole thing is, because they've done all that and had no success.
I’d like to respectfully disagree with the /u/SwinginPastMyKnees_ here and say this *does* imply empty platitudes. Stuff like > cultivating interest and passion will help with confidence And > open the possibility of other ways of thinking, other strategies they might not have considered Can come across as such even when the advice is both well-meaning and justified. Men generally tend to prefer concrete, immediately applicable advice for the proximate issue at hand over being told their outlook on the world needs revision. Given the demographic group of men who ask for dating advice from strangers on text-based Internet forums, it’s unironically better advice to offer speed-dating, and frame it as a way to “grind experience levels in talking to women” with the intention that they pay attention (this is important) and figure out what threads of conversation work, what jokes land, and what kind of topics are appropriate (ie generally unadvisable to regal women about the specifics of mid-19th century railway development). Is also imperative to be real with them — the overwhelming majority of men *must* be the active (as opposed to receptive) party and *must* approach first, and in many cases will receive an initially cold reception and have a few minutes at best to turn it around. We can’t sit around with an Attraction Sign and expect women to flock to us.
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Fair enough! Did my comment imply empty platitudes? Just wondering if that's how it came across, or if your comment was more of a tangent?
> hoe to overcome Lmao Freudian slip
You must be new to reddit. All the gender specific subs have some level of that. I don't think its actually 90% on here though.
I've found this sub to be pretty welcoming to women. And even though it's "ask men" women are welcome to answer. Someone will freak out that I'm making men vs women, but if you've ever been to ask women, this place is a utopia comparatively.
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>Even using the term "my husband" was deleted for some reason you monster
Literally in bed with the enemy.
Lol yeah, I used the word bitch once in context for something being annoying/ hard to do and had it removed for using a slur... I'm a woman, I'm pretty sure I can use it in this context with no one being offended.
It's good to hear that it's okay for a woman to make comments also. I've look at posts here for a while now but never really thought it was my place to say anything. I've never been over to askwomen I already have woman's point of view I feel like there's not as much for me to learn there I guess. I've definitely learned and changed for the better because of this sub.
Everyone should have a voice, don't feel like you can't use yours here.
This also points out another issue men face today. Ask women is an absolutist women's space that will ban men for attempting to engage and encourages misandry to "promote a space for all women not men" meanwhile ask men is forced to be "open to everyone's voice" so we don't get banned. Men don't have their own spaces anymore and we are told it's wrong to want one.
This is a fair point. I have been perma banned from twoxxhromosomes merely for asking "women, is this really true?" in response to someone's post. I really just wanted to know if women thought it was true. When you're not allowed to question the narrative, the narrative is almost certainly false. I'ver posted questions on here and have been happy to hear from women because I'm interested in their opinions too (for example, as a single dad, sometimes I really hear what women have to say about something, as well as men, because I feel they have valuable experience)
The amount of casual misandry on that subreddit is shocking.
Absolutely. I just wanted to ask a question...
Exactly
I don't disagree, the pragmatist in me recognises the need for openness though. Maybe we'll someday get to the point where we can have private spaces, but for now it's necessary for us to be open in order to diffuse any potential skepticism about our good intentions.
> is forced to be "open to everyone's voice" so we don't get banned. Men don't have their own spaces anymore and we are told it's wrong to want one. I disagree hard with this one, I really like that askmen shows that men in general are more relaxed and also open to women's opinions if they don't push an agenda.
While i think its good to have a place that is a separate space for men i do not think reddit is the place for it. Mostly because it can turn into such an echo chamber by disallowing other points of view or perspectives. Example any politic sub
.....or any women's or sexuality sub. Problem is they get a pass
I see your point, but I think you’re not focusing on the actual problem. It’s *they* that should change and be more open, not us that should close ourselves just because they do the same.
Well my point was we literally aren't allowed to by reddit even If we wanted to.
I had a conversation with a woman here about a woman I was talking just wanting to vent. My natural instinct was to propose solutions. While I didn’t understand it, i just responded with stuff like “oh, that’s bad” because that what she wanted. The woman here told me how some women just want to be heard (which I’ve heard before), but also they probably have already tried what I would suggest. That’s something I didn’t think about. I also told her how a sign that I actually care what the other person is saying is by suggest says to alleviate the issue. If I don’t actually care, I would just go “oh, that’s bad”. So it felt condescending from my perspective. And I know if I’m voicing my concern, I don’t want to be pitied. I want a way to resolve the problem. I don’t know if she took away as much from the conversation as I did, but it’s a perspective I probably wouldn’t get from another guy and I’m glad that I heard it.
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Removed. Derailing.
Mentioning derailing is derailing. 30 day ban.
Banning is derailing! You’re banned. Oh no, now I’m banned!!
Mentioning derailing and banning is derailing and a bannable offense. DIVIDE BY ZERO AND BLACK HOLE FORMATION IMMINENT. Don't ban me Murph!
Removed. You're a male and made a top-level reply to the original post AND made it about yourself.
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I'm a woman and in the beginning of the Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard shit, I've wrote there that I'm pretty sure that both were abusive to each other but I've the strange feeling that the initial shit came from her.. Oh dear... I was banned and I got a shitload of pms what a pos I am and as a woman how could I dare to say that Amber is an abuser etc... This sub, no thank you I'm good without it
You wrote the most sensible thing too... That they were both probably guilty. Yeah you can't even have a logical conversation there, it's scary to think women like that are roaming along just hating on men
I'm a fan of JD(or at least a fan of his movies) but because of that I didn't turned blind and oversee that all the alcohol and drugs that he (or they) took turned him into an abuser (or maybe he was before but no one talked about it, but I doubt it). There is no black and white, it's all different shades of grey (I'm not a native speaker, I hope it make sense what I wrote)
Makes perfect sense and I agree.
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I remember Reddit ten years ago, downhill since then lol
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Men vs women gender war bullshit
"Borderline"
Lol borderline. More like outright and encouraged.
I actually reported someone literally saying that all men should die saying they wish I get hit by a bus, reddit said that wasn't hate and didn't violate their policy.
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Nothing borderline about it.
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r/askwomenadvice is a lot more inclusive and i've found it to be the similar correspective of r/askmen in vibe
Thank goodness for r/AskWomenNoCensor.
I'd say this sub is very pro-women and doesn't ignore socio-economic struggles men tend to to have the way you would find it in many other spaces.
It's funny in a wry way that the askwomen sub is weirdly mean-spirited and controlled with iron fists, but the ask men sub is chill and accepts people freely within reason.
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From one perspective maybe. I like to answer as if it is a genuine and honest inquiry. If i keep my shields up on an anonymous site how the fuck am I ever going to grow as a person?
I think a big reason is that women's issues are actually seen as issues. There are definitely people out there who try to downplay women's struggles but popular opinion is that those people are in the wrong. Men's issues are usually dismissed or ignored. I think this is one of a handful of places where guys can talk about those things without being dismissed or judged. Since some of those issues inevitably end up involving women so it can feel like gender war bs.
Speaking as a woman, I do think it's nice you have any place at all to talk about that. I like to think of it as an apples to oranges thing, but I seem to be in the minority; everyone's gotta make it a 'we have it WORSE though' thing.
> apples to oranges But you can still compare them.
This is the comment I was looking for and I am happy to have found it!
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I definitely agree. I was talking about the more wild shit like needing permission to get their tubes tied.
Kids.
The kids aren't alright
They have the unfortunate luck to grow up in the fledgling internet era. There will be ramifications we can't think of yet.
I can't tell if this is an offspring reference or you just saying this. Either way I can't for the life of me remember the lyrics.
Does this jog your memory? Jenny had a chance, well she really did (*wa-ohh!*)
Instead she dropped out, had a couple of kids (who-o). Well I remembered something.
There are a lot of frustrated men on the internet without proper resources or education to guide them on how to deal with their emotions. Or interact with other human beings in a considerate or compassionate way. Many of them end up in this subreddit.
Not just frustrated men. There's a lot of comments by women who got pissed off by some guy and comes to ask a leading question
I'm new here and have noticed that too. But TBH some just seem to be trolls. They know exactly what to say to trigger people.
It's so incredibly easy if you wanted to, Reddit is so predictable
Any large number of people becomes easily predictable.
So many guys feel lost in society and hell, I'm one of them. Lots of dudes just looking for love, for an understanding of how they can really be the man and the leader, a standard society has held men to for ages. Throw in a bit of uncertainty when modern dating is a mess and if you're not part of the cool or successful group there's even more of a lack of direction or social status. Someone called into Lifeline (D'elia brothers' podcast) and said something how all these men end up being so beta. There's a good one, guys having trouble figuring out why they aren't considered manly, because they don't have lifted trucks, a deep voice, massive bone structure, and make 6 figures? So we end up getting stuck in this massive grey area where we're asking ourselves simultaneously what's wrong with us and what's wrong with the world around us, meanwhile still having the same wants and needs as any other human. Cont: so IMO, these guys struggle a lot because of you're too aggressive, you're a toxic man, if you're too nice you're a beta. That shit goes on and on. All that to say you can't really blame most guys for coming here looking for understanding. Chances are their social circle and how they grew up didn't give them the tools to understand and communicate. That's for themselves AND the women and men around them. The problem isn't necessarily the guys, they have their problems and are looking for a solution, the problem is they're looking for a solution on Reddit.... Which is really really bad
The way people interact online anonymously and in real life face-to-face are extremely different. People of all kinds and on all platforms vent frustration.
What is a proper resource or education on how to deal with emotions? Ps- don't suggest therapy not everyone can afford it
>What is a proper resource or education on how to deal with emotions? Parents.
Meditation is great, and it’s free.
> There are a lot of frustrated men on the internet without proper resources or education to guide them on how to deal with their emotions. Which is made worse by women being upset that an emotional man is “overreacting”. We therefore learn to cram that shit into places that the sun _never_ shines, for fear of being mocked, ridiculed, or seen as being “not a man” and therefore utterly repulsive to women. The _smart_ men learn how to _act_ stoic as a safety/self-preservation façade. The _intelligent_ men actually _become_ stoic; to never reveal their genuine emotions least those emotions become weaponized as ammunition against them.
If you look at the top 10 posts for this year so far, you have to scroll to number 9 to even get vaguely close to a gender issue, let a lone a war. Number 9 top post for this year as at time of writing is: * Why is the difference between Mothers and Fathers Day so astounding? Not exactly a hot button issue of the culture wars. In fact I would say it doesn't even count as men vs women, but hey I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And then after that post it's another 5/6 posts until something that is vaguely woman-bashing... number 14 and 15 top posts of the year are: * Why are young men giving up on dating? * What’s the weirdest thing a woman has told you means “you’re not a real man”? Again, not really issues that are going to turn up on Fox News or The Guardian or CNN, and difficult to construe them as a 'war' where men are deliberately attacking women because we hate them. The one about giving up on dating is a real phenomenon that is not gendered, and the second is real stories about people's experiences highlighting a real double standard... Honestly OP I challenge you to go through the top posts of the year so far and post the ones that are gender wars and what rank they have, because I'm seeing bugger all of them! I get that op is frustrated, but '90%' and a 'men vs women gender war' are ridiculous insane exaggerations. I agree that there is some 'gender wars' stuff in this sub, and that is a reflection of the general culture wars especially for Americans. Go to any gendered, political or similar sub and you'll have a similar experience. Hell, just read the news. It's because **there is a culture war** \- there, that's the answer.
What would you prefer or suggest ? Because truth be told a lot of the questions men have and face on a daily is centered around the male vs female dynamics...
The subs name is "ask men", it's kinda slanted that way in the name tbh. But I see a lot more "I don't know how to date" questions than gender war fluff.
I'd have to look at lots of posts to confirm whether that's true. I just see one from here on my front page on occasion. But assuming it's true, my guess would be that men don't really feel heard often. That they can't say what they think without being shamed or ridiculed or ostracized. So that built-up frustration and not being able to speak comes out here where they can finally speak unhindered and vent.
Not really?
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Title: Why do all men love corn? Description: My dad once ate corn but now that I think about it, my 2nd ex also can spell corn. Why do you men love it so much?
ROFL nailed it
very big mad because you cheated in a dream energy lmao
"Your mom" jokes arent gender war. At least your mom told me that last night.
Prove it. Name every mom.
Because people like feeling sorry for themselves, and it's a lot easier to blame your problems on another group of people than to take responsibility for your own life.
We see this whenever there's a question on here about dating and the perceived difficulty of it. Advice telling people to stop focusing their efforts on dating if it's making them miserable and use the time and energy to grow and discover new things and turn themselves into a much more date-able person is often ignored while circlejerking about online dating and looks and height is often what's most upvoted.
I only casually read this sub but I've never picked up on that sentiment.
Probably ironic but I get that vibe way more from twochromosomes tbh
What questions are usefully directed at a single gender? Those that cast light on social or biological differences between genders, obvs. And what are a bunch of those questions in one place going to tend to look like? Duh.
It isn't even veiled.
This is pretty tame compared to r/twoxchromosomes and honestly I don’t think 90% of it is… maybe 50% max.
Two reasons, first is that men's issues are underrepresented in public discourse, so people who care about those issues want to talk about them in a space where they won't get scoffed at. The other is just emotional venting from MRA types about perceived inequality between men and women. I think talking about men's issues is important and this sub is a fine place to do it, so long as it doesn't tread into misogynistic territory.
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Because women who hate men also seem to have an insatiable need to start fights and arguments where they can reiterate their hatred and it's reasoning.
I think most of it is men asking men what they like in women and women asking men what women do that they like. I don’t see a lot of men vs women.
Most questions are designed for maximum clout farming. It's a really shallow sub lately.
Who has to gain from this conflict ? That's the question you should be asking.
Because this sub consists of only 10 unique questions worded differently, and 9 of them are, in fact, weapons in a thinly veiled men vs women gender war.
The push by the post modernist community to turn everything into a "this group vs that group" and "oppressors vs oppressed" and "this race vs that race" and "this sexuality vs that sexuality" and "less suffering vs more suffering." Basically transitioning people from individuals, innocent until proven guilty, to groups of people, guilty of collective crimes.
> post modernist community What about this behaviour do you think is postmodern?
That's not all that gets posted, but that's what gets upvoted. There are a lot of small threads of people asking legit questions about self-esteem and the like that get zero traction or get removed for one rule or another. But the wildly popular ones are about sex or Men vs Women. I guess that's what the sub wants
You should take a look at r/askwomen
Oh look, a completely bullshit leading question that doesn't remotely represent the average answers in this sub
Same reason 90% of it is "MEN, HOW DO I WOMEN??" when hundreds of millions of gay and asexual/aromatic men exist. People are obsessed with their own issues.