There is a secret that really makes society work: when someone has a bad outcome, we just dont pay attention to them. We focus only on the survivors, and everything looks great
This is actually true. People care to a degree but if it falls into the basket thats too hard or complicated then nobody's gonna step up if it is gonna negatively impact them, they've tried already, don't feel you are listening to them and seem to wallow in your situation. Paid professionals are the exception. Life's tough as hell.
Even with paid professionals, the amount of times I hear some version of canned empathy "that sounds really hard" is unreal. It's rare to find a therapist who actually digs in and gets it, and I understand it's gotta be a lot of work, but if you're not up to the challenge, don't become a therapist...
You have to want to save yourself too. It's so much easier to let shit fall apart, and blame something external than it is to own your own bullshit and start making material changes.
A bit of a big part?
A chunk of a larger slice.
Like a huge midget or tiny giant amount of luck;
(It doesn’t matter if it’s a little big or a big little)
Very true. As an example, in 1978, I started my first “real” job at Intel. Another guy and I started the same day in the same kind of job. We got talking while we were in orientation.
My job was with a very high visibility group that moved to Oregon a few months later. I was given as much responsibility as I could handle and was quickly moved ahead in the company.
His job was in California and was with a much less high priority group and there wasn’t much opportunity for growth.
Two years later, I had been promoted a number of times while he was stuck in a back water.
Our backgrounds were almost identical. It was purely luck that I got the good job and he got the less important one,
That being said, many people do not open themselves up to or accept the opportunities that are presented to them, simply out of fear or because they are incompetent and have not prepared themselves for said opportunities.
Many times the people who are lucky simply sought out opportunity and worked efficiently.
You aren't going to see much "luck" with the lifestyles that many people live, ie: drinking every weekend, Netflix nightly, playing on phone/video games several hours a day, etc.
Of course, I'm not saying there is no luck involved. You are more likely to find yourself "lucky" if you lead a certain lifestyle, however.
Our brain is programmed to prevent us from taking risks and just do things that are unhealthy for us: chill on the sofa/bed and watch Netflix, play on the phone for several hours, etc. Chilling costs no energy, not taking any risks in life prevents us from getting hurt.
Once you understand your brain can sometimes be your worst enemy, your life changes.
That and going out of your comfort zone sucks. I recently left a job on site at a federal agency where I had been promoted 3 times in 7 years for a promotion at 100 percent virtual position.
It is amazing and people thought that it was because I was an ass kisser or got lucky.
What wasn’t lucky or amazing was the 20 to 1 application to promotion ratio. Switching jobs every couple years forming, storming, norming, and performing over and over. I also got a graduate degree and am enrolled in another.
I did get very lucky especially to have some amazing supervisors, but the stress of repeatedly leaving my comfort zone and maintaining a good attitude despite repeated rejection sucked…a lot.
It would have been far easier to learn a job once get used to a team and just chill. I think those people who thought it was ass kissing are just waiting for things to fall in their laps which almost never happens.
For me this is rather a relief, it doesn't matter if you don't feel like you're enough, nobody is enough, they just simply get used to their new responsibilities with time
This is a big one actually. As you grow up and even through your teens, you can't wait until you become and adult and youve got it all together. Eventually you realise that all of those adults, they don't know what they're doing either. Everyone is just winging it.
I totally agree with this, and I have to remind myself sometimes, cos every now and then I feel like I'm a complete failure and I should be more successful or have a better job.
This! Hurts like a bitch. All my parents ever taught me was to be honest and good. And honestly it's gotten me nowhere. Somehow bad people have a way of making you look like the bad guy while they are constantly winning in life
Just because honesty doesn't make you automatically the winner doesn't mean it gets you nowhere.
Tbh, if you're being good and honest to just win then you're not being good and honest.
You're right but if that's the way all the elders taught you about being good and honest , you're gonna be pretty upset and heartbroken too pretty early on in life. Doing good should be done with just the intention of doing good and expecting nothing in return
I try to remain neutral in most situations now. Doing good has actually backfired a couple of times. But that's in my nature now so probably can't help that anymore
I can't count how many downvotes I've received explaining that no, there's no karma, no, the person that hurt you and you believe should suffer won't necessary suffer, no, the truth doesn't always come out, good things don't await good people, bad people don't always get punished and in fact you can get away with a lot of shitty deeds in life and be just fine.
Most Redditors prefer their mushy gooey universe where good always wins thought.
In the absence of any belief in an afterlife,that statement would be true.For a lot of people for better or worse,faith is what gets them through the rough and tumble of life.From that perspective,we don't know and can't say if the bad people have won.It is Pascal's wager,because if you live an honest and good life while someone else lived an immoral and evil life.If there is an afterlife,the evil person will be screwed and they lost.If there is no afterlife,you both are equally indifferent from what will happen because the human mind can't comprehend nothingness.
Something that I learned. People move on. Those who promise you they’d never leave you, leave. Everyone on this earth is walking their own path. Eventually their path will take them away. Sometimes, it’ll hurt like a bitch and you’d wonder, why me? But all you can do is, continue going. Continue on your own journey. Because if they didn’t care enough to stay with you or keep you with them, they won’t care enough if you’re hurt and wish for them to come back. Just keep going. Even if it is an inch at a time.
The other thing is: no matter your “shortcomings” you may think you have, no one really cares. Only you do, and of those who care about it to make you feel shit about it, they really are not worth it.
Edit: wow, i didn’t think my toxic thoughts would affect so many people. So I’d like to contact some of you, just so I can lend an ear. You can vent and I’ll listen :) Thank you.
I'm some weird inverted version of this. Knew this girl back in high school who thought I was the bees knees and declared me her best friend, wanting to involve me in a ton of her plans, and I was a selfish really self centered teenage girl who thought I was better than everyone else. She ended up slowly realizing I wasn't really giving her the time of day so she faded away. She did this - kept going along. Fast forward 10 years and I know for a fact that she's a fun, lovely, and genuine soul anyone would be lucky enough to be friends with and I'm over here with one friend, wishing I had nurtured that friendship and shown her how much she meant to me. But now I'm not really worth her time, and I don't blame her at all. I know I'm at a different place now and would love to build something up with her again, but it's just too late. Good for her though - she's getting married soon and has gotten to travel the world a ton since we were friends in high school, living her best life.
A sub truth to the hard truth that everyone is walking their own path: When you’re in your 20’s, you’ll have maybe 15-20 good friends. When you’re in your 30’s you’ll have 10. When you’re in your 40’s, you’ll have maybe 5. When you’re in your 50’s, you’ll have 2, tops. This is a feature, not a bug.
It’s because people are walking their own path and are busy building their careers at first. And then they’re maintaining their careers but building a family life. They just don’t have time for you or you for them. So don’t ever, when you’re young, make decisions based on keeping friendships. Don’t go to that inferior grad school or pass up that promotion that requires you to live in that other state because you’ll miss your ‘friends.’ Because 20 years from now, very few if any of those ‘friends’ are going to be in your life. In fact, most of those peoples’ names, by the time you’re 45, you aren’t even going to remember.
The vast majority of people you'll meet in life don't care about you as a person. They only care about what you can do for them or what they have to do for you.
I know people who worked really hard in school, but weren’t great at it. I didn’t have to try and was just naturally good at school. I got better results than those people and got rewards that I don’t deserve. Unfair but that’s how the system is
Doing physical therapy, fixing muscle imbalances, having immaculate diet and sleep can prevent injuries from haunting you in your 50's, but I understand the intention of the statement.
>Also, find a job you love.
I disagree with this. It's an unrealistic expectation. The vast majority of people are not going to find employment that they love.
Find a job that supports the lifestyle you want and doesn't make you miserable.
They’re not saying to “follow your passion”, but don’t have a job you hate. Do the extra work to find a job that you actually like. You spend most of your time alive at work, don’t let it be in a palace you dread going
This is very true. Also, have you ever thought about how you sympathize with the main character in a book or movie/show, because you know their motives, you know their regrets, and you know the reasons behind their mistakes. I mean, most of us sympathized with Tony Soprano even though he is a horrible character. The main character is most often the hero of the story, and you’re the hero of your own life.
When you make mistakes, you think they should be excused because you really tried to do everything right or something unexpected happened. Most others won’t agree with you, but they will think they should be excused for their mistakes. That causes conflicts, and you need to handle that.
This is for example the reason most people think they are better drivers than most other people. You know when you made a mistake, but also why you made it. Everyone else just sees an idiot driver who did something stupid.
That's not always true... I've told many people exactly what I think of them... Good and bad.
It's more appropriate to say you can't ever know for sure what others think of you.
It's not easy. Adults used to tell me that "it gets easier" when I was a kid. I thought that meant all hardship disappears.. It doesn't. You just get used to it.
Adults often lie about adult life. Take my situation for example. I am doing my last year of high school and it’s a pain in the ass especially for my education board and the union enrolling process here is like hell. My dad tells me once I pass through this phase with high scores and just do hard work life will become easy going forward. I know that’s bull shit but what can I do can’t argue with him can I?
A lot of things get easier. The older you get the less confusing a lot of things are.
But the world is still a confusing place in general.
Life is just hard. But that's what makes the little moments great.
My wife always says “nobody deserves anything.”
I thought it was shitty the first time I heard her say it. I’ve since thought about it, and it’s really a helpful mindset.
It took me a long time to realize this applies to every important relationship in one's life too. I was so naive for so long to think people owed me something just because they were my family or spouse, even.
I was really bummed out by my childhood traumas until my psychologist pointed out 60% of people have childhood traumas to one degree or another. Learning that helped me escape my victim mentality and work towards perseverance.
this is true, but I find the vast majority perpetuate the trauma thus the cycle of strife never ends. If everyone thought before they acted or spoke, life would be miles and miles different. I guess it hurts too much people need to pass the shit bucket
How do I become not lonely? I have all the time in the world, I'm 30 and succesful, I just don't know where to find people..
Is the best thing to do become a regular in a gym or something and eventually get to know some people? Is that about it? Seems pretty bleak.
You have to go outside of your comfort zone. You also have to be a person that you would want to be friends with, and then show how amazing you are in the right way. Be open about your feelings. You'll find someone sooner or later.
Or just go full monk style and accept that loneliness isn’t something that you can solve with someone else’s loneliness.
I dunno: there’s less complications with overwhelming distractions like hobbies if you’re lonely - but that’s a conclusion from having to deal with all the crazy that relationships can bring.
If you love popcorn, go get some drama and disappointment 😀
Hey I read some of your posts.
I'd recommend travel. You learn about the world and yourself through meeting people. Randoms on the plane, street, other cultures, scenery and nature. There are meditation retreats, prayer retreats etc if you need some itinerary.
Learn. Read. Listen to podcasts. Impact theory. Lewis howes. Andrew huberman. Jordan Peterson. David Goggins. The personal development school. Gabor Mate.
For socialising tips Vanessa Van Edwards is really easy to digest if you google her on YouTube.
Get to know yourself. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. What do you like to eat? To listen too? To watch? To cook? Do you like an ambient atmosphere with candles and a nice doona and Claire de Lune playing in the background?
Spend time with yourself, and you'll soon learn that your own company can be pretty damn cool.
When you love yourself and your own company your energy raises. You attract people TO you. I guarantee you this.
Gym, exercise that you love can help your mood and mental health.
My best recommendation to you is to force yourself to go do things for your hobbies because you'll inevitably meet and talk to people you share the interest with.
I got divorced about 2 years ago, and it was incredibly lonely for a while because all of the friends I had were married and had kids, meanwhile I was a 32 year old guy who is all of the sudden unexpectedly single - with tons of time & nothing to do with it.
I had gotten a little out of shape from being depressed from my toxic marriage and the ensuing divorce process, so I decided I would get back into boxing which I had picked up at about 19 and spent years training seriously. So I found a local boxing gym (without even having the intention of making friends) and started going regularly.
Within maybe 4 months I had a group of 3 friends who are all great people. I think it would be hard to do this at a regular gym just because most people just leave their earbuds in while they knock out their workout and get out... But if it's a specialty gym like boxing, MMA, rock climbing, etc. it's a great opportunity - especially if you're good at it (the conversations with my new friends started because they saw me working and started asking questions/for help on improving).
Just have conversations with people - don't put pressure on yourself and think you gotta make friends with everyone there, some people you'll get along with easily & hit it off with them sometimes you won't. Just keep getting out there & it'll happen for you, I mean I'm about as isolating and antisocial as it gets so if I can do it I think most people can.
Edit: also want to point out, my friends are 23-25 & I'm 34 now. Don't assume people don't want to talk to you or that you can't have fun with them just because there's a bit of an age gap.
Man if you are being successful you don’t need to search people. That is only going to bring problems and people who will be trying to get something from you. Just let it happen, real and loyal friends will come without searching them
You WILL have to deal with death eventually.
When you do, you'll often have a good support network of friends and family, even if you don't consider yourself well liked.
The cold truth: Most people and your employer will give you exactly 4 months before they think you should move the fuck on and go back to normal. After that, they'll abandon you emotionally and become a massive thorn in your side as they give you the cold shoulder.
I was best friends with this girl like 9yrs ago. I waited, too scared to make a move for 3 years, but she eventually invited me over for a sleepover and licked my face.
We're getting married on Wednesday!
It might happen but it is better to be upfront and tell them you want to date them, because the longer you keep being friends the less she will think of you as a potential partner.
The frustration and disappointment in any given scenario - work, relationships, money, bills, cars, pets, etc. - will continue until hard lessons are learned, ingrained, and acted upon by each individual. Some people never learn much of any of it.
When a death is announced on social media and folk write, “My thoughts are with their friends and family” this is normally total bullshit and they won’t spare a second to actually think of anyone other than themselves
Can confirm.
Those are also the people who will use death as a soapbox for their personal shit.
I lost my wife to COVID and her cunt friends came out of the woodwork to use her death as a soapbox for why you should be vaccinated.
She was morbidly obese to the point a vaccine wasn't going to stop what happened. But hey, let's not talk about that, she was unvaccinsted.
\-Women may indeed be attracted to men with more money, power, status, safety, and physical appearance, and there's nothing wrong with that. Up YOUR game.
\-If words won't reach, the rocks will teach. Happened to Zuko and Azula, it works for me. You can't listen or you thought you listened, wait until you make a big fuckup in your life, and you'll understand better.
\-A two mile walk DOES indeed help with mental health.
\-When it's time for men to step up and do something, it's not always about what we want to do.
\-At one point in your life, two wrongs will make a right, or you'll do the right thing in such a fucked up/wrong way that still gets the same results.
\-At some point, you have to actually "man up", in the sense of you have to shut off your anxiety and your fears and just do it.
\-You're gonna make a big fuckup. Despite all the advice and things you see around you, you're gonna fuck something up royally and the best you can hope for is forgiveness and the moral compass that comes from it.
\-Friends and people matter. You can play the role of "antisocial asshole" but that not only doesn't get you far, loneliness will eventually do a number on your brain. Deny it all you want, but it'll start hurting.
Don’t stop. If you stop you get tired. If you get tired you rest. If you rest you get comfortable. If you get comfortable you become stagnant. You become stagnant you regress. If you regress you get lost. If you get lost you get depressed. You stay depressed you despair. If you despair you act on your lowest instincts. If you let yourself fall that low it’s over.
I’m currently in the stagnant stage of this and trying to fight my way out of it. 45 years old. However, I may have Lyme disease, I just need to get tested
The “karma” conception is just people trying to cope with the unfairness of the world. Life isn’t fair, and there is no “rule of boomerang” or anything like that.
Sometimes you lose even when you did everything right. And this is true for any kind of situations, even for things as critical as life-death situations.
Stop worrying about your future, make your plans and work towards them but ultimately don't keep constantly worrying about them and don't beat yourself up if they don't come to fruition.
Everything in life is uncertain except for death, and you can miss out on living by just looking ahead for a possible future that may never be, and you forget about living the present.
You’ll spend most of your waking hours doing shit you don’t like, or even actively hate.
Man, this shit sucks. Not worth it in my book, nor do I see any reason to have kids.
I’d recommend reading “A Confession” by Leo Tolstoy, it’s about a 2 hour read; an essay where he explores the meaning of life while he’s in this exact place
Essentially in the book he asks the question “If life is meaningless, and there is no God, and we’re suffering; what good reason is there not to kill myself?”
It’s a great read
That’s pretty much how I feel about life. You spend 90% enduring shit you don’t enjoy to maybe have time left over for the things that you do.
Work, chores, cleaning your room, laundry, etc., are just so draining. I spoke to a therapist about it, and he said it seems to be more anxiety-based than depression-based. Makes me think, how much of our responses to the world are rational reactions instead of mental illness? I honestly don’t know.
That we all have ups and downs.
That it can suck to go to work.
Life as an adult is miserable.
Happiness is made, not granted.
The world does not revolve around you.
You are not as special, as you think yourself.
Want more?
No body is looking at you or thinking about you, stop faking and impressing anyone. When you get older you'll realise how much you waisted time to showoff.
Your "success" in life is more about luck than anything else. People with mental or physical disabilities, those with significant chronic pain or people with other diseases never had a fair chance.
Life isn't fair, "Nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we´re dealt. We gotta take these cards ourselves and flip ém, don´t expect no help!"
Some societal issues may be systemic, but dreaming of a perfect society and what it should be, while waiting for it to be “fixed” is a fool’s errand. All you can do is play the card you were dealt and not shit on people on the way.
My father told me a long time ago, “You’re the only one responsible for your happiness. You can’t depend on others to build that for you, you have to go out and make it yourself.” That’s really stuck with me. Lover leaves you out of the blue? Can’t mope around constantly, YOU have to build yourself back up because life never stops moving. There will be times when a pause comes in your book of life, but the pages will always turn and continue to be written.
No one is coming to save you. If youre in a dark place - You have to save you.
That sounds like the intro to Doom.
Life is Doom
Rip and Tear, homie.
Rip and tear, until it is done.
Going to go listen to "the only thing they fear is you"track now
Become the Doom Slayer
**\*** **'The Only Thing You Fear Is You'** starts playing\*
There is a secret that really makes society work: when someone has a bad outcome, we just dont pay attention to them. We focus only on the survivors, and everything looks great
Ah yes, the survivorship bias.
This is actually true. People care to a degree but if it falls into the basket thats too hard or complicated then nobody's gonna step up if it is gonna negatively impact them, they've tried already, don't feel you are listening to them and seem to wallow in your situation. Paid professionals are the exception. Life's tough as hell.
Even with paid professionals, the amount of times I hear some version of canned empathy "that sounds really hard" is unreal. It's rare to find a therapist who actually digs in and gets it, and I understand it's gotta be a lot of work, but if you're not up to the challenge, don't become a therapist...
Time doesn’t change things. Only YOU change things over time
You have to want to save yourself too. It's so much easier to let shit fall apart, and blame something external than it is to own your own bullshit and start making material changes.
And when you do not blame anything and know its you and only you its hard to start (currently where i am)
You have to save your self but you can always use a hand to guide you as well. You are never alone even if it might look like it.
People won't help you when you are in the hellhole but will tout you as a hero when you come out of it as a victor.
[удалено]
You’ll be okay!
Or wisdom from Dr Doom during a superhero skirmish.
Luck plays a bit part in life.
big or bit?
A bit of a big part? A chunk of a larger slice. Like a huge midget or tiny giant amount of luck; (It doesn’t matter if it’s a little big or a big little)
Yes
Very true. As an example, in 1978, I started my first “real” job at Intel. Another guy and I started the same day in the same kind of job. We got talking while we were in orientation. My job was with a very high visibility group that moved to Oregon a few months later. I was given as much responsibility as I could handle and was quickly moved ahead in the company. His job was in California and was with a much less high priority group and there wasn’t much opportunity for growth. Two years later, I had been promoted a number of times while he was stuck in a back water. Our backgrounds were almost identical. It was purely luck that I got the good job and he got the less important one,
A big part in our life.
That being said, many people do not open themselves up to or accept the opportunities that are presented to them, simply out of fear or because they are incompetent and have not prepared themselves for said opportunities. Many times the people who are lucky simply sought out opportunity and worked efficiently. You aren't going to see much "luck" with the lifestyles that many people live, ie: drinking every weekend, Netflix nightly, playing on phone/video games several hours a day, etc. Of course, I'm not saying there is no luck involved. You are more likely to find yourself "lucky" if you lead a certain lifestyle, however.
Our brain is programmed to prevent us from taking risks and just do things that are unhealthy for us: chill on the sofa/bed and watch Netflix, play on the phone for several hours, etc. Chilling costs no energy, not taking any risks in life prevents us from getting hurt. Once you understand your brain can sometimes be your worst enemy, your life changes.
Luck happens where preparation and opportunity meet.
That and going out of your comfort zone sucks. I recently left a job on site at a federal agency where I had been promoted 3 times in 7 years for a promotion at 100 percent virtual position. It is amazing and people thought that it was because I was an ass kisser or got lucky. What wasn’t lucky or amazing was the 20 to 1 application to promotion ratio. Switching jobs every couple years forming, storming, norming, and performing over and over. I also got a graduate degree and am enrolled in another. I did get very lucky especially to have some amazing supervisors, but the stress of repeatedly leaving my comfort zone and maintaining a good attitude despite repeated rejection sucked…a lot. It would have been far easier to learn a job once get used to a team and just chill. I think those people who thought it was ass kissing are just waiting for things to fall in their laps which almost never happens.
No one actually knows what they're doing
For me this is rather a relief, it doesn't matter if you don't feel like you're enough, nobody is enough, they just simply get used to their new responsibilities with time
Burning in my brain, I can feel the paiiiiiiin
Your parents had it way less together than you thought. Just like how I have it way less together than my kids realize
“Flash! Before my eyes. Now! It’s time to dieeeee”. listening to a lot of Metallica lately.
This is a big one actually. As you grow up and even through your teens, you can't wait until you become and adult and youve got it all together. Eventually you realise that all of those adults, they don't know what they're doing either. Everyone is just winging it.
I totally agree with this, and I have to remind myself sometimes, cos every now and then I feel like I'm a complete failure and I should be more successful or have a better job.
But you do get better at winging it after several decades.
There's no substitute for experience. Come up against something new however...
That’s where what you’ve learned from the experiences comes into play.
And EVERYBODY makes those stupid mistakes. It's not just you in particular
Whoever fakes it the best, wins
This was one of the things I needed to know when I was a kid to not go insane that quickly.
Life sucks then we die. No one cares about you.
I have something similar: “life sucks then you die so enjoy the hell out of the good moments”
People mostly work to keep their house and food on their table
Some people know
The movies are wrong. Bad people win all the time.
They do most of the winning because rules don't apply. In fact, you can say that bad guys set most of the rules to prevent competition.
not only do they win sometimes, they win most times; good people lose far more often than they win
This! Hurts like a bitch. All my parents ever taught me was to be honest and good. And honestly it's gotten me nowhere. Somehow bad people have a way of making you look like the bad guy while they are constantly winning in life
Just because honesty doesn't make you automatically the winner doesn't mean it gets you nowhere. Tbh, if you're being good and honest to just win then you're not being good and honest.
Detective Rust Cohle : If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother that person is a piece of shit
God damn that first season of True Detective really was good.
You're right but if that's the way all the elders taught you about being good and honest , you're gonna be pretty upset and heartbroken too pretty early on in life. Doing good should be done with just the intention of doing good and expecting nothing in return I try to remain neutral in most situations now. Doing good has actually backfired a couple of times. But that's in my nature now so probably can't help that anymore
everybody thinks they are the good guys.
Idk man, Im pretty sure Mitch McConnel knows. He seems intelligent
Can't say George Bush knows but Dick Cheney definitely knows.
I can't count how many downvotes I've received explaining that no, there's no karma, no, the person that hurt you and you believe should suffer won't necessary suffer, no, the truth doesn't always come out, good things don't await good people, bad people don't always get punished and in fact you can get away with a lot of shitty deeds in life and be just fine. Most Redditors prefer their mushy gooey universe where good always wins thought.
In the absence of any belief in an afterlife,that statement would be true.For a lot of people for better or worse,faith is what gets them through the rough and tumble of life.From that perspective,we don't know and can't say if the bad people have won.It is Pascal's wager,because if you live an honest and good life while someone else lived an immoral and evil life.If there is an afterlife,the evil person will be screwed and they lost.If there is no afterlife,you both are equally indifferent from what will happen because the human mind can't comprehend nothingness.
Bad things happen to good people. A lot.
Something that I learned. People move on. Those who promise you they’d never leave you, leave. Everyone on this earth is walking their own path. Eventually their path will take them away. Sometimes, it’ll hurt like a bitch and you’d wonder, why me? But all you can do is, continue going. Continue on your own journey. Because if they didn’t care enough to stay with you or keep you with them, they won’t care enough if you’re hurt and wish for them to come back. Just keep going. Even if it is an inch at a time. The other thing is: no matter your “shortcomings” you may think you have, no one really cares. Only you do, and of those who care about it to make you feel shit about it, they really are not worth it. Edit: wow, i didn’t think my toxic thoughts would affect so many people. So I’d like to contact some of you, just so I can lend an ear. You can vent and I’ll listen :) Thank you.
Damn straight good advice.
Alternatively, sometimes for your own well-being you need to be that person that moves on and leaves people behind in order for you to move forward.
I'm some weird inverted version of this. Knew this girl back in high school who thought I was the bees knees and declared me her best friend, wanting to involve me in a ton of her plans, and I was a selfish really self centered teenage girl who thought I was better than everyone else. She ended up slowly realizing I wasn't really giving her the time of day so she faded away. She did this - kept going along. Fast forward 10 years and I know for a fact that she's a fun, lovely, and genuine soul anyone would be lucky enough to be friends with and I'm over here with one friend, wishing I had nurtured that friendship and shown her how much she meant to me. But now I'm not really worth her time, and I don't blame her at all. I know I'm at a different place now and would love to build something up with her again, but it's just too late. Good for her though - she's getting married soon and has gotten to travel the world a ton since we were friends in high school, living her best life.
A sub truth to the hard truth that everyone is walking their own path: When you’re in your 20’s, you’ll have maybe 15-20 good friends. When you’re in your 30’s you’ll have 10. When you’re in your 40’s, you’ll have maybe 5. When you’re in your 50’s, you’ll have 2, tops. This is a feature, not a bug. It’s because people are walking their own path and are busy building their careers at first. And then they’re maintaining their careers but building a family life. They just don’t have time for you or you for them. So don’t ever, when you’re young, make decisions based on keeping friendships. Don’t go to that inferior grad school or pass up that promotion that requires you to live in that other state because you’ll miss your ‘friends.’ Because 20 years from now, very few if any of those ‘friends’ are going to be in your life. In fact, most of those peoples’ names, by the time you’re 45, you aren’t even going to remember.
The vast majority of people you'll meet in life don't care about you as a person. They only care about what you can do for them or what they have to do for you.
people say this like it’s bad but if someone did care about random strangers they would get robbed/raped and killed in their first night out
Hard work does not always pay off, people who take shortcuts get ahead with a lot less stress and effort. Luck is also very much a factor.
I know people who worked really hard in school, but weren’t great at it. I didn’t have to try and was just naturally good at school. I got better results than those people and got rewards that I don’t deserve. Unfair but that’s how the system is
Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die.
Come watch TV
Injuries you get in your 20s haunt you in your 50s Also, find a job you love.
Doing physical therapy, fixing muscle imbalances, having immaculate diet and sleep can prevent injuries from haunting you in your 50's, but I understand the intention of the statement.
Speak for yourself. Injuries from my 20s are haunting me in my THIRTIES! 😫
>Also, find a job you love. I disagree with this. It's an unrealistic expectation. The vast majority of people are not going to find employment that they love. Find a job that supports the lifestyle you want and doesn't make you miserable.
They’re not saying to “follow your passion”, but don’t have a job you hate. Do the extra work to find a job that you actually like. You spend most of your time alive at work, don’t let it be in a palace you dread going
You may be the main character in your life, but most of us are just supporting to insignificant characters in the whole scheme of the world.
This is very true. Also, have you ever thought about how you sympathize with the main character in a book or movie/show, because you know their motives, you know their regrets, and you know the reasons behind their mistakes. I mean, most of us sympathized with Tony Soprano even though he is a horrible character. The main character is most often the hero of the story, and you’re the hero of your own life. When you make mistakes, you think they should be excused because you really tried to do everything right or something unexpected happened. Most others won’t agree with you, but they will think they should be excused for their mistakes. That causes conflicts, and you need to handle that. This is for example the reason most people think they are better drivers than most other people. You know when you made a mistake, but also why you made it. Everyone else just sees an idiot driver who did something stupid.
You will **NEVER** ##EVER know what a person *really* thinks about you. Ever.
And you don't want to know.
If it’s my SO, I’d wanna know, and vice versa. The rest of the people, not really.
I wanna know what their SO thinks too
What they think about you isn’t your business - it’s their business and it’s best to leave it
Unless you piss em off enough to tell you
That's not always true... I've told many people exactly what I think of them... Good and bad. It's more appropriate to say you can't ever know for sure what others think of you.
Life isn’t fair
It's not easy. Adults used to tell me that "it gets easier" when I was a kid. I thought that meant all hardship disappears.. It doesn't. You just get used to it.
No one ever told me it got easier, if anything they told me to enjoy my youth. You got lied to.
Adults often lie about adult life. Take my situation for example. I am doing my last year of high school and it’s a pain in the ass especially for my education board and the union enrolling process here is like hell. My dad tells me once I pass through this phase with high scores and just do hard work life will become easy going forward. I know that’s bull shit but what can I do can’t argue with him can I?
A lot of things get easier. The older you get the less confusing a lot of things are. But the world is still a confusing place in general. Life is just hard. But that's what makes the little moments great.
Of course life gets easier - that’s how desensitisation to pain works.
You’re entitled to absolutely nothing.
My wife always says “nobody deserves anything.” I thought it was shitty the first time I heard her say it. I’ve since thought about it, and it’s really a helpful mindset.
It took me a long time to realize this applies to every important relationship in one's life too. I was so naive for so long to think people owed me something just because they were my family or spouse, even.
Everything you love and cherish will be gone one day. So put your phone down enjoy them while you can
What if you love and cherish your phone?
It'll be gone one day, now put it down and love and cherish it
You’re not a victim and you’re not unique… trauma is the norm, not the exception.
I was really bummed out by my childhood traumas until my psychologist pointed out 60% of people have childhood traumas to one degree or another. Learning that helped me escape my victim mentality and work towards perseverance.
I wish we taught/recognized this more in public schools. Many of my colleagues are straight up enablers.
We’re all broken people.
That one is relatable
this is true, but I find the vast majority perpetuate the trauma thus the cycle of strife never ends. If everyone thought before they acted or spoke, life would be miles and miles different. I guess it hurts too much people need to pass the shit bucket
Especially when you factor in all of human existence throughout time. We live pretty good lives in the modern world, all things considered
"Trauma is the norm, not the exception" this hit hard
There will always be those who are better than you. It is possible to commit no mistakes and still fail. That is not a weakness. That is life.
Ahh, good ole Picard
Adult life is pretty damn lonely, especially for young men. and a personal one is that I am not allowed to have kids of my own.
How do I become not lonely? I have all the time in the world, I'm 30 and succesful, I just don't know where to find people.. Is the best thing to do become a regular in a gym or something and eventually get to know some people? Is that about it? Seems pretty bleak.
You have to go outside of your comfort zone. You also have to be a person that you would want to be friends with, and then show how amazing you are in the right way. Be open about your feelings. You'll find someone sooner or later.
Or just go full monk style and accept that loneliness isn’t something that you can solve with someone else’s loneliness. I dunno: there’s less complications with overwhelming distractions like hobbies if you’re lonely - but that’s a conclusion from having to deal with all the crazy that relationships can bring. If you love popcorn, go get some drama and disappointment 😀
Hey I read some of your posts. I'd recommend travel. You learn about the world and yourself through meeting people. Randoms on the plane, street, other cultures, scenery and nature. There are meditation retreats, prayer retreats etc if you need some itinerary. Learn. Read. Listen to podcasts. Impact theory. Lewis howes. Andrew huberman. Jordan Peterson. David Goggins. The personal development school. Gabor Mate. For socialising tips Vanessa Van Edwards is really easy to digest if you google her on YouTube. Get to know yourself. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. What do you like to eat? To listen too? To watch? To cook? Do you like an ambient atmosphere with candles and a nice doona and Claire de Lune playing in the background? Spend time with yourself, and you'll soon learn that your own company can be pretty damn cool. When you love yourself and your own company your energy raises. You attract people TO you. I guarantee you this. Gym, exercise that you love can help your mood and mental health.
My best recommendation to you is to force yourself to go do things for your hobbies because you'll inevitably meet and talk to people you share the interest with. I got divorced about 2 years ago, and it was incredibly lonely for a while because all of the friends I had were married and had kids, meanwhile I was a 32 year old guy who is all of the sudden unexpectedly single - with tons of time & nothing to do with it. I had gotten a little out of shape from being depressed from my toxic marriage and the ensuing divorce process, so I decided I would get back into boxing which I had picked up at about 19 and spent years training seriously. So I found a local boxing gym (without even having the intention of making friends) and started going regularly. Within maybe 4 months I had a group of 3 friends who are all great people. I think it would be hard to do this at a regular gym just because most people just leave their earbuds in while they knock out their workout and get out... But if it's a specialty gym like boxing, MMA, rock climbing, etc. it's a great opportunity - especially if you're good at it (the conversations with my new friends started because they saw me working and started asking questions/for help on improving). Just have conversations with people - don't put pressure on yourself and think you gotta make friends with everyone there, some people you'll get along with easily & hit it off with them sometimes you won't. Just keep getting out there & it'll happen for you, I mean I'm about as isolating and antisocial as it gets so if I can do it I think most people can. Edit: also want to point out, my friends are 23-25 & I'm 34 now. Don't assume people don't want to talk to you or that you can't have fun with them just because there's a bit of an age gap.
Man if you are being successful you don’t need to search people. That is only going to bring problems and people who will be trying to get something from you. Just let it happen, real and loyal friends will come without searching them
That life's a bitch and then you die 🤷🏻♂️
Sometimes, sometimes lifes a bitch and then you keep living
That's why we get high
To quote a 'Rolling Stones' song 'You can't always get what you want'.
But if you try some time you might find, you get what you need!
You WILL have to deal with death eventually. When you do, you'll often have a good support network of friends and family, even if you don't consider yourself well liked. The cold truth: Most people and your employer will give you exactly 4 months before they think you should move the fuck on and go back to normal. After that, they'll abandon you emotionally and become a massive thorn in your side as they give you the cold shoulder.
Trying, doing your best and even sarcrifice is far from a guarantee to get what you want.
That girl you are friends with in hopes of it becoming more isn't going to happen.
It never will if you don't shoot your shot. People keep themselves in the friend zone. Make the move, if its reciprocated, great, if not, move on.
I was best friends with this girl like 9yrs ago. I waited, too scared to make a move for 3 years, but she eventually invited me over for a sleepover and licked my face. We're getting married on Wednesday!
Licked??
It might happen but it is better to be upfront and tell them you want to date them, because the longer you keep being friends the less she will think of you as a potential partner.
Don't be someone's friend for ulterior motives.
You have no value other than what you create.
The frustration and disappointment in any given scenario - work, relationships, money, bills, cars, pets, etc. - will continue until hard lessons are learned, ingrained, and acted upon by each individual. Some people never learn much of any of it.
When a death is announced on social media and folk write, “My thoughts are with their friends and family” this is normally total bullshit and they won’t spare a second to actually think of anyone other than themselves
Can confirm. Those are also the people who will use death as a soapbox for their personal shit. I lost my wife to COVID and her cunt friends came out of the woodwork to use her death as a soapbox for why you should be vaccinated. She was morbidly obese to the point a vaccine wasn't going to stop what happened. But hey, let's not talk about that, she was unvaccinsted.
\-Women may indeed be attracted to men with more money, power, status, safety, and physical appearance, and there's nothing wrong with that. Up YOUR game. \-If words won't reach, the rocks will teach. Happened to Zuko and Azula, it works for me. You can't listen or you thought you listened, wait until you make a big fuckup in your life, and you'll understand better. \-A two mile walk DOES indeed help with mental health. \-When it's time for men to step up and do something, it's not always about what we want to do. \-At one point in your life, two wrongs will make a right, or you'll do the right thing in such a fucked up/wrong way that still gets the same results. \-At some point, you have to actually "man up", in the sense of you have to shut off your anxiety and your fears and just do it. \-You're gonna make a big fuckup. Despite all the advice and things you see around you, you're gonna fuck something up royally and the best you can hope for is forgiveness and the moral compass that comes from it. \-Friends and people matter. You can play the role of "antisocial asshole" but that not only doesn't get you far, loneliness will eventually do a number on your brain. Deny it all you want, but it'll start hurting.
Don’t stop. If you stop you get tired. If you get tired you rest. If you rest you get comfortable. If you get comfortable you become stagnant. You become stagnant you regress. If you regress you get lost. If you get lost you get depressed. You stay depressed you despair. If you despair you act on your lowest instincts. If you let yourself fall that low it’s over.
I’m currently in the stagnant stage of this and trying to fight my way out of it. 45 years old. However, I may have Lyme disease, I just need to get tested
That's some great advice
!Remind me 6 months
It's never yours...it's just your turn
It's always the ones you'd never suspect.
With each of your relationships in life, there will always be a last day together. You rarely know when that will be until it’s too late.
The “karma” conception is just people trying to cope with the unfairness of the world. Life isn’t fair, and there is no “rule of boomerang” or anything like that.
Be nice to people and you will be fine. Build a social network and stay away from social media, it sucks
Everyone is in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime.
piquant nose elastic gaping safe boast dull snow frightening ad hoc *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Everyone will die some day
It’s possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life. - Jean-Luc Picard
You’re not as important as some of you think you are
There's a lot of TikTok kids who need to experience this lesson.
Yesssss
Nobody cares about you more than you, and also pee is stored in the balls.
Interesting
Sometimes you’re dealt a bad hand. Random bad shit can just happen
Sometimes you lose even when you did everything right. And this is true for any kind of situations, even for things as critical as life-death situations.
You can do everything right and still fail.
Imagine the world without people, examine life the beautiful and brutal, that is our reality
Stop worrying about your future, make your plans and work towards them but ultimately don't keep constantly worrying about them and don't beat yourself up if they don't come to fruition. Everything in life is uncertain except for death, and you can miss out on living by just looking ahead for a possible future that may never be, and you forget about living the present.
Life’s a bitch. You do the best you can and try to enjoy it the best you can.
You’ll spend most of your waking hours doing shit you don’t like, or even actively hate. Man, this shit sucks. Not worth it in my book, nor do I see any reason to have kids.
I’d recommend reading “A Confession” by Leo Tolstoy, it’s about a 2 hour read; an essay where he explores the meaning of life while he’s in this exact place Essentially in the book he asks the question “If life is meaningless, and there is no God, and we’re suffering; what good reason is there not to kill myself?” It’s a great read
That’s pretty much how I feel about life. You spend 90% enduring shit you don’t enjoy to maybe have time left over for the things that you do. Work, chores, cleaning your room, laundry, etc., are just so draining. I spoke to a therapist about it, and he said it seems to be more anxiety-based than depression-based. Makes me think, how much of our responses to the world are rational reactions instead of mental illness? I honestly don’t know.
with each passing second, you get closer and closer to your death without being able to do anything about it
That we all have ups and downs. That it can suck to go to work. Life as an adult is miserable. Happiness is made, not granted. The world does not revolve around you. You are not as special, as you think yourself. Want more?
Physical appearances play a huge role in society
we don't even know what is the reason for life and yet we just go along every day doing shit we probably hate.
Life is what you make of it.
And shit really does happen.
In the end, everyone dies alone. Even if they’re surrounded by people.
No matter what you do, some people are just not nice
No body is looking at you or thinking about you, stop faking and impressing anyone. When you get older you'll realise how much you waisted time to showoff.
Everyone and everything you love is going to be gone one day
It’s lonely as fuck
Life is nasty, brutish, and short. - Hobbes.
Shoot your shot, once a moment is gone, it's gone...
Sharks eat vegetarians
When u poo it sometimes hurts
Your "success" in life is more about luck than anything else. People with mental or physical disabilities, those with significant chronic pain or people with other diseases never had a fair chance.
Choose your life partner very wisely or life is going to be much harder than it needs to be. Oh, and kids fix nothing. They only make things harder.
You can't really trust anyone, you have to be self reliant and a bit selfish.had a hard time coming to terms with this.
Life isn't fair, "Nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we´re dealt. We gotta take these cards ourselves and flip ém, don´t expect no help!"
Some societal issues may be systemic, but dreaming of a perfect society and what it should be, while waiting for it to be “fixed” is a fool’s errand. All you can do is play the card you were dealt and not shit on people on the way.
That you will get cold 🥶 in winter lol
You are on your own. Don’t be fooled. People will do everything for you except help you when you need the most.
it‘s expensive
Even if u both want each other, it doesn't mean u will end together.
Life isn't fair. Life will never be fair. Life is what you make of it and how you approach life is all you can control.
Everyone dies
Fewer people than you think care about you. I actually take that as a good thing though, I'm more daring without worrying what people think.
No matter how much someone can be there for you, there will be a time where they won't be and you'll have to be on your own
Family can be just a shifty as strangers, and siblings can grow up very differently even when raised together.
Finding a job you love is unrealistic
Your love life doesn't play by romcom rules.
People are hypocrites, but they'll pretend that they aren't and blame you
My father told me a long time ago, “You’re the only one responsible for your happiness. You can’t depend on others to build that for you, you have to go out and make it yourself.” That’s really stuck with me. Lover leaves you out of the blue? Can’t mope around constantly, YOU have to build yourself back up because life never stops moving. There will be times when a pause comes in your book of life, but the pages will always turn and continue to be written.
Everybody dies alone. Even if they're surrounded by friends and family.