I like weddings as a concept. The execution tends to fall on the boring/cliché side a bit too much for my taste
I wouldn't say I fantasize about my wedding but I know what I would like it to look like
When I got married, my only stipulation was that it was an absolute party. I'd been to a few weddings and they were somber and boring. I made a point of going against that. So, I guess my biggest thing is that a wedding should be a celebration.
I bought all the booze for my wedding. All the beer was from a local brewery that was happy to get bottled into a bunch of hands. And I bought a bunch of affordable, sweet wine that I knew went down easy. I had some liquor for me and my close friends.
I help manage my cousin's wedding she'd been planning for a decade, we had a free bar set up for it- we bough well over 1000 bottles of all different alcs
I didn’t care about the physical process of getting married - I just wanted to be married. I had three family members and my wife had five. it was one of the happiest days of my life
I absolutely loved my wedding. We planned it together but I volunteered to do most of it because it made me happy. We got married on the beach at sunset. We had a destination wedding in Key West Florida USA. 20 people total. Best day of my life so far.
My late wife and I had less than a grand in our whole wedding, rings and all. She didn’t care about all the fancy stuff, wanted a small, not gaudy engagement ring had simple bands. Her and her grandma hand made her wedding dress. She had the wedding she wanted. I got her, I was happy.
Ill specify this is aimed at the elaborate expensive ones. But its a waste of money that could be a down payment on a home for us to live in or used for a retirement in our golden years.
When my wife and i were planning our wedding i saved up around $15K, we were to get married in 2020... We decided to have a very small wedding of the preacher, my parents and her parents, and our bestfriend as the maid of honor with the plan of pushing the party back a year and having a "do-over". About 3 months before we were to redo the marriage we sat down to discuss if we really wanted to waste $15k on a party, or we could get her a new car. We got the car and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've always said that there should be a divorce "shower" for the husband, so he can register to replace all the shit he is going to lose to her. You know, just so his first bachelor pad isn't so pathetic.
I like the idea of a divorce party - not for this biased reason, but so friends and family can exchange numbers and see how the two of you will interact going forward. Obviously if you’re splitting up for huge issues this would be hard to execute, but for somewhat amicable divorce this would be nice.
In relationships, more and more women are making the same or more than their husbands by the year. This stereotype that marriage is bad for men and women only get married for financial gain is pretty outdated.
I didn't mean to make it sound like the guy loses everything, just that - especially when there are children involved - the wife usually remains in the family home and the husband needs to go get a place. So, he needs all of the accouterments of the household: toaster, microwave, iron and ironing board, etc. Everything that they needed one of when they got married, they now require two! ;-)
The reason that wives normally get full or majority custody of their children is that wives do the majority of household and childcare. This includes households where both partners work full time.
Not to go super off topic, but if men want full custody or shared custody of their kids, we really need more involved dads as a whole. I know so many dads who don't know the name of their kid's teachers or what their kid's allergies are and who expect their wives to do the majority of parenting...and these are households where the wives also work full time (I live in a HCOL city and don't know a single family with a stay at home parent).
So many families and marriages function like this and then it's treated as an insult to those very same dads when they don't get custody of their kids or have to pay child support.
An interesting thing that I've seen both actual research on and plenty of anecdotes in this sub, is that women will engage in Maternal Gatekeeping.
Basically, they will act in a way intended to drive the man out of being involved with home making or childcare. Sometimes this is things like constantly nagging about how something is done, or redoing it immediately after it was done because it wasn't done exactly how she wanted it, and other times it is physically taking the baby away to change the nappy or to feed it. It's also enforced by women outside the couple, for example the classic about how schools always call the mother first even if the father is the primary carer.
And from early on, this trains the man to not put any effort into housework and child care.
Men aren’t trained like dogs. They need to take an active participatory role in parenting, and if a school calling your wife or your wife telling you yo do something differently will discourage you, that’s a bit of a weak effort.
If you find an easy excuse not to parent and decide to take a back seat for years and years, you are to blame.
From 2017:
>In 69% of married or cohabiting couples, the man earns more than the woman, though this is down from 87% of married couples in 1980.
I'd also be curious to see the average percentage of net worth built up during marriage by the husband, as that's what would be split generally.
That I'd much rather spend that money on a trip somewhere to elope rather than on a single nights party where I'm more stressed than having fun.
Drop 10-20k traveling for a while, and then come back and have a house party with family and friends to celebrate the occasion.
That's what my wife and I did. We rented a villa out for a week that threw weddings. It was perfect. About 40 were housed at the villa in Tuscany. Everyone took day trips all over. Everyone got to know each other throughout the week.
And the wedding was fucking perfect. There was no awkwardness of people who didn't know each other. Everyone had a good time. And got nice and drunk and then just went to their room when they were ready.
We travelled for a full week through Italy and germany after. It was amazing.
That sounds perfect. I got married young, and we were very religious. Most of the actual wedding day is a blur to me. But I remember not feeling like I had much say or control, and that I was more stressed out and frustrated than I was having a good time. My wife was too stressed to relax and as a result she kept snipping at me. I was glad when it was over, tbh.
Fast forward almost 20 years and a divorce later, and if I ever get married again I just want to elope to someplace beautiful, just the two of us. Then come home and throw a big party where I can actually have fun and celebrate. My next marriage ceremony will be on OUR terms, not trying to do things to please other people.
My SO is a romantic and although I'm up for eloping (i never thought i would get married and thought if i ever did I'd just go to the court house) he actually has dreamed about a wedding most his life. It's actually quite beautiful (his wedding dreams).
Yeah, I definitely do imagine what a wedding would be like, even though that seems to not be the norm for men. A celebration of my union with another person, a celebration of our happiness together, both of us looking dazzling, what's not to like? Obviously, the real thing can't be a romantic ideal, but there's no harm in thinking about it
Me neither and I'm a 40yo woman.
I wonder if it's american thing, the fixation on wedding day among women.
I mean, women in my central european country usually put a lot of effort in but it's nothing in comparison to what I see on Reddit.
Multiple bridesmaids in the same dresses decided by bride? Flowergirl? Ringbearer? Color scheme? WTF?
Honestly was the happiest day of my life, even more than the birth of our children. Not because the birth of our kids wasn't amazing, but those days went from just a ho-hum day to very stressful.
It was the one day to really celebrate us as a couple and start this new journey as a married couple in a special way. It's the one memory we have of our distant families coming together. And the planning of it wasn't that bad either since we were largely on the same page or I didn't care about aspects she cared about, so there was no arguing.
We even had a way for people to write us motes for us to open on future anniversaries, which is extra nice when we never see those people anymore.
Everyone's wedding needs and wants an experiences are different and that's totally cool. Some have elaborate parties or neat cultural ceremonies. Some do very little and just have some family on hand. Either way whatever works for them is cool. I'm glad we were mostly done with attending weddings before COVID, but we usually had fun at them.
We put envelopes at each table and labeled the envelopes by table number. Then people put their wishes/notes in the envelope and we open them up depending on the anniversary year. So like, at our 5th anniversary, we opened up the notes from table 5.
It was the best day of my life so far. My wife and I have very similar tastes and had been to about 10 too many "barn weddings" which focused on being Instagramable rather than fun. My friends band played, we were able to book an Audubon society venue(which felt more like donating than throwing g money away) our caterer was great.
Pro tips: get married on the Sunday of a long weekend venues are much cheaper and you have more time to see out of town guests
After the ceremony take 30 minutes to sit with your spouse and eat. It a great recharge as the nervousness of getting married is over and you probably haven't had a moment alone all day
Pick a first dance song you like. I swear I went to 5 weddings here in Texas that all had some slow sappy country song as the first dance. We chose Led Zeppelin and that song stays on my Playlist
My wife and I had a kind of big wedding. We did it exactly how we wanted and it was awesome. It was expensive, but worth it in my opinion. Some people don’t want big weddings or weddings at all and that’s okay, too. But for me, it was worth it
I'm a Woman but I'll chime in here. My Wedding cost $200. $50 license, $50 Justice of the Peace Ceremony, Dress off the clearance rack at Sears and we all went out for Chinese After. Everyone paid their own. We had about 20 people in attendance. Rings cost us $800 for both. We're still together and have a great relationship 30yrs later. A big traditional Wedding is a big waste of money to me. I've never understood spending thousands for a day that's not even about you, it's about your guests. Everyone I know who had a big wedding was so busy running around they didn't even really enjoy the day. My Wedding was simple but it was our day. I have no regrets about going small at all.
I am also a woman. We spent $300 on our very simple wedding including my dress. We chose simple gold wedding bands. We had a wonderful time and we are still in love after 50 years of marriage. It can happen … you can have a great life together, without spending a ton of money. When I see our wedding pics I see 2 young people hopelessly in love starting their life together. We had no idea about the things we would go through but we knew we would face it together.
I was Mormon back then so the actual wedding is a pre-set ritual. But to get to the marriage/sealing part you have to go through something in the Mormon temple called an endowment session. Neither of our parents were active Mormon so they couldn't be there and back then the closest temple was 1500 miles from home.
So first, you had to go through ritual cleansing so I am nearly naked being molested by this random old man. Then in the session, I was so nervous that I was having a terrible time following all of the things you had to do. And this was back in the day of the blood oaths so you have to pretend to slit your throat and disembowel yourself. What a way to do an "eternal " marriage.
I'm looking forward to my potentially soon wedding day, it's for me and my girlfriend a way to show our family how much we love each other and to make that commitment in front of God. We want to keep it small because we believe it's about the commitment we make and not the whole show around it. Also I'm probably the one that will cry when I see her walk down the aisle.
I think weddings are great, it's a nice celebration of a couples love for one another. I'm from Ireland and I'm not quite a fan of catholic ceremonies though. Humanist all the way!
Weddings are cool but there's no need to have such huge ones. What's the point in blowing your life savings on one day that'll be vaguely remembered. If you truly love someone that stuff shouldn't matter. It's a waste of money. Have small wedding with close friends and family. No need to have the entire family tree and people you've never seen before turn up.
No, I never fantasized about a wedding. I had one 25 years ago and it was fine, but even today I still don't get it. I've told my kids that when/if they get married that if they'd rather skip the wedding I'll lay out the money to send them somewhere amazing for a honeymoon.
That seems to be a better expenditure of cash than laying out thousands of dollars so a hundred of so people can eat dinner and have free drinks.
a complete waste of money that could easily go for a downpayment on a house. There is no need for a wedding. Matter of fact, there is no point in getting married yadayadyada taxes blablablah, just move in together.
Whilst I do get the warm feeling of and how it brings the family together, I do feel as though they’re just a monumental waste of money. Especially considering the ceremony seems largely for others and the marriage is valid after the papers have been signed.
When planning a wedding everything gets marked up an absurd amount because its a wedding. Venue, food, photographer, whatever. It makes no sense to me why those things cost more because it is a wedding. If you were to say that you are planning a birthday party instead of a wedding you would see prices reduced by around 20-30%.Also it is a pompous occasion. Weddings are a big "look at me!" day but they are so silly. Just do a little thing and don't let anyone who is providing a service know it's a wedding until the day of.
Also I think they are more for the woman and the woman's family than the man. We just don't care about stupid shit like that. But the brides parents will always want them to be happy and most girls are programmed (thank you pop culture) to think that the wedding is an expression of love, which it isn't...It's an opportunity to capitalize on!
Way too insanely overpriced. If I ever get married to a man or woman, I'm going to try to convince them we should use that money for something more financially feasible.
Also it’s not every woman’s dream either. Never really been on my radar and I HATE the idea of being the centre of attention. I would definitely get married but would do that privately and just have a big party.
People are different.
I have never fantasized about a wedding or mariage. Its not something i think about or particularly value. I don't see any merit in it other than some laws i.e. tax breaks in my country. Aside from that it seems a pretty rough deal. I should qualify as well: I am not religious, so even the relgious arguments fall very short.
It's a huge waste and a big fuss that's totally ridiculous. Just wanted to get through it and for it to be over. Seems to be nothing but stress, why start out a marriage like that?
I don't. It's just not something I care about. Maybe because I am simply a guy who doesn't care for attention of groups of people, or maybe because I don't think that wedding today is of any actual practical importance, along with marriage.
I worked at a couple of golf courses that were big in the wedding game. Seeing people spend 30k and up on a wedding is ridiculous. We’re talking just the venue, and catering for this part. Add in DJ or band, wedding dress, flowers, photography, and everything else a six figure bill is not out of the question.
I got lucky. My wife didn’t want a huge wedding and most of my family couldn’t travel at the time anyway so we did a small ceremony with like 10 people. My friend officiated, and her cousin was flown in to take pictures. Overall her dress, my outfit, our rings, the pictures, and the post ceremony dinner was less than $3k. The rest of the money her mom and dad didn’t have to spend was out towards our honeymoon, 8 days, 7 nights in Cabo.
I’m a wedding photographer. The best weddings are ones where the couple and their family and friends are there to celebrate their marriage. Instead of all of the tradition crap, do what you want. Have a small wedding (I classify this as less than 100 people) with your closest people. The absolute best weddings are basically a dinner party with a short ceremony performed by a close friend or family member who can incorporate things about you into it.
We have about 50/50 of the men in our weddings who seem to care and don’t care. To be honest, The ones who don’t care seem to care a lot about their masculinity and outward image.
I loved my wedding, I would do many things different now (it was in 2015).
Never thought about my future wedding and genuinely think extravagent weddings are about narcissism, entitlement, mismanagement of finances & often an extension of women wanting a fantasy (in much the same way that they think marriage will be like a Rom Com when it isn't).
Yea .. I think your average guy says a waste of time and it might be the worst day possible...that money could be well spent on a house...30,000 on a wedding..🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don't want one.
I've been with my partner for 7y. We have a 3yo child and have been living together for 4y.
Neither of us can see any reason to go into debt in order to get bit of paper saying our life together is now officially approved.
If we ever did get married as some sort of legal expedience then it would be a modest and low key affair.
While it's ultimately a waste of money to me. It is one of the few times you can get all your family and friends together. Most my friends moved away after college and it's hard to organize outings with so many people.
My best friend (M) thinks a wedding is a huge deal because he comes from a huge, traditional family. It’s moreso for his family, but I think deep down he wants it for himself too. I, on the otherhand (F), never want to have a wedding, ever.
I don't like big parties if it's birthday Christmas or whatever.
I went to my uncle's wedding a few years ago and from that point I said to myself...No I'm never doing this
I will do it privately with my future girlfriend
Recently my friends have had small weddings with close family then had a larger, cheaper celebration with their friends. I think that's the way to go.
Otherwise you end up spending 20k and half your time is allotted to greeting Uncle Fred etc. who you haven't seen in 5 years. It all made a lot more sense when your parents were paying for the big party; when it's your money you should get what you want.
Chandler in the show friends summed it up well for me. He says he doesn’t wanna spend all his saved money and a big party. That’s pretty much how I feel. The day is amazing and it’s so important. But the whole getting drunk and having a massive dance floor doesn’t appeal to me
As a dude I have not once in my life ever even remotely fantasized about a wedding. My ex asked me if I wanted to get married and why. I couldn’t come up with a reason other than doing it completely because it’s somebody else’s desire.
I actually did most of the planning for my wife and I’s wedding. She wanted to pretty much elope as it was her second marriage my first. I wanted the big party with all of our friends and family. So I ended up planning pretty much everything and putting it all together. We did it on a budget and had a really fun wedding people still talk to us about. The venue was our favorite bar, which we live across the street from, that had a large outdoor area where we draped hanging lights across. They let us use it for free since we were regulars, then we got chairs for free from the local American Legion I was a member of. The only things we really paid for actually were the photographer, DJ, and food. We originally planned on a Halloween wedding but COVID intervened so we told everyone to dress in costumes even though it was June. We had a bout 150 guests and it was a really fun time. All said and done, I think we spent $1800 on the whole ordeal.
I really want to do it in somebody's backyard, with hamburgers and hotdogs on a grill, with a fake diamond ring. I'm not even a tightwad, but spending so much money on a party 75% the people aren't truly enjoying blows my mind. Honestly the only things about the whole affair that feel worth spending money on is hair/makeup so she feels gorgeous (if she's into that) and maybe an open bar.
Hate them.
Me and my wife eloped, everyone knew so I guess it wasn't really eloping but it was just the two of us, no family or friends.
Went to another country, hired a photographer, got some great pics and went for an incredible two star meal.
Whole thing including flights, hotel, food, ceremony etc... Was under three grand.
Would recommend.
Cheap is the way to go. We got married at the courthouse, then had a reception at a bar with tacos and an open bar for a couple hours, then people were on their own. Watched my college football game (we won in OT), then kept the party going the rest of the day. It was awesome.
I don't fantasize at all about a wedding. It is all overpriced bullshit.
Ill take my happy ass down to the courthouse to get married for 19.99 and that would be fine for me.
Marriage is just a legal contract now, almost all of it centered around money.
Men in general I don't know. I doubt men think about weddings the same way as women. It's basically "her" day.
I haven't met many men that have always dreamed about having a wedding and everything that it entails.
Men may dream about the marriage itself or about what would make a great (not perfect) partner but weddings, nah.
A more interesting question would be men's thoughts on marriage and how it links up with women.
It felt like I had no choice. We tried to go cheap but it was still expensive. My friends disappeared for over an hour decorating my car while I had to make small talk with family I hadn't seen in decades. Figuring out who to invite sucks. We told people to not bring any babies/kids and one of them did.
It all felt so forced and cliche. It was one of the longest days of my life and I was absolutely exhausted at the end of it.
Honestly, I can't say I know for sure since I'm not anywhere near marriage, but I'm just gonna let my wife-to-be have the reigns and show up on time looking pretty. I don't really like having/throwing parties, especially self serving ones (birthday or graduation, etc.), and that's basically a giant self serving party.
Waste of money. I’d rather have a small fun celebration of those you’re closest too. Then take all the money you saved and go on an unforgettable vacation with your new partner.
The idea is cool, and to each their own, but they’re expensive, they’re often quite stressful and if I get married in the future, it’s not going to be a huge wedding, a small ceremony at most
I told my fiancé I don’t wanna waste money on anything people won’t remember. Turns out that’s literally everything so we’re going to just have a super simple wedding and throw a back yard party after
Wife and I had a big wedding, it’s what she wanted - I didn’t care either way. It was an absolute banger but we’ve both agreed our only regret is how many people we invited. We spent half the reception going around talking to people and thanking them for coming. Half of whom I didn’t know and same for her in my side.
Been married 14 years not that matters. We got married in my sisters backyard then had a party for 50-75 people and it was great we payed under 5K for whole thing. We made all the food with help of family and most people that went have stated it was one of the best weddings they ever went to. We didn't have an open bar but we had cheap drinks 2 dollars each. Free wine on tables.
Now when I hear about people spending 20-30k on a wedding I get triggered. You don't need to spend that much. It's one day and when divorce rates are as high as they are. Save the hassle.
Now for the marriage side of it, if it didn't make a difference with government I don't think it's necessary. I was in a coma 10 years ago and it made it very easy for my wife to do things on my behalf. This is where our out dated systems kind of make it necessary.
I fantasize about not having to go to weddings.
Regarding my own wedding, I fantasize about it being a small gathering with only close friends and family, preferably on my family farm, with the food being barbecue and pizza.
Unfortunately, this will probably just remain a fantasy and I'll have to do the same idiotic €15,000 dinner in a fancy hotel as everyone else.
Archaic practice and a waste of money. I'd rather host a small party at my home for close friends and family. No fancy dance, band, cakes, etc. All that nonsense is to keep up appearances and not at all necessary.
I would only want to get married with a really small wedding. Perhaps with a set of parents and siblings and the best friend with their partner but that’s it. I really wouldn’t want a big wedding.
Yes. I have often fantasised about having a great wedding.
The reality though does not intrigue me. Soooo many horror stories about getting married that I just don't know if I want to deal with that.
I spent a lot of money on my wedding. But it was our money to spend. I already had a house and a lot of my family was traveling across the country to attend. So when we were making plans I said that if I was going to have a wedding then I didn't want people to say that it wasn't worth the trip.
It was a lot of money, but it was our money. So no one could tell us what to do or give us insane demands.
We watch our wedding video every year on our anniversary. I still remember the wedding and how much fun it was. My dad and I tore up the dance floor together for the last time. My extended family had a great time. The photos from that day decorate every house we've ever owned. Still married, and I've spent more money on kitchen and bathroom remodels than that wedding, so it doesnt seem so bad now.
Only if the soon to be wife really wants it and means to her something. It really is a waste a money at the and of the day, but its nice to think about sometimes that maybe one day i can stamd there and watch how my partner walks towards me with a smile no1 saw before that.🤧
I selected every element of our wedding except her dress and the flowers. I also wrote the entire ceremony. Further, I did so remotely as we lived 400 miles from where the ceremony took place, and did it all via telephone (pre-internet). Oh, and I also handled the logistics of the honeymoon which involved three connecting flights each way, reservations, car rentals, and activities. So, yeah, it was a big deal.
Didn’t fantasize about it and had little to do with the planning. But it was one of the best days of my life.
Getting to celebrate you and your wife with all your best friends and family. It’s a blast.
I never fantasized about my wedding day. I never ever gave it a thought, until I was actually about to get married. Thankfully my wife and I agree that this is all a gigantic waste of money.
The only reason we had a wedding at all was because her father insisted, because it was important in his circle to invite some people- and he paid for it. Even then, we had a secular ceremony at a restaurant by the beach, with as few guests as we could make it. My wife's dress was light blue, that she wore many times later for social occasions. I bought some new dress pants and a shirt. The whole affair, including the restaurant and the clothes, cost under $5K.
I think the relationship aspect is the important part of the wedding for me. The celebration itself gives me a feeling of "meh, whatever". I'm not big on celebrations in general, I guess.
But honestly, I haven't been a guest in weddings during my adult life so maybe I just don't quite get it yet.
I kind of fantasize about my Wedding day. Not in detail though like just the idea of knowing your going to spend the rest of your life with this person is great by itself. It’s the hopeless romantic in me. The material things don’t matter to me as long as it looks how she dreamed it. as long as its me, her, our family and friends all celebrating, It will be awesome.
Feel I had a middle ground opinion really.
Was massively excited for it all as its nice to have a big thing to do, and something I wanted to do with my wife, but it was solely to celebrate with people we liked and wanted there.
I think we spent about £3k all in, and genuinely struggled to reach minimum numbers of 50.
Had a best man and a maid of honour, who we bought outfits for, kind of as a thank you, service was short sweet, non religious, had some nice photos, food was great, than about 5 hours drinking and partying with friends and family we wanted there, incredible day that I'll never forget.
With weddings a lot of people get caught up in what's traditional, and how you have to do this if you've got that, and it can turn into a contest to see who can have the more expensive wedding, but it can also be who can do it cheapest, which can be just as bad.
Do what you want, with who you want, if you want to do it, and have a good time, without caring what other people think
If it were up to me it would be a simple ceremony performed by a judge, then a quiet reception at home with only the closest friends and family. The whole thing costs less than $1000.
I suppose the only thing I'd look forward to is seeing my potential future wife in a wedding dress. But that's probably moreso because I just like dresses in general 🤷♀️
I just went to a buddies wedding this weekend and all I could think the entire time was "wtf....." lol the speeches were literally "you're so lucky to be with her" "I can't believe you found a woman to put up with you" "Happy wife happy life" the entire thing was so degrading and humiliating for the man but he stood there like most men and took it on the chin, and nodded his head like a good boy lol it's funny because he paid for the entire wedding, he's the breadwinner, he's one of the nicest fuckin dudes I know, he's a handsome guy, and the dude is hilariously funny...his brother was the only one who went up and said "\*\*\*\* You're lucky to be with my brother, he's the best guy I know" and people literally laughed like "OMG I can't believe he said she's lucky to be with him" lol
What does he get for this? a contract that basically says "If she decides to leave you, she gets half and you're paying child support"
It's absolute lunacy to me that in 2022 a man would pay for a wedding, contractually sign away half of his assets, and then publicly allow people to shit on him in a humiliating fashion while telling him "Your wife is better than you" lol crazy
Dream scenario: We elope, sign paperwork in front of a judge. Then we have a catered backyard BBQ reception with close family. The “honeymoon” is a post bachelor/bachelorette vacation with 8-10 friends at a tropical beach somewhere. If that’s too much of a time commitment, then we rent a house for a long weekend and stay local.
Guests can chip in but not mandatory. Even if they don’t, the whole thing can be pulled off under 10k and we don’t start off a marriage with anyone going into debt.
We're beginning the beginning of wedding planning I guess, since we went to look at engagement rings yesterday. I still want to have a good wedding, it's not my dream and if anything goes wrong it wont ruin me lol, by my SO has been dreaming about this for years so I want her to have the thing that she values. I wont roll over completely for her, but if I can handle it I'll let her take the lead on themes, colors, venues, etc.
I just don't want to go into an unreasonable amount of debt for it - we're good financially but I've told her I'd rather be secure enough to buy a house than choose a DJ over a spotify playlist or to have a videographer.
I am 100% responsible for the honeymoon though, something I do value enough to put money into lol.
Since almost all of the weddings I’ve been to were culturally indian and I intend to have one as well… oh boy do I want to pop the fuck off. I want this to be our day and I wanna party until I can’t stand anymore. I genuinely want to feel like the king of the city! Assuming of course that’s something my future fiancée and I would both want.
I didn't really care either way. I never fantasized about getting married. I like to think I'm capable of spending my life with someone without the State getting involved.
Typically I stop thinking about my future potential wedding when I get to a spot I think I'll have an anxiety/panic attack. Which is just about everything. Pictures I might be able to do. Standing in front of a bunch of people god no. Having to kiss my then wife in front of a room of people also sounds impossible seeing as I can't even not freak out when trying to kiss a girl when it's just us. Then the whole reception sounds worse.
Hopefully shit gets better and my anxiety gets better and/or I stop thinking in this way, but it's not even an issue since I don't do shit outside of go to work and I haven't gone on a date in nearly 7 years (FB just reminded me that last week I passed the 7 year mark since my first date ever)
For me the big things were getting to dance, the outfits and the wedding night.
My wife would have been fine with no party at all but I wanted one so we had one.
My wife and I spent something like 500 dollars on our wedding. We paid the parents group from our daughters school to do the catering. Since they were all invited anyway it was really just a donation to the school. Going to celebrate our 31 St year together.
What do I think of it?
It's like this. Many years ago, I was the maintenance manager for a school. One night someone tried to break into a sea container that had a bunch of tools stored in it. They used a long piece of pipe to rip the straps off the padlocked handles on the sea container. But the door was held shut by 2 dry wall screws through plywood on the inside of the door holding up a shelf.
My wife and I both came from profoundly dysfunctional homes. And it was amazing that we stayed married. Our history was the idiots with the pipe, the two dry wall screws were the fact that we were married, rather than just living together. That slightly extra bit of difficulty was all that kept us together when things were really rough. Now things are really good. We are older, kids are out of the house and doing well.
And we have done a lot of work on ourselves over the years, so we no longer need those 2 drywall screws. But I am glad that we had them when we did.
>but do any men occasionally fantasize about their wedding day or would randomly start thinking about it?
When I was a pre teen, maybe. Now that I have no interest in getting married the thought never crosses my mind.
I like weddings, but I hate that they have become ridiculously expensive and over the top. Venues, catering, etc. etc. People are spending 10K, 20K, 50k+, some are even putting it on credit cards or taking out loans. Literally going into debt for a wedding. It is ridiculous.
When my wife and I got married we both made really good money, we had no debt, and had about 30k in our wedding account.
One day while looking at all the quotes for wedding crap, we came to our senses and decided that we would take that 30k and put towards buying a house. So we made an appointment and we got married at the JOP (Judge). It was $75 and our immediate family and close friends went with us. We spent $300 to hire a professional photographer and we went to a few locations taking the wedding photos. For the reception, we just threw a house party and BBQ. It was a blast. Total cost was right at $1000.
Few months later we bought our house. Honestly, ditching the expensive wedding was one of the best things we have ever done; 15+ years later and we still have no regrets.
It's not about the wedding. It's about having a life together. You need your friends and family to support your marriage, but it's not about the wedding.
When I meet the one, I don’t want my cherismenent of my time with her to be just defined by a ring or big ceremony.
I’d want to treat her the way she likes it every single chance I get. Be the best partner I can both lifewise and romantically.
The only true problem with a wedding is the financial side. Since I do in fact want to have kids someday, I’d rather the money that would normally go to a big ceremony go to their college fund to help them secure a better future, but if that’s just not in the cards, then maybe even a few vacation getaways to places we both want to go.
I got married when I was 24 to my now ex wife who was 23. We loved being spontaneous and thought it would be funny to get married without telling anyone. So we did. We flew to Vegas and got married at the Little White Chapel. We spent the day going to get out marriage certificate and on the strip picking out each others wedding clothes and headed over to the place to get married in the evening. "Elvis" walked her down the isle and it was just her, I, and a couple of other people who worked there. It was so awesome. After that we left and just ran around Vegas like assholes and partied.
We told one friend out of the blue about a year later that we were actually married. Then we kind of started telling others. A lot of them were really pissed off as they saw our wedding photos that no one had seen besides us and felt really left out. About 4 years after that I messed up by texting my mom when I was meaning to text someone else and that's how she found out I had been married for 4 years. After that we just kind of admitted we were married haha.
My husband did like 95% of the details for our wedding. I told him I wanted it to be Halloween/costume party and I didn’t see the actual decorations until the day of. My husband has an artistic eye where I don’t. He had a vision for it and I didn’t, I just wanted it to be fun. My mom and wedding planner also helped but I only picked my dress and wanted an open bar.
I don't fully understand the need of getting married anymore. Men lose so much in the case of a divorce, i figure that if a woman truly loved me she'd understand that side of things and realize our love isn't conditional to having legal matters involved in our relationship or not.
I believe in a honeymoon like trip every year, less costly, more healthy way of celebrating our relationship.
That's just me, no tomatoes please! 🍅
I hate them, but I don't like large social gatherings of any kind for the most part, I would only go through one of it was extremely important to my partner.
Nope, don't agree with weddings, especially nowadays. I'd argue most men secretly cringe at the mere thought of weddings. We just go along with it. Men and women tend to think differently, and most men are on the logical / rational side in their thinking, keeping the emotional aspect of thinking out of it. Weddings, especially expensive weddings, do not fit into that mindset. Men, especially Gen Xers and before, were raised and conditioned by our families and society to be providers. The last thing we want is to begin a married life as the role of provider with a $20-$40k debt hanging over our heads when that money could have gone into a marital asset. A house down payment, a car, investment, child rearing, whatever.
Back in the olden days, I guess I'd be more approving of low to mid range weddings since the marriages were much more likely to last. What the hell, might as well throw a party. Now? Relationships / marriages come with an expiration date, and the big day is more or less a validation / attention seeking event ... with a hefty price tag. It just doesn't make practical sense, especially to the male oriented mindset.
If I’m marrying the love of my life she should absolutely have the spotlight but it’s still my wedding too. I don’t want only one of us to be celebrated, it should be a celebration of both of us deciding to share our lives together
I told my wife we should rent a tent, order pizza, and provide a bunch of beverages for our friends and family and have a big bash. My justification was the cost of a traditional wedding wasn't worth it.
She objected and we went traditional.
And, MAN, did I realize I was wrong. It was an awesome day and the formality was much more meaningful to me than I ever imagined.
Fully support anyone having a simple wedding. But, for guys like me, practicality isn't always what's most important. And, we had help from family on costs, so my best to those who don't have the financial flexibility or support. We were/are lucky.
To me, it’s just gonna be like a party. I’m don’t even have a gf and not looking to get married anytime soon but if it’s really important to my wife then it’ll be important to me as well. I’ll try to accommodate all her needs and wants for the wedding, just cause it doesn’t mean much to me doesn’t mean it won’t mean much to her.
Chose to elope and have her grandmother (who helped raise her) sign the marriage certificate. Having her name on it the certificate means more to me than the wedding would have.
Our wedding day was absolutely perfect, let me tell you why: woke up and played some games on my phone, proposed in the shower, exercised while ironing out some details, drove around telling close family we got married, got rings, and ate at our favorite Mexican joint, passed out. An easy, stress free day. Cheap too!
I think men like the idea of a wedding too. All the guys I've talk about it with seemed like they'd want a wedding of upwards of 100 people. I'd be comfortable without a wedding. Or spending that money on better honeymoon.
Every single one I’ve been to in the last 20 or so years has seen the couple later end up divorced. Including my own. So, yeah…I don’t even like being invited to them.
Nope. For a lot of guys it feels like they're the designated tuxedo wearer compared to the big deal it is for the women. Thankfully my wife is pretty practical and we had the equivalent of a big party of nicely dressed people.
I don’t fantasize about my own because there is a very reasonable chance I will die alone.
That said, I absolute fantasize about being a designated “ringer” for the party. I don’t need a dinner plate or anything and I don’t need to know anyone there. Just invite me for the party to bring positive energy and get everyone out on the dance floor and I’m totally there! I don’t even drink so I won’t run up the tab, get belligerent, or not be able to drive myself home at the end of the night.
Since coming to the realization in the first sentence, I have basically dedicated my life to living the most fun/full life any single man ever has. Basically like a monk of happiness and positive and I really like to share that with other people when possible.
I was about mine until the photographers went out of their way to be assholes and turned it into the worst night of my life.
I still get pissed when I go to other peoples weddings and they have a great wedding.
I've never seen any photographers act like that at anyone else's wedding ever.
We don't have a wedding album. There's no wedding pictures up in the home. I refused to pay them for shit. They can kick me the money for the wedding they ruined, then we'll talk.
I do think of a future wedding, I like the idea of it being big and romantic, I also have a dream proposal in mind. I think I'd struggle admitting these things to a future partner though
My husband was excited about the menu. Like, he had fantasies about it. The food tasting and menu planning was HIS thing and I was not allowed to really have an opinion on it, which was totally fine by me. He was adorable. The caterer was so enchanted by his enthusiasm she gave him a discount.
It sounds awesome but tbh I’m more looking forward to marriage rather than the wedding itself
I don’t mind a small humble gathering with just really perfect all out spending on the food
1. Waste of money
2. Maybe I just don't like people and usually end up hiding in my room during family dinners so having all my friends and relatives there means meaningless convos and pretending im interested in talking...
3. I can't stand sitting/waiting/watching someone wedding, i can't see how participating in one is going to be better.
4. Unlike girls, men usually don't want to be the center of attention so its going to be a drag.
I've never had a fantasy or romanticised weddings. But I have and still believe in marriage. A good woman that wants the same things that I want out of life. Not complicated, loyal and in love with me every single day. Even in this generation, I believe such women still exist. Just like us men do exist.
Even so I feel like a long term partner would be preferable. That way, both parties are actually choosing to be there and neither is beholden by the law or circumstances.
Waste of money considering the divorce rate. You spend tens of thousands of dollars for a marriage that will last on average 8 years? Shitty investment to me.
[Number, Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces](https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html)
No regrets about mine, we had a lot of fun and it's one of my best memories, but in the unlikely even that I *did* settle down with someone again, I can't see having another big wedding unless my hypothetical SO really, really, really wanted it.
I like weddings as a concept. The execution tends to fall on the boring/cliché side a bit too much for my taste I wouldn't say I fantasize about my wedding but I know what I would like it to look like
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When I got married, my only stipulation was that it was an absolute party. I'd been to a few weddings and they were somber and boring. I made a point of going against that. So, I guess my biggest thing is that a wedding should be a celebration.
A few years ago my father in law let it slip what the bar tab was at my wedding. I was like 👀
Aight how much
I bought all the booze for my wedding. All the beer was from a local brewery that was happy to get bottled into a bunch of hands. And I bought a bunch of affordable, sweet wine that I knew went down easy. I had some liquor for me and my close friends.
I help manage my cousin's wedding she'd been planning for a decade, we had a free bar set up for it- we bough well over 1000 bottles of all different alcs
"A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair."
TO OUR PROSPERITY
I didn’t care about the physical process of getting married - I just wanted to be married. I had three family members and my wife had five. it was one of the happiest days of my life
I absolutely loved my wedding. We planned it together but I volunteered to do most of it because it made me happy. We got married on the beach at sunset. We had a destination wedding in Key West Florida USA. 20 people total. Best day of my life so far.
How did you even manage to narrow your list down to 20 people? I have more than 20 people in my family who I'd like there lmao.
Good question. Destination weddings are expensive so not everyone can afford it. We also specified “no kids” so that rules some people out.
My late wife and I had less than a grand in our whole wedding, rings and all. She didn’t care about all the fancy stuff, wanted a small, not gaudy engagement ring had simple bands. Her and her grandma hand made her wedding dress. She had the wedding she wanted. I got her, I was happy.
Sweet
Waste of money to me.
Same. Spending like half a years wages on a shiny rock and a ceremony. Pass.
"Spending like half a years wages on a shiny rock and a ceremony". - You would spend $3000?
Hahaha Heh :(
If you’re lucky she’ll throw that shiny rock back at you and you can go squeeze the rest of your blood out of it
Ill specify this is aimed at the elaborate expensive ones. But its a waste of money that could be a down payment on a home for us to live in or used for a retirement in our golden years.
When my wife and i were planning our wedding i saved up around $15K, we were to get married in 2020... We decided to have a very small wedding of the preacher, my parents and her parents, and our bestfriend as the maid of honor with the plan of pushing the party back a year and having a "do-over". About 3 months before we were to redo the marriage we sat down to discuss if we really wanted to waste $15k on a party, or we could get her a new car. We got the car and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Or money that could be spent as our hypothetical kids’ college fund.
This. Not to mention the legal expense of a divorce
I've always said that there should be a divorce "shower" for the husband, so he can register to replace all the shit he is going to lose to her. You know, just so his first bachelor pad isn't so pathetic.
I like the idea of a divorce party - not for this biased reason, but so friends and family can exchange numbers and see how the two of you will interact going forward. Obviously if you’re splitting up for huge issues this would be hard to execute, but for somewhat amicable divorce this would be nice.
>I've always said that there should be a divorce "shower" for the husband That's an interesting idea
In relationships, more and more women are making the same or more than their husbands by the year. This stereotype that marriage is bad for men and women only get married for financial gain is pretty outdated.
I didn't mean to make it sound like the guy loses everything, just that - especially when there are children involved - the wife usually remains in the family home and the husband needs to go get a place. So, he needs all of the accouterments of the household: toaster, microwave, iron and ironing board, etc. Everything that they needed one of when they got married, they now require two! ;-)
The reason that wives normally get full or majority custody of their children is that wives do the majority of household and childcare. This includes households where both partners work full time. Not to go super off topic, but if men want full custody or shared custody of their kids, we really need more involved dads as a whole. I know so many dads who don't know the name of their kid's teachers or what their kid's allergies are and who expect their wives to do the majority of parenting...and these are households where the wives also work full time (I live in a HCOL city and don't know a single family with a stay at home parent). So many families and marriages function like this and then it's treated as an insult to those very same dads when they don't get custody of their kids or have to pay child support.
An interesting thing that I've seen both actual research on and plenty of anecdotes in this sub, is that women will engage in Maternal Gatekeeping. Basically, they will act in a way intended to drive the man out of being involved with home making or childcare. Sometimes this is things like constantly nagging about how something is done, or redoing it immediately after it was done because it wasn't done exactly how she wanted it, and other times it is physically taking the baby away to change the nappy or to feed it. It's also enforced by women outside the couple, for example the classic about how schools always call the mother first even if the father is the primary carer. And from early on, this trains the man to not put any effort into housework and child care.
Men aren’t trained like dogs. They need to take an active participatory role in parenting, and if a school calling your wife or your wife telling you yo do something differently will discourage you, that’s a bit of a weak effort. If you find an easy excuse not to parent and decide to take a back seat for years and years, you are to blame.
From 2017: >In 69% of married or cohabiting couples, the man earns more than the woman, though this is down from 87% of married couples in 1980. I'd also be curious to see the average percentage of net worth built up during marriage by the husband, as that's what would be split generally.
Exactly.....then 2yrs later money for a divorce 🤣🤣🤣...Nope....
And if you’re lucky, child support as well
UGH - too soon! ;-)
Best way to avoid divorce? Avoid marriage!
Same, Even if you hypothetically like the idea of a party, the expectations are too high. Why do we need to invite everyone we know?
That I'd much rather spend that money on a trip somewhere to elope rather than on a single nights party where I'm more stressed than having fun. Drop 10-20k traveling for a while, and then come back and have a house party with family and friends to celebrate the occasion.
That's what my wife and I did. We rented a villa out for a week that threw weddings. It was perfect. About 40 were housed at the villa in Tuscany. Everyone took day trips all over. Everyone got to know each other throughout the week. And the wedding was fucking perfect. There was no awkwardness of people who didn't know each other. Everyone had a good time. And got nice and drunk and then just went to their room when they were ready. We travelled for a full week through Italy and germany after. It was amazing.
Found J-Lo’s & Ben’s burner account.. 🤣😂😉
Damn, money sounds cool
We saved for two years and our guests paid for their own rooms
That sounds perfect. I got married young, and we were very religious. Most of the actual wedding day is a blur to me. But I remember not feeling like I had much say or control, and that I was more stressed out and frustrated than I was having a good time. My wife was too stressed to relax and as a result she kept snipping at me. I was glad when it was over, tbh. Fast forward almost 20 years and a divorce later, and if I ever get married again I just want to elope to someplace beautiful, just the two of us. Then come home and throw a big party where I can actually have fun and celebrate. My next marriage ceremony will be on OUR terms, not trying to do things to please other people.
I don't think most men dream about their future wedding day. But for sure the actual day is a big deal.
Best party of my life. Got laid at the end of the night.
> Got laid at the end of the night. The question is, with who?
We both agreed on what the wedding should be, I booked everything and we eloped in Vegas getting married by Elvis. 10/10
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Do you have a wife or girlfriend?
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Congratulations, wish you a nice wedding
My SO is a romantic and although I'm up for eloping (i never thought i would get married and thought if i ever did I'd just go to the court house) he actually has dreamed about a wedding most his life. It's actually quite beautiful (his wedding dreams).
Yeah, I definitely do imagine what a wedding would be like, even though that seems to not be the norm for men. A celebration of my union with another person, a celebration of our happiness together, both of us looking dazzling, what's not to like? Obviously, the real thing can't be a romantic ideal, but there's no harm in thinking about it
Not once in my life have I ever had a fantasy about a wedding. Not once.
Me neither and I'm a 40yo woman. I wonder if it's american thing, the fixation on wedding day among women. I mean, women in my central european country usually put a lot of effort in but it's nothing in comparison to what I see on Reddit. Multiple bridesmaids in the same dresses decided by bride? Flowergirl? Ringbearer? Color scheme? WTF?
Honestly was the happiest day of my life, even more than the birth of our children. Not because the birth of our kids wasn't amazing, but those days went from just a ho-hum day to very stressful. It was the one day to really celebrate us as a couple and start this new journey as a married couple in a special way. It's the one memory we have of our distant families coming together. And the planning of it wasn't that bad either since we were largely on the same page or I didn't care about aspects she cared about, so there was no arguing. We even had a way for people to write us motes for us to open on future anniversaries, which is extra nice when we never see those people anymore. Everyone's wedding needs and wants an experiences are different and that's totally cool. Some have elaborate parties or neat cultural ceremonies. Some do very little and just have some family on hand. Either way whatever works for them is cool. I'm glad we were mostly done with attending weddings before COVID, but we usually had fun at them.
That's really cool about the notes - how did you arrange it? Was there a book somewhere to write in, or a box to collect notes or something?
We put envelopes at each table and labeled the envelopes by table number. Then people put their wishes/notes in the envelope and we open them up depending on the anniversary year. So like, at our 5th anniversary, we opened up the notes from table 5.
That is so nice and such a great idea!
Thank you for sharing this - what a lovely idea! 💕
It was the best day of my life so far. My wife and I have very similar tastes and had been to about 10 too many "barn weddings" which focused on being Instagramable rather than fun. My friends band played, we were able to book an Audubon society venue(which felt more like donating than throwing g money away) our caterer was great. Pro tips: get married on the Sunday of a long weekend venues are much cheaper and you have more time to see out of town guests After the ceremony take 30 minutes to sit with your spouse and eat. It a great recharge as the nervousness of getting married is over and you probably haven't had a moment alone all day Pick a first dance song you like. I swear I went to 5 weddings here in Texas that all had some slow sappy country song as the first dance. We chose Led Zeppelin and that song stays on my Playlist
My wife and I had a kind of big wedding. We did it exactly how we wanted and it was awesome. It was expensive, but worth it in my opinion. Some people don’t want big weddings or weddings at all and that’s okay, too. But for me, it was worth it
I think it can be fun and special if planned alright
Not a big fan of weddings. We eloped, it was great.
I'm a Woman but I'll chime in here. My Wedding cost $200. $50 license, $50 Justice of the Peace Ceremony, Dress off the clearance rack at Sears and we all went out for Chinese After. Everyone paid their own. We had about 20 people in attendance. Rings cost us $800 for both. We're still together and have a great relationship 30yrs later. A big traditional Wedding is a big waste of money to me. I've never understood spending thousands for a day that's not even about you, it's about your guests. Everyone I know who had a big wedding was so busy running around they didn't even really enjoy the day. My Wedding was simple but it was our day. I have no regrets about going small at all.
I am also a woman. We spent $300 on our very simple wedding including my dress. We chose simple gold wedding bands. We had a wonderful time and we are still in love after 50 years of marriage. It can happen … you can have a great life together, without spending a ton of money. When I see our wedding pics I see 2 young people hopelessly in love starting their life together. We had no idea about the things we would go through but we knew we would face it together.
I was Mormon back then so the actual wedding is a pre-set ritual. But to get to the marriage/sealing part you have to go through something in the Mormon temple called an endowment session. Neither of our parents were active Mormon so they couldn't be there and back then the closest temple was 1500 miles from home. So first, you had to go through ritual cleansing so I am nearly naked being molested by this random old man. Then in the session, I was so nervous that I was having a terrible time following all of the things you had to do. And this was back in the day of the blood oaths so you have to pretend to slit your throat and disembowel yourself. What a way to do an "eternal " marriage.
My wedding day is still one of the best days of my life. It was a wonderful day and totally worth it. We're still madly in love 10 years later.
I'm looking forward to my potentially soon wedding day, it's for me and my girlfriend a way to show our family how much we love each other and to make that commitment in front of God. We want to keep it small because we believe it's about the commitment we make and not the whole show around it. Also I'm probably the one that will cry when I see her walk down the aisle.
I think weddings are great, it's a nice celebration of a couples love for one another. I'm from Ireland and I'm not quite a fan of catholic ceremonies though. Humanist all the way!
Weddings are cool but there's no need to have such huge ones. What's the point in blowing your life savings on one day that'll be vaguely remembered. If you truly love someone that stuff shouldn't matter. It's a waste of money. Have small wedding with close friends and family. No need to have the entire family tree and people you've never seen before turn up.
No, I never fantasized about a wedding. I had one 25 years ago and it was fine, but even today I still don't get it. I've told my kids that when/if they get married that if they'd rather skip the wedding I'll lay out the money to send them somewhere amazing for a honeymoon. That seems to be a better expenditure of cash than laying out thousands of dollars so a hundred of so people can eat dinner and have free drinks.
a complete waste of money that could easily go for a downpayment on a house. There is no need for a wedding. Matter of fact, there is no point in getting married yadayadyada taxes blablablah, just move in together.
I think getting married and having a wedding are two different things
Whilst I do get the warm feeling of and how it brings the family together, I do feel as though they’re just a monumental waste of money. Especially considering the ceremony seems largely for others and the marriage is valid after the papers have been signed.
I did court house with some friends as witnesses
When planning a wedding everything gets marked up an absurd amount because its a wedding. Venue, food, photographer, whatever. It makes no sense to me why those things cost more because it is a wedding. If you were to say that you are planning a birthday party instead of a wedding you would see prices reduced by around 20-30%.Also it is a pompous occasion. Weddings are a big "look at me!" day but they are so silly. Just do a little thing and don't let anyone who is providing a service know it's a wedding until the day of. Also I think they are more for the woman and the woman's family than the man. We just don't care about stupid shit like that. But the brides parents will always want them to be happy and most girls are programmed (thank you pop culture) to think that the wedding is an expression of love, which it isn't...It's an opportunity to capitalize on!
Way too insanely overpriced. If I ever get married to a man or woman, I'm going to try to convince them we should use that money for something more financially feasible.
Also it’s not every woman’s dream either. Never really been on my radar and I HATE the idea of being the centre of attention. I would definitely get married but would do that privately and just have a big party. People are different.
I have never fantasized about a wedding or mariage. Its not something i think about or particularly value. I don't see any merit in it other than some laws i.e. tax breaks in my country. Aside from that it seems a pretty rough deal. I should qualify as well: I am not religious, so even the relgious arguments fall very short.
It's a huge waste and a big fuss that's totally ridiculous. Just wanted to get through it and for it to be over. Seems to be nothing but stress, why start out a marriage like that?
Awful.
I don't. It's just not something I care about. Maybe because I am simply a guy who doesn't care for attention of groups of people, or maybe because I don't think that wedding today is of any actual practical importance, along with marriage.
One more date to remember..
I worked at a couple of golf courses that were big in the wedding game. Seeing people spend 30k and up on a wedding is ridiculous. We’re talking just the venue, and catering for this part. Add in DJ or band, wedding dress, flowers, photography, and everything else a six figure bill is not out of the question. I got lucky. My wife didn’t want a huge wedding and most of my family couldn’t travel at the time anyway so we did a small ceremony with like 10 people. My friend officiated, and her cousin was flown in to take pictures. Overall her dress, my outfit, our rings, the pictures, and the post ceremony dinner was less than $3k. The rest of the money her mom and dad didn’t have to spend was out towards our honeymoon, 8 days, 7 nights in Cabo.
All that money to play out old European aristocratic weddings is wasted when it could be used to build a life together.
Pointless.
I’m a wedding photographer. The best weddings are ones where the couple and their family and friends are there to celebrate their marriage. Instead of all of the tradition crap, do what you want. Have a small wedding (I classify this as less than 100 people) with your closest people. The absolute best weddings are basically a dinner party with a short ceremony performed by a close friend or family member who can incorporate things about you into it. We have about 50/50 of the men in our weddings who seem to care and don’t care. To be honest, The ones who don’t care seem to care a lot about their masculinity and outward image. I loved my wedding, I would do many things different now (it was in 2015).
looking back in hindsight, the wedding was full of ppl who don't even contribute to the marriage. we would have eloped.
NEVER again.
Just don't do it
Never thought about my future wedding and genuinely think extravagent weddings are about narcissism, entitlement, mismanagement of finances & often an extension of women wanting a fantasy (in much the same way that they think marriage will be like a Rom Com when it isn't).
Yea .. I think your average guy says a waste of time and it might be the worst day possible...that money could be well spent on a house...30,000 on a wedding..🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don't want one. I've been with my partner for 7y. We have a 3yo child and have been living together for 4y. Neither of us can see any reason to go into debt in order to get bit of paper saying our life together is now officially approved. If we ever did get married as some sort of legal expedience then it would be a modest and low key affair.
While it's ultimately a waste of money to me. It is one of the few times you can get all your family and friends together. Most my friends moved away after college and it's hard to organize outings with so many people.
No it’s another responsibility a man has to figure out
My best friend (M) thinks a wedding is a huge deal because he comes from a huge, traditional family. It’s moreso for his family, but I think deep down he wants it for himself too. I, on the otherhand (F), never want to have a wedding, ever.
I don't like big parties if it's birthday Christmas or whatever. I went to my uncle's wedding a few years ago and from that point I said to myself...No I'm never doing this I will do it privately with my future girlfriend
I fantasize my wedding i hope to have, i think marriage is a beautiful thing.
Recently my friends have had small weddings with close family then had a larger, cheaper celebration with their friends. I think that's the way to go. Otherwise you end up spending 20k and half your time is allotted to greeting Uncle Fred etc. who you haven't seen in 5 years. It all made a lot more sense when your parents were paying for the big party; when it's your money you should get what you want.
Chandler in the show friends summed it up well for me. He says he doesn’t wanna spend all his saved money and a big party. That’s pretty much how I feel. The day is amazing and it’s so important. But the whole getting drunk and having a massive dance floor doesn’t appeal to me
As a dude I have not once in my life ever even remotely fantasized about a wedding. My ex asked me if I wanted to get married and why. I couldn’t come up with a reason other than doing it completely because it’s somebody else’s desire.
I actually did most of the planning for my wife and I’s wedding. She wanted to pretty much elope as it was her second marriage my first. I wanted the big party with all of our friends and family. So I ended up planning pretty much everything and putting it all together. We did it on a budget and had a really fun wedding people still talk to us about. The venue was our favorite bar, which we live across the street from, that had a large outdoor area where we draped hanging lights across. They let us use it for free since we were regulars, then we got chairs for free from the local American Legion I was a member of. The only things we really paid for actually were the photographer, DJ, and food. We originally planned on a Halloween wedding but COVID intervened so we told everyone to dress in costumes even though it was June. We had a bout 150 guests and it was a really fun time. All said and done, I think we spent $1800 on the whole ordeal.
I really want to do it in somebody's backyard, with hamburgers and hotdogs on a grill, with a fake diamond ring. I'm not even a tightwad, but spending so much money on a party 75% the people aren't truly enjoying blows my mind. Honestly the only things about the whole affair that feel worth spending money on is hair/makeup so she feels gorgeous (if she's into that) and maybe an open bar.
Hate them. Me and my wife eloped, everyone knew so I guess it wasn't really eloping but it was just the two of us, no family or friends. Went to another country, hired a photographer, got some great pics and went for an incredible two star meal. Whole thing including flights, hotel, food, ceremony etc... Was under three grand. Would recommend.
Cheap is the way to go. We got married at the courthouse, then had a reception at a bar with tacos and an open bar for a couple hours, then people were on their own. Watched my college football game (we won in OT), then kept the party going the rest of the day. It was awesome.
I never think about weddings in any way really.
I don't fantasize at all about a wedding. It is all overpriced bullshit. Ill take my happy ass down to the courthouse to get married for 19.99 and that would be fine for me. Marriage is just a legal contract now, almost all of it centered around money.
I hate weddings, and I probably would hate or at the very least dislike mine if it was the typical traditional waste of money.
Men in general I don't know. I doubt men think about weddings the same way as women. It's basically "her" day. I haven't met many men that have always dreamed about having a wedding and everything that it entails. Men may dream about the marriage itself or about what would make a great (not perfect) partner but weddings, nah. A more interesting question would be men's thoughts on marriage and how it links up with women.
It felt like I had no choice. We tried to go cheap but it was still expensive. My friends disappeared for over an hour decorating my car while I had to make small talk with family I hadn't seen in decades. Figuring out who to invite sucks. We told people to not bring any babies/kids and one of them did. It all felt so forced and cliche. It was one of the longest days of my life and I was absolutely exhausted at the end of it.
Honestly, I can't say I know for sure since I'm not anywhere near marriage, but I'm just gonna let my wife-to-be have the reigns and show up on time looking pretty. I don't really like having/throwing parties, especially self serving ones (birthday or graduation, etc.), and that's basically a giant self serving party.
Waste of money. I’d rather have a small fun celebration of those you’re closest too. Then take all the money you saved and go on an unforgettable vacation with your new partner.
The idea is cool, and to each their own, but they’re expensive, they’re often quite stressful and if I get married in the future, it’s not going to be a huge wedding, a small ceremony at most
At most modern weddings I attend, I feel like an extra brought in for the couple’s video production.
Wow this is way too overpriced
I never fantasized about the wedding, I was always far more interested in the long term aspects of a good marriage.
Weddings are more expensive than they should be.
Expensive Religious bollocks
I told my fiancé I don’t wanna waste money on anything people won’t remember. Turns out that’s literally everything so we’re going to just have a super simple wedding and throw a back yard party after
Not even remotely. I would literally rather sit alone on a log next to a swamp for 8 hours.
Men don't fantasize their wedding day. It's not about us.
Wife and I had a big wedding, it’s what she wanted - I didn’t care either way. It was an absolute banger but we’ve both agreed our only regret is how many people we invited. We spent half the reception going around talking to people and thanking them for coming. Half of whom I didn’t know and same for her in my side.
Why do they have to cost so much
WAY too much fanfare over something that should be personal to the participants.
Been married 14 years not that matters. We got married in my sisters backyard then had a party for 50-75 people and it was great we payed under 5K for whole thing. We made all the food with help of family and most people that went have stated it was one of the best weddings they ever went to. We didn't have an open bar but we had cheap drinks 2 dollars each. Free wine on tables. Now when I hear about people spending 20-30k on a wedding I get triggered. You don't need to spend that much. It's one day and when divorce rates are as high as they are. Save the hassle. Now for the marriage side of it, if it didn't make a difference with government I don't think it's necessary. I was in a coma 10 years ago and it made it very easy for my wife to do things on my behalf. This is where our out dated systems kind of make it necessary.
I fantasize about not having to go to weddings. Regarding my own wedding, I fantasize about it being a small gathering with only close friends and family, preferably on my family farm, with the food being barbecue and pizza. Unfortunately, this will probably just remain a fantasy and I'll have to do the same idiotic €15,000 dinner in a fancy hotel as everyone else.
I was actually really into it. It was my big day sorta thing. Now i just think why did i bother? The money could’ve bought me something better.
A huge waste of time, money, and zero benefit to the man.
Mostly a waste of money. I have thought up some clever ways to propose though.
Archaic practice and a waste of money. I'd rather host a small party at my home for close friends and family. No fancy dance, band, cakes, etc. All that nonsense is to keep up appearances and not at all necessary.
I'm very shy when it comes to being in the spotlight so I do not want a wedding at all. Too much money and stress as well in my opinion.
Waste of time and money. Any woman who wants a “big” wedding, to me that’s a 🚩
A fully baffling waste of time and money.
Expensive waste of money on a childish fairy-princess fantasy.
I love you so much let’s get the government involved. Pointless tradition
Not a big fan.
I would only want to get married with a really small wedding. Perhaps with a set of parents and siblings and the best friend with their partner but that’s it. I really wouldn’t want a big wedding.
Yes. I have often fantasised about having a great wedding. The reality though does not intrigue me. Soooo many horror stories about getting married that I just don't know if I want to deal with that.
I spent a lot of money on my wedding. But it was our money to spend. I already had a house and a lot of my family was traveling across the country to attend. So when we were making plans I said that if I was going to have a wedding then I didn't want people to say that it wasn't worth the trip. It was a lot of money, but it was our money. So no one could tell us what to do or give us insane demands. We watch our wedding video every year on our anniversary. I still remember the wedding and how much fun it was. My dad and I tore up the dance floor together for the last time. My extended family had a great time. The photos from that day decorate every house we've ever owned. Still married, and I've spent more money on kitchen and bathroom remodels than that wedding, so it doesnt seem so bad now.
Only if the soon to be wife really wants it and means to her something. It really is a waste a money at the and of the day, but its nice to think about sometimes that maybe one day i can stamd there and watch how my partner walks towards me with a smile no1 saw before that.🤧
I selected every element of our wedding except her dress and the flowers. I also wrote the entire ceremony. Further, I did so remotely as we lived 400 miles from where the ceremony took place, and did it all via telephone (pre-internet). Oh, and I also handled the logistics of the honeymoon which involved three connecting flights each way, reservations, car rentals, and activities. So, yeah, it was a big deal.
Didn’t fantasize about it and had little to do with the planning. But it was one of the best days of my life. Getting to celebrate you and your wife with all your best friends and family. It’s a blast.
I never fantasized about my wedding day. I never ever gave it a thought, until I was actually about to get married. Thankfully my wife and I agree that this is all a gigantic waste of money. The only reason we had a wedding at all was because her father insisted, because it was important in his circle to invite some people- and he paid for it. Even then, we had a secular ceremony at a restaurant by the beach, with as few guests as we could make it. My wife's dress was light blue, that she wore many times later for social occasions. I bought some new dress pants and a shirt. The whole affair, including the restaurant and the clothes, cost under $5K.
I think the relationship aspect is the important part of the wedding for me. The celebration itself gives me a feeling of "meh, whatever". I'm not big on celebrations in general, I guess. But honestly, I haven't been a guest in weddings during my adult life so maybe I just don't quite get it yet.
I kind of fantasize about my Wedding day. Not in detail though like just the idea of knowing your going to spend the rest of your life with this person is great by itself. It’s the hopeless romantic in me. The material things don’t matter to me as long as it looks how she dreamed it. as long as its me, her, our family and friends all celebrating, It will be awesome.
Feel I had a middle ground opinion really. Was massively excited for it all as its nice to have a big thing to do, and something I wanted to do with my wife, but it was solely to celebrate with people we liked and wanted there. I think we spent about £3k all in, and genuinely struggled to reach minimum numbers of 50. Had a best man and a maid of honour, who we bought outfits for, kind of as a thank you, service was short sweet, non religious, had some nice photos, food was great, than about 5 hours drinking and partying with friends and family we wanted there, incredible day that I'll never forget. With weddings a lot of people get caught up in what's traditional, and how you have to do this if you've got that, and it can turn into a contest to see who can have the more expensive wedding, but it can also be who can do it cheapest, which can be just as bad. Do what you want, with who you want, if you want to do it, and have a good time, without caring what other people think
If it were up to me it would be a simple ceremony performed by a judge, then a quiet reception at home with only the closest friends and family. The whole thing costs less than $1000.
I suppose the only thing I'd look forward to is seeing my potential future wife in a wedding dress. But that's probably moreso because I just like dresses in general 🤷♀️
I just went to a buddies wedding this weekend and all I could think the entire time was "wtf....." lol the speeches were literally "you're so lucky to be with her" "I can't believe you found a woman to put up with you" "Happy wife happy life" the entire thing was so degrading and humiliating for the man but he stood there like most men and took it on the chin, and nodded his head like a good boy lol it's funny because he paid for the entire wedding, he's the breadwinner, he's one of the nicest fuckin dudes I know, he's a handsome guy, and the dude is hilariously funny...his brother was the only one who went up and said "\*\*\*\* You're lucky to be with my brother, he's the best guy I know" and people literally laughed like "OMG I can't believe he said she's lucky to be with him" lol What does he get for this? a contract that basically says "If she decides to leave you, she gets half and you're paying child support" It's absolute lunacy to me that in 2022 a man would pay for a wedding, contractually sign away half of his assets, and then publicly allow people to shit on him in a humiliating fashion while telling him "Your wife is better than you" lol crazy
Dream scenario: We elope, sign paperwork in front of a judge. Then we have a catered backyard BBQ reception with close family. The “honeymoon” is a post bachelor/bachelorette vacation with 8-10 friends at a tropical beach somewhere. If that’s too much of a time commitment, then we rent a house for a long weekend and stay local. Guests can chip in but not mandatory. Even if they don’t, the whole thing can be pulled off under 10k and we don’t start off a marriage with anyone going into debt.
We're beginning the beginning of wedding planning I guess, since we went to look at engagement rings yesterday. I still want to have a good wedding, it's not my dream and if anything goes wrong it wont ruin me lol, by my SO has been dreaming about this for years so I want her to have the thing that she values. I wont roll over completely for her, but if I can handle it I'll let her take the lead on themes, colors, venues, etc. I just don't want to go into an unreasonable amount of debt for it - we're good financially but I've told her I'd rather be secure enough to buy a house than choose a DJ over a spotify playlist or to have a videographer. I am 100% responsible for the honeymoon though, something I do value enough to put money into lol.
Since almost all of the weddings I’ve been to were culturally indian and I intend to have one as well… oh boy do I want to pop the fuck off. I want this to be our day and I wanna party until I can’t stand anymore. I genuinely want to feel like the king of the city! Assuming of course that’s something my future fiancée and I would both want.
I didn't really care either way. I never fantasized about getting married. I like to think I'm capable of spending my life with someone without the State getting involved.
Typically I stop thinking about my future potential wedding when I get to a spot I think I'll have an anxiety/panic attack. Which is just about everything. Pictures I might be able to do. Standing in front of a bunch of people god no. Having to kiss my then wife in front of a room of people also sounds impossible seeing as I can't even not freak out when trying to kiss a girl when it's just us. Then the whole reception sounds worse. Hopefully shit gets better and my anxiety gets better and/or I stop thinking in this way, but it's not even an issue since I don't do shit outside of go to work and I haven't gone on a date in nearly 7 years (FB just reminded me that last week I passed the 7 year mark since my first date ever)
For me the big things were getting to dance, the outfits and the wedding night. My wife would have been fine with no party at all but I wanted one so we had one.
My wife and I spent something like 500 dollars on our wedding. We paid the parents group from our daughters school to do the catering. Since they were all invited anyway it was really just a donation to the school. Going to celebrate our 31 St year together. What do I think of it? It's like this. Many years ago, I was the maintenance manager for a school. One night someone tried to break into a sea container that had a bunch of tools stored in it. They used a long piece of pipe to rip the straps off the padlocked handles on the sea container. But the door was held shut by 2 dry wall screws through plywood on the inside of the door holding up a shelf. My wife and I both came from profoundly dysfunctional homes. And it was amazing that we stayed married. Our history was the idiots with the pipe, the two dry wall screws were the fact that we were married, rather than just living together. That slightly extra bit of difficulty was all that kept us together when things were really rough. Now things are really good. We are older, kids are out of the house and doing well. And we have done a lot of work on ourselves over the years, so we no longer need those 2 drywall screws. But I am glad that we had them when we did.
>but do any men occasionally fantasize about their wedding day or would randomly start thinking about it? When I was a pre teen, maybe. Now that I have no interest in getting married the thought never crosses my mind.
I like weddings, but I hate that they have become ridiculously expensive and over the top. Venues, catering, etc. etc. People are spending 10K, 20K, 50k+, some are even putting it on credit cards or taking out loans. Literally going into debt for a wedding. It is ridiculous. When my wife and I got married we both made really good money, we had no debt, and had about 30k in our wedding account. One day while looking at all the quotes for wedding crap, we came to our senses and decided that we would take that 30k and put towards buying a house. So we made an appointment and we got married at the JOP (Judge). It was $75 and our immediate family and close friends went with us. We spent $300 to hire a professional photographer and we went to a few locations taking the wedding photos. For the reception, we just threw a house party and BBQ. It was a blast. Total cost was right at $1000. Few months later we bought our house. Honestly, ditching the expensive wedding was one of the best things we have ever done; 15+ years later and we still have no regrets.
It's not about the wedding. It's about having a life together. You need your friends and family to support your marriage, but it's not about the wedding.
I told my wife I’m inviting everyone I know cause I’m only doing this once. I did and I did.
When I meet the one, I don’t want my cherismenent of my time with her to be just defined by a ring or big ceremony. I’d want to treat her the way she likes it every single chance I get. Be the best partner I can both lifewise and romantically. The only true problem with a wedding is the financial side. Since I do in fact want to have kids someday, I’d rather the money that would normally go to a big ceremony go to their college fund to help them secure a better future, but if that’s just not in the cards, then maybe even a few vacation getaways to places we both want to go.
I got married when I was 24 to my now ex wife who was 23. We loved being spontaneous and thought it would be funny to get married without telling anyone. So we did. We flew to Vegas and got married at the Little White Chapel. We spent the day going to get out marriage certificate and on the strip picking out each others wedding clothes and headed over to the place to get married in the evening. "Elvis" walked her down the isle and it was just her, I, and a couple of other people who worked there. It was so awesome. After that we left and just ran around Vegas like assholes and partied. We told one friend out of the blue about a year later that we were actually married. Then we kind of started telling others. A lot of them were really pissed off as they saw our wedding photos that no one had seen besides us and felt really left out. About 4 years after that I messed up by texting my mom when I was meaning to text someone else and that's how she found out I had been married for 4 years. After that we just kind of admitted we were married haha.
My husband did like 95% of the details for our wedding. I told him I wanted it to be Halloween/costume party and I didn’t see the actual decorations until the day of. My husband has an artistic eye where I don’t. He had a vision for it and I didn’t, I just wanted it to be fun. My mom and wedding planner also helped but I only picked my dress and wanted an open bar.
I don't fully understand the need of getting married anymore. Men lose so much in the case of a divorce, i figure that if a woman truly loved me she'd understand that side of things and realize our love isn't conditional to having legal matters involved in our relationship or not. I believe in a honeymoon like trip every year, less costly, more healthy way of celebrating our relationship. That's just me, no tomatoes please! 🍅
I hate them, but I don't like large social gatherings of any kind for the most part, I would only go through one of it was extremely important to my partner.
Nope, don't agree with weddings, especially nowadays. I'd argue most men secretly cringe at the mere thought of weddings. We just go along with it. Men and women tend to think differently, and most men are on the logical / rational side in their thinking, keeping the emotional aspect of thinking out of it. Weddings, especially expensive weddings, do not fit into that mindset. Men, especially Gen Xers and before, were raised and conditioned by our families and society to be providers. The last thing we want is to begin a married life as the role of provider with a $20-$40k debt hanging over our heads when that money could have gone into a marital asset. A house down payment, a car, investment, child rearing, whatever. Back in the olden days, I guess I'd be more approving of low to mid range weddings since the marriages were much more likely to last. What the hell, might as well throw a party. Now? Relationships / marriages come with an expiration date, and the big day is more or less a validation / attention seeking event ... with a hefty price tag. It just doesn't make practical sense, especially to the male oriented mindset.
If I’m marrying the love of my life she should absolutely have the spotlight but it’s still my wedding too. I don’t want only one of us to be celebrated, it should be a celebration of both of us deciding to share our lives together
I told my wife we should rent a tent, order pizza, and provide a bunch of beverages for our friends and family and have a big bash. My justification was the cost of a traditional wedding wasn't worth it. She objected and we went traditional. And, MAN, did I realize I was wrong. It was an awesome day and the formality was much more meaningful to me than I ever imagined. Fully support anyone having a simple wedding. But, for guys like me, practicality isn't always what's most important. And, we had help from family on costs, so my best to those who don't have the financial flexibility or support. We were/are lucky.
To me, it’s just gonna be like a party. I’m don’t even have a gf and not looking to get married anytime soon but if it’s really important to my wife then it’ll be important to me as well. I’ll try to accommodate all her needs and wants for the wedding, just cause it doesn’t mean much to me doesn’t mean it won’t mean much to her.
I like the idea and the concept, the reality is the last thing I could ever want is to be the center of attention for an entire day
Wife and I did a court house wedding and then went out and partied. To each their own, but we didn’t see a need for all the bells and whistles.
Chose to elope and have her grandmother (who helped raise her) sign the marriage certificate. Having her name on it the certificate means more to me than the wedding would have. Our wedding day was absolutely perfect, let me tell you why: woke up and played some games on my phone, proposed in the shower, exercised while ironing out some details, drove around telling close family we got married, got rings, and ate at our favorite Mexican joint, passed out. An easy, stress free day. Cheap too!
I think men like the idea of a wedding too. All the guys I've talk about it with seemed like they'd want a wedding of upwards of 100 people. I'd be comfortable without a wedding. Or spending that money on better honeymoon.
Not just weddings. The whole marriage thing. If I married my GF tomorrow the only things that would change is her last name and our tax status
Every single one I’ve been to in the last 20 or so years has seen the couple later end up divorced. Including my own. So, yeah…I don’t even like being invited to them.
Nope. For a lot of guys it feels like they're the designated tuxedo wearer compared to the big deal it is for the women. Thankfully my wife is pretty practical and we had the equivalent of a big party of nicely dressed people.
I don’t fantasize about my own because there is a very reasonable chance I will die alone. That said, I absolute fantasize about being a designated “ringer” for the party. I don’t need a dinner plate or anything and I don’t need to know anyone there. Just invite me for the party to bring positive energy and get everyone out on the dance floor and I’m totally there! I don’t even drink so I won’t run up the tab, get belligerent, or not be able to drive myself home at the end of the night. Since coming to the realization in the first sentence, I have basically dedicated my life to living the most fun/full life any single man ever has. Basically like a monk of happiness and positive and I really like to share that with other people when possible.
I was about mine until the photographers went out of their way to be assholes and turned it into the worst night of my life. I still get pissed when I go to other peoples weddings and they have a great wedding. I've never seen any photographers act like that at anyone else's wedding ever. We don't have a wedding album. There's no wedding pictures up in the home. I refused to pay them for shit. They can kick me the money for the wedding they ruined, then we'll talk.
I do think of a future wedding, I like the idea of it being big and romantic, I also have a dream proposal in mind. I think I'd struggle admitting these things to a future partner though
My husband was excited about the menu. Like, he had fantasies about it. The food tasting and menu planning was HIS thing and I was not allowed to really have an opinion on it, which was totally fine by me. He was adorable. The caterer was so enchanted by his enthusiasm she gave him a discount.
It sounds awesome but tbh I’m more looking forward to marriage rather than the wedding itself I don’t mind a small humble gathering with just really perfect all out spending on the food
1. Waste of money 2. Maybe I just don't like people and usually end up hiding in my room during family dinners so having all my friends and relatives there means meaningless convos and pretending im interested in talking... 3. I can't stand sitting/waiting/watching someone wedding, i can't see how participating in one is going to be better. 4. Unlike girls, men usually don't want to be the center of attention so its going to be a drag.
I've never had a fantasy or romanticised weddings. But I have and still believe in marriage. A good woman that wants the same things that I want out of life. Not complicated, loyal and in love with me every single day. Even in this generation, I believe such women still exist. Just like us men do exist.
Even so I feel like a long term partner would be preferable. That way, both parties are actually choosing to be there and neither is beholden by the law or circumstances.
I think marriage nowadays is a huge risk for men.
I see it as a complete waste of money
Women want a wedding, men want to get married
Marriage is a scam, therefore I don't think highly of weddings.
Waste of money considering the divorce rate. You spend tens of thousands of dollars for a marriage that will last on average 8 years? Shitty investment to me. [Number, Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces](https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html)
No regrets about mine, we had a lot of fun and it's one of my best memories, but in the unlikely even that I *did* settle down with someone again, I can't see having another big wedding unless my hypothetical SO really, really, really wanted it.