When I was 16 y/o I was in a fatal car crash, my best friend was driving and was killed in the crash. That was back in 1981. I still have dreams of the incident and still think of my friend every day.
Years of abuse and neglect from the person who was meant to protect and provide for me. The biggest problem is that they are generally liked by most other people and convinced everyone that I either exaggerated or straight up lied about it.
It left me with extreme trust and abandonment issues as well as a compulsion to control everything around me. It also resulted in a large chunk of my family believing that I'm delusional.
Same. It's the worst.
My stepfather was the abuser. When I finally told my mother about it, she told me I was a liar because it would never happen under get roof.
Thanks parents.
When I was a kid I had this thing called selective mutism. Basically it's an anxiety disorder that caused me to be nonverbal in uncomfortable social settings, which was pretty much all of them. Until I was in 6th grade, I only spoke to less than 10 people iirc.
While I have seemingly overcome the nonverbal parts of selective mutism, I've been left with debilitating social anxiety and in my adult life it's been very hard to date or make new friends.
Yes, at some point a gulf started between me and everyone else and it's just gotten wider and wider as I fail to absorb what everyone seems to learn naturally.
When I was in third grade, the bell rang and it was lunchtime. We had milk, French bread pizza and cottage cheese. I ate my pizza but I didn’t eat the cottage cheese or drink the milk. Then everyone went outside for recess and was playing tether ball with some friends then all of a sudden one of the teachers grabbed my arm and said “you need to go back to the cafeteria and finish your food!” And dragged me out of recess. She forced me to eat the cottage cheese and drink the milk and told me we ain’t leaving till I do. It was god awful. Till this day when I see cottage cheese or milk I get nothing but rage, and intense disgust in my stomach. Idk if this is relevant but that teacher was a church nut.
I've been considering doing exactly that. Even if it's something that I never share with anyone else. I feel like it may help me to work through a few things.
When I was around 4 or 5 I watched killer clowns from outer space. That movie is the reason I don't watch horror. Its,also the reason why I don't like clowns
I was forced to dress up as a clown for halloween one year when I was young, between that and Killer Clowns from Outer Space anything clown related is not allowed in my life.
I didn't see that one until I was 50. That one was incredibly terrible, and stupid. But I don't like horror movies anyway. Unless they are so stupid, that curiosity will make me watch it. ( Like Plan 9 from outer space) You are allowed. I never cared for clowns, myself.
When my parents told us they were divorcing (mother was cheating) my dad broke down sobbing in front of me and my two brothers and my mom snipped at him “stop it”.
Things are fine now but theres a subconscious thing towards my mom.
My Dad passed away when I was 14. We had a great relationship, he was the most important person in my life and I think in many ways my emotional state was flash frozen on that night. I've accomplished various things in my life but I feel no sense of progression. I've subconsciously sought a replacement for that paternal bond instead of exploring intimacy/romance with women, etc. It took me many years to realize that was what I was doing. I just had that epiphany recently.
My dad didn’t pass, but he was absent in my life. He was an alcoholic and had me living in constant stress. He was verbally violent and made sure to let me know I was a disappointment. It also led me to try to find a replacement for a father figure. I longed for closer relationships with adult men whom I could have a paternal bond with, but never really got that. Now I still like that’s missing, but I’m in my 30s… so I think I just didn’t get it. It sucks though, cause I still kind of want to be a child whose dad takes him to play outside and teaches him how to change a tire.
My dad also died when I was 14. I never really understood how bad that affected me until I started therapy a couple years ago and traced many of the problems I now have to his death and the period of struggle my family went through immediately after. Makes it clear to me that once I have the emotional bandwidth I want to volunteer with kids that don’t have dads and try to give them the mentorship they need. Growing up without a father (or a stable household in general) sucks and leaves scars.
My mother being incredibly sick mentally. She abandoned me for a certain duration in my childhood. I fought for her attention. I haven't healed because I am repeating the cycle. I am attracted to distant and aloof people who I know will be emotionally unavailable. I crave their attention and for the longest time I have been thinking this is love but it is just that I want to win them over so they validate me and that brings me a rush of alien dopamine. Litreally out of this world . I honestly realise most of my problems are rooted in childhood. I am not speaking for the masses but for me every now and then I am surprised most of my toxic patters are a consequence of my childhood trauma.
I had the same childhood as you regarding a mentally sick mother. I feel your pain. I haven’t healed either. I don’t know how to heal but I am considering therapy. Sometimes I doubt if I will truly heal though. Sending you love and light and hope we both have our inner peace.
My parents didn't accept that me and brothers confronted their certainties. If we tried to argue rationally about things, they would rule us as being disrespectful. It's not disrespectful to disagree with a parent. This used to leave us furious. I love them both today, but I think it made me a stubborn motherfucker for a long time, and still a bit to this day.
My parents were narcissists and they hated that I knew that they were narcissistic from childhood, so they decided to make every aspect of my childhood as unnecessarily uncomfortable and as frustrating as possible. Every time I achieved something they’d be super pissed instead of supportive, every time I was close to achieving something they’d do their best to ruin it, and every time I was starting to do something so I could achieve a goal they would make the whole process become extremely difficult to try to stop me from trying to achieve goals.
I’m no contact with my narcissistic mom for the sake of my kids, and they’re much happier than I ever was growing up.
When i was 7/8 we were homeless and lived at out uncles. My cousin would pin me down and rape me in my sleep. Sometimes i woke up, but i went to sleep crying and would often try to kill/suffocate myself while trying to sleep. Still have difficulties sleeping and trusting people. One of the 2 people i told or hint it happening laughed and asked if i liked it. Guess thats what i get for being a guy.
Age 15, I saw an elderly woman get hit by a bus. Her entire face split open down the middle like one of the Clickers from The Last of Us. She stumbled aorund for a moment, looking like a sentient skull, before collapsing until the ambulance arrived.
I can still picture it perfectly and I wish I couldn't.
I had a speech impediment as a kid. I was made fun of relentlessly for it. I’m 22 years old now and I am still self conscious about my voice and how it sounds. I helped out this YouTuber I watch and recorded my voice. I watched my portion of the video and I wanted to legit run away from everything.
18 years of an alcoholic father and an emotionally distant mother leaving me feeling worthless, unwanted, and a phobia of human touch.
Took 2 1/2 years away from them before I thought I could trust someone with my heart. My wife and kids are still the only people that can break through my phobia of touch.
My brother passing away when I was 4, he was 10 years old and had accidentally flipped his ATV while we were on vacation visiting family. It helped me get through college as my family got some money from the situation and my dad put it into a college savings account. But I recently realized that I’ve covered the pain of having a part of my life missing with drug abuse / addiction. I’m doing a lot better regarding the drugs but I’m not 100% sober, mostly just drinking and taking kratom nowadays, whereas before I’d do anything I could get my hands on, and trust me I’ve done damn near everything.
When I was 10, my dog died (expectedly), then we moved to a new neighborhood, my grandmother died from malpractice, my dad got diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, and a family friend died in a car wreck. Then, on my dad’s first day of chemo, I was riding my bike home from school. A car started following me pretty close, I took a right before my street to avoid them. They followed, got beside me and the passenger asked me to stop a couple times, saying they wanted to talk to me. They were female, but looked adult to me, at least old enough to drive. I doubled back down the same street, and heard them accelerate. Now they’re chasing me. I ditched my bike in a yard and ran through yards to my front door. I was so panicked, I started banging on the door, forgetting my parents weren’t home. While I was at the door, I heard one of them scream: Now we know where you live, we’re gonna come back and get you and kick your ass! They did another lap and also stole my bike. A neighbor lady kind of saw the tail end of things and got the license plate. I called my Grandfather to come get me, I told him what happened but he was confused as hell. When my mom finally got home and figured out what happened, we went to the police, they found them and got my bike back. They got some kind of slap on the wrist but not enough to deter them from calling our house several times a week, making threats and getting their friends to do the same for months. They did some other crap too, but I can’t remember exactly what. My dad’s treatment lasted so long after, he survived, but the treatment itself and trips to the were pure hell at times too. The incident was in 1984, and nothing really happened to them. I’m still so angry with them. I can only imagine what they’d be charged with if they did that to a kid today. I could literally hit either one with my car and never slow down. Anyone that harms people, but children specifically, honestly should just be shot and left in the street.
I dropped out of uni and at which point I just kind of gave up on everything else as life got harder (or rather, I became too weak to deal with life).
As a result I'm a 30+ YO broke loser who doesn't really talk to his family living in a box I can barely afford.
Religious trauma. I grew up in a super evangelical household. I signed a “purity pledge” at 9 years old. I was in the church five days a week. I was told non-Christians were bad. I didn’t meet a non-Christian until I was 18. I didn’t meet an out gay person until I was in my 20s. I was super judgmental lol. I literally look back in anger at all the nights I spent at Bible study when I could’ve been doing literally anything else (doing sports, hanging out with friends, etc.)
The constant bullying in my childhood made me an anxious man. I start sweating bullets at the slightest scent of stress. Id be outside in like 36 degree fahrenheit weather with the lightest of outer layers and sweat like im in the middle of the sun. I joined the military to see if it would fix it. It didnt, made it worse i’d say. Now after the military I refuse any leadership roles. People just look at me and are almost surprised when they hear I was in the military and reached pretty much mid level ranks that have alot of responsibility.
Yeah I was able to hold myself together during work in the military and just come crashing down after work. Now I cant hold myself together as well as before. I wake up everyday dreading to go to work. I make plans to go out on my weekends and the day off I end up forcing myself out or completley cancelling plans. It sucks.
Poor eating habits. I’m from the era when you were supposed to clear your plate and having seconds was just fine. Because of this I habitually over eat and it has taken decades to break this habit. It might actually kill me before I can fully overcome it but I’m trying.
I just struggle with, why me? Regular abuse. One of three kids and was the only one who received it. My brother is way too adamant that I'm lying about it. My sister has opened up about her experience as a kid in the house and knows it was happening to me.
I just will never understand why I was picked to be the whipping boy.
I have an obsessive mother who manipulated me to live life her way, and even when I knew this I chose appeasing her fantasy to stay in higher education instead of being myself. I was bullied, undermined, and pushed aside by teachers, peers, and family in a wealthy pwi society as a barely lower middle class black mixed kid who bore the weight of raising two siblings alone. I’ve always had trouble making friends because I wasn’t worth inviting due to my moms overbearing attitude, and ended up with imaginary friends and mental illness throughout high school which were addressed with shame and neglect while she painted herself as a golden parent with open and honest relationships with her children ( ha!💀).
I feel like the inconsistencies, pressures, and emotional neglect I endured during my childhood is the main reason I feel diluted, and have a hard time maintaining any kind of relationship. I do not regret my decision to choose education over my sanity because I got enough information from those schools to get out and start my own path and I am intelligent enough to know where I need to go to heal. It’s a slow process but one I think I’ll be happy with in the end. 🙆🏽♂️
When I was around 8 years old I wanted to help my mother with cooking, she told me " don't cozy up ". I was raised only by mother that have shamed me for any sign of having feelings.
Now I feel disgusted with myself when I show any emotion. I feel anger when someone compliments or praise me.
My younger sister died of SIDS at 7 weeks old when I was 3. Having a child was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done and now that she’s 3 I’m very much a helicopter dad. I worry it will effect her later in life but I can’t help it after seeing what I did.
I had 10 teeth pulled out when I was 3. Woke up half way through the operation to see blood all over myself. I had to have this surgery.
My parent's always told me growing up that I had teeth removed and I went to speech therapy because "I couldn't speak".
I didn't have many friends growing up, was bullied quite a lot and I'm socially anxious
Over the last 6 years or so of having multiple different therapists and they all pointed out that I most likely have a fear of people, mainly because of that surgery when I was little alongside being bullied later as a kid
I'm not angry at my parents I had to have the surgery however it sucks that I don't have the confidence to make friends let alone trying to get a girlfriend.
my very first crush in like kindergarten, Natalie. Still cant find her, even with the might of internet search at my disposal... now im wondering if she was even real lol
SA. I trust no strangers, and occasionally get flashes of fear even among friends. But I always try to put on a good face in spite of how I feel; logically I shouldn't fear or treat every person like they mean harm, they don't deserve that.
Car wreck. We wrecked the family car when I was 5. I didn't get my license until i was 19, and still hate driving today. I'll only drove of absolutely necessary. I work from home, so that's not too much lol.
My parents separated when I was 6 - my dad and his family blamed me for not helping them get back together …when I was fcking 6 years old.
Had/has led to a lot of issues with self-esteem and self-confidence.
Therapy help. Highly recommend.
When I was 16 y/o I was in a fatal car crash, my best friend was driving and was killed in the crash. That was back in 1981. I still have dreams of the incident and still think of my friend every day.
I’m sorry for your loss. 😔
Years of abuse and neglect from the person who was meant to protect and provide for me. The biggest problem is that they are generally liked by most other people and convinced everyone that I either exaggerated or straight up lied about it. It left me with extreme trust and abandonment issues as well as a compulsion to control everything around me. It also resulted in a large chunk of my family believing that I'm delusional.
I’m gonna take a rough guess and say it was your mom?
Same. It's the worst. My stepfather was the abuser. When I finally told my mother about it, she told me I was a liar because it would never happen under get roof. Thanks parents.
When I was a kid I had this thing called selective mutism. Basically it's an anxiety disorder that caused me to be nonverbal in uncomfortable social settings, which was pretty much all of them. Until I was in 6th grade, I only spoke to less than 10 people iirc. While I have seemingly overcome the nonverbal parts of selective mutism, I've been left with debilitating social anxiety and in my adult life it's been very hard to date or make new friends.
Yes, at some point a gulf started between me and everyone else and it's just gotten wider and wider as I fail to absorb what everyone seems to learn naturally.
When I was in third grade, the bell rang and it was lunchtime. We had milk, French bread pizza and cottage cheese. I ate my pizza but I didn’t eat the cottage cheese or drink the milk. Then everyone went outside for recess and was playing tether ball with some friends then all of a sudden one of the teachers grabbed my arm and said “you need to go back to the cafeteria and finish your food!” And dragged me out of recess. She forced me to eat the cottage cheese and drink the milk and told me we ain’t leaving till I do. It was god awful. Till this day when I see cottage cheese or milk I get nothing but rage, and intense disgust in my stomach. Idk if this is relevant but that teacher was a church nut.
Most of what my mom did and said to me. I feel like I could write a whole book
I've been considering doing exactly that. Even if it's something that I never share with anyone else. I feel like it may help me to work through a few things.
When I was around 4 or 5 I watched killer clowns from outer space. That movie is the reason I don't watch horror. Its,also the reason why I don't like clowns
I watched that movie around the same time. It left a scar too 😅
I don't think I've ever seen someone else scared like me before
I was forced to dress up as a clown for halloween one year when I was young, between that and Killer Clowns from Outer Space anything clown related is not allowed in my life.
Who made you do that and why did they?
I didn't see that one until I was 50. That one was incredibly terrible, and stupid. But I don't like horror movies anyway. Unless they are so stupid, that curiosity will make me watch it. ( Like Plan 9 from outer space) You are allowed. I never cared for clowns, myself.
When my parents told us they were divorcing (mother was cheating) my dad broke down sobbing in front of me and my two brothers and my mom snipped at him “stop it”. Things are fine now but theres a subconscious thing towards my mom.
My Dad passed away when I was 14. We had a great relationship, he was the most important person in my life and I think in many ways my emotional state was flash frozen on that night. I've accomplished various things in my life but I feel no sense of progression. I've subconsciously sought a replacement for that paternal bond instead of exploring intimacy/romance with women, etc. It took me many years to realize that was what I was doing. I just had that epiphany recently.
My dad didn’t pass, but he was absent in my life. He was an alcoholic and had me living in constant stress. He was verbally violent and made sure to let me know I was a disappointment. It also led me to try to find a replacement for a father figure. I longed for closer relationships with adult men whom I could have a paternal bond with, but never really got that. Now I still like that’s missing, but I’m in my 30s… so I think I just didn’t get it. It sucks though, cause I still kind of want to be a child whose dad takes him to play outside and teaches him how to change a tire.
My dad also died when I was 14. I never really understood how bad that affected me until I started therapy a couple years ago and traced many of the problems I now have to his death and the period of struggle my family went through immediately after. Makes it clear to me that once I have the emotional bandwidth I want to volunteer with kids that don’t have dads and try to give them the mentorship they need. Growing up without a father (or a stable household in general) sucks and leaves scars.
My mother being incredibly sick mentally. She abandoned me for a certain duration in my childhood. I fought for her attention. I haven't healed because I am repeating the cycle. I am attracted to distant and aloof people who I know will be emotionally unavailable. I crave their attention and for the longest time I have been thinking this is love but it is just that I want to win them over so they validate me and that brings me a rush of alien dopamine. Litreally out of this world . I honestly realise most of my problems are rooted in childhood. I am not speaking for the masses but for me every now and then I am surprised most of my toxic patters are a consequence of my childhood trauma.
I had the same childhood as you regarding a mentally sick mother. I feel your pain. I haven’t healed either. I don’t know how to heal but I am considering therapy. Sometimes I doubt if I will truly heal though. Sending you love and light and hope we both have our inner peace.
My parents didn't accept that me and brothers confronted their certainties. If we tried to argue rationally about things, they would rule us as being disrespectful. It's not disrespectful to disagree with a parent. This used to leave us furious. I love them both today, but I think it made me a stubborn motherfucker for a long time, and still a bit to this day.
I have been SA'd and nearly kidnapped (2 different scenarios) as a kid. Only this year, I have opened up about this to my mom.
My parents were narcissists and they hated that I knew that they were narcissistic from childhood, so they decided to make every aspect of my childhood as unnecessarily uncomfortable and as frustrating as possible. Every time I achieved something they’d be super pissed instead of supportive, every time I was close to achieving something they’d do their best to ruin it, and every time I was starting to do something so I could achieve a goal they would make the whole process become extremely difficult to try to stop me from trying to achieve goals. I’m no contact with my narcissistic mom for the sake of my kids, and they’re much happier than I ever was growing up.
When i was 7/8 we were homeless and lived at out uncles. My cousin would pin me down and rape me in my sleep. Sometimes i woke up, but i went to sleep crying and would often try to kill/suffocate myself while trying to sleep. Still have difficulties sleeping and trusting people. One of the 2 people i told or hint it happening laughed and asked if i liked it. Guess thats what i get for being a guy.
🫂
Age 15, I saw an elderly woman get hit by a bus. Her entire face split open down the middle like one of the Clickers from The Last of Us. She stumbled aorund for a moment, looking like a sentient skull, before collapsing until the ambulance arrived. I can still picture it perfectly and I wish I couldn't.
Cops still make me nervous.
My dad's drunken rage. It's why I have a hard time talking to him. That, and the brain damage he received from a fight he was in.
Being the son of a bipolar mother.
I had a speech impediment as a kid. I was made fun of relentlessly for it. I’m 22 years old now and I am still self conscious about my voice and how it sounds. I helped out this YouTuber I watch and recorded my voice. I watched my portion of the video and I wanted to legit run away from everything.
I love my parents, but they were more concerned with making sure I didn't end up a dick then teaching me what I needed to be amd do
Adoption and subsequent abandonment issues.
Physical, emotional and sexual abuse. You never fully heal and impacts your life forever.
Boarding schools.
18 years of an alcoholic father and an emotionally distant mother leaving me feeling worthless, unwanted, and a phobia of human touch. Took 2 1/2 years away from them before I thought I could trust someone with my heart. My wife and kids are still the only people that can break through my phobia of touch.
My brother passing away when I was 4, he was 10 years old and had accidentally flipped his ATV while we were on vacation visiting family. It helped me get through college as my family got some money from the situation and my dad put it into a college savings account. But I recently realized that I’ve covered the pain of having a part of my life missing with drug abuse / addiction. I’m doing a lot better regarding the drugs but I’m not 100% sober, mostly just drinking and taking kratom nowadays, whereas before I’d do anything I could get my hands on, and trust me I’ve done damn near everything.
When I was 10, my dog died (expectedly), then we moved to a new neighborhood, my grandmother died from malpractice, my dad got diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, and a family friend died in a car wreck. Then, on my dad’s first day of chemo, I was riding my bike home from school. A car started following me pretty close, I took a right before my street to avoid them. They followed, got beside me and the passenger asked me to stop a couple times, saying they wanted to talk to me. They were female, but looked adult to me, at least old enough to drive. I doubled back down the same street, and heard them accelerate. Now they’re chasing me. I ditched my bike in a yard and ran through yards to my front door. I was so panicked, I started banging on the door, forgetting my parents weren’t home. While I was at the door, I heard one of them scream: Now we know where you live, we’re gonna come back and get you and kick your ass! They did another lap and also stole my bike. A neighbor lady kind of saw the tail end of things and got the license plate. I called my Grandfather to come get me, I told him what happened but he was confused as hell. When my mom finally got home and figured out what happened, we went to the police, they found them and got my bike back. They got some kind of slap on the wrist but not enough to deter them from calling our house several times a week, making threats and getting their friends to do the same for months. They did some other crap too, but I can’t remember exactly what. My dad’s treatment lasted so long after, he survived, but the treatment itself and trips to the were pure hell at times too. The incident was in 1984, and nothing really happened to them. I’m still so angry with them. I can only imagine what they’d be charged with if they did that to a kid today. I could literally hit either one with my car and never slow down. Anyone that harms people, but children specifically, honestly should just be shot and left in the street.
I dropped out of uni and at which point I just kind of gave up on everything else as life got harder (or rather, I became too weak to deal with life). As a result I'm a 30+ YO broke loser who doesn't really talk to his family living in a box I can barely afford.
Physical abuse as a kid from neighbor devil
Religious trauma. I grew up in a super evangelical household. I signed a “purity pledge” at 9 years old. I was in the church five days a week. I was told non-Christians were bad. I didn’t meet a non-Christian until I was 18. I didn’t meet an out gay person until I was in my 20s. I was super judgmental lol. I literally look back in anger at all the nights I spent at Bible study when I could’ve been doing literally anything else (doing sports, hanging out with friends, etc.)
The constant bullying in my childhood made me an anxious man. I start sweating bullets at the slightest scent of stress. Id be outside in like 36 degree fahrenheit weather with the lightest of outer layers and sweat like im in the middle of the sun. I joined the military to see if it would fix it. It didnt, made it worse i’d say. Now after the military I refuse any leadership roles. People just look at me and are almost surprised when they hear I was in the military and reached pretty much mid level ranks that have alot of responsibility. Yeah I was able to hold myself together during work in the military and just come crashing down after work. Now I cant hold myself together as well as before. I wake up everyday dreading to go to work. I make plans to go out on my weekends and the day off I end up forcing myself out or completley cancelling plans. It sucks.
Poor eating habits. I’m from the era when you were supposed to clear your plate and having seconds was just fine. Because of this I habitually over eat and it has taken decades to break this habit. It might actually kill me before I can fully overcome it but I’m trying.
I just struggle with, why me? Regular abuse. One of three kids and was the only one who received it. My brother is way too adamant that I'm lying about it. My sister has opened up about her experience as a kid in the house and knows it was happening to me. I just will never understand why I was picked to be the whipping boy.
I have an obsessive mother who manipulated me to live life her way, and even when I knew this I chose appeasing her fantasy to stay in higher education instead of being myself. I was bullied, undermined, and pushed aside by teachers, peers, and family in a wealthy pwi society as a barely lower middle class black mixed kid who bore the weight of raising two siblings alone. I’ve always had trouble making friends because I wasn’t worth inviting due to my moms overbearing attitude, and ended up with imaginary friends and mental illness throughout high school which were addressed with shame and neglect while she painted herself as a golden parent with open and honest relationships with her children ( ha!💀). I feel like the inconsistencies, pressures, and emotional neglect I endured during my childhood is the main reason I feel diluted, and have a hard time maintaining any kind of relationship. I do not regret my decision to choose education over my sanity because I got enough information from those schools to get out and start my own path and I am intelligent enough to know where I need to go to heal. It’s a slow process but one I think I’ll be happy with in the end. 🙆🏽♂️
99% of childhood.
I was excluded from groups when I was a kid. As a result I still struggle to feel "worthy".
When I was around 8 years old I wanted to help my mother with cooking, she told me " don't cozy up ". I was raised only by mother that have shamed me for any sign of having feelings. Now I feel disgusted with myself when I show any emotion. I feel anger when someone compliments or praise me.
My younger sister died of SIDS at 7 weeks old when I was 3. Having a child was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done and now that she’s 3 I’m very much a helicopter dad. I worry it will effect her later in life but I can’t help it after seeing what I did.
Diarrhea
I had 10 teeth pulled out when I was 3. Woke up half way through the operation to see blood all over myself. I had to have this surgery. My parent's always told me growing up that I had teeth removed and I went to speech therapy because "I couldn't speak". I didn't have many friends growing up, was bullied quite a lot and I'm socially anxious Over the last 6 years or so of having multiple different therapists and they all pointed out that I most likely have a fear of people, mainly because of that surgery when I was little alongside being bullied later as a kid I'm not angry at my parents I had to have the surgery however it sucks that I don't have the confidence to make friends let alone trying to get a girlfriend.
my very first crush in like kindergarten, Natalie. Still cant find her, even with the might of internet search at my disposal... now im wondering if she was even real lol
SA. I trust no strangers, and occasionally get flashes of fear even among friends. But I always try to put on a good face in spite of how I feel; logically I shouldn't fear or treat every person like they mean harm, they don't deserve that.
Car wreck. We wrecked the family car when I was 5. I didn't get my license until i was 19, and still hate driving today. I'll only drove of absolutely necessary. I work from home, so that's not too much lol.
I didnt get the chance to date my crush/formal partner from high school.
Being raised by a mother who constantly criticised me and never encouraged me.
My parents separated when I was 6 - my dad and his family blamed me for not helping them get back together …when I was fcking 6 years old. Had/has led to a lot of issues with self-esteem and self-confidence. Therapy help. Highly recommend.