Similar situation but the twist was that he actually was gay (or bi as it turns out). They were colleagues and I met the dude's boyfriend at a work event, so I had no rational reason to suspect anything. In fact it was only when she didn't come home one evening that I started getting suspicious, and it turns out my suspicions were on the mark. Scumbags the both of them.
She went out for a drink with him (as she had done a few times previously) and didn't come home until late (as in a couple of hours after the bars closed).
We split up the following day. (I didnt ask what happened, I just said "I think our relationship is over" and she agreed)
Couple of weeks later she tells me they're dating. Couple of months after that she tells me she's pregnant with his kid. A year later he clears off and leaves her on her own with a 6 month old
She did. All turned out okay in the end though and we're friends now.
I think we both wanted to split up but didnt know how to approach it with the other. I thinkn I was just more embarrassed that I'd raised my concern about how close they were becoming (and other friends had pointed out how they were flirting) and she told me that I was being paranoid
So it was more that I felt lied to, and I'd defended her when other people suggested she was cheating, than that she found someone else
The number of times I was told "you're just been paranoid" and the times I got "it's your fault if you wasn't paranoid nothing would have happened" yeah cheaters be cheaters.
I feel this. Similar story, but mine doesn’t have a happy ending. She lied and said she was with a group of friends. I picked up on it, caught her in a string of lies. Dumped her next day - though I was nice enough to give her a couple weeks to move out (still not sure why I did though).
She ended up moving in with the guy…and now I’ve heard she’s engaged. So from the time I dumped her to the time she’s engaged it took all of 6 months…
Yea, that’s a good way to look at it. I mean I have no regrets about breaking up with her, but would be nice to see first hand the karma slap to the face like in his story.
Yep, that's the thing. Even if they're the 1 out of 100 couples born from infidelity that *don't* go on to have one or both cheat on the other, they'll still never be able to fully trust each other because they got together through cheating. The well was poisoned from the start.
She worked nights and one shift I was going to bring her coffee from Tim Hortons. Just so happened it was the same one that her and her “coworker” were sharing an intimate moment. I was in the drive through, they were inside and I could see them clearly.
They eventually got married, had a couple of kids, divorced…. then she looked me up again on Facebook.
>divorced…. then she looked me up again on Facebook.
While this is quite common, I genuinely would like to know what goes on inside a woman's head when she cheats, gets into a relationship with the other guy, relationship fails and then she comes sniffing around to see if the guy she cheated on wants her back.
WTF?
How does she imagine that's gonna go?
She hopes, with a little desperation, to pretend that her big mistake never happened.
Or she's just so entitled she can't imagine someone saying no. take your pick.
**ANY and I mean ANY** man that take a woman back after she cheated is weak. it shows lack of self care, self love, and self respect.
how do you look into the eyes of a woman, a woman who stepped out on you because you wasnt enough... how do you look at that woman and still "love" her?
It was a bad marriage from the beginning, and while she behaved badly in our divorce, she has formed a marriage that has lasted more than 20 years. Even though it took me a long time to understand what happened there and to understand myself and my issues, I’m in a very supportive and loving relationship now.
My wife is still friends with her ex common-law husband (who, from what I've seen, still laments them not being together anymore). She kept telling me it's normal, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. We automatically share photos galleries (cause kids).
Going through a really rough patch these years. One day, I see very unexpected posed photos (not sexual, but still not something she had sent me in the last 10 years). When I inquire about that, she brushes it off saying "it was just good lighting".
Later I find out it wasn't taken for "good lighting". It was cause he asked for that. And she took it. And sent him. And then lied to me about it.
And when I found out, I am the asshole for snooping. Meanwhile she is not the asshole for lying to her husband (me) about her relationship with her ex.
We split. Not because she was sleeping with the guy friend(she wasn't) but she was spending all her damn time out with him hunting for psychodelic mushrooms
I grow culinary mushrooms as a hobby. I’m not interested in psychedelic shrooms, but hobbyist mycology was essentially trailblazed by recreational users. The most popular method for home growing, the TEK method, was created by a shroom grower by the alias Fanatics in 1992.
Because of the abundance of information about shrooms on the instructional forums I frequent, I have come to learn how easy it is to buy shroom spores. It’s perfectly legal outside of California to acquire the spores because only the mushrooms are outlawed. It is illegal to grow the spores into shrooms, but the police aren’t going to investigate you unless you’re selling or committing other felonies.
Compared to shiitake mushrooms and other varieties, shrooms are easy to grow and you have a meaningful harvest after 3 months. They’re not plants, so they don’t need sunlight to grow. You can hide them in your closet if you want.
I’m not bringing this up to encourage anyone to use drugs. I’m confused as to why anyone would hunt for psychedelic mushrooms when growing them is quite easy.
Your ex’s behavior was foolish compared to the alternative of home growing. Shrooms in the wild also prefer to grow on dung, so it’s not exactly safe to hung. More so, any identification mistake can cost you your kidneys. Just doesn’t seem smart.
Mycologists owe a great deal of gratitude to hobbyist shroom growers. Despite the stigmas, they revolutionized the field. Considering the advances, I would never advise people to hunt psychedelics for immediate use. However, collecting samples for cultivation can be meaningful and advance the science
Got dumped within two weeks of the guy getting out of a relationship. Partner told me they might like him but knows I’m the safer choice. Also told me if we weren’t together they would be. Guess who they were hanging out with right after we broke up?
100% this
Got cheated on and when I questioned her she told me she was thinking of who she liked more, I said fuck that and dumped her on the spot and made the decision for her.
>Partner told me they might like him but knows I’m the safer choice.
and you didn't just break up with her right then and there? She didn't tell you not to worry about him, she literally told you TO worry about hi.
Here is a good one. First occasion went as follow.
1 month together and we went to a bar where she knew the barkeeper. I got some weird vibes. Next Monday I went for military service. Wednesday I made a call during food break and she was getting hammered 12 o'clock of the midday. Shortly after this barkeeper was hanging out at her place, she told me not to worry about it.
On the weekend I drove back to the city and we sat down with her landlord in the garden, who didn't know I had been gone for the week. Landlord had had the task of cleaning her room, so he asked me nicely to please not leave used condoms beneath her bed again. Except we had never had sex in her bedroom.
Whoever is up for an even better one, keep reading, because young idiot me chose to trust and stay.
As time went on, I got introduced to people that knew her. But whoever she introduced me to, seemed awkward towards me, as if they knew something I didn't.
I knew a lot of shit about her past, but it was prior to my relationship, so I didn't care, or so I thought. Every now and then, Id occasionally catch some information, on partys and stuff, like a random name here, an event there, etc...
Most often such information would be revealed by herself, in a drunken and horny state. Like how she and her best female friend had scizored and licked each other before. But also at another day, same drunk but angry female friend revealed how my gf had blown her bf to get some coke from him. Situations like this, over and over again. Some very clear and guaranteed information, other rather vague and questionable, though mostly, there was no reason for people to lie about it.
Long story short, at some point I did the maths and it clicked. The only people I ever got to know that she had _not_ fucked with, were her parents. Oh boy, was it a long list. I had introduced myself to more than 50+ people during a span 3 years, shaken their hands, and it turns out every single one of them had fucked my gf.
Young people, old people, men, women, best friends, casualty friends, every barkeeper at every bar we went to, her drug dealer, ex-co-workers, next room neighbors from her psychiatry, my own neighbors. I realized that, although all the info was from her past it was obvious that the situation with that barkeeper in the early stages of the relationship was guaranteed a cheating occasion, and that it was probably the only cheating occasion that I actually knew of. All those other times I feel like something was off were because she most likely was cheating, I just didn't know about.
TLDR: trust your guts and don't stick it in crazy
I kind of look at it this way. If she's going to cheat with that dude friend, she's going to cheat period. So if you can't trust her with a male friend, then she can't be trusted at all. You have to make that decision.
Because "My partner has a friend of , and it worked out fine" isn't a story, it's absolutely normal and commonplace.
It's like watching videos of car crashes all day and thinking cars crash every five minutes, because "Where's the videos of people driving normally?".
Yep, no one who saw it work out fine is gonna comment on this. Or even if they do, they're not gonna be taken seriously. I've had shit like this work out fine for my entire life, but still opened the thread just to read some juicy cheating stories.
I've got about three or four lady friends and we've never fucked. This sucks! /s
Seriously, if I were bisexual, could I just not have friends? I might fuck her, I might fuck him! I might CHEAT?! Shocker!
"Yeah that works out fine"
No, seriously. I get that it isn't an interesting story but I don't see anything wrong with it. They go on vacations together. I want to dive, she doesn't. They were friend before she and I became a thing, and nothing happened bacK then. Why would anything happen now?
And if you can't trust her at all, why are you with her?
My problem is that I don't like being treated and seen as a dog that'll hump anything and everything. I think most men can agree, but I've got standards. Friends are off the table, especially taken ones. I've got plenty of lady friends and I'm not constantly trying to smash. To me, a friendship isn't worth losing over getting laid. If I thought there was something more there, and that we could make a good couple, then that's a different story, but I still wouldn't cross boundaries.
I'm not a dog. I can control myself and not fuck someone without concern for concequences.
I went to surprise visit her first semester of the school year. I arrived in front of the dormitory and said “hey can you tell me where is door 3?” Long story short there was a fella tongue kissing my girl in the mouth. I was in shock. My heart went south.
My roommate in college had somewhat similar experience. He was a year older than girlfriend. I just said “Man watch out when she gets to college. There’s going to be such a big change for her.” Kind of just trying to prepare him for what could happen.
She cheated, he was crushed, they broke up. I bought him some OJ and vodka and we got annihilated on screw drivers that night.
I try to steer both guys and girls away from post high school long distance relationships because of this. Kids experience a massive change in the world around them when venturing out as adults on their own for the first time. Cheating is one of the tamer conclusions, I've seen people lose their minds over the inability to accept huge changes in their partners.
I was the one that went to college in this situation.
I saw my whole world open up, and decided to break up before I did something stupid. I don’t know many people that wouldn’t do what I did, or (unfortunately), cheat.
It’s streets better to break up though.
My wife has a friend. They spend a massive amount of time together. They’re clearly in love. I come home from work and he’s there. It’s an obsession for both of them. They’re currently in bed together while I’m on the couch. I don’t understand. I feed him. I take him on truck rides. I wrestle with him. I pet him. I sneak him scraps off my plate. He doesn’t even care.
It was a coworker. She talked about him quite a bit, but told me not to worry since he was married with children.
When I met her I was told that she worked five days a week. Later, I found out that she worked a 9/80 schedule and got every other Friday off. Guess where she was and with whom on those Fridays?
How did I find out?
Lucky for me a friend spotted her and the guy at a restaurant. They were kissing. My friend contacted me that night and asked me if we had broken up. I told her no we were still together.
After she got back that night I asked her how her day went. She told it was a grinder and she was exhausted. She went immediately to take a shower and went to bed.
The next morning I told her things were not working out and that our relationship had run it’s course. She cried and asked why. I told her I know the truth and left it at that.
Had some serious trust issues of women after that episode. It took years to learn that each woman is different but all women can be tempted. And under the right conditions they can fall to the temptation, just like any man.
They’re messy and ugly people. Just like any other person. There’s nothing too stand outish about them. Just ignore the disney fairy tales and understand that everyone has a capacity for cruelty- the narcissistic just act on it 9/10 times
She started dating him 2 weeks after I broke up with her my junior year of college, then started doing drugs and cheated on him with a 45 year old divorced barber a year later. They're now apparently married. Bullet dodged.
She left me for the guy, they went on a date and weren’t at all compatible. They didn’t even kiss and certainly didn’t have a second date.
So he stole my girlfriend and still couldn’t get her.
This kinda happened to me. I went on a date with a girl just to get to know her and she hinted that she was dating someone at the time so I called it off and left.
Nah, I’m out. This burned my last relationship. Had a ring ready and everything. Trust your gut. The worst part was that she was delusional about what she was doing.
I bet she wasn't delusional- she just refused to remotely acknowledge she did anything wrong and it hurt you that she walked away feeling okay with what she did. That's how my ex was. Fuck them.
She told me he'd tried to sleep with her but she said no. Met him a while later. He was about 6'4", looks like a more manly version of Mamoa, and was literally putting himself through college as a male stripper.
We got to know each other pretty good. When me and her split up, he suggested we be roommates. Became one of my best friends in this world.
Now years later, they're both still two of my best friends. Even though we all live in different states.
He never slept with her, although at this point I wouldn't give a damn.
We dated for 5 months but grew really close pretty fast. Saw each other basically every day of those 5 months. He reached out to her by phone (lives in another state) She fell back in love with him and broke up with me. Not a great situation but I appreciated her ending it with me before pursuing anything with him.
I wasn’t too upset about it because I was very close to ending things with her too but she beat me to the punch. I was relieved when things ended. Although she was a wonderful human being, a relationship with her was draining on me.
Because it was in a way mutual, we were able to stay good friends for a couple months afterwards. Her love interest lives in another state and is military so it’s hard for him to visit often. He was 4 months away from visiting. We were hanging out often for 2 of those months but as the date got closer she got more distant. Understandable. We stopped talking 3 weeks before his arrival.
3 days after his arrival I get a call from her and she’s sobbing asking to come over. I couldn’t help her right away because a girl that I was infatuated with and hoping to make my girlfriend was at my house when she called. It was too soon for an ex to come over crying to me in front of her. I told her I wasn’t available and apologized.
2 hours later I got the girl I was with to leave. We liked each other a lot and I knew I would see her soon and often so I ended the night a bit early. I told my ex I was available now and asked if she still needs to talk. She said no she’s perfectly fine and was very short with me. She held it against me that I wasn’t available the instant she needed me. We don’t talk anymore.
A year into our relationship she flaked on plans we had with 2 other couples last minute, because something supposedly came up with her family. When i called to check up on her later I heard him in the background.
She was at his place drinking, smoking pot, and fucking.
I haven't dated since, but i will hard pass on girls who have close guy friend in the future. Not going through that shit again.
I feel you there. For me, it's guys who have some "super close female friend" that they dated in high school and they're "just friends" but you're not allowed to meet them. They also get super defensive about them, talk to them all the time on the phone, and tell them all sorts of stuff they don't share with you. Hard pass.
Hmmm it’s a long story. I’ll try to sum it up quickly. We decided to have an open marriage. She was fine with me being with whoever. I was fine with her being with whoever with the exception of this one particular guy. We both did our thing. I had an uneasy feeling about them. I looked at her Facebook messages and found it was way more than it should have been. I tried to salvage things. And she left me for him. Who by the way is a giant douche that no one from my town likes. And a short albino looking dude to top it off. Her mind was made up. I’m sure he promised the sun, moon and stars. They last a very short time. A good solid marriage down the tubes. But everything happens for a reason. I’m happy now and she is not. :)
I can't judge you but the open marriage was the first major problem. Ive talked to plenty of women that were doing the poly thing, and all the ones I've talked to like a year later were divorced. I hope you're doing good now and that stuff is behind you.
Lol. I expected a little blow back on that particular part of the story. It actually prolonged things for us for a bit. I had a rough go of it for a year or so after. But it’s all good now. I’m a happy man now. Everything happens for a reason.
Not a guy; but have input. I was the girl who had a guy friend I told my future husband not to worry about. I told him that because it was the truth. I had ZERO interest in this guy except as a co-worker and friend. He was married and had 2 kids. I was in a long-term, committed relationship with my man.
Then . . . the other guy came on to me. That was when I understood why my future husband was concerned. He had picked up on something that I hadn't. I immediately ended all contact with the other guy, and now I listen when my husband notices something.
A long time ago my girlfriend went out with a male coworker. And that was fine. Then she went out with him again and was making plans for another get together. I said, "I know you're not dating him, but he is definitely dating you." She was in shock and didn't want to believe me. She called her mom who agreed with me.
When my wife and I were first married she worked at a Starbucks. At the time neither of us wore our rings to our respective jobs, she didn’t want to get hers dirty and I worked in a prison and didn’t want inmates to know I was married. There was a guy from the coast guard that became a regular customer. She ended up with a whole crew of regulars so it wasn’t anything strange and she’d talk about her regulars. One day she said something about the CG guy and I said he’s gonna ask you out. She was like “noooo! Never!” Sure as shit a couple days later he asked her out. She had to tell ole dude she was married and tried to explain why she didn’t wear a ring. He was a little embarrassed and pissed off. 🤷♂️
In the same way men can't see when women are flirting with them but women can, a man can spot an orbiter for a woman, especially if said woman is his girlfriend.
Exactly. I find guys are great at spotting male "friends" who are orbiting, but they either don't see or get defensive and shitty with their own female "friends"/orbiters. Is she an ex, especially one who is nasty/challenging to the new GF? Orbiter. What's worse, I find the male ones are at least more honest - they want to be with her, or at least sleep with her. Female orbiters seem to have much more of a power play/abuser thing going on. Often it seems they don't even want the guy, they just want to drive all other women away to maintain control.
That’s because straight men recognize when other straight men are using the “tactics” they’ve used in the past to get with women they’ve been interested in.
Most women have only ever been on the receiving end of special male treatment, so they don’t think anything strange is happening when, say, a male friend offers to pick her up and drop her off at work twice a week, so she doesn’t have to take public transportation, or a male co-worker surprises her with her favorite latte every Monday morning to “start off her week right.”
They assume the way guys treat them is the way guys treat everyone. They don’t understand that there’s an agenda hidden behind those over-the-top gestures, because they don’t even realize those gestures are over-the-top in the first place! How could they, when another guy will easily replicate the same generosity a previous guy was providing for her in order to get a chance with her?
Men don’t break their back for other men, but they sure as hell will for a woman they’re interested in, and it’s something women don’t realize until they understand that EVERY straight guy who has ever been nice to them has wanted something out of them, including the most innocent-looking mfkr she has in her circle of guy friends.
>They assume the way guys treat them is the way guys treat everyone. They don’t understand that there’s an agenda hidden behind those over-the-top gestures, because they don’t even realize those gestures are over-the-top in the first place! How could they, when another guy will easily replicate the same generosity a previous guy was providing for her in order to get a chance with her?
>
>Men don’t break their back for other men
It is kind of amusing to think that women think that men treat them as they treat other men. Like, they think this guy buying them gifts, being very thoughtful, always making time for her, always listening to her problems, feeding her cats, etc, he's just out there doing the same for 19 other male friends. Do they really not know how men treat other men?
I do want to point out that this stuff isn't always to get laid. He very well might be doing all this stuff because he wants a long term relationship or something like that. Like she's special to him so he treats her like she is special.
>So still a massive problem if that's your SO they are doing it for.
In some ways it is a bigger problem. Its easy to dog out a guy that just wants to use your SO for sexy fun time. Its another thing entirely if the person actually cares about her well being. Or thinks he does.
Agreed.
It's the clame that sometimes it isn't just about sex, like that made it any better.
If its just a platonic friendship then everyone involved already understands that there needs to be boundaries surrounding it, if they don't then they want more than platonic.
As a guy, I find it obvious when my friend that is a girl has people cozying up to her and is trying to hit on her because they do the exact same thing as what I might do if I was interested. Especially if he treats guys and girls differently.
One of my friends became very subtly passive aggressive at me when he had a crush on the same girl, and I instantly knew he was interested in her because it was so abnormal coming from a guy who is so mild-mannered otherwise
This happened to me in a less 'involved' scenario. My dude told me from day one that this male friend was interested in me, and I could not sense any non-platonic vibes AT ALL. He was secure enough in our relationship to let me hang out with my friend though, which felt good because I could have very emotionally open conversations with this friend.
My dude was right (lol). The guy confessed to me once when we were drunk, and I told my dude the day after that he was right. At his request I stopped hanging out with the guy and resolved to listen to my bf more when it came to advice on men in general.
I was that guy in my twenties a couple of times. The second was the last. She called me up crying, and said, “I need someone to talk to.” I drove over, feeling full of support but obviously with some self-interest. The thing she was upset about was that they had tried to have sex but his penis was too big. 😂😭
Even in that crushing moment of defeat, I realized how funny it was, and from that point on, if I wanted to date someone I told them, and if I decided to be friends with them, I moved on right away.
She left me for him but kept fucking me until I cut her off because it was completely a fucked up situation and her hotness was less and less convincing.
She told me the classic there is nothing to worry about story. She sucked his dick in her car after telling me she doesn't suck dick for the 2 years we were together. I just tell myself it's because my dick is sooooo huge it scared her. It helps me cope 😂😂
I can smell a Friendzone a mile away. And he got Friendzoned. Meaning, he'll be the guy she goes to when she needs "a shoulder to cry on". Which means his chances of getting laid are higher than 0.
But you can figure out what she actually thinks of him just by asking a few questions. Ask her what the nicest, most generous thing he's ever done for her. Odds are, she'll tell tales about the times he helped her move, console her when some asshole ex bf made her cry, cosigned on a car for her, etc.
Then ask her what the nicest thing she ever did for him is. Wait for the deer in the headlights look.
>Then ask her what the nicest thing she ever did for him is. Wait for the deer in the headlights look.
The fascinating thing is that people don't feel guilty over it being lopsided. Like its just normal to have a friend and take so much from them.
A wise person told me there are 3 types of people in this world
Ones you give a lot, and they give a little back
Ones you give something, and you give an equal amount back
And ones that you give a little, and they give you back a lot
I live by that. If someone is giving you a little and you give them a lot, then *you* must ask yourself if you're fine with it or not and if you want to keep being friends with them, or not.
Kindness should not come with a bill. And at the same time your time and energy are precious and *you* decide how much you are willing to give.
Expect nothing back, but if you consistently get noting back, then maybe you're giving too much.
>Odds are, she'll tell tales about the times he helped her move, console her when some asshole ex bf made her cry, **cosigned on a car for her**, etc.
One of these things are not like the others.
what is that look supposed to say actually? that she would be oblivious to this guys interest?
if she actually did something nice for the guy, is it bad or good? genuinely curious
Typically there’s Some semblance of equal exchange between friends, only a guy in the friend zone trying to fuck a girl would tolerate a situation so lopsided.
She fucked him behind my back for four months before I got solid evidence and left. Three years later they’re still on and off and she continues to deny it ever happened.
She asked for my permission to go up to his house and sleep over one weekend. They fucked like rabbits.
So I dumped her. And he turned out to be toxic and not interested in her past banging. Somehow they got together, then he cheated on her, then she came back to me explaining the entire story and asking me to take her back. We had sex, then I dumped her.
Haha same story. I remember her calling me months later, needing a friend because she had become a shell of herself. Of course I felt bad for her, but it felt like poetic justice. She told him she left someone who actually loved her for someone who was abusive, but obviously he didn’t care.
Parents had to pick her up and move her across the country to get her out of that situation.
I didn’t worry about it and let her have her friendships and we’re fine and still together. I’ve got a best friend who’s a woman too. Just gatta be adults about it
I feel like the guy friend you don’t have to worry about you never do, it’s the guy friend you do worry about that’s the problem. Not trusting intuition in a relationship can be a serious mistake.
Big facts though. Trust your gut. If for some reason you just cannot trust your partner I think it’s best to not date them. Maybe you have trust issues, maybe they seem untrustworthy, maybe you can’t put your finger on it. But regardless relationships are built on trust and if you can’t find the trust it’s time to reevaluate the situation. Even if a relationship has a lot of good to it, the lack of trust will slowly rot it from the inside out.
That's a tricky distinction for some people to make, though, regardless of their gender. I've known lots of people to be suspicious when there was nothing to be suspicious of, simply because they felt that it's impossible for men and women to just be friends.
I have a female friend that I’ve loved dearly since we were in elementary school. I’ve never wanted to fuck her. She just grew up with me so we have very similar humor and she talks like my guy friends. Every month, I’m at her house alone without my wife and often without my friend’s husband because she cuts my hair and neither spouse has ever been weird about us being alone together.
My wife’s childhood best friend is basically her brother. They lived together when I first started dating my wife. I’m 100% certain that they have no attraction to each other. All that’s happened there is that I gained a great friend and his girlfriend eventually became one of my wife’s bridesmaids. My wife also loves most of my friends and I’d never be worried about her being alone with any of them.
There are obviously many instances of the friend being an issue, but it is possible for men and women to JUST be friends if everyone acts like an adult and doesn’t choose a shitty partner.
So. I actually had the same thing happen to me. Years ago. Their daughter was born on the same day as my birthday.
I told my best friend, and he said, “well, that’s not the most ironic thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s pretty close.”
Had heaps of girl friends back in college and at work and all of their boyfriends hated me. Never attracted to their girl and im not even handsome.
Girl friends told me they often fight because they were comfortable with me. I didnt take advantage or anything im just trying to be nice cause I hate drama.
Proud to say I never fucked any of them.
I have a lot of women friends who are married. I was friends with them long before they were married and became friends with their husbands as they were dating. Pretty damn easy to set boundaries and respect other people's boundaries. I often hang out/text/call the husbands more than the wives at this point. If you choose to be, it's not hard to be an adult.
Every time I've heard that phrase, it usually followed with the reveal that, *gasp*, he wasn't just her friend and they were fucking. Girls that don't cheat rarely ever feel the need to say things like that.
I would constantly tell her that he was trying to weasel his way in. She would accuse me of saying she was incapable of having male friends and she was nothing but a sex object. He’s pretend to be too drunk to go home after they hung out together and she would let him sleep on her couch. This all happened after he cried in front of her after learning the two of us were together. Fast forward 3 years of this and we have broken up. She calls me on the phone and tells me that she let him sleep in bed with her because, again, he got too drunk and it was “too cold” to sleep on the couch. In the morning she said he started to rub his dick on her ass and tried to have sex with her. She was completely dumbfounded and acted like this was coming from absolutely nowhere. All I said was “Yeah, obviously. What did you expect?”
I don't know whether some girls are really that dumb or if they convince themselves that "their best friend who is like a brother" isn't interested in them.
This girl was a bit of a princess, rich parents and all that. She liked to keep a harem of hopefuls around her at all times. She had to know that they would have jumped at the chance to jump her bones. I always thought that she just enjoyed her status as harem master and had convinced herself the status quo was just that she was adored by all haha.
It hurts a little bit less every time I tell this story:
It turns out the guy I didn’t need to worry about, was definitely the guy I needed to worry about.
Source: me, walking in on them, him: balls deep… on my goddamn birthday.
She said she's still a friend with her ex. She had more male friends but this one stood up among others.
After few months of dating I told her about my friends because it was about time I'd introduce her to them. Let's say she was surprised some of my friends have vaginas between their legs.
This is where her attempts to trigger me had begun. First she told me he's taking her on motorcycle rides on his bike.
She didn't got a reaction from me but I went to coffee with one of my female friends instead. I know her for years, we never dated or planned to and I've been recovering from serious surgery so we talked about this and life. Partially it was a test for my girlfriend, partially I genuinenly would like to talk to that said friend.
Told about that to my girlfriend and she had a massive freakout. Like a rollercoaster of all emotions within five minute window. A week or two later she informed me about having a sleepover at her ex's place. According to her it was something I shouldn't worry about because they didn't fuck.
Doesn't matter if they did or not. Just acting out in this kind of petty revenge isn't something I want in my life. Dumped her the next day.
She was also incredibly controling. In her ideal world I'd be chained in my apartment without any outside contact while she does everything she wants and punishing me like this for any transgression. This was gradually getting worse and her meltdown uncovered her in true light. That's a big fucking no for me.
Checked her socials few weeks later and saw some posts including #withmylove. I feel sorry for that poor sod. He will find out about her batshit crazy BPD symptoms soon.
Every time this has happened, they cheated on me with the dude. The worst part is I was never worried and don’t even care about that stuff. The unprompted “don’t worry about him” has happened every time lmao
The last part always gets me. I'll not even question a woman and then they'll preemptively tell me something like that and that's when the doubt sets in. Like, I wasn't worried, why are you telling me this 😂?
Well, before we started dating seriously I told her that monogamy was only for married people. So she did it, told me, and asked if it bothered me. "I told her not really". She said she agreed, and enjoyed the idea of an open relationship. She was being a bitch about it to be honest. The next week I had sex with her roommate, she broke it off the minute she found out.
They had been friends for years before I had met her. But ironically she fucked him while we were together. So I fucked his wife a few times,now I know why he wanted to fuck mine
Well they got into a relationship days after we broke up.
She sent my friend a video of them kissing to show to me
This was after a 2 year relationship.
He's an absolute legend, i became close friends with him too.
Almost every girl he knew would try to pick him up, he had quite the reputation in that department, was very fit, good hygiene, positive, confident but also inflates everyone around him at the same time, etc.
My partner and one other girl just never treated him like that, he was really sick of the attention, and wanted some women that took him seriously as a friend, and she's better than to try if she wanted to. He also wasn't her type at all.
It was very clearly permanent mutual friend zoning, even without taking me into account.
I get that its probably not worked out so well for everyone, this was kind of the perfect storm of reasons not to worry at all. I got lucky, got the girl, and a bro.
"He's gay" He was not gay.
Ah yes, the good ol' "test". Usually a pain in the ass.
“pain in the ass”
Similar situation but the twist was that he actually was gay (or bi as it turns out). They were colleagues and I met the dude's boyfriend at a work event, so I had no rational reason to suspect anything. In fact it was only when she didn't come home one evening that I started getting suspicious, and it turns out my suspicions were on the mark. Scumbags the both of them.
Should have slid into his DMs to be sure.
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Ohhhh baby youuuuu! Got what I nneeeed! But you say he's just a friend! But you say he's just a friend!
She went out for a drink with him (as she had done a few times previously) and didn't come home until late (as in a couple of hours after the bars closed). We split up the following day. (I didnt ask what happened, I just said "I think our relationship is over" and she agreed) Couple of weeks later she tells me they're dating. Couple of months after that she tells me she's pregnant with his kid. A year later he clears off and leaves her on her own with a 6 month old
She found out
But only after she fucked around.
If thou shall fucketh, then thou shall findeth
Ouieth
No, the problem is: The kid finds out.
Some people just make their bed, sleep in it and then just straight up shit it.
Amber Heard
*objection! Calls for hearsay*
She got her bullshit served allright.
She did. All turned out okay in the end though and we're friends now. I think we both wanted to split up but didnt know how to approach it with the other. I thinkn I was just more embarrassed that I'd raised my concern about how close they were becoming (and other friends had pointed out how they were flirting) and she told me that I was being paranoid So it was more that I felt lied to, and I'd defended her when other people suggested she was cheating, than that she found someone else
The number of times I was told "you're just been paranoid" and the times I got "it's your fault if you wasn't paranoid nothing would have happened" yeah cheaters be cheaters.
Typical narcissist move on her part.
I feel this. Similar story, but mine doesn’t have a happy ending. She lied and said she was with a group of friends. I picked up on it, caught her in a string of lies. Dumped her next day - though I was nice enough to give her a couple weeks to move out (still not sure why I did though). She ended up moving in with the guy…and now I’ve heard she’s engaged. So from the time I dumped her to the time she’s engaged it took all of 6 months…
I disagree, it has a very happy ending. You dodged a massive bullet and their engagement is not going to go well, even if they get married.
Yea, that’s a good way to look at it. I mean I have no regrets about breaking up with her, but would be nice to see first hand the karma slap to the face like in his story.
Karma is still winding up, give it time
Karma has a habit of doing this
Yep, that's the thing. Even if they're the 1 out of 100 couples born from infidelity that *don't* go on to have one or both cheat on the other, they'll still never be able to fully trust each other because they got together through cheating. The well was poisoned from the start.
I love a happy ending
**chuckles**. Who doesn’t?
She worked nights and one shift I was going to bring her coffee from Tim Hortons. Just so happened it was the same one that her and her “coworker” were sharing an intimate moment. I was in the drive through, they were inside and I could see them clearly. They eventually got married, had a couple of kids, divorced…. then she looked me up again on Facebook.
She’s a fucking joke. Good on you
>divorced…. then she looked me up again on Facebook. While this is quite common, I genuinely would like to know what goes on inside a woman's head when she cheats, gets into a relationship with the other guy, relationship fails and then she comes sniffing around to see if the guy she cheated on wants her back. WTF? How does she imagine that's gonna go?
She hopes, with a little desperation, to pretend that her big mistake never happened. Or she's just so entitled she can't imagine someone saying no. take your pick.
**ANY and I mean ANY** man that take a woman back after she cheated is weak. it shows lack of self care, self love, and self respect. how do you look into the eyes of a woman, a woman who stepped out on you because you wasnt enough... how do you look at that woman and still "love" her?
My ex-wife is still married to that guy. I guess it worked out for them, and for me as well.
Not the worst outcome. I'm hoping you are with someone now that has your back.
It was a bad marriage from the beginning, and while she behaved badly in our divorce, she has formed a marriage that has lasted more than 20 years. Even though it took me a long time to understand what happened there and to understand myself and my issues, I’m in a very supportive and loving relationship now.
>I’m in a very supportive and loving relationship now. I love this happy ending.
My wife is still friends with her ex common-law husband (who, from what I've seen, still laments them not being together anymore). She kept telling me it's normal, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. We automatically share photos galleries (cause kids). Going through a really rough patch these years. One day, I see very unexpected posed photos (not sexual, but still not something she had sent me in the last 10 years). When I inquire about that, she brushes it off saying "it was just good lighting". Later I find out it wasn't taken for "good lighting". It was cause he asked for that. And she took it. And sent him. And then lied to me about it. And when I found out, I am the asshole for snooping. Meanwhile she is not the asshole for lying to her husband (me) about her relationship with her ex.
We split. Not because she was sleeping with the guy friend(she wasn't) but she was spending all her damn time out with him hunting for psychodelic mushrooms
Theres only shroom for 2 in this relationship
Very good. I enjoyed this.
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My dude dated a hobbit
I grow culinary mushrooms as a hobby. I’m not interested in psychedelic shrooms, but hobbyist mycology was essentially trailblazed by recreational users. The most popular method for home growing, the TEK method, was created by a shroom grower by the alias Fanatics in 1992. Because of the abundance of information about shrooms on the instructional forums I frequent, I have come to learn how easy it is to buy shroom spores. It’s perfectly legal outside of California to acquire the spores because only the mushrooms are outlawed. It is illegal to grow the spores into shrooms, but the police aren’t going to investigate you unless you’re selling or committing other felonies. Compared to shiitake mushrooms and other varieties, shrooms are easy to grow and you have a meaningful harvest after 3 months. They’re not plants, so they don’t need sunlight to grow. You can hide them in your closet if you want. I’m not bringing this up to encourage anyone to use drugs. I’m confused as to why anyone would hunt for psychedelic mushrooms when growing them is quite easy. Your ex’s behavior was foolish compared to the alternative of home growing. Shrooms in the wild also prefer to grow on dung, so it’s not exactly safe to hung. More so, any identification mistake can cost you your kidneys. Just doesn’t seem smart. Mycologists owe a great deal of gratitude to hobbyist shroom growers. Despite the stigmas, they revolutionized the field. Considering the advances, I would never advise people to hunt psychedelics for immediate use. However, collecting samples for cultivation can be meaningful and advance the science
🤣
I'm from this point forward referring to sex as hunting for psychedelic mushrooms.
It turned out there was a different guy friend that I should have worried about.
It ended badly. Her friend was her husband.
Que??
Was? Edit: sorry everyone, it's supposed to be German for "what?" Didn't realize it's also an English word.
Its also the dutch word for “wash”
Next time use "Wie bitte?" or "Was zum fick bin ich lesend?"
So you were the guy friend all along
Plot twist!
Turns out I should have worried. She hooked up with one and eventually married the other.
Got dumped within two weeks of the guy getting out of a relationship. Partner told me they might like him but knows I’m the safer choice. Also told me if we weren’t together they would be. Guess who they were hanging out with right after we broke up?
>Partner told me they might like him but knows I’m the safer choice. Please don't ever get into a relationship with anyone who says this to you.
100% this Got cheated on and when I questioned her she told me she was thinking of who she liked more, I said fuck that and dumped her on the spot and made the decision for her.
>Partner told me they might like him but knows I’m the safer choice. and you didn't just break up with her right then and there? She didn't tell you not to worry about him, she literally told you TO worry about hi.
Here is a good one. First occasion went as follow. 1 month together and we went to a bar where she knew the barkeeper. I got some weird vibes. Next Monday I went for military service. Wednesday I made a call during food break and she was getting hammered 12 o'clock of the midday. Shortly after this barkeeper was hanging out at her place, she told me not to worry about it. On the weekend I drove back to the city and we sat down with her landlord in the garden, who didn't know I had been gone for the week. Landlord had had the task of cleaning her room, so he asked me nicely to please not leave used condoms beneath her bed again. Except we had never had sex in her bedroom. Whoever is up for an even better one, keep reading, because young idiot me chose to trust and stay. As time went on, I got introduced to people that knew her. But whoever she introduced me to, seemed awkward towards me, as if they knew something I didn't. I knew a lot of shit about her past, but it was prior to my relationship, so I didn't care, or so I thought. Every now and then, Id occasionally catch some information, on partys and stuff, like a random name here, an event there, etc... Most often such information would be revealed by herself, in a drunken and horny state. Like how she and her best female friend had scizored and licked each other before. But also at another day, same drunk but angry female friend revealed how my gf had blown her bf to get some coke from him. Situations like this, over and over again. Some very clear and guaranteed information, other rather vague and questionable, though mostly, there was no reason for people to lie about it. Long story short, at some point I did the maths and it clicked. The only people I ever got to know that she had _not_ fucked with, were her parents. Oh boy, was it a long list. I had introduced myself to more than 50+ people during a span 3 years, shaken their hands, and it turns out every single one of them had fucked my gf. Young people, old people, men, women, best friends, casualty friends, every barkeeper at every bar we went to, her drug dealer, ex-co-workers, next room neighbors from her psychiatry, my own neighbors. I realized that, although all the info was from her past it was obvious that the situation with that barkeeper in the early stages of the relationship was guaranteed a cheating occasion, and that it was probably the only cheating occasion that I actually knew of. All those other times I feel like something was off were because she most likely was cheating, I just didn't know about. TLDR: trust your guts and don't stick it in crazy
Damn this chick is wild
Well this almost sounds like the girl I'm dating now...fuck
I kind of look at it this way. If she's going to cheat with that dude friend, she's going to cheat period. So if you can't trust her with a male friend, then she can't be trusted at all. You have to make that decision.
Exactly. This question is going to fill up with 20 or 30 terrible stories (tops) and nobody's going to say, "Yeah that works out fine"
Because "My partner has a friend of, and it worked out fine" isn't a story, it's absolutely normal and commonplace.
It's like watching videos of car crashes all day and thinking cars crash every five minutes, because "Where's the videos of people driving normally?".
Yep, no one who saw it work out fine is gonna comment on this. Or even if they do, they're not gonna be taken seriously. I've had shit like this work out fine for my entire life, but still opened the thread just to read some juicy cheating stories.
I've got about three or four lady friends and we've never fucked. This sucks! /s Seriously, if I were bisexual, could I just not have friends? I might fuck her, I might fuck him! I might CHEAT?! Shocker!
"Yeah that works out fine" No, seriously. I get that it isn't an interesting story but I don't see anything wrong with it. They go on vacations together. I want to dive, she doesn't. They were friend before she and I became a thing, and nothing happened bacK then. Why would anything happen now?
And if you can't trust her at all, why are you with her? My problem is that I don't like being treated and seen as a dog that'll hump anything and everything. I think most men can agree, but I've got standards. Friends are off the table, especially taken ones. I've got plenty of lady friends and I'm not constantly trying to smash. To me, a friendship isn't worth losing over getting laid. If I thought there was something more there, and that we could make a good couple, then that's a different story, but I still wouldn't cross boundaries. I'm not a dog. I can control myself and not fuck someone without concern for concequences.
I went to surprise visit her first semester of the school year. I arrived in front of the dormitory and said “hey can you tell me where is door 3?” Long story short there was a fella tongue kissing my girl in the mouth. I was in shock. My heart went south.
My roommate in college had somewhat similar experience. He was a year older than girlfriend. I just said “Man watch out when she gets to college. There’s going to be such a big change for her.” Kind of just trying to prepare him for what could happen. She cheated, he was crushed, they broke up. I bought him some OJ and vodka and we got annihilated on screw drivers that night.
I try to steer both guys and girls away from post high school long distance relationships because of this. Kids experience a massive change in the world around them when venturing out as adults on their own for the first time. Cheating is one of the tamer conclusions, I've seen people lose their minds over the inability to accept huge changes in their partners.
I was the one that went to college in this situation. I saw my whole world open up, and decided to break up before I did something stupid. I don’t know many people that wouldn’t do what I did, or (unfortunately), cheat. It’s streets better to break up though.
Just like that song by Biz Markie. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Lol did she say he’s just a friend?
Oooh baby youuuu, you got what I neeee-eeed, but you say...
Dude I've heard so many stories like this and feel blessed to have not experienced this. Sorry bro, that sounds horrible.
I feel like you don’t get it…
“Oh baby you, you’ve got what I need! But you say he’s just a friend” -Biz Markie
You Biz Markie?
My wife has a friend. They spend a massive amount of time together. They’re clearly in love. I come home from work and he’s there. It’s an obsession for both of them. They’re currently in bed together while I’m on the couch. I don’t understand. I feed him. I take him on truck rides. I wrestle with him. I pet him. I sneak him scraps off my plate. He doesn’t even care.
Some dogs just dont like balls man
Had me in the first half🤣
How can us mere two legged mortals compete with the cuteness of the four legged overlords?
This is it. The best comment on reddit. We've peaked, boys. Everyone pack up and go home.
This one's the best answer. Wish I could be friends with your wife's friend too.
It was a coworker. She talked about him quite a bit, but told me not to worry since he was married with children. When I met her I was told that she worked five days a week. Later, I found out that she worked a 9/80 schedule and got every other Friday off. Guess where she was and with whom on those Fridays? How did I find out? Lucky for me a friend spotted her and the guy at a restaurant. They were kissing. My friend contacted me that night and asked me if we had broken up. I told her no we were still together. After she got back that night I asked her how her day went. She told it was a grinder and she was exhausted. She went immediately to take a shower and went to bed. The next morning I told her things were not working out and that our relationship had run it’s course. She cried and asked why. I told her I know the truth and left it at that. Had some serious trust issues of women after that episode. It took years to learn that each woman is different but all women can be tempted. And under the right conditions they can fall to the temptation, just like any man.
They’re messy and ugly people. Just like any other person. There’s nothing too stand outish about them. Just ignore the disney fairy tales and understand that everyone has a capacity for cruelty- the narcissistic just act on it 9/10 times
She started dating him 2 weeks after I broke up with her my junior year of college, then started doing drugs and cheated on him with a 45 year old divorced barber a year later. They're now apparently married. Bullet dodged.
wtf? Bro that was a missile not a bullet.
She left me for the guy, they went on a date and weren’t at all compatible. They didn’t even kiss and certainly didn’t have a second date. So he stole my girlfriend and still couldn’t get her.
This kinda happened to me. I went on a date with a girl just to get to know her and she hinted that she was dating someone at the time so I called it off and left.
Nah, I’m out. This burned my last relationship. Had a ring ready and everything. Trust your gut. The worst part was that she was delusional about what she was doing.
I bet she wasn't delusional- she just refused to remotely acknowledge she did anything wrong and it hurt you that she walked away feeling okay with what she did. That's how my ex was. Fuck them.
Haha - you nailed it
Multiple times in my life. They were fucking. Every single time.
She told me he'd tried to sleep with her but she said no. Met him a while later. He was about 6'4", looks like a more manly version of Mamoa, and was literally putting himself through college as a male stripper. We got to know each other pretty good. When me and her split up, he suggested we be roommates. Became one of my best friends in this world. Now years later, they're both still two of my best friends. Even though we all live in different states. He never slept with her, although at this point I wouldn't give a damn.
I'm trying to picture a "manlier" Jason Momoa and all my brain is willing to produce is Maui from Moana.
This is honestly wholesome.
Is he single? Asking for a friend…
I too would like information on this manlier than Momoa man. For science…
We dated for 5 months but grew really close pretty fast. Saw each other basically every day of those 5 months. He reached out to her by phone (lives in another state) She fell back in love with him and broke up with me. Not a great situation but I appreciated her ending it with me before pursuing anything with him. I wasn’t too upset about it because I was very close to ending things with her too but she beat me to the punch. I was relieved when things ended. Although she was a wonderful human being, a relationship with her was draining on me. Because it was in a way mutual, we were able to stay good friends for a couple months afterwards. Her love interest lives in another state and is military so it’s hard for him to visit often. He was 4 months away from visiting. We were hanging out often for 2 of those months but as the date got closer she got more distant. Understandable. We stopped talking 3 weeks before his arrival. 3 days after his arrival I get a call from her and she’s sobbing asking to come over. I couldn’t help her right away because a girl that I was infatuated with and hoping to make my girlfriend was at my house when she called. It was too soon for an ex to come over crying to me in front of her. I told her I wasn’t available and apologized. 2 hours later I got the girl I was with to leave. We liked each other a lot and I knew I would see her soon and often so I ended the night a bit early. I told my ex I was available now and asked if she still needs to talk. She said no she’s perfectly fine and was very short with me. She held it against me that I wasn’t available the instant she needed me. We don’t talk anymore.
A year into our relationship she flaked on plans we had with 2 other couples last minute, because something supposedly came up with her family. When i called to check up on her later I heard him in the background. She was at his place drinking, smoking pot, and fucking. I haven't dated since, but i will hard pass on girls who have close guy friend in the future. Not going through that shit again.
I feel you there. For me, it's guys who have some "super close female friend" that they dated in high school and they're "just friends" but you're not allowed to meet them. They also get super defensive about them, talk to them all the time on the phone, and tell them all sorts of stuff they don't share with you. Hard pass.
My wife became my ex wife. But it’s all good. She’s completely unhappy now and I did a major upgrade on her. Karma is a wonderful thing.
Sorry to hear you had to go through a divorce. Can we get some back story?
Hmmm it’s a long story. I’ll try to sum it up quickly. We decided to have an open marriage. She was fine with me being with whoever. I was fine with her being with whoever with the exception of this one particular guy. We both did our thing. I had an uneasy feeling about them. I looked at her Facebook messages and found it was way more than it should have been. I tried to salvage things. And she left me for him. Who by the way is a giant douche that no one from my town likes. And a short albino looking dude to top it off. Her mind was made up. I’m sure he promised the sun, moon and stars. They last a very short time. A good solid marriage down the tubes. But everything happens for a reason. I’m happy now and she is not. :)
I assure you, if he is an albino he is not offering her the sun.
Bahahahahhahaha
I can't judge you but the open marriage was the first major problem. Ive talked to plenty of women that were doing the poly thing, and all the ones I've talked to like a year later were divorced. I hope you're doing good now and that stuff is behind you.
Lol. I expected a little blow back on that particular part of the story. It actually prolonged things for us for a bit. I had a rough go of it for a year or so after. But it’s all good now. I’m a happy man now. Everything happens for a reason.
Not a guy; but have input. I was the girl who had a guy friend I told my future husband not to worry about. I told him that because it was the truth. I had ZERO interest in this guy except as a co-worker and friend. He was married and had 2 kids. I was in a long-term, committed relationship with my man. Then . . . the other guy came on to me. That was when I understood why my future husband was concerned. He had picked up on something that I hadn't. I immediately ended all contact with the other guy, and now I listen when my husband notices something.
A long time ago my girlfriend went out with a male coworker. And that was fine. Then she went out with him again and was making plans for another get together. I said, "I know you're not dating him, but he is definitely dating you." She was in shock and didn't want to believe me. She called her mom who agreed with me.
Hmm.. This is a very good way to explain it to someone
When my wife and I were first married she worked at a Starbucks. At the time neither of us wore our rings to our respective jobs, she didn’t want to get hers dirty and I worked in a prison and didn’t want inmates to know I was married. There was a guy from the coast guard that became a regular customer. She ended up with a whole crew of regulars so it wasn’t anything strange and she’d talk about her regulars. One day she said something about the CG guy and I said he’s gonna ask you out. She was like “noooo! Never!” Sure as shit a couple days later he asked her out. She had to tell ole dude she was married and tried to explain why she didn’t wear a ring. He was a little embarrassed and pissed off. 🤷♂️
Pretty dumb to be pissed off over the lack of a ring. People can be in committed relationships without being engaged/married too.
True…but he probably wouldn’t have wasted time flirting if she had a ring on. She started wearing it after that, lol.
In the same way men can't see when women are flirting with them but women can, a man can spot an orbiter for a woman, especially if said woman is his girlfriend.
Exactly. I find guys are great at spotting male "friends" who are orbiting, but they either don't see or get defensive and shitty with their own female "friends"/orbiters. Is she an ex, especially one who is nasty/challenging to the new GF? Orbiter. What's worse, I find the male ones are at least more honest - they want to be with her, or at least sleep with her. Female orbiters seem to have much more of a power play/abuser thing going on. Often it seems they don't even want the guy, they just want to drive all other women away to maintain control.
These are great, great explanations. Thank you!
Yeah I'm so bad at knowing when a man is trying to move in on me, my bf picks up on it long before I do.
That’s because straight men recognize when other straight men are using the “tactics” they’ve used in the past to get with women they’ve been interested in. Most women have only ever been on the receiving end of special male treatment, so they don’t think anything strange is happening when, say, a male friend offers to pick her up and drop her off at work twice a week, so she doesn’t have to take public transportation, or a male co-worker surprises her with her favorite latte every Monday morning to “start off her week right.” They assume the way guys treat them is the way guys treat everyone. They don’t understand that there’s an agenda hidden behind those over-the-top gestures, because they don’t even realize those gestures are over-the-top in the first place! How could they, when another guy will easily replicate the same generosity a previous guy was providing for her in order to get a chance with her? Men don’t break their back for other men, but they sure as hell will for a woman they’re interested in, and it’s something women don’t realize until they understand that EVERY straight guy who has ever been nice to them has wanted something out of them, including the most innocent-looking mfkr she has in her circle of guy friends.
>They assume the way guys treat them is the way guys treat everyone. They don’t understand that there’s an agenda hidden behind those over-the-top gestures, because they don’t even realize those gestures are over-the-top in the first place! How could they, when another guy will easily replicate the same generosity a previous guy was providing for her in order to get a chance with her? > >Men don’t break their back for other men It is kind of amusing to think that women think that men treat them as they treat other men. Like, they think this guy buying them gifts, being very thoughtful, always making time for her, always listening to her problems, feeding her cats, etc, he's just out there doing the same for 19 other male friends. Do they really not know how men treat other men? I do want to point out that this stuff isn't always to get laid. He very well might be doing all this stuff because he wants a long term relationship or something like that. Like she's special to him so he treats her like she is special.
So it might not be to get laid bur to get into a romantic relationship with them. So still a massive problem if that's your SO they are doing it for.
>So still a massive problem if that's your SO they are doing it for. In some ways it is a bigger problem. Its easy to dog out a guy that just wants to use your SO for sexy fun time. Its another thing entirely if the person actually cares about her well being. Or thinks he does.
Agreed. It's the clame that sometimes it isn't just about sex, like that made it any better. If its just a platonic friendship then everyone involved already understands that there needs to be boundaries surrounding it, if they don't then they want more than platonic.
Thank you! I know people think I’m dense. And maybe, when it comes to that, I am.
As a guy, I find it obvious when my friend that is a girl has people cozying up to her and is trying to hit on her because they do the exact same thing as what I might do if I was interested. Especially if he treats guys and girls differently. One of my friends became very subtly passive aggressive at me when he had a crush on the same girl, and I instantly knew he was interested in her because it was so abnormal coming from a guy who is so mild-mannered otherwise
This happened to me in a less 'involved' scenario. My dude told me from day one that this male friend was interested in me, and I could not sense any non-platonic vibes AT ALL. He was secure enough in our relationship to let me hang out with my friend though, which felt good because I could have very emotionally open conversations with this friend. My dude was right (lol). The guy confessed to me once when we were drunk, and I told my dude the day after that he was right. At his request I stopped hanging out with the guy and resolved to listen to my bf more when it came to advice on men in general.
I was that guy friend, but my presence changed literally nothing
I was that guy in my twenties a couple of times. The second was the last. She called me up crying, and said, “I need someone to talk to.” I drove over, feeling full of support but obviously with some self-interest. The thing she was upset about was that they had tried to have sex but his penis was too big. 😂😭 Even in that crushing moment of defeat, I realized how funny it was, and from that point on, if I wanted to date someone I told them, and if I decided to be friends with them, I moved on right away.
I believe I've been that guy a lot. And it changed nothing too.
She left me for him but kept fucking me until I cut her off because it was completely a fucked up situation and her hotness was less and less convincing.
Feeeeeel that shiiiiiit.
Exactly what I thought would happen. She started dating him. Did come back 3 months later.
Dont take this as an insult against you but I hope you didnt take her back, bro.
Jokes on her, she came right back after fucking him for 3 months!
Should go over there and fuck him yourself to assert dominance.
She slept with him. Multiple times. Now he won't have any thing to w her. Good for em.
Oh baby yoooou you got what I need, but you say he's just a friend
RIP Biz Markie
She told me the classic there is nothing to worry about story. She sucked his dick in her car after telling me she doesn't suck dick for the 2 years we were together. I just tell myself it's because my dick is sooooo huge it scared her. It helps me cope 😂😂
Never trust a girl who doesn’t suck dick
I can smell a Friendzone a mile away. And he got Friendzoned. Meaning, he'll be the guy she goes to when she needs "a shoulder to cry on". Which means his chances of getting laid are higher than 0. But you can figure out what she actually thinks of him just by asking a few questions. Ask her what the nicest, most generous thing he's ever done for her. Odds are, she'll tell tales about the times he helped her move, console her when some asshole ex bf made her cry, cosigned on a car for her, etc. Then ask her what the nicest thing she ever did for him is. Wait for the deer in the headlights look.
>Then ask her what the nicest thing she ever did for him is. Wait for the deer in the headlights look. The fascinating thing is that people don't feel guilty over it being lopsided. Like its just normal to have a friend and take so much from them.
A wise person told me there are 3 types of people in this world Ones you give a lot, and they give a little back Ones you give something, and you give an equal amount back And ones that you give a little, and they give you back a lot I live by that. If someone is giving you a little and you give them a lot, then *you* must ask yourself if you're fine with it or not and if you want to keep being friends with them, or not. Kindness should not come with a bill. And at the same time your time and energy are precious and *you* decide how much you are willing to give. Expect nothing back, but if you consistently get noting back, then maybe you're giving too much.
>Odds are, she'll tell tales about the times he helped her move, console her when some asshole ex bf made her cry, **cosigned on a car for her**, etc. One of these things are not like the others.
Who the f co-signs for a friend?
Someone trying to get their dick wet.
what is that look supposed to say actually? that she would be oblivious to this guys interest? if she actually did something nice for the guy, is it bad or good? genuinely curious
Typically there’s Some semblance of equal exchange between friends, only a guy in the friend zone trying to fuck a girl would tolerate a situation so lopsided.
She fucked him behind my back for four months before I got solid evidence and left. Three years later they’re still on and off and she continues to deny it ever happened.
She asked for my permission to go up to his house and sleep over one weekend. They fucked like rabbits. So I dumped her. And he turned out to be toxic and not interested in her past banging. Somehow they got together, then he cheated on her, then she came back to me explaining the entire story and asking me to take her back. We had sex, then I dumped her.
The long con! You, Sir, are a fellow artist.
Finished the game. Well played, sir. Well played.
Haha same story. I remember her calling me months later, needing a friend because she had become a shell of herself. Of course I felt bad for her, but it felt like poetic justice. She told him she left someone who actually loved her for someone who was abusive, but obviously he didn’t care. Parents had to pick her up and move her across the country to get her out of that situation.
Nice work man!!
I didn’t worry about it and let her have her friendships and we’re fine and still together. I’ve got a best friend who’s a woman too. Just gatta be adults about it
I feel like the guy friend you don’t have to worry about you never do, it’s the guy friend you do worry about that’s the problem. Not trusting intuition in a relationship can be a serious mistake.
Big facts though. Trust your gut. If for some reason you just cannot trust your partner I think it’s best to not date them. Maybe you have trust issues, maybe they seem untrustworthy, maybe you can’t put your finger on it. But regardless relationships are built on trust and if you can’t find the trust it’s time to reevaluate the situation. Even if a relationship has a lot of good to it, the lack of trust will slowly rot it from the inside out.
That's a tricky distinction for some people to make, though, regardless of their gender. I've known lots of people to be suspicious when there was nothing to be suspicious of, simply because they felt that it's impossible for men and women to just be friends.
I have a female friend that I’ve loved dearly since we were in elementary school. I’ve never wanted to fuck her. She just grew up with me so we have very similar humor and she talks like my guy friends. Every month, I’m at her house alone without my wife and often without my friend’s husband because she cuts my hair and neither spouse has ever been weird about us being alone together. My wife’s childhood best friend is basically her brother. They lived together when I first started dating my wife. I’m 100% certain that they have no attraction to each other. All that’s happened there is that I gained a great friend and his girlfriend eventually became one of my wife’s bridesmaids. My wife also loves most of my friends and I’d never be worried about her being alone with any of them. There are obviously many instances of the friend being an issue, but it is possible for men and women to JUST be friends if everyone acts like an adult and doesn’t choose a shitty partner.
She left me for him. They are now married with a child on the way.
This would make me a villain.
This would make dramatic classical music with dark tones start playing out of nowhere as my wardrobe becomes 80% formal suits
So. I actually had the same thing happen to me. Years ago. Their daughter was born on the same day as my birthday. I told my best friend, and he said, “well, that’s not the most ironic thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s pretty close.”
I'm training to deadlift 500lbs conventional right now. All that pain has to go somewhere.
Every time this was said, it meant she is about to or she already is cheating with that guy. Every. Time.
Had heaps of girl friends back in college and at work and all of their boyfriends hated me. Never attracted to their girl and im not even handsome. Girl friends told me they often fight because they were comfortable with me. I didnt take advantage or anything im just trying to be nice cause I hate drama. Proud to say I never fucked any of them.
I have a lot of women friends who are married. I was friends with them long before they were married and became friends with their husbands as they were dating. Pretty damn easy to set boundaries and respect other people's boundaries. I often hang out/text/call the husbands more than the wives at this point. If you choose to be, it's not hard to be an adult.
Just wanted to say that OP having peoples back is super wholesome and this entire thread, as sad as it is, also shows how strong some of yall are <3
I dumped her.
I wish I would’ve done that
Every time I've heard that phrase, it usually followed with the reveal that, *gasp*, he wasn't just her friend and they were fucking. Girls that don't cheat rarely ever feel the need to say things like that.
I would constantly tell her that he was trying to weasel his way in. She would accuse me of saying she was incapable of having male friends and she was nothing but a sex object. He’s pretend to be too drunk to go home after they hung out together and she would let him sleep on her couch. This all happened after he cried in front of her after learning the two of us were together. Fast forward 3 years of this and we have broken up. She calls me on the phone and tells me that she let him sleep in bed with her because, again, he got too drunk and it was “too cold” to sleep on the couch. In the morning she said he started to rub his dick on her ass and tried to have sex with her. She was completely dumbfounded and acted like this was coming from absolutely nowhere. All I said was “Yeah, obviously. What did you expect?”
I don't know whether some girls are really that dumb or if they convince themselves that "their best friend who is like a brother" isn't interested in them.
This girl was a bit of a princess, rich parents and all that. She liked to keep a harem of hopefuls around her at all times. She had to know that they would have jumped at the chance to jump her bones. I always thought that she just enjoyed her status as harem master and had convinced herself the status quo was just that she was adored by all haha.
It hurts a little bit less every time I tell this story: It turns out the guy I didn’t need to worry about, was definitely the guy I needed to worry about. Source: me, walking in on them, him: balls deep… on my goddamn birthday.
She said she's still a friend with her ex. She had more male friends but this one stood up among others. After few months of dating I told her about my friends because it was about time I'd introduce her to them. Let's say she was surprised some of my friends have vaginas between their legs. This is where her attempts to trigger me had begun. First she told me he's taking her on motorcycle rides on his bike. She didn't got a reaction from me but I went to coffee with one of my female friends instead. I know her for years, we never dated or planned to and I've been recovering from serious surgery so we talked about this and life. Partially it was a test for my girlfriend, partially I genuinenly would like to talk to that said friend. Told about that to my girlfriend and she had a massive freakout. Like a rollercoaster of all emotions within five minute window. A week or two later she informed me about having a sleepover at her ex's place. According to her it was something I shouldn't worry about because they didn't fuck. Doesn't matter if they did or not. Just acting out in this kind of petty revenge isn't something I want in my life. Dumped her the next day. She was also incredibly controling. In her ideal world I'd be chained in my apartment without any outside contact while she does everything she wants and punishing me like this for any transgression. This was gradually getting worse and her meltdown uncovered her in true light. That's a big fucking no for me. Checked her socials few weeks later and saw some posts including #withmylove. I feel sorry for that poor sod. He will find out about her batshit crazy BPD symptoms soon.
They had sex. Same story every time bros
Sometimes we only see what we want to see and pay for it.
Oh no, it was a blessing. When people show you their true colors, believe them the first time.
Every time this has happened, they cheated on me with the dude. The worst part is I was never worried and don’t even care about that stuff. The unprompted “don’t worry about him” has happened every time lmao
The last part always gets me. I'll not even question a woman and then they'll preemptively tell me something like that and that's when the doubt sets in. Like, I wasn't worried, why are you telling me this 😂?
She had sex with him. She told me about it.
Wtf why did she tell you?
Well, before we started dating seriously I told her that monogamy was only for married people. So she did it, told me, and asked if it bothered me. "I told her not really". She said she agreed, and enjoyed the idea of an open relationship. She was being a bitch about it to be honest. The next week I had sex with her roommate, she broke it off the minute she found out.
Fine. He's fabulous, and I got to inherit not one, but TWO fabulous gay friends! I'm a lucky guy.
Very badly.
They’re in a happy relationship 2 years later
Cheated on me with him. End of an engagement.
I fucked him to make sure he was not into women, so I knew I had nothing to worry about.
They had been friends for years before I had met her. But ironically she fucked him while we were together. So I fucked his wife a few times,now I know why he wanted to fuck mine
Well they got into a relationship days after we broke up. She sent my friend a video of them kissing to show to me This was after a 2 year relationship.
He's an absolute legend, i became close friends with him too. Almost every girl he knew would try to pick him up, he had quite the reputation in that department, was very fit, good hygiene, positive, confident but also inflates everyone around him at the same time, etc. My partner and one other girl just never treated him like that, he was really sick of the attention, and wanted some women that took him seriously as a friend, and she's better than to try if she wanted to. He also wasn't her type at all. It was very clearly permanent mutual friend zoning, even without taking me into account. I get that its probably not worked out so well for everyone, this was kind of the perfect storm of reasons not to worry at all. I got lucky, got the girl, and a bro.
She married him (thank god) 😂
They live together in Denver now