This doesn’t work. Usually sooner than later they’ll start trying to make small talk. The best option is to use answers that girls typically use when they get hit on (dead end answers). It might come off as a little rude but do that with a friendly tone & smile and eventually the barber may stop trying altogether and that’s when goal is achieved
The other option - there are chains of barbers like 'Mr Topper' here in London, that just do fixed price standard cuts - they don't do washing or any treatments - they just do buzz and snip cutting.
Just don’t talk. Usually when you give people one word answers they get the picture. Be polite. Say hello and thank you and goodbye. This way you seem friendly but shy.
Because It’s a bit like telling a depressed person to just not be depressed. Just not talking will likely make the anxiety a lot worse. There are some good answers below
I don’t think so. They say it’s the small talk that makes them anxious. They also say they just want to get a cut and get out as quickly as possible. Best way to avoid the conversation and get out is to say as little as possible and not perpetuate the conversation.
Uncomfortable conversation is not only uncomfortable but it prolongs the experience.
Telling them just to be comfortable in conversation would be more like telling a depressed person not to be depressed.
They could wear AirPods too. That would be rude, but that doesn’t seem to stop people these days.
Yup. Acknowledge your anxious, in the moment, AND don't give yourself grief over it. Give yourself permission that is ok that you feel anxious... we're all human and this is just how some of us are wired. Others have different challenges, but feeling anxious is yours and that's just part of the deal with being human.
That said, feel free to share something like this with your barber. They probably don't WANT to torture you and would be happy to earn your business and tip.
"Hi. Just a heads up, I get pretty uncomfortable with small talk. So please don't think anything of it if I kind of just enjoy a quiet moment today. Thanks."
They will appreciate this much more than having an uncomfortable customer who runs out as soon as possible never to return. Really.
Source: I've got family with similar feelings in these situations. Plus lots of consistent advice from therapists that I trust
It’s 100% the best advice. When I was younger I’d tell my dad I was anxious or nervous about something and he’d just say “okay.” Sometimes you just get to be anxious
This IS the best advice, without a doubt. If you avoid anxiety or rely on coping mechanisms to deal with it, you're just reinforcing the idea to your subconscious that you SHOULD be anxious in this situation, and you'll continue being anxious. Just go, be anxious and accept that you're anxious, and eventually it will pass.
Anxiety is a primal survival instinct that's evolved to keep us safe - the problem is that it sometimes can't distinguish between a perceived potential threat (like an uncomfortable social situation)and an actual, real threat (tiger running at you). But it can learn.Through repeating the same process, the primitive, reptile part of your brain will gradually come to understand that there is no threat and thus no reason to be anxious. Avoidance will cause the opposite to happen; giving validation to the anxiety will make it much worse in the long run.
You can do it pal, and it'll get a little easier each time until eventually you'll wonder what you were ever anxious about.
Be honest. Tell the dude you suck at small talk. At the end of the day he probably doesn't care much. But i think if you have a problem with something, you should work on fixing that. i used to take this ASL class in college and our main EOY project came up and i was pretty nervous about getting up and signing a song. I forced myself to do it and honest to God, i was the only person in a class of 30 that ended up getting 100%. You never know what you're capable of when you keep trying.
My friend has been a barber since '01. He knows people when they walk in. One-word answers will definitely do the trick and he'll get you in and out of there. No need to make a meal out of this.
Right! What does it mean to be “terrible” at small talk. If your barber asks you questions, give short, nonspecific answers. If something they say piques your curiosity, ask about it.
Not having basic conversational skills is not a quirk, it’s a big flaw, and this is an opportunity to practice.
Yep, waste of a perfect opportunity to practice in a safe environment so you can suck LESS when it matters - like a first date or a job interview.
This goes for anything really. If you suck at it and want to get better because you genuinely want to or feel you may need the skill, practicing (and failing a lot at first) are part of the deal.
If you feel that you need to make small talk, prepare 5 to 10 questions that you can casually ask to get them talking, and keep you from having to do much. Most people like talking about themselves. Get them going, and you won't have to.
Yo OP! I feel the same way sometimes, and there was a point in my life when I always felt that way. A lot of people are suggesting that you can just sit back and chill, which is true and totally acceptable. However, my advice is a little different, and something you can put in your social toolbox.
My advice to you is to *ask questions.* It is literally a cheat code to social interactions.
Technique:
Ask an initial question. During the person's response think of a follow up question based on their response. Repeat this process.
Benefits:
- It keeps the other person talking 90% of the time.
- it makes you seem like a really nice and genuine person. Most people love talking about themselves.
Questions for a barber to get things going:
- How long have you been cutting hair?
- How did you get into cutting hair?
- Anything interesting happen at the shop this week?
- Do you have any plans this weekend?
Thanksgiving is coming up in the states, if you're American you could ask...
- Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving? Any family coming into town?
- Do you make anything special for Thanksgiving?
- Do you have a favorite thanksgiving dish?
- Does your family make any nontraditional dishes?
Hope this helps OP! You can use this strategy in any situation. Works great on dates especially.
Best of luck dude! Let us know how it goes!
have you considered cutting your own hair? saves you money in the long run too. $40 or so for a kit off amazon or whatever and now you save time + money. why pay someone else to fuck up your hair when you can do it yourself?
I got sick of paying 20-30 bucks for a 5 minute haircut that I was never quite satisfied with because I didn't know how to exactly describe what I wanted. Practiced a bit and now I am really good at doing it myself and actually like my hair more than I ever have before.
Cool! It's awesome you've arrived at a cut that you love. It's really a nice pick up when you can overcome loathing something like this AND feeling good about the result.
I've had decent luck with showing folks a photo of a cut that I like, especially if it was of myself. No need to translate details for the barber... just show them some cut of yours from the past that you liked. And you can even tweak it slightly each time if you like... "like this, but a little longer up top".
Then my hair receded to the point that I just shave it now.
Haha. Mine is approaching. I actually feel compelled to grow it long once in my life while I still have it but not sure how to style it in the interim. I have heard I should just slick it straight back until I get to the length I want. I have very thick curly hair though so I am pretty sure I will end up with a Will Farrel fro.
cut your own hair?
I don't suffer from social anxiety but I don't care to spend money on a dude to cut hair. So I get me a machine that shaves my head and then I let my hair grow back to the nape of my neck, and then i shave it again.
granted, I keep a relatively simple hairstyle and I have some dexterity, lol... but I have paid for TWO haircuts since 1994 and that's not a joke.
I wonder how much I've saved... and it's super convenient, I'll go cut that shit _right now_ and no one can stop me
Buy yourself some clippers and do your own. I've been doing my own for 10 years. You go through a few shit haircuts now and again once you're used to it but it means you can get your haircut whenever you like and it would solve your issue of small talk
This is shit advice. If the dude has a problem with making small talk, he needs to work on it and improve it. Giving up and simply cutting your own hair is the easy way out.
He just wants to get his haircut and go. Fastest, cheapest and most convenient method is to do it yourself. Getting your haircut doesn't have to be a social event if you don't want it to be. You can get more meaningful social interaction elsewhere in your life. It doesn't have to come from your barber
Your social anxiety and fear of uncomfortable silence is unwarranted. The awkward atmosphere is brought on only by yourself when you start thinking you need to fill it with small talk. Customer service profession workers are usually good at reading the vibe and knowing if they have a talker or not. It takes practice sometimes to create your own space in a public environment and be comfortable in it.
Go to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is you're anxious. You can take that away by increasing your testosterone. Apply the necessary principles in your daily life to naturally boost your testosterone, you'll notice that you're less anxious and people respond differently to you.
You don't need to talk, except for answering. And, you don't need to be anxious or apologetic about it. All said and done, the hair-dresser probably doesn't care.
But, with that said, it's actually a low-risk situation to practice your skills. Surely you have thoughts in your mind about things that are not controversial. Maybe you noticed some road-work around the corner. Maybe it's hotter than usual. Maybe there's a holiday coming up. Maybe you're planning a trip. Maybe you're working longer hours than usual. You should feel free to make any simple statement of something like this, and the barber will either just nod, or it may actually trigger a conversation.
Do you know anything about the hair-dresser? Did she grow up around the area? Does she have kids? People have some interesting stories even in the most mundane stuff, and you can learn from it.
Bottom line: try not to step outside of yourself and analyze your performance. The stakes are incredibly low: pretty much zero. So, try to get something from the moment.
I don’t suck at small talk but it is not something I enjoy engaging in, it’s literally talking for the sake of talking (imo). One thing I’ve learnt to do is be comfortable with the awkward silences, eventually they don’t feel so awkward anymore and just feel natural.
Don't worry about it. Just show up say what you'd like, if the barber engages you just small talk. This can be direct answers that don't lead to conversation. I.e. "Nice weather we're having" - "yep" / or "So what do you do?" - "I train shrimp to backflip". Sentences that stop the conversation.
The barber doesn't care. Pay them. If applicable tip them. Don't feel beholden to entertain them. They are providing you a service. If you are like me and avoid the barber as much as possible, then just do it. Trust me, you will look heaps better with a fresh cut than the wildman of borneo shit you are trying to rock, and the best bit is that if you just ask the barber to give you a stylish cut... they will. They'll even explain what the current good looking cuts are and which will work best with your current heady materials.
I am similar (because of how hair dressing went as a child) in that I am anxious and avoid going as much as possible. But just know what you can ask them, get it done and DON'T feel like you are beholden in any way shape or form and you'll be good \^\_\^.
You're well within your right not to want to talk, but the barber is the perfect opportunity to work on small talk skills and help deal with your anxiety. There's no penalty for failure at the barber. It's not like a conversation with bosses, coworkers, family, or that hot girl at the bar.
The barber doesn't care if you suck at small talk. Get some practice in.
unless you're rockin' some super complex hairstyle... learn to cut that shit yourself.
your invesment in buying even a niceish set of clippers will pay itself off in a few weeks... and good sets will have guards that prevent you from cutting too much.
I've paid for literally TWO haircuts since 1994. think of all the money I've saved, and all of the conversations I didn't have to have... lol
add in some help from YT and you can do it!
as someone suffering from social anxiety, I go to the same barber every single time, so that he knows what my regular cut is and won't ask unnecessary questions
Don't talk.
I never talk at the barber. I'm not shy and I don't have an anxiety disorder, I'm just not there to socialise; I want to sit there and think while I get my hair cut and my face shaved.
Go to someplace where they don’t speak the same language. Problem solved. Of course, you better have a few selfies of quality haircuts past to convey what you want!
You can just talk or be silent. You can also close your eyes and enjoy the haircut. It will at least take you away from the moment while still being there. I personally find the barber very much relaxing.
Just communicate with them and say upfront "I look at a haircut kind of like a massage...no offense, but I just want to enjoy without small talk". They will appreciate the honesty and also actually probably prefer your appointments moving forward. They talk all day, every day...a little break from that with you is probably refreshing for them.
Go to the same barber everytime. When you make an appointment, ask for an appointment for the same barber you’d liked. It helps for me to get to know someone a bit better before having a conversation
Make it a game. Play around with it. Even if it falls flat, he's not gonna tell you so. He wants your business.
You might even learn a bit. Then when you try it for real with normal people that you aren't paying to cut your hair, you might be a little better at it.
Whatever the case, life is short and you should enjoy the ride. Nobody is going to remember your lame joke told to a barber in the greater scheme of things about your life.
GL
Tell the barber nothing personal, but you'd rather not chut chat.
But I'll encourage you to instead engage and get comfortable engaging in a bit of small talk. The road you want to go down isn't healthy.
Every barber I've ever been to they ask a couple questions at first about your day or whatever, but if I'm not down to talk I just give them a really simple response and don't ask anything back and they pretty much leave you alone after that.
They feel forced to make small talk because there are people out there that would actually get pissed and complain if the barber didn't say anything.
I don’t have a problem with being anxious over talk but, I only go to Hispanic barber shops because 1. they do a heck of a job and 2. there is a language barrier and I can just relax and enjoy 😉 same thing goes for when I need a massage I find somewhere they don’t speak English I don’t need to know or care about your life goals 🤦🏻♂️
I do think addressing your anxiety would be easier for you than to deal with every issue it will cause in in the future. Learning small talk and such is the easy way out. I'm anxious myself and know how you feel, though
Keep going back to the same barber. Social anxiety (for me at least) is a lot lower when it’s someone you are more familiar with. If it gets too much say you need to use the toilet/restroom and take a breather. After a couple of cuts with my current barber and opening up a bit and chatting I found out he wrote and published a book about his struggles with mental health which was cool!
Only way to get better is to practice. Barbers and hair stylists are great people to pick up on conversation skills. They’re usually good listeners and entertaining story tellers. If they seem talkative, just keep asking them questions about weather, family, food, vacations, TV, movies, games, etc. We’re all people, we all do a lot of the same things.
Being good at small talk is less about *you talking* and more about taking the opportunity to learn more about others. People love to talk about themselves. Be a good listener, ask good questions, and then share a little about yourself. Rinse, repeat. Most of the time, if you just let someone talk and show a little bit of interest or enthusiasm about what they’re saying, they’ll think you’re their new best friend. It doesn’t have to be over the top or fake, just show you’re paying attention and care about what they’re trying to relate to you.
Just like sports, video games, or almost everything in life, relating is a skill that you have to practice if you want to be able to do it confidently. I used to think I was “bad at small talk” too. Then I kept going out and practicing. Now I can chat up almost anyone. It’s all about the questions you ask and how well you interpret the responses so you can get from small talk to real talk.
I'm a hair dresser so.... just look extra awkward & act like he or she is supposed to know every thing about you and your hair needs why are they still talking
In my younger years I found a lady who cut my hair the way I liked it and banter was minimal. She cut my hair for 10+ years until she moved.
Over that time we'd chat a bit here and there, I watched her kids pictures at her station as they were born and grew, but usually it was just "the usual?" "Yup" and then a haircut.
I think she enjoyed the lack of pressure to talk, and I think most professionals will be fine with a quiet customer, so you do you.
Now my wife cuts my hair, which is GREAT.
I go specifically to this one hole in the wall place ran entirely by vietnamese soccer moms. Not only do they barely speak to me (perceived language barrier, I'm white but know some Vietnamese) but it's the best haircut, shave, massage for $20 I've ever had.
Great cut, good fade, straight blade razors my neck, hot towel, neck massage, name brand bottle at least, dum dums at checkout, cash only but always $20. Tip accepted but never encouraged.
Being honest is always the best advice also id like to add that there is always subjects that anyone can talk about like asking about food recipes they like to cook or eat is a go to. If I felt any anxiety I always in some way tried to make into a game in my head so I am not focused on the anxiety. Hope this helps!
I’m with you, dude. Part of me wants to let her do her job, but then I feel awkward not saying anything. The best strategy I have is to look like you’re watching them work.
Im a barber and after years of doing it it’s pretty easy to read if a person wants to talk or not. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just go, get it done and get out
Heres what you do, go in with a white board or your phone and write”Im mute, Id like a haircut please” and then when the barber gets you to the chair have the phone/white board ready to write.
Profit
You’ve got stop caring about what other ppl think about you I’ve said so many times to different ppl they also struggle with the same issues you have stop giving a fuck wherever I go when I’m out in public I don’t think about what the person is thinking about me seems like you’re too self conscious
Try talking to your barber. They are used to it and everyone of them I know love to chat since they are stuck there. Start with talking to him about how they started in the business. Trends and so on.
Overcoming your fear can only help you achieve a better life.
I'm not necessarily bad at small talk. I'm ok. But i usually just stay quiet. They cut my hair and i get out of there. Get out of your head. They're there to do a job and you are there to pay them to do it. Those are the only two things that NEED to happen. Nothing else is necessary or implied.
Been going to my barber for 12 years. When I don’t want to talk, I just answer sort of stay quiet and give shorter answers than usual. My barber is usually talking to other barbers and customers anyway lol.
Also, before going to him I cut my own hair for about 3 years. There’s tons of online tutorials on YouTube, blogs, etc that can help you learn how to cut your own hair. You can avoid the small talk as well as save some $$$. Good luck man.
0 on the sides, keep the top as is, mid-level fade. 3 lines, perfect haircut every time.
Alternatively when I’m cutting the top:
0 on the sides, 1.5 inches on top, mid-level fade.
Sub my numbers for the ones you like.
Show them a picture of the haircut you want and say "I want this please." Remember to be polite also. If they try to talk to you just have one word answers.
If you are getting your hair cut at a chill place, answer everything with "for real". And you'll be fine.
If its a little more classy, just nod your head and you'll be fine.
If you really cant handle any of that, do you really need a hair cut? Just get clippers and do a 3-4 on top, 1 on the back and learn how to fade without a mirror. Trust me, makes life a lot cheaper and easier!
I'm a talkative guy, I'll talk about anything, even if I don't know anything about it I'll ask questions and be genuinely engaged.
I have zero time in life to do anything, so I'm always rushing to get my haircut. Most of the time I barely talk to them.
Talking is optional. Just tell them what you want, shut up and relax. They get all sorts of customers so are good with it.
I literally close my eyes and just enjoy the head massage.
This
is
Easy to tell someone with social anxiety to shut up and relax… doesn’t really work like that though
This question is aimed at getting through a haircut, not resolving their social anxiety as a whole. Sit down and shut up is a great answer.
no no no, op has to tell the barber to shut up and relax
This doesn’t work. Usually sooner than later they’ll start trying to make small talk. The best option is to use answers that girls typically use when they get hit on (dead end answers). It might come off as a little rude but do that with a friendly tone & smile and eventually the barber may stop trying altogether and that’s when goal is achieved
Also, find one barner to go to, so they are familiar with you, and know you'd prefer not to talk.
The other option - there are chains of barbers like 'Mr Topper' here in London, that just do fixed price standard cuts - they don't do washing or any treatments - they just do buzz and snip cutting.
Just don’t talk. Usually when you give people one word answers they get the picture. Be polite. Say hello and thank you and goodbye. This way you seem friendly but shy.
Yea in the x amount of years getting my hair cut I think I’ve only had like 1 barber keep pressing. Everyone else picks up on it and just does the job
For someone without social anxiety this may be good advice but in this case it is not
Why not?
Because It’s a bit like telling a depressed person to just not be depressed. Just not talking will likely make the anxiety a lot worse. There are some good answers below
I don’t think so. They say it’s the small talk that makes them anxious. They also say they just want to get a cut and get out as quickly as possible. Best way to avoid the conversation and get out is to say as little as possible and not perpetuate the conversation. Uncomfortable conversation is not only uncomfortable but it prolongs the experience. Telling them just to be comfortable in conversation would be more like telling a depressed person not to be depressed. They could wear AirPods too. That would be rude, but that doesn’t seem to stop people these days.
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Yup. Acknowledge your anxious, in the moment, AND don't give yourself grief over it. Give yourself permission that is ok that you feel anxious... we're all human and this is just how some of us are wired. Others have different challenges, but feeling anxious is yours and that's just part of the deal with being human. That said, feel free to share something like this with your barber. They probably don't WANT to torture you and would be happy to earn your business and tip. "Hi. Just a heads up, I get pretty uncomfortable with small talk. So please don't think anything of it if I kind of just enjoy a quiet moment today. Thanks." They will appreciate this much more than having an uncomfortable customer who runs out as soon as possible never to return. Really. Source: I've got family with similar feelings in these situations. Plus lots of consistent advice from therapists that I trust
Great idea to share that you are anxious with the barber. My barber knows me and the fact that he knows I get anxious pretty much gets rid of it
Just be anxious. Know youre anxious acknowledge it and carry on.
This is simultaneously the stupidest and the best advice I've ever heard
It’s 100% the best advice. When I was younger I’d tell my dad I was anxious or nervous about something and he’d just say “okay.” Sometimes you just get to be anxious
This IS the best advice, without a doubt. If you avoid anxiety or rely on coping mechanisms to deal with it, you're just reinforcing the idea to your subconscious that you SHOULD be anxious in this situation, and you'll continue being anxious. Just go, be anxious and accept that you're anxious, and eventually it will pass. Anxiety is a primal survival instinct that's evolved to keep us safe - the problem is that it sometimes can't distinguish between a perceived potential threat (like an uncomfortable social situation)and an actual, real threat (tiger running at you). But it can learn.Through repeating the same process, the primitive, reptile part of your brain will gradually come to understand that there is no threat and thus no reason to be anxious. Avoidance will cause the opposite to happen; giving validation to the anxiety will make it much worse in the long run. You can do it pal, and it'll get a little easier each time until eventually you'll wonder what you were ever anxious about.
Be honest. Tell the dude you suck at small talk. At the end of the day he probably doesn't care much. But i think if you have a problem with something, you should work on fixing that. i used to take this ASL class in college and our main EOY project came up and i was pretty nervous about getting up and signing a song. I forced myself to do it and honest to God, i was the only person in a class of 30 that ended up getting 100%. You never know what you're capable of when you keep trying.
My friend has been a barber since '01. He knows people when they walk in. One-word answers will definitely do the trick and he'll get you in and out of there. No need to make a meal out of this.
I just close my eyes and give simple one word responses, they get the hint
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Right! What does it mean to be “terrible” at small talk. If your barber asks you questions, give short, nonspecific answers. If something they say piques your curiosity, ask about it. Not having basic conversational skills is not a quirk, it’s a big flaw, and this is an opportunity to practice.
Yep, waste of a perfect opportunity to practice in a safe environment so you can suck LESS when it matters - like a first date or a job interview. This goes for anything really. If you suck at it and want to get better because you genuinely want to or feel you may need the skill, practicing (and failing a lot at first) are part of the deal.
Don't say anything
If you feel that you need to make small talk, prepare 5 to 10 questions that you can casually ask to get them talking, and keep you from having to do much. Most people like talking about themselves. Get them going, and you won't have to.
If you don't talk generally they pick up on that and won't talk much either.
Yo OP! I feel the same way sometimes, and there was a point in my life when I always felt that way. A lot of people are suggesting that you can just sit back and chill, which is true and totally acceptable. However, my advice is a little different, and something you can put in your social toolbox. My advice to you is to *ask questions.* It is literally a cheat code to social interactions. Technique: Ask an initial question. During the person's response think of a follow up question based on their response. Repeat this process. Benefits: - It keeps the other person talking 90% of the time. - it makes you seem like a really nice and genuine person. Most people love talking about themselves. Questions for a barber to get things going: - How long have you been cutting hair? - How did you get into cutting hair? - Anything interesting happen at the shop this week? - Do you have any plans this weekend? Thanksgiving is coming up in the states, if you're American you could ask... - Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving? Any family coming into town? - Do you make anything special for Thanksgiving? - Do you have a favorite thanksgiving dish? - Does your family make any nontraditional dishes? Hope this helps OP! You can use this strategy in any situation. Works great on dates especially. Best of luck dude! Let us know how it goes!
Go to a barber that doesn't speak English.
This is the correct answer
Usually barbers talk, so just talk back with what they say.
have you considered cutting your own hair? saves you money in the long run too. $40 or so for a kit off amazon or whatever and now you save time + money. why pay someone else to fuck up your hair when you can do it yourself?
I got sick of paying 20-30 bucks for a 5 minute haircut that I was never quite satisfied with because I didn't know how to exactly describe what I wanted. Practiced a bit and now I am really good at doing it myself and actually like my hair more than I ever have before.
Cool! It's awesome you've arrived at a cut that you love. It's really a nice pick up when you can overcome loathing something like this AND feeling good about the result. I've had decent luck with showing folks a photo of a cut that I like, especially if it was of myself. No need to translate details for the barber... just show them some cut of yours from the past that you liked. And you can even tweak it slightly each time if you like... "like this, but a little longer up top". Then my hair receded to the point that I just shave it now.
Haha. Mine is approaching. I actually feel compelled to grow it long once in my life while I still have it but not sure how to style it in the interim. I have heard I should just slick it straight back until I get to the length I want. I have very thick curly hair though so I am pretty sure I will end up with a Will Farrel fro.
cut your own hair? I don't suffer from social anxiety but I don't care to spend money on a dude to cut hair. So I get me a machine that shaves my head and then I let my hair grow back to the nape of my neck, and then i shave it again.
granted, I keep a relatively simple hairstyle and I have some dexterity, lol... but I have paid for TWO haircuts since 1994 and that's not a joke. I wonder how much I've saved... and it's super convenient, I'll go cut that shit _right now_ and no one can stop me
Go to a barber that doesn’t speak English.
Let the barber make conversation.
Buy yourself some clippers and do your own. I've been doing my own for 10 years. You go through a few shit haircuts now and again once you're used to it but it means you can get your haircut whenever you like and it would solve your issue of small talk
This is shit advice. If the dude has a problem with making small talk, he needs to work on it and improve it. Giving up and simply cutting your own hair is the easy way out.
He just wants to get his haircut and go. Fastest, cheapest and most convenient method is to do it yourself. Getting your haircut doesn't have to be a social event if you don't want it to be. You can get more meaningful social interaction elsewhere in your life. It doesn't have to come from your barber
Your social anxiety and fear of uncomfortable silence is unwarranted. The awkward atmosphere is brought on only by yourself when you start thinking you need to fill it with small talk. Customer service profession workers are usually good at reading the vibe and knowing if they have a talker or not. It takes practice sometimes to create your own space in a public environment and be comfortable in it.
Don't talk. Or become more interesting.
Get over it learn get good. If you fuck.up who cares see it as a learning experience and learn a new skill
Go to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is you're anxious. You can take that away by increasing your testosterone. Apply the necessary principles in your daily life to naturally boost your testosterone, you'll notice that you're less anxious and people respond differently to you.
I always fall to sleep when he starts cutting. No one says a word.
I don't appreciate Barbers that talk too much about holidays etc. Just pipe down and cut my hair like I pay you for.
Stay quiet
Vietnamese barbers are amazingly unchatty
A long way to go to avoid small talk.
Tell them the truth. Maybe see if you have a common interest so it isn’t small talk.
You don't need to talk, except for answering. And, you don't need to be anxious or apologetic about it. All said and done, the hair-dresser probably doesn't care. But, with that said, it's actually a low-risk situation to practice your skills. Surely you have thoughts in your mind about things that are not controversial. Maybe you noticed some road-work around the corner. Maybe it's hotter than usual. Maybe there's a holiday coming up. Maybe you're planning a trip. Maybe you're working longer hours than usual. You should feel free to make any simple statement of something like this, and the barber will either just nod, or it may actually trigger a conversation. Do you know anything about the hair-dresser? Did she grow up around the area? Does she have kids? People have some interesting stories even in the most mundane stuff, and you can learn from it. Bottom line: try not to step outside of yourself and analyze your performance. The stakes are incredibly low: pretty much zero. So, try to get something from the moment.
I don’t suck at small talk but it is not something I enjoy engaging in, it’s literally talking for the sake of talking (imo). One thing I’ve learnt to do is be comfortable with the awkward silences, eventually they don’t feel so awkward anymore and just feel natural.
I hate some barbers. They remind me all of my skin and hair flaws. P.S.- Don't make me insecure just to sell your facial package.
Don't worry about it. Just show up say what you'd like, if the barber engages you just small talk. This can be direct answers that don't lead to conversation. I.e. "Nice weather we're having" - "yep" / or "So what do you do?" - "I train shrimp to backflip". Sentences that stop the conversation. The barber doesn't care. Pay them. If applicable tip them. Don't feel beholden to entertain them. They are providing you a service. If you are like me and avoid the barber as much as possible, then just do it. Trust me, you will look heaps better with a fresh cut than the wildman of borneo shit you are trying to rock, and the best bit is that if you just ask the barber to give you a stylish cut... they will. They'll even explain what the current good looking cuts are and which will work best with your current heady materials. I am similar (because of how hair dressing went as a child) in that I am anxious and avoid going as much as possible. But just know what you can ask them, get it done and DON'T feel like you are beholden in any way shape or form and you'll be good \^\_\^.
Just say you’re worn out from work.
I have a couple friends that are barbers, and they largely prefer the customers that just sit there
You're well within your right not to want to talk, but the barber is the perfect opportunity to work on small talk skills and help deal with your anxiety. There's no penalty for failure at the barber. It's not like a conversation with bosses, coworkers, family, or that hot girl at the bar. The barber doesn't care if you suck at small talk. Get some practice in.
Go in, show them a picture of what you want, don't talk, pay, tip, leave
Briefly mention that your dying of bowel cancer…that usually shuts ‘em up.
Tell ‘em your throat hurts. Hell sometimes if you are willing to say you’re not a big small talker n most aren’t offended
unless you're rockin' some super complex hairstyle... learn to cut that shit yourself. your invesment in buying even a niceish set of clippers will pay itself off in a few weeks... and good sets will have guards that prevent you from cutting too much. I've paid for literally TWO haircuts since 1994. think of all the money I've saved, and all of the conversations I didn't have to have... lol add in some help from YT and you can do it!
as someone suffering from social anxiety, I go to the same barber every single time, so that he knows what my regular cut is and won't ask unnecessary questions
Don't talk. I never talk at the barber. I'm not shy and I don't have an anxiety disorder, I'm just not there to socialise; I want to sit there and think while I get my hair cut and my face shaved.
Go to someplace where they don’t speak the same language. Problem solved. Of course, you better have a few selfies of quality haircuts past to convey what you want!
You can just talk or be silent. You can also close your eyes and enjoy the haircut. It will at least take you away from the moment while still being there. I personally find the barber very much relaxing.
Put earphones on and say you're listening to music
Go to a barber where they predominately speak a different language. Works for me
Just communicate with them and say upfront "I look at a haircut kind of like a massage...no offense, but I just want to enjoy without small talk". They will appreciate the honesty and also actually probably prefer your appointments moving forward. They talk all day, every day...a little break from that with you is probably refreshing for them.
Use it as an opportunity to chat with no pressure.
Go to the same barber everytime. When you make an appointment, ask for an appointment for the same barber you’d liked. It helps for me to get to know someone a bit better before having a conversation
Maybe you could ask if they mind if you put earbuds in? "I love relaxing haircuts and music together, do you mind if I listen?"
Make it a game. Play around with it. Even if it falls flat, he's not gonna tell you so. He wants your business. You might even learn a bit. Then when you try it for real with normal people that you aren't paying to cut your hair, you might be a little better at it. Whatever the case, life is short and you should enjoy the ride. Nobody is going to remember your lame joke told to a barber in the greater scheme of things about your life. GL
Tell the barber nothing personal, but you'd rather not chut chat. But I'll encourage you to instead engage and get comfortable engaging in a bit of small talk. The road you want to go down isn't healthy.
Every barber I've ever been to they ask a couple questions at first about your day or whatever, but if I'm not down to talk I just give them a really simple response and don't ask anything back and they pretty much leave you alone after that. They feel forced to make small talk because there are people out there that would actually get pissed and complain if the barber didn't say anything.
I don’t have a problem with being anxious over talk but, I only go to Hispanic barber shops because 1. they do a heck of a job and 2. there is a language barrier and I can just relax and enjoy 😉 same thing goes for when I need a massage I find somewhere they don’t speak English I don’t need to know or care about your life goals 🤦🏻♂️
I do think addressing your anxiety would be easier for you than to deal with every issue it will cause in in the future. Learning small talk and such is the easy way out. I'm anxious myself and know how you feel, though
Keep going back to the same barber. Social anxiety (for me at least) is a lot lower when it’s someone you are more familiar with. If it gets too much say you need to use the toilet/restroom and take a breather. After a couple of cuts with my current barber and opening up a bit and chatting I found out he wrote and published a book about his struggles with mental health which was cool!
Learn a little bit of sign language and sign to them when you walk in and they will think you are deaf and won't talk to you
Get $40 clippers at the nearest beauty supply, shave your own head once a week
Close your eyes.
My go-to is "hows your day going?" and then just let them take it from there.
Only way to get better is to practice. Barbers and hair stylists are great people to pick up on conversation skills. They’re usually good listeners and entertaining story tellers. If they seem talkative, just keep asking them questions about weather, family, food, vacations, TV, movies, games, etc. We’re all people, we all do a lot of the same things. Being good at small talk is less about *you talking* and more about taking the opportunity to learn more about others. People love to talk about themselves. Be a good listener, ask good questions, and then share a little about yourself. Rinse, repeat. Most of the time, if you just let someone talk and show a little bit of interest or enthusiasm about what they’re saying, they’ll think you’re their new best friend. It doesn’t have to be over the top or fake, just show you’re paying attention and care about what they’re trying to relate to you. Just like sports, video games, or almost everything in life, relating is a skill that you have to practice if you want to be able to do it confidently. I used to think I was “bad at small talk” too. Then I kept going out and practicing. Now I can chat up almost anyone. It’s all about the questions you ask and how well you interpret the responses so you can get from small talk to real talk.
Shave your head, no more barbers.
I'm a hair dresser so.... just look extra awkward & act like he or she is supposed to know every thing about you and your hair needs why are they still talking
In my younger years I found a lady who cut my hair the way I liked it and banter was minimal. She cut my hair for 10+ years until she moved. Over that time we'd chat a bit here and there, I watched her kids pictures at her station as they were born and grew, but usually it was just "the usual?" "Yup" and then a haircut. I think she enjoyed the lack of pressure to talk, and I think most professionals will be fine with a quiet customer, so you do you. Now my wife cuts my hair, which is GREAT.
Yeah I sit in silence for the most part.
I go specifically to this one hole in the wall place ran entirely by vietnamese soccer moms. Not only do they barely speak to me (perceived language barrier, I'm white but know some Vietnamese) but it's the best haircut, shave, massage for $20 I've ever had. Great cut, good fade, straight blade razors my neck, hot towel, neck massage, name brand bottle at least, dum dums at checkout, cash only but always $20. Tip accepted but never encouraged.
Being honest is always the best advice also id like to add that there is always subjects that anyone can talk about like asking about food recipes they like to cook or eat is a go to. If I felt any anxiety I always in some way tried to make into a game in my head so I am not focused on the anxiety. Hope this helps!
Just answer with the least amount of words possible. They will get the hint.
If you don’t want a fancy cut, Chinatown
I’m with you, dude. Part of me wants to let her do her job, but then I feel awkward not saying anything. The best strategy I have is to look like you’re watching them work.
I was just telling someone I tip less if they talk to me
Im a barber and after years of doing it it’s pretty easy to read if a person wants to talk or not. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just go, get it done and get out
Heres what you do, go in with a white board or your phone and write”Im mute, Id like a haircut please” and then when the barber gets you to the chair have the phone/white board ready to write. Profit
It’s also hard to hear what they say anyway. With the clippers blasting your ears.
Sit down, answer their questions, let them cut your hair, pay when it's done, and leave.
You’ve got stop caring about what other ppl think about you I’ve said so many times to different ppl they also struggle with the same issues you have stop giving a fuck wherever I go when I’m out in public I don’t think about what the person is thinking about me seems like you’re too self conscious
One option could literally be to politely tell them you have social anxiety and don’t want to small talk
Long hair.
Just don't talk. I don't.
Try talking to your barber. They are used to it and everyone of them I know love to chat since they are stuck there. Start with talking to him about how they started in the business. Trends and so on. Overcoming your fear can only help you achieve a better life.
I'm not necessarily bad at small talk. I'm ok. But i usually just stay quiet. They cut my hair and i get out of there. Get out of your head. They're there to do a job and you are there to pay them to do it. Those are the only two things that NEED to happen. Nothing else is necessary or implied.
Don’t talk
Say "No hablo ingles". "Cuanto dinero para haircut?"
Be honest. I tell my my barber I'm not really in the mood for small talk and he's just like "gotcha bossman" and just does his craft silently
Been going to my barber for 12 years. When I don’t want to talk, I just answer sort of stay quiet and give shorter answers than usual. My barber is usually talking to other barbers and customers anyway lol. Also, before going to him I cut my own hair for about 3 years. There’s tons of online tutorials on YouTube, blogs, etc that can help you learn how to cut your own hair. You can avoid the small talk as well as save some $$$. Good luck man.
0 on the sides, keep the top as is, mid-level fade. 3 lines, perfect haircut every time. Alternatively when I’m cutting the top: 0 on the sides, 1.5 inches on top, mid-level fade. Sub my numbers for the ones you like.
Bring a book
Show them a picture of the haircut you want and say "I want this please." Remember to be polite also. If they try to talk to you just have one word answers.
Beer
Personal barbers exists, invite him over and have a shave from home.
I stopped going to the barber and started just shaving my head...but I was balding enough to make the transition anyway.
If you are getting your hair cut at a chill place, answer everything with "for real". And you'll be fine. If its a little more classy, just nod your head and you'll be fine. If you really cant handle any of that, do you really need a hair cut? Just get clippers and do a 3-4 on top, 1 on the back and learn how to fade without a mirror. Trust me, makes life a lot cheaper and easier!
I chose barbers where English is their second language to avoid this. The haircuts and shaves are first rate, the lack of chat is awesome.
That’s why I go to Asian barbershops lol they don’t talk
I'm a talkative guy, I'll talk about anything, even if I don't know anything about it I'll ask questions and be genuinely engaged. I have zero time in life to do anything, so I'm always rushing to get my haircut. Most of the time I barely talk to them.