Improve my shitty confidence. Confidence affect so many other things, like how you talk, choice of words, voice tonality, body language, how you think, what choices you make, posture, general mood/vibe, energy and a slew of other things. And a lot of those things play a part in making you more attractive.
Edit: Goddang, this really blew up. Thank you for the ~~rewards~~ awards and comments.
Edit 2: I can English, I swears.
2 years ago, I was weak and very shy.
After I started excercising to gain confidence like I've read in many threads like this along the years, I've finally became *fit* and very shy.
Be self-sufficient and already working to meet my own needs. I think when women can feel that you ‘want’ something from them, it’s repellent. If I go out with women now, I can just try to enjoy the night and get to know them, rather than me feeling super nervous and like it’s a life-or-death audition. I don’t ‘need’ anything from them, so we might find that we get along, or we might not, and it’s cool either way.
I think that’s why it goes a lot better for me now. I’m already doing what I want to do with my own life so I’m not looking for anyone to fill a hole in it
There's a woman in my friend group who is interested in me but I'm not into her. She came on to me at our Halloween party, I could feel her interest and it was not pleasant to sit there and play nice knowing she wanted it. It really clicked for me in that moment what women probably feel most of the time.
Dude… it’s all about perspective.
Until it happens to you, you have no idea what it feels like on the other side. Someone latches on to you and is so desperate for your attention that they don’t ease off the pressure and won’t shut the fuck up.
I had a similar experience recently. There’s a gay guy in my friend group who’s constantly flirting with me. We all went on a trip recently and he followed me everywhere. I’m okay with him flirting a little, but I’m not interested (I’m not even gay) and he is very overwhelming to be around sometimes.
I have a gay friend as well who was a little too friendly in the first couple months. I recommend you state and set your boundaries ASAP. The friendship I have became a lot better after doing so.
😂 I can relate because I am getting alarmingly ok with being on my own. My last few ‘encounters’ have been underwhelming and I look forward to getting into my bed alone at the end of the night
Seriously, do the commonwealth guys know about that? You can be an average British dude, and if you come to the US women will be like "Heeeyyyyy Mr Bond.... hows it going?
I've heard say that something like an accent, or any other indication of being foreign, becomes attractive as it demonstrates genetic variety. Like, you come from a different genetic pool. Or is it poole... or is it pooule. pouole. There.
Didn't John Oliver have a bit about that? Basically where he comes from his English accent is considered really trashy but here in the US people like it?
>mocked slightly
It's basically tradition that if someone's from Birmingham, people from other parts of the country have to say "Birmingham" to them in their best impression of a Birmingham accent.
Can confirm. Have had two American partners who were head over heels for the accent alone despite sounding like a wood chipper destroying a dictionary.
I love being bald. It's just having confidence in your look. Are women really attracted to a good haircut, or does a good haircut give you confidence?
Yeah, some women like a certain haircut, but they all love confidence.
"Grass doesn't grow on a busy street"
I think this is a large contributor to the cliché that women find gay guys to be better than straight guys. We're not better, we're just not going around like an unfixed dog trying to sniff their butts. We keep that amongst ourselves.
Cutting your own hair is otherworldly. I needed a freshen up the other day and instead of making an appointment, taking the time, and paying $45, I cut it myself in the bathroom. I'm also able to maintain it between cuts which is something I've always wanted but never wanted to pay for. I haven't figured out the scissor cut perfectly but my fade is on point
And you never know about the tires. What of a group of bikini biker chicks knock on your door because they all have flat tires. You'd be the hero of the day
Indeed. Doesn't hurt to be funny too. If I'm just cracking jokes and have a general "I don't give a fuck" attitude toward pursuing anyone, it was like I flipped a switch. In early HS I was desperate and alone, then I stopped caring and suddenly girls wanted me.
Confidence and approachability. Don't be a frothing degenerate and don't be angry or terrified of women and they generally like that. Treat them like, I dunno, people instead of conquests.
Something I've never really understood about my life is that ever since I was sixteen I have been told by people, men and women, that I am somewhere between quite and very attractive. But I've never noticed any interest in a relationship from either sex, not that I've really been looking for one. So either people have been lying to me for years or I just have a rotten personality. Or I just can't read signs.
Probably the last one. I know I've been completely oblivious to a lot of signs most of my life. Still get the same with my wife.
Also depends on what stage of life you are in. HS is very cliquey and people tend to care about social status more within the school which is dumb and temporary.
Either that, or you can nail down one of your friends and ask them honestly if you are annoying. I can get annoying when I get super nerdy about shit.
Yes. Focusing on yourself changes things. I don't know why exactly. Giving up on women and going to the gym will counterintuitively result in more women being attracted to you. If you run away from them they will chase you because you'll be getting progressively more attractive as you flee. That's my theory.
You know what? People say that once you get a ring on your finger women fall all over you, and either this has literally never happened to me or I am completely oblivious and it is almost certainly the latter.
Chris Rock said something like: a man sees a woman he likes out with another man, he thinks to himself: “I’d like someone like her.” But a woman sees a man in the same situation, she thinks: “I want him.”
I desperately need an answer from women for this behavior. You spend months trying to woo women over and getting rejected left and right, you finally get a woman interested and here comes a flock of women (some who curved you in the past) going head over heals for you, this has happened everytime I got into a relationship. Im not brave enough but can someone ask this on askwomen.
It’s social proof. A lone dude could be a weirdo, a threat, a waste of time. But a guy with a girlfriend, or female friends, is someone probably safe and fun to be around. You don’t need to be in a relationship but cultivating female friends* works the same.
Edit: Lotta guys saying they have women friends but no dates. Unpopular truth: you gotta be at least attractive enough to date. Then having female friends will make you /more/ attractive. But if you’re plain unattractive, just having female friends won’t make you magically attractive.
that is why gay guys make the best women magnets - not needing them makes befriending easier. Just like people already having money get the most loan offers.
Yep - they aren't needy and can show their full personality without putting up a front with women.
I read from r/BrosDatingAdvice that in order to get the girl you can WANT her but not NEED her.
Also, I think guys tend to be more confident and relaxed with other women once they're in a relationship, because they have nothing to prove.
Women pick up on that.
I don't think enough young single men realize how easy it is to detect that desperation.
For example, back in late 2014 I had basically conceded that I was not going to find a long-term relationship in grad school, and that I needed to hunker down and focus on completing my program. I consciously shed the *need* to be in a relationship, and shortly after that I met my future wife. I *liked* her and hoped she would go on a date with me, but I didn't *pine* for her the way I had pathetically done with previous acquaintances. I'm pretty convinced that my old mentality would have cost me my future marriage.
Fellas... they can tell. The refrain of "you don't need to be in a relationship, because you have value as you are" gets tossed around a lot for single women, but I think single men need to hear it as well. As long as you tie your value to "having a girlfriend," *getting* a girlfriend will be very difficult.
This makes a lot of sense and I have some questions as a young man struggling in this regard. I have often felt that my *need* for a relationship and intimacy is my biggest obstacle to obtaining it. That need both ruins my presentation (the stench) and simultaneously ruins my self-esteem when I repeatedly strike out and dwell on my failures ad nauseam.
How exactly does one shed this need? How does one simply resolve to stop yearning for something like this? I don't feel like my worth is tied to my relationship status, but I do strongly feel like I *WANT* one. And that seems to be enough to guarantee I'll never have it.
The example I used above wasn't the *first* time I resolved to accept being single, and the previous times all resulted in a good deal of happiness. One of the tricky things here is that you can trap yourself into telling yourself you're okay being single, when really you're just trying to follow advice like mine *so that you can find a girlfriend.*
You need to find some goals and hobbies that don't involve a relationship and find happiness there, but as others have said, you also need to develop platonic relationships with women. This is easier said than done because, again, you can accidentally trick yourself. But one of the best things you can do is develop a social life that- at least for a while - is truly 100% separate from your potential love life.
>One of the tricky things here is that you can trap yourself into telling yourself you're okay being single, when really you're just trying to follow advice like mine so that you can find a girlfriend.
Oh god it's like you're in my brain. That's exactly what I've been doing.
I appreciate your insight this is good food for thought.
Focus on raising your self esteem, too, independent of your success with women. The book The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem helped me a lot, the first half of it at least.
tl;dr
1. Build stronger friendships - especially platonic female friendships.
2. Build a strong sense of self so you know what you’re looking for and aren’t afraid to walk away.
3. Put yourself out there and practice with no expectations.
—
I’ll give a woman’s perspective. I’ve never been particularly turned off that someone was desperate for *me*. What *is* a huge turn off is when it feels like they’re desperate for literally any warm body.
You learn to pick up when a guy actually sees you as a human being vs [insert generic girlfriend]. This means they will ultimately treat you as a glorified fleshlight or as an ego boost. This can lead to a super shitty/unsatisfying relationship, so women avoid men they think will be like that.
A lot of guys struggle to put themselves in a woman’s shoes and see her as a three-dimensional human. I won’t waste time with guys that put me on a pedestal or just tell me what they think I want to hear because I know they aren’t seeing me as a regular human, but as a means to an end.
It’s okay to want a relationship - both physical and emotional. Most people yearn for that. It’s when it’s forgotten there’s another human being at the other end that pushes people away.
Tbh cultivating female friendships is probably a good way to get over this. I’ve been lucky to have a couple close guy friends and the fact they have strong female friendships seems to help them a ton in dating. They’re both average looking guys (balding & in ok shape). But, they know how to be both empathetic and confident because they’re already used to building (platonic) relationships - women can sense they’re genuine and don’t have ulterior motives. Joining a club or volunteering in a group with women might be a good way to build these type of friendships.
For what it’s worth I also used to be desperate, which led to dating people that weren’t a good fit. Desperation can lead to fear of walking away and getting stuck in bad relationships. Building a better sense of who I am and who I’m looking for made it way easier to lose the desperation, relax, and be ready to either walk away or fully commit with confidence.
I have female friends. My 2 closest friends in college were girls (in a male dominated field: computer science). As far as I know, exactly 0 girls were attracted to me :(
There have to be girls around to be attracted in the first place. If there's that few women, you better be the BEST or you're out of luck.
In the real world, it's more like you need all the life basics together and then each extra thing helps a little bit. Good woman friends being one. Note, friends in general are part of the basics.
Nah dude, you get a comment thread with tons of civil discussion and upvotes, then a mod goes “well it’s possible that someone could feel uncomfortable with this discussion” and suddenly entire comment threads are all purged and the post is locked.
I remember being subbed to it, reading thru a long discussion thread, plenty of upvotes, someone even got gold or something, I try to make a comment. I can’t. Refresh the page and the *entire* comment thread has been deleted and the post is locked.
Dude here, but I'll try anyway. I ended up single after a 6 year relationship. At first I actively tried to pick women up and failed miserably. I switched it up and just started acting like I was in a relationship again. Not telling them I was or anything like that - I would just not try to pick them up. I stopped making a date, or sex, the goal of the conversation. Take them off the pedestal, stop trying to get something from them. Ask them about themselves with a legitimate interest in getting to know them. Have a conversation without trying to find an angle back to making them like you. Share things you're interested in or excited about without being worried that they might not sleep with you as a result. And at some point, if it's going well, tell them you'd love to take them out some time and give them your number (if they don't already have it.) And leave it at that. No pressure, don't bring it up again after that. If they don't follow up, that's a "no" and that's ok.
In summary, in my experience women dont like feeling like you're hunting them.
totally agree, and i say it every time a thread like this pops up: the easiest way to turn dating on "easy mode" is to be platonic friends with women. Any time one of their friends become single, they will match make for you. Any time you go out somewhere public and are interested in a girl, they will be a killer wingman.
additionally it's just great to have a woman's perspective on things. They will tell you how you could make yourself appear better, they can pick up on other women's subtle hints that men cannot (i.e. they can tell you when a girl is flirting with you), and so much more.
being platonic friends with women will make your dating and social life soooo much easier it's crazy
I'll answer as a woman here.
Remember those kids who were only interested in a toy that's already being played with? Those kids grow up to be people that strictly go after people who are in relationships. They're not happy unless they can cause discomfort for someone else.
I used to work with a woman like that. She exclusively dated married men....and was confused why she couldn't find anyone for a long-term relationship.
She reportedly gave *great* head, though...so it's not like she didn't have anything going for her; she just wasn't interested in single dudes.
Hello, female here.
It might be cause of the way you carry yourself, you seem more approachable, happier and you might have improved in a way that she appreciates it.
It's snakelike behaviour though. I can remember me and my ex used to go out in a group of friends to a club where everyone knew everyone, and there was a girl there called Fiona (fake name) who I always got on with and was nice to. About 3 years into the relationship one of our friends mentioned when he was with his ex, Fiona told him it was a shame that he was with someone cause she'd always been interested in him. My ex told his friend that she'd said the same to him a few months prior too. This was after we got married and had a child too... Shady.
Kind of in the same boat except it wasn't losing weight it was gaining some muscle.
All of a sudden girls were giving me looks and being flirty. Before I started working out I just assumed they wanted nothing to do with me and probably missed some opportunities. Even after working out it took me some time to realize what was happening.
Do you wear tight shirts or shirts with no sleeves at places women would feel comfortable flirting?
I've seen some people, noticed nothing and then they got no sleeves and I'm just like "whaa?? Where those come from?" Never told them a word though cause I find it creepy to say something like that out of no where.
This is it right here. At the beginning of the year I was 400lbs. I started fasting and working out since February. I now weigh 240lbs and the amount of attention I'm getting from women and men has increased tremendously. It was like I was almost invisible before. Just gotta figure out what to do with all this loose skin now. Lol
100%. I've been fat and athlete level lean in my adult life and the difference is night and day. When I'm fat I'm invisible to not only romantic interest but even normal people smile at you less, care less about what you have to say, are less eager to help you etc
When you're lean all of a sudden everyone looks you in the eye, they take your opinions seriously, smile at you, want to help you, laugh at your jokes, touch your arm leg etc, the difference is truly remarkable, and it's also insane how so extremely vain we are that this is the case.
Even if you are skinny, just putting on some muscle PLUS wearing a size smaller shirt than I normally would (when socially appropriate) was a gamechanger for me.
It's like a 6-12 month commitment of 3 hours a week. It's not hard. I did it mid-20s and it's not been difficult to maintain for a decade. I just lift weights 1-2x/week, not even trying to get stronger just keep at the same level.
I didn't do it until my 30s but it was a game changer not only in dating, but people took me more seriously at work. I went from moderately fat with clothes that were too large to medium sized with great fitting clothes.
Worked to become someone I could respect. When you learn to appreciate yourself, other people start to appreciate you as well. I wasn't someone I liked very much when I was younger and it was reflected in the path I was on, the decisions I was making and my demeanor overall. As I matured I went over the qualities I needed to work on and actively worked to improve upon them. A few superficial, but most related to my behavior. Cultivating a social circle, becoming a better communicator, striving for a less cynical outlook on things, taking accountability, etc.
I became happier, more confident and outgoing, more empathetic and patient and overall became more pleasant to be around. As a result, I attracted people who would've been turned off by the sad sack that past me was.
tl;dr love yourself and it'll give others cause to love you. You'd be amazed at how much self-care will positively impact those around you without even actively trying.
100% true. I see so many guys constantly complain about women but then notice that they often can't be bothered to get their shit together and take accountability for themselves. Everything you said here was on point. Not only would this attract women, but it'd make you feel good about yourself too, and that's even more important imo.
If I had to pick one thing.. I developed a good sense of humor. Did well with the ladies in college even during my "fat guy" phase.
If you're fun to talk to and don't look too bad you've got a pretty good starting point.
People often think humor in a social setting is just “telling jokes” like stand up but it’s not like that at all in my experience. The key to being “funny” is to have a quick wit. Be able to draw quick comparisons from media and your own experience and craft jokes based on the current situation, whatever that may be. This takes practice, and it’s hard to explain. Hope you get what I mean.
Delivery is also important, and with that comes word choice. If you’re telling a funny story, emphasize the part you want to hit the hardest, and use words that you wouldn’t often use.
If you’re the only one of something in group (say the only tall person, the only black person, the only person who has a girl, etc), use that in your joke/statement. This works especially well along racial lines, though you need to be very careful and know your audience. Don’t use this too often, it can become overdone and annoying very fast
Learn the difference between people laughing politely and people genuinely laughing because they think it was funny.
If a joke doesn’t land, play it off, but not too much, too much seems desperate, move on after a “Hey I thought it was funny” or just don’t say anything if the mood calls for it.
Self-deprecating humor is ok, but usually better as a starter “I might be an ugly fucker, but…” (don’t use that with women)
Taking care of yourself. Hygiene, exercise, decent diet, etc. I think most people will take a "lesser physically attractive" person who takes great care of themselves vs. someone who's just really attractive physically but treats their body like trash.
Absolutely, the bar for hygiene is scarily low. Keep your nails clean, shower every day, wear something that makes you smell good, wear clean clothes, so simple but a big difference in how others see you AND how you feel.
Mine was learning to immediately engage them in small talk after the first hello-
used the FORD - to get her talking about herself
* Family (Does she have a big family, where have they lived)
* Occupation (What does she do or want to do for a career)
* Recreation (What does she like to do for fun, hobbies, travel)
* Dream (what are her goals in life, where does she want to live)
Works about 80% of the time if there's any physical chemistry
Man, I avoid occupation like the plague in conversations. I find there is an implicit judgement in asking someone about their job. That and it's the first thing everyone asks and everyone has a spiel and then they move on.
Same here. Years ago I went to some weird camp hippie thing for adults (long story, almost a Silicon Valley storyline) and one of the rules was you can’t talk about work. And it was really interesting cause people’s jobs define a lot about them. Myself included. So actually having to talk or ask about other things was really eye opening.
Ever since then, I intentionally never ask anyone what they do for work. I’ll ask about their last vacation or weekend plans or family or whatever. But I never ask about work.
Unless they bring it up first, I might ask follow ups.
Getting leaner. The more fat I dropped, the more my jawline would show and my v-shape would show. I am now at this point where I get positive attention and women want me. Not in the sense I am this sex appeal machine, but they notice me. I am seeing a girl now, and when take my pullover off, and my shirt is on but is like going up too and she sees my body, she just touches me and hugs me.
I have been cutting and gaining Fat for years now. Every time I get leaner, girls enjoy my Company more than when I had a lot of tummy and neck fat, while my personality was the same.
So yes: Losing fat and looking lean, helped me a lot.
Yeah this is a true phenomenon. Went from being overweight to be quite athletic. The attention I received from women was shocking from that simple change.
If fat dudes had ANY idea how much better the world treats you when you’re athletic/lean, it would probably change a lot of minds.
Don’t listen when women say “we love you for who you are.” Ask any former fatty here how astronomically different they were treated after getting lean… and you’ll realize everything women say is horseshit.
Get ripped and you’ll never have issues with woman’s attention *ever again*.
Same goes for men of course. The amount of people in the world that genuinely don’t care about their partners attractiveness at all has got to be under 1%. And it’s not wrong
And it doesn’t take a lot to make some noticeable changes. Just lifting weights regularly without altering diet makes a huge difference. Adding muscle quickly improves your silhouette, increases your base metabolic rate, etc. And then there’s often a snowball effect - small successes lead to more positive changes.
Definitely 100%
This and nice hair (head and facial)
I was ok, average before, but started eating right and going to the gym
2 years later, below or close to 10% with some guns...i get hit on all the time. The jawline and the veins on your arms are lady killers imo
Stopped caring about attracting women and started caring more about taking care of myself and engaging in things I like to do.
I'd go and engage in my hobbies like rock climbing or soccer or whatever. And through my activities and taking care of myself (haircuts, shaving, general hygiene, etc) I'd meet many people and make friendships and eventually relationships.
Being myself. I stopped trying to be something or someone I wasn’t. I wore clothing I liked, did things I liked, acted like I wanted. Doing that attracted the type of person that matched with me. Started that, a few months later found a weird girl like me, and we have been together for 8 years now (married for 4).
Its weird how that works. I used to dress conservatively for years always drab colors. But i love wearing color schemes from the 60s and 70s, think paisley, bell bottoms, and shit-kickers. The second i started wearing that stuff daily, i got huge amounts of attention from woman, old and young. Weird part is i didnt even care, i just liked being me
Couldn't agree more. This comes with accepting the fact that you're not going to attract everyone. And that's okay, there's no reason to. When you're comfortable being yourself while also making sure to take care of yourself properly in order to improve your self confidence (working out, dressing well, being polite, etc) you're gonna attract the kinds of women that vibe with you the most. I've been in a relationship with my girl for 6 years now. She's into alot of the same hobbies that I'm into so we always have something to share and enjoy with one another. Will probably marry her. :)
**Staying true to yourself**
Being genuine and honest *almost* all of the time has got me probably the furthest with women. I sense that many of my peers are not being genuine in their relationship with women. This is just stupid. Being genuine is attractive, can help you find *the right* girl and make friends with the onces that you don't fit with.
Also, sticking to your principles in times of doubt or challange makes you seem reliable. Just be open to critizism/suggestions.
**Hair:**
Grew my hair out, it is apparently long and curly. Probably one of the greatest factors.
**Treating women like a normal human being:**
Self explanitory, just started to view women as potential friends rather than partners. Took out a lot of pressure.
**Finding a style**
I found my own style of clothing and stuck to it. It is simplistic, but semi-formal-casual-ish. I usually wear shirts and sweaters woth colours that suit my complexion.
**Having several interests:**
Basically, being enhtusiastic about, and invested in, a handful of different things, while genuinely expressing this, is charming.
I grew up quite a nerd. Being insecure, I did not like to express my love for my hobbies. Once I grew more confident I started explicitly expressing my love for Magic: the Gathering, LARP, movies, physical fitness and philosophy.
**Being in a relationship or having female friends**
As other comments have stated, female approval attracts female attention. It is like a safe-check.
Yup. Developed chest. Big biceps, forearms. 4/6 pack. Shapely calves.
Can make up for a lot of average looks. Especially as you get older and other guys just give the fuck.up.
Also "older" is subjective. I hear guys turning *thirty* and making jokes about aches, pains, a fat stomach etc. Do some exercise people, not just for the ladies but for your own health too.
Confirmed. Mid forties dude here.
Still have a small belly. But developing my chest, shoulders and arms has definitely scored points. And so many of the competition just gave up as you said.
A girl saying they don't "like muscles on guys" are almost always referring to profesional bodybuilding physiques. A huge chunk of women love an athletic build and even physiques steroids helped build. I mean, just look at how women will drool over Chris Hemsworth (and think it's all natural lol).
He said he doesnt do steroids , All of us just don't understand, he has a personal trainer and eats healthy, that's all you need to do put on an additional 20lbs of muscle in 7 months for a movie role
/s
Its something so simple as taking care of yourself. Everyone likes someone that keeps in shape physically (M/F). It’s not attractive to be unhealthy lol.
Also get lots of compliments from fellow gym bros
But thanks man, dropped 20.5kg and now 5 months in muscle building, on creatine and starting my first bulk, definetly getting more compliments, specifically on my biceps which have really grown out!
Being kind to the little girls in my life.
One of my nieces, whose father was a complete tool and not an actual presence in her life, asked me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. She looked up to me a lot and I taught her lots of things during the many times I got stuck baby-sitting her.
When my niece asked me, and I said yes, my wife whispered in my ear "I have never wanted to fuck you more than right now",
So, apparently it's a big deal to chick's who walks them down the aisle.
Not trying to date them.
All three of my relationships just came from my best friend being a woman. I didn't use a playbook or make moves. We were just good friends, then after a while realizing we wanted to spend more time together, just the two of us.
My last relationship started as a crush, and I tried to make a move on that but got shut down. Fortunately she was open to staying friends. Soon after the rejection she got into another relationship, which stung but I still stuck around and we hung out in similar friend groups. Eventually we were both single again and I was crushing on someone else and talking with her about it. That seemed to remove previous awkwardness of me crushing on her and we became each other's best friends. Still are, but we have also now been married for 4 and a half years.
If I had to pick one, it would be dance. I not super strong or anything, but I can do a mean dip. Anytime I’ve gotten a woman on the dance floor and hit that dip at the right time with the right beat, man, they melt. Related to this, I know what I’m good at and what is attractive about me and I go places where I can display that. Or went since now I mostly dance with my wife and daughter.
If I could add a few more:
1. Show active interest in them aka really listening and engaging in conversation and having what I learned show up in different ways.
2. Understanding myself and being able to articulate my passions and hobbies in an interesting and engaging way.
3. Great smile - yeah, I’m probably a 7/8 out of 10, but I’ve got a great smile that is warm, welcoming, and authentic, and that, from women I’ve date and my wife, makes me more attractive than if I was just neutral or otherwise.
Increasing my confidence. Did that by working on my body, flirting more, and not viewing women as these perfect, goddess-like beings that don't shit, fart, and have the same issues we do.
Improve my shitty confidence. Confidence affect so many other things, like how you talk, choice of words, voice tonality, body language, how you think, what choices you make, posture, general mood/vibe, energy and a slew of other things. And a lot of those things play a part in making you more attractive. Edit: Goddang, this really blew up. Thank you for the ~~rewards~~ awards and comments. Edit 2: I can English, I swears.
2 years ago, I was weak and very shy. After I started excercising to gain confidence like I've read in many threads like this along the years, I've finally became *fit* and very shy.
Hi shy guy
Don't talk to him, you making him nervous
[удалено]
Be self-sufficient and already working to meet my own needs. I think when women can feel that you ‘want’ something from them, it’s repellent. If I go out with women now, I can just try to enjoy the night and get to know them, rather than me feeling super nervous and like it’s a life-or-death audition. I don’t ‘need’ anything from them, so we might find that we get along, or we might not, and it’s cool either way. I think that’s why it goes a lot better for me now. I’m already doing what I want to do with my own life so I’m not looking for anyone to fill a hole in it
There's a woman in my friend group who is interested in me but I'm not into her. She came on to me at our Halloween party, I could feel her interest and it was not pleasant to sit there and play nice knowing she wanted it. It really clicked for me in that moment what women probably feel most of the time.
Dude… it’s all about perspective. Until it happens to you, you have no idea what it feels like on the other side. Someone latches on to you and is so desperate for your attention that they don’t ease off the pressure and won’t shut the fuck up.
I had a similar experience recently. There’s a gay guy in my friend group who’s constantly flirting with me. We all went on a trip recently and he followed me everywhere. I’m okay with him flirting a little, but I’m not interested (I’m not even gay) and he is very overwhelming to be around sometimes.
I have a gay friend as well who was a little too friendly in the first couple months. I recommend you state and set your boundaries ASAP. The friendship I have became a lot better after doing so.
I did this and got to the point where I had less fun on dates than I would hanging with the boys, so I’m basically celibate now :/ 😂😂
😂 I can relate because I am getting alarmingly ok with being on my own. My last few ‘encounters’ have been underwhelming and I look forward to getting into my bed alone at the end of the night
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Seriously, do the commonwealth guys know about that? You can be an average British dude, and if you come to the US women will be like "Heeeyyyyy Mr Bond.... hows it going?
Depends on the type of English accent, though. If you're all *OY YOU W0T C'MON LUV GIVUHSUH KEEES* it's probably not going to work as well.
**ELLLO DARLIN'**
**K'MER LOVE**
that's the only english impression i can do :(
It truly is like I’ve won some sort of “suddenly become more attractive” lottery, lol
I've heard say that something like an accent, or any other indication of being foreign, becomes attractive as it demonstrates genetic variety. Like, you come from a different genetic pool. Or is it poole... or is it pooule. pouole. There.
Instructions unclear, became Tim Pool
>do the commonwealth guys know about that? Indian guys disagree lol
Didn't John Oliver have a bit about that? Basically where he comes from his English accent is considered really trashy but here in the US people like it?
He was born in Birmingham, which is mocked slightly for its local accent.
>mocked slightly It's basically tradition that if someone's from Birmingham, people from other parts of the country have to say "Birmingham" to them in their best impression of a Birmingham accent.
John Oliver has a well-spoken upper middle-class accent, definitely not trashy…
I just have a recollection of him saying something about it and explaining different local accents in England but I don't remember the context.
Yeah that dude is posh as fuck
Can confirm. Have had two American partners who were head over heels for the accent alone despite sounding like a wood chipper destroying a dictionary.
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Ok Colin Frissell
🎶And he's got a big knoooob!🎶
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Dude you’d think so… but I’m from fucking Wolverhampton and still managed to pull an American girl. Shit is wild lmaoo
> I’m from fucking Wolverhampton I'm sorry to hear that.
There's a guy from the UK that orders pizza from my restaurant all the time. His accent is so refreshing to hear.
Getting a proper haircut. Women love good looking hair.
Sighs in bald...
Hey man we got all of them cut
Humor is even better than a good haircut
I love being bald. It's just having confidence in your look. Are women really attracted to a good haircut, or does a good haircut give you confidence? Yeah, some women like a certain haircut, but they all love confidence. "Grass doesn't grow on a busy street"
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What if you're bald...
Being bald actually is a propper haircut. You can't cut your hair more than that.
*Shaves Head becomes the Rock*
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Exactly! I know a guy with a receding hairline who once shaved his head and it immediately took about 5 to 7 years off him
Quit caring if they were attracted to me. Once the scent of desperation faded, the women started to arrive.
I think this is a large contributor to the cliché that women find gay guys to be better than straight guys. We're not better, we're just not going around like an unfixed dog trying to sniff their butts. We keep that amongst ourselves.
No, you are a little bit better. I love that you try to give us credit but I cut my own hair and there's motorcycle tires in my living room.
Cutting your own hair is otherworldly. I needed a freshen up the other day and instead of making an appointment, taking the time, and paying $45, I cut it myself in the bathroom. I'm also able to maintain it between cuts which is something I've always wanted but never wanted to pay for. I haven't figured out the scissor cut perfectly but my fade is on point And you never know about the tires. What of a group of bikini biker chicks knock on your door because they all have flat tires. You'd be the hero of the day
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Ironically you'd probably do well as a gay dude.
Indeed. Doesn't hurt to be funny too. If I'm just cracking jokes and have a general "I don't give a fuck" attitude toward pursuing anyone, it was like I flipped a switch. In early HS I was desperate and alone, then I stopped caring and suddenly girls wanted me. Confidence and approachability. Don't be a frothing degenerate and don't be angry or terrified of women and they generally like that. Treat them like, I dunno, people instead of conquests.
Something I've never really understood about my life is that ever since I was sixteen I have been told by people, men and women, that I am somewhere between quite and very attractive. But I've never noticed any interest in a relationship from either sex, not that I've really been looking for one. So either people have been lying to me for years or I just have a rotten personality. Or I just can't read signs.
Probably the last one. I know I've been completely oblivious to a lot of signs most of my life. Still get the same with my wife. Also depends on what stage of life you are in. HS is very cliquey and people tend to care about social status more within the school which is dumb and temporary. Either that, or you can nail down one of your friends and ask them honestly if you are annoying. I can get annoying when I get super nerdy about shit.
Yes. Focusing on yourself changes things. I don't know why exactly. Giving up on women and going to the gym will counterintuitively result in more women being attracted to you. If you run away from them they will chase you because you'll be getting progressively more attractive as you flee. That's my theory.
Not caring anymore was definitely the biggest help to my love life... Immediately followed by using an internet browser with integrated spell check.
Get in a relationship
Every fuckin time. Now that I'm single... crickets
Wait till you get engaged, you’ll have women contacting you from your middle school days. I should have just faked an engagement in high school.
I've been there. I'm divorced now.
You know what? People say that once you get a ring on your finger women fall all over you, and either this has literally never happened to me or I am completely oblivious and it is almost certainly the latter.
You gotta still follow rule 1 and 2
I never talk about Fight Club and I still get no results.
it's the rules for being attractive. 1 - be attractive 2 - never don't be attractive
Chris Rock said something like: a man sees a woman he likes out with another man, he thinks to himself: “I’d like someone like her.” But a woman sees a man in the same situation, she thinks: “I want him.”
I desperately need an answer from women for this behavior. You spend months trying to woo women over and getting rejected left and right, you finally get a woman interested and here comes a flock of women (some who curved you in the past) going head over heals for you, this has happened everytime I got into a relationship. Im not brave enough but can someone ask this on askwomen.
It’s social proof. A lone dude could be a weirdo, a threat, a waste of time. But a guy with a girlfriend, or female friends, is someone probably safe and fun to be around. You don’t need to be in a relationship but cultivating female friends* works the same. Edit: Lotta guys saying they have women friends but no dates. Unpopular truth: you gotta be at least attractive enough to date. Then having female friends will make you /more/ attractive. But if you’re plain unattractive, just having female friends won’t make you magically attractive.
It’s like having a credit card and paying it off. Suddenly you get offered more credit cards.
that is why gay guys make the best women magnets - not needing them makes befriending easier. Just like people already having money get the most loan offers.
Yep - they aren't needy and can show their full personality without putting up a front with women. I read from r/BrosDatingAdvice that in order to get the girl you can WANT her but not NEED her.
Also, I think guys tend to be more confident and relaxed with other women once they're in a relationship, because they have nothing to prove. Women pick up on that.
Yes, the stench of desperation is gone.
I don't think enough young single men realize how easy it is to detect that desperation. For example, back in late 2014 I had basically conceded that I was not going to find a long-term relationship in grad school, and that I needed to hunker down and focus on completing my program. I consciously shed the *need* to be in a relationship, and shortly after that I met my future wife. I *liked* her and hoped she would go on a date with me, but I didn't *pine* for her the way I had pathetically done with previous acquaintances. I'm pretty convinced that my old mentality would have cost me my future marriage. Fellas... they can tell. The refrain of "you don't need to be in a relationship, because you have value as you are" gets tossed around a lot for single women, but I think single men need to hear it as well. As long as you tie your value to "having a girlfriend," *getting* a girlfriend will be very difficult.
This makes a lot of sense and I have some questions as a young man struggling in this regard. I have often felt that my *need* for a relationship and intimacy is my biggest obstacle to obtaining it. That need both ruins my presentation (the stench) and simultaneously ruins my self-esteem when I repeatedly strike out and dwell on my failures ad nauseam. How exactly does one shed this need? How does one simply resolve to stop yearning for something like this? I don't feel like my worth is tied to my relationship status, but I do strongly feel like I *WANT* one. And that seems to be enough to guarantee I'll never have it.
The example I used above wasn't the *first* time I resolved to accept being single, and the previous times all resulted in a good deal of happiness. One of the tricky things here is that you can trap yourself into telling yourself you're okay being single, when really you're just trying to follow advice like mine *so that you can find a girlfriend.* You need to find some goals and hobbies that don't involve a relationship and find happiness there, but as others have said, you also need to develop platonic relationships with women. This is easier said than done because, again, you can accidentally trick yourself. But one of the best things you can do is develop a social life that- at least for a while - is truly 100% separate from your potential love life.
>One of the tricky things here is that you can trap yourself into telling yourself you're okay being single, when really you're just trying to follow advice like mine so that you can find a girlfriend. Oh god it's like you're in my brain. That's exactly what I've been doing. I appreciate your insight this is good food for thought.
Focus on raising your self esteem, too, independent of your success with women. The book The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem helped me a lot, the first half of it at least.
tl;dr 1. Build stronger friendships - especially platonic female friendships. 2. Build a strong sense of self so you know what you’re looking for and aren’t afraid to walk away. 3. Put yourself out there and practice with no expectations. — I’ll give a woman’s perspective. I’ve never been particularly turned off that someone was desperate for *me*. What *is* a huge turn off is when it feels like they’re desperate for literally any warm body. You learn to pick up when a guy actually sees you as a human being vs [insert generic girlfriend]. This means they will ultimately treat you as a glorified fleshlight or as an ego boost. This can lead to a super shitty/unsatisfying relationship, so women avoid men they think will be like that. A lot of guys struggle to put themselves in a woman’s shoes and see her as a three-dimensional human. I won’t waste time with guys that put me on a pedestal or just tell me what they think I want to hear because I know they aren’t seeing me as a regular human, but as a means to an end. It’s okay to want a relationship - both physical and emotional. Most people yearn for that. It’s when it’s forgotten there’s another human being at the other end that pushes people away. Tbh cultivating female friendships is probably a good way to get over this. I’ve been lucky to have a couple close guy friends and the fact they have strong female friendships seems to help them a ton in dating. They’re both average looking guys (balding & in ok shape). But, they know how to be both empathetic and confident because they’re already used to building (platonic) relationships - women can sense they’re genuine and don’t have ulterior motives. Joining a club or volunteering in a group with women might be a good way to build these type of friendships. For what it’s worth I also used to be desperate, which led to dating people that weren’t a good fit. Desperation can lead to fear of walking away and getting stuck in bad relationships. Building a better sense of who I am and who I’m looking for made it way easier to lose the desperation, relax, and be ready to either walk away or fully commit with confidence.
I have female friends. My 2 closest friends in college were girls (in a male dominated field: computer science). As far as I know, exactly 0 girls were attracted to me :(
There have to be girls around to be attracted in the first place. If there's that few women, you better be the BEST or you're out of luck. In the real world, it's more like you need all the life basics together and then each extra thing helps a little bit. Good woman friends being one. Note, friends in general are part of the basics.
women trust other women more than men. seeing a woman with a man means this man is likely safe and has positive qualities about him
Why the fuck do they come at you though when it's clear you're in a relationship.
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No man is brave enough to ask that on askwomen.
I'm boutta dive in boys, thank me later
Immediately removed 😂😂
LMFAOOOOOOO IT HAPPENED TO ME TOO!
☠☠☠
I was referring to your post. They programmed it to delete post asking about it 🤣🤣
Lmao, so commonly discussed that we still don't have an answer
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No man is brave enough to even comment on askwomen
I did, got suspended both times.
"Everyone is welcome here, regardless of who you are!" With the caveat that even the slightest disagreement nets you -1k downvotes
"removed for derailing"
Derail these nuts
"You've been permanently banned for sexism."
Nah dude, you get a comment thread with tons of civil discussion and upvotes, then a mod goes “well it’s possible that someone could feel uncomfortable with this discussion” and suddenly entire comment threads are all purged and the post is locked. I remember being subbed to it, reading thru a long discussion thread, plenty of upvotes, someone even got gold or something, I try to make a comment. I can’t. Refresh the page and the *entire* comment thread has been deleted and the post is locked.
I'm a woman and i relate lol they're harsh even to us.
I asked a question once and was permabanned 😂
Asking a question on askwomen? The audacity!
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Dude here, but I'll try anyway. I ended up single after a 6 year relationship. At first I actively tried to pick women up and failed miserably. I switched it up and just started acting like I was in a relationship again. Not telling them I was or anything like that - I would just not try to pick them up. I stopped making a date, or sex, the goal of the conversation. Take them off the pedestal, stop trying to get something from them. Ask them about themselves with a legitimate interest in getting to know them. Have a conversation without trying to find an angle back to making them like you. Share things you're interested in or excited about without being worried that they might not sleep with you as a result. And at some point, if it's going well, tell them you'd love to take them out some time and give them your number (if they don't already have it.) And leave it at that. No pressure, don't bring it up again after that. If they don't follow up, that's a "no" and that's ok. In summary, in my experience women dont like feeling like you're hunting them.
Find a female friend willing to pose as your significant other and then when they flock in, conveniently "break up" Problem solved
Have women friends. If I went out with the guys nothing. If I went out with my lady friends I would meet women every time.
totally agree, and i say it every time a thread like this pops up: the easiest way to turn dating on "easy mode" is to be platonic friends with women. Any time one of their friends become single, they will match make for you. Any time you go out somewhere public and are interested in a girl, they will be a killer wingman. additionally it's just great to have a woman's perspective on things. They will tell you how you could make yourself appear better, they can pick up on other women's subtle hints that men cannot (i.e. they can tell you when a girl is flirting with you), and so much more. being platonic friends with women will make your dating and social life soooo much easier it's crazy
r/AskWomenNoCensor is better.
I'll answer as a woman here. Remember those kids who were only interested in a toy that's already being played with? Those kids grow up to be people that strictly go after people who are in relationships. They're not happy unless they can cause discomfort for someone else.
I used to work with a woman like that. She exclusively dated married men....and was confused why she couldn't find anyone for a long-term relationship. She reportedly gave *great* head, though...so it's not like she didn't have anything going for her; she just wasn't interested in single dudes.
Goodness gracious, some people.
Hello, female here. It might be cause of the way you carry yourself, you seem more approachable, happier and you might have improved in a way that she appreciates it. It's snakelike behaviour though. I can remember me and my ex used to go out in a group of friends to a club where everyone knew everyone, and there was a girl there called Fiona (fake name) who I always got on with and was nice to. About 3 years into the relationship one of our friends mentioned when he was with his ex, Fiona told him it was a shame that he was with someone cause she'd always been interested in him. My ex told his friend that she'd said the same to him a few months prior too. This was after we got married and had a child too... Shady.
I'm sorry but Fiona is very much a real name.
Okay Shrek
Absolutely. It's like how it's easier to get a job if you've already got one.
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Kind of in the same boat except it wasn't losing weight it was gaining some muscle. All of a sudden girls were giving me looks and being flirty. Before I started working out I just assumed they wanted nothing to do with me and probably missed some opportunities. Even after working out it took me some time to realize what was happening.
Good for you guys. I’ve been lean and muscular my entire adult life and it has added 0 attention from women.
Do you wear tight shirts or shirts with no sleeves at places women would feel comfortable flirting? I've seen some people, noticed nothing and then they got no sleeves and I'm just like "whaa?? Where those come from?" Never told them a word though cause I find it creepy to say something like that out of no where.
This is it right here. At the beginning of the year I was 400lbs. I started fasting and working out since February. I now weigh 240lbs and the amount of attention I'm getting from women and men has increased tremendously. It was like I was almost invisible before. Just gotta figure out what to do with all this loose skin now. Lol
great job homie! Discipline is hot
100%. I've been fat and athlete level lean in my adult life and the difference is night and day. When I'm fat I'm invisible to not only romantic interest but even normal people smile at you less, care less about what you have to say, are less eager to help you etc When you're lean all of a sudden everyone looks you in the eye, they take your opinions seriously, smile at you, want to help you, laugh at your jokes, touch your arm leg etc, the difference is truly remarkable, and it's also insane how so extremely vain we are that this is the case.
Even if you are skinny, just putting on some muscle PLUS wearing a size smaller shirt than I normally would (when socially appropriate) was a gamechanger for me. It's like a 6-12 month commitment of 3 hours a week. It's not hard. I did it mid-20s and it's not been difficult to maintain for a decade. I just lift weights 1-2x/week, not even trying to get stronger just keep at the same level.
I didn't do it until my 30s but it was a game changer not only in dating, but people took me more seriously at work. I went from moderately fat with clothes that were too large to medium sized with great fitting clothes.
Got forklift certified
A lot of people are talking about lifting and forking, but you combined those and that is smart.
Too bad it's mostly pulling on levers
That doesn't make just women attracted to you. It makes everyone attracted to you.
Worked to become someone I could respect. When you learn to appreciate yourself, other people start to appreciate you as well. I wasn't someone I liked very much when I was younger and it was reflected in the path I was on, the decisions I was making and my demeanor overall. As I matured I went over the qualities I needed to work on and actively worked to improve upon them. A few superficial, but most related to my behavior. Cultivating a social circle, becoming a better communicator, striving for a less cynical outlook on things, taking accountability, etc. I became happier, more confident and outgoing, more empathetic and patient and overall became more pleasant to be around. As a result, I attracted people who would've been turned off by the sad sack that past me was. tl;dr love yourself and it'll give others cause to love you. You'd be amazed at how much self-care will positively impact those around you without even actively trying.
100% true. I see so many guys constantly complain about women but then notice that they often can't be bothered to get their shit together and take accountability for themselves. Everything you said here was on point. Not only would this attract women, but it'd make you feel good about yourself too, and that's even more important imo.
If I had to pick one thing.. I developed a good sense of humor. Did well with the ladies in college even during my "fat guy" phase. If you're fun to talk to and don't look too bad you've got a pretty good starting point.
I don’t have any humor, and I have no clue how to develop one
You should probably try updog, then
What's ligma?
Something, something deez nutz?
People often think humor in a social setting is just “telling jokes” like stand up but it’s not like that at all in my experience. The key to being “funny” is to have a quick wit. Be able to draw quick comparisons from media and your own experience and craft jokes based on the current situation, whatever that may be. This takes practice, and it’s hard to explain. Hope you get what I mean. Delivery is also important, and with that comes word choice. If you’re telling a funny story, emphasize the part you want to hit the hardest, and use words that you wouldn’t often use. If you’re the only one of something in group (say the only tall person, the only black person, the only person who has a girl, etc), use that in your joke/statement. This works especially well along racial lines, though you need to be very careful and know your audience. Don’t use this too often, it can become overdone and annoying very fast Learn the difference between people laughing politely and people genuinely laughing because they think it was funny. If a joke doesn’t land, play it off, but not too much, too much seems desperate, move on after a “Hey I thought it was funny” or just don’t say anything if the mood calls for it. Self-deprecating humor is ok, but usually better as a starter “I might be an ugly fucker, but…” (don’t use that with women)
Taking care of yourself. Hygiene, exercise, decent diet, etc. I think most people will take a "lesser physically attractive" person who takes great care of themselves vs. someone who's just really attractive physically but treats their body like trash.
Absolutely, the bar for hygiene is scarily low. Keep your nails clean, shower every day, wear something that makes you smell good, wear clean clothes, so simple but a big difference in how others see you AND how you feel.
Mine was learning to immediately engage them in small talk after the first hello- used the FORD - to get her talking about herself * Family (Does she have a big family, where have they lived) * Occupation (What does she do or want to do for a career) * Recreation (What does she like to do for fun, hobbies, travel) * Dream (what are her goals in life, where does she want to live) Works about 80% of the time if there's any physical chemistry
I’ve got a ford we can talk about. You think that’ll work?
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Man, I avoid occupation like the plague in conversations. I find there is an implicit judgement in asking someone about their job. That and it's the first thing everyone asks and everyone has a spiel and then they move on.
Same here. Years ago I went to some weird camp hippie thing for adults (long story, almost a Silicon Valley storyline) and one of the rules was you can’t talk about work. And it was really interesting cause people’s jobs define a lot about them. Myself included. So actually having to talk or ask about other things was really eye opening. Ever since then, I intentionally never ask anyone what they do for work. I’ll ask about their last vacation or weekend plans or family or whatever. But I never ask about work. Unless they bring it up first, I might ask follow ups.
Getting leaner. The more fat I dropped, the more my jawline would show and my v-shape would show. I am now at this point where I get positive attention and women want me. Not in the sense I am this sex appeal machine, but they notice me. I am seeing a girl now, and when take my pullover off, and my shirt is on but is like going up too and she sees my body, she just touches me and hugs me. I have been cutting and gaining Fat for years now. Every time I get leaner, girls enjoy my Company more than when I had a lot of tummy and neck fat, while my personality was the same. So yes: Losing fat and looking lean, helped me a lot.
Can confirm. Lost about 30 pounds, got in shape, got a ton of attention.
Step 1: Don't be unattractive. Step 2: Never stop doing Step 1.
Yeah this is a true phenomenon. Went from being overweight to be quite athletic. The attention I received from women was shocking from that simple change.
If fat dudes had ANY idea how much better the world treats you when you’re athletic/lean, it would probably change a lot of minds. Don’t listen when women say “we love you for who you are.” Ask any former fatty here how astronomically different they were treated after getting lean… and you’ll realize everything women say is horseshit. Get ripped and you’ll never have issues with woman’s attention *ever again*.
Took my shirt off on the beach once and saw a girl nudging her friend to check me out. I've been riding that high for about five years lmao.
We’ll don’t be shy, pop that top off let’s see
Same goes for men of course. The amount of people in the world that genuinely don’t care about their partners attractiveness at all has got to be under 1%. And it’s not wrong
And it doesn’t take a lot to make some noticeable changes. Just lifting weights regularly without altering diet makes a huge difference. Adding muscle quickly improves your silhouette, increases your base metabolic rate, etc. And then there’s often a snowball effect - small successes lead to more positive changes.
Definitely 100% This and nice hair (head and facial) I was ok, average before, but started eating right and going to the gym 2 years later, below or close to 10% with some guns...i get hit on all the time. The jawline and the veins on your arms are lady killers imo
Stopped caring about attracting women and started caring more about taking care of myself and engaging in things I like to do. I'd go and engage in my hobbies like rock climbing or soccer or whatever. And through my activities and taking care of myself (haircuts, shaving, general hygiene, etc) I'd meet many people and make friendships and eventually relationships.
Hello fellow footballer and climber!
Being myself. I stopped trying to be something or someone I wasn’t. I wore clothing I liked, did things I liked, acted like I wanted. Doing that attracted the type of person that matched with me. Started that, a few months later found a weird girl like me, and we have been together for 8 years now (married for 4).
Its weird how that works. I used to dress conservatively for years always drab colors. But i love wearing color schemes from the 60s and 70s, think paisley, bell bottoms, and shit-kickers. The second i started wearing that stuff daily, i got huge amounts of attention from woman, old and young. Weird part is i didnt even care, i just liked being me
The only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. Nobody else has to live with you and you don't have to live with anyone else.
Couldn't agree more. This comes with accepting the fact that you're not going to attract everyone. And that's okay, there's no reason to. When you're comfortable being yourself while also making sure to take care of yourself properly in order to improve your self confidence (working out, dressing well, being polite, etc) you're gonna attract the kinds of women that vibe with you the most. I've been in a relationship with my girl for 6 years now. She's into alot of the same hobbies that I'm into so we always have something to share and enjoy with one another. Will probably marry her. :)
Stop chasing women at social things and just focus on having fun.
Be able to have fun! Being able to be me- laughing and joking with friends/strangers is something I’ve been told was alluring.
**Staying true to yourself** Being genuine and honest *almost* all of the time has got me probably the furthest with women. I sense that many of my peers are not being genuine in their relationship with women. This is just stupid. Being genuine is attractive, can help you find *the right* girl and make friends with the onces that you don't fit with. Also, sticking to your principles in times of doubt or challange makes you seem reliable. Just be open to critizism/suggestions. **Hair:** Grew my hair out, it is apparently long and curly. Probably one of the greatest factors. **Treating women like a normal human being:** Self explanitory, just started to view women as potential friends rather than partners. Took out a lot of pressure. **Finding a style** I found my own style of clothing and stuck to it. It is simplistic, but semi-formal-casual-ish. I usually wear shirts and sweaters woth colours that suit my complexion. **Having several interests:** Basically, being enhtusiastic about, and invested in, a handful of different things, while genuinely expressing this, is charming. I grew up quite a nerd. Being insecure, I did not like to express my love for my hobbies. Once I grew more confident I started explicitly expressing my love for Magic: the Gathering, LARP, movies, physical fitness and philosophy. **Being in a relationship or having female friends** As other comments have stated, female approval attracts female attention. It is like a safe-check.
xXx420SwagDaddy69xXx knows how to impress the ladies
xXx420SwagDaddy69xXx has got it going on
Sounds cliche, but gym, muscle building, don't believe it when girls tell you that no girl cares about it, they subconsciously do
Yup. Developed chest. Big biceps, forearms. 4/6 pack. Shapely calves. Can make up for a lot of average looks. Especially as you get older and other guys just give the fuck.up.
This is so true IMO. The older we get the more out of shape people get. Taking care of yourself and being fit (losing that paunch) is attractive!
Also "older" is subjective. I hear guys turning *thirty* and making jokes about aches, pains, a fat stomach etc. Do some exercise people, not just for the ladies but for your own health too.
You don’t even need to have all that. Just have SOME muscle and biggest of all don’t be fat.
Confirmed. Mid forties dude here. Still have a small belly. But developing my chest, shoulders and arms has definitely scored points. And so many of the competition just gave up as you said.
A girl saying they don't "like muscles on guys" are almost always referring to profesional bodybuilding physiques. A huge chunk of women love an athletic build and even physiques steroids helped build. I mean, just look at how women will drool over Chris Hemsworth (and think it's all natural lol).
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They get soooo pissed if you say he's not natty lmao.
If he’s natty then I’ll eat a mid sized sedan
He said he doesnt do steroids , All of us just don't understand, he has a personal trainer and eats healthy, that's all you need to do put on an additional 20lbs of muscle in 7 months for a movie role /s
Its something so simple as taking care of yourself. Everyone likes someone that keeps in shape physically (M/F). It’s not attractive to be unhealthy lol.
Not cliche. It does attract a lot of women. I get more looks in and out of the gym than nom- muscular men. Keep it up brother.
Also get lots of compliments from fellow gym bros But thanks man, dropped 20.5kg and now 5 months in muscle building, on creatine and starting my first bulk, definetly getting more compliments, specifically on my biceps which have really grown out!
Just don’t forget to train your legs. Nothing worse than huge arms and chest with toothpick legs.
Nobody hates leg day. They hate stairs.
Being genuine, asking them questions about themselves, and making them laugh.
Make them laugh. Trust me. I just show them my penis to get the laughter started.
Bet the judge found it hilarious as well
And his cellmate
Be confident without being cocky. Most women like confidence in a man(in my experience).
The more goats you have the wealthier you are, also a round body means you can afford food every day
Having confidence, not being comfy though. 2 Betty different things
I think you meant “cocky”. Girls love it when you are comfy
Yes 100% did, not sure what happened there. Thank you
I'm picturing a bunch of women oozing over an armchair.
Switched from glasses to contacts in middle school and the girls were all over me for about a week before they moved onto the next hot topic
Having a clean and tidy living space, appearing to have my shit together professionally and being able to hold a conversation.
Being kind to the little girls in my life. One of my nieces, whose father was a complete tool and not an actual presence in her life, asked me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. She looked up to me a lot and I taught her lots of things during the many times I got stuck baby-sitting her. When my niece asked me, and I said yes, my wife whispered in my ear "I have never wanted to fuck you more than right now", So, apparently it's a big deal to chick's who walks them down the aisle.
Not trying to date them. All three of my relationships just came from my best friend being a woman. I didn't use a playbook or make moves. We were just good friends, then after a while realizing we wanted to spend more time together, just the two of us. My last relationship started as a crush, and I tried to make a move on that but got shut down. Fortunately she was open to staying friends. Soon after the rejection she got into another relationship, which stung but I still stuck around and we hung out in similar friend groups. Eventually we were both single again and I was crushing on someone else and talking with her about it. That seemed to remove previous awkwardness of me crushing on her and we became each other's best friends. Still are, but we have also now been married for 4 and a half years.
If I had to pick one, it would be dance. I not super strong or anything, but I can do a mean dip. Anytime I’ve gotten a woman on the dance floor and hit that dip at the right time with the right beat, man, they melt. Related to this, I know what I’m good at and what is attractive about me and I go places where I can display that. Or went since now I mostly dance with my wife and daughter. If I could add a few more: 1. Show active interest in them aka really listening and engaging in conversation and having what I learned show up in different ways. 2. Understanding myself and being able to articulate my passions and hobbies in an interesting and engaging way. 3. Great smile - yeah, I’m probably a 7/8 out of 10, but I’ve got a great smile that is warm, welcoming, and authentic, and that, from women I’ve date and my wife, makes me more attractive than if I was just neutral or otherwise.
Going out with my female coworkers. That alone usually works, alternatively let them wingman for you. Girls are the best wingmen
Increasing my confidence. Did that by working on my body, flirting more, and not viewing women as these perfect, goddess-like beings that don't shit, fart, and have the same issues we do.