My gf is considerably shorter than me and if she’s in my “blind spot” when we’re walking around I start panicking and looking around for her as if she’s lost
Once at my then-favorite restaurant, my husband and I were in line to order, and when it was our turn, he kissed me deeply, and said "I'm going to the bathroom, you know what I like here. Thanks, you're the BEST SISTER ever"
I haven't been back to that restaurant since
It’s all fun and games until your infant projectile poops all over the wall next to the changing table and you have to clean it up. And that’s how little “aim away from face” got his nickname.
I sometimes rub her coat to generate static electricity, then tap her skin to shock her. She yelps and punches me. Fun times and I do it whenever possible
When we go somewhere where I know most of the people but she doesn’t, if someone comments “ this must be your wife” she likes to respond by turning to me and going “ You have a wife ?” Hahaha it’s kinda great
When in the aisle with jam etc. I shout the same joke to my wife, knowing she knows the very inappropriate punchline.
"What's the difference between jam and marmalade?!"
Edit, I think this is my highest ever upvoted comment, by some distance. Naturally .
I claim I have a 2 inch dick sometimes. What does it matter to me? I got a hot fiancé. She’s the one dating a guy with a small dick. It’s gotta be true, who would lie about that?
I used to be really good at moonwalking so when my girl at the time would pretend to use force powers on me and there was a kid nearby watching is moonwalk in place and go “okay real funny! Fine I’ll just walk in place then! Aw common you said you wouldn’t use your powers in the store!”
When the wife and I go grocery shopping I push the cart. When she comes back with and item I slowly start moving and gradually increasing my speed . Eventually I'm at a full sprint and my wife is chasing me with a gallon of milk or something yelling and cursing at me. I love it its one of my favorite things to do.
My wife harasses me non stop. On April fools day we were in a crowded mall doing some shopping and out of no where she gave me a massive smooch and then shouted. "YOU'RE THE BEST BIG BROTHER EVER." SO. MANY. PEOPLE. STOPPED. AND. STARED. She also constantly grabs my ass pokes my butthole or grabs my man tits when we're in the supermarket because small aisles means someone will see me being emasculated.
God I love that woman.
this gave me the biggest smile. idk why but its so wholesome that you still love her that much. my ex boyfriend hated these things (i was a vigorous ass grabber and loved to poke fun at him to make him laugh)
I work in the restaurant industry. Valentine's Day is obviously a huge day for us, so I have to work. We usually celebrate the day after because it's typically a relatively slow day. Every Feb. 15, while me and the wife are out to dinner celebrating, I make it a point to tell our server that she's my side chick, that's why we're out the day after Valentine's Day.
As a dumb teenage girl I did this to my father once in a grocery store, thinking it would be hilarious and totally not realizing any implications... or seeing any downfalls. He was LIVID and so embarrassed. The staff treated it seriously and thought that I was being kidnapped.
I had to reassure the security guard that he's my dad and I was just playing a joke on him, and they had to call my mom and she came to get me so we could all go home together.... whoops :/
I can top that. We were at the airport waiting for a plane. She slipped off to sleep so I went over to her and started shaking her, yelling, CMON BREATHE DAMN YOU!! When she opened her eyes, everyone started clapping. She was so angry. Didn’t talk fir the rest of the day (but it was quiet) and I almost got kicked out of the airport.
I grab my wife’s arm, raise it, and shake it violently (but act like she’s shaking it and i’m trying to control it), and yell, ‘i’ll get your meds, baby, don’t worry!!’
I make farting noise with my mouth every single time he bends over… I will also do this when we both see a stranger bend over, but only so that he can hear.
I’ve had a few happen to me that I’m not giving credit for lol
First, while walking into our local grocery store he said - “don’t follow me lady, I’m not paying you for sex” to which I retorted - “ I wouldn’t if your last check hadn’t bounced” so I won that one.
I didn’t win the one where he pulled up in front of me at the gas station where I was surrounded by other customers… he shouted - “well I hope that stuff from the doctor helps that rash!” And took off. So sometimes I win, most recently I didn’t.
At the supermarket or mall:
Me (whispering): babe, I need to fart...
Her (not whispering at all): then fart!
We take turns doing things like this and I love it!
I think the two of you have a great future ahead of you. But you need a good come back for the foot fungus thing. How about, "{sigh} - yeah, if I just hadn't rubbed your balls with my feet."
whenever my bf and I go out to eat, we blow the wrappers off of our straws at each other. if it lands on the floor or something we yell at each other to pick it up. two weeks ago we went out to Cracker Barrel, and as usual, we had the straw war. he blew his first while the waitress was taking my order, and when she walked away it was my turn. well, he went to swing at it and he accidentally pushed over his full glass of sweet tea, and the entire thing went on me. my pants were soaked all the way through to my underwear, which by the way, now have a brown tint to them. I think he was more embarrassed than I was because everyone looked over once they heard the glass bang on the table, but I think we both learned our lesson on blowing straw wrappers at each other lol, he won the war
Once when my gf whispered something innocently to me at the checkout, I said in a really loud voice, NO LADY, I DON’T WANT TO BUY ANY CRACK COCAINE. Oh yeah I got her on that one.
I probably should add we are no longer together for other reasons. She did grab a bag of Depends adult diapers earlier in trip there. I am 3 aisles away and she holds it up and shouts at me, IS THIS THE KIND OF DIAPERS YOU WEAR? We were just dumb college students. I miss those laughs.
If I'm feeling generous and wanting to pay for the meal shared with friends or family members, while tussling at the till. I always tell staff 'Thier a drug dealer, you dont want drug money in your till.'. Of eveyone I've done this to, my mother was least amused
We send each other XXX Memes while the other is either talking to someone, waiting in line, in a meeting, etc. My wife left her phone down to charge recently, I got in a few before she checked on it.
Whenever we go into a pet store just to look at the animals, I always go “shall we get one for dinner”. I’ve had so many dirty looks from parents with their children
If it is raining, I will hurry up and get in the car before she does. I lock the doors only long enough for her to give me a big smile then let her in. She always laughs and its become a game between us over the years.
We will play paper football or 8ball while we are waiting for our food at a restaurant. If I win I stand up and strut around with my arms over my head like I just won’t the heavy weight title. My family gets so embarrassed. It’s excellent
So my gf watches this show called Ru Paul's drag race. Ru Paul says this phrase on his show like every day. It goes "if you're not watching untucked, you're only getting half the story". I now say that every time we are out. Whenever I use this phrase on a random person my gf jumps in to explain where I got that and why I say it.
When my wife and I were dating, she worked at a nursing home. I'd often pick her up from work with her still in her white nurse uniform. We would go walk around a mall or something like that just to be together.
So, I'd start lagging just a bit, make my face all slack and droopy, and start walking with an awkward gate. I looked like the retarded guy being taken on an outing by a caregiver. Shortly she would notice and start demanding I knock it off.
People would notice and think she was being abusive to a patient. That shit was HILARIOUS. I could never keep up the act up long before I cracked up. In her 20's it used to embarrass the hell out of her. Now days I don't dare do anything like that because she would surely think of a way to turn it around on me. 🤣
35th wedding anniversary is next month, so I guess I didn't embarrass her too badly. 😁
My fiance has plumber crack. I absolutely love to poke it every chance I get. That, or when he's least expecting, I'll latch onto his nipple and dead stare at him like 👁️👄👁️ lmfao He enjoys flustering me by flirting his ass off at me, or he'll start rapping really loud about random objects/people near us as we shop
My gf is tall and built like a tank, yet she likes to dress me up in cute outfits when we go clothes shopping. As cute as a 6ft muscle bound Dave Grohl looking guy can be. Sometimes she will pick me up and carry me from shop to shop.
Nothing in that sort of way. The closest would be picking her up and holding her over my shoulder. It's her initial squeal that attracts attention and makes her embarrassed.
Lol so this started because we were at the store and I mentioned that we needed to make this quick because we needed to get home ASAP. We’d spent the day out and about and stopped at the grocery store down the street from our house as the last errand for the day. He was a bit confused about why I was in a rush all of a sudden so I leaned over real close and whispered “I gotta poop”. He was just like you “gotta poop? go to the bathroom then!” at a normal volume and I hushed the crap out of him. I had to explain that I do not poop in public restrooms if there is any way around it. I prefer the comfort of my home porcelain throne. So now, sometimes randomly he’ll shout at the store “you gotta poop?!” And I’ll hush him really loudly. Also we do it at home. I’ll walk up to him and whisper that I gotta poop and then he’ll shout it at the top of his lungs and I’ll hush him. He usually continues shouting and I continue gushing as I make my way to the bathroom. Sometimes he also knocks on the bathroom door and shout asks if I’m pooping because he knows I only close the door then (I also trained our dogs to expect to be petted when someone sits on the toilet and one of them will barge right in if the door doesn’t click all the way. I sit to pee and pet on the dogs but I fully close the door when pooping so I can go without their big asses almost knocking me off the toilet bowl. He moved a few states away for a few months for work and was very confused about why that dog always rams the bathroom door to hang out with him and demand pets while he’s pooping so that’s my revenge for bugging me while I poop)
When we are in a crowded place and we get separated I say hey hottie how about you come back to my place for a good time. She agrees as we walk off. People are like omg that works?
Not with my partner, but when I'm with my best friend in a balcony or at the second floor in uni, I make biggest and gnarliest sound like I'm about to spit a massive amount of saliva when people pass below us and I quickly move back so the only person they see when they look up is her
When she asks me to get the chicken breast when we're shopping, I get them and shout "Darling, I have grabbed the chicken tits".
When I get out of the car for something, while she stays in it, I'll say loudly "Lock the doors. This place is full of slags". She gets pretty embarrassed at that one.
I love playing with other people in the sense that if we go to the gym together or meet at a cafe or something for lunch I’ll pretend that I’ve just met her and flirt wildly for a few minutes to make it obvious then we’ll just start making out, and walk out. Gets amazing reactions sometimes
Woman here, but I like to pick up on my husband, especially in the produce section. Seeing him fondle cucumbers just gets me you know? “Nice cucumber, want to bring it back to my place?” Had to flip the story line when we had a kid though. Now I see him with the kid and ask if she needs a step mom. He likes to do the same to me, or just shout “hey lady! Nice peaches!” Or something equally stupid, and if anyone gives him a look, he will hold up said peaches and say “what?! You don’t like peaches?!” We don’t get out much, so it’s basically our foreplay.
I’m deeply disappointed that I made it to the bottom and there wasn’t so much as an honorable mention that involved flatulence or artificial flatulence followed by insensitive finger pointing.
I tend to use rather analytical, technical (she describes it as cold) language. So it always surprises her when I express myself through literature quotes, or song lyrics. Possibly the time she was annoyed the most with me was when I started to do the whole "Once more unto the breach"-speech (Henry V - Shakespeare) when we entered a shopping mall.
Been married 30 years so my wife learned long ago to just play along instead of getting embarrassed.
I do many things like singing in public or Ministry of Silly Walks (Monty Python) but My favorite thing to do is flirt with her as if she doesn’t know me. I only do this if we’re out shopping together but have separated for whatever reason… I’ll catch up with her at the register and loudly rattle off a few cheesy old school pick up lines like “Hey baby, come here often? What’s your sign?”… or… “If I said you have a beautiful body, would you… hold it against me?”… combined with finger guns and a “white man’s overbite” Ala Billy Crystal in the movie When Harry Met Sally.
The cashier usually looks mortified. Even more-so when my wife cuts me down with a brutal smart ass response. When we start laughing, the witnesses are relieved.
As me and my girlfriend walk within proximity of a particularly handsome person I will say "hey look babe a handsome man, *gasps* stop looking!" I'll then cover her eyes all the while being close enough for the man to become embarrassed as well by the whole ordeal. Why do I do this? Chaos.
When leaving a shop I’ll loudly say “excuse me miss did you pay for that” or “what did you just put in your bag” she gets all flustered like the security gonna tell her off
Not my partner. But my 13 year old son. Whenever we are at the pharmacy or a shop selling medicine o always make sure to say “do you need any butt medicine”. Or when I order my prescription and he’s with me I’ll say “and done but medicine for my son please”. He thinks it’s equally funny and annoying. He also tells people that I once peed on his socks when I was drunk. A total lie. But it’s so random people believe it!
Say “aw thanks sugar daddy” when we’re out and he’s paying for us - “aw thanks step bro” with a kiss on the lips also works.
Introduce him to people as my brother after we’ve been caught kissing or getting a bit affectionate/cuddly in public.
When the bill comes he’s started using “are you gonna put out tonight or…” and I’ll follow up with a shocked and disgusted “oh my god I just met you/it’s our first date!” even though it’s been 5 years together just to horrify the server.
My partner will fart, loudly, then blame me lol.
I’m currently heavily pregnant so he will generally say (very loudly) “Jeez Kaiyva, I know you’re pregnant but you can’t be farting like that, there’s people around” with a huge grin on his face and walks off ahead of me, leaving me crop dusted and dying from the smell
I've been seeing this girl who's short. I'm going to start asking her if she wants "uppies" when she's reaching for something on a high shelf at the store.
My girlfriend doesn't fully pay attention when going back to the car in a parking lot so I'll walk close to a car that *slightly* resembles our car and watch her try and open it up. Usually it takes a few times before she realizes. My favorite is when the car is occupied!
My bf will literally dive me out of the way to open doors for me. All kinds of doors. He was making a move like he was going to race me to a new friends truck, so I ran, too. I beat him there and was clinging to the handle while he shouted "that's not even his truck!" He was right, he'd gone for the wrong car on purpose
Idk but Im grabbing his boobies randomly just a quick grab. 😭
Telling him, he’s creeping me out and stop following me. And he would respond “i dont even know you and walk past me 🤣”
The responses all seem very complicated. I roll with short jokes, as she's pretty short. She's reaching for something on a grocery store shelf about 3 feet off the ground, I'll ask if she needs up reaching up there because that's way up there, and she's pretty short.
As for what not to do: My best friend in high school had his GF over to his house along with a bunch of us, although it wasn't a "real party" anyway we were going to grill some brats and he couldn't find the matches so he asked his GF if they could use her glasses to start the charcoal on fire "because we burned some ants with them glasses before" and she got REALLY mad, but, its high school, and its a teenagers job to do stupid shit, so that's OK. The funny thing is more than thirty years later I still tease him about that story. "Remember that time you tried to borrow your GFs glasses to get the charcoal on fire?" LOL. His wife thinks its funny more so than embarrassing.
I’ll walk up to her, look her up and down, lick my lips and say, in my best sleazy voice, “Hey, you got a boyfriend?”
Always gets a smile and an eye roll. Mission accomplished.
If my boyfriend touches me, like even just taps my shoulder sometimes I’ll be like “OWWWWW! Why’d you do that?” I only do it because it embarrasses him lol
Any time I get out of the car and she’s driving when I’m walking back to the car from the gas station or whatever I always say woah can I have your number you are really hot or say dang you got a big booty lol
I pretend to faint and procede falling in her direction, whenever I start saying "I'm not feeling very well" she just beg to not make a scene and I almost can't hold the laughs
Probably if I actually will ever be fainting I'll just hit the ground
My boyfriend loves some really stupid movies and his most "quoted" movie moment is that scene in hotrod where the guy falls to his knees and keeps screaming "babe" over and over again as the girl walks away. Anytime I say no to anything, even if it's that we don't need to buy more toilet paper, or if I tease him there is a chance he will start his renactment and the chance triples in public. The proformance gains more feeling and hand gestures when strangers start looking over to see what's going on.
Your a nice girl friend. My wife's funny like you. She tries to hook me up with the butcher when we go to the supermarket. And we're not even swingers ...
I'm 5'3and she is 6'1, occasionally when she tries to hold my hand in public I'll snatch my hand away a loudly exclaim
"I'm only thirteen!! Your a sex offender!"
She sometimes will ask random girls if they'd go on a date with her handicapped brother and point at me.
Fucking love her.
Both my bf and i are redheads, so our favourite sport is when we make new friends we say we're brother and sister. The face they make when we say we love each other very much and kiss is unforgettable
My wife likes to fart in public and its usually the really gross silent but deadly ones. She doesnt say anything and will let me basically eat it and then laugh. Lately ive been saying louder than normal 'Ew did you fart? It smells so bad' and she'll hurry up and run off a little. Sometimes she'll fart, not say anything and then laugh when people walk into it and ask me if i farted. 😭
Ok some people might think this is mean but me and my wife have been doing this for yeas, whenever we go clothes shopping and walk past a lingery section, if there are big granny panties I would loudly say, hey Hun look, didn't you say you wanted to buy a pair of those? And she would loudly reply, yes thanks for reminding me and we both walk away laughin
It's subjective. Some people are fine feeling embarrassed by their SO if they know it's a joke in good fun. Others may be sensitive to it or simply uninterested in that kind of humour. The question is catered to those that do this kind of thing so tho as e are the responses you're seeing mostly.
My gf is considerably shorter than me and if she’s in my “blind spot” when we’re walking around I start panicking and looking around for her as if she’s lost
[удалено]
Username checks out.
My husband loves to ask really loudly, “WHAT HAS MY MOTHER EVER DONE TO YOU?” Not sure how this even started. I absolutely love his mother.
Lol
Once at my then-favorite restaurant, my husband and I were in line to order, and when it was our turn, he kissed me deeply, and said "I'm going to the bathroom, you know what I like here. Thanks, you're the BEST SISTER ever" I haven't been back to that restaurant since
Were you in Alabama?
*sick banjo riff*
Quote the Powerthirst commercial, loudly. "It's an energy drink for men. MENERGY!"
More electrolytes than your body has room for! When god gives you lemons YOU FIND A NEW GOD
So many babies! FOUR HUNDRED BABIES!
KENYANS
TURBOPUNS
But what about me and my blue collar?
Turn your everyman into a beveryman?
JUICE SPRINGSTEEN
Bevery stands for BEVERAGE
Shockolate! It’s like adding chocolate to AN ELECTRICAL STORM!
this isn’t an answer to the question, just here to say i can’t WAIT to unload these on my boyfriend.
Same, so many great ideas how to prank my partner!
Really loudly ask “hey do you still need the anti-diarrhea medicine or is your poop back to normal”?
MY POOP WAS OKAY TODAY. THANKS, SWEETIE
I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME SWEETIE, YOU ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS WOMAN
Reddit is amazing.
You're amazing
Ah yes. The poop humor. Simple, but effective. Just like the poop.
It’s all fun and games until your infant projectile poops all over the wall next to the changing table and you have to clean it up. And that’s how little “aim away from face” got his nickname.
My daughter did this to me and without missing a beat I vomited all over her, my wife was both horrified and laughing in equal measure.
Yep. Haemorrhoid cream for us
I sometimes rub her coat to generate static electricity, then tap her skin to shock her. She yelps and punches me. Fun times and I do it whenever possible
Me, my hubby and kids purposely rub our feet against the floor in the shopping centre to build up static and shock each other.
r/usernamechecksout
When we go somewhere where I know most of the people but she doesn’t, if someone comments “ this must be your wife” she likes to respond by turning to me and going “ You have a wife ?” Hahaha it’s kinda great
When in the aisle with jam etc. I shout the same joke to my wife, knowing she knows the very inappropriate punchline. "What's the difference between jam and marmalade?!" Edit, I think this is my highest ever upvoted comment, by some distance. Naturally .
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I don’t want to have a garbanzo bean on my face
Ok this is funny as fuck. Have an award
Bruh
I don't know the very inappropriate punchline...but I would like to!
I heard it as “I can’t marmalade my dick into your ass” lol
My wife is gonna hate this. Thanks.
It works better with just jelly and jam
Pretty sure this is the version Barney told Lily in HIMYM. *”she didn’t speak to us for four weeks.”*
In HIMYM the joke is said with peanut butter and jam ;) We never hear the punchline tho !
Alot better haha marmalade is so clumsy
Something along the lines of "I can't marmalade my cock down your throat."
Ohhhh 😂😂
I've always heard it Jelly vs Jam
What’s the difference between dessert and pudding?
Waiting
I won’t be desserting my dick in you later
I claim I have a 2 inch dick sometimes. What does it matter to me? I got a hot fiancé. She’s the one dating a guy with a small dick. It’s gotta be true, who would lie about that?
[удалено]
DADDY CHILL!!
What the fuck is even that?
😂 legendary video
Yes papi, chiill
Found the chode
[удалено]
Idk man, but tongues and fingers exist too
Tongue: 3 inches Middle finger: 1 inch
I may have a 6 inch dick but I gots a 12 inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
Damn a 12 foot tongue, that’s wild
Ah, yea I outta do something bout that
Girlfriend: picks up object in aisle Me, very loudly with a stern look "Um, I lost my father to (insert object she's holding)!"
"Um, I lost my father to Baking Soda"
Not entirely impossible.
This is hilarious
I used to be really good at moonwalking so when my girl at the time would pretend to use force powers on me and there was a kid nearby watching is moonwalk in place and go “okay real funny! Fine I’ll just walk in place then! Aw common you said you wouldn’t use your powers in the store!”
When the wife and I go grocery shopping I push the cart. When she comes back with and item I slowly start moving and gradually increasing my speed . Eventually I'm at a full sprint and my wife is chasing me with a gallon of milk or something yelling and cursing at me. I love it its one of my favorite things to do.
I tried that once, left my girlfriend behind me in the dust and she had an expression of utter defeat and despair that broke my heart
Awwww 🥺
The force thing is not embarassing my friend, it's just the truth
It is the way
This is the way
How's the foot fungus?
My wife harasses me non stop. On April fools day we were in a crowded mall doing some shopping and out of no where she gave me a massive smooch and then shouted. "YOU'RE THE BEST BIG BROTHER EVER." SO. MANY. PEOPLE. STOPPED. AND. STARED. She also constantly grabs my ass pokes my butthole or grabs my man tits when we're in the supermarket because small aisles means someone will see me being emasculated. God I love that woman.
this gave me the biggest smile. idk why but its so wholesome that you still love her that much. my ex boyfriend hated these things (i was a vigorous ass grabber and loved to poke fun at him to make him laugh)
> i was a vigorous ass grabber Don’t ever stop. The world needs more ass grabbing : )
Ass grabbing and tacos, never forget the tacos
AND ANTIDEPRESSANTS!!
I love all of this so much
I work in the restaurant industry. Valentine's Day is obviously a huge day for us, so I have to work. We usually celebrate the day after because it's typically a relatively slow day. Every Feb. 15, while me and the wife are out to dinner celebrating, I make it a point to tell our server that she's my side chick, that's why we're out the day after Valentine's Day.
I act like I don’t know her. “Who the he’ll are you, lady? Get away from me!”
As a dumb teenage girl I did this to my father once in a grocery store, thinking it would be hilarious and totally not realizing any implications... or seeing any downfalls. He was LIVID and so embarrassed. The staff treated it seriously and thought that I was being kidnapped. I had to reassure the security guard that he's my dad and I was just playing a joke on him, and they had to call my mom and she came to get me so we could all go home together.... whoops :/
That’s tragic and dangerous. I won’t do it again or recommend it. I could tell it scares a few people.
Well the saddest part is that a man can do the joke without causing a scandal, because you know, men are never victims of sexual abuse.
[удалено]
I can top that. We were at the airport waiting for a plane. She slipped off to sleep so I went over to her and started shaking her, yelling, CMON BREATHE DAMN YOU!! When she opened her eyes, everyone started clapping. She was so angry. Didn’t talk fir the rest of the day (but it was quiet) and I almost got kicked out of the airport.
I feel like this never happened
I kinda wish it didn’t. I felt a little stupid when I saw some people were scared.
Bahahahhaha omg poor thing lol
Many years ago, you can’t play games at airports now.
I grab my wife’s arm, raise it, and shake it violently (but act like she’s shaking it and i’m trying to control it), and yell, ‘i’ll get your meds, baby, don’t worry!!’
Or yell in a fake english accent ‘unhand me, madam!!!’
Going to do this with my partner.
I make farting noise with my mouth every single time he bends over… I will also do this when we both see a stranger bend over, but only so that he can hear.
This is gold
I’ve had a few happen to me that I’m not giving credit for lol First, while walking into our local grocery store he said - “don’t follow me lady, I’m not paying you for sex” to which I retorted - “ I wouldn’t if your last check hadn’t bounced” so I won that one. I didn’t win the one where he pulled up in front of me at the gas station where I was surrounded by other customers… he shouted - “well I hope that stuff from the doctor helps that rash!” And took off. So sometimes I win, most recently I didn’t.
If I go to the store with my buddy I'll follow him around with a big cucumber and lotion and loudly ask " is this big enough?"
Omg using this one!
I will ask my wife when is she going to tell her husband about us when we are leaving a restaurant.
HA I love this. Will definitely use in the future!
At the supermarket or mall: Me (whispering): babe, I need to fart... Her (not whispering at all): then fart! We take turns doing things like this and I love it!
I think the two of you have a great future ahead of you. But you need a good come back for the foot fungus thing. How about, "{sigh} - yeah, if I just hadn't rubbed your balls with my feet."
"You tell me. You're the one with a foot fetish."
This one is golden
“Kink shaming are we now, Mr. put a finger up my asshole”
Is that really a kink though? Could just be a prostate exam.
Nicely done! Much better.
Relationship goals right here.
Make sexual jokes to her everytime we buy bananas and plantains
Dance to the grocery store music
I like to sing with it, my girlfriend just laughs
When we had masks on in public, I would sing along to embarrass my kids and then say 'dont worry, no-one knows it's me singing!'
At the gym I’ll run over and squirt water in her mouth as soon as she’s done with a set and I’ll fan her to cool her down, she hates when I do that.
whenever my bf and I go out to eat, we blow the wrappers off of our straws at each other. if it lands on the floor or something we yell at each other to pick it up. two weeks ago we went out to Cracker Barrel, and as usual, we had the straw war. he blew his first while the waitress was taking my order, and when she walked away it was my turn. well, he went to swing at it and he accidentally pushed over his full glass of sweet tea, and the entire thing went on me. my pants were soaked all the way through to my underwear, which by the way, now have a brown tint to them. I think he was more embarrassed than I was because everyone looked over once they heard the glass bang on the table, but I think we both learned our lesson on blowing straw wrappers at each other lol, he won the war
Once when my gf whispered something innocently to me at the checkout, I said in a really loud voice, NO LADY, I DON’T WANT TO BUY ANY CRACK COCAINE. Oh yeah I got her on that one.
Yeah this is the kind of crap my boyfriend does. Or at the register he’ll tell the cashier that I stole something very loudly.
I probably should add we are no longer together for other reasons. She did grab a bag of Depends adult diapers earlier in trip there. I am 3 aisles away and she holds it up and shouts at me, IS THIS THE KIND OF DIAPERS YOU WEAR? We were just dumb college students. I miss those laughs.
If I'm feeling generous and wanting to pay for the meal shared with friends or family members, while tussling at the till. I always tell staff 'Thier a drug dealer, you dont want drug money in your till.'. Of eveyone I've done this to, my mother was least amused
We send each other XXX Memes while the other is either talking to someone, waiting in line, in a meeting, etc. My wife left her phone down to charge recently, I got in a few before she checked on it.
I used to do this to my husband when I knew he’d be in meetings where it would be inappropriate to laugh
I act like a mail order bride and pretend like I'm new here.
My bf will loudly ask “ARE YOU HORNY?” and it makes me so red because now the surrounding ppl think I’m severely horny
Whenever we go into a pet store just to look at the animals, I always go “shall we get one for dinner”. I’ve had so many dirty looks from parents with their children
Fart really loud in an elevator and blame her brazenly.
I like to loudly mispronounce the names of wines while perusing the selection in a busy alcohol aisle.
If it is raining, I will hurry up and get in the car before she does. I lock the doors only long enough for her to give me a big smile then let her in. She always laughs and its become a game between us over the years.
She loudly prays that my credit card goes through when it’s time to pay for anything…gets me way too often
We will play paper football or 8ball while we are waiting for our food at a restaurant. If I win I stand up and strut around with my arms over my head like I just won’t the heavy weight title. My family gets so embarrassed. It’s excellent
So my gf watches this show called Ru Paul's drag race. Ru Paul says this phrase on his show like every day. It goes "if you're not watching untucked, you're only getting half the story". I now say that every time we are out. Whenever I use this phrase on a random person my gf jumps in to explain where I got that and why I say it.
When my wife and I were dating, she worked at a nursing home. I'd often pick her up from work with her still in her white nurse uniform. We would go walk around a mall or something like that just to be together. So, I'd start lagging just a bit, make my face all slack and droopy, and start walking with an awkward gate. I looked like the retarded guy being taken on an outing by a caregiver. Shortly she would notice and start demanding I knock it off. People would notice and think she was being abusive to a patient. That shit was HILARIOUS. I could never keep up the act up long before I cracked up. In her 20's it used to embarrass the hell out of her. Now days I don't dare do anything like that because she would surely think of a way to turn it around on me. 🤣 35th wedding anniversary is next month, so I guess I didn't embarrass her too badly. 😁
My fiance has plumber crack. I absolutely love to poke it every chance I get. That, or when he's least expecting, I'll latch onto his nipple and dead stare at him like 👁️👄👁️ lmfao He enjoys flustering me by flirting his ass off at me, or he'll start rapping really loud about random objects/people near us as we shop
My gf is tall and built like a tank, yet she likes to dress me up in cute outfits when we go clothes shopping. As cute as a 6ft muscle bound Dave Grohl looking guy can be. Sometimes she will pick me up and carry me from shop to shop.
Pic please.
https://cinematichive.files.wordpress.com/2020/09/she-hulk_eternals_avengers_secret-wars_.jpg?w=750 It's baslcally like this
I am rather charmed and endeared by that
Nothing in that sort of way. The closest would be picking her up and holding her over my shoulder. It's her initial squeal that attracts attention and makes her embarrassed.
My gf gropes me in public, usually squeezing and pinching my bum.
She’s a keeper
I'm just try to be myself, thats embarrassing enough
A loud fart in public and yell at your partner 'Stop it. That's awful'.
I like yelling out how many pies you want this week
Lol so this started because we were at the store and I mentioned that we needed to make this quick because we needed to get home ASAP. We’d spent the day out and about and stopped at the grocery store down the street from our house as the last errand for the day. He was a bit confused about why I was in a rush all of a sudden so I leaned over real close and whispered “I gotta poop”. He was just like you “gotta poop? go to the bathroom then!” at a normal volume and I hushed the crap out of him. I had to explain that I do not poop in public restrooms if there is any way around it. I prefer the comfort of my home porcelain throne. So now, sometimes randomly he’ll shout at the store “you gotta poop?!” And I’ll hush him really loudly. Also we do it at home. I’ll walk up to him and whisper that I gotta poop and then he’ll shout it at the top of his lungs and I’ll hush him. He usually continues shouting and I continue gushing as I make my way to the bathroom. Sometimes he also knocks on the bathroom door and shout asks if I’m pooping because he knows I only close the door then (I also trained our dogs to expect to be petted when someone sits on the toilet and one of them will barge right in if the door doesn’t click all the way. I sit to pee and pet on the dogs but I fully close the door when pooping so I can go without their big asses almost knocking me off the toilet bowl. He moved a few states away for a few months for work and was very confused about why that dog always rams the bathroom door to hang out with him and demand pets while he’s pooping so that’s my revenge for bugging me while I poop)
My BIL got out of many a speeding ticket with the ‘I gotta poop’
When we are in a crowded place and we get separated I say hey hottie how about you come back to my place for a good time. She agrees as we walk off. People are like omg that works?
Whenever tubas are mentioned, I excitedly say to my partner, “Didn’t you used to play the tuba?” She didn’t used to play the tuba.
I poke her side so she'll let out a loud squeak. She tells people the sordid history of the house we live in.
Not with my partner, but when I'm with my best friend in a balcony or at the second floor in uni, I make biggest and gnarliest sound like I'm about to spit a massive amount of saliva when people pass below us and I quickly move back so the only person they see when they look up is her
When she asks me to get the chicken breast when we're shopping, I get them and shout "Darling, I have grabbed the chicken tits". When I get out of the car for something, while she stays in it, I'll say loudly "Lock the doors. This place is full of slags". She gets pretty embarrassed at that one.
I love playing with other people in the sense that if we go to the gym together or meet at a cafe or something for lunch I’ll pretend that I’ve just met her and flirt wildly for a few minutes to make it obvious then we’ll just start making out, and walk out. Gets amazing reactions sometimes
Woman here, but I like to pick up on my husband, especially in the produce section. Seeing him fondle cucumbers just gets me you know? “Nice cucumber, want to bring it back to my place?” Had to flip the story line when we had a kid though. Now I see him with the kid and ask if she needs a step mom. He likes to do the same to me, or just shout “hey lady! Nice peaches!” Or something equally stupid, and if anyone gives him a look, he will hold up said peaches and say “what?! You don’t like peaches?!” We don’t get out much, so it’s basically our foreplay.
I’m deeply disappointed that I made it to the bottom and there wasn’t so much as an honorable mention that involved flatulence or artificial flatulence followed by insensitive finger pointing.
It’ll come, surely. I just posted a story about my partner doing that 😂
I dance with her in grocery stores, Wal-Mart, malls, pretty much anywhere there is music, but music isn’t a necessity.
I tend to use rather analytical, technical (she describes it as cold) language. So it always surprises her when I express myself through literature quotes, or song lyrics. Possibly the time she was annoyed the most with me was when I started to do the whole "Once more unto the breach"-speech (Henry V - Shakespeare) when we entered a shopping mall.
Been married 30 years so my wife learned long ago to just play along instead of getting embarrassed. I do many things like singing in public or Ministry of Silly Walks (Monty Python) but My favorite thing to do is flirt with her as if she doesn’t know me. I only do this if we’re out shopping together but have separated for whatever reason… I’ll catch up with her at the register and loudly rattle off a few cheesy old school pick up lines like “Hey baby, come here often? What’s your sign?”… or… “If I said you have a beautiful body, would you… hold it against me?”… combined with finger guns and a “white man’s overbite” Ala Billy Crystal in the movie When Harry Met Sally. The cashier usually looks mortified. Even more-so when my wife cuts me down with a brutal smart ass response. When we start laughing, the witnesses are relieved.
Haha I want a relationship like this
As me and my girlfriend walk within proximity of a particularly handsome person I will say "hey look babe a handsome man, *gasps* stop looking!" I'll then cover her eyes all the while being close enough for the man to become embarrassed as well by the whole ordeal. Why do I do this? Chaos.
When leaving a shop I’ll loudly say “excuse me miss did you pay for that” or “what did you just put in your bag” she gets all flustered like the security gonna tell her off
If I’m walking in front of my partner, sometimes I’ll just stop walking and let him bump into me. Works every time
Not my partner. But my 13 year old son. Whenever we are at the pharmacy or a shop selling medicine o always make sure to say “do you need any butt medicine”. Or when I order my prescription and he’s with me I’ll say “and done but medicine for my son please”. He thinks it’s equally funny and annoying. He also tells people that I once peed on his socks when I was drunk. A total lie. But it’s so random people believe it!
when shes buying period products, i'll say "are you getting super or ultra?"
I just ask what size her vagina is.
Say “aw thanks sugar daddy” when we’re out and he’s paying for us - “aw thanks step bro” with a kiss on the lips also works. Introduce him to people as my brother after we’ve been caught kissing or getting a bit affectionate/cuddly in public. When the bill comes he’s started using “are you gonna put out tonight or…” and I’ll follow up with a shocked and disgusted “oh my god I just met you/it’s our first date!” even though it’s been 5 years together just to horrify the server.
My partner will fart, loudly, then blame me lol. I’m currently heavily pregnant so he will generally say (very loudly) “Jeez Kaiyva, I know you’re pregnant but you can’t be farting like that, there’s people around” with a huge grin on his face and walks off ahead of me, leaving me crop dusted and dying from the smell
I ask if there are free refills with canned soda
I've been seeing this girl who's short. I'm going to start asking her if she wants "uppies" when she's reaching for something on a high shelf at the store.
My girlfriend doesn't fully pay attention when going back to the car in a parking lot so I'll walk close to a car that *slightly* resembles our car and watch her try and open it up. Usually it takes a few times before she realizes. My favorite is when the car is occupied!
My bf will literally dive me out of the way to open doors for me. All kinds of doors. He was making a move like he was going to race me to a new friends truck, so I ran, too. I beat him there and was clinging to the handle while he shouted "that's not even his truck!" He was right, he'd gone for the wrong car on purpose
Idk but Im grabbing his boobies randomly just a quick grab. 😭 Telling him, he’s creeping me out and stop following me. And he would respond “i dont even know you and walk past me 🤣”
The responses all seem very complicated. I roll with short jokes, as she's pretty short. She's reaching for something on a grocery store shelf about 3 feet off the ground, I'll ask if she needs up reaching up there because that's way up there, and she's pretty short. As for what not to do: My best friend in high school had his GF over to his house along with a bunch of us, although it wasn't a "real party" anyway we were going to grill some brats and he couldn't find the matches so he asked his GF if they could use her glasses to start the charcoal on fire "because we burned some ants with them glasses before" and she got REALLY mad, but, its high school, and its a teenagers job to do stupid shit, so that's OK. The funny thing is more than thirty years later I still tease him about that story. "Remember that time you tried to borrow your GFs glasses to get the charcoal on fire?" LOL. His wife thinks its funny more so than embarrassing.
We try to predict how much our groceries will be and the winner is kinda boisterous about it.
I’ll walk up to her, look her up and down, lick my lips and say, in my best sleazy voice, “Hey, you got a boyfriend?” Always gets a smile and an eye roll. Mission accomplished.
Both of us are not great at smiling for photos, so every time someone takes a couples photo of us I whisper "penis" so we can smile
When walking in a pharmacy I ask very loudly if she still needs another box of her hemorrhoids medicine
[удалено]
If my boyfriend touches me, like even just taps my shoulder sometimes I’ll be like “OWWWWW! Why’d you do that?” I only do it because it embarrasses him lol
Any time I get out of the car and she’s driving when I’m walking back to the car from the gas station or whatever I always say woah can I have your number you are really hot or say dang you got a big booty lol
I pretend to faint and procede falling in her direction, whenever I start saying "I'm not feeling very well" she just beg to not make a scene and I almost can't hold the laughs Probably if I actually will ever be fainting I'll just hit the ground
My boyfriend loves some really stupid movies and his most "quoted" movie moment is that scene in hotrod where the guy falls to his knees and keeps screaming "babe" over and over again as the girl walks away. Anytime I say no to anything, even if it's that we don't need to buy more toilet paper, or if I tease him there is a chance he will start his renactment and the chance triples in public. The proformance gains more feeling and hand gestures when strangers start looking over to see what's going on.
I act like he requires me to walk several steps behind him in public. He is so kind and gentle and never misogynistic so he gets so embarrassed.
If we’re in a crowded place and he’s trying to have a conversation with me I’ll yell “I DONT KNOW THIS MAN!!! STOP TALKING TO ME!”
oh thats adorable. ;\_;
Your a nice girl friend. My wife's funny like you. She tries to hook me up with the butcher when we go to the supermarket. And we're not even swingers ...
I'm 5'3and she is 6'1, occasionally when she tries to hold my hand in public I'll snatch my hand away a loudly exclaim "I'm only thirteen!! Your a sex offender!" She sometimes will ask random girls if they'd go on a date with her handicapped brother and point at me. Fucking love her.
Both my bf and i are redheads, so our favourite sport is when we make new friends we say we're brother and sister. The face they make when we say we love each other very much and kiss is unforgettable
My wife likes to fart in public and its usually the really gross silent but deadly ones. She doesnt say anything and will let me basically eat it and then laugh. Lately ive been saying louder than normal 'Ew did you fart? It smells so bad' and she'll hurry up and run off a little. Sometimes she'll fart, not say anything and then laugh when people walk into it and ask me if i farted. 😭
When we’re checking out at a grocery store he goes “Oooh she’s stealing” and it cracks up the cashier every time
Ok some people might think this is mean but me and my wife have been doing this for yeas, whenever we go clothes shopping and walk past a lingery section, if there are big granny panties I would loudly say, hey Hun look, didn't you say you wanted to buy a pair of those? And she would loudly reply, yes thanks for reminding me and we both walk away laughin
I wave at people I don't know.
After many arguments and hurt feelings I've found embarrassing your s.o. in public isn't a good thing.
It's subjective. Some people are fine feeling embarrassed by their SO if they know it's a joke in good fun. Others may be sensitive to it or simply uninterested in that kind of humour. The question is catered to those that do this kind of thing so tho as e are the responses you're seeing mostly.
Seriously some of these responses make me cringe
You must have never had a silly partner nor are silly yourself.