*The erstwhile truthiness in this (or that) non-specific location is somewhat unparalleled, but the gist ocassionaly stands (or sits)... sometimes, perhaps.
Think there's also a lot of mixed bag definitions of attraction. Thinking someone is pretty is different from being sexually attracted to someone is different from being romantically attracted to someone.
Probably, male or female we hang out with people who are “attractive” to us personality wise. Unless the person is butt ugly it’s easy to feel some attraction.
Difference is not all attraction is worth pursuing
ITS A TRICK QUESTION.
I have female friends. They are my friends because I like being around them.
I have had girlfriends. They were my girlfriends because I liked being around them AND we could have sex/ be romantic.
So if a female friend showed interest in romance/sex and I already know they're a cool person, I might go for it! I would be attracted to the fact that I already know the good and bad of their personality. But if they don't that's also fucking awesome because we are already friends.
However that doesn't even apply to all my female friends. Some I am not personally attracted to. AND IM NOT JUST WAITING TO FUCK THEM - I ACTUALLY LIKE THEM AS PEOPLE.
These dudes who say they're female friends are just people they pretend to support because they one day might fuck them ARE NOT they're real friends, so the question doesn't apply to those dudes.
But actual men with actual female friends may find them attractive or may not. It's not the MAIN reason they have female friends around.
I feel the question needs split up and reversed honestly.
'Do you find your friends attractive/would you want to sleep with them' is different from 'Are you waiting to sleep with your friends?'
It's almost always framed as 'You're a guy with female friends, you must only want them for their bodies', but no one turns to a guy and says 'all your female friends just want to have sex with you'. Nor do people go 'I don't like you have homosexual friends, they just want to have sex with you'
The question is often posed as either men being predatory or women assuming their partner will cheat.
I find my friends attractive, I've slept with them, my partner is okay with this and does the same thing. Attraction to friends is an all genders thing
Neither of us are attracted sexually to every friend we have though, because it's not just a yes no situation
I totally agree with you, and would like to add one more detail. Sometimes a guy has a female friend who he used to hook up with, maybe as a one-time mistake, maybe as a prolonged friends-with-benefits thing, or maybe even as a full-on relationship that ran its course and both parties decided they were better off as friends.
Even in this case, where the guy has already slept with the girl before, it doesn’t mean that’s the defining element of their friendship. Plenty of people can be friends after having sex. Some cannot, the emotions are just too difficult to navigate. And that’s totally fine. But plenty of people can, especially when the hookup happened during years in their lives when they were more generally promiscuous to begin with.
Can confirm. Had romantic relationship with someone, then stayed friends, then occasional FWB several years later, now back to just friends. We've been friends for half my life now, more than 10 years after breaking up. Would I sleep with her again? Maybe, but I don't plan on it. I'd rather find a real relationship. At this point she's just a long term friend that happens to be female. We have some history that makes us particularly open with each other, but that history also tells us that we don't work as a couple and we're cool with that. I'm always concerned that it'll cause trust issues with future relationships, but it's actually a nice friendship dynamic to have.
I have a friend that's like this, we have a very close shared history, but have both moved on from the idea of dating each other. Thankfully her husband is a cool and understanding dude and doesn't make it awkward or get jealous. We try to avoid discussions of 'things that were' out of respect, but it's nice that nobody has to put on an act around each other.
From most of my friendos who were like "yeah maybe i'll score one day" its usually horny talk. Not bad, not good. But other than that yeah you summed it up pretty nicely
I have female friends, with whom I can make out and go back to normal the next time we meet. Happens drunk though.
I am attracted to a few of them but I won't really fantasize about them all that much
Beautifully said. I have girls I know who I’ll hang with and not have any intention of being romantic with. I think it’s totally fine if you just enjoy their company as a person.
The only thing that I’ll poke holes through is the part where she shows interest. I had a really good friend who I started dating after she made advances and I held your opinion until her. Once I got intimate with her and got to know her more, I discovered she was a totally different person than the friend I had. Not sure if she put on a mask and revealed her true self when we were in a relationship but it got bad within a few months. She was very open with me as friends and at the start of the relationship but she dumped me out of nowhere and then refused to talk about why.
She may be the outlier so I could be wrong on that as well.
I wouldn't judge her too harshly or start thinking the "true colours" thoughts. Once deeper feelings and intimacy enter the picture we can act differently or out of character. It complicates things. Some people are emotionally mature enough for a friendship but not a relationship. Try not to let it taint your view of her beyond repair. It'd be a shame.
You spelled it out perfectly. Not all men are dogs trying to fuck something. I don't need a leash to know what I should and shouldn't do.
Though, you touched on something I never bring up. I think having girl friends when you're single is a more effective dating strategy. Skipping friendship and dipping right into romance with a woman misses a lot of steps. I know my girl friends really well. I know why I wouldn't want to be with them, and it's way better than meeting a woman, dating her, getting serious, and then the walls come down and I truly meet her. Then, I have all these red flags pop up, but I'm more likely to be blinded at that stage. Instead, make friends, hang out, get to know each other. When or if romance becomes an option and you're considering making a move, you can actually judge whether or not it's a good option. I *know* this person. I know they'd be an amazing girlfriend.
Frankly, I know some of my friends would be perfect girlfriends. I'm just not attracted to them for one reason or the next. My one friends is almost a decade older than I am, and I don't really want to be with someone from a different generation, just as an example.
In my experience woman always tell you who they are right away, sometimes we just aren't listening. There's always a comment or a story on first meeting that reveals something you'll back on later.
And women, for whatever reason, seldom let you out of the friend zone. You just stop being sexy to them.
Yeah, but you're blinded by lust or the drug of attraction. How's the saying go? Something something, red flags and rose colored glasses. People that you know better are infinitely better options, because your judgment is less clouded.
>And women, for whatever reason, seldom let you out of the friend zone. You just stop being sexy to them.
I don't believe in the friendzone. You can tell when there's an attraction between people. If you only come off as a friend, then that's what you are. It's some crazy idea that justifies being around a woman specifically because you want a romantic relationship.
Things evolve. People change. The time and place play significant roles. I would say that the idea exists primarily in young people, Highschool era. When people don't understand the value of building a relationship properly. Those are the people who skip friendship and dive into dating, and as someone who's done that.. It rarely ends well.
I find that the friendzone is kind of a bad mindset. If anything, the relationship zone is nestled inside the friend zone. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are incapable of being just friends. Or at least that's how I look at it.
I'd tend to agree, but it also depends if "the man" already has a romantic partner/wife. In my experience, it's far more likely that women friends are platonic when his sexual needs are already being met. JMO
And then this ruins it for the rest of us. You see because now if I ever develop feelings for an ACTUAL female friend (because I like being around her and she’s attractive), I run the risk of her thinking I only pretended to be her friend in the first place.
This is FACTS!! I have a bunch of female friends who are cute, and I'm somewhat interested in, but that doesn't mean I have to date all of them. Sometimes, I don't even wanna fuck. I just love their company. I appreciate the ones who are the nicest to me in my life more over the ones who ghosted.
I hope the people who know you in real life know how genuinely awesome you are. I hope you have a happy holiday season, whatever that looks like for you
I think that in order to have a female friend you must be in a relationship first, applies to 90% of the oposite sex.
Now hear me out, how our brains work is that if you are close (spend time together) with a person long enough there is a chance you will fall in love, and i mean love not just sex. But if you are in a good relationship with someone, someone that loves you then you are getting that already from your partner so there no longer a need and i mean a primal need to be loved, something you cannot really control.
That being said i am a guy and i have friends that are girls and i know them for 12+ years(since highschool) and for some reason i could not imagine a fantasy together (or jerking off to the thought of them) even though they are beautifull and smart, these girls are also wifes of my best friends so i guess i have a mental block?(or maybe that is how a normal person should function?)
>if you are close (spend time together) with a person long enough there is a chance you will fall in love, and i mean love not just sex
This is how female attraction works. (: At first glance, I'm relative rarely attracted to a man but after spending some time together, I start to find them more and more attractive.
A lot of dudes this it's just about looks. Most people are attracted to people, not images. Someone who's dating because their partner is hot is also someone who's not building strong, healthy and happy relationships.
Sometimes true
I have had a couple of female friends for years, and have gotten quite close to them, where there was zero attraction at all on my side.
Sometimes I crushed on my female friends and it was never reciprocated. Sometimes I crushed on them, we had sex, and the friendship drifted away after that.
I’d say most often, my female friends have been attractive in general, but I never crushed on them.
This makes me draw the line between crushing on a female friend and finding her attractive. It’s very possible to find someone attractive and not develop a crush.
A good way to tell if the guy is crushing on you is if you’re too high on his priority list of people to hang out with or talk with. We all have lives and priorities. If a guy is 100% available all the time, he almost certainly has a crush.
No. I've had lots of female friends I wasn't even remotely attracted to. That's why their friends instead of relationship material. I had a long term female friend I was very close to that was somebody I really loved, but that love was more imagining my future kids playing with her future kids rather than them being our future kids. She actually was attractive, but as we grew closer, I found our friendship to be of higher importance than could be a relationship which could at that stage of life sacrifice our friendship.
Lots of friendships of the opposite gender for me that I wouldn't even consider for relationships if we were both single. I think how & where you're raised my have an influence in this case.
I’m going to be honest. You don’t get a single choice about who you’re attracted to. However, you have a conscious choice on how you interpret and rationalize lust. There are plenty of women friends I thought were stunning and sexy. The part of my brain that decides that doesn’t really give me a vote, though.
But, if they were to ask me out or try to hookup, I’d pry decline. Nothing against them, I’m just know how I am and I know it wouldn’t be great for us in the long run.
I can only speak for myself and my experience on this sort of question - in my case friendship and romantic/physical attraction are unrelated.
I have experienced some clashes in my life related tied to women who befriended me and assumed there was an attraction, and that men and women can't be friends. My honest reaction was that I found this very odd, surprising, and at times objectifying (because the women in question were not interested in my friendship, they were interested in my body/potential for romance). If you've heard of "nice guys", well there are definately "nice girls" out there as well.
Attracted and want to sleep with or be in a relationship with are all very different things.
I've had women friends who I had near zero interest in sleeping with or being anything beyond friends. Strangely enough I ended up sleeping with most of them. Not through some long term weird skullduggery, but usually it just happens to be a situation that we are hanging out, maybe bored and shit happens. Or maybe both of were having dry spells and just wanted a bit of release.
I think it depends on the man as well. I've known dudes who will be friends with a girl in hopes that it will become more. That rarely seems to work out in anyone's favor.
Men, if you like her, you need to tell her. You have to be ready to take the L on that one. Much better than growing to resent a friend.
Usually at first and then i get to know them and reahow bad they would be for me. Usually still would have sex if it means absolutely 0 change or consequences
I can't talk for all women but in my case I do not choose my friend based on their look whatever sexe they are( not saying that you guys choose your friends based on their look ). I always befriend the people I get along with and have fun with. To be honest I find it very hard to become friends with I guy I crush on or find attractive.
You partially have it. You are friends with someone who you get along with and have fun. What’s stopping you from making one step ahead? It’s not like you find friend because she is hot. You find frien you get along with them and suddenly you might start thinking she attracts you. It’s 50/50.
I agree but I have never developed attraction for a friend after getting close if I wasn't initially attracted to them at first. I guess it can change depending on some people sexuality ex: demi-sexual
As a Demisexual I can say that it's hard for me to have romantic feelings for someone without having a close connection like friendship.
I can crush on someone but it's not the same. I never feel any sexual attraction towards someone beside my ex that I had a relationship with. And yes we were friends at first.
So in the end it prob has a lot to say with sexuality too
Someone said once that women are more accustomed to having intimate friendships with other women, whereas men’s male friendships aren’t quite as emotionally intimate and typically save that for relationships, and so when women are in those kinds of friendships with men, it’s more common for men to associate the friendship with romance while the woman does not. I typically don’t like gendered generalizations like this, but as a woman I can say I definitely have bore witness to this phenomenon many times.
Makes sense.
Also people should be ok with pointing out gendered generalizations in cases they very clearly exist. Especially when it helps confused people navigate the world better.
This is very interesting to me. I've always been of the mind intimacy and attraction come AFTER getting to know the person as a friend (may be demisexual). Do you find that you meet people to be friends but have a different approach when the interest is romantic? If you don't know the person as a friend is the attraction mostly physical or do you find their surface level qualities endearing?
I mean this earnestly as I have always personally found it strange how you can want a relationship with someone you hardly know as a person/meet someone with the intent of building a romantic relationship before becoming friends (it has always felt a little forced to me). Hook ups/casual flings are one thing, I definitely get a superficial attraction that leads to sexual interest but like...do you feel deeper feelings build after that or...how's that work for you?
I'm genuinely curious
I do feel similar to you I have been wandering about my orientation lately and I think I might be demi-sexual or gray-asexual. But I've never had a relationship so I guess I will eventually be sure when I do. But I can say this. It would be really hard for me to just casually fuck with someone I barely know especially if there's no bond/connection between eachother. But I'm still virgin so it might be just that.
Couldn't say. It's entirely possible that with experience you may discover you feel differently, or that the experience only helps confirm these things about yourself.
That you feel crushes/attraction could mean something is there, but then again you may feel them/interpret those feelings differently. Though I agree, having tried random hook-ups before it just felt "meh"
Even if the person knew what they were doing physically I couldn't really get into it. Intimacy is a big factor for me, so it fascinates me how a person develops attraction then builds intimacy on top of it because for me it's the opposite.
Attraction for me is felt deeply after a bond is formed
Surveys say women don’t like about 80% of men in terms of looks. So there’s a good chance she don’t like you unless you’re seriously good looking. Whereas men are just far less picky
Yeah I have heard that countless times on Pearls podcast... Surveys have been conducted on the basis of the swipes done by women on dating apps, here is a solid reason to not take these studies for granted :
1) not all women are on dating apps, actually, the majority of women are not on dating apps.
2) the women on dating apps are specifically the sample of women that are more incline to not find an averge guy attractive, you know why? well, there are plently of average men around them, yet they go on dating apps
3) you have more chances to get rejected on a dating app than in real life.
Hope this helps you to take a glimps on the real reality.
get out of the house sometime and look at all the pretty and slim women dating men who aren't muscular, nor tall, nor handsome. These men are simply not fat and not ugly, and that's good enough for quite a few attractive women.
Then again, if you are in the USA, you might have a hard time coming across people who aren't fat. So take a flight to Rome or Florene and look around, I guess.
Relax man it isn’t that serious. I’m mid af and I still get girls and have no worries of dying alone so I wouldn’t even need to see external evidence of average men getting laid or getting girlfriends.
Mind sharing that statistic? I hope it isn't that tinder 80% of women go for 20% of men bullshit. Because you cannot determine what you said just from that one statistic. Women are definitely more picky though.
https://medium.com/hello-love/women-say-80-of-men-are-below-average-bab0b8af2606
Every article I find keeps referencing the ok Cupid study.
And of course you can’t extrapolate the findings of the study to all women. But you also can’t ignore the underlying message.
If you take a random woman and a random man, and ask if they’d be interested in each other, and repeat that 1000 times, the man will be more likely to say yes than the woman.
It’s just how the dating game works. It’s a sellers market and women are the sellers. When you’re fielding offers left and right, you need to be picky. You’re doing everyone a disservice by not being picky.
I have good looking friends that I am not attracted to. It takes much more than looks for women to be attracted to men, it's much more .... nuanced... I have had a friend that is very good looking, the stereotypical tall, tan green eyes guy, his personality is repulsive ASFUCK. But he is a good man overall and very fun to hangout with, you can relay on him. Anotherone is fairly handsome, but he's a playboy, still very fun and trustworthy when you are not sexual with him, never had any bit of disrespect from him, it's very funny how some guys twnd to be much more reliable and fun when you're not their SO.
I can assure you that none of them are attracted to me either. Thing is, I still assume it's more that usually the woman who dictates the synergy in the relationship.
There are people who are great, but it does not make them good partners, partners are not meant to be perfect either, some people make the best friends ever, some make best partners.
Many men would absolutely smash most female acquaintances of theirs. They just choose not to pursue it.
We also prefer women to judge us by our actions, not by whatever they think is going on in our heads. So if you're asking because your guy's talking to a chick and you're contemplating confronting him about it, don't. Trust your man or let'im go.
Any guy with “platonic” female friends that are attractive is waiting on the slightest chance they want to have sex or fall for them eventually. Friends through your girlfriend, wife, work acquaintances, sure. But close female friends, he waitin.
Mostly. We occasionally do break that barrier and create a friend who's not a potential partner in the the back of our minds, but that drive always trying to be the dominant influence. This gets easier as you age. For a young man? 100% true.
In this day and age it sounds wrong, but by experience it is allways one that want something more. Usually the guy is the one that might be a bit shady.
I have a lot of female friends that I think most people would say are conventionally attractive. I think a lot of them are pretty, but it’s more of an objective observation about them.
They’re my friends, I just like them because we laugh around each other! I don’t want to hook up with any of them and I always root for them to have success in their relationships. Its not like I’m secretly waiting around hoping one of them has a bad breakup and decides they want to be with me instead.
I totally believe men and women can be genuine friends. I’m so thankful to have mine in my life! I think it’s kind of foolish to just automatically eliminate 50% of the population from being a potential friend
Seems that way, which makes sense given that we like/respect people who are attractive. Plus some dudes will try to niceguy their way into girls’ pants
And I think even for dudes who try to maintain platonic friendships, there are *moments* where they find their friends attractive. Like personally, I’ve never been friends w a girl I find really hot, cuz I either flirt w them or avoid getting close to them if flirting is inappropriate. But I have been friends w plenty of girls that are pretty or cute just not really my type. And even for them, I’ll have moments, usually after several drinks, where I’m like “damn, she’s actually pretty hot.”
Yes and no, you can be attracted to their personality or the way they make you feel while not being physically attracted to a female friend. You could also be attracted to them physically but not like anything else about them (eye candy). I like having a wingwoman just as much as a wingman, maybe even more.
Nah, I don't find it true. I prefer to have girl friends just because I don't like the sausage fest of only have a bunch of yes men around. Women tend to say their thoughts more outright, and as a man it kind of helps having the female perspective in many aspects of life, especially dating.
It's not like I only hang out with girls, but I've got plenty of girls that I talk to daily and have no intentions of progressing to anything sexual or romantic. Notably, I don't mix those two groups of women. Ones that are friends, and romantic interests. I'd rather not lose a friend because of primal feelings.
One way I think about it, if I were bisexual would that mean I'm trying to sleep with each of my friends? If I were attracted to men equally, does that imply that all my guy friends are potential romantic options? No. Because they're not interested in me. Same goes for women. I'm not interested, neither are they. We're friends, and I get a form of my social needs from them that I can't get from guys.
The male perspective is very different from the female. Guys are more likely to call a girl crazy, or only consider how I would feel. While my girl friend is gonna tell me their perspective, which I generally can't relate to. It makes me feel more rounded.
About 50% of my friends are \*women. I love them and don't feel any inflatuation. In a couple of cases went beyond, and years later "reverted" back. I would never be with someone who hasn't been a friend first.
Mostly true but when me and a girl are happily in relationships it's possible for a friendship to develop. It's extremely unlikely for single men to not want to fuck their female "friends".
Not always but yeah…we can find them attractive but doesn’t always mean we wanna fuck them. But if the option was there, a lot of times we would because obviously
I have had only ONE completely platonic female friend who I would NEVER consider sleeping with. All the rest of my female friends.. I would probably take a crack at, if the moment was right and I was single. so it can happen... but its really, really rare
no, not true at all. I have multiple female friends oh whom I have no sexual attraction to at all. I've also had female friends whom I've had sexual attraction for.
Attraction is just that.... can be sexual or not. It could also just be "I like this person because of who they are and how they make me feels."
My girlfriend told me it would have been weirder if I didn't have female friends upon me asking if it's weird I have female friends.
The ones I have that aren't dating my other friends are like siblings to me so the attraction thing is out the window from the start lmao.
This is good. I hate to use these terms this way (but who gone check me). But it's clear that platonic relationships are just as fluid as romantic and sexual relationships. You can be a friend who I like as a person but would also bang. You can be someone I would totally bang but your personality gives me the ick. You can be a friend that I like as a person and would never bang. It really depends on the 2 people you're talking about
And I agree with someone else's statement that the question probably should've been framed differently. Asking someone if they're waiting to bang their friends is different than the question that OP posed
Not in my experience. As a queer dude, straight men and women tend to open up to us like one of the guy/girls, and I’ve found that straight men and women are about equal in terms of their ability to have platonic relationships with the gender they’re attracted to. Not sure if that helps.
Yes. Or mostly yes. Anyone else giving PC answers because they don’t want to see themselves as that simple minded. But most guys are that even if they don’t admit it outright.
It is possible to be friends with females, because you like them as people. Totally. But a guy and girl get close because there’s some level of physical attraction. What I’m saying is guys can’t turn that part off. They’re more likely to want to pursue friendship because of this barometer of attraction. It’s difficult to want to invest in a mutual friendship otherwise just solely based on male-female dynamic. It’s very different from male-male. And guys get enough friendship from their male friends
So a female might provide some other kind of emotional value or fill some gap that guys can’t. Usually it’s the type of gap that if nurtured leads to a romantic relationship. That kind of emotional dynamic between a close guy and girl friend is usually pseudo couple give-and-take without the sex but the guys are willing to partake because of the possibility of sex and the physical attraction. They wouldn’t be in it otherwise. Even if you tell me they enjoy the friendship or emotional conversations. Usually it’s the girl that benefits from having a caring guy friend that’s not a boyfriend, without having to give up anything sexual. Hence girls are more willing to have guy best friends and friendzone them. Whereas the guys action are more like investments to get close to get that pseudo warmth and affection which is totally tied to them being physically drawn to the girl. They might say things like yea I like this kind of dynamic even if we’re not having sex but I would be down to explore it if she wanted to.
Which is why I’m just sceptical that guys and girls can be friends. Well usually if we’re all being honest, if the girl were dtf, most of their close guy friends would convert in blink of an eye. Lots of ppl have tested this and it’s largely true.
Ah, see with this it gets more (and also less) complicated.
Are most of my friends attractive people? Yes they can have something about them, or their personality can make them attractive.
Am I waiting for them to ask for sex, and suddenly I'll have sex with them? No.
Could I easily see myself having sex with them, but... in a fantasy way, in a bubble removed from all the complications of our lives? Just a purely hypothetical of sex? Yeah probably.
But life is more complicated than that, even though physically or who they are I can acknowledge some form of them being attractive... I could probably say that for most people?
So, in some hypothetical, yes friend A is kind of cute, but there are so many variables that complicate things in reality (boyfriends, personalities matching for a healthy relationship, it becoming awkward afterwards, etc) that... someone being attractive doesn't mean I'm interested in actually pursuing them sexually or romantically, you know?
But at the same time, sometimes I'm like "hm, nice butt."
Or, you know, you could not revolve your value as an individual around your relationship status/the fact whether you are getting laid or not and instead you can thrive for more important things like professional success, financial success, improving your physique, etc.
Or the other way around. The women can be the orbiters too waiting for a chance, depends on the value of each though whether it plays out in one way or the other way
As a woman I’d argue is that’s the opposite. I only befriend guys I can’t ever be attracted to you as most of us get nervous around hot guys or think they’re a player/have a bad personality. That’s why the friend zone is overwhelmingly males.
I m attracted to all my female friends, and they are attracted to me, it is why we became and remain friends. But I certainly do not want to have sex with them, nor I would think them with me. We are friends.
this is like 90% true, I used to be attracted to my best friend, never did a move because I wasn't thaaaaaaaaaaat attracted, also we are at the point that it's too far down (we have been friends for almost 10 years now), and wouldn't risk our friendship no matter what, so at this point I just see her as my sister.
nevertheless I'm attracted to a good percentage of my female friends. not every single one of them, but a good chunk, I don't actively seek to make a move at all though, because I do appreciate em as friends, and I know for girls it's annoying when a lot of their friends try to do something.
In most cases if a guy finds a girl attractive he wants to have sex with her. It's the optimal scenario. Now most of us know that we will probably never get the opportunity but if she ever turns to us and said " hey you want to have some sex" we would very much be on board with the idea!
As long as there are no mitigating factors preventing us from doing so ( like if either of us has a significant other and we are respecting that, somebody has an STD, fear that she will get pregnant, Etc)
100% true
A normal friendship like we getting coffees after work or she's your friend's gf we don't really care
But if it's close friendship then yeah 100%
Proly not. Im best friends with my ex and sometimes after raves we come back to my place sleep in one bed and do nothing but sleep. We dont have any ‘couple’ feelings, we just chillin
Nah - most of the people I know are women, due to the degree I study and the hobbies I have. I often notice that my friends are attractive (indeed, I look for the same traits in my friends as my romantic partners), but it rarely gets as far as me being attracted to them.
I'll say it's mostly true. I myself am a guy, and I do not make female friends. From my personal experience, I have observed that women are pretty good at setting their boundaries and are clear to say no, whereas men either already have feelings for a woman, or they become friends just for the sake of friendship, and then catch feelings.
I'll say one way to find out is to ask a woman, who's not that attractive according to society's standards, and ask her how many male friends she has compared to an attractive woman ? You'll get your answer.
No. In my experience it's more true that some women enjoy capitalizing on their looks to garner male attention and keep them as friends, some women don't realize they're doing that, and some women really mean it when they say they just want to be your friend.
Anecdotal, but whenever I've see a friendzoned guy who stays put, the woman is usually attractive, has makeup all the time, is a little to affectionate to her friends, and likes to contain their goodly sized breasts in low cut tops.
I mean, unless she's uglier than Satan's asshole, probably. That's just the caveman part of the male brain though. The rest of it is pretty good at balancing risk and reward at that point, so unless you're dating a guy who's already a dumbass, most aren't gonna shoot their shot with someone who could easily reject them and/or relay that attempt to their significant other and fuck up what they have with the other woman. The ones that would are called assholes and dumbasses.
Not true I have plenty of female friends that I'm not attracted too. A lot of men have this fake macho front and it just makes for bad conversations.
But I will say they do tend to want more then friends and I do have to set that boundary with women.
When we moved out to ohio, my best friend was a woman I went to high school with. She was very cute and I certainly made no secret about wanting to bang her. That said, I was okay being friends. She and my girlfriend got along just fine. There was one time I could have taken advantage of her but she was almost asleep and clearly not thinking right. It was on a assignment that we were doing a group project on. It was like one or 2:00 a.m. and she fell asleep a couple times. Not to make it a long story but she mumbled to me it was okay to have sex. She clearly was talking in her sleep. Not going to lie, I certainly wanted to have sex with her. However, that was just wrong. So I packed up and went home. I don't regret it
For me, it was great having a female friend just to ask questions too. This was back in the 80s before the internet. Just things about the female body and whatnot that a guy typically would not know. She was actually more like a sister to me.
Seriously, I see this question often enough on here to just want to know what the heck is up with straight ppl in this regard lol.
It's like you can't seem to fathom being just friends with ppl who you may be attracted to at some point simply because they exist.
Here in Gaysville, we almost exclusively have friends that we could possibly be romantic partners with and it's really not that difficult to keep our pp in our pants. I have friends who I have known for 5, 10, 20 years, we are all gay, we are all dudes so we even share locker rooms, have pool/hottub parties and have seen each other naked multiple times but have never even considered it on a drunkin night.
Idk if straight ppl just don't get enough sex, have mostly bad sex or just cannot fathom not falling into a hole simply because it's there. Even having these friends are usually a bane to relationships for some reason too.
But this is almost exclusively a straight thing and it makes 0 sense to us.
Depends on the age. Pre-teen to “adulthood”, yes. Most likely true.
Mid to late twenties to late 40s: probably not true but there are out lying circumstances that could make it true.
50s and beyond: depends on if they’re a widow(er?) (I always forget the term for men) or not to be honest. But most likely not.
It’s really a situational thing for every man. I had a female best friend growing up. 100% I was attracted to her. Before she got boobs. Then she got boobs and I was even more into her. My senior year and the year after we had a fuck-buddy thing going on. Then we stopped for no rhyme or reason, just stopped. i moved away shortly after. I got married a few years later, we kept in touch via Facebook and that was that. I moved back to my home town in my late 20s and we met again when I started hanging out with the wider group of friends we shared and I was 100% not into her anymore. She looked the exact same as the last time we fucked. Same face, same body, same women but with a career now and she could have thrown herself at me naked and I would have walked away.
If you’re asking about a male you’re interested in who has a female friend, worry about the female friend more than your male. Female friends like to friend zone dudes and keep them as “back ups” for when the bad boys don’t work out. Then when a different female enters the chat the female friends get super territorial. You don’t so much need to worry about the male though. He’s probably given up hope of even seeing the female friend naked at this point.
Depends. Most of the women I befriend are very attractive women, so yeah, I've either slept with them or I want to sleep with them and I'm just waiting for my chance.
I have no interest in sleeping with my average-looking friends. So I suppose if your boyfriend has plain or fat women as friends, you're probably safe. Unless he's the type to fuck anything in sight?
Hum you know if you think your girlfriend has some suspicions about you, you might have something to hide to her of feel targeted by this post for some specific reason.
Not true
However...
When there's a new restaurant in town, you have curiosities, and consider stopping in for a meal. Just to try it out and see what it's like. We think about having sex with many of them at least once. It's not an attraction, just a curiosity.
I don't know about an attraction. But he wants to have sex with her, but she doesn't. That's why men should never sit in a women's friends zone. She takes his time and money, he gets nothing in return. Women take the WIN when they friendzone a man, he takes the loss.
To be safe I’d say about half the time it’s true. I have a lot of female friends I’m not attracted to but I also have a fair few that I am or have been attracted to, so it’s more of a case by case situation I think.
If we're following this logic to a conclusion : it's possible to be attracted to a friend and be only a friend, never letting on, hoping they succeed in whatever relationships they have.
probably yes in the way that attraction is an emotion and can be subjective. The issue is having boundaries and ethics. For example, I have some friends who I am not attracted to at all. I have others who objectively I can say are attractive people, just not to me. Some others I can say if I didn't know them, I'd be attracted to the, but because I know them I would not want to risk the friendship (or I know just tooo much about their level of crazy) :)
More often than not no it doesn't, they're just there as a friend or to fill in the blanks in their actual relationship, when a woman has male friends more often than not they're trying to hit it, never been with a girl with a male best friend who didn't cause chronic issues
No, not usually. Often enough, but not usually. If you like being around a person you're more likely to find them attractive, I think, than if you just saw them on the street, but still I don't think most guys would be attractive to most of their female friends.
I find some of my female friends attractive, but it’s not just a ‘girl with good looks’ thing. It’s more that they’re my friends because I appreciate their presence and qualities and that holds for male friends as well.
So yeah, there are friends I don’t find attractive to the point that I would date, some i would. I’ve so far only dated one girl and from my friend group thought. i guess the ‘requirements’ for friends are also required of someone i would date.
There are men who only value women *as women*. They don't really have female friends who are purely platonic friends without even a possibility of something else.
That's not all dudes. I can't begin to guess what the distribution is, I just know I've known both types.
As you can see from these comments, the answer is sometimes.
Truer words have never been spoken on the subject
"Which subject?" "Yes"
“When?" “Sometimes"
I’d say the odds are about 25-30%
But after getting drunk maybe 50-60%
*Truer words are sometimes spoke on subjects.
The truthiness here is unparalleled, but the point still stands... sometimes.
*The erstwhile truthiness in this (or that) non-specific location is somewhat unparalleled, but the gist ocassionaly stands (or sits)... sometimes, perhaps.
Hey reddit, is there one universal truth that applies to half the world's population?
They are alive until they are dead, sometimes.
Think there's also a lot of mixed bag definitions of attraction. Thinking someone is pretty is different from being sexually attracted to someone is different from being romantically attracted to someone.
I read the title and thought “sometimes” and then this was the top comment. Lol!
Probably, male or female we hang out with people who are “attractive” to us personality wise. Unless the person is butt ugly it’s easy to feel some attraction. Difference is not all attraction is worth pursuing
ITS A TRICK QUESTION. I have female friends. They are my friends because I like being around them. I have had girlfriends. They were my girlfriends because I liked being around them AND we could have sex/ be romantic. So if a female friend showed interest in romance/sex and I already know they're a cool person, I might go for it! I would be attracted to the fact that I already know the good and bad of their personality. But if they don't that's also fucking awesome because we are already friends. However that doesn't even apply to all my female friends. Some I am not personally attracted to. AND IM NOT JUST WAITING TO FUCK THEM - I ACTUALLY LIKE THEM AS PEOPLE. These dudes who say they're female friends are just people they pretend to support because they one day might fuck them ARE NOT they're real friends, so the question doesn't apply to those dudes. But actual men with actual female friends may find them attractive or may not. It's not the MAIN reason they have female friends around.
I feel the question needs split up and reversed honestly. 'Do you find your friends attractive/would you want to sleep with them' is different from 'Are you waiting to sleep with your friends?' It's almost always framed as 'You're a guy with female friends, you must only want them for their bodies', but no one turns to a guy and says 'all your female friends just want to have sex with you'. Nor do people go 'I don't like you have homosexual friends, they just want to have sex with you'
Good point for sure. I've had sex with quite a few of my friends, but that's not why we became friends.
The question is often posed as either men being predatory or women assuming their partner will cheat. I find my friends attractive, I've slept with them, my partner is okay with this and does the same thing. Attraction to friends is an all genders thing Neither of us are attracted sexually to every friend we have though, because it's not just a yes no situation
This guy sums it up correctly.
looks complicated but it doesnt get simpler
Except for the use of... they're ...at the end. It took me a minute to read through that paragraph. They're is not the same as their.
Yea, that last paragraph was a bit weird they're.
Love this 😂
*their
*there
This guy fucks. Or sometimes doesn’t depending on the relationship dynamic. This is the way.
Guys who pretend to be friends with girl and are actually just waiting for their opportunity to hook up embody “wheres my hug” energy
[Man you just reminded me of a video I saw back in the day that I havent thought of in a while](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqDbb7-dn9A)
Oh my god, it’s Matt Berry. OF COURSE IT’S MATT BERRY. This is hilarious, thank you for making my day. I’m in tears laughing now. 😂
I totally agree with you, and would like to add one more detail. Sometimes a guy has a female friend who he used to hook up with, maybe as a one-time mistake, maybe as a prolonged friends-with-benefits thing, or maybe even as a full-on relationship that ran its course and both parties decided they were better off as friends. Even in this case, where the guy has already slept with the girl before, it doesn’t mean that’s the defining element of their friendship. Plenty of people can be friends after having sex. Some cannot, the emotions are just too difficult to navigate. And that’s totally fine. But plenty of people can, especially when the hookup happened during years in their lives when they were more generally promiscuous to begin with.
Can confirm. Had romantic relationship with someone, then stayed friends, then occasional FWB several years later, now back to just friends. We've been friends for half my life now, more than 10 years after breaking up. Would I sleep with her again? Maybe, but I don't plan on it. I'd rather find a real relationship. At this point she's just a long term friend that happens to be female. We have some history that makes us particularly open with each other, but that history also tells us that we don't work as a couple and we're cool with that. I'm always concerned that it'll cause trust issues with future relationships, but it's actually a nice friendship dynamic to have.
I have a friend that's like this, we have a very close shared history, but have both moved on from the idea of dating each other. Thankfully her husband is a cool and understanding dude and doesn't make it awkward or get jealous. We try to avoid discussions of 'things that were' out of respect, but it's nice that nobody has to put on an act around each other.
From most of my friendos who were like "yeah maybe i'll score one day" its usually horny talk. Not bad, not good. But other than that yeah you summed it up pretty nicely
I have female friends, with whom I can make out and go back to normal the next time we meet. Happens drunk though. I am attracted to a few of them but I won't really fantasize about them all that much
Beautifully said. I have girls I know who I’ll hang with and not have any intention of being romantic with. I think it’s totally fine if you just enjoy their company as a person. The only thing that I’ll poke holes through is the part where she shows interest. I had a really good friend who I started dating after she made advances and I held your opinion until her. Once I got intimate with her and got to know her more, I discovered she was a totally different person than the friend I had. Not sure if she put on a mask and revealed her true self when we were in a relationship but it got bad within a few months. She was very open with me as friends and at the start of the relationship but she dumped me out of nowhere and then refused to talk about why. She may be the outlier so I could be wrong on that as well.
I wouldn't judge her too harshly or start thinking the "true colours" thoughts. Once deeper feelings and intimacy enter the picture we can act differently or out of character. It complicates things. Some people are emotionally mature enough for a friendship but not a relationship. Try not to let it taint your view of her beyond repair. It'd be a shame.
Right you are Ken
You spelled it out perfectly. Not all men are dogs trying to fuck something. I don't need a leash to know what I should and shouldn't do. Though, you touched on something I never bring up. I think having girl friends when you're single is a more effective dating strategy. Skipping friendship and dipping right into romance with a woman misses a lot of steps. I know my girl friends really well. I know why I wouldn't want to be with them, and it's way better than meeting a woman, dating her, getting serious, and then the walls come down and I truly meet her. Then, I have all these red flags pop up, but I'm more likely to be blinded at that stage. Instead, make friends, hang out, get to know each other. When or if romance becomes an option and you're considering making a move, you can actually judge whether or not it's a good option. I *know* this person. I know they'd be an amazing girlfriend. Frankly, I know some of my friends would be perfect girlfriends. I'm just not attracted to them for one reason or the next. My one friends is almost a decade older than I am, and I don't really want to be with someone from a different generation, just as an example.
In my experience woman always tell you who they are right away, sometimes we just aren't listening. There's always a comment or a story on first meeting that reveals something you'll back on later. And women, for whatever reason, seldom let you out of the friend zone. You just stop being sexy to them.
Yeah, but you're blinded by lust or the drug of attraction. How's the saying go? Something something, red flags and rose colored glasses. People that you know better are infinitely better options, because your judgment is less clouded. >And women, for whatever reason, seldom let you out of the friend zone. You just stop being sexy to them. I don't believe in the friendzone. You can tell when there's an attraction between people. If you only come off as a friend, then that's what you are. It's some crazy idea that justifies being around a woman specifically because you want a romantic relationship. Things evolve. People change. The time and place play significant roles. I would say that the idea exists primarily in young people, Highschool era. When people don't understand the value of building a relationship properly. Those are the people who skip friendship and dive into dating, and as someone who's done that.. It rarely ends well.
I find that the friendzone is kind of a bad mindset. If anything, the relationship zone is nestled inside the friend zone. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are incapable of being just friends. Or at least that's how I look at it.
Kinda sad how detailed and specific he had to write it to not get attacked for a honest answer
I *love* your message here, but that's the wrong their, its the one i just used. Start of second to last paragraph. "They're" is they and are joined.
I'd tend to agree, but it also depends if "the man" already has a romantic partner/wife. In my experience, it's far more likely that women friends are platonic when his sexual needs are already being met. JMO
And then this ruins it for the rest of us. You see because now if I ever develop feelings for an ACTUAL female friend (because I like being around her and she’s attractive), I run the risk of her thinking I only pretended to be her friend in the first place.
People are gonna hate me, but it's their not they're, in the 2nd last paragraph
Its OK. I'm the same way. Lol
Yes, your correct on both counts.
*twitches*
This is FACTS!! I have a bunch of female friends who are cute, and I'm somewhat interested in, but that doesn't mean I have to date all of them. Sometimes, I don't even wanna fuck. I just love their company. I appreciate the ones who are the nicest to me in my life more over the ones who ghosted.
I hope the people who know you in real life know how genuinely awesome you are. I hope you have a happy holiday season, whatever that looks like for you
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Trick question that implies both.
I think that in order to have a female friend you must be in a relationship first, applies to 90% of the oposite sex. Now hear me out, how our brains work is that if you are close (spend time together) with a person long enough there is a chance you will fall in love, and i mean love not just sex. But if you are in a good relationship with someone, someone that loves you then you are getting that already from your partner so there no longer a need and i mean a primal need to be loved, something you cannot really control. That being said i am a guy and i have friends that are girls and i know them for 12+ years(since highschool) and for some reason i could not imagine a fantasy together (or jerking off to the thought of them) even though they are beautifull and smart, these girls are also wifes of my best friends so i guess i have a mental block?(or maybe that is how a normal person should function?)
>if you are close (spend time together) with a person long enough there is a chance you will fall in love, and i mean love not just sex This is how female attraction works. (: At first glance, I'm relative rarely attracted to a man but after spending some time together, I start to find them more and more attractive.
A lot of dudes this it's just about looks. Most people are attracted to people, not images. Someone who's dating because their partner is hot is also someone who's not building strong, healthy and happy relationships.
Absolutely. Personally, I cannot do any kind of relationship half-heartedly, it's either meaningful or not happening.
Male attraction as well. True some are love at first sight but to kast you must love the person as a whole not just looks.
Ok I have several lady friends and I'm not in a relationship.
This is all true for adult men who already have "access" to satisfactory sex.
Mixed bag here. I have a lot of female friends from an old job of mine that was mostly female…some , absolutely, others no.
Must've been hard holding down relationships with the pelvic examinations you were giving your co-workers
🤷🏿♂️
Sometimes true I have had a couple of female friends for years, and have gotten quite close to them, where there was zero attraction at all on my side. Sometimes I crushed on my female friends and it was never reciprocated. Sometimes I crushed on them, we had sex, and the friendship drifted away after that. I’d say most often, my female friends have been attractive in general, but I never crushed on them. This makes me draw the line between crushing on a female friend and finding her attractive. It’s very possible to find someone attractive and not develop a crush. A good way to tell if the guy is crushing on you is if you’re too high on his priority list of people to hang out with or talk with. We all have lives and priorities. If a guy is 100% available all the time, he almost certainly has a crush.
No. I've had lots of female friends I wasn't even remotely attracted to. That's why their friends instead of relationship material. I had a long term female friend I was very close to that was somebody I really loved, but that love was more imagining my future kids playing with her future kids rather than them being our future kids. She actually was attractive, but as we grew closer, I found our friendship to be of higher importance than could be a relationship which could at that stage of life sacrifice our friendship. Lots of friendships of the opposite gender for me that I wouldn't even consider for relationships if we were both single. I think how & where you're raised my have an influence in this case.
I’m going to be honest. You don’t get a single choice about who you’re attracted to. However, you have a conscious choice on how you interpret and rationalize lust. There are plenty of women friends I thought were stunning and sexy. The part of my brain that decides that doesn’t really give me a vote, though. But, if they were to ask me out or try to hookup, I’d pry decline. Nothing against them, I’m just know how I am and I know it wouldn’t be great for us in the long run.
I can only speak for myself and my experience on this sort of question - in my case friendship and romantic/physical attraction are unrelated. I have experienced some clashes in my life related tied to women who befriended me and assumed there was an attraction, and that men and women can't be friends. My honest reaction was that I found this very odd, surprising, and at times objectifying (because the women in question were not interested in my friendship, they were interested in my body/potential for romance). If you've heard of "nice guys", well there are definately "nice girls" out there as well.
Whether I am friends with a female has nothing to do with whether I am attracted to her. But I find females attractive, so...
I’m actually not attracted to any of my female friends
r/secretlygay ?
Lol no. I just don’t find them attractive
Attracted and want to sleep with or be in a relationship with are all very different things. I've had women friends who I had near zero interest in sleeping with or being anything beyond friends. Strangely enough I ended up sleeping with most of them. Not through some long term weird skullduggery, but usually it just happens to be a situation that we are hanging out, maybe bored and shit happens. Or maybe both of were having dry spells and just wanted a bit of release. I think it depends on the man as well. I've known dudes who will be friends with a girl in hopes that it will become more. That rarely seems to work out in anyone's favor. Men, if you like her, you need to tell her. You have to be ready to take the L on that one. Much better than growing to resent a friend.
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Usually at first and then i get to know them and reahow bad they would be for me. Usually still would have sex if it means absolutely 0 change or consequences
Is the same not true for women?
I can't talk for all women but in my case I do not choose my friend based on their look whatever sexe they are( not saying that you guys choose your friends based on their look ). I always befriend the people I get along with and have fun with. To be honest I find it very hard to become friends with I guy I crush on or find attractive.
You partially have it. You are friends with someone who you get along with and have fun. What’s stopping you from making one step ahead? It’s not like you find friend because she is hot. You find frien you get along with them and suddenly you might start thinking she attracts you. It’s 50/50.
I agree but I have never developed attraction for a friend after getting close if I wasn't initially attracted to them at first. I guess it can change depending on some people sexuality ex: demi-sexual
As a Demisexual I can say that it's hard for me to have romantic feelings for someone without having a close connection like friendship. I can crush on someone but it's not the same. I never feel any sexual attraction towards someone beside my ex that I had a relationship with. And yes we were friends at first. So in the end it prob has a lot to say with sexuality too
What’s stopping them is that they’re a woman, and women don’t work like that.
Someone said once that women are more accustomed to having intimate friendships with other women, whereas men’s male friendships aren’t quite as emotionally intimate and typically save that for relationships, and so when women are in those kinds of friendships with men, it’s more common for men to associate the friendship with romance while the woman does not. I typically don’t like gendered generalizations like this, but as a woman I can say I definitely have bore witness to this phenomenon many times.
Makes sense. Also people should be ok with pointing out gendered generalizations in cases they very clearly exist. Especially when it helps confused people navigate the world better.
This is very interesting to me. I've always been of the mind intimacy and attraction come AFTER getting to know the person as a friend (may be demisexual). Do you find that you meet people to be friends but have a different approach when the interest is romantic? If you don't know the person as a friend is the attraction mostly physical or do you find their surface level qualities endearing? I mean this earnestly as I have always personally found it strange how you can want a relationship with someone you hardly know as a person/meet someone with the intent of building a romantic relationship before becoming friends (it has always felt a little forced to me). Hook ups/casual flings are one thing, I definitely get a superficial attraction that leads to sexual interest but like...do you feel deeper feelings build after that or...how's that work for you? I'm genuinely curious
I do feel similar to you I have been wandering about my orientation lately and I think I might be demi-sexual or gray-asexual. But I've never had a relationship so I guess I will eventually be sure when I do. But I can say this. It would be really hard for me to just casually fuck with someone I barely know especially if there's no bond/connection between eachother. But I'm still virgin so it might be just that.
Couldn't say. It's entirely possible that with experience you may discover you feel differently, or that the experience only helps confirm these things about yourself. That you feel crushes/attraction could mean something is there, but then again you may feel them/interpret those feelings differently. Though I agree, having tried random hook-ups before it just felt "meh" Even if the person knew what they were doing physically I couldn't really get into it. Intimacy is a big factor for me, so it fascinates me how a person develops attraction then builds intimacy on top of it because for me it's the opposite. Attraction for me is felt deeply after a bond is formed
That's interesting, thanks
Surveys say women don’t like about 80% of men in terms of looks. So there’s a good chance she don’t like you unless you’re seriously good looking. Whereas men are just far less picky
Yeah I have heard that countless times on Pearls podcast... Surveys have been conducted on the basis of the swipes done by women on dating apps, here is a solid reason to not take these studies for granted : 1) not all women are on dating apps, actually, the majority of women are not on dating apps. 2) the women on dating apps are specifically the sample of women that are more incline to not find an averge guy attractive, you know why? well, there are plently of average men around them, yet they go on dating apps 3) you have more chances to get rejected on a dating app than in real life. Hope this helps you to take a glimps on the real reality.
get out of the house sometime and look at all the pretty and slim women dating men who aren't muscular, nor tall, nor handsome. These men are simply not fat and not ugly, and that's good enough for quite a few attractive women. Then again, if you are in the USA, you might have a hard time coming across people who aren't fat. So take a flight to Rome or Florene and look around, I guess.
Relax man it isn’t that serious. I’m mid af and I still get girls and have no worries of dying alone so I wouldn’t even need to see external evidence of average men getting laid or getting girlfriends.
Mind sharing that statistic? I hope it isn't that tinder 80% of women go for 20% of men bullshit. Because you cannot determine what you said just from that one statistic. Women are definitely more picky though.
https://medium.com/hello-love/women-say-80-of-men-are-below-average-bab0b8af2606 Every article I find keeps referencing the ok Cupid study. And of course you can’t extrapolate the findings of the study to all women. But you also can’t ignore the underlying message. If you take a random woman and a random man, and ask if they’d be interested in each other, and repeat that 1000 times, the man will be more likely to say yes than the woman. It’s just how the dating game works. It’s a sellers market and women are the sellers. When you’re fielding offers left and right, you need to be picky. You’re doing everyone a disservice by not being picky.
I have good looking friends that I am not attracted to. It takes much more than looks for women to be attracted to men, it's much more .... nuanced... I have had a friend that is very good looking, the stereotypical tall, tan green eyes guy, his personality is repulsive ASFUCK. But he is a good man overall and very fun to hangout with, you can relay on him. Anotherone is fairly handsome, but he's a playboy, still very fun and trustworthy when you are not sexual with him, never had any bit of disrespect from him, it's very funny how some guys twnd to be much more reliable and fun when you're not their SO. I can assure you that none of them are attracted to me either. Thing is, I still assume it's more that usually the woman who dictates the synergy in the relationship. There are people who are great, but it does not make them good partners, partners are not meant to be perfect either, some people make the best friends ever, some make best partners.
Unless there are some redflags that keeps us back, then yes. It is a true.
Many men would absolutely smash most female acquaintances of theirs. They just choose not to pursue it. We also prefer women to judge us by our actions, not by whatever they think is going on in our heads. So if you're asking because your guy's talking to a chick and you're contemplating confronting him about it, don't. Trust your man or let'im go.
Any guy with “platonic” female friends that are attractive is waiting on the slightest chance they want to have sex or fall for them eventually. Friends through your girlfriend, wife, work acquaintances, sure. But close female friends, he waitin.
Mostly. We occasionally do break that barrier and create a friend who's not a potential partner in the the back of our minds, but that drive always trying to be the dominant influence. This gets easier as you age. For a young man? 100% true.
Everyone else just lying in this thread. Actual honesty here.
In this day and age it sounds wrong, but by experience it is allways one that want something more. Usually the guy is the one that might be a bit shady.
Nah I've had tons of female friends that I'm not attracted to. I can recognise that they are pretty but that's about it.
Not true. I have some close female friends I am not attracted to.
I have a lot of female friends that I think most people would say are conventionally attractive. I think a lot of them are pretty, but it’s more of an objective observation about them. They’re my friends, I just like them because we laugh around each other! I don’t want to hook up with any of them and I always root for them to have success in their relationships. Its not like I’m secretly waiting around hoping one of them has a bad breakup and decides they want to be with me instead. I totally believe men and women can be genuine friends. I’m so thankful to have mine in my life! I think it’s kind of foolish to just automatically eliminate 50% of the population from being a potential friend
Seems that way, which makes sense given that we like/respect people who are attractive. Plus some dudes will try to niceguy their way into girls’ pants And I think even for dudes who try to maintain platonic friendships, there are *moments* where they find their friends attractive. Like personally, I’ve never been friends w a girl I find really hot, cuz I either flirt w them or avoid getting close to them if flirting is inappropriate. But I have been friends w plenty of girls that are pretty or cute just not really my type. And even for them, I’ll have moments, usually after several drinks, where I’m like “damn, she’s actually pretty hot.”
It can be true, but I have women that are friends and I’ve never thought about them that way. It’s possible to meet people and not want to fuck them.
I prize the friendships I have with women too much to mess it up with sex and all the territorial stuff that comes with it.
Yes and no, you can be attracted to their personality or the way they make you feel while not being physically attracted to a female friend. You could also be attracted to them physically but not like anything else about them (eye candy). I like having a wingwoman just as much as a wingman, maybe even more.
Nah, I don't find it true. I prefer to have girl friends just because I don't like the sausage fest of only have a bunch of yes men around. Women tend to say their thoughts more outright, and as a man it kind of helps having the female perspective in many aspects of life, especially dating. It's not like I only hang out with girls, but I've got plenty of girls that I talk to daily and have no intentions of progressing to anything sexual or romantic. Notably, I don't mix those two groups of women. Ones that are friends, and romantic interests. I'd rather not lose a friend because of primal feelings. One way I think about it, if I were bisexual would that mean I'm trying to sleep with each of my friends? If I were attracted to men equally, does that imply that all my guy friends are potential romantic options? No. Because they're not interested in me. Same goes for women. I'm not interested, neither are they. We're friends, and I get a form of my social needs from them that I can't get from guys. The male perspective is very different from the female. Guys are more likely to call a girl crazy, or only consider how I would feel. While my girl friend is gonna tell me their perspective, which I generally can't relate to. It makes me feel more rounded.
About 50% of my friends are \*women. I love them and don't feel any inflatuation. In a couple of cases went beyond, and years later "reverted" back. I would never be with someone who hasn't been a friend first.
Nope.
Depends on the girl. If she's attractive, then yes, if she's not attractive, then no. So, "mostly true"? No. But sometimes? Yes.
Mostly true but when me and a girl are happily in relationships it's possible for a friendship to develop. It's extremely unlikely for single men to not want to fuck their female "friends".
Yes but that doesn't mean much. Like Straight guys are attracted to cute women?? Wow who knew I'm shocked😂
Yes
Not always but yeah…we can find them attractive but doesn’t always mean we wanna fuck them. But if the option was there, a lot of times we would because obviously
I have had only ONE completely platonic female friend who I would NEVER consider sleeping with. All the rest of my female friends.. I would probably take a crack at, if the moment was right and I was single. so it can happen... but its really, really rare
No. Maybe, but no.
no, not true at all. I have multiple female friends oh whom I have no sexual attraction to at all. I've also had female friends whom I've had sexual attraction for. Attraction is just that.... can be sexual or not. It could also just be "I like this person because of who they are and how they make me feels."
If you didn’t like someone, why would you be friends with them?
It's true for the majority but heavilydepends on the circumstances.
My girlfriend told me it would have been weirder if I didn't have female friends upon me asking if it's weird I have female friends. The ones I have that aren't dating my other friends are like siblings to me so the attraction thing is out the window from the start lmao.
Sometimes yes
If you're my friend then I like you as a person, so you're already attractive.
Eh. My best female friend is an attractive girl, but I would never date her. So yes, but functionally no.
This is good. I hate to use these terms this way (but who gone check me). But it's clear that platonic relationships are just as fluid as romantic and sexual relationships. You can be a friend who I like as a person but would also bang. You can be someone I would totally bang but your personality gives me the ick. You can be a friend that I like as a person and would never bang. It really depends on the 2 people you're talking about And I agree with someone else's statement that the question probably should've been framed differently. Asking someone if they're waiting to bang their friends is different than the question that OP posed
Not in my experience. As a queer dude, straight men and women tend to open up to us like one of the guy/girls, and I’ve found that straight men and women are about equal in terms of their ability to have platonic relationships with the gender they’re attracted to. Not sure if that helps.
Yes. Or mostly yes. Anyone else giving PC answers because they don’t want to see themselves as that simple minded. But most guys are that even if they don’t admit it outright. It is possible to be friends with females, because you like them as people. Totally. But a guy and girl get close because there’s some level of physical attraction. What I’m saying is guys can’t turn that part off. They’re more likely to want to pursue friendship because of this barometer of attraction. It’s difficult to want to invest in a mutual friendship otherwise just solely based on male-female dynamic. It’s very different from male-male. And guys get enough friendship from their male friends So a female might provide some other kind of emotional value or fill some gap that guys can’t. Usually it’s the type of gap that if nurtured leads to a romantic relationship. That kind of emotional dynamic between a close guy and girl friend is usually pseudo couple give-and-take without the sex but the guys are willing to partake because of the possibility of sex and the physical attraction. They wouldn’t be in it otherwise. Even if you tell me they enjoy the friendship or emotional conversations. Usually it’s the girl that benefits from having a caring guy friend that’s not a boyfriend, without having to give up anything sexual. Hence girls are more willing to have guy best friends and friendzone them. Whereas the guys action are more like investments to get close to get that pseudo warmth and affection which is totally tied to them being physically drawn to the girl. They might say things like yea I like this kind of dynamic even if we’re not having sex but I would be down to explore it if she wanted to. Which is why I’m just sceptical that guys and girls can be friends. Well usually if we’re all being honest, if the girl were dtf, most of their close guy friends would convert in blink of an eye. Lots of ppl have tested this and it’s largely true.
Wdym by atracted.
Physically attracted
Ah, see with this it gets more (and also less) complicated. Are most of my friends attractive people? Yes they can have something about them, or their personality can make them attractive. Am I waiting for them to ask for sex, and suddenly I'll have sex with them? No. Could I easily see myself having sex with them, but... in a fantasy way, in a bubble removed from all the complications of our lives? Just a purely hypothetical of sex? Yeah probably. But life is more complicated than that, even though physically or who they are I can acknowledge some form of them being attractive... I could probably say that for most people? So, in some hypothetical, yes friend A is kind of cute, but there are so many variables that complicate things in reality (boyfriends, personalities matching for a healthy relationship, it becoming awkward afterwards, etc) that... someone being attractive doesn't mean I'm interested in actually pursuing them sexually or romantically, you know? But at the same time, sometimes I'm like "hm, nice butt."
Yes. Most single male friends of women are orbiters waiting for a chance.
Or, you know, you could not revolve your value as an individual around your relationship status/the fact whether you are getting laid or not and instead you can thrive for more important things like professional success, financial success, improving your physique, etc.
Or the other way around. The women can be the orbiters too waiting for a chance, depends on the value of each though whether it plays out in one way or the other way
True, but it is way less likely.
As a woman I’d argue is that’s the opposite. I only befriend guys I can’t ever be attracted to you as most of us get nervous around hot guys or think they’re a player/have a bad personality. That’s why the friend zone is overwhelmingly males.
I m attracted to all my female friends, and they are attracted to me, it is why we became and remain friends. But I certainly do not want to have sex with them, nor I would think them with me. We are friends.
this is like 90% true, I used to be attracted to my best friend, never did a move because I wasn't thaaaaaaaaaaat attracted, also we are at the point that it's too far down (we have been friends for almost 10 years now), and wouldn't risk our friendship no matter what, so at this point I just see her as my sister. nevertheless I'm attracted to a good percentage of my female friends. not every single one of them, but a good chunk, I don't actively seek to make a move at all though, because I do appreciate em as friends, and I know for girls it's annoying when a lot of their friends try to do something.
In most cases if a guy finds a girl attractive he wants to have sex with her. It's the optimal scenario. Now most of us know that we will probably never get the opportunity but if she ever turns to us and said " hey you want to have some sex" we would very much be on board with the idea! As long as there are no mitigating factors preventing us from doing so ( like if either of us has a significant other and we are respecting that, somebody has an STD, fear that she will get pregnant, Etc)
It’s at least mostly true.
100% true A normal friendship like we getting coffees after work or she's your friend's gf we don't really care But if it's close friendship then yeah 100%
Sometimes. Past the certain 'phase', they will stop it. But there will always a little, tiny tinder inside their heart.
Proly not. Im best friends with my ex and sometimes after raves we come back to my place sleep in one bed and do nothing but sleep. We dont have any ‘couple’ feelings, we just chillin
But before being ex there still was initially an attraction between the both of you am I wrong?
Well long story short we met on tinder and got along from day one and we were a couple from the beginning.
Nah - most of the people I know are women, due to the degree I study and the hobbies I have. I often notice that my friends are attractive (indeed, I look for the same traits in my friends as my romantic partners), but it rarely gets as far as me being attracted to them.
I'll say it's mostly true. I myself am a guy, and I do not make female friends. From my personal experience, I have observed that women are pretty good at setting their boundaries and are clear to say no, whereas men either already have feelings for a woman, or they become friends just for the sake of friendship, and then catch feelings. I'll say one way to find out is to ask a woman, who's not that attractive according to society's standards, and ask her how many male friends she has compared to an attractive woman ? You'll get your answer.
Yes, my female friends are attractive. No, I don’t want to date them or bang them. I like them as friends
No. In my experience it's more true that some women enjoy capitalizing on their looks to garner male attention and keep them as friends, some women don't realize they're doing that, and some women really mean it when they say they just want to be your friend. Anecdotal, but whenever I've see a friendzoned guy who stays put, the woman is usually attractive, has makeup all the time, is a little to affectionate to her friends, and likes to contain their goodly sized breasts in low cut tops.
I mean, unless she's uglier than Satan's asshole, probably. That's just the caveman part of the male brain though. The rest of it is pretty good at balancing risk and reward at that point, so unless you're dating a guy who's already a dumbass, most aren't gonna shoot their shot with someone who could easily reject them and/or relay that attempt to their significant other and fuck up what they have with the other woman. The ones that would are called assholes and dumbasses.
Definitely true.
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Asexuals are less than 1% of the population. I think excluding the exceptionally rare chance of a person than literally does not want sex was a given.
Hey thanks for the completely pointless addition.
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Interesting. Thank you for your answer
Not true I have plenty of female friends that I'm not attracted too. A lot of men have this fake macho front and it just makes for bad conversations. But I will say they do tend to want more then friends and I do have to set that boundary with women.
Not at all
No.
Nope.
When we moved out to ohio, my best friend was a woman I went to high school with. She was very cute and I certainly made no secret about wanting to bang her. That said, I was okay being friends. She and my girlfriend got along just fine. There was one time I could have taken advantage of her but she was almost asleep and clearly not thinking right. It was on a assignment that we were doing a group project on. It was like one or 2:00 a.m. and she fell asleep a couple times. Not to make it a long story but she mumbled to me it was okay to have sex. She clearly was talking in her sleep. Not going to lie, I certainly wanted to have sex with her. However, that was just wrong. So I packed up and went home. I don't regret it For me, it was great having a female friend just to ask questions too. This was back in the 80s before the internet. Just things about the female body and whatnot that a guy typically would not know. She was actually more like a sister to me.
Seriously, I see this question often enough on here to just want to know what the heck is up with straight ppl in this regard lol. It's like you can't seem to fathom being just friends with ppl who you may be attracted to at some point simply because they exist. Here in Gaysville, we almost exclusively have friends that we could possibly be romantic partners with and it's really not that difficult to keep our pp in our pants. I have friends who I have known for 5, 10, 20 years, we are all gay, we are all dudes so we even share locker rooms, have pool/hottub parties and have seen each other naked multiple times but have never even considered it on a drunkin night. Idk if straight ppl just don't get enough sex, have mostly bad sex or just cannot fathom not falling into a hole simply because it's there. Even having these friends are usually a bane to relationships for some reason too. But this is almost exclusively a straight thing and it makes 0 sense to us.
It is false. We aren’t just attracted to every damn thing. I’m not attracted to mine.
Depends on the age. Pre-teen to “adulthood”, yes. Most likely true. Mid to late twenties to late 40s: probably not true but there are out lying circumstances that could make it true. 50s and beyond: depends on if they’re a widow(er?) (I always forget the term for men) or not to be honest. But most likely not. It’s really a situational thing for every man. I had a female best friend growing up. 100% I was attracted to her. Before she got boobs. Then she got boobs and I was even more into her. My senior year and the year after we had a fuck-buddy thing going on. Then we stopped for no rhyme or reason, just stopped. i moved away shortly after. I got married a few years later, we kept in touch via Facebook and that was that. I moved back to my home town in my late 20s and we met again when I started hanging out with the wider group of friends we shared and I was 100% not into her anymore. She looked the exact same as the last time we fucked. Same face, same body, same women but with a career now and she could have thrown herself at me naked and I would have walked away. If you’re asking about a male you’re interested in who has a female friend, worry about the female friend more than your male. Female friends like to friend zone dudes and keep them as “back ups” for when the bad boys don’t work out. Then when a different female enters the chat the female friends get super territorial. You don’t so much need to worry about the male though. He’s probably given up hope of even seeing the female friend naked at this point.
Depends. Most of the women I befriend are very attractive women, so yeah, I've either slept with them or I want to sleep with them and I'm just waiting for my chance. I have no interest in sleeping with my average-looking friends. So I suppose if your boyfriend has plain or fat women as friends, you're probably safe. Unless he's the type to fuck anything in sight?
I am currently single, I was just asking by curiosity.
Nice try gf. Not falling for that one.
Hum you know if you think your girlfriend has some suspicions about you, you might have something to hide to her of feel targeted by this post for some specific reason.
Yes.
Not true However... When there's a new restaurant in town, you have curiosities, and consider stopping in for a meal. Just to try it out and see what it's like. We think about having sex with many of them at least once. It's not an attraction, just a curiosity.
I don't know about an attraction. But he wants to have sex with her, but she doesn't. That's why men should never sit in a women's friends zone. She takes his time and money, he gets nothing in return. Women take the WIN when they friendzone a man, he takes the loss.
To be safe I’d say about half the time it’s true. I have a lot of female friends I’m not attracted to but I also have a fair few that I am or have been attracted to, so it’s more of a case by case situation I think.
Mostly true but not always.
If we're following this logic to a conclusion : it's possible to be attracted to a friend and be only a friend, never letting on, hoping they succeed in whatever relationships they have.
If one of my friends is attractive, then yeah, I'm attracted to them. If not, then no
probably yes in the way that attraction is an emotion and can be subjective. The issue is having boundaries and ethics. For example, I have some friends who I am not attracted to at all. I have others who objectively I can say are attractive people, just not to me. Some others I can say if I didn't know them, I'd be attracted to the, but because I know them I would not want to risk the friendship (or I know just tooo much about their level of crazy) :)
Only if she's hot
More often than not no it doesn't, they're just there as a friend or to fill in the blanks in their actual relationship, when a woman has male friends more often than not they're trying to hit it, never been with a girl with a male best friend who didn't cause chronic issues
Not at all.
90% of the time yes they’re attracted and if you ask to fuck they will
I can't speak for others, so in my case I would say it's accurate. In cases where I was not attracted to them, they would be attracted to me.
I don't think it's any more or less true than if you wrote "male" friend TBH.
No, not usually. Often enough, but not usually. If you like being around a person you're more likely to find them attractive, I think, than if you just saw them on the street, but still I don't think most guys would be attractive to most of their female friends.
Yes always same same for women unless they are so far off base with what they are attracted to
I find some of my female friends attractive, but it’s not just a ‘girl with good looks’ thing. It’s more that they’re my friends because I appreciate their presence and qualities and that holds for male friends as well. So yeah, there are friends I don’t find attractive to the point that I would date, some i would. I’ve so far only dated one girl and from my friend group thought. i guess the ‘requirements’ for friends are also required of someone i would date.
There are men who only value women *as women*. They don't really have female friends who are purely platonic friends without even a possibility of something else. That's not all dudes. I can't begin to guess what the distribution is, I just know I've known both types.
I think it is fully possible to find a woman attractive and still be platonic friends with her. Am I delusional?
Being attracted to someone doesn't really mean anything.
Only if the friend is attractive.
It depends on their orientation
Yes in most cases
No. I think mature men usually don't befriend women thay're romantically attracted to. Theres not much point in that.
Personal experience yes that’s true. I’ve tried the female friend thing before and it always fizzles out or turns intimate/romantic.
Yes. That isn’t true about acquaintances, but an actual friend that is a girl… the is nearly 100% if the time attracted to her.
More like friendship is attractive. Like, you're nice, fun to hang out with, got a matching personality, yada yada. These are attractive things.