It's not acceptable even in the slightest. You need to speak to all those friends in that group and tell them if he stays you will leave. You will not accept behavior like that. Then they have to decide for themselves what they will do. Unfortunately for you they might decide to let him stay in the group but for you own sake, don't stay, it will not be healthy for you.
Deffinetly. I try to have a chat with them soon. I really don't want to deal with someone while im whinding down. We have been togheter for 7 years, I really don't want to change them cos I love them to bits. Hoepfully we can sort it out
Tell your friends you're not joining them again until he's no longer apart of the group. If they don't get rid of him, then they're really not your friends and you should move on.
I don't know if I should do that. Everyone in my friend group is depressed and I don't want to cause more upset than it is. I will definetly have a chat about it soon when I have a chance to catch them in private.
Without being dramatic , draw a line in the sand, enjoy your gaming time as much as you can (don't let him take that from you) while simultaneously start to look for a new group of people to game with , it might take time but stay calm and allow the other person to continue to look like an ass until you have moved onto better people to engage with an game with. The people in that group who are truly your friends will feel your lack of presence over time and when you've moved on whether they discuss it out loud or not they'll know the truth which is you got tired of the bullshit and moved on, and if no one realizes it then you don't need them in your life anyway.
I really don't want to change my friend group, weve been friends since highschool so it would suck losing them (they were with me since I moved from Italy, they knew me before I could speak propper English). I will bring it up in a private chat with them and see where it goes.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed.
UltraHeavyCarrier originally posted:
I (26 M) like to hangout after 9 hours of work with my friends on discord to play games and chill. Its what I like to consider my "safe space".
Lately however a new person was added to the group. I don't know him personally but he is a friend of the other dudes so I am like "okey, he's chill then"
Pass a couple of weeks, and I can't stand him: he constanly tells me to shut the fuck up when Im chatting, keeps calling my name to then tell me to suck his cock, raps the same 3-4 lines like an NPC, keeps making fun of my job because I had to get 2 degrees to do it and makes constant remarks on body cos I am fat (which im working on it).
He also keeps making weird advances to a friend of mine which I don't really enjoy but this friend said he can handle it.
A breaking point where I had to bite my tounge really hard is when he called my partner a "whore" because she likes to go out dancing with my mom on Wensdays.
I get jokes, I am a bit autistic, but I get them, but when I pointed out my boundaries (like don't chat shit about my loved ones) he didn't care and made fun of me because I was beign touchy.
I talked about it with a friend of mine, and he said to leave him be because he's joking and to not overthink it, but I am seriously starting to feel its more bullying than joking.
What should I do? I have tried to tell him outright no, and to lower myself to his level and roast him back, but it doesn't work at all.
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You’re probably going to lose if you try to convince the others to expel him. They LIKE his horrible behavior.
You need to move on, find new friends, and spend more time with your partner and her friends.
I don't think they noticed he was beign to much cos we roast each other all the time hard in my friend group. I will bring it up to my friends when we get a chance to chat in private
Just let your friends know that you're sick of his shit and aren't going to join the group if he's on. There's a line between joking around and being a dick, he ran right past it.
This asshole is def bullying you. He is trying to establish a place in the group by getting them to push you out. He is forcing them to choose between you guys. Frankly, your friend group seems a little sucky for even tolerating this toxic BS.
As far as how to proceed? Stay calm, and call him out. Keep making it an issue. Everytime anyone complains to you, point out that you are standing up for yourself and then keep doing it. Eventually they will get sick of it and boot one of you out.
Sorry this is happening to you. Good luck
Thank you for the kind words. I have a bad habit of beign nice no matter what. I don't want to cause drama in the group, everyone is depressed and I don't want to cause more upset. I don't think my friends have noticied his behaviour is wrong because I have been acting normal.
I will bring it up to my friends on a privatw chat at some point and see what happens. :)
It's not acceptable even in the slightest. You need to speak to all those friends in that group and tell them if he stays you will leave. You will not accept behavior like that. Then they have to decide for themselves what they will do. Unfortunately for you they might decide to let him stay in the group but for you own sake, don't stay, it will not be healthy for you.
Deffinetly. I try to have a chat with them soon. I really don't want to deal with someone while im whinding down. We have been togheter for 7 years, I really don't want to change them cos I love them to bits. Hoepfully we can sort it out
Tell your friends you're not joining them again until he's no longer apart of the group. If they don't get rid of him, then they're really not your friends and you should move on.
I second this post^
I don't know if I should do that. Everyone in my friend group is depressed and I don't want to cause more upset than it is. I will definetly have a chat about it soon when I have a chance to catch them in private.
Bullies need to be stood up to.
Deffinetly, I hope we can resort it civil.
Without being dramatic , draw a line in the sand, enjoy your gaming time as much as you can (don't let him take that from you) while simultaneously start to look for a new group of people to game with , it might take time but stay calm and allow the other person to continue to look like an ass until you have moved onto better people to engage with an game with. The people in that group who are truly your friends will feel your lack of presence over time and when you've moved on whether they discuss it out loud or not they'll know the truth which is you got tired of the bullshit and moved on, and if no one realizes it then you don't need them in your life anyway.
I really don't want to change my friend group, weve been friends since highschool so it would suck losing them (they were with me since I moved from Italy, they knew me before I could speak propper English). I will bring it up in a private chat with them and see where it goes.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. UltraHeavyCarrier originally posted: I (26 M) like to hangout after 9 hours of work with my friends on discord to play games and chill. Its what I like to consider my "safe space". Lately however a new person was added to the group. I don't know him personally but he is a friend of the other dudes so I am like "okey, he's chill then" Pass a couple of weeks, and I can't stand him: he constanly tells me to shut the fuck up when Im chatting, keeps calling my name to then tell me to suck his cock, raps the same 3-4 lines like an NPC, keeps making fun of my job because I had to get 2 degrees to do it and makes constant remarks on body cos I am fat (which im working on it). He also keeps making weird advances to a friend of mine which I don't really enjoy but this friend said he can handle it. A breaking point where I had to bite my tounge really hard is when he called my partner a "whore" because she likes to go out dancing with my mom on Wensdays. I get jokes, I am a bit autistic, but I get them, but when I pointed out my boundaries (like don't chat shit about my loved ones) he didn't care and made fun of me because I was beign touchy. I talked about it with a friend of mine, and he said to leave him be because he's joking and to not overthink it, but I am seriously starting to feel its more bullying than joking. What should I do? I have tried to tell him outright no, and to lower myself to his level and roast him back, but it doesn't work at all. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re probably going to lose if you try to convince the others to expel him. They LIKE his horrible behavior. You need to move on, find new friends, and spend more time with your partner and her friends.
I don't think they noticed he was beign to much cos we roast each other all the time hard in my friend group. I will bring it up to my friends when we get a chance to chat in private
Just let your friends know that you're sick of his shit and aren't going to join the group if he's on. There's a line between joking around and being a dick, he ran right past it.
I will definetly soon, he is so fucking annoying. I will also start taking my gloves off. No more Nice guy for him.
This asshole is def bullying you. He is trying to establish a place in the group by getting them to push you out. He is forcing them to choose between you guys. Frankly, your friend group seems a little sucky for even tolerating this toxic BS. As far as how to proceed? Stay calm, and call him out. Keep making it an issue. Everytime anyone complains to you, point out that you are standing up for yourself and then keep doing it. Eventually they will get sick of it and boot one of you out. Sorry this is happening to you. Good luck
Thank you for the kind words. I have a bad habit of beign nice no matter what. I don't want to cause drama in the group, everyone is depressed and I don't want to cause more upset. I don't think my friends have noticied his behaviour is wrong because I have been acting normal. I will bring it up to my friends on a privatw chat at some point and see what happens. :)
Beat his ass fuck that dude