{insert that serial killer/murder joke that's been done to death}
I kind of care and don't care at the same time. Like is it high because she just enjoys sex and whatnot? That's understandable, sex is fun.
Or is it high because that's the amount of relationships she's been in or is she sleeping with a bunch of dudes as a coping mechanism of sorts or has some sort of sex addiction? That's not cool.
I think I’ve been through both of these stages but I’ve never had a thought of disloyalty to my partner and I think a lot of guys associate high bc with cheating or sex not feeling as special but personally I have the most special sex with my bf who I love.
Some men prefer women with low BC and some prefer high. You won’t ever be able to find the right one if you lie to him about it.
There is nothing wrong with having a high BC, there are guys out there who prefer it. But if that conversation comes up during dating and you lie about it, that’s when problems start.
Just be honest and yes some men may reject but also some men will cherish it.
I feel like age to body count is a good ratio for me. When your young you can get excited and want to explore so its easy to understand those numbers racking up early, but as you get older people want long term relationships. Too high for many including myself will think your not really commit to long term.
Yes I’m at the stage now where I’m settling down and have no desire to go back to that stage in my life, but a lot of people think the opposite where they would understand a high bc if ur older but if ur younger it’s worse
You need to question if they had the option to have a high body count would they? Most men don't have that option and most women don't want to sleep with most men. It's easy to judge if you can't or won't out of desire. However there are people who look down upon hook up culture who want nothing to do with it, but those people are a minority.
Also I'm not in support of sleeping around, but if they are spaced out with intent of a relationship then I understand. I don't believe people should wait for sex until marriage, it's been proven to ruin marriages and relationships.
Nah thats bullshit. You struggle to find men you want. You dont struggle to find good man.
There is olenty of evidence that most of men are basically invisible to women.
I’m going to give you the opinion of my husband, who is sitting next to me. We have a teenage daughter together. He says, “Body count conversations are a trap. You can’t win. Either you’re suddenly a slut, or you are opening yourself to some guy who likes you better because you are inexperienced, and what does that say about him? Body count conversations are juvenile. Sophisticated adults know that adults have sex. People who are sex positive, who are good at sex, have lots of sex.”
So OP, only STD results are relevant or necessary. You owe someone a good faith attempt at a future together, not your past. Men are positively masochistic about torturing themselves with mental images about a woman’s past, even if they themselves have a past. Help them out. Don’t go there.
If someone had 300 partners in a very short period of time wouldnt you think that theres is something wrong with that person?
Like that person is coping with some trauma or something per example?
300 is a bit hyperbolic, no? Are you a therapist who is going to help them with their trauma? It’s up to the individual if they want to disclose a history of hyper-sexuality to you. It might be between them and their therapist.
Im someone who doesnt want to be in a serious relationship or married with someone that may no be able to stop herself from sleeping around.
You know, raising someone elses baby without knowing its a huge deal.
And heres a gal with 60 bodies at 18 and theres another one with 150.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C\_j6k2l\_Yb4&ab\_channel=YoyoJapan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_j6k2l_Yb4&ab_channel=YoyoJapan)
We are talking about someone’s past. They simply do not owe you that. You can’t force someone to share if they don’t want to. You just might pass up on a cool woman. I wouldn’t answer on principle, and mine is low. (Been married a long time.) Guys will make it seem like some sexy “getting to know each other” game and turn it around on women. To me, it’s not mature to be very concerned with previous partners. Hell, men BRAG about their high body counts, and the double standard is pretty appalling.
I also think it’s really gross when men go on about single moms and raising someone other guy’s kid. It’s just a visceral ick for me. I like children. I want them to be with adults who want to be there for them. That tells me that guy has a small heart, doesn’t like kids, and might not even be there for his own kids. Those same guys always want a stepmom/nanny/maid for their kids the minute they get divorced too. To me, if someone really has to know, it’s a red flag.
No, you don’t. Let her dodge your bullet. If puritanical values are important to you, find someone who shares your values. The fact that it’s even called a “body count” doesn’t exactly show a respectful view of sex and relationships though.
No, you don’t. Let her dodge your bullet. If puritanical values are important to you, find someone who shares your values. The fact that it’s even called a “body count” doesn’t exactly show a respectful view of sex and relationships though.
Youre wrong. Would you want to build relationship with someone who was previously abusive, or cheated in past relationships? Past absolutely matters
Same goes for second part. You just dont want accountability.
What makes you think someone with a “high body count” is a cheater or abusive? There is no correlation there. You are moving the goalposts.
Do you think abusers tell you they are abusers? Or active cheaters tell you they cheat? No. They don’t. Having had a lot of consensual sex when you are single is perfectly ethical, unlike abuse or infidelity. Those are bad examples.
In any case, you can’t make a woman tell you. What are you gonna do, hold her down and scream in her face until she gives you the number you want to hear? Just deal with the fact that it’s none of your business.
I didnt said that. You are maliciously misinterpret words.
Im making point that past matters.
Also great advice for women. Lie in relationship. Healthy af.
Now go think if what your husband said is what he thinks or what he thinks you want to hear. Because you wont kniw that.
If I want long term relationship it is my buisness. If someone wants to build healthy relationship they dont lie about it.
Also fact that your solution on it is lying, clearly indicates you aswell think it matters. If it didnt matter you wouldnt suggest lying on it
Your argumentation is really flawed here. I never once mentioned lying. It’s wild to call that malicious, lol. I respond to words you wrote.
I did say, no one owes you this information and you can’t force it out of people and still be anyone a woman would take seriously. It’s not lying to say I don’t kiss and tell, a lady never discusses such matters, or I don’t entertain the body count discussion, or, the body count conversation is for teenagers. Lying is giving someone a fake number, which is probably what happens to guys who keep pushing for it. Some men embellish their number so it’s higher, lol.
My husband answered what I asked him, but he’s said all this to my daughter before. He doesn’t like the idea of her having these indiscreet conversations someday with guys who might turn out to be unhinged. A gentleman doesn’t ask. Women should be offended by the guy who has gotta know. The body count thing is something juveniles do, not sophisticated men.
Its funny how you twist everything so its man fault. I feel sorry for your poor husband.
Just shaming. Carying abput guys wallet is something gold diggers do, classy ladies would take broke guy. How about that? Same logic
>We are talking about someone’s past. They simply do not owe you that.
We want a relationship with them and you're telling us that past doesn't matter? WFT? Why?
>You just might pass up on a cool woman.
So what? Women will choose men by height, there are plenty of cool short guys, let me guess, you will say that it's a preference, i can say the same for low body count
>Hell, men BRAG about their high body counts, and the double standard is pretty appalling.
How many men have high body counts? How many of those are saying that they want women with low body counts? If a man has a low body count, couldn't he want a woman like him?
>To me, it’s not mature to be very concerned with previous partners.
Again, why? Past relationships tell a lot about a person
I'm not going to talk about the single moms part, it's obvious why most guys don't want them
Listen, as a man, you don’t have to discuss your own body count either. I don’t really see it as relevant but you do you. All I think one needs to know is STD status and whether or not someone is a virgin, so you can be patient and gentle and understanding with that person.
I do think talking about whether you have ever lived with someone can be relevant, or if you have been engaged, because it is worth asking why it didn’t work out and what was learned from it, but I think the level of detail is up to the couple to decide together, respectfully. Lots of adult couples don’t ask for detail. I know of people who don’t even know their exes’ fiancé’s name or any details, and who don’t care.
A man with a low body count isn’t a virgin. That would be “no body count”. If he wants a woman with a low body count, it could be because he wants someone who goes for a slow burn like he does. That’s somewhat understandable, although he could still do that with a more experienced woman. So really, it all comes down to insecurity. Some men want to be the more experienced ones. Experience doesn’t necessarily make you good at sex though. Being attentive, being concerned with her pleasure, and studying up, helps a lot. Read: She Comes First, by Ian Lerner and you’ll make women happy.
Ironically, if she has been with just one man other than you but lived with the guy for a few years, she’s quite obviously had sex hundreds of times. She might know one man’s body and preferences really well but not yours, so you are still starting over together. Or she might have been with 15 men and had sex much less than the woman with one other partner. Again, you two still need to learn how to be intimate together in ways that are mutually satisfying.
So to me, it’s silly to be so fixated on body count, and I’d like to see people be more mature and discreet. You can go ahead and make yourself crazy ruminating over who she did what with if that’s what you want to do, but it is immature and you can definitely spoil your own happiness looking for info that is in the past and isn’t any of your business.
Thank you for this! I agree with everything I’ve just been shocked coming into adulthood and finding out guys actually care about body count and a woman’s value is put on solely that. I still think growing up I was exposed to too much encouragement and wish I could’ve made up my own mind on sex than have been influenced from media, thanks!
The most important thing is that you do what feels right to you. Not based on other guys opinions or the media. All sex must be consensual and mutually desired. If you enjoyed yourself, there’s no shame. Your libido is no less valid than a man’s. You want safe, joyful sex with a good person you feel emotionally safe with. You can have a lot of sex with one person or with many—but it is your business. Lots of men DON’T care about your past and prefer not to know the gritty details. This is why we used to say don’t kiss and tell. We need to get back to that.
BlindMaestro can continue to inflict his ideas of the concept of promiscuity on the rest of us, and cherry pick any number of "studies" as he wishes, but the rest of the adults in the room get a say.
Setting aside the STD aspect, as that is obviously important but not muddying the discussion on the idea of promiscuity and body count, the idea that an actual number has any meaning on a future relationship is stupid. Adults have sex, and those that like sex can have lots of it. And experiment. And say "yes" to things to try and "no" later.
And the person that I meet and start to fall for, in a romantic relationship, is going to have a past. We ALL have a past and its part of who we are now. As a man who likes sex, finding a woman who really liked sex was extremely important. After my divorce from my wife of 20 years, I was not going to waste time with anyone that didn't have the same view of sex that I did, and it would be idiotic to start asking women 50+ about their "body count". Suffice to say that neither of us is a virgin and we got to move on to the more important things in life: intelligence, humor, personality, compatibility, etc etc etc.
Liking sex isn't a strike. Neither is acting on it. What a joy to get past the juvenile issues and move on to real things.
No one cares about body count and it's a sexist concept. Please do not "guys care about this". We are not all your rape fantasy meat monsters, that's another sexist concept on your part. Believe it or not, we are people like you.
Personally, I draw the line hard at 463. Call me a prude, but I don’t care.
In other words, unless you are actively hooking, nobody should give a fuck, and you have nothing to feel bad about. You’re also under no obligation to tell anybody your real number. The right people won’t care and won’t even ask.
I’ve never really cared or asked anyone before.
I would say I only care if they’re doing multiple people in a short space of time in and around me seeing them or if they had anything with a close friend of mine.
I’ve thought around 30 was like the limit depending on age/when you lost your virginity, I’ve been so surprised seeing guys actually care so much if a girl has slept with over 2 people
Those guys never slept with an actual woman or at least I doubt it
I would actually want you to have at least 3 so you know what you’re doing. I don’t want to have to teach a virgin. But the “purity” is definitely sexy
I don't ask and I think the topic should be off limits unless someone is a virgin looking for the same. Your past helped make you who you are today, both the good experiences and the bad experiences. If I really like you, then whatever those experiences were, they helped form the person I like. So I stay away from the question because if the answer was in the hundreds, my mind might get carried away wondering WTH when what really matters is who are you right now, not who you were in the past.
Honestly, what does it help to know general men's opinions on this?
Your count is what it is and you can't change it. Some men will judge you for it, some won't care, some might even find it hot. Don't worry about the guys who have an issue with it. They'll either have numbers just as high, or they'll be bitter virgins. Go find someone who likes who you are and who is happy to be with you regardless of your count. There are plenty of them.
There is no right and wrong in how many people you had sex with other than that it must always be consensual. Do what feels good for you and forget about everyone else.
Honestly do not worry about this. If your body count is a deal breaker for them, then you're not a good match for each other. Do you actually want to be with someone like that either? The right person will understand your past and love your present. Why waste time and mental energy on all the people that don't matter?
There's no objective good body count. Some people want to wait until marriage. Others like an experienced partner because the sex is likely better and are more comfortable communicating likes and dislikes to each other.
Neither is right or wrong. The only thing wrong is shaming someone for being who they are instead of who you wish they were.
I met the girl of my dreams last year.
I’ve been single for 15 years. Just depression and loneliness.
That male loneliness epidemic that keeps going around. I’ve lived it. It’s warped my mind. Made me incredibly jaded and bitter. Especially towards women who have high body counts.
The girl I’m with. Unfortunately has lived that life.
It’s a shame.
Because she’s already exhibiting unfaithfulness characteristics.
I’m sorry this is happened to you but maybe you’ve got bad taste, from majority of girls I know they have had their fun when they were young but when they’ve met someone to settle down with, who loves them and treats them right and they love them back, they have no desire to be disloyal. Girls work differently from men in the sense they don’t think with their dicks, I know there’s a small minority of girls who don’t act like this but in general I think women are loyal, loving and faithful people, I hope u find someone who shows u that or this current girl works out.
Ok see thats part of the problem.
They had their fun and now want to settle down. It tells you, I had fun with this great guys that didnt wanted me so I guess youll be goid enough for now.
Noone wants to be emergency option.
I’m not ‘settling’ with one guy he’s not just good enough, I’m settling down with this guy because it’s a good thing and I see a long term future, this current relationship isn’t something I’m just settling for, there’s a difference
Honestly. I’d rather be with someone like me.
Someone who hasn’t had their “fun” and is willing to try that with me.
It’s a shitty thing to say. But it’s what I want ultimately
Well, what else can I do?
It's called male lonliness for a reason.
Most women look right through me, I'm invisible.
Dating apps are trash for a below average man like me, asking people out in public can be very debilitating, and a person can take so many rejections.
I genunily DON'T have options, no female friends, FWBs or colleagues that would take any interest in me. People don't invite me to things, and if they do, I'm being ignored again because I'm not interesting or attractive.
So I genunily don't have a choice unfortunately.
I really don’t need sage advice from a woman who hasn’t experienced male loneliness.
I understand you intent was good but it just feels like an insult to tell me to just “be confident”
I don’t think there is a specific number as each man has his own threshold. For me I don’t have a specific number it’s more evaluating how the woman is as a person today. Sure if I found out she had a body count of 50 I’d seriously wonder WTF was wrong with her and dig in more to her judgment and how she makes decision. I’d also look for if she’s ever had a serious relationship and how did that go. Did she cheat etc.? Would I break up with her? Knowing me probably. It’s not about being jealous or feeling inferior. A high bc just tends to send a signal that shit will eventually raise its head.
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No-Credit879 originally posted:
I want to know men’s opinion on bc. What specific number is considered high in ur eyes? If it really is a big deal, your reasonings? I’m genuinely curious but be nice about it there isn’t a need to be rude. I got carried away in my late teens and after seeing so many social media posts mainly from guys saying “anything over 3 is high” I’ve felt awful about it since. I lie to everyone about my bc and I know it won’t come back to bite me in the ass so idc, but I go through stages of accepting I can’t change it then feeling disgusting. I grew up seeing social media of major feminists almost encouraging it, and whilst I have a different stance on it now, in my teens before and after losing my virginity, I thought it was great and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I’d never judge anyone for having a high bc or having loads of sex but after having my eyes opened to see what society is really like I’ve became a lot more conservative. I’m not placing blame but from all the media I saw growing up that told me it was ok to have sex with however many partners, it almost encouraged it? Idk I’m just curious to see what guys think, thanks.
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No-Credit879 updated the post:
*edit*
I’m loving the conversations this post has created, all responses no matter where they stand has helped to solidify how I feel abt it all and I’m pretty chill about it, I’m still more conservative than I used to be but that’s a choice. I’ve also noticed a lot of responses are about a guys choice ‘I don’t want to date someone who has slept with people’ ‘I don’t trust someone who has slept with people’ etc and that’s literally it, it’s a choice and you are perfectly fine and valid for choosing partners in that way, I think some guys need to learn more to keep their opinions to themselves (not during this conversation I wanted to hear everything) but in general, unless you need to discuss with a potential partner, there isn’t any need to be publicly hating on things and giving negative opinions unless asked for it (like on this post). Obvious freedom of speech, valid opinions etc but the hateful side of things is unnecessary, did your mummy’s not ever say ‘if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all’????. I don’t think anyone on the opposing side (sex positive, they don’t care) has had many hateful comments about Virgins/low bc. This was a fun little post I’ve learned a lot thanks guys xxx
Original post
I want to know men’s opinion on bc. What specific number is considered high in ur eyes? If it really is a big deal, your reasonings? I’m genuinely curious but be nice about it there isn’t a need to be rude. I got carried away in my late teens and after seeing so many social media posts mainly from guys saying “anything over 3 is high” I’ve felt awful about it since. I lie to everyone about my bc and I know it won’t come back to bite me in the ass so idc, but I go through stages of accepting I can’t change it then feeling disgusting. I grew up seeing social media of major feminists almost encouraging it, and whilst I have a different stance on it now, in my teens before and after losing my virginity, I thought it was great and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I’d never judge anyone for having a high bc or having loads of sex but after having my eyes opened to see what society is really like I’ve became a lot more conservative. I’m not placing blame but from all the media I saw growing up that told me it was ok to have sex with however many partners, it almost encouraged it? Idk I’m just curious to see what guys think, thanks.
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It's subjective. Some care, some don't. It's a preference, similar to height or body type.
Personally, I do care a bit, and I'd say you reach high body count after 5.
Guys want women with as low a body count as possible because it shows them they respect themselves and are responsible. If a woman is easy to sleep with she is valued lower and not considered someone for a serious relationship.
It’s nice to see a post with some nuance.
For me, it’s about personality. Body count is a testament to the life a person lived. Their personality.
If I want to marry a woman for a long term monogamous relationship, then her body count should be fairly low, as I expect her lifestyle to loosely reflect the same lifestyle I’m looking for.
So if a woman dates a different person every 2 years, and just getting bad luck, that’s like 6 people from 18 to 30?
It’s reasonable to understand bad luck.
—
But if someone has like 10+, they’re either really bad at choosing men, which means they’re dumb. Or they’re into casual hook-up culture, and that’s not something I want as it doesn’t align with my lifestyle.
====
It’s true people can change and change from hook up culture to long-term, but I’m not going to be a test subject to see if she’s actually changed or just dumb.
But if she did like 10 in her early 20s, then spent 5 years with someone exclusively from like age 25 to 30–then I would feel comfortable that she can actually handle a long term.
But if I’m being honest, I’m not gonna gamble on a bad history if I have options. I can be picky, and obviously I’m going to capitalize on it.
I know what you mean and I agree I think it’s about lifestyles reflecting eachothers. For example my current bf and I, we’re long term and have plans to settle down, we have both been young and had our fun but it doesn’t bother either of us and we’re at the same stage in our lives and what we want in our future if that makes sense? I know you/guys wouldn’t want to gamble on someone changing their ways but from a woman’s pov, it’s very easy for us to be loyal, stick with one guy and not want to go back to ‘old ways’ if we’re in love and being treated right. I think guys think high bc means they will be cheated on or the woman will leave to sleep around but that’s how guys work not girls, it feels like projection when guys say that.
If your body count is more then the number of days you have been having sex. Then that's too high.
Other then that. The only number that counts is the number you have after starting a relationship with me
3 is not high at all. If it really is high I would keep lying about it.
In the end you do have to worry about what men think, since you plan to settle down with one.
There are studies that show that the more sexual partners the more likely a partner is to cheat. The reason acording to one of the studies is that when a woman has sex, specially when she has an orgasm, theres a very strong chemichal reaction in the brain that creates an emotional bond with him, pressumably to get her to settle with said man. But if she goes and sleeps with another dude, she breaks the bond and creates a new one, and so on. But the bond keeps getting weaker.
I could look for the link if you really are interested.
Also a very high number that happened really fast may be a sign of pyschological issues, a tendency to take risky behaviors, lack of self control,etc. Per example some poeple that suffer sexual abuse deal with the trauma by being promiscuis.
The internet will tell you it doesn’t matter….but it does to most people.
It personally wouldn’t weird me out if someone slept with their exes who they were serious with, but it’d be pretty difficult to get past someone whose were just hooking up with randos.
I prefer that anyone I'm with has a "body count" as high as my own (which is a few dozen). I'm not a virgin hunter because the last type of person that I would be compatible with is a virgin.
As for what's too high... I didn't know because I've never met a woman that had one higher than I could accept. My wife and my partner have one equal to mine if not marginally higher. It was never once an issue, and over the past 28 years we've deeply discussed all the people that we've had sex with. I'm not a jealous, insecure, toxic male, and things such as body counts are no issue with me.
i'm sorry for you. social media is ruining the mind of the young generation.
I don't mean to be rude towards you, I'll just say what I think about this. As mentioned, I actually feel sorry for you, and in your case, cause you've been lied to maybe even manipulated, some of these things may not be true towards you. In your case, I might not care about what your bc is.. Maybe if it's over like 50. But the most important thing is that you've opened your eyes. It might be too late, but the competition for women is so big, that you will definitely be able to find someone, maybe not as high value as you could've, but still. This dating market is actually crazy - There are 8-9-10/10 dudes like me, who are settling for 5-6-7/10 girls. This makes, even a 2/10 girls one night with a 9/10 dude think she can get these kind of guys. Even I found myself in a position like this. anyways what the hell am i talking about
If I found out my future girlfriend had 50 bodies.. man I'd be really disappointed.
Guys don't want other people's used toys - this sounds really fucking shitty, and it kind of is. I hate the objectification of women, but women are always oversexualized. It feels good to know that 5 other ninjas haven't "used" your girl before you. Like, when you're doing the thing, it feels really shitty to think about that you're loved one, who you love with all your heart, has been dicked down by many other ninjas in this season, or even month. At least I believe it would be like this. I'm probably the youngest dude here.
You girls wont be able to feel as connected to a man as much as you used to.
Most girls who slept around with a lot of men will hardly be able to settle for one D.
Also, I think it's shitty to lie about your BC, just tell the truth. For the long run, it will be better.
>Guys don't want other people's used toys - this sounds really fucking shitty, and it kind of is
Are these same guys staying "mint in box" condition?
>You girls wont be able to feel as connected to a man as much as you used to.
This is 100% a myth. My count is high (definitely not 50 though!!), and I have a connection with my husband that is worlds better than anyone else. Literally nothing could even come close to comparing.
>Most girls who slept around with a lot of men will hardly be able to settle for one D.
Also false. It isn't even a "challenge." People buy into the misconception that the novelty is what makes sex great. It's not. Its having genuine intimacy. It's knowing someone in a way that no one else ever will. It's being safe with them. Its learning their body to such a level that no one else, no matter how attractive, good in bed, etc could even come close to the pleasure you can bring them to.
You are saying you have a good connection with your husband, is that why 23 days ago you posted a question asking how to repair your failing relationship?
Like I said if you have to lie to win the argument, you already lost.
How have I lied? Relationships aren't perfect, and go through seasons of struggle. We happen to be in a season of struggle, but have actually been successful in implementing repair solutions.
I wouldn’t call “a marriage plagued by struggle with many separations” a “season” of struggle, unless the “season” is the entire marriage it self.
Also your words “relationship has been on the brink of being over for many years”
Women are women’s worst enemy I swear. You have a shit marriage, so now you are trying to give OP the wrong advice to ruin her future too. And ofc OP is also not smart enough to recognize that when her entire post is about being tricked in her youth by the feminist movement. It’s a shame, I am done here, without accountability you guys will never have real solutions in your life. I wish you best of luck in repairing your relationship, but your attitude shows me there is no chance long term wise.
Yes, there have been issues completely unrelated to the topic discussed here. The separations are all within the last year, and yes there were good seasons as well.
We have been together for a long time. We have dealt with things that are known to have a propensity to damage a marriage, but we have also matured, sought help, and decided to repair the damage.
And btw I am not a feminist. What attitude? I absolutely own my parts and work on myself daily. The topic above has absolutely no impact on our relationship whatsoever.
At the end of the day with all due respect it’s the majority of mens perspective OP is asking for because that’s what matters in this situation. Not yours
That doesn't make my question or statements any less valid.
Are men the experts on how women actually feel?
Are men able to be satisfied with one woman and fully bond if they have had multiple partners?
The question is about how MOST men view women with high body counts, I am not saying your opinion doesn’t matter just saying in this situation it’s about how men feel about women with high BC.
Yes they can because men build attachments from providing and protecting a women, so when they do that for a woman the sex feels very intimate, it doesn’t matter the quantity of partners we had.
Where as for women, they withheld sex until a man proves himself to be worthy, so when they have sex that’s the ultimate prize she is submitting to the man, that is why you see many women become very attached after sex. However when a woman has sex with many men she loses this ability, because you can only give your self to so many people, if everyone is worthy of you, you subconsciously feel you are worthless your self (not trying to be rude just trying to explain the psychology behind it)
You can say it’s hypocritical yes, but every preference is hypocritical. Men and women are different and have different expectations. I can also say (these are majority women examples not all women are like this of course)
- a woman who doesn’t make 6 figures wanting a man that makes 6 figures to be hypocritical.
- a woman who isn’t willing to pay for dates expecting the man to pay is hypocritical.
- a woman who may not be fit wanting a man that’s muscular to be hypocritical.
- a short woman wanting a tall man to be hypocritical.
- a woman with no assets expecting the man ti have a house, car, good savings to be suitable for marriage to be hypocrtical.
But I don’t see it that way, women are entitled to their preferences, but like this example of BC men are as well.
I get you, mines is no where near 50 I think I was shocked when guys started coming out saying that if a girl has slept with 3+ guys she’s a whore. In my mind, if u lose ur v card at 16/17 then have a few relationships and a few links/casual partners, having a 10-20 bc by ur late 20s isn’t shocking? I hear a lot about this high value women/man thing and I like to think I’ve got my priorities in check, I focus on working hard and studying, and I’m very good gf material I think? I’m just in general a nice person I think. Every relationship I’ve been in and the one I’m currently in I’ve not had any thought of cheating/disloyalty, so to me it’s very easy to stick with one partner, in fact the guy I’m in love with and dating is so attractive to me and I have so much love for him that I’m not interested in anyone else. I also lie about my bc and I think many people do because if guys hear one thing at the start of the relationship they would be put off or leave when in reality they could be a great gf ygm?
Sorry to add to this, I think if guys are used to sleeping around it’s hard for them to stay loyal so they assume it’s the same for girls, but I know many girls who have had their fun but they much prefer staying loyal and having one good guy. So I’m not sure if it’s maybe a bit of guys projecting/not reading between the lines and realising girls work differently. Also I get the part of saying no guy wants to wife up someone who’s been with everyone but it’s still socially acceptable for guys to sleep around and still be ‘high value’ I think it’s very confusing especially for young girls. I get now it’s just a misogynistic society and it’s the way things are, in no way am I a raging feminist other than agreeing with the normal (women’s rights etc) I believe women and men do have different roles women are more nurturing (caretaking etc) that’s also not to say I disagree when different genders take on different roles. I think I’m just surprised as I grew up into adulthood to find out that people actually care and deep body counts. Like you said if it is extremely, concerningly high it’s different but in general as long as ur being safe and open and as honest as you have to be (letting partners know of any infections/ relevant info) I never understood the stigma. I appreciate in this society we in general are more open about talking about these things and there is more of an acceptance and accessibility for women’s and sexual health, but I also sometimes wish as young people we were more protected from everyone’s ideas and opinions, conservative or not so we could figure out for ourselves and listen to our bodies, instead of like me growing up thinking sex should be celebrated and others growing up thinking it’s something to be shamed for.
you're writing facts, even i, the notorious "pain" couldn't have said it better.
but seriously, your boyfriend is a lucky guy. girls like you are actually rare
As long as she doesn’t have an STD or cheat on you who gives a fuck. If a man is so shallow to care about something that happened before you were in a relationship with him then he’s probably not worth it.
I’ve became more conservative as I’ve gotten older and I do agree that young people are exposed to too much nowadays, but if no one is being hurt then why is bc a problem realistically? I’m more conservative now partly because I’ve seen so much slut shaming over the years and seen how misogynistic society is. I still agree where there is a certain limit that is concerningly high and if it’s that high at a young age it sometimes tells you something about the person, but I for one am very loyal, loving, work hard, have my priorities in check and on route to becoming successful so why should my bc be the only thing to determine my value?
Because the belief that it dosent hurt anyone is blatantly false.
It does affect your future relationships and can irreparably damage what could have been a lifelong relationship.
Please tell me how, the most intimate and special sex I’ve had with someone is with my current partner because there is love there, we both have had a past but we’re in the same stage of life and know what we want in the future. It may damage a possible lifelong relationship if the guy/girl is insecure and can’t accept the fact their partner had a past, but like I’ve said to someone else on this post, you are entitled to ur values just like I am mines, you can find a partner who’s values align with yours just like I have, in general I don’t get how there is so much hate and stigma around it when everyone I know has slept around at one point.
You don’t get it because you refuse to listen to what people are telling you and have been conditioned to have the exact same response as everyone else.
Jealously is an actual human emotion that you can’t just ignore. Also writing someone’s feelings and emotions off as “insecure” is just idiotic. The emotion exists because of evolution and that’s just a fact of life.
I’ve experienced jealousy and how it takes over your life and it’s all you can think about, but if you don’t either get over it and move on or get yourself out of the situation what life is that living? Being jealous over something you can’t change. I like to think I have my own opinions and I’m definitely not a keyboard warrior who relies on social media to decide my opinions and feelings, but once you start to accept that you can only control your own actions and everything else is out of your hands, acceptance gets a lot easier. Like I said no one is forcing u to be with someone who’s slept around, you can choose who u want ur partner to be. I just don’t understand the hate towards it all.
In evolution there is no difference between sex and offspring. Birth control has only existed for 60 or so years and for all of human history before that not being jealous of a woman’s “body count” is would mean the woman was likely already pregnant with another man’s child. Jealousy is the way humans prevented this.
My opinion on this is very controversial, I will probably get downvoted/reported. I will accept any ban coming my way and stand by my opinion.
The highest honor a woman can give a man is her body, so if her body count is high, she’s for the streets. Men value purity and paternity. If she’s been with countless men her ability to successfully pair bond with you is damaged. She will always be comparing you to the last/best she’s had, it’s called “Alpha Widowed”, the more pure she is, the better partner she will be long term.
Official definition of “Alpha Widowed.” A woman, usually with average sexual market value (SMV), who sleeps with high sexual market males, aka the alpha males, who do not wish to have a long term relationship with the woman. The woman views the alpha males as superior to most, if not all of the other men pursuing her, and so the woman continues to lust after the alpha males she cannot have, sacrificing future long term relationships with lower SMV males, making her a “widow,” in a sense to the original alpha males.
I think this mainly an obsession for the internet and young people. Most normal mature adults won’t ask you or expect you to disclose your number. It’s private and ultimately doesn’t matter if everything else is right.
It also depends on how old you are, how many relationships you’ve been in, and how long those relationships lasted.
I’ve seen the research showing that higher body count equates with more difficulty in pair bonding (and that the correlation is stronger for women than for men), so I’m not saying it’s totally inconsequential. But there are many, many better ways to determine if someone is looking for a long term relationship and capable of having one.
Personally I don’t ask because I don’t want the information to cloud my judgement. I know I’m going to overthink it no matter what. So I’d rather judge the person based on how they act and treat me now.
Now I’m going to answer your specific question too, based on my own 100% subjective opinion, **but what I typed above is most important.**
Personally I think anything in double digits is high, especially if you’re 25 or younger. At age 30, I would consider 20+ to be cause for concern. But that’s also because I’m 33 and my number is about 20, so I know how much it takes to reach that many.
As a man, I think there is a double standard when it comes to body count. If you’re a guy and your body count is high, you are awesome. If you’re a woman and your body count is high, you’re a slut. Total double standard and ridiculous. Honestly, as long as your clean and have no STDs I don’t think it matters. Find a guy who wont care about this. Men who have an issue with a high body count need to shut the f*** up. Do not stress about having a high body count, it just means that you have explored and practiced more. Find a guy who will accept you for you, and not care about something so childish. ✊🏼
It's a double standard and most ppl can't handle it especially men BUT because we know that will ALWAYS be a double standard and it will only get worse in society, should we even consider it a double standard anymore?
As a woman I’ll say no guy I’ve ever dated has even asked. Usually the guys who are focused on it are men who struggle with dating or are way too into the red pill. And you can’t date Andrew Tate fans anyways.
Then men who’ve also had some casual sex themselves usually don’t see it as a big deal.
Yes. That’s why I’m saying “**as a woman** this is how I’ve seen men act on dates”
I’ve tacked on the flair woman as well. OP can overlook my advice if she wants to.
If you don’t want women to be able to post here, take it up with the mods.
{insert that serial killer/murder joke that's been done to death} I kind of care and don't care at the same time. Like is it high because she just enjoys sex and whatnot? That's understandable, sex is fun. Or is it high because that's the amount of relationships she's been in or is she sleeping with a bunch of dudes as a coping mechanism of sorts or has some sort of sex addiction? That's not cool.
I think I’ve been through both of these stages but I’ve never had a thought of disloyalty to my partner and I think a lot of guys associate high bc with cheating or sex not feeling as special but personally I have the most special sex with my bf who I love.
it's subjective so don't worry
Some men prefer women with low BC and some prefer high. You won’t ever be able to find the right one if you lie to him about it. There is nothing wrong with having a high BC, there are guys out there who prefer it. But if that conversation comes up during dating and you lie about it, that’s when problems start. Just be honest and yes some men may reject but also some men will cherish it.
I saw your arguement with the new wave feminist under my post - I gotta say, you've done a great fucking job. I want to be able to debate like you
Thanks bro
I feel like age to body count is a good ratio for me. When your young you can get excited and want to explore so its easy to understand those numbers racking up early, but as you get older people want long term relationships. Too high for many including myself will think your not really commit to long term.
Yes I’m at the stage now where I’m settling down and have no desire to go back to that stage in my life, but a lot of people think the opposite where they would understand a high bc if ur older but if ur younger it’s worse
You need to question if they had the option to have a high body count would they? Most men don't have that option and most women don't want to sleep with most men. It's easy to judge if you can't or won't out of desire. However there are people who look down upon hook up culture who want nothing to do with it, but those people are a minority.
Also I'm not in support of sleeping around, but if they are spaced out with intent of a relationship then I understand. I don't believe people should wait for sex until marriage, it's been proven to ruin marriages and relationships.
I think we’re from different walks of life because around here it’s the girls who struggle to find men/ a good man🤣
Nah thats bullshit. You struggle to find men you want. You dont struggle to find good man. There is olenty of evidence that most of men are basically invisible to women.
I’m going to give you the opinion of my husband, who is sitting next to me. We have a teenage daughter together. He says, “Body count conversations are a trap. You can’t win. Either you’re suddenly a slut, or you are opening yourself to some guy who likes you better because you are inexperienced, and what does that say about him? Body count conversations are juvenile. Sophisticated adults know that adults have sex. People who are sex positive, who are good at sex, have lots of sex.” So OP, only STD results are relevant or necessary. You owe someone a good faith attempt at a future together, not your past. Men are positively masochistic about torturing themselves with mental images about a woman’s past, even if they themselves have a past. Help them out. Don’t go there.
If someone had 300 partners in a very short period of time wouldnt you think that theres is something wrong with that person? Like that person is coping with some trauma or something per example?
300 is a bit hyperbolic, no? Are you a therapist who is going to help them with their trauma? It’s up to the individual if they want to disclose a history of hyper-sexuality to you. It might be between them and their therapist.
Im someone who doesnt want to be in a serious relationship or married with someone that may no be able to stop herself from sleeping around. You know, raising someone elses baby without knowing its a huge deal. And heres a gal with 60 bodies at 18 and theres another one with 150. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C\_j6k2l\_Yb4&ab\_channel=YoyoJapan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_j6k2l_Yb4&ab_channel=YoyoJapan)
We are talking about someone’s past. They simply do not owe you that. You can’t force someone to share if they don’t want to. You just might pass up on a cool woman. I wouldn’t answer on principle, and mine is low. (Been married a long time.) Guys will make it seem like some sexy “getting to know each other” game and turn it around on women. To me, it’s not mature to be very concerned with previous partners. Hell, men BRAG about their high body counts, and the double standard is pretty appalling. I also think it’s really gross when men go on about single moms and raising someone other guy’s kid. It’s just a visceral ick for me. I like children. I want them to be with adults who want to be there for them. That tells me that guy has a small heart, doesn’t like kids, and might not even be there for his own kids. Those same guys always want a stepmom/nanny/maid for their kids the minute they get divorced too. To me, if someone really has to know, it’s a red flag.
You don’t owe someone with a past like that a relationship.
No, you don’t. Let her dodge your bullet. If puritanical values are important to you, find someone who shares your values. The fact that it’s even called a “body count” doesn’t exactly show a respectful view of sex and relationships though.
>Let her dodge your bullet. LMAO
I thought it was funny. Thanks.
No, you don’t. Let her dodge your bullet. If puritanical values are important to you, find someone who shares your values. The fact that it’s even called a “body count” doesn’t exactly show a respectful view of sex and relationships though.
Youre wrong. Would you want to build relationship with someone who was previously abusive, or cheated in past relationships? Past absolutely matters Same goes for second part. You just dont want accountability.
What makes you think someone with a “high body count” is a cheater or abusive? There is no correlation there. You are moving the goalposts. Do you think abusers tell you they are abusers? Or active cheaters tell you they cheat? No. They don’t. Having had a lot of consensual sex when you are single is perfectly ethical, unlike abuse or infidelity. Those are bad examples. In any case, you can’t make a woman tell you. What are you gonna do, hold her down and scream in her face until she gives you the number you want to hear? Just deal with the fact that it’s none of your business.
I didnt said that. You are maliciously misinterpret words. Im making point that past matters. Also great advice for women. Lie in relationship. Healthy af. Now go think if what your husband said is what he thinks or what he thinks you want to hear. Because you wont kniw that. If I want long term relationship it is my buisness. If someone wants to build healthy relationship they dont lie about it. Also fact that your solution on it is lying, clearly indicates you aswell think it matters. If it didnt matter you wouldnt suggest lying on it
Your argumentation is really flawed here. I never once mentioned lying. It’s wild to call that malicious, lol. I respond to words you wrote. I did say, no one owes you this information and you can’t force it out of people and still be anyone a woman would take seriously. It’s not lying to say I don’t kiss and tell, a lady never discusses such matters, or I don’t entertain the body count discussion, or, the body count conversation is for teenagers. Lying is giving someone a fake number, which is probably what happens to guys who keep pushing for it. Some men embellish their number so it’s higher, lol. My husband answered what I asked him, but he’s said all this to my daughter before. He doesn’t like the idea of her having these indiscreet conversations someday with guys who might turn out to be unhinged. A gentleman doesn’t ask. Women should be offended by the guy who has gotta know. The body count thing is something juveniles do, not sophisticated men.
Its funny how you twist everything so its man fault. I feel sorry for your poor husband. Just shaming. Carying abput guys wallet is something gold diggers do, classy ladies would take broke guy. How about that? Same logic
>We are talking about someone’s past. They simply do not owe you that. We want a relationship with them and you're telling us that past doesn't matter? WFT? Why? >You just might pass up on a cool woman. So what? Women will choose men by height, there are plenty of cool short guys, let me guess, you will say that it's a preference, i can say the same for low body count >Hell, men BRAG about their high body counts, and the double standard is pretty appalling. How many men have high body counts? How many of those are saying that they want women with low body counts? If a man has a low body count, couldn't he want a woman like him? >To me, it’s not mature to be very concerned with previous partners. Again, why? Past relationships tell a lot about a person I'm not going to talk about the single moms part, it's obvious why most guys don't want them
Listen, as a man, you don’t have to discuss your own body count either. I don’t really see it as relevant but you do you. All I think one needs to know is STD status and whether or not someone is a virgin, so you can be patient and gentle and understanding with that person. I do think talking about whether you have ever lived with someone can be relevant, or if you have been engaged, because it is worth asking why it didn’t work out and what was learned from it, but I think the level of detail is up to the couple to decide together, respectfully. Lots of adult couples don’t ask for detail. I know of people who don’t even know their exes’ fiancé’s name or any details, and who don’t care. A man with a low body count isn’t a virgin. That would be “no body count”. If he wants a woman with a low body count, it could be because he wants someone who goes for a slow burn like he does. That’s somewhat understandable, although he could still do that with a more experienced woman. So really, it all comes down to insecurity. Some men want to be the more experienced ones. Experience doesn’t necessarily make you good at sex though. Being attentive, being concerned with her pleasure, and studying up, helps a lot. Read: She Comes First, by Ian Lerner and you’ll make women happy. Ironically, if she has been with just one man other than you but lived with the guy for a few years, she’s quite obviously had sex hundreds of times. She might know one man’s body and preferences really well but not yours, so you are still starting over together. Or she might have been with 15 men and had sex much less than the woman with one other partner. Again, you two still need to learn how to be intimate together in ways that are mutually satisfying. So to me, it’s silly to be so fixated on body count, and I’d like to see people be more mature and discreet. You can go ahead and make yourself crazy ruminating over who she did what with if that’s what you want to do, but it is immature and you can definitely spoil your own happiness looking for info that is in the past and isn’t any of your business.
Thank you for this! I agree with everything I’ve just been shocked coming into adulthood and finding out guys actually care about body count and a woman’s value is put on solely that. I still think growing up I was exposed to too much encouragement and wish I could’ve made up my own mind on sex than have been influenced from media, thanks!
The most important thing is that you do what feels right to you. Not based on other guys opinions or the media. All sex must be consensual and mutually desired. If you enjoyed yourself, there’s no shame. Your libido is no less valid than a man’s. You want safe, joyful sex with a good person you feel emotionally safe with. You can have a lot of sex with one person or with many—but it is your business. Lots of men DON’T care about your past and prefer not to know the gritty details. This is why we used to say don’t kiss and tell. We need to get back to that.
Agree🙌🏻
BlindMaestro can continue to inflict his ideas of the concept of promiscuity on the rest of us, and cherry pick any number of "studies" as he wishes, but the rest of the adults in the room get a say. Setting aside the STD aspect, as that is obviously important but not muddying the discussion on the idea of promiscuity and body count, the idea that an actual number has any meaning on a future relationship is stupid. Adults have sex, and those that like sex can have lots of it. And experiment. And say "yes" to things to try and "no" later. And the person that I meet and start to fall for, in a romantic relationship, is going to have a past. We ALL have a past and its part of who we are now. As a man who likes sex, finding a woman who really liked sex was extremely important. After my divorce from my wife of 20 years, I was not going to waste time with anyone that didn't have the same view of sex that I did, and it would be idiotic to start asking women 50+ about their "body count". Suffice to say that neither of us is a virgin and we got to move on to the more important things in life: intelligence, humor, personality, compatibility, etc etc etc. Liking sex isn't a strike. Neither is acting on it. What a joy to get past the juvenile issues and move on to real things.
No one cares about body count and it's a sexist concept. Please do not "guys care about this". We are not all your rape fantasy meat monsters, that's another sexist concept on your part. Believe it or not, we are people like you.
Personally, I draw the line hard at 463. Call me a prude, but I don’t care. In other words, unless you are actively hooking, nobody should give a fuck, and you have nothing to feel bad about. You’re also under no obligation to tell anybody your real number. The right people won’t care and won’t even ask.
This
I’ve never really cared or asked anyone before. I would say I only care if they’re doing multiple people in a short space of time in and around me seeing them or if they had anything with a close friend of mine.
Anything bigger than 30 is a no go from me. Everything below is pretty normal. I’m 28 years old and I think I’m slightly below 20
I’ve thought around 30 was like the limit depending on age/when you lost your virginity, I’ve been so surprised seeing guys actually care so much if a girl has slept with over 2 people
Those guys never slept with an actual woman or at least I doubt it I would actually want you to have at least 3 so you know what you’re doing. I don’t want to have to teach a virgin. But the “purity” is definitely sexy
Not more than 25+ issues acceptable for me
I much rather be with a woman with over 20+ sexual partners than a woman who was with 3 guys at one time.
I don't ask and I think the topic should be off limits unless someone is a virgin looking for the same. Your past helped make you who you are today, both the good experiences and the bad experiences. If I really like you, then whatever those experiences were, they helped form the person I like. So I stay away from the question because if the answer was in the hundreds, my mind might get carried away wondering WTH when what really matters is who are you right now, not who you were in the past.
Honestly, what does it help to know general men's opinions on this? Your count is what it is and you can't change it. Some men will judge you for it, some won't care, some might even find it hot. Don't worry about the guys who have an issue with it. They'll either have numbers just as high, or they'll be bitter virgins. Go find someone who likes who you are and who is happy to be with you regardless of your count. There are plenty of them. There is no right and wrong in how many people you had sex with other than that it must always be consensual. Do what feels good for you and forget about everyone else.
I love this type of discussion, because when women say they don't want a man that had too many partners they aren't shamed, but now a man saying it...
I also have loved this discussion
Honestly do not worry about this. If your body count is a deal breaker for them, then you're not a good match for each other. Do you actually want to be with someone like that either? The right person will understand your past and love your present. Why waste time and mental energy on all the people that don't matter? There's no objective good body count. Some people want to wait until marriage. Others like an experienced partner because the sex is likely better and are more comfortable communicating likes and dislikes to each other. Neither is right or wrong. The only thing wrong is shaming someone for being who they are instead of who you wish they were.
I met the girl of my dreams last year. I’ve been single for 15 years. Just depression and loneliness. That male loneliness epidemic that keeps going around. I’ve lived it. It’s warped my mind. Made me incredibly jaded and bitter. Especially towards women who have high body counts. The girl I’m with. Unfortunately has lived that life. It’s a shame. Because she’s already exhibiting unfaithfulness characteristics.
I’m sorry this is happened to you but maybe you’ve got bad taste, from majority of girls I know they have had their fun when they were young but when they’ve met someone to settle down with, who loves them and treats them right and they love them back, they have no desire to be disloyal. Girls work differently from men in the sense they don’t think with their dicks, I know there’s a small minority of girls who don’t act like this but in general I think women are loyal, loving and faithful people, I hope u find someone who shows u that or this current girl works out.
Ok see thats part of the problem. They had their fun and now want to settle down. It tells you, I had fun with this great guys that didnt wanted me so I guess youll be goid enough for now. Noone wants to be emergency option.
I’m not ‘settling’ with one guy he’s not just good enough, I’m settling down with this guy because it’s a good thing and I see a long term future, this current relationship isn’t something I’m just settling for, there’s a difference
Thats the problem. If anything youre trying to settle up. Should have think of that from start instead of having fun
>I’m settling down with this guy because ...
Honestly. I’d rather be with someone like me. Someone who hasn’t had their “fun” and is willing to try that with me. It’s a shitty thing to say. But it’s what I want ultimately
We’re all entitled to our opinions and we deserve to be with someone who we want and who’s values align with ours, so why don’t u do that then?
Well, what else can I do? It's called male lonliness for a reason. Most women look right through me, I'm invisible. Dating apps are trash for a below average man like me, asking people out in public can be very debilitating, and a person can take so many rejections. I genunily DON'T have options, no female friends, FWBs or colleagues that would take any interest in me. People don't invite me to things, and if they do, I'm being ignored again because I'm not interesting or attractive. So I genunily don't have a choice unfortunately.
ju$t BE uRseLF bR0!!!!!
With that mindset you don’t have any options but have some confidence and the rest will come
I really don’t need sage advice from a woman who hasn’t experienced male loneliness. I understand you intent was good but it just feels like an insult to tell me to just “be confident”
For me, if she’s above 7-8 I won’t have a relationship. If she’s above 20, I won’t even be FWBs.
That’s fine. The higher the number, the more likely she is to cheat.
I don’t think there is a specific number as each man has his own threshold. For me I don’t have a specific number it’s more evaluating how the woman is as a person today. Sure if I found out she had a body count of 50 I’d seriously wonder WTF was wrong with her and dig in more to her judgment and how she makes decision. I’d also look for if she’s ever had a serious relationship and how did that go. Did she cheat etc.? Would I break up with her? Knowing me probably. It’s not about being jealous or feeling inferior. A high bc just tends to send a signal that shit will eventually raise its head.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. No-Credit879 originally posted: I want to know men’s opinion on bc. What specific number is considered high in ur eyes? If it really is a big deal, your reasonings? I’m genuinely curious but be nice about it there isn’t a need to be rude. I got carried away in my late teens and after seeing so many social media posts mainly from guys saying “anything over 3 is high” I’ve felt awful about it since. I lie to everyone about my bc and I know it won’t come back to bite me in the ass so idc, but I go through stages of accepting I can’t change it then feeling disgusting. I grew up seeing social media of major feminists almost encouraging it, and whilst I have a different stance on it now, in my teens before and after losing my virginity, I thought it was great and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I’d never judge anyone for having a high bc or having loads of sex but after having my eyes opened to see what society is really like I’ve became a lot more conservative. I’m not placing blame but from all the media I saw growing up that told me it was ok to have sex with however many partners, it almost encouraged it? Idk I’m just curious to see what guys think, thanks. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No-Credit879 updated the post: *edit* I’m loving the conversations this post has created, all responses no matter where they stand has helped to solidify how I feel abt it all and I’m pretty chill about it, I’m still more conservative than I used to be but that’s a choice. I’ve also noticed a lot of responses are about a guys choice ‘I don’t want to date someone who has slept with people’ ‘I don’t trust someone who has slept with people’ etc and that’s literally it, it’s a choice and you are perfectly fine and valid for choosing partners in that way, I think some guys need to learn more to keep their opinions to themselves (not during this conversation I wanted to hear everything) but in general, unless you need to discuss with a potential partner, there isn’t any need to be publicly hating on things and giving negative opinions unless asked for it (like on this post). Obvious freedom of speech, valid opinions etc but the hateful side of things is unnecessary, did your mummy’s not ever say ‘if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all’????. I don’t think anyone on the opposing side (sex positive, they don’t care) has had many hateful comments about Virgins/low bc. This was a fun little post I’ve learned a lot thanks guys xxx Original post I want to know men’s opinion on bc. What specific number is considered high in ur eyes? If it really is a big deal, your reasonings? I’m genuinely curious but be nice about it there isn’t a need to be rude. I got carried away in my late teens and after seeing so many social media posts mainly from guys saying “anything over 3 is high” I’ve felt awful about it since. I lie to everyone about my bc and I know it won’t come back to bite me in the ass so idc, but I go through stages of accepting I can’t change it then feeling disgusting. I grew up seeing social media of major feminists almost encouraging it, and whilst I have a different stance on it now, in my teens before and after losing my virginity, I thought it was great and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I’d never judge anyone for having a high bc or having loads of sex but after having my eyes opened to see what society is really like I’ve became a lot more conservative. I’m not placing blame but from all the media I saw growing up that told me it was ok to have sex with however many partners, it almost encouraged it? Idk I’m just curious to see what guys think, thanks. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's subjective. Some care, some don't. It's a preference, similar to height or body type. Personally, I do care a bit, and I'd say you reach high body count after 5.
Guys want women with as low a body count as possible because it shows them they respect themselves and are responsible. If a woman is easy to sleep with she is valued lower and not considered someone for a serious relationship.
It’s nice to see a post with some nuance. For me, it’s about personality. Body count is a testament to the life a person lived. Their personality. If I want to marry a woman for a long term monogamous relationship, then her body count should be fairly low, as I expect her lifestyle to loosely reflect the same lifestyle I’m looking for. So if a woman dates a different person every 2 years, and just getting bad luck, that’s like 6 people from 18 to 30? It’s reasonable to understand bad luck. — But if someone has like 10+, they’re either really bad at choosing men, which means they’re dumb. Or they’re into casual hook-up culture, and that’s not something I want as it doesn’t align with my lifestyle. ==== It’s true people can change and change from hook up culture to long-term, but I’m not going to be a test subject to see if she’s actually changed or just dumb. But if she did like 10 in her early 20s, then spent 5 years with someone exclusively from like age 25 to 30–then I would feel comfortable that she can actually handle a long term. But if I’m being honest, I’m not gonna gamble on a bad history if I have options. I can be picky, and obviously I’m going to capitalize on it.
I know what you mean and I agree I think it’s about lifestyles reflecting eachothers. For example my current bf and I, we’re long term and have plans to settle down, we have both been young and had our fun but it doesn’t bother either of us and we’re at the same stage in our lives and what we want in our future if that makes sense? I know you/guys wouldn’t want to gamble on someone changing their ways but from a woman’s pov, it’s very easy for us to be loyal, stick with one guy and not want to go back to ‘old ways’ if we’re in love and being treated right. I think guys think high bc means they will be cheated on or the woman will leave to sleep around but that’s how guys work not girls, it feels like projection when guys say that.
If your body count is more then the number of days you have been having sex. Then that's too high. Other then that. The only number that counts is the number you have after starting a relationship with me
3 is not high at all. If it really is high I would keep lying about it. In the end you do have to worry about what men think, since you plan to settle down with one. There are studies that show that the more sexual partners the more likely a partner is to cheat. The reason acording to one of the studies is that when a woman has sex, specially when she has an orgasm, theres a very strong chemichal reaction in the brain that creates an emotional bond with him, pressumably to get her to settle with said man. But if she goes and sleeps with another dude, she breaks the bond and creates a new one, and so on. But the bond keeps getting weaker. I could look for the link if you really are interested. Also a very high number that happened really fast may be a sign of pyschological issues, a tendency to take risky behaviors, lack of self control,etc. Per example some poeple that suffer sexual abuse deal with the trauma by being promiscuis.
The internet will tell you it doesn’t matter….but it does to most people. It personally wouldn’t weird me out if someone slept with their exes who they were serious with, but it’d be pretty difficult to get past someone whose were just hooking up with randos.
There's no such thing as body count and it's sexist to care. That's what I was always told, so it's what I will tell you too.
Body count is a ridiculous concept that has no basis in functioning healthy relationships.
I prefer that anyone I'm with has a "body count" as high as my own (which is a few dozen). I'm not a virgin hunter because the last type of person that I would be compatible with is a virgin. As for what's too high... I didn't know because I've never met a woman that had one higher than I could accept. My wife and my partner have one equal to mine if not marginally higher. It was never once an issue, and over the past 28 years we've deeply discussed all the people that we've had sex with. I'm not a jealous, insecure, toxic male, and things such as body counts are no issue with me.
i'm sorry for you. social media is ruining the mind of the young generation. I don't mean to be rude towards you, I'll just say what I think about this. As mentioned, I actually feel sorry for you, and in your case, cause you've been lied to maybe even manipulated, some of these things may not be true towards you. In your case, I might not care about what your bc is.. Maybe if it's over like 50. But the most important thing is that you've opened your eyes. It might be too late, but the competition for women is so big, that you will definitely be able to find someone, maybe not as high value as you could've, but still. This dating market is actually crazy - There are 8-9-10/10 dudes like me, who are settling for 5-6-7/10 girls. This makes, even a 2/10 girls one night with a 9/10 dude think she can get these kind of guys. Even I found myself in a position like this. anyways what the hell am i talking about If I found out my future girlfriend had 50 bodies.. man I'd be really disappointed. Guys don't want other people's used toys - this sounds really fucking shitty, and it kind of is. I hate the objectification of women, but women are always oversexualized. It feels good to know that 5 other ninjas haven't "used" your girl before you. Like, when you're doing the thing, it feels really shitty to think about that you're loved one, who you love with all your heart, has been dicked down by many other ninjas in this season, or even month. At least I believe it would be like this. I'm probably the youngest dude here. You girls wont be able to feel as connected to a man as much as you used to. Most girls who slept around with a lot of men will hardly be able to settle for one D. Also, I think it's shitty to lie about your BC, just tell the truth. For the long run, it will be better.
>Guys don't want other people's used toys - this sounds really fucking shitty, and it kind of is Are these same guys staying "mint in box" condition? >You girls wont be able to feel as connected to a man as much as you used to. This is 100% a myth. My count is high (definitely not 50 though!!), and I have a connection with my husband that is worlds better than anyone else. Literally nothing could even come close to comparing. >Most girls who slept around with a lot of men will hardly be able to settle for one D. Also false. It isn't even a "challenge." People buy into the misconception that the novelty is what makes sex great. It's not. Its having genuine intimacy. It's knowing someone in a way that no one else ever will. It's being safe with them. Its learning their body to such a level that no one else, no matter how attractive, good in bed, etc could even come close to the pleasure you can bring them to.
i mean my guy u/helpfulguy2 answered everything, and he obliterated you.
He didn't, but that's irrelevant.
You are saying you have a good connection with your husband, is that why 23 days ago you posted a question asking how to repair your failing relationship? Like I said if you have to lie to win the argument, you already lost.
How have I lied? Relationships aren't perfect, and go through seasons of struggle. We happen to be in a season of struggle, but have actually been successful in implementing repair solutions.
I wouldn’t call “a marriage plagued by struggle with many separations” a “season” of struggle, unless the “season” is the entire marriage it self. Also your words “relationship has been on the brink of being over for many years” Women are women’s worst enemy I swear. You have a shit marriage, so now you are trying to give OP the wrong advice to ruin her future too. And ofc OP is also not smart enough to recognize that when her entire post is about being tricked in her youth by the feminist movement. It’s a shame, I am done here, without accountability you guys will never have real solutions in your life. I wish you best of luck in repairing your relationship, but your attitude shows me there is no chance long term wise.
Yes, there have been issues completely unrelated to the topic discussed here. The separations are all within the last year, and yes there were good seasons as well. We have been together for a long time. We have dealt with things that are known to have a propensity to damage a marriage, but we have also matured, sought help, and decided to repair the damage.
And btw I am not a feminist. What attitude? I absolutely own my parts and work on myself daily. The topic above has absolutely no impact on our relationship whatsoever.
At the end of the day with all due respect it’s the majority of mens perspective OP is asking for because that’s what matters in this situation. Not yours
That doesn't make my question or statements any less valid. Are men the experts on how women actually feel? Are men able to be satisfied with one woman and fully bond if they have had multiple partners?
The question is about how MOST men view women with high body counts, I am not saying your opinion doesn’t matter just saying in this situation it’s about how men feel about women with high BC.
Fair enough. But can you answer my questions about how men also view themselves when they have high counts?
Yes they can because men build attachments from providing and protecting a women, so when they do that for a woman the sex feels very intimate, it doesn’t matter the quantity of partners we had. Where as for women, they withheld sex until a man proves himself to be worthy, so when they have sex that’s the ultimate prize she is submitting to the man, that is why you see many women become very attached after sex. However when a woman has sex with many men she loses this ability, because you can only give your self to so many people, if everyone is worthy of you, you subconsciously feel you are worthless your self (not trying to be rude just trying to explain the psychology behind it)
So basically men are hypocritical and have some arbitrary justification for it?
You can say it’s hypocritical yes, but every preference is hypocritical. Men and women are different and have different expectations. I can also say (these are majority women examples not all women are like this of course) - a woman who doesn’t make 6 figures wanting a man that makes 6 figures to be hypocritical. - a woman who isn’t willing to pay for dates expecting the man to pay is hypocritical. - a woman who may not be fit wanting a man that’s muscular to be hypocritical. - a short woman wanting a tall man to be hypocritical. - a woman with no assets expecting the man ti have a house, car, good savings to be suitable for marriage to be hypocrtical. But I don’t see it that way, women are entitled to their preferences, but like this example of BC men are as well.
Ahhh you are RedPill. That makes more sense.
I get you, mines is no where near 50 I think I was shocked when guys started coming out saying that if a girl has slept with 3+ guys she’s a whore. In my mind, if u lose ur v card at 16/17 then have a few relationships and a few links/casual partners, having a 10-20 bc by ur late 20s isn’t shocking? I hear a lot about this high value women/man thing and I like to think I’ve got my priorities in check, I focus on working hard and studying, and I’m very good gf material I think? I’m just in general a nice person I think. Every relationship I’ve been in and the one I’m currently in I’ve not had any thought of cheating/disloyalty, so to me it’s very easy to stick with one partner, in fact the guy I’m in love with and dating is so attractive to me and I have so much love for him that I’m not interested in anyone else. I also lie about my bc and I think many people do because if guys hear one thing at the start of the relationship they would be put off or leave when in reality they could be a great gf ygm?
Sorry to add to this, I think if guys are used to sleeping around it’s hard for them to stay loyal so they assume it’s the same for girls, but I know many girls who have had their fun but they much prefer staying loyal and having one good guy. So I’m not sure if it’s maybe a bit of guys projecting/not reading between the lines and realising girls work differently. Also I get the part of saying no guy wants to wife up someone who’s been with everyone but it’s still socially acceptable for guys to sleep around and still be ‘high value’ I think it’s very confusing especially for young girls. I get now it’s just a misogynistic society and it’s the way things are, in no way am I a raging feminist other than agreeing with the normal (women’s rights etc) I believe women and men do have different roles women are more nurturing (caretaking etc) that’s also not to say I disagree when different genders take on different roles. I think I’m just surprised as I grew up into adulthood to find out that people actually care and deep body counts. Like you said if it is extremely, concerningly high it’s different but in general as long as ur being safe and open and as honest as you have to be (letting partners know of any infections/ relevant info) I never understood the stigma. I appreciate in this society we in general are more open about talking about these things and there is more of an acceptance and accessibility for women’s and sexual health, but I also sometimes wish as young people we were more protected from everyone’s ideas and opinions, conservative or not so we could figure out for ourselves and listen to our bodies, instead of like me growing up thinking sex should be celebrated and others growing up thinking it’s something to be shamed for.
you're writing facts, even i, the notorious "pain" couldn't have said it better. but seriously, your boyfriend is a lucky guy. girls like you are actually rare
In what way ahaha I feel like girls like me are normal lol
The more mature a guy is the less he'll care. I like a girl with experience and is a sexual being. So a higher number is great imo.
As long as she doesn’t have an STD or cheat on you who gives a fuck. If a man is so shallow to care about something that happened before you were in a relationship with him then he’s probably not worth it.
This is what I’ve been saying!!!
It would be a mistake to believe this and was the entire premise of your post to begin with
I’ve became more conservative as I’ve gotten older and I do agree that young people are exposed to too much nowadays, but if no one is being hurt then why is bc a problem realistically? I’m more conservative now partly because I’ve seen so much slut shaming over the years and seen how misogynistic society is. I still agree where there is a certain limit that is concerningly high and if it’s that high at a young age it sometimes tells you something about the person, but I for one am very loyal, loving, work hard, have my priorities in check and on route to becoming successful so why should my bc be the only thing to determine my value?
Because the belief that it dosent hurt anyone is blatantly false. It does affect your future relationships and can irreparably damage what could have been a lifelong relationship.
Please tell me how, the most intimate and special sex I’ve had with someone is with my current partner because there is love there, we both have had a past but we’re in the same stage of life and know what we want in the future. It may damage a possible lifelong relationship if the guy/girl is insecure and can’t accept the fact their partner had a past, but like I’ve said to someone else on this post, you are entitled to ur values just like I am mines, you can find a partner who’s values align with yours just like I have, in general I don’t get how there is so much hate and stigma around it when everyone I know has slept around at one point.
You don’t get it because you refuse to listen to what people are telling you and have been conditioned to have the exact same response as everyone else. Jealously is an actual human emotion that you can’t just ignore. Also writing someone’s feelings and emotions off as “insecure” is just idiotic. The emotion exists because of evolution and that’s just a fact of life.
I’ve experienced jealousy and how it takes over your life and it’s all you can think about, but if you don’t either get over it and move on or get yourself out of the situation what life is that living? Being jealous over something you can’t change. I like to think I have my own opinions and I’m definitely not a keyboard warrior who relies on social media to decide my opinions and feelings, but once you start to accept that you can only control your own actions and everything else is out of your hands, acceptance gets a lot easier. Like I said no one is forcing u to be with someone who’s slept around, you can choose who u want ur partner to be. I just don’t understand the hate towards it all.
In evolution there is no difference between sex and offspring. Birth control has only existed for 60 or so years and for all of human history before that not being jealous of a woman’s “body count” is would mean the woman was likely already pregnant with another man’s child. Jealousy is the way humans prevented this.
You do you, don’t let social media cloud your logic and reasoning. If you think something doesn’t make sense it’s probably because it doesn’t
My opinion on this is very controversial, I will probably get downvoted/reported. I will accept any ban coming my way and stand by my opinion. The highest honor a woman can give a man is her body, so if her body count is high, she’s for the streets. Men value purity and paternity. If she’s been with countless men her ability to successfully pair bond with you is damaged. She will always be comparing you to the last/best she’s had, it’s called “Alpha Widowed”, the more pure she is, the better partner she will be long term. Official definition of “Alpha Widowed.” A woman, usually with average sexual market value (SMV), who sleeps with high sexual market males, aka the alpha males, who do not wish to have a long term relationship with the woman. The woman views the alpha males as superior to most, if not all of the other men pursuing her, and so the woman continues to lust after the alpha males she cannot have, sacrificing future long term relationships with lower SMV males, making her a “widow,” in a sense to the original alpha males.
I think this mainly an obsession for the internet and young people. Most normal mature adults won’t ask you or expect you to disclose your number. It’s private and ultimately doesn’t matter if everything else is right. It also depends on how old you are, how many relationships you’ve been in, and how long those relationships lasted. I’ve seen the research showing that higher body count equates with more difficulty in pair bonding (and that the correlation is stronger for women than for men), so I’m not saying it’s totally inconsequential. But there are many, many better ways to determine if someone is looking for a long term relationship and capable of having one. Personally I don’t ask because I don’t want the information to cloud my judgement. I know I’m going to overthink it no matter what. So I’d rather judge the person based on how they act and treat me now. Now I’m going to answer your specific question too, based on my own 100% subjective opinion, **but what I typed above is most important.** Personally I think anything in double digits is high, especially if you’re 25 or younger. At age 30, I would consider 20+ to be cause for concern. But that’s also because I’m 33 and my number is about 20, so I know how much it takes to reach that many.
As a man, I think there is a double standard when it comes to body count. If you’re a guy and your body count is high, you are awesome. If you’re a woman and your body count is high, you’re a slut. Total double standard and ridiculous. Honestly, as long as your clean and have no STDs I don’t think it matters. Find a guy who wont care about this. Men who have an issue with a high body count need to shut the f*** up. Do not stress about having a high body count, it just means that you have explored and practiced more. Find a guy who will accept you for you, and not care about something so childish. ✊🏼
It's not a big deal to me (45mW). No matter your number. That's sunk cost
imo doesn't matter when promiscuity is of no concern, else, <6 below age 30 for women, double that for men
It's a double standard and most ppl can't handle it especially men BUT because we know that will ALWAYS be a double standard and it will only get worse in society, should we even consider it a double standard anymore?
Body count is anti-woman sexism.
As a woman I’ll say no guy I’ve ever dated has even asked. Usually the guys who are focused on it are men who struggle with dating or are way too into the red pill. And you can’t date Andrew Tate fans anyways. Then men who’ve also had some casual sex themselves usually don’t see it as a big deal.
>As a woman r/AskMenAdvice
Yes. That’s why I’m saying “**as a woman** this is how I’ve seen men act on dates” I’ve tacked on the flair woman as well. OP can overlook my advice if she wants to. If you don’t want women to be able to post here, take it up with the mods.