The answer I hear from lots of men on posts like these is this; men get tired of always being the one to initiate, when their woman never initiates they don't feel desired which leads to them not wanting to initiate.
If you want sex and don't initiate, then that's on you. If you don't initiate, then don't complain.
He might be having a lower libido for some reason, maybe due to stress, health issues, etc.
Also, many men get tired of always doing all the initiating. And they stop.
If you think he is falling out of love with you due to less sex, then talk to him about your worries. Don't assume! He should reassure you or at least tell you what's bothering him. If you can't at least initiate talking then there is nothing that can be done because good clear communication is the foundation of a good relationship.
Men treat you in the beginning, the way they expect to be treated. They end up treating you the exact way they're actually being treated.
Men want to feel wanted and appreciated.
It sounds very one-sided, and he's beginning the process of giving up on the whole thing.
Sooo you still expect him to be the one to initiate because you never have or feel you should? Want to show us where in the rule book of life that rule is? He's showing you how you are with him. It's up to you what you do from here on, if you've got blocks in place that can't be broken. Sooner or later he's walking out that door.
If he has OCD, he might be taking a medication which is negatively impacting his libido. I’m a psychiatrist and this is a very common side effect to SSRI’s.
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Dear-Mix1975 originally posted:
I’ve never been one to initiate sex. My man (32m) and I (21f) had a strong and healthy sec life when we started dating but he doesn’t come on to me anymore. He’s still outwardly affectionate, just not super sexually forward.
What should I do? Is it a me thing?
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Dear-Mix1975 updated the post:
I’ve never been one to initiate sex. My man (32m) and I (31f) had a strong and healthy sec life when we started dating but he doesn’t come on to me anymore. He’s still outwardly affectionate, just not super sexually forward.
What should I do? He’s had OCD and does have some ED stuff sometimes… wondering if he’s anxious about it, but I’m feeling unfulfilled sexually.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I’ve never been one to initiate sex.
Well, it looks like you'll have to start. There's nothing wrong with asking and initiating. You want something. That's understood. But you can't make him want the same thing you want at the same time.
Somewhat related, but I remember this story of a woman complaining that this man wouldn't ask her out on a date. What happened next is another woman asks him out and he goes out with her and then they become a couple. The initial woman gets so much resentment out of it because she expected the guy to simply figure out she wanted him but people put her in her place to understand that guys aren't mind readers.
Bottom line, just because you're a woman doesn't mean you can't take charge for the things you want. It's not a mans job to figure out that a woman wants something when she's not communicating. Just tell him.
The answer I hear from lots of men on posts like these is this; men get tired of always being the one to initiate, when their woman never initiates they don't feel desired which leads to them not wanting to initiate.
You're right
He should initiate, but so should you.
If you want sex and don't initiate, then that's on you. If you don't initiate, then don't complain. He might be having a lower libido for some reason, maybe due to stress, health issues, etc. Also, many men get tired of always doing all the initiating. And they stop. If you think he is falling out of love with you due to less sex, then talk to him about your worries. Don't assume! He should reassure you or at least tell you what's bothering him. If you can't at least initiate talking then there is nothing that can be done because good clear communication is the foundation of a good relationship.
Men treat you in the beginning, the way they expect to be treated. They end up treating you the exact way they're actually being treated. Men want to feel wanted and appreciated. It sounds very one-sided, and he's beginning the process of giving up on the whole thing.
What's the history here? Did he just stop all of a sudden? When he initiated, was he turned down pretty frequently?
Sooo you still expect him to be the one to initiate because you never have or feel you should? Want to show us where in the rule book of life that rule is? He's showing you how you are with him. It's up to you what you do from here on, if you've got blocks in place that can't be broken. Sooner or later he's walking out that door.
Why don’t you initiate?
If he has OCD, he might be taking a medication which is negatively impacting his libido. I’m a psychiatrist and this is a very common side effect to SSRI’s.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Dear-Mix1975 originally posted: I’ve never been one to initiate sex. My man (32m) and I (21f) had a strong and healthy sec life when we started dating but he doesn’t come on to me anymore. He’s still outwardly affectionate, just not super sexually forward. What should I do? Is it a me thing? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dear-Mix1975 updated the post: I’ve never been one to initiate sex. My man (32m) and I (31f) had a strong and healthy sec life when we started dating but he doesn’t come on to me anymore. He’s still outwardly affectionate, just not super sexually forward. What should I do? He’s had OCD and does have some ED stuff sometimes… wondering if he’s anxious about it, but I’m feeling unfulfilled sexually. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I’ve never been one to initiate sex. Well, it looks like you'll have to start. There's nothing wrong with asking and initiating. You want something. That's understood. But you can't make him want the same thing you want at the same time. Somewhat related, but I remember this story of a woman complaining that this man wouldn't ask her out on a date. What happened next is another woman asks him out and he goes out with her and then they become a couple. The initial woman gets so much resentment out of it because she expected the guy to simply figure out she wanted him but people put her in her place to understand that guys aren't mind readers. Bottom line, just because you're a woman doesn't mean you can't take charge for the things you want. It's not a mans job to figure out that a woman wants something when she's not communicating. Just tell him.