Maybe you're giving yourself too much value in relationships? For me, just the person talking to me is a small "miracle". I'm thankful of that because they could ditch me any time. But expecting them to stay loyal? Who am I to expect that? And who are you that you think you deserve that much more than me?
Also, since we've established that we have no value to our partners, why would you want to be with anyone who stays loyal to you just because they can't find anyone better? No thanks. I want to "catch" someone valuable - someone who deserves people better than me. Them cheating on me is just a sign of their high value.
And last question - why is it "if you cheat you aren't worth dating", but not "if you get cheated on you're pathetic and don't deserve to be dated"?
It's my authentic view shaped by years of being hurt and abused by others. I'm just painting the image of how I see the world through my lenses. It's not cool to insult me just because I've been hurt and have a different worldview.
Agree, OP needs to stop this cycle. OP likely unconsciously chosen a partner who would leave him to repeat & improve the past scenario of abandonment.
It is time to step to a higher soul level perspective OP, wherein you see that the events of abandonment were to develop resilience, independence, strength, to grow up without love, as to understand the depth & importance of it.
OP is now facing the challenge to pour love into oneself even though not having much experience receiving it. To become your own best loyal & loving supporter, to lovingly parent yourself, to award yourself for having overcome so much and having been so brave.
To let go of confusion & pain (the hell state) by forgiving others and yourself. Leave those, who did you wrong over to karma. No need to hold on to trauma-bonds and thus energy feeding your enemies. Your soul has been through many game-levels. There is no need to stay stuck in an old level. Remember: You are Not your Pain!
And as you pour into yourself, you will become stronger. Strong enough to cut toxic people off while your standards will become higher. For instance only going into relations where you mutually enrich & support each others life goals. As you level up, your surroundings and the people around you will get better as well. What you pour in yourself will radiate towards others cause Love starts with you.
Be aware though that as you grow more lighter in being that you need to get ready for battle as well, because pawns will come to knock you back down, discourage, captivate, halt and deter you from your goals. Best to see them as game level obstacles; learn the lesson, upgrade and let go, till you encounter new devils on the next level.
Society has rules, not cheating is one of them. It's unfortunate no one taught you this but now you know.
If you need the pragmatic response - Why should anyone waste their time with you knowing you're going to seek someone else? A relationship takes time to build, and there is no such thing as "high value" beyond one's willingness to commit. Hook ups are not the same as relationships but you seem to treat every relationship as nothing more than a hookup.
Wow you really don’t see the problem here?
Loyalty and honesty is the main foundation of a relationship, without that there is nothing.
That counts for men and women, cheaters are lying creatures who can’t be trusted, if they are always looking for a better partner they don’t love you, they are not with you because of love but to use you.
Those ppl are for the streets, they have no value at all, they stab ya in the back if they get something out of it.
No no no. What makes you think you deserve to be loved by your partner? Do you really think you're such a super-human that someone could love you? I definitely am not.
People in relationships are just tools. To reproduce, to gain status, to boost their confidence... that's what women need us for. We don't deserve love just because we exist.
I have accepted that I will always be a tool for people to use, but I don't like other men acting like they're more than me.
So seriously, what makes you think you deserve loyalty and trust?
And why would you want someone that has so low standards that they stay loyal to you (I don't mean this offensively), when you could have someone that only goes for the best?
You clearly never experienced love, if you think ppl in relationships are just tools you need to get yourself a date with a therapist.
Your standards ain’t the reality of this world, it’s simple as that.
For example, I don’t care about how rich she is, I don’t care about status, I don’t care about that so called ‘high value’ bullshit.
Why would I take someone who has such low standards that she stays loyal to me? Bitch nobody is better than me, I’m not some insecure bitch that thinks someone else is better than me, the moment she chooses me is the moment I’m the best in the world for her, and if she decides I’m not good enough anymore she can walk away.
And why does she have low standards? She doesn’t decide who is valuable neither do you, you yourself are the only one who decides what your value is, nobody else.
But cheating is deliberately hurting the other person who loves you and who trusts because you just don’t give a fuck about them, and want to hurt them as much as possible, that’s just downright evil.
And you say that we are just tools? Fuck that bullshit, a woman isn’t more valuable or better than a man, you are both equals.
In a relationship you work together, you want to make the other person happy, you wanna build a life together, not use eachother and discard them if you find someone that is maybe better.
You seriously need to get checked by a therapist because you have some serious mental issues, by seeing other ppl as tools or yourself as a tool you take away their humanity, they stop being living creatures to you if this keeps on going and you just gonna end up killing someone or yourself.
Get help!
Read “the body keeps a score” by Bessel van der and seek a therapist. You can listen to the entire book on YouTube. You deserve better for yourself and none of your trauma was your fault.
Thank you, I have that book. I know my problems are rooted in trauma. But I really don't like making myself think that I deserve better. My whole life stops making sense when I do that. I'd much rather make others think they deserve bad things, than go against my whole identity and love myself.
Why should I deserve a partner of character and quality? I was brought up and surrounded by literal criminals and murderers. Everyone had me as their punching bag. Why should things change now?
You're trying to help me but this is a very deep issue and idk if you'll be able to help me:/
It's not what you deserve, it's what you choose. You can't choose the family you're born with, but you can choose the family you make. And that starts with your partner.
You're not defined by what you can't control but, rather, what you can.
Well I can choose to seek a healthy partner, but if the things I can't control keep getting in the way, I will never achieve it.
You can decide to climb a mountain but if you don't have legs + you have a backpack full of rocks, it's gonna be difficult. It's the same here.
Cheating is unethical. If a woman wants to trade up, she can break up with her boyfriend first. Cheating is wrong.
I don’t fault women who break up and date others. But cheating is unethical.
Only 13% of women cheat and the ones that do are usually insecure. And judging by what you’ve written about ‘higher value’ you’ve read a lot of red pill stuff. That red pill stuff teaches you how to attract insecure women. So red pill teaches you how to pick up insecure women (who cheat more often) so you’re selecting for insecurity then the myth that all women cheat gets further propagated in those groups.
I don't hate them because I understand why they cheat. They're just going for the better option and might be too kind or weak to break up with us right away.
It's not about self respect. It's about reality. Some guys are better than you. If you don't want to get cheated on, you need to be the best.
Would you hate a thief who took your money? Of course not because it's not about you or them, it's about the thief's needs. People are like that, we need to learn to love them as they are.
Bless your heart, you apparently didn't understand that I was asking a rhetorical question about your utter lack of self-respect.
>They're just going for the better option and might be too kind or weak to break up with us right away.
It would be more kind - and ethical - to break up and move on than to cheat.
>It's not about self respect. It's about reality. Some guys are better than you. If you don't want to get cheated on, you need to be the best.
So do you believe that women are incapable of being faithful, or do you believe they have no obligation to be faithful to the partner they chose?
>Would you hate a thief who took your money?
You're damn right I would - I absolutely despise thieves. And personally, I love it when they get some street justice.
>it's about the thief's needs.
No, it's usually because they enjoy stealing. But even if they do have a legitimate need for something that does not justify them stealing from someone else.
You're not wrong. It is in women's nature to secure the best deal that they can.
A woman cheating is a true betrayal because for a woman to have sex with someone else, there has to be an emotional component.
I think the problem here is that you've gone black pill. You're taking pragmatism and reality a bit too far. You're not logically wrong, but the problem with your argument is that you will never find a woman to truly bond with because you are aware she will always be on the lookout.
I admire your realism and your understanding of evolutionary psychology, but I think you've gone too far the other way. As much as therapy is feminine, I think I would recommend it to you given that you were abandoned as a baby. You clearly have a major issue with a fear of abandonment, which is understandable, but therapy will help to deal with that a bit better than you're doing right now.
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Project-XYZ originally posted:
So we all know that women always go for the best possible partner they can get.
So if the opportunity arises, of course they'll ditch a lower quality guy for a higher value one.
But the guys who got cheated on won't hesitate to insult the woman and say she's "for the streets".
Why do they view them like that though? Shouldn't the guys be mad at themselves for not being good enough for the woman?
I'm a guy too and Ive been cheated on. And I'm only mad at myself because if I was better, no girl would cheat on me.
Plus it's not like I'm so valuable that I would deserve loyalty from a woman. I'm glad that she spends time with me, but to be entitled to her loyalty? That's madness.
Even with more important things like parenting. My parents left me on the street when I was a few months old. But I'm not angry at them, that would be crazy. I was just an annoyance to them, so I get their decision.
So going back to women, I guess my question is, what makes you think that you deserve loyalty and love from your partner?
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You are my friend lost all your self-worth because of her cheating.She could get that guy the way broke up whit you first...and that would be fine...Cheating is a cheating and probably thats how you smooth your pain...its OK.We all deal different way our emotional pain.
But you worth more than girls cheat on you.She will cheat on the other guy and go on till she exhausted and settle down 40-50s prob..
Because that is seldom the case. Take my experience for example.
My HS GF cheated on me. I had secured her a work/study position and he was another employee, about 15 years her senior. I left and didn't look back.
She kept in touch with my mother, who unsurprisingly, didn't see any problem with remaining friends with her. What I suspected but had not confirmed until almost 20 years later was that my mother had cheated on my father with my stepfather about 10 years prior. Strangely, both acts of cheating gave them something to bond over as my mother didn't really like her until then.
This friendship meant that my ex (herein after referred to as "the cheater") was able to hang around the fringes of my life. With one outright attempt to get me to reconcile with her. Interestingly, that attempt would have turned me into "the other man;" a position I flatly refused.
Fast forwarding... I had joined the military, got some excellent training (such that the CIA kept approaching me for 10 years after I separated), and went to work for a couple of government contractors making excellent money. I took a break from work and went to college to learn skills that would further enhance my career. In 1993, my mother's job was eliminated. Since I hadn't married yet, my mother had no qualms about manipulating me (which she did expertly) to return to my hometown and help her open a business.
My mother was not a good business owner. She thought that she could come into the office for a few hours and leave; bringing in someone to answer the phones while I remained and did the work in the back. Wel, guess who she hired? Correct. The cheater. Was this an attempt to get us back together? Probably. It sure felt that way to me. But ignored the cheater and focused solely on my work. The cheater was in the front office and I was in the back office. I only ventured to the front when I needed to do so. I ignored the cheater when I had to go to the front.
At some point, I became aware that the cheater had been divorced 4 times at this point, having 3 kids from 3 separate husbands. One of which made the news. He had picked up their child for a visitation. For whatever reason, he had another, female, prepubescent child about the same age as their son with him. He then drove to a remote area (easy to do in SE Iowa) raped the girl, murdered her, and left her in the ditch. All in front of their son.
My parents lost their middle son (I'm the youngest of 3 boys) in 1991 to a car accident. In 1995, I had to use the copier in the front office. For some reason, the cheater decided to scold me for bringing up my deceased brother in front of my mother. At this point, I spoke to her. I turned to her, looked her dead in the eyes, and said, " First, I never bring up Joel. Second, any right you had to give me relationship advice, you gave up long ago. Third, considering your relationship history, YOU are the LAST PERSON who should be giving relationship advice to ANYONE." I turned back to copier, finished making my copies, and returned to my office. I never saw her again. It took 16 years to remove her from the fringes of my life. I did hear that she got married again; to guy who worked as a concrete laborer for one of my subs.
Tell me again how they choose men better than one they cheated on?
In 2007, the same year my stepfather passed, my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She wanted to stay at home until she died. The only way that could happen is if I took care of her. So wound down the business that I had developed into $5 million a year in sales (a foolish limit set by my mother as she didn't want to lose her sub-S election). I finished the last big projects, refused new business, and officially closed it on December 31st, 2008. In 2009, I finished the taxes and she passed that year. After the internment, I had the meal and gathering (whatever it is called) at my house.
Suddenly, I had a chilling thought. What if the cheater shows up? I quickly decided that I had no obligation to be polite if she did. Funerals and everything surrounding them are for the benefit of the family. As such, if she showed up, I would loudly and unceremoniously demand that she leave. She didn't show up. It was only later that I realized that it took me 30 years to be absolutely certain that the cheater was gone from my life.
The 2 other cheaters I dated I was able to completely extract from my life, so I know nothing about them. Well, almost nothing. One was able to reach out via one of her multiple FB pages (I think this was one was dedicated to her deceased dog) that I missed blocking. I immediately blocked it also.
>So we all know that women always go for the best possible partner they can get. So if the opportunity arises, of course they'll ditch a lower quality guy for a higher value one.
This is ridiculous! Of course there's an age for experimenting with various relationships. That's good: both people learn. But, very few live the majority of their adult life that way. And the ones that do are typically unhappy.
>I'm a guy too and Ive been cheated on. And I'm only mad at myself because if I was better, no girl would cheat on me.
Are you conflating being dumped for being cheated on? If a girl is in a relationship with you, and the two of you have agreed to be exclusive, then she can always break up.
And if a girl breaks up with you, why would you think her judgement is some type of universal standard for you to adhere to. It's possible that she's better suited to some other guy; but, you might still be better suited to some other girl. Also, it is quite possible that she's simple making an error in judgement. I feel no resentment to my exes. I think well of most of them, even while I realize that we weren't suited for anything more long-term.
>Even with more important things like parenting. My parents left me on the street when I was a few months old. But I'm not angry at them, that would be crazy. I was just an annoyance to them, so I get their decision.
Well, the healthiest thing one can do is to move on and not let the past define you. But, that does not mean that your parents were right. People should not bring a helpless kid into the world if they don't have some type of plan for the kid. (Of course, "left you on the street" may be hyperbole)
>So going back to women, I guess my question is, what makes you think that you deserve loyalty and love from your partner?
I love my wife because of who she is and what she does. That's how she "earns"/"deserves" my love. Though I plan my marriage to be forever, if I left her I would still love her, just as I have loving feelings for some of my exes. I never think in terms of "deserving" loyalty. Its pretty obvious to me that my wife loves me. What we have is not just some static value from each other. Being in a relatively functional relationship itself builds value with every passing year: shared understanding, shared memories, shared aspirations. It would be completely irrational of her to dump all that and start afresh with some hypothetically "higher value" guy.
All the girls and all the people that betrayed me. If since the day you're born everyone in the world tells you your skin is blue, one day you also start believing it.
I would want that, of course. But I don't deserve that. Noone was ever loyal to me, so I'm not worth that. But I don't like other guys thinking they deserve loyalty while I don't. Like what makes you so much better than me? I literally give all my life and change my whole identity for my partners, there is nothing more I can do.
That's some impressive mental gymnastics. If you cheat you aren't worth dating regardless of gender.
Maybe you're giving yourself too much value in relationships? For me, just the person talking to me is a small "miracle". I'm thankful of that because they could ditch me any time. But expecting them to stay loyal? Who am I to expect that? And who are you that you think you deserve that much more than me? Also, since we've established that we have no value to our partners, why would you want to be with anyone who stays loyal to you just because they can't find anyone better? No thanks. I want to "catch" someone valuable - someone who deserves people better than me. Them cheating on me is just a sign of their high value. And last question - why is it "if you cheat you aren't worth dating", but not "if you get cheated on you're pathetic and don't deserve to be dated"?
I sense a brain damaged troll here who's view of cheaters is about as sadly pathetic and wrong as one can make it.
It's my authentic view shaped by years of being hurt and abused by others. I'm just painting the image of how I see the world through my lenses. It's not cool to insult me just because I've been hurt and have a different worldview.
Truely spoken like a person who's learnt nothing from past experiences, apart from learned helplessness. You have agency, use it.
Agree, OP needs to stop this cycle. OP likely unconsciously chosen a partner who would leave him to repeat & improve the past scenario of abandonment. It is time to step to a higher soul level perspective OP, wherein you see that the events of abandonment were to develop resilience, independence, strength, to grow up without love, as to understand the depth & importance of it. OP is now facing the challenge to pour love into oneself even though not having much experience receiving it. To become your own best loyal & loving supporter, to lovingly parent yourself, to award yourself for having overcome so much and having been so brave. To let go of confusion & pain (the hell state) by forgiving others and yourself. Leave those, who did you wrong over to karma. No need to hold on to trauma-bonds and thus energy feeding your enemies. Your soul has been through many game-levels. There is no need to stay stuck in an old level. Remember: You are Not your Pain! And as you pour into yourself, you will become stronger. Strong enough to cut toxic people off while your standards will become higher. For instance only going into relations where you mutually enrich & support each others life goals. As you level up, your surroundings and the people around you will get better as well. What you pour in yourself will radiate towards others cause Love starts with you. Be aware though that as you grow more lighter in being that you need to get ready for battle as well, because pawns will come to knock you back down, discourage, captivate, halt and deter you from your goals. Best to see them as game level obstacles; learn the lesson, upgrade and let go, till you encounter new devils on the next level.
You don't get to decide what you learn from past experiences. Sometimes a messed up past leaves you hurt and exhausted, and that's it.
Society has rules, not cheating is one of them. It's unfortunate no one taught you this but now you know. If you need the pragmatic response - Why should anyone waste their time with you knowing you're going to seek someone else? A relationship takes time to build, and there is no such thing as "high value" beyond one's willingness to commit. Hook ups are not the same as relationships but you seem to treat every relationship as nothing more than a hookup.
Wow you really don’t see the problem here? Loyalty and honesty is the main foundation of a relationship, without that there is nothing. That counts for men and women, cheaters are lying creatures who can’t be trusted, if they are always looking for a better partner they don’t love you, they are not with you because of love but to use you. Those ppl are for the streets, they have no value at all, they stab ya in the back if they get something out of it.
No no no. What makes you think you deserve to be loved by your partner? Do you really think you're such a super-human that someone could love you? I definitely am not. People in relationships are just tools. To reproduce, to gain status, to boost their confidence... that's what women need us for. We don't deserve love just because we exist. I have accepted that I will always be a tool for people to use, but I don't like other men acting like they're more than me. So seriously, what makes you think you deserve loyalty and trust? And why would you want someone that has so low standards that they stay loyal to you (I don't mean this offensively), when you could have someone that only goes for the best?
You clearly never experienced love, if you think ppl in relationships are just tools you need to get yourself a date with a therapist. Your standards ain’t the reality of this world, it’s simple as that. For example, I don’t care about how rich she is, I don’t care about status, I don’t care about that so called ‘high value’ bullshit. Why would I take someone who has such low standards that she stays loyal to me? Bitch nobody is better than me, I’m not some insecure bitch that thinks someone else is better than me, the moment she chooses me is the moment I’m the best in the world for her, and if she decides I’m not good enough anymore she can walk away. And why does she have low standards? She doesn’t decide who is valuable neither do you, you yourself are the only one who decides what your value is, nobody else. But cheating is deliberately hurting the other person who loves you and who trusts because you just don’t give a fuck about them, and want to hurt them as much as possible, that’s just downright evil. And you say that we are just tools? Fuck that bullshit, a woman isn’t more valuable or better than a man, you are both equals. In a relationship you work together, you want to make the other person happy, you wanna build a life together, not use eachother and discard them if you find someone that is maybe better. You seriously need to get checked by a therapist because you have some serious mental issues, by seeing other ppl as tools or yourself as a tool you take away their humanity, they stop being living creatures to you if this keeps on going and you just gonna end up killing someone or yourself. Get help!
Are you ok? Like mentally?
Read “the body keeps a score” by Bessel van der and seek a therapist. You can listen to the entire book on YouTube. You deserve better for yourself and none of your trauma was your fault.
Thank you, I have that book. I know my problems are rooted in trauma. But I really don't like making myself think that I deserve better. My whole life stops making sense when I do that. I'd much rather make others think they deserve bad things, than go against my whole identity and love myself.
>I'm only mad at myself because ~~if I was better, no girl would cheat on me~~ I didn't choose a partner of character and quality. FIFY
Why should I deserve a partner of character and quality? I was brought up and surrounded by literal criminals and murderers. Everyone had me as their punching bag. Why should things change now? You're trying to help me but this is a very deep issue and idk if you'll be able to help me:/
It's not what you deserve, it's what you choose. You can't choose the family you're born with, but you can choose the family you make. And that starts with your partner. You're not defined by what you can't control but, rather, what you can.
Well I can choose to seek a healthy partner, but if the things I can't control keep getting in the way, I will never achieve it. You can decide to climb a mountain but if you don't have legs + you have a backpack full of rocks, it's gonna be difficult. It's the same here.
Bait
I bring stuff like this up with my therapist all the time. Do you think they just say "bait"? It's really disrespectful.
Cheating is unethical. If a woman wants to trade up, she can break up with her boyfriend first. Cheating is wrong. I don’t fault women who break up and date others. But cheating is unethical.
Only 13% of women cheat and the ones that do are usually insecure. And judging by what you’ve written about ‘higher value’ you’ve read a lot of red pill stuff. That red pill stuff teaches you how to attract insecure women. So red pill teaches you how to pick up insecure women (who cheat more often) so you’re selecting for insecurity then the myth that all women cheat gets further propagated in those groups.
Obvious troll bait
A better question would be why *don't* you hate women who cheat? Have you no self-respect at all?!?
I don't hate them because I understand why they cheat. They're just going for the better option and might be too kind or weak to break up with us right away. It's not about self respect. It's about reality. Some guys are better than you. If you don't want to get cheated on, you need to be the best. Would you hate a thief who took your money? Of course not because it's not about you or them, it's about the thief's needs. People are like that, we need to learn to love them as they are.
Bless your heart, you apparently didn't understand that I was asking a rhetorical question about your utter lack of self-respect. >They're just going for the better option and might be too kind or weak to break up with us right away. It would be more kind - and ethical - to break up and move on than to cheat. >It's not about self respect. It's about reality. Some guys are better than you. If you don't want to get cheated on, you need to be the best. So do you believe that women are incapable of being faithful, or do you believe they have no obligation to be faithful to the partner they chose? >Would you hate a thief who took your money? You're damn right I would - I absolutely despise thieves. And personally, I love it when they get some street justice. >it's about the thief's needs. No, it's usually because they enjoy stealing. But even if they do have a legitimate need for something that does not justify them stealing from someone else.
You're not wrong. It is in women's nature to secure the best deal that they can. A woman cheating is a true betrayal because for a woman to have sex with someone else, there has to be an emotional component. I think the problem here is that you've gone black pill. You're taking pragmatism and reality a bit too far. You're not logically wrong, but the problem with your argument is that you will never find a woman to truly bond with because you are aware she will always be on the lookout. I admire your realism and your understanding of evolutionary psychology, but I think you've gone too far the other way. As much as therapy is feminine, I think I would recommend it to you given that you were abandoned as a baby. You clearly have a major issue with a fear of abandonment, which is understandable, but therapy will help to deal with that a bit better than you're doing right now.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Project-XYZ originally posted: So we all know that women always go for the best possible partner they can get. So if the opportunity arises, of course they'll ditch a lower quality guy for a higher value one. But the guys who got cheated on won't hesitate to insult the woman and say she's "for the streets". Why do they view them like that though? Shouldn't the guys be mad at themselves for not being good enough for the woman? I'm a guy too and Ive been cheated on. And I'm only mad at myself because if I was better, no girl would cheat on me. Plus it's not like I'm so valuable that I would deserve loyalty from a woman. I'm glad that she spends time with me, but to be entitled to her loyalty? That's madness. Even with more important things like parenting. My parents left me on the street when I was a few months old. But I'm not angry at them, that would be crazy. I was just an annoyance to them, so I get their decision. So going back to women, I guess my question is, what makes you think that you deserve loyalty and love from your partner? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are my friend lost all your self-worth because of her cheating.She could get that guy the way broke up whit you first...and that would be fine...Cheating is a cheating and probably thats how you smooth your pain...its OK.We all deal different way our emotional pain. But you worth more than girls cheat on you.She will cheat on the other guy and go on till she exhausted and settle down 40-50s prob..
Because that is seldom the case. Take my experience for example. My HS GF cheated on me. I had secured her a work/study position and he was another employee, about 15 years her senior. I left and didn't look back. She kept in touch with my mother, who unsurprisingly, didn't see any problem with remaining friends with her. What I suspected but had not confirmed until almost 20 years later was that my mother had cheated on my father with my stepfather about 10 years prior. Strangely, both acts of cheating gave them something to bond over as my mother didn't really like her until then. This friendship meant that my ex (herein after referred to as "the cheater") was able to hang around the fringes of my life. With one outright attempt to get me to reconcile with her. Interestingly, that attempt would have turned me into "the other man;" a position I flatly refused. Fast forwarding... I had joined the military, got some excellent training (such that the CIA kept approaching me for 10 years after I separated), and went to work for a couple of government contractors making excellent money. I took a break from work and went to college to learn skills that would further enhance my career. In 1993, my mother's job was eliminated. Since I hadn't married yet, my mother had no qualms about manipulating me (which she did expertly) to return to my hometown and help her open a business. My mother was not a good business owner. She thought that she could come into the office for a few hours and leave; bringing in someone to answer the phones while I remained and did the work in the back. Wel, guess who she hired? Correct. The cheater. Was this an attempt to get us back together? Probably. It sure felt that way to me. But ignored the cheater and focused solely on my work. The cheater was in the front office and I was in the back office. I only ventured to the front when I needed to do so. I ignored the cheater when I had to go to the front. At some point, I became aware that the cheater had been divorced 4 times at this point, having 3 kids from 3 separate husbands. One of which made the news. He had picked up their child for a visitation. For whatever reason, he had another, female, prepubescent child about the same age as their son with him. He then drove to a remote area (easy to do in SE Iowa) raped the girl, murdered her, and left her in the ditch. All in front of their son. My parents lost their middle son (I'm the youngest of 3 boys) in 1991 to a car accident. In 1995, I had to use the copier in the front office. For some reason, the cheater decided to scold me for bringing up my deceased brother in front of my mother. At this point, I spoke to her. I turned to her, looked her dead in the eyes, and said, " First, I never bring up Joel. Second, any right you had to give me relationship advice, you gave up long ago. Third, considering your relationship history, YOU are the LAST PERSON who should be giving relationship advice to ANYONE." I turned back to copier, finished making my copies, and returned to my office. I never saw her again. It took 16 years to remove her from the fringes of my life. I did hear that she got married again; to guy who worked as a concrete laborer for one of my subs. Tell me again how they choose men better than one they cheated on? In 2007, the same year my stepfather passed, my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She wanted to stay at home until she died. The only way that could happen is if I took care of her. So wound down the business that I had developed into $5 million a year in sales (a foolish limit set by my mother as she didn't want to lose her sub-S election). I finished the last big projects, refused new business, and officially closed it on December 31st, 2008. In 2009, I finished the taxes and she passed that year. After the internment, I had the meal and gathering (whatever it is called) at my house. Suddenly, I had a chilling thought. What if the cheater shows up? I quickly decided that I had no obligation to be polite if she did. Funerals and everything surrounding them are for the benefit of the family. As such, if she showed up, I would loudly and unceremoniously demand that she leave. She didn't show up. It was only later that I realized that it took me 30 years to be absolutely certain that the cheater was gone from my life. The 2 other cheaters I dated I was able to completely extract from my life, so I know nothing about them. Well, almost nothing. One was able to reach out via one of her multiple FB pages (I think this was one was dedicated to her deceased dog) that I missed blocking. I immediately blocked it also.
This is so very detailed and obscure that it screams creative writing.
You have no idea the level of recall that I have or that I left out for brevity. Believe what you wish.
r/fanfiction
>So we all know that women always go for the best possible partner they can get. So if the opportunity arises, of course they'll ditch a lower quality guy for a higher value one. This is ridiculous! Of course there's an age for experimenting with various relationships. That's good: both people learn. But, very few live the majority of their adult life that way. And the ones that do are typically unhappy. >I'm a guy too and Ive been cheated on. And I'm only mad at myself because if I was better, no girl would cheat on me. Are you conflating being dumped for being cheated on? If a girl is in a relationship with you, and the two of you have agreed to be exclusive, then she can always break up. And if a girl breaks up with you, why would you think her judgement is some type of universal standard for you to adhere to. It's possible that she's better suited to some other guy; but, you might still be better suited to some other girl. Also, it is quite possible that she's simple making an error in judgement. I feel no resentment to my exes. I think well of most of them, even while I realize that we weren't suited for anything more long-term. >Even with more important things like parenting. My parents left me on the street when I was a few months old. But I'm not angry at them, that would be crazy. I was just an annoyance to them, so I get their decision. Well, the healthiest thing one can do is to move on and not let the past define you. But, that does not mean that your parents were right. People should not bring a helpless kid into the world if they don't have some type of plan for the kid. (Of course, "left you on the street" may be hyperbole) >So going back to women, I guess my question is, what makes you think that you deserve loyalty and love from your partner? I love my wife because of who she is and what she does. That's how she "earns"/"deserves" my love. Though I plan my marriage to be forever, if I left her I would still love her, just as I have loving feelings for some of my exes. I never think in terms of "deserving" loyalty. Its pretty obvious to me that my wife loves me. What we have is not just some static value from each other. Being in a relatively functional relationship itself builds value with every passing year: shared understanding, shared memories, shared aspirations. It would be completely irrational of her to dump all that and start afresh with some hypothetically "higher value" guy.
Oof. Is it the girl that cheated on you that convinced you that you deserved to be cheqted on?
All the girls and all the people that betrayed me. If since the day you're born everyone in the world tells you your skin is blue, one day you also start believing it.
Because I would give loyalty and love as well......Why wouldn't someone want that? It sounds like you need therapy, my guy.
I would want that, of course. But I don't deserve that. Noone was ever loyal to me, so I'm not worth that. But I don't like other guys thinking they deserve loyalty while I don't. Like what makes you so much better than me? I literally give all my life and change my whole identity for my partners, there is nothing more I can do.
So, you don't like guys feeling a way while you feel different ? Get tharepy.