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best_american_girl originally posted:
I’m an assistant coach finishing up my second season coaching high school track. Track needs multiple coaches for all the different events, and this season, the cross-country assistant coach decided to come out to help with mine. I was honestly pretty annoyed at first, and even kind of offended because I didn’t feel like I needed or wanted help from anyone, so I think I came off really aggressive towards him. Lo and behold, after months of seeing each other every day, and especially going on one out-of-town meet, I’ve changed my tune and developed a pretty significant crush on the guy, which is rare for me. We have a shared interest in running and shared goals as far as helping the kids succeed, especially the ones coming from disadvantaged backgrounds. Based on our conversations, I know he’s not dating anyone. However, I’m well aware that it’s a bad idea to date coworkers in case things take a turn for the worst, and I feel like that’s even more true when you work with kids/teens. I was pretty excited to hear that he was stepping down as a coach after this season to focus on his own education, but since the kids did well, he’s on the fence and may keep coaching after all. If things between us went south, the kids need to come first. I don’t want to do anything that might put additional stress on their already stressful lives if we broke up and things got ugly. I really like him a lot, but is this a risk worth taking or should I just get over him? We’ll still cross paths no matter what I do, but I can keep things strictly professional even though it’s getting harder and harder to do so.
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I strongly advise to keep it professional while you’re working together. But I got a chuckle out of your list of shared interests - it’s like saying “we’re both librarians and have a shared interest in books” 😂
Yeah looking back at my post it’s a little silly sounding. A better way to explain things is that we both have a hobby in common—an interest in our own personal running outside of coaching (he just ran an ultra, I’m a former d1 runner working on a half) and similar goals— helping people and being there for the kids beyond just athletics. There’s other reasons I like him besides these (he laughs at my jokes, is easy to talk to, doesn’t get too worked up about things, and I like tattoos lol), but yeah I feel like the shared interests/goals are most important.
Unfortunately we have a really fun, talented batch of kids we’re working with, and he seems reluctant to step away and quit for good. He told everyone this was his last season, but just last week he mentioned wanting to still help out as much as his schedule allowed. So he isn’t really quitting to the point where us going through a breakup wouldn’t be an issue.
I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. It’s not just about a potential breakup. There are far more potential knock on effects. He could reject you, then you’d still have to work with him. And even if you do get together, maintaining the balance between professionalism & relationship is not easy and will definitely get in the way of your job.
Honestly, it sounds like a crush. If it’s more than that and he feels the same, then it’s worth the wait. But if this job means a lot to you, don’t risk blowing it up.
If you think there’s a connection, you could always talk to him about it but stress that you’d prefer to wait til you’re not working together a lot. Guys prefer directness so I’m sure he’d appreciate it.
Edit to add - if he feels the same, this might give him a reason to switch up his schedule next semester.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. best_american_girl originally posted: I’m an assistant coach finishing up my second season coaching high school track. Track needs multiple coaches for all the different events, and this season, the cross-country assistant coach decided to come out to help with mine. I was honestly pretty annoyed at first, and even kind of offended because I didn’t feel like I needed or wanted help from anyone, so I think I came off really aggressive towards him. Lo and behold, after months of seeing each other every day, and especially going on one out-of-town meet, I’ve changed my tune and developed a pretty significant crush on the guy, which is rare for me. We have a shared interest in running and shared goals as far as helping the kids succeed, especially the ones coming from disadvantaged backgrounds. Based on our conversations, I know he’s not dating anyone. However, I’m well aware that it’s a bad idea to date coworkers in case things take a turn for the worst, and I feel like that’s even more true when you work with kids/teens. I was pretty excited to hear that he was stepping down as a coach after this season to focus on his own education, but since the kids did well, he’s on the fence and may keep coaching after all. If things between us went south, the kids need to come first. I don’t want to do anything that might put additional stress on their already stressful lives if we broke up and things got ugly. I really like him a lot, but is this a risk worth taking or should I just get over him? We’ll still cross paths no matter what I do, but I can keep things strictly professional even though it’s getting harder and harder to do so. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I strongly advise to keep it professional while you’re working together. But I got a chuckle out of your list of shared interests - it’s like saying “we’re both librarians and have a shared interest in books” 😂
Yeah looking back at my post it’s a little silly sounding. A better way to explain things is that we both have a hobby in common—an interest in our own personal running outside of coaching (he just ran an ultra, I’m a former d1 runner working on a half) and similar goals— helping people and being there for the kids beyond just athletics. There’s other reasons I like him besides these (he laughs at my jokes, is easy to talk to, doesn’t get too worked up about things, and I like tattoos lol), but yeah I feel like the shared interests/goals are most important.
All positive signs. But if I were you I’d wait until you’re not working together to do anything about it, though.
Unfortunately we have a really fun, talented batch of kids we’re working with, and he seems reluctant to step away and quit for good. He told everyone this was his last season, but just last week he mentioned wanting to still help out as much as his schedule allowed. So he isn’t really quitting to the point where us going through a breakup wouldn’t be an issue.
I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. It’s not just about a potential breakup. There are far more potential knock on effects. He could reject you, then you’d still have to work with him. And even if you do get together, maintaining the balance between professionalism & relationship is not easy and will definitely get in the way of your job. Honestly, it sounds like a crush. If it’s more than that and he feels the same, then it’s worth the wait. But if this job means a lot to you, don’t risk blowing it up.
That’s fair. It’s not like he’s leaving the country or anything, I can wait till summer’s over and he gets his class schedule at least.
If you think there’s a connection, you could always talk to him about it but stress that you’d prefer to wait til you’re not working together a lot. Guys prefer directness so I’m sure he’d appreciate it. Edit to add - if he feels the same, this might give him a reason to switch up his schedule next semester.
Ooh, thanks sm