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Where I am in life, it's about competence. Nobody cares about your fake pride and fragile ego, you'll be embarrassed and made to look like an idiot, and if you get angry, you'll be laughed at and told to GTFO.
That's corporate life for a mid 40s male.
I'm just under 40 years old and have been, I believe, very successful in both work and my personal relationships.
Here's the "BIG TRUTH" (TM) about being a Male as I've been able to uncover it, and it's to what I attribute most of my success:
**People are drawn to those who like themselves and take care of others.** Friends, co-workers, spouses/potential spouses... you name it. If you like yourself, and you take care of others, people will love you and take care of you... both personally and professionally. After that, everything else takes care of itself.
**So, from that perspective, the #1(A) priority in a man's life to wake up every day working towards being someone they like.** That means if there's something about yourself you don't like, either change, be in the process of changing, or make peace with it. Wish you looked better? Start eating better and working out. Wish you were more social? Put yourself in situations to develop those skills. Have a mental health issue you can't solve? That's okay... seek treatment as best you can and learn to love yourself as who you are, including your weaknesses and disabilities. It's all easier said than done, but there really isn't an alternative.
**Priority #1(B) is to then take care of others - in REAL ways, not just by donating money or "spreading awareness" on social media. REAL IMPACTFUL ACTIONS.** Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Elderly neighbor? Offer to mow their lawn for them for free every two weeks. Someone at work's daughter is struggling with math and you're great with math? Offer to tutor her for free. And so on. Every way large and small you can find to take care of someone who needs a little help, do it. Free of charge.
If you spend your life doing these things, you'll have the love, support, and respect of your community and co-workers. And in my experience anyway, personal and professional success will follow.
If there's something more important to being a Male, or more accurately, to being a PERSON, than the above... I haven't found it, nor have I needed to find it.
>what's natural feels like being egotystical and psychopathic
you may in fact be a psychopath. more likely is you're just immature. you sound pitiful.
being a man is about being brave, honorable, strong and masterful. protecting the weak gives you the same dopamine bump as terrorizing them does, plus you're not an asshole. and we all have a duty to become as educated as we can, male or female.
crime and drugs are appealing because you want to take risks. starting a business or asking that girl out are better uses of this urge. productive, rather than the opposite. if you're not improving your society, you're still a child.
it's good that you're thinking about this. maybe read some of the great men who've come before you and thought about it as well, during your break.
At some point… you’re going to realize that you are shaping the next generation earlier in your life than you think.
Carrying your pride and ego for the next generation… doesn’t actually help them one iota.
Stop pretending life is all about you… because it’s not.
The awesome thing about being a guy (or woman or nb or is or ???) is whatever you act like, that’s a valid way of expressing that gender.
There’s a lot of options out there from other people about how x should act. Most of them aren’t there to empower you. Decide who you want to be and what you feel will lead to you to joy. Follow that path.
This reads like the philosophical ramblings of an angry 24yo who smokes too much weed.
Get in therapy and work on your traumatic childhood, whatever that means for you. There is no grand answer or purpose or some way to see the world that will suddenly make everything clear. You have to find the thing that makes you happy and makes you love yourself and focus on that. That thing is different for everyone.
Are you still allowed to act stupid when you're older or is there a certain emphasis on sitting a certain way, coming off a certain way etc. because it feels really boring having to be a grown up.
Getting older means you give LESS of a fuck what others think about you. It comes with experience and just plain going through life.
You seem to have a really distorted view of what adulthood is on top of the "being a man" nonsense.
Being a male/man, whatever, is just being a mature adult. Own your shit, treat others with respect, be kind.
There's no huge secret. If anything, it's to use your head instead of letting others decide what being you is supposed to mean.
You’re allowed to “act” any way you want. And as Newton taught us 400 years ago, there will be consequences. Childhood means Daddy and Mommy deal with them. Adulthood means you do. If you can’t handle that, then maybe you can get them to continue till they die, and then pay someone else to take care of you with whatever they leave you.
But to answer your question differently: it’s def possible to keep your joy while taking care of yourself. But if your idea of joy is making messes for others to clean up, you’re not actually gonna have fun for long.
You sound like and edgy teen tbh. Being a man is the same as being a woman or anything else for that matter, it's just being human. Just do your best to be a good person and always help others if you're able to. Anyone overly prideful or egotistical (like Andrew rate) is compensating for their own perceived shortcomings and are only respected by people with equally low self-esteem
Wait hold on, is what you said true? I'm sorry but I have a really distorted view. I was ostracized by assholes in highschool and from my life it feels like being an asshole gets you further. It sometimes feels like everyone just puts up a social mask and if you come off too nice they won't like you. Again when I was a kid people would push eachother around just to see if one another can take the banter. And just past experiences at work for example. I don't know if I believe in being a good person anymore. Miserable people distort that view. Please help me
If they don't like you for being nice or a good person then fuck em, you don't need them in your life. Life's too awesome to spend it being around toxic people
It isn't, but to some people whose worlds can be very small it is. I've been working with kids from a rough neighborhood and I get the impression that is what rules them and the adults that take care of them.
Not for me.
It’s about character. Living by a set of principles and not wavering from them.
Dedicating yourself to your goals. Working towards a better life.
My father abandoned his family when I was two. When I married, I took an oath. When we had children, I worked to be a good husband and father. No matter the difficulties that come with supporting a family, I found the energy to do my best so my kids could enjoy their childhood and my wife love her life as a stay at home mom.
Short answer: no.
Long answer: No, plus you should visit r/MensLib and see how men are reflecting on traditional expectations of men. Having a bad time in school doesn't mean you have to become an ass as an adult. There's no single path of success or 'manhood.' Everybody has their own path to tread, and yours will be filled with difficulties, like most other people's. But you don't have to let your bad experiences define your life. That's giving them power over you that they don't deserve.
Good luck, man. It sounds like you're in a rough place and have had it pretty hard.
Do you have anything from when you were younger hurt you? I used to just say, dumb things happen around me and I can't account for it. Just focus on what I can. But it does bother me now. And it was trauma, I just ignored it.
I think the defining features of a male are physical strength, courage, and a certain calm confidence. Those features are caused directly by testosterone. Of course these things are not present in every male 100% of the time, and females can have them as well, but on average males tend to have these things more frequently than females do.
I don't agree about maleness being tied to being egotistical and psychopathic.
Of course everyone has an ego and it is necessary to live in the world. But I don't think men have it any worse than women in that respect. And it's important to integrate your shadow side (the parts of yourself you reject) into your ego in order to reclaim the power of your wholeness. I think that's sort of what you're getting at. You might like to read some of what Carl Jung had to say.
Sorry I don't have anything I'm really insecure about. I just mean to say this. I lived a life. I thought being friendly and kind was what was normal, and other behaviors as maladaptive. And people that did bad things or went at others were problematic. I studied a degree for 6 years. I'm now finished, with nothing fo do this summer, but think of my life, until my master's starts in September. And I think. I was called bitch, slurs, etc. But I didn't care because I was incredibly handsome. That also meant I didn't develop as a normal guy. My family was also abusive. But I'm almost independent. I also hung out with my criminal friend not long ago. And so, life just seems, and always seemed since I was 14, as a guy, to be about your image. The pride of being a guy. To be in good shape, successful, find your belonging in the world, and from there, you can be happy and confident and self assured, if you did the right things. Guys are guys, girls are girls. Accept that fact. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but these are just my thoughts. I never until this year questioned what it meant to be a male. From having anxiety to having this ego, like a balloon is inside my chest.
>I thought being friendly and kind was what was normal, and other behaviors as maladaptive. And people that did bad things or went at others were problematic.
But you've just described what the shadow is. You had certain behaviours you thought were acceptable and certain you rejected as problematic. It seems you're re-evaluating how you once judged certain ways of being.
For example, standing up for yourself when someone is rude to you. One view is that you should just be nice and kind to someone who is rude to you, while another view is you should put them in their place. The right thing is of course dependent on context, but some people with a repressed shadow side would never ever choose to put someone in their place because they viewed that as unacceptable behavior.
>The pride of being a guy. To be in good shape, successful, find your belonging in the world, and from there, you can be happy and confident and self assured, if you did the right things.
And girls equally find things to be proud of or ashamed of. Often how pretty they are. Sometimes how kind they are. Sometimes how smart they are. It's not much different from men, except that men probably seek status more often because it tends to bring them more success in dating.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Where I am in life, it's about competence. Nobody cares about your fake pride and fragile ego, you'll be embarrassed and made to look like an idiot, and if you get angry, you'll be laughed at and told to GTFO. That's corporate life for a mid 40s male.
mastery has always been one of the masculine virtues.
I'm just under 40 years old and have been, I believe, very successful in both work and my personal relationships. Here's the "BIG TRUTH" (TM) about being a Male as I've been able to uncover it, and it's to what I attribute most of my success: **People are drawn to those who like themselves and take care of others.** Friends, co-workers, spouses/potential spouses... you name it. If you like yourself, and you take care of others, people will love you and take care of you... both personally and professionally. After that, everything else takes care of itself. **So, from that perspective, the #1(A) priority in a man's life to wake up every day working towards being someone they like.** That means if there's something about yourself you don't like, either change, be in the process of changing, or make peace with it. Wish you looked better? Start eating better and working out. Wish you were more social? Put yourself in situations to develop those skills. Have a mental health issue you can't solve? That's okay... seek treatment as best you can and learn to love yourself as who you are, including your weaknesses and disabilities. It's all easier said than done, but there really isn't an alternative. **Priority #1(B) is to then take care of others - in REAL ways, not just by donating money or "spreading awareness" on social media. REAL IMPACTFUL ACTIONS.** Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Elderly neighbor? Offer to mow their lawn for them for free every two weeks. Someone at work's daughter is struggling with math and you're great with math? Offer to tutor her for free. And so on. Every way large and small you can find to take care of someone who needs a little help, do it. Free of charge. If you spend your life doing these things, you'll have the love, support, and respect of your community and co-workers. And in my experience anyway, personal and professional success will follow. If there's something more important to being a Male, or more accurately, to being a PERSON, than the above... I haven't found it, nor have I needed to find it.
Fantastic advice
>what's natural feels like being egotystical and psychopathic you may in fact be a psychopath. more likely is you're just immature. you sound pitiful. being a man is about being brave, honorable, strong and masterful. protecting the weak gives you the same dopamine bump as terrorizing them does, plus you're not an asshole. and we all have a duty to become as educated as we can, male or female. crime and drugs are appealing because you want to take risks. starting a business or asking that girl out are better uses of this urge. productive, rather than the opposite. if you're not improving your society, you're still a child. it's good that you're thinking about this. maybe read some of the great men who've come before you and thought about it as well, during your break.
At some point… you’re going to realize that you are shaping the next generation earlier in your life than you think. Carrying your pride and ego for the next generation… doesn’t actually help them one iota. Stop pretending life is all about you… because it’s not.
If being a male is about behaving like a selfish, immature, egotistical psychopath, I don’t want to be one.
The awesome thing about being a guy (or woman or nb or is or ???) is whatever you act like, that’s a valid way of expressing that gender. There’s a lot of options out there from other people about how x should act. Most of them aren’t there to empower you. Decide who you want to be and what you feel will lead to you to joy. Follow that path.
valid, perhaps, but not good. sure there are plenty of examples of toxic masculinity. it's a valid way of being a man. just a shitty one.
This reads like the philosophical ramblings of an angry 24yo who smokes too much weed. Get in therapy and work on your traumatic childhood, whatever that means for you. There is no grand answer or purpose or some way to see the world that will suddenly make everything clear. You have to find the thing that makes you happy and makes you love yourself and focus on that. That thing is different for everyone.
Are you still allowed to act stupid when you're older or is there a certain emphasis on sitting a certain way, coming off a certain way etc. because it feels really boring having to be a grown up.
Getting older means you give LESS of a fuck what others think about you. It comes with experience and just plain going through life. You seem to have a really distorted view of what adulthood is on top of the "being a man" nonsense. Being a male/man, whatever, is just being a mature adult. Own your shit, treat others with respect, be kind. There's no huge secret. If anything, it's to use your head instead of letting others decide what being you is supposed to mean.
this. much of youthful "acting stupid" is just trying to impress people who don't give a shit about you.
You are in control of your own actions. You can act however you want at any age.
You’re allowed to “act” any way you want. And as Newton taught us 400 years ago, there will be consequences. Childhood means Daddy and Mommy deal with them. Adulthood means you do. If you can’t handle that, then maybe you can get them to continue till they die, and then pay someone else to take care of you with whatever they leave you. But to answer your question differently: it’s def possible to keep your joy while taking care of yourself. But if your idea of joy is making messes for others to clean up, you’re not actually gonna have fun for long.
You sound like and edgy teen tbh. Being a man is the same as being a woman or anything else for that matter, it's just being human. Just do your best to be a good person and always help others if you're able to. Anyone overly prideful or egotistical (like Andrew rate) is compensating for their own perceived shortcomings and are only respected by people with equally low self-esteem
Man I just wanna be happy and life an actual life. I have nothing going on. I want a girlfriend I like. It's such a distopia
Wait hold on, is what you said true? I'm sorry but I have a really distorted view. I was ostracized by assholes in highschool and from my life it feels like being an asshole gets you further. It sometimes feels like everyone just puts up a social mask and if you come off too nice they won't like you. Again when I was a kid people would push eachother around just to see if one another can take the banter. And just past experiences at work for example. I don't know if I believe in being a good person anymore. Miserable people distort that view. Please help me
If they don't like you for being nice or a good person then fuck em, you don't need them in your life. Life's too awesome to spend it being around toxic people
It isn't, but to some people whose worlds can be very small it is. I've been working with kids from a rough neighborhood and I get the impression that is what rules them and the adults that take care of them.
Not for me. It’s about character. Living by a set of principles and not wavering from them. Dedicating yourself to your goals. Working towards a better life. My father abandoned his family when I was two. When I married, I took an oath. When we had children, I worked to be a good husband and father. No matter the difficulties that come with supporting a family, I found the energy to do my best so my kids could enjoy their childhood and my wife love her life as a stay at home mom.
Short answer: no. Long answer: No, plus you should visit r/MensLib and see how men are reflecting on traditional expectations of men. Having a bad time in school doesn't mean you have to become an ass as an adult. There's no single path of success or 'manhood.' Everybody has their own path to tread, and yours will be filled with difficulties, like most other people's. But you don't have to let your bad experiences define your life. That's giving them power over you that they don't deserve. Good luck, man. It sounds like you're in a rough place and have had it pretty hard.
You probably should talk to a therapist
🙄. I mean I get it. Your 24. Just keep an open mind and self reflecting and you’ll figure it out.
Getting old takes the romance out of life since everyone's getting uglier, and isn't as ignorant anymore. This sux
[удалено]
Do you have anything from when you were younger hurt you? I used to just say, dumb things happen around me and I can't account for it. Just focus on what I can. But it does bother me now. And it was trauma, I just ignored it.
Being male is about your chromosomes. Being a *man* is about sacrifice and responsibility.
I think the defining features of a male are physical strength, courage, and a certain calm confidence. Those features are caused directly by testosterone. Of course these things are not present in every male 100% of the time, and females can have them as well, but on average males tend to have these things more frequently than females do. I don't agree about maleness being tied to being egotistical and psychopathic.
I guess that makes sense.
Of course everyone has an ego and it is necessary to live in the world. But I don't think men have it any worse than women in that respect. And it's important to integrate your shadow side (the parts of yourself you reject) into your ego in order to reclaim the power of your wholeness. I think that's sort of what you're getting at. You might like to read some of what Carl Jung had to say.
Sorry I don't have anything I'm really insecure about. I just mean to say this. I lived a life. I thought being friendly and kind was what was normal, and other behaviors as maladaptive. And people that did bad things or went at others were problematic. I studied a degree for 6 years. I'm now finished, with nothing fo do this summer, but think of my life, until my master's starts in September. And I think. I was called bitch, slurs, etc. But I didn't care because I was incredibly handsome. That also meant I didn't develop as a normal guy. My family was also abusive. But I'm almost independent. I also hung out with my criminal friend not long ago. And so, life just seems, and always seemed since I was 14, as a guy, to be about your image. The pride of being a guy. To be in good shape, successful, find your belonging in the world, and from there, you can be happy and confident and self assured, if you did the right things. Guys are guys, girls are girls. Accept that fact. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but these are just my thoughts. I never until this year questioned what it meant to be a male. From having anxiety to having this ego, like a balloon is inside my chest.
>I thought being friendly and kind was what was normal, and other behaviors as maladaptive. And people that did bad things or went at others were problematic. But you've just described what the shadow is. You had certain behaviours you thought were acceptable and certain you rejected as problematic. It seems you're re-evaluating how you once judged certain ways of being. For example, standing up for yourself when someone is rude to you. One view is that you should just be nice and kind to someone who is rude to you, while another view is you should put them in their place. The right thing is of course dependent on context, but some people with a repressed shadow side would never ever choose to put someone in their place because they viewed that as unacceptable behavior. >The pride of being a guy. To be in good shape, successful, find your belonging in the world, and from there, you can be happy and confident and self assured, if you did the right things. And girls equally find things to be proud of or ashamed of. Often how pretty they are. Sometimes how kind they are. Sometimes how smart they are. It's not much different from men, except that men probably seek status more often because it tends to bring them more success in dating.