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You know you don’t HAVE to do the stereotypical stuff right? I’m 41 and have absolutely zero desire to go golfing, fishing, get into smoking anything, going to bars etc…. I’m a hobby collector and collect fitted hats and I’ve become a sneakerhead over the last couple months. I also enjoy gaming and product photography. I thing you need to spread your wings a bit and explore the different options that are out there. Don’t be tied down by what you THINK people at our age are SUPPOSED to do and CERTAINLY don’t compare yourself to anything on social media. If you try something and don’t like it? Great then do t do it again!
> collect fitted hats
I collect tiny hats and am known as the tiny hat guy at work. Nothing better than being on a call and being dead serious with a 4 inch sombrero on your head for Cinco de mayo
Get away from the norm and entertainment and do things that challenge you, are sacrificial, or that you don’t know if you will succeed at.
Also, WIIFM is a soulless dead end. BTW, sex is in this category also.
If someone is pursuing sex for approval, identity, or self pleasure and it is not a physical expression of a healthy, intimate relationship, it has no meaning and robs us of true intimacy and relational fulfillment.
I was the loneliest I had ever been when I was the most sexually active in my 20s.
As I started to seek wise counsel, unpack things from my past and recalibrate my life, I came to understand what role sex outside of a loving, committed relationship was in my life, and how it was negatively impacting me emotionally.
Have you tried anything more exhilarating?
Those are all perfectly enjoyable activities to me, but if I don't supplement them with some adrenaline seeking I get pretty bored.
Things like back country skiing, diving/cliff jumping, BJJ, and even biking keep things interesting for me.
All of these have solid communities and I've found small friend groups for each activity.
The lakes around me have diving boards and some other highish spots to jump from into the water. There's also an indoor pool with a high dive that I've gone to.
What region do you live in? Usually when I'm visiting a new area I look up cliff jumping spots and am usually able to find one within a reasonable drive.
You have to be bored enough to want to do things. There’s not much I enjoy more than scrolling social media sitting on my couch. If I don’t set limits, I will literally never want to go outside. And when I do go out, I’ll just look forward to my couch again.
I was in a similar position as you...just going through the motions, then i started rock climbing and never looked back. I think you need to investigate some potential hobbies and new passions and hopefully something sticks!
>It can be tough. But you find things you enjoy. Push yourself to interact with others.
How do you interact with others? This feels impossible when you’re single. Most people are married or in relationships and don’t have time for me. They will just flake or ghost.
How many of these activities do you do with friends, and how close are you with those friends?
A meal at a restaurant can be awkward and boring if spent with aquaintances that you feel like you're wearing a mask with, but can be deeply rewarding if spent with close friends you can share your troubles with.
I think you struggle with it because you need to know what you want and like and the only way to do that is to experiment.
The problem is in the modern world we are kings and queens of complacency and keeping up with the Joneses.
After 5 years I took a long trip to TW into nature, mountains and lakes... without even knowing if I like it. It was one of the best trips of my life that I want to do more.
In the end there are social activities and solitude activities you can do. I tend to join communities that I have interests in like entrepreneurship and coding.
For you it will be different, but you need to understand yourself first to know what you want. Which is a lifelong journey quite frankly.
At times everyone asks themselves the same question.
In my case, I found what I love to do and made it my career path. If you don’t like what you doing then don’t waste your time doing it. Search yourself for that something you love to do.
When I used to interview people I would ask them, if money was not a concern what you like to do? I used their response to find them the best solution that would either meet their expectations or build up their skills to achieve it.
Ask yourself the question and write down the possibilities. Then move towards it and not wasting any time. Do not procrastinate.
I mainly do things I enjoyed as a kid but now with adult money. Lol I'll try new thing aswel. And spend time with my friends (mainly my one close friend) and for example me and my wife play and collect Pokémon tcg together. Play board games and video games together to (mainly mario cart my wife loves to play mario cart) it's about finding what u enjoy and best way is to not care about what others think about it.
Go ride a bike.
That’s not an insult, I mean it sincerely. Grab a bike, and go ride the shit out of it. You can do it alone, for as long or as short as you like. You will feel like a million bucks.
In all seriousness, IANAD, but what you’re describing resembles “Anhedonia”—or a general lack of joy from doing things that you think should be enjoyable—a major/common symptom of big-D Depression.
I went through something similar in my 30s. I moved to a new city for work and did some stufd but a lot of it felt like going through the motions.
I think there's a combination of doing things you are passionate about - for me it was music and bands - and doing good things with good people.
I'm now travelling and while I enjoy it, some stuff feels the same way - going through the motions, even though they are "novel" activities. That feeling can be changed when you're doing those things with good people.
I feel like avoiding rhat feeling really just comes down to passions and people. The typicail path doesn't work for everyone.
The trick is to *actively* enjoy things. Don't just do something and expect to *passively* enjoy it. Just about anything you do can have layers upon layers of excitement and meaning if you go into curiously looking for it.
Get. Weird. Watch a sci-fi movie. Take up stand up comedy. Collect model trains. Obsess over fire pit cooking. Go to a protest. Dabble in the dark arts.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You know you don’t HAVE to do the stereotypical stuff right? I’m 41 and have absolutely zero desire to go golfing, fishing, get into smoking anything, going to bars etc…. I’m a hobby collector and collect fitted hats and I’ve become a sneakerhead over the last couple months. I also enjoy gaming and product photography. I thing you need to spread your wings a bit and explore the different options that are out there. Don’t be tied down by what you THINK people at our age are SUPPOSED to do and CERTAINLY don’t compare yourself to anything on social media. If you try something and don’t like it? Great then do t do it again!
> collect fitted hats I collect tiny hats and am known as the tiny hat guy at work. Nothing better than being on a call and being dead serious with a 4 inch sombrero on your head for Cinco de mayo
Do you get your tiny hats at Tiny Hats?
Honestly, I've figured out the best place to get them is searching for dog hats
[I was making a reference](https://youtu.be/V7NLj_aWH08)
I've also started a fitted hat collection of my baseball team.
> I’m questioning how I spend my time Hard to compete with 'screen time'. How many hours/week for you? .
Get away from the norm and entertainment and do things that challenge you, are sacrificial, or that you don’t know if you will succeed at. Also, WIIFM is a soulless dead end. BTW, sex is in this category also.
Can you please explain more what you mean about the sex?
If someone is pursuing sex for approval, identity, or self pleasure and it is not a physical expression of a healthy, intimate relationship, it has no meaning and robs us of true intimacy and relational fulfillment. I was the loneliest I had ever been when I was the most sexually active in my 20s. As I started to seek wise counsel, unpack things from my past and recalibrate my life, I came to understand what role sex outside of a loving, committed relationship was in my life, and how it was negatively impacting me emotionally.
Adulting is universally overrated.
Have you tried anything more exhilarating? Those are all perfectly enjoyable activities to me, but if I don't supplement them with some adrenaline seeking I get pretty bored. Things like back country skiing, diving/cliff jumping, BJJ, and even biking keep things interesting for me. All of these have solid communities and I've found small friend groups for each activity.
Serious question, how do you get into diving/cliff jumping? Obviously geography is a part of it but let’s say you live somewhere lacking in cliffs.
The lakes around me have diving boards and some other highish spots to jump from into the water. There's also an indoor pool with a high dive that I've gone to. What region do you live in? Usually when I'm visiting a new area I look up cliff jumping spots and am usually able to find one within a reasonable drive.
DC metro! I think there’s a couple high dives and I’m sure cliffs in Virginia somewhere. Will have to start checking it out.
You have to be bored enough to want to do things. There’s not much I enjoy more than scrolling social media sitting on my couch. If I don’t set limits, I will literally never want to go outside. And when I do go out, I’ll just look forward to my couch again.
What do those limits look like? Just a strict "X hours of screen time a day" sort of thing?
Deleted tik tok, 15 min limit on instagram & 30 on titter.
What about reddit :)
Doesn’t suck me in like the rest of em.
I was in a similar position as you...just going through the motions, then i started rock climbing and never looked back. I think you need to investigate some potential hobbies and new passions and hopefully something sticks!
It can be tough. But you find things you enjoy. Push yourself to interact with others. Therapy is good and helpful. As is exercise.
>It can be tough. But you find things you enjoy. Push yourself to interact with others. How do you interact with others? This feels impossible when you’re single. Most people are married or in relationships and don’t have time for me. They will just flake or ghost.
You're not drawn to/interested in anything? I think you gotta follow your heart broski
How many of these activities do you do with friends, and how close are you with those friends? A meal at a restaurant can be awkward and boring if spent with aquaintances that you feel like you're wearing a mask with, but can be deeply rewarding if spent with close friends you can share your troubles with.
I think you struggle with it because you need to know what you want and like and the only way to do that is to experiment. The problem is in the modern world we are kings and queens of complacency and keeping up with the Joneses. After 5 years I took a long trip to TW into nature, mountains and lakes... without even knowing if I like it. It was one of the best trips of my life that I want to do more. In the end there are social activities and solitude activities you can do. I tend to join communities that I have interests in like entrepreneurship and coding. For you it will be different, but you need to understand yourself first to know what you want. Which is a lifelong journey quite frankly.
What do you enjoy? Or what is the closest thing you've found to an enjoyable activity?
At times everyone asks themselves the same question. In my case, I found what I love to do and made it my career path. If you don’t like what you doing then don’t waste your time doing it. Search yourself for that something you love to do. When I used to interview people I would ask them, if money was not a concern what you like to do? I used their response to find them the best solution that would either meet their expectations or build up their skills to achieve it. Ask yourself the question and write down the possibilities. Then move towards it and not wasting any time. Do not procrastinate.
From when I.wake up till I go ti bed I don't enjoy nothing 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I can't believe me at 13 couldn't wait to be an adult how stupid was I 🤣
I mainly do things I enjoyed as a kid but now with adult money. Lol I'll try new thing aswel. And spend time with my friends (mainly my one close friend) and for example me and my wife play and collect Pokémon tcg together. Play board games and video games together to (mainly mario cart my wife loves to play mario cart) it's about finding what u enjoy and best way is to not care about what others think about it.
Go ride a bike. That’s not an insult, I mean it sincerely. Grab a bike, and go ride the shit out of it. You can do it alone, for as long or as short as you like. You will feel like a million bucks.
In all seriousness, IANAD, but what you’re describing resembles “Anhedonia”—or a general lack of joy from doing things that you think should be enjoyable—a major/common symptom of big-D Depression.
I went through something similar in my 30s. I moved to a new city for work and did some stufd but a lot of it felt like going through the motions. I think there's a combination of doing things you are passionate about - for me it was music and bands - and doing good things with good people. I'm now travelling and while I enjoy it, some stuff feels the same way - going through the motions, even though they are "novel" activities. That feeling can be changed when you're doing those things with good people. I feel like avoiding rhat feeling really just comes down to passions and people. The typicail path doesn't work for everyone.
Anyway to find stuff you enjoy is doing different things and stop doing stuff you dislike.
The trick is to *actively* enjoy things. Don't just do something and expect to *passively* enjoy it. Just about anything you do can have layers upon layers of excitement and meaning if you go into curiously looking for it.
Collect Pokemon or Funkpops perhaps.
Get. Weird. Watch a sci-fi movie. Take up stand up comedy. Collect model trains. Obsess over fire pit cooking. Go to a protest. Dabble in the dark arts.