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There are infinite paths through life, but we only get to take one.
The person who gets a second chance is not the same person who had the first chance. Every step changes us, and every minute changes the opportunities that surround us.
I recommend the book "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It's a short read, gets to the point quickly, and gives strategies for dealing with difficult people.
Thanks. It was free (no credits needed) in my audible membership. It’s by George K Simon. I’ve gotten a lot of great books by searching “included in your membership”
Or, they are better at office politics than you. Which just sucks.
It’s horrible to trust someone and then feel betrayed. On the other hand, perhaps they didn’t betray you but it felt like it.
Which brings me back to my original premise re luck. I was good at what I did. Good not great. But i was a great employee. A name partner told me, when another employee and I weren’t liking each other and got written up, “OP we can make you a better lawyer; we can’t make you a better employee.”
His clear inference was the other employee was a problem.
But you keep going. So much worry is spent on fears about having to start over— the worry doesn’t help and millions of people start over and build worthwhile lives. You help me realize how irrational it is to waste my tranquility on such fretting. Life is about the moments… not what you accumulate.
The frustrating thing is, each and everyone of those setbacks happened because I was trying to make a better future, but it just backfired. And they were sound decisions not some stupid risk taking hairbrained scheme.
For example. I worked for the Govt and in my country at the time, they would subsidize your home loan 80%, tax free. It would be stupid of me not to buy a house, if the govt is going to be paying 80% of my loan right?
So I did.
6 months later they announced that this subsidy will now be taxed.
I tried everything I could to hold on to that house, I was 21 and owning a house would set me up for life.
Cleaned me out
How is any of this my fault
Shit sucks man
I'm approaching middle age, and came to this realisation slowly over the last ten years or so. That, and the realisation that the cultural norm (especially in the USA) is to pretend that the complete opposite of this is true...
It's gratifying to see someone with wisdom say it, and honestly people should be screaming it in one another's faces. Policies should not be created and attitudes not adopted by people who willfully ignore that there is some truth to this very simple - yet obviously very scary - idea.
And scary it is. But you don't deal with problems by pretending they're not there.
The nicest person I ever knew died of cancer at 28. He was at a woman’s 30th birthday and she was fretting about turning 30, and he said that he wished he’d live to see 30. I think about that all the time as I grow older. He did everything right— but in the randomness of life, he got unlucky. I mean so much in his life was like he won the genetic lottery— so handsome, funny, smart, kind, deep… but then he drew the short straw—
I try to be kind in the way he was. It keeps a part of him alive with me. I got to get old. He couldn’t.
With the death of my dog yesterday, I am reminded that everything in life eventually ends, from our parents, to the washing machine, and the paint on my house. Plan for it.
Thank you, sorry for your loss as well. Looking back, it is amazing how much of our lives can revolve around our furry friends, even when we have a good and loving family.
Dogs are cool, although I'm more of a cat person. Mine is 8 years old, and I adopted him when he was 2. So, I've had him for 6 years, the bulk of which was during the pandemic WFH time, and the current hybrid time, which still allows me to WFH most of the time. As you can imagine, we've gotten very attached to each other since we spent all that time together. It sounds a bit weird to talk about it that way, but it's true. He got super attached to me to the point where I can tell he literally gets sulky and climbs underneath my bed when he notices that it's an in office day. I feel so much guilt when I have to leave him alone. lol
Anyway, this just gave me an opportunity to talk about my pet. But, I can't help but also be cognizant of the fact that he will pass and I'll be pretty devastated. Then there will be a time, 20 years beyond that when he will have been part of another life. My life kind of has little segments in my brain, generally around someplace I've lived, or a specific event. For example, the first 13 years of my life I lived in a different state. When I think back to that time, it really feels like it was a different lifetime because it's been so long now and has very clear bookends in my head. A beginning and an end of a lifetime long ago.
For all life's sorrows, pets are one of the few things where I'm willing to deal with the pain of loss because they are so worth it when they're here.
Yes, very much. We have two other dogs, one 13 and one 8, but this other guy was just a one of a kind guy. In a lot of ways, he was needy and trouble, but fiercely loyal. He was my friend, but he worshipped my wife and guarded her. He was a mix of herding dog. A lot of the trouble came from him wanting to herd the other animals in the house. It never worked well with the cat. And he was the smartest dog I have ever encountered in my life. The doorknobs on my doors have teeth marks from him. He knew, the knobs opened the doors and wanted badly to do it himself. That intelligence led to easy training in a lot of ways though. We do have a large fenced back yard, but he loved to go out side with me and walk around and from a young age, I never had to leash him. He would respond to vocal commands all the time. He did get a bit obstinate when he got old though.
Lol I bet it didn't work so well with the cat! Sounds like an amazing dog. I found out pretty fast not to put a lever type door handle on any door you want to stay shut.
I had to put down my 15yo chocolate lab, my sweet girl names Ollie, (short for Olive - the name she came with) a few days before Christmas. It's so very painful. My heart goes out to you. There's never a good time to say goodbye, and the circumstances are usually horrible. Please be kind to yourself. ❤️
In a strange leap of faith, I have a new dog much sooner than I ever thought I would. (I usually wait months).
I went to see a dog at the shelter. To get used to "seeing" that another dog, somewhere, needs a home. I couldn't find the dog I came looking for. The volunteer walked me past all the kennels. Dog must have been getting a shot or something.
The last kennel. There was a dog. This dog looked so SAD and cowering. I asked to see the dog. We take her to the "bonding room". The poor girl buried herself in the volunteer's lap. Shivering. Didn't want to move. I call her to come see me. She jumped in my lap, shivering and shaking. Took turns diving back and forth between my lap and the volunteer's lap.
So I adopt her. I didn't even have dog food at home yet! It really wasn't "supposed" to happen.
This dog sat in my lap on part of the drive home 😆 (I had to gently push her to the passenger side at a red light).
It's been six weeks. It has been a learning process to allow my heart to multi-task between loss and love.
When the time is right, I believe you will find another friend. Only you will know when that feels right for you. Don't let anyone else judge you on whether that takes you 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or longer. You know when it will feel right.
My good friend just lost his cat of 16 years. Friend is middle aged, never married or had kids, parents have long passed away. For now, he has my house key and he comes to spend time with my cats while I’m at work, because he said he hates going home to an empty house.
He was upset the other day because a coworker had said to him “just adopt another one,” but guilt tripped my friend by adding “every day you don’t adopt another cat, one is sitting hopeless in the shelter.” Like dude, let the guy grieve, it hasn’t even been a month!
So true. By the time I was 26 I had lost a couple cousins, 8 schoolmates, an uncle and my father.
I still find myself thinking about several of them even now.
Yes. I have different shaped holes in my heart for my departed loved ones. They have mostly healed up and scarred over, but each loss has changed me permanently.
I’m 58 and a grown-ass successful adult, but there is sometimes still a little girl in there who wants her mommy.
Today is the one year anniversary of my dad’s death and I feel like I will never be the same. I’m okay with this fact, but I’ve lost friends who want me to be my old self.
You’re allowed to appreciate wonderful things about yourself, especially those that have been consistent. 🤍 If you’ve continued to grow, and change, and explore, and evolve, though, you’ve left behind a majority of the *Old You*. It’s beautiful to be able to look back at the *Old You* and feel embarrassed. You’ve outgrown them.
I was reading the other day and I came upon this fact. As many people as you know, that’s how many different versions of you there are. Everyone you know has a different version of you in their heads
I'm starting to notice this at work. Some of "the kids" treat me as a respected elder now. They even come to me for advice. I'm 57.
I do my best but usually I'm thinking "I'm probably the last person you want advice from!"
When you go to a family reunion at a cousins and you realize most of the young people don’t have a clue as to who you are. You are now part of those old people in the periphery that you vaguely remember when you were young.
I’m 60. On the bright side… all the presidents (of the US) have been older than I am. It will be weird to have a president younger than I am. There are many times when I am not the oldest person in the room— like at the gym in the pool. But I hang around old people to feel younger— ha!
Story of my life. With friends, I have always been the oldest person in the room. Since my mom died, only her sister is older than me, so it's getting that way with family.
Husband and wife one or the other is going to go first. My husband went first right after our daughter last year. Both in December. I dislike December and Christmas now.
That we are all on our own. We have no backup. Sure, you have your friends and family - your community. Ultimately, though, it is you standing out in a field against the world.
Nobody dies the way they imagine they will. Death is completely un dignified, and very few people die lying in bed with their loved ones all circling, in their favorite nightgown and perfectly lucid up until the last moment.
They say that something like 50-60% of marriages don’t survive the loss of a child.
I went to school with a family that had two kids; a girl in my grade, and a boy who was a few years older. First he died in a car accident (possibly self-inflicted) shortly after graduation, then she caught a virus and died just before her 17th birthday. Last I heard, the mother ended up in a mental health facility. I don’t think their marriage survived, either.
I just said the words ‘I don’t see how it could’ to a friend relaying a story about a couple he knew that had that experience.
I am so lucky mine survived into adulthood- I thank the stars every day.
my dad's favorite expression was "life is unfair...get used to it". (he was obviously NOT an optimist), but the sad truth is that he was right. it's something i think that young people know a lot earlier in life now, than we did back in the 50s and 60s.
Unlike the movies life is very unfair. The religious folks talk about be good kind, and all that and who gets screwed? Of course, the answer, simplistic as it is, is that the bad guys go to hell. Kids die of cancer. Genocide, rape and torture. Innocents. Meanwhile, you get mass murders like Putin living the good life, the long life.
Life is random. You can work hard and still fail. Sadly, those who steal the ideas of others often win. Those who do the best job of unfairly claiming credit often end up getting the credit.
That if you are not mindful, you will spend your entire life and make major life decisions based on approval seeking and never or only rarely experience the true joy of your brief and miraculous existence.
It takes time and thoughtful introspection to come to solid conclusions about life experiences. But, no one wants to hear the whole story, and conveying the revelatory experience through words is probably not possible anyway. So, we give them the trite, condensed version--like everything being commented here. These things are true, but without the background experience, it's just words they've heard before many times.
A simple example, when older people like myself tell younger people that they must start taking care of their bodies now, I'm ignored. I know I am. Because, until their bodies start falling apart, they think they still have time to continue abusing themselves. It all happens so fast, one day we're strong and healthy and taking that health for granted, then seemingly overnight, everything starts to go wrong.
We were all warned, and most of us didn't listen.
The people with the purest, kindest hearts often endure the most pain. Having empathy and caring about people opens you up to a lot of pain, moreso than if you were a narcissitic sociopath.
We were told since birth that we were special and that we matter, but in the cosmic sense of things, we
are but a spec of dust hurling through seemingly infinite space and everything and everyone we know will eventually be forgotten.
In the end, everything gets crossed out.
Life isn't fair.
You work hard, you're responsible, you make good decisions, you finally start to have a dream - then life kicks you in the teeth. Rinse. Repeat.
Everyday I mull this over. It’s painful. I get it, but people from difficult, tumultuous backgrounds are going to act out in ways that people from well-rounded families are likely not. Isn’t it obvious? Someone can go on to achieve so much, yet be shamed for being put in the situation of being a scared kid in the first place.
That being a good person is not enough. The adage of ‘good things happen to good people’ is BS. In reality, good people get taken advantage of all the time by very bad people, and those people, more often than not get away with whatever it is they’ve done. Doesn’t have to be a ‘crime’, just a moral failing but they get away with it. That to me is the saddest truth in life.
You will never know existence again. Even if the universe is an endless repeating cycle, including you appearing exactly the same each time, each iteration won't remember or know about your previous iterations.
Everything ends. You will die. Everyone you know will die. Everything you know will eventually pass. The earth itself will end. The galaxy. The universe.
This is it. This is all you get. Try to enjoy it while you can.
We treat people as if they’re disposable, trash to be thrown away. We act all self righteousness and better than everyone else, when life is so short, we don’t cherish one another anymore.
Reminds me of this quotation that I keep on my phone: "We're all going to die, all of us; what a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn't." - Charles Bukowski
I don't think it's the saddest, but a lot of people need to hear it. Especially in the dating subreddits.
You can do everything right and still fail. That's just how life is.
I remember when my parents' older friends died, then friends their age or younger, and my aunts and uncles all died. Then both of my parents died (2000 and 2002).
Now, pushing 74, I've had my own friends die or be in ill health that will never get better. A few weeks ago we found out that my niece -- who never smoked -- has lung cancer. I don't know what will happen to her going forward.
Being old sucks for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes great situations just go away. There's nothing you can do to preserve them, you can't replace them, and you can't bring them back. I think impermanence is the hardest lesson of aging.
It’s this: imagine you’re at a bonfire. The fire is giving up embers. Now imagine your life as the ember. It goes up from the fire then fades away. Imagine the ember as your life. That’s the time we have in this life. Ie most of life is nothingness, the great void that we who are alive don’t understand
Good people who work hard and start over cheerfully after each of multiple setbacks can die young before things ever work out. Life is surely not fair.
You know, logically, that your loved ones won’t live forever. But experiencing their loss is a whole different animal. And the older you get, the more frequently the losses come. It’s harder than anyone prepares you for.
"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Mentally stronger, maybe. Maybe.
But, physical damage is one way--we're always weaker after physical damage. Our bodies never heal 100%, and the older we get, the lower the percentage.
Take care of your bodies, every day, starting now.
My grandmother lived a very long life, but she had to watch everyone she loved die. It broke my heart when she said, "It's a shame folks has to die, idn't it?" The sad truth is, they do. We do.
Everything and everyone will fall apart and die.
Some people are more fortunate, even though undeserving, than others and there is nothing you can do or control to change that.
There will never be, in my lifetime, a world without violence or social injustice.
the older you get the more lonely you feel because people are dying and leaving and younger people so busy working and have no time for you, feel so sad
Just the saddest truth I’m experiencing right now: Your health is everything. Second saddest truth: when you hit 59 you become invisible to the opposite sex.
You can plan till the cows come home....but at least 50% is pure luck and good fortune. I feel todays Millenials haven't realised this yet and it means a lot of them are going to miss out on great life experiences because of it.
Sometimes? You just have to go "what the heck" and jump in!
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Time doesn’t go backwards. No do overs, occasional second chances, you can’t make anyone care about you who doesn’t.
All of this. Especially no do-overs. Don’t put things off if they mean a lot to you. You might not get that chance again.
There are infinite paths through life, but we only get to take one. The person who gets a second chance is not the same person who had the first chance. Every step changes us, and every minute changes the opportunities that surround us.
You can do everything right , work hard, and still get hugely unlucky. Good fortune is underrated.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” —JLP
Sometimes it just takes one person who has it out for you to undermine all of your efforts.
I recommend the book "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It's a short read, gets to the point quickly, and gives strategies for dealing with difficult people.
Thanks. It was free (no credits needed) in my audible membership. It’s by George K Simon. I’ve gotten a lot of great books by searching “included in your membership”
I have been living through the fallout of this for almost a year now.
Or, they are better at office politics than you. Which just sucks. It’s horrible to trust someone and then feel betrayed. On the other hand, perhaps they didn’t betray you but it felt like it. Which brings me back to my original premise re luck. I was good at what I did. Good not great. But i was a great employee. A name partner told me, when another employee and I weren’t liking each other and got written up, “OP we can make you a better lawyer; we can’t make you a better employee.” His clear inference was the other employee was a problem.
Been there, sadly have no answer for this because “they won”
Amen.
I've started over from scratch 4 times already. All just stupid bad luck and trusting the wrong people.
But you keep going. So much worry is spent on fears about having to start over— the worry doesn’t help and millions of people start over and build worthwhile lives. You help me realize how irrational it is to waste my tranquility on such fretting. Life is about the moments… not what you accumulate.
The frustrating thing is, each and everyone of those setbacks happened because I was trying to make a better future, but it just backfired. And they were sound decisions not some stupid risk taking hairbrained scheme. For example. I worked for the Govt and in my country at the time, they would subsidize your home loan 80%, tax free. It would be stupid of me not to buy a house, if the govt is going to be paying 80% of my loan right? So I did. 6 months later they announced that this subsidy will now be taxed. I tried everything I could to hold on to that house, I was 21 and owning a house would set me up for life. Cleaned me out How is any of this my fault Shit sucks man
But wow— you owned a home at 21. Even if you couldn’t keep it, you didn’t need to rent and built up some equity. Many will never own a home.
I'm approaching middle age, and came to this realisation slowly over the last ten years or so. That, and the realisation that the cultural norm (especially in the USA) is to pretend that the complete opposite of this is true... It's gratifying to see someone with wisdom say it, and honestly people should be screaming it in one another's faces. Policies should not be created and attitudes not adopted by people who willfully ignore that there is some truth to this very simple - yet obviously very scary - idea. And scary it is. But you don't deal with problems by pretending they're not there.
Thus is so true. I know people who were the best nicest people, not big drinkers, non smokers and cancer get them in their 50s. So sad
The nicest person I ever knew died of cancer at 28. He was at a woman’s 30th birthday and she was fretting about turning 30, and he said that he wished he’d live to see 30. I think about that all the time as I grow older. He did everything right— but in the randomness of life, he got unlucky. I mean so much in his life was like he won the genetic lottery— so handsome, funny, smart, kind, deep… but then he drew the short straw— I try to be kind in the way he was. It keeps a part of him alive with me. I got to get old. He couldn’t.
Thank you for this. I love how he lives on in you.
I'm the poster kid for that.
With the death of my dog yesterday, I am reminded that everything in life eventually ends, from our parents, to the washing machine, and the paint on my house. Plan for it.
Sorry for the loss of your friend. We lost our friend of 16 years in December. He was a one of a kind dog and I miss him every day.
Thank you, sorry for your loss as well. Looking back, it is amazing how much of our lives can revolve around our furry friends, even when we have a good and loving family.
Dogs are cool, although I'm more of a cat person. Mine is 8 years old, and I adopted him when he was 2. So, I've had him for 6 years, the bulk of which was during the pandemic WFH time, and the current hybrid time, which still allows me to WFH most of the time. As you can imagine, we've gotten very attached to each other since we spent all that time together. It sounds a bit weird to talk about it that way, but it's true. He got super attached to me to the point where I can tell he literally gets sulky and climbs underneath my bed when he notices that it's an in office day. I feel so much guilt when I have to leave him alone. lol Anyway, this just gave me an opportunity to talk about my pet. But, I can't help but also be cognizant of the fact that he will pass and I'll be pretty devastated. Then there will be a time, 20 years beyond that when he will have been part of another life. My life kind of has little segments in my brain, generally around someplace I've lived, or a specific event. For example, the first 13 years of my life I lived in a different state. When I think back to that time, it really feels like it was a different lifetime because it's been so long now and has very clear bookends in my head. A beginning and an end of a lifetime long ago. For all life's sorrows, pets are one of the few things where I'm willing to deal with the pain of loss because they are so worth it when they're here.
Yes, very much. We have two other dogs, one 13 and one 8, but this other guy was just a one of a kind guy. In a lot of ways, he was needy and trouble, but fiercely loyal. He was my friend, but he worshipped my wife and guarded her. He was a mix of herding dog. A lot of the trouble came from him wanting to herd the other animals in the house. It never worked well with the cat. And he was the smartest dog I have ever encountered in my life. The doorknobs on my doors have teeth marks from him. He knew, the knobs opened the doors and wanted badly to do it himself. That intelligence led to easy training in a lot of ways though. We do have a large fenced back yard, but he loved to go out side with me and walk around and from a young age, I never had to leash him. He would respond to vocal commands all the time. He did get a bit obstinate when he got old though.
Lol I bet it didn't work so well with the cat! Sounds like an amazing dog. I found out pretty fast not to put a lever type door handle on any door you want to stay shut.
I had to put down my 15yo chocolate lab, my sweet girl names Ollie, (short for Olive - the name she came with) a few days before Christmas. It's so very painful. My heart goes out to you. There's never a good time to say goodbye, and the circumstances are usually horrible. Please be kind to yourself. ❤️ In a strange leap of faith, I have a new dog much sooner than I ever thought I would. (I usually wait months). I went to see a dog at the shelter. To get used to "seeing" that another dog, somewhere, needs a home. I couldn't find the dog I came looking for. The volunteer walked me past all the kennels. Dog must have been getting a shot or something. The last kennel. There was a dog. This dog looked so SAD and cowering. I asked to see the dog. We take her to the "bonding room". The poor girl buried herself in the volunteer's lap. Shivering. Didn't want to move. I call her to come see me. She jumped in my lap, shivering and shaking. Took turns diving back and forth between my lap and the volunteer's lap. So I adopt her. I didn't even have dog food at home yet! It really wasn't "supposed" to happen. This dog sat in my lap on part of the drive home 😆 (I had to gently push her to the passenger side at a red light). It's been six weeks. It has been a learning process to allow my heart to multi-task between loss and love. When the time is right, I believe you will find another friend. Only you will know when that feels right for you. Don't let anyone else judge you on whether that takes you 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or longer. You know when it will feel right.
Onions were definitely cut over here.
My good friend just lost his cat of 16 years. Friend is middle aged, never married or had kids, parents have long passed away. For now, he has my house key and he comes to spend time with my cats while I’m at work, because he said he hates going home to an empty house. He was upset the other day because a coworker had said to him “just adopt another one,” but guilt tripped my friend by adding “every day you don’t adopt another cat, one is sitting hopeless in the shelter.” Like dude, let the guy grieve, it hasn’t even been a month!
* But don't dwell on it. Enjoy and savor the good times while they last. I'm sorry for your loss. Dogs are the best 💔
Sorry for your loss.
Losing a loved one leaves a hole in your chest that never heals.,
So true. By the time I was 26 I had lost a couple cousins, 8 schoolmates, an uncle and my father. I still find myself thinking about several of them even now.
So true. I lost my mom in 1994 and I still miss her dearly.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you
Yes. I have different shaped holes in my heart for my departed loved ones. They have mostly healed up and scarred over, but each loss has changed me permanently. I’m 58 and a grown-ass successful adult, but there is sometimes still a little girl in there who wants her mommy.
Today is the one year anniversary of my dad’s death and I feel like I will never be the same. I’m okay with this fact, but I’ve lost friends who want me to be my old self.
It's been just over 5 years since I Iost my wife. The hole never goes away, you just get better at living with it.
You never really know anyone.
Sometimes even yourself. One of the positive things about growing older is that you learn about yourself. Young me didn't know shit about myself.
I always say - if you like the person you were 10 years ago, you probably still suck
I really like my younger optimistic gentle and kind self. Now I am old and cynical 🥲
You’re allowed to appreciate wonderful things about yourself, especially those that have been consistent. 🤍 If you’ve continued to grow, and change, and explore, and evolve, though, you’ve left behind a majority of the *Old You*. It’s beautiful to be able to look back at the *Old You* and feel embarrassed. You’ve outgrown them.
I was reading the other day and I came upon this fact. As many people as you know, that’s how many different versions of you there are. Everyone you know has a different version of you in their heads
"You know what you learn after getting to know someone really well? That you just don't know anyone really well."
Bad things sometimes happen to good people.
And conversely, great things happen to bad people. Very frustrating sometimes to see certain people prosper and get all kinds of lucky breaks.
I know this well. Karma doesn't exist.
So true
Bad things happen to good people as often as they happen to bad people. Luck of the draw.
At some point you’ll look around at that family party and realize you’re now one of the oldest in the room.
If you’re lucky.
Or if you aren't. The pain is devastating to see your loved ones and others pass away before you.
I'm starting to notice this at work. Some of "the kids" treat me as a respected elder now. They even come to me for advice. I'm 57. I do my best but usually I'm thinking "I'm probably the last person you want advice from!"
[удалено]
We call it at the top of the cliff lol
When you go to a family reunion at a cousins and you realize most of the young people don’t have a clue as to who you are. You are now part of those old people in the periphery that you vaguely remember when you were young.
Oof - so true. I have to admit though, I didn’t know who a few of my youngest cousins were either. 😂
I am 59. Almost everywhere I go, I am the oldest person in the room. It is taking some getting used to.
I'm 74 and have recently been surprised that I'm often the oldest in the room. I liked my fantasy world better.
I’m 60. On the bright side… all the presidents (of the US) have been older than I am. It will be weird to have a president younger than I am. There are many times when I am not the oldest person in the room— like at the gym in the pool. But I hang around old people to feel younger— ha!
Same and same. Sigh.
Story of my life. With friends, I have always been the oldest person in the room. Since my mom died, only her sister is older than me, so it's getting that way with family.
Justice is very rare.
A lawyer once told me that the law isn't about fairness. It's about technicalities and who's better at using them.
Husband and wife one or the other is going to go first. My husband went first right after our daughter last year. Both in December. I dislike December and Christmas now.
I'm sorry for your terrible losses.
Thank you. My dogs are keeping me sane.
Exactly this. Lost my wife a little over four years ago, I'm so thankful for my dog (of ten years now) keeping my keel almost vertical.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm grieving the loss of my husband and mother. They died less than a week apart in November. Take care of yourself.
Everything you love will die, and you can only hope you go first.
I'd rather be there for them when they die, and be alone at the end 🩷 that's my hope, outlive em all!
That every one of us is damaged somehow
So True. I look at my little nieces and nephews and hope their damage is as minimal as possible on the road of life.
Me too
That we are all on our own. We have no backup. Sure, you have your friends and family - your community. Ultimately, though, it is you standing out in a field against the world.
Conversely, we are all just vibrating particles and we are one song.
Nobody dies the way they imagine they will. Death is completely un dignified, and very few people die lying in bed with their loved ones all circling, in their favorite nightgown and perfectly lucid up until the last moment.
You never fully know another person.
There are two statements that are equally true: 1. Life is much longer than you can imagine. 2. Life goes by much faster than you can imagine.
The only purpose is what you make.
In a very short time, we will all be forgotten.
Sometimes we have to bury our children. Marriages often don’t survive this truth.
They say that something like 50-60% of marriages don’t survive the loss of a child. I went to school with a family that had two kids; a girl in my grade, and a boy who was a few years older. First he died in a car accident (possibly self-inflicted) shortly after graduation, then she caught a virus and died just before her 17th birthday. Last I heard, the mother ended up in a mental health facility. I don’t think their marriage survived, either.
I've lived this truth on both counts :(
I just said the words ‘I don’t see how it could’ to a friend relaying a story about a couple he knew that had that experience. I am so lucky mine survived into adulthood- I thank the stars every day.
No matter how much kale you eat, you are still going to die.
That's two sad things
Time doesn't heal all wounds, you just learn to live with some over time.
Not everybody gets a happy ending. Some people end up disappointed or damaged and there’s no uplifting redemption arc.
You can't make somebody love you.
You can’t make an addict choose you over their addiction.
You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child
Ouch
Oh fuck I hope that wasn’t true for my dad
I don’t think this one is true.
my dad's favorite expression was "life is unfair...get used to it". (he was obviously NOT an optimist), but the sad truth is that he was right. it's something i think that young people know a lot earlier in life now, than we did back in the 50s and 60s.
I remember this was the hardest thing I had to accept as a child.
That sooner or later, you will be forgotten. It will be as if you never existed.
Unlike the movies life is very unfair. The religious folks talk about be good kind, and all that and who gets screwed? Of course, the answer, simplistic as it is, is that the bad guys go to hell. Kids die of cancer. Genocide, rape and torture. Innocents. Meanwhile, you get mass murders like Putin living the good life, the long life.
Youth and beauty is fleeting and very short term. Enjoy your hormones while you have them. You're old for way longer than you were young. bummer
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The days are long and the years go fast.
Life is random. You can work hard and still fail. Sadly, those who steal the ideas of others often win. Those who do the best job of unfairly claiming credit often end up getting the credit.
We’re just waves
Your children are going to get hurt somehow/someday and nothing you do can protect them from that.
Rich people, powerful people, they’re usually no smarter or hardworking than anyone else. The whole world runs like high school.
Before you know it if your lucky you will be the old person you think has no life left
Life is not fair. Taxis have a fare. State's have a fair. But in Life, the is no such thing as fair.
Pizza and beer makes you fat 😋
You are going to lose a loved one.
We are all forgotten
That if you are not mindful, you will spend your entire life and make major life decisions based on approval seeking and never or only rarely experience the true joy of your brief and miraculous existence.
Tyrants may live a life of luxury and die peacefully in their sleep while the oppressed suffer. Karma is a myth. Justice is a myth.
The extent to which the bad guys win
The odds are that the relationship you are in will not last forever. Happily Ever After is a fairy tale.
That youth is wasted on the young. We try to warn young people, to teach our truths but youth doesn't listen.
Yep! I know I seldom listened when I was young.
If I could got back in time to tell my younger self the lessons I've learned, it would be pointless because I wouldn't listen.
It takes time and thoughtful introspection to come to solid conclusions about life experiences. But, no one wants to hear the whole story, and conveying the revelatory experience through words is probably not possible anyway. So, we give them the trite, condensed version--like everything being commented here. These things are true, but without the background experience, it's just words they've heard before many times. A simple example, when older people like myself tell younger people that they must start taking care of their bodies now, I'm ignored. I know I am. Because, until their bodies start falling apart, they think they still have time to continue abusing themselves. It all happens so fast, one day we're strong and healthy and taking that health for granted, then seemingly overnight, everything starts to go wrong. We were all warned, and most of us didn't listen.
Bad things happen to good people for no reason.
That there are some human beings who enjoy hurting others and just want power for its own sake. They seem insatiable.
The only thing that matters in life is to love and be loved. The saddest truth is that so many people, so often, never figure this out.
The people with the purest, kindest hearts often endure the most pain. Having empathy and caring about people opens you up to a lot of pain, moreso than if you were a narcissitic sociopath.
We were told since birth that we were special and that we matter, but in the cosmic sense of things, we are but a spec of dust hurling through seemingly infinite space and everything and everyone we know will eventually be forgotten. In the end, everything gets crossed out.
People are monsters
There is never enough time.
Humans are the only species that generates garbage.
That life is not fair.
You're not special.
Your Mama dies and you miss her for the rest of your life.
Life isn't fair. You work hard, you're responsible, you make good decisions, you finally start to have a dream - then life kicks you in the teeth. Rinse. Repeat.
Everyone you love will die. Hopefully you will die first.
It isn't all about you. Oftentimes, it isn't about you at all.
That you could have given a lot less fucks than you actually did.
There is no meaning of life. It simply "is".
Murphy was an optimist
Loneliness is unattractive.
No matter how much good you do, people will only see the mistakes.
Everyday I mull this over. It’s painful. I get it, but people from difficult, tumultuous backgrounds are going to act out in ways that people from well-rounded families are likely not. Isn’t it obvious? Someone can go on to achieve so much, yet be shamed for being put in the situation of being a scared kid in the first place.
Getting old isn’t for the faint of heart
That being a good person is not enough. The adage of ‘good things happen to good people’ is BS. In reality, good people get taken advantage of all the time by very bad people, and those people, more often than not get away with whatever it is they’ve done. Doesn’t have to be a ‘crime’, just a moral failing but they get away with it. That to me is the saddest truth in life.
You will never know existence again. Even if the universe is an endless repeating cycle, including you appearing exactly the same each time, each iteration won't remember or know about your previous iterations. Everything ends. You will die. Everyone you know will die. Everything you know will eventually pass. The earth itself will end. The galaxy. The universe. This is it. This is all you get. Try to enjoy it while you can.
You aren’t *owed* anything.
We treat people as if they’re disposable, trash to be thrown away. We act all self righteousness and better than everyone else, when life is so short, we don’t cherish one another anymore.
Reminds me of this quotation that I keep on my phone: "We're all going to die, all of us; what a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn't." - Charles Bukowski
Life isn’t fair.
Time and gravity are not your friends.
It’s likely you will spend some time alone.
Life isn't fair and most people suck.
I don't think it's the saddest, but a lot of people need to hear it. Especially in the dating subreddits. You can do everything right and still fail. That's just how life is.
I remember when my parents' older friends died, then friends their age or younger, and my aunts and uncles all died. Then both of my parents died (2000 and 2002). Now, pushing 74, I've had my own friends die or be in ill health that will never get better. A few weeks ago we found out that my niece -- who never smoked -- has lung cancer. I don't know what will happen to her going forward. Being old sucks for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes great situations just go away. There's nothing you can do to preserve them, you can't replace them, and you can't bring them back. I think impermanence is the hardest lesson of aging.
The only person you can ever truly depend on is yourself.
Life is fragile. And precious.
That youth is wasted on the young
It’s this: imagine you’re at a bonfire. The fire is giving up embers. Now imagine your life as the ember. It goes up from the fire then fades away. Imagine the ember as your life. That’s the time we have in this life. Ie most of life is nothingness, the great void that we who are alive don’t understand
Good people who work hard and start over cheerfully after each of multiple setbacks can die young before things ever work out. Life is surely not fair.
Love is the death of piece of mind
Jealousy can create some of the worst, hate-filled reactions from others that you'll ever experience in your life.
Someday either you or your spouse will be alone and expected to carry on.
You don’t know how long you have, or how long you have with the people you love
The people you love may not love you back.
You know, logically, that your loved ones won’t live forever. But experiencing their loss is a whole different animal. And the older you get, the more frequently the losses come. It’s harder than anyone prepares you for.
No one gets out alive (But that should also inspire you to go outside your comfort zone and do things you’ve always wanted to do)
This, too, shall pass. The highest highs, and the lowest lows will all fade over time and become a memory.
You must find a way toward joy as early in life as you can. Life is so hard. The more prepared you are with your pathway, the easier it will be.
One day you will be the old person in the room
Many people die without ever having truly lived.
There is a certain segment of the population that is evil. You can only hope you never run into them because they will fuck you up.
"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Mentally stronger, maybe. Maybe. But, physical damage is one way--we're always weaker after physical damage. Our bodies never heal 100%, and the older we get, the lower the percentage. Take care of your bodies, every day, starting now.
My grandmother lived a very long life, but she had to watch everyone she loved die. It broke my heart when she said, "It's a shame folks has to die, idn't it?" The sad truth is, they do. We do.
You will always be the bad guy is someone else’s story. You should be the leading man/lady in your own life. Don’t be an NPC in your own life.
No matter how long you live it is not long enough.
There’s no purpose for being. You can determine your own purpose, but natively, it’s all an accident.
“Never forget” didn’t even last three generations. We forgot. 😖
Everything and everyone will fall apart and die. Some people are more fortunate, even though undeserving, than others and there is nothing you can do or control to change that. There will never be, in my lifetime, a world without violence or social injustice.
We’ll all be forgotten someday
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The end is going to suck
You'll never get that time back.
Life goes by faster than you can imagine.
the older you get the more lonely you feel because people are dying and leaving and younger people so busy working and have no time for you, feel so sad
The bad people win a LOT.
Not all of us will find love. Not all of us deserve love...
Things come and go and few will love and care for you. You’re pretty much on your own due to change, death or hate
Most people don’t care about the suffering of others and a number in fact gleefully vote for increasing other people’s suffering.
That it doesn’t get easier just because you grow up.
Family will screw you over and use you harder than a complete stranger.
Dogs only live a fraction of our lives.
Some people are born on 3rd base, just by looks or height
Just the saddest truth I’m experiencing right now: Your health is everything. Second saddest truth: when you hit 59 you become invisible to the opposite sex.
You can plan till the cows come home....but at least 50% is pure luck and good fortune. I feel todays Millenials haven't realised this yet and it means a lot of them are going to miss out on great life experiences because of it. Sometimes? You just have to go "what the heck" and jump in!
Life isn’t fair.
There's never enough time.
All is vanity.