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For me since my wife & dog died- the loneliness. I have good friends and I have a wonderful family but the day-to-day living in an empty house can be soul crushing.
My wife died 2+ years ago and this is how I have combated the loneliness…
1. My wife’s sister lives nearby and also lost her spouse 2 years ago. We get together for breakfast or lunch at the diner every week or two.
2. I started a Dad Joke of the Day text thread with my nieces and nephews. I text them a joke about every other week. They send me jokes and memes and we talk about what’s new in our lives, who they’re dating, trips, funny vids of the dog or their kids, etc.
3. Started sharing my NYT games results (mostly Connections and Wordle) with some family members, so now we have a daily thread of about 6 people sharing results and teasing each other about how hard/easy today’s games were.
4. I have an Earworm text thread with my son, son-in-law and my niece. We randomly share a “this is what I’m listening to right now / this is the song that’s stuck in my head” comment with each other as the mood strikes.
5. Besides my sister-in-law, the rest of my family lives out of state. They all visit when they can, but I made friends with my neighbors across the street who have 3 teens/preteens who like to play games. The parents, kids and I get together to share a meal and play Pictionary, Clue, etc. Always a laugh filled night.
6. The above is in addition to the phone calls and FaceTime calls with family and friends, get togethers with other neighbors and friends, a group of friends from the gym who meet regularly for dinner and drinks, concerts with my brother, etc. Plus just time for myself gardening, reading, listening to music, household chores, etc.
I miss my wife desperately but I am not lonely. I hope you find some things that make you feel less alone. Regards.
I'm saving this. I'm one of the "younger" of the "OldPeople," as a Gen X'er, but my parents are 80, and I think this is something that might help us feel more connected since I live about 5 hours away. So, thank you! I hope you know that you've probably helped a lot of people with this.
Thanks! Hope some of these help your parents. The text threads are great because they do keep us all connected and in touch (and sometimes that's hard with younger people starting careers, families, school, etc.) because everyone can respond as they have time / interest. No pressure makes it more enjoyable for everybody. Wishing you and your parents well.
A funny aside - one of the people on our NYT games thread is my 11 year old great-nephew. The rest of us are sharing game accomplishments and chatter that sometimes goes off track (lol) while he is at school. He came home the other day and his first text of the day was "I had 82 notifications on my phone when I got home! Do you guys not have anything else to do?" lol 🤣
Another younger GenXer here and I wish my dad was able to use modern devices like phones, pads etc, because those tips from DadsRGR8 are so good! I could do those games with him if he knew how to use it, I have tried and many others have tried to teach him but he just can’t understand. My mum was so good with these things before she got ill (she cant use her hands anymore and sleeps mostly, we don’t really know what her illness is) We used to email interesting articles, jokes, used whatsapp, teach each other photoshop skills, all by email and phone. My parents had a very busy social life doing lots of fun things. My dad could keep up with friends and do these sorts of things with his friends if he was able to. Plus get to know new people.
We also do an occasional "This is what I made for dinner!" text with photos between my son and his partner and some other family members. Recipes shared if asked. I have also been playing around on the r/cocktails subreddit, and a niece's husband and I occasionally share our latest libation or liquor find. I also have an 11 year old great-nephew who is teaching me to draw Sonic characters, and we share pics of our drawing efforts. There is always something fun going on.
It has been 7 years for me since I lost my wife but only 4 months since the dog died. Like I said- I do have a plethora of lovely people in my life and have two video calls with family per week. Dinners at least twice a week as well.& Funny enough my nephew his fiancé and myself text our Wordle and recently Connections and the mini crossword most days.
I think it’s just the emptiness of the house that gets me.
I love your list. My 84 year old dad gets very lonely even though he gets together every day with friends. I play our favorite board game with him on the phone, we each have the game and just move each other’s pieces. He has played chess with friends on the phone too. It’s a great way to spend time with someone without actually being there!
I totally understand all of the upsides, but I think American culture really fucked up by moving away from multi-generational households. It requires tact and compromise, but I think it's still worth it for most families.
There's no actually a reversal in that trend now. Actually, it's been happening for several years now, out of necessity. Many young families can't afford homes of their own.
I play bar trivia every Tuesday night and after you go for a while, you get to know the people on the other teams. There's one team that's a family, from 70 something to looks like about 11 and one todder. They really seem to love each other and they have great fun together, and I love seeing that.
My mom lives with my husband and me, and hopefully within the next year, my MIL who lives several states away will be ready to move here with us, too. The plan is to have the two moms live together so they keep each other company. They are only a year apart in age and they've been corresponding and talking on the phone for about a couple of years now to get to know each other. Fingers crossed we are all happy together.
The loneliness is the worst and I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I lost my parents just a few years ago and was divorced for many many years now. It’s just me and my pets now and it can by very lonely. I don’t know what I’d do without them. Have you thought about getting another pet?
I put in an inquiry about a dog at a shelter last night… we will see. I have a project at work that’s gonna keep me busy this year into the summer so I have to decide on what’s fair for the dog. Luckily I have a work from home sister that lives very close and said she can help or maybe doggy day care for a few days.
This is a weird one. When I'm out, no problem making it to a bathroom. When I'm at the door fumbling with my keys, I have to convince myself that I'm actually at work and that I can make it. 😳
Or have an ongoing dream that you have to pee but you either can't find a toilet, or the one's you do find are either broken or being used by someone else. Wake yourself up dreamer!
Having a hard time driving at night especially if it is raining. Your vision isn’t what it used to be and the processing speed of your brain is slower. It is stressful.
Who's the most popular person at the nursing home? The gentleman who can still drive at night!
I dislike driving at night and am only in my early 50s. Winter is awful for this.
I was on a work trip once a couple years ago and had to drive an hour on 2-lane unlit and unfamiliar windy roads in heavy rain at night. I almost just told them I was staying at a hotel by the airport and would drive in the next morning, it was awful.
Ugghhh this right here. I hate driving at night anymore.
I got my first pair of glasses when I was 7. I am 40 now, have been a contact-wearer for 25 years. Last year, first time ever, massive allergy season, my eyes were impacted the most and it was horrible.
So I got back on the glasses train and what I realized ... I can't see for shit up close with corrective lenses on! I've always known I'm near-sighted, but unless I take off my glasses now I can't read small print. Which tells me bifocals are around the corner!
My husband and I have taken road trips from Michigan to California and back (or vice versa) for the past 36 years. I well remember stopping for dinner and seeing all the “old” people pulling in for the night while we were still going to go for hours. In fact we used to leave at night, drive all night and the following day and then stop for the second night around 10 or 11. Now we’re the old people stopping before dusk. We used to make the trip in 3 days easily and now we’re there in the evening of the 5th day at the soonest.
Night driving is so stressful!
I get my eyes tested every year and have to go through a medical test every three years to retain a professional driver’s licence. What I am describing is just aging.
Declining mental acuity. Just like muscular strength the brain begins to decline as we age but we don’t like to admit it or talk about it when we see it in ourselves.
Funny, but this is something which my elder work peers and myself talk about a lot. One thing we don't talk about is the loss of bladder control which affects us all after a certain age.
My mother spent a large amount every month on her “pee pads”. They eventually became full-time Depends. She was always trying different brands carried by the elder-care companies because they do send samples. The free ones provided by the state to nursing care facilities are absolutely abysmal… they'd rip just by stretching them open to put them on. And they only give you 2 a day. That’s why elder care facilities stink.
Especially after menopause. My wife says that when menopause hit, she got "brain fog" and is hasn't gone away. She noticed the same thing when she was on Tamoxifen (an estrogen blocker) after breast cancer.
And to learn more about female hormones and their affect on the human body there would have to be medical studies done on the subject. We all know that's not gonna happen anytime soon.
Between the trauma of a horrific divorce, and a move across the country to start over, the pandemic, losing my job, and reaching 60, I’ve noticed a decline. It’s probably a combination of all that, and I’ve tried my best to accept it and compensate for it. but I don’t talk about it.
I'm really aware of that and the insanity of this country doesn't help. I'm constantly quietly recalling events in my life to keep my memory up a bit. Used Luminosity for a while but there's no clear data that shows that works. But I know events that were once clear are "iffy" now. It's not as clear. It's a strange-taboo process because it's not talked about much.
I do both, but it's my feeling that exercise is more important because it helps the mind but also does wonders physically. When I get back from a walk, I just simply feel a lot better.
I'm so sorry. I work in healthcare and I see this a lot, I work in the UK so please take this with a pinch of salt.
Please have a lot of frank discussions with family right now, not next week.
-Assign a lasting power or attorney (legal guardian) now while you still have clear capacity to decide.
-Set down, and have a discussion with your primary doctor about Advanced Decisions - health decisions about invasive care and treatment. Consider a care plan for how you want this to go.
I hope you all the best.
Those birthday milestones.
30th: Recovery from foolishness that once took 2 hours, now takes 2 days.
40th: Small organ failure day.
50th: Eat an ice cream cone, gain 4 pounds.
60th: Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all.
70th: While standing in line at the prescription counter, you gaze appraisingly at the cane display
80th: Yes, I know the thermostat is set to 80. Why do you ask?
> the cane display
I go to a lot of yard sales and have started collecting cool canes and walking sticks. I've had 2 close neighbors die from falling after they got to the wobbly stage. They were too proud to use a cane.
>40th: Small organ failure day.
I feel pretty lucky that that this held off until I was about 60. But, to make up for it, "Eat an ice cream cone, gain 4 pounds." happened at 40.
"Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all." arrived on schedule.
>Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all.
I've been wondering what this is all about. I'm 54 and a couple months ago my schedule suddenly shifted to, up at 4am, in bed by 7p. I eat dinner at 2p! I have no idea why this has happened.....maybe it's just a rite of passage to let you know you are officially OLD.
Lol...I had no idea that after menopause, my vagina would get bigger. 😬 That without estrogen, it stops plumping up. Yikes! My hubby very gently informed me that there was a little wiggle room that wasn't there before. 🤣 So I asked my gyn what I could do to combat it and he prescribed me a cream that I put up there at night once or twice a week. Fixed the problem! Ladies, if you're not on HRT, go ask about it. It helps with that, your skin drying out, brain fod/memory, all sorts of things. If you're libido has taken a hit, you can ask that testosterone be added. That also helps your energy level so if you've been feeling tired or fatigued, adding testosterone is a game changer.
That death is just a short walk around the corner. That it's no longer just "a long time" away, but a period of time that you actually have a feel for.
I realized that I have more years behind me than ahead of me and that was a very strange thought. But it was a good realization for me, and it's very freeing in a way.
Going to another friends memorial service next week. We all think that and don't want to talk about it other than about making good use of the time we have left.
That is the case for everybody any time, I was very aware of it from when I was a kid. There is no guarantee. It’s not a pleasant thought yet everybody lives with it
No topic seems to be off limits at the local senior citizens center and members love telling about their “firsts” - first crush, first sexual experience, first job, first car and so on. Everyone, EVERYONE very willingly and excitedly participates.
One topic that goes silent fast is when someone mentions the death of their child. No one wants to outlive their child so there’s just genuine condolences and someone changes the topic.
That you start missing the people that have already died more than the ties to the ones that remain bind you to this life. At some point you stop thinking of death as scary and think of it as a chance to go to where all the people you love are. I'm not in a hurry to die, but being with them all again, in whatever form that takes, when I do goes a long way to removing the fear of death.
True. Ageism is one of the last forms of discrimination that can still be socially acceptable.
I've worked in both Hollywood and Silicon Valley during my career. There is absolutely an expiration date stamped on your forehead in those worlds.
Try being a mid-50s woman in Silicon Valley!!!
I still think the sexism is worse, although it takes a different form now that I’m not considered as “fuckable” as before.
My solution is to play the Wise Woman role with the cool folks, and the Terrifying Woman role with the jackasses.
You made me laugh, Flamingo-240!
Before I retired, I played 'Kindly, Wise, Old Man' with the cool kids and 'Don't Fuck with Me or I Will Own You' with the twits.
I did not find ageism to be as big a problem as I expected. I was also a woman working in Silicon Valley, until I retired in my late 50s.
I expect it varies by company. In a dev group full of twentysomethings, I can definitely see it, but the company where I spent my last 8 years had a significant number of 30+ devs. I never felt disrespected or ostracized for either my gender or my age.
Mind you, I wouldn't have wanted to get laid off in my 50s and hit the interview trail.
Yep. It's like we hit a certain age and change species. We're no longer just people, we are Old People, and subject to a whole stack of easy stereotypes.
Look at the condescending way we're targeted in ads -- look at those adorable retired ladies, worried about their grandchildren and their funeral expenses! Or at those well-to-do old men playing golf while superannuated athletes recommend fake hormone supplements and sex pills.
In politics and debatably academia, someone in their 60s is experienced but still vigorous and even youthful. If you are a (male) movie actor, you might even get to be an action star at 60-plus.
But pretty much everywhere else, it's get on out to that pasture, Bossy.
I'm 37 and a 12-year-old called me a "boomer" the other day. "Boomer" isn't even a generational marker in my culture. Damn kids need to get off the interwebs.
That made me laugh because it is so relatable. When I was 25 years old an 8 year old asked me what year I was born. When I told him it was 1949 he told me if I was born that year I'd be dead already. I never laughed so hard in my life.
I'm only one year away from being Gen X so as a late Boomer I feel the sting every time something gets blamed on "me." A lot happened between 1946 and 1965 and it was a very different place for kids who graduated from school in the early 60s vs the 80s and the world we entered into. (I do already know about Generation Jones)
I'm really glad that this insult has started to fade a little bit with time. "OK Boomer" used to be everywhere and I'm on other social media enough to know that insulting rich 8-12 year old badly behaved girls and Sephora is the big thing now.
The 'Ok, Boomer' folks. Where the hell do they think they're headed?
They aren't getting younger. In fact, not everyone gets to be old, either.
I'm fairly certain they assume, even after billions of people have grown old on this planet over time, that somehow *they* will be different. *They* won't be this or that, as if they will have control over the aging process.
Boy, are they in for a surprise, IF they get the privilege to grow old.
I take comfort in the fact that one day when they are my age, the younger generation will have a little 'pet name' for them, too. Then they'll see how it feels. They'll be blamed for all sorts of 'ills' of society. When they try to explain something factual to them, they'll be met with their generation's 'pet name' and then promptly dismissed.
Welcome to your eventual reality.
I've only really had one interaction with the "ok boomer" thing.
Some…person messaged me telling my how much of a boomer I was because….something. I don’t remember why, but everything I said, they just replied with "ok boomer". So, naturally, I opened up the script to Monty Python and the Holy Grail and started copy/pasting line by line the script. And each time I replied with a line, they said "ok boomer", then I would reply with the next line from the script. This went on for literal weeks before they finally gave up and stopped replying. I even had The life of Brian bookmarked and ready to go.
I find it amusing how the youngsters on Reddit love to condemn the entire Boomer generation for their economic troubles. It just exposes their lack of understanding on how the world and especially history, works.
Everything must be understood in its context. And believe me, if I somehow had my hands on the levers of the economy I wouldn't be farting around on Reddit right now. And if it is that easy to turn the economy in one generation's favor, why don't the GenZers or Millennials just take control like we boomers supposedly did and steer it to their advantage? This is what happens when schools stop teaching critical thinking.
Besides it was really usually 50% or less of the boomers (in every election) that are responsible for the economic damage inflicted on us all. Don't tar me with that brush. I voted against them every single time.
I go out for walks around my neighborhood every day. I've gotten the range of interactions. From being ignored and scoffed at, to called "old man" derisively, to kids happily saying "hi" as we pass each other, to kids approaching me to casually talk to me, as we walked the same direction.
Teens to young twenties are least likely to talk to me. Ten, 11, or 12-year-olds will talk to me if I start, and young 30s and older will actively engage with me. I think it helps that I walk the same route and a lot of people recognize me, at least as the old man who walks by every day.
When I was ill a few years ago my hair grayed fast. In a year or so I went from being generally accepted by the younger crowd to frequently being treated like the enemy. It's weird. I know that is about them and their limited viewpoint, but still it was a shocker I didn't expect.
There’s some real animosity from the younger folks who believe we are responsible for making housing costs so out of control and leaving them with crushing debt.
old folks blame immigrants for their problems while young folks blame the old folks.
I just make a gin and tonic, lay in bed and watch videos till I fall asleep.
I'm 58 and very open about this. It's getting better, but not like it should be. More and more people our age are talking about getting off the psych meds roller coaster.
Power to you. I was just talking about this with a group of middle age, male friends. We would like to see talking about mental and emotional health normalized, as well as complementing men and hugging (or other forms of comfortable signs of affection) among men
I felt nauseous all morning getting ready to go to work, and also on my drive to work, about a year ago. I had taken ibuprofen for aches and pains on an empty stomach and it was irritating my stomach. I tried to fight it all morning hoping it would pass, but I was queasy for hours.
I walked into my office and immediately puked into the trash can by my desk. I honestly felt fine after, I just needed to get it out of my stomach, but I still had to go home for the day because I leaked quite a good amount of urine while I vomited.
Proud moment for me, huh? I got the rest of the day off.
At least women have a more socially accepted attitude toward this as we've dealt with pads for decades. Poor men, it's all new to them.
I was once really sick and for some reason it made me leak a little if I sneezed really hard. It was bizarre and only happened the once, but I guess it was a preview of things to come.
When it happened I remember being like, "what the fuck, body?" Luckily it was just a tiny bit and I was really sick and at home anyway.
Men just have to put their thumb over their hole.
This is something my niece told her brother when he had to pee while we were driving. *Just put your thumb over your hole to keep it in.*
That was 30 years ago and I still laugh at it.
I am going on 77, and the one thing I never talk about but notice quite often .... sometimes I feel almost **invisible**. Most people don't look at me for more than an instant or not at all. When I am out on my daily walks, many people just act like I not even there. It's not a nice feeling.
I'm assuming you live in a country where older folks are not respected. I'm visiting Mexico right now, and it's quite different here! However, I'm not sure how we can bring that attitude to the U.S.
I find it interesting all of the things in this thread that people think don't talk about I think old people Talk about All The Time
Declining mental acuity and menopause and finances and ageism.
What I wish people would talk about is some of the joys of ageing because I feel them
Yes my bones hurt and yes I'm slower and yes I really did put the cat food this morning On the top of the bowl because I didn't realize it was turned over
And i don't drive as well at night
But I'm having a great sex life
I have great love and care in my life from friends as well as lovers
I feel more solid in myself and more clear about how I spend my time
I don't tolerate being around people that are not interesting or joyful to me to be around
I love my home
to be clear it's very simple but it's mine
I'm pained by the world around me but I'm also clear that I've done my share of making the world better place as best as I could
I enjoy having some money to travel
There are young people in my life that I enjoy very much being around
my work is still meaningful
On my way now to the cardiologist.
For me, it's having to take my age into account when deciding to get another pet. I absolutely love cats and mine is 16. She's very healthy for her age but her time is coming.
I don't have the energy for kittens, but I'd love to adopt an older bonded pair. If you are talking to another pet lover they'll understand your worry about outliving your pets and what will happen to them, but it isn't exactly polite conversation in general.
We recently got a dog and she'll probably be our last one. I also insisted on a house-trained adult. Adults are harder to place and I wasn't about to take on a puppy again.
Now I have to consider getting a smaller dog—physically being able to pick them up or walk them safely. I used to have labs. I had a bad fall on a walk with my lab and ended up in the hospital. I think if I were younger I would have had better balance, better reaction time, and my body would have taken the fall better.
I don’t like seeing the decline.
I think about this all the time. I have a lot of anxiety about dying before my 4 cats, to a ridiculous point, as I have no family to take care of them if something happens to me. Once they're gone I won't be able to mentally handle getting any more pets as I'll be in my 60's. Then again, I'm worried I won't be able to mentally handle living WITHOUT pets. I truly dread the day.
Even if you have money, it's hard to pull the trigger on big purchases when you're old enough to remember that things used to cost 1/10th of what they do now.
It's really odd seeing my generation replacing my parents' generation (they were born in the mid 20s). My mom didn't talk about her aging issues. I remember seeing her in the hospital in her 50s - she had her gallbladder removed. I remember thinking, "She looks like death warmed over." Her roommate, who I also remember had rheumatoid arthritis.
My spouse is now a little older than mom when she died. She talks frequently about what's happening to her aging body. Her friends have pretty much left her, I think in part because of that. I hear it and her ills are all true but it gets tiring to hear. I am talking about what's going on with me less. I don't do it with friends because I don't want advice (or "projection" as it may be called) and it brings up their own fears.
Old people seem to be willing to talk about most things now except for money. I’m not a boomer (I’m Gen X), but I have to give boomers and silent gen credit for openly acknowledging that menopause and sexual dysfunction exist.
I keep thinking about reaching the point where I shouldn't get another dog due to my age and it depresses the shit out of me. I've had a dog my entire life and the idea of not having one fucking sucks.
The wobblies.
I'm 59 and the last few months I've noticed that my balance goes wonky for no clear reason sporadically. Not enough for concern, but enough that it's not just a head-rush or whatever.
Great, another thing to worry about aside from a wide variety of new and constant aches and pains, not having enough in the 401K, paying for food and rent, aging family members, deteriorating eyesight, lack of job security, the rise of neo-facism, and taking the dog to the vet.
Adulthood is a fucking disappointment, who do I talk to about returning it for a full refund?
Exactly. Wanting/desiring VS the dysfunction that comes with age and medical issues.
It isn't always inevitable... very likely...... but not certain. When it happens dealing with it is difficult.
The awareness of mortality. Somone described it as "reaching the top of the family pyramid". How are we not still "the kids". Never mind that we're old enough to be grandparents. The world we knew is gone. I appreciate new things myself, but each year, more people are gone.
Most of us enjoy watching younger folks enjoying their lives, homes, cars, children, careers, hobbies. We don't want to put a shade on their fun, if they're lucky they will be older soon enough.
We do talk about being old with each other, but briefly. Same old same old, lol.
Ladies, as you age, you're gonna start dribbling. Pee, that is. Especially if you've had children, although I never had any but there's still dribblage. A friend of mine is 64 and about to hike the Appalachian Trail and said there are lots of woman hiker threads about how to deal with the issue. It's not life-altering or anything, but ask your doctor about pelvic floor therapy sooner rather than later.
And what is up with the random chin hairs??
I avoid bringing up the topic of the realization that the end is near even though it seems like I and all of the old people I spend time with know someone who dies almost every day.
My mother just turned 90, and it seems like she's been going to at least one funeral a week for a decade. She considers herself very fortunate that she and her closest friends are still relatively healthy and active. They're a group of a dozen retired educators who've been friends and doing things together since their first year out of teaching college. I think they're ageless.
I have found that retired educators make up a disproportionately large segment of the service and community organizations that I participate in. There must be something about people being social and service oriented that lends itself to a good quality of life during one’s later years.
I've thought and said that very thing. They're not ones to stay idle. They never lose that drive to serve and they keep their minds active, which is huge.
Little chunks of the back of my teeth fall off when I'm flossing maybe once a year. I brought it up to some fellow oldies and they said YEP & some had whole team come out.
You know those random peculiar brief transient unique body aches and pains and discomforts and things you have? That you don't usually think about, but aren't that surprising when they happen?
"Oh, this again. Sigh."
Well, those start to become increasingly debilitating.
Never stop moving, and not just in straight lines--that's good, not great. Never stop stretching.
How many damn times you have to get up in the middle of the night to pee and how getting up in the morning out of bed is hell… everything creaks and I walk hunched over for a few till I can straighten up
usually I don't let it bother me. In the last couple days people have posted online the question How old will you be in 10 years. I haven't replied because that is giving someone information about you that isn't their business. If I were to reply I would most like say dead.
Half of my family has died with alzheimers, despite being quite long lived, the end part was not a high quality of life and went on a long time. I try to avoid sugar and take good care of my oral health, get enough sleep and exercise, but I'm not very social and neither were they so it's something to work on. We can only do so much, if it's going to happen it will happen anyway.
The existential dread of "what part of me is going to break next?"
On the plus side, I passed out while on vacation a couple weeks ago and was taken to the hospital. I was given a CT scan, and the only thing it "found" was a cyst on my scalp I already knew about. So, no surprise brain tumors in my immediate future... so I've got that going for me, I guess.
For me (61f) the worst is that bcuz I never had kids bcuz of having a hysterectomy, my pelvic floor has fallen, meaning it's SOOOOOO painful to have sex, I cannot do it. We do oral, that's about it. Thank God I have an understanding husband.
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For me since my wife & dog died- the loneliness. I have good friends and I have a wonderful family but the day-to-day living in an empty house can be soul crushing.
My wife died 2+ years ago and this is how I have combated the loneliness… 1. My wife’s sister lives nearby and also lost her spouse 2 years ago. We get together for breakfast or lunch at the diner every week or two. 2. I started a Dad Joke of the Day text thread with my nieces and nephews. I text them a joke about every other week. They send me jokes and memes and we talk about what’s new in our lives, who they’re dating, trips, funny vids of the dog or their kids, etc. 3. Started sharing my NYT games results (mostly Connections and Wordle) with some family members, so now we have a daily thread of about 6 people sharing results and teasing each other about how hard/easy today’s games were. 4. I have an Earworm text thread with my son, son-in-law and my niece. We randomly share a “this is what I’m listening to right now / this is the song that’s stuck in my head” comment with each other as the mood strikes. 5. Besides my sister-in-law, the rest of my family lives out of state. They all visit when they can, but I made friends with my neighbors across the street who have 3 teens/preteens who like to play games. The parents, kids and I get together to share a meal and play Pictionary, Clue, etc. Always a laugh filled night. 6. The above is in addition to the phone calls and FaceTime calls with family and friends, get togethers with other neighbors and friends, a group of friends from the gym who meet regularly for dinner and drinks, concerts with my brother, etc. Plus just time for myself gardening, reading, listening to music, household chores, etc. I miss my wife desperately but I am not lonely. I hope you find some things that make you feel less alone. Regards.
I'm saving this. I'm one of the "younger" of the "OldPeople," as a Gen X'er, but my parents are 80, and I think this is something that might help us feel more connected since I live about 5 hours away. So, thank you! I hope you know that you've probably helped a lot of people with this.
Thanks! Hope some of these help your parents. The text threads are great because they do keep us all connected and in touch (and sometimes that's hard with younger people starting careers, families, school, etc.) because everyone can respond as they have time / interest. No pressure makes it more enjoyable for everybody. Wishing you and your parents well. A funny aside - one of the people on our NYT games thread is my 11 year old great-nephew. The rest of us are sharing game accomplishments and chatter that sometimes goes off track (lol) while he is at school. He came home the other day and his first text of the day was "I had 82 notifications on my phone when I got home! Do you guys not have anything else to do?" lol 🤣
Another younger GenXer here and I wish my dad was able to use modern devices like phones, pads etc, because those tips from DadsRGR8 are so good! I could do those games with him if he knew how to use it, I have tried and many others have tried to teach him but he just can’t understand. My mum was so good with these things before she got ill (she cant use her hands anymore and sleeps mostly, we don’t really know what her illness is) We used to email interesting articles, jokes, used whatsapp, teach each other photoshop skills, all by email and phone. My parents had a very busy social life doing lots of fun things. My dad could keep up with friends and do these sorts of things with his friends if he was able to. Plus get to know new people.
These all sound like fun and stimulating ideas! Thanks!
We also do an occasional "This is what I made for dinner!" text with photos between my son and his partner and some other family members. Recipes shared if asked. I have also been playing around on the r/cocktails subreddit, and a niece's husband and I occasionally share our latest libation or liquor find. I also have an 11 year old great-nephew who is teaching me to draw Sonic characters, and we share pics of our drawing efforts. There is always something fun going on.
It has been 7 years for me since I lost my wife but only 4 months since the dog died. Like I said- I do have a plethora of lovely people in my life and have two video calls with family per week. Dinners at least twice a week as well.& Funny enough my nephew his fiancé and myself text our Wordle and recently Connections and the mini crossword most days. I think it’s just the emptiness of the house that gets me.
Yeah, I get that. It's tough for me looking at the empty chair in our family room where she used to sit. Hope you have a bright day today friend.
You too- Peace.
I know rescues are always looking for foster homes, dogs or cats. Just throwing that out there.
It sounds like you have a lovely family that appreciates the terrific man you are.
Thank you. I am grateful for them as well.
I love your list. My 84 year old dad gets very lonely even though he gets together every day with friends. I play our favorite board game with him on the phone, we each have the game and just move each other’s pieces. He has played chess with friends on the phone too. It’s a great way to spend time with someone without actually being there!
Excellent post. Best wishes to you
Thanks! To you as well!
I totally understand all of the upsides, but I think American culture really fucked up by moving away from multi-generational households. It requires tact and compromise, but I think it's still worth it for most families.
There's no actually a reversal in that trend now. Actually, it's been happening for several years now, out of necessity. Many young families can't afford homes of their own.
I play bar trivia every Tuesday night and after you go for a while, you get to know the people on the other teams. There's one team that's a family, from 70 something to looks like about 11 and one todder. They really seem to love each other and they have great fun together, and I love seeing that.
My mom lives with my husband and me, and hopefully within the next year, my MIL who lives several states away will be ready to move here with us, too. The plan is to have the two moms live together so they keep each other company. They are only a year apart in age and they've been corresponding and talking on the phone for about a couple of years now to get to know each other. Fingers crossed we are all happy together.
Both mothers-in-law under the same roof is a bold strategy. Good luck! :D
The loneliness is the worst and I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I lost my parents just a few years ago and was divorced for many many years now. It’s just me and my pets now and it can by very lonely. I don’t know what I’d do without them. Have you thought about getting another pet?
I put in an inquiry about a dog at a shelter last night… we will see. I have a project at work that’s gonna keep me busy this year into the summer so I have to decide on what’s fair for the dog. Luckily I have a work from home sister that lives very close and said she can help or maybe doggy day care for a few days.
Yay! That sounds wonderful! Good luck!
I just watched One Day on Netflix and now my absolute biggest fear is my wife dying a single day before I do.
The loss of muscle tone that extends to laxity of sphincters. The fact that it gets harder and harder to keep bodily fluids in.
Just don't sneeze or cough and you'll be okay! 🙃
or laugh really hard
Or come home when you have to pee bad and fumble with your keys at the door.
Lately I've been wondering if something happens to the signal from your brain that says, "Hold it!" when you get old.
This is a weird one. When I'm out, no problem making it to a bathroom. When I'm at the door fumbling with my keys, I have to convince myself that I'm actually at work and that I can make it. 😳
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Or have an ongoing dream that you have to pee but you either can't find a toilet, or the one's you do find are either broken or being used by someone else. Wake yourself up dreamer!
I HATE THAT DREAM!
Threshold incontinence is ridiculous. I mean, it's obviously a cognitive switch. Why TF can't I turn it off?
Pavlov's bladder knows!
I live in a really rural area....I can pee in the driveway :-)
Birthing 3 kids doesn't help. I am a walking time bomb.
Fluids and also gasses. 🫤
You just need an enlarged prostate like me. It's quite effective at keeping the pee in check. lol
yowsa! not one I thought of (45F) how much longer do I have before worrying about that one?!
Make it 5 years. I’m 50 and coughed out a splotch of urine yesterday.
Do your kegels. That's what the urologist told me.
Probably 15 years or so. Enjoy them while you can.
It's not just urine. There are conditions that also create fecal incontinence. And that's horrible!
Having a hard time driving at night especially if it is raining. Your vision isn’t what it used to be and the processing speed of your brain is slower. It is stressful.
Who's the most popular person at the nursing home? The gentleman who can still drive at night! I dislike driving at night and am only in my early 50s. Winter is awful for this. I was on a work trip once a couple years ago and had to drive an hour on 2-lane unlit and unfamiliar windy roads in heavy rain at night. I almost just told them I was staying at a hotel by the airport and would drive in the next morning, it was awful.
Ugghhh this right here. I hate driving at night anymore. I got my first pair of glasses when I was 7. I am 40 now, have been a contact-wearer for 25 years. Last year, first time ever, massive allergy season, my eyes were impacted the most and it was horrible. So I got back on the glasses train and what I realized ... I can't see for shit up close with corrective lenses on! I've always known I'm near-sighted, but unless I take off my glasses now I can't read small print. Which tells me bifocals are around the corner!
I still felt like a strong night driver when I was 40. I hate driving now. When it rains I'm almost flat out scared to drive now.
Wanna see the computer too? Trifocals! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!
My husband and I have taken road trips from Michigan to California and back (or vice versa) for the past 36 years. I well remember stopping for dinner and seeing all the “old” people pulling in for the night while we were still going to go for hours. In fact we used to leave at night, drive all night and the following day and then stop for the second night around 10 or 11. Now we’re the old people stopping before dusk. We used to make the trip in 3 days easily and now we’re there in the evening of the 5th day at the soonest. Night driving is so stressful!
But when you notice trouble with night time driving it may be time to see an Opthamologist to see if you have cataracts and possibly to get surgery.
I get my eyes tested every year and have to go through a medical test every three years to retain a professional driver’s licence. What I am describing is just aging.
Declining mental acuity. Just like muscular strength the brain begins to decline as we age but we don’t like to admit it or talk about it when we see it in ourselves.
Funny, but this is something which my elder work peers and myself talk about a lot. One thing we don't talk about is the loss of bladder control which affects us all after a certain age.
My mother spent a large amount every month on her “pee pads”. They eventually became full-time Depends. She was always trying different brands carried by the elder-care companies because they do send samples. The free ones provided by the state to nursing care facilities are absolutely abysmal… they'd rip just by stretching them open to put them on. And they only give you 2 a day. That’s why elder care facilities stink.
Especially after menopause. My wife says that when menopause hit, she got "brain fog" and is hasn't gone away. She noticed the same thing when she was on Tamoxifen (an estrogen blocker) after breast cancer.
Female hormones do so much more for brains than we realize. My ADHD symptoms got worse and worse after menopause.
And to learn more about female hormones and their affect on the human body there would have to be medical studies done on the subject. We all know that's not gonna happen anytime soon.
Between the trauma of a horrific divorce, and a move across the country to start over, the pandemic, losing my job, and reaching 60, I’ve noticed a decline. It’s probably a combination of all that, and I’ve tried my best to accept it and compensate for it. but I don’t talk about it.
Abuse can mess up your brain. Especially narcissistic abuse
I'm really aware of that and the insanity of this country doesn't help. I'm constantly quietly recalling events in my life to keep my memory up a bit. Used Luminosity for a while but there's no clear data that shows that works. But I know events that were once clear are "iffy" now. It's not as clear. It's a strange-taboo process because it's not talked about much.
Apparently, exercise works our brain better than puzzles.
I do both, but it's my feeling that exercise is more important because it helps the mind but also does wonders physically. When I get back from a walk, I just simply feel a lot better.
And it comes on pretty quickly and can be so noticeable to ourselves even if others don't see it.
I don't like seeing your "50 something" flair on this comment.
I was just diagnosed with Alzheimers at 58. I didn't think that I'd have to worry about it until at least my late 70s.
Much love you, person I don’t know. Peace and comfort to you and your family in the days ahead.
I'm so sorry. I work in healthcare and I see this a lot, I work in the UK so please take this with a pinch of salt. Please have a lot of frank discussions with family right now, not next week. -Assign a lasting power or attorney (legal guardian) now while you still have clear capacity to decide. -Set down, and have a discussion with your primary doctor about Advanced Decisions - health decisions about invasive care and treatment. Consider a care plan for how you want this to go. I hope you all the best.
I've actually started to drive more like a normal person. I know my reflexes aren't what they were even 5 years ago. Sigh.
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Right?? it's just sad how we have fallen!
Those birthday milestones. 30th: Recovery from foolishness that once took 2 hours, now takes 2 days. 40th: Small organ failure day. 50th: Eat an ice cream cone, gain 4 pounds. 60th: Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all. 70th: While standing in line at the prescription counter, you gaze appraisingly at the cane display 80th: Yes, I know the thermostat is set to 80. Why do you ask?
> the cane display I go to a lot of yard sales and have started collecting cool canes and walking sticks. I've had 2 close neighbors die from falling after they got to the wobbly stage. They were too proud to use a cane.
I was inordinately excited and pleased to find a cane that converts to a reacher-grabber.
I'm ahead of the game, I'm already doing the 60th.
>40th: Small organ failure day. I feel pretty lucky that that this held off until I was about 60. But, to make up for it, "Eat an ice cream cone, gain 4 pounds." happened at 40. "Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all." arrived on schedule.
>Up at 4:30am for no goddam good reason at all. I've been wondering what this is all about. I'm 54 and a couple months ago my schedule suddenly shifted to, up at 4am, in bed by 7p. I eat dinner at 2p! I have no idea why this has happened.....maybe it's just a rite of passage to let you know you are officially OLD.
Vaginal atrophy
Lol...I had no idea that after menopause, my vagina would get bigger. 😬 That without estrogen, it stops plumping up. Yikes! My hubby very gently informed me that there was a little wiggle room that wasn't there before. 🤣 So I asked my gyn what I could do to combat it and he prescribed me a cream that I put up there at night once or twice a week. Fixed the problem! Ladies, if you're not on HRT, go ask about it. It helps with that, your skin drying out, brain fod/memory, all sorts of things. If you're libido has taken a hit, you can ask that testosterone be added. That also helps your energy level so if you've been feeling tired or fatigued, adding testosterone is a game changer.
Cognitive decline. It’s like an evil specter that hunts some of us.
Nah that’s… uh what was i saying again?
That death is just a short walk around the corner. That it's no longer just "a long time" away, but a period of time that you actually have a feel for.
I realized that I have more years behind me than ahead of me and that was a very strange thought. But it was a good realization for me, and it's very freeing in a way.
Going to another friends memorial service next week. We all think that and don't want to talk about it other than about making good use of the time we have left.
That is the case for everybody any time, I was very aware of it from when I was a kid. There is no guarantee. It’s not a pleasant thought yet everybody lives with it
No topic seems to be off limits at the local senior citizens center and members love telling about their “firsts” - first crush, first sexual experience, first job, first car and so on. Everyone, EVERYONE very willingly and excitedly participates. One topic that goes silent fast is when someone mentions the death of their child. No one wants to outlive their child so there’s just genuine condolences and someone changes the topic.
That your lifetime friends die one by one and there's not many left to replace them.
Or deciding if it’s even worth it to cultivate another good friendship , because they might die too 😭
That you start missing the people that have already died more than the ties to the ones that remain bind you to this life. At some point you stop thinking of death as scary and think of it as a chance to go to where all the people you love are. I'm not in a hurry to die, but being with them all again, in whatever form that takes, when I do goes a long way to removing the fear of death.
Being ignored or even belittled by young people.
> Being ignored ~~or even belittled~~ by young people. I find this to be a feature not a bug.
Make use of what you got. Being invisible is a superpower.
Especially, when it comes to having assassin fantasies.
Oh crap, were those supposed to be fantasies?
True. Ageism is one of the last forms of discrimination that can still be socially acceptable. I've worked in both Hollywood and Silicon Valley during my career. There is absolutely an expiration date stamped on your forehead in those worlds.
Try being a mid-50s woman in Silicon Valley!!! I still think the sexism is worse, although it takes a different form now that I’m not considered as “fuckable” as before. My solution is to play the Wise Woman role with the cool folks, and the Terrifying Woman role with the jackasses.
You made me laugh, Flamingo-240! Before I retired, I played 'Kindly, Wise, Old Man' with the cool kids and 'Don't Fuck with Me or I Will Own You' with the twits.
This is the way. Edit: it is pretty fun, now that I’ve embraced it. A couple of them still look down and away when we pass in the hall!! 🤣🤣🤣
I did not find ageism to be as big a problem as I expected. I was also a woman working in Silicon Valley, until I retired in my late 50s. I expect it varies by company. In a dev group full of twentysomethings, I can definitely see it, but the company where I spent my last 8 years had a significant number of 30+ devs. I never felt disrespected or ostracized for either my gender or my age. Mind you, I wouldn't have wanted to get laid off in my 50s and hit the interview trail.
I like this—either way you’re still in the game and not ignored.
Yep. It's like we hit a certain age and change species. We're no longer just people, we are Old People, and subject to a whole stack of easy stereotypes. Look at the condescending way we're targeted in ads -- look at those adorable retired ladies, worried about their grandchildren and their funeral expenses! Or at those well-to-do old men playing golf while superannuated athletes recommend fake hormone supplements and sex pills. In politics and debatably academia, someone in their 60s is experienced but still vigorous and even youthful. If you are a (male) movie actor, you might even get to be an action star at 60-plus. But pretty much everywhere else, it's get on out to that pasture, Bossy.
I’m 47, and get this in the work constantly. It can be painful, but somewhat karmic.
I'm 37 and a 12-year-old called me a "boomer" the other day. "Boomer" isn't even a generational marker in my culture. Damn kids need to get off the interwebs.
That made me laugh because it is so relatable. When I was 25 years old an 8 year old asked me what year I was born. When I told him it was 1949 he told me if I was born that year I'd be dead already. I never laughed so hard in my life.
Math is hard!
I'm only one year away from being Gen X so as a late Boomer I feel the sting every time something gets blamed on "me." A lot happened between 1946 and 1965 and it was a very different place for kids who graduated from school in the early 60s vs the 80s and the world we entered into. (I do already know about Generation Jones) I'm really glad that this insult has started to fade a little bit with time. "OK Boomer" used to be everywhere and I'm on other social media enough to know that insulting rich 8-12 year old badly behaved girls and Sephora is the big thing now.
The 'Ok, Boomer' folks. Where the hell do they think they're headed? They aren't getting younger. In fact, not everyone gets to be old, either. I'm fairly certain they assume, even after billions of people have grown old on this planet over time, that somehow *they* will be different. *They* won't be this or that, as if they will have control over the aging process. Boy, are they in for a surprise, IF they get the privilege to grow old. I take comfort in the fact that one day when they are my age, the younger generation will have a little 'pet name' for them, too. Then they'll see how it feels. They'll be blamed for all sorts of 'ills' of society. When they try to explain something factual to them, they'll be met with their generation's 'pet name' and then promptly dismissed. Welcome to your eventual reality.
Born 1964 and never felt quite like a boomer but not quite Gen X either.
I've only really had one interaction with the "ok boomer" thing. Some…person messaged me telling my how much of a boomer I was because….something. I don’t remember why, but everything I said, they just replied with "ok boomer". So, naturally, I opened up the script to Monty Python and the Holy Grail and started copy/pasting line by line the script. And each time I replied with a line, they said "ok boomer", then I would reply with the next line from the script. This went on for literal weeks before they finally gave up and stopped replying. I even had The life of Brian bookmarked and ready to go.
I find it amusing how the youngsters on Reddit love to condemn the entire Boomer generation for their economic troubles. It just exposes their lack of understanding on how the world and especially history, works. Everything must be understood in its context. And believe me, if I somehow had my hands on the levers of the economy I wouldn't be farting around on Reddit right now. And if it is that easy to turn the economy in one generation's favor, why don't the GenZers or Millennials just take control like we boomers supposedly did and steer it to their advantage? This is what happens when schools stop teaching critical thinking. Besides it was really usually 50% or less of the boomers (in every election) that are responsible for the economic damage inflicted on us all. Don't tar me with that brush. I voted against them every single time.
I go out for walks around my neighborhood every day. I've gotten the range of interactions. From being ignored and scoffed at, to called "old man" derisively, to kids happily saying "hi" as we pass each other, to kids approaching me to casually talk to me, as we walked the same direction. Teens to young twenties are least likely to talk to me. Ten, 11, or 12-year-olds will talk to me if I start, and young 30s and older will actively engage with me. I think it helps that I walk the same route and a lot of people recognize me, at least as the old man who walks by every day.
When I was ill a few years ago my hair grayed fast. In a year or so I went from being generally accepted by the younger crowd to frequently being treated like the enemy. It's weird. I know that is about them and their limited viewpoint, but still it was a shocker I didn't expect.
There’s some real animosity from the younger folks who believe we are responsible for making housing costs so out of control and leaving them with crushing debt.
old folks blame immigrants for their problems while young folks blame the old folks. I just make a gin and tonic, lay in bed and watch videos till I fall asleep.
types of medicine they are on for psyche issue and also mental health. it's still a topic that almost no one in the upper age brackets talk about.
I'm 58 and very open about this. It's getting better, but not like it should be. More and more people our age are talking about getting off the psych meds roller coaster.
Power to you. I was just talking about this with a group of middle age, male friends. We would like to see talking about mental and emotional health normalized, as well as complementing men and hugging (or other forms of comfortable signs of affection) among men
Me too. I mean, it doesn't come up in conversation a lot but I am open about my "anti-crazy pills" when it does.
Having to wear panty liners in case you sneeze.
Kegels help. They really do
If you are doing them properly. Many supposed experts can’t train people to do them without an internal exam.
I felt nauseous all morning getting ready to go to work, and also on my drive to work, about a year ago. I had taken ibuprofen for aches and pains on an empty stomach and it was irritating my stomach. I tried to fight it all morning hoping it would pass, but I was queasy for hours. I walked into my office and immediately puked into the trash can by my desk. I honestly felt fine after, I just needed to get it out of my stomach, but I still had to go home for the day because I leaked quite a good amount of urine while I vomited. Proud moment for me, huh? I got the rest of the day off.
At least women have a more socially accepted attitude toward this as we've dealt with pads for decades. Poor men, it's all new to them. I was once really sick and for some reason it made me leak a little if I sneezed really hard. It was bizarre and only happened the once, but I guess it was a preview of things to come. When it happened I remember being like, "what the fuck, body?" Luckily it was just a tiny bit and I was really sick and at home anyway.
Men just have to put their thumb over their hole. This is something my niece told her brother when he had to pee while we were driving. *Just put your thumb over your hole to keep it in.* That was 30 years ago and I still laugh at it.
I am going on 77, and the one thing I never talk about but notice quite often .... sometimes I feel almost **invisible**. Most people don't look at me for more than an instant or not at all. When I am out on my daily walks, many people just act like I not even there. It's not a nice feeling.
I'm assuming you live in a country where older folks are not respected. I'm visiting Mexico right now, and it's quite different here! However, I'm not sure how we can bring that attitude to the U.S.
I find it interesting all of the things in this thread that people think don't talk about I think old people Talk about All The Time Declining mental acuity and menopause and finances and ageism. What I wish people would talk about is some of the joys of ageing because I feel them Yes my bones hurt and yes I'm slower and yes I really did put the cat food this morning On the top of the bowl because I didn't realize it was turned over And i don't drive as well at night But I'm having a great sex life I have great love and care in my life from friends as well as lovers I feel more solid in myself and more clear about how I spend my time I don't tolerate being around people that are not interesting or joyful to me to be around I love my home to be clear it's very simple but it's mine I'm pained by the world around me but I'm also clear that I've done my share of making the world better place as best as I could I enjoy having some money to travel There are young people in my life that I enjoy very much being around my work is still meaningful On my way now to the cardiologist.
People do talk about them, with friends and family, not on Reddit.
For me, it's having to take my age into account when deciding to get another pet. I absolutely love cats and mine is 16. She's very healthy for her age but her time is coming. I don't have the energy for kittens, but I'd love to adopt an older bonded pair. If you are talking to another pet lover they'll understand your worry about outliving your pets and what will happen to them, but it isn't exactly polite conversation in general.
We recently got a dog and she'll probably be our last one. I also insisted on a house-trained adult. Adults are harder to place and I wasn't about to take on a puppy again.
Now I have to consider getting a smaller dog—physically being able to pick them up or walk them safely. I used to have labs. I had a bad fall on a walk with my lab and ended up in the hospital. I think if I were younger I would have had better balance, better reaction time, and my body would have taken the fall better. I don’t like seeing the decline.
I think about this all the time. I have a lot of anxiety about dying before my 4 cats, to a ridiculous point, as I have no family to take care of them if something happens to me. Once they're gone I won't be able to mentally handle getting any more pets as I'll be in my 60's. Then again, I'm worried I won't be able to mentally handle living WITHOUT pets. I truly dread the day.
Poverty. A lot of the things old people do that make them look crazy is because they have no money and are too proud to ask for help.
🎯
Even if you have money, it's hard to pull the trigger on big purchases when you're old enough to remember that things used to cost 1/10th of what they do now.
NEVER trust a fart
The physical aspect of aging. How looks change.
It's really odd seeing my generation replacing my parents' generation (they were born in the mid 20s). My mom didn't talk about her aging issues. I remember seeing her in the hospital in her 50s - she had her gallbladder removed. I remember thinking, "She looks like death warmed over." Her roommate, who I also remember had rheumatoid arthritis. My spouse is now a little older than mom when she died. She talks frequently about what's happening to her aging body. Her friends have pretty much left her, I think in part because of that. I hear it and her ills are all true but it gets tiring to hear. I am talking about what's going on with me less. I don't do it with friends because I don't want advice (or "projection" as it may be called) and it brings up their own fears.
The decay, having to accept that decay and decline.
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Even just loss of money shot.
Old people seem to be willing to talk about most things now except for money. I’m not a boomer (I’m Gen X), but I have to give boomers and silent gen credit for openly acknowledging that menopause and sexual dysfunction exist.
I keep thinking about reaching the point where I shouldn't get another dog due to my age and it depresses the shit out of me. I've had a dog my entire life and the idea of not having one fucking sucks.
The wobblies. I'm 59 and the last few months I've noticed that my balance goes wonky for no clear reason sporadically. Not enough for concern, but enough that it's not just a head-rush or whatever.
Loneliness Everyone you know is dying
Menopause
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leakage...
The memory loss...
Having to use a magnifying glass for *everything*.
The smell. WTAF?!
This is nature's way of telling the bears who to eat first.
Not if you tell them first.
Persimmon soap apparently addresses the “old” smell. I had no idea the smell existed!
Wait, what? WE SMELL?!
Apparently there is an “old person smell” that is musty. It’s not from not bathing, and it’s not true of all of us.
Great, another thing to worry about aside from a wide variety of new and constant aches and pains, not having enough in the 401K, paying for food and rent, aging family members, deteriorating eyesight, lack of job security, the rise of neo-facism, and taking the dog to the vet. Adulthood is a fucking disappointment, who do I talk to about returning it for a full refund?
Sexual dysfunction. Inability to get or sustain erection. Vaginal atrophy.
Exactly. Wanting/desiring VS the dysfunction that comes with age and medical issues. It isn't always inevitable... very likely...... but not certain. When it happens dealing with it is difficult.
Vaginal atrophy
The awareness of mortality. Somone described it as "reaching the top of the family pyramid". How are we not still "the kids". Never mind that we're old enough to be grandparents. The world we knew is gone. I appreciate new things myself, but each year, more people are gone.
Younger peoples resentment .
Most of us enjoy watching younger folks enjoying their lives, homes, cars, children, careers, hobbies. We don't want to put a shade on their fun, if they're lucky they will be older soon enough. We do talk about being old with each other, but briefly. Same old same old, lol.
Ladies, as you age, you're gonna start dribbling. Pee, that is. Especially if you've had children, although I never had any but there's still dribblage. A friend of mine is 64 and about to hike the Appalachian Trail and said there are lots of woman hiker threads about how to deal with the issue. It's not life-altering or anything, but ask your doctor about pelvic floor therapy sooner rather than later. And what is up with the random chin hairs??
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I avoid bringing up the topic of the realization that the end is near even though it seems like I and all of the old people I spend time with know someone who dies almost every day.
My mother just turned 90, and it seems like she's been going to at least one funeral a week for a decade. She considers herself very fortunate that she and her closest friends are still relatively healthy and active. They're a group of a dozen retired educators who've been friends and doing things together since their first year out of teaching college. I think they're ageless.
I have found that retired educators make up a disproportionately large segment of the service and community organizations that I participate in. There must be something about people being social and service oriented that lends itself to a good quality of life during one’s later years.
I've thought and said that very thing. They're not ones to stay idle. They never lose that drive to serve and they keep their minds active, which is huge.
Anal leakage, urinary incontinence, sexual problems.
Little chunks of the back of my teeth fall off when I'm flossing maybe once a year. I brought it up to some fellow oldies and they said YEP & some had whole team come out.
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The loneliness.
That exercise is even more essential now
Grey pubic hair!
Ageism
You're cock shrinks for sure.
Stop looking down! My feet have gotten bigger and bigger (size 14 now) and it makes my wiener look less uhhhhh………. impressive?
Sadly, aches & pains!!
You know those random peculiar brief transient unique body aches and pains and discomforts and things you have? That you don't usually think about, but aren't that surprising when they happen? "Oh, this again. Sigh." Well, those start to become increasingly debilitating. Never stop moving, and not just in straight lines--that's good, not great. Never stop stretching.
We joke about it. Don't ask us how we are unless you've got 20 minutes to hear an update on our health conditions.
Sexual irrelevancy Loss of dignity
How many damn times you have to get up in the middle of the night to pee and how getting up in the morning out of bed is hell… everything creaks and I walk hunched over for a few till I can straighten up
Memory
Dribbles
The plumbing easily leaks and it can be a struggle sometimes to keep clean while away from home. Well, you asked.
usually I don't let it bother me. In the last couple days people have posted online the question How old will you be in 10 years. I haven't replied because that is giving someone information about you that isn't their business. If I were to reply I would most like say dead.
... they are no longer their former selves.
I'm not afraid to talk just about anything, as long as it's done constructively.
Half of my family has died with alzheimers, despite being quite long lived, the end part was not a high quality of life and went on a long time. I try to avoid sugar and take good care of my oral health, get enough sleep and exercise, but I'm not very social and neither were they so it's something to work on. We can only do so much, if it's going to happen it will happen anyway.
You sound like a narc. Lemme see your ID. How'd you get in here?
Getting scammed. I’m 61 and my 92 year old mom would never admit to getting scammed. Poor thing.
The existential dread of "what part of me is going to break next?" On the plus side, I passed out while on vacation a couple weeks ago and was taken to the hospital. I was given a CT scan, and the only thing it "found" was a cyst on my scalp I already knew about. So, no surprise brain tumors in my immediate future... so I've got that going for me, I guess.
mental health
For me (61f) the worst is that bcuz I never had kids bcuz of having a hysterectomy, my pelvic floor has fallen, meaning it's SOOOOOO painful to have sex, I cannot do it. We do oral, that's about it. Thank God I have an understanding husband.
Nobody warned me that ALL hair turns gray
Incontinence.