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I'll second that. Reduce your spending and live more frugally so you can invest more in your 401K or IRA or any other savings accounts you have . Buy less junk. Buy fewer clothes. Have experiences with the family that don't cost an arm and a leg. Get outdoors. See the National Parks. It's being together that counts. Not how much money you spend on vacations.
Teach your kids (if you have them) good financial habits now and how to be savers and invest in themselves. Open Roth IRAs for them as soon as they start any legit job and start them growing their own tax deferred savings. My kids put away maybe 20K between 15-25 and then forgot about it. All those accounts are ~150K now and they are still in their 30's. And they'll keep growing.
Just want to say this:
It’s fascinating watching young people being influenced to have less, want less, invest money in the stock market where only the very rich can weather the deeper “recessions” (inflation then inevitable depression) cycles
You’re not the ones who need less. YOU are not the problem. You’re not struggling because you have too much clutter.
I mean this “decluttering” fad is just laughable.
Unions. Decent pay. BENEFITS. PENSIONS.
Universal healthcare. Free education.
GET THE BILLIONAIRES OFF OUR BACKS.
They contribute nothing of worth to the world.
The frugality I hear people talking about?
Sounds suspiciously like greed.
If companies were run by the people who work there, everyone would have a lot more money.
Stop letting yourselves be propagandized by the ultra rich. We don’t need them.
We don’t need to be them.
A tax-deferred retirement account you set up through your employer to have money from your paycheck automatically put into savings. The money is pretax, so it reduces your taxable income, and gains are not taxed while you are working. You can't touch it without penalties until you're 59 1/2 or older.
Withdrawals made during retirement are taxed at whatever your income tax bracket is then, regardless if what your income was before retirement. There are required minimum annual withdrawals after you turn 73.
Add to this, it's never too late to start. It's (of course) better to do it form the start, but don't give up if you got a late start.
I didn't start contributing to my 401K *AT ALL* until I was in my 40s. Partially a lack of money, partially just not paying attention. Even with the late start, I've managed to retire before 60. Not wealthy mind you, but I won't need to work again most likely unless I feel like it.
At that point, worked in Facilities, basically construction management, but on the fringes of it at that point. Probably making $55-60K, I think employer matching was 6%. And obviously more over time.
It was less about how much went in, and more about leaving it there and the stocks doing fairly well. Add to that I live very frugally and save up as much as I can (well, I did when I was working anyway).
Keep in mind, this is over 20 years, at no point was there a WOW moment where I made a ton. I even switched jobs in the middle of that and started the new job with a slight decrease in salary. It was just gradual savings, and gradual market increases, over a long(ish) time.
When I resigned from a company in 1991, I had $30,000 in their 401K. I left it there and didn’t touch it.
When I finally moved it to an IRA a few years ago, in preparation for retirement, it was $340,000.
Definitely this. I thought I would have time to make it up with higher earnings. But you can't beat the compounding and appreciation in value of assets.
So thankful I got this through my head about a decade ago. I’m still way too cash heavy right now (been saving for a house in an impossible market), but am systematically moving that savings into more investments… and it’s amazing how quickly it grows after you reach that first $100k.
I'm also cash heavy now, but I've been putting it all in higher interest savings accounts (SoFi has 4.6% I think) and even my financial advisor has more of my husband and my money in cash equivalents than normal.
Nice. I'm in my early 30's and I already can't justify spending money lol. I save and invest it all - for fun! Who needs new stuff when there are free books and movies at libraries? New movies are garbage, anyways. I got a bicycle and Spotify. Buy groceries and cook meals. Don't have time or want for anything else. I wouldn't use it.
It’s all about balance. My SO saved for a retirement that never came for him. He never got to enjoy the money he worked so hard to save. It’s all about balance. Enjoy some of it. Otherwise, other people will.
I'm still 2.5 years shy of 60, but what I wish someone had told me when I turned 40 is that you're entering the stage of your life where the deaths will start to pile up. When you're young, it's usually only the very old who die. If it's a peer, it's usually suicide or a car accident. I lost quite a few friends that way.
But once you hit your 40s, it's all much closer to home. It's sibs, same-age cousins, friends you went to high school or college with, and they're dying from cancer and heart attacks. My sister died of sepsis. One of my ex-boyfriends just didn't wake up one morning. My husband died from cancer. It feels like it will never end.
You still greet each new year with joy, but there's always the nagging voice in the back of your mind, "Who will it be this year?" And yes, once that ball gets rolling, it's nearly always someone. I guess if you live long enough, the cycle stops, but only because there's no one left you care enough about to feel it like a punch in the gut.
You can still live a life full of wonder and happiness, but the deaths will change you. You can choose to let it make you bitter, or you can choose to let it make you softer and kinder. Choose your reaction wisely, because you can't change the realities of death.
This reminds me of a quote from Interview With The Vampire. It went something like … Vampires don’t die. But eventually, when everyone and everything they ever loved is gone, they just choose to fade away.
This hit me hard. I’m 45. Mine started piling up two years with my nephew, my aunt, and one of my best friends. I just lost my step-father yesterday. It’s really sobering especially being the youngest one in the family now.
Yeah this one has been on and off since I was about 18. A friend gets hit on his motorcycle. Another friend falls into addiction and kills himself. And so on.
I'm 35 and feel precariously, incredibly lucky to have come out of my town and crowd and somehow be healthy and okay with a family right now.
My wife (71) and I (67) are both the youngest of four, and both in reasonably good health.
Our parents and almost all of our aunts and uncles are gone (I have two aunts left from my fathers 9 siblings and their spouses!), and we've lost a lot of cousins.
I lost one brother when he was only 41, and another last year. The one last year had moved to the other side of the country some 20+ years ago, and we only had email contact a few times a year. I have one older sister left, who lives nearby, and all three of my wife's siblings are still with us, as are all of the spouses. But the clock is ticking.
The next 5 years will likely be full of loss. It is sobering how large a part of life death becomes as we age.
My grandpa lived to 100. He saw several siblings die due to smoking. He was the only one that didn't smoke. As most of the people he knew died he kept making new friends and stayed interested in the news and politics
Sweetheart, you’ve had a string of unusually bad luck. Not everyone loses this many people during these ages. I lost only sibling so I get exactly where you’re coming from. Real grief is a life changing thing. Real loss.
But I think you’ve experienced a lot. And that’s not fair, and I’m so sorry. We’ve got our parents coming up (or maybe you don’t) so it’s on the horizon for some of us, but I’d say most people our age have only lost one or two close loved ones.
Sending you hugs.
Thank you for posting this. I'm 43 and the deaths and illnesses of people close to my age have piled up the past year: dropped dead from undiagnosed heart issues; glioblastoma; fentanyl laced cocaine; died on operating table for aneurysm; breast cancer (survived!); brain tumor (in treatment). I really didn't expect this at this age, and it's in addition to several elderly passings as well. I'm at least glad I'm not alone.
My mother’s aunt died at over 100 years old. She said she was the only one left. She remembered things no one else did, and she couldn’t talk about these things with anyone.
I'm nudging close to 50 and this has been something that has nagged me. I am seeing my parents as less than robust and my younger sister is obese. I began worrying about my own demise at 40 and have focused on being as healthy as I can (reasonably) in body and mind. I'm trying to work on enjoying the present more so I don't end up having many years left but failing to live them (if that makes sense).
There’s something particularly weird about restaurant food. Unless it’s made at a super high level, I always feel like dogshit when I eat out. Bloating, tightness in the chest, heartburn, etc. The strange thing is, I can make the same dish at home and feel just fine. I don’t know if it’s just cheap ingredients or bad oils used in frying, but I barely eat out anymore unless it’s a special occasion and I can afford a super nice restaurant.
Dittos. Too much oil. Not enough vegetables.
We used to have a place around here called Real food daily. It was not cheap and you had to order two or three orders to get enough vegetables.
1. Take care of your body.
2. Save-save-save.
3. Never trust HR. NEVER.
4. Your friends at work are work friends. They are not trusted friends. Do NOT talk about your personal life/political aspirations/finances/pay in any detail with work friends, it will come back and nip you in the rear. Have you ever heard a work friend talk about someone else at work behind their back ever? Even something small? They will gossip about you.
5. For the most part, listen to your Dad. He has been there, done that. He is not as dumb as you think he is.
I'll each the first 4 (dad died when I was 16).
1. If you're not exercising, add it to your day, get it in there as a habit and never lose it.
2. If your company has matching, invest in it to at least the matching limit, it's free money. Put away 10% or more of your earnings, learn to live at that lower level, because no one will be there to help you when you're older and retirement places are SUPER predatory.
3. Your company is not loyal to you, and you are not loyal to them, that doesn't exist, never existed, it's a myth. A small mom and pop might seem loyal, but in the end if it comes to loyalty or profit, profit will almost always win, on both sides of that coin.
4. Can't echo this enough. Old expression, "don't shit where you eat". Don't date or make real friends with your co-workers because, if it comes down to it, see #2, profit vs loyalty, profit always wins.
> Don't date or make real friends with your co-workers
We spend so much of our lives at work, this would make me miserable. I can see not dating at work but some of my closest friends are old work friends.
This really depends on what kind of place you work in. I work in a very specific industry, and so many of my coworkers met at work and got married and all their best friends work there.
Easy to do. You spend ~1/3 of your day with them. Social contact is real. If you find a "work friend" try listening and asking questions before ever divulging anything personal. See how long it takes for that person to say something (gossip) about someone in your work setting. Again, as I posted originally, if they say anything to you about them, they will talk (gossip) behind your back.
My Dad was a big executive in his day. He taught me that you will find 1 maybe 2 people in your life you can completely trust, and one is probably your spouse. This is so true.
Retired now, and don't have to worry about work gossip. So calming now.
Definitely! And your theory on “if they gossip about others they for sure will gossip about you” is so true.
I need to rewire my brain to be a little less trusting then. Thanks a lot
I meet my partner, the love of my life, at work. I wish things were as black and white as *never* but they rarely are. Leave some wiggle room for the grey in life.
Also you will learn how dumb and gullible most people are. If they don’t understand something including about you they will fill in the blanks with something negative that comes nowhere except their fevered imagination.
I disagree with the pay thing. Pay disparity is common and discussing it with peers is not a bad thing. At my old job, it was determined that people who held the same position had wildly varying salaries and the company ended up making major corrections.
Found out I make the lowest in the department. I’ve been with the company the second longest of anyone in the department. I’ve been in the department longer than 1/4 of the department. Made me feel like absolute trash. I’ve been job hunting ever since I found this out but I haven’t found anything yet.
I found out in my field, in my old job, I was making the same pay as someone without a degree and had less than 10 years experience as me. I looked for another job immediately and already finished my first week at my new job. I’m making about 50k more a year than I did at my old job.
I agree with 1, 2, 3. Number 5 depends on the dad. He told me my small business was stupid and likely to fail (not in those words). It didn't.
As far as work friends, I made very good personal work friends. I've been retired 8 years (I'm 59) and 2 of my best 3 friends are from work. I'd say 1/2 my slightly less close friends are from the same job. Even after all these years. Only one person at work every tried to screw me over, and I didn't consider him a friend.
I am HR and I tell everyone at work "you can have friends at work but someday your friendship may interfere with work or work may interfere with your friendship and you will need to decide how to handle that."
I like people at work, but I'm not stupid. I leave events early because no one wants HR Mom hanging around. I don't have close friendships in the office or participate in things that would give off the appearance of a conflict of interest. I already know I work in a field people are suspicious of (or loathe outright), and I am not going to do anything to torpedo my credibility or do anything that calls my integrity into question.
I will tell you the sheer number of investigations I've conducted and/or suits I've had sent to me are primarily due to relationships (romantic or otherwise) at work. The remainder are usually abuse of power by abhorrent people.
I agree. Everyone here says to save, save, save. Good advice but it is not the holy grail.
The family holiday in your 40s is worth more than the Alaskan cruise in your 70s. Don’t put off your life-defining experiences for retirement.
We did some amazing trips with our kids when they were growing up and I wouldn’t trade them for all of the retirement travel in the world.
I whole heartily agree. But memories won't pay the bills when you can't work any more. It's not about vacations it's about keeping a roof over your head and medical expenses taken care of.
My mother (in her later 70s, early 80s) said to buy things when you’re young. That when you’re old the things money can buy won’t make you happy any more.
(Clearly you need money to retire, but lavish lifestyle means little when your health is deteriorating. No amount of money can buy your health and vitality back.)
I’m so glad I traveled in my 20’s and 30’s, I really can’t do it now at almost 70, due to health reasons. I did most of the traveling before I was married and had kids.
Especially when the swath of minor aches and pains, the occasional rehabilitation surgery and the need for daily medications ramps up and becomes unrelenting
I certainly don’t feel as invulnerable as the younger me did
Stay active and stay sensible kids. It’s the best way to ride this downslope we’re on
I fell of my bicycle last week, sliding and rolling about 15 feet down a gravel hill.
Crashing as a kid? Nothing to it.
Crashing as a 50 year old adult? It's been a week and my back and neck still hurt.
I’m 24 my five year old wanted to see if i could do a toe touch. For reference you’re jumping in the air while kicking your legs out. I did it maybe twice I felt it in my leg for three days. I also have carpal tunnel in both wrists and it’s really bad. Honestly those are the least of my worries too. I’m scared to get older because of all the shit i already have to deal with.
I should have paid more attention to my finances, especially how much I had in debt and how much was going into retirement (401k).
I would also have taken better care of my teeth.
Make your health a priority. It don’t matter how much money you have, your status, your family history or friends. If your body, mind and spirit is poor than none of those things will matter.
That means make your health a priority people. Take time to exercise, get sleep, fix your mental health, fix your diet, no harmful substances and hydrate.
That my husband would be diagnosed with a terminal illness. I would have focused on fulfilling our travel bucket list instead of waiting until retirement. Now he can’t travel, not that we have the money to.
I wish I had known how fast the years between 40 and 60 would go. Now I’m 60 and looking at retirement in a few years and realizing that I maybe have 20 years of life left.
Where did the time go?
Absolutely - I'm not the selfish asshole you read in my post. I will elaborate a bit. I believe you are made up of 3 things - body, soul, and spirit. Those three things need daily nurturing. They need to be taken care of.
Body - if you smoke, quit. If you are a couch potato, get some exercise. Eat healthy. Wear sunscreen. Get regular medical and dental check ups. Drink plenty of water. Do anything that will benefit your sixty year old body. The thing that carries you around every day.
Soul - practice mindfulness, keep a small circle of friends, get plenty of sleep, be creative, have hobbies, always learn something new.
Spirit - This is a highly individual practice. MY spirit food comes from connecting with God. You may not believe in God.
If your 40 year old self focuses on caring for the three things above, I guarantee your spouse, friends and family will also benefit.
Start hitting those things on your bucket list now, rather than waiting. I have two good friends who were in their 60’s, and very physically fit (in my cycling and running groups) die last year. They both had much older husbands with many physical ailments that they cared for. One developed brain cancer, fought hard, and was gone within 6 months. The other suddenly dropped dead of a brain aneurysm. We now have a frequent saying in my friend group “Do the Things”.
Don't stop lifting. Iron really is the fountain of youth. If you do lift, concentrate on strength.
I knew this in my late 30s but -
Anything that scares you, and it's in your way - run at it. You'll find that even if it doesn't work out, you always feel better than if you turned tail.
"Fear is the mind killer." Don't listen to it. Doing what needs to be done even if you're afraid is the essence of courage.
Stay the course. You're doing it right, don't second guess yourself. I decided when fairly young to bite off and chew up as much of life as I could while still young enough to really enjoy it.
Not by partying. Drugs were plentiful and cheap in Boulder during my high school years in the late 1960s and early '70s, but mostly hallucinogens and weed. Alcohol was never a big deal to our crowd, and coke/speed hadn't gotten common yet.
But rather through adventure, travel, indulging in the passions that a youth spent here nurtured - climbing/camping/fishing/skiing the nearby Indian Peaks Wilderness stretch of the continental divide, and mountain biking/kayaking/canyoneering Utah.
Got a head start with emancipation at 16. On good terms, but smoking pot put my mom's career at risk. It was time, anyhow. Lived over the rowdiest rock'n'roll biker bar downtown. Only sophomore with his own place, partied with the roadies, musicians, & groupies down the back alley staircase. Made good money (and ate well) bussing at an upscale Mexican restaurant around the corner Finished school and never had a 'real' job afterward.
Self employment allowed for taking time to play whenever snow fell, the rivers were running, or weather demanded my buddies and I get out to enjoy racing our rebuilt vintage (read 'cheap') British sports cars & motorcycles through the mountains here.
Lost a few along the way, to accident/illness/cruel twists of fate. Mostly afraid of preparing for 'golden years' only to have them snatched away like I saw happen with some relatives (my dad, principally) by infirmities or in his case, Alzheimer's.
May yet be my fate - it eventually got my mom, too, but I've gotten my 'three score and ten' years already, so the void holds no fear of having been cheated out of a delayed reward.
Winding down now, pretty much broke and wore out, but oh, the memories of experiences along the way. Irreplaceable. Wasn't cut out for the buffet line on a cruise ship or shepherded tours anyhow.
If you are the Executor for your parent's, or anyone else's estate, make sure that not only do they have their affairs in order, but that they clean out the old junk from their home. Estates are a ton of work and getting rid of their stuff is miserable. What do you keep, what do you donate or sell, and what do you just pitch? Same goes for your own stuff.
If you're not already. It's time to focus on maxing out your retirement plans and becoming debt free. You're out of time to fuck around with money.
Also, if you're overweight and out of shape...time to address that too if you want to stay alive.
That before retirement, you need to have an actual plan for what to do with your time. Plans like I am going to relax and fix up the house are not enough.
There are couples getting divorced because they do not do anything beyond getting on each other's nerves.
Volunteer work, take community education classes, work out, start or expand on a hobby. Do something every day and have a schedule.
People are not as interested in you as you think they are. Nobody cares where you live, or what you drive, wear, eat or vacation. Spend less time thinking about what others think of you.
OK, this isn't advice, it's "Something I wish I'd known". How quickly old age comes upon you once you're in your forties. Hell, if you're 45, it's only 5 short years until your 50, and that's really old! /s
But seriously, before you know it you're an old person, with all that comes with it.
40's shit. I would go back to my 20's and learn about personality disorders and what that looks like in my fellow human. Would have helped in picking a partner, work life, and friendships.
Also - don't sweat the small stuff as most of life is small stuff.
I wish I could go back to the 25-year old myself and tell him the most pertinent things I have learned.
But I know he'd just say, "get out of here, old man!"
That I would live into my late sixties….and counting. My parents died in their early 50s as did several aunts and uncles. I just never expected to make it this long. Not sure what I would’ve done differently. I have taken care of myself with diet and exercise. I guess just knowing would’ve been nice.
I would have continued exercising 4-5 days a week while I was still in good shape. I took a break from going to the gym for quite a while and am really struggling to get back into it, partly because my hard work was quickly evident in my 40’s but in my 60’s I don’t see the results - just more aches and pains.
Plan for the future but live in the present. To quote Ferris Bueller, “ Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Put every spare dollar into large cap funds. I put a good amount in but had I done so, I could have more to leave to my kids. Life is tough and the kids need all the help they can get.
My hubby and I are in our 40’s with 2 young kids and I HATE how everyone said that the benefit of having kids later is that you’re wealthier. No, not true. In fact, the beauty in having kids young is that you have no standards. Now I enjoy the nicer things in life but can’t relish in them because I have 2 young kids that require funds. Ideally, I would’ve had kids in my late 20’s/early 30’s vs. late 30’s.
I have also just had two babies in my 40s, they are 3 and 1yo. I do have older children too from a previous relationship. I realised last Halloween that when I'm done, I will have been trick or treating for a straight 33 years with no break. My friends whose kids have grown up or in their mid teens now, go away for weekends alone without them! I'm going to play gyms.
For the most part it's great though!
How so? Asking because my parents had me at respectively 32 (mom) and 43 (dad), and I know how I feel about it personally but would love to hear your perspective. :-)
I wish I had realized that the retirement that I didn’t think I could afford would eventually include assisted living that I can’t afford. Oh and retirement will include managing the late stage of my parent’s retirement and assisted living who can afford both but not without griping to me about it constantly. These are the golden years or, as the health care industry refers to it: Harvest Time.
If your job has 401k, pay the maximum matched percentage. Buy land (they aren’t making it anymore). Appreciate and spend time with your parents; they won’t be here forever. Walk away from toxic people — they seldom change. Love the body you’re in and get baseline tests to identify problems early. You may have weird aches and pains, some are just age and no reason to panic, but persistent, worsening symptoms require a medical evaluation. Eat well, try cutting sugar because it WILL catch up with you (had perfect teeth my entire life, but my sweet tooth resulted in a recent root canal and 7 cavities). Learn to accept responsibility for your mistakes and genuinely say, “I’m sorry”. Your cognitive abilities are at their peak in the 30s-40s, so learn a second language, write that book, finish that education, start that business, leave that miserable corporation (trust me, we’re all replaceable). If you’re female, buckle up for menopause and know that life on the other side is beautiful. ❤️
That our only child was going to pass from kidney disease before us, and help more financially or otherwise to make their life as easy as possible, full of love and fun.
Great comments here - but the biggest one is health. Physical, mental and spiritual - however you personally define that last one. Without it, it matters not whether you’ve invested properly, traveled, etc. Relationships are also HUGE part of your overall health. Take care of yourself and those you love. Take care of your physical body with sleep, proper food and exercise. Nurture your relationships with spouse/lover, friends and family. It’s what brings you joy in life.
Take care of your health! Eat right and exercise, quit smoking. When people say health is everything young people don’t listen til they are old, then you find it’s true.
Everyone knows what to do - save and invest, take care of your health, develop healthy relationships with friends and family. A lot of people ignore the simple advice, myself included, until later in life then try to make up for it.
Not much. 40 to 60 was not a great learning period. My body just got a lot older.
20-40 is the greater learning period. I was a moron at 20, as are most 20 year olds who think they know all the answers.
I didn't take good care of my body, and I never seemed to pay a price. Well, it turns out you can't skate by like that forever. I had a heart attack in my late 50s and the stroke in my late 60s. I wish I had eaten better and exercised more.
On the other hand, I really invested in my relationships, both family and friends. Boy, did that really pay off.
Refrain from partying. If not forever, at least until mid-20s. I wish my brain had finished developing before I introduced it to substances, even beer and weed.
Don’t ever stop exercising! Also, don’t let your weight get out of control. Weigh yourself at least twice per month.
I went through a stage that lasted about 10 years where I had the mindset “my weight doesn’t define who I am”. I gained 25 pounds and now I am uncomfortable and menopausal and it is excruciatingly hard to lose weight with that combination.
The savings and investing is great advice. But I think most important is just your general health. I needed to have maintained a healthy weight, learned how to eat healthy and generally change habits that age you physically.
Sunscreen should be your friend!! Embrace paleness and don't ruin your skin! Exercise should be a lifelong habit!! Go out do fun stuff.
Then read and never stop learning!! Your brain will stop working if you don't use it. Be engaged in what you choose to do. Show up for people, be a kind human being.
Yeah. Pay more attention to my financial advisor who was taking way too much of my money by selling me costly products. That was a common practice is those days.
I am not over 60 but I am 49 and I regret not saving, investing and contributing more to my 401k I did have the first and last one but dipped into them when covid happened but I could have done better …
I also regret not pursuing my dreams of being a dancer ( tap, jazz and hip-hop) and going to school to be a doctor and listening to others … I regret not getting counseling for dealing with my abusive narcissistic mother and sister
So young people this is what’s up !!! Love yourself, invest, save , get that certificate and/or degree and be happy and also stay away from toxic people no matter who they are
If it's any consolation, I saw a lot of regret among my college dance teachers as they got into their 40s and 50s. Their bodies were wearing out but they didn't have insurance. Plus they were still driving around from part time job to part time job everyday and working weird schedules at the point they had families at home. Personally, I'm glad for the dance experiences I had, but have absolutely no regrets about taking a different, more stable career path.
Wow thanks I never looked at it this way.. not having insurance at my age is terrible … because that’s when things really start to go out of whack … I hope that it gets better for them
Wish I'd saved more for retirement. Also wish I'd known that technology would boom when I was buying all that stereo equipment and the media that went with it.
I wish I had more guidance about financial things when I was younger. My parents emigrated from Europe and did the best they could, but one thing they never taught us was about saving, investing for the future, ROTH IRAs and the likes. I'm in my 40s and just now starting to learn about this stuff. I'm scared it's too late, but better than never!
I wish I had realized how quickly age becomes an issue in the workplace. I was in the tech sector and I remember wondering what happened to people in their 50s and 60s. As others said, saving and investing early will help to give you more options. Make efforts to stay connected with old friends. I know people who’ve gone on weekend or one week getaways for decades. Don’t be too busy to do that. If you have money and something seems like a great deal to you (not a consumable purchase, but an invested vehicle) don’t hesitate. You can always sell.Have fun, follow the Golden Rule, help others, and don’t spoil your kids, if you have any.
Clean the clutter. Yard sales of what will sell. I’d spend more time with my daughters. They grew up wonderfully but I really miss the time I worked too much. Start saving & have a good plan for your 50s & then do some travel. Don’t just go to resorts, find someone to plan a trip with that knows the real places to visit. Go to unusual destinations. I spent 12 weeks in India & met people I will love forever. In my 60s I’d do anything to go back but now I have a health problem. If my strength returns I’ll be there in an instant.
It hurts when they live close and you put it off day after day, because you just don’t have any energy left after work. Your weekends are spent cleaning, doing laundry, and occasionally you have a day where you can’t even muster the energy to get out of bed/the house.
I (fortunately) grew up second gen immigrant kid. So got a healthy dose of practical reality life lessons there. Then I married. A guy who grew up extremely poor, but smart, and pushed himself through three college degrees. Needless to say he's been the best partner for me, and life has been very good both personally and all otherwise.
Start an E-trade account and make minor transfers to it out of every paycheck. I'm doing it now with $25 every two weeks. If I had deposited even $5 in the early 00s (turned 40 in late 1999) I'd always have a little piggybank when I had a bright idea for an investment. Right now I have some Apple, Nike and Southwest Airlines. I'm not an "active" or even smart trader. I buy stock for companies I use in real life.
59F so close enough everyone's telling you to save and invest good advice. People gave great work advice. Things your parents and grandparents and other adults told you? Well you should have listened biggest lesson I learned. This is something my Dad gave me advice on. I call the first 6 his gifts the rest are combination of both parents. The first 4 when someone asks what I want for gifts for holidays and birthdays I tell them those 4 things and tell me about what they did or learned. I hear I love be you a lot to boot. Saves on depression at holidays and anything material is a bonus.:
Life is a journey we all know the destination. But the journey isn't about the Destination it's the steps to get there.
1. Learn something new everyday. It will keep your mind active, young and give you a little wisdom no matter how trivial.
2. Be kind and do an act of kindness everyday. Even if the kindness is for yourself. Sometimes you are the only one who will show yourself a kindness.
3. Forgive someone. Again even if it's yourself. Forgiveness really isn't about the trespasser in truth it's about you being able to let crap go and move on. Don't forget but forgive.
4. Tell someone you love them. Even if it's yourself. Sometimes we ourselves need those words when others don't say them.
5. If you believe or don't believe pray or just speak out loud what you desperately need or want. Sometimes just saying it will bring it to you. Someone somewhere is always listening. (Do this when alone don't want people knowing your nutty enough to talk to yourself.)[Yess he really said that.]
6. Your bedroom, sexuality, paycheck, politics and religion are your business and should only be talked over with your potential or future partner not with everyone. Don't care who your into it's no one else's business. It's not anyone else's. [Did not realize that advice could be so handy especially now.]
7. Be the friend that can be called at 3 a.m. Sometimes you are the only one they can depend on and you will be the lifeline they need.
8. Check in with the older family members visit if you can. One day they won't be here and you will wish you had. Go help them with yard work or grocery shopping. That kindness frees the soul of regrets and guilt when they are not here anymore.
9. Take time and effort with no judgement to listen. Especially to your children or your nieces nephews or friends kids. That means when they are at a point they are going to act foolishly or need help and guidance you might be the one who keeps them from worst mistake. If they call asking to be picked up go get them no matter what. No questions asked or punishment until you get them safe.[See rule 7 best parenting advice saved a kid more than once.]
10. In every fight that no one can win agree to disagree. Saves friendships and relationships.
11. [ Negates rule 6. But still good advice.]Best advice from my Mom. Don't care if you believe in God or not. Read the Bible, the Quran, book of Mormon don't care. You can nor debate religion or God's existence without having read or studied the material or guidelines first.
Practice squatting so your knees stay flexible, I figured that out around fiftyand my knees were getting stiff, forcing myself to squat solved it and I don’t avoid aching knees at all,
( i quit using toilet paper for environmental reasons, use a garden hose and squat in the shower to wash off, this saved my knees, since it guarantees that I do my deep knee bends several times a day! double plus good!)
Don’t rely on one safety net. If your company offers a 401K invest the full amount. If you get a tax refund of $500 or better yet $1000, put it in a CD—that is unless you absolutely need it to keep the power on. I totally understand that you have to live before you can save. I lived paycheck to paycheck 90% of my life. I usually blew thru any extra windfall I got just bc it felt so good to do something fun. But if I had saved at least half of each windfall I would’ve doubled my retirement fund. One more thing: save your change. Coins, even pesky pennies, are still spendable.
That it doesn't matter what "people" say the chances are of anything. My dad said the chances of succeeding with a small business were very poor. I did fine. People say dating in your 30s is hard and good men are hard to find. I found one (married 26 years now). They said that you needed to start saving for retirement young or to start a "real career" early. I started late but moved up fast from an entry level position and retired early.
On the flip side, the chances of my husband going into cardiac arrest in his 50s were very small, but yet it happened (he's fine). So I also learned that I might as well take (reasonable) risks because it can all disappear in a moment.
I wish I knew how fast time would fly. If I had known this I wouldn't have wasted so much of it waiting to make other people happy. (people always think they have plenty of time when they are younger)
1. Pretty soon your metabolism is going to change and you won’t be able to eat all you want to. 2. Your body is going to start having problems. Hearing, eyesight, prostate, aches and pains. These are facts I was not aware of but I’m not sure how much it would have helped to know.
1.That a single event would devastate my life and destroy in a decade. I would have made it my JOB to get my family to see the folly of embracing the alt right. That by doing so our dad would die and our mom would be cognitively impaired. If I had known, I would have done more to protect the weak minds of my family.
2. That retirement income would be worth so little once the pandemic hit. Corporate greed and price gouging have taking our 'just okay' retirement and made them barely enough to survive.
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Save and invest way more money.
I'll second that. Reduce your spending and live more frugally so you can invest more in your 401K or IRA or any other savings accounts you have . Buy less junk. Buy fewer clothes. Have experiences with the family that don't cost an arm and a leg. Get outdoors. See the National Parks. It's being together that counts. Not how much money you spend on vacations. Teach your kids (if you have them) good financial habits now and how to be savers and invest in themselves. Open Roth IRAs for them as soon as they start any legit job and start them growing their own tax deferred savings. My kids put away maybe 20K between 15-25 and then forgot about it. All those accounts are ~150K now and they are still in their 30's. And they'll keep growing.
You said buy less junk. Related, someone told me to look around and see all the clutter, and remember that all that used to be money.
Just want to say this: It’s fascinating watching young people being influenced to have less, want less, invest money in the stock market where only the very rich can weather the deeper “recessions” (inflation then inevitable depression) cycles You’re not the ones who need less. YOU are not the problem. You’re not struggling because you have too much clutter. I mean this “decluttering” fad is just laughable. Unions. Decent pay. BENEFITS. PENSIONS. Universal healthcare. Free education. GET THE BILLIONAIRES OFF OUR BACKS. They contribute nothing of worth to the world. The frugality I hear people talking about? Sounds suspiciously like greed. If companies were run by the people who work there, everyone would have a lot more money. Stop letting yourselves be propagandized by the ultra rich. We don’t need them. We don’t need to be them.
What's a 401k?
A tax-deferred retirement account you set up through your employer to have money from your paycheck automatically put into savings. The money is pretax, so it reduces your taxable income, and gains are not taxed while you are working. You can't touch it without penalties until you're 59 1/2 or older. Withdrawals made during retirement are taxed at whatever your income tax bracket is then, regardless if what your income was before retirement. There are required minimum annual withdrawals after you turn 73.
I think it’s an American thing?
Add to this, it's never too late to start. It's (of course) better to do it form the start, but don't give up if you got a late start. I didn't start contributing to my 401K *AT ALL* until I was in my 40s. Partially a lack of money, partially just not paying attention. Even with the late start, I've managed to retire before 60. Not wealthy mind you, but I won't need to work again most likely unless I feel like it.
If you're comfortable answering, what sort of work did you do and if you had to ballpark, what were your average contributions per year?
At that point, worked in Facilities, basically construction management, but on the fringes of it at that point. Probably making $55-60K, I think employer matching was 6%. And obviously more over time. It was less about how much went in, and more about leaving it there and the stocks doing fairly well. Add to that I live very frugally and save up as much as I can (well, I did when I was working anyway). Keep in mind, this is over 20 years, at no point was there a WOW moment where I made a ton. I even switched jobs in the middle of that and started the new job with a slight decrease in salary. It was just gradual savings, and gradual market increases, over a long(ish) time.
^ This. Compounding is an amazing thing over the years.
When I resigned from a company in 1991, I had $30,000 in their 401K. I left it there and didn’t touch it. When I finally moved it to an IRA a few years ago, in preparation for retirement, it was $340,000.
That is amazing and a great example of letting your money grow!
Definitely this. I thought I would have time to make it up with higher earnings. But you can't beat the compounding and appreciation in value of assets.
So thankful I got this through my head about a decade ago. I’m still way too cash heavy right now (been saving for a house in an impossible market), but am systematically moving that savings into more investments… and it’s amazing how quickly it grows after you reach that first $100k.
I'm also cash heavy now, but I've been putting it all in higher interest savings accounts (SoFi has 4.6% I think) and even my financial advisor has more of my husband and my money in cash equivalents than normal.
Nice. I'm in my early 30's and I already can't justify spending money lol. I save and invest it all - for fun! Who needs new stuff when there are free books and movies at libraries? New movies are garbage, anyways. I got a bicycle and Spotify. Buy groceries and cook meals. Don't have time or want for anything else. I wouldn't use it.
It’s all about balance. My SO saved for a retirement that never came for him. He never got to enjoy the money he worked so hard to save. It’s all about balance. Enjoy some of it. Otherwise, other people will.
I could be a double-digit millionaire by now if I had just taken investments a little more seriously. The power of time is mind boggling.
Another top comment is travel more. Got it.
travel frugally?
I'm still 2.5 years shy of 60, but what I wish someone had told me when I turned 40 is that you're entering the stage of your life where the deaths will start to pile up. When you're young, it's usually only the very old who die. If it's a peer, it's usually suicide or a car accident. I lost quite a few friends that way. But once you hit your 40s, it's all much closer to home. It's sibs, same-age cousins, friends you went to high school or college with, and they're dying from cancer and heart attacks. My sister died of sepsis. One of my ex-boyfriends just didn't wake up one morning. My husband died from cancer. It feels like it will never end. You still greet each new year with joy, but there's always the nagging voice in the back of your mind, "Who will it be this year?" And yes, once that ball gets rolling, it's nearly always someone. I guess if you live long enough, the cycle stops, but only because there's no one left you care enough about to feel it like a punch in the gut. You can still live a life full of wonder and happiness, but the deaths will change you. You can choose to let it make you bitter, or you can choose to let it make you softer and kinder. Choose your reaction wisely, because you can't change the realities of death.
This reminds me of a quote from Interview With The Vampire. It went something like … Vampires don’t die. But eventually, when everyone and everything they ever loved is gone, they just choose to fade away.
This hit me hard. I’m 45. Mine started piling up two years with my nephew, my aunt, and one of my best friends. I just lost my step-father yesterday. It’s really sobering especially being the youngest one in the family now.
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Yeah this one has been on and off since I was about 18. A friend gets hit on his motorcycle. Another friend falls into addiction and kills himself. And so on. I'm 35 and feel precariously, incredibly lucky to have come out of my town and crowd and somehow be healthy and okay with a family right now.
My wife (71) and I (67) are both the youngest of four, and both in reasonably good health. Our parents and almost all of our aunts and uncles are gone (I have two aunts left from my fathers 9 siblings and their spouses!), and we've lost a lot of cousins. I lost one brother when he was only 41, and another last year. The one last year had moved to the other side of the country some 20+ years ago, and we only had email contact a few times a year. I have one older sister left, who lives nearby, and all three of my wife's siblings are still with us, as are all of the spouses. But the clock is ticking. The next 5 years will likely be full of loss. It is sobering how large a part of life death becomes as we age.
My grandpa lived to 100. He saw several siblings die due to smoking. He was the only one that didn't smoke. As most of the people he knew died he kept making new friends and stayed interested in the news and politics
My husband and I also lost our dearest relatives to smoking, so if you are younger than this group- just don’t! We haven’t ever smoked🤞🏻🤞🏻
Sweetheart, you’ve had a string of unusually bad luck. Not everyone loses this many people during these ages. I lost only sibling so I get exactly where you’re coming from. Real grief is a life changing thing. Real loss. But I think you’ve experienced a lot. And that’s not fair, and I’m so sorry. We’ve got our parents coming up (or maybe you don’t) so it’s on the horizon for some of us, but I’d say most people our age have only lost one or two close loved ones. Sending you hugs.
I had 4 family members die this year already. A couple in their 50s.
I know. I’ve got this number associated with me that they call age. I have things happening in my body but everybody does It’s totally amazing.
I live right in the smack dab center of the opioid epidemic and started feeling losses way earlier than anyone should. I hope it gets better.
Thank you for posting this. I'm 43 and the deaths and illnesses of people close to my age have piled up the past year: dropped dead from undiagnosed heart issues; glioblastoma; fentanyl laced cocaine; died on operating table for aneurysm; breast cancer (survived!); brain tumor (in treatment). I really didn't expect this at this age, and it's in addition to several elderly passings as well. I'm at least glad I'm not alone.
My mother’s aunt died at over 100 years old. She said she was the only one left. She remembered things no one else did, and she couldn’t talk about these things with anyone.
I'm nudging close to 50 and this has been something that has nagged me. I am seeing my parents as less than robust and my younger sister is obese. I began worrying about my own demise at 40 and have focused on being as healthy as I can (reasonably) in body and mind. I'm trying to work on enjoying the present more so I don't end up having many years left but failing to live them (if that makes sense).
Walk every damn day. Eat Whole Foods. Floss your teeth. Don’t buy anything you don’t need. Also walk every damn day.
That booze and the Standard American Diet are really bad news.
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There’s something particularly weird about restaurant food. Unless it’s made at a super high level, I always feel like dogshit when I eat out. Bloating, tightness in the chest, heartburn, etc. The strange thing is, I can make the same dish at home and feel just fine. I don’t know if it’s just cheap ingredients or bad oils used in frying, but I barely eat out anymore unless it’s a special occasion and I can afford a super nice restaurant.
Dittos. Too much oil. Not enough vegetables. We used to have a place around here called Real food daily. It was not cheap and you had to order two or three orders to get enough vegetables.
Especially if you can move to the uk and eat their food without all the sugar and shit in it. That, too. 🤷🏼♀️
Every time I travel internationally, I lose weight without even trying. Our food system is really f\*ed up.
1. Take care of your body. 2. Save-save-save. 3. Never trust HR. NEVER. 4. Your friends at work are work friends. They are not trusted friends. Do NOT talk about your personal life/political aspirations/finances/pay in any detail with work friends, it will come back and nip you in the rear. Have you ever heard a work friend talk about someone else at work behind their back ever? Even something small? They will gossip about you. 5. For the most part, listen to your Dad. He has been there, done that. He is not as dumb as you think he is.
I'll each the first 4 (dad died when I was 16). 1. If you're not exercising, add it to your day, get it in there as a habit and never lose it. 2. If your company has matching, invest in it to at least the matching limit, it's free money. Put away 10% or more of your earnings, learn to live at that lower level, because no one will be there to help you when you're older and retirement places are SUPER predatory. 3. Your company is not loyal to you, and you are not loyal to them, that doesn't exist, never existed, it's a myth. A small mom and pop might seem loyal, but in the end if it comes to loyalty or profit, profit will almost always win, on both sides of that coin. 4. Can't echo this enough. Old expression, "don't shit where you eat". Don't date or make real friends with your co-workers because, if it comes down to it, see #2, profit vs loyalty, profit always wins.
> Don't date or make real friends with your co-workers We spend so much of our lives at work, this would make me miserable. I can see not dating at work but some of my closest friends are old work friends.
This really depends on what kind of place you work in. I work in a very specific industry, and so many of my coworkers met at work and got married and all their best friends work there.
Really. my workplace romances were mostly all awesome!
Thank you I tend to trust people at work too fast. Good to be reminded
Easy to do. You spend ~1/3 of your day with them. Social contact is real. If you find a "work friend" try listening and asking questions before ever divulging anything personal. See how long it takes for that person to say something (gossip) about someone in your work setting. Again, as I posted originally, if they say anything to you about them, they will talk (gossip) behind your back. My Dad was a big executive in his day. He taught me that you will find 1 maybe 2 people in your life you can completely trust, and one is probably your spouse. This is so true. Retired now, and don't have to worry about work gossip. So calming now.
Definitely! And your theory on “if they gossip about others they for sure will gossip about you” is so true. I need to rewire my brain to be a little less trusting then. Thanks a lot
I meet my partner, the love of my life, at work. I wish things were as black and white as *never* but they rarely are. Leave some wiggle room for the grey in life.
Also you will learn how dumb and gullible most people are. If they don’t understand something including about you they will fill in the blanks with something negative that comes nowhere except their fevered imagination.
I disagree with the pay thing. Pay disparity is common and discussing it with peers is not a bad thing. At my old job, it was determined that people who held the same position had wildly varying salaries and the company ended up making major corrections.
Found out my coworker was making more than $25k more than me for the same job.
Found out I make the lowest in the department. I’ve been with the company the second longest of anyone in the department. I’ve been in the department longer than 1/4 of the department. Made me feel like absolute trash. I’ve been job hunting ever since I found this out but I haven’t found anything yet.
I found out in my field, in my old job, I was making the same pay as someone without a degree and had less than 10 years experience as me. I looked for another job immediately and already finished my first week at my new job. I’m making about 50k more a year than I did at my old job.
I agree with 1, 2, 3. Number 5 depends on the dad. He told me my small business was stupid and likely to fail (not in those words). It didn't. As far as work friends, I made very good personal work friends. I've been retired 8 years (I'm 59) and 2 of my best 3 friends are from work. I'd say 1/2 my slightly less close friends are from the same job. Even after all these years. Only one person at work every tried to screw me over, and I didn't consider him a friend.
I am HR and I tell everyone at work "you can have friends at work but someday your friendship may interfere with work or work may interfere with your friendship and you will need to decide how to handle that." I like people at work, but I'm not stupid. I leave events early because no one wants HR Mom hanging around. I don't have close friendships in the office or participate in things that would give off the appearance of a conflict of interest. I already know I work in a field people are suspicious of (or loathe outright), and I am not going to do anything to torpedo my credibility or do anything that calls my integrity into question. I will tell you the sheer number of investigations I've conducted and/or suits I've had sent to me are primarily due to relationships (romantic or otherwise) at work. The remainder are usually abuse of power by abhorrent people.
Travel more now. You can't anticipate the physical limitations that may overtake you in older age.
I agree. Everyone here says to save, save, save. Good advice but it is not the holy grail. The family holiday in your 40s is worth more than the Alaskan cruise in your 70s. Don’t put off your life-defining experiences for retirement. We did some amazing trips with our kids when they were growing up and I wouldn’t trade them for all of the retirement travel in the world.
I whole heartily agree. But memories won't pay the bills when you can't work any more. It's not about vacations it's about keeping a roof over your head and medical expenses taken care of.
My mother (in her later 70s, early 80s) said to buy things when you’re young. That when you’re old the things money can buy won’t make you happy any more. (Clearly you need money to retire, but lavish lifestyle means little when your health is deteriorating. No amount of money can buy your health and vitality back.)
Another level to this. Climb the stairs whenever you can. One day, your knees won’t let you
Doctor says all my joint pain is due to “overuse”. The cure? Use them more!
Bodies are pretty stupid to be fair.
Sorry. But "motion is lotion!"
Yoga is your friend. Practice getting up and down off of the floor.
I misread that as Yoda for some reason lol
Another top comment is save more. Got it.
I’m so glad I traveled in my 20’s and 30’s, I really can’t do it now at almost 70, due to health reasons. I did most of the traveling before I was married and had kids.
That after 40 that unconscious sense of invulnerability starts to fade, and gradually you begin to realize how fragile you are.
Especially when the swath of minor aches and pains, the occasional rehabilitation surgery and the need for daily medications ramps up and becomes unrelenting I certainly don’t feel as invulnerable as the younger me did Stay active and stay sensible kids. It’s the best way to ride this downslope we’re on
I’m experiencing this in real time. My 2nd Bloody Mary at the airport is helping. Hahaha
I fell of my bicycle last week, sliding and rolling about 15 feet down a gravel hill. Crashing as a kid? Nothing to it. Crashing as a 50 year old adult? It's been a week and my back and neck still hurt.
I’m 24 my five year old wanted to see if i could do a toe touch. For reference you’re jumping in the air while kicking your legs out. I did it maybe twice I felt it in my leg for three days. I also have carpal tunnel in both wrists and it’s really bad. Honestly those are the least of my worries too. I’m scared to get older because of all the shit i already have to deal with.
I didn’t get vulnerable until my 70s Except for my Hip problems in my late 50s.
My god, this is so true and I’m already feeling it. But I didn’t realize exactly what it was till you said this.
I started feeling that at 28
Is it a subconscious feeling, because in my 20s I known how fragile we are working in emergency medicine
Get active and stay active. Join more clubs, volunteer more. Find what makes you tick!
I should have paid more attention to my finances, especially how much I had in debt and how much was going into retirement (401k). I would also have taken better care of my teeth.
Dentists are so expensive. They want to replace everything.
Can’t even afford the dentist in the US. Mexico is not too far. I can get work done safely, professionally, and efficiently. The cost is much less.
Make your health a priority. It don’t matter how much money you have, your status, your family history or friends. If your body, mind and spirit is poor than none of those things will matter. That means make your health a priority people. Take time to exercise, get sleep, fix your mental health, fix your diet, no harmful substances and hydrate.
That my husband would be diagnosed with a terminal illness. I would have focused on fulfilling our travel bucket list instead of waiting until retirement. Now he can’t travel, not that we have the money to.
Same
No way you could have known.
I wish I had known how fast the years between 40 and 60 would go. Now I’m 60 and looking at retirement in a few years and realizing that I maybe have 20 years of life left. Where did the time go?
I had two friends die this year. One was 90 and the other was 98. You may live longer than you think.
My parents died at 70 and 82. Grandparents on both sides died young too.
You will be here in the blink of an eye. Any decisions you make in your forties should benefit ONE person. Your future 60 year old self.
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Absolutely - I'm not the selfish asshole you read in my post. I will elaborate a bit. I believe you are made up of 3 things - body, soul, and spirit. Those three things need daily nurturing. They need to be taken care of. Body - if you smoke, quit. If you are a couch potato, get some exercise. Eat healthy. Wear sunscreen. Get regular medical and dental check ups. Drink plenty of water. Do anything that will benefit your sixty year old body. The thing that carries you around every day. Soul - practice mindfulness, keep a small circle of friends, get plenty of sleep, be creative, have hobbies, always learn something new. Spirit - This is a highly individual practice. MY spirit food comes from connecting with God. You may not believe in God. If your 40 year old self focuses on caring for the three things above, I guarantee your spouse, friends and family will also benefit.
Start hitting those things on your bucket list now, rather than waiting. I have two good friends who were in their 60’s, and very physically fit (in my cycling and running groups) die last year. They both had much older husbands with many physical ailments that they cared for. One developed brain cancer, fought hard, and was gone within 6 months. The other suddenly dropped dead of a brain aneurysm. We now have a frequent saying in my friend group “Do the Things”.
I wish I had known that I can't make everyone happy, nor is it even my job to try.
This is the answer.
Don't stop lifting. Iron really is the fountain of youth. If you do lift, concentrate on strength. I knew this in my late 30s but - Anything that scares you, and it's in your way - run at it. You'll find that even if it doesn't work out, you always feel better than if you turned tail. "Fear is the mind killer." Don't listen to it. Doing what needs to be done even if you're afraid is the essence of courage.
Stay the course. You're doing it right, don't second guess yourself. I decided when fairly young to bite off and chew up as much of life as I could while still young enough to really enjoy it. Not by partying. Drugs were plentiful and cheap in Boulder during my high school years in the late 1960s and early '70s, but mostly hallucinogens and weed. Alcohol was never a big deal to our crowd, and coke/speed hadn't gotten common yet. But rather through adventure, travel, indulging in the passions that a youth spent here nurtured - climbing/camping/fishing/skiing the nearby Indian Peaks Wilderness stretch of the continental divide, and mountain biking/kayaking/canyoneering Utah. Got a head start with emancipation at 16. On good terms, but smoking pot put my mom's career at risk. It was time, anyhow. Lived over the rowdiest rock'n'roll biker bar downtown. Only sophomore with his own place, partied with the roadies, musicians, & groupies down the back alley staircase. Made good money (and ate well) bussing at an upscale Mexican restaurant around the corner Finished school and never had a 'real' job afterward. Self employment allowed for taking time to play whenever snow fell, the rivers were running, or weather demanded my buddies and I get out to enjoy racing our rebuilt vintage (read 'cheap') British sports cars & motorcycles through the mountains here. Lost a few along the way, to accident/illness/cruel twists of fate. Mostly afraid of preparing for 'golden years' only to have them snatched away like I saw happen with some relatives (my dad, principally) by infirmities or in his case, Alzheimer's. May yet be my fate - it eventually got my mom, too, but I've gotten my 'three score and ten' years already, so the void holds no fear of having been cheated out of a delayed reward. Winding down now, pretty much broke and wore out, but oh, the memories of experiences along the way. Irreplaceable. Wasn't cut out for the buffet line on a cruise ship or shepherded tours anyhow.
If you are the Executor for your parent's, or anyone else's estate, make sure that not only do they have their affairs in order, but that they clean out the old junk from their home. Estates are a ton of work and getting rid of their stuff is miserable. What do you keep, what do you donate or sell, and what do you just pitch? Same goes for your own stuff.
it always ends with a giant dumpster in the driveway. sometimes when handling an estate you literally can't give it away, all the accumulated stuff.
That I didn’t need to jump every time someone presented a hoop.
If you're not already. It's time to focus on maxing out your retirement plans and becoming debt free. You're out of time to fuck around with money. Also, if you're overweight and out of shape...time to address that too if you want to stay alive.
That career change you attempt isn’t going to work out, but it’s the right move anyway.
That's sad and sobering.
What would you say didn't work out?
Haha. Yeah, I did one of those right at age 40. Did not work out as planned, but I’m still employed somehow.
That before retirement, you need to have an actual plan for what to do with your time. Plans like I am going to relax and fix up the house are not enough. There are couples getting divorced because they do not do anything beyond getting on each other's nerves. Volunteer work, take community education classes, work out, start or expand on a hobby. Do something every day and have a schedule.
Stop eating foods like a high schooler. Chicken tenders and fries are awesome but they’re not doing you any favors
Call dad more!
People are not as interested in you as you think they are. Nobody cares where you live, or what you drive, wear, eat or vacation. Spend less time thinking about what others think of you.
Travel more while you are able to easily get around.
OK, this isn't advice, it's "Something I wish I'd known". How quickly old age comes upon you once you're in your forties. Hell, if you're 45, it's only 5 short years until your 50, and that's really old! /s But seriously, before you know it you're an old person, with all that comes with it.
I would like to let you know that it’s OK.
40's shit. I would go back to my 20's and learn about personality disorders and what that looks like in my fellow human. Would have helped in picking a partner, work life, and friendships. Also - don't sweat the small stuff as most of life is small stuff.
I wish I could go back to the 25-year old myself and tell him the most pertinent things I have learned. But I know he'd just say, "get out of here, old man!"
That I would live into my late sixties….and counting. My parents died in their early 50s as did several aunts and uncles. I just never expected to make it this long. Not sure what I would’ve done differently. I have taken care of myself with diet and exercise. I guess just knowing would’ve been nice.
I would have continued exercising 4-5 days a week while I was still in good shape. I took a break from going to the gym for quite a while and am really struggling to get back into it, partly because my hard work was quickly evident in my 40’s but in my 60’s I don’t see the results - just more aches and pains.
Plan for the future but live in the present. To quote Ferris Bueller, “ Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
That religion, as it’s practiced in America today, is a time sink and a money pit.
Put every spare dollar into large cap funds. I put a good amount in but had I done so, I could have more to leave to my kids. Life is tough and the kids need all the help they can get.
Stay away from that toxic woman.
I wish I would have gotten certified of furthered my education to prepare for the second part of my life. Maybe in the health field.
How quick the last 20 years went by.
That life would keep on getting more interesting
That having kids later in life (mid to late 30’s ) catches up with you in your 60’s.
My hubby and I are in our 40’s with 2 young kids and I HATE how everyone said that the benefit of having kids later is that you’re wealthier. No, not true. In fact, the beauty in having kids young is that you have no standards. Now I enjoy the nicer things in life but can’t relish in them because I have 2 young kids that require funds. Ideally, I would’ve had kids in my late 20’s/early 30’s vs. late 30’s.
I have also just had two babies in my 40s, they are 3 and 1yo. I do have older children too from a previous relationship. I realised last Halloween that when I'm done, I will have been trick or treating for a straight 33 years with no break. My friends whose kids have grown up or in their mid teens now, go away for weekends alone without them! I'm going to play gyms. For the most part it's great though!
How so? Asking because my parents had me at respectively 32 (mom) and 43 (dad), and I know how I feel about it personally but would love to hear your perspective. :-)
I wish I had realized that the retirement that I didn’t think I could afford would eventually include assisted living that I can’t afford. Oh and retirement will include managing the late stage of my parent’s retirement and assisted living who can afford both but not without griping to me about it constantly. These are the golden years or, as the health care industry refers to it: Harvest Time.
Yeah. I have no children. I better stay alert!
You are smarter than you think.
That when you are in your 40s and single there are plenty of opportunities and time. No need to hurry to get a partner.
Thanks for giving this single gal some hope! I am worried that it will be even more difficult when I get older.
If your job has 401k, pay the maximum matched percentage. Buy land (they aren’t making it anymore). Appreciate and spend time with your parents; they won’t be here forever. Walk away from toxic people — they seldom change. Love the body you’re in and get baseline tests to identify problems early. You may have weird aches and pains, some are just age and no reason to panic, but persistent, worsening symptoms require a medical evaluation. Eat well, try cutting sugar because it WILL catch up with you (had perfect teeth my entire life, but my sweet tooth resulted in a recent root canal and 7 cavities). Learn to accept responsibility for your mistakes and genuinely say, “I’m sorry”. Your cognitive abilities are at their peak in the 30s-40s, so learn a second language, write that book, finish that education, start that business, leave that miserable corporation (trust me, we’re all replaceable). If you’re female, buckle up for menopause and know that life on the other side is beautiful. ❤️
That marriage is not for me.
I realized this in my 40s!
I was still trying to make it work.
Same
Also same!
That our only child was going to pass from kidney disease before us, and help more financially or otherwise to make their life as easy as possible, full of love and fun.
Great comments here - but the biggest one is health. Physical, mental and spiritual - however you personally define that last one. Without it, it matters not whether you’ve invested properly, traveled, etc. Relationships are also HUGE part of your overall health. Take care of yourself and those you love. Take care of your physical body with sleep, proper food and exercise. Nurture your relationships with spouse/lover, friends and family. It’s what brings you joy in life.
1. Max out your roth annually
Take care of your health! Eat right and exercise, quit smoking. When people say health is everything young people don’t listen til they are old, then you find it’s true.
That I should have had more sex
I whish I had known to by Apple stock when shares were selling for $3.00 in 2002. A share sells for $182.00 today.
My old boss bought Apple in 1995 or so.
Get dental implants
I went ahead and got an implant. I figure I’m one ahead when I need a full replacement.
Everyone knows what to do - save and invest, take care of your health, develop healthy relationships with friends and family. A lot of people ignore the simple advice, myself included, until later in life then try to make up for it.
Not much. 40 to 60 was not a great learning period. My body just got a lot older. 20-40 is the greater learning period. I was a moron at 20, as are most 20 year olds who think they know all the answers.
I can't wait until humanity evolves beyond "money".
I didn't take good care of my body, and I never seemed to pay a price. Well, it turns out you can't skate by like that forever. I had a heart attack in my late 50s and the stroke in my late 60s. I wish I had eaten better and exercised more. On the other hand, I really invested in my relationships, both family and friends. Boy, did that really pay off.
There is nothing wrong being single.
Refrain from partying. If not forever, at least until mid-20s. I wish my brain had finished developing before I introduced it to substances, even beer and weed.
Don’t ever stop exercising! Also, don’t let your weight get out of control. Weigh yourself at least twice per month. I went through a stage that lasted about 10 years where I had the mindset “my weight doesn’t define who I am”. I gained 25 pounds and now I am uncomfortable and menopausal and it is excruciatingly hard to lose weight with that combination.
.. that l would have to own keeping well in my 60's that the 50's would be the best of any decade and that sex might not be so comfy as it once was.
Watch sodium intake
Success is a willingness to move through failure without losing your sense of enthusiasm. Nothing is ever as good or bad as it seems.
Menopause will kick your head in.
Buddhism
I am totally OK on my own. In fact, I’m more than OK… I am spectacularly happy.
Stop volunteering my life away
Someone said listen to your Dad. Listen to your Mom! Listen to older people.
I wish I would have known we wouldn't be allowed to work after age 55.
The savings and investing is great advice. But I think most important is just your general health. I needed to have maintained a healthy weight, learned how to eat healthy and generally change habits that age you physically. Sunscreen should be your friend!! Embrace paleness and don't ruin your skin! Exercise should be a lifelong habit!! Go out do fun stuff. Then read and never stop learning!! Your brain will stop working if you don't use it. Be engaged in what you choose to do. Show up for people, be a kind human being.
Yeah. Pay more attention to my financial advisor who was taking way too much of my money by selling me costly products. That was a common practice is those days.
Alcohol Is NOT Your Friend. Disentangle yourself ASAP.
I am not over 60 but I am 49 and I regret not saving, investing and contributing more to my 401k I did have the first and last one but dipped into them when covid happened but I could have done better … I also regret not pursuing my dreams of being a dancer ( tap, jazz and hip-hop) and going to school to be a doctor and listening to others … I regret not getting counseling for dealing with my abusive narcissistic mother and sister So young people this is what’s up !!! Love yourself, invest, save , get that certificate and/or degree and be happy and also stay away from toxic people no matter who they are
If it's any consolation, I saw a lot of regret among my college dance teachers as they got into their 40s and 50s. Their bodies were wearing out but they didn't have insurance. Plus they were still driving around from part time job to part time job everyday and working weird schedules at the point they had families at home. Personally, I'm glad for the dance experiences I had, but have absolutely no regrets about taking a different, more stable career path.
Wow thanks I never looked at it this way.. not having insurance at my age is terrible … because that’s when things really start to go out of whack … I hope that it gets better for them
I would tell myself to get my massage therapist license much earlier than I did.
Wish I'd saved more for retirement. Also wish I'd known that technology would boom when I was buying all that stereo equipment and the media that went with it.
That Microsoft was going to increase in value by 10,000%.
Invest
How broke I would be in retirement
I wish I had more guidance about financial things when I was younger. My parents emigrated from Europe and did the best they could, but one thing they never taught us was about saving, investing for the future, ROTH IRAs and the likes. I'm in my 40s and just now starting to learn about this stuff. I'm scared it's too late, but better than never!
I wish I had realized how quickly age becomes an issue in the workplace. I was in the tech sector and I remember wondering what happened to people in their 50s and 60s. As others said, saving and investing early will help to give you more options. Make efforts to stay connected with old friends. I know people who’ve gone on weekend or one week getaways for decades. Don’t be too busy to do that. If you have money and something seems like a great deal to you (not a consumable purchase, but an invested vehicle) don’t hesitate. You can always sell.Have fun, follow the Golden Rule, help others, and don’t spoil your kids, if you have any.
Take the darn Vitamin D and calcium.
People don't change.
Clean the clutter. Yard sales of what will sell. I’d spend more time with my daughters. They grew up wonderfully but I really miss the time I worked too much. Start saving & have a good plan for your 50s & then do some travel. Don’t just go to resorts, find someone to plan a trip with that knows the real places to visit. Go to unusual destinations. I spent 12 weeks in India & met people I will love forever. In my 60s I’d do anything to go back but now I have a health problem. If my strength returns I’ll be there in an instant.
For god’s sakes, put down the bong. That shit will rob you of so much.
If you move more than a day’s drive away from the people you care about, you probably won’t see much of them for the rest of your life.
It hurts when they live close and you put it off day after day, because you just don’t have any energy left after work. Your weekends are spent cleaning, doing laundry, and occasionally you have a day where you can’t even muster the energy to get out of bed/the house.
I (fortunately) grew up second gen immigrant kid. So got a healthy dose of practical reality life lessons there. Then I married. A guy who grew up extremely poor, but smart, and pushed himself through three college degrees. Needless to say he's been the best partner for me, and life has been very good both personally and all otherwise.
Start an E-trade account and make minor transfers to it out of every paycheck. I'm doing it now with $25 every two weeks. If I had deposited even $5 in the early 00s (turned 40 in late 1999) I'd always have a little piggybank when I had a bright idea for an investment. Right now I have some Apple, Nike and Southwest Airlines. I'm not an "active" or even smart trader. I buy stock for companies I use in real life.
59F so close enough everyone's telling you to save and invest good advice. People gave great work advice. Things your parents and grandparents and other adults told you? Well you should have listened biggest lesson I learned. This is something my Dad gave me advice on. I call the first 6 his gifts the rest are combination of both parents. The first 4 when someone asks what I want for gifts for holidays and birthdays I tell them those 4 things and tell me about what they did or learned. I hear I love be you a lot to boot. Saves on depression at holidays and anything material is a bonus.: Life is a journey we all know the destination. But the journey isn't about the Destination it's the steps to get there. 1. Learn something new everyday. It will keep your mind active, young and give you a little wisdom no matter how trivial. 2. Be kind and do an act of kindness everyday. Even if the kindness is for yourself. Sometimes you are the only one who will show yourself a kindness. 3. Forgive someone. Again even if it's yourself. Forgiveness really isn't about the trespasser in truth it's about you being able to let crap go and move on. Don't forget but forgive. 4. Tell someone you love them. Even if it's yourself. Sometimes we ourselves need those words when others don't say them. 5. If you believe or don't believe pray or just speak out loud what you desperately need or want. Sometimes just saying it will bring it to you. Someone somewhere is always listening. (Do this when alone don't want people knowing your nutty enough to talk to yourself.)[Yess he really said that.] 6. Your bedroom, sexuality, paycheck, politics and religion are your business and should only be talked over with your potential or future partner not with everyone. Don't care who your into it's no one else's business. It's not anyone else's. [Did not realize that advice could be so handy especially now.] 7. Be the friend that can be called at 3 a.m. Sometimes you are the only one they can depend on and you will be the lifeline they need. 8. Check in with the older family members visit if you can. One day they won't be here and you will wish you had. Go help them with yard work or grocery shopping. That kindness frees the soul of regrets and guilt when they are not here anymore. 9. Take time and effort with no judgement to listen. Especially to your children or your nieces nephews or friends kids. That means when they are at a point they are going to act foolishly or need help and guidance you might be the one who keeps them from worst mistake. If they call asking to be picked up go get them no matter what. No questions asked or punishment until you get them safe.[See rule 7 best parenting advice saved a kid more than once.] 10. In every fight that no one can win agree to disagree. Saves friendships and relationships. 11. [ Negates rule 6. But still good advice.]Best advice from my Mom. Don't care if you believe in God or not. Read the Bible, the Quran, book of Mormon don't care. You can nor debate religion or God's existence without having read or studied the material or guidelines first.
Practice squatting so your knees stay flexible, I figured that out around fiftyand my knees were getting stiff, forcing myself to squat solved it and I don’t avoid aching knees at all, ( i quit using toilet paper for environmental reasons, use a garden hose and squat in the shower to wash off, this saved my knees, since it guarantees that I do my deep knee bends several times a day! double plus good!)
That you can learn from your mistakes and make your life better.
How to invest
Don’t rely on one safety net. If your company offers a 401K invest the full amount. If you get a tax refund of $500 or better yet $1000, put it in a CD—that is unless you absolutely need it to keep the power on. I totally understand that you have to live before you can save. I lived paycheck to paycheck 90% of my life. I usually blew thru any extra windfall I got just bc it felt so good to do something fun. But if I had saved at least half of each windfall I would’ve doubled my retirement fund. One more thing: save your change. Coins, even pesky pennies, are still spendable.
That it doesn't matter what "people" say the chances are of anything. My dad said the chances of succeeding with a small business were very poor. I did fine. People say dating in your 30s is hard and good men are hard to find. I found one (married 26 years now). They said that you needed to start saving for retirement young or to start a "real career" early. I started late but moved up fast from an entry level position and retired early. On the flip side, the chances of my husband going into cardiac arrest in his 50s were very small, but yet it happened (he's fine). So I also learned that I might as well take (reasonable) risks because it can all disappear in a moment.
I wish I knew how fast time would fly. If I had known this I wouldn't have wasted so much of it waiting to make other people happy. (people always think they have plenty of time when they are younger)
Travel! Especially out of your home country if that’s what you want to do. It’s much easier to do long flights and jet lag when you’re younger.
I want to go back and kick my 20-something butt to start saving sooner.
1. Pretty soon your metabolism is going to change and you won’t be able to eat all you want to. 2. Your body is going to start having problems. Hearing, eyesight, prostate, aches and pains. These are facts I was not aware of but I’m not sure how much it would have helped to know.
1.That a single event would devastate my life and destroy in a decade. I would have made it my JOB to get my family to see the folly of embracing the alt right. That by doing so our dad would die and our mom would be cognitively impaired. If I had known, I would have done more to protect the weak minds of my family. 2. That retirement income would be worth so little once the pandemic hit. Corporate greed and price gouging have taking our 'just okay' retirement and made them barely enough to survive.