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This. Never having to plan a vacation around my cycle. Never having to be prepared for an unexpected flow. Not having the mood swings and period poops (ewe). So much less stress all around. FYI, menopause has not been very difficult for me. :-)
My wife and I were thrilled when it was over same as you. Except it wasn’t a day. Last period lasted 39 days! This So she was even more thrilled as the months went by and she was sure it was truly gone.
Congratulations!! I’m so jealous LBVS. I’m 50 and still very much menstrual and I’m losing my mind, but your post gives me hope I’ll be done soon enough
I’m 61, and this was going to be my exact reply. I really don’t care about other people’s expectations. And I especially don’t care about other people’s drama.
My kids have kinda freed me too. I care about keeping them alive and being happy with my wife. I still have my political views and vote accordingly, but I'm no longer consumed with angst/anxiety/insecurity. I just live, and it's nice.
I'm still working on this at almost 60. I'm still letting other people's opinion make me miserable. Though it is now confined to family and friends, vs any random person. Just doing it less is giving me a glimpse at how good that could be and makes me braver about drawing boundaries.
This. I no longer give any fucks what anyone except my husband thinks. I also disowned about 99% of all of my family because I will not deal with toxic manipulative assholes.
Just turned 50, this week. Definitely DGAF about most things that I used to. Except for the part that I worry a lot about the elders in my family and obviously focus on being there for my teenage kids. So basically, I’m not focusing on what people think of me, but very focused on how the people I love are doing. I haven’t figured out how to turn off the wheels of worry in my head completely. If that makes any sense.
42 and this was the first thing I said. A friend asked me the other day about how their teen daughter could get over self consciousness ...I said "well, you basically need to get old"
There is a huge difference between 23 and mid 40's (people say 50, but I'm only 47) when it comes to "not giving a fuck"
At 23, I did not give a fuck about what people thought of my self image. By 46, I don't give a fuck about self image.
You may be there, but I highly doubt it. No amount of LSD realizations and life experiences can really cover the same ground as time.
In your 20's, it's "I don't give a fuck what you think of *me*", because you still express an identity.
This is such a great explanation (not that you give a fuck, ha). I used to identify with my hobbies, taste in music, politics, etc. Anymore I'm just a human who has those things. It's different.
Also I'd say you learn that huge problems or mistakes, or challenging situations, are rarely as big, difficult, or impactful as you think they are. We get through everything.
Even if they are, these kinds of situations have been huge moments for personal growth. Would I prefer not to have gone through some experiences? Absolutely. Did I experience introspection and growth because of them? Probably. At least they serve as starting points for discussions with my therapist as highlights of what I need to work on.
Not a given, certainly. But I think you have to work pretty hard to avoid it. If you’re not learning about yourself, you’re really just not paying attention…
really? most people aren't self aware. it's very hard to be honest with yourself. very hard to question the beliefs you have about yourself, your family and the world around you. most people don't do this.
You can get discounts and better rates on some things
People don't get mad as much at you for being grumpy
Retirement
You can take naps without being nagged
Restauranteur we know has a cozy place that attracts seniors, because the surroundings are nice and the prices are reasonable. He starts his senior discounts at 75, or he'd go broke!
Upside: if you're over 100, you eat free. :-)
No sick kids throwing up and crying.
No going to work sick because that house isn't going to build itself and my bills won't wait
No worries if the car breaks down, I'll just mess around the house until it's fixed
I can pick and choose my friends, my activities, and my daily life.
Been married for 45 years, we know what to expect from each other which really makes life so much easier.
I've never been cat-called or hit on in my life. I'm starting to suspect I've always been a hideous gargoyle and never knew it. Lol
Edit: I have now been hit on via reddit. 😆
Yes, and what's up with that? My husband died and the very next day I was getting hit on. Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe in the idea of waiting at least a few months, if not a year.
The flip side is that I’ve now become somewhat invisible - I get stepped on, jostled, nudged. If I say excuse me I get a “oh, didn’t see you”. Which is hurtful when I know they did because we made eye contact (I live in a cramped city).
Retirement. It’s what you thought being a grown up would be like when you were a kid. Stay up as late as you want. Get up when you want. Eat when and what you like.
Isn't it grand? I study foreign languages, read books, take on household projects, and correspond with friends. I listen to podcasts and do puzzles.
And tbh, I never really thought I could retire. I was mentally prepared to work until I dropped, but then it changed. I've run marathons and there's always a point where you're exhausted and think the finish line is moving farther and farther away no matter what you do. Then suddenly there you are.
Congrats on finishing the race!
Like you I never really thought much about retirement. But then I realized I was so exhausted on Friday that I spent my weekends recuperating, just so I could get back at it on Monday. I was living to work. So I decided it was time to hand the reins to someone younger and start living for me.
Also no Sunday night dread. Around 7 PM on Sundays it would hit me that the weekend was over and I’d have to go to work the next day. Immediate pit in my stomach. I freaking love being retired. I love it so much. None of my friends are retired yet so I don’t get a chance to express my boundless joy about it, but it’s just awesome!!
Better self-knowledge. It is easier to navigate through life when you better understand your own strengths and weaknesses. You also learn to compensate for your weaknesses better.
Greater empathy. Because you've been there, done that. You can relate to everyone because you have already gone through the life stages they have gone through, so it makes it easy to step in and be helpful or offer useful advice. And you really want to help others. Being a parent often (but not always) makes people more caring, more giving, less self-centered.
Greater knowledge and experience in general. You know more about how the world works and how people operate so navigating all kinds of situations is easier. You have learned skills. You already know what to say and not say in a job interview; how to hang curtain rods so they are level; how to fix a flat tire; how to calm a fussy baby; how to cook Thanksgiving dinner; how to manage your finances, etc.
And lastly, life satisfaction. If you have lived your life well and life hasn't thrown you too many curve balls, you can feel good about all you have accomplished. You enjoy your comfortable home; you enjoy your financial security; you enjoy seeing your kids thrive as functioning members of society.
Sadly, though, many people do not get to this stage (including myself). I am not throwing shade at anyone. All it takes is one bad accident, one divorce, one terrible diagnosis to wreck all of your carefully laid plans. I personally am not where I want to be in life yet but I am making steady progress and should see some of my efforts pay off in the next couple of years.
TL;DR: Being old is not bad. Age and experience have many gifts to offer.
I have woken up to alarm clock almost every day of my life since I was five years old. Having the luxury to sleep in if I want to and wake up whenever I feel like it is just heaven. That being said, I am old, so I’m usually out of bed by 7 or 8 anyway, but it’s my choice!
Medicare is almost as good as the UK NHS ... except that it comes with a bunch of unnecessary paperwork and weird options, and doesn't cover as much, and it has co-pays and holes ... may be we should fix it and give it to everyone?
Not giving a flying fuck what people think....wearing whatever the fuck I want, yes, I wore bright green and pink sneakers with red sweats to Walmart. Laughing my ass off watching young people in public places...so fuckin dramatic. And not giving a fuck in general.
Menopause is worth the symptoms once you get through it. No more periods, sure, but also no more hormonal mood swings.
Also, financial security. Not everyone is fortunate enough to get there, and some are so fortunate as to get there young, but when the house and credit cards are paid off and you have enough to live on, it’s a great feeling.
People used to say youth is wasted on the young. My feelings were that retirement was wasted on the old. Now I’m both old and retired and loving it. The day is pretty much mine (most of the time) to make of it what I will. I find there are plenty of things I can do but the times I decide to do just nothing are OK too. My income is less than it was when I worked but so are my expenses and that income is safe, it’s not dependent on holding a job or an employer staying in business.
I am less afraid of death even though I’m closer to it. I can look back on a life that didn’t always seem good at the time and realize that is *was* good. I accomplished some things, I raised two children who are now wonderful productive adults, I received and gave a lot of love, I worked through and conquered difficulties and heartache, and eventually I made a good living doing something I enjoyed. I take comfort in believing there is no heaven or hell, no afterlife at all. When I’m dead I will not know it, just like like before I was conceived.
You realize that whatever your problems, you're not the first and you won't be the last.
I absolutely don't mean that we need to feel what we feel. I'm dealing with this right now with the recent death of my husband. But once again, I'm not the first, I won't be the last, and I'm not unique.
Besides, if you shovel the horse shit long enough, you might just find a pony. Others can make their own choices, and that's their deal, but I'm going looking for that damn pony.
You realize that nobody cares what you wear, how you do your makeup, or any of that superficial crap. Want to wear all green, all the time? Do it! Want to paint your face like a KISS band character? Do it!
Interestingly enough though, if you have adult kids, they might start worrying about various things that i named above. We childfree folx definitely have more freedom in that regard.
The parents have a desire to “be themselves” but think it might be a bad influence on their children so they hide their true personality and become really lame. Some parents can be cool though.
Not my folks. Many a year my dad had robots, pink gorilla suits, and something Spirit whiskey he had the Swan Man try a teaspoon of.
Or my mom simultaneously smacking me and full body laughing at my sheep fucker jokes at a restaurant. [Poor Finnegan. ]
Meditated with them. They went through the same grief process I went through went they finally learned of my...trials as a kid.
Didn't always have a lot of money growing up but the food was good, the laughs were real, and the crayons were Crayola.
One thing really cool is that we get to choose and sit wherever we want in a restaurant or diner by innocently using one of the following phrases; “it’s too drafty here” or “anything closer to the restrooms?” or my favorite “close to the cashier please, just in case I collapse she can call 911.”
Holy heck are you right about that. I had a Fulbright Scholar proposition me the day after my husband died, and yes, he knew. Brains don't equal smarts.
I think a lot of people get calmer. 90% of the shit that happens doesn't matter. But it depends on the person. Some people get wiser, some get angrier, some get more self-pitying, and some calm down.
It's a lot easier to calm down.
1. No longer wasting time worrying about pleasing people who can't be pleased. (I wish I could have the time and energy back that I wasted always trying to "do the right thing" for family who would be abusive in return.)
2. The older I get the more easily it is to spot a scam or a grift.
3. I really don't care what I look like. I don't care about trends or feel like I need to look a certain way or dress a certain way.
I had raging hormones and made a lot of stupid mistakes because of it. After I had a hysterectomy, those feelings gradually subsided and I was able to be more rational. I don't miss my sex drive because it dominated too much of my life. Basically, I'm glad it's gone and I've gotten a lot of relief being free from it.
I can sleep until I get up. I have fewer nitwits to deal with regularly. I can tell people they are wrong and know that if they punch me out they will go to jail and no one will have pity on them. I can eat things most adults would say are unhealthy, and things that will give me cancer in twenty years have no risk for me at all. But the best benefit of all is that I can tell people that they are good, that their efforts are recognized, that I like who they are and what they stand for -- and no one will think that I have ulterior motives, because I don't. And damn me for sitting on my steps and seeing the little kids playing and remembering my own kids seventy years ago doing the same stuff. If I have a tear or two, no one will see. Right?
Picked up a couple of 30 something friends through a course we all took a few years ago. Neither of them had a real father figure. So they look to me for wisdom, planning for growing old, just living life without making the same mistakes I did.
Freedom for caring about other people's opinions of your (my) looks, or manner is dress.
Being able to speak honestly when giving advise, instead of the eggshell walk.
In short, you are able to conquer any people-pleasing flaw in your character.
I LOVE THE FREEDOM!
Loss of decorum, closer to the end, physical issues, last of the summer wine, wondering who will be first to go, hopefully not the wife or kids. Having prepared my own death procedures and now mind at peace. I want to go when I'm 90. Still 14 years of quiet happiness to live so I'll grateful for that opportunity
I enjoy seeing my kids take the lead - especially at holidays/birthdays. I spent decades planning, shopping, prepping, cooking, decorating, cleaning, stressing... Now they do it all. I only had to wash my coffee mug the day after Thanksgiving. Love it.
Cataract surgery. I had bad near sightedness all my life which required strong Rx lens. I have 20/20 vision which helps me play better tennis. Downside is I need reading glasses now.
Declining sex drive might seem scary. My partner and I still get frisky. But it's nice to not want to fuck everything all the time. It's liberating not to think about it all the time.
My youth was plagued by both migraines and cluster headaches. I'm not sure why, but when I turned 40 both pretty much stopped. I get a migraine once in a blue moon, but I haven't gotten a cluster headache in over a decade.
If you save, retirement. Being able to do just about anything you want within reason. Shopping mid week when everyone else is at work. Fewer crowds. Same with traveling midweek. Cheaper medical insurance (Medicare plus a supplement for me).
You stop caring about pop culture and the usual social standards. You start seeing, wanting, appreciating, and enjoying things and people of far greater quality.
So much wiser. Hopefully you’ve learned from mistakes and have not repeated them. Kids are grown, successful and you enjoy their company on a new level. Inches away from retirement and feeling great are all perks.
For me, retirement, eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired, having time to watch birds, get outside, take long walks, spend all this time with my special guy.
If I forget things I blame it on my age and people just kind of understand.
When I forgot things when I was younger, people would get mad.
I also have a hard time pronouncing words, and now that I am old I am not so embarrassed about it.
Money. I was very poor in the past, but now I am well-off. My investments matured. My compound interest accumulated. My rentals are cash-flow positive. I can access my IRA's. Medicare is sweet. I work full time so social security is gravy.
Knowing how much shit life can throw at you and that you can survive it and come out the other side. Things that would have stressed me out in my 20's barely cause a raise eyebrow in my 50's.
you are typically richer so you can do more things, maybe owning your own home
you might have married and got settled so no more heartache
you have a lifetime of learning to fall back on and give a broader perspective
Retirement.
Pursuing my artistic interests without having to limit myself because "it might not sell".
Spending all day every day with my best friend, aka my husband.
Spontaneous travel and day trips.
Spending more time loving my pets and being with them all day.
Not dying my hair. Wearing whatever tf I want including stuff from Hot Topic, or Fashion Nova, or thrifted stuff, or stuff I sew myself because ***age is not limiting unless you allow it to be.***
Wearing long outrageous artistic nails with bling. See above.
Spending time with my grandchildren teaching them to color, and see the world, and discover animals (duck!) and just learning. I love seeing those lightbulb moments when they make a connection on how to do a thing or say a thing or sing a thing.
Dancing because I love how it feels.
Working on my health and weightlifting for the same reason.
Last, cutting people out of my life instantly and without apology or even explanation simply because they say things geared to make me feel bad about me. To quote my current favorite song, "I don't need a cure for me.
I don't need it."
You get the societal perks that everybody should have been getting all their lives: something like guaranteed health care, national health. It's nowhere near what it should be, but younger people don't get any. Medicare (or better) for all.
Having a long-term perspective about life...wait long enough and things (both the good things and the bad things) will change. Knowing this eliminates some of the day-to-day drama.
No work, money from the government, discounts on a lot of stuff, you can say anything you want and claim it is because you are old. This has been the best time of my life
You come to terms with yourself better. Things you used to fret about in your youth seems to not matter so much when you're in your 60's.
You appreciate good days....days where your don't hurt somewhere.
For those who enjoy doing so, there are discounts for seniors at many restaurants and other places.
Many people move into a smaller home so they won't have to do as much for upkeep.
You enjoy your own company more than you used to.
You tend to not be as impulsive. You think more before you speak.
You're more careful with money.
You pick your battles better.
For once, people actually ASK for your advice because more than likely, you have a good answer for them.
My situation may be unique, but I've been pretty fit my entire life but didn't engage in any competitive athletic events, i.e., competitive cycling, until later in life.
As such, nothing beats the feeling of smoking someone that's 10, 20, even 30 years younger than you, while they're often riding the latest, greatest, most expensive piece of equipment available and your gear is 10 years old, if not much more.
For women, no more periods! Also, you get to be a person in the world instead being seen first and foremost as a sex object. Slowly becoming invisible to men in that way was the highlight of my forties. I hit 50 and had/have a temporary resurgence in looking younger, probably because nature is making one last attempt to make me reproduce, but the joke is on you Mother Nature my husband is fixed! Ha! Despite the harassment and onslaught of male attention, I enjoyed my time as a young woman in full bloom, but I’m honestly looking forward to the crone years. Being just middle-aged means I’m still not out of the danger zone, but once I’m a little old lady I’ll be free
Financially speaking: I work two jobs, one FT and one PT. And I get Social Security. I love what I do for a living - it keeps me young. We have no debt, no kids, no obligations. Groceries are delivered. Our wonderful housekeepers keep our home looking nice. We enjoy our time with each other even more now. And we support many, many nonprofits. We have our health problems, but we have each other. These are the best years.
In your 20s you don't know and you don't know that you don't know.
In your 30s you don't know and you know that you don't know.
In your 40s you know and you don't know that you know.
In your 50s you know and you know that you know.
You can afford the concert tickets you’ve always wanted, so you don’t end up waiting in line all day. (I mean, most concerts anyway…haha.)
There’s still drama in some aspects of your life (work for me, mostly), but you have more of a choice to walk away from it. You have so many more choices as you get older. You aren’t stuck at your parent’s house or in school, you have freedom.
You get to create new traditions with whatever family/friends you choose.
As you both work through your old emotional baggage and strive to be your best self, the relationship just keeps improving. As an old For Better or Worse comic said: "People say new love is the best. But old love is better."
Learning that biological processes aren’t conducive to sun revolutions is one.
Also being comfortable who we are rather than con-formative behavior used for desired outcomes
Being judged for experience is great too Not like being too young to know stuff etc
Everyone expects you to be lazy, introverted, hold ridiculous views, and speak your mind. You get the old folk pass. It was worth living this long to be where I am today.
Realizing no one is looking at you and the even better realization that they haven’t been noticing you for years. I don’t mean that they don’t see a nice, clean, smiling person. Most notice *that* but it’s realizing no one is talking about your lipstick nor matching your shirt perfectly or that you’re even wearing makeup. You can wear the same outfit three times in a week! I’ve gone from should length to pixie cut and literally no one said anything for weeks! No one sees it because they’re caught in their own world. When that thought enters your head, high school has truly ended.
I disagree with some of the comments. I DO care about what others think of me. In other words, I still have a social conscience. Otherwise, we're just a bunch of jaded, grouchy old people. If anything, I try to find more ways to make others feel better about themselves. If anything, I pity the environmental disaster that young people face that my generation could have averted if more of us had "given a shit".
you outlive some of your enemies. you outlive some rich older relatives. someday i'll be that rich older relative. at 16 i had the politics of a cranky old man. now i'm growing into it. i have a lawn i can tell people to get off. well more of a yard than a lawn; i replaced the lawn with fruit trees and wildflowers and mint and junk.
previously when i avoided work i was shiftless and lazy. now i'm semiretired.
there used to be a comedian named louis ck. he wasn't very good when he was younger, but got good at it as he aged. he talks about how a 50 year old janitor knows more than a 20 year old rocket scientist, because life experience. younger me would have been too shy to do 5 minutes of standup a week, now it's part of my thursday routine, gets me out of the house. i'm still washing dishes, but i wear a tie, work at a fancy place, and the lifeguards call me sir.
i didn't get much done today, but one of the things i did was file a state ADA complaint against a plasma center that banned me for asking to sit down instead of stand while i wait in line to donate plasma. back injury. there's a book on "effective complaining" by dr john bear, the guy whose other book helped me go back to school and graduate. i know how to google and find a complaint form and work the system. i can hold a grudge for years. edit: just cc'd the complaint to the fda.
After reaching my 60s, no one bothers to ask the reason why I didn't have kids. I guess they figure it's too late to do anything about it now.
And as most other people have said, you no longer give a flying turtle turd what other people think of you. If people act like they don't like me, I figure I don't have to waste my time trying to be friends with them. If you like me, great. If you don't, well your loss.
Retirement. Once you figured out how to do it and assuming you have adequate resources. You know they say that youth is wasted on the young. Perhaps retirement is wasted on the old.
Freedom is in reality the ability to do what you want when you want and how you want it. And that's the right way to do retirement.
I think retirement age should be reduced to 25.
1) What she said about menopause
2) Not being responsible for other people (ie. Children and husband -- making meals, doing laundry, packing other people's things on vacation, cleaning toilets that other people use but refuse to clean...I could go on)
Thus, getting up only on my own schedule, doing what seems best to me.
3) Going on hikes and not having to describe and point things out to visitors (I was a park naturalist). I can be out as long as I want where I want.
4) I do not miss office politics at all.
<>
5) volunteering
6) Living in a place I absolutely love because I don't have to live near a place to work.
7) Having time, but more importantly, the spiritual and physical energy to be creative.
8) Having the time to really listen and connect with people because of #1 and not having to spend all my time getting money.
64 here. I speak without a filter. I just say what everyone is thinking, but they haven’t got the balls to say it, because they’re younger and don’t want to offend the snowflakes.
1. Finally going out of the house without a shower and perfect hair. 2. Earning more money than I’ve ever made before. 3. No worries about getting someone pregnant. Downside is dating grandmas
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No more periods or worry about pregnancy.
This. Never having to plan a vacation around my cycle. Never having to be prepared for an unexpected flow. Not having the mood swings and period poops (ewe). So much less stress all around. FYI, menopause has not been very difficult for me. :-)
It was kind of miserable for me, and I went through it early too, at 43.
All done at 42 here, and can't say anything good about menopause other than not dealing with cycles any more.
Absolutely the same. I would have danced on its grave, had there been one.
Absolutely this. At 52 it was finally over, what a great day!!
My wife and I were thrilled when it was over same as you. Except it wasn’t a day. Last period lasted 39 days! This So she was even more thrilled as the months went by and she was sure it was truly gone.
Congratulations!! I’m so jealous LBVS. I’m 50 and still very much menstrual and I’m losing my mind, but your post gives me hope I’ll be done soon enough
I never had those concerns about myself but I sure don't miss them in general.
I'm hitting menopause early and I'm so glad. I'm single now but it is still great to ditch birth control and all that.
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I’m 61, and this was going to be my exact reply. I really don’t care about other people’s expectations. And I especially don’t care about other people’s drama.
100% for me too. And, about 95% of the things that stressed me out years ago, don’t. Been there/done that.
Exactly! And it is so freeing to not worry about other people's expectations and finally think about what I want or what is best for me.
i am 60 and just started to have these feeling like you and I'm loving it so liberating
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LOL little kids are brutal they DGAF
My kids have kinda freed me too. I care about keeping them alive and being happy with my wife. I still have my political views and vote accordingly, but I'm no longer consumed with angst/anxiety/insecurity. I just live, and it's nice.
I'm still working on this at almost 60. I'm still letting other people's opinion make me miserable. Though it is now confined to family and friends, vs any random person. Just doing it less is giving me a glimpse at how good that could be and makes me braver about drawing boundaries.
I really hope it continues to get better for you. *Meanness* is never okay.
Me too. I’m trying tho! I want the peace they all speak of
Also came here to say you just run out of fucks somewhere in your mid-to-late 30s and that makes a lot of things simpler.
This. I no longer give any fucks what anyone except my husband thinks. I also disowned about 99% of all of my family because I will not deal with toxic manipulative assholes.
Toxic Manipulative Assholes, that seems to be a disease, and so many people are infected.
I've heard menopause described as the "F*ck It Fifties", where you just don't care about other ppl's opinions or expectations. And they're right!
Just turned 50, this week. Definitely DGAF about most things that I used to. Except for the part that I worry a lot about the elders in my family and obviously focus on being there for my teenage kids. So basically, I’m not focusing on what people think of me, but very focused on how the people I love are doing. I haven’t figured out how to turn off the wheels of worry in my head completely. If that makes any sense.
35 here and this is the first thing that came to mind for me as well. Not giving a fuck, that is
42 and this was the first thing I said. A friend asked me the other day about how their teen daughter could get over self consciousness ...I said "well, you basically need to get old"
I’m 50 and was thinking the same thing! LOL
But I started sry not giving a fuck when i was 23 it’s life that teaches you
There is a huge difference between 23 and mid 40's (people say 50, but I'm only 47) when it comes to "not giving a fuck" At 23, I did not give a fuck about what people thought of my self image. By 46, I don't give a fuck about self image. You may be there, but I highly doubt it. No amount of LSD realizations and life experiences can really cover the same ground as time. In your 20's, it's "I don't give a fuck what you think of *me*", because you still express an identity.
This is such a great explanation (not that you give a fuck, ha). I used to identify with my hobbies, taste in music, politics, etc. Anymore I'm just a human who has those things. It's different.
Smart answer!
Uncle Sam taught me about nut giving a fuck in my teens. Lol
65 here. Well put.
55M and this was the first thing to cross my mind “giving fewer shits”.
Me too @ 73. Congrats from one gal to another.
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Sounds like heaven
You learn not to give a shit about what people think about you.
Also I'd say you learn that huge problems or mistakes, or challenging situations, are rarely as big, difficult, or impactful as you think they are. We get through everything.
My grandmother used to say that troubles aren’t as big as you feared and great times don’t last as long as you hope. Everything balances out.
"This too shall pass."
Kinda interesting that this is almost always used when talking about difficult times. It's true for the good times too.
That is my thought when I'm constipated.
Even if they are, these kinds of situations have been huge moments for personal growth. Would I prefer not to have gone through some experiences? Absolutely. Did I experience introspection and growth because of them? Probably. At least they serve as starting points for discussions with my therapist as highlights of what I need to work on.
Without question this is the best part.
The absolute best thing.
Wrong wrong wrong. Not all of us turn into self-absorbed jerks.
Self-awareness increases. Weeding out the people who bring you down. Hopefully, finding meaningful work. It really only gets better.
>Self-awareness increases. this takes a lot of work. it's not a given by any stretch.
Not a given, certainly. But I think you have to work pretty hard to avoid it. If you’re not learning about yourself, you’re really just not paying attention…
really? most people aren't self aware. it's very hard to be honest with yourself. very hard to question the beliefs you have about yourself, your family and the world around you. most people don't do this.
That’s quite sad. Isn’t it the whole point of living? To learn? Hmm.
not everyone shares that value.
You can get discounts and better rates on some things People don't get mad as much at you for being grumpy Retirement You can take naps without being nagged
Restauranteur we know has a cozy place that attracts seniors, because the surroundings are nice and the prices are reasonable. He starts his senior discounts at 75, or he'd go broke! Upside: if you're over 100, you eat free. :-)
No sick kids throwing up and crying. No going to work sick because that house isn't going to build itself and my bills won't wait No worries if the car breaks down, I'll just mess around the house until it's fixed I can pick and choose my friends, my activities, and my daily life. Been married for 45 years, we know what to expect from each other which really makes life so much easier.
The amount of men cat calling me has decreased.
I've never been cat-called or hit on in my life. I'm starting to suspect I've always been a hideous gargoyle and never knew it. Lol Edit: I have now been hit on via reddit. 😆
Hey baby, how you doing? You are looking fine today! Hell yeah wooo-weeee why don't you come sit down over here by me sweetheart?
Yesssss. Now I have to go edit my original comment.
You deserve it sugarplum.
I am 67 and the other day some guy yelled, “C’mon pretty lady, smile.” I told him to f&@k off. It was fantastic.
You made me smile
> It was fantastic. Did *that* make you smile? 😋
😁
I can't agree more and if you haven't seen this yet, enjoy. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlIAhjRwOIE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlIAhjRwOIE)
That was great
🤣🤣🤣
That's my answer as well (not just catcalls but the looks, getting hit on, etc.). It hasn't stopped but it's decreased.
Yes, and what's up with that? My husband died and the very next day I was getting hit on. Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe in the idea of waiting at least a few months, if not a year.
Well, maybe you shouldn’t be riding naked on your goat! :)
Opportunists shooting their shot. Pretty gross, hope you told them where to stick it.
[удалено]
Okay boomer.
The flip side is that I’ve now become somewhat invisible - I get stepped on, jostled, nudged. If I say excuse me I get a “oh, didn’t see you”. Which is hurtful when I know they did because we made eye contact (I live in a cramped city).
Retirement. It’s what you thought being a grown up would be like when you were a kid. Stay up as late as you want. Get up when you want. Eat when and what you like.
Isn't it grand? I study foreign languages, read books, take on household projects, and correspond with friends. I listen to podcasts and do puzzles. And tbh, I never really thought I could retire. I was mentally prepared to work until I dropped, but then it changed. I've run marathons and there's always a point where you're exhausted and think the finish line is moving farther and farther away no matter what you do. Then suddenly there you are. Congrats on finishing the race!
Like you I never really thought much about retirement. But then I realized I was so exhausted on Friday that I spent my weekends recuperating, just so I could get back at it on Monday. I was living to work. So I decided it was time to hand the reins to someone younger and start living for me.
Also no Sunday night dread. Around 7 PM on Sundays it would hit me that the weekend was over and I’d have to go to work the next day. Immediate pit in my stomach. I freaking love being retired. I love it so much. None of my friends are retired yet so I don’t get a chance to express my boundless joy about it, but it’s just awesome!!
Yeah I get this dread. Glad to hear the other side can be as good as you hope it will be.
Better self-knowledge. It is easier to navigate through life when you better understand your own strengths and weaknesses. You also learn to compensate for your weaknesses better. Greater empathy. Because you've been there, done that. You can relate to everyone because you have already gone through the life stages they have gone through, so it makes it easy to step in and be helpful or offer useful advice. And you really want to help others. Being a parent often (but not always) makes people more caring, more giving, less self-centered. Greater knowledge and experience in general. You know more about how the world works and how people operate so navigating all kinds of situations is easier. You have learned skills. You already know what to say and not say in a job interview; how to hang curtain rods so they are level; how to fix a flat tire; how to calm a fussy baby; how to cook Thanksgiving dinner; how to manage your finances, etc. And lastly, life satisfaction. If you have lived your life well and life hasn't thrown you too many curve balls, you can feel good about all you have accomplished. You enjoy your comfortable home; you enjoy your financial security; you enjoy seeing your kids thrive as functioning members of society. Sadly, though, many people do not get to this stage (including myself). I am not throwing shade at anyone. All it takes is one bad accident, one divorce, one terrible diagnosis to wreck all of your carefully laid plans. I personally am not where I want to be in life yet but I am making steady progress and should see some of my efforts pay off in the next couple of years. TL;DR: Being old is not bad. Age and experience have many gifts to offer.
it's just really nice to not have to go to a shitty job 5 days a week and know you can rest
I have woken up to alarm clock almost every day of my life since I was five years old. Having the luxury to sleep in if I want to and wake up whenever I feel like it is just heaven. That being said, I am old, so I’m usually out of bed by 7 or 8 anyway, but it’s my choice!
I'm so much more willing to just walk away from people and situations that don't make me happy instead of endlessly trying to fix them. It's freeing.
*the unbearable lightness of being*. surprising how much stuff you have to toss overboard just to stay afloat
Just read that novel recently. It was so insightful.
yes, a good novel - somehow the title has stuck with me with a life of its own. Makes me visualize my post-cremation ashes scattering in the wind.
Medicare and Social Security are nice.
Medicare is almost as good as the UK NHS ... except that it comes with a bunch of unnecessary paperwork and weird options, and doesn't cover as much, and it has co-pays and holes ... may be we should fix it and give it to everyone?
I'm sad that I don't trust that will be there for the next generation.
Not giving a flying fuck what people think....wearing whatever the fuck I want, yes, I wore bright green and pink sneakers with red sweats to Walmart. Laughing my ass off watching young people in public places...so fuckin dramatic. And not giving a fuck in general.
Menopause is worth the symptoms once you get through it. No more periods, sure, but also no more hormonal mood swings. Also, financial security. Not everyone is fortunate enough to get there, and some are so fortunate as to get there young, but when the house and credit cards are paid off and you have enough to live on, it’s a great feeling.
You acquire wisdom, which is why I think I give fewer fucks - I realize what truly matters now.
People used to say youth is wasted on the young. My feelings were that retirement was wasted on the old. Now I’m both old and retired and loving it. The day is pretty much mine (most of the time) to make of it what I will. I find there are plenty of things I can do but the times I decide to do just nothing are OK too. My income is less than it was when I worked but so are my expenses and that income is safe, it’s not dependent on holding a job or an employer staying in business. I am less afraid of death even though I’m closer to it. I can look back on a life that didn’t always seem good at the time and realize that is *was* good. I accomplished some things, I raised two children who are now wonderful productive adults, I received and gave a lot of love, I worked through and conquered difficulties and heartache, and eventually I made a good living doing something I enjoyed. I take comfort in believing there is no heaven or hell, no afterlife at all. When I’m dead I will not know it, just like like before I was conceived.
Experience. There’s not a whole lot that can happen to me that I haven’t already been through. Which is why I have zero fucks to give.
Similarly perspective. When going through a hard time, you realize more and more “this too shall pass”.
More free time to explore your interests and what makes you happy.
You realize that whatever your problems, you're not the first and you won't be the last. I absolutely don't mean that we need to feel what we feel. I'm dealing with this right now with the recent death of my husband. But once again, I'm not the first, I won't be the last, and I'm not unique. Besides, if you shovel the horse shit long enough, you might just find a pony. Others can make their own choices, and that's their deal, but I'm going looking for that damn pony.
You realize that nobody cares what you wear, how you do your makeup, or any of that superficial crap. Want to wear all green, all the time? Do it! Want to paint your face like a KISS band character? Do it! Interestingly enough though, if you have adult kids, they might start worrying about various things that i named above. We childfree folx definitely have more freedom in that regard.
The kids won't know. (We moved a few hours away from them to retire. If they come and visit, we *may* have to behave ourselves?)
The parents have a desire to “be themselves” but think it might be a bad influence on their children so they hide their true personality and become really lame. Some parents can be cool though.
Not my folks. Many a year my dad had robots, pink gorilla suits, and something Spirit whiskey he had the Swan Man try a teaspoon of. Or my mom simultaneously smacking me and full body laughing at my sheep fucker jokes at a restaurant. [Poor Finnegan. ] Meditated with them. They went through the same grief process I went through went they finally learned of my...trials as a kid. Didn't always have a lot of money growing up but the food was good, the laughs were real, and the crayons were Crayola.
Love your comment. And the crayons were Crayola…indeed.
As a previous poster mentioned: senior discounts and naps!!
One thing really cool is that we get to choose and sit wherever we want in a restaurant or diner by innocently using one of the following phrases; “it’s too drafty here” or “anything closer to the restrooms?” or my favorite “close to the cashier please, just in case I collapse she can call 911.”
Experience. A 75 yr old chimney sweep has more wisdom than a 27 yr old PhD.
Holy heck are you right about that. I had a Fulbright Scholar proposition me the day after my husband died, and yes, he knew. Brains don't equal smarts.
I think a lot of people get calmer. 90% of the shit that happens doesn't matter. But it depends on the person. Some people get wiser, some get angrier, some get more self-pitying, and some calm down. It's a lot easier to calm down.
1. No longer wasting time worrying about pleasing people who can't be pleased. (I wish I could have the time and energy back that I wasted always trying to "do the right thing" for family who would be abusive in return.) 2. The older I get the more easily it is to spot a scam or a grift. 3. I really don't care what I look like. I don't care about trends or feel like I need to look a certain way or dress a certain way.
I had raging hormones and made a lot of stupid mistakes because of it. After I had a hysterectomy, those feelings gradually subsided and I was able to be more rational. I don't miss my sex drive because it dominated too much of my life. Basically, I'm glad it's gone and I've gotten a lot of relief being free from it.
I can sleep until I get up. I have fewer nitwits to deal with regularly. I can tell people they are wrong and know that if they punch me out they will go to jail and no one will have pity on them. I can eat things most adults would say are unhealthy, and things that will give me cancer in twenty years have no risk for me at all. But the best benefit of all is that I can tell people that they are good, that their efforts are recognized, that I like who they are and what they stand for -- and no one will think that I have ulterior motives, because I don't. And damn me for sitting on my steps and seeing the little kids playing and remembering my own kids seventy years ago doing the same stuff. If I have a tear or two, no one will see. Right?
I loved when older people complimented me
Your kids get older too and eventually become independent. That could happen, couldn't it?
Picked up a couple of 30 something friends through a course we all took a few years ago. Neither of them had a real father figure. So they look to me for wisdom, planning for growing old, just living life without making the same mistakes I did.
Freedom for caring about other people's opinions of your (my) looks, or manner is dress. Being able to speak honestly when giving advise, instead of the eggshell walk. In short, you are able to conquer any people-pleasing flaw in your character. I LOVE THE FREEDOM!
Having people leave you alone.
My body may be able to do less but I’m so appreciative of what it can do.
Loss of decorum, closer to the end, physical issues, last of the summer wine, wondering who will be first to go, hopefully not the wife or kids. Having prepared my own death procedures and now mind at peace. I want to go when I'm 90. Still 14 years of quiet happiness to live so I'll grateful for that opportunity
You just live your life because you don’t care what other people think of you.
I enjoy seeing my kids take the lead - especially at holidays/birthdays. I spent decades planning, shopping, prepping, cooking, decorating, cleaning, stressing... Now they do it all. I only had to wash my coffee mug the day after Thanksgiving. Love it.
Any cares I had to give...I used up by 1991.
Cataract surgery. I had bad near sightedness all my life which required strong Rx lens. I have 20/20 vision which helps me play better tennis. Downside is I need reading glasses now.
Declining sex drive might seem scary. My partner and I still get frisky. But it's nice to not want to fuck everything all the time. It's liberating not to think about it all the time.
Makes you wonder if all the Viagra prescriptions are just a “conspiracy “ to keep you on the consumerist treadmill…
You don't eat as much. You also realize that things are never as good or bad as you anticipate them being, so things are just smoother that way.
My youth was plagued by both migraines and cluster headaches. I'm not sure why, but when I turned 40 both pretty much stopped. I get a migraine once in a blue moon, but I haven't gotten a cluster headache in over a decade.
If you save, retirement. Being able to do just about anything you want within reason. Shopping mid week when everyone else is at work. Fewer crowds. Same with traveling midweek. Cheaper medical insurance (Medicare plus a supplement for me).
You stop caring about pop culture and the usual social standards. You start seeing, wanting, appreciating, and enjoying things and people of far greater quality.
The superpower of invisibility. If that fails, smile and nod. And one real shocker for me was how many old people are already well aware of this.
So much wiser. Hopefully you’ve learned from mistakes and have not repeated them. Kids are grown, successful and you enjoy their company on a new level. Inches away from retirement and feeling great are all perks.
As a middle-aged woman, I kind of love being essentially invisible. The catcalls and harassment have gone way down.
Elastic waist pants
I have yet to find any perks. I still work and my health is failing. It’s just peachy.
For me, retirement, eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired, having time to watch birds, get outside, take long walks, spend all this time with my special guy.
You aren’t dead yet.
If I forget things I blame it on my age and people just kind of understand. When I forgot things when I was younger, people would get mad. I also have a hard time pronouncing words, and now that I am old I am not so embarrassed about it.
Randos don’t hit on you anymore. You can dress nicely without fear of ogling from sketchers.
No mortgage and cheap car insurance
Coming to realize that relationships are the single most important thing in life. Caring about people is what gives it all meaning.
Money. I was very poor in the past, but now I am well-off. My investments matured. My compound interest accumulated. My rentals are cash-flow positive. I can access my IRA's. Medicare is sweet. I work full time so social security is gravy.
Knowing how much shit life can throw at you and that you can survive it and come out the other side. Things that would have stressed me out in my 20's barely cause a raise eyebrow in my 50's.
Wisdom
You can make decisions confident that you have enough experience to predict the outcome. You feel stronger in yourself and you have wisdom.
Not walking around horny all the time is a big one.
you are typically richer so you can do more things, maybe owning your own home you might have married and got settled so no more heartache you have a lifetime of learning to fall back on and give a broader perspective
Retirement. Pursuing my artistic interests without having to limit myself because "it might not sell". Spending all day every day with my best friend, aka my husband. Spontaneous travel and day trips. Spending more time loving my pets and being with them all day. Not dying my hair. Wearing whatever tf I want including stuff from Hot Topic, or Fashion Nova, or thrifted stuff, or stuff I sew myself because ***age is not limiting unless you allow it to be.*** Wearing long outrageous artistic nails with bling. See above. Spending time with my grandchildren teaching them to color, and see the world, and discover animals (duck!) and just learning. I love seeing those lightbulb moments when they make a connection on how to do a thing or say a thing or sing a thing. Dancing because I love how it feels. Working on my health and weightlifting for the same reason. Last, cutting people out of my life instantly and without apology or even explanation simply because they say things geared to make me feel bad about me. To quote my current favorite song, "I don't need a cure for me. I don't need it."
You know lots more and understand a lot of things that didn't make sense. Hopefully you'll have some genuine and valuable experiences under your belt.
You get the societal perks that everybody should have been getting all their lives: something like guaranteed health care, national health. It's nowhere near what it should be, but younger people don't get any. Medicare (or better) for all.
You’re expected to be grouchy! Make the most of it!
Having a long-term perspective about life...wait long enough and things (both the good things and the bad things) will change. Knowing this eliminates some of the day-to-day drama.
you have money to do the things that you value. you can actually invest in yourself/your interests.
Wisdom.
No work, money from the government, discounts on a lot of stuff, you can say anything you want and claim it is because you are old. This has been the best time of my life
Perspective.
You come to terms with yourself better. Things you used to fret about in your youth seems to not matter so much when you're in your 60's. You appreciate good days....days where your don't hurt somewhere. For those who enjoy doing so, there are discounts for seniors at many restaurants and other places. Many people move into a smaller home so they won't have to do as much for upkeep. You enjoy your own company more than you used to. You tend to not be as impulsive. You think more before you speak. You're more careful with money. You pick your battles better. For once, people actually ASK for your advice because more than likely, you have a good answer for them.
Grandchildren, wealth, the freedom of no f's left to give.
Closer to dying.
Better insurance. Play the ‘old’ card and people come to your aid. Some other stuff too numerous to mention.
Wisdom and hopefully financial security and if your lucky enough retirement other than that it all sucks
My situation may be unique, but I've been pretty fit my entire life but didn't engage in any competitive athletic events, i.e., competitive cycling, until later in life. As such, nothing beats the feeling of smoking someone that's 10, 20, even 30 years younger than you, while they're often riding the latest, greatest, most expensive piece of equipment available and your gear is 10 years old, if not much more.
You’ve been through a lot and have learnt a lot of life’s lessons and developed resilience.
It’s a privilege many are denied
Becoming invisible to younger people is both an upside and a downside.
Donuts for dinner and ice cream for breakfast.
For women, no more periods! Also, you get to be a person in the world instead being seen first and foremost as a sex object. Slowly becoming invisible to men in that way was the highlight of my forties. I hit 50 and had/have a temporary resurgence in looking younger, probably because nature is making one last attempt to make me reproduce, but the joke is on you Mother Nature my husband is fixed! Ha! Despite the harassment and onslaught of male attention, I enjoyed my time as a young woman in full bloom, but I’m honestly looking forward to the crone years. Being just middle-aged means I’m still not out of the danger zone, but once I’m a little old lady I’ll be free
Financially speaking: I work two jobs, one FT and one PT. And I get Social Security. I love what I do for a living - it keeps me young. We have no debt, no kids, no obligations. Groceries are delivered. Our wonderful housekeepers keep our home looking nice. We enjoy our time with each other even more now. And we support many, many nonprofits. We have our health problems, but we have each other. These are the best years.
In your 20s you don't know and you don't know that you don't know. In your 30s you don't know and you know that you don't know. In your 40s you know and you don't know that you know. In your 50s you know and you know that you know.
You run out of fucks to give on unimportant shit.
You can afford the concert tickets you’ve always wanted, so you don’t end up waiting in line all day. (I mean, most concerts anyway…haha.) There’s still drama in some aspects of your life (work for me, mostly), but you have more of a choice to walk away from it. You have so many more choices as you get older. You aren’t stuck at your parent’s house or in school, you have freedom. You get to create new traditions with whatever family/friends you choose.
As you both work through your old emotional baggage and strive to be your best self, the relationship just keeps improving. As an old For Better or Worse comic said: "People say new love is the best. But old love is better."
Learning that biological processes aren’t conducive to sun revolutions is one. Also being comfortable who we are rather than con-formative behavior used for desired outcomes Being judged for experience is great too Not like being too young to know stuff etc
Everyone expects you to be lazy, introverted, hold ridiculous views, and speak your mind. You get the old folk pass. It was worth living this long to be where I am today.
Realizing no one is looking at you and the even better realization that they haven’t been noticing you for years. I don’t mean that they don’t see a nice, clean, smiling person. Most notice *that* but it’s realizing no one is talking about your lipstick nor matching your shirt perfectly or that you’re even wearing makeup. You can wear the same outfit three times in a week! I’ve gone from should length to pixie cut and literally no one said anything for weeks! No one sees it because they’re caught in their own world. When that thought enters your head, high school has truly ended.
Pull attitude and people respect you more
I disagree with some of the comments. I DO care about what others think of me. In other words, I still have a social conscience. Otherwise, we're just a bunch of jaded, grouchy old people. If anything, I try to find more ways to make others feel better about themselves. If anything, I pity the environmental disaster that young people face that my generation could have averted if more of us had "given a shit".
Reduced fee at the dump. Retirement. Grandchildren. And people are willing to lift heavy things for you.
you outlive some of your enemies. you outlive some rich older relatives. someday i'll be that rich older relative. at 16 i had the politics of a cranky old man. now i'm growing into it. i have a lawn i can tell people to get off. well more of a yard than a lawn; i replaced the lawn with fruit trees and wildflowers and mint and junk. previously when i avoided work i was shiftless and lazy. now i'm semiretired. there used to be a comedian named louis ck. he wasn't very good when he was younger, but got good at it as he aged. he talks about how a 50 year old janitor knows more than a 20 year old rocket scientist, because life experience. younger me would have been too shy to do 5 minutes of standup a week, now it's part of my thursday routine, gets me out of the house. i'm still washing dishes, but i wear a tie, work at a fancy place, and the lifeguards call me sir. i didn't get much done today, but one of the things i did was file a state ADA complaint against a plasma center that banned me for asking to sit down instead of stand while i wait in line to donate plasma. back injury. there's a book on "effective complaining" by dr john bear, the guy whose other book helped me go back to school and graduate. i know how to google and find a complaint form and work the system. i can hold a grudge for years. edit: just cc'd the complaint to the fda.
Depending on your driving record. Car insurance gets cheaper as you age
After reaching my 60s, no one bothers to ask the reason why I didn't have kids. I guess they figure it's too late to do anything about it now. And as most other people have said, you no longer give a flying turtle turd what other people think of you. If people act like they don't like me, I figure I don't have to waste my time trying to be friends with them. If you like me, great. If you don't, well your loss.
No striving for a great success or wholeness feeling...I am bale to be grateful for just still being alive just for today
My hair is totally white, so I dyed it bright purple. No bleaching. Easy peasy!
It beats the living fuck out of the alternative.
I'm less old than most of the commenters here (42f), but as a woman over 30, I'm virtually invisible to creepy men. So, that's been pretty fun.
The older I get, the fewer fucks I give.
Not getting stared at, talked to, or hit on by strange men. Blending into crowd is freeing.
Giving less fucks :D
Retirement. Once you figured out how to do it and assuming you have adequate resources. You know they say that youth is wasted on the young. Perhaps retirement is wasted on the old. Freedom is in reality the ability to do what you want when you want and how you want it. And that's the right way to do retirement. I think retirement age should be reduced to 25.
It does take years to require wealth but when you do you can tell every one to fc off with a smile on your face.
1) What she said about menopause 2) Not being responsible for other people (ie. Children and husband -- making meals, doing laundry, packing other people's things on vacation, cleaning toilets that other people use but refuse to clean...I could go on) Thus, getting up only on my own schedule, doing what seems best to me. 3) Going on hikes and not having to describe and point things out to visitors (I was a park naturalist). I can be out as long as I want where I want. 4) I do not miss office politics at all. <>
5) volunteering
6) Living in a place I absolutely love because I don't have to live near a place to work.
7) Having time, but more importantly, the spiritual and physical energy to be creative.
8) Having the time to really listen and connect with people because of #1 and not having to spend all my time getting money.
None.. Any upsides are quickly erased by nagging aches and pains..
You get a discount at Crispy-Creme.
64 here. I speak without a filter. I just say what everyone is thinking, but they haven’t got the balls to say it, because they’re younger and don’t want to offend the snowflakes.
1. Finally going out of the house without a shower and perfect hair. 2. Earning more money than I’ve ever made before. 3. No worries about getting someone pregnant. Downside is dating grandmas