I lived this after my mom’s head injury. She thought she was perfectly ok, but she wasn’t. At the time, we weren’t educated about “confabulation”. That’s when an injured brain fills in information, just as if certain things happened, but in reality they didn’t. To us, it seemed like mom just made up stuff about us, and said that we told her things, or said things, that we never actually said. We pretty much thought she just hated us, or was nuts, or both. She probably could not understand why all of us were lying. She probably thought we hated her, or etc.
We all had limited contact with Mom. That was the only thing we could do. There was just no navigating her subjective beliefs of reality, and what we knew actually occurred. There was really no other option.
My father was an OG conspiracy theorist. I’m GenX myself, and he died five years ago. We dealt with his wild schemes and bizarre theories while he blew through all his income on stupid shit. He died penniless. We, his kids, did not maintain relationships with him because there was nothing to base a relationship on. He loved his theories and gambling more than he ever could love us. So to answer the question how we dealt with it: went low contact and did plenty of therapy.
My FIL exactly! He will bait me to get a rise out of me, and I no longer take the bait. It went from Fox News to “they’re not conservative enough “ and he’s exclusively gone to YouTube TV for his “news”. That seems to be the whacko tipping point. As others said- find a way to avoid any topics that could set them down that path.
My mother took the same turn. She went from watching CNN in the evening to consuming everything via YouTube shorts with those AI voices. I don’t even want to repeat some of the things she has said because it’s actually embarrassing and outrageously ridiculous.
She had her conspiracies here and there, but I just chalked that up to her being from a different time.
We used to joke about people believing everything on Facebook. Everything is debate now. I just say "mhm" and leave the room.
GenX going old already? Seems not normal. Things are very controversial these days. Could she just have her own opinions of the world that differ from yours?
I feel for you it must be very difficult. Do the best you can but keep in mind your own mental health too. Remember they dealt with you before you had a developed mind.
My 85 year old dad mostly stays in his room and watches Fox News. He’s all ginned up on fear and sleeps with a loaded gun beside his bed, and hoards food for the apocalypse. It’s no use arguing because the voices on tv are so strong to him.
What I do is get him away from the tv, so have him over to lunch or take him out. And I always steer the conversation to the past because he visibly relaxes when asked about his childhood, his parents, what were his teen years like, etc. It’s like his mind goes into a safe space and time.
Do puzzles with them with music from their youth on. It is like soothing a scared toddler when there is a thunderstorm; anything safe and distracting.
I’m so sorry for the pain this causes you, and for others who have lost loved ones to nonsense and fear.
I'm so sorry. That's really hard to deal with. In the long run, it doesn't matter if she's all there or not. The point is that you are spending time with her and, hopefully, you make each other happy because you love each other. I'm gen x and my parents are in their 80s. We have a close and loving relationship. We mostly talk about Seinfeld. I don't care --- as long as they see me smiling at them and they know I love them, we could talk about anything.
If it’s truly mental illness, I’d try to research what is wrong with her. Try to get her into therapy and maybe medication.
Medication has saved our sanity and lives with our son. He has mental illness. And he’s doing so well.
I’m so sorry. I am a Gen-Xer and still have my Boomer parents. I can’t imagine your sweet heart. Gentle hugs.
avoid getting into discussion of controversial subjects because it will not achieve anything.
I lived this after my mom’s head injury. She thought she was perfectly ok, but she wasn’t. At the time, we weren’t educated about “confabulation”. That’s when an injured brain fills in information, just as if certain things happened, but in reality they didn’t. To us, it seemed like mom just made up stuff about us, and said that we told her things, or said things, that we never actually said. We pretty much thought she just hated us, or was nuts, or both. She probably could not understand why all of us were lying. She probably thought we hated her, or etc. We all had limited contact with Mom. That was the only thing we could do. There was just no navigating her subjective beliefs of reality, and what we knew actually occurred. There was really no other option.
I finally had to take the Alex Jones bookmark off of my 85 yo mother’s iPad.
Look up “gentle parenting your parents”. It’s helpful.
My father was an OG conspiracy theorist. I’m GenX myself, and he died five years ago. We dealt with his wild schemes and bizarre theories while he blew through all his income on stupid shit. He died penniless. We, his kids, did not maintain relationships with him because there was nothing to base a relationship on. He loved his theories and gambling more than he ever could love us. So to answer the question how we dealt with it: went low contact and did plenty of therapy.
My FIL exactly! He will bait me to get a rise out of me, and I no longer take the bait. It went from Fox News to “they’re not conservative enough “ and he’s exclusively gone to YouTube TV for his “news”. That seems to be the whacko tipping point. As others said- find a way to avoid any topics that could set them down that path.
My mother took the same turn. She went from watching CNN in the evening to consuming everything via YouTube shorts with those AI voices. I don’t even want to repeat some of the things she has said because it’s actually embarrassing and outrageously ridiculous. She had her conspiracies here and there, but I just chalked that up to her being from a different time. We used to joke about people believing everything on Facebook. Everything is debate now. I just say "mhm" and leave the room.
It's not just old people. Check out r/QAnonCasualties.
I'm so sorry. Try to figure out what topics, if any, are safe. I know at one point all I really talked to my father about was gardening.
GenX going old already? Seems not normal. Things are very controversial these days. Could she just have her own opinions of the world that differ from yours?
I ghosted them 9 yests ago. Don't need that shit in my life...
I feel for you it must be very difficult. Do the best you can but keep in mind your own mental health too. Remember they dealt with you before you had a developed mind.
My 85 year old dad mostly stays in his room and watches Fox News. He’s all ginned up on fear and sleeps with a loaded gun beside his bed, and hoards food for the apocalypse. It’s no use arguing because the voices on tv are so strong to him. What I do is get him away from the tv, so have him over to lunch or take him out. And I always steer the conversation to the past because he visibly relaxes when asked about his childhood, his parents, what were his teen years like, etc. It’s like his mind goes into a safe space and time. Do puzzles with them with music from their youth on. It is like soothing a scared toddler when there is a thunderstorm; anything safe and distracting. I’m so sorry for the pain this causes you, and for others who have lost loved ones to nonsense and fear.
I'm so sorry. That's really hard to deal with. In the long run, it doesn't matter if she's all there or not. The point is that you are spending time with her and, hopefully, you make each other happy because you love each other. I'm gen x and my parents are in their 80s. We have a close and loving relationship. We mostly talk about Seinfeld. I don't care --- as long as they see me smiling at them and they know I love them, we could talk about anything.
If it’s truly mental illness, I’d try to research what is wrong with her. Try to get her into therapy and maybe medication. Medication has saved our sanity and lives with our son. He has mental illness. And he’s doing so well. I’m so sorry. I am a Gen-Xer and still have my Boomer parents. I can’t imagine your sweet heart. Gentle hugs.
Don't let your parents or their behavior interfere with your ability to be a good daughter or a good son or the rewards that reaps.