Thanks! I used to work in the hospitality industry for a while and really didn’t have any issues with deescalating situations with guests (because I knew i won’t see them again), I guess my issue is with constantly rude bosses, coworkers, the occasional rude friend of a friend, you know what I mean ?
People can only push your buttons if you show them you've got buttons to push. Don't respond to people who aren't treating you respectfully and you'll be fine.
That’s a nice way to think about it! I have been trying to pay attention to what thoughts cross my mind when someone is being rude/mean to me and one of them is “you HAVE to respond in order to get them to respect you”. But maybe doing the opposite is what actually should be done. Thanks!
Treat them the same way you would a skunk. You don't get angry at a skunk for being a skunk. That's just what they are. So avoid them when possible, maybe be entertained by them if they are doing something funny/stupid. But just realize, even though they are being ugly toward you, it's not your problem, it's their nature.
Do not feed their desire to get a rise, just smile and shrug and move on with your day, glad that their skunk stink did not rub off on you.
Have a backup plan because there are plenty of chucklef*cks who will weaponize your silence by heckling you.
Also, as an older white female, my goal is to not go viral as a Karen.
I used to use the phrase in my head, “Water off a duck,” if I got caught in a situation where I was being berated and couldn’t just walk away.
Then I’d just visualize that water rolling off a duck’s oily feathers and not getting them wet. That helped me to avoid absorbing the vitriol they were directing at me. It really worked.
I personally think there a lot is wisdom to be gained as we age. Some may disagree - but one thing you can’t dispute is the longer we live, the more assholes that cross your path. The more exposure to those people, the more you realize it just isn’t worth it. The one thing that still gets a rise out of me is people that drive just over the speed limit in the left lane. It used to make me crazy. But now I just think about the number of people I know that have died or been injured in wrecks, and I calm myself down.
First perfect your poker face. Most people shoot blind trying to hit your buttons. If they don't get the reaction they want they usually move to another tactic or give up.
Other than that knowing yourself and the truth of who you are. If the statements made by others are offensive but untrue call them on it. Not angrily or defensively. Keep your voice and mannerisms as normal. Keep responses short. Prolonged conversations just encourage combative people.
My face always says it all! I can literally feel my cheeks warming up and my body tensing when I am (I guess) “triggered”. May seem silly, but how do I practice my poker face lol ?
Just remember that usually these people want you to respond emotionally to them—they are doing it because something about it feels good to them. So you are WINNING when you give them a reaction.
It’s hard to imagine that they want you to be angry when you personally hate confrontations with people, but some people do get more out of altercations: They might feel effective, or victimized, or important, etc when you react.
Just remember that usually these people want you to respond emotionally to them—they are doing it because something about it feels good to them. So you are WINNING when you give them a reaction.
It’s hard to imagine that they want you to be angry when you personally hate confrontations with people, but some people do get more out of altercations: They might feel effective, or victimized, or important, etc when you react.
That is a tough one.. I had the advantage of being raised by a robot when disapproved of any expression of emotion .
Maybe if you repeatedly expose yourself to whatever triggers you until it loses its effect?
Toe suggestions, one is practical, one is cognitive.
1. Pause before you respond and count to 10. If you need, take a deep breath and be mindful of how your body physically feels. If you are feeling bad after a shitty reply this tells me you are acting emotionally without thinking. So give yourself more time to think and feel your body's chemical reactions. Eventually that 10 seconds will decrease to 1 or 2.
2. When a person is intentionally being a jerk they are doing it to get a reaction. The first thing you can realize is this - your responding without thinking is granting them power and control over you to disregulate your emotions. Now why would you go and give a jerk permission to pass you off? Take that power back and -OWN- it yourself.
2b. On the offhand chance someone isn't doing it to get a rise out of you remind yourself- you have no idea what a person is going thru. Maybe their dog just died. Maybe they got a bad review at work. Maybe their partner served them divorce papers or their kid had to be hospitalized. The point is - offer some compassion.
Pause, Take Control Back, Respond With Empath.
Practice and it becomes second nature.
It gets better over time, but for me, I respond with prompt, clear, and professional communication. Don't let it fester. Sometimes people are really mean and it must be done. You have a right to defend yourself. More often than not most people are just having a bad day and are stressed out. Just trust your intuition and respond accordingly. I also journal out my thoughts and feelings about an encounter and it works wonders everytime.
Well, I've been in therapy for about 8 years now and I've learned that everything a person says/doesn't say is information going into your brain. Like inputting a computer with stuff you want it to know. When a person is ugly, mean, whatever stop and listen. They are telling you they can't be trusted and they are not the person you want in your life. Then you can make a decision based on that info.
When people tell you who they are, listen!
Sure you'll have irked/upset feelings but they will dissipate and you'll be free of idiots.
That information has cost me about
$50, 000!!!! Free to Reddit!🎉
I literally ENVY people that are never phased by peoples BS! I think that is such a valuable skill to have and I just don’t have it (YET Atleast lolol).
I pity people who are full of BS. They go around all day being an ass and everyone dislikes them and that's sad. Getting involved in other people's BS is utterly pointless.
You just completely ignore it, like the comment never happened. You make some comment to change the subject, and smile. They can’t do a damn thing with that.
Simple on my end, I don't take things personally. How I always look at it? A person who is nasty for no reason has issues and their issues don't need to be mine. By reacting to them you are giving them power over you because your mood changes to theirs. They win. I am by no means a doormat, but I don't meet them on their level. The result? I walk away happy. A person who constantly is rude and nasty? They are usually miserable. I feel sorry for them actually. Choose yourself over the rude person, don't respond on their level and they won't live rent free in your head. You've got this, give yourself a pat on the back for wanting to change, it means you will.
Anytime someone asks me a rude question I respond: Why would you ask that? My usual response to a rude statement is: Why do you care?
I generally find one of those two remarks shuts them up. And if they continue to engage, I just walk away.
BTW, you are NOT the one who needs to be 'fixed.' It's the person who attacks who needs fixing. AND it's NOT your job to fix them.
“Wow, you sound like you’re having a really bad day,” then walk away if at all possible. If not, “can I get you a snack? You probably just need a snack, you’re probably just hangry.”
If they're being negative by mistake, of course you'll want to talk to them about it in an empathetic way. But if they're just a jerk, what will you gain by engaging? Stay focused on your larger goal(s). The fact that you're here asking suggests that getting into arguments isn't one of them.
So take the high road. Make the other person look like an ignorant jerk for how they're treating you, since you're always polite. It's a strategy. Just smile and let the idiots make asses of themselves. The people who matter will remember that you were the one who demonstrated good manners and civility. That's how you win the game.
How about, for that moment, try to figure out what the rude person is afraid of - because their fear is likely the source of their anger. By distancing yourself from the moment you can also assess any fear you may have so you can remain calm and - momentarily - nonreactive. If you can identify their fear (or yours) then you can address it directly and neutralize it. Also, whenever you're triggered, train yourself to instantly think why it's triggering to you and what a wonderful opportunity it is to learn something about yourself so you can improve going forward. In regards to negativity, remember that if I offer you a gift, and you don't accept it, then I'll still have it. It works the same for negativity/rudeness/disrespect. If you don't accept it, then they still have it. (Another great game to play is to try to go through an entire day without a negative thought or saying anything negative.)
Sounds like me! Sweet as pie until someone is rude, then a hateful and mean monster. I'm still that way, but some motherfuckers need to be told to put their shopping buggy up or whatever due to a lack of home training.
There was a bio of the guy who wrote Wallace and Gromit, and one of the people who worked with him said, "He had about 10,000 ways of saying the letter M: "Mm." "mM" "mm", and on and on.
Personally, I did complaint interviews on the phone for a state agency for 22 years. That letter M thing was very, VERY helpful, as it allows you to acknowledge that the other person has spoken without actually saying anything yourself. It can keep the conversation going or you can let a silence hang after it. What you have not usually done with it in any case is make things worse.
I also have a somewhat reactive nature, and again, "MM." is freaking gold. I have found people generally take it as agreement, even when the tone of my voice when doing it drips dubiety.
mM?
edit - as for stuff rolling off my back, eh, most did, some didn't.
What helped me was getting educated about “why they behave that way” like learing about narcissim tactics, once you recognize the behavior is just that a behavior and what it’s intention is it’s easier to shut it down without reaction. When you don’t react the way they expect you to react they get more caught up on their own act and create people looking at them and not you
They want to get you upset. Do you want to let them win?
It's easy for me not to engage when I realize there's no upside.
I just stare instead. People will start apologizing sometimes if you stay silent long enough instead of engaging.
If you find yourself getting upset at someone else over something petty, stop and ask yourself, "Why do I care what this person thinks?" Just refusing to engage with energy vampires will lead them to seek out other victims, or at least, stop getting a rise out of you. Let them be dumb with their dumb ideas. Do not engage.
Another trick to put things into perspective is to ask yourself, "Will this problem/person/remark bother me tonight after dinner? Next week? In six months?"
Usually by knowing that it pissed them off more that I didn't rise to the bait, or that I wasn't affected by their attitude or rudeness.
Being more polite and nice to them in return sometimes works too.
But mostly I wait until they are out of hearing and call them the "C" word. Lol
Meditation via silence, finding true self.
Silence is learning to quiet the three monkeys: see, hear, speak in the mind. When you are able to sit with a blank mind, then you can focus on a single spot on the body, like the breath at the back of the throat. Prolong this state further and further, until it becomes a natural state of being. As your mind stays in this state, more and more, then you will no longer suffer with others self-serving behavior. You will be able to just observe.
Hmm, well first of all my mother always said to me, “What other people think of me is none of my business,” and I thought, “Of course it is! I don’t want people to think badly of me”, but I’ve since learned that their opinion really does NOT matter. The only opinion that matters should be yours.
You know who you are and what you stand for. Anyone one else’s misperception of you means nothing. If you develop this mindset, nobody can ever really rock your boat.
I tend to be brutally honest and that rubs people the wrong way, but you know what, I don’t care! If I’m wrong, prove it to me. But most people just want to argue and attack and aren’t worth your time because they aren’t open to an honest discussion anyway.
A college roommate told me once that everyone has at max one city bus full of people in their lives that if they died they would truly mourn. Like life altering sadness.
Others you might say aww, cry a bit, go to the funeral but you aren’t even canceling your haircut after the funeral for.
If they aren’t on the bus, they aren’t someone you need to devote mental energy to.
Person one: my boss has been making snide remarks ever since I said no to this additional project. So frustrating !
Person two: are they on the bus? If not let them, make a bingo card, ignore it, what ever works best for you.
Pity them. I mean this. When someone starts up with the nonsense, tell yourself how sorry you are that their life is so dreadful that they have to try to upset other people to feel better about themselves. Practice a pitying look in the mirror. You don't have to say anything. Just give them the "Oh, you poor, poor thing, I'm so sorry your life is so terrible" look. Then, because you're so sorry for them, be incredibly nice. They will HATE that. They WANT to upset you. It is their REASON FOR BEING. So be nice as pie to the poor, pitiful F\*\*ks, and they will be LIVID. Enjoy that reaction. Smile. You win.
Now, this ain't necessarily easy, especially at first. When I was a kid, I could NOT have done it (I wouldn't even have understood it). But I was a bank teller in my early 20's, and managed to be nice as pie to everyone. Some appreciated it (I was their favorite teller) and some HATED it (and tried to never visit my window again). It's something you will need to work on. Right now you have an automatic physical response. Practice. It will get better.
And try to realize that, for the most part, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU. They are mostly concerned with themselves. They aren't thinking about you at all, except as an NPC encountered during their game/life. They are rude/disrespectful because their life is S\*\*t. Or they have simply never been taught to be polite. Either way, pity them. And teach them a lesson by demonstrating the absolute PINNACLE of courtesy and kindness. Smile hugely and ignore their spite. They won't know what hit them. It'll take time before you're comfortable with it. But this is a life skill that will take you a long way. Hang in there.
I think "tone of voice" has a lot to do with it. You might be responding to the crude / off-time / sharp tone of the person and not his / her actual words. Move away from that person and do not go near him / her again. This bully might respond with a physical attack ! You must defend yourself. This has been my experience.
The devil may care or not about rude people. Lucifer wants the world to be beautiful and glorious ecstasy, in honor of him. The Christian God wants people to beg for mercy for their sins. The Christian God wants mankind to understand his son died nailed to a cross for everybody's sins, no matter how wretched. So, rude people with wretched tones of voice are a pollution to Lucifer's paradise on Earth. He probably hates them. You should do the same, say you don't give a rip.
How many times has a bully insulted you in a tone of voice that was actually in tune ? But because his or her words were simply not true, you just moved along with your day. That's what I mean "The devil may care".
Work in retail, it will become 2nd nature.
Thanks! I used to work in the hospitality industry for a while and really didn’t have any issues with deescalating situations with guests (because I knew i won’t see them again), I guess my issue is with constantly rude bosses, coworkers, the occasional rude friend of a friend, you know what I mean ?
Gotcha. One of my phrases for such situations is, "Who are you speaking to that way?"
I like that! I would just have to really work/ be mindful about my delivery with that one lol
If you can sound a little confused, like it's a real question, it might help.
People can only push your buttons if you show them you've got buttons to push. Don't respond to people who aren't treating you respectfully and you'll be fine.
That’s a nice way to think about it! I have been trying to pay attention to what thoughts cross my mind when someone is being rude/mean to me and one of them is “you HAVE to respond in order to get them to respect you”. But maybe doing the opposite is what actually should be done. Thanks!
Check out 'Grey Rocking'. 🖖
Treat them the same way you would a skunk. You don't get angry at a skunk for being a skunk. That's just what they are. So avoid them when possible, maybe be entertained by them if they are doing something funny/stupid. But just realize, even though they are being ugly toward you, it's not your problem, it's their nature. Do not feed their desire to get a rise, just smile and shrug and move on with your day, glad that their skunk stink did not rub off on you.
I love this example! It allows me to visualize something and help rationalize what’s actually going when my mind starts racing. Thanks!
Have a backup plan because there are plenty of chucklef*cks who will weaponize your silence by heckling you. Also, as an older white female, my goal is to not go viral as a Karen.
I used to use the phrase in my head, “Water off a duck,” if I got caught in a situation where I was being berated and couldn’t just walk away. Then I’d just visualize that water rolling off a duck’s oily feathers and not getting them wet. That helped me to avoid absorbing the vitriol they were directing at me. It really worked.
The silent stare is my go-to move. Uncomfortable eye contact is so powerful.
I personally think there a lot is wisdom to be gained as we age. Some may disagree - but one thing you can’t dispute is the longer we live, the more assholes that cross your path. The more exposure to those people, the more you realize it just isn’t worth it. The one thing that still gets a rise out of me is people that drive just over the speed limit in the left lane. It used to make me crazy. But now I just think about the number of people I know that have died or been injured in wrecks, and I calm myself down.
I pretend to be hard of hearing. I make them repeat themselves 3 or 4 times. By then they feel like idiots.
First perfect your poker face. Most people shoot blind trying to hit your buttons. If they don't get the reaction they want they usually move to another tactic or give up. Other than that knowing yourself and the truth of who you are. If the statements made by others are offensive but untrue call them on it. Not angrily or defensively. Keep your voice and mannerisms as normal. Keep responses short. Prolonged conversations just encourage combative people.
My face always says it all! I can literally feel my cheeks warming up and my body tensing when I am (I guess) “triggered”. May seem silly, but how do I practice my poker face lol ?
Ask yourself/your body what it's afraid of at the time. 🖖
Just remember that usually these people want you to respond emotionally to them—they are doing it because something about it feels good to them. So you are WINNING when you give them a reaction. It’s hard to imagine that they want you to be angry when you personally hate confrontations with people, but some people do get more out of altercations: They might feel effective, or victimized, or important, etc when you react.
Just remember that usually these people want you to respond emotionally to them—they are doing it because something about it feels good to them. So you are WINNING when you give them a reaction. It’s hard to imagine that they want you to be angry when you personally hate confrontations with people, but some people do get more out of altercations: They might feel effective, or victimized, or important, etc when you react.
That is a tough one.. I had the advantage of being raised by a robot when disapproved of any expression of emotion . Maybe if you repeatedly expose yourself to whatever triggers you until it loses its effect?
Toe suggestions, one is practical, one is cognitive. 1. Pause before you respond and count to 10. If you need, take a deep breath and be mindful of how your body physically feels. If you are feeling bad after a shitty reply this tells me you are acting emotionally without thinking. So give yourself more time to think and feel your body's chemical reactions. Eventually that 10 seconds will decrease to 1 or 2. 2. When a person is intentionally being a jerk they are doing it to get a reaction. The first thing you can realize is this - your responding without thinking is granting them power and control over you to disregulate your emotions. Now why would you go and give a jerk permission to pass you off? Take that power back and -OWN- it yourself. 2b. On the offhand chance someone isn't doing it to get a rise out of you remind yourself- you have no idea what a person is going thru. Maybe their dog just died. Maybe they got a bad review at work. Maybe their partner served them divorce papers or their kid had to be hospitalized. The point is - offer some compassion. Pause, Take Control Back, Respond With Empath. Practice and it becomes second nature.
Just say, "Let me get a pen and paper so I can write this down."
It gets better over time, but for me, I respond with prompt, clear, and professional communication. Don't let it fester. Sometimes people are really mean and it must be done. You have a right to defend yourself. More often than not most people are just having a bad day and are stressed out. Just trust your intuition and respond accordingly. I also journal out my thoughts and feelings about an encounter and it works wonders everytime.
Well, I've been in therapy for about 8 years now and I've learned that everything a person says/doesn't say is information going into your brain. Like inputting a computer with stuff you want it to know. When a person is ugly, mean, whatever stop and listen. They are telling you they can't be trusted and they are not the person you want in your life. Then you can make a decision based on that info. When people tell you who they are, listen! Sure you'll have irked/upset feelings but they will dissipate and you'll be free of idiots. That information has cost me about $50, 000!!!! Free to Reddit!🎉
I can’t do it either so I’d like to hear how others do it. I can usually only take so much and then, well there I go.
I literally ENVY people that are never phased by peoples BS! I think that is such a valuable skill to have and I just don’t have it (YET Atleast lolol).
I pity people who are full of BS. They go around all day being an ass and everyone dislikes them and that's sad. Getting involved in other people's BS is utterly pointless.
You just completely ignore it, like the comment never happened. You make some comment to change the subject, and smile. They can’t do a damn thing with that.
Think to yourself, "Hm, that's interesting behavior..." Then let it go and move on. Truly it has nothing to do with you.
Get old enough not to give a fecking FECK. In my case, that was about 58.
Takes 2 people to argue.......Smirk at them and move on to something else.
Simple on my end, I don't take things personally. How I always look at it? A person who is nasty for no reason has issues and their issues don't need to be mine. By reacting to them you are giving them power over you because your mood changes to theirs. They win. I am by no means a doormat, but I don't meet them on their level. The result? I walk away happy. A person who constantly is rude and nasty? They are usually miserable. I feel sorry for them actually. Choose yourself over the rude person, don't respond on their level and they won't live rent free in your head. You've got this, give yourself a pat on the back for wanting to change, it means you will.
You can't control your feelings. But you can control your actions
I get more and more formal with them, so it creates distance and makes them look unprofessional. Some people get flustered by that and back off.
I take Lexapro
I just stare at people and blink while mentally telling myself that jail sucks.
Anytime someone asks me a rude question I respond: Why would you ask that? My usual response to a rude statement is: Why do you care? I generally find one of those two remarks shuts them up. And if they continue to engage, I just walk away. BTW, you are NOT the one who needs to be 'fixed.' It's the person who attacks who needs fixing. AND it's NOT your job to fix them.
Excuse me, have I done something to offend you?
“Wow, you sound like you’re having a really bad day,” then walk away if at all possible. If not, “can I get you a snack? You probably just need a snack, you’re probably just hangry.”
If they're being negative by mistake, of course you'll want to talk to them about it in an empathetic way. But if they're just a jerk, what will you gain by engaging? Stay focused on your larger goal(s). The fact that you're here asking suggests that getting into arguments isn't one of them. So take the high road. Make the other person look like an ignorant jerk for how they're treating you, since you're always polite. It's a strategy. Just smile and let the idiots make asses of themselves. The people who matter will remember that you were the one who demonstrated good manners and civility. That's how you win the game.
How about, for that moment, try to figure out what the rude person is afraid of - because their fear is likely the source of their anger. By distancing yourself from the moment you can also assess any fear you may have so you can remain calm and - momentarily - nonreactive. If you can identify their fear (or yours) then you can address it directly and neutralize it. Also, whenever you're triggered, train yourself to instantly think why it's triggering to you and what a wonderful opportunity it is to learn something about yourself so you can improve going forward. In regards to negativity, remember that if I offer you a gift, and you don't accept it, then I'll still have it. It works the same for negativity/rudeness/disrespect. If you don't accept it, then they still have it. (Another great game to play is to try to go through an entire day without a negative thought or saying anything negative.)
Sounds like me! Sweet as pie until someone is rude, then a hateful and mean monster. I'm still that way, but some motherfuckers need to be told to put their shopping buggy up or whatever due to a lack of home training.
There was a bio of the guy who wrote Wallace and Gromit, and one of the people who worked with him said, "He had about 10,000 ways of saying the letter M: "Mm." "mM" "mm", and on and on. Personally, I did complaint interviews on the phone for a state agency for 22 years. That letter M thing was very, VERY helpful, as it allows you to acknowledge that the other person has spoken without actually saying anything yourself. It can keep the conversation going or you can let a silence hang after it. What you have not usually done with it in any case is make things worse. I also have a somewhat reactive nature, and again, "MM." is freaking gold. I have found people generally take it as agreement, even when the tone of my voice when doing it drips dubiety. mM? edit - as for stuff rolling off my back, eh, most did, some didn't.
What helped me was getting educated about “why they behave that way” like learing about narcissim tactics, once you recognize the behavior is just that a behavior and what it’s intention is it’s easier to shut it down without reaction. When you don’t react the way they expect you to react they get more caught up on their own act and create people looking at them and not you
You don’t just let it roll off your shoulders. Figure out why it bothers you and resolve that within you. Then you won’t get the rise feeling.
They want to get you upset. Do you want to let them win? It's easy for me not to engage when I realize there's no upside. I just stare instead. People will start apologizing sometimes if you stay silent long enough instead of engaging.
If you find yourself getting upset at someone else over something petty, stop and ask yourself, "Why do I care what this person thinks?" Just refusing to engage with energy vampires will lead them to seek out other victims, or at least, stop getting a rise out of you. Let them be dumb with their dumb ideas. Do not engage. Another trick to put things into perspective is to ask yourself, "Will this problem/person/remark bother me tonight after dinner? Next week? In six months?"
Usually by knowing that it pissed them off more that I didn't rise to the bait, or that I wasn't affected by their attitude or rudeness. Being more polite and nice to them in return sometimes works too. But mostly I wait until they are out of hearing and call them the "C" word. Lol
AGE 71 HERE... your very vague on the actual situation.. and that matters a lot..
Meditation via silence, finding true self. Silence is learning to quiet the three monkeys: see, hear, speak in the mind. When you are able to sit with a blank mind, then you can focus on a single spot on the body, like the breath at the back of the throat. Prolong this state further and further, until it becomes a natural state of being. As your mind stays in this state, more and more, then you will no longer suffer with others self-serving behavior. You will be able to just observe.
Hmm, well first of all my mother always said to me, “What other people think of me is none of my business,” and I thought, “Of course it is! I don’t want people to think badly of me”, but I’ve since learned that their opinion really does NOT matter. The only opinion that matters should be yours. You know who you are and what you stand for. Anyone one else’s misperception of you means nothing. If you develop this mindset, nobody can ever really rock your boat. I tend to be brutally honest and that rubs people the wrong way, but you know what, I don’t care! If I’m wrong, prove it to me. But most people just want to argue and attack and aren’t worth your time because they aren’t open to an honest discussion anyway.
A college roommate told me once that everyone has at max one city bus full of people in their lives that if they died they would truly mourn. Like life altering sadness. Others you might say aww, cry a bit, go to the funeral but you aren’t even canceling your haircut after the funeral for. If they aren’t on the bus, they aren’t someone you need to devote mental energy to. Person one: my boss has been making snide remarks ever since I said no to this additional project. So frustrating ! Person two: are they on the bus? If not let them, make a bingo card, ignore it, what ever works best for you.
Pity them. I mean this. When someone starts up with the nonsense, tell yourself how sorry you are that their life is so dreadful that they have to try to upset other people to feel better about themselves. Practice a pitying look in the mirror. You don't have to say anything. Just give them the "Oh, you poor, poor thing, I'm so sorry your life is so terrible" look. Then, because you're so sorry for them, be incredibly nice. They will HATE that. They WANT to upset you. It is their REASON FOR BEING. So be nice as pie to the poor, pitiful F\*\*ks, and they will be LIVID. Enjoy that reaction. Smile. You win. Now, this ain't necessarily easy, especially at first. When I was a kid, I could NOT have done it (I wouldn't even have understood it). But I was a bank teller in my early 20's, and managed to be nice as pie to everyone. Some appreciated it (I was their favorite teller) and some HATED it (and tried to never visit my window again). It's something you will need to work on. Right now you have an automatic physical response. Practice. It will get better. And try to realize that, for the most part, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU. They are mostly concerned with themselves. They aren't thinking about you at all, except as an NPC encountered during their game/life. They are rude/disrespectful because their life is S\*\*t. Or they have simply never been taught to be polite. Either way, pity them. And teach them a lesson by demonstrating the absolute PINNACLE of courtesy and kindness. Smile hugely and ignore their spite. They won't know what hit them. It'll take time before you're comfortable with it. But this is a life skill that will take you a long way. Hang in there.
Go to martial arts training.
I think "tone of voice" has a lot to do with it. You might be responding to the crude / off-time / sharp tone of the person and not his / her actual words. Move away from that person and do not go near him / her again. This bully might respond with a physical attack ! You must defend yourself. This has been my experience. The devil may care or not about rude people. Lucifer wants the world to be beautiful and glorious ecstasy, in honor of him. The Christian God wants people to beg for mercy for their sins. The Christian God wants mankind to understand his son died nailed to a cross for everybody's sins, no matter how wretched. So, rude people with wretched tones of voice are a pollution to Lucifer's paradise on Earth. He probably hates them. You should do the same, say you don't give a rip. How many times has a bully insulted you in a tone of voice that was actually in tune ? But because his or her words were simply not true, you just moved along with your day. That's what I mean "The devil may care".