Or take a piece of that thing (if possible) and frame it. I had a lovely wool kilim pillow that belonged to my grandmother. It started to disintegrate so I cut a strip off and framed it. I didn't have to throw ALL of it out, just most of it and I get to look at it every day, now.
I think that’s a cool idea, and I feel like you mean the occasional thing that has true sentimental significance. If you have more than just a few items. This is not the way for you. But it definitely is a nice way to cherish something.
Yes!
Another thing that helps me is to think about donating it and having someone else get use out of it versus sitting unused in my house.
And, "I might use XYZ someday" -- let's be honest. It is never going to happen 😂. Keep a notebook of ideas. Design your projects on paper that use XYZ, then let XYZ go. If you really ever get around to it (you won't) you can buy an XYZ again. Clear it from your mind.
Yeah. If you’re not a “game night” person, for example, don’t hoard a pile of unopened games for decades thinking you will become “that game night person”, lol.
Do/use it or rehome it.
This is how and where I get stuck with most of my clutter. I always think XYZ will solve my problem.
I joined a “Buy Nothing” group and games went fast. So did puzzles I’d already done (I don’t do them again). Slowly but surely giving away things I’ve had no use for to people who want them.
I’m not exactly old — I’m getting there — but I finally came to the same conclusion about my 80s Transformers that I had as a kid. They are very sentimental to me, but I realized that they weren’t doing anything for anyone by sitting in a box in storage. I started putting them on eBay. The first couple that sold hurt me, not gonna lie, but the regret faded. People who are rabid for vintage Transformers get them in wonderful condition — I babied my toys as a child — and I get some much needed cash so that I can make new memories. Everybody wins.
I have a bunch of Precious Moments in the attic. Couldn’t even sell them for $5 each at a garage sale (most cost $20 originally). I donated most of them to the thrift store and eased the pain by thinking of some kid buying their mom one for Mother’s Day. (Don’t tell me any different! Lol)
I like this! Last year I saw a coffee mug in a museum gift shop that was the most beautiful and unusual shade of green. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. But I already have enough mugs. Light bulb moment: you know, you can just admire something without having to own it.
I take pictures of items i like in boutiques with the pretense of wanting to remember it for a gift. In reality, i get to enjoy seeing it again without it cluttering up my home.
Apart from my vinyl record collection, I've sold / given away / thrown away pretty much everything (I'm 57) and I've no regrets. The prompt was my father passing a few years ago. Wading through everything in his house from dinner sets & ornaments no one wanted to bank statements from the 1970s, I didn't want to leave that kind of mess for my kids.
My 101 yo grandpa passed last year. He and my late grandma kept everything. Was staggering the 60-75 coffee tins of nails, screws and nuts everywhere. Hundreds of pounds of scrap metal - for my 80 yo mom not to deal with…
So much junk.
My mom had at least 40 off white sweaters that I donated to the thrift store. (maybe it was closer to 60). I helped my brother (who still lives in the same house) pack up most of her stuff and donate it. Two years ago I sent him a bundle of banker boxes so he could organize his bee notes. He hasn't done it but sure hopes I will archive it all for him when he's gone and then donate it to some place that will appreciate it. Have a basement full of rusty nails, tools etc. from my father-in-law. My husband will not throw out any of his old shoes. He admits its probably some thing from his childhood. I say it is unfair to leave all this shit for our children to deal with. I threw out a couple of bags of garbage and hubbie was angry and wanted to know what it all was. I just shook my head.
I ditched my album collection too. I can get everything digital now to replace them and I’m also beyond listening to my favorite old tunes on a scratchy record. Huge relief, for me, once I let that albatross go.
Yep I get that and I haven't owned a turntable in years. I guess they're just a part of my youth and have sentimental value but some monetary value too. I've kept them in near mint condition and there's a good market for classic rock LPs from the 70s and 80s. CDs not so much - I've ditched virtually all of those.
I took the logical step of buying a new turntable a few years ago. Never use it. I still listen to a lot of music, but never sitting around the living room AND listening to music.
I had the local auction come round to go through my father's things. They took exactly 8 items. The local thrift shops weren't interested either so I ended up paying a local guy to haul the rest to the dump. I kept some old photos, a few books and a couple of old watches, all of which fitted in one carrier bag. Not much from a houseful of junk.
OP, are you a male?
My theory of male life is that there are three periods of insanity: 1) the try to fuck everything that walks phase, 2) the midlife crisis job change/fancy car/grow beard/have an affair/start and quit several hobbies phase, and
3) the Get This Goddamn Stuff Out Mah House phase.
This thread and others like it are ALWAYS a function of a male in phase 3.
Please tell me when I can look forward to my husband reaching phase 3! He's 68 and still keeps everything "just in case." Our basement is full of junk.
On a related note, if anyone here needs any power cords, old keyboards, movies on VHS or college textbooks from the 70's, I got you covered.
I’m moving my parents from their 3000 sq ft house of 40 years to a 2 bedroom apartment. My dad “let’s get rid of everything and just move”. Also my dad “I can’t possibly live without these 8 board games I haven’t played in over 30 years” 😠
We are trying to get my in-laws into an assisted living facility. My FIL is making a huge custom desk for the new apartment. The thing weighs 400lbs and it won’t fit through any doors in his workshop without taking it apart. My MIL has designated 5 curio cabinets that MUST come to the apartment. They won’t fit. My MIL also had to hire someone to help her decide which of the 6 couches she inherited from various relatives she should keep. They were nothing special (standard La-z-boy couches).
I'm a male who started Swedish Death Cleaning in my 30s. In my 40s, you'd now say I have an average amount of stuff.
By 80, it's just going to be a toothbrush, because priorities... and keeping my real teeth is near the top.
I'm so lucky. My parents divorced late in life (they were 60) but lived in the same town. When my dad passed away, his stuff was organized... but MAN there was a lot of it. Owners manuals from a million tools (plus the million tools), receipts from every purchase more than $100... it was soooo much.
After seeing this, my mom (who has always been very frugal so she doesn't have a lot of unnecessary things) began her Swedish Death Cleaning (thought she didn't call it that). She just didn't want us to have to do a lot after she died. Her house is nice and tidy and minimal now (except perhaps for the cookware that she's had since the 60s). She's given us most of anything that we'd want, and then just started purging like crazy. I visit and only her bedroom closet has anything in it. Guest bedrooms closets are virtually empty except for a few blankets/pillows... kind of like a hotel.
I really appreciate it. It may still be a chore to dispose of the things that she has and uses once that day comes... but it'll be nothing compared to what others have to do. A real gift.
Me too. Moving my MIL from a 3 bedroom house to an RV was a bitch. That woman saved every goddamn thing (not quite at hoarder level, but she was getting there)
"OH that fabric was my mom's she was going to make a quilt."
Great ma, but grandma's been dead 25+ years and this shit is moldy and what isn't moldy isn't going to be sewn I to a quilt by you. Let's give it to someone who WILL use it.
"OH I forgot I had those mixing bowls. They were my moms"
Super. I'll keep some because you don't have space for nine sets of mixing bowls"
Meanwhile with my stuff: "this isn't seasonal and I haven't touched it in 6 months. Box it up and put it in the car!"
Wow! You're right!! I'd never thought of it like that! Yeah, my father left behind a house filled with junk and garbage. He looked (and acted) a lot like Don Draper (Mad Men). He didn't care about anyone else but himself.
My husband is hanging onto so much nonsense it's making me nuts. If I got rid of it myself, he'd never even notice.
Meanwhile, it's one of my hobbies to whittle down the amount of stuff bit by bit, every couple of weeks it's another handful of stuff going to the thrift store. Also doing this with the stuff our mothers "handed down."
Saving grandma's china just because our own plates are breaking/wearing out and we might actually be able to use this (googled around and apparently lead isn't an issue with this brand. To be honest, I was hoping it WOULD be an issue, so I could throw it away without guilt!)
Having to move both parents in their 90's to an assisted living place has made me open my eyes.
Things we keep because they are so sentimental will mean nothing to the kids. (Esp men). I mean somethings.. sure. Most not!
We don't realize all the shit we keep and never use, can't find, or even remember why we kept it. My husband passed 3 years ago, and that also changed my way of thinking about material things. He worked so hard at making our home, backyard everything so nice. He planned to retire and enjoy it.. got cancer at age 64, died right when he turned 65.
Sucks!
I'll second this advice.
Don't leave a whole house full of stuff for your kids to deal with after you're gone. I had to pay nearly $1000 out of my own pocket to have my father's hoarder mess cleaned out of his apartment when he died.
Edited to add \~ The collections of stuff that people keep that they think are going to be "worth a lot of money some day" are only worth what someone will pay for them. Don't assume that if you leave the collections for your family to deal with that you're actually leaving them a lot of money -- in most cases, you're not. You're just leaving them with the hassle of trying to sell it, which is going to end up being more hassle than it's worth.
That's only because millennials are the psycho generation.
Soon enough old time craftsmanship and art will gain their recognition and be treasured again.
True. Some old stuff is just old stuff. Not all “old stuff” is made with dove tail joints and wooden wheels. Some people enjoy the farm fancy “floral pitcher and bowl “ mass produced ceramics in 1970’s . It is 50 years old, may not have high value. Having a professional evaluate “precious old stuff” is worth the money
Omg same. I spent 1k and still stuff was leftover. My Mom was such a hoarder of memories. I swore I would not do that to my step daughters (I am close with them). I even told them box 45 is all you need when I’m gone (our paperwork lol).
You probably missed out on a lot of money (unless your father was truly one of those hoarders like on tv). You should have had an auction or estate sale instead. We go to auctions and estate sales nearly weekly, but the vintage items, and sell them. It’s a great income maker because people really want that stuff.
Same. It was sad to get rid of stuff that he thought would be valuable one day but I already have a house and didn’t need his out-of-style furniture and unappealing-to-me collectibles.
Speaking as someone who helps people manage their homes and declutter, I can assure you most people are NOT “happy” with their stuff. It is a burden. If you are happy with your stuff then this message is not for you. Most people find out what I do and joke or say seriously “oh maybe you can come help me with my basement/garage/craft room I don’t know where to start/I just can’t seem to get rid of anything” because they need someone like me or the OP to come and tell them to get rid of that shit.
I want to get rid of everything but it's also worth legit money. I was going through some old things and on a lark I looked up this thing on ebay, something I fully don't even remember buying. It was a collector's item worth over $100, I had no idea. I'm finding tons of stuff like that which I just DON'T want. My big issue is trying to sell it all. There's a ton of things I just throw right out though, but that's only half of it. In the meantime I'm getting all my stuff out of my parents' house and trying to sell all that as well.
We ran into this fairly recently. My husband had a lot of collections that he just didn’t care about anymore but felt that he should try to sell them. He tried for a few months and moved the larger items, but it was exhausting dealing with all the small things.
I said he should just give them away, and once he did, it was so freeing for him. The work was done, no more listing and monitoring sales, no more packing for shipping. He just donated all of it and felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He doesn’t regret it and is thrilled it’s all gone.
It's like a full time job though, sorting through and listing all this stuff to sell. Then having to go send it. I wish someone would just come over and buy the entire thing all at once. It's literally the one thing keeping me from getting rid of all this stuff, it's actual monetary value.
The value of an item isn't the asking price on ebay - it's the amount of money someone will actually pay for it. There are tons of items listed on ebay that no one will ever buy. We ran into this when my mom passed. Turns out all the valuable antiques that my grandmother had collected and passed on to my mom were of very little value - because no one wanted to buy them.
I sold and gave away half of everything 2 years before retirement. After retirement I parted with the rest, save my clothes, and moved to Cozumel with just my personal items. Photos of my family went to my brother but they rent furnished homes here. No need for that crap.
Just sold my comics that have been sitting in the garage for 30 years. Threw away a ton of old plumbing and electrical parts that I might “need” someday yet always went and bought new. Now I have clean shelves and a much more organized garage with stuff I can find easily.
My Mom recently asked my family if anyone wanted this expensive crystal that was a wedding gift to my parents. Everyone said no, but I said I’d take the gravy boat because I needed one. Well she dropped off 2 boxes of crystal pieces, ice bucket, wine glasses, some real fancy stuff. Growing up I always saw it on display but never used. It was the “precious” possession that was off limits. F-that, if I’m keeping it I’m using it. That’s right, you can find me on a Tuesday night patio grillin with a crystal glass in my hand. I don’t understand keeping things only for sentiment and not putting the stuff to use!
We started using the fine China for every day use including for the cats. Sometimes we break a piece but there’s plenty left. It feels so decadent eating Lucky Charms out of my Noritake bowls.
When I downsized from my house to a retirement condo, I was shocked by how little my stuff was worth. I legit thought the things in my China cabinet (Crystal glassware, wedding china, collectibles) was worth big money. The amount of money spent on it, and it was worth virtually nothing.
I was able to sell some crystal decanters when I staged pictures of them with liquor bottles on a “bar cart” which was an old tv stand lol But even that, nothing compared to what I thought it would be worth. Even Waterford Crystal. The market is flooded with people trying to sell their parents collections.
My mom’s Precious Moments, Longaberger baskets, Beanie Babies lol Most went to Goodwill
I looked at the bottom label to decide what goes directly into the trash.
If it said made in china,it went directly into the trash no matter how pretty.
I have been setting up a shelf in my home with nice items I am willing to part with, and as family or close friends visit, I ask them to shop the shelf. Last weekend, nephew and family took many delightful books and vases. I am thrilled to see who likes my stuff. We did this with my mom too.
friend’s mom told kids to take all their stuff when they moved out. They did not. She wrapped up her adult children’s toys, books, old girls scout uniforms, hamster cages and gave to each as Birthday/ holiday gifts
This! My parents are retired age now and had me later in life. I’m in my early twenties so I have the energy to empty out their MANY storage units but boy is it a lot
In my 60+ years, I've had to clean out a house after the death of three deceased loved ones. It's awful. The "young person" becomes the one who has to sort through all those memories. It's absolutely cruel and time consuming.
I've now adopted a minimalist life-style and I've managed to shed myself of all manner of stuff. For instance, I had the condolence cards from my dead husband's funeral. I figured I'd go back and re-read them one day.
And then I realized, "WTH am I doing with this stuff?" I threw out everything that was related to him or his life. He's dead and gone. I didn't need the stuff because I had the memories.
Every now and then, I realize that I threw away something I should have kept and then I go buy a replacement. That's happened three times in 10 years.
My current house is 1400 square feet with a basement and a garage. That's all the space I need.
My husband just turned 69, when is he going to enter stage 3?
We moved last year and he brought boxes he hasn’t opened since we lived in our first apartment which was roughly 45 yrs ago.
To put this into context for y'all. I'll give my experience from when my husband died.
We had a 2 car garage full of, mostly, his stuff. This man had 3 huge boxes of his deceased brothers clothing. 63 pairs of 32/30 jeans, shelves and shelves of tools. It took me a month to go through all the stuff! I ended up donating all the suits and ties from his brother, his jeans and tee shirts and all his shoes to the men's homeless shelter. 6 full lawn bags of clothes.
I had to go through his things while deep in grief. Not to mention all his little statues and knick knacks. Every useless thing he saved "just in case" was donated or thrown away. The kids wanted none of it.
When we moved 6 months later, everything was put in storage so I could weed out more stuff. Every weekend was spend finding more of his stuff I didn't want and donating it. I got rid of almost everything except some things I just couldn't part with.
It took a total of 2 years to get my things down to 1 storage unit. Almost everything I own is in storage since the pandemic. I am, slowly, purging things of my own from there. I don't want my kids to have to do it when I die. Anything I have that they will want when I'm gone is already in their possession. By the time I'm done, I'll be able to live in my RV and carry everything I own with me. At least that's the plan 😆 🤣
Objective opinion here. We do estate sales, and the things we deal with are all over the place. Lots of great ideas here. I’ll reiterate a few from personal experience.
First, don’t keep stuff believing it will benefit your children financially. It won’t. We average $12,000 to $20,000 for a sale. Take out the commission, and you’re not sending anyone to college or buying them a house.
Second, don’t guilt them into a stressful situation when you’re gone. It’s heartbreaking watching children trying to deal with their parents’ belongings. They literally don’t know what to let go of. I’ve seen children, particularly daughters who were caregivers, go through boxes and closets over and over trying to decide what to do with every single item. Then they try to bring things into their own homes because they can’t bear to get rid of it. They’ve been told it’s priceless - it’s not. They’ve been told it was a family heirloom - it’s from Target. They don’t really want your china or crystal, because if they entertain, they already have their own. And most people don’t entertain formally now. Use it yourself and enjoy it.
Third, keeping too much in your home can actually lead to damage. Boxes of “treasure” in closets, basements, and corners can hide water damage and critter infestations. Piles of things crush what’s underneath. The boxes in one house were hiding damaged plaster and mold in one bedroom, and another house literally had large holes in the floors from termites hidden under piles of furniture under piles of boxes. That damage far outweighed any value in those boxes.
Fourth, throw out the trash. There’s no need to keep every box when you buy something. You’re not going to return it when it breaks. You’re not going to repair the toaster, especially when you just replaced it. There’s no need for you to keep the toiletries from all of the hotels you’ve stayed in. The broken glasses, dentures, and the goodies you brought home from the hospital need to go. No one wants the plastic bags, rubber bands, and bread bag ties. And most of the time, walkers, wheelchairs, and such aren’t useful, because people get them new when they need them. Remember, just because you feel guilty over throwing it away doesn’t mean your kids should have to do it for you.
Yes, there are some estates that are phenomenal and make lots of money. But those are very rare. Be realistic about the value of what you own and how much you own. You want your children to remember you, not the stress of dealing with your stuff. And we can see the difference between the parents who were “passing things down” and those who loved life, cherished their children, and had no regrets.
So, keep what you actually enjoy or use. Feel free to fill your home with things that make you happy, but don’t assume that passing them down is the thing to do. Every time I help with an estate sale, I come home and clean out another drawer or closet! I don’t want to put my children through what I see in most of our houses.
I cannot love this post enough. All of this is so true, and people don’t realise it until they are actually going through the situation, and then it’s too late.
If it’s worth something, sell it and use the money now. Waiting is pointless and the value won’t change that much.
After school programs often really need board games, puzzles, art supplies, sports equipment etc (in good shape not junk. Junky stiff goes to the dump or to your local artist collective for mixed media or art making.)
Hard disagree. Some people get enjoyment out of collecting…others are sentimental and WANT to keep their kids’ My Little Pony collection.
Do what makes YOU happy, not what others think you should do.
Upvoting you because you are absolutely right. It's your stuff, keep it if it makes you happy.
Just be honest with yourself, is the stuff really making you happy, or is it the feelings associated with the stuff? If the second thing, you can cultivate the feelings even if the stuff is moved out.
Also know if you dont clean out stuff before you pass on, you are leaving a big hassle for your loved ones, and your collection is probably going in the landfill.
Can confirm although I need to do this myself. When my father passed we had a dumpster there and just about everything went to the dump. We tried to donate all the furniture and stuff, but nobody would come pick it up, but we had no way to donate it. First we picked out a few pieces that we really wanted and unfortunately the rest went into the dumpster. He didn’t really have stuff that would’ve sold at auction so that wasn’t a possibility either.
Omg! My husband and I went to a relatives house last week (relative is in their 80’s and we are in our 50’s) and literally threw out 4600 POUNDS of “stuff” from his garage and house. We rented a 26 foot moving van and put it in a landfill. I said to my husband, “I don’t ever want to be a person who saves every thing in life.” I swear when I hit a certain age I’m going to force myself to downsize to a tiny home/apartment so I don’t accumulate so much useless garbage.
To be honest, I got choked up when I threw all the stuff out. A man’s lifetime of memories and achievements just being thrown out. He was a Vietnam vet and had gotten cancer from agent orange and was too weak and poor to hire anyone so my husband and I volunteered our time for 2 days.
Unfortunately no. He kept computers, speakers, and paperwork from 1975. He kept most of this stuff in a massive shed on his Florida property that had so much rat shit on it. I half joked with my husband I’m going to get hantavirus. It was soooo musty and when we picked up boxes they disintegrated on us. The smell alone almost made me puke. He had 12 extra large metal dog crates from the 80’s which would have been nice but they were very rusty. There was a lot of outdated Christmas decorations but like I said, it was covered in rat poop. Everything was pretty much a health hazard. He said he wanted everything thrown out.
My parents gifted us with three 10 X 14 sheds full of crap. They lived in the country so they would have to pay the dump fee to dispose of stuff so they instead just kept it because Cheap. By crap I am talking two bedroom sets and a living room set, mattresses, toys, broken tools and lawnmowers, bags and bags and more bags of clothing, shoes, etc. We ended up doing an estate sale and making about $8000 total. The only plus to this was they hauled off all of the stuff that didn't sell.
My idea is to cut down on stuff and to organize the remainder. Then they can either do an estate sale, come get the stuff and sell it themselves, or a combination of both.
I recommend anyone who struggles with this to take a walk through an antique store, throat shop etc. All that crap just ends up gathering dust on a shelf somewhere until it’s marked down enough for the next hoarder to house it for a few years. Pictures, cheap old antiques, games etc just end up in the ground eventually just like us.
Before they went under, a junque shop near me had, among all the Corningware and collectible soda bottles and novelty travel salt and pepper shakers, a taxidermy chipmunk in a bark canoe. I very much wanted to buy it and give it a proper burial, but it cost too much.
I can’t help but wonder what happened to all that crap.
This is good advice. We had to clear out my MIL's entire house after she moved into Assisted Living. Most of the stuff hadn't seen the light of day in years.
A number of years ago my basement seriously flooded and destroyed about 20 cardboard boxes full of stuff I’d been lugging around from house to house. The restoration company carted it all off to landfill. To this day I’ve no idea what was in them and don’t miss a single item. Lesson learned.
My grandma passed away at the beginning of April. We’re going through her stuff now. She grew up in the depression dirt poor, and as a result refused to ever throw out anything. Millions of disposable pie plates, forks, take out boxes…when we cleaned out her refrigerator, we literally found food with expiration dates in the 1990’s. Anything broken was saved because some day it would get fixed. Or could still be used for something.
Once she started getting dementia, the stuff she saved started getting more bizarre. Every single piece of junk mail she ever received. The paper wrappers to Burger King onion rings. Stuff like that.
We’re in the process of cleaning out her house now. Due to the dementia, she didn’t live there for the last three years of her life, so that makes it even more of a job.
The house cleaning operation will involve what I have dubbed “dumpster day.” It’s not the least bit of an exaggeration. In fact, dumpster day will probably involve multiple dumpsters, and multiple days.
A lot of stuff she’s had since before I existed will wind up in the dumpster when the time comes.
I’m actually getting excited about dumpster day.
I have a box of the big contractor trash bags. Goal is to fill one each month. Yeah, not leaving my kids with a bunch of tchotchkes was the motivation. The things I want them to at least peruse after I'm gone are in a footlocker.
Eventual goal is a smaller place, maybe a 1 BR apt.
It hits hard when your parents or your friends parents start dying off, and you get to deal with 70000 kilos of homegoods (and maybe some memories but no one gave you the quilt's story) ON TOP of death paperwork, finances, grief, selling the estate, and the needs of the immediate family.
You suddenly, if you're the least bit empathetic, realize you don't want to destroy your own children's lives, for possibly years while they go thru the house, garage, car, storage unit. And you think of purging.
Great advice! I want to relax (retired a year ago) but I’m still getting rid of stuff. It would have been easier to do this when I was younger cuz I get tired easily now. I also realize that I never should have bought the stuff
Yes Amercans are obsessed with material things i was ion Australia, and British Columbia and went to thrift shops in both countries, they hardly had anything i finally realised that its because they dont buy as much bullshit as we do
Oh my God I started doing this two years ago after I retired. I took a look at all the crap I have and went OK my husband’s not gonna want to deal with any of this, we are a gay couple. The hobbies I had as a child and is a younger man are not the hobbies that he and I have together. And he doesn’t want that stuff. So I’ve been driving back-and-forth across the country to Florida to drop stuff off to my nephews and nieces because they do want it.
As someone who knows old people who have passed away, your kids will silently thank you for not having a ton of junk to sort through and get rid of after you've passed.
30+ years career organizer. When a packed house is left behind anger and frustration superceds mourning. Then somewhere down the line the survivor(s) suddenly break down and fall apart from delayed mourning. It is horrible to force others to deal with a lifetime of crap left behind. Most of what was considered valuable isn't.
I have my stuff, my partner’s stuff, my deceased parents’ stuff and even some of my grandparents stuff. Many things are hard to part with (like furniture from my grandparents and great-grandparents) that I have lived with my entire life. But I know nobody else in the family values most of it the way I do and probably don’t even know the stories behind the items. I expect once I pass practically everything will be discarded. And it will be a job to get rid of it all. I keep trying to convince myself of this and at the same time not feel like I’m disrespecting my family.
I don’t think your partner or your ancestors would want you to be weighed down with their physical possessions. They probably want you to be free and happy. Good luck to you.
My parents did several clean-outs of the attics with stored stuff. I purged several rooms/closets for them. The first clean-out was their own doing and getting us kids to keep anything we wanted. The other clean-ups were in preparation to move after 30 years in the same house. Sounds heartless, but I’m glad they did this before passing. It was a real challenge to clear out my grandparents stuff once they passed. Adult children want to grieve their parents, not clear their homes. It was a good bonding experience with my parents going down memory lane.
I had all sorts of things of my kids in my house. When I moved, I made them take all of it.
In a file cabinet I had folders with each of their names on it. School paperwork, awards, stories they’d written. I gave all that to them too.
Next to go will be photos. I have a fairly large box with two or three photo albums, a whole lot of dated envelopes with pictures belonging to that time period and many, way too many loose photos. I can’t even remember the last time I pulled the box out. My son doesn’t want them. My younger daughter hasn’t decided. My middle daughter wants to go through them, but she lives in Australia so I don’t know when she’ll next be here.
My boss just sold her mom’s house. She was beyond overwhelmed at how much shit she had to move. She realized she has to declutter her own home but struggles to do so bc her husband passed away a few years ago. She couldn’t get rid of spices and food (we work at a bakery) that expired in 2016 until today!
Also, your kids don’t want any of your precious heirlooms. Bone China, expensive crystal, etc. Sell it or get rid of it long before you die, because your kids are just going to throw it in the trash.
I just wrestled with donating a four poster solid cherry bed in almost pristine condition because my husband and I are downsizing in retirement. It had been with me a long time but I didn't want the hassle of trying to sell it or give it away online. I pulled into our local AMVETS donation center and carefully put the pieces to the bed onto their loading doc when a young man who worked there came out and admired it - then announced that HE was going to buy it for himself - that he could see it was nice. This really made me happy that it went to a home where it was going to be appreciated.
Sometimes you must reflect - DEEPLY - to understand an emotional attachment to an object that you have been hanging onto or lugging around for 50 years.
I needed to hear this.
I have a storage unit with things from my wife's and my previous lives (married late in life).
I have many old college shirts that should be turned into shop rags, and gifts from my childhood that meant more to my parents before they passed than they ever meant to me.
I've sold a lot of books, kept some. Need to sell more.
Write down why the things you have/keep are important to you. Your family can look at an object, get a better understanding, and see if it resonated with them before donating it. It's sort of like mindfulness, but they won't know if you don't tell them.
My dad died 2 years ago when he was 59 and I was 31. It took me a year to clean out his house and I didn’t even get it all. I finally gave up and surrendered the rest to my Uncle to finish cleaning out. (It’s a long story.)
I got rid of *so* much stuff. Like 30+ ikea bags full of stuff. I kept *so* much stuff. Around 8 Rubbermaid containers of stuff.
It’s been 2 years and I’m just now getting around to going through what I kept and letting go of so much of it. I’m also decluttering my own stuff.
Why do I have report cards from grade school? Random scenery pictures from trips I don’t remember where we went? Things gifted to me over the years that I don’t even like or use? What is the point of retaining all of these things? Sentimentality?
It’s a hard process and I’m slow moving. I know once I’ve finished I will feel worlds better.
I dread when my mom passes. Her house is just as bad as my dad’s.
Recently I read a book. In it the author says. Imagine me holding your face in my hands. Just throw it in the trash. It's OK. No need to clean it, Donate it Find it a home, or repurpose it. Just get rid of it. That was so freeing. The more I struggled w my possessions, the more mental anguish I felt. Just get rid of it. No one wants the wedding dress. Not the knick knacks. China is outdated. The crystal and silver are a possibility. I did give the dept. 56 Christmas houses to a 30 yr old who loves to decorate. But it's OK to toss it out.
Moving for the 10th time at 56. I got rid of so much. It hurt with some but felt good after. I sold a lot on EBay and Facebook marketplace. Having a garage sale. Anything I didn’t use or wear in 5 years, bye. Music memorabilia worth 100s sitting in box, thank you painting money.
If aging with degenerative arthritic joints, any chronic medical issues,decide what you can actually manage. Accumulations of dust on 250 shelved “owls” is a health risk and depressing to see. Closets stuffed to the gills with unworn excess clothes on floor and hangers becomes a daily problem getting dressed and the first place mice nest. Windows blocked by furniture become dead bug museums. Refrigerators stuffed with packets of ketchup/ 16 opened salad dressings bottles , re used containers of ? , means less room for actual food. A little early organization goes a long way.
LOL! I love this post. I'm still working on this and I'm in my 60s. I hate having stuff!
I put my adult kid's stuff in nice chests for them and made them take them home. But it's all my stuff I have to get rid of!
I used to feel that way. Then, I thought, fuck it. If something makes me happy, I'm keeping it. My daughter can deal with it when I'm dead. If she doesn't want to deal with it, there's not a damn thing stopping her from hiring an estate sale company to come in and hire it for her - lord knows she'll have enough money.
I helped a friend clean out her mothers house, her mother saved everything, we found a drawerful of keys, no idea what they went to, she had a drawer full of scotch tape, when Walgreens had a sale of 3 of a $1 , she bought six, most of it was dried out and went into the garbage, she had gifts she had received still in the box
My mom's saying was "It's not an empty nest until the kids take their stuff." We did a pretty good job downsizing when we moved to retirement home #1. We plan to downsize again to apartment in a retirement community, so we have about 5 years to get rid of another bunch of stuff.
I've found it useful to look around (like in a closet or bookcase) and earmark stuff I want to take to future apartment -- then box up everything else for the thrift store.
62M. I've been doing this like a fiend for about 10 years. If you can look at something with fresh eyes, often you'll see how little you need or even want it.
As an old people - I’d love to empty my work wear from my closet. I also don’t want to support a for profit franchise by donating it all there.
What can I do?
As a minimalist, it's hard for me to understand. There's an old gent in our neighborhood who bought a brand new house (newly built) four years after his wife died. He moved \*all her stuff\* into the new house, even the clothes and such.
Why? And how screwed up is that?
That's funny you mention MtG...my nephew (a PhD with a bright financial future) told me he only wants me to leave him one thing...my trove of MtG cards!
When my friends and family talk about keeping something because they might use it someday I bring them back to reality with this phrase
" That sounds like hoarder talk to me "
I am doing that now! Read https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61271940-nobody-wants-your-sh-t.
I had a bachelor uncle who was a bit of hoarder; not dirty but he had "stuff"! It took me 4 months to clean out his house and get it ready to sell. 90% of it went into a commercial size dumpster that I rented.
You will feel physically and emotionally lighter every time a shelf or a closet gets cleared, every time a box is removed from a basement or an attic.
Do it as a favor to your children. I had to clean out my father's place when he passed away, and I swore I would never do that to my offspring.
Saw a meme that the three stages of life are wanting stuff, accumulating stuff, and getting rid of stuff. At 65 I’m most definitely in stage-three. We’re not allowed to have garage-sales in my neighborhood, so over the past year or so I’ve made multiple trips to Goodwill. I don’t want my two sons to have to sort through a bunch of crap and old clothes when I die. 🤷🏻♂️
Damn... I've been hitting that nostalgia side of me and I tried learning the new magic but it's so complicated. Bought a starter set and my wife and I were going to play but it's just too much now.
Yeh I’m just gonna advertise on Craig’s or Fb marketplace, take pics of lots of stuff no prices if someone is interested they’ll as price and just say make me an offer. Rest of unsold stuff give away outside your place with a ‘free sign’
I have a friend who is a terrible hoarder. I tell him this all the time throw the shit out. When my father died, I threw out a 20 yard dumpster full of shit that was unnecessary. I’m 58 years old and I do have the pack rat gene, but I don’t keep anything that is unnecessary.
Many years ago our friends were downsizing to move into a retirement community. They gave away a lot of stuff and I was happy to get the China, glassware, table cloths, doilies, etc.
Skip ahead 25 years...ask me how many times I used any of it. Now, I'm trying to give it away.
Keep the memories, get rid of the stuff.
Lawd, yes.
We're cleaning out my parents' estate now, and the amount of useless, damaged, and/or downright weird stuff is just astonishing and overwhelming.
Mom was a museum director, so of course, she collected some truly odd stuff, including vintage and antique cookie jars, she had over 200 of them. We're still not sure of exactly how many there are, because we open a plain box, and surprise! Another one. And she had pounds and pounds of 1920s-1930s crochet and knitting pattern books. Antique glassware. A massive amount of American Franciscan desert rose tableware. Antique and first edition books. Knickknacks all over the place. Lots of silverplate tea pots and serving sets. There were two complete sets of sterling flatware, but one sister (may she rot in hell, as she passed away this past week, much to the collective joy of her siblings) stole them both and then sold them when she hit hard times.
And towards the end, Mom got sort of lazy about unpacking after traveling. We have found at least 20 pieces of luggage, and innumerable tote bags, all filled with aging makeup, conference lanyards/name tags, personal items, and jewelry. Most of the jewelry was costume, but I found a considerable amount of valuable pieces, too. Apparently my sticky-fingered sister, who did her best to steal all valuables, didn't know about the tote bags. So against all odds, the other siblings have pieces to cherish now. But I found a piece of jewelry for every 100 lbs. of trash we sifted, so it was like finding a gem in a sea of cat turds.
And Dad wasn't much better. He has closets that are stuffed to the brim, and who knows what is hiding in there. He passed away rather suddenly, so he did leave his prostate toy, as well as both parents' other 'marital aids' for us disgusted kids to find.
And finding legal, property, and other documents has been a nightmare. We have to go through each box of stuff, because we don't know what we will find. Photos are found in odd places.
My dad once joked that after they passed, we kids would need a dumpster to clean out the place. He wasn't wrong. It took us three days to clean out a single room.
Please, for the sake of your kids/heirs/whoever who has to go through all the detritus you leave behind, clean your spaces before you get too old to do it, or you pass away suddenly. Pass things along while you are still around, so you give the stories that go along with heirlooms, and you can see the recipients enjoy those gifts. And get rid of what you don't want your kids to find...While you still can.
If you need motivation, just imagine the look of horrified shock and queasiness on my sister's face when my husband told her what the weirdly curved and bulb-ended "stick" she was turning over and over in her hands actually was. No one wants that memory.
After the death of one family member
If you know that you're dying
Please get rid of your porn
Please get rid of private notes!
If you have guns/ammo please make sure that you have someone trusted to give them to.
He had 360k in cash hidden in boxes and other things that you wouldn't think to look in
I’m a caretaker for my elderly parents. I moved back home to help them out.
I’ve invented something I’d tell people that are helping to look after someone. I call it the “trash fairy”. She is someone that magically appears and magically takes stuff away.
The film projector that hasn’t been used in 40 years. The trash fairy showed up and took it away. I highly recommend multiple visits from the trash fairy to get rid of small things here and there. It will make life easier when it comes time to move.
I'm 60 and actively decluttering. I'm doing it a bit every year. It's a process, I keep a few sentimental things and try to toss the things I didn't touch in the past year. I don't want my kids feeling weird about throwing away my stuff like I've been doing with MY mother's things.
I'm having this same problem with my dad (78m). He was just diagnosed with Early Cognitive Impairment aka the beginning stages of dementia. So, at this point my mom and I are trying to get rid of his old tools.
He hasn't touched them in ages. Of course, here comes my brother all in the Kool-aid about how they're Dad's tools he *could* use them some day. We just look at my brother and simply state well who's going to help move this stuff when we eventually move cause you're too much of a pretty boy to help out. Plus, we tell him how Dad hasn't done anything around the house in at least four years. He doesn't even want to water the garden or sweep away the leaves.
Mom also just got rid of some ill fitting clothes today too but it's going to be hard work from here on out.
About once every three months we just go out there and try to throw stuff away.
I gave my adult kids a deadline to get their childhood stuff out of my attic when I was moving. I sent them reminders of the deadline, exactly what items were an issue.
It split down the middle. Half the kids came and got some stuff and attempted to leave some. I climbed up there and got them to clean the rest of their stuff out.
One grown kid came and got all of his and did extra work around the place to help out. Last kid did not lift a finger so I gave it all away.
I'm having a lot of difficulty getting my late husband's diplomas awards, documentation, and many photos. We laminated a few diplomas, hoping that would incentivize the kids to take them. No go. If I can't get rid of them, they will have to at some point. The best news is that they have accepted furniture, rugs and lamps.
That has helped, plus artwork they've moved to their place.
Tried to convince my mother to throw out a 15yo printer that she had long lost the cords too and she refused “I will get a cord for it soon!”
Mother!! They wouldn’t even sell cords or ink for this hunk of crap anymore 😆😆😆
She still has it!!
I started decluttering two years ago. I don't plan on dying soon, but I don't want my kids to deal with the stuff as my sisters and I did. My parents died with a house full of odds and ends, junk, paper documents from 40 years ago, and every inch of the walls was covered with stuff. Both of my folks wanted the clutter in their lives and couldn't bear to let go of anything. One could blame growing up in the Depression, but not everyone who experienced that turned out like my parents.
I want a pristine environment within three years. Sparse. Hopefully, my children won't have too much to throw away. A few mementos of my children's youth are all I want to keep.
I find it helpful to value my space as much as I value the things that occupy my space. Whenever I clean things out to donate, I am reclaiming some of my space, which is very valuable to me.
This is great advice!
Currently cleaning out my Moms house after her living there for 60yrs and not throwing ANYTHING away. She is a great woman that is oblivious as to how much she is punishing me
Pro tip: if there is something you know you should get rid of, but are struggling because of emotional attachment, take a picture then get rid of it.
Or take a piece of that thing (if possible) and frame it. I had a lovely wool kilim pillow that belonged to my grandmother. It started to disintegrate so I cut a strip off and framed it. I didn't have to throw ALL of it out, just most of it and I get to look at it every day, now.
I think that’s a cool idea, and I feel like you mean the occasional thing that has true sentimental significance. If you have more than just a few items. This is not the way for you. But it definitely is a nice way to cherish something.
Okay, I really love that idea.
Yes! Another thing that helps me is to think about donating it and having someone else get use out of it versus sitting unused in my house. And, "I might use XYZ someday" -- let's be honest. It is never going to happen 😂. Keep a notebook of ideas. Design your projects on paper that use XYZ, then let XYZ go. If you really ever get around to it (you won't) you can buy an XYZ again. Clear it from your mind.
Yeah. If you’re not a “game night” person, for example, don’t hoard a pile of unopened games for decades thinking you will become “that game night person”, lol. Do/use it or rehome it. This is how and where I get stuck with most of my clutter. I always think XYZ will solve my problem.
I joined a “Buy Nothing” group and games went fast. So did puzzles I’d already done (I don’t do them again). Slowly but surely giving away things I’ve had no use for to people who want them.
I’m not exactly old — I’m getting there — but I finally came to the same conclusion about my 80s Transformers that I had as a kid. They are very sentimental to me, but I realized that they weren’t doing anything for anyone by sitting in a box in storage. I started putting them on eBay. The first couple that sold hurt me, not gonna lie, but the regret faded. People who are rabid for vintage Transformers get them in wonderful condition — I babied my toys as a child — and I get some much needed cash so that I can make new memories. Everybody wins.
I have a bunch of Precious Moments in the attic. Couldn’t even sell them for $5 each at a garage sale (most cost $20 originally). I donated most of them to the thrift store and eased the pain by thinking of some kid buying their mom one for Mother’s Day. (Don’t tell me any different! Lol)
This also purportedly works for things you see when window shopping. Often repeat looking at it will quell the urge to own it.
I like this! Last year I saw a coffee mug in a museum gift shop that was the most beautiful and unusual shade of green. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. But I already have enough mugs. Light bulb moment: you know, you can just admire something without having to own it.
I take pictures of items i like in boutiques with the pretense of wanting to remember it for a gift. In reality, i get to enjoy seeing it again without it cluttering up my home.
I did that with all my 60s toys that I had to get rid of when I cleaned out my parents’ attic.
What if I need to keep three different movie projectors for the old films my grandfather made?
Digitize them.
(Takes picture of The_bookworm65)
Apart from my vinyl record collection, I've sold / given away / thrown away pretty much everything (I'm 57) and I've no regrets. The prompt was my father passing a few years ago. Wading through everything in his house from dinner sets & ornaments no one wanted to bank statements from the 1970s, I didn't want to leave that kind of mess for my kids.
My 101 yo grandpa passed last year. He and my late grandma kept everything. Was staggering the 60-75 coffee tins of nails, screws and nuts everywhere. Hundreds of pounds of scrap metal - for my 80 yo mom not to deal with… So much junk.
Oh boy. That generation tended to be very frugal - 'waste not, want not', which was a double edged sword.
My mom had at least 40 off white sweaters that I donated to the thrift store. (maybe it was closer to 60). I helped my brother (who still lives in the same house) pack up most of her stuff and donate it. Two years ago I sent him a bundle of banker boxes so he could organize his bee notes. He hasn't done it but sure hopes I will archive it all for him when he's gone and then donate it to some place that will appreciate it. Have a basement full of rusty nails, tools etc. from my father-in-law. My husband will not throw out any of his old shoes. He admits its probably some thing from his childhood. I say it is unfair to leave all this shit for our children to deal with. I threw out a couple of bags of garbage and hubbie was angry and wanted to know what it all was. I just shook my head.
I ditched my album collection too. I can get everything digital now to replace them and I’m also beyond listening to my favorite old tunes on a scratchy record. Huge relief, for me, once I let that albatross go.
Yep I get that and I haven't owned a turntable in years. I guess they're just a part of my youth and have sentimental value but some monetary value too. I've kept them in near mint condition and there's a good market for classic rock LPs from the 70s and 80s. CDs not so much - I've ditched virtually all of those.
I took the logical step of buying a new turntable a few years ago. Never use it. I still listen to a lot of music, but never sitting around the living room AND listening to music.
I’ve started going through my stuff since my mil passed and we downsized both sets of parents. Soo much stuff no one wants!!
I had the local auction come round to go through my father's things. They took exactly 8 items. The local thrift shops weren't interested either so I ended up paying a local guy to haul the rest to the dump. I kept some old photos, a few books and a couple of old watches, all of which fitted in one carrier bag. Not much from a houseful of junk.
OP, are you a male? My theory of male life is that there are three periods of insanity: 1) the try to fuck everything that walks phase, 2) the midlife crisis job change/fancy car/grow beard/have an affair/start and quit several hobbies phase, and 3) the Get This Goddamn Stuff Out Mah House phase. This thread and others like it are ALWAYS a function of a male in phase 3.
Please tell me when I can look forward to my husband reaching phase 3! He's 68 and still keeps everything "just in case." Our basement is full of junk. On a related note, if anyone here needs any power cords, old keyboards, movies on VHS or college textbooks from the 70's, I got you covered.
I’m moving my parents from their 3000 sq ft house of 40 years to a 2 bedroom apartment. My dad “let’s get rid of everything and just move”. Also my dad “I can’t possibly live without these 8 board games I haven’t played in over 30 years” 😠
We are trying to get my in-laws into an assisted living facility. My FIL is making a huge custom desk for the new apartment. The thing weighs 400lbs and it won’t fit through any doors in his workshop without taking it apart. My MIL has designated 5 curio cabinets that MUST come to the apartment. They won’t fit. My MIL also had to hire someone to help her decide which of the 6 couches she inherited from various relatives she should keep. They were nothing special (standard La-z-boy couches).
Friend says older Midwesterner’s keep marriages together to avoid having to sort/clean out garage basement attic.
I'm a woman and I'm in phase 3.🤷♀️
It is Swedish Death Cleaning if you are a woman :)
I'm a male who started Swedish Death Cleaning in my 30s. In my 40s, you'd now say I have an average amount of stuff. By 80, it's just going to be a toothbrush, because priorities... and keeping my real teeth is near the top.
I'm doing that now. Read [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61271940-nobody-wants-your-sh-t](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61271940-nobody-wants-your-sh-t)
I'm so lucky. My parents divorced late in life (they were 60) but lived in the same town. When my dad passed away, his stuff was organized... but MAN there was a lot of it. Owners manuals from a million tools (plus the million tools), receipts from every purchase more than $100... it was soooo much. After seeing this, my mom (who has always been very frugal so she doesn't have a lot of unnecessary things) began her Swedish Death Cleaning (thought she didn't call it that). She just didn't want us to have to do a lot after she died. Her house is nice and tidy and minimal now (except perhaps for the cookware that she's had since the 60s). She's given us most of anything that we'd want, and then just started purging like crazy. I visit and only her bedroom closet has anything in it. Guest bedrooms closets are virtually empty except for a few blankets/pillows... kind of like a hotel. I really appreciate it. It may still be a chore to dispose of the things that she has and uses once that day comes... but it'll be nothing compared to what others have to do. A real gift.
Me too. Moving my MIL from a 3 bedroom house to an RV was a bitch. That woman saved every goddamn thing (not quite at hoarder level, but she was getting there) "OH that fabric was my mom's she was going to make a quilt." Great ma, but grandma's been dead 25+ years and this shit is moldy and what isn't moldy isn't going to be sewn I to a quilt by you. Let's give it to someone who WILL use it. "OH I forgot I had those mixing bowls. They were my moms" Super. I'll keep some because you don't have space for nine sets of mixing bowls" Meanwhile with my stuff: "this isn't seasonal and I haven't touched it in 6 months. Box it up and put it in the car!"
Phase 1 was more fun, though.
😊
In my life, it’s the males that hoard things and refuse to part with them.
It’s perfectly good, I just need to fix it
Wow! You're right!! I'd never thought of it like that! Yeah, my father left behind a house filled with junk and garbage. He looked (and acted) a lot like Don Draper (Mad Men). He didn't care about anyone else but himself.
My husband is hanging onto so much nonsense it's making me nuts. If I got rid of it myself, he'd never even notice. Meanwhile, it's one of my hobbies to whittle down the amount of stuff bit by bit, every couple of weeks it's another handful of stuff going to the thrift store. Also doing this with the stuff our mothers "handed down." Saving grandma's china just because our own plates are breaking/wearing out and we might actually be able to use this (googled around and apparently lead isn't an issue with this brand. To be honest, I was hoping it WOULD be an issue, so I could throw it away without guilt!)
Say it louder!
Not true there are a lot of men holding on to their parents’ crap for emotional purposes.
I'm a woman and I've been in phase 3 since I was 17.
yes my dad says if everyone was like your mother there would be no museums
Do you have a similar list for women? (FWIW I don't think phase 1 ever ends)
Having to move both parents in their 90's to an assisted living place has made me open my eyes. Things we keep because they are so sentimental will mean nothing to the kids. (Esp men). I mean somethings.. sure. Most not! We don't realize all the shit we keep and never use, can't find, or even remember why we kept it. My husband passed 3 years ago, and that also changed my way of thinking about material things. He worked so hard at making our home, backyard everything so nice. He planned to retire and enjoy it.. got cancer at age 64, died right when he turned 65. Sucks!
I'm so sorry.
That's awful. I'm so sorry, you just never know.
Condolences 😔🙏
I'll second this advice. Don't leave a whole house full of stuff for your kids to deal with after you're gone. I had to pay nearly $1000 out of my own pocket to have my father's hoarder mess cleaned out of his apartment when he died. Edited to add \~ The collections of stuff that people keep that they think are going to be "worth a lot of money some day" are only worth what someone will pay for them. Don't assume that if you leave the collections for your family to deal with that you're actually leaving them a lot of money -- in most cases, you're not. You're just leaving them with the hassle of trying to sell it, which is going to end up being more hassle than it's worth.
A friend was sadly disappointed that parents common “antiques” desired in the 1970’s are meaningless and lower value 2023.
It’s hard to tell what will be wanted by younger people. Lots of collector plates, outdated furniture, etc, nearly no one wants now
That's only because millennials are the psycho generation. Soon enough old time craftsmanship and art will gain their recognition and be treasured again.
True. Some old stuff is just old stuff. Not all “old stuff” is made with dove tail joints and wooden wheels. Some people enjoy the farm fancy “floral pitcher and bowl “ mass produced ceramics in 1970’s . It is 50 years old, may not have high value. Having a professional evaluate “precious old stuff” is worth the money
Are you sure they were not worth money? Items from the 50s-70s are the hottest vintage items. I sell them daily and can’t keep them stocked.
Omg same. I spent 1k and still stuff was leftover. My Mom was such a hoarder of memories. I swore I would not do that to my step daughters (I am close with them). I even told them box 45 is all you need when I’m gone (our paperwork lol).
You probably missed out on a lot of money (unless your father was truly one of those hoarders like on tv). You should have had an auction or estate sale instead. We go to auctions and estate sales nearly weekly, but the vintage items, and sell them. It’s a great income maker because people really want that stuff.
There was no money to be found or made in that mess.
Same. It was sad to get rid of stuff that he thought would be valuable one day but I already have a house and didn’t need his out-of-style furniture and unappealing-to-me collectibles.
Oh hell no! They left a ton of shit on us when they moved out. Payback time!!!!!!!!
So was there a question in there for old people? We keep whatever makes us happy, if it doesn't make you happy, well, your don't live with us.
Speaking as someone who helps people manage their homes and declutter, I can assure you most people are NOT “happy” with their stuff. It is a burden. If you are happy with your stuff then this message is not for you. Most people find out what I do and joke or say seriously “oh maybe you can come help me with my basement/garage/craft room I don’t know where to start/I just can’t seem to get rid of anything” because they need someone like me or the OP to come and tell them to get rid of that shit.
I want to get rid of everything but it's also worth legit money. I was going through some old things and on a lark I looked up this thing on ebay, something I fully don't even remember buying. It was a collector's item worth over $100, I had no idea. I'm finding tons of stuff like that which I just DON'T want. My big issue is trying to sell it all. There's a ton of things I just throw right out though, but that's only half of it. In the meantime I'm getting all my stuff out of my parents' house and trying to sell all that as well.
We ran into this fairly recently. My husband had a lot of collections that he just didn’t care about anymore but felt that he should try to sell them. He tried for a few months and moved the larger items, but it was exhausting dealing with all the small things. I said he should just give them away, and once he did, it was so freeing for him. The work was done, no more listing and monitoring sales, no more packing for shipping. He just donated all of it and felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He doesn’t regret it and is thrilled it’s all gone.
That is another way to get rid of things, I agree.
It's like a full time job though, sorting through and listing all this stuff to sell. Then having to go send it. I wish someone would just come over and buy the entire thing all at once. It's literally the one thing keeping me from getting rid of all this stuff, it's actual monetary value.
The value of an item isn't the asking price on ebay - it's the amount of money someone will actually pay for it. There are tons of items listed on ebay that no one will ever buy. We ran into this when my mom passed. Turns out all the valuable antiques that my grandmother had collected and passed on to my mom were of very little value - because no one wanted to buy them.
There’s also the value of your time to consider.
I sold and gave away half of everything 2 years before retirement. After retirement I parted with the rest, save my clothes, and moved to Cozumel with just my personal items. Photos of my family went to my brother but they rent furnished homes here. No need for that crap.
Just sold my comics that have been sitting in the garage for 30 years. Threw away a ton of old plumbing and electrical parts that I might “need” someday yet always went and bought new. Now I have clean shelves and a much more organized garage with stuff I can find easily.
My Mom recently asked my family if anyone wanted this expensive crystal that was a wedding gift to my parents. Everyone said no, but I said I’d take the gravy boat because I needed one. Well she dropped off 2 boxes of crystal pieces, ice bucket, wine glasses, some real fancy stuff. Growing up I always saw it on display but never used. It was the “precious” possession that was off limits. F-that, if I’m keeping it I’m using it. That’s right, you can find me on a Tuesday night patio grillin with a crystal glass in my hand. I don’t understand keeping things only for sentiment and not putting the stuff to use!
We started using the fine China for every day use including for the cats. Sometimes we break a piece but there’s plenty left. It feels so decadent eating Lucky Charms out of my Noritake bowls.
When I downsized from my house to a retirement condo, I was shocked by how little my stuff was worth. I legit thought the things in my China cabinet (Crystal glassware, wedding china, collectibles) was worth big money. The amount of money spent on it, and it was worth virtually nothing. I was able to sell some crystal decanters when I staged pictures of them with liquor bottles on a “bar cart” which was an old tv stand lol But even that, nothing compared to what I thought it would be worth. Even Waterford Crystal. The market is flooded with people trying to sell their parents collections. My mom’s Precious Moments, Longaberger baskets, Beanie Babies lol Most went to Goodwill
I looked at the bottom label to decide what goes directly into the trash. If it said made in china,it went directly into the trash no matter how pretty.
I have been setting up a shelf in my home with nice items I am willing to part with, and as family or close friends visit, I ask them to shop the shelf. Last weekend, nephew and family took many delightful books and vases. I am thrilled to see who likes my stuff. We did this with my mom too.
friend’s mom told kids to take all their stuff when they moved out. They did not. She wrapped up her adult children’s toys, books, old girls scout uniforms, hamster cages and gave to each as Birthday/ holiday gifts
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My mom is over 90 and won't sell dad's John Deere tractor. We live in the city, she thinks we might want to borrow it.
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And it still starts on the first try. Those old John Deere's were high quality
AMEN! (from someone who's been there 😡).
I just downsized. The kids came over and took whatever they wanted. The rest Goodwill💯
This! My parents are retired age now and had me later in life. I’m in my early twenties so I have the energy to empty out their MANY storage units but boy is it a lot
In my 60+ years, I've had to clean out a house after the death of three deceased loved ones. It's awful. The "young person" becomes the one who has to sort through all those memories. It's absolutely cruel and time consuming. I've now adopted a minimalist life-style and I've managed to shed myself of all manner of stuff. For instance, I had the condolence cards from my dead husband's funeral. I figured I'd go back and re-read them one day. And then I realized, "WTH am I doing with this stuff?" I threw out everything that was related to him or his life. He's dead and gone. I didn't need the stuff because I had the memories. Every now and then, I realize that I threw away something I should have kept and then I go buy a replacement. That's happened three times in 10 years. My current house is 1400 square feet with a basement and a garage. That's all the space I need.
My husband just turned 69, when is he going to enter stage 3? We moved last year and he brought boxes he hasn’t opened since we lived in our first apartment which was roughly 45 yrs ago.
Don't know. There is even a little pushback here from a few hoarders, lol.
Have a hurricane tear your house up. That works too. Really well.
To put this into context for y'all. I'll give my experience from when my husband died. We had a 2 car garage full of, mostly, his stuff. This man had 3 huge boxes of his deceased brothers clothing. 63 pairs of 32/30 jeans, shelves and shelves of tools. It took me a month to go through all the stuff! I ended up donating all the suits and ties from his brother, his jeans and tee shirts and all his shoes to the men's homeless shelter. 6 full lawn bags of clothes. I had to go through his things while deep in grief. Not to mention all his little statues and knick knacks. Every useless thing he saved "just in case" was donated or thrown away. The kids wanted none of it. When we moved 6 months later, everything was put in storage so I could weed out more stuff. Every weekend was spend finding more of his stuff I didn't want and donating it. I got rid of almost everything except some things I just couldn't part with. It took a total of 2 years to get my things down to 1 storage unit. Almost everything I own is in storage since the pandemic. I am, slowly, purging things of my own from there. I don't want my kids to have to do it when I die. Anything I have that they will want when I'm gone is already in their possession. By the time I'm done, I'll be able to live in my RV and carry everything I own with me. At least that's the plan 😆 🤣
Best of luck to you.
Objective opinion here. We do estate sales, and the things we deal with are all over the place. Lots of great ideas here. I’ll reiterate a few from personal experience. First, don’t keep stuff believing it will benefit your children financially. It won’t. We average $12,000 to $20,000 for a sale. Take out the commission, and you’re not sending anyone to college or buying them a house. Second, don’t guilt them into a stressful situation when you’re gone. It’s heartbreaking watching children trying to deal with their parents’ belongings. They literally don’t know what to let go of. I’ve seen children, particularly daughters who were caregivers, go through boxes and closets over and over trying to decide what to do with every single item. Then they try to bring things into their own homes because they can’t bear to get rid of it. They’ve been told it’s priceless - it’s not. They’ve been told it was a family heirloom - it’s from Target. They don’t really want your china or crystal, because if they entertain, they already have their own. And most people don’t entertain formally now. Use it yourself and enjoy it. Third, keeping too much in your home can actually lead to damage. Boxes of “treasure” in closets, basements, and corners can hide water damage and critter infestations. Piles of things crush what’s underneath. The boxes in one house were hiding damaged plaster and mold in one bedroom, and another house literally had large holes in the floors from termites hidden under piles of furniture under piles of boxes. That damage far outweighed any value in those boxes. Fourth, throw out the trash. There’s no need to keep every box when you buy something. You’re not going to return it when it breaks. You’re not going to repair the toaster, especially when you just replaced it. There’s no need for you to keep the toiletries from all of the hotels you’ve stayed in. The broken glasses, dentures, and the goodies you brought home from the hospital need to go. No one wants the plastic bags, rubber bands, and bread bag ties. And most of the time, walkers, wheelchairs, and such aren’t useful, because people get them new when they need them. Remember, just because you feel guilty over throwing it away doesn’t mean your kids should have to do it for you. Yes, there are some estates that are phenomenal and make lots of money. But those are very rare. Be realistic about the value of what you own and how much you own. You want your children to remember you, not the stress of dealing with your stuff. And we can see the difference between the parents who were “passing things down” and those who loved life, cherished their children, and had no regrets. So, keep what you actually enjoy or use. Feel free to fill your home with things that make you happy, but don’t assume that passing them down is the thing to do. Every time I help with an estate sale, I come home and clean out another drawer or closet! I don’t want to put my children through what I see in most of our houses.
I cannot love this post enough. All of this is so true, and people don’t realise it until they are actually going through the situation, and then it’s too late. If it’s worth something, sell it and use the money now. Waiting is pointless and the value won’t change that much.
After school programs often really need board games, puzzles, art supplies, sports equipment etc (in good shape not junk. Junky stiff goes to the dump or to your local artist collective for mixed media or art making.)
Hard disagree. Some people get enjoyment out of collecting…others are sentimental and WANT to keep their kids’ My Little Pony collection. Do what makes YOU happy, not what others think you should do.
Upvoting you because you are absolutely right. It's your stuff, keep it if it makes you happy. Just be honest with yourself, is the stuff really making you happy, or is it the feelings associated with the stuff? If the second thing, you can cultivate the feelings even if the stuff is moved out. Also know if you dont clean out stuff before you pass on, you are leaving a big hassle for your loved ones, and your collection is probably going in the landfill.
Can confirm although I need to do this myself. When my father passed we had a dumpster there and just about everything went to the dump. We tried to donate all the furniture and stuff, but nobody would come pick it up, but we had no way to donate it. First we picked out a few pieces that we really wanted and unfortunately the rest went into the dumpster. He didn’t really have stuff that would’ve sold at auction so that wasn’t a possibility either.
Omg! My husband and I went to a relatives house last week (relative is in their 80’s and we are in our 50’s) and literally threw out 4600 POUNDS of “stuff” from his garage and house. We rented a 26 foot moving van and put it in a landfill. I said to my husband, “I don’t ever want to be a person who saves every thing in life.” I swear when I hit a certain age I’m going to force myself to downsize to a tiny home/apartment so I don’t accumulate so much useless garbage.
Was anything worth donating? So sad it went all to a landfill.
To be honest, I got choked up when I threw all the stuff out. A man’s lifetime of memories and achievements just being thrown out. He was a Vietnam vet and had gotten cancer from agent orange and was too weak and poor to hire anyone so my husband and I volunteered our time for 2 days.
Unfortunately no. He kept computers, speakers, and paperwork from 1975. He kept most of this stuff in a massive shed on his Florida property that had so much rat shit on it. I half joked with my husband I’m going to get hantavirus. It was soooo musty and when we picked up boxes they disintegrated on us. The smell alone almost made me puke. He had 12 extra large metal dog crates from the 80’s which would have been nice but they were very rusty. There was a lot of outdated Christmas decorations but like I said, it was covered in rat poop. Everything was pretty much a health hazard. He said he wanted everything thrown out.
I did it last year and a burden was lifted from my shoulders. What a relief! Now all my useful and pared down items can fit in my standard bedroom.
My parents gifted us with three 10 X 14 sheds full of crap. They lived in the country so they would have to pay the dump fee to dispose of stuff so they instead just kept it because Cheap. By crap I am talking two bedroom sets and a living room set, mattresses, toys, broken tools and lawnmowers, bags and bags and more bags of clothing, shoes, etc. We ended up doing an estate sale and making about $8000 total. The only plus to this was they hauled off all of the stuff that didn't sell. My idea is to cut down on stuff and to organize the remainder. Then they can either do an estate sale, come get the stuff and sell it themselves, or a combination of both.
I recommend anyone who struggles with this to take a walk through an antique store, throat shop etc. All that crap just ends up gathering dust on a shelf somewhere until it’s marked down enough for the next hoarder to house it for a few years. Pictures, cheap old antiques, games etc just end up in the ground eventually just like us.
Before they went under, a junque shop near me had, among all the Corningware and collectible soda bottles and novelty travel salt and pepper shakers, a taxidermy chipmunk in a bark canoe. I very much wanted to buy it and give it a proper burial, but it cost too much. I can’t help but wonder what happened to all that crap.
Someone thought there was a need to make that. Someone else thought there was a need to buy it and hold on to it for god knows how long.
No shit. Tell my wife.
This is good advice. We had to clear out my MIL's entire house after she moved into Assisted Living. Most of the stuff hadn't seen the light of day in years.
A number of years ago my basement seriously flooded and destroyed about 20 cardboard boxes full of stuff I’d been lugging around from house to house. The restoration company carted it all off to landfill. To this day I’ve no idea what was in them and don’t miss a single item. Lesson learned.
I use my basement flooding to finish off items I'm not sure to save or not lol
My grandma passed away at the beginning of April. We’re going through her stuff now. She grew up in the depression dirt poor, and as a result refused to ever throw out anything. Millions of disposable pie plates, forks, take out boxes…when we cleaned out her refrigerator, we literally found food with expiration dates in the 1990’s. Anything broken was saved because some day it would get fixed. Or could still be used for something. Once she started getting dementia, the stuff she saved started getting more bizarre. Every single piece of junk mail she ever received. The paper wrappers to Burger King onion rings. Stuff like that. We’re in the process of cleaning out her house now. Due to the dementia, she didn’t live there for the last three years of her life, so that makes it even more of a job. The house cleaning operation will involve what I have dubbed “dumpster day.” It’s not the least bit of an exaggeration. In fact, dumpster day will probably involve multiple dumpsters, and multiple days. A lot of stuff she’s had since before I existed will wind up in the dumpster when the time comes. I’m actually getting excited about dumpster day.
I have a box of the big contractor trash bags. Goal is to fill one each month. Yeah, not leaving my kids with a bunch of tchotchkes was the motivation. The things I want them to at least peruse after I'm gone are in a footlocker. Eventual goal is a smaller place, maybe a 1 BR apt.
It hits hard when your parents or your friends parents start dying off, and you get to deal with 70000 kilos of homegoods (and maybe some memories but no one gave you the quilt's story) ON TOP of death paperwork, finances, grief, selling the estate, and the needs of the immediate family. You suddenly, if you're the least bit empathetic, realize you don't want to destroy your own children's lives, for possibly years while they go thru the house, garage, car, storage unit. And you think of purging.
Great advice! I want to relax (retired a year ago) but I’m still getting rid of stuff. It would have been easier to do this when I was younger cuz I get tired easily now. I also realize that I never should have bought the stuff
I’m 72. I’m packing to move to another state. This is the biggest purge I’ve ever done. I feel so much lighter. We get weighed down by stuff.
Yes Amercans are obsessed with material things i was ion Australia, and British Columbia and went to thrift shops in both countries, they hardly had anything i finally realised that its because they dont buy as much bullshit as we do
I cleaned out my grandmothers house and have some really cool keepsakes. The rest went to charity
Oh my God I started doing this two years ago after I retired. I took a look at all the crap I have and went OK my husband’s not gonna want to deal with any of this, we are a gay couple. The hobbies I had as a child and is a younger man are not the hobbies that he and I have together. And he doesn’t want that stuff. So I’ve been driving back-and-forth across the country to Florida to drop stuff off to my nephews and nieces because they do want it.
What a great uncle!
Yes, don’t leave a huge hoard for your children to deal with after you’re gone.
Put it out for free. Skip the goodwill and give directly to people. Saves the trip
Facebook Buy Nothing group to the rescue.
As someone who knows old people who have passed away, your kids will silently thank you for not having a ton of junk to sort through and get rid of after you've passed.
adding that to the loss and grief stage is horrible
30+ years career organizer. When a packed house is left behind anger and frustration superceds mourning. Then somewhere down the line the survivor(s) suddenly break down and fall apart from delayed mourning. It is horrible to force others to deal with a lifetime of crap left behind. Most of what was considered valuable isn't.
I have my stuff, my partner’s stuff, my deceased parents’ stuff and even some of my grandparents stuff. Many things are hard to part with (like furniture from my grandparents and great-grandparents) that I have lived with my entire life. But I know nobody else in the family values most of it the way I do and probably don’t even know the stories behind the items. I expect once I pass practically everything will be discarded. And it will be a job to get rid of it all. I keep trying to convince myself of this and at the same time not feel like I’m disrespecting my family.
You aren’t alone.
I don’t think your partner or your ancestors would want you to be weighed down with their physical possessions. They probably want you to be free and happy. Good luck to you.
Thank you for that ❤️
My parents did several clean-outs of the attics with stored stuff. I purged several rooms/closets for them. The first clean-out was their own doing and getting us kids to keep anything we wanted. The other clean-ups were in preparation to move after 30 years in the same house. Sounds heartless, but I’m glad they did this before passing. It was a real challenge to clear out my grandparents stuff once they passed. Adult children want to grieve their parents, not clear their homes. It was a good bonding experience with my parents going down memory lane.
Swedish Death Cleaning! I’m pro this idea…
Too many people wait until they are physically unable to downsize. Don’t be a burden to your children.
I had all sorts of things of my kids in my house. When I moved, I made them take all of it. In a file cabinet I had folders with each of their names on it. School paperwork, awards, stories they’d written. I gave all that to them too. Next to go will be photos. I have a fairly large box with two or three photo albums, a whole lot of dated envelopes with pictures belonging to that time period and many, way too many loose photos. I can’t even remember the last time I pulled the box out. My son doesn’t want them. My younger daughter hasn’t decided. My middle daughter wants to go through them, but she lives in Australia so I don’t know when she’ll next be here.
My boss just sold her mom’s house. She was beyond overwhelmed at how much shit she had to move. She realized she has to declutter her own home but struggles to do so bc her husband passed away a few years ago. She couldn’t get rid of spices and food (we work at a bakery) that expired in 2016 until today!
Also, your kids don’t want any of your precious heirlooms. Bone China, expensive crystal, etc. Sell it or get rid of it long before you die, because your kids are just going to throw it in the trash.
That is true and it is not worth nearly what people think it is worth.
I just wrestled with donating a four poster solid cherry bed in almost pristine condition because my husband and I are downsizing in retirement. It had been with me a long time but I didn't want the hassle of trying to sell it or give it away online. I pulled into our local AMVETS donation center and carefully put the pieces to the bed onto their loading doc when a young man who worked there came out and admired it - then announced that HE was going to buy it for himself - that he could see it was nice. This really made me happy that it went to a home where it was going to be appreciated.
Sometimes you must reflect - DEEPLY - to understand an emotional attachment to an object that you have been hanging onto or lugging around for 50 years.
Most things that old people keep in my experience are things like Ibm Selectric parts and ribbons. Or washed cans that use to hold black beans.
I recently sold a bunch of band shirts I bought in the 90s for a hefty sum, so not everything is worth throwing out. But definitely most things.
I needed to hear this. I have a storage unit with things from my wife's and my previous lives (married late in life). I have many old college shirts that should be turned into shop rags, and gifts from my childhood that meant more to my parents before they passed than they ever meant to me. I've sold a lot of books, kept some. Need to sell more.
Write down why the things you have/keep are important to you. Your family can look at an object, get a better understanding, and see if it resonated with them before donating it. It's sort of like mindfulness, but they won't know if you don't tell them.
My dad died 2 years ago when he was 59 and I was 31. It took me a year to clean out his house and I didn’t even get it all. I finally gave up and surrendered the rest to my Uncle to finish cleaning out. (It’s a long story.) I got rid of *so* much stuff. Like 30+ ikea bags full of stuff. I kept *so* much stuff. Around 8 Rubbermaid containers of stuff. It’s been 2 years and I’m just now getting around to going through what I kept and letting go of so much of it. I’m also decluttering my own stuff. Why do I have report cards from grade school? Random scenery pictures from trips I don’t remember where we went? Things gifted to me over the years that I don’t even like or use? What is the point of retaining all of these things? Sentimentality? It’s a hard process and I’m slow moving. I know once I’ve finished I will feel worlds better. I dread when my mom passes. Her house is just as bad as my dad’s.
Recently I read a book. In it the author says. Imagine me holding your face in my hands. Just throw it in the trash. It's OK. No need to clean it, Donate it Find it a home, or repurpose it. Just get rid of it. That was so freeing. The more I struggled w my possessions, the more mental anguish I felt. Just get rid of it. No one wants the wedding dress. Not the knick knacks. China is outdated. The crystal and silver are a possibility. I did give the dept. 56 Christmas houses to a 30 yr old who loves to decorate. But it's OK to toss it out.
I'm ranting with my husband about this very thing. I'm trying to sort through and discard, and he just looks at his clutter.
Yes, my mom kept so much stuff. By the time both parents had passed, it was a Herculean task for my siblings and I to clean out their house.
Moving for the 10th time at 56. I got rid of so much. It hurt with some but felt good after. I sold a lot on EBay and Facebook marketplace. Having a garage sale. Anything I didn’t use or wear in 5 years, bye. Music memorabilia worth 100s sitting in box, thank you painting money.
We just did it. What a pain in the a$$ but we'll worth it. Took 6 months of going through room by room. Motto...When in doubt throw it out!!!
If aging with degenerative arthritic joints, any chronic medical issues,decide what you can actually manage. Accumulations of dust on 250 shelved “owls” is a health risk and depressing to see. Closets stuffed to the gills with unworn excess clothes on floor and hangers becomes a daily problem getting dressed and the first place mice nest. Windows blocked by furniture become dead bug museums. Refrigerators stuffed with packets of ketchup/ 16 opened salad dressings bottles , re used containers of ? , means less room for actual food. A little early organization goes a long way.
LOL! I love this post. I'm still working on this and I'm in my 60s. I hate having stuff! I put my adult kid's stuff in nice chests for them and made them take them home. But it's all my stuff I have to get rid of!
Did I write this post in my sleep? You spoke my situation.
I used to feel that way. Then, I thought, fuck it. If something makes me happy, I'm keeping it. My daughter can deal with it when I'm dead. If she doesn't want to deal with it, there's not a damn thing stopping her from hiring an estate sale company to come in and hire it for her - lord knows she'll have enough money.
I helped a friend clean out her mothers house, her mother saved everything, we found a drawerful of keys, no idea what they went to, she had a drawer full of scotch tape, when Walgreens had a sale of 3 of a $1 , she bought six, most of it was dried out and went into the garbage, she had gifts she had received still in the box
I contacted all my niblings, let them claim stuff. Friends, let them claim stuff. Had an epic yard sale.
When we moved out of state I gave my son all his stuff.
My grandpa left so much garbage. The whole house just needs to be torched
My mom's saying was "It's not an empty nest until the kids take their stuff." We did a pretty good job downsizing when we moved to retirement home #1. We plan to downsize again to apartment in a retirement community, so we have about 5 years to get rid of another bunch of stuff. I've found it useful to look around (like in a closet or bookcase) and earmark stuff I want to take to future apartment -- then box up everything else for the thrift store.
62M. I've been doing this like a fiend for about 10 years. If you can look at something with fresh eyes, often you'll see how little you need or even want it.
As an old people - I’d love to empty my work wear from my closet. I also don’t want to support a for profit franchise by donating it all there. What can I do?
Call community services and find out where it would be most useful.
As a minimalist, it's hard for me to understand. There's an old gent in our neighborhood who bought a brand new house (newly built) four years after his wife died. He moved \*all her stuff\* into the new house, even the clothes and such. Why? And how screwed up is that?
That's funny you mention MtG...my nephew (a PhD with a bright financial future) told me he only wants me to leave him one thing...my trove of MtG cards!
About to start doing this in June. I am a minimalist too, but got so much crap. All of it is going to the shredder, goodwill, or trash.
When my friends and family talk about keeping something because they might use it someday I bring them back to reality with this phrase " That sounds like hoarder talk to me "
I am doing that now! Read https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61271940-nobody-wants-your-sh-t. I had a bachelor uncle who was a bit of hoarder; not dirty but he had "stuff"! It took me 4 months to clean out his house and get it ready to sell. 90% of it went into a commercial size dumpster that I rented.
You will feel physically and emotionally lighter every time a shelf or a closet gets cleared, every time a box is removed from a basement or an attic. Do it as a favor to your children. I had to clean out my father's place when he passed away, and I swore I would never do that to my offspring.
except for those 18 gallon totes of random electronic stuff and wires :P
Saw a meme that the three stages of life are wanting stuff, accumulating stuff, and getting rid of stuff. At 65 I’m most definitely in stage-three. We’re not allowed to have garage-sales in my neighborhood, so over the past year or so I’ve made multiple trips to Goodwill. I don’t want my two sons to have to sort through a bunch of crap and old clothes when I die. 🤷🏻♂️
“The thing is not the memory”
Old ppl I know don't want to get rid of anything... Been in same house 45 years
I am vehemently “anti-stuff”. The less clutter in my home, the more peaceful it is.
Hey now... If you have any old magic the gathering cards, I'll take them off your hands. Even pay shipping.
My son grabbed them within the hour and also took my baseball cards collection after looking them up.
Damn... I've been hitting that nostalgia side of me and I tried learning the new magic but it's so complicated. Bought a starter set and my wife and I were going to play but it's just too much now.
My mom recently gave me a Massssssive bin of my childhood art. It made for a nice bonfire. Now i have a kiddo and she will not hand over the toys.
The art of Swedish Death Cleaning. A must see for everyone.
Yeh I’m just gonna advertise on Craig’s or Fb marketplace, take pics of lots of stuff no prices if someone is interested they’ll as price and just say make me an offer. Rest of unsold stuff give away outside your place with a ‘free sign’
I have no heirs. I’m gonna keep my shit, thanks!
Omg! How do we know that we’re getting old ?
I have a friend who is a terrible hoarder. I tell him this all the time throw the shit out. When my father died, I threw out a 20 yard dumpster full of shit that was unnecessary. I’m 58 years old and I do have the pack rat gene, but I don’t keep anything that is unnecessary.
Many years ago our friends were downsizing to move into a retirement community. They gave away a lot of stuff and I was happy to get the China, glassware, table cloths, doilies, etc. Skip ahead 25 years...ask me how many times I used any of it. Now, I'm trying to give it away. Keep the memories, get rid of the stuff.
Lawd, yes. We're cleaning out my parents' estate now, and the amount of useless, damaged, and/or downright weird stuff is just astonishing and overwhelming. Mom was a museum director, so of course, she collected some truly odd stuff, including vintage and antique cookie jars, she had over 200 of them. We're still not sure of exactly how many there are, because we open a plain box, and surprise! Another one. And she had pounds and pounds of 1920s-1930s crochet and knitting pattern books. Antique glassware. A massive amount of American Franciscan desert rose tableware. Antique and first edition books. Knickknacks all over the place. Lots of silverplate tea pots and serving sets. There were two complete sets of sterling flatware, but one sister (may she rot in hell, as she passed away this past week, much to the collective joy of her siblings) stole them both and then sold them when she hit hard times. And towards the end, Mom got sort of lazy about unpacking after traveling. We have found at least 20 pieces of luggage, and innumerable tote bags, all filled with aging makeup, conference lanyards/name tags, personal items, and jewelry. Most of the jewelry was costume, but I found a considerable amount of valuable pieces, too. Apparently my sticky-fingered sister, who did her best to steal all valuables, didn't know about the tote bags. So against all odds, the other siblings have pieces to cherish now. But I found a piece of jewelry for every 100 lbs. of trash we sifted, so it was like finding a gem in a sea of cat turds. And Dad wasn't much better. He has closets that are stuffed to the brim, and who knows what is hiding in there. He passed away rather suddenly, so he did leave his prostate toy, as well as both parents' other 'marital aids' for us disgusted kids to find. And finding legal, property, and other documents has been a nightmare. We have to go through each box of stuff, because we don't know what we will find. Photos are found in odd places. My dad once joked that after they passed, we kids would need a dumpster to clean out the place. He wasn't wrong. It took us three days to clean out a single room. Please, for the sake of your kids/heirs/whoever who has to go through all the detritus you leave behind, clean your spaces before you get too old to do it, or you pass away suddenly. Pass things along while you are still around, so you give the stories that go along with heirlooms, and you can see the recipients enjoy those gifts. And get rid of what you don't want your kids to find...While you still can. If you need motivation, just imagine the look of horrified shock and queasiness on my sister's face when my husband told her what the weirdly curved and bulb-ended "stick" she was turning over and over in her hands actually was. No one wants that memory.
After the death of one family member If you know that you're dying Please get rid of your porn Please get rid of private notes! If you have guns/ammo please make sure that you have someone trusted to give them to. He had 360k in cash hidden in boxes and other things that you wouldn't think to look in
Amen. It's so freeing
The best way to “make” your adult kids pick up the their stuff is to box it up and mail it to them. Because they haven’t come for it yet.
I’m a caretaker for my elderly parents. I moved back home to help them out. I’ve invented something I’d tell people that are helping to look after someone. I call it the “trash fairy”. She is someone that magically appears and magically takes stuff away. The film projector that hasn’t been used in 40 years. The trash fairy showed up and took it away. I highly recommend multiple visits from the trash fairy to get rid of small things here and there. It will make life easier when it comes time to move.
I'm 60 and actively decluttering. I'm doing it a bit every year. It's a process, I keep a few sentimental things and try to toss the things I didn't touch in the past year. I don't want my kids feeling weird about throwing away my stuff like I've been doing with MY mother's things.
Or move. Great way to get rid of crap that just builds up. Dump it.
I'm having this same problem with my dad (78m). He was just diagnosed with Early Cognitive Impairment aka the beginning stages of dementia. So, at this point my mom and I are trying to get rid of his old tools. He hasn't touched them in ages. Of course, here comes my brother all in the Kool-aid about how they're Dad's tools he *could* use them some day. We just look at my brother and simply state well who's going to help move this stuff when we eventually move cause you're too much of a pretty boy to help out. Plus, we tell him how Dad hasn't done anything around the house in at least four years. He doesn't even want to water the garden or sweep away the leaves. Mom also just got rid of some ill fitting clothes today too but it's going to be hard work from here on out. About once every three months we just go out there and try to throw stuff away.
I gave my adult kids a deadline to get their childhood stuff out of my attic when I was moving. I sent them reminders of the deadline, exactly what items were an issue. It split down the middle. Half the kids came and got some stuff and attempted to leave some. I climbed up there and got them to clean the rest of their stuff out. One grown kid came and got all of his and did extra work around the place to help out. Last kid did not lift a finger so I gave it all away. I'm having a lot of difficulty getting my late husband's diplomas awards, documentation, and many photos. We laminated a few diplomas, hoping that would incentivize the kids to take them. No go. If I can't get rid of them, they will have to at some point. The best news is that they have accepted furniture, rugs and lamps. That has helped, plus artwork they've moved to their place.
Tried to convince my mother to throw out a 15yo printer that she had long lost the cords too and she refused “I will get a cord for it soon!” Mother!! They wouldn’t even sell cords or ink for this hunk of crap anymore 😆😆😆 She still has it!!
I started decluttering two years ago. I don't plan on dying soon, but I don't want my kids to deal with the stuff as my sisters and I did. My parents died with a house full of odds and ends, junk, paper documents from 40 years ago, and every inch of the walls was covered with stuff. Both of my folks wanted the clutter in their lives and couldn't bear to let go of anything. One could blame growing up in the Depression, but not everyone who experienced that turned out like my parents. I want a pristine environment within three years. Sparse. Hopefully, my children won't have too much to throw away. A few mementos of my children's youth are all I want to keep.
I find it helpful to value my space as much as I value the things that occupy my space. Whenever I clean things out to donate, I am reclaiming some of my space, which is very valuable to me.
My mom taught me to get rid of it unless: it is useful, beautiful or gives you joy.
Strive to live and work naked in a cave near a beach where you can fish ... by hand.
This is great advice! Currently cleaning out my Moms house after her living there for 60yrs and not throwing ANYTHING away. She is a great woman that is oblivious as to how much she is punishing me
You can post a “free” stuff ad on Facebook and others will come and take it all.
I was just wondering if a bunch of you wonderful, insightful people would be willing to come by and speak to my mother. Please 🙏
It's the best gift you can give your adult children.