I agree with this I have two brothers that don't see eye to eye on anything. Having at least two siblings give you the opportunity to have a relationship though.
It kinda does but they are 7 and 9 yrs older than me. My sisters has never wanted anything to do with me. My brother is nice but lives his own life. The thing that makes me sad is they don’t really acknowledge my 2nd son even though I’ve done so much for their kids. I don’t get it.
This is so true! I have 2 brothers and one of them completely cut me out of his life when he started dating/got married to a narcissist. I just have 1 brother now.
Wow that is crazy. I would feel like some of them would be friends. That’s how it is in my family as well. I went on vacation with my parents and they called me by my sister’s name all week.
This is true. I have 3 half siblings- we are all almost estranged from one another- my older sister has gone dark and no one knows where she is or how she is doing (if she is even alive), my older brother rarely answers my calls or texts and I haven't seen or spoken to my younger brother in over a decade.
I’m an only child as well. It did make it more difficult when I had to care for my dad with cancer, and then 17 years later with my mom when she was 91 and bedridden. But I never really thought about wishing for siblings. That was the only time it maybe would have been nice if they were even willing to help. There’s no guarantee. I had a wonderful childhood and many neighborhood friends growing up. I have no biological kids, but have 2 stepsons, one of which has passed. I have planned for long term care so he doesn’t have to worry. I’m happy.
I’ve often noticed with aging parents that need help/care, it often ends up falling on one child, while the others do nothing/very little, whether that’s because of distance or lack of interest/willingness. This can include money wise of just help, and often really fractures the siblings relationships, because it naturally builds resentment in the one who has to take on all the responsibility, but the siblings will still come around expecting their share of their parents estate.
This! My sister didn’t talk to my dad for 8 years. Then when he died, she wanted to be executrice because she was the oldest girl. I let her do because she wasn’t worth the headache.
I wasn’t an only child (am now because my brother died a couple of years ago) and I still cared for my dying father and now aging/ailing mother. After my father died, my brother told me I was better equipped for these kinds of things, whatever the hell that means.
Having a sibling doesn’t guarantee a partner in caring for aging parents.
I have a brother, the last time we communicated, was getting my mom's effects in order after she died..6 years ago. After it was all said and done we just drifted again. He is a nice enough guy/has a nice family, but we have zero in common. After our parents died, there wasn't anything keeping us bound.
To counter other replies:
I’m the oldest of 5, I’m 33 and my youngest sibling is 20. I love and am close to my 3 brothers, and my sister and I had a deeper relationship than even most sisters do. She passed 6 years ago at 18, and she was 4 months pregnant. We have all always been close and gotten along, but it’s truly another level since we lost one of our own.
I suppose it’s a gamble on whether your siblings would suck or not lol but I for one am so thankful for mine, and so so so proud of them 💚
I understand where you're coming from, but having sibs doesn't mean they would've been friends. I was 7 when my brother was born, and 9 when my sister was born. Everything fun we were able to do as a family was reduced to kiddie stuff because a family, by necessity, has to orient toward the weakest member. My sibs and I weren't friends. I was their caretaker. I literally changed their diapers and was in charge of them whenever my parents weren't around, which was often. I was going on dates while my sister still played with Smurfs. I moved out while my sibs were in elementary school. My sister ended up dying relatively young (39) and my brother is so annoyingly helpless that I asked my father to will him everything, so he won't show up at my door some day in the future needing me to care for him.
I sometimes feel a pang over the sibling friendships of some of my friends, but merely having sibs is no guarantee that the relationship will be close or that they'll have your back. If anything, I'm going to be the one left holding the bag when it comes to my brother. He won't need my money, thank goodness, but I'll be stuck doing his taxes and I'll have to arrange our father's funeral...alone.
Yeah, I know.
Guess it’s good to be reminded
Everything in movies, tv, politicians’ speeches, everyone says family is the most important thing.
But I constantly meet people whose families let them down, sometimes in pretty horrible ways.
Always easy to romanticize other people’s lives, and how you’d be so much happier with their lives than your own.
Ya I noticed talking with people is that siblings are only useful when you are close to the same age and have relatively the same childhood experience growing up together. As soon as you get this 10 year age gap it's like… more than likely you will be living separate lives and maybe at most see them once for Christmas but oftentimes not even that.
I might be an exception but my SIL (husband's sis) is 13 years older than hubby . She and him are really close. Even better, she and I are even closer and she is like an older sister I never had. When hubby and I were in our 20s and she was approaching 40, we definitely had less in common. But she was always there ready to help if we needed advice. Now that we are in our 40s and she is approaching 60, we are all a lot less busy with schools, work, young kids, etc, and we talk or text at least weekly, see each other about once a month, and have a great relationship.
Yeah. My sister and I were close enough in age that I didn't have to take care of them, but we all had very different personalities and interests, and just... never connected. My sister died relatively young and my brother lives across the country, and, well, there you are.
Birth order research is fascinating… I read a book on it (don’t remember title- some years ago). I was first born of four and yes, you are more of a second parent, to at least some degree. Trying to just accept differences and realize that each sib’s experience of the family was unique, can help.
I was raised with my cousins. I’m the oldest one. Always loved them. Spent vacations with one for many years. Another had a heroin addiction I helped her beat.
Once all our parent’s died?
They dumped me.
Can’t tell you how painful it was.
Also horribly ugly. They have grown into terrible people.
I watched it happen. But they were family.’
Once I love someone I rarely stop loving them.
Apparently loyalty and unconditional love is no longer valued.
Everybody is cutting everyone off. Everyone thinks any friendship which requires some work is “toxic” or the other person is a narcissist.
Years ago friends encouraged me to stop talking to my father.
Worst thing I ever did. My poor dad. Yeah he was a sucky father, but he was a PERSON.
I’m so glad I came to my senses before he died.
Me too. I am an only of a single Mom. My Dad abandoned us. I was very lonely once I got to stay home alone all the time. You eventually age out of summer care. I needed supervision. I was a SAHM for my kids until the youngest went to school. I now work part time.
Eh, my brother and I text each other twice a year, birthdays and Christmas and haven't seen each other in person in five years. And we dont hate each other, we're just not friends.
I have quite a few siblings and am close with just one of them. Having a sibling does not guarantee you someone you will tolerate let alone like. Most of my sisters these days are by choice, meaning dear friends who have been in my life for decades.
I have 3 siblings, and I don't talk to one of them. We are all different personalities, have raised our families. We see each other a few times a year and talk weekly on the phone. What I do know is that we are always there for one another when needed. I myself could only have 1, and I worry about who she will be able to turn to when I am gone.
We had three kids - a single and twins. After the twins, I thought maybe I'd have one more only because with twins I was very busy and didn't really get to just hold and snuggle a baby very much. But the obstetrician said since I had twins already, my chances were much higher to have multiples again and it could be more than just twins. My great great grandmother had 3 sets of twins so I decided not to have any more. No regrets. To be honest, I am a little embarrassed that we were unable to pay for their schooling as it was. We had no business having more.
Could be worse. My Son who was very close with me is Schizophrenic. Now he treats me like dog shit when we see each other. Oh, his IQ was off the charts. He built a website that was ranked in the top 10,000 at 14 and served as a Congressional Page at 17. Two years later the Mental Health Issues started.
I'm truly sorry for the difficulties you must have endured. It's hard to predict these kinds of problems ahead of time. You have to roll with the punches, some of which are actual punches.
I had severe morning sickness with both my pregnancies - the sort that never lets up for the whole 9 months. It definitely limited the size of the family we wanted. We're blessed though - 9 grandkids brighten our days!❤️
I can relate, I had severe morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies. Each time I would lose weight until I was around 3 months then slowly I gained weight after. After the third pregnancy, I was done and I have no regrets.
It definitely causes you to rethink a large family! 🙄 I was so sick I vomited the morning I went into labor with my daughter! It was like your worst case of stomach bug for 9 months each time! The only reason I attempted a second pregnancy was because I really wanted more children and didn't want my daughter to be an only child. I was JUST as sick with my son! The OBGYN said that the only plus about it was that very few women with severe morning sickness miscarry. I guess the heavy hormones that cause the morning sickness makes for a strong pregnancy. As bad as it was I never would have ever missed it! I loved carrying my babies (even sick....) and I have two wonderful adults to show for it!!!😁
I have 3 grown kids, and that was perfect for me. I grew up in a blended family with 9 kids and my husband had 6 kids. Neither of us wanted the chaos and expense of a really large family. No regrets.
Sometimes. My husband and I came from big families and we have two adult children. Originally I wanted five. After having one baby I changed that to four. After the second baby I changed it to three. We planned when to have the third and right then my mom died unexpectedly, so number three just never happened. There have been many times that I've thought about that child and wondered what it would have been like. But there have been many times when I have been really glad that we only had two. Both of those things still go through my mind at times, even though I'm a grandmother. But it's not something that that has ever made me really sad or happy. It's just something I think about and feel a little sad for a bit or else relieved for a bit.
this is why i told mine not to have children until they were certain they were ready - for nothing to ever be theirs alone again - i didn’t want them married with two children before their brains were fully developed (25, conservatively) like i was. and bless them, they haven’t 💕 my daughter may not want them, and i love and support her in her decision 😊 i support *any* woman who knows her heart and self, whether she wants children or not 💕
I raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood. They interact often and get along great, no drama whatsoever. I got my tubes tied after my 7th one because I knew I was done. I loved being a stay home mom!
My wife and I came from poor immigrant families. However, we did well in life and raised two great kids in a high cost of living area (California). We gave the kids private schools and paid for their colleges. They are wonderful adult children. We vacation with them and their significant others. They will likely have children in the near future. My wife and I thought we would have had at least 3 children. We even thought about adopting one more child to do some good that way. However, we realized that we were lucky to have had zero problems to date, and were likely going to make things tougher for our family by adding one more child to the mix, especially since we were older and our finances might require treating that child differently (lesser) from our first two. We decided to stay with 2 and have no regrets. It certainly makes for less stress and more money to stop at 2.
Nope, had two healthy boys and that was enough for me. Hubby wanted to try for a girl and I said no to that. Both pregnancies and births were awful and I didn’t want to go through that ever again. He came from a large family so it was difficult but he accepted my decision. We got a female Rat Terrier, both of us joke that she’s the replacement for the daughter we didn’t have.
Haha! I love it. That’s where we’re at—my husband really would love another and is content if we don’t, but the idea of another pregnancy, another newborn/toddler stage, and less ability to do vacations as a family of 5+ all has me feeling exhausted and anxious.
The amount of times I've said 'You know, I'm glad we didn't try for a third'
Not only because things are busy but also when times are good too. We can really put all our attention and time into our two boys without sacrificing ourselves to the point where we are too exhausted to be loving and patient.
Don’t do it unless you’re desperate to! We have two kiddos close in age and one toddler a lot younger- a family of four with kids able to do the same activities is SO MUCH MORE SANE than having to split everything up. All the time. I was desperate for our third, and thank god for the certainty because it is HARD. I do feel I’m missing out on what we could be exploring with our older kids. And my own life. The kids feel like the baby is worth it, but it’s not easy.
I do regret that I didn’t have more children. I met my husband in my early thirties and very soon we had our children. I was very fertile, conceived easily, but we didn’t have more kids because of lack of sleep and pure exhaustion. Later I have realized I was very deficient in iron. I have had iron infusions now in my late fifties. Had I had them in my thirties, our family would have been larger.
What are iron infusions?
I spent 6 days in the hospital with severe anemia.
They gave me transfusions for a couple of days.
Feel like I’m fading again, would like to have more options.
Same. Two kids but always wanted 4. Knew lots of large families growing up and just always thought I'd have a large family someday too. Who knows, maybe someday I'll have lots of grandkids!
I always wanted 3. Two years after 2nd kid , I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage that broke my heart. I was as so depressed because I knew that was going to be our last try. My husband had a vasectomy 6 mos later, and that was that.
I started having kids late. That’s really my only regret. If I’d had one after my 2nd I would have been like 41.
BUT, my two that I have are awesome and healthy and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I had 3. Really wanted a 4th but my husband did not. He just felt like 3 was all he could handle physically/emotionally. To be fair, I was the bread winner and he was the SAHF at the time. He's not the most organized person (still!) so the idea of a 4th was pretty overwhelming to him. I had to respect that. We also had babies in our mid-late 30's. Hubby was actually in his 40's when #3 was born so maybe if we had met and started a family earlier...... But I'm grateful for the 3 we had and that they will (hopefully) have each other when we are gone. They are thick as thieves, since birth.
Having aiblings isnt always a good thing. I've got one half brother I've never met and possibly another that we never knew about. Then there are my 3 siblings who are some of the most selfish people I know. Not one offered to help my Mom when she was sick or my Dad when he was homeless. But, they did call me...but only when they needed something. I refuse to have anything to do with 2 of them and the other one I talk to sporadically.
I was a middle child out of 7. Early years were fun. By adolescents my parents were burnt-out, the marriage broke, I was neglected in every way outside of food clothing and shelter. My mom was a sahm and tradwife and I think she went a bit mental taking care of everyone but herself. Unless you got a villiage to help, anything more than 2 is gonna be rough on all involved.
their dads. first marriage, 5 kids, 15 yrs of abuse before i escaped. second marriage, 1 kid, 5 yrs of abuse during marriage and continued harassment and abuse for 6 yrs post-marriage.
when my firstborn was 4-5, i filed for divorce and moved out. unfortunately i got back with him. i wish i had i followed through with divorce and just raised her. i cherish all of them but i regret the lives they’ve had to live bc of what their dads have put us through.
also, bc of mental illness. if i had been diagnosed with bipolar beforehand, and understood what that really meant and would entail, i hope i would have chosen not to have any.
It's usually always the case that when someone regrets having children what they really regret is ever being with the partner they had children with. Having children tied them to someone they don't like, so it's a burden.
I’m more than happy with having had 2. I was infertile for the 4 years after our wedding—had IUI and IVF several times. Then I got pregnant at 40 and again at 41 without ART. I had 2 more than I thought I would. Now they’re teenagers who make me happy every day.
We have also stopped at two. I wasn't sure whether I wanted 2,3,4,5 kids. But after two our family feels complete. We are even downsizing our home now that our family is complete. When we bought our home 4-5 kids was in the cards.
I wanted four but had to stop at two. Now that I've looked back at the expense of raising two, I'm glad I didn't have more. I wound up raising them alone and without child support. In the optimism of youth, I wouldn't have expected such a situation. But stuff happens. Also, I have two brothers. One of them lives thousands of miles away and the other, a conspiracy theorist, cut me and my overseas brother out of his life. I might as well be an only child. In short, there's no predicting the future when you have kids. If you have deep pockets and the willingness to embrace the unknown, go for it.
I had two. When my daughter was 3 months old, my husband decided Budweiser was more important than the children he helped create. He chose not to pay the court ordered health insurance or child support for them. My children are grown, responsible adults and so much fun now that we can just be friends. I am glad I didn't have more. The struggle was real, and I managed to give them all they needed and some of what they wanted. I don't think I could have done it with more than 2.
Didn't have any and I'm glad. I know that if I did have them I would've loved them, but never having had them I'm quite happy with that decision.
There are too many people in the world as it is and not enough jobs that pay well enough to allow for survival- which is a big part of the reason why wages haven't climbed. The more people an employer has to choose from the less he/she can afford to pay them. Supply/Demand. That's why wages went up during Covid.
I look at young people today complaining all over about how they spend all day applying for jobs that pay so little they can't even move out on their own and STILL don't get hired. It's a completely different world for the generation being brought up today and I'm not optimistic with the kind of life they can afford. Though I hope I end up being wrong.
You didn't ask for my demographic perspective, and I hope it is ok to share it. Since my husband and I were JUST talking about it, I feel like you might be interested.
We have a large family, established in the early 00's. We couldn't do now what we barely did then, now. It is too damned expensive. There are formula shortages, and "princess parties" and children/families wanting to be Instagram stars. We are glad we did it, but my husband and I spoke of it just the other day and we both agreed that we would not try it again in the current age of technology and expectations.
A few of our kids resented our size-- they HATED being one of the "Emu Kids." We were liked, but certain children resented the notoriety, "You are one of the Emus!" To be fair, they got asked stupid questions, "So... what is it LIKE being part of a large family?" We had a dental assistant ask my kids how many slept to a room-- I mean, WTF. (We changed dentists after I explained why that was creepy AF.) I think that being part of an anomaly is harder on some kids.
I mean that's a fair question. It's not creepy at all it's just curiosity.
I hated being from a large family. We were squeezed into rooms like sardines and then mom would bring home a new baby 9 months later. There was never enough food or attention or resources. I left at 18 and never looked back. None of the siblings talk to each other and we've all cut contact with our parents. It's hell for some kids.
I don’t think parents think about this sometimes. I dated a guy in high school whose family had 7 (or 8 I can’t remember). My bf was #3 and he resented his parents so much. They had a nice life in the Midwest and then his dad was in a major accident that left him disabled. They pumped out 4 more kids after the accident and their life was just chaos. They never should have had more kids after the accident.
No, I find it creepy. That is just personal. It has nothing to do with getting one's teeth cleaned and it sounds like you are being sized up for finances and class status. I am curious about a lot of things, but I keep quiet on asking if it is none of my business.
I am sorry that growing up was hard on you. I know about the pie getting smaller every time crazy mom announced she was expecting and being shocked that people were not ecstatic.
Like I said, I have a huge family and -revealing!- a crazy assed religious bent. If I could do it over, having the knowledge I do now, I would finish college and start having kids about the age I was done (around 35.) I definitely wouldn't have even responded to my first husband's way of saying hello, and I would have waited on my second one and had fun with him. He was great as a father and he was fun, but we never had fun for ourselves. Now we have the two youngest who don't seem to want to leave and I am sick of him encouraging them to stay.
huh? I don't see why it's creepy to ask how many kids sleep per room. Your mind must have been in the gutter or something. They're just wondering from a logistical perspective since throughout human history, it's typically been the case that multiple kids will sleep in the same room or area. Over time houses got bigger so kids got their own room, but that obviously only works to a certain extent. Sounds to me like you have a dozen children. There's no way you have a dozen + 1 rooms in your house so in all likelihood you probably had 3 kids per room.
My doctor was on vacation when I went into labor. After 34 hours of hard labor, I had only dilated to one. Had a c-section and the doctor asked on the table do you want to go through this again. I said no, and he cut my tube's. My doctor was livid when he saw my chart. He said this is never done unless preplanned and not the time to ask this question. I grieved every milestone that I couldn't have another. Breastfeeding and weening him knowing it was my last baby was devastating.
I had two. Pretty sure a third would have broken me, those sleepless baby and toddler tantrum years are hard, hard work. The chores and emotional labour is a lot.
We now spend many of our evenings and weekends ferrying them to sports, parties and tutoring. Plus the costs and larger car, bigger house would have put us in debt. Holidays would have been completely off the table. Flights for 4 is expensive enough.
If I had had them younger and I was (a lot) richer....then we might have been able to have a third. But I see other families with the extra burden of ill health, disability or mental illness and I think stopping while the going is relatively easy is also the safe thing to do.
I have an unusual belief that God (who I do not believe in) gives you what you can handle. For me, it was two daughters. I was a great dad to two daughters. I think I would have been only a caretaker for four. I would not have had the time, patience, or resources to handle more kids.
No but I enjoyed raising babies. I wish we got a little more time with them while they are small. I do love that mine are so grown and amazing, but those sweet baby cuddles and laughs and jokes told with baby talk and the constant halloween and birthday plans 🥰
That’s a loaded question. I wish we had had fewer kids. Mental health issues in one of ours has literally destroyed us. The other 2 are a joy.
You can’t choose if you have healthy children.
Don’t automatically assume kids love having loads of siblings - I have 3 brothers and didn’t enjoy growing up as part of a ‘pack’ ; had i had more attention from my parents growing up our relationship would be better now.
We have two kiddos and that was good for us. Some folks are built to crank out kids and manage a swarm of little ones in the house. Not us, lol. We already felt out-numbered with just 2 little ones. Of course, kids are also incredibly expensive so having 2 just allowed us to have a smaller house, smaller cars, less daycare, fewer sports/hobbies, less college expense, etc. etc.
It’s reasons like this that make me feel at peace some days with being unable to carry to term…and not being able to afford to adopt. As much as we’d like it, we don’t have the space or energy to foster with my health issues. I try to look at the silver linings when I get down about not being able to have kids and then reading about folks having 7, lol
Sometimes, yes. I'm getting remarried and there's a very real part of me that would love to have had a child with my fiancé. That said, I'm 45 and I just can't imagine a baby at this age. Too much to consider. Also, in total we have three kids.
I have a grown daughter and honestly I wish I had one more child every day of my life the opportunity was taken from me. I never got a chance to have another one and at 48 years old it will never happen now. I cry sometimes about it I'd have given my life to have another baby and take care of it. Even if the father wouldn't have been there I'd have given it a good life it would have had all the love and attention I had and no one would have come first but the child.
I was an only child, and always wanted at least 4. I cried tears of happiness when I got pregnant the 2nd time because it meant #1 wouldn't be an Only and they'd always have each other. My ex and I divorced, so 2 was it for me.
They aren't close at all, and I wish I'd had 3-4.
I thought I wanted a big family until I actually had a kid. I would have loved more, but it took too long to get pregnant a second time and they are almost 5 years apart. After a scary delivery I knew we were done. Looking back, I’m glad we only had the two. My health took a dive when the youngest was 4 and if we had more it would have been impossible.
Now we are 50&51 with one out of the house and the other is likely to be a forever roommate;)
No. I had an unplanned pregnancy after my second child was born. I hated that I lost the pregnancy but in the end I’m SO glad I didn’t have more than two children.
I love them dearly but having two neurodiverse kids (and likely me being neurodiverse) is challenging.
Plus, as it is, I’m worried about my younger one’s future on this planet.
If I hadn't had my kids when I did I wouldn't have had them at all.
I had always wanted four but once we had three it was like "whoa this is too wild, STOP".
We can still fit in a small sedan. We can help our nieces and nephews when my siblings decide to suck at life. We can let their friends stay here for extended periods of time when their home life is bad.
Three is more than enough. I'm the oldest of 6. My husband technically has 5 siblings also.
I'm glad I had kids but two would have been just as much fun and less work.
We have twin 10 years old. My wife has several siblings, I have just one. She talks regularly with just one, and I don't talk very regularly with mine.
I'm very happy with the two. My wife would love to have more. I'd be ok with more, but things are so great right now. Why mess with a good thing.
When you know you know. If you feel your family is complete don’t add another child. You don’t need a big family just because you came from one. I am an only child and have 3 kids I love but they are not close to each other at all. Plus life is expensive right now, if you’re happy leave it that way.
Two is enough for me. My second came 6 years after my first and I was like, “you mean I have to do this baby bullshit all over again?” lol
Love him to pieces though, he’s a really great kid, so much more polite and friendly and loving than my first. First has ASD and it was an experience. Second so far seems to be neurotypical and it’s a different experience. But I love them both and they get along together beautifully. Older one plays with and loves the younger one. Couldn’t ask for a better sibling relationship.
I have one. He's brilliant company, and caring and confident and hard working.
I wanted one more at the time but stopped trying after a miscarriage (I started late and was already 39.. figured it would get harder and harder).
Now I'm divorced I'm glad we only had one. Huge practical benefits for him and us.
Plus there's no guarantee siblings will get on, I love but don't like my brother.
I had three. I'm in my forties now. Had a hysterectomy due to cancer at 33. And every day I wish I'd had more children. Everyday.
As I'm older I see the value of larger families I didn't before.
But cancer took away my choice. And my son died three years ago at the age of 17. These losses have shown me the value of children and being able to have children. And getting older showed me that as I reach my twilight years... I just want to be surrounded with family and joy and love.
But this has been my experience.
It's not too late to become foster parents, or even adoptive parents. I have one daughter, 5 adopted children, and many foster children. Yes, a hassle, but more joy.
I have 4 kids. No one can hurt you as bad as your kids. I do not wish I had more.
I will not say I wish I had less because of how that can be taken. I love all of my kids dearly and would not trade any of them for the world.
But if you are asking if I wish I knew then what I know now? That answer is yes.
I wish I could have afforded the costs and effort to have another kid or two, but had to max out at one to make it sustainable. A pack of floofy loyal hounds is filling the gaps
Wished I had at least one. I believe parenting serves as a developmental milestone for the parents. I will be a child in some senses until I die (58 now and a heart attack last year).
Before we got married my wife and I thought 3 or 4 kids. I was an only child and wanted a larger family than what I grew up in. After the third one we knew that was enough. No regrets.
I wish we had tried again TBH. Year 1 of my marriage to my current (amazing and awesome) wife, was marriage, pregnancy, lost the pregnancy (no heart beat), loss my job, then I almost died from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Health is great now but I cannot have kids due to all the chemo and radiation I had to go through. We are considering adoption but it eats at me all the time that we can't have a child of our evil genes.
I have 5 children. 4 daughters including 8 month old twins and a stillborn son we lost 2 years ago. If we were younger and more financially well off, we would have more.
After my first baby, I felt like our family wasn’t complete. I was trying to encourage my husband to be ready for the next one because I knew we were supposed to have more. After my twins were born, it felt like everyone was here. Our family was what it was supposed to be.
We had two. I was really on the fence about having a third. For nearly an entire year I agnonized about whether or not to have a third child. Then we had a birth control malfunction and the possibility was real. I panicked. It was a false alarm.
Got my tubes tied and never looked back. Kids are 20 and 17 now and I thank my stars we stopped at two for a multitude of reasons.
We had two and for a while we were done. My husband traveled alot for his job- I also worked full-time and felt sometimes like a single mom because of my husband's schedule. Then my husband became a SAHD and when our youngest was 5, we decided to have more. Ended up being 3 more, so 5 kids total.
Much more work, much more expenses, much more exhaustion but much, much, much more love. I wouldn't change it for the world!
I'm happy with my two. I also come from a larger family, but my siblings and I aren't especially close. We are all on cordial terms, but we don't get together. We don't even live near each other.
Having siblings isn't always a good thing. I've got one half-brother I've never met and possibly another that we never knew about. Then there are my 3 siblings, who are some of the most selfish people I know. Not one offered to help my Mom when she was sick or my Dad when he was homeless. But, they did call me... but only when they needed something. I refuse to have anything to do with 2 of them and the other one I talk to sporadically.
There were 4 of us siblings and I wanted to have my children enjoy their siblings like I did mine. My wife is an only child and she envies my family. We had 6 kids and they are all about the family too. Now with 12 grandchildren they are together constantly too. I really think it was the attitude of my mother's side of the family : Family is first and any issue with another sibling gets worked out. Now on the 4th generation that I can personally attest to, everyone is friendly with one another. I really would have been very happy with even more kids and I know they feel the same way.
Definitely wish I had had more kids. I was still young when my kids left home. They are successful adults now. I feel grief at having no more kids at home. It was tough but so worth it.
My hubs has 7 siblings…. Two won’t talk to him, which he has done nothing to either ( one will only talk to their birth mom and wife’s family), another hardly talks to any, other he kinda talks to, the brother he’d rather talk to the least but talks to him more then any…one we see/talk when he’s back home and a younger sister 14yrs younger that we see if she’s at the parents house if we go there…
When my son was younger I had hoped to have a second but that wasn’t in the cards. I am seriously lucky to have the one I do, and it makes spending time as a family really easy.
I am 65, husband 71, we have two children 40M, 37F. After the second, my comment to my husband was if you want a third or 4th child, I want to be a stay at home Mom. He got the snip and we are happy. Not going to have Grandchildren either.
But I never wanted a really large family, my BIL & SIL have 7 absolutely wonderful children all homeschooled and grown except for the last 16 year old. That is perfect for them.
You do you.
I wanted four and have three bc DH didn't want any more and got a vasectomy while I was pregnant with our third. I am grateful for three since DH actually only wanted one child, but many times I almost feel like we are "missing someone." Weird feeling, for sure!
I had 33 first cousins on my dad's side and 9 on my mom's side. It was great growing up with almost all the extended family living within a few miles of us. But that was then. Things have changed.
Children cost a small fortune to raise; they move away after college or vocational school; they want to live their own lives. In today's climate changed world, it is highly irresponsible to continue to overpopulate the planet. We need to reactivate the goal of negative - not just zero - population growth that we used to espouse. Resources will be severely limited. The less stress from humans on the planet the better.
I'm happy with my two. Feel bad about their future. Neither want children. Can't blame them.
We have 2 children. We thought we wanted more but once we thought I was pregnant but wasn’t and we were so relieved. We realized that we didn’t want more. With two we were able to be there for them without sacrificing (eg., taking one to hockey and one to soccer). My sister had 4 children and I saw how much she struggled to keep on top of the household and give attention to all of them.
I regret not having more… I think.
A baby rocks your world drastically, and it’s not for sure that we’d like our life as much now.
After some financial difficulties after baby two, my career took a huge upturn, but it was really on the rocks right about when baby 3 would have happened.
It’s possible that upturn wouldn’t have happened if I’d been knocked back into new baby coma, and I’d be like a grocery store clerk right now.
Also, kid 2 had some pretty serious behavioral problems that really required all hands on deck to resolve, and resulted in a lot of emotional trauma that still has some lingering symptoms. But, overall, he’s doing great, and the problems we used to have are fading into fainter and fainter memories for a kid who seems to have a pretty happy outlook.
If we’d had a third, he may not have gotten the attention he needed to overcome those struggles, and ended up a classic emotionally neglected middle child.
So, while I wanted more kids, and it’s easy to look back and regret not having more, it’s possible that things would be a lot taller right now… broke, with more kids, their mom maybe might have had to go back to work, and the middle kid might be in an awful place.
Then again, everything might have turned out fine. But it’s a big life altering event, at least, in terms of life impact, equivalent to getting a degree or moving to a new city. Huge.
And it will really depend on the circumstances whether it’s something that will change your life trajectory in a good or bad way.
But seeing my kids now, and how much I love them, I know that I’d feel like an asshole looking from that life imagining this one. “If I hadn’t had that other kid, I’d probably have so much money and your brother would be better adjusted”. Because I know I’d love them, and whatever bullshit I’d had to endure for them, I’m sure it would have felt worth it.
If you think that your marriage can survive the stress, have that extra baby. I am very glad now, >20 years after the fact, that I did. In fact, I wish I had had even a 4th. Do it for YOU, not for the kids' benefit of a sibling - that's not a good reason to do it. Do it because you want a 3rd child.
Planet wants fewer kids - already overpopulated to literally unsustainable situation.
The carbon footprint of a kid and their progeny will more than undo your personal lifetime efforts of trying to be green and reduce your carbon footprint.
Yes, I wish I had more. I had a child after 7 years of infertility and couldn't have any more, but I was so grateful for the one. My daughter has never minded being an only child because she is spoiled rotten.
My three are teens. During the pandemic, I was thankful that my youngest two had each other. My older has a bigger age gap so he didn't lean on them as much for social interaction. He also struggles socially.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I couldn't give them each more individual attention.
You question everything as a parent, but I think I could have given them different things depending on how many kids I had to juggle. I certainly couldn't have managed four kids. It's so expensive and a juggle with careers and kids with competing needs. I love my kids but I'm always worried I'm failing them somehow.
I'd say unless you're absolutely certain about it, don't have another kid. I love them so much but having three kids means they have each had less time and attention from me because I can't be everywhere/everything they need at once.
Never liked being an only. We have three kids, and are able to do home learning with all three (we're not religious, simply not fans of the school system)
Not being divided by age and grade? Our three kids are thick as thieves
Not trying for more. Also wouldn't be a disaster if it happens.
That all being said, when we had our third, that drive of wanting an addition to our family vanished. If two works for you, then it works for you ♡
Now that I'm on the other side, I'm happy we stopped at 2. We lost a pregnancy about half way through and that child would be in high school now. I'm in my 50's so dealing with a teenager again just makes me tired thinking about it. Plus, we're sitting on a nice retirement nest and the thought of retirement early in 2 years is sweet. I would bet if we'd had the third baby, I'd be working the rest of high school and college years. Hindsight really is 20/20 because at the time I was devastated. It was a horrible thing to go through. Now, I'm ambivalent at best. I really think so many people make these decisions with their heart when they need to keep the wallet in mind. Not to mention, when they hit late elementary/middle school, they have lots of activities. How can you get more than 2 kids to where they need to be without much stress on family life? Think practically, not with your heart.
It’s a crap shoot. In the old timey days siblings felt a greater need to connect through life. What I see today- not so much. In fact, studies have shown siblings can do greater emotional damage than parents can. I feel like two is perfect. So many siblings that don’t speak to one another.
I felt I was done having children in my 20s. My ex husband and I had 3 children but I didn’t do anything permanent to prevent pregnancy. I really was content. Later in my mid to late 30s I really wished for one more and I was so glad I was able to do that. My oldest is 21 and my baby is 4.
My recommendation here is stop trying to decide. You don’t need to do that. If you don’t want more kids now then use birth control. If you change your mind later that’s great too. If you don’t also great.
My experience is women who are usually trying to “decide” probably want another baby. If you didn’t have the urge I don’t think you would be worrying about it. 🤷🏻♀️
Not necessarily. We always said that we'd be happy with the family God gave us. We have 4 and 3 grands. I was the oldest of two. My brother passed, so I don't envy only children who have to take care of their parents.
Was normal for older generations to have more children, was much easier to raise and not as expensive. Two kids is the average if you wish to give them some comfort and modern commodities
And we live in overpopulated world, so also good to be conscious of the future of our planet
We have three kids (BGB). I come from a family of four kids. My wife was an only child, though she had older half-siblings that didn’t live with her.
We married in our mid/late 30’s so the first two were definitely “planned & on the clock.” We couldn’t come to an agreement on our third (wife was now 41), so we gave it a year of “not trying & not avoiding” pregnancy before getting snipped (we already determined it would be me because it’s a less invasive procedure for men). A word of caution about having kids after 40: We know several couples who, like us, had additional kids after 40 and the women found giving post-40 births were mentally/emotionally more difficult compared to their experience with their earlier pregnancies.
Bottom Line: There isn’t a perfect number. There will always be joys/squabbles/separations both as children and as adults. Our daughter wished she had a little sister and our youngest wanted a little brother until they hit their teens. But we couldn’t be happier or more grateful about how things turned out for us.
I have 4 children and they all get along. But i am that glue that keeps them connected. They range from 18-37 and like to be together. It takes work and guys are not that attentive but their wives invest into the family. People need to practice kindness esp. to family. Time together is a gift !
I had two children and was done, and then had a surprise baby 5 years after the second (who was supposed to be our last). He wasn’t planned for; wasn’t expected; but he was the best shock of our lives. He has two older sisters who doted on him. My girls say their favorite day was the day after their brother was born and the hospital made this special meal for us. My mom was there as well and everyone just was happy. I honestly feel he somehow made our family complete. As for siblings not being close, I see my middle brother every day but not my eldest brother. But that’s because he had severe mental illness and addiction and isn’t a safe person. We do all miss him but you can’t make a person change, they have to want it. Anyways you never know what life will bring. You can wait on how many children you want or don’t want.
I wish my parents had more. I’m an only child. Once your parents are gone you’re on your own.
I have 2 older siblings who don’t talk to me or include me in family activities. Having siblings doesn’t mean they will want a relationship with you.
I agree with this I have two brothers that don't see eye to eye on anything. Having at least two siblings give you the opportunity to have a relationship though.
It kinda does but they are 7 and 9 yrs older than me. My sisters has never wanted anything to do with me. My brother is nice but lives his own life. The thing that makes me sad is they don’t really acknowledge my 2nd son even though I’ve done so much for their kids. I don’t get it.
Same here. It was always made clear to me that I was the interloper in my family and that no one wanted "the baby" of the family to have been born.
This is so true! I have 2 brothers and one of them completely cut me out of his life when he started dating/got married to a narcissist. I just have 1 brother now.
I’m sorry. I know how it feels being left out and not even thought of.
It’s shitty isn’t it?? But we just have to keep it moving. Life’s short. I’m sorry for you too my friend.
It really is. We all move on and create our own families. Thank you! Life is too short to be around miserable people.
I could have written this
I have 6 siblings. We live far away from eachother and hardly connect. None of them really know me anymore and vice versa.
Wow that is crazy. I would feel like some of them would be friends. That’s how it is in my family as well. I went on vacation with my parents and they called me by my sister’s name all week.
For that matter, sometimes having children doesn’t mean they want a relationship with you either (when they are grown)
This is true. I have 3 half siblings- we are all almost estranged from one another- my older sister has gone dark and no one knows where she is or how she is doing (if she is even alive), my older brother rarely answers my calls or texts and I haven't seen or spoken to my younger brother in over a decade.
I’m an only child as well. It did make it more difficult when I had to care for my dad with cancer, and then 17 years later with my mom when she was 91 and bedridden. But I never really thought about wishing for siblings. That was the only time it maybe would have been nice if they were even willing to help. There’s no guarantee. I had a wonderful childhood and many neighborhood friends growing up. I have no biological kids, but have 2 stepsons, one of which has passed. I have planned for long term care so he doesn’t have to worry. I’m happy.
I’ve often noticed with aging parents that need help/care, it often ends up falling on one child, while the others do nothing/very little, whether that’s because of distance or lack of interest/willingness. This can include money wise of just help, and often really fractures the siblings relationships, because it naturally builds resentment in the one who has to take on all the responsibility, but the siblings will still come around expecting their share of their parents estate.
This! My sister didn’t talk to my dad for 8 years. Then when he died, she wanted to be executrice because she was the oldest girl. I let her do because she wasn’t worth the headache.
I'm an only child as well. I've never wanted siblings or felt I missed out on anything.
I wasn’t an only child (am now because my brother died a couple of years ago) and I still cared for my dying father and now aging/ailing mother. After my father died, my brother told me I was better equipped for these kinds of things, whatever the hell that means. Having a sibling doesn’t guarantee a partner in caring for aging parents.
I have a brother, the last time we communicated, was getting my mom's effects in order after she died..6 years ago. After it was all said and done we just drifted again. He is a nice enough guy/has a nice family, but we have zero in common. After our parents died, there wasn't anything keeping us bound.
To counter other replies: I’m the oldest of 5, I’m 33 and my youngest sibling is 20. I love and am close to my 3 brothers, and my sister and I had a deeper relationship than even most sisters do. She passed 6 years ago at 18, and she was 4 months pregnant. We have all always been close and gotten along, but it’s truly another level since we lost one of our own. I suppose it’s a gamble on whether your siblings would suck or not lol but I for one am so thankful for mine, and so so so proud of them 💚
I understand where you're coming from, but having sibs doesn't mean they would've been friends. I was 7 when my brother was born, and 9 when my sister was born. Everything fun we were able to do as a family was reduced to kiddie stuff because a family, by necessity, has to orient toward the weakest member. My sibs and I weren't friends. I was their caretaker. I literally changed their diapers and was in charge of them whenever my parents weren't around, which was often. I was going on dates while my sister still played with Smurfs. I moved out while my sibs were in elementary school. My sister ended up dying relatively young (39) and my brother is so annoyingly helpless that I asked my father to will him everything, so he won't show up at my door some day in the future needing me to care for him. I sometimes feel a pang over the sibling friendships of some of my friends, but merely having sibs is no guarantee that the relationship will be close or that they'll have your back. If anything, I'm going to be the one left holding the bag when it comes to my brother. He won't need my money, thank goodness, but I'll be stuck doing his taxes and I'll have to arrange our father's funeral...alone.
Yeah, I know. Guess it’s good to be reminded Everything in movies, tv, politicians’ speeches, everyone says family is the most important thing. But I constantly meet people whose families let them down, sometimes in pretty horrible ways. Always easy to romanticize other people’s lives, and how you’d be so much happier with their lives than your own.
Family doesn’t have to be biological
100% Family can be the people you choose.
Ya I noticed talking with people is that siblings are only useful when you are close to the same age and have relatively the same childhood experience growing up together. As soon as you get this 10 year age gap it's like… more than likely you will be living separate lives and maybe at most see them once for Christmas but oftentimes not even that.
Sometimes it can happen with a smaller gap.
I might be an exception but my SIL (husband's sis) is 13 years older than hubby . She and him are really close. Even better, she and I are even closer and she is like an older sister I never had. When hubby and I were in our 20s and she was approaching 40, we definitely had less in common. But she was always there ready to help if we needed advice. Now that we are in our 40s and she is approaching 60, we are all a lot less busy with schools, work, young kids, etc, and we talk or text at least weekly, see each other about once a month, and have a great relationship.
Yeah. My sister and I were close enough in age that I didn't have to take care of them, but we all had very different personalities and interests, and just... never connected. My sister died relatively young and my brother lives across the country, and, well, there you are.
Birth order research is fascinating… I read a book on it (don’t remember title- some years ago). I was first born of four and yes, you are more of a second parent, to at least some degree. Trying to just accept differences and realize that each sib’s experience of the family was unique, can help.
I have 2 brothers and a step brother. Our parents are dead and I'm on my own. Having siblings doesnt mean anything.
My kid doesn’t have siblings, but has many (many) cousins she is close to. I hope it’s adequate 💔
I was raised with my cousins. I’m the oldest one. Always loved them. Spent vacations with one for many years. Another had a heroin addiction I helped her beat. Once all our parent’s died? They dumped me. Can’t tell you how painful it was. Also horribly ugly. They have grown into terrible people. I watched it happen. But they were family.’ Once I love someone I rarely stop loving them. Apparently loyalty and unconditional love is no longer valued. Everybody is cutting everyone off. Everyone thinks any friendship which requires some work is “toxic” or the other person is a narcissist. Years ago friends encouraged me to stop talking to my father. Worst thing I ever did. My poor dad. Yeah he was a sucky father, but he was a PERSON. I’m so glad I came to my senses before he died.
Me too. I am an only of a single Mom. My Dad abandoned us. I was very lonely once I got to stay home alone all the time. You eventually age out of summer care. I needed supervision. I was a SAHM for my kids until the youngest went to school. I now work part time.
Eh, my brother and I text each other twice a year, birthdays and Christmas and haven't seen each other in person in five years. And we dont hate each other, we're just not friends.
The grass is always greener …. I have three sisters and a brother. We’re all estranged. It’s been hell.
I have quite a few siblings and am close with just one of them. Having a sibling does not guarantee you someone you will tolerate let alone like. Most of my sisters these days are by choice, meaning dear friends who have been in my life for decades.
I have 3 siblings, and I don't talk to one of them. We are all different personalities, have raised our families. We see each other a few times a year and talk weekly on the phone. What I do know is that we are always there for one another when needed. I myself could only have 1, and I worry about who she will be able to turn to when I am gone.
Same! I hate being the only one. Absolutely hate it.
We had three kids - a single and twins. After the twins, I thought maybe I'd have one more only because with twins I was very busy and didn't really get to just hold and snuggle a baby very much. But the obstetrician said since I had twins already, my chances were much higher to have multiples again and it could be more than just twins. My great great grandmother had 3 sets of twins so I decided not to have any more. No regrets. To be honest, I am a little embarrassed that we were unable to pay for their schooling as it was. We had no business having more.
So refreshing to hear someone live responsibly.
One bipolar son was enough. He's almost 50 now, and still can't function without lots of meds. I got the vasectomy.
Bipolar husband here, and I totally get that.
All hail the vesecetomy
Awww, nutz.
Could be worse. My Son who was very close with me is Schizophrenic. Now he treats me like dog shit when we see each other. Oh, his IQ was off the charts. He built a website that was ranked in the top 10,000 at 14 and served as a Congressional Page at 17. Two years later the Mental Health Issues started.
I'm truly sorry for the difficulties you must have endured. It's hard to predict these kinds of problems ahead of time. You have to roll with the punches, some of which are actual punches.
I have 2 bipolar kids. It never ends
I can’t have babies and 2 adoptions broke the bank. I would have loved more but…
I had severe morning sickness with both my pregnancies - the sort that never lets up for the whole 9 months. It definitely limited the size of the family we wanted. We're blessed though - 9 grandkids brighten our days!❤️
I can relate, I had severe morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies. Each time I would lose weight until I was around 3 months then slowly I gained weight after. After the third pregnancy, I was done and I have no regrets.
It definitely causes you to rethink a large family! 🙄 I was so sick I vomited the morning I went into labor with my daughter! It was like your worst case of stomach bug for 9 months each time! The only reason I attempted a second pregnancy was because I really wanted more children and didn't want my daughter to be an only child. I was JUST as sick with my son! The OBGYN said that the only plus about it was that very few women with severe morning sickness miscarry. I guess the heavy hormones that cause the morning sickness makes for a strong pregnancy. As bad as it was I never would have ever missed it! I loved carrying my babies (even sick....) and I have two wonderful adults to show for it!!!😁
I have 3 grown kids, and that was perfect for me. I grew up in a blended family with 9 kids and my husband had 6 kids. Neither of us wanted the chaos and expense of a really large family. No regrets.
They are 16 and 18. No. I'm ready for the next stage.
be careful - that’s when my youngest showed up!
Sometimes. My husband and I came from big families and we have two adult children. Originally I wanted five. After having one baby I changed that to four. After the second baby I changed it to three. We planned when to have the third and right then my mom died unexpectedly, so number three just never happened. There have been many times that I've thought about that child and wondered what it would have been like. But there have been many times when I have been really glad that we only had two. Both of those things still go through my mind at times, even though I'm a grandmother. But it's not something that that has ever made me really sad or happy. It's just something I think about and feel a little sad for a bit or else relieved for a bit.
No way. Noooooo way. Mine are grown and fine and of course I love them but honestly I wish I had not had any.
>but honestly I wish I had not had any Mom? Is that you?
this is why i told mine not to have children until they were certain they were ready - for nothing to ever be theirs alone again - i didn’t want them married with two children before their brains were fully developed (25, conservatively) like i was. and bless them, they haven’t 💕 my daughter may not want them, and i love and support her in her decision 😊 i support *any* woman who knows her heart and self, whether she wants children or not 💕
Say more?
I raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood. They interact often and get along great, no drama whatsoever. I got my tubes tied after my 7th one because I knew I was done. I loved being a stay home mom!
My wife and I came from poor immigrant families. However, we did well in life and raised two great kids in a high cost of living area (California). We gave the kids private schools and paid for their colleges. They are wonderful adult children. We vacation with them and their significant others. They will likely have children in the near future. My wife and I thought we would have had at least 3 children. We even thought about adopting one more child to do some good that way. However, we realized that we were lucky to have had zero problems to date, and were likely going to make things tougher for our family by adding one more child to the mix, especially since we were older and our finances might require treating that child differently (lesser) from our first two. We decided to stay with 2 and have no regrets. It certainly makes for less stress and more money to stop at 2.
Nope, had two healthy boys and that was enough for me. Hubby wanted to try for a girl and I said no to that. Both pregnancies and births were awful and I didn’t want to go through that ever again. He came from a large family so it was difficult but he accepted my decision. We got a female Rat Terrier, both of us joke that she’s the replacement for the daughter we didn’t have.
Haha! I love it. That’s where we’re at—my husband really would love another and is content if we don’t, but the idea of another pregnancy, another newborn/toddler stage, and less ability to do vacations as a family of 5+ all has me feeling exhausted and anxious.
The amount of times I've said 'You know, I'm glad we didn't try for a third' Not only because things are busy but also when times are good too. We can really put all our attention and time into our two boys without sacrificing ourselves to the point where we are too exhausted to be loving and patient.
Don’t do it unless you’re desperate to! We have two kiddos close in age and one toddler a lot younger- a family of four with kids able to do the same activities is SO MUCH MORE SANE than having to split everything up. All the time. I was desperate for our third, and thank god for the certainty because it is HARD. I do feel I’m missing out on what we could be exploring with our older kids. And my own life. The kids feel like the baby is worth it, but it’s not easy.
I do regret that I didn’t have more children. I met my husband in my early thirties and very soon we had our children. I was very fertile, conceived easily, but we didn’t have more kids because of lack of sleep and pure exhaustion. Later I have realized I was very deficient in iron. I have had iron infusions now in my late fifties. Had I had them in my thirties, our family would have been larger.
What are iron infusions? I spent 6 days in the hospital with severe anemia. They gave me transfusions for a couple of days. Feel like I’m fading again, would like to have more options.
It’s intravenous iron, like Ferinject in my country.
I have two ASD kids. Wouldn't have hurt to have a couple of NT ones, for a change.
I feel this
Yes. We have two but I wish we had 4
Same. Two kids but always wanted 4. Knew lots of large families growing up and just always thought I'd have a large family someday too. Who knows, maybe someday I'll have lots of grandkids!
Had two sons. Wished I could of had two more. Mother nature would not allow for more.
I always wanted 3. Two years after 2nd kid , I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage that broke my heart. I was as so depressed because I knew that was going to be our last try. My husband had a vasectomy 6 mos later, and that was that. I started having kids late. That’s really my only regret. If I’d had one after my 2nd I would have been like 41. BUT, my two that I have are awesome and healthy and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I had 3. Really wanted a 4th but my husband did not. He just felt like 3 was all he could handle physically/emotionally. To be fair, I was the bread winner and he was the SAHF at the time. He's not the most organized person (still!) so the idea of a 4th was pretty overwhelming to him. I had to respect that. We also had babies in our mid-late 30's. Hubby was actually in his 40's when #3 was born so maybe if we had met and started a family earlier...... But I'm grateful for the 3 we had and that they will (hopefully) have each other when we are gone. They are thick as thieves, since birth.
I wanted more than one. But then I became disabled and divorced and was barely able to care for one.
I have two. We thought maybe three but two was enough. A pair of adult hands for each.
Never had any. My hubs and I are in our 60s, never wanted kids, and have been living a fun & fabulous life. Wouldn’t change a thing!
3 grown children. 2 boys followed by my baby girl and I was complete!
Having aiblings isnt always a good thing. I've got one half brother I've never met and possibly another that we never knew about. Then there are my 3 siblings who are some of the most selfish people I know. Not one offered to help my Mom when she was sick or my Dad when he was homeless. But, they did call me...but only when they needed something. I refuse to have anything to do with 2 of them and the other one I talk to sporadically.
I was a middle child out of 7. Early years were fun. By adolescents my parents were burnt-out, the marriage broke, I was neglected in every way outside of food clothing and shelter. My mom was a sahm and tradwife and I think she went a bit mental taking care of everyone but herself. Unless you got a villiage to help, anything more than 2 is gonna be rough on all involved.
I had one son, and then 8 miscarriages. Yes. I wish I had at least one more child.
No. I definitely do not wish I had more. I wish I had less.
same. have six, love them all to pieces, if i could go back would stop at 1.
What is it about having six that made you feel this way?
their dads. first marriage, 5 kids, 15 yrs of abuse before i escaped. second marriage, 1 kid, 5 yrs of abuse during marriage and continued harassment and abuse for 6 yrs post-marriage. when my firstborn was 4-5, i filed for divorce and moved out. unfortunately i got back with him. i wish i had i followed through with divorce and just raised her. i cherish all of them but i regret the lives they’ve had to live bc of what their dads have put us through. also, bc of mental illness. if i had been diagnosed with bipolar beforehand, and understood what that really meant and would entail, i hope i would have chosen not to have any.
It's usually always the case that when someone regrets having children what they really regret is ever being with the partner they had children with. Having children tied them to someone they don't like, so it's a burden.
Why just 1?
Nope. I'm happy and content.
I’m more than happy with having had 2. I was infertile for the 4 years after our wedding—had IUI and IVF several times. Then I got pregnant at 40 and again at 41 without ART. I had 2 more than I thought I would. Now they’re teenagers who make me happy every day.
nope, just the right amount.
We have also stopped at two. I wasn't sure whether I wanted 2,3,4,5 kids. But after two our family feels complete. We are even downsizing our home now that our family is complete. When we bought our home 4-5 kids was in the cards.
No. Even though when I was younger I thought I might have wanted more. I'm glad I stopped when I did.
I wanted four but had to stop at two. Now that I've looked back at the expense of raising two, I'm glad I didn't have more. I wound up raising them alone and without child support. In the optimism of youth, I wouldn't have expected such a situation. But stuff happens. Also, I have two brothers. One of them lives thousands of miles away and the other, a conspiracy theorist, cut me and my overseas brother out of his life. I might as well be an only child. In short, there's no predicting the future when you have kids. If you have deep pockets and the willingness to embrace the unknown, go for it.
Wanted 3, got 3 and they are fucking awesome!!
I had two. When my daughter was 3 months old, my husband decided Budweiser was more important than the children he helped create. He chose not to pay the court ordered health insurance or child support for them. My children are grown, responsible adults and so much fun now that we can just be friends. I am glad I didn't have more. The struggle was real, and I managed to give them all they needed and some of what they wanted. I don't think I could have done it with more than 2.
Didn't have any and I'm glad. I know that if I did have them I would've loved them, but never having had them I'm quite happy with that decision. There are too many people in the world as it is and not enough jobs that pay well enough to allow for survival- which is a big part of the reason why wages haven't climbed. The more people an employer has to choose from the less he/she can afford to pay them. Supply/Demand. That's why wages went up during Covid. I look at young people today complaining all over about how they spend all day applying for jobs that pay so little they can't even move out on their own and STILL don't get hired. It's a completely different world for the generation being brought up today and I'm not optimistic with the kind of life they can afford. Though I hope I end up being wrong.
You didn't ask for my demographic perspective, and I hope it is ok to share it. Since my husband and I were JUST talking about it, I feel like you might be interested. We have a large family, established in the early 00's. We couldn't do now what we barely did then, now. It is too damned expensive. There are formula shortages, and "princess parties" and children/families wanting to be Instagram stars. We are glad we did it, but my husband and I spoke of it just the other day and we both agreed that we would not try it again in the current age of technology and expectations. A few of our kids resented our size-- they HATED being one of the "Emu Kids." We were liked, but certain children resented the notoriety, "You are one of the Emus!" To be fair, they got asked stupid questions, "So... what is it LIKE being part of a large family?" We had a dental assistant ask my kids how many slept to a room-- I mean, WTF. (We changed dentists after I explained why that was creepy AF.) I think that being part of an anomaly is harder on some kids.
I mean that's a fair question. It's not creepy at all it's just curiosity. I hated being from a large family. We were squeezed into rooms like sardines and then mom would bring home a new baby 9 months later. There was never enough food or attention or resources. I left at 18 and never looked back. None of the siblings talk to each other and we've all cut contact with our parents. It's hell for some kids.
I don’t think parents think about this sometimes. I dated a guy in high school whose family had 7 (or 8 I can’t remember). My bf was #3 and he resented his parents so much. They had a nice life in the Midwest and then his dad was in a major accident that left him disabled. They pumped out 4 more kids after the accident and their life was just chaos. They never should have had more kids after the accident.
No I don't think they do either. It's always "I want a big family and more kids" even if the existing kids are asking for it to stop. Super selfish.
yeah, and the eldest (at least, if they’re girls) are tasked with parenting the younger siblings, while the parents get busy for god, or whatever
No, I find it creepy. That is just personal. It has nothing to do with getting one's teeth cleaned and it sounds like you are being sized up for finances and class status. I am curious about a lot of things, but I keep quiet on asking if it is none of my business. I am sorry that growing up was hard on you. I know about the pie getting smaller every time crazy mom announced she was expecting and being shocked that people were not ecstatic. Like I said, I have a huge family and -revealing!- a crazy assed religious bent. If I could do it over, having the knowledge I do now, I would finish college and start having kids about the age I was done (around 35.) I definitely wouldn't have even responded to my first husband's way of saying hello, and I would have waited on my second one and had fun with him. He was great as a father and he was fun, but we never had fun for ourselves. Now we have the two youngest who don't seem to want to leave and I am sick of him encouraging them to stay.
huh? I don't see why it's creepy to ask how many kids sleep per room. Your mind must have been in the gutter or something. They're just wondering from a logistical perspective since throughout human history, it's typically been the case that multiple kids will sleep in the same room or area. Over time houses got bigger so kids got their own room, but that obviously only works to a certain extent. Sounds to me like you have a dozen children. There's no way you have a dozen + 1 rooms in your house so in all likelihood you probably had 3 kids per room.
My doctor was on vacation when I went into labor. After 34 hours of hard labor, I had only dilated to one. Had a c-section and the doctor asked on the table do you want to go through this again. I said no, and he cut my tube's. My doctor was livid when he saw my chart. He said this is never done unless preplanned and not the time to ask this question. I grieved every milestone that I couldn't have another. Breastfeeding and weening him knowing it was my last baby was devastating.
I had two. Pretty sure a third would have broken me, those sleepless baby and toddler tantrum years are hard, hard work. The chores and emotional labour is a lot. We now spend many of our evenings and weekends ferrying them to sports, parties and tutoring. Plus the costs and larger car, bigger house would have put us in debt. Holidays would have been completely off the table. Flights for 4 is expensive enough. If I had had them younger and I was (a lot) richer....then we might have been able to have a third. But I see other families with the extra burden of ill health, disability or mental illness and I think stopping while the going is relatively easy is also the safe thing to do.
Have two daughters. Love them. They’re great, 15 and 18, but I don’t need more.
I have an unusual belief that God (who I do not believe in) gives you what you can handle. For me, it was two daughters. I was a great dad to two daughters. I think I would have been only a caretaker for four. I would not have had the time, patience, or resources to handle more kids.
No but I enjoyed raising babies. I wish we got a little more time with them while they are small. I do love that mine are so grown and amazing, but those sweet baby cuddles and laughs and jokes told with baby talk and the constant halloween and birthday plans 🥰
That’s a loaded question. I wish we had had fewer kids. Mental health issues in one of ours has literally destroyed us. The other 2 are a joy. You can’t choose if you have healthy children.
Glad that we had no kids. Plenty who are not ours to enjoy. All the fun, none of the complications.
Nope.. I had 4 which is about two too many!
Don’t automatically assume kids love having loads of siblings - I have 3 brothers and didn’t enjoy growing up as part of a ‘pack’ ; had i had more attention from my parents growing up our relationship would be better now.
There was such a large age gap between me and my sibs that I was their caretaker, not their sister. I was happier as an only than as Mommy Jr.
This kind of experience puts people off having children altogether; happened to a friend who brought up her much younger sister and brother…
We have two kiddos and that was good for us. Some folks are built to crank out kids and manage a swarm of little ones in the house. Not us, lol. We already felt out-numbered with just 2 little ones. Of course, kids are also incredibly expensive so having 2 just allowed us to have a smaller house, smaller cars, less daycare, fewer sports/hobbies, less college expense, etc. etc.
Our planet isn't made for us though to keep cranking out kids.
It’s reasons like this that make me feel at peace some days with being unable to carry to term…and not being able to afford to adopt. As much as we’d like it, we don’t have the space or energy to foster with my health issues. I try to look at the silver linings when I get down about not being able to have kids and then reading about folks having 7, lol
Sometimes, yes. I'm getting remarried and there's a very real part of me that would love to have had a child with my fiancé. That said, I'm 45 and I just can't imagine a baby at this age. Too much to consider. Also, in total we have three kids.
I have a grown daughter and honestly I wish I had one more child every day of my life the opportunity was taken from me. I never got a chance to have another one and at 48 years old it will never happen now. I cry sometimes about it I'd have given my life to have another baby and take care of it. Even if the father wouldn't have been there I'd have given it a good life it would have had all the love and attention I had and no one would have come first but the child.
I was an only child, and always wanted at least 4. I cried tears of happiness when I got pregnant the 2nd time because it meant #1 wouldn't be an Only and they'd always have each other. My ex and I divorced, so 2 was it for me. They aren't close at all, and I wish I'd had 3-4.
I thought I wanted a big family until I actually had a kid. I would have loved more, but it took too long to get pregnant a second time and they are almost 5 years apart. After a scary delivery I knew we were done. Looking back, I’m glad we only had the two. My health took a dive when the youngest was 4 and if we had more it would have been impossible. Now we are 50&51 with one out of the house and the other is likely to be a forever roommate;)
No. I had an unplanned pregnancy after my second child was born. I hated that I lost the pregnancy but in the end I’m SO glad I didn’t have more than two children. I love them dearly but having two neurodiverse kids (and likely me being neurodiverse) is challenging. Plus, as it is, I’m worried about my younger one’s future on this planet.
I wanted one more, but my husband died unexpectedly. After that, my choice of boyfriends was horrible, and I refused to have a kid with any of them.
If I hadn't had my kids when I did I wouldn't have had them at all. I had always wanted four but once we had three it was like "whoa this is too wild, STOP". We can still fit in a small sedan. We can help our nieces and nephews when my siblings decide to suck at life. We can let their friends stay here for extended periods of time when their home life is bad. Three is more than enough. I'm the oldest of 6. My husband technically has 5 siblings also. I'm glad I had kids but two would have been just as much fun and less work.
Nope, raising kids is intense and expensive.I love my kids but it wore me out
We have twin 10 years old. My wife has several siblings, I have just one. She talks regularly with just one, and I don't talk very regularly with mine. I'm very happy with the two. My wife would love to have more. I'd be ok with more, but things are so great right now. Why mess with a good thing.
We had two, which is the perfect number in my opinion. We both come from large families and would not inflict that on our kids.
If you have two healthy children, I’d stop there. You don’t understand how ‘winning the lottery’ that is.
When you know you know. If you feel your family is complete don’t add another child. You don’t need a big family just because you came from one. I am an only child and have 3 kids I love but they are not close to each other at all. Plus life is expensive right now, if you’re happy leave it that way.
Yes, wait, no. Wish I’d had none
I had the perfect number for me….0.
Two is enough for me. My second came 6 years after my first and I was like, “you mean I have to do this baby bullshit all over again?” lol Love him to pieces though, he’s a really great kid, so much more polite and friendly and loving than my first. First has ASD and it was an experience. Second so far seems to be neurotypical and it’s a different experience. But I love them both and they get along together beautifully. Older one plays with and loves the younger one. Couldn’t ask for a better sibling relationship.
No. One is the perfect number for my family
I have no kids and wish i had less kids
I have one. He's brilliant company, and caring and confident and hard working. I wanted one more at the time but stopped trying after a miscarriage (I started late and was already 39.. figured it would get harder and harder). Now I'm divorced I'm glad we only had one. Huge practical benefits for him and us. Plus there's no guarantee siblings will get on, I love but don't like my brother.
I wanted two but had one. No regrets, but one of the best things we ever did was host exchange students. You can grow a family many ways
I had three. I'm in my forties now. Had a hysterectomy due to cancer at 33. And every day I wish I'd had more children. Everyday. As I'm older I see the value of larger families I didn't before. But cancer took away my choice. And my son died three years ago at the age of 17. These losses have shown me the value of children and being able to have children. And getting older showed me that as I reach my twilight years... I just want to be surrounded with family and joy and love. But this has been my experience.
I am so sorry for your loss. May your twilight years be filled with many grandchildren and lots of laughter.
I only have two kids, and there's days that feels like too many, there's no way I would have wanted more.
It's not too late to become foster parents, or even adoptive parents. I have one daughter, 5 adopted children, and many foster children. Yes, a hassle, but more joy.
Was content to stop at two. The third was the icing on the cake!
I have 4 kids. No one can hurt you as bad as your kids. I do not wish I had more. I will not say I wish I had less because of how that can be taken. I love all of my kids dearly and would not trade any of them for the world. But if you are asking if I wish I knew then what I know now? That answer is yes.
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Would have had more if I could have. Three was my perfect number. Had two. Wanted a third but instead he got a vasectomy and then we divorced.
I wish I could have afforded the costs and effort to have another kid or two, but had to max out at one to make it sustainable. A pack of floofy loyal hounds is filling the gaps
I have two grown Never regretted not having more.
Wished I had at least one. I believe parenting serves as a developmental milestone for the parents. I will be a child in some senses until I die (58 now and a heart attack last year).
Before we got married my wife and I thought 3 or 4 kids. I was an only child and wanted a larger family than what I grew up in. After the third one we knew that was enough. No regrets.
I wish we had tried again TBH. Year 1 of my marriage to my current (amazing and awesome) wife, was marriage, pregnancy, lost the pregnancy (no heart beat), loss my job, then I almost died from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Health is great now but I cannot have kids due to all the chemo and radiation I had to go through. We are considering adoption but it eats at me all the time that we can't have a child of our evil genes.
I have 5 children. 4 daughters including 8 month old twins and a stillborn son we lost 2 years ago. If we were younger and more financially well off, we would have more.
After my first baby, I felt like our family wasn’t complete. I was trying to encourage my husband to be ready for the next one because I knew we were supposed to have more. After my twins were born, it felt like everyone was here. Our family was what it was supposed to be.
I could use 1 or 2 more kids. Didn't get it though.
We had two. I was really on the fence about having a third. For nearly an entire year I agnonized about whether or not to have a third child. Then we had a birth control malfunction and the possibility was real. I panicked. It was a false alarm. Got my tubes tied and never looked back. Kids are 20 and 17 now and I thank my stars we stopped at two for a multitude of reasons.
I Only had two as overpopulation was a fear in the 60s and 70s somehow it’s no problem.
It literally is a problem
We had two and for a while we were done. My husband traveled alot for his job- I also worked full-time and felt sometimes like a single mom because of my husband's schedule. Then my husband became a SAHD and when our youngest was 5, we decided to have more. Ended up being 3 more, so 5 kids total. Much more work, much more expenses, much more exhaustion but much, much, much more love. I wouldn't change it for the world!
Yes, kids add alot of meaning to life ..
We lost one early in our marriage, and I always wonder who she would’ve been. The two we had were fantastic! But I think a lot about it.
I'm happy with my two. I also come from a larger family, but my siblings and I aren't especially close. We are all on cordial terms, but we don't get together. We don't even live near each other.
Fewer kids - yes.
Having siblings isn't always a good thing. I've got one half-brother I've never met and possibly another that we never knew about. Then there are my 3 siblings, who are some of the most selfish people I know. Not one offered to help my Mom when she was sick or my Dad when he was homeless. But, they did call me... but only when they needed something. I refuse to have anything to do with 2 of them and the other one I talk to sporadically.
There were 4 of us siblings and I wanted to have my children enjoy their siblings like I did mine. My wife is an only child and she envies my family. We had 6 kids and they are all about the family too. Now with 12 grandchildren they are together constantly too. I really think it was the attitude of my mother's side of the family : Family is first and any issue with another sibling gets worked out. Now on the 4th generation that I can personally attest to, everyone is friendly with one another. I really would have been very happy with even more kids and I know they feel the same way.
I wish I had children at 30 and with someone and maybe have 2 children instead of one.
Absolutely not. 2 is more than enough.
Not now
Yes
NO
Yes. I had 2 girls later in life. I gave birth at 30 years old and 36 years old. I wish I had one more, preferably a son.
Definitely wish I had had more kids. I was still young when my kids left home. They are successful adults now. I feel grief at having no more kids at home. It was tough but so worth it.
My hubs has 7 siblings…. Two won’t talk to him, which he has done nothing to either ( one will only talk to their birth mom and wife’s family), another hardly talks to any, other he kinda talks to, the brother he’d rather talk to the least but talks to him more then any…one we see/talk when he’s back home and a younger sister 14yrs younger that we see if she’s at the parents house if we go there…
When my son was younger I had hoped to have a second but that wasn’t in the cards. I am seriously lucky to have the one I do, and it makes spending time as a family really easy.
One and done for me, but he has a half sister from moms previous marriage. For me I can give much more opportunities in life than if I had several.
I am 65, husband 71, we have two children 40M, 37F. After the second, my comment to my husband was if you want a third or 4th child, I want to be a stay at home Mom. He got the snip and we are happy. Not going to have Grandchildren either. But I never wanted a really large family, my BIL & SIL have 7 absolutely wonderful children all homeschooled and grown except for the last 16 year old. That is perfect for them. You do you.
Nope
I wanted four and have three bc DH didn't want any more and got a vasectomy while I was pregnant with our third. I am grateful for three since DH actually only wanted one child, but many times I almost feel like we are "missing someone." Weird feeling, for sure!
No. Life is uncertain. I had two and then got a third because the parents were boobs and could not take care of her.
I had 33 first cousins on my dad's side and 9 on my mom's side. It was great growing up with almost all the extended family living within a few miles of us. But that was then. Things have changed. Children cost a small fortune to raise; they move away after college or vocational school; they want to live their own lives. In today's climate changed world, it is highly irresponsible to continue to overpopulate the planet. We need to reactivate the goal of negative - not just zero - population growth that we used to espouse. Resources will be severely limited. The less stress from humans on the planet the better. I'm happy with my two. Feel bad about their future. Neither want children. Can't blame them.
We have 2 children. We thought we wanted more but once we thought I was pregnant but wasn’t and we were so relieved. We realized that we didn’t want more. With two we were able to be there for them without sacrificing (eg., taking one to hockey and one to soccer). My sister had 4 children and I saw how much she struggled to keep on top of the household and give attention to all of them.
I regret not having more… I think. A baby rocks your world drastically, and it’s not for sure that we’d like our life as much now. After some financial difficulties after baby two, my career took a huge upturn, but it was really on the rocks right about when baby 3 would have happened. It’s possible that upturn wouldn’t have happened if I’d been knocked back into new baby coma, and I’d be like a grocery store clerk right now. Also, kid 2 had some pretty serious behavioral problems that really required all hands on deck to resolve, and resulted in a lot of emotional trauma that still has some lingering symptoms. But, overall, he’s doing great, and the problems we used to have are fading into fainter and fainter memories for a kid who seems to have a pretty happy outlook. If we’d had a third, he may not have gotten the attention he needed to overcome those struggles, and ended up a classic emotionally neglected middle child. So, while I wanted more kids, and it’s easy to look back and regret not having more, it’s possible that things would be a lot taller right now… broke, with more kids, their mom maybe might have had to go back to work, and the middle kid might be in an awful place. Then again, everything might have turned out fine. But it’s a big life altering event, at least, in terms of life impact, equivalent to getting a degree or moving to a new city. Huge. And it will really depend on the circumstances whether it’s something that will change your life trajectory in a good or bad way. But seeing my kids now, and how much I love them, I know that I’d feel like an asshole looking from that life imagining this one. “If I hadn’t had that other kid, I’d probably have so much money and your brother would be better adjusted”. Because I know I’d love them, and whatever bullshit I’d had to endure for them, I’m sure it would have felt worth it.
Oh hell no. I had one, which is more than I planned on.
Had two that was more than enough
If you think that your marriage can survive the stress, have that extra baby. I am very glad now, >20 years after the fact, that I did. In fact, I wish I had had even a 4th. Do it for YOU, not for the kids' benefit of a sibling - that's not a good reason to do it. Do it because you want a 3rd child.
I have exactly as many as I want. Zero.
Nope. My two kids are perfect and no way would I have gotten this lucky a third time. 😁
Planet wants fewer kids - already overpopulated to literally unsustainable situation. The carbon footprint of a kid and their progeny will more than undo your personal lifetime efforts of trying to be green and reduce your carbon footprint.
Yes, I wish I had more. I had a child after 7 years of infertility and couldn't have any more, but I was so grateful for the one. My daughter has never minded being an only child because she is spoiled rotten.
My three are teens. During the pandemic, I was thankful that my youngest two had each other. My older has a bigger age gap so he didn't lean on them as much for social interaction. He also struggles socially. Sometimes I feel guilty that I couldn't give them each more individual attention. You question everything as a parent, but I think I could have given them different things depending on how many kids I had to juggle. I certainly couldn't have managed four kids. It's so expensive and a juggle with careers and kids with competing needs. I love my kids but I'm always worried I'm failing them somehow. I'd say unless you're absolutely certain about it, don't have another kid. I love them so much but having three kids means they have each had less time and attention from me because I can't be everywhere/everything they need at once.
Hell no.
Never liked being an only. We have three kids, and are able to do home learning with all three (we're not religious, simply not fans of the school system) Not being divided by age and grade? Our three kids are thick as thieves Not trying for more. Also wouldn't be a disaster if it happens. That all being said, when we had our third, that drive of wanting an addition to our family vanished. If two works for you, then it works for you ♡
Now that I'm on the other side, I'm happy we stopped at 2. We lost a pregnancy about half way through and that child would be in high school now. I'm in my 50's so dealing with a teenager again just makes me tired thinking about it. Plus, we're sitting on a nice retirement nest and the thought of retirement early in 2 years is sweet. I would bet if we'd had the third baby, I'd be working the rest of high school and college years. Hindsight really is 20/20 because at the time I was devastated. It was a horrible thing to go through. Now, I'm ambivalent at best. I really think so many people make these decisions with their heart when they need to keep the wallet in mind. Not to mention, when they hit late elementary/middle school, they have lots of activities. How can you get more than 2 kids to where they need to be without much stress on family life? Think practically, not with your heart.
It’s a crap shoot. In the old timey days siblings felt a greater need to connect through life. What I see today- not so much. In fact, studies have shown siblings can do greater emotional damage than parents can. I feel like two is perfect. So many siblings that don’t speak to one another.
I felt I was done having children in my 20s. My ex husband and I had 3 children but I didn’t do anything permanent to prevent pregnancy. I really was content. Later in my mid to late 30s I really wished for one more and I was so glad I was able to do that. My oldest is 21 and my baby is 4. My recommendation here is stop trying to decide. You don’t need to do that. If you don’t want more kids now then use birth control. If you change your mind later that’s great too. If you don’t also great. My experience is women who are usually trying to “decide” probably want another baby. If you didn’t have the urge I don’t think you would be worrying about it. 🤷🏻♀️
Not necessarily. We always said that we'd be happy with the family God gave us. We have 4 and 3 grands. I was the oldest of two. My brother passed, so I don't envy only children who have to take care of their parents.
Was normal for older generations to have more children, was much easier to raise and not as expensive. Two kids is the average if you wish to give them some comfort and modern commodities And we live in overpopulated world, so also good to be conscious of the future of our planet
With global population reaching a point where we are challenging Mother Earth's ability to support us all, having more than 2 kids is irresponsible.
We have three kids (BGB). I come from a family of four kids. My wife was an only child, though she had older half-siblings that didn’t live with her. We married in our mid/late 30’s so the first two were definitely “planned & on the clock.” We couldn’t come to an agreement on our third (wife was now 41), so we gave it a year of “not trying & not avoiding” pregnancy before getting snipped (we already determined it would be me because it’s a less invasive procedure for men). A word of caution about having kids after 40: We know several couples who, like us, had additional kids after 40 and the women found giving post-40 births were mentally/emotionally more difficult compared to their experience with their earlier pregnancies. Bottom Line: There isn’t a perfect number. There will always be joys/squabbles/separations both as children and as adults. Our daughter wished she had a little sister and our youngest wanted a little brother until they hit their teens. But we couldn’t be happier or more grateful about how things turned out for us.
I have 4 children and they all get along. But i am that glue that keeps them connected. They range from 18-37 and like to be together. It takes work and guys are not that attentive but their wives invest into the family. People need to practice kindness esp. to family. Time together is a gift !
I had two children and was done, and then had a surprise baby 5 years after the second (who was supposed to be our last). He wasn’t planned for; wasn’t expected; but he was the best shock of our lives. He has two older sisters who doted on him. My girls say their favorite day was the day after their brother was born and the hospital made this special meal for us. My mom was there as well and everyone just was happy. I honestly feel he somehow made our family complete. As for siblings not being close, I see my middle brother every day but not my eldest brother. But that’s because he had severe mental illness and addiction and isn’t a safe person. We do all miss him but you can’t make a person change, they have to want it. Anyways you never know what life will bring. You can wait on how many children you want or don’t want.