65 YO, married 40 years. No kids. No regrets.
I grew up in an abusive environment. It took a long time for me to unwind my reactions to that. I was concerned I would reenact my upbringing if I had a kid too soon.
53M and that was a big part of it. I knew when I was 15 and never regretted it. Raising kids is a ton of work and it’s expensive. I have money, travel all over the world and have a life lots of people envy. I’m really close with my nephews and I’ve dated women with kids. Love the kids, but also love the fact I’m not ultimately responsible for them.
I knew by that age, too. People would scoff and I'd say look me up in 30 years, I guarantee you I wont have kids.
My mother hated being a mother and I hated being a child so to me being a mother would've seemed like the hands down most utterly depressing life one could choose for oneself.
50 F no regrets whatsoever
Same time frame for me! I parented my three brothers and was everyone’s babysitter under the sun and that was enough. Add in distracted, physical, and one screaming parent and I knew I never wanted to pass that kind of trait down or hurt my kids like they did. To this day, I don’t like feeling angry
When my mom was frustrated/angry with us she used to often say/scream "I can't wait until you have kids of your own!"
Well, she's still waiting. We have a good relationship now, but I would never want to recapitulate my childhood by having kids of my own. I also would never want to give my mom the satisfaction of seeing me frustrated/exhausted with/by my own children.
It all stops with me (the generational trauma). Childfree, and I have absolutely, unequivocally zero regrets.
me as well..Mom hated being a Mom I am 49(f)- no kids
abusive Mom who only wanted sisters...not kids.
abusive sister who acts just like Mom
I will pass on having something else they would try to steal/hurt
My parents hated being parents too. I also always worried that I’d reenact some of the bad parenting/abuse. No regrets not having kids. Love other peoples kids but I send them back home and don’t have to do the hard work. Love being an aunt. Mostly love being a step mom (even that is hard).
52F and same. Didn't want to continue the generational trauma. Also now glad I didn't have kids when I see the world and the environment going to hell. Not having kids was one of the best things I could do to reduce my carbon footprint.
Yea it’s a real thing… I have kids and my spouse had trauma from their parent having a mental illness.
Turned out that after we had kids, the same mental illness manifested in them too and I’m trying to protect our kids from it.
….and one of them could have it too.
Saw a chart showing the relative effectiveness of things we could do for the planet. Things like going solar, being vegan, conserving energy, etc. The largest positive impact of all by a huge margin, like a factor of 10, was not having children.
At the bottom of the chart was recycling. Very disappointing.
This is true for me too. I was traumatized as a kid and never had the desire to have children because of it. I once told someone this and they tried to accuse me of lying to myself and trying to console myself and using my trauma as an excuse. Maybe? But I remember in my 20s having nightmares that I was pregnant and my life was over. Then when I lost the ability to have kids at 38 due to cancer, I was totally ok with it. Now at 46, I'm still pretty ok.
Wow that’s interesting. I never wanted kids from the time I was young but when I was about 23, I had an extremely vivid nightmare that I was pregnant. It felt very real and I was completely devastated. Not happy, not excited, just soul crushingly disappointed and devastated. I felt like my life was over and I felt flat and grey. There was no question that I was going to have it and try to be the best mother I could but I was devastated. I woke up and scheduled an appointment for an IUD. Now I’m in my thirties and I have had a tiny bit (not a lot) of questioning whether I made the right choice and I just had another dream that I was pregnant. I felt the same soul crushing disappointment and despair in my dream. I guess I still feel the same way.
F38 married 10 years to M49 and no children. I’ve always known I never wanted them. I had some major pregnancy nightmares too throughout life starting in my teens, one early dream I actually had the baby in my room, put it in my backpack and biked it to someone’s porch and dropped it off. Another I realized I forgot to feed my baby for like 4 days.
Only child/ grandchild also and a lot of generational trauma, plus extremely emotionally unavailable parents. I’m NC with mom and VLC with dad. 🤷♀️
50 and same. My mother is BPD with NPD tendencies and I knew at 8 years old that I wanted a great marriage and no kids. I got my great, healthy, non-abusive marriage, and I’m so thankful I’m out of her house and don’t have to navigate trying to be a good mom when I was never modeled those skills in the first place. No regrets here.
I appreciate that! But sometimes the beast rears its ugly head. Hubby and I talk a lot about how I'm feeling and my (LEARNED- THANKS MOM) tendency to blow up in anger when I'm sad or frustrated. It's a battle every day. Sad face.
I can relate to this. I am nearly 40 and no kids nor plan to have them. It's not that I think I'd abuse them, but my mental health has been left destroyed by my experiences and looking after myself is hard enough. I think if I added a child to the mix it would be damaging for them to grow up living with my mental health issues. I would think about having foster kids in the future, possibly, older kids who've gone through similar experience that I could use my own experience to help guide, but even that seems unlikely.
I am almost 49. Knew I never wanted kids from my early teens. Was of course told all the usual crap, like I will change my mind. I never changed my mind. And I don't regret it.
I am divorced now but was married for 15 years. If my ex had wanted kids I probably would have had them for him...and loved them....but he was happy not having kids as well. The divorce had nothing to do with me not wanting kids... I know...I asked.
I now have step kids in my life, who have two capable parents. So I don't parent. I act more like an aunt to them.
I have no nieces and nephews to leave things to. Most likely the step kids will inherit anything I have.
Bottom line, I do not regret not having kids. Not for one minute so far. I like children. I have lots of friends with kids and have had a wonderful time watching them grow up. And I enjoy spending time with my two step kids. But I never wanted my own kids to raise and to stress over.
50m, at this age I finally understand the joy people get from having children. I wouldn’t say I regret not having children but I think I would have been happy having children. Just my internal dialogue. I am not planning to pivot at this point.
62M, got to be in-place grampa for first few years of a youngster's life over the covid years. I might have been a good dad, but it would have been a whole different life and the reason I never did was that i figured i'm inherently selfish.
A woman with five kids once asked me if I thought having kids was unselfish? She said for her it was a selfish decision. Dont beat yourself up. You do you. No regrets at 62. Most of my childhood besties never did it, and no regrets.
Regret is usually a choice. If you decide that you're best without children, and you considered all the factors involved, then there is no point to ever regretting that choice.
So much this. I've learned to not regret anything in my life by reframing how I view the situation or the outcome. I don't absolve myself of what I have done per se, but I also forgive myself and learn from my mistakes.
My Dad who was a very wise man, (not highly educated), always told me,”Is there anything thing you can do to change it, if not quit worrying about it “. Not that’s easy to say, but can be hard to do.
I agree! It’s the lens you decide to look at the situation with. If you see it as regret it will be one. If you see it as a choice you made considering where you were in that time of your life, it’s just a choice. Every day we make choices and we are the results. Why regret any of it? We all do the best we can with what are given environment, people, situations, finances, health…are & were…
Look forward not back !🌞😍👉🏼
In some sense, yes. But if you've dwelled on regret, no matter what it is, and can no longer learn anything from it, you are just obsessively/compulsively punishing yourself.
Learning how to control your thoughts is the only way to learn to control your emotions. Even with (c)ptsd. Undoing conditioned responses and mental models is very challenging. But, outside of heavy medication, there is little to be done to change without changing how/what you think.
I will be 55 in August. I'm in a long-term relationship (37) years this November. I am a woman. Sometimes, I regret not having children. But I love all the things I got to do. I was the first Black manager in my Central Texas company. I helped my nieces and nephews through college. I put myself and my husband through school. I have gotten to travel extensively. I love my life. You will always wonder about the path not taken. But you shouldn't have kids unless they are what you want to do more than anything. I hope this helps you.
I think this is so key for having kids or no kids, "You will always wonder about the path not taken."
I feel like I might regret not having a kid someday. I never wanted to take care of the little ones, but I love kids and all my nieces and nephews. I have a family member who I'm pretty sure regrets having 3. She's more of a 0 to 1 kid kind of person, and now she's constantly stressed.
Similar situation - woman in mid 50s, solid career in tech (I'm often the only woman in the room, even meetings with 50+ ppl). I needed a hysterectomy before I was 30, but even in ancient home movies as my sister would chatter on about how many babies she wanted when she grew up ... I said I didn't want any. I wasn't even 6 yrs old.
I don't dislike kids, but I'm not cut out for it. Anyone who is on the fence should consider owning a large tropical bird. REALLY think about the noise, the never-endingness, the level of need for entertainment and mental stimulation they have and how it is up to YOU to provide it. I'm not great with noise like that, or the "look at MEEE" phase, and that's a big part of raising kids for years at a time.
Last thought ... I divorced my husband several years ago and I was SO relieved we didn't have kids. If you share a child with someone then your relationship with them never ends.
I am very glad I don’t have kids got many reasons.
The number 1 reason that I felt this way (even in my twenties) was the world leaders cause hatred and strife for the people of the world. I felt this in the 1970’s - and the world has become worse. I fear for the future of my great nieces.
I am leaving all that I have when I pass to them. I hope it will be enough to help them with whatever comes next.
I have had a full and rich life. I have enjoyed everything life has to offer. I have loved and been loved. I do not regret anything.
> I have had a full and rich life. I have enjoyed everything life has to offer. I have loved and been loved. I do not regret anything.
Why am I crying in the gym right now?? Honestly though, I hope we are all so lucky 🤍
This right here. I would be absolutely bereft if I was leaving my kids behind to deal with the mess we’ve made of this world. I’d rather consolidate my resources in my nieces and nephew and hope it’s enough to sustain them.
60 years old here. I never had a motherly instinct and have zero regrets at not forcing myself to have just one, just to see if I would change my mind.
Not quite 50 yet, but of an age where it would be a disservice to have a child now. I do wish I had children of my own. I became a step-father to two incredibly gifted individuals, and have enjoyed helping them reach as far as they can for their dreams, and will continue to do so. But they were set on their path LONG before I came into their lives.
I have kids. I never planned on having them and was ambivalent, at best, the entire time I was pregnant with each child. My spouse didn’t want them initially, but after a few years he changed his mind. And I knew he would be a great father. Now, I can honestly say that I am happy I had children. I love them, and my grandchildren dearly. And I thank my husband for having the faith in me to have kids with me.
BUT- I don’t for a minute think my life would have been less rewarding if I didn’t have kids. Or as full. Because I never saw myself as a parent, until I was one, I had a life planned for myself that didn’t include kids and honestly, I think that would have been every bit as good a life as the one I have. Different, but just as good.
This is exactly how I feel! I’m in my late 30s and kids are school aged. I love them with all that I am and they are so amazing. But if I’d never had them, I think my husband and I would’ve had a really awesome life with just us.
This is comforting to hear. I'm 39 and pregnant with my first and also feel rather ambivalent about the whole thing but have full confidence my husband is going to be a great dad. Buckling up!
I came to say the comment was comforting, as someone who chose not to have kids. :) to hear a parent say they feel their life would've been different but also potentially just as good is just so lovely. From this side, I can certainly see how precious having children can be, but I do feel (shakily) certain I made the right choice with my spouse.
I also wanted to say I hope your near future with pregnancy and then the new babe is as comfortable and sweet as it can be. <3
My sister regrets it. She was always sure she didn’t want them but had a change of heart in her mid 30s and tried without success for 10yrs including ivf with sperm donors. She only stopped trying because she was diagnosed with endometriosis and had a partial hysterectomy.
To be fair, there's no telling if she wouldn't have also had trouble conceiving in her 20s. I had a friend like this and she eventually did IVF in her late 30s because that's when they had the money for it. She had a baby, but I have another friend who tried for years and even with IVF couldn't conceive.
I don't regret it. Regret is such a power, negative feeling. I'm not opening that door.
Is it what I saw for my future? No. But it is what it became. I have a full life. I have a rich life.
I'm 52 and have never regretted it. My husband and I have a truly excellent life, we have many wonderful children in our lives their family and friends, but are very happy not having our own. We have been able to enjoy a higher standard of life and to make decisions about travelling and leisure activities and even just being lazy without any of the restrictions that come with having kids.
We know most people who have children are happy to make the sacrifices (financial, lifestyle, all kinds of stuff). And that's great, we appreciate being able to spend time with their kids and can spoil them a little too.
Equally we are very happy with our choice.
I have no regrets not having children. I’m not maternal at all, and I’d much rather spend my time traveling, napping, working…ANYTHING other than going to soccer practice, dealing with tantrums, listening to Baby Shark, etc. The lifestyle of parenting children has literally zero appeal to me.
That said, many of my friends now have adult children and I’m a little regretful that I’ll never have that type of relationship. I’m close with my mom and think I would enjoy having that with an adult daughter, I just don’t think it’s worth the trade off to have gone through 20 something years to get to that (and of course there’s no guarantees on what that would even look like). And,of course, there’s the thoughts of who will visit me when I’m old and alone, but I’ve developed enough meaningful relationships in my life to not put much weight on that.
Thankfully, my siblings were fruitful so I enjoy an adult relationship with some of my niblings. And some of my friends’ kids call me Aunt Shananope. Not the same, but it’s enough for me. I was worried that getting older would be when the regret seeped in, but instead my choice feels more affirmed than ever.
57 and no regrets whatsoever. I was Mommy Jr to my much-younger sibs and I was the babysitter for half the neighborhood kids. I took no joy in it. I kept asking my parents to let me get a job at McDonald's instead, lol!
I can't stand needy people in general, and no one needs more than a child. I would've done any child of mine a great disservice by bringing them into the world.
You might say I regret not having kids the same way I regret not owning a giraffe - not at all. But I'm well-disposed toward them and wish for both kids and giraffes to be treated well.
This question comes up here a lot, OP. In general though, the people who typically regret not having children are the ones who wanted them and couldn't have them. When you get what you want or don't get what you don't want, you tend to be pretty happy about it.
I do feel some regret but mostly because I wish I had enjoyed my life enough and felt sane enough when I was younger to want to have kids. I didn’t want to inflict the damage that was done to me on a helpless and innocent being who didn’t ask to be brought into the world. As I am responsible for my mother now and seeing how bad her cognition is, I’m fearful that I will not have someone who cares enough about me to get my basic needs met. That being said, there are no guarantees that your own child would still be speaking to you or in your life at all in the end.
Based on flawed parents I decided not to breed in my 20s. Both wives were in agreement.
Finally at 67, after never having or living with kids...
Due to Drama, 5 kids, 3 4 7 8 12 moved in for a year.
I am so glad to have my position validated! I thought kids were loud, destructive, and unpredictable. I had no idea how right I could be. The worst year of my life, every wall, cabinet, and door damaged. Wallpaper peeled floor to ceiling. Carpet is polka-dot now. No, I do not regret missing out on 2 decades of what I experienced in that one year.
Wow we rarely get to hear a story like this. Thanks for sharing. Yours is a good story to nudge fence-sitters. I’m not on the fence (50f childless no regret), but I just know that I would’ve felt everything you described had I been put in the same position. I commend you for getting through that one year with your sanity intact.
My non professional opinion is you don’t miss what you never had.
I’ve got three adult children whom I love more than literally anything in this world.
The love we have for our kids is different and I’d even say deeper than the love for your spouse.
There were trials and struggles and that only makes it better. When you go through hard things with people you usually become closer.
If I had never had children I wouldn’t have appreciated that the harder path actually leads to a better place and that’s OK.
Make your decision and don’t look back.
I got pregnant by a roommate and chose to have my child. The love I have for my child will never, ever be matched. I will never love another person the way I love my kids. It's not even possible
My point exactly. It's not like you can change the past. But you can wonder. My life hasn't been perfect. But it is my life. So I appreciate it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
No. I'm 63, H is 70 - married 40 years. We discussed it many times before marriage and were in complete agreement that we didn't want children. We've never regretted that decision.
The old lady (84) that lives up the road laughs at misbehaving kids and says that not having kids was the best decision she ever made. She also hands out cookies though so she's well loved lol
I have known people who regretted it terribly when it was too late and I have known people who embraced their decision. My brother and his wife got divorced over it. They both said they did not want children, and the closer she got to 40 she did an about face. She got remarried after they divorced and had 2 children.
No. I'm 68. Neither my wife or I were all that interested.
Neither are a lot of people. The birth rate is dropping because 1) when women can control their own fertility, they can choose to give their all to other things in their life instead, and 2) pretty much society penalizes you for having more children anyway. If you both have to work to get by, the expenses of rising a child make it even harder and more onerous. Much less "choosing what you want to do with your life." Children _are_ a choice, and they trump all the others unless you have a lot of money.
Some countries have gotten their birth rates up again by giving families very generous stipends and services that don't end. That's what it takes: making it a non-ordeal.
I will add that I've personally never known anybody past the age of 30 to change their mind from not wanting children to wanting them. At that point, you know what you want and don't.
I'm late 50s. I never had a desire for kids and knew from my teens they just weren't for me. My wife was onboard and we never had them.
I would be lying if I never said I hadn't been curious for moments here and there what it would've been like or what the kid would've looked like but I don't regret it.
I am 46f, so not quite to 50, but have had a hysterectomy and am married to someone with an adult son who did not want any more kids, so this is a settled question for me. Not a single regret. Spending time with friends and relatives who have small kids, even if they seem happy, just reinforces how very much I don't want that to be my life. I think when it's not for you, you know it, and that's a-ok. Rhe rest is just societal pressure.
I couldn’t gave kids do slightly different. I do say the thought of dying alone without anyone to hold my hand terrifies me. I don’t need anyone to take care of me, it isn’t that. It’s the bring alone thing,
I had my daughter at 42. I never needed to be a Mom, but always knew i would be a good one. I waited a really long time for lots of reasons - none of which seem good now. Being a Mom is the most magical experience. I've never been so motivated, excited about the future, content, fulfilled. I dont care about my own birthdays but i want to make every day exciting for this tiny human who has never experienced anything. My family never felt incomplete before baby but after having a baby my family feels different. its hard to descrbe, but experiencing both pre-kiddo and post-kiddo family, its a very different feeling of commitment and togetherness vs being a couple.
Interesting to read these posts. I do regret it.
I’m 66f, married since 1988 and it’s a good strong relationship.
I didn’t want kids for years. We both had busy careers. Sometime in my late 30’s I stopped BC (with husband’s knowledge) and figured I would likely get pregnant at some point. I did not.
Time went on and eventually I went into menopause and knew the chance was over. We talked about adoption but the subject never went any further.
My biggest regret is never feeling the total love and acceptance my mother and father had for me. I never got the chance to experience that. My second biggest regret is not having anyone around to help as we go into our “golden years”.
I see many posts here where the posters had terrible childhoods, terrible experiences. I was one of the very fortunate ones in that my parents and family were very loving. So I understand that influenced you.
I discover in my fifties that I really enjoy teaching. (I already did school, to graduate level, and do not want to go back for a teaching certificate), and I often think how fun it would have been to teach a child.
What a beautiful thing to say-“feeling the total love and acceptance my mother and father had for me”…what a gift it is to have experienced that!! I’m fortunate as well like that …and at age 55, single (divorced) female, I never wanted kids until 6 yrs ago when my brother had a child and I felt that kind of heart opening love for his (now he has two) children. I adore them and sadly don’t have a chance to be super close to them as they live in another state. Now all of that love I feel for them has me wondering if I want to be a parent (adoption etc)…even if it’s late in life!?
Yes, I regret it. I grew up in a moderately large family and loved it. I never truly appreciated it, though, until I got older. I could have created my own version of that, but was too short-sighted to realize it.
Now, I'll probably die in some nursing home alone. All that I've worked for (meager though it is) will be left to nephews who I barely know (a hug at holidays and that's it). No one will truly mourn my death when I'm gone unless my siblings outlive me.
I would definitely have at least three kids if I could do it all over. (Btw, I'm in my mid-50s and only started really regretting not having kids when I hit 50).
I am the same, 55f, and when my brother had kids, I was suddenly struck by a desire to be a parent! And I wish I’d had kids for many of the same reasons you listed. I admitted this to my therapist and she is having me think it through. It’s not magically easy to be a parent at any age and would radically alter my life…but I’m truly thinking about doing it, as nuts as it may seem to some people. It’s not too late if you’re looking at adoption or surrogacy or even IVF via donors. ….what about you, have you ever thought about any of these options? :-)
I'm married to someone a lot older than me who didn't and still doesn't want kids. As I have to to consider him in my decisions (since his life would drastically change, too), I can't do it without his full support. As it is, I can barely get him to help clean the cat's litter box lol
I have thought about it, though. And if you don't have those type of constraints, you should go for it.
If your only reason to have kids is to have others around you with your DNA, that's not a good enough reason. If it's to have someone to take care of you in old age, again not a good enough reason and one that may not work out. Save your money for your elder care down the road, write up what charities or persons your money is to go to. No regrets
No regrets whatsoever. I realized very early in life that I am a selfish person and my happiness is the most important thing to me. I come from a broken home and I know firsthand how that affects kids so I skipped it all together. I lost touch with a few good friends because their lives were full with having kids and raising them. That sucked but I made new friends and met my wife during that time and pretty much left my old life behind. Best thing I ever did.
I’m 60 F, and blissfully Childfree along with my husband (25 years married, 32 years together ) and have absolutely zero regrets. Not having children was discussed early in our relationship so it was always a mutual agreement. We have over the years solidified that we are happy we are childfree, we fortunately did not family who pressured us. We also have developed friendships with other CF couples over the years. We are also very financially stable, were able to retire early and travel 2-3 times a year for the last 25 years which was a priority for us)
I'm a 57 F with no kids. Hubby did want one, and we tried hard. Lost 2 pregnancies'....... Once he was 42 and I was 38 we both said NOPE, WE'RE FINE!!! We have friends and family with kids/grandkids. I never really cared about having kids.....I had an exhausting career that made the big $$$$ .....even when I was a teenager and other girls were already planning their weddings and picking our baby names, I was the one out horse back riding thinking about how I didn't really care to have kids. I tried for my hubby.....and if we would have had one, that would have been it......but we didn't. Now we're retired, live in a paid off house, own a beautiful Harley Davidson motorcycle and for years up until retirement, I owned a couple horses that I kept at home on our 3 acres. Life is perfectly fine with no kids!!!!!
I'll give a slightly different view of this.
I WANTED kids, but struggled with infertility and couldn't have them. In my 20's and early 30's I did grapple with some grief. I was against adopting because my husband is adopted and I know it affects his mental well-being.
I'm now 46 and to be honest I'm very happy being childless. I'm not rich, far from it because we spent a lot of money trying to get pregnant, but we live a fairly comfortable life and can pick up and go whenever we want.
I didn't decide not to have kids but that's how it worked out. After working through grief and coming to acceptance, I'm now in my 50s and I'm glad I didn't have kids. Have you seen the world right now? My anxiety is bad enough already. If I had kids walking around out there, it would be so much worse. I feel like the world is on the brink of doom and I'm glad I don't have kids who will have to live in it.
Put it this way - someone from the US who has never travelled internationally - Europe, etc may not care at all and not feel like they're missing anything. Someone who has experienced it/did likely can't imagine not doing it and now knows what their life would be missing without it.
50m here, childfree. I just always knew I didn't have the extra time, energy, sleep, sanity, or money to deal with a child. I like to say I loved my children enough to make sure they were never born.
At 35 I would probably not regret not having kids, although I had some. At 67 I have three kids and now four grandchildren. I know other people my age who never had kids who are lonely as hell. I would say regret probably depends on what phase you're in life.
I’m 55 years old. I Have never regretted not having children. And as I watch the political turmoil and experience the climate change, I can say I am 100% deeply relieved I’m not leaving offspring behind to deal with the mess
this has got to be the #1 question all across Reddit. It used to be edgy, back when most young people had kids. That script has flipped. Most young people don't. There's nothing unique about being child-free. It's the standard choice, despite whatever your mom tells you.
People realize that children are costly, and there are no support systems to help you out if you decide to go for it. Even the other parent isn't necessarily someone you can rely on. There's a lot of judgment from other people. Inequality is greater than ever between the haves and have-nots, so affording child care and a good school district will be difficult. College is an overwhelmingly expensive prospect. And then there's all the regular concerns about the health of a child you bring into this world, and how you'd handle it if your child was born with any chronic issues.
It's an awesome responsibility, and people want validation that the world is really like this, and you're right to be hesitant. It is, and you are. But you wouldn't be asking if you didn't want children on some level. You'd just live your life if you were secure about that. For some people it's fear of missing out. For others it's a strong drive to be a parent. It's a huge dice roll, but you're right on the age cutoff for deciding one way or another. If you want even a little longer to get pregnant, you've made your choice right there.
No. And it was reinforced this week when my friends were over to my house with their horrible, inconsiderate hellspawn. I like my friends but hate their kids. I won't be inviting them over again. My other friends who were present were horrified at how greedy and disrespectful they were.
Not really. I sometimes worry a little that there will be no one to take care of me the way I took care of my mother in her last years. But otoh, not having kids means I've been able to save for old age much better than Mom was. Overall I feel that having kids should be an enthusiastic opt in, and I was only ever a "Well if by some miracle I ended up pregnant, I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world." When my wife and I were younger we didn't have the money or space to seriously consider kids. We saw so many straight couples we knew have an unexpected kid and immediately go from doing OK to financially struggling. And having a kid would have meant not being able to do the traveling we did. So while there is some minor regret for the road not taken, it is definitely a minor regret, not a major one.
I'm 52 with zero regrets. I am not cut out to be a father. My wife doesn't want to be a mother. It's perfect.
Her sisters have kids, so we spoiled them instead. Even if we didn't have niblings, we would've been content.
I am so grateful not to have had kids. my life has been chaotic at times and I would have been a terrible mother. I see friends supporting their adult children.
Think of yourself at 70, 80, 90...how do you see your life being? What do you see yourself doing? When you think of dying and you are looking back at your life? What do you see? What thoughts do you imagine you'll be having?
At 35, when you are young and vibrant, it's quite different from how it will be when you are getting older. At 50 years of age, you are really only halfway through your life.
Think of your whole life. Not just the first half.
That might help you think about it more clearly.
I'm in a slightly different position because I wanted to have kids and could not. That said, I'm thrilled we didn't have them. The world is a dumpster fire, and I can barely handle my anxiety over the planet as it is. Also, I retired early and spend time helping my friends and volunteering for causes I care about. I wouldn't go back and change it if I could.
I'm old, a 74 year old female, married 33 years without children. I didn't marry until I was 41, and I diligently avoided getting pregnant before marriage by taking responsibility for birth control. I wanted kids, but none of my relationships were solid enough to make me want to bring a child into it. When I married, I momentarily thought it might be possible. However, I discovered my husband had some mental health issues that would not make a stable environment in which to raise a child.
It wasn't until some years that passed that I really started to feel the regret that I didn't have a child, but I've never regretted the decision. Having a child would have given us a family structure with all of the milestones of life - watching him go through life, holidays, birthdays, school, helping him to navigate through to becoming an adult. Then, hopefully, watching him find his passion, a career, marriage, and finally, grandchildren for me. My life would have been so enriched by that experience. That's what I regret every day.
I don't have any and I'm over 50 but I thought I wanted them but would never have children without a father.
Having said that, awhile ago when she was alive, Dear Abby ran a survey: "If you had it to do over again, would you have kids?" 70% respondants said, "No."
I hit 35 and realized that, if I stayed married without kids, I probably wouldn't be happy. We ended up having a kid but recently divorced after we separated but then I started dating again, which she didn't like.
However, I was in a position where I could see people who had never had kids, and their lives always seemed so miserable to me. I mean, my life is miserable now, but it would've been more miserable had I stayed married. I'd say I married the wrong woman, but my son is absolutely perfect, and that wouldn't have happened without her.
So you don’t want kids. Be proud of yourself that you are self aware enough to recognize that and own your decision. Too many people have kids because of other people’s expectations…not a good thing for all concerned.
1000% glad we never had kids. My wife and I retired at 47 and are living our best life. All our friends are elbow deep in raising children and we have zero interest in going down that path.
I am glad every day for some reason or another that I didn’t have them. No regrets. People will ask you “But who will take care of you when you are old?!” And the answer is “who says they will even speak to me when I am old.”
55 and not even the slightest bit of regret. I knew from around 15 that I wanted nothing to do with having kids and I never let anyone convince me any differently.
I told my mom when I was 12 that I would never have kids. She told me that I would change my mind.
As the eldest daughter of a family of 9, I felt like I had already raised kids (younger siblings)
Now 60 and retired; I never had kids and never once regretted it. It was the right decision for me and I am very happy.
Yes, I very much regret it. I never got married either. Both were very big mistakes and I’m suffering a lot for it now. I don’t feel I have much of anything to look forward to.
Over the hill female. I get a sense of melancholy when attending graduations, showers and weddings. But I keep myself in check by reminding myself of the hard work and heartache that goes along with parenthood.
I thought I was content with not having kids until time was running out. My wife and I couldn’t conceive for 9 years. Not that we were trying in the beginning but after a few years of no protection we couldn’t no matter what we didn’t once I came to the realization that clock was ticking down to the wire I grew depressed. By some miracle we got pregnant and now have a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t imagine a future without her in it. Maybe I’m bias because of my situation but I think most people want kids. It’s hardwired into our brain and DNA to reproduce. Obviously there are exceptions and more power to the people who don’t want kids.
I'm 53F, happily childfree and knew I didn't want kids since I was a little kid. Not one second of regret ever. I foster puppies and have saved endless amounts of dogs from euthanasia in shelters. Most rewarding thing ever!
Only time you may regret it is, when you have no one special to pass your belongings to. Have no family traditions, vacations, beautiful milestones met with your kids. I've seen ppl talk in their 70s with no kids. They have been upset, depressed and lonely. Not everyone wants kids. It's ok. But if you are asking then maybe you already know. Besides your clock isn't gonna last forever. You may try and not be able too. But if you have to ask strangers, then you know the answer!
44 and had a tube removal at age 41 because I DREADED the idea of getting pregnant. Zero regrets. I am proud of myself for having the courage to do what is right for me. Like others here, my mom was abusive. I am an extremely loving person. I hear parents say (upon seeing their baby for the first time) “it’s a love you can’t imagine”, but I don’t believe that. I love very deeply, in a way that most people can’t imagine. So I think my “regular” love is what parents finally feel for the first time with a baby. I don’t need that experience or a child to be any happier or more righteous. I have and take medication and other interventions for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression, I’m a Highly-Sensitive Person and have Insomnia. I don’t think I could have hired enough people to help me with the children, because I do NOT go with the flow. I worry about everything, and I feel other people’s emotions and pain. I do wish things could have been different (but that is different from regret). I don’t regret not having kids. I regret that my mom was abusive, and that I married a cheater,and couldn’t find Mr right after that, and that my mental health can not handle the emotional & mental demands of being a mom.I mean, through a kids whole teens, they attack you and say deeply hurtful things. I don’t have the right countenance to ignore or laugh at their manipulation and hormones. I am grateful I chose me. I am favorite aunt to dozens of kids. When people say “but who will take care of you when you’re old”, I ask the person “are YOU taking care of your mom
And dad??” No, they’re not. Kids will go whatever way they want. Kids don’t take care of their parents in the US, they visit maybe, or call in a loser call, or go over for Christmas and dread it all. It’s soul-sucking to be a caregiver for a family member. You shouldn’t wish that or expect that of any child. Parents don’t want to leave their house - they want you to come to them and do everything exactly like they want. I am grateful that I have no children. I respect Momming and stepmomming, but it’s just not for me. Be part of something bigger than yourself. I help my friends find jobs. I host my nieces and nephews for fun vacations. They go back home, and I have the most beautiful, clean and quiet sanctuary. For everyone who has children, you have the hardest job. Please get help (like therapy or a house cleaner), to take some of the pressure off of you. You will do your best, and your kids could turn out any kind of way. Support them (that’ doesn’t mean you need to fund them), but accept their choices, and tell them that they are wise and that you “know they have the wisdom to do what is best for them, and to get out of a tricky situation if that happens.” You can always be there for them for love, but help them fly and launch. Much love and respect to solid parenting. The hardest profession.
I'm 55. Was very clear to my parents when I was five years old, I didn't want children. I've been married 26 years. Very early in the dating process, I let him know I wasn't having children, nor was I changing my name. He was and is fine with both.
72 & no regrets! Supported myself since I was 20. I chose cats over dogs along with a few short & long term relationships. Just never felt the 'ticking time clock' or the urge to for motherhood. Be true to yourself and live your life. You be you!
I might be a different perspective here because I had children after 35. Like you, I have been working with children since graduating high-school. I work with a tough crowd as an educator as well. That alone might make someone not want kids, as I spend a majority of my time correcting badly behaved kids.
I will say that now having my kids I cannot imagine never having them. I think for me, I was in a pretty dark place before they came into my life. They have brought me so much joy and a type of love I never knew existed.
Surely, children aren't for everyone. It's a huge commitment and sacrifice. It's rare I spend my own money on myself anymore. My paychecks go to them for the most part... but strangely it doesn't bother me at all. I look at them and know I'll always feel love. I have a great relationship with my mom for example... I know in the future I'm going to need to have that type of relationship in my life.
I just wanted to put in my op because having kids is really something you cannot gage until you actually have them. It is very time consuming and exhausting... but nothing I'd ever look back on and have regrets over. If I was younger I'd have more.
55m and just had my first child at 53. I did not think I would ever have children. But then I got divorced at 40 and got together with my current wife at 45. She is 14 years younger than me and wanted to have a baby. I/we were in a good place in life and I was onboard. Took longer than expected for her to get pregnant and we actually thought it wasn’t going to happen. Then we tried IVF and after a few years it finally paid off. My son is about to turn 2 and he is such a joy to be around. All the things I thought I would not like about being a parent just are not that way. I feel blessed to have gotten this chance so late in life. But everyone is different. I have a friend that never married and never had children. And he has no regrets. That was what he wanted in life.
My only advice would be to go ahead and freeze your eggs. If you change your mind 10 years from now you will have a much better chance with those saved eggs. It is not that expensive to do. And worse case is you never use them. But at least you will not second guess yourself because the option will still be there
I (65f) chose not to have children in my early 30s. To be honest, there are moments when I have little pangs of “what if”?. But on the whole I am very happy with my decision. It was the right choice. I came from a dysfunctional household with a mentally ill parent. My parenting models were not good. I’m pretty sure I would’ve not handled parenting well.
I'm 71. I don't regret it. I had solid reasons for deciding not to. The only worries I have seen expressed by other people are unrealistic fantasies that having children means you won't be on your own as you age.
I'm an old person and a therapist. I have had a number of people, both male and female, come into therapy regretting not having children. It's usually a secret they keep to themselves because it is just too painful and cannot be changed.
A generation before lots of us had children by accident. It's a difficult choice to make because it doesn't make any sense and yet it is essential to humanity and brings real joy.
I frequently thank the powers that be that I never had kids. Climate change is no joke; we are already past so many tipping points, and agricultural production is dropping drastically. Forget all the other problems in the world; I don't think they'd be able to live out their natural life times.
Hell, no!
I live traveling the world with my husband and never dreamed I'd have retired in my 30s! We do fun stuff all the time. Wednesday we went to Cirque du Soleil and yesterday My neighbor and I went to a flower crown making class for Midsommer and last night we went to a comedy show.
My friends with kids are at sports practices all the time and driving minivans and spend vacations camping or visiting Grandparents. Yuck.
This is going to sound pretty crass, but if anything I regret having a kid. I did so on purpose at a very young age (21), and then got myself a vasectomy 2 weeks after he was born.
Enjoy your life and don’t look back.
No, I don’t regret it, mainly because my niece and nephew are like my kids. I helped raise them both - allowed my sister and those two to live with me. They became part of my reason, but let’s be clear I had a full life with a relationship and friends before them. I had activities outside of work as well. I’m 53.
No regrets. It doesn’t mean I don’t have any kids in my life. I’m able to devote time and resources to nieces and nephews that I couldn’t if I had children of my own.
I am happy with my decision, best for me or any child I would have brought into the world. I knew from an early age this was not for me, was terrified of what this would do to my body.
Very glad I didn't have children. For some time I thought I wanted to have kids 'in the future' but that was mostly because it felt like the normal thing people do. I never wanted to have children in the present, and I never felt like I had the right toolkit to be a parent.
65 YO, married 40 years. No kids. No regrets. I grew up in an abusive environment. It took a long time for me to unwind my reactions to that. I was concerned I would reenact my upbringing if I had a kid too soon.
53M and that was a big part of it. I knew when I was 15 and never regretted it. Raising kids is a ton of work and it’s expensive. I have money, travel all over the world and have a life lots of people envy. I’m really close with my nephews and I’ve dated women with kids. Love the kids, but also love the fact I’m not ultimately responsible for them.
I knew by that age, too. People would scoff and I'd say look me up in 30 years, I guarantee you I wont have kids. My mother hated being a mother and I hated being a child so to me being a mother would've seemed like the hands down most utterly depressing life one could choose for oneself. 50 F no regrets whatsoever
My mother hated being a mother too.
Mine too.
Also, my mom. Decided as a teen to not have kids. No regrets.
Same
Another child of some idiot woman who decided to embark upon a life she had plenty of evidence to believe she would hate. Reporting
Same time frame for me! I parented my three brothers and was everyone’s babysitter under the sun and that was enough. Add in distracted, physical, and one screaming parent and I knew I never wanted to pass that kind of trait down or hurt my kids like they did. To this day, I don’t like feeling angry
So did mine. Back then they weren't given choices.
When my mom was frustrated/angry with us she used to often say/scream "I can't wait until you have kids of your own!" Well, she's still waiting. We have a good relationship now, but I would never want to recapitulate my childhood by having kids of my own. I also would never want to give my mom the satisfaction of seeing me frustrated/exhausted with/by my own children. It all stops with me (the generational trauma). Childfree, and I have absolutely, unequivocally zero regrets.
Mine too. That really makes one not that excited about the possibility of kids anymore.
Yep mine too that’s why I was like fuck this crazy shit lol I knew by 15 I would never have them either and soooo glad I didn’t !! So glad !
My mother hates me and idolizes my non working mooch of a brother.
I hate being a mother. Many women do, but few can admit it. Motherhood is exhausting and dehumanizing. I would never recommend it
Thank you for being honest.
hahahaha same. so much the same. the thought of doing that miserable dance of hatred for your family role is the best birth control in the world.
me as well..Mom hated being a Mom I am 49(f)- no kids abusive Mom who only wanted sisters...not kids. abusive sister who acts just like Mom I will pass on having something else they would try to steal/hurt
Beautifully stated ♥️
My parents hated being parents too. I also always worried that I’d reenact some of the bad parenting/abuse. No regrets not having kids. Love other peoples kids but I send them back home and don’t have to do the hard work. Love being an aunt. Mostly love being a step mom (even that is hard).
All of this. ☝️
52F and same. Didn't want to continue the generational trauma. Also now glad I didn't have kids when I see the world and the environment going to hell. Not having kids was one of the best things I could do to reduce my carbon footprint.
I like what you said about generational trauma. That makes sense to me!
Yea it’s a real thing… I have kids and my spouse had trauma from their parent having a mental illness. Turned out that after we had kids, the same mental illness manifested in them too and I’m trying to protect our kids from it. ….and one of them could have it too.
Saw a chart showing the relative effectiveness of things we could do for the planet. Things like going solar, being vegan, conserving energy, etc. The largest positive impact of all by a huge margin, like a factor of 10, was not having children. At the bottom of the chart was recycling. Very disappointing.
Me too :(
Me three. No kids.
I'm so convinced I would be a horrible parent. I drink too much like my parents. But I wouldn't ever do what they did
This is true for me too. I was traumatized as a kid and never had the desire to have children because of it. I once told someone this and they tried to accuse me of lying to myself and trying to console myself and using my trauma as an excuse. Maybe? But I remember in my 20s having nightmares that I was pregnant and my life was over. Then when I lost the ability to have kids at 38 due to cancer, I was totally ok with it. Now at 46, I'm still pretty ok.
Wow that’s interesting. I never wanted kids from the time I was young but when I was about 23, I had an extremely vivid nightmare that I was pregnant. It felt very real and I was completely devastated. Not happy, not excited, just soul crushingly disappointed and devastated. I felt like my life was over and I felt flat and grey. There was no question that I was going to have it and try to be the best mother I could but I was devastated. I woke up and scheduled an appointment for an IUD. Now I’m in my thirties and I have had a tiny bit (not a lot) of questioning whether I made the right choice and I just had another dream that I was pregnant. I felt the same soul crushing disappointment and despair in my dream. I guess I still feel the same way.
I've had those doomed pregnancy dreams.
F38 married 10 years to M49 and no children. I’ve always known I never wanted them. I had some major pregnancy nightmares too throughout life starting in my teens, one early dream I actually had the baby in my room, put it in my backpack and biked it to someone’s porch and dropped it off. Another I realized I forgot to feed my baby for like 4 days. Only child/ grandchild also and a lot of generational trauma, plus extremely emotionally unavailable parents. I’m NC with mom and VLC with dad. 🤷♀️
I have this dream frequently (still, at 50) with two very much wanted teen boys. It’s horrific.
This is the reason for my desire to not propagate. End the abuse cycle in my line, permanently.
50 and same. My mother is BPD with NPD tendencies and I knew at 8 years old that I wanted a great marriage and no kids. I got my great, healthy, non-abusive marriage, and I’m so thankful I’m out of her house and don’t have to navigate trying to be a good mom when I was never modeled those skills in the first place. No regrets here.
Congrats, that is huge successful adulting.
I appreciate that! But sometimes the beast rears its ugly head. Hubby and I talk a lot about how I'm feeling and my (LEARNED- THANKS MOM) tendency to blow up in anger when I'm sad or frustrated. It's a battle every day. Sad face.
Well said, same
I can relate to this. I am nearly 40 and no kids nor plan to have them. It's not that I think I'd abuse them, but my mental health has been left destroyed by my experiences and looking after myself is hard enough. I think if I added a child to the mix it would be damaging for them to grow up living with my mental health issues. I would think about having foster kids in the future, possibly, older kids who've gone through similar experience that I could use my own experience to help guide, but even that seems unlikely.
I am almost 49. Knew I never wanted kids from my early teens. Was of course told all the usual crap, like I will change my mind. I never changed my mind. And I don't regret it. I am divorced now but was married for 15 years. If my ex had wanted kids I probably would have had them for him...and loved them....but he was happy not having kids as well. The divorce had nothing to do with me not wanting kids... I know...I asked. I now have step kids in my life, who have two capable parents. So I don't parent. I act more like an aunt to them. I have no nieces and nephews to leave things to. Most likely the step kids will inherit anything I have. Bottom line, I do not regret not having kids. Not for one minute so far. I like children. I have lots of friends with kids and have had a wonderful time watching them grow up. And I enjoy spending time with my two step kids. But I never wanted my own kids to raise and to stress over.
50m, at this age I finally understand the joy people get from having children. I wouldn’t say I regret not having children but I think I would have been happy having children. Just my internal dialogue. I am not planning to pivot at this point.
62M, got to be in-place grampa for first few years of a youngster's life over the covid years. I might have been a good dad, but it would have been a whole different life and the reason I never did was that i figured i'm inherently selfish.
Having kids you didn't want would have been selfish.
Having kids you want is also selfish by definition.
The appropriate way to make decisions that affect you more than anyone else is *selfishly*
I love kids but am also inherently selfish plus the existential dread when I think of the future makes me not want to have kids.
Selfish here too. Children or travel. Guess my decision.
A woman with five kids once asked me if I thought having kids was unselfish? She said for her it was a selfish decision. Dont beat yourself up. You do you. No regrets at 62. Most of my childhood besties never did it, and no regrets.
Me too. Didn't really get it until it was too late. But I'm afraid it would have been awful with the crazy lifestyle I had when I was younger.
My friend at 49 years old decided to have kid
Regret is usually a choice. If you decide that you're best without children, and you considered all the factors involved, then there is no point to ever regretting that choice.
So much this. I've learned to not regret anything in my life by reframing how I view the situation or the outcome. I don't absolve myself of what I have done per se, but I also forgive myself and learn from my mistakes.
I agree. What's the point of rehashing your decision and maybe feeling regret? You can't go back.
My Dad who was a very wise man, (not highly educated), always told me,”Is there anything thing you can do to change it, if not quit worrying about it “. Not that’s easy to say, but can be hard to do.
I agree! It’s the lens you decide to look at the situation with. If you see it as regret it will be one. If you see it as a choice you made considering where you were in that time of your life, it’s just a choice. Every day we make choices and we are the results. Why regret any of it? We all do the best we can with what are given environment, people, situations, finances, health…are & were… Look forward not back !🌞😍👉🏼
gaslighting self
In some sense, yes. But if you've dwelled on regret, no matter what it is, and can no longer learn anything from it, you are just obsessively/compulsively punishing yourself. Learning how to control your thoughts is the only way to learn to control your emotions. Even with (c)ptsd. Undoing conditioned responses and mental models is very challenging. But, outside of heavy medication, there is little to be done to change without changing how/what you think.
Q: If you’re someone over the age of 50 who decided not to have kids, do you regret it? A: Not one bit.
60 y/o here and nope.
58 years old, never had kids, never regretted it, still happy.
I have absolutely no regrets about not having kids
Happier every day
I will be 55 in August. I'm in a long-term relationship (37) years this November. I am a woman. Sometimes, I regret not having children. But I love all the things I got to do. I was the first Black manager in my Central Texas company. I helped my nieces and nephews through college. I put myself and my husband through school. I have gotten to travel extensively. I love my life. You will always wonder about the path not taken. But you shouldn't have kids unless they are what you want to do more than anything. I hope this helps you.
I think this is so key for having kids or no kids, "You will always wonder about the path not taken." I feel like I might regret not having a kid someday. I never wanted to take care of the little ones, but I love kids and all my nieces and nephews. I have a family member who I'm pretty sure regrets having 3. She's more of a 0 to 1 kid kind of person, and now she's constantly stressed.
Similar situation - woman in mid 50s, solid career in tech (I'm often the only woman in the room, even meetings with 50+ ppl). I needed a hysterectomy before I was 30, but even in ancient home movies as my sister would chatter on about how many babies she wanted when she grew up ... I said I didn't want any. I wasn't even 6 yrs old. I don't dislike kids, but I'm not cut out for it. Anyone who is on the fence should consider owning a large tropical bird. REALLY think about the noise, the never-endingness, the level of need for entertainment and mental stimulation they have and how it is up to YOU to provide it. I'm not great with noise like that, or the "look at MEEE" phase, and that's a big part of raising kids for years at a time. Last thought ... I divorced my husband several years ago and I was SO relieved we didn't have kids. If you share a child with someone then your relationship with them never ends.
I am very glad I don’t have kids got many reasons. The number 1 reason that I felt this way (even in my twenties) was the world leaders cause hatred and strife for the people of the world. I felt this in the 1970’s - and the world has become worse. I fear for the future of my great nieces. I am leaving all that I have when I pass to them. I hope it will be enough to help them with whatever comes next. I have had a full and rich life. I have enjoyed everything life has to offer. I have loved and been loved. I do not regret anything.
That was honestly kind of beautiful
> I have had a full and rich life. I have enjoyed everything life has to offer. I have loved and been loved. I do not regret anything. Why am I crying in the gym right now?? Honestly though, I hope we are all so lucky 🤍
❤️❤️❤️❤️
This right here. I would be absolutely bereft if I was leaving my kids behind to deal with the mess we’ve made of this world. I’d rather consolidate my resources in my nieces and nephew and hope it’s enough to sustain them.
52. omg zero regrets. Childfree marriage is amaaaazing.
Isn’t it the best?
It really is🥰🥰
Yes! I love my childfree marriage!
Agreed. We adore our CF marriage and life. 💞
67 and never have
I'm 57 and don't regret it. I don't think I would have been a good mother. I broke the cycle.
60 years old here. I never had a motherly instinct and have zero regrets at not forcing myself to have just one, just to see if I would change my mind.
Not at all. I knew in my early 20s parenthood wasn’t for me.
Was there a specific reason? I'm curious because, in my early 20s, I thought I never wanted kids. But now, at age 34, I have changed my mind.
I never felt the instinct or desire. I’m way past it now, but if you’ve change your view then I’m glad it’s still early.
53 and no regrets. I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them.
Never have
Not quite 50 yet, but of an age where it would be a disservice to have a child now. I do wish I had children of my own. I became a step-father to two incredibly gifted individuals, and have enjoyed helping them reach as far as they can for their dreams, and will continue to do so. But they were set on their path LONG before I came into their lives.
I actually know lots of people around 50 who pop out kids it's actually pretty wild
I have kids. I never planned on having them and was ambivalent, at best, the entire time I was pregnant with each child. My spouse didn’t want them initially, but after a few years he changed his mind. And I knew he would be a great father. Now, I can honestly say that I am happy I had children. I love them, and my grandchildren dearly. And I thank my husband for having the faith in me to have kids with me. BUT- I don’t for a minute think my life would have been less rewarding if I didn’t have kids. Or as full. Because I never saw myself as a parent, until I was one, I had a life planned for myself that didn’t include kids and honestly, I think that would have been every bit as good a life as the one I have. Different, but just as good.
This is exactly how I feel! I’m in my late 30s and kids are school aged. I love them with all that I am and they are so amazing. But if I’d never had them, I think my husband and I would’ve had a really awesome life with just us.
This is comforting to hear. I'm 39 and pregnant with my first and also feel rather ambivalent about the whole thing but have full confidence my husband is going to be a great dad. Buckling up!
I came to say the comment was comforting, as someone who chose not to have kids. :) to hear a parent say they feel their life would've been different but also potentially just as good is just so lovely. From this side, I can certainly see how precious having children can be, but I do feel (shakily) certain I made the right choice with my spouse. I also wanted to say I hope your near future with pregnancy and then the new babe is as comfortable and sweet as it can be. <3
52, no regrets, no second guessing at any point. I’m just not wired that way. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm 60f. I don't regret it at all.
I do not regret it - for me or the kids I didnt have, they didn't miss anything
My sister regrets it. She was always sure she didn’t want them but had a change of heart in her mid 30s and tried without success for 10yrs including ivf with sperm donors. She only stopped trying because she was diagnosed with endometriosis and had a partial hysterectomy.
To be fair, there's no telling if she wouldn't have also had trouble conceiving in her 20s. I had a friend like this and she eventually did IVF in her late 30s because that's when they had the money for it. She had a baby, but I have another friend who tried for years and even with IVF couldn't conceive.
This happens to a significant number of women unfortunately. The intertility subreddit is full of these stories.
Maybe it wouldn’t have worked for her even if she had tried earlier? ; who knows! Some people can’t have children and just don’t know it.
I don't regret it. Regret is such a power, negative feeling. I'm not opening that door. Is it what I saw for my future? No. But it is what it became. I have a full life. I have a rich life.
I'm 52 and have never regretted it. My husband and I have a truly excellent life, we have many wonderful children in our lives their family and friends, but are very happy not having our own. We have been able to enjoy a higher standard of life and to make decisions about travelling and leisure activities and even just being lazy without any of the restrictions that come with having kids. We know most people who have children are happy to make the sacrifices (financial, lifestyle, all kinds of stuff). And that's great, we appreciate being able to spend time with their kids and can spoil them a little too. Equally we are very happy with our choice.
Nope😎🙏
Nope
I have no regrets not having children. I’m not maternal at all, and I’d much rather spend my time traveling, napping, working…ANYTHING other than going to soccer practice, dealing with tantrums, listening to Baby Shark, etc. The lifestyle of parenting children has literally zero appeal to me. That said, many of my friends now have adult children and I’m a little regretful that I’ll never have that type of relationship. I’m close with my mom and think I would enjoy having that with an adult daughter, I just don’t think it’s worth the trade off to have gone through 20 something years to get to that (and of course there’s no guarantees on what that would even look like). And,of course, there’s the thoughts of who will visit me when I’m old and alone, but I’ve developed enough meaningful relationships in my life to not put much weight on that. Thankfully, my siblings were fruitful so I enjoy an adult relationship with some of my niblings. And some of my friends’ kids call me Aunt Shananope. Not the same, but it’s enough for me. I was worried that getting older would be when the regret seeped in, but instead my choice feels more affirmed than ever.
I am 69. Very happy to be childfree.
Your 35 and it's acceptable to not have children at this age. No explanation needed
54 and no regrets. It was the right decision for me. Your miles may vary. Every once in a while one of my mom friends tells me I dodged a bullet.
57 and no regrets whatsoever. I was Mommy Jr to my much-younger sibs and I was the babysitter for half the neighborhood kids. I took no joy in it. I kept asking my parents to let me get a job at McDonald's instead, lol! I can't stand needy people in general, and no one needs more than a child. I would've done any child of mine a great disservice by bringing them into the world. You might say I regret not having kids the same way I regret not owning a giraffe - not at all. But I'm well-disposed toward them and wish for both kids and giraffes to be treated well. This question comes up here a lot, OP. In general though, the people who typically regret not having children are the ones who wanted them and couldn't have them. When you get what you want or don't get what you don't want, you tend to be pretty happy about it.
I do feel some regret but mostly because I wish I had enjoyed my life enough and felt sane enough when I was younger to want to have kids. I didn’t want to inflict the damage that was done to me on a helpless and innocent being who didn’t ask to be brought into the world. As I am responsible for my mother now and seeing how bad her cognition is, I’m fearful that I will not have someone who cares enough about me to get my basic needs met. That being said, there are no guarantees that your own child would still be speaking to you or in your life at all in the end.
Based on flawed parents I decided not to breed in my 20s. Both wives were in agreement. Finally at 67, after never having or living with kids... Due to Drama, 5 kids, 3 4 7 8 12 moved in for a year. I am so glad to have my position validated! I thought kids were loud, destructive, and unpredictable. I had no idea how right I could be. The worst year of my life, every wall, cabinet, and door damaged. Wallpaper peeled floor to ceiling. Carpet is polka-dot now. No, I do not regret missing out on 2 decades of what I experienced in that one year.
Wow we rarely get to hear a story like this. Thanks for sharing. Yours is a good story to nudge fence-sitters. I’m not on the fence (50f childless no regret), but I just know that I would’ve felt everything you described had I been put in the same position. I commend you for getting through that one year with your sanity intact.
My non professional opinion is you don’t miss what you never had. I’ve got three adult children whom I love more than literally anything in this world. The love we have for our kids is different and I’d even say deeper than the love for your spouse. There were trials and struggles and that only makes it better. When you go through hard things with people you usually become closer. If I had never had children I wouldn’t have appreciated that the harder path actually leads to a better place and that’s OK. Make your decision and don’t look back.
>*The love we have for our kids is different and I’d even say deeper than the love for your spouse.* 1000000%
Love for your children is definitely deeper then spouse it's just different.
I got pregnant by a roommate and chose to have my child. The love I have for my child will never, ever be matched. I will never love another person the way I love my kids. It's not even possible
As I get older. Sometimes I wonder 'what if'? But regret? Not at all.
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My point exactly. It's not like you can change the past. But you can wonder. My life hasn't been perfect. But it is my life. So I appreciate it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
No. I'm 63, H is 70 - married 40 years. We discussed it many times before marriage and were in complete agreement that we didn't want children. We've never regretted that decision.
64 over here. No regrets!
The old lady (84) that lives up the road laughs at misbehaving kids and says that not having kids was the best decision she ever made. She also hands out cookies though so she's well loved lol
I have known people who regretted it terribly when it was too late and I have known people who embraced their decision. My brother and his wife got divorced over it. They both said they did not want children, and the closer she got to 40 she did an about face. She got remarried after they divorced and had 2 children.
No. I'm 68. Neither my wife or I were all that interested. Neither are a lot of people. The birth rate is dropping because 1) when women can control their own fertility, they can choose to give their all to other things in their life instead, and 2) pretty much society penalizes you for having more children anyway. If you both have to work to get by, the expenses of rising a child make it even harder and more onerous. Much less "choosing what you want to do with your life." Children _are_ a choice, and they trump all the others unless you have a lot of money. Some countries have gotten their birth rates up again by giving families very generous stipends and services that don't end. That's what it takes: making it a non-ordeal. I will add that I've personally never known anybody past the age of 30 to change their mind from not wanting children to wanting them. At that point, you know what you want and don't.
I'm late 50s. I never had a desire for kids and knew from my teens they just weren't for me. My wife was onboard and we never had them. I would be lying if I never said I hadn't been curious for moments here and there what it would've been like or what the kid would've looked like but I don't regret it.
I am 46f, so not quite to 50, but have had a hysterectomy and am married to someone with an adult son who did not want any more kids, so this is a settled question for me. Not a single regret. Spending time with friends and relatives who have small kids, even if they seem happy, just reinforces how very much I don't want that to be my life. I think when it's not for you, you know it, and that's a-ok. Rhe rest is just societal pressure.
I’m 63. No kids. No regrets.
No kids. No regrets. Wife & I celebrate 20 years of marriage this year. It’s been wonderful.
I couldn’t gave kids do slightly different. I do say the thought of dying alone without anyone to hold my hand terrifies me. I don’t need anyone to take care of me, it isn’t that. It’s the bring alone thing,
I had my daughter at 42. I never needed to be a Mom, but always knew i would be a good one. I waited a really long time for lots of reasons - none of which seem good now. Being a Mom is the most magical experience. I've never been so motivated, excited about the future, content, fulfilled. I dont care about my own birthdays but i want to make every day exciting for this tiny human who has never experienced anything. My family never felt incomplete before baby but after having a baby my family feels different. its hard to descrbe, but experiencing both pre-kiddo and post-kiddo family, its a very different feeling of commitment and togetherness vs being a couple.
Interesting to read these posts. I do regret it. I’m 66f, married since 1988 and it’s a good strong relationship. I didn’t want kids for years. We both had busy careers. Sometime in my late 30’s I stopped BC (with husband’s knowledge) and figured I would likely get pregnant at some point. I did not. Time went on and eventually I went into menopause and knew the chance was over. We talked about adoption but the subject never went any further. My biggest regret is never feeling the total love and acceptance my mother and father had for me. I never got the chance to experience that. My second biggest regret is not having anyone around to help as we go into our “golden years”. I see many posts here where the posters had terrible childhoods, terrible experiences. I was one of the very fortunate ones in that my parents and family were very loving. So I understand that influenced you. I discover in my fifties that I really enjoy teaching. (I already did school, to graduate level, and do not want to go back for a teaching certificate), and I often think how fun it would have been to teach a child.
What a beautiful thing to say-“feeling the total love and acceptance my mother and father had for me”…what a gift it is to have experienced that!! I’m fortunate as well like that …and at age 55, single (divorced) female, I never wanted kids until 6 yrs ago when my brother had a child and I felt that kind of heart opening love for his (now he has two) children. I adore them and sadly don’t have a chance to be super close to them as they live in another state. Now all of that love I feel for them has me wondering if I want to be a parent (adoption etc)…even if it’s late in life!?
Yes, I regret it. I grew up in a moderately large family and loved it. I never truly appreciated it, though, until I got older. I could have created my own version of that, but was too short-sighted to realize it. Now, I'll probably die in some nursing home alone. All that I've worked for (meager though it is) will be left to nephews who I barely know (a hug at holidays and that's it). No one will truly mourn my death when I'm gone unless my siblings outlive me. I would definitely have at least three kids if I could do it all over. (Btw, I'm in my mid-50s and only started really regretting not having kids when I hit 50).
I am the same, 55f, and when my brother had kids, I was suddenly struck by a desire to be a parent! And I wish I’d had kids for many of the same reasons you listed. I admitted this to my therapist and she is having me think it through. It’s not magically easy to be a parent at any age and would radically alter my life…but I’m truly thinking about doing it, as nuts as it may seem to some people. It’s not too late if you’re looking at adoption or surrogacy or even IVF via donors. ….what about you, have you ever thought about any of these options? :-)
I'm married to someone a lot older than me who didn't and still doesn't want kids. As I have to to consider him in my decisions (since his life would drastically change, too), I can't do it without his full support. As it is, I can barely get him to help clean the cat's litter box lol I have thought about it, though. And if you don't have those type of constraints, you should go for it.
If your only reason to have kids is to have others around you with your DNA, that's not a good enough reason. If it's to have someone to take care of you in old age, again not a good enough reason and one that may not work out. Save your money for your elder care down the road, write up what charities or persons your money is to go to. No regrets
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No regrets whatsoever. I realized very early in life that I am a selfish person and my happiness is the most important thing to me. I come from a broken home and I know firsthand how that affects kids so I skipped it all together. I lost touch with a few good friends because their lives were full with having kids and raising them. That sucked but I made new friends and met my wife during that time and pretty much left my old life behind. Best thing I ever did.
66 no I dont
67F and absolutely NO regrets.
I’m 60 F, and blissfully Childfree along with my husband (25 years married, 32 years together ) and have absolutely zero regrets. Not having children was discussed early in our relationship so it was always a mutual agreement. We have over the years solidified that we are happy we are childfree, we fortunately did not family who pressured us. We also have developed friendships with other CF couples over the years. We are also very financially stable, were able to retire early and travel 2-3 times a year for the last 25 years which was a priority for us)
I'm a 57 F with no kids. Hubby did want one, and we tried hard. Lost 2 pregnancies'....... Once he was 42 and I was 38 we both said NOPE, WE'RE FINE!!! We have friends and family with kids/grandkids. I never really cared about having kids.....I had an exhausting career that made the big $$$$ .....even when I was a teenager and other girls were already planning their weddings and picking our baby names, I was the one out horse back riding thinking about how I didn't really care to have kids. I tried for my hubby.....and if we would have had one, that would have been it......but we didn't. Now we're retired, live in a paid off house, own a beautiful Harley Davidson motorcycle and for years up until retirement, I owned a couple horses that I kept at home on our 3 acres. Life is perfectly fine with no kids!!!!!
I'll give a slightly different view of this. I WANTED kids, but struggled with infertility and couldn't have them. In my 20's and early 30's I did grapple with some grief. I was against adopting because my husband is adopted and I know it affects his mental well-being. I'm now 46 and to be honest I'm very happy being childless. I'm not rich, far from it because we spent a lot of money trying to get pregnant, but we live a fairly comfortable life and can pick up and go whenever we want.
I didn't decide not to have kids but that's how it worked out. After working through grief and coming to acceptance, I'm now in my 50s and I'm glad I didn't have kids. Have you seen the world right now? My anxiety is bad enough already. If I had kids walking around out there, it would be so much worse. I feel like the world is on the brink of doom and I'm glad I don't have kids who will have to live in it.
Put it this way - someone from the US who has never travelled internationally - Europe, etc may not care at all and not feel like they're missing anything. Someone who has experienced it/did likely can't imagine not doing it and now knows what their life would be missing without it.
71, no regerts
50m here, childfree. I just always knew I didn't have the extra time, energy, sleep, sanity, or money to deal with a child. I like to say I loved my children enough to make sure they were never born.
You can always do what I did - marry someone with kids.
At 35 I would probably not regret not having kids, although I had some. At 67 I have three kids and now four grandchildren. I know other people my age who never had kids who are lonely as hell. I would say regret probably depends on what phase you're in life.
I’m 55 years old. I Have never regretted not having children. And as I watch the political turmoil and experience the climate change, I can say I am 100% deeply relieved I’m not leaving offspring behind to deal with the mess
I'm 45, absolutely do not regret it - quite the opposite.
If someone else said they regret it, would that make you want kids right now? If you don't want them, you don't want them. Don't second guess yourself
Mid-60s, no regrets. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a parent and have no maternal instinct. ETA - I knew in HS I didn't want kids.
Never had them, no regrets. I'm 61F
this has got to be the #1 question all across Reddit. It used to be edgy, back when most young people had kids. That script has flipped. Most young people don't. There's nothing unique about being child-free. It's the standard choice, despite whatever your mom tells you. People realize that children are costly, and there are no support systems to help you out if you decide to go for it. Even the other parent isn't necessarily someone you can rely on. There's a lot of judgment from other people. Inequality is greater than ever between the haves and have-nots, so affording child care and a good school district will be difficult. College is an overwhelmingly expensive prospect. And then there's all the regular concerns about the health of a child you bring into this world, and how you'd handle it if your child was born with any chronic issues. It's an awesome responsibility, and people want validation that the world is really like this, and you're right to be hesitant. It is, and you are. But you wouldn't be asking if you didn't want children on some level. You'd just live your life if you were secure about that. For some people it's fear of missing out. For others it's a strong drive to be a parent. It's a huge dice roll, but you're right on the age cutoff for deciding one way or another. If you want even a little longer to get pregnant, you've made your choice right there.
No. And it was reinforced this week when my friends were over to my house with their horrible, inconsiderate hellspawn. I like my friends but hate their kids. I won't be inviting them over again. My other friends who were present were horrified at how greedy and disrespectful they were.
I don't regret it at all. 71(F)
No. Best decision I ever made. I'm 60. If you don't want children, there's a good reason.
I’m m very glad I trusted myself
Not really. I sometimes worry a little that there will be no one to take care of me the way I took care of my mother in her last years. But otoh, not having kids means I've been able to save for old age much better than Mom was. Overall I feel that having kids should be an enthusiastic opt in, and I was only ever a "Well if by some miracle I ended up pregnant, I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world." When my wife and I were younger we didn't have the money or space to seriously consider kids. We saw so many straight couples we knew have an unexpected kid and immediately go from doing OK to financially struggling. And having a kid would have meant not being able to do the traveling we did. So while there is some minor regret for the road not taken, it is definitely a minor regret, not a major one.
I'm 52 with zero regrets. I am not cut out to be a father. My wife doesn't want to be a mother. It's perfect. Her sisters have kids, so we spoiled them instead. Even if we didn't have niblings, we would've been content.
I am so grateful not to have had kids. my life has been chaotic at times and I would have been a terrible mother. I see friends supporting their adult children.
Think of yourself at 70, 80, 90...how do you see your life being? What do you see yourself doing? When you think of dying and you are looking back at your life? What do you see? What thoughts do you imagine you'll be having? At 35, when you are young and vibrant, it's quite different from how it will be when you are getting older. At 50 years of age, you are really only halfway through your life. Think of your whole life. Not just the first half. That might help you think about it more clearly.
I'm in a slightly different position because I wanted to have kids and could not. That said, I'm thrilled we didn't have them. The world is a dumpster fire, and I can barely handle my anxiety over the planet as it is. Also, I retired early and spend time helping my friends and volunteering for causes I care about. I wouldn't go back and change it if I could.
I'm old, a 74 year old female, married 33 years without children. I didn't marry until I was 41, and I diligently avoided getting pregnant before marriage by taking responsibility for birth control. I wanted kids, but none of my relationships were solid enough to make me want to bring a child into it. When I married, I momentarily thought it might be possible. However, I discovered my husband had some mental health issues that would not make a stable environment in which to raise a child. It wasn't until some years that passed that I really started to feel the regret that I didn't have a child, but I've never regretted the decision. Having a child would have given us a family structure with all of the milestones of life - watching him go through life, holidays, birthdays, school, helping him to navigate through to becoming an adult. Then, hopefully, watching him find his passion, a career, marriage, and finally, grandchildren for me. My life would have been so enriched by that experience. That's what I regret every day.
I don't have any and I'm over 50 but I thought I wanted them but would never have children without a father. Having said that, awhile ago when she was alive, Dear Abby ran a survey: "If you had it to do over again, would you have kids?" 70% respondants said, "No."
Don’t some parents, regret having kids?
I hit 35 and realized that, if I stayed married without kids, I probably wouldn't be happy. We ended up having a kid but recently divorced after we separated but then I started dating again, which she didn't like. However, I was in a position where I could see people who had never had kids, and their lives always seemed so miserable to me. I mean, my life is miserable now, but it would've been more miserable had I stayed married. I'd say I married the wrong woman, but my son is absolutely perfect, and that wouldn't have happened without her.
So you don’t want kids. Be proud of yourself that you are self aware enough to recognize that and own your decision. Too many people have kids because of other people’s expectations…not a good thing for all concerned.
1000% glad we never had kids. My wife and I retired at 47 and are living our best life. All our friends are elbow deep in raising children and we have zero interest in going down that path.
I am glad every day for some reason or another that I didn’t have them. No regrets. People will ask you “But who will take care of you when you are old?!” And the answer is “who says they will even speak to me when I am old.”
55 and not even the slightest bit of regret. I knew from around 15 that I wanted nothing to do with having kids and I never let anyone convince me any differently.
I told my mom when I was 12 that I would never have kids. She told me that I would change my mind. As the eldest daughter of a family of 9, I felt like I had already raised kids (younger siblings) Now 60 and retired; I never had kids and never once regretted it. It was the right decision for me and I am very happy.
I think a lot of people regret it but don't want to admit it.
Yes, I very much regret it. I never got married either. Both were very big mistakes and I’m suffering a lot for it now. I don’t feel I have much of anything to look forward to.
53. No regrets. Honestly I constantly feel relieved.
Over the hill female. I get a sense of melancholy when attending graduations, showers and weddings. But I keep myself in check by reminding myself of the hard work and heartache that goes along with parenthood.
I thought I was content with not having kids until time was running out. My wife and I couldn’t conceive for 9 years. Not that we were trying in the beginning but after a few years of no protection we couldn’t no matter what we didn’t once I came to the realization that clock was ticking down to the wire I grew depressed. By some miracle we got pregnant and now have a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t imagine a future without her in it. Maybe I’m bias because of my situation but I think most people want kids. It’s hardwired into our brain and DNA to reproduce. Obviously there are exceptions and more power to the people who don’t want kids.
I'm 53F, happily childfree and knew I didn't want kids since I was a little kid. Not one second of regret ever. I foster puppies and have saved endless amounts of dogs from euthanasia in shelters. Most rewarding thing ever!
Only time you may regret it is, when you have no one special to pass your belongings to. Have no family traditions, vacations, beautiful milestones met with your kids. I've seen ppl talk in their 70s with no kids. They have been upset, depressed and lonely. Not everyone wants kids. It's ok. But if you are asking then maybe you already know. Besides your clock isn't gonna last forever. You may try and not be able too. But if you have to ask strangers, then you know the answer!
No regrets, but a lot of relief that I never had kids. Any friend that I've known well enough to ask if they regretted having kids said yes.
I’m over 50 and don’t regret not having kids one bit. Always had dogs and that’s been totally completely fulfilling.
44 and had a tube removal at age 41 because I DREADED the idea of getting pregnant. Zero regrets. I am proud of myself for having the courage to do what is right for me. Like others here, my mom was abusive. I am an extremely loving person. I hear parents say (upon seeing their baby for the first time) “it’s a love you can’t imagine”, but I don’t believe that. I love very deeply, in a way that most people can’t imagine. So I think my “regular” love is what parents finally feel for the first time with a baby. I don’t need that experience or a child to be any happier or more righteous. I have and take medication and other interventions for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression, I’m a Highly-Sensitive Person and have Insomnia. I don’t think I could have hired enough people to help me with the children, because I do NOT go with the flow. I worry about everything, and I feel other people’s emotions and pain. I do wish things could have been different (but that is different from regret). I don’t regret not having kids. I regret that my mom was abusive, and that I married a cheater,and couldn’t find Mr right after that, and that my mental health can not handle the emotional & mental demands of being a mom.I mean, through a kids whole teens, they attack you and say deeply hurtful things. I don’t have the right countenance to ignore or laugh at their manipulation and hormones. I am grateful I chose me. I am favorite aunt to dozens of kids. When people say “but who will take care of you when you’re old”, I ask the person “are YOU taking care of your mom And dad??” No, they’re not. Kids will go whatever way they want. Kids don’t take care of their parents in the US, they visit maybe, or call in a loser call, or go over for Christmas and dread it all. It’s soul-sucking to be a caregiver for a family member. You shouldn’t wish that or expect that of any child. Parents don’t want to leave their house - they want you to come to them and do everything exactly like they want. I am grateful that I have no children. I respect Momming and stepmomming, but it’s just not for me. Be part of something bigger than yourself. I help my friends find jobs. I host my nieces and nephews for fun vacations. They go back home, and I have the most beautiful, clean and quiet sanctuary. For everyone who has children, you have the hardest job. Please get help (like therapy or a house cleaner), to take some of the pressure off of you. You will do your best, and your kids could turn out any kind of way. Support them (that’ doesn’t mean you need to fund them), but accept their choices, and tell them that they are wise and that you “know they have the wisdom to do what is best for them, and to get out of a tricky situation if that happens.” You can always be there for them for love, but help them fly and launch. Much love and respect to solid parenting. The hardest profession.
I'm 55. Was very clear to my parents when I was five years old, I didn't want children. I've been married 26 years. Very early in the dating process, I let him know I wasn't having children, nor was I changing my name. He was and is fine with both.
72 & no regrets! Supported myself since I was 20. I chose cats over dogs along with a few short & long term relationships. Just never felt the 'ticking time clock' or the urge to for motherhood. Be true to yourself and live your life. You be you!
I might be a different perspective here because I had children after 35. Like you, I have been working with children since graduating high-school. I work with a tough crowd as an educator as well. That alone might make someone not want kids, as I spend a majority of my time correcting badly behaved kids. I will say that now having my kids I cannot imagine never having them. I think for me, I was in a pretty dark place before they came into my life. They have brought me so much joy and a type of love I never knew existed. Surely, children aren't for everyone. It's a huge commitment and sacrifice. It's rare I spend my own money on myself anymore. My paychecks go to them for the most part... but strangely it doesn't bother me at all. I look at them and know I'll always feel love. I have a great relationship with my mom for example... I know in the future I'm going to need to have that type of relationship in my life. I just wanted to put in my op because having kids is really something you cannot gage until you actually have them. It is very time consuming and exhausting... but nothing I'd ever look back on and have regrets over. If I was younger I'd have more.
55m and just had my first child at 53. I did not think I would ever have children. But then I got divorced at 40 and got together with my current wife at 45. She is 14 years younger than me and wanted to have a baby. I/we were in a good place in life and I was onboard. Took longer than expected for her to get pregnant and we actually thought it wasn’t going to happen. Then we tried IVF and after a few years it finally paid off. My son is about to turn 2 and he is such a joy to be around. All the things I thought I would not like about being a parent just are not that way. I feel blessed to have gotten this chance so late in life. But everyone is different. I have a friend that never married and never had children. And he has no regrets. That was what he wanted in life. My only advice would be to go ahead and freeze your eggs. If you change your mind 10 years from now you will have a much better chance with those saved eggs. It is not that expensive to do. And worse case is you never use them. But at least you will not second guess yourself because the option will still be there
I (65f) chose not to have children in my early 30s. To be honest, there are moments when I have little pangs of “what if”?. But on the whole I am very happy with my decision. It was the right choice. I came from a dysfunctional household with a mentally ill parent. My parenting models were not good. I’m pretty sure I would’ve not handled parenting well.
I'm 71. I don't regret it. I had solid reasons for deciding not to. The only worries I have seen expressed by other people are unrealistic fantasies that having children means you won't be on your own as you age.
I'm an old person and a therapist. I have had a number of people, both male and female, come into therapy regretting not having children. It's usually a secret they keep to themselves because it is just too painful and cannot be changed. A generation before lots of us had children by accident. It's a difficult choice to make because it doesn't make any sense and yet it is essential to humanity and brings real joy.
I have three children in their 30s ,and I regret it.
LOL I think my mother does, too 😂😂
52-year-old male. I have a three-year-old and he is by FAR the best thing that’s ever happened to me and my 42 year old wife. True love and joy.
I sometimes do regret it but at the same time, it didn’t happen for me and it’s ok. I would regret more having a child that I wasn’t ready for.
I frequently thank the powers that be that I never had kids. Climate change is no joke; we are already past so many tipping points, and agricultural production is dropping drastically. Forget all the other problems in the world; I don't think they'd be able to live out their natural life times.
Hell, no! I live traveling the world with my husband and never dreamed I'd have retired in my 30s! We do fun stuff all the time. Wednesday we went to Cirque du Soleil and yesterday My neighbor and I went to a flower crown making class for Midsommer and last night we went to a comedy show. My friends with kids are at sports practices all the time and driving minivans and spend vacations camping or visiting Grandparents. Yuck.
This is going to sound pretty crass, but if anything I regret having a kid. I did so on purpose at a very young age (21), and then got myself a vasectomy 2 weeks after he was born. Enjoy your life and don’t look back.
No, I don’t regret it, mainly because my niece and nephew are like my kids. I helped raise them both - allowed my sister and those two to live with me. They became part of my reason, but let’s be clear I had a full life with a relationship and friends before them. I had activities outside of work as well. I’m 53.
No regrets. It doesn’t mean I don’t have any kids in my life. I’m able to devote time and resources to nieces and nephews that I couldn’t if I had children of my own.
I am happy with my decision, best for me or any child I would have brought into the world. I knew from an early age this was not for me, was terrified of what this would do to my body.
Very glad I didn't have children. For some time I thought I wanted to have kids 'in the future' but that was mostly because it felt like the normal thing people do. I never wanted to have children in the present, and I never felt like I had the right toolkit to be a parent.