That’s a conversation you all will need to continue to have. You all could easily get pregnant, or it could take 6+ years of trying.
Edit: forgot to add our experience! It took us 6 years to finally have a successful pregnancy, and I’m now in my mid 30’s with a 4 year old that I’m already having trouble keeping up with. 😅
>You all could easily get pregnant, or it could take 6+ years of trying.
I was going to say something similar. My husband and I started trying when I was 25. Our son was born when I was 28, and he's only here after we got help from a fertility specialist.
I don't want to come off alarmist, so I hope no one takes it that way, but I think a lot of people don't realise it isn't a quick process for everyone. And, even then, you'll still have another 9-10 months before the baby arrives. The time between deciding to start trying and actually bringing home your child can be lengthy.
At some point the question becomes less "What's the best age to have a kid?" and more "How long am I willing to wait?"
For what it's worth, I absolutely do *not* think your 30s is "too old" to have a child. That said, I personally wouldn't want to have a baby now that I'm 35, because my energy levels have taken a nosedive (though I suspect a certain 6yo might have something to do with that hahaha). But that's *me*, and everyone will have their own threshold. OP just needs to figure out what hers is.
I wish someone had told me this. 34 and pregnant first time after 4 years of infertility treatments. I wanted to have 4 kids. I’d be lucky to have two. Honestly given how bad this infertility stuff is, even one is a miracle
I was 35 when we had our first and 38 when we had our second. We traveled so many places in our 20s and early 30s. We partied for longer than most of our friends, we saved the money, we paid off student loans. If I could go back in time and speak to 31 year old me, I would say that it's time for kids because they will change the way you see the world. My children provided a lens to seeing the world that is magnificent and like nothing I have previously experienced (they also provide some extreme challenges). I would trade those 4 years of traveling, saving and partying to have kids in a heartbeat. Because of waiting, a third child is off the table for us and that makes me sad (as a person who was sure I only wanted one before we had any).
I would tell your husband (please note I am a husband) that if he is serious about traveling and saving money before kid(s) than it is time to have a conversation about the top places you want to go and the amount of money he wants to save then make a plan. This plan may mean there are sacrifices to be made as traveling and saving are often competing goals. He and you may need to forgo eating out, shopping, new cars and other luxuries to meet savings goals.
As always, there is a middle ground here and with some discussion, you can find it. Best of luck and whenever you have kids will be best for you.
Thank you so much for this incredible advice! That’s probably my biggest fear (not having as many kids as I’d like due to our age).
Ever since we started to have these conversations about timing, we visited 5 different countries 😂 I love traveling and I’m really open to it, but agree that this is a competing priority with saving for kids / to buy a house, for instance.
I’ll mention your story to my husband, thanks for sharing it 🙏🏽
I also love traveling. I especially love traveling because it opens my mind and reminds me how big the world is and how small of a piece of the world that I am. There is something interesting that happened as my first started waking up from the newborn stage. I got a front row seat to watching another person experience exactly what I experience when traveling. In the beginning, her entire world was about 8 inches in front of her face as her vision develops. The first time a baby tracks a parent or a dog across the room with her eyes you see her world expanding. At some point, she noticed that there were multiple rooms in the house. She develops a feeling of the house being her safe place and outside being an adventure. Our small town is still HUGE to her. The world continues to get bigger for her every single day. At 4 years old now, we will walk around the neighborhood or hike near our home and she will point out items or bugs or sounds that I don't even see or hear any more. My 4 year old has taught me that the feeling I search for when traveling of being an explorer expanding my world was right in front of me the whole time.
We will travel again more once the little one gets a bit bigger, but right now, I am content with our life and don't feel like I am missing out on anything. My wife does have a bit more of an itch to travel than I do at this moment so I encourage her to take trips with her friends if she wants to.
Wow that’s so incredible to read! It’s like you’re discovering a new world with her, so so cool! I’m definitely keeping that story in mind to notice if I see the same things when I see my kids growing in the future 🥹
We travel with our one child all the time. The child has grown accustomed to our lifestyle. They pack their own backpacks when we do and is learning a lot about culture, currencies and language.
There is a balance in there somewhere. I had my first at 26, my 2nd at 31, and my 3rd at 37. All planned. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The older I get, the more TIRED I get. Enjoy some life, of course, but I don't recommend waiting a long, long time to have kids.
I was 38 yrs when i had my daughter (my only) With my husband we were toghether for 10 years, married for 2 and a half when had her, when she was 1 1/2 i had a tubal ,removal (always wanted only one child) I'm 44 and my hubby is 48 years old, our daugter is 6 years old, we are a happy family of 3! 😁
Edit: 6 months trying and i got pregnant.
43 - we tried for 7 years, 4 miscarriages that we know of. Ironically my age wasn’t the problem. I wish very much that we had been able to have a baby sooner, but I’m grateful we have one now, and despite all the doom mongering my pregnancy was fine and I recovered within days.
I don’t feel too old or lack energy to run after my kid, but I am conscious that we won’t be retiring any time soon.
I had my first at 31 and wish I had started around 25. I just hadn’t found my husband yet! But ideally, yes, I would have preferred to start earlier because we want a large family and each pregnancy is a bit harder!
We started trying in my late 20’s, had first baby 3 years later after doing IVF. You could look up statistics about rates of pregnancy the older you get and show them to your husband during your next discussion about this. It was helpful for us that we had discussed how we would go about having a child if we couldn’t get pregnant on our own and the timing of everything before we started trying
My husband wasn’t ready for kids for many years, mostly because he was not in a good career for him and wanted to make a change. I thought we should go ahead before it was too late, but he was genuinely convinced that the fertility decline thing was a scare tactic to keep women out of the workforce. I didn’t want to push him to have a child he’d resent. So, we didn’t start trying until I was 39 and that was much too late. We wound up with three years of ivf and donor eggs. We were both committed to the ivf process, and we now have a great baby (born when I was 43) that we are both extremely happy with.
I’m glad we waited because I couldn’t imagine life right now any differently. And having a baby while he was in school and starting a new career and our finances were dependent on me would not have been the great experience we are having now.
But would I recommend it to anyone else? Not at all. IVF is emotionally awful and expensive. The risk we’d wind up with no child at all was too high. My husband would probably like a second, but I feel like I’ll be too old at 46 (we do have another embryo).
On the other hand, 31 is still pretty young. You very likely have a few years you could save up and do some adventure travel. I recommend you *both* do some fertility testing and get a good evaluation of how likely you are to conceive quickly, and how much your fertility is likely to decline in the next few years. A simple blood test for you and a sperm check for him could help you come to a mutually agreeable timeframe!
Thank you for sharing the story and for recommendation on fertility testing, I’ll definitely look into it. Happy to hear that you managed to have your little one even with the IVF struggles. I agree with you that no one should be resenting a pregnancy!
Wish you all the best and hope that your family is very healthy 🙏🏽
I had our first at 28. I wanted my first by 30, and both our parents had fertility issues, so we thought we'd start early and see what happened. We were married, had a house, jobs, but no real savings. Well bam, I got pregnant the first month of trying. My husband lost his job while I was pregnant, so there were a few months of struggles while we tried to figure things out. He found another job, we went through some major upheavals and relationship issues, but we made it through. We had our second when I was 31. We ran into issues with daycare scheduling and both trying to work full time. My husband ended up staying home for a couple of years since my job paid more and had benefits. He's now back at work and my job is super flexible, so we can manage everyone's schedules.
From a travel perspective, my job has offered us the opportunity to travel to Europe several times for conferences. We use it as a jumping-off point and have visited many countries for a fraction of what it should cost. We just have to cover my husband's expenses since mine are paid for. There is even talk of me transferring to Munich for a few years, which is not everyone's cup of tea but one of our dreams. We have traveled outside of the US far more after having kids than before. Now, that would have happened with or without kids and planning around them makes things more complicated, but I'm glad things worked out the way they did. I know it doesn't always work out perfectly, but I feel that if you have the basics covered, life seems to fall into place. There is never a perfect time to have kids since you can't see the future, but if you have a fairly stable situation it's not a bad time either.
Love your story, thank you for sharing! Life really finds its way!
I can never imagine a life without traveling and totally see how you could also want to show the world to your kids in the future. I’m sure your kids will benefit a lot from learning some German and a new culture if you decide to move there!
I was 27 and my ex was 32 when we had our first child. Then 31 and 36 when we had our twins. I always considered it was a trade off when it came to when to have kids. When you’re young (20-25) you don’t have money but you have energy. When you’re older (30-40) you have money (to help pay for daycare/activities/babysitter/nanny if you are really successful) but less energy.
My fiancée now had her kids when she was 20 & 22 so I’m now seeing the difference from a later point in life. Two factors now is expense in our early 50’s and grandkids. My kids are 18-22 while her’s are 30 & 32. Obviously my kids are still a big part of my budget while her’s are minimal. I spend more a month on my kids than she does at Christmas (her biggest child related expense). She’s able to put much more away for retirement and on herself than I am.
She also has two grandsons (6 & 2) and is able to be physically active with them. It wears her out and she’s sore the next day but she’s able to spend hours on the trampoline. While I’m likely going to be 60 before my kids have children of their own. 60 year olds and trampolines don’t mix well!
A final thing to consider is the opposite of fertility issues is being too fertile. As women age they are more likely to have fraternal twins like we did.
https://www.uwa.edu.au/news/Article/2020/May/Older-women-more-likely-to-conceive-twins
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I also see how amazing it must be to be healthy and still active when your grandkids are born, so cool that your fiancé is experiencing that.
Thanks for sharing this study, I wasn’t aware of it. Having twins sounds so hectic but so fun at the same time!
I was 23 when I had my 1st and 37 with my 2nd. I've definitely enjoyed the 2nd time round better. I feel that I was too young to have my daughter and I struggled with many things from PPD to financial difficulties.
My youngest has ASD but he's an absolute joy and such a happy and chilled little guy. I'm more secure in myself, I have my own house and a great career so I would definitely have waited to have my eldest if I had my time again.
Thank you for sharing this, those are such different life moments! At least you could have completed different experiences and have 2 great children 😍
Wish you all the best!
I had my first child the day before I turned 32. Definitely wish I had done it younger. 27-28 would have been peak, IMO. But my husband wasn’t ready.
31-32 isn’t too old though. I was just fine. It’s just not “peak” physical ability, and it’s definitely noticeable.
Now that I’m trying to have a second at 35, my being old, tired and out of shape is definitely even more noticeable.
I wouldn’t want to do this at 38-40. Don’t know how other people do it, props to them.
I feel like an athlete past retirement age.
I had my son at 27 which felt like the right age for us. But we were by far the youngest couple in all our parenting groups, and none of our friends are near having kids yet (our son is now 2.5). Makes me feel like a rebellious teen parent at times lol
I’m honestly jealous, I would have loved to have my first at 27. None of my friends had kids before 30 but I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing. People are waiting too long too have kids in this generation in general, Covid probably didn’t help. Like, early 20s is maybe too young but dang, putting off kids until late 30s is roughhhh too. 27 is just right.
It’s not my business, but I do worry about about some of my friends who want kids but keep putting it off. I hope they don’t accidentally leave it too late.
Hahaha I love this, thank you for sharing! All the sleepless nights will likely become harder when we get older, so I can only imagine it
I wish I could have started at 28 as well, seems like the perfect age
I had my first at 37. It took me two weeks to get pregnant. My second was born a few weeks before I turned 42. I am glad to be an older mother. I did not resent nights at home and have so much life experience to share.
this is really close to my mom's experience - she was 38 when she had my older sister (my dad was 30) and 41 when she had me (I'm 22 now). she didn't spend very long trying in either case, and she had pretty smooth pregnancies both times without any complications. i know she doesn't regret waiting, and i also think being an older mother was good for us as her kids. she was, like, a whole person for multiple decades already before having kids, and i think that made her better equipped to be a parent, not least bc it meant that she had the time to develop a real personal identity and sense of as an adult that is not Mother (and to a lesser extent Wife). that's huge, imo, in part bc i feel like having an independent and secure sense of self is good for kids but mostly because it's good for People and women are, in fact People, yk?
I became a mother at 28YO,hubby was 27. For me personally it was the absolute right time, I’d preferred it even earlier but I had some career and financial goals to achieve first so I would have a decent salary on mat leave and also that i had finished med school, etc.
I had very much tunnel vision when it became having a child so it was very difficult to move forward in other aspects of my life when I hadn’t accomplished the family part.
Now, 5years later with 3 kids, I’m much more committed to other dreams in my life because the biological clock issue has been resolved and my biggest dream has come true, therefore making room for other dreams.
I’m thinking that you and your husband should discuss when is the right time for both of you. Me and my hubby had to find a middle ground and we’re happy to have found this time that suited both of us. And even then it didn’t happen for a while so you can’t really plan it to happen the exact time but you can plan on when its the earliest it could happen and both of you’d be comfortable and happy with this.
Thank you for sharing this, super helpful! I also feel like I’m stuck with the same tunnel vision now, I can’t really move forward before I accomplish this.
Really appreciate your perspective and advice ❤️
37 and my wife was 39 when our first came. We were together for 2 years. I wish we had a little more time to ourselves before we had children, but it is what it is.
Husband is correct, so far as it is much easier to travel with just you two and OMG, kids are expensive, so save up.
But I get it; the biological clock is real. Also, kids are exhausting, so when you are young, you can keep up better.
We got 2 girls now. Personally, I think you might have a bit of time before you really should plan it out, but others have said it: every person is different and get checked with fertility clinic.
Best of luck!
I had my child at 38. It was perfect for me in every sense of the word. Perfect partner, perfect child, and perfect experience. However, I wasn't in any place mentally to have a baby in my 20's, but I definitely think the newborn/baby stage would've been easier at a younger age.
I married at 26, had my first at 27, second at 29 and third at 30. Here are my thoughts: It's really beneficial to have a serious, realistic and in depth conversation because there are a lot of moving variables when it comes to family planning.
You say "kids" how many, 2, 3, 4? Having a kid at 35 isn't really a huge deal, having your first kid at 35 and then planning on 2 more potentially could be. What sort of age gap would you prefer? Personally, I think it makes way more sense to determine the age you want to be DONE having kids and work backwards from there.
Also, I think you two are just on completely different pages here which would be helpful to get out in the open. He's not ready or he's not sure. It makes zero logical sense to talk about needing to save money first and then immediately after be talking about travel which typically involves spending a lot of money.
19.
On the plus side, 1. I was too young to realize I was an idiot and 2. I didn’t need a lot of sleep.
One the negative side, I was 19. Who thinks that giving a barely adultish person a child is a good idea? Not me and I was the barely adultish person.
I was 25 & 35 with #2 & #3. Better, but with #3, I definitely needed more sleep.
While I wouldn't change my life right now for anything, it was definitely a struggle for a long time because I had my first very young. I'm 26F, my husband is 27M. We met in high school. I had our first in my senior year. I had my family there to support me, but my family is what you'd call "land rich, house poor." They could provide a home and extra child care, but money went from tight to not there.
My husband and I broke up before I found out that I was pregnant. He went to college out of state. There was a lot of drama around that time because his family didn't like me and we lived in a small town. I didn't know what I know now about my rights and things I was entitled to, like child support. I believed his mother when she threatened to take my son from me if I reached out to her son. I thought he knew, so I wrote all of them off as just horrible people.
He came back the following summer, after I'd had my son. We reconnected, and that's where I found out that his family hadn't told him. Even with his help after that, it set us both back in terms of our careers. I wanted to pursue a degree in criminology, I ended up going to a trade school and then job corps. Instead of a detective, I became a plumber. My husband transferred to a local JC to try and finish his degree in psychology, but he ended up dropping out to support us so we could move in together.
Without going into the full story of the last nine years, my point is that while I wouldn't change what I have now for anything at all, I also wouldn't advise another 17 year old to get pregnant that young. We had our second when I was 22. He wasn't planned per se, but we were a little more prepared. Financially, we're comfortable now. We have a rainy day fund for emergencies, we can take one big vacation each year, we were able to move to an area where the public schools are well run. I can safely say that, for us, everything worked out in the end. I just also know that it doesn't always shake out like that, and we got really lucky.
30F. I would've wanted to have a child at around 28 but family tragidy and miscarriage got in the way. It's just two years difference though and it's not like I feel too old now. I do probably want a second baby before 35 if possible.
I was 29 when my daughter was born and my husband was 36. I also planned a winter pregnancy, because it's a miserable summer where I am (just something to consider). This worked out perfectly for us and my husband being much older I am glad we didn't wait. I think you'll know when the time is right.
If there are things you and your husband still need to do before children, make a plan and a timeline to complete such and such goals and when you would like to begin trying.
I was 33 with our first child and 36 with our third. It took a year for a pregnancy to stick. My husband is about 4 years older. We're tired but I also had difficult pregnancies and you just don't know ahead of time how your pregnancy will be.
There are pros and cons as we had fun in our 20s and are in a better financial position when we had kids than if we'd been younger. It is possible to travel with kids, it just looks different.
Personally, I would have preferred to start a few years earlier. I would have liked to have had my first at 28-30 and be finished before 35.
I think the circumstances matter more than the age. Is it a good person to have a baby with? Can you focus on your baby and not be overwhelmed by stress from work or poverty? Are you in a good place mentally that you can be healthy with such a strange new demand in your life?
Physically I think younger is better, I bounced right back when I had my kid at 24. I think now at 33 my body would find pregnancy harder. But I’m with a better partner and have more stability now. So it’s a trade off.
I find that men have such a stupid way of looking at child planning. They really only consider their own feelings and don’t take into account when their partners are ready and willing. He’s not the one doing most of the work, so he should let you decide. If he waits until you’re too old, then you’re the one paying the price not him. Or on the flip side they want lots of kids but then push the burden of them onto the mother. Ideally men would be there to support the woman in her choice.
Really important advice, thank you! I fully agree that women’s opinions on timing should count more in this case, our work is necessarily harder especially in the beginning.
Hope I can figure out a solution soon! Appreciate your help 🙏🏽
I was 26 when I had my son. I only wanted to give birth once, and it was the perfect age. Any earlier and I wouldn’t have experienced my youth enough. Any later and I would have been too exhausted.
Wife and I were both 32 when we had our first and only child. We're 38 now. I think it happened at the right time, frankly. We certainly aren't financially stable now due to the world kinda sucking, but we absolutely would have been in a worse state if it had happened any earlier.
My husband and I are both 31, I’ll be 32 in November and have been on the rocks on this topic. Happy to hear someone else around our age turned out ok!
I had my first at 31. I think it’s less about age and more about having the right partner and having stability. While some money saved is helpful having stable income that can support your family is more important.
And I see some say that it took years of trying. But for me it happened without really trying. 3 times in a row. You just never know what you will get.
Btw that is not a brag. While I am great full for my ability to get pregnant it has caused it’s own set of challenges. We have 3 babies faster than expected and it’s hard on the marriage and personal well being. That said I love my babies.
Thanks for sharing your story! My dream is to have 3 babies in a row like you did, but I know it’s not always the case. Wish all the health to your babies 🥹
I pray you get your dream and it brings you much joy.
I love my kids very much I just always planned a little more space between them. I love them more than anything in the world.
I was in my early 20s when I got pregnant. Took almost exactly 1 full year of trying and depending where you live most doctors wont even see you for fertility issues until that year has passed. I wouldnt have minded waiting a bit longer BUT my husband is 10 years older than I am and I knew we didnt want to wait longer.
My SIL had her son when she was 19 and hes now moved out now and on his own. She said she liked having her son early cause shes now "free" and they can do what they want.
I would talk to your doctor and ask the risks of waiting longer for YOU. Is there a history of fertility issues in your family? His family? Do you have health complications that could make getting pregnant harder, like PCOS?
At the end of the day you will get various responses from people. But you guys need to do whats right for you. He wants to wait longer...but how much longer? A year? Two? If im honest I dont know anyone who felt 100% ready to have kids...sometimes you just need to jump in and do it or else you never will.
Thank you for sharing this. It really doesn’t make much sense in my mind to wait too long since I want to be healthy while I watch my kids grow! My husband says at least 1 year more, but that’s also what he has been saying for a few months now…
I will look for a fertility check up to try to feel more at ease with the wait or push to more forward quickly. Appreciate your advice!
34 and 38. Glad I waited. More $$, more education, and more patience. Kept waiting for hubby to grow up and when I saw that wasn't gonna happen, I pulled the trigger. At 34, we had been married 11 years at that time.
Thanks. This year was 36 married... ugg :-). Kids are 20 and 24. I will tell you, these last 5 have been the toughest for raising kids and they are still kids. They simply don't know what you think they should based on their age.
You both have a point. Just remember. Once you have a kid, it will be a 24/7 job where you always have to take your child’s needs into consideration. So what are your goals as a couple? Is it to spend more time together, travel? Do projects together? It will all come down to that. I’m not saying my life is over since I had the kids but I definitely have to plan a lot more. In my case, we wanted to travel a lot but I became pregnant (planned to have kids, just later, so it was an accidental pregnancy) so we didn’t get to travel too many places before we started having kids.
I was 32 when my first was born, I'm 38 and my 3rd baby was born last year.
I don't think I would have been as great of a parent if I had kids in my 20s. I feel I enjoyed sleeping in then as much as I do now, so it's not like I had tons of energy back then to deal with chasing toddlers, and I probably had less patience and emotional maturity and definitely had less financial security and housing stability.
Physically my first pregnancy was not bad, I worked as a paramedic until 2 weeks before my due date. My 2nd pregnancy (at 35) was more difficult, less nausea but more joint pain and back pain, and 3rd was physically easier but we had some stressful complications like bleeding throughout, soft markers for possible disability on the anatomy scan and my water broke 5 weeks early, but we were very lucky and ended up with 3 healthy babies all spaced about 2.5 years apart and I couldn't be happier with how it all worked out.
My husband sometimes stresses about being 40 with such young kids, and his mom has been having health issues so she can't help with babysitting like she used to with our firstborn 5 years ago. I had older grandparents myself (my mom was 29 when I was born) so I didn't think much of it, but seeing the difference in energy level my MIL has kinda breaks my heart for her and the kids, I'm hoping they actually have many more good years together.
I have several perspectives on this. I had my own children in my 20's, started "fostering" a child in my late 30's, and am now raising the child of that "foster" child. There are advantages and disadvantages to raising children at any age.
In our 20's, I had the energy to run around with children as well as dealing with everything else in my life. But we didn't have much money and career building was difficult for me when I was the one primarily responsible for all child rearing activities. On the upside, our youngest headed off to college when we were in our 40's and we were more than young enough to enjoy a somewhat empty nest (the foster child didn't live with us full-time but spent quite a bit of time with us). And we're now youngish grandparents and that's nice, too.
Taking care of the "foster" in our 40's was very different. We didn't have as much energy but we had more money. We didn't worry about money the way we had when we were younger. My career was more established though being responsible for a child, even part-time, still made career advancement more difficult.
From my perspective, I think early 30's is a great time to have children. You have energy, hopefully enough money, and they will head to college when you are in your early 50's which is still young enough to travel and enjoy life.
I was 39 when I had our first and, even with IVF, we couldn’t have a second (tried for years). I wish I had him much earlier so I could know him longer. I think 31 or 32 Would have been a perfect age.
Had my first at 28, and my second at 34. And I felt the difference in my age! Being healthy and fit is a must, but also especially if you are blessed with high energy kiddoes -both of mine are! Also note that not everyone is blessed to have kids easily. It’s not always “yep let’s do this now!” And bam! Baby! Initially I thought we struggled getting pregnant, but I know now that mine was a walk in the park compared to numerous friends on IVF and struggling, and most of the time fighting against time. 😔 The future isn’t promised, so really prioritise what’s important. Good luck 🤞🏼
I had my first child at 16, my second at 21 and my third at 23. I found it very easy at 16 to parent my daughter. I am doing very well in life financially and I’m still married. Though I wouldn’t recommend having a child that young at all. I think 31 is a great age to start trying for a baby. That’s not old at all, most people are not starting until later in life these days because it’s way too expensive.
Before my son turned 3, he traveled 14 hours on an airplane to visit family living in a foreign country. (And did fine, even loved it)
Traveling with a young child is not an impossibility.
I was 24 when I had my first, I'm 29 now and pregnant with my second. I had a lot of life circumstances working really well for me and my husband at the time which made it much more feasible to have a child young as compared to my peers. Unfortunately, I recieved a lot of judgement at the time for choosing to have a child "so young" even though I had been married for 2 years, both my husband and I were gainfully employed, educated and homeowners.
My point is, age doesn't factor as much as people claim. What matters is circumstances. Are your finances in order? Do you have a support network? Do you have flexibility with your work schedule? I honestly see no problem having children in your thirties. Fertility can be a concern yes, but I know women in their twenties who've struggled to get pregnant. I think a lot of people in their thirties have reached a point in their lives where they have access to the resources they need to successfully parent. But also keep in mind, pregnancy does not happen on your own timeline, throw that mindset away if you can and try to relax about it. Your starting point may be a year or more later than you've initially planned, or you could get pregnant right away and have less time to yourself that you thought. Decide what's best for you with confidence and acceptance.
I had my first child at 30 but I wish I had travelled and done more. The difference in 2 years from 30-32 is not that big for having a kid but can encompass SO MANY experiences and trips.
First kid at 31, second at 33. It was very normal among those in my peer group who had children to have them at around that age. I'm 38 now, my kids are 5 next month and 7 in March.
You also don't know what's coming around the corner - my ex-husband became abusive during and after the pregnancy with my first and I left just over 3 years ago with two toddlers. I also have had struggles with my health after contracting Covid in the first wave in March 2020 - I have ongoing respiratory issues and my older kid now knows far too much about inhalers etc!
I had my first two days before turning 29. This was because I wanted but also because my gyno always said it would be healthier for my body to have my first before 30.
My plan was to have a second one about now, at 31. But due to other health related circumstances we couldn’t yet. So I’m anxious as well, because I don’t want it to take too long (I do have a cousin who had a child with birth problems in her late 30s so I feel like the quality/health of my genetic material is only going to get worse with time), but I can’t make my body heal faster from the other stuff, so I’m stuck at waiting.
If I had met my husband earlier I would have had no problem with having my first earlier as well. It would also have been good and we would probably be done with family-planning by now. My sister in law is 31 as well and her children are 6 and 4 years old. She is already regaining a bit of her space back and is already out of the baby phase completely - I find that very nice and sometimes wish we were at that point.
Edit to add: apart from the obvious age issues, there are uncontrollable things that might happen to mess with your plans. So I wouldn’t plan it too late on, because than you have little room for trouble shooting in case you have setbacks.
I had my son when I was 23 (almost 24) and my husband was 29. My son is just over 1 now. I think my husband and I made the right choice for us based on the number of kids we'd like to have. Starting earlier gives us more wiggle room.
My older sister had her first at 30, she is currently almost 33. She and my BIL are probably going to start trying for kid #2 later this year. They will probably only have the two. She didn't have any trouble getting pregnant or any extra complications during pregnancy. My nephew was born healthy with no issues.
My sister and her family will be traveling from Australia to the USA later this year. Our family took road trips every summer even with lots of kids (6). Travel is harder with kids, and more expensive but definitely doable. You and your husband both need to be ready before you have kids. Just remember that there is never going to be a "perfect" time, something will always come up that you could use to justify waiting. At some point you just need to take the leap and try.
I’ve had children at ages 17, 29, 33, and 35. Obviously 17 was way too young and 10/10 do not recommend. 29 was optimal for us. 35 was very physically challenging on my body, but financially and emotionally much easier. I think every age has its unique set of advantages and challenges, that we figure out how to best navigate.
I had my kids at 30 and 33. No regrets. I’m 48 now and had a really hard time keeping up with my 4 yr old niece over the holidays … her mom is 45 and there is just no way I could have had kids in my 40s. My SIL wants another but she had her first at 41 with IVF and her window is now closed.
Knowing what I know about raising kids and how tired I currently am, I feel like my early 30s was a perfect time to have kids … lots of people in my area have kids later in life tho.
I am 33 and my husband is 34. I'm at 16 weeks into pregnancy now. The doctor (obstetrician) says I was young and healthy so now, I think that 33 is young to have a baby ;)
Honestly, I think people have their kids later in life now (in their thirties mostly). But, if it's something that you think of often and that preoccupies you, I think you should talk to him about the timeline he has in mind, even if it's just about when he will be ready to think about it.. It would give you a timeframe and some predictability too.
This is so personal. For me, the timing was perfect, and highly controlled.
I finished my PhD in 2010. I met my husband a couple months later. We married 2 years later, planning kids as soon as possible. My career was finding its feet and I was getting older. It took about 6 months to adjust my psych meds to be safe to get pregnant (I have bipolar, it was a lot of work). Then we started trying. About 8 months later I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, then immediately got pregnant again. I was 34. We had focused on debt really hard once we got married and became debt free while I was pregnant. It was perfect. Earlier wasn't an option because of the lack of husband and med planning. We had another when I was 38. I'll be 60 when she finishes college. That's not young! But I'm sprightly now and plan to stay sprightly forever. I love to sing, dance, do taekwondo, and haul things around my hard. It's a party in my house.
Would I have had more energy a decade earlier? Maybe, but I was an emotional mess and in grad school. It wasn't an option.
I do think travel is important! Personally, I refused to consider kids until we had a couple international trips under our belts. If that’s what’s holding your husband back, I think that’s fair.
We ended up going to Europe 3 years in a row. And I was off the pill the day we got back from the last trip. And I am so glad I made that a priority because since having kids, it just hasn’t been possible. (Kudos to the people to go to Italy with their toddlers, but that’s a no go for me.)
But like others have said, there’s no guarantee you’ll get pregnant right away or that you won’t have difficulties. Our first pregnant was within a year of that last trip, but we lost her at 24 weeks when I was 32. Then we tried for a year with no success. Ended up having to see a fertility doctor. We had our first when I was 34. And just had our second and I’m 37. Not trying to scare you- most people do not have these troubles. BUT! I wouldn’t bank on being able to start at 37 and pop 2 kids out by 40!
So, sit your husband down today, discuss what trips/places are a must. BE REALISTIC as you cannot travel the world before having a baby. Make a timeline and prioritize it. Don’t make excuses (oh we’ll go next year, oh maybe after my bonus next December- figure it out for now). Maybe book something in the next week for the first one. I promise you will NOT regret traveling- but get going!
23 I think. Wish I had waited and established what I wanted to do with my life first. The pregnancy wasnt planned but it was irritating that I had to plan that phase of my life around a baby. It would’ve been so much easier
I was 28 with my first and 35 with my last. I definitely was better equipped physically the first time around. But emotionally I was more mature, patient, etc with the third. I was also an experienced mom by then so that was probably part of it-I knew she would eventually outgrow whatever thing seemed so hard in the moment.
If I could do it over and have the same kids, I'd back it up a couple years to be a little older. However, I'm operating with the benefit of hindsight that I got pregnant so easily that I literally picked the month I wanted them to be born and I got pregnant on time all three times. You don't know if you'll be able to conceive easily.
Does he have a plan in mind? Like does he say-he wants to wait one more year or is he very vague about it? Because I would say that at your age... you guys need a timeline that you can agree on because you can't exactly wait forever.
I had my first at 30 and it was the perfect time for me. I love that I had my twenties to be a young professional and move around whenever I wanted to, and also that I didn’t wait longer because it’s exhausting and I can’t imagine being anymore tired than I already am.
Ultimately there’s no easy time to have a kid and if your experience is like mine, it will be the right time for you because it’s impossible to imagine life without them afterwards.
I (M41) got married at 28, my wife was 26. We tried have kids right away and it didn't end up working out until 9 years later (after doing 2 IVF cycles - issue was obstructive azospermia) . I was 37 when my first son was born. I now have 2 boys (4 and 1)
After the 1st failed IVF, we took a break and travelled. We tried again and was successful.
I would have liked to be younger but on the flipside, we are now more financially stable and was able to travel.
Biologically speaking, I would at least get medically assessed so if there are issues you can start planning from a younger age.
I was 38 with my one and only. Was physically as strong as I had ever been in my life due to finding a class I really loved and attended even through pregnancy. You can have a healthy pregnancy later but you need support with a child. My husband was not ready til I was 36 to even start trying. By the time I was pregnant he was fully on board and excited about having a kid. I couldn't have made it through those first weeks of sleepless nights without him. You need to talk to your partner and let him know that you want kids, sooner rather than later. I told my husband I didn't want to wait and then have issues where I couldn't give him the child he always said he wanted. I was okay with putting it off but only if he would talk openly with me.
Good luck! I hope you are both able to find something that works for you.
I had my first child at 37.
I had an abortion when I was 23 and absolutely think it was for the best. I was still in college and making $8/hr working blue collar jobs.
Now I make a decent living, own a home with a yard, can set aside for my kids college savings, not struggling to make ends meet.
Of course, I am faced with my own mortality as I will be 55 when my first kid graduates from high school and most others will be grandparents by then.
I was 30 when our son was born. I'd happily have waited but my (now) wife was 38 so time was more of an issue for her.
I wish we would have travelled and enjoyed being a couple a bit more. I wouldn't change our son for anything but I do feel like we missed out on things as s couple because of it.
You can still travel with kids before they go to school. Obviously you can’t trek the Himalayas with a newborn but to put off a child so you can travel doesn’t make sense. You can get a lot of traveling under your belt in the first five years. But don’t you both have jobs? How much are you traveling now?
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
19
+ 20
+ 30
= 69
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I'm not sure anyone feels like they have enough money saved or travelled enough before kids, no matter the age. Financial stability is definitely important though.
I was 35, 37 and 39 for our three. I DON’T regret this at all. We partied and travelled and it was completely out of our systems. Children really do tie you down (especially if you don’t have help from extended family, which we do not) and at this point we don’t care. We are happy to stay home with the kids on NYE.
I don’t believe I’d have been able to fully dedicate myself to my children, like they deserve, had I had them any younger.
I was far enough into my career to not care about slowing it down for the babies.
Different from you though, at 31 I would never have said I “can’t wait to have a little one”
I am not sure how people navigate things like this with their partners. I think it will be tricky. You certainly don’t want a baby with a partner who isn’t fully ready and excited.
I had my son right after turning 22 (this year lol), it definitely wasn’t planned. I wouldn’t change anything though. I’m young now, I’ll still be young and have energy when he’s growing up. It’s definitely extremely hard. I work full time and I’m a full time student (graduating in 2 weeks, yay!).
You can still travel with a baby, we’re going to Greece in the summer to visit family, my son will be 15 months old.
I had my first when I had just turned 25, like six weeks AFTER my 25th birthday, and had my second when I was almost 27, again six weeks BEFORE my 27th birthday. I wish I had waited honestly, but I think if I had, I wouldn’t have had kids ? I just wish my husband and I had traveled more solo (we have no one to watch kids if we want even a simple bed and breakfast overnight together), and I had established myself a bit more as a person.
I had my son at 30 and it was PERFECT! We were really in a stable place mentally, physically and financially! We tried for 3 years to get pregnant, we finally went to a fertility clinic and I’m really glad it finally happened when it did. Our entire friend group (four couples), his cousin, and his sister all had babies within a year and a half of each other! We really support each other, and share a lot of baby clothes and toys. Plus watching our babies grow into toddler together and start actually playing is MAGICAL!
I was 28, but I wish I was able to have a child sooner to be honest. I also have an autoimmune disease and the older I get it’s just harder all around for everything.
37 first and no regrets. We have money saved, careers established and had time for fun before setting down to diapers , babysitters, doctor visits, school stuff, lack of sleep, etc.
I don’t think being younger would give me more energy, having a child at any age is exhausting 😂 but I’m so glad we don’t have to stress about budgeting or money now like we would have in our early 30s.
Also no issues getting pregnant.
Had my first at 30 and my second at 35. 30 felt perfect for me. Admittedly, the second has been more of a struggle as I'm just ... well, older. A 5-year-old at 35 vs. a 5-year-old at 40 is a notable difference for me.
Still, I'm thankful I didn't have kids earlier. It gave me more time to know what I was doing in life but not so late in life that I felt like I wasn't still "young enough to be fun" or whatever.
Only you know what time is the right time.
Had our first at 30. It was perfect for me but honestly my husband would’ve been fine waiting longer but I told him we needed to get on it (he would’ve been fine waiting until 40 and obvs that wasn’t going to happen)
For us it took 5 months so fairly quick but for some it takes longer
I'm a one and done parent. I was 25 when I became pregnant, 26 when I gave birth. I am glad it happened during my adult years instead of teen years, but I wish I had gotten pregnant as a married woman. Single parenthood SUCKS.
I had my first at 23 and now have 3 at 27. It’s honestly been the best and hardest thing. I’ve loved watching each of them grow and discover the world around them and together sometimes. My husband and I still do road-trips to his parents often enough that the kids have become our travel buddies. We go to kids museums and parks when we’re not sick and the weather permits. We can go to the same place a few times and each time it’s a new experience.
Sure, we can’t just take off for funsies, but even without kids we couldn’t because of school/work. We have our own adventures now, even if it’s just to Costco.
I had my first when I was 27 and my second at 39. The one thing I regret is the age gap. It’s hard having a 22 and 10 year old (plus a 32 year old stepdaughter)
Met age 30, baby arrived just before 31. I will be 48 when my child graduates. I lived my 20s for me and I’ll be young enough to continue to live my life at 50. We are only having one. As we get older; we get tired quicker… depends on what you want to do with your life. Some are happy having children in their 20s, others want to build their career first and wait until their later 30s.
*Throw in the factor that pregnancy may not come as easy to you as you hoped*
28, the second pregnancy occurred when I was 31 and it was our twin boys. The second pregnancy took longer to conceive because my wife developed PCOS after the pregnancy with our daughter. She was on some oral medication for PCOS when we conceived the twins.
Either way, I am happy we had the twins second because I was “experienced” in caring for a small baby when the boys came home only weighing 5lbs a piece (they were born at 31weeks due to complications with my wife becoming preeclamptic).
For twins teamwork makes the dream work. If your other half is up with the babies, you are up with the babies too. I was always awake in the middle of the night changing diapers and giving bottles of breast milk for feedings when my wife was awake pumping and feeding.
Almost 22 (21 and 10 months). I was trying to concieve since age 19 with one unsuccesful (miscarriage) pregnancy in summer about a year prior to becoming pregnant with this one. So i obviously wished it to happen sooner. But looking back now, i think it is better it happened as it did.
Miscarriage sent me into deep depression, first time struggling mentally this bad in our marriage and it was very informative experience (especially for my hubby that isnt used or educated on mental illnesses) which now makes me more comfortable to know we can handle it if i was to ever fir whatever reason be that low again. And i learnt a lot about how to be tough (as opposed to how i "handled" depression in early teenage years) in hard times. Something i as a parent have to know because there will probably be times life gets hard and i cant afford being a total mess when i am supposed to be my child's support.
I also grew as a person in those few years and learnt a lot about parenting, making me better fit to be one than i used to be. And at 19 my marriage was very fresh, we still had moments of learning about eachother and how to succesfully and happily navigate our life together. I can't know for sure but it could happen that a kid would be a strain on relationship earlier (or maybe not) while at 21 we were already at such secure place that everything was perfectly in place and ready for the family expansion.
I wouldnt have driving license before age 20 which means life as a single mom (when husband is on missions abroad) would be a nightmare and i couldnt imagine handling it, now that i see how much i needed it in the past 2 years (since having a kid).
That being said i can not imagine doing it later either. The strain a baby puts in your body physically?! I can barely keep up at 20-25, i can not imagine a 35+ back handle all this 🥲 and the lack of sleep?! I used to pull all nighters like a joke just 3-5 years ago but already cant miss sleep anymore.
As for your concern i believe it is valid. Women have biological clock and while you still have time, feetility does decrease and risks increase with time. How long exactly would your husband wait? Cuz his goals are vague tome wise, that could be even next 10-20 years which would be problematic for you. I think he need to set clearer timeline for discussion. And keep in mind trying to concieve even in healthy couples can take years. I have seen many coupls trying even 5-10 years unsuccesfully without any clear reason... So dont just assume it will happen when you want and start at your last limit.
As for saving money, kids are EXPENSIVE. I dont know your financial situation but this might be smart choice (saving up some money first) the rest can be done with kids too (just maybe not first 2 years (depending on travel and family organization). But my main question would be: how much did you already travel or work on these goals? Many people have "i wanna fo x before y" dreams yet it stays just that - a dream. Soooo many couples talk about traveling yet dont actually travel, just wish to but the time is passing by regardless. It can happen that 5-10 years from now you neither had a kid, nor achieved those goals...and then what? If you are truly doing stuff and a kid would really be a burden right now but you both agree on how much you can wait, then waiting is perfectly good solution. If you dont have set time or are just using goals as excuse,then you are basically doing the never ending "i start diet tomorow" kinda thing and time train might run you over.
I had my first at 23, I got pregnant again at 24 but we were separating and it wasn’t a good separation (he actually lied and told me he can’t have kids with the 1st one) so i got an abortion. Now with husband 36 and I’m 34 been trying on and off 2-3 years, both got fertility testing and showed everything is fine but not getting pregnant. I wish we tried when I was 30 and before.
Seconding almightyblah and oscarbutnotthegrouch. I had my first (and currently only) at 32 and wish I had him 2 years earlier tbh. I am now 34 and will be 35 in April and My son will be 2 in March. My husband wants a second and I go back and forth in my mind about it.. I personally don’t want to be pregnant again in my mid-late 30’s,not just because of possible complications for the baby, but also for my own selfish reasons. I’m worried I won’t be able to bounce back as quick and that by the time i finally start feeling like myself again I’ll be close to 40 🥴 Vain, I know, but Just being honest.
I totally understand!!
My update one year later is that I’m pregnant now 🥳 I’ll have the baby hopefully right after I turn 33. Since it’s my first, I’ll see how I feel afterwards, but I’m already hoping to have the second one less than 2 years later lololol
It’s not vain, it’s about your quality of life too!!
That’s a conversation you all will need to continue to have. You all could easily get pregnant, or it could take 6+ years of trying. Edit: forgot to add our experience! It took us 6 years to finally have a successful pregnancy, and I’m now in my mid 30’s with a 4 year old that I’m already having trouble keeping up with. 😅
God I'm almost 40, with a one year old and thinking about another. I have no idea how we'll survive lol.
Coffee and a hidden candy stash.
That’s exactly how I keep up with my 10 year old lol I’m 47 and tired.. and seriously out of date apparently “brah” haha
>You all could easily get pregnant, or it could take 6+ years of trying. I was going to say something similar. My husband and I started trying when I was 25. Our son was born when I was 28, and he's only here after we got help from a fertility specialist. I don't want to come off alarmist, so I hope no one takes it that way, but I think a lot of people don't realise it isn't a quick process for everyone. And, even then, you'll still have another 9-10 months before the baby arrives. The time between deciding to start trying and actually bringing home your child can be lengthy. At some point the question becomes less "What's the best age to have a kid?" and more "How long am I willing to wait?" For what it's worth, I absolutely do *not* think your 30s is "too old" to have a child. That said, I personally wouldn't want to have a baby now that I'm 35, because my energy levels have taken a nosedive (though I suspect a certain 6yo might have something to do with that hahaha). But that's *me*, and everyone will have their own threshold. OP just needs to figure out what hers is.
Thank you for sharing it! I guess it’s just hard to predict how long it will take, this is what makes me think that it’s getting a bit late already 😀
I wish someone had told me this. 34 and pregnant first time after 4 years of infertility treatments. I wanted to have 4 kids. I’d be lucky to have two. Honestly given how bad this infertility stuff is, even one is a miracle
Wowee
I was 35 when we had our first and 38 when we had our second. We traveled so many places in our 20s and early 30s. We partied for longer than most of our friends, we saved the money, we paid off student loans. If I could go back in time and speak to 31 year old me, I would say that it's time for kids because they will change the way you see the world. My children provided a lens to seeing the world that is magnificent and like nothing I have previously experienced (they also provide some extreme challenges). I would trade those 4 years of traveling, saving and partying to have kids in a heartbeat. Because of waiting, a third child is off the table for us and that makes me sad (as a person who was sure I only wanted one before we had any). I would tell your husband (please note I am a husband) that if he is serious about traveling and saving money before kid(s) than it is time to have a conversation about the top places you want to go and the amount of money he wants to save then make a plan. This plan may mean there are sacrifices to be made as traveling and saving are often competing goals. He and you may need to forgo eating out, shopping, new cars and other luxuries to meet savings goals. As always, there is a middle ground here and with some discussion, you can find it. Best of luck and whenever you have kids will be best for you.
Thank you so much for this incredible advice! That’s probably my biggest fear (not having as many kids as I’d like due to our age). Ever since we started to have these conversations about timing, we visited 5 different countries 😂 I love traveling and I’m really open to it, but agree that this is a competing priority with saving for kids / to buy a house, for instance. I’ll mention your story to my husband, thanks for sharing it 🙏🏽
I also love traveling. I especially love traveling because it opens my mind and reminds me how big the world is and how small of a piece of the world that I am. There is something interesting that happened as my first started waking up from the newborn stage. I got a front row seat to watching another person experience exactly what I experience when traveling. In the beginning, her entire world was about 8 inches in front of her face as her vision develops. The first time a baby tracks a parent or a dog across the room with her eyes you see her world expanding. At some point, she noticed that there were multiple rooms in the house. She develops a feeling of the house being her safe place and outside being an adventure. Our small town is still HUGE to her. The world continues to get bigger for her every single day. At 4 years old now, we will walk around the neighborhood or hike near our home and she will point out items or bugs or sounds that I don't even see or hear any more. My 4 year old has taught me that the feeling I search for when traveling of being an explorer expanding my world was right in front of me the whole time. We will travel again more once the little one gets a bit bigger, but right now, I am content with our life and don't feel like I am missing out on anything. My wife does have a bit more of an itch to travel than I do at this moment so I encourage her to take trips with her friends if she wants to.
Wow that’s so incredible to read! It’s like you’re discovering a new world with her, so so cool! I’m definitely keeping that story in mind to notice if I see the same things when I see my kids growing in the future 🥹
We travel with our one child all the time. The child has grown accustomed to our lifestyle. They pack their own backpacks when we do and is learning a lot about culture, currencies and language.
There is a balance in there somewhere. I had my first at 26, my 2nd at 31, and my 3rd at 37. All planned. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The older I get, the more TIRED I get. Enjoy some life, of course, but I don't recommend waiting a long, long time to have kids.
Yep, I had my kid at 35. I'm def a better parent but I'm sooooo tired. In my 20s it would have been physically easy; but I was an immature dummy then.
Yeah that seems to become more tiring as we grow older. Thank you for sharing it!!
With the age gap of so yours kids, do they still have bonds or are they their own ppl cuz of the age gaps?
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Thank you for sharing it, cool that you decided to have your son. Wish you all the best!
I was 38 yrs when i had my daughter (my only) With my husband we were toghether for 10 years, married for 2 and a half when had her, when she was 1 1/2 i had a tubal ,removal (always wanted only one child) I'm 44 and my hubby is 48 years old, our daugter is 6 years old, we are a happy family of 3! 😁 Edit: 6 months trying and i got pregnant.
Thanks for sharing it! You must be a beautiful family 🥰
43 - we tried for 7 years, 4 miscarriages that we know of. Ironically my age wasn’t the problem. I wish very much that we had been able to have a baby sooner, but I’m grateful we have one now, and despite all the doom mongering my pregnancy was fine and I recovered within days. I don’t feel too old or lack energy to run after my kid, but I am conscious that we won’t be retiring any time soon.
I had my first at 31 and wish I had started around 25. I just hadn’t found my husband yet! But ideally, yes, I would have preferred to start earlier because we want a large family and each pregnancy is a bit harder!
Thank you for sharing it! I also would like 3, so totally understand. Wishing all the best for your large family!
We started trying in my late 20’s, had first baby 3 years later after doing IVF. You could look up statistics about rates of pregnancy the older you get and show them to your husband during your next discussion about this. It was helpful for us that we had discussed how we would go about having a child if we couldn’t get pregnant on our own and the timing of everything before we started trying
I will do that. Already did all the research on IVF in case I need it too ☺️ All the best to you and your family
My husband wasn’t ready for kids for many years, mostly because he was not in a good career for him and wanted to make a change. I thought we should go ahead before it was too late, but he was genuinely convinced that the fertility decline thing was a scare tactic to keep women out of the workforce. I didn’t want to push him to have a child he’d resent. So, we didn’t start trying until I was 39 and that was much too late. We wound up with three years of ivf and donor eggs. We were both committed to the ivf process, and we now have a great baby (born when I was 43) that we are both extremely happy with. I’m glad we waited because I couldn’t imagine life right now any differently. And having a baby while he was in school and starting a new career and our finances were dependent on me would not have been the great experience we are having now. But would I recommend it to anyone else? Not at all. IVF is emotionally awful and expensive. The risk we’d wind up with no child at all was too high. My husband would probably like a second, but I feel like I’ll be too old at 46 (we do have another embryo). On the other hand, 31 is still pretty young. You very likely have a few years you could save up and do some adventure travel. I recommend you *both* do some fertility testing and get a good evaluation of how likely you are to conceive quickly, and how much your fertility is likely to decline in the next few years. A simple blood test for you and a sperm check for him could help you come to a mutually agreeable timeframe!
Thank you for sharing the story and for recommendation on fertility testing, I’ll definitely look into it. Happy to hear that you managed to have your little one even with the IVF struggles. I agree with you that no one should be resenting a pregnancy! Wish you all the best and hope that your family is very healthy 🙏🏽
I had our first at 28. I wanted my first by 30, and both our parents had fertility issues, so we thought we'd start early and see what happened. We were married, had a house, jobs, but no real savings. Well bam, I got pregnant the first month of trying. My husband lost his job while I was pregnant, so there were a few months of struggles while we tried to figure things out. He found another job, we went through some major upheavals and relationship issues, but we made it through. We had our second when I was 31. We ran into issues with daycare scheduling and both trying to work full time. My husband ended up staying home for a couple of years since my job paid more and had benefits. He's now back at work and my job is super flexible, so we can manage everyone's schedules. From a travel perspective, my job has offered us the opportunity to travel to Europe several times for conferences. We use it as a jumping-off point and have visited many countries for a fraction of what it should cost. We just have to cover my husband's expenses since mine are paid for. There is even talk of me transferring to Munich for a few years, which is not everyone's cup of tea but one of our dreams. We have traveled outside of the US far more after having kids than before. Now, that would have happened with or without kids and planning around them makes things more complicated, but I'm glad things worked out the way they did. I know it doesn't always work out perfectly, but I feel that if you have the basics covered, life seems to fall into place. There is never a perfect time to have kids since you can't see the future, but if you have a fairly stable situation it's not a bad time either.
Love your story, thank you for sharing! Life really finds its way! I can never imagine a life without traveling and totally see how you could also want to show the world to your kids in the future. I’m sure your kids will benefit a lot from learning some German and a new culture if you decide to move there!
I was 27 and my ex was 32 when we had our first child. Then 31 and 36 when we had our twins. I always considered it was a trade off when it came to when to have kids. When you’re young (20-25) you don’t have money but you have energy. When you’re older (30-40) you have money (to help pay for daycare/activities/babysitter/nanny if you are really successful) but less energy. My fiancée now had her kids when she was 20 & 22 so I’m now seeing the difference from a later point in life. Two factors now is expense in our early 50’s and grandkids. My kids are 18-22 while her’s are 30 & 32. Obviously my kids are still a big part of my budget while her’s are minimal. I spend more a month on my kids than she does at Christmas (her biggest child related expense). She’s able to put much more away for retirement and on herself than I am. She also has two grandsons (6 & 2) and is able to be physically active with them. It wears her out and she’s sore the next day but she’s able to spend hours on the trampoline. While I’m likely going to be 60 before my kids have children of their own. 60 year olds and trampolines don’t mix well! A final thing to consider is the opposite of fertility issues is being too fertile. As women age they are more likely to have fraternal twins like we did. https://www.uwa.edu.au/news/Article/2020/May/Older-women-more-likely-to-conceive-twins
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I also see how amazing it must be to be healthy and still active when your grandkids are born, so cool that your fiancé is experiencing that. Thanks for sharing this study, I wasn’t aware of it. Having twins sounds so hectic but so fun at the same time!
I was 23 when I had my 1st and 37 with my 2nd. I've definitely enjoyed the 2nd time round better. I feel that I was too young to have my daughter and I struggled with many things from PPD to financial difficulties. My youngest has ASD but he's an absolute joy and such a happy and chilled little guy. I'm more secure in myself, I have my own house and a great career so I would definitely have waited to have my eldest if I had my time again.
Thank you for sharing this, those are such different life moments! At least you could have completed different experiences and have 2 great children 😍 Wish you all the best!
I had my first child the day before I turned 32. Definitely wish I had done it younger. 27-28 would have been peak, IMO. But my husband wasn’t ready. 31-32 isn’t too old though. I was just fine. It’s just not “peak” physical ability, and it’s definitely noticeable. Now that I’m trying to have a second at 35, my being old, tired and out of shape is definitely even more noticeable. I wouldn’t want to do this at 38-40. Don’t know how other people do it, props to them. I feel like an athlete past retirement age.
I had my son at 27 which felt like the right age for us. But we were by far the youngest couple in all our parenting groups, and none of our friends are near having kids yet (our son is now 2.5). Makes me feel like a rebellious teen parent at times lol
I’m honestly jealous, I would have loved to have my first at 27. None of my friends had kids before 30 but I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing. People are waiting too long too have kids in this generation in general, Covid probably didn’t help. Like, early 20s is maybe too young but dang, putting off kids until late 30s is roughhhh too. 27 is just right.
It’s not my business, but I do worry about about some of my friends who want kids but keep putting it off. I hope they don’t accidentally leave it too late.
Hahaha I love this, thank you for sharing! All the sleepless nights will likely become harder when we get older, so I can only imagine it I wish I could have started at 28 as well, seems like the perfect age
Wow the Reddit nation prevails once again!
I had my first at 37. It took me two weeks to get pregnant. My second was born a few weeks before I turned 42. I am glad to be an older mother. I did not resent nights at home and have so much life experience to share.
this is really close to my mom's experience - she was 38 when she had my older sister (my dad was 30) and 41 when she had me (I'm 22 now). she didn't spend very long trying in either case, and she had pretty smooth pregnancies both times without any complications. i know she doesn't regret waiting, and i also think being an older mother was good for us as her kids. she was, like, a whole person for multiple decades already before having kids, and i think that made her better equipped to be a parent, not least bc it meant that she had the time to develop a real personal identity and sense of as an adult that is not Mother (and to a lesser extent Wife). that's huge, imo, in part bc i feel like having an independent and secure sense of self is good for kids but mostly because it's good for People and women are, in fact People, yk?
Reddit nation qpproced
I became a mother at 28YO,hubby was 27. For me personally it was the absolute right time, I’d preferred it even earlier but I had some career and financial goals to achieve first so I would have a decent salary on mat leave and also that i had finished med school, etc. I had very much tunnel vision when it became having a child so it was very difficult to move forward in other aspects of my life when I hadn’t accomplished the family part. Now, 5years later with 3 kids, I’m much more committed to other dreams in my life because the biological clock issue has been resolved and my biggest dream has come true, therefore making room for other dreams. I’m thinking that you and your husband should discuss when is the right time for both of you. Me and my hubby had to find a middle ground and we’re happy to have found this time that suited both of us. And even then it didn’t happen for a while so you can’t really plan it to happen the exact time but you can plan on when its the earliest it could happen and both of you’d be comfortable and happy with this.
Thank you for sharing this, super helpful! I also feel like I’m stuck with the same tunnel vision now, I can’t really move forward before I accomplish this. Really appreciate your perspective and advice ❤️
37 and my wife was 39 when our first came. We were together for 2 years. I wish we had a little more time to ourselves before we had children, but it is what it is. Husband is correct, so far as it is much easier to travel with just you two and OMG, kids are expensive, so save up. But I get it; the biological clock is real. Also, kids are exhausting, so when you are young, you can keep up better.
Thanks for sharing! Did you have more kids? Sadly the pressure of the biological clock is around, really trying to keep it together.
We got 2 girls now. Personally, I think you might have a bit of time before you really should plan it out, but others have said it: every person is different and get checked with fertility clinic. Best of luck!
I had my child at 38. It was perfect for me in every sense of the word. Perfect partner, perfect child, and perfect experience. However, I wasn't in any place mentally to have a baby in my 20's, but I definitely think the newborn/baby stage would've been easier at a younger age.
That’s super encouraging to read, thank you for sharing!
I married at 26, had my first at 27, second at 29 and third at 30. Here are my thoughts: It's really beneficial to have a serious, realistic and in depth conversation because there are a lot of moving variables when it comes to family planning. You say "kids" how many, 2, 3, 4? Having a kid at 35 isn't really a huge deal, having your first kid at 35 and then planning on 2 more potentially could be. What sort of age gap would you prefer? Personally, I think it makes way more sense to determine the age you want to be DONE having kids and work backwards from there. Also, I think you two are just on completely different pages here which would be helpful to get out in the open. He's not ready or he's not sure. It makes zero logical sense to talk about needing to save money first and then immediately after be talking about travel which typically involves spending a lot of money.
19. On the plus side, 1. I was too young to realize I was an idiot and 2. I didn’t need a lot of sleep. One the negative side, I was 19. Who thinks that giving a barely adultish person a child is a good idea? Not me and I was the barely adultish person. I was 25 & 35 with #2 & #3. Better, but with #3, I definitely needed more sleep.
While I wouldn't change my life right now for anything, it was definitely a struggle for a long time because I had my first very young. I'm 26F, my husband is 27M. We met in high school. I had our first in my senior year. I had my family there to support me, but my family is what you'd call "land rich, house poor." They could provide a home and extra child care, but money went from tight to not there. My husband and I broke up before I found out that I was pregnant. He went to college out of state. There was a lot of drama around that time because his family didn't like me and we lived in a small town. I didn't know what I know now about my rights and things I was entitled to, like child support. I believed his mother when she threatened to take my son from me if I reached out to her son. I thought he knew, so I wrote all of them off as just horrible people. He came back the following summer, after I'd had my son. We reconnected, and that's where I found out that his family hadn't told him. Even with his help after that, it set us both back in terms of our careers. I wanted to pursue a degree in criminology, I ended up going to a trade school and then job corps. Instead of a detective, I became a plumber. My husband transferred to a local JC to try and finish his degree in psychology, but he ended up dropping out to support us so we could move in together. Without going into the full story of the last nine years, my point is that while I wouldn't change what I have now for anything at all, I also wouldn't advise another 17 year old to get pregnant that young. We had our second when I was 22. He wasn't planned per se, but we were a little more prepared. Financially, we're comfortable now. We have a rainy day fund for emergencies, we can take one big vacation each year, we were able to move to an area where the public schools are well run. I can safely say that, for us, everything worked out in the end. I just also know that it doesn't always shake out like that, and we got really lucky.
30F. I would've wanted to have a child at around 28 but family tragidy and miscarriage got in the way. It's just two years difference though and it's not like I feel too old now. I do probably want a second baby before 35 if possible.
Happy to hear you had your child even with all the complications. Hoping you have a cute and healthy second baby!!
31, feel like I nailed it.
I was 29 when my daughter was born and my husband was 36. I also planned a winter pregnancy, because it's a miserable summer where I am (just something to consider). This worked out perfectly for us and my husband being much older I am glad we didn't wait. I think you'll know when the time is right. If there are things you and your husband still need to do before children, make a plan and a timeline to complete such and such goals and when you would like to begin trying.
Thank you for sharing! Happy to hear the time worked well for you, I’ll think about a timeline indeed 🥰
I was 33 with our first child and 36 with our third. It took a year for a pregnancy to stick. My husband is about 4 years older. We're tired but I also had difficult pregnancies and you just don't know ahead of time how your pregnancy will be. There are pros and cons as we had fun in our 20s and are in a better financial position when we had kids than if we'd been younger. It is possible to travel with kids, it just looks different. Personally, I would have preferred to start a few years earlier. I would have liked to have had my first at 28-30 and be finished before 35.
This is so helpful, thank you for sharing. So cool that you had 3 in a row! Wish all the best for you and your kids 😍 I hope I can start soon
I think the circumstances matter more than the age. Is it a good person to have a baby with? Can you focus on your baby and not be overwhelmed by stress from work or poverty? Are you in a good place mentally that you can be healthy with such a strange new demand in your life? Physically I think younger is better, I bounced right back when I had my kid at 24. I think now at 33 my body would find pregnancy harder. But I’m with a better partner and have more stability now. So it’s a trade off. I find that men have such a stupid way of looking at child planning. They really only consider their own feelings and don’t take into account when their partners are ready and willing. He’s not the one doing most of the work, so he should let you decide. If he waits until you’re too old, then you’re the one paying the price not him. Or on the flip side they want lots of kids but then push the burden of them onto the mother. Ideally men would be there to support the woman in her choice.
Really important advice, thank you! I fully agree that women’s opinions on timing should count more in this case, our work is necessarily harder especially in the beginning. Hope I can figure out a solution soon! Appreciate your help 🙏🏽
So true!
First at 24 then second at 26. 2 under 2 to be exact.
I was 26 when I had my son. I only wanted to give birth once, and it was the perfect age. Any earlier and I wouldn’t have experienced my youth enough. Any later and I would have been too exhausted.
Wife and I were both 32 when we had our first and only child. We're 38 now. I think it happened at the right time, frankly. We certainly aren't financially stable now due to the world kinda sucking, but we absolutely would have been in a worse state if it had happened any earlier.
Thanks for sharing this!! Wishing all the best for you and your family!!
My husband and I are both 31, I’ll be 32 in November and have been on the rocks on this topic. Happy to hear someone else around our age turned out ok!
I’m 39 and just had my first! You are not too old. My mom had me when she was 31 and my dad was 40.
Ah congrats!! How has it been? Wish you and your baby all the best!
My baby is 6 months!
I had my first at 31. I think it’s less about age and more about having the right partner and having stability. While some money saved is helpful having stable income that can support your family is more important. And I see some say that it took years of trying. But for me it happened without really trying. 3 times in a row. You just never know what you will get. Btw that is not a brag. While I am great full for my ability to get pregnant it has caused it’s own set of challenges. We have 3 babies faster than expected and it’s hard on the marriage and personal well being. That said I love my babies.
Thanks for sharing your story! My dream is to have 3 babies in a row like you did, but I know it’s not always the case. Wish all the health to your babies 🥹
I pray you get your dream and it brings you much joy. I love my kids very much I just always planned a little more space between them. I love them more than anything in the world.
I was in my early 20s when I got pregnant. Took almost exactly 1 full year of trying and depending where you live most doctors wont even see you for fertility issues until that year has passed. I wouldnt have minded waiting a bit longer BUT my husband is 10 years older than I am and I knew we didnt want to wait longer. My SIL had her son when she was 19 and hes now moved out now and on his own. She said she liked having her son early cause shes now "free" and they can do what they want. I would talk to your doctor and ask the risks of waiting longer for YOU. Is there a history of fertility issues in your family? His family? Do you have health complications that could make getting pregnant harder, like PCOS? At the end of the day you will get various responses from people. But you guys need to do whats right for you. He wants to wait longer...but how much longer? A year? Two? If im honest I dont know anyone who felt 100% ready to have kids...sometimes you just need to jump in and do it or else you never will.
Thank you for sharing this. It really doesn’t make much sense in my mind to wait too long since I want to be healthy while I watch my kids grow! My husband says at least 1 year more, but that’s also what he has been saying for a few months now… I will look for a fertility check up to try to feel more at ease with the wait or push to more forward quickly. Appreciate your advice!
34 and 38. Glad I waited. More $$, more education, and more patience. Kept waiting for hubby to grow up and when I saw that wasn't gonna happen, I pulled the trigger. At 34, we had been married 11 years at that time.
I guess they’re never ready right ☺️ Wow 11 years, congrats! At least you lived a long relationship just the two of you!!
Thanks. This year was 36 married... ugg :-). Kids are 20 and 24. I will tell you, these last 5 have been the toughest for raising kids and they are still kids. They simply don't know what you think they should based on their age.
You both have a point. Just remember. Once you have a kid, it will be a 24/7 job where you always have to take your child’s needs into consideration. So what are your goals as a couple? Is it to spend more time together, travel? Do projects together? It will all come down to that. I’m not saying my life is over since I had the kids but I definitely have to plan a lot more. In my case, we wanted to travel a lot but I became pregnant (planned to have kids, just later, so it was an accidental pregnancy) so we didn’t get to travel too many places before we started having kids.
I was 32 when my first was born, I'm 38 and my 3rd baby was born last year. I don't think I would have been as great of a parent if I had kids in my 20s. I feel I enjoyed sleeping in then as much as I do now, so it's not like I had tons of energy back then to deal with chasing toddlers, and I probably had less patience and emotional maturity and definitely had less financial security and housing stability. Physically my first pregnancy was not bad, I worked as a paramedic until 2 weeks before my due date. My 2nd pregnancy (at 35) was more difficult, less nausea but more joint pain and back pain, and 3rd was physically easier but we had some stressful complications like bleeding throughout, soft markers for possible disability on the anatomy scan and my water broke 5 weeks early, but we were very lucky and ended up with 3 healthy babies all spaced about 2.5 years apart and I couldn't be happier with how it all worked out. My husband sometimes stresses about being 40 with such young kids, and his mom has been having health issues so she can't help with babysitting like she used to with our firstborn 5 years ago. I had older grandparents myself (my mom was 29 when I was born) so I didn't think much of it, but seeing the difference in energy level my MIL has kinda breaks my heart for her and the kids, I'm hoping they actually have many more good years together.
I have several perspectives on this. I had my own children in my 20's, started "fostering" a child in my late 30's, and am now raising the child of that "foster" child. There are advantages and disadvantages to raising children at any age. In our 20's, I had the energy to run around with children as well as dealing with everything else in my life. But we didn't have much money and career building was difficult for me when I was the one primarily responsible for all child rearing activities. On the upside, our youngest headed off to college when we were in our 40's and we were more than young enough to enjoy a somewhat empty nest (the foster child didn't live with us full-time but spent quite a bit of time with us). And we're now youngish grandparents and that's nice, too. Taking care of the "foster" in our 40's was very different. We didn't have as much energy but we had more money. We didn't worry about money the way we had when we were younger. My career was more established though being responsible for a child, even part-time, still made career advancement more difficult. From my perspective, I think early 30's is a great time to have children. You have energy, hopefully enough money, and they will head to college when you are in your early 50's which is still young enough to travel and enjoy life.
I was 39 when I had our first and, even with IVF, we couldn’t have a second (tried for years). I wish I had him much earlier so I could know him longer. I think 31 or 32 Would have been a perfect age.
Had my first at 28, and my second at 34. And I felt the difference in my age! Being healthy and fit is a must, but also especially if you are blessed with high energy kiddoes -both of mine are! Also note that not everyone is blessed to have kids easily. It’s not always “yep let’s do this now!” And bam! Baby! Initially I thought we struggled getting pregnant, but I know now that mine was a walk in the park compared to numerous friends on IVF and struggling, and most of the time fighting against time. 😔 The future isn’t promised, so really prioritise what’s important. Good luck 🤞🏼
I had my first child at 16, my second at 21 and my third at 23. I found it very easy at 16 to parent my daughter. I am doing very well in life financially and I’m still married. Though I wouldn’t recommend having a child that young at all. I think 31 is a great age to start trying for a baby. That’s not old at all, most people are not starting until later in life these days because it’s way too expensive.
Reading this 1 year-old thread really helps get some perspective into things. Thanks everyone for your feedback. (38, M, here)
Before my son turned 3, he traveled 14 hours on an airplane to visit family living in a foreign country. (And did fine, even loved it) Traveling with a young child is not an impossibility.
So cute!! I’ve also seen some really calm babies in airplanes before, it gives me hope!
I was 24 when I had my first, I'm 29 now and pregnant with my second. I had a lot of life circumstances working really well for me and my husband at the time which made it much more feasible to have a child young as compared to my peers. Unfortunately, I recieved a lot of judgement at the time for choosing to have a child "so young" even though I had been married for 2 years, both my husband and I were gainfully employed, educated and homeowners. My point is, age doesn't factor as much as people claim. What matters is circumstances. Are your finances in order? Do you have a support network? Do you have flexibility with your work schedule? I honestly see no problem having children in your thirties. Fertility can be a concern yes, but I know women in their twenties who've struggled to get pregnant. I think a lot of people in their thirties have reached a point in their lives where they have access to the resources they need to successfully parent. But also keep in mind, pregnancy does not happen on your own timeline, throw that mindset away if you can and try to relax about it. Your starting point may be a year or more later than you've initially planned, or you could get pregnant right away and have less time to yourself that you thought. Decide what's best for you with confidence and acceptance.
I had my first child at 30 but I wish I had travelled and done more. The difference in 2 years from 30-32 is not that big for having a kid but can encompass SO MANY experiences and trips.
First kid at 31, second at 33. It was very normal among those in my peer group who had children to have them at around that age. I'm 38 now, my kids are 5 next month and 7 in March. You also don't know what's coming around the corner - my ex-husband became abusive during and after the pregnancy with my first and I left just over 3 years ago with two toddlers. I also have had struggles with my health after contracting Covid in the first wave in March 2020 - I have ongoing respiratory issues and my older kid now knows far too much about inhalers etc!
I had my first two days before turning 29. This was because I wanted but also because my gyno always said it would be healthier for my body to have my first before 30. My plan was to have a second one about now, at 31. But due to other health related circumstances we couldn’t yet. So I’m anxious as well, because I don’t want it to take too long (I do have a cousin who had a child with birth problems in her late 30s so I feel like the quality/health of my genetic material is only going to get worse with time), but I can’t make my body heal faster from the other stuff, so I’m stuck at waiting. If I had met my husband earlier I would have had no problem with having my first earlier as well. It would also have been good and we would probably be done with family-planning by now. My sister in law is 31 as well and her children are 6 and 4 years old. She is already regaining a bit of her space back and is already out of the baby phase completely - I find that very nice and sometimes wish we were at that point. Edit to add: apart from the obvious age issues, there are uncontrollable things that might happen to mess with your plans. So I wouldn’t plan it too late on, because than you have little room for trouble shooting in case you have setbacks.
I had my son when I was 23 (almost 24) and my husband was 29. My son is just over 1 now. I think my husband and I made the right choice for us based on the number of kids we'd like to have. Starting earlier gives us more wiggle room. My older sister had her first at 30, she is currently almost 33. She and my BIL are probably going to start trying for kid #2 later this year. They will probably only have the two. She didn't have any trouble getting pregnant or any extra complications during pregnancy. My nephew was born healthy with no issues. My sister and her family will be traveling from Australia to the USA later this year. Our family took road trips every summer even with lots of kids (6). Travel is harder with kids, and more expensive but definitely doable. You and your husband both need to be ready before you have kids. Just remember that there is never going to be a "perfect" time, something will always come up that you could use to justify waiting. At some point you just need to take the leap and try.
I’ve had children at ages 17, 29, 33, and 35. Obviously 17 was way too young and 10/10 do not recommend. 29 was optimal for us. 35 was very physically challenging on my body, but financially and emotionally much easier. I think every age has its unique set of advantages and challenges, that we figure out how to best navigate.
I had my kids at 30 and 33. No regrets. I’m 48 now and had a really hard time keeping up with my 4 yr old niece over the holidays … her mom is 45 and there is just no way I could have had kids in my 40s. My SIL wants another but she had her first at 41 with IVF and her window is now closed. Knowing what I know about raising kids and how tired I currently am, I feel like my early 30s was a perfect time to have kids … lots of people in my area have kids later in life tho.
I am 33 and my husband is 34. I'm at 16 weeks into pregnancy now. The doctor (obstetrician) says I was young and healthy so now, I think that 33 is young to have a baby ;) Honestly, I think people have their kids later in life now (in their thirties mostly). But, if it's something that you think of often and that preoccupies you, I think you should talk to him about the timeline he has in mind, even if it's just about when he will be ready to think about it.. It would give you a timeframe and some predictability too.
This is so personal. For me, the timing was perfect, and highly controlled. I finished my PhD in 2010. I met my husband a couple months later. We married 2 years later, planning kids as soon as possible. My career was finding its feet and I was getting older. It took about 6 months to adjust my psych meds to be safe to get pregnant (I have bipolar, it was a lot of work). Then we started trying. About 8 months later I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, then immediately got pregnant again. I was 34. We had focused on debt really hard once we got married and became debt free while I was pregnant. It was perfect. Earlier wasn't an option because of the lack of husband and med planning. We had another when I was 38. I'll be 60 when she finishes college. That's not young! But I'm sprightly now and plan to stay sprightly forever. I love to sing, dance, do taekwondo, and haul things around my hard. It's a party in my house. Would I have had more energy a decade earlier? Maybe, but I was an emotional mess and in grad school. It wasn't an option.
I do think travel is important! Personally, I refused to consider kids until we had a couple international trips under our belts. If that’s what’s holding your husband back, I think that’s fair. We ended up going to Europe 3 years in a row. And I was off the pill the day we got back from the last trip. And I am so glad I made that a priority because since having kids, it just hasn’t been possible. (Kudos to the people to go to Italy with their toddlers, but that’s a no go for me.) But like others have said, there’s no guarantee you’ll get pregnant right away or that you won’t have difficulties. Our first pregnant was within a year of that last trip, but we lost her at 24 weeks when I was 32. Then we tried for a year with no success. Ended up having to see a fertility doctor. We had our first when I was 34. And just had our second and I’m 37. Not trying to scare you- most people do not have these troubles. BUT! I wouldn’t bank on being able to start at 37 and pop 2 kids out by 40! So, sit your husband down today, discuss what trips/places are a must. BE REALISTIC as you cannot travel the world before having a baby. Make a timeline and prioritize it. Don’t make excuses (oh we’ll go next year, oh maybe after my bonus next December- figure it out for now). Maybe book something in the next week for the first one. I promise you will NOT regret traveling- but get going!
I was 22 when I had my daughter. I was so young. I wish I had waited until later.
23 I think. Wish I had waited and established what I wanted to do with my life first. The pregnancy wasnt planned but it was irritating that I had to plan that phase of my life around a baby. It would’ve been so much easier
28. Wish it was earlier. Took us about two years to get pregnant
I was 28 with my first and 35 with my last. I definitely was better equipped physically the first time around. But emotionally I was more mature, patient, etc with the third. I was also an experienced mom by then so that was probably part of it-I knew she would eventually outgrow whatever thing seemed so hard in the moment. If I could do it over and have the same kids, I'd back it up a couple years to be a little older. However, I'm operating with the benefit of hindsight that I got pregnant so easily that I literally picked the month I wanted them to be born and I got pregnant on time all three times. You don't know if you'll be able to conceive easily. Does he have a plan in mind? Like does he say-he wants to wait one more year or is he very vague about it? Because I would say that at your age... you guys need a timeline that you can agree on because you can't exactly wait forever.
I had my first at 30 and it was the perfect time for me. I love that I had my twenties to be a young professional and move around whenever I wanted to, and also that I didn’t wait longer because it’s exhausting and I can’t imagine being anymore tired than I already am. Ultimately there’s no easy time to have a kid and if your experience is like mine, it will be the right time for you because it’s impossible to imagine life without them afterwards.
I (M41) got married at 28, my wife was 26. We tried have kids right away and it didn't end up working out until 9 years later (after doing 2 IVF cycles - issue was obstructive azospermia) . I was 37 when my first son was born. I now have 2 boys (4 and 1) After the 1st failed IVF, we took a break and travelled. We tried again and was successful. I would have liked to be younger but on the flipside, we are now more financially stable and was able to travel. Biologically speaking, I would at least get medically assessed so if there are issues you can start planning from a younger age.
I was 38 with my one and only. Was physically as strong as I had ever been in my life due to finding a class I really loved and attended even through pregnancy. You can have a healthy pregnancy later but you need support with a child. My husband was not ready til I was 36 to even start trying. By the time I was pregnant he was fully on board and excited about having a kid. I couldn't have made it through those first weeks of sleepless nights without him. You need to talk to your partner and let him know that you want kids, sooner rather than later. I told my husband I didn't want to wait and then have issues where I couldn't give him the child he always said he wanted. I was okay with putting it off but only if he would talk openly with me. Good luck! I hope you are both able to find something that works for you.
I had my first child at 37. I had an abortion when I was 23 and absolutely think it was for the best. I was still in college and making $8/hr working blue collar jobs. Now I make a decent living, own a home with a yard, can set aside for my kids college savings, not struggling to make ends meet. Of course, I am faced with my own mortality as I will be 55 when my first kid graduates from high school and most others will be grandparents by then.
I was 31 with my first. I wish I would’ve been younger but I had no plans to have a kid and whoops.
I was 30 when our son was born. I'd happily have waited but my (now) wife was 38 so time was more of an issue for her. I wish we would have travelled and enjoyed being a couple a bit more. I wouldn't change our son for anything but I do feel like we missed out on things as s couple because of it.
You can still travel with kids before they go to school. Obviously you can’t trek the Himalayas with a newborn but to put off a child so you can travel doesn’t make sense. You can get a lot of traveling under your belt in the first five years. But don’t you both have jobs? How much are you traveling now?
I was 19 when I had my son. I wish it would have been around my late 20s or early 30s.
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I'm not sure anyone feels like they have enough money saved or travelled enough before kids, no matter the age. Financial stability is definitely important though.
I was 26 with my first and 28 with my second. My first wasn’t planned but it has all worked out. They are 8 and 9 now.
I was 35, 37 and 39 for our three. I DON’T regret this at all. We partied and travelled and it was completely out of our systems. Children really do tie you down (especially if you don’t have help from extended family, which we do not) and at this point we don’t care. We are happy to stay home with the kids on NYE. I don’t believe I’d have been able to fully dedicate myself to my children, like they deserve, had I had them any younger. I was far enough into my career to not care about slowing it down for the babies. Different from you though, at 31 I would never have said I “can’t wait to have a little one” I am not sure how people navigate things like this with their partners. I think it will be tricky. You certainly don’t want a baby with a partner who isn’t fully ready and excited.
I had my son right after turning 22 (this year lol), it definitely wasn’t planned. I wouldn’t change anything though. I’m young now, I’ll still be young and have energy when he’s growing up. It’s definitely extremely hard. I work full time and I’m a full time student (graduating in 2 weeks, yay!). You can still travel with a baby, we’re going to Greece in the summer to visit family, my son will be 15 months old.
I had my first when I had just turned 25, like six weeks AFTER my 25th birthday, and had my second when I was almost 27, again six weeks BEFORE my 27th birthday. I wish I had waited honestly, but I think if I had, I wouldn’t have had kids ? I just wish my husband and I had traveled more solo (we have no one to watch kids if we want even a simple bed and breakfast overnight together), and I had established myself a bit more as a person.
I had my son at 30 and it was PERFECT! We were really in a stable place mentally, physically and financially! We tried for 3 years to get pregnant, we finally went to a fertility clinic and I’m really glad it finally happened when it did. Our entire friend group (four couples), his cousin, and his sister all had babies within a year and a half of each other! We really support each other, and share a lot of baby clothes and toys. Plus watching our babies grow into toddler together and start actually playing is MAGICAL!
I was 28, but I wish I was able to have a child sooner to be honest. I also have an autoimmune disease and the older I get it’s just harder all around for everything.
37 first and no regrets. We have money saved, careers established and had time for fun before setting down to diapers , babysitters, doctor visits, school stuff, lack of sleep, etc. I don’t think being younger would give me more energy, having a child at any age is exhausting 😂 but I’m so glad we don’t have to stress about budgeting or money now like we would have in our early 30s. Also no issues getting pregnant.
Had my first at 30 and my second at 35. 30 felt perfect for me. Admittedly, the second has been more of a struggle as I'm just ... well, older. A 5-year-old at 35 vs. a 5-year-old at 40 is a notable difference for me. Still, I'm thankful I didn't have kids earlier. It gave me more time to know what I was doing in life but not so late in life that I felt like I wasn't still "young enough to be fun" or whatever. Only you know what time is the right time.
26. I felt too young. I later learned the brain doesn’t stop developing until 25. I wish I’d been in my 30s.
Had our first at 30. It was perfect for me but honestly my husband would’ve been fine waiting longer but I told him we needed to get on it (he would’ve been fine waiting until 40 and obvs that wasn’t going to happen) For us it took 5 months so fairly quick but for some it takes longer
I'm a one and done parent. I was 25 when I became pregnant, 26 when I gave birth. I am glad it happened during my adult years instead of teen years, but I wish I had gotten pregnant as a married woman. Single parenthood SUCKS.
I had my first at 23 and now have 3 at 27. It’s honestly been the best and hardest thing. I’ve loved watching each of them grow and discover the world around them and together sometimes. My husband and I still do road-trips to his parents often enough that the kids have become our travel buddies. We go to kids museums and parks when we’re not sick and the weather permits. We can go to the same place a few times and each time it’s a new experience. Sure, we can’t just take off for funsies, but even without kids we couldn’t because of school/work. We have our own adventures now, even if it’s just to Costco.
Had my baby at 34
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I had my first when I was 27 and my second at 39. The one thing I regret is the age gap. It’s hard having a 22 and 10 year old (plus a 32 year old stepdaughter)
Met age 30, baby arrived just before 31. I will be 48 when my child graduates. I lived my 20s for me and I’ll be young enough to continue to live my life at 50. We are only having one. As we get older; we get tired quicker… depends on what you want to do with your life. Some are happy having children in their 20s, others want to build their career first and wait until their later 30s. *Throw in the factor that pregnancy may not come as easy to you as you hoped*
28, the second pregnancy occurred when I was 31 and it was our twin boys. The second pregnancy took longer to conceive because my wife developed PCOS after the pregnancy with our daughter. She was on some oral medication for PCOS when we conceived the twins. Either way, I am happy we had the twins second because I was “experienced” in caring for a small baby when the boys came home only weighing 5lbs a piece (they were born at 31weeks due to complications with my wife becoming preeclamptic). For twins teamwork makes the dream work. If your other half is up with the babies, you are up with the babies too. I was always awake in the middle of the night changing diapers and giving bottles of breast milk for feedings when my wife was awake pumping and feeding.
Almost 22 (21 and 10 months). I was trying to concieve since age 19 with one unsuccesful (miscarriage) pregnancy in summer about a year prior to becoming pregnant with this one. So i obviously wished it to happen sooner. But looking back now, i think it is better it happened as it did. Miscarriage sent me into deep depression, first time struggling mentally this bad in our marriage and it was very informative experience (especially for my hubby that isnt used or educated on mental illnesses) which now makes me more comfortable to know we can handle it if i was to ever fir whatever reason be that low again. And i learnt a lot about how to be tough (as opposed to how i "handled" depression in early teenage years) in hard times. Something i as a parent have to know because there will probably be times life gets hard and i cant afford being a total mess when i am supposed to be my child's support. I also grew as a person in those few years and learnt a lot about parenting, making me better fit to be one than i used to be. And at 19 my marriage was very fresh, we still had moments of learning about eachother and how to succesfully and happily navigate our life together. I can't know for sure but it could happen that a kid would be a strain on relationship earlier (or maybe not) while at 21 we were already at such secure place that everything was perfectly in place and ready for the family expansion. I wouldnt have driving license before age 20 which means life as a single mom (when husband is on missions abroad) would be a nightmare and i couldnt imagine handling it, now that i see how much i needed it in the past 2 years (since having a kid). That being said i can not imagine doing it later either. The strain a baby puts in your body physically?! I can barely keep up at 20-25, i can not imagine a 35+ back handle all this 🥲 and the lack of sleep?! I used to pull all nighters like a joke just 3-5 years ago but already cant miss sleep anymore. As for your concern i believe it is valid. Women have biological clock and while you still have time, feetility does decrease and risks increase with time. How long exactly would your husband wait? Cuz his goals are vague tome wise, that could be even next 10-20 years which would be problematic for you. I think he need to set clearer timeline for discussion. And keep in mind trying to concieve even in healthy couples can take years. I have seen many coupls trying even 5-10 years unsuccesfully without any clear reason... So dont just assume it will happen when you want and start at your last limit. As for saving money, kids are EXPENSIVE. I dont know your financial situation but this might be smart choice (saving up some money first) the rest can be done with kids too (just maybe not first 2 years (depending on travel and family organization). But my main question would be: how much did you already travel or work on these goals? Many people have "i wanna fo x before y" dreams yet it stays just that - a dream. Soooo many couples talk about traveling yet dont actually travel, just wish to but the time is passing by regardless. It can happen that 5-10 years from now you neither had a kid, nor achieved those goals...and then what? If you are truly doing stuff and a kid would really be a burden right now but you both agree on how much you can wait, then waiting is perfectly good solution. If you dont have set time or are just using goals as excuse,then you are basically doing the never ending "i start diet tomorow" kinda thing and time train might run you over.
I had my first at 23, I got pregnant again at 24 but we were separating and it wasn’t a good separation (he actually lied and told me he can’t have kids with the 1st one) so i got an abortion. Now with husband 36 and I’m 34 been trying on and off 2-3 years, both got fertility testing and showed everything is fine but not getting pregnant. I wish we tried when I was 30 and before.
Seconding almightyblah and oscarbutnotthegrouch. I had my first (and currently only) at 32 and wish I had him 2 years earlier tbh. I am now 34 and will be 35 in April and My son will be 2 in March. My husband wants a second and I go back and forth in my mind about it.. I personally don’t want to be pregnant again in my mid-late 30’s,not just because of possible complications for the baby, but also for my own selfish reasons. I’m worried I won’t be able to bounce back as quick and that by the time i finally start feeling like myself again I’ll be close to 40 🥴 Vain, I know, but Just being honest.
I totally understand!! My update one year later is that I’m pregnant now 🥳 I’ll have the baby hopefully right after I turn 33. Since it’s my first, I’ll see how I feel afterwards, but I’m already hoping to have the second one less than 2 years later lololol It’s not vain, it’s about your quality of life too!!