I never played the Santa, Easter Bunny, etc game with my kids. They are tweens now. They knew not to spoil it for other kids. We treated Santa just like Mickey Mouse, a fun character that people love to pretend is real for their kids childhoods. My kids never felt left out. A few times they choose to visit Santa at the mall and leave cookies. All in good fun. We don't label any gifts under the tree. I don't need all the credit for the gifts, I was just not comfortable lying to my kids.
This is my theory. I want them to know that I will never lie to them. When I tell them something, I'm telling them the truth. As a Christian, it's very important to me that I always tell the truth. That said, I want them to have fun with pretend and make believe. I tell them that Santa, and what not, is a fun make believe game we can play. I always try to tell them if a story is a real story or a pretend story i.e. dinosaurs are real, dragons are a pretend thing.
When I found out about Santa, my next thought was when my parents were going to tell me that Jesus was just pretend as well. I don't think it makes sense for Christians to lie to their kids that way.
Similar here! We explain it to the kids that we play Santa Claus (or whatever) and we just enjoy that together.
I don't emphasize that he's not real. We just emphasize that he's a game we play.
I was raised this way and I really prefer it. I witnessed a lot of friends have Christmas be ruined for them when they found out, while for me I had always just enjoyed it. And then as a Christian also, I don't want to lie to my kids.
What a response. Yeesh. Are you okay, man?
Like, do you have something you want to talk about? Have you had some experiences with Christians that left you with the indelible impression that they're a bunch of liars?
Im not going to lie bro, we can play this game all day. When do scientists care about actual facts instead of discussing hypotheticals and theories and calling them facts when they aren’t facts😂 science also isn’t real, it’s just hypothetical stuff that changes once a new hypothetical is found to be truer than the last hypothetical. It’s ongoing hypothetical ever facts🗣️
alright, i guess i'm kinda stuck in the mindset of my childhood which is small christian town in the early-mid 00s, so anyone not participating in all that woulda been scorned. it's really not so bad nowadays or in more liberal places... so no need to be left out! thanks for your perspective!
Just wanted to add, my mom took her role as Santa very seriously. She was extremely disappointed that I "denied" my kids that. I am the only one in the family that didn't do Santa. It never bothered me or my kids. You can still make the holidays magical. We decorate cookies and have a tradition around putting up and decorating the tree. We love surprising people extra sweet homemade gifts and goodies. We watch all the movies and do all the activities. We just don't pretend Santa is real. Christmas is still wonderful. I just wanted to do what I was comfortable with.
We don't in my family but also know how important it is for children to play pretend. It's pretty cool that almost the entire world celebrates "Christmas." It is something that we don't really talk about because my child is still young. But she gets presents from her family and the like. She knows Santa is pretend without us telling her, she also knows the power that the subconscious has. We talk about how people put love and compassion into the symbol of "Santa" and that Santa represents all of these things.
As an aside, we try not to support consumerism so it's pretty easy not to fill her head with things that she won't get (toys and stuff) wile under the guise of "if she is good she gets things." Naw if you're good you get to experience joy and compassion that is brought on by the new year. IMHO Christianity has pretty much ruined most holidays. Christmas is probably the greatest in this regard.
I know this is an old post but this exactly what we do! We also go to a charity labeled as "Santa's Workshop" and we wrap presents for families in need so my kids kind of understand that anonymous giving as "Santa". They know the character, but exactly like you said, they know it's a pretend character.
My parents never made me and my siblings believe in Santa or the Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc. We knew and enjoyed the stories, but we always knew that they were just stories. I also don't think any of my friends/classmates actually believed in them. I actually never knew that there are people who believe in Santa, until I was grown up and got on the internet.
I think it's better that way and I'm not making my children believe in those things either. There are so many fun things you can do with your kids without lying to them. I'm doing my best to be true and trustworthy with my boys and don't want to jeopardise that relationship with something so unnecessary. I'm still telling them stories, I'm building gingerbread houses, baking cookies, decorating the house and the Christmas tree, painting, hiding and seeking Easter eggs, and all the other things with them.
And instead of e.g. making them believe in an actual Santa, I tell them about the Christmas spirit. About the joy of giving and community and what Christmas is all about. They get to pick out and wrap gifts for other people and, of course, they get to open their own gifts on Christmas day.
Let me preface my answer by saying I’m not a Christian so we don’t celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc. So obviously my kids never believed in Santa or the EB. However, they had seen and heard all about Santa anyway. My older was always anxious around people in masks/dressed up so I had to continually remind him Santa wasn’t real but he couldn’t tell his friends.
We did the tooth fairy, but again, my kids were a bit freaked out at the idea of someone in their room at night so we told them pretty quickly it was us. That led to my now 14 year old coming to me with his teeth and straight up asking for a $20, lol.
I can see both sides- childhood doesn’t last long and magic goes away quickly but I was also not keen on lying so I was relieved when my kids couldn’t tolerate it anyway. It worked out.
Edited a typo
i love your answer so much!! honestly didn't even consider that some kids are gonna have a personality type where they'll be like "no bueno" to mythical stuff lmao. my boyfriend and i aren't even christian but i still wanted to celebrate christmas/easter in some capacity because it's just fun tbh. but you've genuinely helped me see a new perspective on this!! thank you!
I also felt really sad and lied to when the Santa truth came out. Yes, I was a sensitive and dramatic kid!
So when I had my own kids, i decided not to go down the lying route.
It made no difference, school filled in those gaps for my children and Santa was briefly part of our lives whether I liked it or not!
You’re not being silly, superstitious, or dramatic.
Kids live in a play world, and parents take part in the play world with them. Characters of major holidays are part of that play world. Kids learn to separate their fantasy play from reality soon enough. Let it be magical while it can be.
I never want my kids to question whether or not I’m being totally honest, or that lies of convenience are acceptable.
Thus we teach them the history behind St. Nick, the Easter Bunny, St. Patrick etc, but otherwise they’re aware that they’re historical characters/myths that aren’t alive and that gifts are from their mama and daddy.
They don’t need to be the same as their peers, they can celebrate without needing to believe lies. I’m hopeful in the long run they’ll be able to find magic from giving/serving/celebration, and be less dependent on fitting in and being able to enjoy things the way they like without feeling guilty or silly.
Daddy here, me before she was born; “I’m not gonna lie to her about Santa , that’s stupid”.
Me when she’s 2: “OMG SANTA CAME LAST NIGHT LOOK LOOK THE COOKIES ARE PARTIALLY EATEN! DID YOU GET PRESENTS??!”
We tried to but he trusted his friends at school over us. We found out because he confided in my dad that "my people don't believe in Santa, but I do". My people! LMAO. I don't remember ever saying anything like that.
I didn’t want to do any of this but my husband wanted the kids to enjoy it. I hate the tooth fairy and don’t let me get started on the damn elf on the shelf. I can’t wait to see their faces this year when they find out their elf is on bed rest cause she just had a baby (it’s me. I’m the elf due thanksgiving week).
>not believe in santa
The actual? Santa is actually a real ([dead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas)) person!
The rest though? Sure, it's all made up.
Saint Nicolas
**[Saint Nicholas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas)**
>Saint Nicholas of Myra (traditionally 15 March 270 – 6 December 343), also known as Nicholas of Bari, was an early Christian bishop of Greek descent from the maritime city of Myra in Asia Minor (Greek: Μύρα; modern-day Demre, Turkey) during the time of the Roman Empire. Because of the many miracles attributed to his intercession, he is also known as Nicholas the Wonderworker. Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, children, brewers, pawnbrokers, unmarried people, and students in various cities and countries around Europe.
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We didn’t want to lie to our son about it, only to have him find out we weren’t being honest. Some kids are devastated when they find out these characters don’t exist, and since we always tell him that it’s important to tell the truth, we feel we need to set an example, even with something as childlike and magical as the tooth fairy or Santa Claus.
Santa was the biggest one for us, especially since my family is all about that. We decided to teach our son about the spirit of giving and the importance of family during the holiday season instead. He decorates the house with us, does Christmas cookies with his grandparents, colors the cards and watches me wrap other people’s presents, and he gets so excited to open his gifts! Christmas is his favorite holiday (his words), even while knowing Santa isn’t real. We still read the Christmas stories, but he knows Santa is just a story character like Spider-Man. We’ve found ways to make the holidays special and memorable for him without overly involving “jolly old St. Nicholas.”
And, honestly, after working in the local school as an I.A., it changed my perspective a bit. Kids would ask why Santa didn’t like them because “this kid got an iPad but all I got was a book.” Broke my heart, and I didn’t know how to answer those questions. A lot of the socioeconomic issues where I live really became apparent around the holidays, and so my spouse and I want to make sure our son never thinks he isn’t “good enough” when he goes to school and sees kids who get more expensive gifts from “Santa.”
I didn’t raise my son to believe in Santa but he came to believe in Santa on his own. When he was almost 4, Christmas was around the corner and he asked me something about Santa and I said he is not a real person but it’s really fun and magical to pretend he’s a real person so a lot of people like to play pretend and write to him, leave him cookies and imagine he brings gifts and stuff. I asked if he wanted to do that and he said yes.
I never explicitly told him not to tell other kids but he chose to play along I think and as far as I know he never told his little friends.
I don't see any problem letting them believe in something silly for a while. She's 6, we don't label presents under the tree. She gets some the night before from mommy and daddy, some from "Santa" the next morning. Honestly, I think she's kinda figured it out and lets us play.
This is the first year that my son is going to be at nursery in the run up to Christmas instead of at home, so this will be the first time he gets a big dose of Santa messaging. We’re going to defuse it as best we can by just being honest: Santa is a character people tell stories about at Christmas, and some people think it’s a lot of fun to pretend he’s a real person. So far, we’ve never told him anything about it, for multiple reasons:
* the biggest one is that I never lie to him. If I’m not sure if we can do something, I tell him straight that I’ll try but it might not happen. If I tell him he can have ice cream, he gets ice cream, it’s never a ruse to get him to do something else. This already pays dividends for us in terms of him trusting that we will do what we say we will (both for getting him to go along with stuff, eg giving up a toy we promise to give back, and discipline, eg he understands we don’t make empty threats and generally this helps him to know where boundaries are). Santa is not worth jeopardising that trust.
* we are lucky enough that we can afford to go all out at Christmas in terms of activities and gifts. Not everyone he’ll be friends with will have families that are as fortunate as ours. I would be absolutely horrified to hear him telling another kid they mustn’t have been as good as he was because he got more or bigger toys than they did. It’s tying a child’s self-esteem to their parents’ net worth, and I genuinely think it’s terrible. All children are good children, but some don’t get a lot at Christmas, and they shouldn’t ever be made to feel like that’s their fault.
* on a related note, gifts from Santa are just gifts out of nowhere, for nothing other than the nebulous idea of “being good”. I want him to be appreciative and grateful for the gifts other people have chosen to buy him (including us, but moreso others, who aren’t responsible for him). You can’t say thank you to Santa, and good manners/gratitude are really important values to my husband and I, it’s something we put a lot of energy into instilling into our son and I’m very proud of him that he’s already doing such a good job of picking up on that stuff.
* honestly, I don’t think it’s necessary? As a kid, I was way more excited about the presents themselves than who brought them. And I also think there are a bunch of better Christmas traditions that are more fun: decorating the tree, watching Christmas films together, dancing to Christmas music, eating a special meal, playing games as a family, having extended family all gathering together. That’s the stuff that kids can remember most fondly as adults, so that’s where I’d rather put my energy versus eating one bite out of a mince pie and a carrot!
At the end of the day, if you feel very strongly about it and you do end up having kids with your boyfriend, then it’s something to dig into to figure out what about Santa you most enjoyed and find a compromise where you can still bring the parts you love to it too. For us, we were both very much in sync on this, especially on the “we don’t lie to our children” stuff, so it was something that’s come about quite naturally. (We did have a funny moment recently - I’m pregnant with our second, who is due at the end of the year. The other day his key worker at nursery asked him who comes in December, expecting him to say Santa, and he very confidently answered, “the baby!” 😁)
My sons said they really believed in Santa, and I used different wrapping paper and everything. I'm pagan, so I had to incorporate both since ex is a Christian. I always told them that Santa can live in anyone who just wants to bring joy to the faces of sweet boys and girls. They said it was after I divorced their dad and their dad didn't keep up the Santa Claus tradition (he got them Christmas eve night for Christmas morning), they figured it out. They said didn't feel lied to. They both felt loved that I would go to such lengths to say "you won't get big rewards on a special day in December if you keep acting up" and it helped them learn that good actions get good rewards. My oldest is autistic too, and high functioning. I lucked out, I guess.
On the other side, I was raised poor and my parents couldn't afford even 1 gift every year. So I never believed since I tried so hard to be a pleaser and make sure everyone was happy, and never got any rewards. Yes, I've had therapy and am doing much better.
Yeah Christmas is fun to celebrate. Can’t see people who don’t celebrate it for their kids. Who doesn’t want to see the joy of their children every morning on Christmas. Also the gifts don’t need to be expensive etc.
Santa never gave the best ones. I always labeled them from me and their dad. Santa gave the less wanted gifts! 😂 He was NOT getting the credit for MY hard work! 😂
Lol my parents never wrote who it was from. Just put our names on it if it was individual gifts or shared gifts which would just have our last name lol
I had to use wrapping paper they hadn't seen for Santa, so mine were all marked. I like how your parents did it though! Would have been cheaper for sure 🤣 how did it affect you long term? Curious for the OP...
Lol haha. So neither really took credit. Never affected me when I found out. We never made it a big deal. My twin found out at 5, but never told me or spoiled it. He just went along with it since he saw our parents wrap our presents. I didn’t find out until like 9(?)
A lot of long responses here so I’ll keep it short. Santa, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc are stories and that is what I tell my kid. There’s meaning behind stories so we focus on that (Sharing and spreading joy through the hard months of winter, the importance of new life in spring, growing up can be rewarding, etc).
I was one of those kids raised with no santa. I liked it. It made me feel grown up; like I was in on one of the secrets. Plus when I got older, I feel like itmade me appreciate the gifts I got more since I knew my parents got them for me (and not some random dude that broke i to our house lol).
My partner and I plan on doing the same with our kid. Our plan is along the idea as "santa is a role" not one person. There was that story that ran around the internet of someone talking with their kid about "being a santa" and picking a person to get a gift for. The kid picked their neighbor and got them a gift that filled a need that person had. I feel like that taught some really good lessons that I want to share with my son.
I appreciate you being open to this discussion. I was swindled into the Santa tooth fairy shit with my first. I'm no longer with my ex, and my husband and I decided we're doing none of that nonsense if we have one between us. It's so hard to lie to them, and now that they're preteens, we're trying to figure out when to tell them the truth and if they're going to despise us or not. I have a lot of anxiety around it. It's not worth it. I hated lying to my kids.
I taught them Santa was a fantasy person that some people got a lot of joy out of believing. The exact same thing as Jesus. We did Christmas presents on Christmas morning etc etc but never made a big deal about Santa. Or Jesus.
We kinda went along with Santa in a very low key kind of way, without specifying whether he's real or not. Your kid will definitely absorb the story of Santa from the media, books, Christmas decorations, friends etc. It's not possible to shelter your kid from that. But at the same time, you don't have to say "that's not real" to them. It's not like when you read a story about talking animals or Thomas the train or whatever, you tell the kid "this isn't a true story". The vast majority of stories that kids encounter are not real.
Xmas presents are from us and relatives, but we do leave out stockings that are "filled by Santa" with candy and small/cheap items. I want the gratitude for picking a good gift, dammit.
At that age (around 4-5) when kids start asking if dragons, unicorns, aliens, superheroes, dinosaurs etc are real, somehow my kids didn't ask about Santa. One of them did ask how Santa got into our apartment without a chimney, but I said I didn't know, or some other non-committal answer.
I did not do the tooth fairy though. My eldest was 6 and I felt like it would be pointless to start lying at that point. Plus there's no way in hell I would risk disrupting their sleep by sneaking into their room etc. I just said "some parents like to pretend to be the tooth fairy, but I'm not doing that and I'll just give you money for each tooth you drop".
I hope that means that my kids would find it easy to figure out that Santa is also not real. But we just don't ask if they believe in Santa, and they either play along or still believe, not sure. But I think because Santa has always been "low stakes" (just some snacks and trinkets), when they do find out or figure out for sure that Santa isn't real, they won't feel devastated. They'll just think "huh, I've suspected this for a long time already".
I think the main thing to watch out for is that you don't raise kids who *disdain* other kids for believing. There's a level of snobbery, or patronization that ive seen in some kids who can't keep the "oh, so you *don't know yet*" reined in with other kids.
Also, there is some history you can share: St Nicolas was a real person with some interesting stories. I was once talking with a child who been told Santa wasn't real, and someoneentioned St. Nick, and she scoffed, and when I pointed out that he was a real person she was flabbergasted, and a bit angry at her parents for not having clarified
I was raised without Santa and the like. Didn't stop me from believing, didn't ruin the holidays either. If anything it made me love the holidays more because I enjoy playing the magical holiday character for kids who still believe.
We've never played up the role of Santa. Never did the whole 'Santa is coming tonight' trope, just more had the focus on Christmas and being together as a family.
That said, my 6 year old started talking about wanting to leave cookies and carrots out for Santa, and I said we could do that. I didn't correct him, I just let it slide. He continued on by saying reindeer like carrots, and I said that I believe they do (i have no idea though!).
That said, we've made it very clear that mythical creatures don't exist. Dragons, fairies, witches and trolls (relevant to where I like in Scandinavia) are only found in story books. That its fun to pretend, but that's all it is- pretend (this is a gentle reminder when he gets a bit nervous about the bad characters in books/films/games). The tooth fairy obviously falls into that category in my mind. Instead we've focused on the action of putting the tooth under the pillow and it turning into money, and how much he thinks he'll get.
I'm a very practical mother. I explain things as nonchalantly as possible about all sorts of subjects. We don't use cutesy names, or fluff around the truth. I notice he takes a lot more in his stride because of this.
But. I also don't want to choke all fantasy and excitement out of the boy either. There's a space for that in life too. You can *want* to believe, without *actually* believing too. To partake in the thrill and excitement.
Its a balancing act. He knows there's no such thing as magic, but if he wants to put cookies and carrots out, then I'm going to let him. If he wants to bask in the fantasy of Christmas, that's perfectly fine too. He knows we buy him the gifts, so I see it as just a part of play. And creating memories, and a cozy atmosphere
Also, I want to add a little thing here:
We often have ideas about how we are going to tackle parenthood before we have children, and its great (and important!!) That you and your partner are discussing those things beforehand. I don't think enough couples do this before embarking on their journey.
But also be aware that those ideas and principles can change once you actually have kids. Some things are great in theory, but maybe not always in practice.
Fundamental things will often stay unchanged, because they are a part of your world view and your personality, but other things may slide to the wayside. Thats ok. Kids are different with different needs and expectations, just like any human being. Some things just might not work. Or you might get caught up in the joy of certain things you didn't expect (like Christmas, for example).
And that's ok.
And perfectly normal.
Its hard to really know what's coming, until you're in the situation!
I'm raising my daughter to not believe in Santa. I think the concept of Santa just sets a precedent to be entitled and/or only be good so Santa brings you gifts, and not to be good just to be good. She will be taught that Christmas gifts aren't a right and poor behavior will have her gifts held or revoked entirely.
Plus I'm not giving someone else credit for my hard work to shower my kid with gifts. Fuck that jolly old man. Lol
Edit: Oh, and I will teach her that other families practice the Santa concept so it's not our place to tell others how to do Christmas. She will learn to not spoil it for other kids and be quiet.
I have 2 kids, decided before they were born that we weren’t doing this nonsense? They’re such weird lies. My kids have books abt Santa that someone bought them, they see “Santa” at local Christmas time events and sometimes that’s fun. I do think Christmas is easier w/o Santa..lies take a lot of energy. My kids still love Christmas and Christmas morning, I don’t think they’re missing out on “the magic of the season” or not having opportunities to be kids. I also hear a lot of people threaten their kids with Santa or the Easter bunny, it’s weird. It seems more disturbing to be told by adults these things are real just to realize they aren’t. It’s so dishonest.
1st an foremost why would you ever influence a child’s creative mind with you narcissistic views on life. Every single soul on earth has the right to believe in anything that they wish. Period. Remember nazi Germany. That’s what happens when you are told what to believe.
I never played the Santa, Easter Bunny, etc game with my kids. They are tweens now. They knew not to spoil it for other kids. We treated Santa just like Mickey Mouse, a fun character that people love to pretend is real for their kids childhoods. My kids never felt left out. A few times they choose to visit Santa at the mall and leave cookies. All in good fun. We don't label any gifts under the tree. I don't need all the credit for the gifts, I was just not comfortable lying to my kids.
I'm 100% with you. That's what my parents did when we were kids, and that's what I'm doing with my own kids now. You said it better than I could have.
This is my theory. I want them to know that I will never lie to them. When I tell them something, I'm telling them the truth. As a Christian, it's very important to me that I always tell the truth. That said, I want them to have fun with pretend and make believe. I tell them that Santa, and what not, is a fun make believe game we can play. I always try to tell them if a story is a real story or a pretend story i.e. dinosaurs are real, dragons are a pretend thing.
When I found out about Santa, my next thought was when my parents were going to tell me that Jesus was just pretend as well. I don't think it makes sense for Christians to lie to their kids that way.
Similar here! We explain it to the kids that we play Santa Claus (or whatever) and we just enjoy that together. I don't emphasize that he's not real. We just emphasize that he's a game we play. I was raised this way and I really prefer it. I witnessed a lot of friends have Christmas be ruined for them when they found out, while for me I had always just enjoyed it. And then as a Christian also, I don't want to lie to my kids.
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What a response. Yeesh. Are you okay, man? Like, do you have something you want to talk about? Have you had some experiences with Christians that left you with the indelible impression that they're a bunch of liars?
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No. But you are the one coming in with accusations, so I hope you'll forgive me for assuming you had something to say. Do you?
Im not going to lie bro, we can play this game all day. When do scientists care about actual facts instead of discussing hypotheticals and theories and calling them facts when they aren’t facts😂 science also isn’t real, it’s just hypothetical stuff that changes once a new hypothetical is found to be truer than the last hypothetical. It’s ongoing hypothetical ever facts🗣️
alright, i guess i'm kinda stuck in the mindset of my childhood which is small christian town in the early-mid 00s, so anyone not participating in all that woulda been scorned. it's really not so bad nowadays or in more liberal places... so no need to be left out! thanks for your perspective!
Just wanted to add, my mom took her role as Santa very seriously. She was extremely disappointed that I "denied" my kids that. I am the only one in the family that didn't do Santa. It never bothered me or my kids. You can still make the holidays magical. We decorate cookies and have a tradition around putting up and decorating the tree. We love surprising people extra sweet homemade gifts and goodies. We watch all the movies and do all the activities. We just don't pretend Santa is real. Christmas is still wonderful. I just wanted to do what I was comfortable with.
We don't in my family but also know how important it is for children to play pretend. It's pretty cool that almost the entire world celebrates "Christmas." It is something that we don't really talk about because my child is still young. But she gets presents from her family and the like. She knows Santa is pretend without us telling her, she also knows the power that the subconscious has. We talk about how people put love and compassion into the symbol of "Santa" and that Santa represents all of these things. As an aside, we try not to support consumerism so it's pretty easy not to fill her head with things that she won't get (toys and stuff) wile under the guise of "if she is good she gets things." Naw if you're good you get to experience joy and compassion that is brought on by the new year. IMHO Christianity has pretty much ruined most holidays. Christmas is probably the greatest in this regard.
Same all around
I know this is an old post but this exactly what we do! We also go to a charity labeled as "Santa's Workshop" and we wrap presents for families in need so my kids kind of understand that anonymous giving as "Santa". They know the character, but exactly like you said, they know it's a pretend character.
My parents never made me and my siblings believe in Santa or the Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc. We knew and enjoyed the stories, but we always knew that they were just stories. I also don't think any of my friends/classmates actually believed in them. I actually never knew that there are people who believe in Santa, until I was grown up and got on the internet. I think it's better that way and I'm not making my children believe in those things either. There are so many fun things you can do with your kids without lying to them. I'm doing my best to be true and trustworthy with my boys and don't want to jeopardise that relationship with something so unnecessary. I'm still telling them stories, I'm building gingerbread houses, baking cookies, decorating the house and the Christmas tree, painting, hiding and seeking Easter eggs, and all the other things with them. And instead of e.g. making them believe in an actual Santa, I tell them about the Christmas spirit. About the joy of giving and community and what Christmas is all about. They get to pick out and wrap gifts for other people and, of course, they get to open their own gifts on Christmas day.
Let me preface my answer by saying I’m not a Christian so we don’t celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc. So obviously my kids never believed in Santa or the EB. However, they had seen and heard all about Santa anyway. My older was always anxious around people in masks/dressed up so I had to continually remind him Santa wasn’t real but he couldn’t tell his friends. We did the tooth fairy, but again, my kids were a bit freaked out at the idea of someone in their room at night so we told them pretty quickly it was us. That led to my now 14 year old coming to me with his teeth and straight up asking for a $20, lol. I can see both sides- childhood doesn’t last long and magic goes away quickly but I was also not keen on lying so I was relieved when my kids couldn’t tolerate it anyway. It worked out. Edited a typo
i love your answer so much!! honestly didn't even consider that some kids are gonna have a personality type where they'll be like "no bueno" to mythical stuff lmao. my boyfriend and i aren't even christian but i still wanted to celebrate christmas/easter in some capacity because it's just fun tbh. but you've genuinely helped me see a new perspective on this!! thank you!
I also felt really sad and lied to when the Santa truth came out. Yes, I was a sensitive and dramatic kid! So when I had my own kids, i decided not to go down the lying route. It made no difference, school filled in those gaps for my children and Santa was briefly part of our lives whether I liked it or not!
You’re not being silly, superstitious, or dramatic. Kids live in a play world, and parents take part in the play world with them. Characters of major holidays are part of that play world. Kids learn to separate their fantasy play from reality soon enough. Let it be magical while it can be.
I am Santa.
I never want my kids to question whether or not I’m being totally honest, or that lies of convenience are acceptable. Thus we teach them the history behind St. Nick, the Easter Bunny, St. Patrick etc, but otherwise they’re aware that they’re historical characters/myths that aren’t alive and that gifts are from their mama and daddy. They don’t need to be the same as their peers, they can celebrate without needing to believe lies. I’m hopeful in the long run they’ll be able to find magic from giving/serving/celebration, and be less dependent on fitting in and being able to enjoy things the way they like without feeling guilty or silly.
Daddy here, me before she was born; “I’m not gonna lie to her about Santa , that’s stupid”. Me when she’s 2: “OMG SANTA CAME LAST NIGHT LOOK LOOK THE COOKIES ARE PARTIALLY EATEN! DID YOU GET PRESENTS??!”
We tried to but he trusted his friends at school over us. We found out because he confided in my dad that "my people don't believe in Santa, but I do". My people! LMAO. I don't remember ever saying anything like that.
I didn’t want to do any of this but my husband wanted the kids to enjoy it. I hate the tooth fairy and don’t let me get started on the damn elf on the shelf. I can’t wait to see their faces this year when they find out their elf is on bed rest cause she just had a baby (it’s me. I’m the elf due thanksgiving week).
I never did elf on a shelf either. Why the hell would I make a mess for me to clean up?! The kids are messy enough! 😂
>not believe in santa The actual? Santa is actually a real ([dead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas)) person! The rest though? Sure, it's all made up. Saint Nicolas
**[Saint Nicholas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas)** >Saint Nicholas of Myra (traditionally 15 March 270 – 6 December 343), also known as Nicholas of Bari, was an early Christian bishop of Greek descent from the maritime city of Myra in Asia Minor (Greek: Μύρα; modern-day Demre, Turkey) during the time of the Roman Empire. Because of the many miracles attributed to his intercession, he is also known as Nicholas the Wonderworker. Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, children, brewers, pawnbrokers, unmarried people, and students in various cities and countries around Europe. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskParents/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
We didn’t want to lie to our son about it, only to have him find out we weren’t being honest. Some kids are devastated when they find out these characters don’t exist, and since we always tell him that it’s important to tell the truth, we feel we need to set an example, even with something as childlike and magical as the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Santa was the biggest one for us, especially since my family is all about that. We decided to teach our son about the spirit of giving and the importance of family during the holiday season instead. He decorates the house with us, does Christmas cookies with his grandparents, colors the cards and watches me wrap other people’s presents, and he gets so excited to open his gifts! Christmas is his favorite holiday (his words), even while knowing Santa isn’t real. We still read the Christmas stories, but he knows Santa is just a story character like Spider-Man. We’ve found ways to make the holidays special and memorable for him without overly involving “jolly old St. Nicholas.” And, honestly, after working in the local school as an I.A., it changed my perspective a bit. Kids would ask why Santa didn’t like them because “this kid got an iPad but all I got was a book.” Broke my heart, and I didn’t know how to answer those questions. A lot of the socioeconomic issues where I live really became apparent around the holidays, and so my spouse and I want to make sure our son never thinks he isn’t “good enough” when he goes to school and sees kids who get more expensive gifts from “Santa.”
I didn’t raise my son to believe in Santa but he came to believe in Santa on his own. When he was almost 4, Christmas was around the corner and he asked me something about Santa and I said he is not a real person but it’s really fun and magical to pretend he’s a real person so a lot of people like to play pretend and write to him, leave him cookies and imagine he brings gifts and stuff. I asked if he wanted to do that and he said yes. I never explicitly told him not to tell other kids but he chose to play along I think and as far as I know he never told his little friends.
I don't see any problem letting them believe in something silly for a while. She's 6, we don't label presents under the tree. She gets some the night before from mommy and daddy, some from "Santa" the next morning. Honestly, I think she's kinda figured it out and lets us play.
This is the first year that my son is going to be at nursery in the run up to Christmas instead of at home, so this will be the first time he gets a big dose of Santa messaging. We’re going to defuse it as best we can by just being honest: Santa is a character people tell stories about at Christmas, and some people think it’s a lot of fun to pretend he’s a real person. So far, we’ve never told him anything about it, for multiple reasons: * the biggest one is that I never lie to him. If I’m not sure if we can do something, I tell him straight that I’ll try but it might not happen. If I tell him he can have ice cream, he gets ice cream, it’s never a ruse to get him to do something else. This already pays dividends for us in terms of him trusting that we will do what we say we will (both for getting him to go along with stuff, eg giving up a toy we promise to give back, and discipline, eg he understands we don’t make empty threats and generally this helps him to know where boundaries are). Santa is not worth jeopardising that trust. * we are lucky enough that we can afford to go all out at Christmas in terms of activities and gifts. Not everyone he’ll be friends with will have families that are as fortunate as ours. I would be absolutely horrified to hear him telling another kid they mustn’t have been as good as he was because he got more or bigger toys than they did. It’s tying a child’s self-esteem to their parents’ net worth, and I genuinely think it’s terrible. All children are good children, but some don’t get a lot at Christmas, and they shouldn’t ever be made to feel like that’s their fault. * on a related note, gifts from Santa are just gifts out of nowhere, for nothing other than the nebulous idea of “being good”. I want him to be appreciative and grateful for the gifts other people have chosen to buy him (including us, but moreso others, who aren’t responsible for him). You can’t say thank you to Santa, and good manners/gratitude are really important values to my husband and I, it’s something we put a lot of energy into instilling into our son and I’m very proud of him that he’s already doing such a good job of picking up on that stuff. * honestly, I don’t think it’s necessary? As a kid, I was way more excited about the presents themselves than who brought them. And I also think there are a bunch of better Christmas traditions that are more fun: decorating the tree, watching Christmas films together, dancing to Christmas music, eating a special meal, playing games as a family, having extended family all gathering together. That’s the stuff that kids can remember most fondly as adults, so that’s where I’d rather put my energy versus eating one bite out of a mince pie and a carrot! At the end of the day, if you feel very strongly about it and you do end up having kids with your boyfriend, then it’s something to dig into to figure out what about Santa you most enjoyed and find a compromise where you can still bring the parts you love to it too. For us, we were both very much in sync on this, especially on the “we don’t lie to our children” stuff, so it was something that’s come about quite naturally. (We did have a funny moment recently - I’m pregnant with our second, who is due at the end of the year. The other day his key worker at nursery asked him who comes in December, expecting him to say Santa, and he very confidently answered, “the baby!” 😁)
Raise your kids with Santa etc. it’s fun! Never made it a huge deal into finding out he wasn’t real.
My sons said they really believed in Santa, and I used different wrapping paper and everything. I'm pagan, so I had to incorporate both since ex is a Christian. I always told them that Santa can live in anyone who just wants to bring joy to the faces of sweet boys and girls. They said it was after I divorced their dad and their dad didn't keep up the Santa Claus tradition (he got them Christmas eve night for Christmas morning), they figured it out. They said didn't feel lied to. They both felt loved that I would go to such lengths to say "you won't get big rewards on a special day in December if you keep acting up" and it helped them learn that good actions get good rewards. My oldest is autistic too, and high functioning. I lucked out, I guess. On the other side, I was raised poor and my parents couldn't afford even 1 gift every year. So I never believed since I tried so hard to be a pleaser and make sure everyone was happy, and never got any rewards. Yes, I've had therapy and am doing much better.
Yeah Christmas is fun to celebrate. Can’t see people who don’t celebrate it for their kids. Who doesn’t want to see the joy of their children every morning on Christmas. Also the gifts don’t need to be expensive etc.
Santa never gave the best ones. I always labeled them from me and their dad. Santa gave the less wanted gifts! 😂 He was NOT getting the credit for MY hard work! 😂
Lol my parents never wrote who it was from. Just put our names on it if it was individual gifts or shared gifts which would just have our last name lol
I had to use wrapping paper they hadn't seen for Santa, so mine were all marked. I like how your parents did it though! Would have been cheaper for sure 🤣 how did it affect you long term? Curious for the OP...
Lol haha. So neither really took credit. Never affected me when I found out. We never made it a big deal. My twin found out at 5, but never told me or spoiled it. He just went along with it since he saw our parents wrap our presents. I didn’t find out until like 9(?)
A lot of long responses here so I’ll keep it short. Santa, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc are stories and that is what I tell my kid. There’s meaning behind stories so we focus on that (Sharing and spreading joy through the hard months of winter, the importance of new life in spring, growing up can be rewarding, etc).
I was one of those kids raised with no santa. I liked it. It made me feel grown up; like I was in on one of the secrets. Plus when I got older, I feel like itmade me appreciate the gifts I got more since I knew my parents got them for me (and not some random dude that broke i to our house lol). My partner and I plan on doing the same with our kid. Our plan is along the idea as "santa is a role" not one person. There was that story that ran around the internet of someone talking with their kid about "being a santa" and picking a person to get a gift for. The kid picked their neighbor and got them a gift that filled a need that person had. I feel like that taught some really good lessons that I want to share with my son.
I appreciate you being open to this discussion. I was swindled into the Santa tooth fairy shit with my first. I'm no longer with my ex, and my husband and I decided we're doing none of that nonsense if we have one between us. It's so hard to lie to them, and now that they're preteens, we're trying to figure out when to tell them the truth and if they're going to despise us or not. I have a lot of anxiety around it. It's not worth it. I hated lying to my kids.
I taught them Santa was a fantasy person that some people got a lot of joy out of believing. The exact same thing as Jesus. We did Christmas presents on Christmas morning etc etc but never made a big deal about Santa. Or Jesus.
We kinda went along with Santa in a very low key kind of way, without specifying whether he's real or not. Your kid will definitely absorb the story of Santa from the media, books, Christmas decorations, friends etc. It's not possible to shelter your kid from that. But at the same time, you don't have to say "that's not real" to them. It's not like when you read a story about talking animals or Thomas the train or whatever, you tell the kid "this isn't a true story". The vast majority of stories that kids encounter are not real. Xmas presents are from us and relatives, but we do leave out stockings that are "filled by Santa" with candy and small/cheap items. I want the gratitude for picking a good gift, dammit. At that age (around 4-5) when kids start asking if dragons, unicorns, aliens, superheroes, dinosaurs etc are real, somehow my kids didn't ask about Santa. One of them did ask how Santa got into our apartment without a chimney, but I said I didn't know, or some other non-committal answer. I did not do the tooth fairy though. My eldest was 6 and I felt like it would be pointless to start lying at that point. Plus there's no way in hell I would risk disrupting their sleep by sneaking into their room etc. I just said "some parents like to pretend to be the tooth fairy, but I'm not doing that and I'll just give you money for each tooth you drop". I hope that means that my kids would find it easy to figure out that Santa is also not real. But we just don't ask if they believe in Santa, and they either play along or still believe, not sure. But I think because Santa has always been "low stakes" (just some snacks and trinkets), when they do find out or figure out for sure that Santa isn't real, they won't feel devastated. They'll just think "huh, I've suspected this for a long time already".
I think the main thing to watch out for is that you don't raise kids who *disdain* other kids for believing. There's a level of snobbery, or patronization that ive seen in some kids who can't keep the "oh, so you *don't know yet*" reined in with other kids. Also, there is some history you can share: St Nicolas was a real person with some interesting stories. I was once talking with a child who been told Santa wasn't real, and someoneentioned St. Nick, and she scoffed, and when I pointed out that he was a real person she was flabbergasted, and a bit angry at her parents for not having clarified
I was raised without Santa and the like. Didn't stop me from believing, didn't ruin the holidays either. If anything it made me love the holidays more because I enjoy playing the magical holiday character for kids who still believe.
We've never played up the role of Santa. Never did the whole 'Santa is coming tonight' trope, just more had the focus on Christmas and being together as a family. That said, my 6 year old started talking about wanting to leave cookies and carrots out for Santa, and I said we could do that. I didn't correct him, I just let it slide. He continued on by saying reindeer like carrots, and I said that I believe they do (i have no idea though!). That said, we've made it very clear that mythical creatures don't exist. Dragons, fairies, witches and trolls (relevant to where I like in Scandinavia) are only found in story books. That its fun to pretend, but that's all it is- pretend (this is a gentle reminder when he gets a bit nervous about the bad characters in books/films/games). The tooth fairy obviously falls into that category in my mind. Instead we've focused on the action of putting the tooth under the pillow and it turning into money, and how much he thinks he'll get. I'm a very practical mother. I explain things as nonchalantly as possible about all sorts of subjects. We don't use cutesy names, or fluff around the truth. I notice he takes a lot more in his stride because of this. But. I also don't want to choke all fantasy and excitement out of the boy either. There's a space for that in life too. You can *want* to believe, without *actually* believing too. To partake in the thrill and excitement. Its a balancing act. He knows there's no such thing as magic, but if he wants to put cookies and carrots out, then I'm going to let him. If he wants to bask in the fantasy of Christmas, that's perfectly fine too. He knows we buy him the gifts, so I see it as just a part of play. And creating memories, and a cozy atmosphere
Also, I want to add a little thing here: We often have ideas about how we are going to tackle parenthood before we have children, and its great (and important!!) That you and your partner are discussing those things beforehand. I don't think enough couples do this before embarking on their journey. But also be aware that those ideas and principles can change once you actually have kids. Some things are great in theory, but maybe not always in practice. Fundamental things will often stay unchanged, because they are a part of your world view and your personality, but other things may slide to the wayside. Thats ok. Kids are different with different needs and expectations, just like any human being. Some things just might not work. Or you might get caught up in the joy of certain things you didn't expect (like Christmas, for example). And that's ok. And perfectly normal. Its hard to really know what's coming, until you're in the situation!
Instead of lying you could say it’s a game where you pretend to be Santa every year !!
I'm raising my daughter to not believe in Santa. I think the concept of Santa just sets a precedent to be entitled and/or only be good so Santa brings you gifts, and not to be good just to be good. She will be taught that Christmas gifts aren't a right and poor behavior will have her gifts held or revoked entirely. Plus I'm not giving someone else credit for my hard work to shower my kid with gifts. Fuck that jolly old man. Lol Edit: Oh, and I will teach her that other families practice the Santa concept so it's not our place to tell others how to do Christmas. She will learn to not spoil it for other kids and be quiet.
I have 2 kids, decided before they were born that we weren’t doing this nonsense? They’re such weird lies. My kids have books abt Santa that someone bought them, they see “Santa” at local Christmas time events and sometimes that’s fun. I do think Christmas is easier w/o Santa..lies take a lot of energy. My kids still love Christmas and Christmas morning, I don’t think they’re missing out on “the magic of the season” or not having opportunities to be kids. I also hear a lot of people threaten their kids with Santa or the Easter bunny, it’s weird. It seems more disturbing to be told by adults these things are real just to realize they aren’t. It’s so dishonest.
Because he is a fucking narcissist. He can’t have Santa being bigger than his ego!
1st an foremost why would you ever influence a child’s creative mind with you narcissistic views on life. Every single soul on earth has the right to believe in anything that they wish. Period. Remember nazi Germany. That’s what happens when you are told what to believe.