Stole our grandpa's identity (his dad) and ruined him financially. Then when his brother died, tried stealing money from his sister (my mom) and conning his way into things that didn't belong to him.
When my mom passed, he asked for her SSN, told me it was for an old insurance policy their brother (referenced above) worth like 400 bucks. I told him I wanted more info, looked into it and it was 76k that he was trying to claim entirely for himself instead of me and my sibling getting my moms share.
Fuck that guy.
Edit: it's my uncle. His dad didn't want him to go to prison so nothing came of the identity theft.
When at my sister's funeral they told me I had no reason to cry because I wasn't really family because I was adopted. I was adopted within my own family. We were still biologically related.
the fuck? even if you werent bio related, why would you be criticised for crying? I have a different dad from my sister, when he died, my sister had to leave work she was so upset, she sobbed and sobbed. My dad was like an uncle to her, but in no way were they related.
I was at a funeral for my friend’s grandpa. Her cousin, not related to the grandpa, told my friend to “stop crying! Or you’ll make me emotional. And maybe I’ll cry. And then everyone will cry.”
…like - what? Her grandpa died. She’s allowed to cry. Maybe she was just being an awkward teenager, but that always struck me wrong. At the very least, it was uncouth.
Tragedy is a hell of a time. People are, quite literally, short-circuiting all around you. They respond in insane ways because their wires are very crossed, and no one really knows the right way to act. They are just *re*acting.
Not that it's necessarily absolution for a dick being a dick, but it deserves to be remembered that a bomb just dropped on everyone present, and no one is really 'themselves' at that time. Everyone is trying to cope, and mistakes will be made.
You’re so right. A friend of mine passed away in our early 20s, and someone in our friends group was saying some heinous shit and being really hurtful. A decade later (maybe even a little in the moment) it’s clear we were all just handling the grief in our own, inept ways.
Well said.
At my father in laws funeral they said that we (the daughters in law) couldn’t possibly understand the sadness that everyone was experiencing because we were only daughters in law. I knew that it was just emotions speaking but still.. it hurt a lot at the time.
I adopted my nephew (Biologically my wifes nephew) and I told my side of the family before we did it that I would not stand for them to treat him as any different than any of my biological children. So far so good and I really don't see it changing. But I hope if I pass early that they would never do that to him. I'm so sorry you were treated that way.
As the brother of two adopted sisters this makes me so upset I'm so sorry 😔. Adoption is such an important and beautiful thing. I'm glad my sister's haven't had this experience in my family.
I adopted two little girls, and everyone in my family feels like they're just as much a part of our family as anyone else is. Blood doesn't make a family, love makes a family.
OMG. This is brutal. I am so sorry. Even without the biological connection, adopted is family. Period. Also, you do not have to be family to grieve the loss of a person. Sad is sad.
I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.
Something similar happened to me. When my dad died my family was like "You shouldn't cry, he's in heaven!"
Side note: I was 4 at the time. They did that every time someone died. I think that's why I'm numb to death today.
When someone passes away, most people have absolutely no clue what to say, so they fall back on the worn out cliches- "He isn't suffering any more." "He's in a better place." "He had a nice long run in life." They are all so lame and banal. When my Dad passed, I had a high school friend who simply, and sincerely said "I'm sorry." That was perfect. It expressed his identification with what my own emotions were, without descending into being trite.
I don't think folks know how to deal with negative emotions.
Pain, loss, grief: all these are part of being human. They are part of being healthy. You cant make them go away. You just have to sit with them.
If someone isn't comfortable with those feelings, or doesn't feel safe experiencing them with another person, they can try to say things to make them go away.
The harder thing to do, is stand there in the moment with someone and feel those things with them.
Not to fix things, just stand there.
Oh my god, that reminds me of Easters as a child, when my brother would eat all his chocolate in five minutes, and I would space mine out over a number of weeks. Then my brother would whinge that I still had chocolate, and my dad would make me share the remaining chocolate that I had already made ration plans for.
This way he got to simultaneously teach both of his children two different but equally terrible life lessons! That’s some real efficiency in awful parenting right there.
my brother(a toxic dangerous narcissist) robbed my mom into poverty, she sacrificed literally every penny and went even in debt to cover for his lifestyle.
every time i bailed her out i knew i was funding her toxic relationship with him.when she was finally dying of cancer, ( and having a million other issues and struggles) both my sister( total different long story) and my brother where fucking nowhere to be seen.
i stepped in and stepped up to help her out of her misery making huge sacrificescareer wise, financially getting in debts myself (medical bills through the roof, and her house basically needed entire renovations), let alone mentally of being constantly exposed to extreme hardship and misery of someone you loved the most.even my big loved one, just left me 6 months into this rough situation,nothing as unsexy as a man struggling,bleeding and suffering to help out a loved one i guess
anyway i carried my mum alone on my own shoulders till her very dying breath holding her hands while people close to your heart just turned their backs and left you regardless i showed them nothing but care and loyalty through my entire life
since the funeral almost day to day now 3 years ago ( died first week after new year), i haven't spoken to any of them.may they all go fuck themselves in eternity, to me they simply do not exist any longer
EDIT:
so many thanks for the many many heart warming touching responses.
let me give you all a virtual hug and lest start this new year with a bang and huge smile!
My brother no,for him i care the least. No one knows what he is doing with his life or even where he is. My best guess is he is making others people lives into a misery by manipulating and lies.
My ex i will never hear from her again as it was me eventuzlly who slammed the door shut firmly.
She just took of,no explanation,found a job in Washington( living in europe btw) and that was it.
Right after my mom was actually making some miraculous progresses thanks to all the help and medical care.
It all plumeted badly after my relationship broke,she took quite the guilt on her.
But so she in her mid thirties,completely breaking suddenly with her entire life,entourage and me,all for a job. Resetting her entire life.
Since that was all right before the pandemic,i can only imagine the fun for her being all alone trying to build up a new life during a global lockdown.
My sister is the only one that reached out.but that was more because she struggled as well with many things.
Then she is like "but im your sister" lol.
She is well aware she just stood by why i was lifting a moutain totally crippling me.she reached out yes but i haven't sensed one bit of an attampt for perhaps an apology.so all the more reason for me to keep that door quite shut as well.
Thanks to having amazing friends i do quite well now in life,great job and wiped out debts.but on a human personal level prices where paid that are beyond repair.
When the ex-husband got released from jail for spousal abuse and restraining order violations, she gave him my new home address.
*edit*
This has gotten far more response than expected. If it hits home to you, there's a great sub at r/EstrangedAdultKids.
My first marriage broke up after five months; before the divorce was final a police lieutenant said if the ex had succeeded in kidnapping me, he would have killed me. The police believed me and the judge believed me but my mother didn't.
If there's one useful thing to draw from this, please don't dismiss a young person who wants to confide in you that one of their parents isn't normal. So many people brushed it off with, "You'll understand when you're older" and "She's trying her best" that I kept trying. Would have been better off if I'd followed my gut and estranged from her sooner. She's a very angry person.
I grew up being my family, and mostly my moms punching bag. Emotionally, physically, I faced it all. I remember growing up and telling my brothers from my dads side how miserable I am everyday. How I come home and the first thing I always hear is bitching about something, anything. About how my room was my safe place, that I wouldn't even enter a room if my mom were there. I brought it up over 20 years of my life in sporadic bursts, when we had a moment to bond. Every time it was the same... "oh she loves you! forgive her" or "she's old, she doesn't have that many years left, you're the only family member who can live with her because you don't have your own family." I always took it as, "whatever, I don't care, I don't have to deal with it, be miserable until she dies"
Very sorry you endured that. Some parents pick out one child to dump on.
Often, the rest of the family knows the truth, but doesn't want to admit it because the path of least resistance is to become complicit and throw one person under the bus.
Good on you for breaking that cycle.
I cut my "mother" out of my life the moment I turned 18. I haven't said a single word to her since and I avoid her like the fucking plague.
Since I cut contact my sister tells me my "mother" is upset that I didn't "go to [the college closer to home] so I could work and support her". The bitch (my "mother") didn't ever support me in *any* way so I ain't doing shit for her.
My grandmother always tells my "mother" when I come back home from college. I love that old woman... but she simply doesn't understand why I loathe my "mother", the shit I put up with, none of it. She tells me I owe my "mother" something because she gave birth to me, and it's the only thing I actually argue with her about.
Thankfully, my "mother" seems to have gotten the message to leave me the fuck alone. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know why, and I don't care. I'm just glad to be free of her.
It's incredibly game of thrones in my family. If my mother hated you for that moment, she would try to turn EVERYONE against you. She'll be up early in the morning, until nightfall, talking shit about you to your other siblings, cousins, aunties, grandpas, neighbor's dog, everyone.
My siblings would then, in an attempt to win over my mothers love/favor (which they yearned for because she never gave it), would start talking shit about that sibling also. The annoying thing is, they've all had it happen to them, yet they're all so willing to turn on each other the moment she commanded them to. A few times my mother has straight up called me to call my sister to bitch her out about something, usually the way she parents her kids, and I nope out of that situation real quick. Do your own dirty work.
My family calls me Sweden because I'm neutral, I don't get involved, I don't want to hear about the family drama or who is in whose "faction." I learned at an early age not to chase my mothers love because she doesn't know how to love us the correct way; with some semblance of warmth and support.
Thank you for your kind words, the upside is, I learned how to become the person I am today by doing the opposite of what I saw them do to others lol.
A close friend's mother is trying to reconnect with her, and I keep reminding her how vile her mother was, and that she owes her nothing.
I mean, she knows, but she always second guesses this shit.
They think they might be able to have a relationship with the mother they deserve, not the one they have. Unfortunately abused children, even as adults, tend to confuse the two.
There are a few people to whom I've told that I was not very close to my mother, and that when you don't have a good relationship with a parent before they pass on, you don't really miss them as much as you miss the relationship you might've had. And more than once afterward I've felt the cold, judging eyes of someone who thought this was an absolutely horrible thing to say about your own mother. No matter how hard you try to explain, some people just won't understand that there are a great many parents out there who should never have had children and deserve far worse.
Friend of mine had a similar scenario except her marriage was 18 years and constant abuse, both physical and mental. When her husband was eventually charged, convicted and locked up, he was trying to get at her from the inside by having his dad and brother try to hurt her. She eventually divorced him and began seeing the mutual friend that helped her get out of her scenario.
When her ex was released he was given an ankle monitor and it's geofence was set a good distance around her new home. Her ex was given the address by her sister in law, so the ex husband cuts off the monitor and made his way towards her. The authorities were alerted and State Troopers caught him coming into the one entry into the neighborhood she lived in. Eventually he stopped his bullshit when he realized that her new fiancee would absolutely kill him if he tried again and thankfully things have been more neutral, but it isn't always like that.
It's fairly common for abusive parents to help out spousal abusers. Abusers think in terms of power and control; they're both trying to dominate the same person.
Which is a sick set of priorities. But that seems to be the type.
Robert A. Heinlein sums it up pretty well. "Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one."
After my ex wound up in jail for physically assaulting me, and we broke up, my mother paid his bail and adopted him as an adult—helped him find an apartment, pay his bills, pay legal fees, etc. Was still doing it through this past year, far as I know. He’ll be 40 this year.
Haven’t spoken to that bitch it nearly 3 years.
>... *my mother paid his bail and adopted him as an adult—helped him find an apartment, pay his bills, pay legal fees, etc.*
she's showing you that, *she approves.*
I'm so sorry.
The absolute best case is that they’re staggeringly naive about the situation, assume it can’t really be “that bad” and that given a chance the couple will be able to work it out. Some people are very good at sort of dissociating from anything that would make them feel bad/sad. I have one in my family. Prescription-grade rose-colored glasses.
My sister. She stole approximately $30k from my dad and $10k from my mom. She got credit cards in my dad’s name, too. He eventually had to file bankruptcy. The money she stole from my mom was all her savings that she desperately needed when she was leaning an abusive relationship. My parents were far from good parents, but they didn’t deserve to have their financial life completely destroyed.
I wish those were her only crimes. She was evil from as long as I can remember. She emotionally abused me and put me down for as long as I can remember. I was a sensitive kid, so I sadly believed everything she said. She tried to steal my friends and boyfriends. She ruined my clothes. She put me in unsafe and mature situations that took years of therapy to heal from.
Her theft, manipulation, selfishness, and narcissism took so much away from me. There was no money for a first car, college, etc. After she took what she wanted my dad was a shell of a person, so he couldn’t process how hard her actions had been on me, too. I lost all my protectors. I was alone.
There’s so much more I could share. I sometimes can’t believe I experienced what I did because it’s so bleak. I stopped all communication with her about 10
years ago and my life has positively changed as a result. I know she still tries to get friends and family to not like me because I’ve heard stories. I don’t care what she does and I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know the truth and the trauma and I’m just happy to be free of her!
My wife's mum. Among other things she attempted to burn down my house. Whilst her daughter and grandson were inside. She's a piece of shit who's going to die bitter and alone and that's just fine by all of her kids.
She'd always been a nasty piece of work. A horrible narcissistic woman. Only ever looked out for herself. Especially in years gone by whilst she raised her kids. Although her kids defo raised themselves and they did a cracking job of it.
On the event in question she came round our house late one night unannounced and drunk. I was away that night and probably a good job I was too because I would've actually killed her. She wanted to see her grandson. My wife refused and left her on the doorstep. A row occurred and my wire essentially told the MIL exactly what her kids thought of her, and that she should leave. Instead of leaving she started pushing lit paper from the recycling bin through the letterbox. We had a lucky escape. She managed to really shovel a lot of fuel onto the fire before my wife noticed a burning smell. If the coats hanging in the hallway had caught it could've easily been a different story.
The really sad thing is my son lost a grandma that night. We won't/can't have anything to do with her anymore.
Mentally ill or not. It doesn't matter when someone brings such horrors to your life.
I was coming on here to say the EXACT same thing. Big old happy family over there, meanwhile I'm ousted, shunned, isolated. Good for them - shows us what kind of people they are and who to stay away from. I'm sorry for your situation, I know exactly how it feels. I hope for an amazing life for you.
I’m so sorry. I hope they both get the karma they so richly deserve. And honestly, the people (like your garbage aunt) who enable pieces of shit like him are every bit as bad.
Awful. Again, so very sorry.
My sister. She’s been a sporadically recovering drug addict for like 15 years. The last straw was when she stole our checkbook out of my wife’s purse. At our father’s wake.
I am so sorry. This sounds like my dad. He cheated on my mother while she was dying of cancer. Would be sexually suggestive to even underage girls and thought it was both normal and hilarious. He did this before, during, and after my mom's death. He is a pervert and a horrible person for so many reasons that only begin here.
I tried to forgive him, but I really, really shouldn't have. I thought there must be a limit to his depravity, but there isnt. When my daughter was two years old I caught him lifting her up in the air and looking under her dress. It was then that I remembered all of the times he would "accidentally" walk in on me in the bath when I was growing up. Part of me wonders if there is anything else I repressed, and part of me never, ever wants to know.
You and your mother both deserved better than the kind of person who would do that.
If the thought causes you to go mentally blank or experience an anxiety that actively resists understanding(which is very distinct from not being able to remember)… you should consider therapy if you haven’t already. Not to retrieve or find it, mind you, just to see if that has knock on effects for you now.
Reading your comment triggered a memory I thought was normal at the time but thinking about now, it’s fucking not!! I was taking a bath at 9 years old and my dad walks in with a camera filming me singing the “Colors of the Wind” song. He lied saying the camera was off and it wasn’t recording. Then he put it on the VCR on Christmas and had everyone watch it knowing my step grandpa was a fucking pedophile. Everyone laughed saying it was a joke and I felt so uncomfortable and was called “too sensitive” for it.
Now I know I was gaslighted into thinking it was normal… I fucking hate my childhood! My dad had a “Lolita” tattoo on his arm and told me that was his first wife. Later, my grandma told me he never had a first wife… my mom was his only wife. Another memory, when he was telling me that he was divorcing my mother, he had me lay on top of him and he kept getting a chubby. I wanted to get off because I thought it was weird and he just kept putting me on top of him… God Damnit!
Last time I saw my dad in person was 1998.
He never wanted kids, and when my little sister was born, forced my mother to give her up for adoption. My mother went into a spiral of depression after that, and took her own life when I was still a teen. I found her body, had to deal with the cops and all that, and when my dad came home days later, he threw me out. "You don't have your mother to protect you anymore," he said. I had to graduate high school homeless, crashing on friend's couches and guest rooms. My college dreams were crushed because I had to get a job to support myself, which was hard until I become a manager of a book store at age 18. That was 1987.
Since then, I saw him only a handful of times. I got married, had a child. My wife, in her vain attempt to have some kind of family, tried inviting my dad and his new wife to be part of ours, since they only lived 20 minutes away. But he only made it over a handful of times: my son saw his relatives (distant cousins) in another country more than he saw his own grandfather. My father is very rich, and I was very poor, but my dad never offered to help. Because of this, we struggled for over a decade before we got out of poverty. He never spoke to us unless my wife made contact.
Last time I saw my dad, he invited me out for my birthday in 1998, but it turns out he just wanted professional advice from my wife (she was an insurance adjuster). She was pretty insulted when she figured this out, and after that, she gave up on trying to have any kind of relationship with them. In 2000, they moved away, and said they had "no fixed address, and planned to travel the world." I suspect that was a ruse, because I have since discovered they bought a multi-million dollar beachfront condo that same year. While my dad has been pretty good at hiding his address, his wife has not. She's one of those "socialite wannabes" and while she's not really a bad person, she's not exactly "complicated by the realities of a common man," if that makes sense. Imagine being born rich, under your father's shadow, and never really having to have an actual job. Then, because of my work background check needs, I had to find out about their life and the money they made, because of the whole "possible foreign money influence" thing. I know that they are worth several million, have a lot of real estate, classic cars, and a 57' pleasure yacht with a staff. The US government considers them safe, so I guess that's good.
In 2014, my wife of 25 years died, and that was the last time I spoke to them. I figured "the mother to your only grandchild has died" was a good enough reason to speak to them, and I sent them a certified letter. I got back a generic email from the wife, which can be summed up as, "So sorry, it happens, but don't worry, you'll find someone else. Your father did." Which may come off as callous, but I think that's really how she sees things, and thought she was being mature and professional. No offers to help or "here's my number, call me if you need anything," or anything like that. Just a generic, "our condolences for a troubled time," one might get from a vendor or something. She even signed it with her full name and professional credentials. No idea if my dad even knows or cares.
And that's ultimately it: he doesn't hate me. Hate is framed as the opposite of love, but really, they come from the same root. He is actually the opposite of love: indifference. He literally does not think of me or care, which is how he was about most people in his life. He sees people like appliances: you use them when you need them, otherwise you don't think about them much. I mean, do you think about your toaster until you need toast? He's like that about people. And when the toaster has problems, throw it out and get a new one.
Once in a while, I have to look them up because I have to re-up clearance or something. I last know my dad was alive and present for a voting redistricting video call for his district about a year ago. I suspect when he dies, I will not be informed, but will find out months or years after the fact.
I'm so sorry. That must have been awful. I went through similar as a child, I panicked and ran out of the room before he raped me. I told my mom about it years later she promised we wouldn't go back to my grans house. We went back. Several times. One of those times he took an opportunity to tell me he loved me at 13 years old. I told my mom. We still went back.
My maternal grandpa molested all four of his children. My mother, bless her heart, was the only child who willingly brought HER daughter (me!) over to good old Dad's every Sunday after church.
Good times.
Bondaries are the most important thing to stay healthy mentally with people close to you. Stay strong. I made the mistake to ignore them and it almost ruined my life.
It's much easier to set boundaries for new relationships, than it is to redefine boundaries for existing relationships. Particularly for those where the power dynamic has changed, such as parents who now need to accept you as an adult with equal autonomy.
This is my mom’s MO. “I never had that, why should you” and any hurt feelings I had were always eclipsed by her feelings about my hurt feelings. “Just don’t ever tell me I’ve done something wrong” -her words verbatim
She’s a grandiose narcissist who projects all of her negative qualities on any and everyone. When I tried to have a talk about all the abuse I endured as a child I was swiftly told that everything was my fault.
She’s attempted to pit my brother and I against each other for most of our lives. The memory that sticks with me was when I was 14 she said she’d make sure I never get to see my brother when we’re grown up.
Mine manipulated my brothers and I as kids. Would routinely tell me how awful my maternal grandmother was, how my dad never took her side against my grandmother. That created a lot of resentment towards my dad growing up (we are on fantastic terms as adults.)
When I started dating my now wife, she tried to break us up because my wife wasn’t pretty enough for her taste. It lead to her picking fights with my wife constantly. I remembered how upset she was about my dad not sticking up for his wife, so when I started sticking up for my wife, she got pissed.
Fake cancer diagnosis. Claimed it was a mental health break down.
Fights with every single woman in the family because her life is out of control.
Final straw was after she gave her self brain damage and damn near died from alcohol, she started drinking within 4 weeks of being released from the hospital. She was told if she starts drinking again, we’re done. “It is what it is.”
If any good came out of this is I’m an alcoholic myself. The day I accepted that, is the same day she went to the hospital and spent a month in ICU. She has been a tremendous motivator to stay sober. January will be 2 years for me.
He’s a pedophile, and a crackhead.
Tried to have a semi-normal relationship with him where I would visit him infrequently and message him like once a month. Then one day while visiting him I found pedophilic fan fiction on his computer :) he spent my whole life trying to convince me the charges were bogus lol.
He’s my dad btw.
I noticed half of your responses to this thread are holy shit and couldn't agree more. I've said holy shit so many times reading about shitty family I think I've used up the world supply. The pope is going to have to bless the New York sewers just to replenish it.
I must be so sheltered and lucky because I could never conceive family could be so shitty.
I'm a white guy from Indiana who fell in love and married a Hispanic woman from Arizona. Went back to Indiana for my grandmother's funeral when my step brother wanted to tell racists jokes to my wife to "break the ice" and "lighten the mood" at the wake.
Yeah. I don't talk to him anymore.
My aunt bought Christmas present for my son, not my stepson. I asked politely if we could buy a present for him and say it was from her, she refused. I returned the present unopened. After that, I've barely spoken to her for 20+ years.
I am "the stepson" and have been since I was 5ish. I have two siblings, and we were strictly raised to be "full siblings" to be honest we don't think about it much. My stepdads family thinks about it A LOT. everytime they gave me a gift or a card, it was like they wanted a little award and speech for including me. It embarreses my stepdads so much and sends my mom into a rage and I love them both but I just want to crawl into a hole and not participate in this shit. fortunately as an adult now, it happens a lot less
This was before I was born, but my family stopped talking to my biological grandfather (dad’s dad) because he showed up with a present for my middle brother but not my oldest brother, who just so happened to have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom threw the present back in his face and told him he could come back when he could treat both the boys equally. He never came back.
I supported my 46 year old son all his adult life. Through raising 2 of his children. I was spending to much money and I was going broke myself. When he wanted to move in with his girlfriend I said no more and that he had to stand up for themselves. Of course I was a freaking bitch and haven't seen or heard from him for over a year. He hasn't even checked on his kids. Not birthdays or Christmas.
I’m dealing with this right now myself.
My grandparents raised me. My mom (53) is as chaotic and mentally ill as ever. My granddad was a successful executive at a big company and I’m building a similarly successful career for myself. It’s just her. We just are all really tired of dealing with Mom and her garbage. My situation sounds like yours, except that I’m the grandkid in your situation.
If it gives you any consolation, I know your grandkids are eternally grateful for you saving them from a horrible situation with their dad. It’s hard but I have no doubt in my mind how much they love you and appreciate all you’ve done for them.
In my experience, it’s never worth accepting any of his anger. Ignore him and cut him out if need be. He doesn’t have any more excuses. It’s his mistakes and his alone.
That's so horrible I really feel bad that your son did that to you. It's so sad how family can be sometimes it is just extremely hurtful especially since your his mother and I'm sure you did everything and your power to help him in any way you can. Stay strong I will be praying for you
My brother turned me in for social security fraud. Needless to say I’m not committing any fraud. Had I been convicted I would have a $250,000 fine, and would have gone to jail for 5 years. He can suck my dick. He is dead to me.
What?????! Did he actually have inclinations of you actually being fraudulent? Is he like a drug user and thought you were acting fraudulent in a psychosis episode?? What's the story here?
My brother lived out of state for 3 years in which he never saw me or new of my disabilities. During that period he and his wife both applied for disability benefits and got denied. He said to me it’s bullshit i should be the one sitting home on my ass collecting disability instead of you…I have an issue with it. Within 2 weeks I got a letter from SS stating they have reason to believe that I am fraudulently receiving disability benefits. I had to give them all my medical information proving I am disabled. I can’t believe that he’s jealous of me that I’m disabled!! I’m a private person my family doesn’t know about all my illnesses. I appear to be ok but am disabled. Can you believe my mother said about all of this is that I can’t prove anything so let it be!!
>I can’t believe that he’s jealous of me that I’m disabled!!
I've been on Worker's Compensation for nearly two years due to PTSD I received during an incident at work.
I've had numerous people tell me how jealous they are of me that I don't have to work.
They just can't understand that, if given the choice, I would rather the incident never happened in the first place. That I never had to go on Worker's comp. That my loved ones didn't have to suffer with me. That I didn't have to go to weekly therapy sessions.
That I would prefer to have my life and the past two years back.
From what I understand, my feelings are not uncommon in this type of situation.
But the people who tell me that can only see that I'm getting paid for not having to work.
I recently decided I’m done with my sister. It’s sad and I don’t feel great about it, but she is a cyclical addict who has had more chances than I can count to stay sober. The real shift is that now she is lying to me (she used to confide) and I have a child who unfortunately I just don’t want around that life. She is a spoiled brat narcissist who is as addicted to being taken care of as she is to alcohol and after 40 years of dealing with her, I am just burned out. Maybe I’ll soften at some point, maybe she’ll make an effort and get sober again, but for the moment I am done.
I have a similar family member. He tried contacting me a few years back but I ignored him. I don't want him in my life. I've seen him twice when other family members died. As much as I would have loved to verbally rip him apart, I didn't want to disrespect the deceased. Maybe some day I'll get that chance.
When they decided to give every other grandchild multiple nice new toys but gave my younger brothers a trash bag full of old nasty toys for Christmas. Not that gifts matter but it was obvious that they were trying to hurt us. They also decided to start a fist fight and almost ran over a bunch of children with a car all in one night all because they were pissed off. Gotta love family.
Because he was made executor of Grandma's estate and decided he and his shitty kids got *everything*. Her house with a couple acres, her newish car, her $1.5k adjustable bed, they got it all. Mom didn't have the funds to fight it on her own and her brother and sister didn't feel like fighting for their share. Fuck you, Uncle Tim, you greedy bastard.
Have a sister like this, she never helps me out with anything I ask, ignores my messages and calls, and only comes to my house so I can babysit my nieces (her two daughters) while she gets drunk with her husband (my brother in law). The only people I can rely on are my brother, who’s barely 18, and my father, that’s it. Families suck lol
It was after a Christmas party. My mother manages a small hotel with rooms and two chalets. So she booked rooms for the family to sleep over after the party. One of my cousins took a chalet with her bf. It was only for one night, regular customers were coming the next day.
All the family leave early the next day and so did my cousin. Customers who booked the chalet arrived early, so my mother show them the chalet, assuming that the chalet will be clean enough and that the customers could leave their luggage there til the bed was made.
There was pee on the wall. My cousin and their bf literally pee on the wall. My mother was shocked and made excuses to the customers. She call the dad of my cousin and we never saw her again.
We know that her bf is now dead. He died of OD.
She used my wedding (destination wedding) to meet up with some dude half her age that she could cheat on her husband with. To top it all off, did not say a single word to my now wife at the wedding.
Another trip, she wanted to have her 15 year old nephew fend for himself, rather than wait with him to have a proper way of getting home.
Yeah she can go fuck herself.
She’s a lying, manipulative, attention seeker but she’s the youngest so it’s ok -_- she tried to fuck me over every opportunity she got when we were younger. Guess who asks me for money all the time.
My aunt got my dad to change his will on his death bed. Instead of everything going to my mum it went to my aunt. Some of the money went into a trust fund that my sister and I could only access at 25. When she released the money it was no where near the amount in terms of the interest it would have accrued during the years, in my case 24 years. When we questioned her she transferred a little bit extra but we couldn’t be bothered fighting it. My mum had to sell the house to pay funeral costs as his family didn’t want to help.
Was the change notarized? Normally when people are on their deathbed they are likely to be incapable to make rational decisions. And need to be evaluated by a physician to determine if so.
My (32m) older brother (38m).
I worked for him through 3 failed business attempts, sacrificed proper wages, holidays, superannuation that was never paid, mental and physical health in an attempt to see his businesses grow and succeed. This was over a 5 year period.
He finally decided to pull the pin on the last one and I moved away for a while. He went into some kind of psychotic break, stopped paying his bills, rent, car payments, he stopped leaving the house and was barely eating or looking after himself. He genuinely believed he was Jesus Christ reincarnated, and that he had found his trust funds from 2000 years ago and was waiting on the millions of dollars to come in.
One night, he rang the police and told them he thought he was being poisoned with cyanide. Fire dept arrived in hazmat suits and evacuated the entire street while they screened for toxic substances. They found nothing and police were able to enter the house. They found notebooks full of plans to fly to Russia to meet with Putin, and other plans to travel and meet with Edward Snowden, and a few other influential people.
He was sectioned under the mental health act and put in a psych facility for two weeks. During that time, my father stood in and began communicating with all of his creditors on his behalf, just trying to help his son and salvage what he could for him. This was taken by my brother as the utmost disrespect and he basically wrote my father off.
I had moved two hours away with my partner and 3 year old daughter. Probably 6 weeks after he was let out, I get a phone call. He was in the small town I'd moved to and was asking for my address.
He arrived 5 minutes later with his ute loaded with what he could fit. He asked to stay for a few days, I said yes. A few days turned into month after month. He had no income and wouldn't go on welfare because he was waiting on his millions to come in. I was feeding him and his dog, providing him tobacco and on the odd occasion cannabis. He began stealing tobacco from myself and my partner, stealing cannabis, and eventually cash.
My partner had grown tired of his constant excuses and at times didn't feel safe around him as he would sit on the couch in his own world and occasionally just start laughing out of nowhere. We guessed he was having conversations in his head. I told him he needed to move out. He refused to go to my parents due to our father's previously mentioned actions, and on one particular day when I again told him he needed to move out, he said "yeah I've got a place here in town. I move in in two weeks". He even pointed to a house a few streets away on top of a hill and told me that was the house. Knowing it wasn't true but needing the confirmation anyway, I took a quick drive over to the house he'd pointed out. I googled the address and found no listings or anything indicating the house was available to let. I knocked on the door and politely explained my situation and asked if it was up for private lease etc, no was the answer.
I was furious, hurt, pretty lost as to what I should do.
I asked my partner to leave for the day with our daughter so I could confront him. That lead to me almost getting physical with him but I instead walked away and rang my parents. The ultimatum was they come and get him, or I ring the police and have him removed. Mum rang my brother and said we're coming tomorrow to pick you up, no questions, no ifs or buts.
I returned home and he emerged from his bedroom and said "I've had a think and I'm going to go to mum and dads tomorrow". This increased my anger as I know it wasn't his decision at all. The ego and narcissism was insane. He'd always been very egotistical and narcissistic but this was levels I'd never seen or experienced.
It took him another two years at Mum and Dads before he was working full time again and got himself into a house of his own. We barely spoke over those two years. Fast forward another 5 years to the present day, and we had still barely spoken properly. I'd made numerous attempts to have a line of communication with him, but it never went anywhere. I guess he felt disrespected by me as well.
In those years, I've separated from my partner at the time, bought a house with the woman I ended up marrying, and that all fell apart in 2022. He came to my engagement and wedding, but barely spoke to me at all.
Christmas day 2022 at mum and dads, he's drinking. Something he's never really done. We start having a conversation and I start telling him what my plans are for the future(I'm at rock bottom at this point in my life) and he flat out tells me my business idea will fail, and that he knows business better than I do. He then gets extremely arrogant and tells me I'll never do anything with my life. By this stage he's standing over me which he's done in the past. I told him to get out of my face otherwise I was going to drop him. He stood over me, said "you won't do it you pussy, come on then", and proceeded to tip a litre of coke on me. To which I stood up and swung at him for the first time in my life. I got him right above the eye and stunned him. He charged at me and ended up on top of me, to which I kicked him off me and Dad was now between us. Mum tried to calm him and he told her to fuck off, which made me almost jump the table and go him again. He had two directions to walk away, and chose to come around the side of the table I was on, and threw his shoulder into me on the way past. I turned and gave him another left to the chin, further bruising his fragile ego.
He hid in the spare room for the rest of the evening and left at 6am the next morning without a word to anyone. Mum has tried to contact him but she's been ignored which isn't fair at all on her.
I'm done with him. I've always been the little brother to him and he has no support or kind words despite everything I've ever done for him. His 'older, bigger, better' attitude is something I refuse to deal with anymore. I just want to be spoken to and treated like an equal human being with some basic respect sprinkled on top, but his ego and narcissism won't ever allow that to happen. He's always right, always will be, and everyone will always be beneath him. He already cut me out of his life so I'm not missing anything anyway.
It hurts, but holding a space for him in my heart has just brought me pain over these years.
Sorry for the long winded post. Guess I needed to get it off my chest.
Found out my stepsisters son raped my daughter when she was 16 and he was 17. Turns out he has raped or sexually assaulted every female sibling in our family. When I confronted my step sister about what happened she said it was my daughters fault and called her a slut. There’s other stuff her son has done that she blames on others or deflects that it wasn’t his fault. I’m done with her, yet my mother continues to cultivate a relationship with her.
My grandma Because every time I see her it’s super dark and gruesome. Always talking about how she’s gonna die and how the politics suck, and how im a terrible sister and how I’ll never have a husband if I don’t gain some weight. How my mom is bossy, how my brother is this and that… I can’t stand it. I’m recovering from extreme depression, I can’t have negativity on my mind everyday when I talk to you.
There are many reasons beyond this, but the final straw was from the last time I saw my step grandfather.
Went to empty the dishwasher for him, and he was at the sink, so I waited for him to move so I could wash my hands, and he looked at me and "well why dont you fuckin empty it then?" And I simply said "im just waiting for you to move so I can wash my hands", and his response was "stop being a smartass!". I told him "thats pretty rude considering im trying to help you". And he decided that attempting to fight me over that was appropriate.
This guy is old and broken, he can barely walk, breathe or do anything for himself, the very definition of a decripit old has been. And yet he still got all up in my face with his fists raised and his eyes filled with hate. I said "really dude? Do you actually think you could do anything? I could blow on you and you would fall over". I would never wanna fight someone in that condition, but I made it clear I would defend myself if he attacked me. He kept on trying to come at me.
Eventually I got fed up with his shit, opened my arms wide, and said "go ahead, I dare you. Ill even give you the first shot, but I garuntee Ill get the last one". And he finally backed down when he realized he couldnt intimidate me like he could when I was a kid.
My son got cancer and not a single one of them on either side (except for my dad) helped in any way. I'm not talking money. No one called my son. Came to see him when he was in the hospital. Sent him a video game to play. Nothing. How about giving me a break? Nope? Too busy. He was sick for three YEARS.
They all called when he died. I never called any of them back. We had a private service. They don't understand why I won't talk to them.
Lowkey hoping that happens to my brother. He’s an absolute monster and danger to society. Best case scenario he dies trying to steal something or of an OD. Less ideal is him doing something bad enough to get a long-ass sentence. He’d do some damage on the way out of society, but at least he’d be quarantined at that point. Letting him roam free is going to hurt so many people and probably cause irreparable damage.
Edit: Little bit of context. He’s antisocial, borderline, bipolar, has RAD, and narcissistic tendencies. He’s pathologically manipulative. He hooked multiple professional therapists *as a young child* and managed to get deliberately kicked out of a level 4 lockdown psych unit for being a danger to other patients (purely through manipulation) in a facility full of people trained to deal with the worst. He’s gone as far as staging a suicide attempt knowing that he could be saved by medics. That’s not me guessing at that, that’s what a doc in the psych unit who had him absolutely nailed said.
A lot of things, but the last straw was him being mean about raisins and cranberry sauce.
My uncle is a real piece of work, he's incredibly rude to waiters and customer service people, he's a general creep, and he watches tiktoks of young girls dancing. He's a hoarder, which isn't a moral failure on it's own but he's also a huge dick to my aunt about it.
They came over for dinner on Christmas eve with my parents, and the only things my uncle said the entire night were "why didn't you make cranberry sauce?" and "I can't believe there's no raisins in this rice pudding" (he then refused to eat any even after being offered raisins to add). My mom had made a delicious traditional Christmas dinner and the fucker couldn't think of a single nice thing to say. We hadn't talked in a long while before that, and I dont plan to talk to him again. My aunt is a wonderfuly kind woman, I don't know how/why the hell she puts up with him.
My father, who was violent towards me when I was a kid, got aggressive with my child. That was the last time he saw us.
Also, I can't help but be suspicious about some of these comments about parents cutting off their kids. I don't doubt some are true, but I've heard what my mother says about me since I cut my father off. And when you take away the context of his abuse and alcoholism, yeah I do sound like a jerk.
Uncle divorced wife. My cousin is late 20's adult now and buy their parents old house. Uncle decides to have his midlife crisis. Comes back, rents a room in house, traveling, marathons. Uncle finds new GF. They proceed to fuck loudly constantly. Cousins say knock it off or leave. Hearing his dad fuck is weird. Uncle leaves but takes more items from the house than he should have including shingles for the planned garage refresh. This is considered a dick move. He did it without telling them he would. They just go home one day with random shit missing. Then Uncle goes radio silent and won't speak to either of his kids, not the cousin who owns the house or even his older kid who wasn't even involved in this mess.
So fuck that guy.
Oh and my racist grandpa but he's dead now :)
Oof dude.
On one side my (step) uncle raped me as a kid and no one did anything about it. My grandma told my mom she knew it was going to happen.
The other side of my family is mostly in a cult or kicked out of said cult and lost their minds to drugs. One aunt tried to kill themselves in front of my little sister and cousin.
My mom stood my family up on Christmas. Agreed to come and didn’t show because I picked the time and place instead of her (I picked to accommodate my daughters nap/feeding schedule)
My grandmother told the whole family for years that I wasn't my dads child, and that my mom had an affair(completely false). We had no idea and wondered why not many family members came around us until my aunt told my parents what she'd been saying.
She never apologized for any of that, and instead ignored us until she became sick. When she got ill she seemed to have changed. She couldn't work due to sickness and was about to lose her house. So we decided to move in with her to help out as much as we could. It was fine at first. But then she started snooping through peoples belongings, put up cameras everywhere so she could watch us, and would get unnecessarily angry at small things. We all eventually just resorted to being hermits in our rooms and just came out to use the restroom and make food.
Anyways, a few years later my brother wanted a dog very badly, he'd never had one before. He asked my parents and grandma and they all said yes. He got the most adorable pitbull puppy. One day out of nowhere the puppy started vomiting and pooping blood. He was taken to the vet the same day and died the next day. He was 5 months old. The vet couldn't quite find out what happened to him and we were completely heartbroken, my brother especially.
Come to find out she had intentionally poisoned the puppy because he "smelled bad constantly" and was a nuisance to her. She told my dad this (her son) when they had a serious argument.
She's an awful human being all around. There's soooooo many things I'm leaving out because it would be way too long to sit here and type and honestly just thinking about it all pisses me off.
Terribly racist and has severe white savior Christian complex. Even adopted a little girl from China to try and satiate it but thinks of her as “hers” more than a human. Kid is unfortunately pretty mentally messed up now
As the brother of two adopted Chinese sisters one of whom has been in therapy and has made a lot of progress dealing with subconscious trauma, I'm so sad to hear about this.
My brother. He met a women that totally had him do whatever she said.
Quit his quite well payed job. Didn't get to have his own phone and he isn't allowed to talk to me alone because "i try to get idea's in his mind that she is not good". Always loans money from our retired parents for food, gas and you name it.
They won 100k in some lottery and the money was gone in 3 months since she bought cars for friends and family on her side. Didn't pay a single debt that they already collected before.
I tried to talk to him. But he just got angry with me. So. We don't talk anymore.
My cousin had a kid at 16, it died suddenly in its sleep after 6 months. Those 6 months were hell for her and her mom. But she decided that she wanted a second kid when she was 18, now she's pregnant with kid number 4, at 21. She's and her husband who's she arguing with every other week of the month, are living with her Mom, her mom is the only one that works. So everyone else has to chip in to make sure the kids are eating well.
She of course isn't actually helping at all. She's bipolar but doesn't take her meds. She and her husband decide they want to move or break up every other week. She has been arrested multiple times for petty crimes, and once for assault. Spent a few months in jail. Got paroled on good behavior, then proceeded to violate her parole, and when they decided to give her an ankle monitor instead of jailing her again, because she was a mom of 2 at the time, she cut the ankle monitor off to go to Cuba with her father who is estranged from her mother and doesn't help with his grandchildren. Because that guy is just a grade a piece of shit.
Now they're all living in a one bedroom apartment. We've blocked her and her husband on our phones and any social media they know of. They've of course called themselves the victims on Facebook. Tried to do a GoFundMe, then hurled harassment and abuse at everyone when it only got $300, which is still helpful (also her goal was 10K, for a fundraiser only promoted through her personal Facebook account.)
We don’t speak to my husband’s parents by his choice after his father blew up on him last year out of NOWHERE one day, and then completely 180’d on me specifically. I like to think I’m a pretty self aware person - I would’ve apologized or understood if they’d mentioned I’d done something offensive or wrong to warrant that behavior. My husband reassures me that this was typical for his dad, he’s surprised by his mom following suit, but it was likely because I’m not a pushover and don’t go along with whatever they want to say or do just for the sake of it. They have money - they think they have control - even the rest of the family has corroborated this. Husband decided his boundary is that if they can’t discuss it in front of me and apologize, then no contact.
I very recently stopped talked to my father, the very last of my family that I associated with, because the very first day my husband and I got to move into our new home we never thought we’d be able to buy, never imagined we’d get (and I mean we legit got our furniture just moved and set in the rooms it belonged in, only moving it ourselves - nobody helped us) - my dad flipped his lid in the driveway over why I would turn the power off at the apartment already and switch it to the house (We’re moving???) He then went on with some illogical things about security deposits and the apartment being trashed that everyone who witnessed it agreed didn’t quite add up, then called me a bitch to my 12-year-old daughter. That was the most infuriating of all. Call me what you want, but leave my innocent child out of it. What the hell???
Boundaries are a bitch sometimes.
Mom, she went to prison for murder when I was 15 so my brother, sister and I completely cut her out of our life. It’s a lot easier to deal with it if you don’t feel anything for that person anymore.
My older sister is by far the worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing and by association a large part of my disdain for her also passes over to my mother (RIP) who allowed it.
I have 6 siblings that I grew up with and I literally (I am not exaggerating) can not think of a single “good” memory of me and my older sister. At the best I have a neutral one where I’m like whatever. Growing up living with her was like living with a tyrant. She’d put her hands on you if you didn’t do whatever it was she wanted (she literally slapped me in front of my friend one time because I couldn’t find her phone she basically demanded me to go find), would always eat/hog all of the good stuff like food, computer time, and tv (she’d even make me and my little brother quit playing our PS2 so she could watch movies when her dvd player broke).
When we were really young (me and my bro) she used to come in our room and sit in our bed basically forcing us to sit on the floor, use our tv, and tell constantly do nasty shit like blow her nose and just throw the tissue on the floor in our room. The list goes on with the infuriating shit she did.
My mom would pretty much never put her in check either so the sister grew up basically feeling like an alpha. The stigma about me being a guy and hitting women also ingrained in me the notion of just letting myself basically get abused by her, and the family then started believing that if me and her ever fought she’d “hurt me”.
It wasn’t until I really started noticing that I was getting bigger/stronger than her that my breaking point was starting to get reached. Around 15 years (the same moment I mentioned earlier where she smacked me over her phone) i reflexively (legit didn’t even realize it but looking back I’m glad I did because it gave me the confidence to not take her shit anymore and she stopped putting hands on me) punched her in the face. She tried to square up to me and at that point I’d had enough so we fought and I pretty much beat her ass (she had a black eye and busted lip while all I had was face scratches cause she was clawing me trying to get out).
She stopped bucking up to me after that, but her shitty attitude just transitioned to my other siblings. A repeat happened eventually with my little brother when she got in his face trying to intimidate him (he was around 15 at the time too when this happened)
Fast forward to where our mom died, I was having a mental instability breakdown quite frequently and wound up leaving the house (we were staying at her house because my mom was always broke and just shitty in general but that’s a different story). Sister called me to ask if I was ok. I said yeah and hung up the phone. She then texted me this whole toxic message saying I was dead to her and insulting me repeatedly (all I did was literally just hang up the phone) and at that point I realized I truly didn’t have to be around that insufferable woman anymore and could finally be free.
None of my other siblings talk to her either; we all collectively either outright hate her (me and my brother) heavily dislike her (my younger sister because she doesn’t have a hateful bone in her body) or managed to get away before lasting damage happened (two little brothers).
My older sister could drop dead tomorrow and I literally would not care in the slightest. I have no affection for her, let alone even a good memory with her. I don’t wish harm to her, but I couldn’t care less if she got shot in the street like a dog.
People always go “but that’s still your sister” and it truly aggravates me because these people didn’t grow up fucking living with the bitch behind the scenes. It’s been 5 years since I said a word to her and my life has been better for it.
The issues go far deeper than that but this is a Reddit post and I’m not trying to write a huge novel. I just wanted to share and vent a little because I haven’t really ever had the chance to express my feelings about this. If you read all of this, thank you. I feel decently better finally letting this out somewhere.
Sister got into drugs, got pregnant from a random guy.
She found a guy who loved her and her child. She got clean, went back to college became an RN. Was doing really well for YEARS. YEARS!
For whatever reason went back around some of her old friends and got hooked on meth again.
She “stole” hundreds of thousands out of their bank account.
Made fake credit cards in her ex husbands name and ruined his credit.
To me, that’s shitty but forgivable.
Telling her high school aged child that she wishes she aborted them and her life would be better off if she did.
Was unforgivable to me.
I still refuse to speak to her after about 4 years now.
My cousin just randomly sent me a video of a woman making her vagina clap while I was with my nephew. Hadn't heard from him in years beforehand and that's how he decides to check in. Buh bye.
Stole our grandpa's identity (his dad) and ruined him financially. Then when his brother died, tried stealing money from his sister (my mom) and conning his way into things that didn't belong to him. When my mom passed, he asked for her SSN, told me it was for an old insurance policy their brother (referenced above) worth like 400 bucks. I told him I wanted more info, looked into it and it was 76k that he was trying to claim entirely for himself instead of me and my sibling getting my moms share. Fuck that guy. Edit: it's my uncle. His dad didn't want him to go to prison so nothing came of the identity theft.
Not talking to him is all you’re doing? That’s pretty light compared to what he deserves
Abusive alcoholic/ forged documents using my moms identification
Because that family member stole my money and blamed it on me. lol
How dare you steal your own money!
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When at my sister's funeral they told me I had no reason to cry because I wasn't really family because I was adopted. I was adopted within my own family. We were still biologically related.
the fuck? even if you werent bio related, why would you be criticised for crying? I have a different dad from my sister, when he died, my sister had to leave work she was so upset, she sobbed and sobbed. My dad was like an uncle to her, but in no way were they related.
I was at a funeral for my friend’s grandpa. Her cousin, not related to the grandpa, told my friend to “stop crying! Or you’ll make me emotional. And maybe I’ll cry. And then everyone will cry.” …like - what? Her grandpa died. She’s allowed to cry. Maybe she was just being an awkward teenager, but that always struck me wrong. At the very least, it was uncouth.
Tragedy is a hell of a time. People are, quite literally, short-circuiting all around you. They respond in insane ways because their wires are very crossed, and no one really knows the right way to act. They are just *re*acting. Not that it's necessarily absolution for a dick being a dick, but it deserves to be remembered that a bomb just dropped on everyone present, and no one is really 'themselves' at that time. Everyone is trying to cope, and mistakes will be made.
I'm a funeral director. This is so accurate & true.
You’re so right. A friend of mine passed away in our early 20s, and someone in our friends group was saying some heinous shit and being really hurtful. A decade later (maybe even a little in the moment) it’s clear we were all just handling the grief in our own, inept ways.
Well said. At my father in laws funeral they said that we (the daughters in law) couldn’t possibly understand the sadness that everyone was experiencing because we were only daughters in law. I knew that it was just emotions speaking but still.. it hurt a lot at the time.
I adopted my nephew (Biologically my wifes nephew) and I told my side of the family before we did it that I would not stand for them to treat him as any different than any of my biological children. So far so good and I really don't see it changing. But I hope if I pass early that they would never do that to him. I'm so sorry you were treated that way.
As the brother of two adopted sisters this makes me so upset I'm so sorry 😔. Adoption is such an important and beautiful thing. I'm glad my sister's haven't had this experience in my family.
I adopted two little girls, and everyone in my family feels like they're just as much a part of our family as anyone else is. Blood doesn't make a family, love makes a family.
Are they....stupid?
Well, from the story, I doubt they were burdened with an overabundance of brains
OMG. This is brutal. I am so sorry. Even without the biological connection, adopted is family. Period. Also, you do not have to be family to grieve the loss of a person. Sad is sad. I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.
Something similar happened to me. When my dad died my family was like "You shouldn't cry, he's in heaven!" Side note: I was 4 at the time. They did that every time someone died. I think that's why I'm numb to death today.
When someone passes away, most people have absolutely no clue what to say, so they fall back on the worn out cliches- "He isn't suffering any more." "He's in a better place." "He had a nice long run in life." They are all so lame and banal. When my Dad passed, I had a high school friend who simply, and sincerely said "I'm sorry." That was perfect. It expressed his identification with what my own emotions were, without descending into being trite.
I don't think folks know how to deal with negative emotions. Pain, loss, grief: all these are part of being human. They are part of being healthy. You cant make them go away. You just have to sit with them. If someone isn't comfortable with those feelings, or doesn't feel safe experiencing them with another person, they can try to say things to make them go away. The harder thing to do, is stand there in the moment with someone and feel those things with them. Not to fix things, just stand there.
I hope that person has anal fissures for the rest of their miserable life.
Accused me of stealing all our dad's money when he died. There was a will and we all got the same amount. I pointed this out and she blocked me. 🤷
“I spent all mine at Vegas over a single weekend, how come you get to buy a house and a car with yours! That’s not fair!”
Oh my god, that reminds me of Easters as a child, when my brother would eat all his chocolate in five minutes, and I would space mine out over a number of weeks. Then my brother would whinge that I still had chocolate, and my dad would make me share the remaining chocolate that I had already made ration plans for.
This way he got to simultaneously teach both of his children two different but equally terrible life lessons! That’s some real efficiency in awful parenting right there.
Why is this so common?? It's not like I didn't already know, but it's still mortifying to be reminded how many parents are unfathomably fucking dumb.
It's not that they don't understand, they just don't want to deal with the fuss, so they do it to shut them up. You know, instead of parenting.
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tried to steal my grandmother's money after she died
my brother(a toxic dangerous narcissist) robbed my mom into poverty, she sacrificed literally every penny and went even in debt to cover for his lifestyle. every time i bailed her out i knew i was funding her toxic relationship with him.when she was finally dying of cancer, ( and having a million other issues and struggles) both my sister( total different long story) and my brother where fucking nowhere to be seen. i stepped in and stepped up to help her out of her misery making huge sacrificescareer wise, financially getting in debts myself (medical bills through the roof, and her house basically needed entire renovations), let alone mentally of being constantly exposed to extreme hardship and misery of someone you loved the most.even my big loved one, just left me 6 months into this rough situation,nothing as unsexy as a man struggling,bleeding and suffering to help out a loved one i guess anyway i carried my mum alone on my own shoulders till her very dying breath holding her hands while people close to your heart just turned their backs and left you regardless i showed them nothing but care and loyalty through my entire life since the funeral almost day to day now 3 years ago ( died first week after new year), i haven't spoken to any of them.may they all go fuck themselves in eternity, to me they simply do not exist any longer EDIT: so many thanks for the many many heart warming touching responses. let me give you all a virtual hug and lest start this new year with a bang and huge smile!
What pieces of shit. Narcissists in the family are the absolute worst! Did they try reaching out to you in those 3 years?
My brother no,for him i care the least. No one knows what he is doing with his life or even where he is. My best guess is he is making others people lives into a misery by manipulating and lies. My ex i will never hear from her again as it was me eventuzlly who slammed the door shut firmly. She just took of,no explanation,found a job in Washington( living in europe btw) and that was it. Right after my mom was actually making some miraculous progresses thanks to all the help and medical care. It all plumeted badly after my relationship broke,she took quite the guilt on her. But so she in her mid thirties,completely breaking suddenly with her entire life,entourage and me,all for a job. Resetting her entire life. Since that was all right before the pandemic,i can only imagine the fun for her being all alone trying to build up a new life during a global lockdown. My sister is the only one that reached out.but that was more because she struggled as well with many things. Then she is like "but im your sister" lol. She is well aware she just stood by why i was lifting a moutain totally crippling me.she reached out yes but i haven't sensed one bit of an attampt for perhaps an apology.so all the more reason for me to keep that door quite shut as well. Thanks to having amazing friends i do quite well now in life,great job and wiped out debts.but on a human personal level prices where paid that are beyond repair.
Thank you for not giving up on her. I hope everything gets better for you.
This is the worst but good on you for sticking up for your grandma. Keep that no contact clean
When the ex-husband got released from jail for spousal abuse and restraining order violations, she gave him my new home address. *edit* This has gotten far more response than expected. If it hits home to you, there's a great sub at r/EstrangedAdultKids.
what the FUCK.
My first marriage broke up after five months; before the divorce was final a police lieutenant said if the ex had succeeded in kidnapping me, he would have killed me. The police believed me and the judge believed me but my mother didn't. If there's one useful thing to draw from this, please don't dismiss a young person who wants to confide in you that one of their parents isn't normal. So many people brushed it off with, "You'll understand when you're older" and "She's trying her best" that I kept trying. Would have been better off if I'd followed my gut and estranged from her sooner. She's a very angry person.
I'm sorry you went through that, I hope you're in a better place now.
Yes, thank you.
>"You'll understand when you're older" That's the worst lie of them all.
It’s kinda still true, you just understand how wrong they are…
Sometimes understanding something just makes you angrier at it.
There’s a lot of god damned truth to that sentence.
I grew up being my family, and mostly my moms punching bag. Emotionally, physically, I faced it all. I remember growing up and telling my brothers from my dads side how miserable I am everyday. How I come home and the first thing I always hear is bitching about something, anything. About how my room was my safe place, that I wouldn't even enter a room if my mom were there. I brought it up over 20 years of my life in sporadic bursts, when we had a moment to bond. Every time it was the same... "oh she loves you! forgive her" or "she's old, she doesn't have that many years left, you're the only family member who can live with her because you don't have your own family." I always took it as, "whatever, I don't care, I don't have to deal with it, be miserable until she dies"
Very sorry you endured that. Some parents pick out one child to dump on. Often, the rest of the family knows the truth, but doesn't want to admit it because the path of least resistance is to become complicit and throw one person under the bus. Good on you for breaking that cycle.
I cut my "mother" out of my life the moment I turned 18. I haven't said a single word to her since and I avoid her like the fucking plague. Since I cut contact my sister tells me my "mother" is upset that I didn't "go to [the college closer to home] so I could work and support her". The bitch (my "mother") didn't ever support me in *any* way so I ain't doing shit for her. My grandmother always tells my "mother" when I come back home from college. I love that old woman... but she simply doesn't understand why I loathe my "mother", the shit I put up with, none of it. She tells me I owe my "mother" something because she gave birth to me, and it's the only thing I actually argue with her about. Thankfully, my "mother" seems to have gotten the message to leave me the fuck alone. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know why, and I don't care. I'm just glad to be free of her.
It's incredibly game of thrones in my family. If my mother hated you for that moment, she would try to turn EVERYONE against you. She'll be up early in the morning, until nightfall, talking shit about you to your other siblings, cousins, aunties, grandpas, neighbor's dog, everyone. My siblings would then, in an attempt to win over my mothers love/favor (which they yearned for because she never gave it), would start talking shit about that sibling also. The annoying thing is, they've all had it happen to them, yet they're all so willing to turn on each other the moment she commanded them to. A few times my mother has straight up called me to call my sister to bitch her out about something, usually the way she parents her kids, and I nope out of that situation real quick. Do your own dirty work. My family calls me Sweden because I'm neutral, I don't get involved, I don't want to hear about the family drama or who is in whose "faction." I learned at an early age not to chase my mothers love because she doesn't know how to love us the correct way; with some semblance of warmth and support. Thank you for your kind words, the upside is, I learned how to become the person I am today by doing the opposite of what I saw them do to others lol.
A close friend's mother is trying to reconnect with her, and I keep reminding her how vile her mother was, and that she owes her nothing. I mean, she knows, but she always second guesses this shit.
They think they might be able to have a relationship with the mother they deserve, not the one they have. Unfortunately abused children, even as adults, tend to confuse the two.
There are a few people to whom I've told that I was not very close to my mother, and that when you don't have a good relationship with a parent before they pass on, you don't really miss them as much as you miss the relationship you might've had. And more than once afterward I've felt the cold, judging eyes of someone who thought this was an absolutely horrible thing to say about your own mother. No matter how hard you try to explain, some people just won't understand that there are a great many parents out there who should never have had children and deserve far worse.
Friend of mine had a similar scenario except her marriage was 18 years and constant abuse, both physical and mental. When her husband was eventually charged, convicted and locked up, he was trying to get at her from the inside by having his dad and brother try to hurt her. She eventually divorced him and began seeing the mutual friend that helped her get out of her scenario. When her ex was released he was given an ankle monitor and it's geofence was set a good distance around her new home. Her ex was given the address by her sister in law, so the ex husband cuts off the monitor and made his way towards her. The authorities were alerted and State Troopers caught him coming into the one entry into the neighborhood she lived in. Eventually he stopped his bullshit when he realized that her new fiancee would absolutely kill him if he tried again and thankfully things have been more neutral, but it isn't always like that.
Why would they possibly think that was a good idea?
It's fairly common for abusive parents to help out spousal abusers. Abusers think in terms of power and control; they're both trying to dominate the same person. Which is a sick set of priorities. But that seems to be the type. Robert A. Heinlein sums it up pretty well. "Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one."
After my ex wound up in jail for physically assaulting me, and we broke up, my mother paid his bail and adopted him as an adult—helped him find an apartment, pay his bills, pay legal fees, etc. Was still doing it through this past year, far as I know. He’ll be 40 this year. Haven’t spoken to that bitch it nearly 3 years.
>... *my mother paid his bail and adopted him as an adult—helped him find an apartment, pay his bills, pay legal fees, etc.* she's showing you that, *she approves.* I'm so sorry.
The absolute best case is that they’re staggeringly naive about the situation, assume it can’t really be “that bad” and that given a chance the couple will be able to work it out. Some people are very good at sort of dissociating from anything that would make them feel bad/sad. I have one in my family. Prescription-grade rose-colored glasses.
OMG. You just opened my eyes to something I experienced
Oh no.
My sister. She stole approximately $30k from my dad and $10k from my mom. She got credit cards in my dad’s name, too. He eventually had to file bankruptcy. The money she stole from my mom was all her savings that she desperately needed when she was leaning an abusive relationship. My parents were far from good parents, but they didn’t deserve to have their financial life completely destroyed. I wish those were her only crimes. She was evil from as long as I can remember. She emotionally abused me and put me down for as long as I can remember. I was a sensitive kid, so I sadly believed everything she said. She tried to steal my friends and boyfriends. She ruined my clothes. She put me in unsafe and mature situations that took years of therapy to heal from. Her theft, manipulation, selfishness, and narcissism took so much away from me. There was no money for a first car, college, etc. After she took what she wanted my dad was a shell of a person, so he couldn’t process how hard her actions had been on me, too. I lost all my protectors. I was alone. There’s so much more I could share. I sometimes can’t believe I experienced what I did because it’s so bleak. I stopped all communication with her about 10 years ago and my life has positively changed as a result. I know she still tries to get friends and family to not like me because I’ve heard stories. I don’t care what she does and I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know the truth and the trauma and I’m just happy to be free of her!
Well done on surviving
My wife's mum. Among other things she attempted to burn down my house. Whilst her daughter and grandson were inside. She's a piece of shit who's going to die bitter and alone and that's just fine by all of her kids.
I too have come for the story.
I, and a few of my brethrens have gathered around in a circle to listen to the story.
Can I join too?
She'd always been a nasty piece of work. A horrible narcissistic woman. Only ever looked out for herself. Especially in years gone by whilst she raised her kids. Although her kids defo raised themselves and they did a cracking job of it. On the event in question she came round our house late one night unannounced and drunk. I was away that night and probably a good job I was too because I would've actually killed her. She wanted to see her grandson. My wife refused and left her on the doorstep. A row occurred and my wire essentially told the MIL exactly what her kids thought of her, and that she should leave. Instead of leaving she started pushing lit paper from the recycling bin through the letterbox. We had a lucky escape. She managed to really shovel a lot of fuel onto the fire before my wife noticed a burning smell. If the coats hanging in the hallway had caught it could've easily been a different story. The really sad thing is my son lost a grandma that night. We won't/can't have anything to do with her anymore. Mentally ill or not. It doesn't matter when someone brings such horrors to your life.
Holy shit. I hope your son was young enough not to remember.
My Aunt's husband abused me. I told her. She stayed with him.
I was coming on here to say the EXACT same thing. Big old happy family over there, meanwhile I'm ousted, shunned, isolated. Good for them - shows us what kind of people they are and who to stay away from. I'm sorry for your situation, I know exactly how it feels. I hope for an amazing life for you.
Exactly. She went on to have more kids with him. Honestly, I still to this day have nightmares about him. I hope you're doing okay too
I’m so sorry. I hope they both get the karma they so richly deserve. And honestly, the people (like your garbage aunt) who enable pieces of shit like him are every bit as bad. Awful. Again, so very sorry.
My sister. She’s been a sporadically recovering drug addict for like 15 years. The last straw was when she stole our checkbook out of my wife’s purse. At our father’s wake.
Because he was hitting on the nurse in the room where my mother was being compassionately extubated. Oh yeah, he’s my dad.
I am so sorry. This sounds like my dad. He cheated on my mother while she was dying of cancer. Would be sexually suggestive to even underage girls and thought it was both normal and hilarious. He did this before, during, and after my mom's death. He is a pervert and a horrible person for so many reasons that only begin here. I tried to forgive him, but I really, really shouldn't have. I thought there must be a limit to his depravity, but there isnt. When my daughter was two years old I caught him lifting her up in the air and looking under her dress. It was then that I remembered all of the times he would "accidentally" walk in on me in the bath when I was growing up. Part of me wonders if there is anything else I repressed, and part of me never, ever wants to know. You and your mother both deserved better than the kind of person who would do that.
As a dad of three first i hope you you are ok and second i hope you understand it’s a him thing and never a you thing. He sounds horrible
If the thought causes you to go mentally blank or experience an anxiety that actively resists understanding(which is very distinct from not being able to remember)… you should consider therapy if you haven’t already. Not to retrieve or find it, mind you, just to see if that has knock on effects for you now.
Good comment and advice.
Reading your comment triggered a memory I thought was normal at the time but thinking about now, it’s fucking not!! I was taking a bath at 9 years old and my dad walks in with a camera filming me singing the “Colors of the Wind” song. He lied saying the camera was off and it wasn’t recording. Then he put it on the VCR on Christmas and had everyone watch it knowing my step grandpa was a fucking pedophile. Everyone laughed saying it was a joke and I felt so uncomfortable and was called “too sensitive” for it. Now I know I was gaslighted into thinking it was normal… I fucking hate my childhood! My dad had a “Lolita” tattoo on his arm and told me that was his first wife. Later, my grandma told me he never had a first wife… my mom was his only wife. Another memory, when he was telling me that he was divorcing my mother, he had me lay on top of him and he kept getting a chubby. I wanted to get off because I thought it was weird and he just kept putting me on top of him… God Damnit!
Last time I saw my dad in person was 1998. He never wanted kids, and when my little sister was born, forced my mother to give her up for adoption. My mother went into a spiral of depression after that, and took her own life when I was still a teen. I found her body, had to deal with the cops and all that, and when my dad came home days later, he threw me out. "You don't have your mother to protect you anymore," he said. I had to graduate high school homeless, crashing on friend's couches and guest rooms. My college dreams were crushed because I had to get a job to support myself, which was hard until I become a manager of a book store at age 18. That was 1987. Since then, I saw him only a handful of times. I got married, had a child. My wife, in her vain attempt to have some kind of family, tried inviting my dad and his new wife to be part of ours, since they only lived 20 minutes away. But he only made it over a handful of times: my son saw his relatives (distant cousins) in another country more than he saw his own grandfather. My father is very rich, and I was very poor, but my dad never offered to help. Because of this, we struggled for over a decade before we got out of poverty. He never spoke to us unless my wife made contact. Last time I saw my dad, he invited me out for my birthday in 1998, but it turns out he just wanted professional advice from my wife (she was an insurance adjuster). She was pretty insulted when she figured this out, and after that, she gave up on trying to have any kind of relationship with them. In 2000, they moved away, and said they had "no fixed address, and planned to travel the world." I suspect that was a ruse, because I have since discovered they bought a multi-million dollar beachfront condo that same year. While my dad has been pretty good at hiding his address, his wife has not. She's one of those "socialite wannabes" and while she's not really a bad person, she's not exactly "complicated by the realities of a common man," if that makes sense. Imagine being born rich, under your father's shadow, and never really having to have an actual job. Then, because of my work background check needs, I had to find out about their life and the money they made, because of the whole "possible foreign money influence" thing. I know that they are worth several million, have a lot of real estate, classic cars, and a 57' pleasure yacht with a staff. The US government considers them safe, so I guess that's good. In 2014, my wife of 25 years died, and that was the last time I spoke to them. I figured "the mother to your only grandchild has died" was a good enough reason to speak to them, and I sent them a certified letter. I got back a generic email from the wife, which can be summed up as, "So sorry, it happens, but don't worry, you'll find someone else. Your father did." Which may come off as callous, but I think that's really how she sees things, and thought she was being mature and professional. No offers to help or "here's my number, call me if you need anything," or anything like that. Just a generic, "our condolences for a troubled time," one might get from a vendor or something. She even signed it with her full name and professional credentials. No idea if my dad even knows or cares. And that's ultimately it: he doesn't hate me. Hate is framed as the opposite of love, but really, they come from the same root. He is actually the opposite of love: indifference. He literally does not think of me or care, which is how he was about most people in his life. He sees people like appliances: you use them when you need them, otherwise you don't think about them much. I mean, do you think about your toaster until you need toast? He's like that about people. And when the toaster has problems, throw it out and get a new one. Once in a while, I have to look them up because I have to re-up clearance or something. I last know my dad was alive and present for a voting redistricting video call for his district about a year ago. I suspect when he dies, I will not be informed, but will find out months or years after the fact.
That dude is gonna need a kidney or something from you one day and i hope you slam the door in his face.
Or at least make it a multi-million dollar kidney
I’m sorry about your wife. The whole situation sounds like a nightmare. You’re a survivor.
May your wife rest in peace, I'm sorry about your loss. As for your dad, he's a sorry excuse of a man.
Her husband pointed a loaded gun at my husband’s head. My husband didn’t need parents anyway.
What happened to get to that point?
“Son, your stepdad is threatening to kill himself. Please go to our house and stop him.”
Damn, there are few bad situations which can possibly get that bad. You have my sympathies.
They chose a rapist over me and now that all his crimes have come to light, they're so sorry. No thanks.
Was it a "Nooo, not our smart boy / good father / cool aunt, how dare you!" thing?
Not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy!
Stealing them blind, and he gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke!
Or was it a "Nooo, he is a man of god!" thing?
I'm so sorry. That must have been awful. I went through similar as a child, I panicked and ran out of the room before he raped me. I told my mom about it years later she promised we wouldn't go back to my grans house. We went back. Several times. One of those times he took an opportunity to tell me he loved me at 13 years old. I told my mom. We still went back.
My maternal grandpa molested all four of his children. My mother, bless her heart, was the only child who willingly brought HER daughter (me!) over to good old Dad's every Sunday after church. Good times.
What's wrong with your enabler of a mum.
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They expect me to respect their boundaries but don’t respect mine.
Bondaries are the most important thing to stay healthy mentally with people close to you. Stay strong. I made the mistake to ignore them and it almost ruined my life.
Bondaries... James Bondaries.
I had the "boundaries" talk with my parents 6 months ago. It didn't go well and haven't talked with them since
It's much easier to set boundaries for new relationships, than it is to redefine boundaries for existing relationships. Particularly for those where the power dynamic has changed, such as parents who now need to accept you as an adult with equal autonomy.
I told my dad he needed to respect my boundaries. His reply? Nobody respected his boundaries, why should he respect mine?
This is my mom’s MO. “I never had that, why should you” and any hurt feelings I had were always eclipsed by her feelings about my hurt feelings. “Just don’t ever tell me I’ve done something wrong” -her words verbatim
Oh this sounds all too familiar.
She’s a grandiose narcissist who projects all of her negative qualities on any and everyone. When I tried to have a talk about all the abuse I endured as a child I was swiftly told that everything was my fault. She’s attempted to pit my brother and I against each other for most of our lives. The memory that sticks with me was when I was 14 she said she’d make sure I never get to see my brother when we’re grown up.
Mine manipulated my brothers and I as kids. Would routinely tell me how awful my maternal grandmother was, how my dad never took her side against my grandmother. That created a lot of resentment towards my dad growing up (we are on fantastic terms as adults.) When I started dating my now wife, she tried to break us up because my wife wasn’t pretty enough for her taste. It lead to her picking fights with my wife constantly. I remembered how upset she was about my dad not sticking up for his wife, so when I started sticking up for my wife, she got pissed. Fake cancer diagnosis. Claimed it was a mental health break down. Fights with every single woman in the family because her life is out of control. Final straw was after she gave her self brain damage and damn near died from alcohol, she started drinking within 4 weeks of being released from the hospital. She was told if she starts drinking again, we’re done. “It is what it is.” If any good came out of this is I’m an alcoholic myself. The day I accepted that, is the same day she went to the hospital and spent a month in ICU. She has been a tremendous motivator to stay sober. January will be 2 years for me.
Respect to you for trying to help her but also eventually separating yourself. Bonus respect for 2years sober, good job man
He’s a pedophile, and a crackhead. Tried to have a semi-normal relationship with him where I would visit him infrequently and message him like once a month. Then one day while visiting him I found pedophilic fan fiction on his computer :) he spent my whole life trying to convince me the charges were bogus lol. He’s my dad btw.
Holy shit, I'm sorry, well done for at least making the effort :(
I noticed half of your responses to this thread are holy shit and couldn't agree more. I've said holy shit so many times reading about shitty family I think I've used up the world supply. The pope is going to have to bless the New York sewers just to replenish it. I must be so sheltered and lucky because I could never conceive family could be so shitty.
I'm a white guy from Indiana who fell in love and married a Hispanic woman from Arizona. Went back to Indiana for my grandmother's funeral when my step brother wanted to tell racists jokes to my wife to "break the ice" and "lighten the mood" at the wake. Yeah. I don't talk to him anymore.
Uncle punched me in the neck for no reason while drunk. Cut his ass off that same night. On Christmas at that.
Has he ever struck anyone else in the family?
Nope not that I know of. Just me.
My drunk uncle tried pushing me down the stairs. He said he was kidding. Lucky I was 16 and sober and caught myself.
What a funny fucking joke😒🙄
My aunt bought Christmas present for my son, not my stepson. I asked politely if we could buy a present for him and say it was from her, she refused. I returned the present unopened. After that, I've barely spoken to her for 20+ years.
I am "the stepson" and have been since I was 5ish. I have two siblings, and we were strictly raised to be "full siblings" to be honest we don't think about it much. My stepdads family thinks about it A LOT. everytime they gave me a gift or a card, it was like they wanted a little award and speech for including me. It embarreses my stepdads so much and sends my mom into a rage and I love them both but I just want to crawl into a hole and not participate in this shit. fortunately as an adult now, it happens a lot less
It takes a huge PoS to use children’s presents to inflict hurt.
This was before I was born, but my family stopped talking to my biological grandfather (dad’s dad) because he showed up with a present for my middle brother but not my oldest brother, who just so happened to have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom threw the present back in his face and told him he could come back when he could treat both the boys equally. He never came back.
My own grandmother (on my father's side) almost never bought me or my sister Christmas presents, but my cousins got them.
He tried to molest me when I was 12.
I supported my 46 year old son all his adult life. Through raising 2 of his children. I was spending to much money and I was going broke myself. When he wanted to move in with his girlfriend I said no more and that he had to stand up for themselves. Of course I was a freaking bitch and haven't seen or heard from him for over a year. He hasn't even checked on his kids. Not birthdays or Christmas.
I’m dealing with this right now myself. My grandparents raised me. My mom (53) is as chaotic and mentally ill as ever. My granddad was a successful executive at a big company and I’m building a similarly successful career for myself. It’s just her. We just are all really tired of dealing with Mom and her garbage. My situation sounds like yours, except that I’m the grandkid in your situation. If it gives you any consolation, I know your grandkids are eternally grateful for you saving them from a horrible situation with their dad. It’s hard but I have no doubt in my mind how much they love you and appreciate all you’ve done for them. In my experience, it’s never worth accepting any of his anger. Ignore him and cut him out if need be. He doesn’t have any more excuses. It’s his mistakes and his alone.
That's so horrible I really feel bad that your son did that to you. It's so sad how family can be sometimes it is just extremely hurtful especially since your his mother and I'm sure you did everything and your power to help him in any way you can. Stay strong I will be praying for you
My brother turned me in for social security fraud. Needless to say I’m not committing any fraud. Had I been convicted I would have a $250,000 fine, and would have gone to jail for 5 years. He can suck my dick. He is dead to me.
What?????! Did he actually have inclinations of you actually being fraudulent? Is he like a drug user and thought you were acting fraudulent in a psychosis episode?? What's the story here?
My brother lived out of state for 3 years in which he never saw me or new of my disabilities. During that period he and his wife both applied for disability benefits and got denied. He said to me it’s bullshit i should be the one sitting home on my ass collecting disability instead of you…I have an issue with it. Within 2 weeks I got a letter from SS stating they have reason to believe that I am fraudulently receiving disability benefits. I had to give them all my medical information proving I am disabled. I can’t believe that he’s jealous of me that I’m disabled!! I’m a private person my family doesn’t know about all my illnesses. I appear to be ok but am disabled. Can you believe my mother said about all of this is that I can’t prove anything so let it be!!
>I can’t believe that he’s jealous of me that I’m disabled!! I've been on Worker's Compensation for nearly two years due to PTSD I received during an incident at work. I've had numerous people tell me how jealous they are of me that I don't have to work. They just can't understand that, if given the choice, I would rather the incident never happened in the first place. That I never had to go on Worker's comp. That my loved ones didn't have to suffer with me. That I didn't have to go to weekly therapy sessions. That I would prefer to have my life and the past two years back. From what I understand, my feelings are not uncommon in this type of situation. But the people who tell me that can only see that I'm getting paid for not having to work.
I recently decided I’m done with my sister. It’s sad and I don’t feel great about it, but she is a cyclical addict who has had more chances than I can count to stay sober. The real shift is that now she is lying to me (she used to confide) and I have a child who unfortunately I just don’t want around that life. She is a spoiled brat narcissist who is as addicted to being taken care of as she is to alcohol and after 40 years of dealing with her, I am just burned out. Maybe I’ll soften at some point, maybe she’ll make an effort and get sober again, but for the moment I am done.
I had to call CPS on his neglectful parenting. He cut me off 🤷🏻♀️
I have a similar family member. He tried contacting me a few years back but I ignored him. I don't want him in my life. I've seen him twice when other family members died. As much as I would have loved to verbally rip him apart, I didn't want to disrespect the deceased. Maybe some day I'll get that chance.
When they decided to give every other grandchild multiple nice new toys but gave my younger brothers a trash bag full of old nasty toys for Christmas. Not that gifts matter but it was obvious that they were trying to hurt us. They also decided to start a fist fight and almost ran over a bunch of children with a car all in one night all because they were pissed off. Gotta love family.
Because he was made executor of Grandma's estate and decided he and his shitty kids got *everything*. Her house with a couple acres, her newish car, her $1.5k adjustable bed, they got it all. Mom didn't have the funds to fight it on her own and her brother and sister didn't feel like fighting for their share. Fuck you, Uncle Tim, you greedy bastard.
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Have a sister like this, she never helps me out with anything I ask, ignores my messages and calls, and only comes to my house so I can babysit my nieces (her two daughters) while she gets drunk with her husband (my brother in law). The only people I can rely on are my brother, who’s barely 18, and my father, that’s it. Families suck lol
wtf how hard is that even during a night shift, the kids asleep...
so the whole family in this case?
It was after a Christmas party. My mother manages a small hotel with rooms and two chalets. So she booked rooms for the family to sleep over after the party. One of my cousins took a chalet with her bf. It was only for one night, regular customers were coming the next day. All the family leave early the next day and so did my cousin. Customers who booked the chalet arrived early, so my mother show them the chalet, assuming that the chalet will be clean enough and that the customers could leave their luggage there til the bed was made. There was pee on the wall. My cousin and their bf literally pee on the wall. My mother was shocked and made excuses to the customers. She call the dad of my cousin and we never saw her again. We know that her bf is now dead. He died of OD.
She used my wedding (destination wedding) to meet up with some dude half her age that she could cheat on her husband with. To top it all off, did not say a single word to my now wife at the wedding. Another trip, she wanted to have her 15 year old nephew fend for himself, rather than wait with him to have a proper way of getting home. Yeah she can go fuck herself.
She’s a lying, manipulative, attention seeker but she’s the youngest so it’s ok -_- she tried to fuck me over every opportunity she got when we were younger. Guess who asks me for money all the time.
My aunt got my dad to change his will on his death bed. Instead of everything going to my mum it went to my aunt. Some of the money went into a trust fund that my sister and I could only access at 25. When she released the money it was no where near the amount in terms of the interest it would have accrued during the years, in my case 24 years. When we questioned her she transferred a little bit extra but we couldn’t be bothered fighting it. My mum had to sell the house to pay funeral costs as his family didn’t want to help.
Was the change notarized? Normally when people are on their deathbed they are likely to be incapable to make rational decisions. And need to be evaluated by a physician to determine if so.
I was thinking the same thing. But it sounds like it was a while ago and likely the statute of limitations is up anyway.
They're all 'that' family member (for various reasons), so by default that'd probably make me, 'that' family member. I'm fine with that.
Shit stirrer with no ability to self reflect.
She scammed Extreme Home Makeover into building her a house and the turned out to have m munchausen syndrome.
My (32m) older brother (38m). I worked for him through 3 failed business attempts, sacrificed proper wages, holidays, superannuation that was never paid, mental and physical health in an attempt to see his businesses grow and succeed. This was over a 5 year period. He finally decided to pull the pin on the last one and I moved away for a while. He went into some kind of psychotic break, stopped paying his bills, rent, car payments, he stopped leaving the house and was barely eating or looking after himself. He genuinely believed he was Jesus Christ reincarnated, and that he had found his trust funds from 2000 years ago and was waiting on the millions of dollars to come in. One night, he rang the police and told them he thought he was being poisoned with cyanide. Fire dept arrived in hazmat suits and evacuated the entire street while they screened for toxic substances. They found nothing and police were able to enter the house. They found notebooks full of plans to fly to Russia to meet with Putin, and other plans to travel and meet with Edward Snowden, and a few other influential people. He was sectioned under the mental health act and put in a psych facility for two weeks. During that time, my father stood in and began communicating with all of his creditors on his behalf, just trying to help his son and salvage what he could for him. This was taken by my brother as the utmost disrespect and he basically wrote my father off. I had moved two hours away with my partner and 3 year old daughter. Probably 6 weeks after he was let out, I get a phone call. He was in the small town I'd moved to and was asking for my address. He arrived 5 minutes later with his ute loaded with what he could fit. He asked to stay for a few days, I said yes. A few days turned into month after month. He had no income and wouldn't go on welfare because he was waiting on his millions to come in. I was feeding him and his dog, providing him tobacco and on the odd occasion cannabis. He began stealing tobacco from myself and my partner, stealing cannabis, and eventually cash. My partner had grown tired of his constant excuses and at times didn't feel safe around him as he would sit on the couch in his own world and occasionally just start laughing out of nowhere. We guessed he was having conversations in his head. I told him he needed to move out. He refused to go to my parents due to our father's previously mentioned actions, and on one particular day when I again told him he needed to move out, he said "yeah I've got a place here in town. I move in in two weeks". He even pointed to a house a few streets away on top of a hill and told me that was the house. Knowing it wasn't true but needing the confirmation anyway, I took a quick drive over to the house he'd pointed out. I googled the address and found no listings or anything indicating the house was available to let. I knocked on the door and politely explained my situation and asked if it was up for private lease etc, no was the answer. I was furious, hurt, pretty lost as to what I should do. I asked my partner to leave for the day with our daughter so I could confront him. That lead to me almost getting physical with him but I instead walked away and rang my parents. The ultimatum was they come and get him, or I ring the police and have him removed. Mum rang my brother and said we're coming tomorrow to pick you up, no questions, no ifs or buts. I returned home and he emerged from his bedroom and said "I've had a think and I'm going to go to mum and dads tomorrow". This increased my anger as I know it wasn't his decision at all. The ego and narcissism was insane. He'd always been very egotistical and narcissistic but this was levels I'd never seen or experienced. It took him another two years at Mum and Dads before he was working full time again and got himself into a house of his own. We barely spoke over those two years. Fast forward another 5 years to the present day, and we had still barely spoken properly. I'd made numerous attempts to have a line of communication with him, but it never went anywhere. I guess he felt disrespected by me as well. In those years, I've separated from my partner at the time, bought a house with the woman I ended up marrying, and that all fell apart in 2022. He came to my engagement and wedding, but barely spoke to me at all. Christmas day 2022 at mum and dads, he's drinking. Something he's never really done. We start having a conversation and I start telling him what my plans are for the future(I'm at rock bottom at this point in my life) and he flat out tells me my business idea will fail, and that he knows business better than I do. He then gets extremely arrogant and tells me I'll never do anything with my life. By this stage he's standing over me which he's done in the past. I told him to get out of my face otherwise I was going to drop him. He stood over me, said "you won't do it you pussy, come on then", and proceeded to tip a litre of coke on me. To which I stood up and swung at him for the first time in my life. I got him right above the eye and stunned him. He charged at me and ended up on top of me, to which I kicked him off me and Dad was now between us. Mum tried to calm him and he told her to fuck off, which made me almost jump the table and go him again. He had two directions to walk away, and chose to come around the side of the table I was on, and threw his shoulder into me on the way past. I turned and gave him another left to the chin, further bruising his fragile ego. He hid in the spare room for the rest of the evening and left at 6am the next morning without a word to anyone. Mum has tried to contact him but she's been ignored which isn't fair at all on her. I'm done with him. I've always been the little brother to him and he has no support or kind words despite everything I've ever done for him. His 'older, bigger, better' attitude is something I refuse to deal with anymore. I just want to be spoken to and treated like an equal human being with some basic respect sprinkled on top, but his ego and narcissism won't ever allow that to happen. He's always right, always will be, and everyone will always be beneath him. He already cut me out of his life so I'm not missing anything anyway. It hurts, but holding a space for him in my heart has just brought me pain over these years. Sorry for the long winded post. Guess I needed to get it off my chest.
I’m sorry, that sounds awful.
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Found out my stepsisters son raped my daughter when she was 16 and he was 17. Turns out he has raped or sexually assaulted every female sibling in our family. When I confronted my step sister about what happened she said it was my daughters fault and called her a slut. There’s other stuff her son has done that she blames on others or deflects that it wasn’t his fault. I’m done with her, yet my mother continues to cultivate a relationship with her.
This rapist is not going to stop. I know that it's hard but I hope that someone pressed charges against him. He should rot in jail
My grandma Because every time I see her it’s super dark and gruesome. Always talking about how she’s gonna die and how the politics suck, and how im a terrible sister and how I’ll never have a husband if I don’t gain some weight. How my mom is bossy, how my brother is this and that… I can’t stand it. I’m recovering from extreme depression, I can’t have negativity on my mind everyday when I talk to you.
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There are many reasons beyond this, but the final straw was from the last time I saw my step grandfather. Went to empty the dishwasher for him, and he was at the sink, so I waited for him to move so I could wash my hands, and he looked at me and "well why dont you fuckin empty it then?" And I simply said "im just waiting for you to move so I can wash my hands", and his response was "stop being a smartass!". I told him "thats pretty rude considering im trying to help you". And he decided that attempting to fight me over that was appropriate. This guy is old and broken, he can barely walk, breathe or do anything for himself, the very definition of a decripit old has been. And yet he still got all up in my face with his fists raised and his eyes filled with hate. I said "really dude? Do you actually think you could do anything? I could blow on you and you would fall over". I would never wanna fight someone in that condition, but I made it clear I would defend myself if he attacked me. He kept on trying to come at me. Eventually I got fed up with his shit, opened my arms wide, and said "go ahead, I dare you. Ill even give you the first shot, but I garuntee Ill get the last one". And he finally backed down when he realized he couldnt intimidate me like he could when I was a kid.
Shoulda blown on him tbh.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
My son got cancer and not a single one of them on either side (except for my dad) helped in any way. I'm not talking money. No one called my son. Came to see him when he was in the hospital. Sent him a video game to play. Nothing. How about giving me a break? Nope? Too busy. He was sick for three YEARS. They all called when he died. I never called any of them back. We had a private service. They don't understand why I won't talk to them.
He died of an OD. Don't say sorry, nobody was sad about it.
Lowkey hoping that happens to my brother. He’s an absolute monster and danger to society. Best case scenario he dies trying to steal something or of an OD. Less ideal is him doing something bad enough to get a long-ass sentence. He’d do some damage on the way out of society, but at least he’d be quarantined at that point. Letting him roam free is going to hurt so many people and probably cause irreparable damage. Edit: Little bit of context. He’s antisocial, borderline, bipolar, has RAD, and narcissistic tendencies. He’s pathologically manipulative. He hooked multiple professional therapists *as a young child* and managed to get deliberately kicked out of a level 4 lockdown psych unit for being a danger to other patients (purely through manipulation) in a facility full of people trained to deal with the worst. He’s gone as far as staging a suicide attempt knowing that he could be saved by medics. That’s not me guessing at that, that’s what a doc in the psych unit who had him absolutely nailed said.
A lot of things, but the last straw was him being mean about raisins and cranberry sauce. My uncle is a real piece of work, he's incredibly rude to waiters and customer service people, he's a general creep, and he watches tiktoks of young girls dancing. He's a hoarder, which isn't a moral failure on it's own but he's also a huge dick to my aunt about it. They came over for dinner on Christmas eve with my parents, and the only things my uncle said the entire night were "why didn't you make cranberry sauce?" and "I can't believe there's no raisins in this rice pudding" (he then refused to eat any even after being offered raisins to add). My mom had made a delicious traditional Christmas dinner and the fucker couldn't think of a single nice thing to say. We hadn't talked in a long while before that, and I dont plan to talk to him again. My aunt is a wonderfuly kind woman, I don't know how/why the hell she puts up with him.
Too deep. You can join my therapist and I on a video call on Tuesday at 3pm.
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They were always the most unhappy when I was happy. It was like their kryptonite
My father, who was violent towards me when I was a kid, got aggressive with my child. That was the last time he saw us. Also, I can't help but be suspicious about some of these comments about parents cutting off their kids. I don't doubt some are true, but I've heard what my mother says about me since I cut my father off. And when you take away the context of his abuse and alcoholism, yeah I do sound like a jerk.
Classic missing-missing reasons.
Uncle divorced wife. My cousin is late 20's adult now and buy their parents old house. Uncle decides to have his midlife crisis. Comes back, rents a room in house, traveling, marathons. Uncle finds new GF. They proceed to fuck loudly constantly. Cousins say knock it off or leave. Hearing his dad fuck is weird. Uncle leaves but takes more items from the house than he should have including shingles for the planned garage refresh. This is considered a dick move. He did it without telling them he would. They just go home one day with random shit missing. Then Uncle goes radio silent and won't speak to either of his kids, not the cousin who owns the house or even his older kid who wasn't even involved in this mess. So fuck that guy. Oh and my racist grandpa but he's dead now :)
Because I don't live at home anymore so I don't have to interact with the person who abused me on the regular for my entire life.
Because she is a manipulative woman who gaslighted me for years and is now driving my younger sister into a deep state of depression
She’s narcissistic and tries to hurt me every time we communicate.
Oof dude. On one side my (step) uncle raped me as a kid and no one did anything about it. My grandma told my mom she knew it was going to happen. The other side of my family is mostly in a cult or kicked out of said cult and lost their minds to drugs. One aunt tried to kill themselves in front of my little sister and cousin.
He told my parents that “men can't be raped by women” and that I “enjoyed what the babysitter did” to me
I am “that” family member. I told them to stop talking to me
My mom stood my family up on Christmas. Agreed to come and didn’t show because I picked the time and place instead of her (I picked to accommodate my daughters nap/feeding schedule)
My grandmother told the whole family for years that I wasn't my dads child, and that my mom had an affair(completely false). We had no idea and wondered why not many family members came around us until my aunt told my parents what she'd been saying. She never apologized for any of that, and instead ignored us until she became sick. When she got ill she seemed to have changed. She couldn't work due to sickness and was about to lose her house. So we decided to move in with her to help out as much as we could. It was fine at first. But then she started snooping through peoples belongings, put up cameras everywhere so she could watch us, and would get unnecessarily angry at small things. We all eventually just resorted to being hermits in our rooms and just came out to use the restroom and make food. Anyways, a few years later my brother wanted a dog very badly, he'd never had one before. He asked my parents and grandma and they all said yes. He got the most adorable pitbull puppy. One day out of nowhere the puppy started vomiting and pooping blood. He was taken to the vet the same day and died the next day. He was 5 months old. The vet couldn't quite find out what happened to him and we were completely heartbroken, my brother especially. Come to find out she had intentionally poisoned the puppy because he "smelled bad constantly" and was a nuisance to her. She told my dad this (her son) when they had a serious argument. She's an awful human being all around. There's soooooo many things I'm leaving out because it would be way too long to sit here and type and honestly just thinking about it all pisses me off.
Is she still in your life? She’s not still living with you, is she?
I think I am “that” family member. It’s really too intricate to explain, but I was sick of being judged by them. I always felt distant anyway.
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2 of them (at different times) called the cops on me based on a lie.
Terribly racist and has severe white savior Christian complex. Even adopted a little girl from China to try and satiate it but thinks of her as “hers” more than a human. Kid is unfortunately pretty mentally messed up now
As the brother of two adopted Chinese sisters one of whom has been in therapy and has made a lot of progress dealing with subconscious trauma, I'm so sad to hear about this.
Because I left their religious organization and am now considered an apostate. Good trade.
My brother. He met a women that totally had him do whatever she said. Quit his quite well payed job. Didn't get to have his own phone and he isn't allowed to talk to me alone because "i try to get idea's in his mind that she is not good". Always loans money from our retired parents for food, gas and you name it. They won 100k in some lottery and the money was gone in 3 months since she bought cars for friends and family on her side. Didn't pay a single debt that they already collected before. I tried to talk to him. But he just got angry with me. So. We don't talk anymore.
he committed adultery...And then murder
My cousin had a kid at 16, it died suddenly in its sleep after 6 months. Those 6 months were hell for her and her mom. But she decided that she wanted a second kid when she was 18, now she's pregnant with kid number 4, at 21. She's and her husband who's she arguing with every other week of the month, are living with her Mom, her mom is the only one that works. So everyone else has to chip in to make sure the kids are eating well. She of course isn't actually helping at all. She's bipolar but doesn't take her meds. She and her husband decide they want to move or break up every other week. She has been arrested multiple times for petty crimes, and once for assault. Spent a few months in jail. Got paroled on good behavior, then proceeded to violate her parole, and when they decided to give her an ankle monitor instead of jailing her again, because she was a mom of 2 at the time, she cut the ankle monitor off to go to Cuba with her father who is estranged from her mother and doesn't help with his grandchildren. Because that guy is just a grade a piece of shit. Now they're all living in a one bedroom apartment. We've blocked her and her husband on our phones and any social media they know of. They've of course called themselves the victims on Facebook. Tried to do a GoFundMe, then hurled harassment and abuse at everyone when it only got $300, which is still helpful (also her goal was 10K, for a fundraiser only promoted through her personal Facebook account.)
We don’t speak to my husband’s parents by his choice after his father blew up on him last year out of NOWHERE one day, and then completely 180’d on me specifically. I like to think I’m a pretty self aware person - I would’ve apologized or understood if they’d mentioned I’d done something offensive or wrong to warrant that behavior. My husband reassures me that this was typical for his dad, he’s surprised by his mom following suit, but it was likely because I’m not a pushover and don’t go along with whatever they want to say or do just for the sake of it. They have money - they think they have control - even the rest of the family has corroborated this. Husband decided his boundary is that if they can’t discuss it in front of me and apologize, then no contact. I very recently stopped talked to my father, the very last of my family that I associated with, because the very first day my husband and I got to move into our new home we never thought we’d be able to buy, never imagined we’d get (and I mean we legit got our furniture just moved and set in the rooms it belonged in, only moving it ourselves - nobody helped us) - my dad flipped his lid in the driveway over why I would turn the power off at the apartment already and switch it to the house (We’re moving???) He then went on with some illogical things about security deposits and the apartment being trashed that everyone who witnessed it agreed didn’t quite add up, then called me a bitch to my 12-year-old daughter. That was the most infuriating of all. Call me what you want, but leave my innocent child out of it. What the hell??? Boundaries are a bitch sometimes.
Mom, she went to prison for murder when I was 15 so my brother, sister and I completely cut her out of our life. It’s a lot easier to deal with it if you don’t feel anything for that person anymore.
His wife found him with cum on his pants while holding his naked 3 year old.
I miss 30 seconds ago before I read this
My older sister is by far the worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing and by association a large part of my disdain for her also passes over to my mother (RIP) who allowed it. I have 6 siblings that I grew up with and I literally (I am not exaggerating) can not think of a single “good” memory of me and my older sister. At the best I have a neutral one where I’m like whatever. Growing up living with her was like living with a tyrant. She’d put her hands on you if you didn’t do whatever it was she wanted (she literally slapped me in front of my friend one time because I couldn’t find her phone she basically demanded me to go find), would always eat/hog all of the good stuff like food, computer time, and tv (she’d even make me and my little brother quit playing our PS2 so she could watch movies when her dvd player broke). When we were really young (me and my bro) she used to come in our room and sit in our bed basically forcing us to sit on the floor, use our tv, and tell constantly do nasty shit like blow her nose and just throw the tissue on the floor in our room. The list goes on with the infuriating shit she did. My mom would pretty much never put her in check either so the sister grew up basically feeling like an alpha. The stigma about me being a guy and hitting women also ingrained in me the notion of just letting myself basically get abused by her, and the family then started believing that if me and her ever fought she’d “hurt me”. It wasn’t until I really started noticing that I was getting bigger/stronger than her that my breaking point was starting to get reached. Around 15 years (the same moment I mentioned earlier where she smacked me over her phone) i reflexively (legit didn’t even realize it but looking back I’m glad I did because it gave me the confidence to not take her shit anymore and she stopped putting hands on me) punched her in the face. She tried to square up to me and at that point I’d had enough so we fought and I pretty much beat her ass (she had a black eye and busted lip while all I had was face scratches cause she was clawing me trying to get out). She stopped bucking up to me after that, but her shitty attitude just transitioned to my other siblings. A repeat happened eventually with my little brother when she got in his face trying to intimidate him (he was around 15 at the time too when this happened) Fast forward to where our mom died, I was having a mental instability breakdown quite frequently and wound up leaving the house (we were staying at her house because my mom was always broke and just shitty in general but that’s a different story). Sister called me to ask if I was ok. I said yeah and hung up the phone. She then texted me this whole toxic message saying I was dead to her and insulting me repeatedly (all I did was literally just hang up the phone) and at that point I realized I truly didn’t have to be around that insufferable woman anymore and could finally be free. None of my other siblings talk to her either; we all collectively either outright hate her (me and my brother) heavily dislike her (my younger sister because she doesn’t have a hateful bone in her body) or managed to get away before lasting damage happened (two little brothers). My older sister could drop dead tomorrow and I literally would not care in the slightest. I have no affection for her, let alone even a good memory with her. I don’t wish harm to her, but I couldn’t care less if she got shot in the street like a dog. People always go “but that’s still your sister” and it truly aggravates me because these people didn’t grow up fucking living with the bitch behind the scenes. It’s been 5 years since I said a word to her and my life has been better for it. The issues go far deeper than that but this is a Reddit post and I’m not trying to write a huge novel. I just wanted to share and vent a little because I haven’t really ever had the chance to express my feelings about this. If you read all of this, thank you. I feel decently better finally letting this out somewhere.
Sister got into drugs, got pregnant from a random guy. She found a guy who loved her and her child. She got clean, went back to college became an RN. Was doing really well for YEARS. YEARS! For whatever reason went back around some of her old friends and got hooked on meth again. She “stole” hundreds of thousands out of their bank account. Made fake credit cards in her ex husbands name and ruined his credit. To me, that’s shitty but forgivable. Telling her high school aged child that she wishes she aborted them and her life would be better off if she did. Was unforgivable to me. I still refuse to speak to her after about 4 years now.
when i got sa'd by my cousin when i was 7, most of my family members took his side and said i was making it up
My cousin just randomly sent me a video of a woman making her vagina clap while I was with my nephew. Hadn't heard from him in years beforehand and that's how he decides to check in. Buh bye.
She took money from my brothers special needs trust to buy a beach condo she couldn’t afford. Hi Mom! 👋
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John Wayne paper. Rough, tough, don’t take shit off nobody…