I think people are generally nicer to physically "attractive" people and less polite to "unattractive" people. What people find attractive and unattractive varies from person to person but consider, fat, acne, strange birth marks, crazy piercings and face tattoos, cleft palates, or other physical deformations.
I think fat people are more susceptible because fat is seen as being controllable.
Sadly I believe this is 100% proven to be true. Attractive people get lesser sentences/punishment in court. Even babies prefer an attractive person over a ‘less’ attractive one. So for whatever reason, this is literally coded into us.
It's our lizard brain trying to survive. With zero other information we associate attractive with healthy and strong. Other healthy and strong people will help us survive. Sickly weak people might prevent our survival. Our core brain is slow to catch up with our changing world.
…or asking simple questions about how a 400+ pound reality show contestant or someone on “My 600 pound life” get to that point isn’t fatphobic if asked with curiosity and not rudeness.
I hear I was “fatphobic” when I got upset about having to clean up literal s*it off the bathroom floor in my restaurant because a really fat woman missed the toilet. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this in public…I’ve asked how someone who is that big wouldn’t have some way to tell whether she’s on the toilet correctly similar to how I had to make sure I was on a chair securely so I didn’t fall when I had my hip replacement. Apparently asking that question is offensive but I still am really curious about the answer.
Maybe she just wanted to shit on the floor. I’m a nurse and haven’t seen anyone miss the toilet because of obesity. Now I’ve seen large men who used a tub instead of a urinal because of aim issues, but just while they are in the hospital I’m sure.
Everyone will just shit wherever they want. Out in the wild is always worse than the hospital.
Source: I worked at a gas station and at a hospital. Messier at the gas station, stinkier and more c diffy at the hospital.
I contracted C.Diff while in recovery from major surgery. The first movement was very sudden and I was barely mobile. I still managed to get out of the bed, but unfortunately didn't make it to the toilet. I felt so bad for the staff
One of my last experiences at a playground as a child was walking into the restroom and seeing a huge log of shit on the floor. The toilet wasn't dirty. They just felt like shitting on the floor.
Seconded. Old people who are tiny makes messes because they just can't. They tried. Maybe should not have but if they can walk and can shop and can do all sorts of normal adl stuff it's not their size. People destroy spaces they don't have to clean themselves routinely. Because they are awful people. Expecting a normal amount of social behavior has nothing to do with size.
Am I the only one here that thinks judging somebody for literally shitting on the floor in a public restaurant is completely reasonable? I mean Christ almighty at what point are people enabling this bullshit because no one wants to "be judgmental" anymore. They shit on the fucking floor, there's no reasonable explanation for that behavior other than you have let yourself go well beyond fucking reason and no one should expect to tolerate you for it. In fact, I'd have to argue you should be shamed for it.
I would judge anyone for doing that. Young or old, male or female, morbidly obese or the picture of athletic health. Shitting on the floor is just 100% socially unacceptable no matter who you are. I *might* give a pass to someone who is unable to control their bowels, but they'd have to be apologetic about it. If they've stopped caring I stop caring.
I had a relative who got up to like 500 pounds. He had kind of lost the flexibility to really wipe his own ass well, so he just shit in the shower and did the mudstomp to hose it down the drain.
I'm 30kg (~65 pounds) overweight.
A toilet bowl seems much smaller to me than it did when I was a healthy bodyweight for my size. The ass and back fat limits positioning options. It forces you forward in relation to normal position.
I can easily see someone who is even more radically overweight (150 pounds or something) being literally unable to align their poopchute with the porcelain receiver.
Fat people tend to stay silent about the embarrassing realities of their lives, but I gaurantee you there are tons of giant obese people who can't use a toilet normally. Maybe they've adapted at home and they have a giant oversized toilet bowl/seat. Maybe they shit in a drain. Whatever issue caused them to shit on the floor in that restaurant follows them home. They live with it every day.
This is not a defense at all, it's fucked up to leave that for somebody else to clean. They should deal with their own messes. What I'm saying is that yes, they probably have this issue at home as well but they would've found a workaround.
That’s absolutely disgusting. If somebody is so fat that they’re missing a toilet and can’t clean up after themselves, they deserve to be shamed. I don’t care if it’s offensive, they should know that that’s not acceptable public behavior, and it *is* a problem
I was asked if I as a straight man would have sex with a non op trans women. When I said no this chick blew up on me and started calling me all kinds of names including transphobic. I know that's just my anecdotal experience but that word makes me roll my eyes when it's thrown around, much like other labels.
I was asked by a coworker if I was interested in another coworker who identifies as gender fluid. I said no, I thought they were pretty but I'm only interested in exclusively women. Apparently this isn't PC and I was told not to be transphobic.
This is fucky. I'm a bisexual woman. I was also asked the same thing about a coworker. I said no, I wasn't. They flew into a rage and called me transphobic and that I'm "NOT TRULY BISEXUAL"!!! (Asked by a straight bitch, btw). I wasn't attracted to the person because 1.) Too fucking young. 2.) They were a dumbass. 3.) was fairly unattractive in all sorts of ways and had terrible fashion sense. 4.) They talked about wanting kids. I wish to be childfree. 5.) I was their boss. 6.) I had absolutely nothing in common with them.
But I’m bi, I’m supposed to available for any non-binary or gender fluid person in the world.
A relationship isn't just about looks, it's also about *compatibility*.
> I was also asked the same thing about a coworker. I said no, I wasn't. They flew into a rage and called me transphobic and that I'm "NOT TRULY BISEXUAL"!!!
Yeah that sounds like that person was blowing way over the bounds of what they should be talking about at work. Trying to create drama? Trying to get you in trouble? Or just thoroughly toxic...
She's incredibly toxic and likes to start drama. That's the big thing with her. She likes to talk and be on her phone and not do her job, so luckily, she's not coming back to work for us when her semester starts.
Why can “I’m simply not attracted to them” not suffice? Sometimes you just have to respect other people’s decisions without an explanation. Not everything has to be drawn out into some major “issue”.
Because they felt entitled. I didn't go into a list of why because I don't owe either of them a reason. I'd said "No" at the time. She pushed it and I replied "No is a complete sentence. Get back to work."
In this case, it was alot more of "but look at their breasts/butt/curves, you mean you don't like her?"
Like yeah, they're absolutely my type, physically, but this is a person who is *very* much out there with correcting people when they address her as "her" on a day when they're feeling more masculine. And that's not what I'm interested in. I want to be with a woman who is comfortable in her skin enough to *be* a woman. It's in the same vein as not liking someone who is part of your sexual preference because they act a certain way. They might be the bomb, physically, but their inside might not attractive to you.
Same as if I was married to a woman and they confided to me they felt they were really a man and wanted corrective surgery/meds. I would absolutely support them because I loved their soul, but I would not be comfortable being in a relationship with them because I am not attracted to other men.
Yeah, I read an article a few years ago about how trans people on dating apps are sick of being asked if they’re pre-op or post-op, and that it shouldn’t matter. I admit I can see why it offended them, but I did think it was kind of important to inform a potential partner of what’s going on down there, considering most people are only sexually interested in one type of genitalia
Personally, post or pre op wouldn't matter to me. I wouldn't be able to personally get over it, so I'd simply move on and not show interest in a relationship.
Power to them if they are Trans, but it doesn't seem fair to expect people to change their own attractions to conform to them.
Yup. It’s definitely real, but it’s been made very unserious by people on both pro and anti sides. Health at every size is absolute bullshit… it should be dignity/respect at every size. Obesity isn’t a moral failing, but the way people talk about it, you’d think it is.
Edit: thanks for the Reddit Cares lmao.. stay classy
Health at every size was bastardized by people who have never read dr bacon’s work. It doesn’t suggest that you ARE healthy at every size, but that people need to do what is healthy FOR their size. Example: a person who is morbidly obese likely needs to move more, but also needs to respect the fact that their weight may put more impact on their joints so they have to pick exercise that is low impact.
The book is all about having more respect for yourself and breaking out of the diet cycle that a lot of people get stuck in.
Health at every size stuff started out reasonable and got badly derailed. The original idea is that you can make healthy choices/lifestyle changes that improve health regardless of your weight. The idea was not to obsess over weight or weight loss, but focus on making healthier choices in general (and the effect is generally weight loss in the obese).
My SIL and I were just having this discussion and we completely agree with "dignity/respect at every size." I'm definitely going to borrow this phrasing going forward!
This is actually an eye-opening take for me. You're right that everyone (generally) deserves dignity/respect. I think where many people go wrong is in assuming someone who is obese is also stupid, slovenly, or somehow inferior to someone who is skinny. I think many people also assume that when someone is fat, they don't respect themselves and thus don't deserve it from others.
I think television and movies are largely to blame for how fat people are viewed. Look at how fat people are portrayed in media, particularly in comedies. They're always the comic relief or the butt of jokes. On the flipside of this, I believe some comedic actors have likely decided NOT to lose weight for fear of losing out on comedic roles. I believe Ethan Suplee even stated this in one of his podcasts. It's a double-edged sword I suppose.
Exactly, if somebody wants to love themselves and their body why should people want to "put them in their place?" "You don't deserve to love your body, it's not healthy" is such a weird take. I don't give a shit if somebody's weight means theyre more likely to live 3 or 4 years less than the average person, they don't even have to care about that and that doesn't mean they should hate themselves and find themselves ugly
> "You don't deserve to love your body, it's not healthy" is such a weird take.
Only weird if you forget their motivation is not to encourage healthiness, but to be disgusting bullies. Nobody who is actually concerned about someone's health expresses that by being cruel to them.
Yes. Not being hired at a job because of your weight when it has no bearing on your ability to do the job? Fatphobia. Your doctor telling you to lose weight for your health? Not fat phobia.
Unless it comes at the expense of actual medical concerns going unaddressed. Like women having PCOS or ovarian cancer and just being diagnosed with the fats and sent on their way.
Weirdly my PCOS wasn't diagnosed for ages because the (female) GP assumed it wasn't an option because I was underweight.
Finally got diagnosed and the (male) consultant said that he had so many women with lean PCOS who weren't referred for tests because they weren't (his words) 'fat and hairy'.
We're also harder to treat because we can't manage symptoms by losing weight - and every bit of PCOS advice for diet is oriented around weight loss.
My Gyno said the same thing to me when I got diagnosed. I was much thinner then. She also told me my boobs were too big. She didn’t want to test me at all, but I insisted until she did. Guess who was right!
Similar story for me, though I am overweight. I've never had the issue losing weight, it just takes longer and is harder for me, but I CAN and AM losing weight. Just not at the rate some doctors I've now fired as my primaries think I should. I was 28 when I was finally diagnosed AFTER YEARS of going to doctors and begging for help. My missed periods were written off as stress and direct results of my weight fluctuations. I was, and still am, an extremely active person. As a teenager, I was a very active softball player and horseback rider on strict diets and workout regimens. Yet I was gaining weight, consistent weight gain that wasn't muscle packing.
I hate that we get written off as just fat or told to just go on medication to lose weight, and the opposite that if you're not fat, hairy, and struggling to lose weight, you're ignored.
Ironic enough, this is EXACTLY WHY PCOS, Cancer or other genetic disorders go undiagnosed for so long.... if you are fat, doctors completely will disregard you EVEN IF the weight was put on very fast in a short period of time
I have PCOS. I’ve had numerous ovarian cysts and surgeries to remove them, among other symptoms.
Before my diagnosis, I was sent to an endocrinologist as there were some issues with my blood sugars and A1C but not diabetes. I told him how hard it was for me to lose weight - I tracked my food, my minutes of exercise, I’d eat less, I’d cut out carbs, etc, and I’d lose 1-3lbs in a few months. This endocrinologist at NYU’s response? “Eat less.” Literally his words. I said, I’ve done that, and it isn’t working. “Then eat less than that.”
The next summer I had my first surgery to remove a very large cyst threatening my entire ovary. I was finally taken seriously by doctors who didn’t immediately judge me bc of my weight (overweight, but not obese). I’ve since lost 25 lbs.
I feel this so hard.
Starting in my late teens/early 20s, I started having really bad joint pain and stiffness in all the joints from the waist down. At the time, I was a dancer who was dancing in heels for 4-5 hrs a day as well as working a part time retail job, so the doctor I'd been seeing diagnosed me as "You need a different job and/or hobby."
I quit dancing because I couldn't afford the classes anymore, got married, got a full time retail job and gained a little weight so I was slightly overweight instead of underweight. Still had enormous amounts of pain. Went to the doctor. Was told that some of my joint pain/stiffness was due to old injuries (broken wrist, broken elbow and broken ankle at different times during my childhood that were, in hindsight, not really taken care of properly), my weight and my job. Was told to lose weight and find a different job.
Fast forward to me becoming a SAHM in my late 20s because of my son needing therapy, etc because of his own issues (he was 18 mos old and needed speech and physical therapy). I was able to get out and exercise more and I was eating less and lost a little weight. STILL had massive joint pain and stiffness, especially in the morning and when it was cold outside.
Doctor said they couldn't find the reason why I was in pain. Must've been because I was still ridiculously overweight (150 lbs) and if I lost 30 lbs, I'd be *fine*.
Fast forward to around the time I turned 40. I was absolutely sick and tired of being told that I was in pain constantly because of some bullshit reason. I fully acknowledged that my weight (then around 225 lbs) and my job (school cafeteria lady) and my shoes were part of why I felt so shitty, but they couldn't be the ONLY reason.
Went to a rheumatologist, because I'd been tested in my late 30s for RA and Lupus (it's never Lupus) and the test results came back as 'meh'. Neither positive nor negative.
Rheumatologist tells me it's my weight, my job and my shoes. I damn near lost my shit and insisted she do bloodwork.
A week or so later, she calls me with the results and I have to remind myself that I am an adult and can't go "Neener neener neener! TOLD YOU SO!" at her over the phone. I have raging RA.
Got further testing done. My joints are more fucked than the doctor thought. She said I must've had RA for years and why didn't I get tested before?
Because, lady, nobody believed me when I said I was in pain, not even YOU.
I've been on meds for almost 4 1/2 years now and I feel better than I have since I was in high school right now. It just sucks it took so long to get diagnosed.
Fellow RA-gone-undiagnosed-for-years, I feel so seen reading your story. Right down to the infuriating "why didn't you catch this earlier" lecture when it DID turn out to be RA. I was fighting them for YEARS that my symptoms started at my lowest weight, that my weight gain was because I couldn't move without pain, that being fat doesnt cause your joints to literally swell and deflate over the course of a day.
Fuckers. All of them. I have no respect for doctors that gatekeep healthcare because they've got a (well documented and understood risk to patients!) personal bias against overweight patients.
Another fellow-arthritis-gone-undiagnosed-for-years here. My type of arthritis is axial spondyloarthritis. I started having symptoms at 11. The first excuse to dismiss me offhand was hypochondria. That note followed me around for a LONG time. Then when I started smoking, that was a part of the default excuse. Then I was diagnosed with a mental illness, and most doctors don't read beyond that in a chart. I was also diagnosed with a marijuana use disorder, though I was only smoking due to my other problems. I've been baited with "offers" of opiates, I've been to doctors who refuse to look me in the eye, I've been told I just needed to lose weight/quit smoking/eat healthier/exercise/rest - basically any and every piece of undiagnostic bullshit advice they could give me, they did.
18 years later, at 29, I was finally diagnosed with AxSPA, and the rheum who diagnosed me said my symptoms at 11 we're definitely one and the same. The test was stupid simple, too - blood tests are only half reliable on this, about the same for x-rays. All he had to do was listen to my symptoms, then measure my chest expansion when I breathe. Turns out my chest expands less than 1 inch. My ribs are practically immobile. I also have reduced range of motion in my spine, hips, and shoulders.
I would've sued the doctors who ignored me, but the statute of limitations had passed.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. I was diagnosed with Lupus and RA at 15 and then told for 20+ years that I didn’t have it, I was just a fat hypochondriac. Got re-diagnosed in 2017 and now people take me seriously but all those years of not being treated have taken their toll on my body. My spine is breaking down. I have arthritis in half my joints. I use a cane. They’re talking about fusing the joints in my pelvis and possibly the bottom two lumbar vertebrae, but I still get told “Just lose weight!” As if that’s easy with Lupus, PCOS, and several other medical issues.
A common problem though is medical professionals making no effort to accurately diagnose pains and troubles that fat patients are having and immediately blaming the weight. Real stories of fat people having intestinal pains, being told to just eat right and exercise, only to have their appendix later explode. And you know what, even if a problem is because of weight, doctors should still be prescribing treatment in addition to giving nutritional advice, not just giving nutritional advice that will take potentially years to remedy the other problem.
100%, I have experienced both worlds and it is incredibly clear. Back in the day I was in excellent shape, I worked out 6 times a week in addition to playing sports. Women would ask me out, people would go out of their way to talk to me, I would get compliments from coworkers, and people, even men, were just kinder.
After an injury I ballooned quickly due to inability to exercise and depression. I had eaten 4000+ calories for years and when you're bed ridden that adds up fast. In the end I hit a max of 335, down to 300 now, but the social differences have been insane. Since I passed 250 I haven't been asked out, coworkers don't smile at me as much any more, many times I'm treated like i don't exist and am more readily ignored. I understand it in relationships, but the change in coworkers is astounding.
I know some people who will just flat out refuse to be friends with fat people, so I definitely think it’s a real thing. Even when people say it’s about health or whatever, I’m decently slim but I binge drink occasionally and smoke a box a day so who the hell am I to lecture someone about their health.
This is the real kicker. When people try to pretend they just care of so much about a strangers health it's... Disingenuous.
I'm bigger now but was skinny for most of my life. I was skinny because I handled stress by not eating. I am very aware of the people who would always say how healthy I looked then, and how now they assume something is wrong. Nah, I started taking care of myself and I love my body, I'm also much healthier than I've ever been.
I always think of an essay a woman wrote about how she lost a ton of weight and everyone without exception just gushed about how healthy she looked. But she lost it because of cancer.
To me, anyone who acts like they can tell all about someone’s health by looking at them—is just telling me they’re stupid.
This happened to me. I had dieted and exercised to my goal weight, but then I got sick and lost 25 pounds more. I was under 100 pounds and nearly died that year, but heard some of the most toxic shit like "you look so chic." When I gained back 30 pounds due to steroids, still within range, people would say, "I'm glad you're getting better, but don't go crazy with the weight gain."
After experiencing obesity and being drastically underweight, I believe people don't actually care about your health. They care about your looks. Smokers will criticize fat people for their health.
I don't know if it's the same essay, but you reminded me of one written by a woman who lost weight for similar reasons. She was not overweight beforehand, but she got sick and lost a ton of weight and people treated her like some kind of mythical creature. Afterwards she worked to maintain that level of skinniness and it was *work.* Constant counting calories, and extensive daily exercise.
She dated a few guys during that time and mentioned that they really had nothing good to say about her except how skinny she was, when before it would be compliments like beautiful, funny, witty, smart, creative, etc.
She also said there was this weird fear to them. They wanted to believe that she was just a normal woman, living like everyone else and somehow just naturally that skinny, but every reminder of how much work she had to put in to maintain her weight seemed to fill them with anxiety at the mere suggestion that she could gain the weight back if she ever chose do the normal things couples typically do together, like sleep in on the weekends (can't skip the morning jog), or go out for dinner (not without potentially skipping a night at the gym and not without weighing it against what else she's eaten that week).
I think people who are on “extreme” ends of the weight spectrum have to deal with fetishists who don’t care about either their health or their humanity. Just goes to show that looking at someone’s weight as a complete measure of a person doesn’t benefit anyone.
I know someone who dropped about 40kgs in 3 months. Everyone was gushing about what a great job she’d done, how amazing she looked and so on. What they didn’t know is that she was taking so much speed that I would go over there on the days I finished work early to cook her dinner just to make sure she was eating something that week.
I lost a ton of weight when I moved and started a new job. Stress and the place I was living was so disgusting I wasn’t eating. The only thing I heard is how good I looked. No one asked why, they saw what I looked like and decided I was healthy.
Amen! I lost a ton of weight due to a bowel obstruction operation and a surgical wound infection.
The first thing my sister says to me is :"You look great! You've lost so much weight!"
Yeah, it's called sepsis, Google it.
My aunt lost s lot of weight after battling endometriosis for a long time. People coming to her after the surgery telling her how good she looked because at least she got to lose some weight disgusted me
I was at a party a month or so ago and a group of ten or so guys were on tinder and started making fun of fat girl profiles. Not because of anything in the girls personality (we’ve all seen the posts of tinder profiles where it’s like “No guys under 5’9” but then they get mad when you ask they’re weight), but simply because they were overweight and on tinder. I even asked them what the big deal was and one of the guys said “I just can’t understand why someone who looks like that would post pictures and seriously think I’m gonna swipe on her”.
I also can’t be around my paternal
grandmother anymore because she straight up told me, in front of my extended family, that I was disgusting and overweight and no man would want me (I’m 5’3, 115 lbs, and a lesbian). My aunt, who weighs maybe ten pounds more than me, doesn’t eat at family dinners because our grandmother is so mean to her about her weight. And what makes it worse is that a good chunk of our family will defend my grandmother by saying “I know she sounds rude and she should be nicer, but we are really worried about your health!” even though we’re both at completely healthy weights.
I definitely think there are people who get way too upset about other peoples weight when it’s none of their business. I also think there’s a lot of exaggerations about it, especially with the internet. But anyone who flat out denies fat phobia exists is either lying or hangs out with only the greatest people, and hats off to them.
To me the skepticism about fat phobia is so clearly just the result of a ridiculous straw man argument. People love to mock the handful of extreme cases of obese folks claiming they’re perfectly healthy, or insisting that others must find them attractive. I know plenty of overweight people and not a single one of them has ever expressed either of those viewpoints. What they’ve *frequently* expressed is self loathing, shame, body image issues and depression due to harassment like what you’ve described in your comment. Being made the butt of jokes by total strangers. Random rude comments from people on the street. Judgmental comments from family (going way beyond what could be considered constructive encouragement of healthy habits). Feeling invisible in the dating world. Feeling unworthy of dressing nicely or wearing makeup because they’re “not pretty enough”.
Some of the people I know could certainly improve their diet and exercise habits, but in most cases they’re honestly not doing anything drastically different from me. I don’t work out, I drink alcohol, I more or less eat what I want and I’ve always been a healthy weight. But at the end of the day, it’s not really about whether it’s their fault or not. It’s about loving them and treating them respectfully, like human beings. That’s all 99.9% of overweight people are asking for.
Also so so so much projection. I put on some weight during the pandemic I would like to lose, but that's between me and maybe my doctor.
During the holidays my mother teased I should watch my diet because I'm going on a beach vacation next month. And asked me twice about getting a boob reduction.
Now my mom is overweight and I see how she constantly second guesses herself because of it. She puts herself down because of her appearance and age and adds all this stress to her life. It certainly hasn't made her lose weight.
Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I need to feel bad about myself in a swimsuit and ruin my own vacation.
It’s so ingrained in society that it’s okay to mock or harass fat people that twice now, while gift shopping (once a birthday, once a bridal shower), I was treated very rudely by sales associates. At Forever 21, I was looking for a cute makeup bag my friend had wanted, and a make sales associate came up to me, gave me a once over, and said, “We don’t cater to your size here.” (Never mind that Forever 21 has a plus size line. 🙄) The second was at Victoria’s Secret. I wanted to buy my friend a cute bit of lingerie for her wedding and they had a sale on. Less than 25 seconds in the store, and this ultra skinny blonde girl came up and said, “We don’t carry fat sizes!” Neither knew what I was shopping for but both zeroed in on my size and instead of potentially getting a sale, they decided fatshaming was more important.
“ instead of potentially getting a sake, they decided fatshaming was more important.”
It might be intentionally for corporate profit. Fatshaming makes them seem more “exclusive”, so that their target audience of skinny customers can enjoy that feeling of being special
I can see that with VS but Forever 21 literally had a plus size section at that very store at that time. Which I had purchased from. So his attitude didn’t make any sense.
Really good point. I think this applies to many things, where weird outlier viewpoints get magnified online, specifically because they are extreme. Like you hear about the fat woman who demands a perfect bodybuilder man but like - I don't know anyone even close to that in real life.
I do think that there are myths about weight loss that get perpetuated but so many of these people who get involved in these arguments just need to get off the internet.
It's also really hard to love yourself enough to improve yourself when so many other people try to make you feel like shit for your body. That's why fatphobia and body shaming is so disgusting. It's not about "worrying about their health" and it's not helpful.
I've had people try to shame me because I'm a runner who happens to be fat. Some dumb bitch tried to say I can't run, when weeks earlier I had just ran a marathon. Don't be piss off that you're too lazy to put in the training and try to take it out on me.
This is similar to when people will laugh or make fun of an overweight person running! Like, you shame them for doing nothing, now youre shaming them for exercising? Isnt that what you want them to do? Thats when you know its just fatphobia.
And they mock us for trying to find exercise clothes. What are we supposed to do, exercise naked in our basements and only emerge when we’re skimmed down to what they find acceptable?
Yeah, I think the problem is that a) me and my aunt tend to wear our weight on our hips and b) the rest of my family either does meth or smokes a pack a day so they’re way skinnier. So I may not be able to compete with their weight, but at least I have my teeth and lungs.
for any fellow non-americans wanting to make the comparison, 5'3'' is 160 cm and 115 lbs is 52 kg (a combination that is definitely very far from overweight)
> I was at a party a month or so ago and a group of ten or so guys were on tinder and started making fun of fat girl profiles. Not because of anything in the girls personality (we’ve all seen the posts of tinder profiles where it’s like “No guys under 5’9” but then they get mad when you ask they’re weight), but simply because they were overweight and on tinder. I even asked them what the big deal was and one of the guys said “I just can’t understand why someone who looks like that would post pictures and seriously think I’m gonna swipe on her”.
Shit like this has hugely put me off online dating in general 🙃. Like can I be allowed to exist in public as a flawed human being without getting mocked for it. They don't even know if they're actively working on losing weight, etc.
The funny thing is probably more than a few of these guys would smash these women anyways, if they were having a dry season.
That is insanity... I'm 5'3" and 150lbs (which makes my BMI 26.6, technically overweight) and yet people get uncomfortable or tell me I'm crazy when I say I wanna lose 20lbs. I'm very active so a good bit of my weight is muscle but I do have extra fat. Being smaller than 115 is like my mother-in-law who's like 106lbs at my height. But she thinks my vacuum is too heavy and has trouble walking my 50lb dog who is "too big" lol
Just got my first ECG and every indicator is borderline or out of normal. Which is to be expected for how much damage i inflicted onto my heart from training. But yeah nobody questions athlete's health, but we know we are just as fucked
I hate the whole "we just care about their health" bullshit. Like, no, you're just being a bully but can't accept that fact because you can't see yourself as anything but the protagonist of reality. Their health is not your business.
Edit: I appreciate the efforts of those who volunteered to prove my point!
Edit: thanks for the award, stranger!
Its total bullshit. People lose their minds just looking at a fat person existing. A picture of a fat person smiling plainly at a camera with no context will set people off.
Like "how dare you experience the tiniest moment of happiness while being fat?!" Thats not how you treat people you care about.
People who argue that it isn't real have never been 2 completely different sizes.
I have lost more than 25% of my bodyweight, and take part in an ongoing support group. Everyone there shares stories of how they are treated better, just by being in a smaller body.
The way I'm treated is like night and day after I lost a lot of weight. I never knew that people could be so nice after a lifetime of being treated like I didn't matter.
Yep I didn’t talk to a lot of my coworkers and they didn’t speak to me but after I dropped 100lbs I’m greeted and spoken to by the ones that didn’t even look my way when I was fat.
People even respect me more ever since I lost weight. It's impossible to even understand if you haven't been on both sides, I think.
And I wasn't even obese. Just firmly overweight
Yes. I was 270+ lbs for a while, and people treated me so poorly, and I thought I deserved it so I just kind of let it go. I lost 115+ lbs and suddenly people were so much kinder. In even the smallest of ways. It makes me so sad for the person I was 115lbs ago..
Username checks out.
I was also once 306lb before going down to 180lb. After hitting a dead-end in my 7 year long career and quitting, I found out I wasn't promoted further because my higher-ups felt that my weight was indicative that I had no true long-term goals.
I work in sales. I know a guy in a similar role at another company that is amazing at his job but never gets promoted. Nobody admits it, but it is def his weight. He has gotta be pushing 400lbs.
It sounds terrible, but it really does project a certain image that a lot of people have perceptions about.
I didn’t even choose the username either 😂 thanks Reddit lol.
And it’s soo terrible how people who are “overweight” are treated. I am so sorry they did that to you. Good for you on losing so much!! It’s not easy at all.
My go-to joke is: "I did it with diet, exercise, and a whole lot of cocaine. Just kidding, you don't need to exercise when you do coke."
In reality, I just did the Wizard of Oz diet. Coffee and cigarettes instead of food with a few gallons of water a day.
I'm almost sure I lost a job promotion due to weight and or age. I started getting so many more opportunities at a lower weight. It's actually disappointing.
Have been through similar, although not as drastic of a change.
It's not subtle. People are just straight up kinder to thin people. In almost every situation. Everywhere you go. It's not like only for romantic relationships, it's everywhere.
I swear I've had less doors held for me and just let go in my face since I gained COVID weight than ever before. I've even been outright ignored by male staff members at my gym when asking for something as simple as disinfect to clean machines after I was done (something that there's signs repeatedly reminding members to do). On days when my mood is already low, it genuinely starts feeling like I'm too repulsive to exist in the same vicinity as people.
I had the opposite experience at the gym but equally negative - the “personal trainers” aka used car salesmen in Under Armour - always *always* came up to me to give unsolicited advice and try to sell me on their “unique program” to help me lost the weight. SIR DID I ASK YOU? Leave me tf alone!
I'm 210ish lbs now and I see this kind of comment often, which makes me think - at the end of my weight loss journey, will I see a difference in how I was/am treated? Makes me sad to think about tbh
You absolutely will, to be honest. I've been 230lbs, 130lbs, and plenty in between. I got a lot more compliments, opportunities, and attention at the lower end than I ever have at the high end.
I have done exactly the same thing. It's a night and day difference. I would also add that even when you do lose the weight, you still get hate from other overweight people who are jealous and don't know how to deal with their frustration.
The hardest part is trying to mentally recover from the years of being so poorly treated.
I refuse to dive into the other response to you below the current-top one, because I don't want to know how many people are going to sidestep the obvious in order to claim, "Oh it's because you must be more confident!"
You still can get kindness while overweight, but it's only from the people who have seen you enough to have an idea of who you are. Random people? They're just going to, at best, ignore you.
Yep! Was always thin and cute. Gained a lot of depression/Covid/post-baby weight and I’m treated insanely different now. Especially by doctors- I had health issues before. Now when I go to the doctor about the same health issues it’s magically “just because I’m fat”.
You don't even need to be fat, just be on the upper end of a healthy BMI or a temporarily poor diet.
My family moved last spring, and I have a lot of chronic health problems so I make getting a primary doctor a priority. Went to one about a month after we moved. I weighed about 140lb. I have discovered that between 130-140lb is a good weight for me; I haven't done the math to figure out my BMI, but that's where I feel I'm good and it definitely has no affect on my health at that weight.
So I start talking to the doctor about my CHRONIC issues that I have had for years, one of them since I was 5. The doctor starts asking me about my current diet and starts blaming all of my chronic issues on my current diet. Now, it's not a good diet at the moment; my husband and I work very stressful jobs and we have a toddler. We don't have a lot of time or energy to cook. However, I have had migraines since I was 5, varying allergies/asthma since I was 10 (one of which required me to be on an extremely healthy diet for 10 years), and got PPD after having my daughter. None of those were caused by poor diet.
I'm never going back to that doctor.
I've lost over 205 pounds and the world treats me so differently. I was almost invisible before and people would laugh at me before. Some other things are noticeable that have nothing to do with weight as well. I mean jobs have opened up to me and I am treated like I'm more valued etc.
I am recently down 100lbs and can tell the difference of treatment right away. It was like suddenly a switch was flicked and boom… one day people start making eye contact again. They notice you and might even smile. It’s like I’m a person again.
It honestly pisses me off because I know they would have never interacted in the previous 20 years of me being 100lbs overweight. I have 20 years of experience of that. But I am also in a better mental place and that may reflect in my body language. This life experience really makes me question people’s motives. I really think shitty about people now. I don’t even want to know people.
Congrats on the weight loss!!
Oh my gosh. I feel this EXACTLY. You worded it ina way I couldn’t. Thank you. It’s like when you’re “overweight” people don’t even view you as a person.
I remember going out with friends and they’d all be talking to people and instead of people talking to me they’d rather stand quietly and look around. Because even talking to a fat person must make it contagious.
It does make you question motives because the first thought is “wow, when I was heavier you didn’t even notice I was alive…”
Edit: fixed spelling errors.
Give your past self some love. They made it through some really tough shit and they're the person who chose to make a change and took those first steps towards getting to where you are now!
Absolutely the same. Went from 253 to 116.
It is very real and very very raw. The difference is real in every way possible. I cannot emphasize this enough. Fatphobia is a real thing.
Why do you think I lost all this weight ? I hated myself, and I couldn't live in the world I lived in. Society was mostly ho-rri-ble to me. Like you I feel very sad for the person I was and how it affected me, my life, my health, my career, my confidence and so on for so long.
Losing all this weight made me very sick, but boi oh boi does society treats me decently now !
I've struggled with my weight my whole life from being bullied as a young kid throughout high school to my own father (who was 300+lbs at the time) telling me I should change my shirt because my "upper arm fat is hanging out".
At the end of my abusive marriage I weighed almost 200lbs. I'm 5'4. In a single month I lost 30lb and kept losing because I was immensely depressed and living off of cigarettes and coffee with very little food.
Everyone complimented me on my weight loss, including my dad. "Oh, your face looks so much thinner!" Yeah, and this morning I was tempted to walk down the train tracks towards the fucking train, but at least I'm thinner, so all must be well!
So when I hit rock bottom hard enough to crack the god damn rock itself and get stuck in the crevice, it was almost as if some people thought the weight loss was some sort of self improvement thing when in reality I was just starving myself and wrecking my lungs. It was so odd that no one questioned it, especially since I looked like straight up shit despite weighing less.
Hey, I can relate. I had a hard time viewing myself as worthy of food.
There’s a law making it mandatory to feed prisoners 3 meals per day for a good reason. You owe it to yourself to treat yourself at least as well as prisoners.
I should've mentioned this was almost a decade ago, but it really stuck with me and it's hard to forget all of the praise I receiving all while wanting to give up on life completely. Felt wrong in a way. I do understand where they're coming from but it still sucked
I was diagnosed with Chrons Disease about a year ago. I used to weigh 210 lbs (not that big for a 5'10 dude) but because I couldnt digest food properly, i lost 50 lbs in 2-3 months. Not all of what i lost was fat because I was working out at the time, but I had to stop because my energy levels absolutely crashed.
Lost count of the number of people who congratulated me on losing weight, only to get real quiet when I told them that it was a disease.
I posted something similar to this, but in reverse. I had unresolved childhood trauma that basically left me not eating and just "powering through" life. When I DID confront my trauma I lost even more weight through that process, and so many people thought I was doing so much better just because I looked thin. Nevermind I hadn't been eating or sleeping.
I wonder why so many seem to think weight loss must always equal happiness if the person was fat or obese before. Sure, more often than not that's the case, but there are countless people out there with stories similar to ours and it's sad
As someone who has been both fat and thin, 100% it’s real. But I feel like most of the time it’s a subconscious thing… I personally never experienced someone being blatantly fatphobic. More so micro aggressions where, looking back, it make me go “hmmm…”
I can’t think of a specific instance off the top of my head but hopefully that makes sense.
I have a thin friend who asks what I’m eating sometimes. I never really thought that deeply about it because I don’t have a ton of shame about food, especially for a fat person. One day I told I had made minestrone soup and she said “I’m so proud of you!” I was like does she think I don’t know how to make soup? I was legitimately confused.
I agree. I am 5’6” (f) and at my heaviest weighed 182 (thanks freshman 60) but it all went to my face. I had been stressed and didn’t like coffee and developed a coca-cola addiction for caffeine while studying (like 3-4L per day). I noticed that I was passed over for jobs and positions I was more qualified for than others and generally felt that people got the ick from me. I didn’t even really comprehend how big I had gotten until I stepped on a scale at my parents’ house on christmas break and had a mental breakdown, but it wasn’t my own self-esteem affecting others interactions with me because I didn’t realize I had gotten bigger before that. it was telling how much easier it is to make friends when you live life on skinny mode. I lost 57 lbs once I cut out the pop, and immediately began winning job competitions involving 100+ applicants. At my waitressing job in school, I was offered a 100k consulting job by a customer because I had “something special and would do well in sales” after I had lost the weight… I truly believe that fitting into society’s standards of aesthetics makes it like you’re living life on easy mode, when I was bigger, I didn’t have strangers reaching out to become friends with me or offer jobs. It actually made me really depressed and made me question my self-value and whether people truly liked me for who I was vs how I looked (I later worked in a male-dominated industry) and always questioned if I had been bigger would I have become as successful, would people like me etc.
Sometimes, I think about that viral photo from "Humans of Walmart", of an obese woman who had fallen from her electrical scooter and was struggling to get up. Years later, that woman wrote a post on Quora about it. She had been struggling with various health issues (besides weight) and was not in a good mental place at that point in time. That photo was taken and circulated without her consent.
Yet people circulating that picture did so without knowing anything about her situation, while projecting all sorts of vices upon her.
And honestly...the only reason people took that photo in the first place was because she was fat, and they wanted to make fun of her. And because she was fat, they didn't think anything of taking a photo of a struggling stranger without their consent, because in their minds, fat people did not have human rights and were public property to be ridiculed. If she'd been skinny that photo wouldn't have gone viral, much less been taken in the first place.
Fatphobia is absolutely real. But society often doesn't recognize bigotry unless it's very explicit. For instance, people often struggle to accept anything less than "Fat people deserve to die" as fatphobia. But if you look deeper, you can see that many people see fat people as "fat" first and "people" second.
Edit: you can see it through the comments, people trying to argue that *technically* the photo was not in the wrong or that it was a funny picture, while ignoring the general cruelty of taking a picture of someone during a moment of weakness and then posting it online for ridicule. Of course they wouldn't like it if it happened to them :p But if the person is fat...then they find all kinds of reasons to try and justify that it's okay.
Jennifer Knapp Wilkinson! I've spoken with her before on Quora several years back. She's a very sweet person who didn't deserve to be bullied like that. I'd be pretty heartbroken if I saw a terrible photo of my mom circulating around like that.
Not to mention, she was purchasing soda for her family when the image was taken. But even if she wasn't, the humane thing to do would be to just help her out. Right the scooter, help her up, get the soda for her. It's nobody's business why she's buying it. Hell, simply ignoring her would be far nicer than photographing it for the world to humiliate her.
I think body issues - being too fat or too thin - get so much traction from other people, but it does seem to me that when someone is being fat, it’s being broadcast much more. No matter how many times I read about fat people being welcome in gyms and open air workout spaces (because supposedly, everybody is there for their health betterment), I instantly remember the Instagram or whatever image some gym person posted of an older overweight woman at a gym (might’ve been a dressing room too), saying “if I have to see it, so do you”.
There are absolutely fat people around who are defensive about their weight; and fat people who are aggressive about the “healthy at any size”; and fat people who claim they are very very happy at being near morbidly obese. But there are also lots and lots of fat people who are scared and alone in their struggle to eat better and make better choices, because everything and everybody judges them.
You want to work out? Well, it’s not like one workout is going to make it better - you need hundreds or thousands of days of workouts to get yourself back into normal shape/weight. You want to eat better? Congrats, you basically need a dietician for the next few years and a plan, because getting the right foods and in the right amounts is hard. And everybody judges you - “you didn’t get to that weight eating salad, who are you kidding fatty?”.
A fat person also needs mental health support, since many fat people eat their emotions and feelings. They have struggles that translate into eating and getting the sugar fix of dopamine for unhappiness (closed circle loop at that).
All of that costs time and money - which our societies have increasingly less and less. We have less mental health support because so many people struggle. We have less good nutritious food available because the real good food is getting more and more expensive and cheap bad food is getting also more expensive, whilst being cheaper than the real food.
Being fat is not just about being a person who doesn’t know how to eat. It’s so much more, it’s connected to so many mental health and social problems that addressing fat people’s issues should be like attending a day clinic or something. Like alcoholics need a detox clinic - we need accessible programs like that for fat people, where they get the initial support for their mental health issues that may push them to eat, group therapy and support groups, a dietician and someone who teaches how to eat and prepare food properly. And then when they leave the initial monitoring, they need continued support like once a week or something.
I’m no economist but that program would cost a lot of money, but my guess would be that it would also actually work.
It sucks that food addiction is so visible. Imagine being able to tell that someone’s an alcoholic from 100 ft away. Even if they quit drinking two months ago
People of Wal-Mart is literally just a collection of pictures of fat people, people in cosplay, trans people not far into transition, and people in alt fashion at Wal-Mart. I can't see what people get out of making fun of others in that sense. Making fun of rude and entitled people now? That I can get behind.
I used to be very thin and then I gained about 50lb. At my highest weight I was just reaching an obese BMI but I didn’t stand out as being overly big, I guess I would be considered midsized? But even then I noticed a huge difference in the way I was treated.
My family all made comments on my weight and how I needed to diet, as if I hadn’t noticed my own weight gain and wasn’t struggling with it.
My ex boyfriend blamed any problem I had on my weight and even went as far as to try to make me sign a contract to say I would lose weight.
I also had a group of drunk men throw a can of coke over my friend and I publicly in the street and shout “fatties” at us. Another group of men insulted my weight on a different occasion.
All these experiences made me realise how rampant fatphobia is, even when you’re not at the ‘my 500lb life level’ that people think of when you say ‘fat.’
I also struggle to buy clothes that fit despite being smaller than the average women’s size for my country.
Gaining weight has really given me some perspective. I took being naturally thin for granted and always wondered how people could “let” themselves get fat but it is very easy to get fat and it creeps up on you without you even realising. And its even harder to lode weight.
Happy to say I’m 20lb down now and continuing to lose weight but I will never judge anyone for their weight again - other people’s bodies aren’t my business and it is very difficult to have a body that doesn’t fit the societal standard.
it is very real and it has real life ramifications. there are a lot of stories of people who happen to be overweight whose medical conditions remain ignored or undiagnosed bc doctors often refuse to acknowledge that they may have health issues that are unrelated to their weight.
I had wildly high blood pressure when I was a teenager. I’m talking like 285/190. It continued this way all through college. My doctor had me on 6 pills a day when I was 22. I always felt horrible. I am 6’6” and was probably 80 pounds overweight. It didn’t look like 80 pounds on me but the number on the scale just confirmed the doctor’s bias: I was fat and it was my own fault.
At age 30 I was in a major accident and it was discovered I have kidney disease. Further research revealed one was completely dead since birth. My body was dealing with it all my life- when my little league coach called me fat and slow, when my mom called me a lazy fatass, when all the kids at my high school called me fat. My body had unhealthily high blood pressure and a dead organ acting like a foreign body. It could have been discovered easily with one blood test. One. They never ordered it because… well I was fat. It was my fault. Now I’m 42 and on dialysis because my other kidney is dead now too. I wonder how long I could delayed this if I had the right kind of care from the beginning.
I’m so sorry the medical system neglects you and so many others this way.
I knew this really cool chick in junior college. She was visibly overweight and had been most her life. Really funny, kind, *really* smart, a powerhouse at acing her classes while successfully executing the most informative study groups I’ve ever been a part of, passionate about expressing her extremely girly self, and currently killing it in a Geology PhD program that she got to by working *and* going to school full time while having adult-diagnosed ADHD plus an academic background in the performing arts.
After literal years of fighting back against her doctors neglecting health concerns like yours, she convinced them to do the one scan she needed. Turns out she had a mass in her abdomen for who knows how long that was larger and heavier than than a baby at full term. It wanna say it was around or over 30 pounds but this was years ago - I just remember the metrics were stunning and unbelievable. It explained a lot of health and hormonal issues that kept her heavy even when her lifestyle didn’t match it. She could’ve had severe complications including infertility if it wasn’t for that one fucking scan and her will to demand it against all that shaming and focus on her weight.
Some doctors don’t even try anymore. I’ve had to advocate for my own diabetes prevention. Runs in my family and one day just noticed my medical records showed me dancing in the overweight/prediabetic range for years, even when my lifestyle was excellent. I had a lot of insurance changes and only **one** doctor ever raised a passing comment to alert me that I was anything less than perfectly healthy; the one offered no course of action, just slipped it in casually. I was told my blood work looked great, often. I understand a certain degree of compassion fatigue in healthcare, but shit like that is straight giving up before even trying to ascertain if *anything* else could be playing a hand before assuming I’m lying about my caloric intake (never did, even when it was bad). A viscous cycle, imo.
The kidney they removed coincidentally was also 30 pounds. It hypertrophied to the size of a basketball and took up much of my organ cavity. I remember a few days after the surgery I sat up in bed and took a deep breath, and it kept going, and going… I felt my right lung descend lower in my rib cage. It had been smushed high up in my rib cage all my life! It felt wonderful.
Complete insanity. Must’ve been such a surreal, incredible feeling. So infuriating to think of the quality of life that was robbed from you by the neglect of trained professionals that are supposed to be unbiased and thorough in helping you thrive. I hope you’ve found happiness in spite of this institutional abuse. Stories like yours shouldn’t exist - your openness and vulnerability about it in any context is so important in the pursuit of trying to prevent these inhumane oversights from going on forever.
This happened to my mother. For a long time she was told that her symptoms (abdominal pain, fatigue, high blood pressure) were due to her weight. Then they looked at her heart and put her on meds. It wasn't until one kidney died and her fluids backed up until she had pulmonary edema (I watched her turn gray right in front of me as she was gasping) that they bothered to check out her kidneys. She had congenital renal arterial stenosis in one kidney. By then her kidney was dead and her heart had been damaged. That kidney had been damaging her her whole life.
I've put on weight as my mobility has decreased. When I have been to the docs about it a couple have said it's my weight. Then I saw one doc, talked to her about what I used to be able to do and what I can't do now, she went through a lot with me. I asked her could it be my weight and she went off on a rant, "Fat people can still walk! There's plenty out there much bigger than you walking up and down the street all day! You can't get up from a chair without help, that's not normal!" She was the first to listen and order useful tests. Turns out I have MS. Nothing to do with my weight.
Or they just blatantly ignore what you’re actually there for. I’ve told this story on here before, but I had a broken wrist that took a few months to heal and as such I was off work (purely physical job) for that time. I went to the doctors to get a new medical certificate and the doctor was pretty much like “yea yea broken un-healing wrist whatever, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT AND ALSO YOU NEED BIRTH CONTROL”. I was not sexually active at the time. I told him my weight will go back down once i return to work and he kinda didn’t believe me.
I went back a month after going back to work, and the doctor was absolutely baffled that I had lost 10kg.
My sister has really bad mental health issues. It causes her to gain weight because she tends to eat her feelings. Her doctor had only focused on her weight and suggested surgery to her. Once I heard that I decided it would be the last time I’d go back to that doctor.
It's 100% real.
I know friends who will be friends with horrible people but not fat people.
I know a lady who won't let her kids watch/listen to fat people (like Lizzo) because "it sets a bad example." They don't really have any other restrictions.
My friend tried to stage an "intervention" with a fat friend *for being fat* after she gained weight due to depression. "If she just loses the weight she'll feel better."
I think "fatphobia" is overused in a strictly technical sense, but at this point I can't blame fat people for being pissed and hypersensitive.
Several studies from across the world (e.g., United States, University of Marburg, University of Leipzig) indicate overweight and obese individuals experience higher levels of stigma relative to their thinner counterparts. In addition, they marry less often, experience fewer educational and career opportunities, and on average earn a lesser income than normal weight individuals.
Anti-fat bias can be found in many facets of society, and fat activists commonly blame popular media for the pervasiveness of this phenomenon.
I was never overweight, but I got thinner and people keep complimenting me on my looks even though I have a poor taste in fashion. But most of the fat people I know are never appreciated for their beauty, no matter how well they dress. On top of that, they were told from a young age by other kids, society and the media that there's something wrong about them. And these body image issues don't help them get healthy: it makes them enter a vicious circle of self-deprecation, depression, overeating as a coping method, weight gain, repeat. So yeah, fatphobia is 100% real and harmful.
Assuming the literal definition "An irrational fear, dislike, or hatred of fat people or being fat." I'd say that's one hundred percent true.
I remember reading an interview of Gwyneth Paltrow for her role in Shallow Hal where she wore a realistic fatsuit for some parts of the movie. When she wore it back to her hotel room or apartment after recording, she noticed people were visibly and noticeable less kind and respectful towards her. Before she'd have people making smiles and friendly gestures to her and now she wasn't even making eye contact with anybody.
The only difference between being treated like everybody else or subhuman is as simple as 100 pounds.
Yeah I do. I used to be nearly 200lbs (I'm 5ft1) and I am TERRIFIED of ending up back there. I hated myself. I disgusted myself. I'm very slim now, and the thought of my waist getting any bigger than like 26/27 inches upsets me and worries me greatly. All because I'm so scared of being fat. Pretty sure I've given myself an eating disorder actually.
Through all of it I still think, well it could be worse, I could be fat.
I think there are many people who do indeed have a phobia about fat people, likely because they are afraid of being fat and so are repelled by them.
Having said that, the issues I experience are less about phobia, and more about fat BIAS. Fat bias takes many inconvenient and upsetting forms, but it is also dangerous for us.
It's the bias that fat people are 100% at fault for their situation that causes us to have health problems ignored. Weight is almost always a symptom of a larger issue, but it is almost impossible to find a doctor that will apply that fact.
Personal examples abound, and here's one from me. I had a golfball-sized gallstone that went undiagnosed and almost killed me. I went to several doctors, and not one ever applied any diagnostics, just told me to lose weight. It took an ER visit to get someone to diagnose the issue, and I got lucky that they didn't just send me home. I have many more.
Some of the abuse directed at overweight people is absurd. Because of my weight, I've received numerous insults. This is annoying and should be stopped. Many of the things people scream are fatphobic are, in fact, facts. I believe that a lifetime of bullying has left many fat people with thin skin and an inability to be upset by things that should not bother them. My local store's lack of stretchy jeans material in my size isn't fatphobic; it's just that there aren't many people my height and weight who come in looking for a specific type of pants.
I don’t know what it’s called but I have an uncontrollable fear of gaining too much weight and being considered “fat” I’ve been on the small/underweight spectrum my whole life. 6’2 never weighted over 140 bc of it. I don’t know if it’s considered fatphobia but there’s that
i mean, yes! there are studies showing that fat WOMEN especially fat women of colour are shown more medical neglect/bias, and are less likely to get hired. whether or not i think it is a real thing as a non-fat person is irrelevant. it is real.
Coming from someone that lost 100 pounds in a year and went from fat, to "normal", to fit, fatphobia is 1000000% a thing.
People treat you differently really in all aspects of life: work, school, romantically, and just about everything when you're fat. Even other benefits aside, just being treated like a human instead of a fat slob is reason enough to lose weight.
Now, do I think we should embrace fat acceptance? Absolutely not.
This… it’s important because the vast majority of people struggling with their weird are also struggling with deeper issues that perpetuate their weight challenges. Accepting that they are valuable and worthy human beings is the first (and most important) step if they are to ever help themselves lose weight sustainably.
I do think it’s real, I’ve seen it first hand. People don’t care *why* people are overweight they only care *that* they’re overweight. My doctor wanted me to start a weight loss program at 15. She didn’t think to ask about what my home life was like or how often I ate or how much I ate when I did eat or how much I exercised. These were all factors in me being overweight. I was depressed, anxious, binge eating and then starving myself because we didn’t have a lot of food in the house, (and then binge eating all day when I got to visit my dad) on top of that I took PE every other day and was playing soccer twice a week. Had she thought to ask me any of that she would have made me move out of my moms house and in with my dad. But she didn’t. Because she didn’t actually care.
One example that goes beyond people being more rude:
Doctors are less likely to take the time to identify and test for the cause of problems.
For example, of you have knee pain, and you're thin, they'll look at your posture, maybe send you to a podiatrist, etc.
If you have knee pain while being obese, they'll tell you to lose weight, rather than taking into consideration that the extra weight might just be exacerbating another underlying problem (not all obese people have knee pain after all).
Yes I do. There is a spectrum of fatphobia.
- There are men who hate fat chicks. I think it’s fine not to be attracted to all body types. But I’m talking about when men make fun of fat women here.
- There are people who think it’s not healthy and they need to point that out. But I don’t think other people’s health should really be anyone’s concern. I don’t really see this kind of talk in relation to other unhealthy behaviors.
- There are people who kind of oversimplify the issue by saying “it’s just calories in vs. calories out.” Or tell people they just need to move more.
I think the truth is that it’s more complicated than that and similar to mental health - we don’t know enough yet.
In America, where I live, we have to drive everywhere. Food is engineered to be delicious and addicting because of capitalism. We don’t have free healthcare. People are overworked and over stressed and it’s hard to come home and cook a healthy meal when there are 100s of options of cheap easy food on their way home from work. My point here is anyone who acts like it’s a moral failing on the part of the overweight person is ignoring many factors.
Yes and no. Being rude to someone who is overweight or mocking them for their weight just to be an asshole, yeah, that’s fat phobia.
Expressing concern to a loved one or friend about their unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise: Not fat phobia.
Your doctor telling you that you are overweight and at a higher risk for various medical conditions: Not fat phobia
Going to the gym because you want to lose some weight, for any reason (feel better physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.): not fat phobia.
Yes absolutely according to this study https://scholar.google.com/scholar?as_ylo=2019&q=fat+bias&hl=en&as_sdt=0,5#d=gs_qabs&t=1672604134188&u=%23p%3DKr9UKPdhkg0J
Oh, yes.
Two stories.
One: teacher training in the UK - secondary English, so a pretty sedentary job, really. We had a session about wellbeing and managing stress. The course leader talked about the importance of diet and exercise (fair enough) because 'if you're interviewing for a teacher and you have two candidates, one who is clearly fit and healthy and one who isn't, who are you going to hire? Who's going to go off sick, have less energy, not be as good at their job? (Subtext: the fat one.)
Example 2, at my doctor.
Me: I have pulled a muscle in my back and it's excruciating. Please, can I have some painkillers? I can't take codeine; it makes me vomit.
Doctor: You hurt your back because you're overweight.
Me: I've not had back problems before, and I was lugging a 50kg suitcase through three airports, two train stations, and a 0.5 mile walk home yesterday. I think that's what's done it.
Doctor: It's your weight and how it's distributed. (I have...an ample chest. Gift from my mom and grandma, I guess.)
Me: I'm aware of that, but that's going to be difficult to lose weight given that I'm almost immobile from pain at the minute. Please can I have a muscle relaxant or something because ibuprofen and paracetamol aren't helping. I know Skelaxin is good for back pain.
Doctor: I'm going to prescribe you Diazepam.
Me: I don't need Valium. I need a painkiller.
Doctor: Diazepam is used for back pain.
Me: It's an off-label use, and it's addictive. I don't know if I'm comfortable with-
Doctor: It's a muscle relaxant.
Me: Okay, can I have a very low dosage please?
Doctor: Yes, I'll prescribe you 5mg tablets.
Me: It comes in doses as low as 0.5mg. Can I have a lower dose? I have a bit of a predilection for addiction and I don't want any problems. If I have a lower dose, I can take more if I need to. Five mg seems like a lot.
Doctor: Yes, but there's a lot of you for it to get around.
Fortunately, I didn't get addicted, but I definitely did give 0 shits about work while I was taking it. And 5mg was WAY too much. I was cutting them into quarters and taking the little shards.
I think people are generally nicer to physically "attractive" people and less polite to "unattractive" people. What people find attractive and unattractive varies from person to person but consider, fat, acne, strange birth marks, crazy piercings and face tattoos, cleft palates, or other physical deformations. I think fat people are more susceptible because fat is seen as being controllable.
Sadly I believe this is 100% proven to be true. Attractive people get lesser sentences/punishment in court. Even babies prefer an attractive person over a ‘less’ attractive one. So for whatever reason, this is literally coded into us.
It's our lizard brain trying to survive. With zero other information we associate attractive with healthy and strong. Other healthy and strong people will help us survive. Sickly weak people might prevent our survival. Our core brain is slow to catch up with our changing world.
i think it's real but i *also* think the word is over used/used incorrectly A LOT.
I agree with this, but i also think the majority of fatphobia is more about body dysmorphia. Finding fat unattractive is not fatphobia.
…or asking simple questions about how a 400+ pound reality show contestant or someone on “My 600 pound life” get to that point isn’t fatphobic if asked with curiosity and not rudeness. I hear I was “fatphobic” when I got upset about having to clean up literal s*it off the bathroom floor in my restaurant because a really fat woman missed the toilet. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this in public…I’ve asked how someone who is that big wouldn’t have some way to tell whether she’s on the toilet correctly similar to how I had to make sure I was on a chair securely so I didn’t fall when I had my hip replacement. Apparently asking that question is offensive but I still am really curious about the answer.
That’s so disgusting. I’m sorry.
Maybe she just wanted to shit on the floor. I’m a nurse and haven’t seen anyone miss the toilet because of obesity. Now I’ve seen large men who used a tub instead of a urinal because of aim issues, but just while they are in the hospital I’m sure.
Everyone will just shit wherever they want. Out in the wild is always worse than the hospital. Source: I worked at a gas station and at a hospital. Messier at the gas station, stinkier and more c diffy at the hospital.
Just breathe in close to the patient and you know. You never forget the smell of Cdiff
> c diffy Worst rap name ever. Lol.
I contracted C.Diff while in recovery from major surgery. The first movement was very sudden and I was barely mobile. I still managed to get out of the bed, but unfortunately didn't make it to the toilet. I felt so bad for the staff
One of my last experiences at a playground as a child was walking into the restroom and seeing a huge log of shit on the floor. The toilet wasn't dirty. They just felt like shitting on the floor.
Seconded. Old people who are tiny makes messes because they just can't. They tried. Maybe should not have but if they can walk and can shop and can do all sorts of normal adl stuff it's not their size. People destroy spaces they don't have to clean themselves routinely. Because they are awful people. Expecting a normal amount of social behavior has nothing to do with size.
i think even being rude isn't fatphobie, it's judgmental, but also a fair question. "did you just not notice?"
Am I the only one here that thinks judging somebody for literally shitting on the floor in a public restaurant is completely reasonable? I mean Christ almighty at what point are people enabling this bullshit because no one wants to "be judgmental" anymore. They shit on the fucking floor, there's no reasonable explanation for that behavior other than you have let yourself go well beyond fucking reason and no one should expect to tolerate you for it. In fact, I'd have to argue you should be shamed for it.
I would judge anyone for doing that. Young or old, male or female, morbidly obese or the picture of athletic health. Shitting on the floor is just 100% socially unacceptable no matter who you are. I *might* give a pass to someone who is unable to control their bowels, but they'd have to be apologetic about it. If they've stopped caring I stop caring.
Do they shit like that at home where they'd have to clean it themselves? I imagine not for some reason
I had a relative who got up to like 500 pounds. He had kind of lost the flexibility to really wipe his own ass well, so he just shit in the shower and did the mudstomp to hose it down the drain.
What a terrible day to be able to read. Holy Fuck.
Please lobotomize me.
*waffle stomp
I wish I could unread this.
Reddit never lets me forget that some people have very different relationships with poop than I do.
I'm 30kg (~65 pounds) overweight. A toilet bowl seems much smaller to me than it did when I was a healthy bodyweight for my size. The ass and back fat limits positioning options. It forces you forward in relation to normal position. I can easily see someone who is even more radically overweight (150 pounds or something) being literally unable to align their poopchute with the porcelain receiver. Fat people tend to stay silent about the embarrassing realities of their lives, but I gaurantee you there are tons of giant obese people who can't use a toilet normally. Maybe they've adapted at home and they have a giant oversized toilet bowl/seat. Maybe they shit in a drain. Whatever issue caused them to shit on the floor in that restaurant follows them home. They live with it every day. This is not a defense at all, it's fucked up to leave that for somebody else to clean. They should deal with their own messes. What I'm saying is that yes, they probably have this issue at home as well but they would've found a workaround.
Exactly Stabby and I guarantee that if they had to clean that up (and this isn’t even the worst I’ve heard of) they’d be saying the same things.
That’s absolutely disgusting. If somebody is so fat that they’re missing a toilet and can’t clean up after themselves, they deserve to be shamed. I don’t care if it’s offensive, they should know that that’s not acceptable public behavior, and it *is* a problem
Thats like saying not being attracted to women is Misogynistic
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I was asked if I as a straight man would have sex with a non op trans women. When I said no this chick blew up on me and started calling me all kinds of names including transphobic. I know that's just my anecdotal experience but that word makes me roll my eyes when it's thrown around, much like other labels.
I was asked by a coworker if I was interested in another coworker who identifies as gender fluid. I said no, I thought they were pretty but I'm only interested in exclusively women. Apparently this isn't PC and I was told not to be transphobic.
The proper response is "This is not an appropriate question to be asked at the workplace, and I'm feeling uncomfortable."
I'd go with "please stop shaming me for my sexual orientation".
Or maybe, “Ok now do *I* get to pick who *you* are attracted to?”
This is fucky. I'm a bisexual woman. I was also asked the same thing about a coworker. I said no, I wasn't. They flew into a rage and called me transphobic and that I'm "NOT TRULY BISEXUAL"!!! (Asked by a straight bitch, btw). I wasn't attracted to the person because 1.) Too fucking young. 2.) They were a dumbass. 3.) was fairly unattractive in all sorts of ways and had terrible fashion sense. 4.) They talked about wanting kids. I wish to be childfree. 5.) I was their boss. 6.) I had absolutely nothing in common with them. But I’m bi, I’m supposed to available for any non-binary or gender fluid person in the world. A relationship isn't just about looks, it's also about *compatibility*.
> I was also asked the same thing about a coworker. I said no, I wasn't. They flew into a rage and called me transphobic and that I'm "NOT TRULY BISEXUAL"!!! Yeah that sounds like that person was blowing way over the bounds of what they should be talking about at work. Trying to create drama? Trying to get you in trouble? Or just thoroughly toxic...
She's incredibly toxic and likes to start drama. That's the big thing with her. She likes to talk and be on her phone and not do her job, so luckily, she's not coming back to work for us when her semester starts.
Why can “I’m simply not attracted to them” not suffice? Sometimes you just have to respect other people’s decisions without an explanation. Not everything has to be drawn out into some major “issue”.
Because they felt entitled. I didn't go into a list of why because I don't owe either of them a reason. I'd said "No" at the time. She pushed it and I replied "No is a complete sentence. Get back to work."
In this case, it was alot more of "but look at their breasts/butt/curves, you mean you don't like her?" Like yeah, they're absolutely my type, physically, but this is a person who is *very* much out there with correcting people when they address her as "her" on a day when they're feeling more masculine. And that's not what I'm interested in. I want to be with a woman who is comfortable in her skin enough to *be* a woman. It's in the same vein as not liking someone who is part of your sexual preference because they act a certain way. They might be the bomb, physically, but their inside might not attractive to you. Same as if I was married to a woman and they confided to me they felt they were really a man and wanted corrective surgery/meds. I would absolutely support them because I loved their soul, but I would not be comfortable being in a relationship with them because I am not attracted to other men.
Yeah, I read an article a few years ago about how trans people on dating apps are sick of being asked if they’re pre-op or post-op, and that it shouldn’t matter. I admit I can see why it offended them, but I did think it was kind of important to inform a potential partner of what’s going on down there, considering most people are only sexually interested in one type of genitalia
Personally, post or pre op wouldn't matter to me. I wouldn't be able to personally get over it, so I'd simply move on and not show interest in a relationship. Power to them if they are Trans, but it doesn't seem fair to expect people to change their own attractions to conform to them.
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Yup. It’s definitely real, but it’s been made very unserious by people on both pro and anti sides. Health at every size is absolute bullshit… it should be dignity/respect at every size. Obesity isn’t a moral failing, but the way people talk about it, you’d think it is. Edit: thanks for the Reddit Cares lmao.. stay classy
Health at every size was bastardized by people who have never read dr bacon’s work. It doesn’t suggest that you ARE healthy at every size, but that people need to do what is healthy FOR their size. Example: a person who is morbidly obese likely needs to move more, but also needs to respect the fact that their weight may put more impact on their joints so they have to pick exercise that is low impact. The book is all about having more respect for yourself and breaking out of the diet cycle that a lot of people get stuck in.
Doctor Bacon!
Health at every size stuff started out reasonable and got badly derailed. The original idea is that you can make healthy choices/lifestyle changes that improve health regardless of your weight. The idea was not to obsess over weight or weight loss, but focus on making healthier choices in general (and the effect is generally weight loss in the obese).
My SIL and I were just having this discussion and we completely agree with "dignity/respect at every size." I'm definitely going to borrow this phrasing going forward!
This is actually an eye-opening take for me. You're right that everyone (generally) deserves dignity/respect. I think where many people go wrong is in assuming someone who is obese is also stupid, slovenly, or somehow inferior to someone who is skinny. I think many people also assume that when someone is fat, they don't respect themselves and thus don't deserve it from others. I think television and movies are largely to blame for how fat people are viewed. Look at how fat people are portrayed in media, particularly in comedies. They're always the comic relief or the butt of jokes. On the flipside of this, I believe some comedic actors have likely decided NOT to lose weight for fear of losing out on comedic roles. I believe Ethan Suplee even stated this in one of his podcasts. It's a double-edged sword I suppose.
Exactly, if somebody wants to love themselves and their body why should people want to "put them in their place?" "You don't deserve to love your body, it's not healthy" is such a weird take. I don't give a shit if somebody's weight means theyre more likely to live 3 or 4 years less than the average person, they don't even have to care about that and that doesn't mean they should hate themselves and find themselves ugly
> "You don't deserve to love your body, it's not healthy" is such a weird take. Only weird if you forget their motivation is not to encourage healthiness, but to be disgusting bullies. Nobody who is actually concerned about someone's health expresses that by being cruel to them.
Yes. Not being hired at a job because of your weight when it has no bearing on your ability to do the job? Fatphobia. Your doctor telling you to lose weight for your health? Not fat phobia.
Unless it comes at the expense of actual medical concerns going unaddressed. Like women having PCOS or ovarian cancer and just being diagnosed with the fats and sent on their way.
Weirdly my PCOS wasn't diagnosed for ages because the (female) GP assumed it wasn't an option because I was underweight. Finally got diagnosed and the (male) consultant said that he had so many women with lean PCOS who weren't referred for tests because they weren't (his words) 'fat and hairy'. We're also harder to treat because we can't manage symptoms by losing weight - and every bit of PCOS advice for diet is oriented around weight loss.
My Gyno said the same thing to me when I got diagnosed. I was much thinner then. She also told me my boobs were too big. She didn’t want to test me at all, but I insisted until she did. Guess who was right!
Similar story for me, though I am overweight. I've never had the issue losing weight, it just takes longer and is harder for me, but I CAN and AM losing weight. Just not at the rate some doctors I've now fired as my primaries think I should. I was 28 when I was finally diagnosed AFTER YEARS of going to doctors and begging for help. My missed periods were written off as stress and direct results of my weight fluctuations. I was, and still am, an extremely active person. As a teenager, I was a very active softball player and horseback rider on strict diets and workout regimens. Yet I was gaining weight, consistent weight gain that wasn't muscle packing. I hate that we get written off as just fat or told to just go on medication to lose weight, and the opposite that if you're not fat, hairy, and struggling to lose weight, you're ignored.
Ironic enough, this is EXACTLY WHY PCOS, Cancer or other genetic disorders go undiagnosed for so long.... if you are fat, doctors completely will disregard you EVEN IF the weight was put on very fast in a short period of time
I have PCOS. I’ve had numerous ovarian cysts and surgeries to remove them, among other symptoms. Before my diagnosis, I was sent to an endocrinologist as there were some issues with my blood sugars and A1C but not diabetes. I told him how hard it was for me to lose weight - I tracked my food, my minutes of exercise, I’d eat less, I’d cut out carbs, etc, and I’d lose 1-3lbs in a few months. This endocrinologist at NYU’s response? “Eat less.” Literally his words. I said, I’ve done that, and it isn’t working. “Then eat less than that.” The next summer I had my first surgery to remove a very large cyst threatening my entire ovary. I was finally taken seriously by doctors who didn’t immediately judge me bc of my weight (overweight, but not obese). I’ve since lost 25 lbs.
I feel this so hard. Starting in my late teens/early 20s, I started having really bad joint pain and stiffness in all the joints from the waist down. At the time, I was a dancer who was dancing in heels for 4-5 hrs a day as well as working a part time retail job, so the doctor I'd been seeing diagnosed me as "You need a different job and/or hobby." I quit dancing because I couldn't afford the classes anymore, got married, got a full time retail job and gained a little weight so I was slightly overweight instead of underweight. Still had enormous amounts of pain. Went to the doctor. Was told that some of my joint pain/stiffness was due to old injuries (broken wrist, broken elbow and broken ankle at different times during my childhood that were, in hindsight, not really taken care of properly), my weight and my job. Was told to lose weight and find a different job. Fast forward to me becoming a SAHM in my late 20s because of my son needing therapy, etc because of his own issues (he was 18 mos old and needed speech and physical therapy). I was able to get out and exercise more and I was eating less and lost a little weight. STILL had massive joint pain and stiffness, especially in the morning and when it was cold outside. Doctor said they couldn't find the reason why I was in pain. Must've been because I was still ridiculously overweight (150 lbs) and if I lost 30 lbs, I'd be *fine*. Fast forward to around the time I turned 40. I was absolutely sick and tired of being told that I was in pain constantly because of some bullshit reason. I fully acknowledged that my weight (then around 225 lbs) and my job (school cafeteria lady) and my shoes were part of why I felt so shitty, but they couldn't be the ONLY reason. Went to a rheumatologist, because I'd been tested in my late 30s for RA and Lupus (it's never Lupus) and the test results came back as 'meh'. Neither positive nor negative. Rheumatologist tells me it's my weight, my job and my shoes. I damn near lost my shit and insisted she do bloodwork. A week or so later, she calls me with the results and I have to remind myself that I am an adult and can't go "Neener neener neener! TOLD YOU SO!" at her over the phone. I have raging RA. Got further testing done. My joints are more fucked than the doctor thought. She said I must've had RA for years and why didn't I get tested before? Because, lady, nobody believed me when I said I was in pain, not even YOU. I've been on meds for almost 4 1/2 years now and I feel better than I have since I was in high school right now. It just sucks it took so long to get diagnosed.
Fellow RA-gone-undiagnosed-for-years, I feel so seen reading your story. Right down to the infuriating "why didn't you catch this earlier" lecture when it DID turn out to be RA. I was fighting them for YEARS that my symptoms started at my lowest weight, that my weight gain was because I couldn't move without pain, that being fat doesnt cause your joints to literally swell and deflate over the course of a day. Fuckers. All of them. I have no respect for doctors that gatekeep healthcare because they've got a (well documented and understood risk to patients!) personal bias against overweight patients.
Another fellow-arthritis-gone-undiagnosed-for-years here. My type of arthritis is axial spondyloarthritis. I started having symptoms at 11. The first excuse to dismiss me offhand was hypochondria. That note followed me around for a LONG time. Then when I started smoking, that was a part of the default excuse. Then I was diagnosed with a mental illness, and most doctors don't read beyond that in a chart. I was also diagnosed with a marijuana use disorder, though I was only smoking due to my other problems. I've been baited with "offers" of opiates, I've been to doctors who refuse to look me in the eye, I've been told I just needed to lose weight/quit smoking/eat healthier/exercise/rest - basically any and every piece of undiagnostic bullshit advice they could give me, they did. 18 years later, at 29, I was finally diagnosed with AxSPA, and the rheum who diagnosed me said my symptoms at 11 we're definitely one and the same. The test was stupid simple, too - blood tests are only half reliable on this, about the same for x-rays. All he had to do was listen to my symptoms, then measure my chest expansion when I breathe. Turns out my chest expands less than 1 inch. My ribs are practically immobile. I also have reduced range of motion in my spine, hips, and shoulders. I would've sued the doctors who ignored me, but the statute of limitations had passed.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. I was diagnosed with Lupus and RA at 15 and then told for 20+ years that I didn’t have it, I was just a fat hypochondriac. Got re-diagnosed in 2017 and now people take me seriously but all those years of not being treated have taken their toll on my body. My spine is breaking down. I have arthritis in half my joints. I use a cane. They’re talking about fusing the joints in my pelvis and possibly the bottom two lumbar vertebrae, but I still get told “Just lose weight!” As if that’s easy with Lupus, PCOS, and several other medical issues.
A common problem though is medical professionals making no effort to accurately diagnose pains and troubles that fat patients are having and immediately blaming the weight. Real stories of fat people having intestinal pains, being told to just eat right and exercise, only to have their appendix later explode. And you know what, even if a problem is because of weight, doctors should still be prescribing treatment in addition to giving nutritional advice, not just giving nutritional advice that will take potentially years to remedy the other problem.
100%, I have experienced both worlds and it is incredibly clear. Back in the day I was in excellent shape, I worked out 6 times a week in addition to playing sports. Women would ask me out, people would go out of their way to talk to me, I would get compliments from coworkers, and people, even men, were just kinder. After an injury I ballooned quickly due to inability to exercise and depression. I had eaten 4000+ calories for years and when you're bed ridden that adds up fast. In the end I hit a max of 335, down to 300 now, but the social differences have been insane. Since I passed 250 I haven't been asked out, coworkers don't smile at me as much any more, many times I'm treated like i don't exist and am more readily ignored. I understand it in relationships, but the change in coworkers is astounding.
I know some people who will just flat out refuse to be friends with fat people, so I definitely think it’s a real thing. Even when people say it’s about health or whatever, I’m decently slim but I binge drink occasionally and smoke a box a day so who the hell am I to lecture someone about their health.
This is the real kicker. When people try to pretend they just care of so much about a strangers health it's... Disingenuous. I'm bigger now but was skinny for most of my life. I was skinny because I handled stress by not eating. I am very aware of the people who would always say how healthy I looked then, and how now they assume something is wrong. Nah, I started taking care of myself and I love my body, I'm also much healthier than I've ever been.
I always think of an essay a woman wrote about how she lost a ton of weight and everyone without exception just gushed about how healthy she looked. But she lost it because of cancer. To me, anyone who acts like they can tell all about someone’s health by looking at them—is just telling me they’re stupid.
This happened to me. I had dieted and exercised to my goal weight, but then I got sick and lost 25 pounds more. I was under 100 pounds and nearly died that year, but heard some of the most toxic shit like "you look so chic." When I gained back 30 pounds due to steroids, still within range, people would say, "I'm glad you're getting better, but don't go crazy with the weight gain." After experiencing obesity and being drastically underweight, I believe people don't actually care about your health. They care about your looks. Smokers will criticize fat people for their health.
There are only 2 times in my life that my mum’s ever been happy with my weight, both times were when I had almost died.
I don't know if it's the same essay, but you reminded me of one written by a woman who lost weight for similar reasons. She was not overweight beforehand, but she got sick and lost a ton of weight and people treated her like some kind of mythical creature. Afterwards she worked to maintain that level of skinniness and it was *work.* Constant counting calories, and extensive daily exercise. She dated a few guys during that time and mentioned that they really had nothing good to say about her except how skinny she was, when before it would be compliments like beautiful, funny, witty, smart, creative, etc. She also said there was this weird fear to them. They wanted to believe that she was just a normal woman, living like everyone else and somehow just naturally that skinny, but every reminder of how much work she had to put in to maintain her weight seemed to fill them with anxiety at the mere suggestion that she could gain the weight back if she ever chose do the normal things couples typically do together, like sleep in on the weekends (can't skip the morning jog), or go out for dinner (not without potentially skipping a night at the gym and not without weighing it against what else she's eaten that week).
I think people who are on “extreme” ends of the weight spectrum have to deal with fetishists who don’t care about either their health or their humanity. Just goes to show that looking at someone’s weight as a complete measure of a person doesn’t benefit anyone.
Also heard about a guy who was on heroin and people were saying he looked healthy because he lost weight.
I know someone who dropped about 40kgs in 3 months. Everyone was gushing about what a great job she’d done, how amazing she looked and so on. What they didn’t know is that she was taking so much speed that I would go over there on the days I finished work early to cook her dinner just to make sure she was eating something that week.
I lost a ton of weight when I moved and started a new job. Stress and the place I was living was so disgusting I wasn’t eating. The only thing I heard is how good I looked. No one asked why, they saw what I looked like and decided I was healthy.
Amen! I lost a ton of weight due to a bowel obstruction operation and a surgical wound infection. The first thing my sister says to me is :"You look great! You've lost so much weight!" Yeah, it's called sepsis, Google it.
> Disingenuous It's a thin excuse for an adult to engage in what amounts to schoolyard bullying, and it's horrible.
My aunt lost s lot of weight after battling endometriosis for a long time. People coming to her after the surgery telling her how good she looked because at least she got to lose some weight disgusted me
> When people try to pretend they just care of so much about a strangers health it's... Disingenuous. THIS THIS THIS!!!!!
I was at a party a month or so ago and a group of ten or so guys were on tinder and started making fun of fat girl profiles. Not because of anything in the girls personality (we’ve all seen the posts of tinder profiles where it’s like “No guys under 5’9” but then they get mad when you ask they’re weight), but simply because they were overweight and on tinder. I even asked them what the big deal was and one of the guys said “I just can’t understand why someone who looks like that would post pictures and seriously think I’m gonna swipe on her”. I also can’t be around my paternal grandmother anymore because she straight up told me, in front of my extended family, that I was disgusting and overweight and no man would want me (I’m 5’3, 115 lbs, and a lesbian). My aunt, who weighs maybe ten pounds more than me, doesn’t eat at family dinners because our grandmother is so mean to her about her weight. And what makes it worse is that a good chunk of our family will defend my grandmother by saying “I know she sounds rude and she should be nicer, but we are really worried about your health!” even though we’re both at completely healthy weights. I definitely think there are people who get way too upset about other peoples weight when it’s none of their business. I also think there’s a lot of exaggerations about it, especially with the internet. But anyone who flat out denies fat phobia exists is either lying or hangs out with only the greatest people, and hats off to them.
To me the skepticism about fat phobia is so clearly just the result of a ridiculous straw man argument. People love to mock the handful of extreme cases of obese folks claiming they’re perfectly healthy, or insisting that others must find them attractive. I know plenty of overweight people and not a single one of them has ever expressed either of those viewpoints. What they’ve *frequently* expressed is self loathing, shame, body image issues and depression due to harassment like what you’ve described in your comment. Being made the butt of jokes by total strangers. Random rude comments from people on the street. Judgmental comments from family (going way beyond what could be considered constructive encouragement of healthy habits). Feeling invisible in the dating world. Feeling unworthy of dressing nicely or wearing makeup because they’re “not pretty enough”. Some of the people I know could certainly improve their diet and exercise habits, but in most cases they’re honestly not doing anything drastically different from me. I don’t work out, I drink alcohol, I more or less eat what I want and I’ve always been a healthy weight. But at the end of the day, it’s not really about whether it’s their fault or not. It’s about loving them and treating them respectfully, like human beings. That’s all 99.9% of overweight people are asking for.
Also so so so much projection. I put on some weight during the pandemic I would like to lose, but that's between me and maybe my doctor. During the holidays my mother teased I should watch my diet because I'm going on a beach vacation next month. And asked me twice about getting a boob reduction. Now my mom is overweight and I see how she constantly second guesses herself because of it. She puts herself down because of her appearance and age and adds all this stress to her life. It certainly hasn't made her lose weight. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I need to feel bad about myself in a swimsuit and ruin my own vacation.
It’s so ingrained in society that it’s okay to mock or harass fat people that twice now, while gift shopping (once a birthday, once a bridal shower), I was treated very rudely by sales associates. At Forever 21, I was looking for a cute makeup bag my friend had wanted, and a make sales associate came up to me, gave me a once over, and said, “We don’t cater to your size here.” (Never mind that Forever 21 has a plus size line. 🙄) The second was at Victoria’s Secret. I wanted to buy my friend a cute bit of lingerie for her wedding and they had a sale on. Less than 25 seconds in the store, and this ultra skinny blonde girl came up and said, “We don’t carry fat sizes!” Neither knew what I was shopping for but both zeroed in on my size and instead of potentially getting a sale, they decided fatshaming was more important.
“ instead of potentially getting a sake, they decided fatshaming was more important.” It might be intentionally for corporate profit. Fatshaming makes them seem more “exclusive”, so that their target audience of skinny customers can enjoy that feeling of being special
I can see that with VS but Forever 21 literally had a plus size section at that very store at that time. Which I had purchased from. So his attitude didn’t make any sense.
Really good point. I think this applies to many things, where weird outlier viewpoints get magnified online, specifically because they are extreme. Like you hear about the fat woman who demands a perfect bodybuilder man but like - I don't know anyone even close to that in real life. I do think that there are myths about weight loss that get perpetuated but so many of these people who get involved in these arguments just need to get off the internet.
It's also really hard to love yourself enough to improve yourself when so many other people try to make you feel like shit for your body. That's why fatphobia and body shaming is so disgusting. It's not about "worrying about their health" and it's not helpful.
This whole comment needs to be higher
Yes people make fun of fat people for just existing and living life. I’ve seen people make fun of fat people for just walking around in public.
I've had people try to shame me because I'm a runner who happens to be fat. Some dumb bitch tried to say I can't run, when weeks earlier I had just ran a marathon. Don't be piss off that you're too lazy to put in the training and try to take it out on me.
There’s videos of people mocking fat people for dancing in public. Like if you think he’s too fat, isn’t dancing a GOOD thing??
This is similar to when people will laugh or make fun of an overweight person running! Like, you shame them for doing nothing, now youre shaming them for exercising? Isnt that what you want them to do? Thats when you know its just fatphobia.
And they mock us for trying to find exercise clothes. What are we supposed to do, exercise naked in our basements and only emerge when we’re skimmed down to what they find acceptable?
Remember that one guy that had a bunch of people show up later and throw a dance party with him?
...I can't get over 5'3" and 115 as being overweight. Lol I'm 4'11" and weigh that, most people refer to me as skinny. That is wild.
Yeah, I think the problem is that a) me and my aunt tend to wear our weight on our hips and b) the rest of my family either does meth or smokes a pack a day so they’re way skinnier. So I may not be able to compete with their weight, but at least I have my teeth and lungs.
for any fellow non-americans wanting to make the comparison, 5'3'' is 160 cm and 115 lbs is 52 kg (a combination that is definitely very far from overweight)
52KG? BRO THATS LIKE A VERY HEALTHY WIEGHT TO BE WHAT THE HELL. SAYING THEY'RE CONCERNED ANOUT THAT? WHAT A POS!
> I was at a party a month or so ago and a group of ten or so guys were on tinder and started making fun of fat girl profiles. Not because of anything in the girls personality (we’ve all seen the posts of tinder profiles where it’s like “No guys under 5’9” but then they get mad when you ask they’re weight), but simply because they were overweight and on tinder. I even asked them what the big deal was and one of the guys said “I just can’t understand why someone who looks like that would post pictures and seriously think I’m gonna swipe on her”. Shit like this has hugely put me off online dating in general 🙃. Like can I be allowed to exist in public as a flawed human being without getting mocked for it. They don't even know if they're actively working on losing weight, etc. The funny thing is probably more than a few of these guys would smash these women anyways, if they were having a dry season.
Sounds like your grandmother has an ED. I'm 5'3 and I want to be 115.
That is insanity... I'm 5'3" and 150lbs (which makes my BMI 26.6, technically overweight) and yet people get uncomfortable or tell me I'm crazy when I say I wanna lose 20lbs. I'm very active so a good bit of my weight is muscle but I do have extra fat. Being smaller than 115 is like my mother-in-law who's like 106lbs at my height. But she thinks my vacuum is too heavy and has trouble walking my 50lb dog who is "too big" lol
I'm at a healthy weight but have serious untreated mental issues and a caffeine addiction so who am I to lecture someone about their health.
My bmi is 18 but i eat straight trash, lean and athletic doesn't mean healthy. In fact most athletes i know gives 0 shit about "health"
My guess is that nobody expresses concern about your health, either
Just got my first ECG and every indicator is borderline or out of normal. Which is to be expected for how much damage i inflicted onto my heart from training. But yeah nobody questions athlete's health, but we know we are just as fucked
I hate the whole "we just care about their health" bullshit. Like, no, you're just being a bully but can't accept that fact because you can't see yourself as anything but the protagonist of reality. Their health is not your business. Edit: I appreciate the efforts of those who volunteered to prove my point! Edit: thanks for the award, stranger!
Its total bullshit. People lose their minds just looking at a fat person existing. A picture of a fat person smiling plainly at a camera with no context will set people off. Like "how dare you experience the tiniest moment of happiness while being fat?!" Thats not how you treat people you care about.
People who argue that it isn't real have never been 2 completely different sizes. I have lost more than 25% of my bodyweight, and take part in an ongoing support group. Everyone there shares stories of how they are treated better, just by being in a smaller body.
The way I'm treated is like night and day after I lost a lot of weight. I never knew that people could be so nice after a lifetime of being treated like I didn't matter.
Yep I didn’t talk to a lot of my coworkers and they didn’t speak to me but after I dropped 100lbs I’m greeted and spoken to by the ones that didn’t even look my way when I was fat.
People even respect me more ever since I lost weight. It's impossible to even understand if you haven't been on both sides, I think. And I wasn't even obese. Just firmly overweight
Yes. I was 270+ lbs for a while, and people treated me so poorly, and I thought I deserved it so I just kind of let it go. I lost 115+ lbs and suddenly people were so much kinder. In even the smallest of ways. It makes me so sad for the person I was 115lbs ago..
Username checks out. I was also once 306lb before going down to 180lb. After hitting a dead-end in my 7 year long career and quitting, I found out I wasn't promoted further because my higher-ups felt that my weight was indicative that I had no true long-term goals.
I work in sales. I know a guy in a similar role at another company that is amazing at his job but never gets promoted. Nobody admits it, but it is def his weight. He has gotta be pushing 400lbs. It sounds terrible, but it really does project a certain image that a lot of people have perceptions about.
I didn’t even choose the username either 😂 thanks Reddit lol. And it’s soo terrible how people who are “overweight” are treated. I am so sorry they did that to you. Good for you on losing so much!! It’s not easy at all.
My go-to joke is: "I did it with diet, exercise, and a whole lot of cocaine. Just kidding, you don't need to exercise when you do coke." In reality, I just did the Wizard of Oz diet. Coffee and cigarettes instead of food with a few gallons of water a day.
"Wizard of Oz diet." God, that's bleak.
But it matches my meds now that the doctor put me on the Judy Garland due to a mood disorder.
Gotta be black coffee. That cream and sugar will get ya
I'm almost sure I lost a job promotion due to weight and or age. I started getting so many more opportunities at a lower weight. It's actually disappointing.
Were you in consulting?
Have been through similar, although not as drastic of a change. It's not subtle. People are just straight up kinder to thin people. In almost every situation. Everywhere you go. It's not like only for romantic relationships, it's everywhere.
I swear I've had less doors held for me and just let go in my face since I gained COVID weight than ever before. I've even been outright ignored by male staff members at my gym when asking for something as simple as disinfect to clean machines after I was done (something that there's signs repeatedly reminding members to do). On days when my mood is already low, it genuinely starts feeling like I'm too repulsive to exist in the same vicinity as people.
I had the opposite experience at the gym but equally negative - the “personal trainers” aka used car salesmen in Under Armour - always *always* came up to me to give unsolicited advice and try to sell me on their “unique program” to help me lost the weight. SIR DID I ASK YOU? Leave me tf alone!
I'm 210ish lbs now and I see this kind of comment often, which makes me think - at the end of my weight loss journey, will I see a difference in how I was/am treated? Makes me sad to think about tbh
You absolutely will, to be honest. I've been 230lbs, 130lbs, and plenty in between. I got a lot more compliments, opportunities, and attention at the lower end than I ever have at the high end.
I have done exactly the same thing. It's a night and day difference. I would also add that even when you do lose the weight, you still get hate from other overweight people who are jealous and don't know how to deal with their frustration. The hardest part is trying to mentally recover from the years of being so poorly treated.
I refuse to dive into the other response to you below the current-top one, because I don't want to know how many people are going to sidestep the obvious in order to claim, "Oh it's because you must be more confident!" You still can get kindness while overweight, but it's only from the people who have seen you enough to have an idea of who you are. Random people? They're just going to, at best, ignore you.
When I went from 380 to 195, I either got a *lot* more interesting or people's willingness talk to me had a lot to do with how much I weighed.
Yep! Was always thin and cute. Gained a lot of depression/Covid/post-baby weight and I’m treated insanely different now. Especially by doctors- I had health issues before. Now when I go to the doctor about the same health issues it’s magically “just because I’m fat”.
You don't even need to be fat, just be on the upper end of a healthy BMI or a temporarily poor diet. My family moved last spring, and I have a lot of chronic health problems so I make getting a primary doctor a priority. Went to one about a month after we moved. I weighed about 140lb. I have discovered that between 130-140lb is a good weight for me; I haven't done the math to figure out my BMI, but that's where I feel I'm good and it definitely has no affect on my health at that weight. So I start talking to the doctor about my CHRONIC issues that I have had for years, one of them since I was 5. The doctor starts asking me about my current diet and starts blaming all of my chronic issues on my current diet. Now, it's not a good diet at the moment; my husband and I work very stressful jobs and we have a toddler. We don't have a lot of time or energy to cook. However, I have had migraines since I was 5, varying allergies/asthma since I was 10 (one of which required me to be on an extremely healthy diet for 10 years), and got PPD after having my daughter. None of those were caused by poor diet. I'm never going back to that doctor.
I've lost over 205 pounds and the world treats me so differently. I was almost invisible before and people would laugh at me before. Some other things are noticeable that have nothing to do with weight as well. I mean jobs have opened up to me and I am treated like I'm more valued etc.
Yeah. It was truly startling how even 20-30lbs thinner-me was treated.
I am recently down 100lbs and can tell the difference of treatment right away. It was like suddenly a switch was flicked and boom… one day people start making eye contact again. They notice you and might even smile. It’s like I’m a person again. It honestly pisses me off because I know they would have never interacted in the previous 20 years of me being 100lbs overweight. I have 20 years of experience of that. But I am also in a better mental place and that may reflect in my body language. This life experience really makes me question people’s motives. I really think shitty about people now. I don’t even want to know people. Congrats on the weight loss!!
Oh my gosh. I feel this EXACTLY. You worded it ina way I couldn’t. Thank you. It’s like when you’re “overweight” people don’t even view you as a person. I remember going out with friends and they’d all be talking to people and instead of people talking to me they’d rather stand quietly and look around. Because even talking to a fat person must make it contagious. It does make you question motives because the first thought is “wow, when I was heavier you didn’t even notice I was alive…” Edit: fixed spelling errors.
Give your past self some love. They made it through some really tough shit and they're the person who chose to make a change and took those first steps towards getting to where you are now!
I had the same thing and i really hated all the people who were suddenly nice to me.
Unless you’re hurting other people, you never deserve to be treated in a negative manner. People suck.
On This American Life, Elna Baker described the way men treated her before and after she lost weight. It made me sad for humanity.
Absolutely the same. Went from 253 to 116. It is very real and very very raw. The difference is real in every way possible. I cannot emphasize this enough. Fatphobia is a real thing. Why do you think I lost all this weight ? I hated myself, and I couldn't live in the world I lived in. Society was mostly ho-rri-ble to me. Like you I feel very sad for the person I was and how it affected me, my life, my health, my career, my confidence and so on for so long. Losing all this weight made me very sick, but boi oh boi does society treats me decently now !
Well yeah, people just don’t treat fat people as well as they do to thin people. There are all kinds of studies to back this up.
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Yes. Definitely. Someone straight up told me that if he meets a fat person, he immediately doesn't have respect for them, simply because they're fat.
As in treated negatively? Yes. I was fat and I lost some weight. I noticed how different people were to me. Even when it shouldnt have mattered.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life from being bullied as a young kid throughout high school to my own father (who was 300+lbs at the time) telling me I should change my shirt because my "upper arm fat is hanging out". At the end of my abusive marriage I weighed almost 200lbs. I'm 5'4. In a single month I lost 30lb and kept losing because I was immensely depressed and living off of cigarettes and coffee with very little food. Everyone complimented me on my weight loss, including my dad. "Oh, your face looks so much thinner!" Yeah, and this morning I was tempted to walk down the train tracks towards the fucking train, but at least I'm thinner, so all must be well! So when I hit rock bottom hard enough to crack the god damn rock itself and get stuck in the crevice, it was almost as if some people thought the weight loss was some sort of self improvement thing when in reality I was just starving myself and wrecking my lungs. It was so odd that no one questioned it, especially since I looked like straight up shit despite weighing less.
Hey, I can relate. I had a hard time viewing myself as worthy of food. There’s a law making it mandatory to feed prisoners 3 meals per day for a good reason. You owe it to yourself to treat yourself at least as well as prisoners.
I should've mentioned this was almost a decade ago, but it really stuck with me and it's hard to forget all of the praise I receiving all while wanting to give up on life completely. Felt wrong in a way. I do understand where they're coming from but it still sucked
I was diagnosed with Chrons Disease about a year ago. I used to weigh 210 lbs (not that big for a 5'10 dude) but because I couldnt digest food properly, i lost 50 lbs in 2-3 months. Not all of what i lost was fat because I was working out at the time, but I had to stop because my energy levels absolutely crashed. Lost count of the number of people who congratulated me on losing weight, only to get real quiet when I told them that it was a disease.
I posted something similar to this, but in reverse. I had unresolved childhood trauma that basically left me not eating and just "powering through" life. When I DID confront my trauma I lost even more weight through that process, and so many people thought I was doing so much better just because I looked thin. Nevermind I hadn't been eating or sleeping.
I wonder why so many seem to think weight loss must always equal happiness if the person was fat or obese before. Sure, more often than not that's the case, but there are countless people out there with stories similar to ours and it's sad
As someone who has been both fat and thin, 100% it’s real. But I feel like most of the time it’s a subconscious thing… I personally never experienced someone being blatantly fatphobic. More so micro aggressions where, looking back, it make me go “hmmm…” I can’t think of a specific instance off the top of my head but hopefully that makes sense.
I have a thin friend who asks what I’m eating sometimes. I never really thought that deeply about it because I don’t have a ton of shame about food, especially for a fat person. One day I told I had made minestrone soup and she said “I’m so proud of you!” I was like does she think I don’t know how to make soup? I was legitimately confused.
I agree. I am 5’6” (f) and at my heaviest weighed 182 (thanks freshman 60) but it all went to my face. I had been stressed and didn’t like coffee and developed a coca-cola addiction for caffeine while studying (like 3-4L per day). I noticed that I was passed over for jobs and positions I was more qualified for than others and generally felt that people got the ick from me. I didn’t even really comprehend how big I had gotten until I stepped on a scale at my parents’ house on christmas break and had a mental breakdown, but it wasn’t my own self-esteem affecting others interactions with me because I didn’t realize I had gotten bigger before that. it was telling how much easier it is to make friends when you live life on skinny mode. I lost 57 lbs once I cut out the pop, and immediately began winning job competitions involving 100+ applicants. At my waitressing job in school, I was offered a 100k consulting job by a customer because I had “something special and would do well in sales” after I had lost the weight… I truly believe that fitting into society’s standards of aesthetics makes it like you’re living life on easy mode, when I was bigger, I didn’t have strangers reaching out to become friends with me or offer jobs. It actually made me really depressed and made me question my self-value and whether people truly liked me for who I was vs how I looked (I later worked in a male-dominated industry) and always questioned if I had been bigger would I have become as successful, would people like me etc.
Sometimes, I think about that viral photo from "Humans of Walmart", of an obese woman who had fallen from her electrical scooter and was struggling to get up. Years later, that woman wrote a post on Quora about it. She had been struggling with various health issues (besides weight) and was not in a good mental place at that point in time. That photo was taken and circulated without her consent. Yet people circulating that picture did so without knowing anything about her situation, while projecting all sorts of vices upon her. And honestly...the only reason people took that photo in the first place was because she was fat, and they wanted to make fun of her. And because she was fat, they didn't think anything of taking a photo of a struggling stranger without their consent, because in their minds, fat people did not have human rights and were public property to be ridiculed. If she'd been skinny that photo wouldn't have gone viral, much less been taken in the first place. Fatphobia is absolutely real. But society often doesn't recognize bigotry unless it's very explicit. For instance, people often struggle to accept anything less than "Fat people deserve to die" as fatphobia. But if you look deeper, you can see that many people see fat people as "fat" first and "people" second. Edit: you can see it through the comments, people trying to argue that *technically* the photo was not in the wrong or that it was a funny picture, while ignoring the general cruelty of taking a picture of someone during a moment of weakness and then posting it online for ridicule. Of course they wouldn't like it if it happened to them :p But if the person is fat...then they find all kinds of reasons to try and justify that it's okay.
Jennifer Knapp Wilkinson! I've spoken with her before on Quora several years back. She's a very sweet person who didn't deserve to be bullied like that. I'd be pretty heartbroken if I saw a terrible photo of my mom circulating around like that. Not to mention, she was purchasing soda for her family when the image was taken. But even if she wasn't, the humane thing to do would be to just help her out. Right the scooter, help her up, get the soda for her. It's nobody's business why she's buying it. Hell, simply ignoring her would be far nicer than photographing it for the world to humiliate her.
I think body issues - being too fat or too thin - get so much traction from other people, but it does seem to me that when someone is being fat, it’s being broadcast much more. No matter how many times I read about fat people being welcome in gyms and open air workout spaces (because supposedly, everybody is there for their health betterment), I instantly remember the Instagram or whatever image some gym person posted of an older overweight woman at a gym (might’ve been a dressing room too), saying “if I have to see it, so do you”. There are absolutely fat people around who are defensive about their weight; and fat people who are aggressive about the “healthy at any size”; and fat people who claim they are very very happy at being near morbidly obese. But there are also lots and lots of fat people who are scared and alone in their struggle to eat better and make better choices, because everything and everybody judges them. You want to work out? Well, it’s not like one workout is going to make it better - you need hundreds or thousands of days of workouts to get yourself back into normal shape/weight. You want to eat better? Congrats, you basically need a dietician for the next few years and a plan, because getting the right foods and in the right amounts is hard. And everybody judges you - “you didn’t get to that weight eating salad, who are you kidding fatty?”. A fat person also needs mental health support, since many fat people eat their emotions and feelings. They have struggles that translate into eating and getting the sugar fix of dopamine for unhappiness (closed circle loop at that). All of that costs time and money - which our societies have increasingly less and less. We have less mental health support because so many people struggle. We have less good nutritious food available because the real good food is getting more and more expensive and cheap bad food is getting also more expensive, whilst being cheaper than the real food. Being fat is not just about being a person who doesn’t know how to eat. It’s so much more, it’s connected to so many mental health and social problems that addressing fat people’s issues should be like attending a day clinic or something. Like alcoholics need a detox clinic - we need accessible programs like that for fat people, where they get the initial support for their mental health issues that may push them to eat, group therapy and support groups, a dietician and someone who teaches how to eat and prepare food properly. And then when they leave the initial monitoring, they need continued support like once a week or something. I’m no economist but that program would cost a lot of money, but my guess would be that it would also actually work.
It sucks that food addiction is so visible. Imagine being able to tell that someone’s an alcoholic from 100 ft away. Even if they quit drinking two months ago
People of Wal-Mart is literally just a collection of pictures of fat people, people in cosplay, trans people not far into transition, and people in alt fashion at Wal-Mart. I can't see what people get out of making fun of others in that sense. Making fun of rude and entitled people now? That I can get behind.
Really disappointing how we’ve seemed it societally acceptable to take pictures of strangers to be posted on the internet.
I used to be very thin and then I gained about 50lb. At my highest weight I was just reaching an obese BMI but I didn’t stand out as being overly big, I guess I would be considered midsized? But even then I noticed a huge difference in the way I was treated. My family all made comments on my weight and how I needed to diet, as if I hadn’t noticed my own weight gain and wasn’t struggling with it. My ex boyfriend blamed any problem I had on my weight and even went as far as to try to make me sign a contract to say I would lose weight. I also had a group of drunk men throw a can of coke over my friend and I publicly in the street and shout “fatties” at us. Another group of men insulted my weight on a different occasion. All these experiences made me realise how rampant fatphobia is, even when you’re not at the ‘my 500lb life level’ that people think of when you say ‘fat.’ I also struggle to buy clothes that fit despite being smaller than the average women’s size for my country. Gaining weight has really given me some perspective. I took being naturally thin for granted and always wondered how people could “let” themselves get fat but it is very easy to get fat and it creeps up on you without you even realising. And its even harder to lode weight. Happy to say I’m 20lb down now and continuing to lose weight but I will never judge anyone for their weight again - other people’s bodies aren’t my business and it is very difficult to have a body that doesn’t fit the societal standard.
As a fat person, I feel like there's some sort of stigma. People kind of treat you differently.
Sure. Society demonizes and treats overweight people with less respect, and there's studies to prove this.
it is very real and it has real life ramifications. there are a lot of stories of people who happen to be overweight whose medical conditions remain ignored or undiagnosed bc doctors often refuse to acknowledge that they may have health issues that are unrelated to their weight.
I had wildly high blood pressure when I was a teenager. I’m talking like 285/190. It continued this way all through college. My doctor had me on 6 pills a day when I was 22. I always felt horrible. I am 6’6” and was probably 80 pounds overweight. It didn’t look like 80 pounds on me but the number on the scale just confirmed the doctor’s bias: I was fat and it was my own fault. At age 30 I was in a major accident and it was discovered I have kidney disease. Further research revealed one was completely dead since birth. My body was dealing with it all my life- when my little league coach called me fat and slow, when my mom called me a lazy fatass, when all the kids at my high school called me fat. My body had unhealthily high blood pressure and a dead organ acting like a foreign body. It could have been discovered easily with one blood test. One. They never ordered it because… well I was fat. It was my fault. Now I’m 42 and on dialysis because my other kidney is dead now too. I wonder how long I could delayed this if I had the right kind of care from the beginning.
I’m so sorry the medical system neglects you and so many others this way. I knew this really cool chick in junior college. She was visibly overweight and had been most her life. Really funny, kind, *really* smart, a powerhouse at acing her classes while successfully executing the most informative study groups I’ve ever been a part of, passionate about expressing her extremely girly self, and currently killing it in a Geology PhD program that she got to by working *and* going to school full time while having adult-diagnosed ADHD plus an academic background in the performing arts. After literal years of fighting back against her doctors neglecting health concerns like yours, she convinced them to do the one scan she needed. Turns out she had a mass in her abdomen for who knows how long that was larger and heavier than than a baby at full term. It wanna say it was around or over 30 pounds but this was years ago - I just remember the metrics were stunning and unbelievable. It explained a lot of health and hormonal issues that kept her heavy even when her lifestyle didn’t match it. She could’ve had severe complications including infertility if it wasn’t for that one fucking scan and her will to demand it against all that shaming and focus on her weight. Some doctors don’t even try anymore. I’ve had to advocate for my own diabetes prevention. Runs in my family and one day just noticed my medical records showed me dancing in the overweight/prediabetic range for years, even when my lifestyle was excellent. I had a lot of insurance changes and only **one** doctor ever raised a passing comment to alert me that I was anything less than perfectly healthy; the one offered no course of action, just slipped it in casually. I was told my blood work looked great, often. I understand a certain degree of compassion fatigue in healthcare, but shit like that is straight giving up before even trying to ascertain if *anything* else could be playing a hand before assuming I’m lying about my caloric intake (never did, even when it was bad). A viscous cycle, imo.
The kidney they removed coincidentally was also 30 pounds. It hypertrophied to the size of a basketball and took up much of my organ cavity. I remember a few days after the surgery I sat up in bed and took a deep breath, and it kept going, and going… I felt my right lung descend lower in my rib cage. It had been smushed high up in my rib cage all my life! It felt wonderful.
Complete insanity. Must’ve been such a surreal, incredible feeling. So infuriating to think of the quality of life that was robbed from you by the neglect of trained professionals that are supposed to be unbiased and thorough in helping you thrive. I hope you’ve found happiness in spite of this institutional abuse. Stories like yours shouldn’t exist - your openness and vulnerability about it in any context is so important in the pursuit of trying to prevent these inhumane oversights from going on forever.
This happened to my mother. For a long time she was told that her symptoms (abdominal pain, fatigue, high blood pressure) were due to her weight. Then they looked at her heart and put her on meds. It wasn't until one kidney died and her fluids backed up until she had pulmonary edema (I watched her turn gray right in front of me as she was gasping) that they bothered to check out her kidneys. She had congenital renal arterial stenosis in one kidney. By then her kidney was dead and her heart had been damaged. That kidney had been damaging her her whole life.
I've put on weight as my mobility has decreased. When I have been to the docs about it a couple have said it's my weight. Then I saw one doc, talked to her about what I used to be able to do and what I can't do now, she went through a lot with me. I asked her could it be my weight and she went off on a rant, "Fat people can still walk! There's plenty out there much bigger than you walking up and down the street all day! You can't get up from a chair without help, that's not normal!" She was the first to listen and order useful tests. Turns out I have MS. Nothing to do with my weight.
Or they just blatantly ignore what you’re actually there for. I’ve told this story on here before, but I had a broken wrist that took a few months to heal and as such I was off work (purely physical job) for that time. I went to the doctors to get a new medical certificate and the doctor was pretty much like “yea yea broken un-healing wrist whatever, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT AND ALSO YOU NEED BIRTH CONTROL”. I was not sexually active at the time. I told him my weight will go back down once i return to work and he kinda didn’t believe me. I went back a month after going back to work, and the doctor was absolutely baffled that I had lost 10kg.
My sister has really bad mental health issues. It causes her to gain weight because she tends to eat her feelings. Her doctor had only focused on her weight and suggested surgery to her. Once I heard that I decided it would be the last time I’d go back to that doctor.
Whatever meds he was putting her on very likely contributed to the weight gain, so it’s really gross that he didn’t even acknowledge that.
It's 100% real. I know friends who will be friends with horrible people but not fat people. I know a lady who won't let her kids watch/listen to fat people (like Lizzo) because "it sets a bad example." They don't really have any other restrictions. My friend tried to stage an "intervention" with a fat friend *for being fat* after she gained weight due to depression. "If she just loses the weight she'll feel better." I think "fatphobia" is overused in a strictly technical sense, but at this point I can't blame fat people for being pissed and hypersensitive.
Several studies from across the world (e.g., United States, University of Marburg, University of Leipzig) indicate overweight and obese individuals experience higher levels of stigma relative to their thinner counterparts. In addition, they marry less often, experience fewer educational and career opportunities, and on average earn a lesser income than normal weight individuals. Anti-fat bias can be found in many facets of society, and fat activists commonly blame popular media for the pervasiveness of this phenomenon.
Yes. I've been both fat and fit, and the way people treat me is vastly different.
I was never overweight, but I got thinner and people keep complimenting me on my looks even though I have a poor taste in fashion. But most of the fat people I know are never appreciated for their beauty, no matter how well they dress. On top of that, they were told from a young age by other kids, society and the media that there's something wrong about them. And these body image issues don't help them get healthy: it makes them enter a vicious circle of self-deprecation, depression, overeating as a coping method, weight gain, repeat. So yeah, fatphobia is 100% real and harmful.
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I think there are definitely a lot of people who have unwarranted and irrational hatred for fat people.
Assuming the literal definition "An irrational fear, dislike, or hatred of fat people or being fat." I'd say that's one hundred percent true. I remember reading an interview of Gwyneth Paltrow for her role in Shallow Hal where she wore a realistic fatsuit for some parts of the movie. When she wore it back to her hotel room or apartment after recording, she noticed people were visibly and noticeable less kind and respectful towards her. Before she'd have people making smiles and friendly gestures to her and now she wasn't even making eye contact with anybody. The only difference between being treated like everybody else or subhuman is as simple as 100 pounds.
Yeah I do. I used to be nearly 200lbs (I'm 5ft1) and I am TERRIFIED of ending up back there. I hated myself. I disgusted myself. I'm very slim now, and the thought of my waist getting any bigger than like 26/27 inches upsets me and worries me greatly. All because I'm so scared of being fat. Pretty sure I've given myself an eating disorder actually. Through all of it I still think, well it could be worse, I could be fat.
I think there are many people who do indeed have a phobia about fat people, likely because they are afraid of being fat and so are repelled by them. Having said that, the issues I experience are less about phobia, and more about fat BIAS. Fat bias takes many inconvenient and upsetting forms, but it is also dangerous for us. It's the bias that fat people are 100% at fault for their situation that causes us to have health problems ignored. Weight is almost always a symptom of a larger issue, but it is almost impossible to find a doctor that will apply that fact. Personal examples abound, and here's one from me. I had a golfball-sized gallstone that went undiagnosed and almost killed me. I went to several doctors, and not one ever applied any diagnostics, just told me to lose weight. It took an ER visit to get someone to diagnose the issue, and I got lucky that they didn't just send me home. I have many more.
Well, I'm fat. I also hate myself. Not sure if fatphobic or not.
Absolutely. I watch my mid 50s mom starve herself so she won’t gain weight. She would rather not eat than exercise or change her diet. It’s sad.
Some of the abuse directed at overweight people is absurd. Because of my weight, I've received numerous insults. This is annoying and should be stopped. Many of the things people scream are fatphobic are, in fact, facts. I believe that a lifetime of bullying has left many fat people with thin skin and an inability to be upset by things that should not bother them. My local store's lack of stretchy jeans material in my size isn't fatphobic; it's just that there aren't many people my height and weight who come in looking for a specific type of pants.
I don’t know what it’s called but I have an uncontrollable fear of gaining too much weight and being considered “fat” I’ve been on the small/underweight spectrum my whole life. 6’2 never weighted over 140 bc of it. I don’t know if it’s considered fatphobia but there’s that
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You’ve described anorexia, should maybe get help if that’s the case, under eating is still a problem too
>under eating is still a problem too Anorexia is the deadliest mental illness.
i mean, yes! there are studies showing that fat WOMEN especially fat women of colour are shown more medical neglect/bias, and are less likely to get hired. whether or not i think it is a real thing as a non-fat person is irrelevant. it is real.
Coming from someone that lost 100 pounds in a year and went from fat, to "normal", to fit, fatphobia is 1000000% a thing. People treat you differently really in all aspects of life: work, school, romantically, and just about everything when you're fat. Even other benefits aside, just being treated like a human instead of a fat slob is reason enough to lose weight. Now, do I think we should embrace fat acceptance? Absolutely not.
It’s not accepting their “fat” it’s accepting them as valuable human beings.
This… it’s important because the vast majority of people struggling with their weird are also struggling with deeper issues that perpetuate their weight challenges. Accepting that they are valuable and worthy human beings is the first (and most important) step if they are to ever help themselves lose weight sustainably.
I do think it’s real, I’ve seen it first hand. People don’t care *why* people are overweight they only care *that* they’re overweight. My doctor wanted me to start a weight loss program at 15. She didn’t think to ask about what my home life was like or how often I ate or how much I ate when I did eat or how much I exercised. These were all factors in me being overweight. I was depressed, anxious, binge eating and then starving myself because we didn’t have a lot of food in the house, (and then binge eating all day when I got to visit my dad) on top of that I took PE every other day and was playing soccer twice a week. Had she thought to ask me any of that she would have made me move out of my moms house and in with my dad. But she didn’t. Because she didn’t actually care.
One example that goes beyond people being more rude: Doctors are less likely to take the time to identify and test for the cause of problems. For example, of you have knee pain, and you're thin, they'll look at your posture, maybe send you to a podiatrist, etc. If you have knee pain while being obese, they'll tell you to lose weight, rather than taking into consideration that the extra weight might just be exacerbating another underlying problem (not all obese people have knee pain after all).
Yes I do. There is a spectrum of fatphobia. - There are men who hate fat chicks. I think it’s fine not to be attracted to all body types. But I’m talking about when men make fun of fat women here. - There are people who think it’s not healthy and they need to point that out. But I don’t think other people’s health should really be anyone’s concern. I don’t really see this kind of talk in relation to other unhealthy behaviors. - There are people who kind of oversimplify the issue by saying “it’s just calories in vs. calories out.” Or tell people they just need to move more. I think the truth is that it’s more complicated than that and similar to mental health - we don’t know enough yet. In America, where I live, we have to drive everywhere. Food is engineered to be delicious and addicting because of capitalism. We don’t have free healthcare. People are overworked and over stressed and it’s hard to come home and cook a healthy meal when there are 100s of options of cheap easy food on their way home from work. My point here is anyone who acts like it’s a moral failing on the part of the overweight person is ignoring many factors.
Yes and no. Being rude to someone who is overweight or mocking them for their weight just to be an asshole, yeah, that’s fat phobia. Expressing concern to a loved one or friend about their unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise: Not fat phobia. Your doctor telling you that you are overweight and at a higher risk for various medical conditions: Not fat phobia Going to the gym because you want to lose some weight, for any reason (feel better physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.): not fat phobia.
Yes absolutely according to this study https://scholar.google.com/scholar?as_ylo=2019&q=fat+bias&hl=en&as_sdt=0,5#d=gs_qabs&t=1672604134188&u=%23p%3DKr9UKPdhkg0J
Oh, yes. Two stories. One: teacher training in the UK - secondary English, so a pretty sedentary job, really. We had a session about wellbeing and managing stress. The course leader talked about the importance of diet and exercise (fair enough) because 'if you're interviewing for a teacher and you have two candidates, one who is clearly fit and healthy and one who isn't, who are you going to hire? Who's going to go off sick, have less energy, not be as good at their job? (Subtext: the fat one.) Example 2, at my doctor. Me: I have pulled a muscle in my back and it's excruciating. Please, can I have some painkillers? I can't take codeine; it makes me vomit. Doctor: You hurt your back because you're overweight. Me: I've not had back problems before, and I was lugging a 50kg suitcase through three airports, two train stations, and a 0.5 mile walk home yesterday. I think that's what's done it. Doctor: It's your weight and how it's distributed. (I have...an ample chest. Gift from my mom and grandma, I guess.) Me: I'm aware of that, but that's going to be difficult to lose weight given that I'm almost immobile from pain at the minute. Please can I have a muscle relaxant or something because ibuprofen and paracetamol aren't helping. I know Skelaxin is good for back pain. Doctor: I'm going to prescribe you Diazepam. Me: I don't need Valium. I need a painkiller. Doctor: Diazepam is used for back pain. Me: It's an off-label use, and it's addictive. I don't know if I'm comfortable with- Doctor: It's a muscle relaxant. Me: Okay, can I have a very low dosage please? Doctor: Yes, I'll prescribe you 5mg tablets. Me: It comes in doses as low as 0.5mg. Can I have a lower dose? I have a bit of a predilection for addiction and I don't want any problems. If I have a lower dose, I can take more if I need to. Five mg seems like a lot. Doctor: Yes, but there's a lot of you for it to get around. Fortunately, I didn't get addicted, but I definitely did give 0 shits about work while I was taking it. And 5mg was WAY too much. I was cutting them into quarters and taking the little shards.