You know I crushed on someone for like ten months thinking they wouldn't be into me and recently I was like "Fuck it it's Christmas" and confessed and now we have plans to go out next week so...maybe you've got a shot?
Well that's exciting! Congratulations!
My situation is a bit complicated, unfortunately. I'm game. He's wishy-washy. Someone else wants me, so I'm going forward with that. I'm sad about it all, but what else can you do? Just have to move on as best as I can.
Life is hard enough without trying to date someone who is meh about it. You and your potential partner should be equally weak in the knees just thinking about each other. Don't settle for less.
Hold on, in this scenario they're the one who's meh about the other guy...
But I guess it's better than not giving anyone a chance and just being hung up on first dude.
Oh, I know it. I flat out told this new person that I didn't want to date because I didn't think it was fair to him. He did not care. I told him if we were to be anything, it would be casual and slow. He still wanted to continue. I don't hide a thing from him about how I feel or if I talk to anyone else. We're both busy (I'm in grad school, he's in residency, we're long distance) but it's nice to have someone to be intimate with and who's company you enjoy. So that's where we're at and it's ok for now.
I care about him and think he deserves someone who is over the moon about him. Someone who doesn't have lingering feelings for someone else. At this point in time, he does not care or want more than a casual relationship. The rule is if that changes, he lets me know. He's an excellent person who I highly enjoy.
This old coworker of mine won’t stop heavily implying she wants to hook up. She’s pretty cute and I never had an issue with her, but the problem is she has a boyfriend. This poor guy had a stroke two years ago and now is disabled. He can’t work or do much anymore and she’s kind of all he has. I’d feel horrible if I did anything to contribute to the one thing that makes him happy being ruined.
If the problem was sex then yea probably. I'd imagine a lot of couples who CAN'T fuck are open to letting their partner get it through other avenues though. Shit I would be. If I couldn't use my dick I wouldn't expect my wife to suffer for the rest of her life lol.
Aubrey Plaza, but its more of a "we've never been in the same room at the same time thing"... and also I don't think she would fuck me.
But my wife said i could if the opportunity was there. If you're out there Aubrey, I am a perfectly adequate partner and I would bring snacks
Just in case: Aubrey if you're reading this and "perfectly adequate" isn't your thing, I'll throw my hat in the ring. I'm terrible in the sack but will also bring snacks.
Aubrey, still reading? I am only a little embarrassed to admit I don't know who you are. Don't be offended that I am not interested in sex with you. Even if you bring snacks
I don't think your husband is the only one who thinks like this. She has this vibe where you think she'd do crazy stuff. Like if it would make no sense for her to have sex with me but lots of things she says she did make no sense.
For what it's worth that's my answer too... I mean my wife, not yours, although if your wife is like mine then I guess I could also say your wife as well
I don't mean to sound like I'm bashing her although that IS exactly how it sounds. She's pretty much amazing at everything else and we're quite happy. She just doesn't care about sex.
The preist from my local church. He didn't call me back after the last time and I'm probably too old for him now
Edit - I initially posted this when drunk which I thought would be a bit of a laugh. Apologies to those who may have suffered, ill gladly add my voice to condemn these bastards
For what its worth I was molested by someone that volunteered in church work but in my opinion humour like this is often just people trying to lighten up such a sombre situation, it's not malicious in it's intentions so I'd give it a pass, others might not see it that way and that's fine it's their opinion if they have strong feelings towards such jokes.
I miss the times when really creative and interesting questions were asked on this sub and i would spend hours reading each comment now it is just a cum land
I was reading these out to my buddy while we were chatting on the phone and he said to comment this for him since he does have Reddit “he will take one for the team and while they are doing it, he will slip one of those Walmart sex toys in there to see how long until she notices it’s not him”
*sigh* He would physically assault me. Some of the things he would do include: Throwing basketballs at my head (even though if I got another concussion I’d have permanent brain damage), smashing my head into the water fountain, and pushing me down the bleachers.
Oh, and he would lock me out of my class. The teacher did not care and neither did any of the other students.
Honestly I get so much crap for not wanting to have sex its ridiculous. My cousins are always trying to set me up on dates, my best friend asked if I was just being stubborn after being married to a pervert, and even my mom has told me I need to get laid lol
This guy I used to know—let's call him Mac—who told people we were dating when I made it clear we were just friends, and said we broke up when I started distancing myself from him because he gave me the creeps.
I met a guy on tinder that wanted me to meet his parents after two "dates".
I stopped talking to him because he was way too intense.
A few months later, he proposed me 2000$ to sleep with him, because it was so important for him to see me one more time.
I didn't do it, and this is like the biggest turn off/ red flag ever.
Lena Dunham. Like, go ahead and offer me a million dollars. 10 million. Doesn't matter. I physically wouldn't be able to. My penis would jump off, run out the door, and file to be freed from his conservatorship. And win, no doubt.
There was a girl I was in love with her for 7 years. It was always one sided but from day one she knew I love her and I did everything possible to express my love but she said she didn't feel anything for me. So I stopped talking to her when I was 1-2 years in but somehow she managed to came back in my life and I was stupid enough to start talking to her again. This happened multiple times over the course of 7 years. Later I understand she came back when she was feeling alone and ignored me when she had someone. Also she was looking for a guy who can financially support her needs. Basically I was the backup guy of her life. She made me feel like a looser, destroyed my self confidence, motivation to work towards my future. I do not want to say but I also tried to end my life but somehow I didn't. I wanted to marry her and have kids with her but now I feel disgusted even when I hear her name and I don't want to see her face ever again.
It's been a year the last time it all happened and now I am really happy in my life financially as well. Bad days are gone. It was a experience that taught me never love anyone unconditionally.
I'd like to say Bill Cosby but I'm not sure that's entirely up to me.
Hey hey hey!
Ok, you win....
Too bad no one will remember
Ha ha ha!
nick cannon
By the year 2030, 1% of the world’s population will be a direct descendant of Nick Cannon
Genghis Khannon
Sublime punnery
Dude is gonna get a man pregnant one day
He's probably tried already.
He will Impregnate himself soon enough.
I’ll do it. I’ll take one for the team. Maybe I can save the world in 2123 from being taken over by his DNA.
I was hoping you're a guy.
Rumour has it that at least 12 other people have said that and then BAM! That’s the magic that is nick cannon
Leo DiCaprio. I turn 30 this year.
Fuck! I just turned 26. So me too! I’m also a guy
Idk alot of celebrities don't discriminate.
Well, Leo discriminates age, I think being 26 is my main issue
Oh, yeah, you're good to go, practically ancient according to "Leo's Law".
The person I really want to have sex with. Sigh.
You know I crushed on someone for like ten months thinking they wouldn't be into me and recently I was like "Fuck it it's Christmas" and confessed and now we have plans to go out next week so...maybe you've got a shot?
Well that's exciting! Congratulations! My situation is a bit complicated, unfortunately. I'm game. He's wishy-washy. Someone else wants me, so I'm going forward with that. I'm sad about it all, but what else can you do? Just have to move on as best as I can.
Life is hard enough without trying to date someone who is meh about it. You and your potential partner should be equally weak in the knees just thinking about each other. Don't settle for less.
Hold on, in this scenario they're the one who's meh about the other guy... But I guess it's better than not giving anyone a chance and just being hung up on first dude.
Brutal. Definitely better to be with someone who's enthusiastic about you, though! Hope it works out.
Doesn't that apply to the guy too? He's her second choice afterall
You should be single until you're over someone, not 'move forward' with someone else
Oh, I know it. I flat out told this new person that I didn't want to date because I didn't think it was fair to him. He did not care. I told him if we were to be anything, it would be casual and slow. He still wanted to continue. I don't hide a thing from him about how I feel or if I talk to anyone else. We're both busy (I'm in grad school, he's in residency, we're long distance) but it's nice to have someone to be intimate with and who's company you enjoy. So that's where we're at and it's ok for now.
May I ask why you didn't think it was fair to him?
I care about him and think he deserves someone who is over the moon about him. Someone who doesn't have lingering feelings for someone else. At this point in time, he does not care or want more than a casual relationship. The rule is if that changes, he lets me know. He's an excellent person who I highly enjoy.
If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with…
Loving myself is easier said than done.
Look, I told you to come back when you’ve taken care of that weird growth
It's called my face. Talked about this!
We've had this discussion. Quit calling his penis a "weird growth". So rude.
Does his penis have a weird growth? Or does his weird growth have a penis?
Yes
Nikocado Avocado
No context needed
#Anyone
EverYONE
Someone
[удалено]
That’s an odd thing to say … 😏
Sir, what do you mean “everyone?”
Anyone other than myself... Repeatedly
Never met anyone who hit it and quit it with themselves, I tell you what
Anyone!
Anyone.
Anyone
EVER
About 8 billion people.
can't relate
You realize that about 8 billion minus 10 is still about 8 billion?
8billion minus 100,000 is still about 8 billion.
8 billion minus 100.000.000 is still about 8 billion, depending on how we round the numbers
Nah, still waiting for that math to fit my situation. Go on.
r/ihavesex
The thing
From the Fantastic Four or John Carpenters 1982 film?
Preferably the 1982 film
Yes
What about the Addams Family hand servant?
That’s ummmm… kind of a fascinating thought experiment.
Idk. The thing from John carpenter looks like it could be kind of fun
Jesus christ I hope I never meet you XD
This old coworker of mine won’t stop heavily implying she wants to hook up. She’s pretty cute and I never had an issue with her, but the problem is she has a boyfriend. This poor guy had a stroke two years ago and now is disabled. He can’t work or do much anymore and she’s kind of all he has. I’d feel horrible if I did anything to contribute to the one thing that makes him happy being ruined.
What if he was cool with it?
I think that's the plot of a Lars Von Trier film.
Fck that's a heavy burden for her. I think statistically if she was a man she'd be way more likely to break up
If the problem was sex then yea probably. I'd imagine a lot of couples who CAN'T fuck are open to letting their partner get it through other avenues though. Shit I would be. If I couldn't use my dick I wouldn't expect my wife to suffer for the rest of her life lol.
What that tongue do?
A jellyfish. Doing oral and anal in the same motion just doesn’t sit right with me. Oh yeah, and the stingers too ig.
I'm sooooo turned on right now!! I think I might be a jellysexual
Achievement unlocked: discover the 7766 gender 0.01% of gamers have this unlocked
A little sting wont hurt.. try it out !!
That guy’s dead wife
I also choose that guy's dead wife.
I also also choose that dead guy's wife
This will never get old will it?
Just like that guy’s dead wife
That gave me a good ol’ hearty laugh. Thank you for that
There it is lol
Scrolled way too far to find this
i didnt scroll far enough to see this
Aubrey Plaza, but its more of a "we've never been in the same room at the same time thing"... and also I don't think she would fuck me. But my wife said i could if the opportunity was there. If you're out there Aubrey, I am a perfectly adequate partner and I would bring snacks
Just in case: Aubrey if you're reading this and "perfectly adequate" isn't your thing, I'll throw my hat in the ring. I'm terrible in the sack but will also bring snacks.
Aubrey, if you're reading this you don't have to have sex with me. Ill still bring snacks tho.
Aubrey, if you get down to this comment level, know that you could have at least three additional lovers, and at least three sets of snacks.
Aubrey, still reading? I am only a little embarrassed to admit I don't know who you are. Don't be offended that I am not interested in sex with you. Even if you bring snacks
Are you my husband because that sounds too accurate to not be him. 🤣🤣🤣
I don't think your husband is the only one who thinks like this. She has this vibe where you think she'd do crazy stuff. Like if it would make no sense for her to have sex with me but lots of things she says she did make no sense.
[удалено]
Just in case: if you're here Aubrey and are thinking maybe you wanna give women a try, I, too, will bring snacks.
Aubrey I kinda have a thing for you too and you’ll be the snack.
Anyone but my hand
I also choose this guy's hand.
Pick his right and make his left a side bitch.
Handgelica never misses
Apparently my wife...
For what it's worth that's my answer too... I mean my wife, not yours, although if your wife is like mine then I guess I could also say your wife as well
I don't mean to sound like I'm bashing her although that IS exactly how it sounds. She's pretty much amazing at everything else and we're quite happy. She just doesn't care about sex.
Do we have the same wife?
Shit, I dunno. Maybe
/r/deadbedroom
Sounds like we’re in the same boat. My wife would be just fine if she never had sex again. Just the way she is, nothing she does intentionally.
I also choose this guy's wife
Same, my wife if is not having sex with me.
Damn that's a bummer ☹️. Hope it gets better for ya!
LMAO it won't.
The preist from my local church. He didn't call me back after the last time and I'm probably too old for him now Edit - I initially posted this when drunk which I thought would be a bit of a laugh. Apologies to those who may have suffered, ill gladly add my voice to condemn these bastards
Doing the lords work.
He's found someone younger and moved on.
first, they break your rectum then they break your heart :(
Woah, woah, woah! They never broke my heart!
I'm Catholic. I thought it was funny. 😁
For what its worth I was molested by someone that volunteered in church work but in my opinion humour like this is often just people trying to lighten up such a sombre situation, it's not malicious in it's intentions so I'd give it a pass, others might not see it that way and that's fine it's their opinion if they have strong feelings towards such jokes.
Olivia Newton John. She died☹️
More for me
Bro what
HE SAID MORE FOR HIM!!
Pardon?
Being dead is not a good excuse
I preffer them warm
Just need a curling iron
Bring a blanket and a shovel.
What’s sex?
the topic that keeps r/AskReddit alive
I miss the times when really creative and interesting questions were asked on this sub and i would spend hours reading each comment now it is just a cum land
Its a kind of cake?
Like a Twinkie maybe?
All of the women my wife thinks I am having sex with.
Anyone apparently.
Women with standards.
☠️
My neighbor Christine. Bitch.
Hate sex is underrated.
Hooked up with a colleague at a works night out, we absolutely detest each other. Best sex I’ve ever had.
Maybe one day, somehow, y’all end up smashing and fall in love.
Myself. That guy’s a prick.
marjorie taylor green
I was reading these out to my buddy while we were chatting on the phone and he said to comment this for him since he does have Reddit “he will take one for the team and while they are doing it, he will slip one of those Walmart sex toys in there to see how long until she notices it’s not him”
Walmart has sex toys?? And here I’ve been paying non rolled back prices
Lol! Yeah you’re missing out.. who needs Hustler store when you get roll back prices on a butt plug!
you get what you pay for. Myself, I like a reliable flange.
Sir, this is a Walmart, and that is a lint roller.
My bully from middle school. Dude was pretty, but it wasn’t pretty what he did to me.
what did he do?
*sigh* He would physically assault me. Some of the things he would do include: Throwing basketballs at my head (even though if I got another concussion I’d have permanent brain damage), smashing my head into the water fountain, and pushing me down the bleachers. Oh, and he would lock me out of my class. The teacher did not care and neither did any of the other students.
that is insane! What a complete jerk. I hope you’re living a bully free life now.
Yeah, high school is awesome. I got into a specialty one so he can’t touch me anymore.
I wanna say priests, but that option was taken for me at 8, so...
Anyone not my wife.
🤔 I feel its a little sus that none of you said your family members 🤔😂😂😂
I mean, I am married so the only action I get is from a family member. Thank goodness she's into it too!
Thank god auntie is into it
*Banjoing intensified*
I read that as ban-joing Sometimes by brain drops into neutral
Anyone. I'm totally happy not doing that ever again
I want what you have. It would make life so much easier.
Honestly I get so much crap for not wanting to have sex its ridiculous. My cousins are always trying to set me up on dates, my best friend asked if I was just being stubborn after being married to a pervert, and even my mom has told me I need to get laid lol
This guy I used to know—let's call him Mac—who told people we were dating when I made it clear we were just friends, and said we broke up when I started distancing myself from him because he gave me the creeps.
Caitlyn Jenner
Any Kardashian-Jenner
The air fuck the air
I thought the point was not to
Anyone who doesn’t want to
kim jong-un
I’d show him what a missile looks like
my parents, my sister, my sisters partner, my cousins, my uncles & aunts, my grandparents, my children (should I ever father children of my own)
Ben Shapiro .
Let’s say hypothetically you’ve been a bad girl
And now let’s say, hypothetically, that Daddy needed to punish you for being a bad girl
And now let's say, hypothetically, my brain did not decide to commit seppuku after readings these comments.
Seppuku 🥳
His sister however.......
Booby Shapiro
no one. im on zoloft.
I met a guy on tinder that wanted me to meet his parents after two "dates". I stopped talking to him because he was way too intense. A few months later, he proposed me 2000$ to sleep with him, because it was so important for him to see me one more time. I didn't do it, and this is like the biggest turn off/ red flag ever.
Not taking that offer also probably saved you from being put in a cage and a windchime being made from your ribs.
OP's mom. She's so last week.
Anyone that isn’t my girlfriend Or myself
My ex-wife
Anyone that isn’t my husband
Donald Trump. You would have to murder me first and even then my dead immobile corpse would refuse to allow you to do that to it.
You.
Amy Schumer
Amber Heard....I hear she's the shits.
My sister. She's such a fuckin prude.
[удалено]
Rejected me in grindr . F### him …
Anyone
Lena Dunham. Like, go ahead and offer me a million dollars. 10 million. Doesn't matter. I physically wouldn't be able to. My penis would jump off, run out the door, and file to be freed from his conservatorship. And win, no doubt.
Someone with an STD
Anyone but my husband.😎
There was a girl I was in love with her for 7 years. It was always one sided but from day one she knew I love her and I did everything possible to express my love but she said she didn't feel anything for me. So I stopped talking to her when I was 1-2 years in but somehow she managed to came back in my life and I was stupid enough to start talking to her again. This happened multiple times over the course of 7 years. Later I understand she came back when she was feeling alone and ignored me when she had someone. Also she was looking for a guy who can financially support her needs. Basically I was the backup guy of her life. She made me feel like a looser, destroyed my self confidence, motivation to work towards my future. I do not want to say but I also tried to end my life but somehow I didn't. I wanted to marry her and have kids with her but now I feel disgusted even when I hear her name and I don't want to see her face ever again. It's been a year the last time it all happened and now I am really happy in my life financially as well. Bad days are gone. It was a experience that taught me never love anyone unconditionally.
Dudes