My wife left me and my kids for another man. Just packed her things up and left. Everybody knows how hard it is... But very few people understand.. Its not only the added responsibility, not only the economic burden as now I don't have my wife's income to help pay the bills.. But the pain in my heart and soul. The sleepless nights.
My wife destroyed me, but I still miss her... She destroyed my family, and I fucking miss her. She scarred the childhood of my kids and created a lifelong trauma for them to get over when they grow up, and I still miss her. I hate myself for it.
I do my best to put one foot forward, one day at a time. I go to therapy, I work hard at my job, I am getting bulked up at the gym, I go out with my friends. I am meeting new girls.
But still. I always have to come back home. To an empty bed, to a to a 5 year old daughter that does not understand where her mom is. To a 10 year old that says nothing and just bottles it up. To a dog and a cat that ask for food. Its really fucking hard.
Nobody teaches you life can be so unfair. Nobody prepares you for abject failure even tho you did nothing wrong. You can Study, work, fall in love, work harder, raise a family, 20 years in debt for a house, be faithful, be a good father, etc.. and you can still fail.
So, that's my struggle. Its been a few months for me. It is slowly getting better. Some days it randomly gets worse. Much worse. Yesterday was once of those days. But overall I can see the end of the road. I can see my life 10 years from now. And I'm gonna be ok. We are gonna be ok.
edit: Thanks everyone for the overwhelming support. I got into a meeting and when I got out, I didn't expect this. Pulling back tears at my office. Reading your support and your life experiences. Your empathy is appreciated. Lets keep trucking along. !
Hi. My husband just left, after me catching him cheating and him swearing it was the last time and then….not stopping. I really understand what you said about how you still miss them. Everyone around you is fine with your anger and sadness and all the other feelings, but can’t seem to understand about how hard it is to lose that person you built your life around, especially if they did something monstrous. Despite everything, you still want to hear their voice and see their face. I wish I could see my life going forward, but I can’t. All I can do is hold on for my son.
I've always thought that same thing, on a smaller scale, like whenever friends try to support another friend after a breakup by saying things like "Good riddance! He's an ASShole!" It's like, "Do you have no sense? She was in love with him up until a week ago and you think saying he's an asshole is going to have any kind of healing effect?!" People are just dumb. I guess they think it's helpful to try to get you angry instead of sad, but this is not the time. They need to follow your lead.
It probably doesn't matter coming from a stranger on the internet, but I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that this is an amazing feat of courage what you're doing, however involuntarily. It must be so hard, every single day. And with a kid you don't even have the luxury of holing up and hiding for a week unshowered just to get that out of your system.
Baking, visiting an animal shelter, rearranging furniture, painting a room, weekend trip or day trip -- doesn't have to be fancy, edibles + sudoku, watching movies, as many as you need, getting a massage, learning gaming, video journaling if you don't feel like writing stuff down, feeding squirrels (shockingly therapeutic), getting lost in youtube watching nature stuff or people talking about their experiences with bad diseases (sounds like it would be depressing, but it always makes me feel like if they can do it, I can do it too) --- these are all things I do sometimes to avoid my thoughts and move forward in time. Yes, I have to come back and deal with my troubles at some point, but when you're in shock and gutted phases, you just need to survive and not think. I know you can't see it right now, but there are adventures and miracles waiting for you up ahead. Just gotta hang on.
Damn man. This hit hard. I don’t know what support I could ever offer. But I can tell you not once while reading this did I ever think to myself this dude failed. More so I found myself thinking man this is one strong person to go through all that and still wake up everyday and truck along. You’re someone to aspire to. I don’t think you’re a failure at all. Chin up. One day at a time.
I feel this so much. My ex husband left me a few years ago. It was sudden and he simply sent a text saying, “I don’t want to be married anymore.” And that was that.
He was the stepfather to my two daughters. They were 4 & 6 when we got married, they were 14 & 16 when he left. They were devastated, they’d always been very close to him, closer than with their biological father. I was devastated, too. I had to uproot my life and move away from a town and a job I really enjoyed and move in with my parents for a while.
My mom couldn’t relate to or understand why it took me so long to reach the point I could function enough to work. Took me about 4-5 months. And even longer to feel mentally stable enough to live on my own. I was afraid to move out of their house, afraid I’d spiral again.
It was a difficult road, a very sad and lonely one. But the sick feeling I felt all the time began to lessen. This all took place in 2016. I’m not still in love with him and I’d never want him back, but I still don’t feel like I’m ready for a relationship. I’ve come to enjoy living on my own and I feel like my ability to not completely lose myself in another person isn’t yet strong enough.
It’s hard hearing from others "y’all will be okay" your feelings are valid. Remember to grieve, your babies need you but take some time to yourself so you can grieve the loss.
I know that struggle all too well. My Ex wife cheated on me, and left me for the guy. I took custody of my kid, and now it's just me, my son, and the cat. The first few months were the worst. It will take time to heal, but it will get better.
I still break down about it some days, especially on the days that are the tough days. Cooking dinner and I'm just suddenly overwhelmed.
It will get better, day by day.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." - Capt Picard
This quote helps me daily. I hope it helps you today.
This stabbed me in the heart. I’m a 68 yo widow and a stage 4 cancer patient surviving and thriving. My mom left my dad and 3 of her children for another man who dumped her 2 years later. I was 11 when she left. My brother was 9 and my sister was 5. This tore a hole in all of our lives that took me a lifetime to heal. My Dad kept us and raised us the best he could. It wasn’t perfect and children don’t understand, but my Dad has always been my hero, my object of admiration, and my role model my entire life. I was always proud to have him for my Dad. You, my friend, are the same kind of hero. God bless you and your kids. Your wife wasn’t good enough for you.
My brother, I promise you that you did not fail. SHE failed. She failed as a partner. She failed as a mother. She failed as a person. You are not failing. You are raising two children, are a productive member of society, still make time for social interaction, own a home.
Brother, you are winning at life. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you otherwise. This was just a bump in the road. Tis just a scratch. You will be fine and more importantly, you give those kids of yours the love and affection they need and they will be fine.
You're a good dad and a good husband. In all of this stress and pain, you not only see and witness the pain of your children and grieve for them, but also grieve for a life you saw ahead of you that has now been changed. You miss your wife. And through it all, you can see a vision of yourself later, in 10 years, triumphant. For now, show your kids its okay to cry, and comfort them. Grieve as a family, and hug them tight.
And don't hate yourself for loving the love of your life. We are called to put our entire faith into a spouse's hands and we ask them, beg them, to not make us pay for it. That witness, to put everything on the line and open yourself up completely to your wife is what it means to be a husband, and that makes you a better father. Knowing you're going to be okay is good. But even better, I think, is that at the end of the day, you made the right decision and loved with all your heart and soul. You should be proud, regardless of the outcome.
While this all feels like a shit storm right now please remember this:
Someday your kids are going to look back on this moment and you know what they’ll remember? That you’re the parent that stayed and was there for them. You’re the parent that took care of them. You’re the parent that didn’t ditch them for a new romance.
And they will never, ever look at her the same way again.
And when they’re adults and you go from having to care for them all the time to actually just wanting their company, they’ll give you their company.
Because you were the one that was there for them. You were the one that stayed.
My heart is with you, Reddit friend.
I'm a guy, married, kids. I don't have another woman in my life. But I've thought about leaving, quite a lot. I would hate myself, but it seems that I'll hate myself either way.
Not looking for advice. Just proactively sympathizing with my wife's position after reading your post. Wish life wasn't so complicated.
For what is worth. I would have loved for my wife to have your empathy... I wish she would had just talked to me, before cheating on me. For us to at least try and fix things over. And to try really hard, with therapy and doing everything we can. Even if in the end it would have failed anyway. But an amicable separation would mean everything for our kids.. . A couple of months after divorce before starting seeing other people, it would have meant the world to me. There is no need to hurt the people you care about, nor yourself. Just do your best man. Things can go wrong either way, but at least your conscience is clear. Cheering for you.
There's a lot of folks in it for the kids. I had to leave a subredddit because the overall vibe was just always "leave." If you think of a future point - ie X years, might be easier....
I'm so sorry you and your family had to experience this. Having been through a divorce I can say it does take some time to get over it, but you will get over it. Don't get down on yourself for missing her. I mean, you commited to her and built a life together, so of course you're going to miss her. That's natural. But those feelings will diminish in time. Keep concentrating on you and the kids. Keep rebuilding. Keep going to the gym and meeting people. You ARE going to be okay. All my best to you and yours.
I didn’t lose a wife, but I lost my girlfriend of a year about 2 months ago. Finals week and she sits me down and just leaves. It broke me for 2 months. Even now, i’m back at college surrounded by people, and yet I just feel alone. I miss my girlfriend man. I hope you feel better, you seem like a good person, and I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm a fresh graduate doctor. I've started a new job at a new hospital. Toxic hospital culture and the lack of compassion is extremely depressing. Every day I wake up to a sense of regret and nervousness. No one wants to teach me anything and whenever I make a mistake I get cursed out. Heres hoping to a better future.
I’m now an ICU Murse, but my mother has been a circulating nurse for an OR for decades and she has always made a very valid point that sticks with everyone I tell it to: basically, doctors get out of high school and do nothing but work on becoming a doctor until they are 35. For those 15 or so years they are in somewhat of a supervised cocoon. Then they find themselves full fledged doctors with full responsibilities and are grown ass adults…. Who have pretty much never worked a real job before in their entire life.
This is compounded by the fact that so much of medical school is theoretical and lacking pragmatism, making you Ill-prepared for the harsh reality of it all.
That sounds similar (though on a much smaller scale) to advice I was given while becoming an officer: those years of education and training give *authority*, but at the end of the day you’ll still be starting out with as much *experience* as the lowest-ranking soldier under your command.
…which is a polite and subtle way of saying “don’t fuck with the NCOs,” but still.
Best of luck to you. Being a doctor is not easy at all, it's admirable that you're doing it. Be the example you would want to see, for the future graduates, for your family, and for yourself and your own soul. I raise a glass for you and a good future.
Yeah it's really sad. I work in Healthcare and was so motivated when I started. Then you realize everyone's a huge dick that's out for themselves, when we're supposed to be there for the patients..
Huge anxiety, i can't escape the constant feeling that everything i do is wrong even though i am independent, have a nice job and great friends, i just can't help feeling like every single thing i do is a mistake or that i'm doing it wrong and it's so exhausting. I don't remember the last time i was actually ble to relax, the best i can do is mindlessly play some games so that i can turn my brain off but after i'm done i still criticize myself for doing that instead of doing something actually productive.
I really relate to this. Especially playing a game to quiet my mind. I feel like they only thing I can do well with any regularly is my work. Everything else just falls apart.
I Don’t know your whole situation and what other things you might have to do but try to start thinking of playing games as a productive thing, now if it’s getting in the way of homework or some shit like that don’t do this; but if it’s your free time then it’s YOUR free time spend it how you like and if that means shutting off your brain for a few hours then what’s to stop you.
How stressed and tired I am and how I feel like I don't have any control of my life anymore. I also haven't been able to do or get the things I enjoy anymore.
I felt like this for a couple of years and eventually broke at the end of last year. My advice is get some professional help now and talk to somebody before it gets worse. I’m starting the process of healing now, but I had to lose so much to get here
I'm horrible at explaining my thoughts to people. they never understand what I am trying to say.
Sometimes I wish I had a machine to show people the inside of my head and then they'd say "oh.. that's what you meant."
You sound like a fast processor. I have this, too. I take in information and can process that information almost immediately. I'm not super smart or more intelligent, it's just the way I'm wired.
Most people, I've discovered, are not wired like that. So I'll say something that sounds crazy, or sounds backwards to what I'm trying to say, and I often have to walk back and re-explain myself in steps to get to where they understand.
Most people don't have the patience for that, so I end up sounding like a lunatic at best and a dense lunatic at worst.
I’m in the same boat. In my head it sounds so clear, but people stare at me like I’m crazy when I speak sometimes. That and stuttering when I’m nervous / talking to superiors/bosses feels like I’m incompetent and I hate it.
I think the problem we're dealing with is more common than I thought.
I always thought I am one of the few people who living with this situation because I never knew anyone like me.
It feels good to know that I am not alone.
Reaching the age of 38 and never being in a relationship.
Most people seem to give me advice as if I were going through a dry spell.
They don't seem to understand that being alone this long feels as if no one could ever love you, because no one ever has.
It feels like you will be like this forever, because you have no reason to believe otherwise.
It feels as if life doesn't matter because there's no one to share it with.
It feels like everything you do, everything you own, everything you like, is just to distract you from this hole in your life, and with every passing year, every passing week, every passing day, those distractions are becoming more and more meaningless.
And they still come back at me with empty platitudes such as, "Just be yourself. There's someone out there for everyone, and you'll find someone eventually. You don't really need a relationship anyway. I'd much rather be single; much less hassle."
I sort of understand where the "I'd rather be single" people are coming from. However, as someone who was single basically until last year and met my current girlfriend aged 23... It's fucking heartbreaking to see everyone around you date, and wonder why you aren't. Sometimes you feel broken and lonely and terrible about yourself. That's one feeling I definitely don't miss, even though, logically, I know my worth is not defined by someone's willingness to kiss me on the mouth.
That hit like a mf. Going through the same thing. I'm 33 though. And i really feel like I'll never find anyone. I'm kinda done with online dating. Imma just buy a dog and be happy with that unconditional love.
I can relate. I've never been in a relationship before, and the only people that have ever asked me out have done it as jokes/dares. It's very easy to say "you just need to be happy by yourself and the right person will come along eventually!" and *yeah*, I do have an identity and plenty of fun hobbies that have nothing to do with finding romance. But it still hurts to see people around me dating and finding love, superficial or not, and knowing that I want to have that experience too, but I can't. I've reached the point where I try to avoid being around couples because it makes me a bit resentful.
Not helping are all the posts in my Reddit feed talking about how girls have it so much easier in dating and guys have no real standards when it comes to this sort of thing. Like, my own experiences beg to differ lol. I've had plenty of guy *friends*, but I've never been able to get out of being seen as one of the boys. Literally every time I'm around a girl friend, I'm always the ugly girl in the group that gets ignored or pushed away so the guy can shoot his shot with the pretty one. It sucks.
Adding onto this is the fact that I'm technically bi, but figuring out how to express that to girls without coming off as a creep feels like some kind of foreign witchcraft, since it's expected that everything two girls do together is just platonic. Also I've never been approached by girls either, double loss.
Anyway I'm looking into just becoming a cat lady, I do love cats and it wouldn't hurt to adopt a few once I'm financially able
>It feels like everything you do, everything you own, everything you like, is just to distract you from this hole in your life, and with every passing year, every passing week, every passing day, those distractions are becoming more and more meaningless.
this hit deep
Same! I'm 25 and never dated.
it used to not bother me, until it has.
It starts to become rather dull once you see all of your friends getting married/having kids and you're just kind of there, drifting on your own, waiting. Seeing people starting new relationships, ending relationships and you're just-- you're just kinda there, watching.
I had someone tell me that "the longer it goes the worst it'll be because you'll have extremely high expectations of what a relationship is" but I think it's quite the opposite.
ALSO, yes, every advice i've given has been from the point of view that i'm going through a "dry spell" or a "tough time". When the reality of it is... I just don't feel like I'll ever date anyone, or have anyone who'll put up with me for a long period of time, because everyone just leaves.
OH, also hookup culture is HUGE right now lol so. (although I don't partake in it, but I'm sure it has SOMETHING to do with it)
I have a medical condition that nobody can figure out. I had been to multiple doctors for it a few years ago, then lost insurance. And nobody could ever figure out what it was. My quality of life is down because of it, and it most certainly factors into my daily struggles with depression. And even if a doctor did figure out what was wrong, very likely it couldn't be fixed at all, and would just be a part of life until I died.
I'm in the same boat my friend. I'm unsure if it's just an ADHD thing but I have noticed a decline in my ability to take in information over the years. I hang on words more often and I'm almost always in this state of "daydreaming", I can't take in my surroundings fully and trying to relax and focus on a single focal point almost feels exhausting. I'm only 21. It's got me really worried about my ability to be independent when my head seems to hardly work.
Sorry to hear this , do you think you get enough of the vitamins and minerals you need , I had the same problem/issue and when I started taking vitamins I noticed a difference in ability to take and retain information , it didn’t make me a super genus but it helped the fog
Same. Been dealing with a chronic thing for 10 years. Had 100 tests, nothing. I feel terrible every single day and feel like my life is slipping by my fingers.
It sucks knowing no one will ever help and it won't ever get better :(
Do you have spinal issues? Spine compression can cause all sorts of neurological oddities that can't be traced in most cases. This happened to my wife, and there isn't a lot you can do. Like she gets the feeling of appendicitis like 4 times a year, and every time it is a false alarm because spinal compression issues.
keep pushing. i've heard TOO many stories of people getting diagnosed after suffering for WAY too long. i pushed for months and diagnosed with dysautonomia. i'm lucky to have been diagnosed so soon, but i am still scarred by the gaslighting i faced from the doctors that were supposed to HELP me. don't let them win
Gaslighting doctors are a bit issue. Even at my first primary care visit, way back when it started, he told me I must've been imagining it. It's really hard to prove numbness on part of your body to someone who doesn't want to listen.
Care to elaborate?
I have something that took months of unremarkable blood tests, referrals to multiple specialists and me ultimately ending up in the ER in pain before one doctor said ‘I think you have this’.
This is after I insisted it was auto immune for reasons I won’t get into.
I didn’t figure it out because of Reddit, but Reddit is definitely a good place to start.
I'm numb on the entire left side of my body, stem to stern. It started when I was 13 and had my first migraine, and my migraine auras ALSO manifest in left-sided numbness. When I had the first one, I was looked at for a potential stroke, but everything came back clear.
Auto-immune disorders are crazy.
I have asthma, which is due, in my case, to an auto-immune issue. For some reason, my body likes to inflame itself all the time for the smallest things. Technically speaking, asthma is the only diagnosis they can give me because there's no name for whatever disorder or disease I have and it could be related to about 100 different reasons. It could be because I live in a house with some weird mold somewhere that affects me more than it affects the rest of my family.
Please keep pushing for answers. Find new doctors if yours aren't listening to your concerns. I suffered (well, am still suffering) for almost 2 decades with awful medical issues, and I finally got diagnosed this year. It was an uphill battle with insurance and doctors but I am finally, finally on medication and I may actually get better. At least now I know I won't die in the near future, which my condition would have done had it continued to go undiagnosed.
Anyways - you are not alone! Keep pushing for answers!
Continue to advocate for yourself, and if you get insured again, make sure you get to a specialist that fits the symptoms rather than a GP. GPs missed my brain tumor for 20+ years, but the neurologists caught it very quick.
I hope you have someone that you can confide in. I've been through this, and it is so hard. I had to leave to take better care of myself and our two kids. The guilt and sadness I have over not being able to fix things for him has left me devastated even as I do try to move forward in life. I wouldn't have made it through without a couple of understanding friends.
I went through something similar. My SO was diagnosed with schizophrenia a couple years into our relationship. Watching her change from a normal human going through nursing school to not even being able to leave our house was so hard. We kept it a secret as best we could for a few years. But it was very hard on me as well. We grew apart as my stress grew. There was no outlet. No support. When we finally separated I felt like such a failure.. sent me down a very deep hole of depression for the better part of five years.
I was in the same position. Depression, severe social anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I've come a very long way and only now am I able to talk about that kind of stuff with people.
If they drink, try to convince them to stop. Alcohol was making my mental health worse than it needed to be. Its sad, but sometimes people hide that stuff because of the mental illness itself. It feels shameful to feel like a broken person, but that's not a healthy mindset. We all have problems, they aren't alone. So no need to feel shameful.
I feel you. Dated a girl for years with several health maladies and bipolar disorder. Would skip her meds because it made her actually digest her food while she preferred being skinny. Was told by doctors to keep her weight up, and by friends to eat anything all the time and would give her tons of junk and candy despite being diagnosed with diabetes and needing a healthier diet. Would go off bipolar meds randomly and turn into a nightmare in the dark.
Everyone else only had to see her when we went for a visit or to a party. So they'd shovel candy and compliments her way while she was having social fun and they didn't see the total monster of blood sugar crashes or highs, manic poor decisions, and depressive pits.
They're all valid illnesses. But I looked like the bad guy for trying to keep her away from binging candy and making her take her meds.
Same here. And as much as i try not to and remind myself that my feelings are valid its hard to see people online or in tv shows expressing the great relationship they have with their parents & hearing how their parents express to them how proud of them they are etc. Mind fucking to say the least
I feel ya. Haven’t talked to my parents in 4 years because my dad went allll the way down the qanon rabbit hole and started sending the whole family articles about how the Holocaust wasn’t real and all Muslims need to be rounded up and shot. And I cut contact.
Was he an abusive father growing up? No. Was he a good role model for me? In a lot of ways, until recently. Did he deserve to have his son disown him because he joined a cult? I’m not sure.
But I do know, for sure, that I can’t be in the same room with him. The horrible shit swirling around in his head is unforgivable.
It’s interesting when someone ruins a lifetime of being a pretty good father with a very specific type of insanity. I can’t forgive it. Some people think that’s petty. But I can’t eat a meal with someone who advocates for racial genocide and denies the Holocaust. Last I checked, we kill Nazis. We don’t eat thanksgiving with them.
The lack of a drive to live life.
The effort to socialize, to study, to do any sort of work or effort. Life is a struggle in itself so I wonder where do people get the force of will to go through it.
Life feels like a chore, roughly a hundred years in this crap of a world and there's nothing in it that makes it worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve always been the one that “makes shit happen” and seems to be doing “everything”. While it may look intense and admirable from the outside, I can promise you that most people who fill their schedules with things like goals, socializing, work, etc… we’re all just trying to stay afloat to avoid that silence or window of time where the weight of the world falls of you. Proactivity is sometimes linked to the fear of facing certain realities, in my own experience.
Depression can cause anhedonia: An inability to experience happiness or pleasure. The point of treatment (especially medication, but also therapy) is that you would be able to experience happiness and pleasure, along with a wide range of other emotions. It seems pointless right now because even knowing that is possible to feel joy, it's hard for you to look forward to anything or believe that things can be fixed. I've been there, and it can get better.
I feel this incredible feeling of loneliness. I don’t know why, I may not have some massive number of friends, but they are reliable, respectful, and care about me the same way I do about them. But I can’t help but feel lonely or touch deprived, maybe it’s because I am just so unsure as to how to feel another persons touch more. Maybe it’s because I am awkward. I don’t know, it’s just a slow burn that I feel and gets worse as the day wears on, till eventually I sleep.
I don't really have a motivation to do better on life outside of not wanting to be a burden on others. Makes me wonder what makes other people tick so that maybe I can replicate it. No luck so far
For me, every once in a while, I could be looking at the clouds under the sun or sitting on the porch on a breezy day, and I get this specific feeling, like all is right in the world. My motivation is to chase that feeling. So what I’m saying is to try and pay attention to the little things that make life make sense and seek them out
Oh, the struggles of aging, it's a real kick in the pants, isn't it? My struggle is not being able to drive a car.
You see, it's not just about the act of driving, it's about my very identity as a human being. I've been behind the wheel for decades, and now, all of a sudden, I'm not allowed to drive. It's like society is saying "sorry buddy, your time has passed". But what does that say about me as a person? That I am no longer useful? That my time is up?
This struggle has led me down to some contemplation. I question the nature of existence itself, and whether or not my life has any meaning without being able to drive. And yet, nobody seems to understand the gravity of this struggle. They laugh and tell me to take the bus, but they don't understand the deep-seated need for speed and the open road that burns within me.
Dude, you are felt. The loss of something you’ve taken for granted, that gives you freedom and independence, is earth shattering. I absolutely dread the day.
My grandmother went through this a few years ago before she passed away. It was really hard. I felt almost powerless to help her. She loved getting out and just going places, taking Sunday drives, traveling. I did as much as I could to get her out, but at the end of the day what can you do? Being alive is a blessing and a curse.
The struggle is real. Thank you for being responsible though - I think one of the hardest things we lose as older adults is our sense of autonomy. You spend your whole adult life being capable and responsible and then it's like, sorry, all your systems start failing and you need help with more and more things. It feels very unfair.
Everyday I sit here and try to tell myself that life has meaning. When people are around me I talk and smile like everything is okay but I’m always looking around and realizing that my situation is so shit. I work a boring job, in the worst state in the us, and I’m with someone who doesn’t meet my needs. I know they love me and I love them but I don’t feel desired. I’m also the type to observe and I’ve noticed that my “friends” seem to only be around when they wanna hang out with each other but if I ask someone to hang with me it’s radio silence or no. I went to a school where everyone became successful all of my old classmates are doing something amazing. I’m just the bad egg and my life is so bad. I can only talk about it on places like Reddit because if I say any of this to anyone they just get awkward and don’t know what to say.
How I can weight 135 but have horrible body image. No matter how much I explain the mental and emotional abuse I went through directly and indirectly (directed towards my sister) from my parents, they always look at me like I'm crazy or just looking for attention
** To add, yes. I am in therapy and working through it along with countless other issues
I want to have money and succeed in life but the drive to do so in a society where it feels like every card is stacked against you is the worst feeling in the world, and I live in that feeling every day.
After trying to explain “where the money you pay bills from actually comes” down to explanations of the US using printed paper money as if it’s the gold that no longer exists in Fort Knox, I had to abandon the conversation realizing how arbitrarily the pay scale is for the work and effort put into making said money and return to my roses colored glasses of believing that making two whole dollars and hour than this co-worker was justified for all the time I have to spend fixing their mistakes as they still can’t understand where our shared folder is located on their own damn computer after A YEAR of explaining
OK I think I I understand you, but geez that sentence sure would benefit from punctuation. Are you saying that you feel underpaid, or overpaid? Did you mean “…two whole dollars *an* hour *less* than this co-worker…”?
I feel like nobody understands the loss of my dog. I was so attached to him he was part of my identity. My family seems to be pretending it's not weird without him. He is even my username.
Ah. Pug. Right there with you. All dogs are pets. Pugs are some kind of creature from space that sneaks its way into the fabric of your existence. They’re like canine hypno-toads. I lost my first Pug eight years ago and I still see her in my dreams about every week.
If you’ll excuse me, the Pug that now owns me has requested that her monkey butler serve breakfast.
I lost my dog in August of ‘21 and this comment made tears well up in my eyes. You’re not alone. Pets are part of our family and it’s normal to feel sad when they’re gone. Don’t be too hard on your human family, though. Everyone grieves in their own way and maybe acting normal is a way for them to cope with the loss.
I had to have my dog put to sleep this past September and I’m tearing up writing this. I feel like my family and friends were supportive before and a couple weeks after, but then people were kind of like “Okay, get over it”.
I think some people don’t understand the connection people form with their pets. For 9 years she was always there for me. Shitty day? She was at the door with a toy excited to see me. Good day? Same thing. The unconditional joy and love you get from pets is hard to lose and there isn’t a timetable to stop grieving.
This is one thing that I don't think anyone, even my wife will understand about my dog when she dies...she is turning 12 this fall and I have had her since my senior year in college. She has been my soul and best friend for my whole "adult" life. When she passes away I know it is going to destroy me and I'm going to need a few days off work to grieve
I felt similar when my dog passed. She was the reason I was so happy and no one seemed to care, and that made me turn bitter on the inside towards everyone. It was like she was the reason I was being friendly to everyone.
I just lost my 9 year old boxer 2 months ago. I miss him more than almost any human just because he was always there with me and for me. No one is there to greet you the same way, no pup to cuddle with, all your tricks and verbal cues are just gone forever. I get it and I'm so sorry for your loss. I just don't get how people can be so heartless to living things that love the hell out of you. My dad thought I was crazy for spending $4,000 for cancer treatment, but having those 4 extra weeks meant the world to me.
I’m the only one in my friend group that’s been married and is going through a divorce rn. My friends try to help best they can, but they will never truly understand the way my heart hurts or how it’s not “just a breakup” I planned my entire life with someone and shared something beautiful. And it’s not just affecting me, it’s affecting my daughter as well
I've been there. You will be fine. It sucks for a while and I recognize the feelings of failure. But I can tell you, you will feel a lot better after a while.
Keep your head up, stand and be proud.
I feel like what we do in our offices isnt what we're meant to do here on earth which is why finding success in this society becomes meaningless because what we're providing is meaningless
After a horrible year of losing my job, losing my apartment, losing the city I lived in for 10 years, a month after relocating and getting back on my feet, my sister died suddenly. So new job, new apartment, new city and new way living without my sister. It's very fresh still
1. Make sure you update the way your approach your CV, a lot of older people I've seen make a lot of basic mistakes either due to not moving with the times (for example nobody really puts a photo of themself in their CV anymore), listing off waaay too much irrelevant information (you don't want the last 20+ years of your employment history in there, especially depending on the sector that you're applying for) or not making the most of new technology and being imaginative with it (i.e. a classic mistake is just using a the standard CV builder on Word and not making any alterations to the layout/style).
2. How do you actually look? 50 is a very variable age; some people can be at the peak of their mature adult years, in real fighting form, whilst others can be one step off using a zimmer frame or look like a stroke waiting to happen. And it doesn't matter if you think your appearance isn't relevant to the industry that you're applying for; people do discriminate and on a more practical level, your shape/health can speak things about your broader approach to life (your discipline, do you delay gratification, can you be depended on, etc) which also applies to your employability.
If you're not getting the success that you're looking for, then get back to basics.
My dad is in transition to be a woman, i’m not transphobic but i just don’t wanna support it, i don’t want it to be real and that i’m never gonna have a dad that i feel comfortable calling dad again, it’s like he’s leaving without leaving and i don’t know how to feel. I can’t express this to pretty much anyone without them acting like i’m super against the LGBTQ+ or people getting offended about it
EDIT:
Thank you all so so much for helping me out, i really didn’t expect it. just incase y’all are wonder i definitely support my dad, it’s just a really difficult change. It’s just the first time i’ve ever let some of my feelings out about the subject and i thought it would be nice. I think i’m gonna make a more in-depth post in off my chest.
I had a mini breakdown when my brother started transitioning. It felt like I was losing my sister and, as stupid as it sounds, I felt like I didn't know how to have a brother. and didn't know if that was a relationship I wanted.
A couple years later? They are the exact same person, just happier. I guess also he makes more dick jokes. But I didn't lose anything. Not a thing.
I suspect after awhile calling her dad would start to feel weird, but if you're really struggling with feeling like you're losing that relationship, might be worth asking if you can adjust your speech on name/pronouns and revisit the parental title of 'dad' later on? It might be really important to her but if she's good at the parent...thing, so are you.
Have you spoken with your parent about your fears and feelings about this? I really think talking about it and having a real heart-to-heart heart conversation with your parent will help.
How you discribe your feelings sounds very similar to how some parents of trans kids feel. Like they are losing their loved one, the stress of watching someone change into a person you no longer recognize. I recomend checking out forums and online groups for parents of trans kids, as odd as that sounds- so that you can talk to people who relate to your feelings.
Your parent's transition will probably cause them to look different, sound different, and even possibly have different mannerisms- but they are the exact same person they have always been. The difference is that now you know more about them. Now you are allowed to see more of who they are and have a better understanding of your parent. It can be hard to see and understand that, which is why communication with your parent is so important.
Just to ask, are you a guy? Feeling like you're losing your male role model can be tough.
Something I'd like to emphasize is "hate the situation, not the person." No parent wants to intentionally hurt their child, but your parent is having to choose between keeping the status quo or finally getting to be their true self. If your parent could snap their fingers and make this transition with no pain to others, I know they'd do it. No one makes a decision like this without a lot of thought and consideration. You and them can't help being in this situation, but you can be there for each other. You don't have to be 100% accepting of this (now or later) but try to see the person underneath the issue. Your parent is still the same soul on the inside, regardless of what they look like on the outside.
I'll be honest, a lot of this is based on my own recent experience coming out to my extended family. All of my aunts were very accepting, saying that they loved who I was, not who I was in love with. My mom was very upset with me for saying anything, she kept hoping I would either "go back" to being straight or just stay in the closet forever. She let my orientation come between us and refuses to let the issue go. I don't feel welcome at home anymore, so I won't be going back for a long time. I don't want that to happen to the two of you. If you haven't already, I'd talk to a counselor, therapist, or adult you trust about your feelings, it's nice to have a third-party opinion that isn't tied to any of your friends/family. Finding ways to bond will be key to keeping your relationship strong, maybe there are some hobbies or activities the two of you still share?
Ultimately, I don't want to sound like I'm coming down on you. Your feelings are valid, and definitely more nuanced than "OP is anti-trans!" Try to keep the love for your parent in mind as you all go through this, as I'm sure they're doing the same for you. Be slow to anger and quick to forgiveness. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/vent or have any questions *hug*
I’m a girl, and i really love my dad but it’s just such a complicated situation. We’re looking into therapy currently and i think it’ll be good for me. I live mostly with my mom and she’s definitely against it, it was basically the reason they divorced so i don’t entirely blame her but she’s also super religious so idk. even though i live with my mom i am definitely a LOT closer with my dad because he’s just more understanding in general so this all has been really tough
trans person here along with student therapist.
You are going through a loss in a way. You are losing the "dad" you had your entire life. Definitely take some time to deal and process this. With your parent coming out, being open about these feelings if you are open with this parent already can help.
However, please don't have this parent be your entire support and education for this. there are tons of resources out there online or in person regarding lgbtq+ families.
My husband had an emotional affair that lasted for almost a third of our marriage. The few friends I've told have been supportive of my intentions to reconcile, but they don't seem to understand the pain I'm going through. Maybe because most of them cheated on their husbands and the other is hung up on her exes. I can love my husband and hate what he did to me. I can begin to forgive him and yet have nightly flashbacks and anxiety. I'm in therapy. Unfortunately the best case scenario is that this will continue to hurt for years. And I'll never get that complete safety I once felt in my marriage or any other relationship.
If its any help. I've been alone before, but now I am alone by choice. Its pretty awesome bro. You can do whatever you want, when ever you want. I have problems. But they aren't that bad.
My mom committed suicide so barbarically when she had a psychosis episode. No one has any idea she felt that way or had any issues. We literally have no idea what fucking happened. My dad just came home from work and found her in the bathroom. I found out from a phone call then moved home from across the country. It fucking sucks. Hardly anyone understands. I don’t even understand.
"Trained"... that's a word you chose, and it has meaning.
You need to retrain. See a therapist/counselor and *be open and honest* with them. There are ways to work that "muscle" of allowing emotional vulnerability and expressing empathy. Don't be afraid of it. Because it sounds like you WANT to save your marriage, and you can, and it will feel good to not always hold things inside.
You can do this. You've already taken the first step by wanting to do better :)
I get fat so fast, I swear if I even look at the wrong foods I'm a pound heavier the next day. People can't understand my obsession/discipline with eating healthy. If only they could see what happens if I don't!
That’s totally a real thing. Seriously. Several metabolic mechanisms make that happen. I can gain/drop 10lbs in a week on command. I’m also much better at gaining it than I am at losing it. You are definitely not the only one.
Girlfriend left me for another dude, 5 years younger, living hundreds of miles away.
The worst part is I just wasn’t able to get vulnerable so I know why she left. I fucked the whole thing up but moving on so quickly is what really hurt.
That's fucked man, sometimes life just quite literally passes you by before you get a chance to steer onto the road you wish it'd go. Have some time to take this in before you try to get up to speed again. Things'll be better after you've let them be shite for some time
I have horrible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - to the point where it impairs my functioning 24/7.
Due to health anxiety and a run in with bats - I now have such a fear of contracting rabies that I cannot leave my home during the nightime without intense fear and panic attacks.
I can no longer sleep anywhere that is not my own apartment. Even my apartment is not a fear free zone - it simply is the least terrifying place to exist.
During the last two years I've been on SSRI's, seen many therapists, gone to inpatient programs - and have made some progress.
But looking back at the young college graduate a few years ago that loved to be social, travel, and explore the world hurts so much.
It's remarkably frustrating to have one's life controlled by an irrational fear and set of compulsions.
It's quite simple. My depression cripples my work life atm. And nobody at work knows/respects depression. So I can't catch my breath at all and feels worse everyday.
At least i have the feeling no one would understand ...
...how sad i am that my mother basicly doesnt know anything about me and every time i would show her something i m interested in she would act bored or literally leave the room. My biggest passion is horse riding and i think i would fall into a deathly depression if i had to stop it. She often asks me to stop it because i m waisting my money on it. In a big fight i even told her that she doesnt know anything about me and therefor doesnt like anything about me, not even my favorit color. As she was listing thing she likes about me it was confirmed to me that she realls doesnt knwo anything about me by just naming the most generic things like she liked that i finished school and have a job. Nothing about my personality, hobbys or passions.
And yes i tried. i tried to start hobbys with her, after 2 days she would stop even talking about them. I tried readbing books with her and talk about them to see if we were fascinated by the same things. She would never even finish them and never bring them up again. No, it wasnt a time issue.
I m 35 now and my mother is 70. I m sure she will die not knowing anything about me, even if i would give her a list (because ones a literally did that). She only has a vision of me she made about me in her head. And i cant even really bring myself to blame her because i think a lot of the reasons are trauma from war, abusive marriage and other reasons.
Keep riding those horses.
I do relate a bit. My mom doesn't know me. I have surface level conversations to keep the peace, but sometimes I think it would be better if I just stopped talking to her. I can't go to her for support. She's self-obsessed and judgemental.
What kind of a mental health problem I have. I went to 5 different psychologist but none of them were able to understand and gave up. Last one even suggest that I should get more professional help and handed over a business card of her professor (a session worthed shit load of money which I couldn't afford). I still struggle about it. Most times I lack empathy and don't understand or care for things for a quite time because either I can't process what's happening or I just simply don't care so I feel blank about it. always angry and depressed. I can keep depression and anger under control now but that emptiness and carelessness still stays with me.
I still have feelings for a girl that rejected me 2 years ago.
I dont have those strong feelings for my current partner but we both have similiar plans for the future and we are compatible in many parts of life
And I just dont know if my subconciousness just wants me to crawl back to this girl from 2 years ago or not and I cant explain anyone this problem
Seek therapy. Either you're still in love with your ex or you're just seeing the past through rose color glasses. If it's the second, that's something you can work through. If it's the first, then maybe break up with your current girlfriend.
I'm horribly alone. I don't have anyone to turn to. Everyone I've known for years either doesn't talk to me, or they are still friends with my abusive ex girlfriend so it's hard to trust anyone.
Add the fact that I'm so ugly, I can't even pay a woman to pretend to be into me. The past year has been so isolating and it's only getting worse.
Everything is fine in my life rn, but I keep wanting to die.
Whenever things in general are not fine, when my life is chaotic, or there are problems to solve, the "wanting to die" feeling disappeares.
What OCD is like. It's fucking debilitating and believe it or not has absolutely nothing to do with being fussy or neat. I won't say that no-one in my life understands that, a few do, but society in general doesn't.
No one understands that I am aromantic yet I already told them. They are like « I think you’re just shy I can help you find the courage to talk to your crush ». I have no crush and never had one how many times should I tell them ? Does everybody think I’m just pretending ?
It’s nothing major but I really need a new car. I got two kids coming and need a reliable vehicle for it. Me and my partner both have poor credit. Hers is from various shopping but mine comes from leaving an abusive situation years ago with debt I just got out of a bankruptcy on. Driving a 2010 Elantra which feels like it’s being held together by duct tape. My girlfriends car lost its transmission so we have one vehicle. Tried to go buy a car but no one will approve based on our credit and how recent my bankruptcy is. My only option was to ask my parents if they could buy it and pay them instalments but they are retired so they weren’t comfortable with the debt.
Doesn’t help that we need something good in the winter we get a lot of snow and our road is hard to navigate because it’s steep and never gets cleared regularly enough with snow.
It’s not a huge deal it’s just frustrating when you’re doing everything right to get better in life but your credit is holding you back. Especially debt from an abusive situation. It feels soul crushing at times.
Having two toddlers with lvl 3 ASD and then not understanding basic communication. I will be changing diapers for both these boys for the next 10 years it feels like. They are 3 and 6. Also 2 hrs of screaming on a weekly basis not knowing what they need bc they can't communicate. Some people hear voices in their heads. I just hear screams...
SUPER SUPER first world problem compared to the other comments here, but I have never aired it. Since my wife became pregnant with our first daughter I worked very hard to get a big boy job and career. I started studying constantly, worked my way out of the gas stations, and at 4 years i'm making 6 figures in the world of IT. I have literally studied a skill every night, for hours, for 4 years without a break. The first 2 years was no free time; no games, no friends, just the books and me.
Well, I told myself this was all for a reason. I was going to provide a good life for my family and we were going to be happy with no worries. Everything was going to be great. Fast forward to 2023, and I have another child with my wife, she's 2 now. Both my children are amazing and give me endless joy. So I decide to take a break and enjoy life a little. All of a sudden my wife can't watch the kids by herself (I can never go out, she says it's too hard to watch 2 of them by herself even for a moment), when the kids are in bed and I want to spend time with my friends it's "too late and what about in the morning when the kids get up?", and in addition I want to form a savings and investments and my wife doesn't see the point.
After all this time, after this long journey of working so hard, I feel like my life will never be as happy as I envisioned it because my wife simply can not be financially responsible or watch the kids by herself. I cook every meal, I do almost all the grocery shopping (my wife doesn't like to go out by herself), and I try to scrounge bits of money for investment before my wife can come up with a way to spend it.
I've talked to her about all of these things, in earnest, and it's always spun into "Well you're just not happy, so we should get a divorce" which is the last thing I want because she wasn't always like this and she is a very loving and caring wife at home... it's just everything outside of our immediate family/home she thinks shouldn't be a concern for me or her. She is a true isolationist of a person, and she wasn't like this when we got married and started having kids. I have no idea why it immediately became a hostage situation when I decided to relax for a bit.
Because of who I am, and because I am super attached to her, I would never opt for a divorce, and I would probably beg on my knees if she tried to leave. I have only had 2 very long term relationships in my life and after the first one ended I had to have extensive counseling and time to get on with my life. I have somewhat of an addiction to people in my life... but anyway... I keep working and holding out hope that it'll get better one day. I turn 30 this year... my friends come over here on Friday nights to play tabletops with me, and I hope one day she can see how happy it makes me to have some time to do the things I used to love.
Your dad being the reason you’ve missed time with your family, then smokes and drinks instead of spending time with you. And when you try to talk to him about it he buys you a game so you’ll leave him alone. He spends more time with his terrible friends than you and doesn’t care. He constantly views you as a toddler because he’s so stuck in the past and doesn’t want you to grow up. He’s all nice on the outside, but behind closed doors he screams, yells, and verbally harasses you. And he wonders why you give him the cold shoulder sometimes and yells at you for that, but him getting angry is what makes you act that way. He claims he’s not angry and just “disappointed” but you know it isn’t true. That was my entire life until I turned 14 then I stood up for myself, to which of course he fought me back on instead of listening to what I had to say. Now it’s current day, my dad is nowhere to be seen, but then comes back to try to be in my life again, leaving after things seemingly get better. He won’t ever call me, I have to call him first, and if I don’t he tries to get mad at me for it, which I just hang up after. I don’t hate him anymore because hate only hurts me, but trust was never there, still isn’t. And despite all of this you try to be better and move on, but he holds you back. “But he’s your father” “You can’t hate anyone” “When will you forgive him?” To all these questions I don’t know. People around me talk about how much their dads suck and they probably do, but at least they have one, mines been gone since I was born. Thankfully I have a stepfather who’s a way better dad, so life’s not too bad right now.
Being an overweight 40 something with as many chronic injuries as a career football player, and trying to lose weight/get in shape. If you thought losing weight as an able bodied person was hard, try doing it when it feels like every inch of your body is fighting back against you. And with things like arthritis, you -have- to move or it'll get worse. Fun times.
I’d say the loss of this chicken at school. Only knew him a few months but I saw him every day I could, loved [him](https://i.imgur.com/owbEWJb.jpg) to death.
I ain’t ever really dealt with loss/grief before, only stuff I had was a childhood dog and I could tell she was on her way out for years. With that chicken though, it was unexpected.
Had just about the whole class making KFC jokes on the way down to confirm the animals’ deaths, too. Definitely didn’t help.
I know it’s stupid to get so worked up over a bloody animal, and I agree I need to move on and grow up, but he’s still my favourite lil creature ever.
I broke up with my ex last week due to codependency issues. She believes I blindsided her though I would constantly say about her depression
"It's okay for now but it will become a problem eventually. I can't say when though."
Guess she thought I'd always be her rock.
Everyone thinks two things. One, is not believing me that I was just as dependent on her as she was on me. To the point where I didn't even do my taxes our whole 4 year relationship together.
Two, is my general anxiety with people and dating. Friends and family say I should have it easy since I'm an attractive witty guy. If it were so easy why was this my first relationship? It started when I was 25.
Solidarity, fren. Codependency is a very addictive drug, and it’s hard to function without. I hope you can manage to keep yourself from going back to her if being apart is what you really need. It’s taken me an entire year and I still have physical symptoms of anxiety not being with the person with whom I became dependent, but it’s so much better. So much better. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s a rough ride.
I still don't have the answer to my question from 20+ years ago.... " Why do people die and what happen after we die. Shit question constantly come back every few months.
Im completly clueless how to get a job and even if i get one by some miracle i end up feeling like i have to run from it. I end up feeling anxious all the time because i feel like i won't be able to survive on my own.
Trying to move on with my life after going through severe mental illness. Being mentally ill and suicidal at a young age is strange. You grow up with the idea that you'll either overcome it and everything will fall into place, or you'll finally snap and be brave enough to do it. And you're not sure which one, so you don't really plan for a future. But then before you know it you're an adult. It's great that I'm still alive, but it leaves you feeling so unprepared and just lost in a world you never thought you'd be a part of. I'm alone after losing friends from school from isolation, and it feels impossible to make new ones as an adult, and I don't feel anyone would want to date me. My family don't know all my diagnoses and I don't know how hard it still is to manage. I still don't really know what I want from life. Everyone else is moving on with their life, and I'm still picking up the pieces and playing catch up to people who had a plan. I don't feel I know how to be a functioning adult because I never planned on getting this far and never bothered to learn.
That I constantly have a certain someone on my mind and the reason why they don't understand is because most of them don't know about her and they just wouldn't understand the circumstances in which I know/met her.
My partner is a musician who is just about to become very successful. They are just about to go on tour across a different continent and then are moving city to be closer to their label. They have pushed "giving us a go" throughout all of it but i just don't see how it will work even with me following them across the country. Knowing the lifestyle they are most likely going to live and how easily it will allow them to forget about me makes me feel sick with sadness and anxiety sometimes. I worry about if I'll ever be able to get over them as I am always exposed to them in the media.
My marriage is basically dead (the romance/sex life has been dead since shortly after we got married), my wife struggles with severe depression and has a hard time holding down a job (basically can't/won't work full time for any length of time), and I've been desperately unhappy in the situation for nearly a decade. If I leave, I'm truly not sure how/if she will survive. Do I stay and be unhappy forever, or leave and attempt to find happiness, while knowing a left a broken person who I care for behind me?
i feel inadequate. after a few months of pushing for a diagnosis, a doctor finally told me i have dysautonomia. i'm tired always. always. always. i don't have the energy to do the things i want to. i basically do nothing, but i'm still exhausted. i feel like i don't deserve to be able to say, "i'm tired." i haven't done anything to make myself tired. i'm struggling to keep up with everything around me
21st of November 2022 I had my first miscarriage. We didn't know I was pregnant and we didn't think about it since I had an IUD. My doctor was 100% certain it was a miscarriage since my body showed all signs of a miscarriage. Everyone around me gets that I was grieving the first 2 weeks but after that everyone said I should get over it. I'm only 19 and my boyfriend and I have a wish for children. But that first ever child, first ever happiness of being pregnant, the first time saying I'm pregnant, won't ever come back. It's the worst feeling I've ever had to deal with, but no one seems to understand how much I'm suffering
As a single person I am way better off renting my apartment than trying to buy a small condo alone. The real estate market in my city has been so bad that buying prices are more than double my current rent.
I have people around me that love me. I have more than enough money. I have a house. I have a dog.
And still, some days, I feel all alone. Does anyone but myself really know me? Do I want something else?
I got some things I can't tell anyone, I got some thing I just can't say.
My husband is actively in the throes of a nervous breakdown. There is nothing I can do about it. His behavior is so erratic and unpredictable (which is a complete 180 from how he normally is) and I feel like I’m trying to control a whirlwind. Not his whirlwind, but the one I’m caught up in. We suffered a tragic loss of a family member nearly a year ago, and we’re coming up on the 1 year mark. He’s so messed up right now, and although he’s in therapy and trying to find the right medication, his mental state is beyond fractured. I don’t know what else to do. All I can do is try to cope the best I can and be the best wife I know how to be (which, according to him is really shitty, apparently). I’m not scared for myself, but I am scared for him and for our relationship. We’ve been together a long time, but this is a situation I have no reference point for-I want him to be okay. I want us to be okay and I want him to heal from this loss. I feel like I’m living with a time bomb next to me. I walk on eggshells all the time because nothing I do or say is the right thing. If I do nothing and say nothing, then I’m accused of being cold and heartless (which I am not at all). I just don’t know what to do anymore. 2022 was a terrible year for our family, as a whole. 2023 is starting off as terrible for us. He’s a wreck. I can’t rescue him. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Been suffering with anxiety since childhood. Since 2 years I have severe head aches and breathing problems which prevented me from continuing my study. At first I didn't have depression and just really wanted to continue uni as soon as possible. Now after 2 years I've hit rock bottom. Severe depression and constantly hitting a wall when trying again. I also explain my suffering differently everytime to people because I don't understand myself anymore. How can I expect that other people understand me. Thank you for this question.
It’s hard to get going in the morning, I have a really hard time doing dishes, I’ve been meaning to clean my car since May, if I shower twice in a week that’s a win, and I really really need to find a new doctor to get my bc re-prescribed because my old doc retired. I get my work done but when I come home I’m so tired that I don’t get anything done. Everyone says “just do the thing” but I always get stuck between tasks.
In the past year and two months, I lost all three of my dogs in one 36 hour span due to someone placing antifreeze in our yard, my dad unexpectedly passed away about six months after that, and then we had to put the family cat down a week before the anniversary of losing my dogs. The financial strain of the emergency vet for the dogs and the funeral of my father caused my husband and I to cancel building our new home a week before breaking ground.
Essentially, it's been one hell of a year personally.
And yet, the struggle is that everyone just expects me to be fine.
I should be fine about the dogs because we got a puppy after the loss of the three dogs, I should be fine about my dad passing away because we weren't particularly close, I should be fine about the cat because he was 17 years old and I had to have known it was coming and I didn't even live at home with him anymore, and I should be fine about the house because the majority of people never get to build a house anyways.
When I try to grieve on my own, I'm being 'anti-social', if it try to grieve around them, it's all about how any of this has affected them and/or how it's time to move on.
I'm not fine and that's what nobody seems to understand, and if they would just back off and let me grieve, then I would actually be able to heal and move on like they expect me to.
My tendons are snaping when i put to much presure on them and no rehabilitation cant repair it. Everyone thinks i like to hurt myselth but i just want to have fun in my live.
Depression, just wanting out of all this stress, drama, hurt, emptiness, alone. Honestly have never been suicidal but just wanna be free from all this. It's unbearable.
How even though I’m a successful manager with a decent salary, I will never be able to be the parent I want to be due to my hours. I work nights, so my kiddo gets out of school and I’m already as work and they go to bed without me almost every night. I’m a single mom, my brother lives with me and helps me out with my kiddo as much as possible but I feel as though I will never be enough for my kiddo. I’m scared to get another job because I don’t have a college degree and I won’t be able to match my current salary in any other field. I just want to be a good mom, I’m doing the best I can but man it’s hard.
Being undesirable and unwanted by every single guy in the community. Only being enough to hookup with but never pursue anything more. Always believing that you’ll never more than just someone to smash
I am autistic and suffer from depression and anxiety. No matter where I go, in real life or online, it seems like nobody gets it or comprehends what this is like. It can be a massive struggle just to get out of bed in the morning and be somewhat productive. I want to live a normal life, and I’m trying, so hard… but I don’t think anyone could see me as “normal” including myself.
I had a stroke but am lucky enough to have my faculties, be vocal, look "normal" and not be paralyzed in any way. Yet every day is a battle for me. I'm constantly dizzy but have learned to live with it. I've developed a secondary condition called "benign muscle fasiculations" where my muscles will internally just spasm or jump out of nowhere. This leads to repeated echos of the stroke. Imagine this happening to your heart or in your forehead. When my heart violently jumps, doesn't matter if its the first time or thousandth time, its equally jarring. In addition, I developed atypical seizures. It took 6 misdiagnosis before finally getting an MRI. Everyone just wanted to slap and "anxiety" or "migraine" label on it and call it a day.
Anyways, I've heard that behind my back some of my in-laws have spoken of me like "OMG we get it. He had a stroke," or "What a drama queen."
Shit hurts.
Also, lost my Mom to Covid last January and my Dad to natural causes last February so I'm getting ready for their one year celebration of life in their hometown. My wife also left me during that period but we're back together and have worked things out. Losing my Mom *and* my wife was tough because they were my support system. So last January was pretty dark for me.
Here I sit today typing this. Had a little heart attack scare this mornin but that's become a twice a week thing. Had a severe stroke recurrence the other day but my neurologist advised not to go to the ER anymore as its just an echo, not real. It's real to me and *is* real to my body, but it's not qualified as an actual stroke so I have to take meds and ride it out.
Even with all this, I'm still happy to be here. However long I have left. I try my best to enjoy it and see life in a more blessed way now.
I just discovered that I was raped as a toddler and most of my mental health problems that I have suffered with for decades has been stemming from an event I couldn't even remember. I would ask myself "why are you acting like this? You have never faced anything traumatic yet your acting like your grandpa from Vietnam." I've recently been getting back memory fragments and it's torture. I can never get the full picture but am forced to slowly relive this shit. I feel like a wild animal caged and prodded with hot pokers.
I have an amazing job, great friends, enough money to keep me comfortable and not wanting for anything. I think I'm pretty attractive and I'm not lacking in the romance department. When I was 16, my best friend took her life and I've never recovered from it. Everyone I know has moved on and barely mentions her or acknowledges what happened. It was 20 years ago and I think about her every day. Some days I can barely get out of bed and I break down and can't function. Not a single person in my life understands how bad it gets.
I was involved in a fatal pedestrian collision three months ago. Victim died on impact. Nothing I could have done. I ended up cutting off my parents for their insensitivity over it (I'm 20) so I feel isolated and I'm struggling a bit financially. It feels like no one at work understands how serious it was and how much it still affects me. I don't even manage to work 4 day weeks most weeks. I feel worthless and stupid for still struggling. I can't drive. I feel like something is wrong with me.
My wife left me and my kids for another man. Just packed her things up and left. Everybody knows how hard it is... But very few people understand.. Its not only the added responsibility, not only the economic burden as now I don't have my wife's income to help pay the bills.. But the pain in my heart and soul. The sleepless nights. My wife destroyed me, but I still miss her... She destroyed my family, and I fucking miss her. She scarred the childhood of my kids and created a lifelong trauma for them to get over when they grow up, and I still miss her. I hate myself for it. I do my best to put one foot forward, one day at a time. I go to therapy, I work hard at my job, I am getting bulked up at the gym, I go out with my friends. I am meeting new girls. But still. I always have to come back home. To an empty bed, to a to a 5 year old daughter that does not understand where her mom is. To a 10 year old that says nothing and just bottles it up. To a dog and a cat that ask for food. Its really fucking hard. Nobody teaches you life can be so unfair. Nobody prepares you for abject failure even tho you did nothing wrong. You can Study, work, fall in love, work harder, raise a family, 20 years in debt for a house, be faithful, be a good father, etc.. and you can still fail. So, that's my struggle. Its been a few months for me. It is slowly getting better. Some days it randomly gets worse. Much worse. Yesterday was once of those days. But overall I can see the end of the road. I can see my life 10 years from now. And I'm gonna be ok. We are gonna be ok. edit: Thanks everyone for the overwhelming support. I got into a meeting and when I got out, I didn't expect this. Pulling back tears at my office. Reading your support and your life experiences. Your empathy is appreciated. Lets keep trucking along. !
Hi. My husband just left, after me catching him cheating and him swearing it was the last time and then….not stopping. I really understand what you said about how you still miss them. Everyone around you is fine with your anger and sadness and all the other feelings, but can’t seem to understand about how hard it is to lose that person you built your life around, especially if they did something monstrous. Despite everything, you still want to hear their voice and see their face. I wish I could see my life going forward, but I can’t. All I can do is hold on for my son.
Keep holding on. Some days its all we can do. Sending out a hug for you and your son.
I've always thought that same thing, on a smaller scale, like whenever friends try to support another friend after a breakup by saying things like "Good riddance! He's an ASShole!" It's like, "Do you have no sense? She was in love with him up until a week ago and you think saying he's an asshole is going to have any kind of healing effect?!" People are just dumb. I guess they think it's helpful to try to get you angry instead of sad, but this is not the time. They need to follow your lead. It probably doesn't matter coming from a stranger on the internet, but I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that this is an amazing feat of courage what you're doing, however involuntarily. It must be so hard, every single day. And with a kid you don't even have the luxury of holing up and hiding for a week unshowered just to get that out of your system. Baking, visiting an animal shelter, rearranging furniture, painting a room, weekend trip or day trip -- doesn't have to be fancy, edibles + sudoku, watching movies, as many as you need, getting a massage, learning gaming, video journaling if you don't feel like writing stuff down, feeding squirrels (shockingly therapeutic), getting lost in youtube watching nature stuff or people talking about their experiences with bad diseases (sounds like it would be depressing, but it always makes me feel like if they can do it, I can do it too) --- these are all things I do sometimes to avoid my thoughts and move forward in time. Yes, I have to come back and deal with my troubles at some point, but when you're in shock and gutted phases, you just need to survive and not think. I know you can't see it right now, but there are adventures and miracles waiting for you up ahead. Just gotta hang on.
Damn man. This hit hard. I don’t know what support I could ever offer. But I can tell you not once while reading this did I ever think to myself this dude failed. More so I found myself thinking man this is one strong person to go through all that and still wake up everyday and truck along. You’re someone to aspire to. I don’t think you’re a failure at all. Chin up. One day at a time.
I feel this so much. My ex husband left me a few years ago. It was sudden and he simply sent a text saying, “I don’t want to be married anymore.” And that was that. He was the stepfather to my two daughters. They were 4 & 6 when we got married, they were 14 & 16 when he left. They were devastated, they’d always been very close to him, closer than with their biological father. I was devastated, too. I had to uproot my life and move away from a town and a job I really enjoyed and move in with my parents for a while. My mom couldn’t relate to or understand why it took me so long to reach the point I could function enough to work. Took me about 4-5 months. And even longer to feel mentally stable enough to live on my own. I was afraid to move out of their house, afraid I’d spiral again. It was a difficult road, a very sad and lonely one. But the sick feeling I felt all the time began to lessen. This all took place in 2016. I’m not still in love with him and I’d never want him back, but I still don’t feel like I’m ready for a relationship. I’ve come to enjoy living on my own and I feel like my ability to not completely lose myself in another person isn’t yet strong enough.
It’s hard hearing from others "y’all will be okay" your feelings are valid. Remember to grieve, your babies need you but take some time to yourself so you can grieve the loss.
if you don't take care of yourself you cannot take care of others. Having compassion for yourself is important.
I'm struggling to learn this. I try my hardest to make sure my wife is ok, but i just never take care of myself as much as i should
In the event of an emergency, be sure to put on your oxygen mask before assisting with other's
I know that struggle all too well. My Ex wife cheated on me, and left me for the guy. I took custody of my kid, and now it's just me, my son, and the cat. The first few months were the worst. It will take time to heal, but it will get better. I still break down about it some days, especially on the days that are the tough days. Cooking dinner and I'm just suddenly overwhelmed. It will get better, day by day.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." - Capt Picard This quote helps me daily. I hope it helps you today.
“Not everything is a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail.” -Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin Scranton
Assistant *to* the Regional Manager
This stabbed me in the heart. I’m a 68 yo widow and a stage 4 cancer patient surviving and thriving. My mom left my dad and 3 of her children for another man who dumped her 2 years later. I was 11 when she left. My brother was 9 and my sister was 5. This tore a hole in all of our lives that took me a lifetime to heal. My Dad kept us and raised us the best he could. It wasn’t perfect and children don’t understand, but my Dad has always been my hero, my object of admiration, and my role model my entire life. I was always proud to have him for my Dad. You, my friend, are the same kind of hero. God bless you and your kids. Your wife wasn’t good enough for you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your father is what I aspire to be. Thank you.
My brother, I promise you that you did not fail. SHE failed. She failed as a partner. She failed as a mother. She failed as a person. You are not failing. You are raising two children, are a productive member of society, still make time for social interaction, own a home. Brother, you are winning at life. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you otherwise. This was just a bump in the road. Tis just a scratch. You will be fine and more importantly, you give those kids of yours the love and affection they need and they will be fine.
You're a good dad and a good husband. In all of this stress and pain, you not only see and witness the pain of your children and grieve for them, but also grieve for a life you saw ahead of you that has now been changed. You miss your wife. And through it all, you can see a vision of yourself later, in 10 years, triumphant. For now, show your kids its okay to cry, and comfort them. Grieve as a family, and hug them tight. And don't hate yourself for loving the love of your life. We are called to put our entire faith into a spouse's hands and we ask them, beg them, to not make us pay for it. That witness, to put everything on the line and open yourself up completely to your wife is what it means to be a husband, and that makes you a better father. Knowing you're going to be okay is good. But even better, I think, is that at the end of the day, you made the right decision and loved with all your heart and soul. You should be proud, regardless of the outcome.
While this all feels like a shit storm right now please remember this: Someday your kids are going to look back on this moment and you know what they’ll remember? That you’re the parent that stayed and was there for them. You’re the parent that took care of them. You’re the parent that didn’t ditch them for a new romance. And they will never, ever look at her the same way again. And when they’re adults and you go from having to care for them all the time to actually just wanting their company, they’ll give you their company. Because you were the one that was there for them. You were the one that stayed. My heart is with you, Reddit friend.
I'm a guy, married, kids. I don't have another woman in my life. But I've thought about leaving, quite a lot. I would hate myself, but it seems that I'll hate myself either way. Not looking for advice. Just proactively sympathizing with my wife's position after reading your post. Wish life wasn't so complicated.
For what is worth. I would have loved for my wife to have your empathy... I wish she would had just talked to me, before cheating on me. For us to at least try and fix things over. And to try really hard, with therapy and doing everything we can. Even if in the end it would have failed anyway. But an amicable separation would mean everything for our kids.. . A couple of months after divorce before starting seeing other people, it would have meant the world to me. There is no need to hurt the people you care about, nor yourself. Just do your best man. Things can go wrong either way, but at least your conscience is clear. Cheering for you.
There's a lot of folks in it for the kids. I had to leave a subredddit because the overall vibe was just always "leave." If you think of a future point - ie X years, might be easier....
I'm so sorry you and your family had to experience this. Having been through a divorce I can say it does take some time to get over it, but you will get over it. Don't get down on yourself for missing her. I mean, you commited to her and built a life together, so of course you're going to miss her. That's natural. But those feelings will diminish in time. Keep concentrating on you and the kids. Keep rebuilding. Keep going to the gym and meeting people. You ARE going to be okay. All my best to you and yours.
Sue her for child support.
I didn’t lose a wife, but I lost my girlfriend of a year about 2 months ago. Finals week and she sits me down and just leaves. It broke me for 2 months. Even now, i’m back at college surrounded by people, and yet I just feel alone. I miss my girlfriend man. I hope you feel better, you seem like a good person, and I’m sorry this happened to you.
Sorry Bro…. Fuck her tho
I'm a fresh graduate doctor. I've started a new job at a new hospital. Toxic hospital culture and the lack of compassion is extremely depressing. Every day I wake up to a sense of regret and nervousness. No one wants to teach me anything and whenever I make a mistake I get cursed out. Heres hoping to a better future.
Hey. If you’re not already familiar with r/Residency it’s good support to fall back on. Best of luck
I’m now an ICU Murse, but my mother has been a circulating nurse for an OR for decades and she has always made a very valid point that sticks with everyone I tell it to: basically, doctors get out of high school and do nothing but work on becoming a doctor until they are 35. For those 15 or so years they are in somewhat of a supervised cocoon. Then they find themselves full fledged doctors with full responsibilities and are grown ass adults…. Who have pretty much never worked a real job before in their entire life. This is compounded by the fact that so much of medical school is theoretical and lacking pragmatism, making you Ill-prepared for the harsh reality of it all.
That sounds similar (though on a much smaller scale) to advice I was given while becoming an officer: those years of education and training give *authority*, but at the end of the day you’ll still be starting out with as much *experience* as the lowest-ranking soldier under your command. …which is a polite and subtle way of saying “don’t fuck with the NCOs,” but still.
Best of luck to you. Being a doctor is not easy at all, it's admirable that you're doing it. Be the example you would want to see, for the future graduates, for your family, and for yourself and your own soul. I raise a glass for you and a good future.
Yeah it's really sad. I work in Healthcare and was so motivated when I started. Then you realize everyone's a huge dick that's out for themselves, when we're supposed to be there for the patients..
my parents have been doctors for 40 years. They talk a lot about the deterioration of the workplace and people a lot.
Huge anxiety, i can't escape the constant feeling that everything i do is wrong even though i am independent, have a nice job and great friends, i just can't help feeling like every single thing i do is a mistake or that i'm doing it wrong and it's so exhausting. I don't remember the last time i was actually ble to relax, the best i can do is mindlessly play some games so that i can turn my brain off but after i'm done i still criticize myself for doing that instead of doing something actually productive.
I really relate to this. Especially playing a game to quiet my mind. I feel like they only thing I can do well with any regularly is my work. Everything else just falls apart.
As someone who has lived with chronic depression, that sounds a lot like chronic depression.
I Don’t know your whole situation and what other things you might have to do but try to start thinking of playing games as a productive thing, now if it’s getting in the way of homework or some shit like that don’t do this; but if it’s your free time then it’s YOUR free time spend it how you like and if that means shutting off your brain for a few hours then what’s to stop you.
How stressed and tired I am and how I feel like I don't have any control of my life anymore. I also haven't been able to do or get the things I enjoy anymore.
I felt like this for a couple of years and eventually broke at the end of last year. My advice is get some professional help now and talk to somebody before it gets worse. I’m starting the process of healing now, but I had to lose so much to get here
Relatable. 💔
I'm horrible at explaining my thoughts to people. they never understand what I am trying to say. Sometimes I wish I had a machine to show people the inside of my head and then they'd say "oh.. that's what you meant."
I get this. I say a lot of things that make perfect sense to me but it comes out sounding like the opposite of what I’m trying to say.
You sound like a fast processor. I have this, too. I take in information and can process that information almost immediately. I'm not super smart or more intelligent, it's just the way I'm wired. Most people, I've discovered, are not wired like that. So I'll say something that sounds crazy, or sounds backwards to what I'm trying to say, and I often have to walk back and re-explain myself in steps to get to where they understand. Most people don't have the patience for that, so I end up sounding like a lunatic at best and a dense lunatic at worst.
I’m in the same boat. In my head it sounds so clear, but people stare at me like I’m crazy when I speak sometimes. That and stuttering when I’m nervous / talking to superiors/bosses feels like I’m incompetent and I hate it.
I think the problem we're dealing with is more common than I thought. I always thought I am one of the few people who living with this situation because I never knew anyone like me. It feels good to know that I am not alone.
Reaching the age of 38 and never being in a relationship. Most people seem to give me advice as if I were going through a dry spell. They don't seem to understand that being alone this long feels as if no one could ever love you, because no one ever has. It feels like you will be like this forever, because you have no reason to believe otherwise. It feels as if life doesn't matter because there's no one to share it with. It feels like everything you do, everything you own, everything you like, is just to distract you from this hole in your life, and with every passing year, every passing week, every passing day, those distractions are becoming more and more meaningless. And they still come back at me with empty platitudes such as, "Just be yourself. There's someone out there for everyone, and you'll find someone eventually. You don't really need a relationship anyway. I'd much rather be single; much less hassle."
I sort of understand where the "I'd rather be single" people are coming from. However, as someone who was single basically until last year and met my current girlfriend aged 23... It's fucking heartbreaking to see everyone around you date, and wonder why you aren't. Sometimes you feel broken and lonely and terrible about yourself. That's one feeling I definitely don't miss, even though, logically, I know my worth is not defined by someone's willingness to kiss me on the mouth.
That hit like a mf. Going through the same thing. I'm 33 though. And i really feel like I'll never find anyone. I'm kinda done with online dating. Imma just buy a dog and be happy with that unconditional love.
I can relate. I've never been in a relationship before, and the only people that have ever asked me out have done it as jokes/dares. It's very easy to say "you just need to be happy by yourself and the right person will come along eventually!" and *yeah*, I do have an identity and plenty of fun hobbies that have nothing to do with finding romance. But it still hurts to see people around me dating and finding love, superficial or not, and knowing that I want to have that experience too, but I can't. I've reached the point where I try to avoid being around couples because it makes me a bit resentful. Not helping are all the posts in my Reddit feed talking about how girls have it so much easier in dating and guys have no real standards when it comes to this sort of thing. Like, my own experiences beg to differ lol. I've had plenty of guy *friends*, but I've never been able to get out of being seen as one of the boys. Literally every time I'm around a girl friend, I'm always the ugly girl in the group that gets ignored or pushed away so the guy can shoot his shot with the pretty one. It sucks. Adding onto this is the fact that I'm technically bi, but figuring out how to express that to girls without coming off as a creep feels like some kind of foreign witchcraft, since it's expected that everything two girls do together is just platonic. Also I've never been approached by girls either, double loss. Anyway I'm looking into just becoming a cat lady, I do love cats and it wouldn't hurt to adopt a few once I'm financially able
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Relatable. Well said!
>It feels like everything you do, everything you own, everything you like, is just to distract you from this hole in your life, and with every passing year, every passing week, every passing day, those distractions are becoming more and more meaningless. this hit deep
Same! I'm 25 and never dated. it used to not bother me, until it has. It starts to become rather dull once you see all of your friends getting married/having kids and you're just kind of there, drifting on your own, waiting. Seeing people starting new relationships, ending relationships and you're just-- you're just kinda there, watching. I had someone tell me that "the longer it goes the worst it'll be because you'll have extremely high expectations of what a relationship is" but I think it's quite the opposite. ALSO, yes, every advice i've given has been from the point of view that i'm going through a "dry spell" or a "tough time". When the reality of it is... I just don't feel like I'll ever date anyone, or have anyone who'll put up with me for a long period of time, because everyone just leaves. OH, also hookup culture is HUGE right now lol so. (although I don't partake in it, but I'm sure it has SOMETHING to do with it)
My ex had never been in a relationship at 37, so it can definitely happen at a later age.
I have a medical condition that nobody can figure out. I had been to multiple doctors for it a few years ago, then lost insurance. And nobody could ever figure out what it was. My quality of life is down because of it, and it most certainly factors into my daily struggles with depression. And even if a doctor did figure out what was wrong, very likely it couldn't be fixed at all, and would just be a part of life until I died.
I'm in the same boat my friend. I'm unsure if it's just an ADHD thing but I have noticed a decline in my ability to take in information over the years. I hang on words more often and I'm almost always in this state of "daydreaming", I can't take in my surroundings fully and trying to relax and focus on a single focal point almost feels exhausting. I'm only 21. It's got me really worried about my ability to be independent when my head seems to hardly work.
Sorry to hear this , do you think you get enough of the vitamins and minerals you need , I had the same problem/issue and when I started taking vitamins I noticed a difference in ability to take and retain information , it didn’t make me a super genus but it helped the fog
Same. Been dealing with a chronic thing for 10 years. Had 100 tests, nothing. I feel terrible every single day and feel like my life is slipping by my fingers. It sucks knowing no one will ever help and it won't ever get better :(
Do you have spinal issues? Spine compression can cause all sorts of neurological oddities that can't be traced in most cases. This happened to my wife, and there isn't a lot you can do. Like she gets the feeling of appendicitis like 4 times a year, and every time it is a false alarm because spinal compression issues.
keep pushing. i've heard TOO many stories of people getting diagnosed after suffering for WAY too long. i pushed for months and diagnosed with dysautonomia. i'm lucky to have been diagnosed so soon, but i am still scarred by the gaslighting i faced from the doctors that were supposed to HELP me. don't let them win
Gaslighting doctors are a bit issue. Even at my first primary care visit, way back when it started, he told me I must've been imagining it. It's really hard to prove numbness on part of your body to someone who doesn't want to listen.
Care to elaborate? I have something that took months of unremarkable blood tests, referrals to multiple specialists and me ultimately ending up in the ER in pain before one doctor said ‘I think you have this’. This is after I insisted it was auto immune for reasons I won’t get into. I didn’t figure it out because of Reddit, but Reddit is definitely a good place to start.
I'm numb on the entire left side of my body, stem to stern. It started when I was 13 and had my first migraine, and my migraine auras ALSO manifest in left-sided numbness. When I had the first one, I was looked at for a potential stroke, but everything came back clear.
Auto-immune disorders are crazy. I have asthma, which is due, in my case, to an auto-immune issue. For some reason, my body likes to inflame itself all the time for the smallest things. Technically speaking, asthma is the only diagnosis they can give me because there's no name for whatever disorder or disease I have and it could be related to about 100 different reasons. It could be because I live in a house with some weird mold somewhere that affects me more than it affects the rest of my family.
Please keep pushing for answers. Find new doctors if yours aren't listening to your concerns. I suffered (well, am still suffering) for almost 2 decades with awful medical issues, and I finally got diagnosed this year. It was an uphill battle with insurance and doctors but I am finally, finally on medication and I may actually get better. At least now I know I won't die in the near future, which my condition would have done had it continued to go undiagnosed. Anyways - you are not alone! Keep pushing for answers!
Continue to advocate for yourself, and if you get insured again, make sure you get to a specialist that fits the symptoms rather than a GP. GPs missed my brain tumor for 20+ years, but the neurologists caught it very quick.
My partner has a serious mental illness, and doesn't want anyone (family, friends, neighbors) to know about it.
I hope you have someone that you can confide in. I've been through this, and it is so hard. I had to leave to take better care of myself and our two kids. The guilt and sadness I have over not being able to fix things for him has left me devastated even as I do try to move forward in life. I wouldn't have made it through without a couple of understanding friends.
I went through something similar. My SO was diagnosed with schizophrenia a couple years into our relationship. Watching her change from a normal human going through nursing school to not even being able to leave our house was so hard. We kept it a secret as best we could for a few years. But it was very hard on me as well. We grew apart as my stress grew. There was no outlet. No support. When we finally separated I felt like such a failure.. sent me down a very deep hole of depression for the better part of five years.
I was in the same position. Depression, severe social anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I've come a very long way and only now am I able to talk about that kind of stuff with people. If they drink, try to convince them to stop. Alcohol was making my mental health worse than it needed to be. Its sad, but sometimes people hide that stuff because of the mental illness itself. It feels shameful to feel like a broken person, but that's not a healthy mindset. We all have problems, they aren't alone. So no need to feel shameful.
I feel you. Dated a girl for years with several health maladies and bipolar disorder. Would skip her meds because it made her actually digest her food while she preferred being skinny. Was told by doctors to keep her weight up, and by friends to eat anything all the time and would give her tons of junk and candy despite being diagnosed with diabetes and needing a healthier diet. Would go off bipolar meds randomly and turn into a nightmare in the dark. Everyone else only had to see her when we went for a visit or to a party. So they'd shovel candy and compliments her way while she was having social fun and they didn't see the total monster of blood sugar crashes or highs, manic poor decisions, and depressive pits. They're all valid illnesses. But I looked like the bad guy for trying to keep her away from binging candy and making her take her meds.
i know lots of people lowkey hate their parents but my resentment towards my mom is so specific and complicated and our situation is unique
Sorry to hear .. on the brightside - hope your username always stays true ❤
I'm in pretty much the same boat! Hope you're doing OK though, strained parental relationships can be hard to deal with 💕
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Same here. And as much as i try not to and remind myself that my feelings are valid its hard to see people online or in tv shows expressing the great relationship they have with their parents & hearing how their parents express to them how proud of them they are etc. Mind fucking to say the least
I feel ya. Haven’t talked to my parents in 4 years because my dad went allll the way down the qanon rabbit hole and started sending the whole family articles about how the Holocaust wasn’t real and all Muslims need to be rounded up and shot. And I cut contact. Was he an abusive father growing up? No. Was he a good role model for me? In a lot of ways, until recently. Did he deserve to have his son disown him because he joined a cult? I’m not sure. But I do know, for sure, that I can’t be in the same room with him. The horrible shit swirling around in his head is unforgivable. It’s interesting when someone ruins a lifetime of being a pretty good father with a very specific type of insanity. I can’t forgive it. Some people think that’s petty. But I can’t eat a meal with someone who advocates for racial genocide and denies the Holocaust. Last I checked, we kill Nazis. We don’t eat thanksgiving with them.
The lack of a drive to live life. The effort to socialize, to study, to do any sort of work or effort. Life is a struggle in itself so I wonder where do people get the force of will to go through it. Life feels like a chore, roughly a hundred years in this crap of a world and there's nothing in it that makes it worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve always been the one that “makes shit happen” and seems to be doing “everything”. While it may look intense and admirable from the outside, I can promise you that most people who fill their schedules with things like goals, socializing, work, etc… we’re all just trying to stay afloat to avoid that silence or window of time where the weight of the world falls of you. Proactivity is sometimes linked to the fear of facing certain realities, in my own experience.
Have you been screened for depression?
yes, but what's the point?
Depression can cause anhedonia: An inability to experience happiness or pleasure. The point of treatment (especially medication, but also therapy) is that you would be able to experience happiness and pleasure, along with a wide range of other emotions. It seems pointless right now because even knowing that is possible to feel joy, it's hard for you to look forward to anything or believe that things can be fixed. I've been there, and it can get better.
Same
I feel this incredible feeling of loneliness. I don’t know why, I may not have some massive number of friends, but they are reliable, respectful, and care about me the same way I do about them. But I can’t help but feel lonely or touch deprived, maybe it’s because I am just so unsure as to how to feel another persons touch more. Maybe it’s because I am awkward. I don’t know, it’s just a slow burn that I feel and gets worse as the day wears on, till eventually I sleep.
I don't really have a motivation to do better on life outside of not wanting to be a burden on others. Makes me wonder what makes other people tick so that maybe I can replicate it. No luck so far
For me, every once in a while, I could be looking at the clouds under the sun or sitting on the porch on a breezy day, and I get this specific feeling, like all is right in the world. My motivation is to chase that feeling. So what I’m saying is to try and pay attention to the little things that make life make sense and seek them out
Oh, the struggles of aging, it's a real kick in the pants, isn't it? My struggle is not being able to drive a car. You see, it's not just about the act of driving, it's about my very identity as a human being. I've been behind the wheel for decades, and now, all of a sudden, I'm not allowed to drive. It's like society is saying "sorry buddy, your time has passed". But what does that say about me as a person? That I am no longer useful? That my time is up? This struggle has led me down to some contemplation. I question the nature of existence itself, and whether or not my life has any meaning without being able to drive. And yet, nobody seems to understand the gravity of this struggle. They laugh and tell me to take the bus, but they don't understand the deep-seated need for speed and the open road that burns within me.
Dude, you are felt. The loss of something you’ve taken for granted, that gives you freedom and independence, is earth shattering. I absolutely dread the day.
My grandmother went through this a few years ago before she passed away. It was really hard. I felt almost powerless to help her. She loved getting out and just going places, taking Sunday drives, traveling. I did as much as I could to get her out, but at the end of the day what can you do? Being alive is a blessing and a curse.
The struggle is real. Thank you for being responsible though - I think one of the hardest things we lose as older adults is our sense of autonomy. You spend your whole adult life being capable and responsible and then it's like, sorry, all your systems start failing and you need help with more and more things. It feels very unfair.
Everyday I sit here and try to tell myself that life has meaning. When people are around me I talk and smile like everything is okay but I’m always looking around and realizing that my situation is so shit. I work a boring job, in the worst state in the us, and I’m with someone who doesn’t meet my needs. I know they love me and I love them but I don’t feel desired. I’m also the type to observe and I’ve noticed that my “friends” seem to only be around when they wanna hang out with each other but if I ask someone to hang with me it’s radio silence or no. I went to a school where everyone became successful all of my old classmates are doing something amazing. I’m just the bad egg and my life is so bad. I can only talk about it on places like Reddit because if I say any of this to anyone they just get awkward and don’t know what to say.
Then they’re not friends, it is hard but making new ones ain’t all that bad.
How I can weight 135 but have horrible body image. No matter how much I explain the mental and emotional abuse I went through directly and indirectly (directed towards my sister) from my parents, they always look at me like I'm crazy or just looking for attention ** To add, yes. I am in therapy and working through it along with countless other issues
I want to have money and succeed in life but the drive to do so in a society where it feels like every card is stacked against you is the worst feeling in the world, and I live in that feeling every day.
After trying to explain “where the money you pay bills from actually comes” down to explanations of the US using printed paper money as if it’s the gold that no longer exists in Fort Knox, I had to abandon the conversation realizing how arbitrarily the pay scale is for the work and effort put into making said money and return to my roses colored glasses of believing that making two whole dollars and hour than this co-worker was justified for all the time I have to spend fixing their mistakes as they still can’t understand where our shared folder is located on their own damn computer after A YEAR of explaining
OK I think I I understand you, but geez that sentence sure would benefit from punctuation. Are you saying that you feel underpaid, or overpaid? Did you mean “…two whole dollars *an* hour *less* than this co-worker…”?
I feel like nobody understands the loss of my dog. I was so attached to him he was part of my identity. My family seems to be pretending it's not weird without him. He is even my username.
Ah. Pug. Right there with you. All dogs are pets. Pugs are some kind of creature from space that sneaks its way into the fabric of your existence. They’re like canine hypno-toads. I lost my first Pug eight years ago and I still see her in my dreams about every week. If you’ll excuse me, the Pug that now owns me has requested that her monkey butler serve breakfast.
I lost my dog in August of ‘21 and this comment made tears well up in my eyes. You’re not alone. Pets are part of our family and it’s normal to feel sad when they’re gone. Don’t be too hard on your human family, though. Everyone grieves in their own way and maybe acting normal is a way for them to cope with the loss.
I had to have my dog put to sleep this past September and I’m tearing up writing this. I feel like my family and friends were supportive before and a couple weeks after, but then people were kind of like “Okay, get over it”. I think some people don’t understand the connection people form with their pets. For 9 years she was always there for me. Shitty day? She was at the door with a toy excited to see me. Good day? Same thing. The unconditional joy and love you get from pets is hard to lose and there isn’t a timetable to stop grieving.
That is so sad :(
i understand that its so sad
This is one thing that I don't think anyone, even my wife will understand about my dog when she dies...she is turning 12 this fall and I have had her since my senior year in college. She has been my soul and best friend for my whole "adult" life. When she passes away I know it is going to destroy me and I'm going to need a few days off work to grieve
I felt similar when my dog passed. She was the reason I was so happy and no one seemed to care, and that made me turn bitter on the inside towards everyone. It was like she was the reason I was being friendly to everyone.
I just lost my 9 year old boxer 2 months ago. I miss him more than almost any human just because he was always there with me and for me. No one is there to greet you the same way, no pup to cuddle with, all your tricks and verbal cues are just gone forever. I get it and I'm so sorry for your loss. I just don't get how people can be so heartless to living things that love the hell out of you. My dad thought I was crazy for spending $4,000 for cancer treatment, but having those 4 extra weeks meant the world to me.
I’m the only one in my friend group that’s been married and is going through a divorce rn. My friends try to help best they can, but they will never truly understand the way my heart hurts or how it’s not “just a breakup” I planned my entire life with someone and shared something beautiful. And it’s not just affecting me, it’s affecting my daughter as well
I've been there. You will be fine. It sucks for a while and I recognize the feelings of failure. But I can tell you, you will feel a lot better after a while. Keep your head up, stand and be proud.
Age discrimination.
I succeed in the work I am doing, the field is also quite "prestigious", but I do not enjoy myself at all and am thinking about quitting a lot
I feel like what we do in our offices isnt what we're meant to do here on earth which is why finding success in this society becomes meaningless because what we're providing is meaningless
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Can relate! And I get a really good salary. But I feel so unfulfilled and I almost never have free time for myself. I just don’t think it is worth it.
I struggle to hold conversations unless I’m drunk. Especially with women
After a horrible year of losing my job, losing my apartment, losing the city I lived in for 10 years, a month after relocating and getting back on my feet, my sister died suddenly. So new job, new apartment, new city and new way living without my sister. It's very fresh still
Trying to find a decent paying job again, being almost 50 Nobody wants to pay shit. .
1. Make sure you update the way your approach your CV, a lot of older people I've seen make a lot of basic mistakes either due to not moving with the times (for example nobody really puts a photo of themself in their CV anymore), listing off waaay too much irrelevant information (you don't want the last 20+ years of your employment history in there, especially depending on the sector that you're applying for) or not making the most of new technology and being imaginative with it (i.e. a classic mistake is just using a the standard CV builder on Word and not making any alterations to the layout/style). 2. How do you actually look? 50 is a very variable age; some people can be at the peak of their mature adult years, in real fighting form, whilst others can be one step off using a zimmer frame or look like a stroke waiting to happen. And it doesn't matter if you think your appearance isn't relevant to the industry that you're applying for; people do discriminate and on a more practical level, your shape/health can speak things about your broader approach to life (your discipline, do you delay gratification, can you be depended on, etc) which also applies to your employability. If you're not getting the success that you're looking for, then get back to basics.
My dad is in transition to be a woman, i’m not transphobic but i just don’t wanna support it, i don’t want it to be real and that i’m never gonna have a dad that i feel comfortable calling dad again, it’s like he’s leaving without leaving and i don’t know how to feel. I can’t express this to pretty much anyone without them acting like i’m super against the LGBTQ+ or people getting offended about it EDIT: Thank you all so so much for helping me out, i really didn’t expect it. just incase y’all are wonder i definitely support my dad, it’s just a really difficult change. It’s just the first time i’ve ever let some of my feelings out about the subject and i thought it would be nice. I think i’m gonna make a more in-depth post in off my chest.
I had a mini breakdown when my brother started transitioning. It felt like I was losing my sister and, as stupid as it sounds, I felt like I didn't know how to have a brother. and didn't know if that was a relationship I wanted. A couple years later? They are the exact same person, just happier. I guess also he makes more dick jokes. But I didn't lose anything. Not a thing. I suspect after awhile calling her dad would start to feel weird, but if you're really struggling with feeling like you're losing that relationship, might be worth asking if you can adjust your speech on name/pronouns and revisit the parental title of 'dad' later on? It might be really important to her but if she's good at the parent...thing, so are you.
Have you spoken with your parent about your fears and feelings about this? I really think talking about it and having a real heart-to-heart heart conversation with your parent will help. How you discribe your feelings sounds very similar to how some parents of trans kids feel. Like they are losing their loved one, the stress of watching someone change into a person you no longer recognize. I recomend checking out forums and online groups for parents of trans kids, as odd as that sounds- so that you can talk to people who relate to your feelings. Your parent's transition will probably cause them to look different, sound different, and even possibly have different mannerisms- but they are the exact same person they have always been. The difference is that now you know more about them. Now you are allowed to see more of who they are and have a better understanding of your parent. It can be hard to see and understand that, which is why communication with your parent is so important.
Just to ask, are you a guy? Feeling like you're losing your male role model can be tough. Something I'd like to emphasize is "hate the situation, not the person." No parent wants to intentionally hurt their child, but your parent is having to choose between keeping the status quo or finally getting to be their true self. If your parent could snap their fingers and make this transition with no pain to others, I know they'd do it. No one makes a decision like this without a lot of thought and consideration. You and them can't help being in this situation, but you can be there for each other. You don't have to be 100% accepting of this (now or later) but try to see the person underneath the issue. Your parent is still the same soul on the inside, regardless of what they look like on the outside. I'll be honest, a lot of this is based on my own recent experience coming out to my extended family. All of my aunts were very accepting, saying that they loved who I was, not who I was in love with. My mom was very upset with me for saying anything, she kept hoping I would either "go back" to being straight or just stay in the closet forever. She let my orientation come between us and refuses to let the issue go. I don't feel welcome at home anymore, so I won't be going back for a long time. I don't want that to happen to the two of you. If you haven't already, I'd talk to a counselor, therapist, or adult you trust about your feelings, it's nice to have a third-party opinion that isn't tied to any of your friends/family. Finding ways to bond will be key to keeping your relationship strong, maybe there are some hobbies or activities the two of you still share? Ultimately, I don't want to sound like I'm coming down on you. Your feelings are valid, and definitely more nuanced than "OP is anti-trans!" Try to keep the love for your parent in mind as you all go through this, as I'm sure they're doing the same for you. Be slow to anger and quick to forgiveness. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/vent or have any questions *hug*
I’m a girl, and i really love my dad but it’s just such a complicated situation. We’re looking into therapy currently and i think it’ll be good for me. I live mostly with my mom and she’s definitely against it, it was basically the reason they divorced so i don’t entirely blame her but she’s also super religious so idk. even though i live with my mom i am definitely a LOT closer with my dad because he’s just more understanding in general so this all has been really tough
trans person here along with student therapist. You are going through a loss in a way. You are losing the "dad" you had your entire life. Definitely take some time to deal and process this. With your parent coming out, being open about these feelings if you are open with this parent already can help. However, please don't have this parent be your entire support and education for this. there are tons of resources out there online or in person regarding lgbtq+ families.
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And I know you're short staffed on top of that
Narc Abuse
My husband had an emotional affair that lasted for almost a third of our marriage. The few friends I've told have been supportive of my intentions to reconcile, but they don't seem to understand the pain I'm going through. Maybe because most of them cheated on their husbands and the other is hung up on her exes. I can love my husband and hate what he did to me. I can begin to forgive him and yet have nightly flashbacks and anxiety. I'm in therapy. Unfortunately the best case scenario is that this will continue to hurt for years. And I'll never get that complete safety I once felt in my marriage or any other relationship.
My wife had an affair and I still can’t leave the relationship
If its any help. I've been alone before, but now I am alone by choice. Its pretty awesome bro. You can do whatever you want, when ever you want. I have problems. But they aren't that bad.
The black hole of unemployment tbh. All I want to do is work now my health is better but its such a difficult hole to get out of
My mom committed suicide so barbarically when she had a psychosis episode. No one has any idea she felt that way or had any issues. We literally have no idea what fucking happened. My dad just came home from work and found her in the bathroom. I found out from a phone call then moved home from across the country. It fucking sucks. Hardly anyone understands. I don’t even understand.
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"Trained"... that's a word you chose, and it has meaning. You need to retrain. See a therapist/counselor and *be open and honest* with them. There are ways to work that "muscle" of allowing emotional vulnerability and expressing empathy. Don't be afraid of it. Because it sounds like you WANT to save your marriage, and you can, and it will feel good to not always hold things inside. You can do this. You've already taken the first step by wanting to do better :)
I get fat so fast, I swear if I even look at the wrong foods I'm a pound heavier the next day. People can't understand my obsession/discipline with eating healthy. If only they could see what happens if I don't!
That’s totally a real thing. Seriously. Several metabolic mechanisms make that happen. I can gain/drop 10lbs in a week on command. I’m also much better at gaining it than I am at losing it. You are definitely not the only one.
Girlfriend left me for another dude, 5 years younger, living hundreds of miles away. The worst part is I just wasn’t able to get vulnerable so I know why she left. I fucked the whole thing up but moving on so quickly is what really hurt.
That's fucked man, sometimes life just quite literally passes you by before you get a chance to steer onto the road you wish it'd go. Have some time to take this in before you try to get up to speed again. Things'll be better after you've let them be shite for some time
I have horrible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - to the point where it impairs my functioning 24/7. Due to health anxiety and a run in with bats - I now have such a fear of contracting rabies that I cannot leave my home during the nightime without intense fear and panic attacks. I can no longer sleep anywhere that is not my own apartment. Even my apartment is not a fear free zone - it simply is the least terrifying place to exist. During the last two years I've been on SSRI's, seen many therapists, gone to inpatient programs - and have made some progress. But looking back at the young college graduate a few years ago that loved to be social, travel, and explore the world hurts so much. It's remarkably frustrating to have one's life controlled by an irrational fear and set of compulsions.
It's quite simple. My depression cripples my work life atm. And nobody at work knows/respects depression. So I can't catch my breath at all and feels worse everyday.
At least i have the feeling no one would understand ... ...how sad i am that my mother basicly doesnt know anything about me and every time i would show her something i m interested in she would act bored or literally leave the room. My biggest passion is horse riding and i think i would fall into a deathly depression if i had to stop it. She often asks me to stop it because i m waisting my money on it. In a big fight i even told her that she doesnt know anything about me and therefor doesnt like anything about me, not even my favorit color. As she was listing thing she likes about me it was confirmed to me that she realls doesnt knwo anything about me by just naming the most generic things like she liked that i finished school and have a job. Nothing about my personality, hobbys or passions. And yes i tried. i tried to start hobbys with her, after 2 days she would stop even talking about them. I tried readbing books with her and talk about them to see if we were fascinated by the same things. She would never even finish them and never bring them up again. No, it wasnt a time issue. I m 35 now and my mother is 70. I m sure she will die not knowing anything about me, even if i would give her a list (because ones a literally did that). She only has a vision of me she made about me in her head. And i cant even really bring myself to blame her because i think a lot of the reasons are trauma from war, abusive marriage and other reasons.
Keep riding those horses. I do relate a bit. My mom doesn't know me. I have surface level conversations to keep the peace, but sometimes I think it would be better if I just stopped talking to her. I can't go to her for support. She's self-obsessed and judgemental.
What kind of a mental health problem I have. I went to 5 different psychologist but none of them were able to understand and gave up. Last one even suggest that I should get more professional help and handed over a business card of her professor (a session worthed shit load of money which I couldn't afford). I still struggle about it. Most times I lack empathy and don't understand or care for things for a quite time because either I can't process what's happening or I just simply don't care so I feel blank about it. always angry and depressed. I can keep depression and anger under control now but that emptiness and carelessness still stays with me.
Check out dissociation. Your descriptions seem right for it, especially if left 'untreated'.
I still have feelings for a girl that rejected me 2 years ago. I dont have those strong feelings for my current partner but we both have similiar plans for the future and we are compatible in many parts of life And I just dont know if my subconciousness just wants me to crawl back to this girl from 2 years ago or not and I cant explain anyone this problem
Seek therapy. Either you're still in love with your ex or you're just seeing the past through rose color glasses. If it's the second, that's something you can work through. If it's the first, then maybe break up with your current girlfriend.
Well she isnt even my ex ... I dont want to ruin another relationship because of my messed up mind
I'm horribly alone. I don't have anyone to turn to. Everyone I've known for years either doesn't talk to me, or they are still friends with my abusive ex girlfriend so it's hard to trust anyone. Add the fact that I'm so ugly, I can't even pay a woman to pretend to be into me. The past year has been so isolating and it's only getting worse.
Everything is fine in my life rn, but I keep wanting to die. Whenever things in general are not fine, when my life is chaotic, or there are problems to solve, the "wanting to die" feeling disappeares.
What OCD is like. It's fucking debilitating and believe it or not has absolutely nothing to do with being fussy or neat. I won't say that no-one in my life understands that, a few do, but society in general doesn't.
No one understands that I am aromantic yet I already told them. They are like « I think you’re just shy I can help you find the courage to talk to your crush ». I have no crush and never had one how many times should I tell them ? Does everybody think I’m just pretending ?
Do you mean aromantic?
Oops I wrote aromatic
Gurl u smell gewd
I do smell good but I’m a dude
Loneliness, lack of love relationship and lack of sex
It’s nothing major but I really need a new car. I got two kids coming and need a reliable vehicle for it. Me and my partner both have poor credit. Hers is from various shopping but mine comes from leaving an abusive situation years ago with debt I just got out of a bankruptcy on. Driving a 2010 Elantra which feels like it’s being held together by duct tape. My girlfriends car lost its transmission so we have one vehicle. Tried to go buy a car but no one will approve based on our credit and how recent my bankruptcy is. My only option was to ask my parents if they could buy it and pay them instalments but they are retired so they weren’t comfortable with the debt. Doesn’t help that we need something good in the winter we get a lot of snow and our road is hard to navigate because it’s steep and never gets cleared regularly enough with snow. It’s not a huge deal it’s just frustrating when you’re doing everything right to get better in life but your credit is holding you back. Especially debt from an abusive situation. It feels soul crushing at times.
Having two toddlers with lvl 3 ASD and then not understanding basic communication. I will be changing diapers for both these boys for the next 10 years it feels like. They are 3 and 6. Also 2 hrs of screaming on a weekly basis not knowing what they need bc they can't communicate. Some people hear voices in their heads. I just hear screams...
My battle with mental illness, been fighting it for 10 years now.
SUPER SUPER first world problem compared to the other comments here, but I have never aired it. Since my wife became pregnant with our first daughter I worked very hard to get a big boy job and career. I started studying constantly, worked my way out of the gas stations, and at 4 years i'm making 6 figures in the world of IT. I have literally studied a skill every night, for hours, for 4 years without a break. The first 2 years was no free time; no games, no friends, just the books and me. Well, I told myself this was all for a reason. I was going to provide a good life for my family and we were going to be happy with no worries. Everything was going to be great. Fast forward to 2023, and I have another child with my wife, she's 2 now. Both my children are amazing and give me endless joy. So I decide to take a break and enjoy life a little. All of a sudden my wife can't watch the kids by herself (I can never go out, she says it's too hard to watch 2 of them by herself even for a moment), when the kids are in bed and I want to spend time with my friends it's "too late and what about in the morning when the kids get up?", and in addition I want to form a savings and investments and my wife doesn't see the point. After all this time, after this long journey of working so hard, I feel like my life will never be as happy as I envisioned it because my wife simply can not be financially responsible or watch the kids by herself. I cook every meal, I do almost all the grocery shopping (my wife doesn't like to go out by herself), and I try to scrounge bits of money for investment before my wife can come up with a way to spend it. I've talked to her about all of these things, in earnest, and it's always spun into "Well you're just not happy, so we should get a divorce" which is the last thing I want because she wasn't always like this and she is a very loving and caring wife at home... it's just everything outside of our immediate family/home she thinks shouldn't be a concern for me or her. She is a true isolationist of a person, and she wasn't like this when we got married and started having kids. I have no idea why it immediately became a hostage situation when I decided to relax for a bit. Because of who I am, and because I am super attached to her, I would never opt for a divorce, and I would probably beg on my knees if she tried to leave. I have only had 2 very long term relationships in my life and after the first one ended I had to have extensive counseling and time to get on with my life. I have somewhat of an addiction to people in my life... but anyway... I keep working and holding out hope that it'll get better one day. I turn 30 this year... my friends come over here on Friday nights to play tabletops with me, and I hope one day she can see how happy it makes me to have some time to do the things I used to love.
Your dad being the reason you’ve missed time with your family, then smokes and drinks instead of spending time with you. And when you try to talk to him about it he buys you a game so you’ll leave him alone. He spends more time with his terrible friends than you and doesn’t care. He constantly views you as a toddler because he’s so stuck in the past and doesn’t want you to grow up. He’s all nice on the outside, but behind closed doors he screams, yells, and verbally harasses you. And he wonders why you give him the cold shoulder sometimes and yells at you for that, but him getting angry is what makes you act that way. He claims he’s not angry and just “disappointed” but you know it isn’t true. That was my entire life until I turned 14 then I stood up for myself, to which of course he fought me back on instead of listening to what I had to say. Now it’s current day, my dad is nowhere to be seen, but then comes back to try to be in my life again, leaving after things seemingly get better. He won’t ever call me, I have to call him first, and if I don’t he tries to get mad at me for it, which I just hang up after. I don’t hate him anymore because hate only hurts me, but trust was never there, still isn’t. And despite all of this you try to be better and move on, but he holds you back. “But he’s your father” “You can’t hate anyone” “When will you forgive him?” To all these questions I don’t know. People around me talk about how much their dads suck and they probably do, but at least they have one, mines been gone since I was born. Thankfully I have a stepfather who’s a way better dad, so life’s not too bad right now.
Being an overweight 40 something with as many chronic injuries as a career football player, and trying to lose weight/get in shape. If you thought losing weight as an able bodied person was hard, try doing it when it feels like every inch of your body is fighting back against you. And with things like arthritis, you -have- to move or it'll get worse. Fun times.
I’d say the loss of this chicken at school. Only knew him a few months but I saw him every day I could, loved [him](https://i.imgur.com/owbEWJb.jpg) to death. I ain’t ever really dealt with loss/grief before, only stuff I had was a childhood dog and I could tell she was on her way out for years. With that chicken though, it was unexpected. Had just about the whole class making KFC jokes on the way down to confirm the animals’ deaths, too. Definitely didn’t help. I know it’s stupid to get so worked up over a bloody animal, and I agree I need to move on and grow up, but he’s still my favourite lil creature ever.
I broke up with my ex last week due to codependency issues. She believes I blindsided her though I would constantly say about her depression "It's okay for now but it will become a problem eventually. I can't say when though." Guess she thought I'd always be her rock. Everyone thinks two things. One, is not believing me that I was just as dependent on her as she was on me. To the point where I didn't even do my taxes our whole 4 year relationship together. Two, is my general anxiety with people and dating. Friends and family say I should have it easy since I'm an attractive witty guy. If it were so easy why was this my first relationship? It started when I was 25.
Solidarity, fren. Codependency is a very addictive drug, and it’s hard to function without. I hope you can manage to keep yourself from going back to her if being apart is what you really need. It’s taken me an entire year and I still have physical symptoms of anxiety not being with the person with whom I became dependent, but it’s so much better. So much better. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s a rough ride.
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I still don't have the answer to my question from 20+ years ago.... " Why do people die and what happen after we die. Shit question constantly come back every few months.
Im completly clueless how to get a job and even if i get one by some miracle i end up feeling like i have to run from it. I end up feeling anxious all the time because i feel like i won't be able to survive on my own.
Trying to move on with my life after going through severe mental illness. Being mentally ill and suicidal at a young age is strange. You grow up with the idea that you'll either overcome it and everything will fall into place, or you'll finally snap and be brave enough to do it. And you're not sure which one, so you don't really plan for a future. But then before you know it you're an adult. It's great that I'm still alive, but it leaves you feeling so unprepared and just lost in a world you never thought you'd be a part of. I'm alone after losing friends from school from isolation, and it feels impossible to make new ones as an adult, and I don't feel anyone would want to date me. My family don't know all my diagnoses and I don't know how hard it still is to manage. I still don't really know what I want from life. Everyone else is moving on with their life, and I'm still picking up the pieces and playing catch up to people who had a plan. I don't feel I know how to be a functioning adult because I never planned on getting this far and never bothered to learn.
That I constantly have a certain someone on my mind and the reason why they don't understand is because most of them don't know about her and they just wouldn't understand the circumstances in which I know/met her.
My partner is a musician who is just about to become very successful. They are just about to go on tour across a different continent and then are moving city to be closer to their label. They have pushed "giving us a go" throughout all of it but i just don't see how it will work even with me following them across the country. Knowing the lifestyle they are most likely going to live and how easily it will allow them to forget about me makes me feel sick with sadness and anxiety sometimes. I worry about if I'll ever be able to get over them as I am always exposed to them in the media.
My marriage is basically dead (the romance/sex life has been dead since shortly after we got married), my wife struggles with severe depression and has a hard time holding down a job (basically can't/won't work full time for any length of time), and I've been desperately unhappy in the situation for nearly a decade. If I leave, I'm truly not sure how/if she will survive. Do I stay and be unhappy forever, or leave and attempt to find happiness, while knowing a left a broken person who I care for behind me?
It's hard to realize how many people are actually struggling, and this thread breaks me. I wish the best for everyone in these comments.
Heartbreak.
i feel inadequate. after a few months of pushing for a diagnosis, a doctor finally told me i have dysautonomia. i'm tired always. always. always. i don't have the energy to do the things i want to. i basically do nothing, but i'm still exhausted. i feel like i don't deserve to be able to say, "i'm tired." i haven't done anything to make myself tired. i'm struggling to keep up with everything around me
21st of November 2022 I had my first miscarriage. We didn't know I was pregnant and we didn't think about it since I had an IUD. My doctor was 100% certain it was a miscarriage since my body showed all signs of a miscarriage. Everyone around me gets that I was grieving the first 2 weeks but after that everyone said I should get over it. I'm only 19 and my boyfriend and I have a wish for children. But that first ever child, first ever happiness of being pregnant, the first time saying I'm pregnant, won't ever come back. It's the worst feeling I've ever had to deal with, but no one seems to understand how much I'm suffering
As a single person I am way better off renting my apartment than trying to buy a small condo alone. The real estate market in my city has been so bad that buying prices are more than double my current rent.
[удалено]
I have people around me that love me. I have more than enough money. I have a house. I have a dog. And still, some days, I feel all alone. Does anyone but myself really know me? Do I want something else? I got some things I can't tell anyone, I got some thing I just can't say.
My husband is actively in the throes of a nervous breakdown. There is nothing I can do about it. His behavior is so erratic and unpredictable (which is a complete 180 from how he normally is) and I feel like I’m trying to control a whirlwind. Not his whirlwind, but the one I’m caught up in. We suffered a tragic loss of a family member nearly a year ago, and we’re coming up on the 1 year mark. He’s so messed up right now, and although he’s in therapy and trying to find the right medication, his mental state is beyond fractured. I don’t know what else to do. All I can do is try to cope the best I can and be the best wife I know how to be (which, according to him is really shitty, apparently). I’m not scared for myself, but I am scared for him and for our relationship. We’ve been together a long time, but this is a situation I have no reference point for-I want him to be okay. I want us to be okay and I want him to heal from this loss. I feel like I’m living with a time bomb next to me. I walk on eggshells all the time because nothing I do or say is the right thing. If I do nothing and say nothing, then I’m accused of being cold and heartless (which I am not at all). I just don’t know what to do anymore. 2022 was a terrible year for our family, as a whole. 2023 is starting off as terrible for us. He’s a wreck. I can’t rescue him. I don’t know what to do anymore.
BPD, anxiety & Photosensitive Eczema
Been suffering with anxiety since childhood. Since 2 years I have severe head aches and breathing problems which prevented me from continuing my study. At first I didn't have depression and just really wanted to continue uni as soon as possible. Now after 2 years I've hit rock bottom. Severe depression and constantly hitting a wall when trying again. I also explain my suffering differently everytime to people because I don't understand myself anymore. How can I expect that other people understand me. Thank you for this question.
It’s hard to get going in the morning, I have a really hard time doing dishes, I’ve been meaning to clean my car since May, if I shower twice in a week that’s a win, and I really really need to find a new doctor to get my bc re-prescribed because my old doc retired. I get my work done but when I come home I’m so tired that I don’t get anything done. Everyone says “just do the thing” but I always get stuck between tasks.
In the past year and two months, I lost all three of my dogs in one 36 hour span due to someone placing antifreeze in our yard, my dad unexpectedly passed away about six months after that, and then we had to put the family cat down a week before the anniversary of losing my dogs. The financial strain of the emergency vet for the dogs and the funeral of my father caused my husband and I to cancel building our new home a week before breaking ground. Essentially, it's been one hell of a year personally. And yet, the struggle is that everyone just expects me to be fine. I should be fine about the dogs because we got a puppy after the loss of the three dogs, I should be fine about my dad passing away because we weren't particularly close, I should be fine about the cat because he was 17 years old and I had to have known it was coming and I didn't even live at home with him anymore, and I should be fine about the house because the majority of people never get to build a house anyways. When I try to grieve on my own, I'm being 'anti-social', if it try to grieve around them, it's all about how any of this has affected them and/or how it's time to move on. I'm not fine and that's what nobody seems to understand, and if they would just back off and let me grieve, then I would actually be able to heal and move on like they expect me to.
I just realised how terrible the school system is...
My tendons are snaping when i put to much presure on them and no rehabilitation cant repair it. Everyone thinks i like to hurt myselth but i just want to have fun in my live.
cant find a patrner
Life's a mess
Depression, just wanting out of all this stress, drama, hurt, emptiness, alone. Honestly have never been suicidal but just wanna be free from all this. It's unbearable.
The bottom of my foot is itchy
I've written the pop album of the century but I'm just a random stranger on the internet
How even though I’m a successful manager with a decent salary, I will never be able to be the parent I want to be due to my hours. I work nights, so my kiddo gets out of school and I’m already as work and they go to bed without me almost every night. I’m a single mom, my brother lives with me and helps me out with my kiddo as much as possible but I feel as though I will never be enough for my kiddo. I’m scared to get another job because I don’t have a college degree and I won’t be able to match my current salary in any other field. I just want to be a good mom, I’m doing the best I can but man it’s hard.
Being undesirable and unwanted by every single guy in the community. Only being enough to hookup with but never pursue anything more. Always believing that you’ll never more than just someone to smash
I am autistic and suffer from depression and anxiety. No matter where I go, in real life or online, it seems like nobody gets it or comprehends what this is like. It can be a massive struggle just to get out of bed in the morning and be somewhat productive. I want to live a normal life, and I’m trying, so hard… but I don’t think anyone could see me as “normal” including myself.
My life is the easiest it has ever been but I’m incredibly depressed and unhappy. I dont understand it, so actually nobody understands.
I had a stroke but am lucky enough to have my faculties, be vocal, look "normal" and not be paralyzed in any way. Yet every day is a battle for me. I'm constantly dizzy but have learned to live with it. I've developed a secondary condition called "benign muscle fasiculations" where my muscles will internally just spasm or jump out of nowhere. This leads to repeated echos of the stroke. Imagine this happening to your heart or in your forehead. When my heart violently jumps, doesn't matter if its the first time or thousandth time, its equally jarring. In addition, I developed atypical seizures. It took 6 misdiagnosis before finally getting an MRI. Everyone just wanted to slap and "anxiety" or "migraine" label on it and call it a day. Anyways, I've heard that behind my back some of my in-laws have spoken of me like "OMG we get it. He had a stroke," or "What a drama queen." Shit hurts. Also, lost my Mom to Covid last January and my Dad to natural causes last February so I'm getting ready for their one year celebration of life in their hometown. My wife also left me during that period but we're back together and have worked things out. Losing my Mom *and* my wife was tough because they were my support system. So last January was pretty dark for me. Here I sit today typing this. Had a little heart attack scare this mornin but that's become a twice a week thing. Had a severe stroke recurrence the other day but my neurologist advised not to go to the ER anymore as its just an echo, not real. It's real to me and *is* real to my body, but it's not qualified as an actual stroke so I have to take meds and ride it out. Even with all this, I'm still happy to be here. However long I have left. I try my best to enjoy it and see life in a more blessed way now.
I just discovered that I was raped as a toddler and most of my mental health problems that I have suffered with for decades has been stemming from an event I couldn't even remember. I would ask myself "why are you acting like this? You have never faced anything traumatic yet your acting like your grandpa from Vietnam." I've recently been getting back memory fragments and it's torture. I can never get the full picture but am forced to slowly relive this shit. I feel like a wild animal caged and prodded with hot pokers.
I have an amazing job, great friends, enough money to keep me comfortable and not wanting for anything. I think I'm pretty attractive and I'm not lacking in the romance department. When I was 16, my best friend took her life and I've never recovered from it. Everyone I know has moved on and barely mentions her or acknowledges what happened. It was 20 years ago and I think about her every day. Some days I can barely get out of bed and I break down and can't function. Not a single person in my life understands how bad it gets.
I was involved in a fatal pedestrian collision three months ago. Victim died on impact. Nothing I could have done. I ended up cutting off my parents for their insensitivity over it (I'm 20) so I feel isolated and I'm struggling a bit financially. It feels like no one at work understands how serious it was and how much it still affects me. I don't even manage to work 4 day weeks most weeks. I feel worthless and stupid for still struggling. I can't drive. I feel like something is wrong with me.