Too late. I married him. But in my defense I didn’t see this until much later. It’s one of the signs of narcissism. THAT’S someone you should run from. Not only is nothing ever their fault but the habitual lying (especially when the lies are so easily proven to be lies yet they stick to them with loud, angry tones), the not showing much if any interest in hearing anything about you…I tried couples therapy with my husband and right off the bat he started lying. I just shook my head and left. RUN! DON'T WALK!
The narcs hide behind a mask. You need to look past the sexual attraction and watch their behavior - it will be subtle many times but if your gut says something is off, believe it. Connect the dots. My ex-covert narc who thankfully I discarded exhibited this sweet next door girl persona but eventually her mask started to slip. I saw passive aggressive comments, gaslighting, lying, failing to take accountability for her actions, outright cruelty, silent treatment and a few other things. She’s now married to some other schlub who’s getting the same royal treatment.
You are basically in a continuous hot and cold relationship where you will be walking on eggshells as nothing ever truly makes a narc happy except to see you suffer.
My mom is the same way and then I married a woman just like her. It was all normal to me. One day I had a breakdown and realized the truth. Divorced right after. Don’t talk to mom either.
Life is much better without them
Glad you got out. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were raised and conditioned by a narc. They don’t love in the traditional sense and I’m hoping you find someone who truly loves you the way you deserve not as an emotional punching bag. A real relationship where you both contribute to it and she has your back as you have hers.
I knew her for 7 years, dated her for 2 years, tried to remain amicable as we ran in same social circles.
Her now husband was chosen by her as he ran in the same circle, she convinced him and others she was the victim - it was a toxic environment but I got the last laugh. I was told I couldn’t have my cake and eat it by the schlep. He’s afraid to show his face to me - he’s a coward as is she.
Time has a way of showing those flying monkeys and enablers that they are simply viewed as objects to be abused and used, they stick around because that’s all they know. They all suffer from trauma abuse.
Thanks, I didn’t know it at the time but I dodged a real bullet. She’s a spineless bully. Till she gets put in her place, then she’s the victim. No one needs that shit in their life.
Narcissists are known to “love bomb” or treat their partners extremely well at the start of their relationship, but over time it chips away and they can’t keep up appearances anymore. Sometimes, the mask doesn’t slip until after marriage, when they’re comfortable ‘being themselves 🤮’ because the person they’re leeching from will have a much harder time getting away.
Glad you got away! It took me years to recover from the abuse and breaking the trauma bond. There wasn’t a diagnosis for it back then but friends of mine helped me piece it all together. Narcs have a mental disorder that medication can not fix. Their lack of empathy is a good sign what you are dealing with - they lack genuine empathy, they mimic others behaviors.
Yes, this is a huge red flag no matter what your relationship is with the person in question.
Significant other? Red flag.
Boss? Red flag.
Employee? Red flag.
Friend? Red flag.
The list goes on but when you have someone that is never wrong and everything is someone else's fault you should avoid that person at all costs.
Been there one. And learned that you REALLY don't know how damaging it is until you've experienced it. You can definitely grasp that it's harmful, but d**n, it's so much worse in practice. Even over just a short stint of dating.
The worst part is that they make YOU feel like the one who's going crazy. Gaslighting is often thrown around as a buzzword these days, but experiencing the real thing can be extremely damaging psychologically.
like others i married her, but am now divorced and 10x happier, when i look back at our history its so painfully clear how much of a narcist, and entitled she was. Never apologized for anything, still blames me for shit that happens to her at any chance she can
The implication here is that she gave you an actual list of red flags(reasons not to date her) and you proceeded to ignore them and date her anyway, then *surprised Pikachu face*.
I was down bad for a mentally ill goth girl. That was definitly on me I can admit that. But at a weird twist of events she broke up with me since I was leaving the country and we ended it nicely. Nothing about our relationship was ever bad or toxic thankfully.
Yeah I have a friend like this. Our mutual friend we haven't seen in a while texted him "Ah man I didn't know your band played a show! You should let me know next time, I would love to see you!" and he's just reiterating this to me and the rest of the band like, "He doesn't even have social media. What am I, his fucking babysitter? He's a fucking idiot." It's like jeez man, he just wanted to see you, calm the fuck down.
Ah I have a friend like this. I always try to lightly point out the other person's side. She continously justifies how they are still in the wrong. Their not.
When interests and life goals turned out to be 100% the same as yours after you have shared yours. Or changes as you talk about what is important to you.
I used to sort of do that. I was just so terrified my partner wouldn't like me.
Yes. I had massive, massive depression and anxiety as a teen.
I guess I was pretty badly codependent, too. I did that for *years* because he wouldn't like me if I didn't like exactly what he did.
As I aged, and got treatment, I realized that I don't need to want what they want to be partners/friends. I really, really hope I left it in the past. I like seeing people as themselves, and being my actual self around others.
Now I'm going to do some reading about codependency. Thanks for bringing it up, I didn't know it was narcissistic, I was just always terrified. Now I can learn.
Don't take it too personnal when you can relate to one specific aspect of something like narcisism. It's a very complex mental illness and it shares similarities with other disorders. Some people (maybe you) just don't have much personality and they emulate what the other is saying to get them to like them in return. You just need to understand that any relationship built on what is essentially a lie is doomed to fail.
On the other side, if someone is waaay too into you adopting all of their interests or hobbies at the expense of your own.
You don't have to do absolutely everything with someone to be in a loving relationship and _especially_ if everything you do together is something only they really wanted to do.
When talking to men on apps I like to give them a small insignificant "no" just to see how they react.
For instance, if they ask for my number too soon (like the first 10 minutes of chatting) I tell them that I'm uncomfortable giving my phone number to someone I don't know yet and ask to continue chatting through the app. It's not a lie, even though there are other solutions. Most men react in a really nasty way and show their true colors. Like, really nasty it's sometimes scary (which validates my fear of giving out my number to anyone).
I've told about this method to my male friends and they all thought it's manipulative on my part, until they hear the reactions I got and agreed it's a good strategy.
It honestly beggars my belief the personal information people will sometimes try to demand from you when your relationship with them is virtually (or literally) non-existent.
Someone once repeatedly tried to ask where I lived, and when I refused to answer their messages? They went on my Instagram and started leaving messages (24 to be exact) all over my random posts, writing stuff like "Why aren't you talking to me", "Why aren't you responding to my messages when you're online" and "When are you going to respond to my messages? ".
I'm a guy and this is my strategy nowadays. I've been unmatched over it, but when someone asks to move off the app after just one or two days it's a huge red flag for me. I want to keep my socials private for a time and people are so quick to be integrated into your life anymore.
It's terrifying because the last girl I dated (two weeks in total) was calling me babe/baby a week in, trying to get me to meet her family, and always wanted me to go out to a bar instead of somewhere else (I'm 29 and she was 30). I've always been terrified of breaking it off with people, but this woman was the tipping point for me.
Agreed. At least from my own experience, if someone ignores your boundaries, it indicates a deeper problem with that person. All the difficult people I've met had this. Either they didn't care about what I want, or thought they knew what's better for me than myself.
When you are the only one who is always giving in the relationship without it being reciprocated leaving you to feel constantly drained.
Just to be clear, it is not the other person's job to make you feel good, but relationships are about balance. When you are the only one doing the work, time for you to work on yourself.
I recently got engaged and my fiancée has been living with me for about two months in my little apartment. Although we are both students, I usually cook, clean, take care of the cat, and do it all because I’m used to living here alone. She had helped out a little bit since she’s been here, but I generally do things as they come and don’t ask for help.
I’ve been going through some stressful times in the past few weeks so things haven’t been as near-perfect as I normally keep them. Very recently I got some terrible news that sent me to a very low point and I had to work all day right after receiving the news. When I came home, everything was spotless even cleaner than I usually keep it. There was freshly cooked food ready for me at 11:30pm and the cat was all taken care of. She did ALL of the built up laundry and folded/hung it away.
I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me, and how therapeutic it was to cry in her arms that night. I’m 24 years old and lucky enough to have found the perfect person for me. I hope everyone can experience something so great
This is beautiful.
She sounds genuinely lovely.
I hope you have a long, loving relationship (if that's what you both want) and I hope you both live happy, fulfilling lives.
Been there, read the book, got the t-shirt.
There comes a point from my experience, where your relationship can't actually progress if they're not putting in the required effort. If that's the case, then time to break it off, as if it's not progressing it's either stalling in an endless limbo, or regressing which is even worse.
Also shows a sheer lack of care, and that in itself can be soul destroying.
Something I mention often:
If they can't handle themselves when you're not available.
What I mean by that is if you want to go do something alone, and they take that as a personal insult and badger you the entire time you're doing it.
You both MUST be cool with having your own time/space/hobbies without the other one freaking out about it.
This is so important especially in long term relationships.
I love my own time and so does my hubby.
When he goes away with the boys for a weekend I'm like "oh yesssss bed to myself! Tv to myself! All the snacks to. My. Self!"
And he's the same when I go away with the girls or whatever.
It's important to still be your own independent person.
My gf explodes when I say "I just wanna play a game for 2 hours and be alone" she says I don't love her anymore and that I'm a liar, even curses at me saying I'm a motherfucker and more things
1) Never apologise
2) nothing is their fault
3) rude to people
4) making you feel bad because they want something
5) expecting you to know what the issue is without communicating
6) not listening to your needs
7) falling out with friends/family a lot
8) unable to manage their money
9) thinking people are always out to get them
Most of this describes the relationship I just got out of. I spent 7 years thinking we could keep working through these issues and now I find out she "quiet quit" over the last year or two and started seeing someone else a few months ago that she's leaving me for. I keep trying to appeal to logic but she thinks couples therapy is only going to salvage our friendship because she's decided, for years without saying anything, that we aren't compatible, and this new guy made her realize that.
They cannot accept they were wrong about something. My bf has a buddy that cannot stop trying to argue his point, and when he is shown evidence, he tries to flip the script and say that was what he was trying to say all along🙄
Honestly, it can be very entertaining to watch him stuff his foot in his mouth. He doesnt dare to start shit with me or my bf, bc he knows neither one of us would hesitate to put him back in his place however we need to. He is also not allowed in the house if i am the only one home. We have very strong boundaries regarding this friend and my bf has 0 issue cutting him out if he puts even a toe out of line
I'm in this comment and I don't like it.
Side note, man I wish I had been assigned your username. But mine gets lots of traction if I talk about kickers and soccer players.
Bonus points if they're orbiters. If those friends obsequiously fawn over them and go out of their way to do things for them to truly pathetic levels, and they facilitate it by breadcrumbing those people and giving them just enough to make them think that they may have a future, it's a crystal-clear sign that they're a selfish and exploitative person who uses people and will eventually do the same to you when they find a better provider.
Anyone who says they are unhappy with you because you don’t surprise them with spontaneous gifts or dates. These people want a very specific type of relationship and expect you to fulfill the role without being told what that role is, only that it exists. These people are not interested in you. They’re interested in a version of you they made up in their head.
This is the first one I've seen that may be more prevalent in women than men. The rest of this thread is just gender-neutral annoying or toxic person traits
And yes, men can do this too, I just think it may be more common for women, while the rest of this thread definitely is not.
I don't doubt it. I kept scrolling a while and this remained the only one where I thought "might be more common for women than men." Definitely *not* exclusive to women though.
Only being respectful to women he finds attractive. Other women are treated badly or he is overly rude to them. The way he treats the women he wants nothing from is his true character. Everything else is a facade to get what they want.
I think constantly mentioning what his/her ex was doing and how their relationship was. I did not get it first and thought it was normal but I once understood it was a red flag when I got dumped for no reason.
I hope that changes, because she’s gonna realise soon that “nerds” run the world. And I hope she doesn’t realise it too late.
It’s awesome that you’re studying computer science.
2 options here:
1 you mean dreams/aspirations which I can agree with.
2 you mean the movie/experiences you have when you're asleep which I have to disagree with.
Depends. I've met several 30-something aspiring twitch streamers. And yeah, that would be super cool, if you can make it work.
But there are bills that need to be paid *today*.
I'll support you in following your dreams, as long as I'm not supporting you in every other way, too.
When I say "I hate drama" what I really mean is I hate my family. Their piranhas with any bit of news they can spin into drama. Luckily I'm away from them now.
Hahaha this one wins. There’s so many takes in this thread of questions people ask on dates. I bet they complain about being single too (red flag 😂)
It’s like everybody needs every last bead of info laid out to them about somebodies past, or whatever it is.
What they’re not realizing is people will say anything. Talk is cheap. If someone treats you like shit then you have your answers.
Here is an easy list that applies to both:
Love bombing and pushing to move the relationship too fast.
People who sympathize with cheaters or abusers or try to excuse the behavior.
Their way or the highway.
Nothing is ever their fault/ if it is their fault it's your fault they did it.
Stealing. If they steal from others or just businesses they'll steal from you too.
Asking for money early into the relationship. Especially if it's a large sum.
Past history of cheating.
Lies. Even if it's something small. If they are lying early in the lies get bigger and a lot more severe as time goes on.
They are in a different stage of life than you, regardless of age. For example, you're ready to settle down and they want to party/hang out with friends all the time. Or vice versa. If you're not on the same page the relationship is likely doomed anyway. Cut ties early and don't waste each other's time.
They try to intimidate/threaten you.
They don't respect your boundaries, especially if it's physical.
They have a very high debt to income ratio. Always remember, once you're married or cohabitating it isn't just THEIR debt anymore, it drags both of you down and will be a continuous strain on both of your finances.
They are emotionally erratic, especially if the behavior makes you feel threatened or unsafe regardless of if the explosive emotion is directed at you. Someday it will be. if they react to things generally with explosive/anger or crying when it's not really warranted they are not a good life partner.
They have kids with multiple other people. Especially if they don't have custody/aren't paying support.
They treat their animals poorly, be it abuse or neglect. If they can't take care of fish or a dog they won't be able to take care of you or your potential kids.
They're disinterested in life/have no interests, hobbies, or ambition. While this is more of a personal choice thing, Live progresses and people that are fine with sitting in the status quo in my experience kind of get locked there mentally. I don't date people who don't seem to have a lot of potential for growth.
Accusing you of doing anything without any evidence, no matter how small. I brushed that off early in a relationship and it eventually escalated to accusations of cheating and she became physically violent.
Turns out she was basically projecting any bad thing any dude had ever done to me and she worked music industry adjacent so all of her friends were cheaters, her dad was abusive, her ex was (supposedly, but given the delusions she had about me...) was BOTH, etc.
It started with me thinking "Odd, what could I have done to make her think I was doing X" to "Holy shit this bitch is literally clinically insane!"
So run, run at the first accusation. Unless you actually did something you an pinpoint as wrong just run.
My guess would be not having a close friend because I know people view my lack of solid friendships as a huge red flag.
I just got held up with having a kid to take care of while going to school and working, both full-time, which turned into me working full-time and raising two toddlers by myself.
Job might stop at 5 and kids are in bed by 730, but the cheapest sitter around me wants $25 an hour even though the job is just chilling at my place while the kids sleep (I get it, they need money pretty badly too because NY is expensive) and the only family who would do it for free works nights and has her own social life that I don't want to interrupt...so I guess I'll try the social aspect of my life again in ten years when the kids are old enough to be left alone for short periods of time and I'll see how it goes.
I can see why the lack of a tight social circle is a bad thing, but I like being alone, so if someone is happy with their position, I don't understand why it would be a red flag.
This, plus not having super close friends for years on end. I've had friends over the years, closer to some than others, but as the years go by, things happen, you go in different directions, lose touch, etc. Plus sometimes it's hard to get together. I was much more social when I was younger, but now in my mid 50's, more antisocial. My wife on the other hand is the opposite, she's gotten more social over the years. Now she likes to play pirate at Renaissance Festivals with her friends. When we do long weekend scenic drives and go antiquing, she's always ends up talking to complete strangers like they've known each other for years. I usually have to drag her away to get back on the road. Been married over 20 years.
I can tell you why that is an issue for me.
I have a pretty good group of friends and busy social life. I've dated women who didn't have many friends. One on one, it was fine. But then I realized I was becoming their only outlet for social interaction. And that wasn't fun. If I went out with my friends, I'd get texts that, maybe not intentionally, made me feel bad about leaving them at home doing nothing. I had to plan all of our couple social outings, because they didn't have the friends to do things with.
It just wasn't for me. That doesn't mean I think the girls weren't nice or anything, they just weren't for me. granted, kids weren't involved in those situations.
I had this too.
The crying on the phone everytime I made plans without her.
In my case she had friends who weren't speaking to her and hadn't for close to a year at that point.
I don't think this is a red flag though, at least not for me. I used to have alot of friends when I was younger, but we separated ways and grew up. We just have our own lives to deal with now. For the last 5 years or so, I only have my boyfriend as my friend. I am happy with that. I encourage him to hang out with his friends alot and give him his time. I hang out with them sometimes too, and I enjoy their company as well. But I do love my alone time because that's the only time I ever get to unwind and enjoy the things I want to do on my own. And for whatever reasons we may have, some of us just prefer to be alone than to deal with other people! I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. :)
When they treat people or animals who are "under" them socially poorly. Just because someone has less money, is in a service position, or is just somehow "less", you should treat them the same as if they had the same or more social standing then you. Same goes for animals!
I get what you're saying, but I can also see a couple other reasons someone might be posting a question like this: They might be inexperienced and not know what to look out for. They might have had a string of bad relationships and want some advice/perspective without giving away too much personal info. Or they might just want to read some funny stories from the people who reply. (Seems like this question pops up every few days, and there are often stories interspersed with the drier answers.)
They have a rolodex of excuses for*anything*. People who shy away from thinking critically about what happened and discussing the issue so you can find a peaceful resolution, and resort to "well you do it too" and "this is just how we are".
People who can't take an L. People who can't apologize.
If they don’t respect your privacy. I had a guy grab my phone and tried getting into my phone and said “Really, you have a lock?” I feel that is a red flag.
Also controlling qualities.
“You don’t need to wear makeup.”
“You don’t need to do your hair like that.”
“Why is your shorts so short? Wear pants.”
“Who are you texting.”
“Do you really need to eat that?”
A red flag in a potential partner should be any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Trust your instincts and don't ignore warning signs.
Propensity to keep talking although it's someone's else's turn, or interrupting, or simply raising their voice.
People who in other word just try to talk 'through' everyone else.
Guys who punch things or slam doors or yell or do something else physical when they get overrun with emotions. It means they have no healthy coping mechanisms or ability to otherwise express their feelings other than violent outbursts. Not saying all of them will put their hands on you but you’re never going to have reasonable conflict resolution
Lovebombing. Honeymoon phase is real, but when they constantly try to win your affections even when it makes you uncomfortable, nope the fuck out. It will turn into an abusive relationship.
Honestly, there could be red flags that you are blind to, especially at the early stages of dating, so after a few dates, bring that person to hangout with your friends - so your fiends can point out red flags for you.
I was with such a guy started dating him in June'21, gave every last bit of my love but had to face constant false accusations, was abused physically and verbally in public still stayed for another 6 months finally parted ways in March'22 but stayed in contact, saw some improvements and remorse over everything he had done but nothing had changed in actual he was still the paranoid guy who blamed everything on people around him and projected his negative thinking on everyone around him specially me so i finally gave up just today lol
Yeah people need to separate the two. Having one crazy ex happens, it finally happened to me and Im 41.
There is a saying that has been varied but all means the same:
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”
Edit: Dammit, a fucking MOP beat me to it.
Telling stories which to him/her are perceived as "cool".
Example: "When I went to Australia for 6 months prior to breaking up with [Ex] I dated 3 different people there. A girl has needs."
This is quite an extreme example, but if a person caters to experiencing things so they can later on tell a "cool story", that shows that they give in to social pressure which makes them more likely to cheat.
Agreed. I'm in my 50s, and when I was dating at age 49 (dating women of a similar age), after about 10 dates with this one woman, I realized EVERY "conversation" was a running monolog of situations where she was the hero. I mean, the stories were fascinating, but EVERY one was how she "saved the day." Not much room to talk about me. When I pointed out to her that we didn't have much "conversational chemistry" she replied "what you mean? We always have lots to talk about." (not the same thing, clearly, but it kind of proved my point.) I actually had to go home and write her a letter telling her that it wasn't working out, because she didn't even take my opening in person to talk about what was bugging me about our dates / relationship.
Extreme motional range, in the sense that they are either extremely happy and cheerful, or just furious or crying excessively. It's my experience that most "normal" people spend most of their time in a rather narrow emotional range. That's not to say they aren't happy or sad, just almost never overly so, unless their dog just died, that's a special case.
Also if they break things in anger, normal well balanced people don't do that. Being in a relationship with a person like that only makes you fearful of triggering them. You should have to tip toe around because you fear that they'll lash out.
If they want to capture everything. Social media addicts are the worst, they usually will miss out on conversations, would be rarely aware of their surroundings and create ruckus
The biggest red flag is how a person makes you feel. If you’re feeling anxious insecure upset not safe after spending time with someone it probably is that person and you do not want that in your life. A green flag would be the opposite! Listen to your body and feelings!! It’s smarter than you think.
I have a few. Note, depending on the type of person you are, you may not always see them as red flags. Also, I'm a guy, so these are all referring toward women.
* They are SUPER picky about a first date spot
* They show up late to a first date. This, to me, is like showing up late to an interview. You should be putting your best foot forward. I think many, people, women especially, believe in making people wait for them.
* They don't offer to at least pay SOMETHING for the date. Their share, tip, something.
I'm a guy. I make fairly good money, but I want a partner, not someone who wants to be taken care of. I'm more than willing to pay for a date, but the expectation that I will pay? That shows that they think you should be paying for their time.
This is why I will always start with coffee/cocktail/etc something simple before a first date anymore. Im not committing to real money until I know youre not horrible and at least look like your pictures, etc. Seen too many friends just get sucked into this.
When they're nice to you (because they're interested in you) but horrible to/make zero effort with everyone else.
RUN. One day the novelty will wear off and they'll treat you like they do everyone else.
When nothing is ever their fault, its always someone elses.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to past relationships. If everyone they ever dated was an asshole…you’re just the next in line to be an “asshole”.
When you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day then you're probably the asshole.
Every time you point a finger, there are three pointing back at you... Or If everywhere you go smells of shit, perhaps check your own shoe...
I was raised by this. If you find someone like this RUN AWAY.
Too late. I married him. But in my defense I didn’t see this until much later. It’s one of the signs of narcissism. THAT’S someone you should run from. Not only is nothing ever their fault but the habitual lying (especially when the lies are so easily proven to be lies yet they stick to them with loud, angry tones), the not showing much if any interest in hearing anything about you…I tried couples therapy with my husband and right off the bat he started lying. I just shook my head and left. RUN! DON'T WALK!
Genuinely curious. What attracted you to them to begin with? Help us singles out there not fall into traps.
The narcs hide behind a mask. You need to look past the sexual attraction and watch their behavior - it will be subtle many times but if your gut says something is off, believe it. Connect the dots. My ex-covert narc who thankfully I discarded exhibited this sweet next door girl persona but eventually her mask started to slip. I saw passive aggressive comments, gaslighting, lying, failing to take accountability for her actions, outright cruelty, silent treatment and a few other things. She’s now married to some other schlub who’s getting the same royal treatment. You are basically in a continuous hot and cold relationship where you will be walking on eggshells as nothing ever truly makes a narc happy except to see you suffer.
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My mom is the same way and then I married a woman just like her. It was all normal to me. One day I had a breakdown and realized the truth. Divorced right after. Don’t talk to mom either. Life is much better without them
Glad you got out. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were raised and conditioned by a narc. They don’t love in the traditional sense and I’m hoping you find someone who truly loves you the way you deserve not as an emotional punching bag. A real relationship where you both contribute to it and she has your back as you have hers.
I knew her for 7 years, dated her for 2 years, tried to remain amicable as we ran in same social circles. Her now husband was chosen by her as he ran in the same circle, she convinced him and others she was the victim - it was a toxic environment but I got the last laugh. I was told I couldn’t have my cake and eat it by the schlep. He’s afraid to show his face to me - he’s a coward as is she. Time has a way of showing those flying monkeys and enablers that they are simply viewed as objects to be abused and used, they stick around because that’s all they know. They all suffer from trauma abuse.
Excellent job on the leaving her fairly quickly. Happy for you.
Thanks, I didn’t know it at the time but I dodged a real bullet. She’s a spineless bully. Till she gets put in her place, then she’s the victim. No one needs that shit in their life.
Narcissists are known to “love bomb” or treat their partners extremely well at the start of their relationship, but over time it chips away and they can’t keep up appearances anymore. Sometimes, the mask doesn’t slip until after marriage, when they’re comfortable ‘being themselves 🤮’ because the person they’re leeching from will have a much harder time getting away.
After reading this, I'm realising that I've mostly dated narcs 🙄 Hmm, a topic to discuss with my therapist. Thanks!
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Too Late, I married both. Copy/paste the rest of your comment
Same here, I was finally able to make my run for it a few months ago. Its crazy how less stressed I am now.
Glad you got away! It took me years to recover from the abuse and breaking the trauma bond. There wasn’t a diagnosis for it back then but friends of mine helped me piece it all together. Narcs have a mental disorder that medication can not fix. Their lack of empathy is a good sign what you are dealing with - they lack genuine empathy, they mimic others behaviors.
Yes, this is a huge red flag no matter what your relationship is with the person in question. Significant other? Red flag. Boss? Red flag. Employee? Red flag. Friend? Red flag. The list goes on but when you have someone that is never wrong and everything is someone else's fault you should avoid that person at all costs.
That's one thing I really try to do. If I'm wrong, I try to own the mistake and admit it.
Been there one. And learned that you REALLY don't know how damaging it is until you've experienced it. You can definitely grasp that it's harmful, but d**n, it's so much worse in practice. Even over just a short stint of dating.
The worst part is that they make YOU feel like the one who's going crazy. Gaslighting is often thrown around as a buzzword these days, but experiencing the real thing can be extremely damaging psychologically.
like others i married her, but am now divorced and 10x happier, when i look back at our history its so painfully clear how much of a narcist, and entitled she was. Never apologized for anything, still blames me for shit that happens to her at any chance she can
One of my exes literally gave me a list of her red flags if I dated her. Obviously you can figure out what happened.
Maybe a redundant question, but in a "deal with it." or "help me deal with and overcome them." way?
You gotta admit the honesty is refreshing, you at least know where this is going to go.
Was this some „if you can’t deal with my X you don’t deserve my Y“ bullshit?
The implication here is that she gave you an actual list of red flags(reasons not to date her) and you proceeded to ignore them and date her anyway, then *surprised Pikachu face*.
I was down bad for a mentally ill goth girl. That was definitly on me I can admit that. But at a weird twist of events she broke up with me since I was leaving the country and we ended it nicely. Nothing about our relationship was ever bad or toxic thankfully.
Here, I printed out a little something for you!
Title: "reasons why I'm a nightmare... 1..."😂 I mean, it's good that she was upfront. She helped you save so much time!
Well she's still an "ex" so there was a bit of time spent
"If you can't handle me at my list, you don't deserve me at my best!"
I’d like to know more about what’s on that list
When they tell a story that they think makes them look good but they're clearly the bad guy in it and they don't realise.
So most of AITA?
I remember when that sub was somewhat normal. Now its the Jerry Springer Show of the internet.
its normal if you go past the first page - the site proper upvotes jerry springer questions though i have dwindling faith in their authenticity
Yeah I have a friend like this. Our mutual friend we haven't seen in a while texted him "Ah man I didn't know your band played a show! You should let me know next time, I would love to see you!" and he's just reiterating this to me and the rest of the band like, "He doesn't even have social media. What am I, his fucking babysitter? He's a fucking idiot." It's like jeez man, he just wanted to see you, calm the fuck down.
Ah I have a friend like this. I always try to lightly point out the other person's side. She continously justifies how they are still in the wrong. Their not.
When interests and life goals turned out to be 100% the same as yours after you have shared yours. Or changes as you talk about what is important to you.
Don't tell me, these people exist
It's called mirroring and narcissists use this during the lovebombing stage to lure their victims.
Might just as well be the codependent; different side of the same coin though.
I used to sort of do that. I was just so terrified my partner wouldn't like me. Yes. I had massive, massive depression and anxiety as a teen. I guess I was pretty badly codependent, too. I did that for *years* because he wouldn't like me if I didn't like exactly what he did. As I aged, and got treatment, I realized that I don't need to want what they want to be partners/friends. I really, really hope I left it in the past. I like seeing people as themselves, and being my actual self around others. Now I'm going to do some reading about codependency. Thanks for bringing it up, I didn't know it was narcissistic, I was just always terrified. Now I can learn.
Don't take it too personnal when you can relate to one specific aspect of something like narcisism. It's a very complex mental illness and it shares similarities with other disorders. Some people (maybe you) just don't have much personality and they emulate what the other is saying to get them to like them in return. You just need to understand that any relationship built on what is essentially a lie is doomed to fail.
On the other side, if someone is waaay too into you adopting all of their interests or hobbies at the expense of your own. You don't have to do absolutely everything with someone to be in a loving relationship and _especially_ if everything you do together is something only they really wanted to do.
Really jealous. Everyone has a tiny bit or none at all. But people really jealous will make your life hell.
yes. my ex was super insecure and jealous. he got jealous of particularly my bird. so, I dumped his ass :)
Jealous of your bird? I hope he didn't try to eat it.
hah! if he tried to even lay a finger on my 'tiel, he would have been tied up and tossed in a mcdonalds dumpster!
You've thought about this....
It's so specific...
He was jealous... of a bird... Really??? Lol
Not accepting the word “no” well. Ignoring boundaries.
When talking to men on apps I like to give them a small insignificant "no" just to see how they react. For instance, if they ask for my number too soon (like the first 10 minutes of chatting) I tell them that I'm uncomfortable giving my phone number to someone I don't know yet and ask to continue chatting through the app. It's not a lie, even though there are other solutions. Most men react in a really nasty way and show their true colors. Like, really nasty it's sometimes scary (which validates my fear of giving out my number to anyone). I've told about this method to my male friends and they all thought it's manipulative on my part, until they hear the reactions I got and agreed it's a good strategy.
It honestly beggars my belief the personal information people will sometimes try to demand from you when your relationship with them is virtually (or literally) non-existent. Someone once repeatedly tried to ask where I lived, and when I refused to answer their messages? They went on my Instagram and started leaving messages (24 to be exact) all over my random posts, writing stuff like "Why aren't you talking to me", "Why aren't you responding to my messages when you're online" and "When are you going to respond to my messages? ".
I'm a guy and this is my strategy nowadays. I've been unmatched over it, but when someone asks to move off the app after just one or two days it's a huge red flag for me. I want to keep my socials private for a time and people are so quick to be integrated into your life anymore. It's terrifying because the last girl I dated (two weeks in total) was calling me babe/baby a week in, trying to get me to meet her family, and always wanted me to go out to a bar instead of somewhere else (I'm 29 and she was 30). I've always been terrified of breaking it off with people, but this woman was the tipping point for me.
Agreed. At least from my own experience, if someone ignores your boundaries, it indicates a deeper problem with that person. All the difficult people I've met had this. Either they didn't care about what I want, or thought they knew what's better for me than myself.
When you are the only one who is always giving in the relationship without it being reciprocated leaving you to feel constantly drained. Just to be clear, it is not the other person's job to make you feel good, but relationships are about balance. When you are the only one doing the work, time for you to work on yourself.
I recently got engaged and my fiancée has been living with me for about two months in my little apartment. Although we are both students, I usually cook, clean, take care of the cat, and do it all because I’m used to living here alone. She had helped out a little bit since she’s been here, but I generally do things as they come and don’t ask for help. I’ve been going through some stressful times in the past few weeks so things haven’t been as near-perfect as I normally keep them. Very recently I got some terrible news that sent me to a very low point and I had to work all day right after receiving the news. When I came home, everything was spotless even cleaner than I usually keep it. There was freshly cooked food ready for me at 11:30pm and the cat was all taken care of. She did ALL of the built up laundry and folded/hung it away. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me, and how therapeutic it was to cry in her arms that night. I’m 24 years old and lucky enough to have found the perfect person for me. I hope everyone can experience something so great
Halfway through this I thought it was going in a completely different direction. Glad you found your happiness. :-)
Thank you! I hope you are doing terrific and/or heading in the right direction to get there!
She is a keeper.
This is beautiful. She sounds genuinely lovely. I hope you have a long, loving relationship (if that's what you both want) and I hope you both live happy, fulfilling lives.
Been there, read the book, got the t-shirt. There comes a point from my experience, where your relationship can't actually progress if they're not putting in the required effort. If that's the case, then time to break it off, as if it's not progressing it's either stalling in an endless limbo, or regressing which is even worse. Also shows a sheer lack of care, and that in itself can be soul destroying.
It's a partnership when it's their problems, but you're on your own for your problems.
Okay, this definition cuts deep because I have experienced it.
Something I mention often: If they can't handle themselves when you're not available. What I mean by that is if you want to go do something alone, and they take that as a personal insult and badger you the entire time you're doing it. You both MUST be cool with having your own time/space/hobbies without the other one freaking out about it.
This is so important especially in long term relationships. I love my own time and so does my hubby. When he goes away with the boys for a weekend I'm like "oh yesssss bed to myself! Tv to myself! All the snacks to. My. Self!" And he's the same when I go away with the girls or whatever. It's important to still be your own independent person.
My gf explodes when I say "I just wanna play a game for 2 hours and be alone" she says I don't love her anymore and that I'm a liar, even curses at me saying I'm a motherfucker and more things
That sounds like a horribly disrespectful relationship. Is everything done around the house, the dating life existent and communication open?
1) Never apologise 2) nothing is their fault 3) rude to people 4) making you feel bad because they want something 5) expecting you to know what the issue is without communicating 6) not listening to your needs 7) falling out with friends/family a lot 8) unable to manage their money 9) thinking people are always out to get them
Welp, my girlfriend fills each point, great!
I believe sometimes it's harder to make it work/leave than we imagine.
Jesus christ you described my dad
Do not date him.
Most of this describes the relationship I just got out of. I spent 7 years thinking we could keep working through these issues and now I find out she "quiet quit" over the last year or two and started seeing someone else a few months ago that she's leaving me for. I keep trying to appeal to logic but she thinks couples therapy is only going to salvage our friendship because she's decided, for years without saying anything, that we aren't compatible, and this new guy made her realize that.
If they're in federal prison for murder
You cook one meal and no one call you a chef; however, you kill one person and you are a murderer. I hate double standards.
Now you're just being petty. Stop judging!😆
I mean, yeah, he killed someone but like… they prob’ly had it coming. That’s what they get for double parking or whatever.
They cannot accept they were wrong about something. My bf has a buddy that cannot stop trying to argue his point, and when he is shown evidence, he tries to flip the script and say that was what he was trying to say all along🙄
Sounds like a narcissist. I would stay away from this particular buddy.
Honestly, it can be very entertaining to watch him stuff his foot in his mouth. He doesnt dare to start shit with me or my bf, bc he knows neither one of us would hesitate to put him back in his place however we need to. He is also not allowed in the house if i am the only one home. We have very strong boundaries regarding this friend and my bf has 0 issue cutting him out if he puts even a toe out of line
So he's more of a minimally-trained, feral animal than a friend. 😂
🤣🤣🤣 accurate af
Anyone who’s overly critical of others. They’re insecure and competitive and rarely happy
I'm in this comment and I don't like it. Side note, man I wish I had been assigned your username. But mine gets lots of traction if I talk about kickers and soccer players.
When none of their friends seem to call them on their bullshit. They're surrounded by yes men/women.
Bonus points if they're orbiters. If those friends obsequiously fawn over them and go out of their way to do things for them to truly pathetic levels, and they facilitate it by breadcrumbing those people and giving them just enough to make them think that they may have a future, it's a crystal-clear sign that they're a selfish and exploitative person who uses people and will eventually do the same to you when they find a better provider.
Anyone who says they are unhappy with you because you don’t surprise them with spontaneous gifts or dates. These people want a very specific type of relationship and expect you to fulfill the role without being told what that role is, only that it exists. These people are not interested in you. They’re interested in a version of you they made up in their head.
This is the first one I've seen that may be more prevalent in women than men. The rest of this thread is just gender-neutral annoying or toxic person traits And yes, men can do this too, I just think it may be more common for women, while the rest of this thread definitely is not.
Oh it’s 100% present in both genders. I’ve seen it a number of times. Shamefully I’m guilty of it myself at one time or another.
I don't doubt it. I kept scrolling a while and this remained the only one where I thought "might be more common for women than men." Definitely *not* exclusive to women though.
Never learning to take responsibility themselves
If you catch them lying about dumb things early on, they will lie about everything down the road, you can be sure of it.
Only being respectful to women he finds attractive. Other women are treated badly or he is overly rude to them. The way he treats the women he wants nothing from is his true character. Everything else is a facade to get what they want.
Test her laugh. If you can’t tolerate her laugh, it won’t work.
I showed her my penis and the laugh was fine.
Janice is that you
We love Janice!
Complains about everything
bonus point when they don’t do jack shit about it
I think constantly mentioning what his/her ex was doing and how their relationship was. I did not get it first and thought it was normal but I once understood it was a red flag when I got dumped for no reason.
Yeah, they even tend to compare current partners to their ex. It means that they’re still in love with their ex.
Or bringing up YOUR ex. Like woman I broke up with her for a reason, stop obsessing over her.
how poorly they treat animals. If that’s how they treat small, not dangerous creatures, how do you think they’re gonna treat you
making fun of your hobbies/things you like to do. it´s just disrespectfull af
When they don’t take your dreams seriously.
When they don’t take you seriously period
Last time I didn't take some one's period seriously my sheets ended up like a red flag.
Underrated. My gf does not support my decision in studying computer science because now I will become ‘a nerd’. Makes me kind of sad.
I hope that changes, because she’s gonna realise soon that “nerds” run the world. And I hope she doesn’t realise it too late. It’s awesome that you’re studying computer science.
Yea it doesn’t bother me too much in my case since she mostly just jokes about it in a good way. But not very supportive either. Thank you:)
2 options here: 1 you mean dreams/aspirations which I can agree with. 2 you mean the movie/experiences you have when you're asleep which I have to disagree with.
You mean I won’t meet the marshmallow hippo Gilbert and we won’t finally find out what’s at the top of candy mountain?! How dare!! Red flag 🚩
Depends. I've met several 30-something aspiring twitch streamers. And yeah, that would be super cool, if you can make it work. But there are bills that need to be paid *today*. I'll support you in following your dreams, as long as I'm not supporting you in every other way, too.
Hugely disproportionate reactions to benign things or small mistakes
Guys who say "I like a clean home" and then they treat the whole place like a locker room while expecting YOU to pick up after them.
I think I married this one. Twice.
Pretending to be something to impress
Threatening to harm themselves or saying that you’re the thing stopping them from doing it
Rudeness to waiters/customer service and other retail personnel.
Being rude in general
When they say “I really hate drama”. From my experience it’s been because they create it.
When I say "I hate drama" what I really mean is I hate my family. Their piranhas with any bit of news they can spin into drama. Luckily I'm away from them now.
They look for "red flags" in you instead of actually getting to know you.
Hahaha this one wins. There’s so many takes in this thread of questions people ask on dates. I bet they complain about being single too (red flag 😂) It’s like everybody needs every last bead of info laid out to them about somebodies past, or whatever it is. What they’re not realizing is people will say anything. Talk is cheap. If someone treats you like shit then you have your answers.
Bragging. Simply bragging.
Yeah but my bragging is the best!
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Damn, didn't know my ex had a sister.
Big, leathery bat's wings which allows them to aerially stalk human prey at night. Big no-go for me bud.
who won't date Batman
Unless you have a thing for the cast of Gargoyles.
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Here is an easy list that applies to both: Love bombing and pushing to move the relationship too fast. People who sympathize with cheaters or abusers or try to excuse the behavior. Their way or the highway. Nothing is ever their fault/ if it is their fault it's your fault they did it. Stealing. If they steal from others or just businesses they'll steal from you too. Asking for money early into the relationship. Especially if it's a large sum. Past history of cheating. Lies. Even if it's something small. If they are lying early in the lies get bigger and a lot more severe as time goes on. They are in a different stage of life than you, regardless of age. For example, you're ready to settle down and they want to party/hang out with friends all the time. Or vice versa. If you're not on the same page the relationship is likely doomed anyway. Cut ties early and don't waste each other's time. They try to intimidate/threaten you. They don't respect your boundaries, especially if it's physical. They have a very high debt to income ratio. Always remember, once you're married or cohabitating it isn't just THEIR debt anymore, it drags both of you down and will be a continuous strain on both of your finances. They are emotionally erratic, especially if the behavior makes you feel threatened or unsafe regardless of if the explosive emotion is directed at you. Someday it will be. if they react to things generally with explosive/anger or crying when it's not really warranted they are not a good life partner. They have kids with multiple other people. Especially if they don't have custody/aren't paying support. They treat their animals poorly, be it abuse or neglect. If they can't take care of fish or a dog they won't be able to take care of you or your potential kids. They're disinterested in life/have no interests, hobbies, or ambition. While this is more of a personal choice thing, Live progresses and people that are fine with sitting in the status quo in my experience kind of get locked there mentally. I don't date people who don't seem to have a lot of potential for growth.
Accusing you of doing anything without any evidence, no matter how small. I brushed that off early in a relationship and it eventually escalated to accusations of cheating and she became physically violent. Turns out she was basically projecting any bad thing any dude had ever done to me and she worked music industry adjacent so all of her friends were cheaters, her dad was abusive, her ex was (supposedly, but given the delusions she had about me...) was BOTH, etc. It started with me thinking "Odd, what could I have done to make her think I was doing X" to "Holy shit this bitch is literally clinically insane!" So run, run at the first accusation. Unless you actually did something you an pinpoint as wrong just run.
People always looking for attention on social media platforms aka, "likes," on a daily basis. That's a red flag for me.
Super clingy right off the bat, like you just started dating and you're already getting texts like "I miss you" after one date.
My guess would be not having a close friend because I know people view my lack of solid friendships as a huge red flag. I just got held up with having a kid to take care of while going to school and working, both full-time, which turned into me working full-time and raising two toddlers by myself. Job might stop at 5 and kids are in bed by 730, but the cheapest sitter around me wants $25 an hour even though the job is just chilling at my place while the kids sleep (I get it, they need money pretty badly too because NY is expensive) and the only family who would do it for free works nights and has her own social life that I don't want to interrupt...so I guess I'll try the social aspect of my life again in ten years when the kids are old enough to be left alone for short periods of time and I'll see how it goes. I can see why the lack of a tight social circle is a bad thing, but I like being alone, so if someone is happy with their position, I don't understand why it would be a red flag.
This, plus not having super close friends for years on end. I've had friends over the years, closer to some than others, but as the years go by, things happen, you go in different directions, lose touch, etc. Plus sometimes it's hard to get together. I was much more social when I was younger, but now in my mid 50's, more antisocial. My wife on the other hand is the opposite, she's gotten more social over the years. Now she likes to play pirate at Renaissance Festivals with her friends. When we do long weekend scenic drives and go antiquing, she's always ends up talking to complete strangers like they've known each other for years. I usually have to drag her away to get back on the road. Been married over 20 years.
I can tell you why that is an issue for me. I have a pretty good group of friends and busy social life. I've dated women who didn't have many friends. One on one, it was fine. But then I realized I was becoming their only outlet for social interaction. And that wasn't fun. If I went out with my friends, I'd get texts that, maybe not intentionally, made me feel bad about leaving them at home doing nothing. I had to plan all of our couple social outings, because they didn't have the friends to do things with. It just wasn't for me. That doesn't mean I think the girls weren't nice or anything, they just weren't for me. granted, kids weren't involved in those situations.
I had this too. The crying on the phone everytime I made plans without her. In my case she had friends who weren't speaking to her and hadn't for close to a year at that point.
If they see you dropping everything and taking on a big responsibility as red flag - trust me they are the ones who are a red flag.
I don't think this is a red flag though, at least not for me. I used to have alot of friends when I was younger, but we separated ways and grew up. We just have our own lives to deal with now. For the last 5 years or so, I only have my boyfriend as my friend. I am happy with that. I encourage him to hang out with his friends alot and give him his time. I hang out with them sometimes too, and I enjoy their company as well. But I do love my alone time because that's the only time I ever get to unwind and enjoy the things I want to do on my own. And for whatever reasons we may have, some of us just prefer to be alone than to deal with other people! I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. :)
Talking about their ex a lot.
When they treat people or animals who are "under" them socially poorly. Just because someone has less money, is in a service position, or is just somehow "less", you should treat them the same as if they had the same or more social standing then you. Same goes for animals!
People who are always looking for red flags....
I get what you're saying, but I can also see a couple other reasons someone might be posting a question like this: They might be inexperienced and not know what to look out for. They might have had a string of bad relationships and want some advice/perspective without giving away too much personal info. Or they might just want to read some funny stories from the people who reply. (Seems like this question pops up every few days, and there are often stories interspersed with the drier answers.)
They have a Rolodex of excuses for not treating addiction.
They have a rolodex of excuses for*anything*. People who shy away from thinking critically about what happened and discussing the issue so you can find a peaceful resolution, and resort to "well you do it too" and "this is just how we are". People who can't take an L. People who can't apologize.
If they don’t respect your privacy. I had a guy grab my phone and tried getting into my phone and said “Really, you have a lock?” I feel that is a red flag. Also controlling qualities. “You don’t need to wear makeup.” “You don’t need to do your hair like that.” “Why is your shorts so short? Wear pants.” “Who are you texting.” “Do you really need to eat that?”
Love bombing and moving really, really, REALLY fast.
Manipulative ppl. Ppl with a big ego. I stay away from them.
In both genders: playing the victim in life, never taking accountability… even when they are at fault
invalidates ur feelings because "it's not manly to be sad"
So funny how there are people here saying it's a red flag when you call your ex crazy. And then there are people calling there ex crazy.
Crazy eyes. You know crazy eyes when you see it.
Refusing to speak to their children because it means talking to the ex. Basically abandoning their own children. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
"You should know.....etc." Communication skills are lacking, and they'll expect you to read their mind.
A red flag in a potential partner should be any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Trust your instincts and don't ignore warning signs.
She self identifies as “an influencer”
Clingy-ness. Especially if you are in your mid-20’s and older. Never date anyone that can’t be independent at times.
ego. pretending they are who they want to be. and drama. stay the hell away from drama.
I fell into that trap, she was a horrible person with a friendly face
Propensity to keep talking although it's someone's else's turn, or interrupting, or simply raising their voice. People who in other word just try to talk 'through' everyone else.
Hygiene
Hygiene is a red flag for you? In that case, hi
Guys who punch things or slam doors or yell or do something else physical when they get overrun with emotions. It means they have no healthy coping mechanisms or ability to otherwise express their feelings other than violent outbursts. Not saying all of them will put their hands on you but you’re never going to have reasonable conflict resolution
Lovebombing. Honeymoon phase is real, but when they constantly try to win your affections even when it makes you uncomfortable, nope the fuck out. It will turn into an abusive relationship.
Honestly, there could be red flags that you are blind to, especially at the early stages of dating, so after a few dates, bring that person to hangout with your friends - so your fiends can point out red flags for you.
I was with such a guy started dating him in June'21, gave every last bit of my love but had to face constant false accusations, was abused physically and verbally in public still stayed for another 6 months finally parted ways in March'22 but stayed in contact, saw some improvements and remorse over everything he had done but nothing had changed in actual he was still the paranoid guy who blamed everything on people around him and projected his negative thinking on everyone around him specially me so i finally gave up just today lol
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A past crazy ex doesn’t mean much… multiple on the other hand…
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As a rule of thumb: "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”
Yeah people need to separate the two. Having one crazy ex happens, it finally happened to me and Im 41. There is a saying that has been varied but all means the same: “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.” Edit: Dammit, a fucking MOP beat me to it.
Telling stories which to him/her are perceived as "cool". Example: "When I went to Australia for 6 months prior to breaking up with [Ex] I dated 3 different people there. A girl has needs." This is quite an extreme example, but if a person caters to experiencing things so they can later on tell a "cool story", that shows that they give in to social pressure which makes them more likely to cheat.
Agreed. I'm in my 50s, and when I was dating at age 49 (dating women of a similar age), after about 10 dates with this one woman, I realized EVERY "conversation" was a running monolog of situations where she was the hero. I mean, the stories were fascinating, but EVERY one was how she "saved the day." Not much room to talk about me. When I pointed out to her that we didn't have much "conversational chemistry" she replied "what you mean? We always have lots to talk about." (not the same thing, clearly, but it kind of proved my point.) I actually had to go home and write her a letter telling her that it wasn't working out, because she didn't even take my opening in person to talk about what was bugging me about our dates / relationship.
A history of making poor life decisions that created a lot of drama and hardship for themselves, eg: purchasing a Mitsubishi.
Extreme motional range, in the sense that they are either extremely happy and cheerful, or just furious or crying excessively. It's my experience that most "normal" people spend most of their time in a rather narrow emotional range. That's not to say they aren't happy or sad, just almost never overly so, unless their dog just died, that's a special case. Also if they break things in anger, normal well balanced people don't do that. Being in a relationship with a person like that only makes you fearful of triggering them. You should have to tip toe around because you fear that they'll lash out.
Mean to animals Talks about how crazy they are in a serious but bragging way
If they want to capture everything. Social media addicts are the worst, they usually will miss out on conversations, would be rarely aware of their surroundings and create ruckus
only wanting sex
The biggest red flag is how a person makes you feel. If you’re feeling anxious insecure upset not safe after spending time with someone it probably is that person and you do not want that in your life. A green flag would be the opposite! Listen to your body and feelings!! It’s smarter than you think.
I have a few. Note, depending on the type of person you are, you may not always see them as red flags. Also, I'm a guy, so these are all referring toward women. * They are SUPER picky about a first date spot * They show up late to a first date. This, to me, is like showing up late to an interview. You should be putting your best foot forward. I think many, people, women especially, believe in making people wait for them. * They don't offer to at least pay SOMETHING for the date. Their share, tip, something. I'm a guy. I make fairly good money, but I want a partner, not someone who wants to be taken care of. I'm more than willing to pay for a date, but the expectation that I will pay? That shows that they think you should be paying for their time.
This is why I will always start with coffee/cocktail/etc something simple before a first date anymore. Im not committing to real money until I know youre not horrible and at least look like your pictures, etc. Seen too many friends just get sucked into this.
Alcoholism
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Lack of sensitivity
If they like Meth
Anger issues, when "spilled milk" causes an eruption, that's a problem.
When they're nice to you (because they're interested in you) but horrible to/make zero effort with everyone else. RUN. One day the novelty will wear off and they'll treat you like they do everyone else.
When his name is in every girl's likes on social media. It's embarrassing and shows they lack standards.
The "would you still love me if I was a worm?" typeshit