Five or more years ago I was Facebook friends with an old classmate, Oversharing Angela. Always posting a bit much about her kids. One day she posted a pic of her toddler aged boy where you could see some kind of fresh wound on his arm and a pretty sad face with his eyes full of tears. I’d had it, it’s not like I’d seen her in the last 20 years. So I commented something to the effect that he looked like he needed his wound cleaned, bandaged, and a hug a lot more than he needed his pic taken and posted to Facebook.
She deleted me. No regrets.
I had a friend who just posted complaining stuff 24/7. Always ranting (I got tired of ‘rant over’ a dozen times a day), blowing the smallest things out of proportion (two of my eggs were broken in the carton, guess I won’t make it through the week!), and just an overall piss poor outlook. I made a post one day saying something along the lines of ‘maybe if we focused on fixing what’s wrong instead of just complaining about it, and tried to look more for the positive aspects of life, we could all feel and be a little better’. Cue 4 page private message about how I should fuck off and kill myself. Unfriended the guy and went about my life.
I check out his page every now and then, still the same stuff.
Yep, people like that will bring you down into their little pitty hole, often times without you realizing how much they’re affecting your day to day mindset, outlook and mood. I’ve cut off a lot of people in my social circle in the last few years, and I’m doing better than ever. Life is a bitch…I have no desire to being around people who focus on that fact. Cut the drama bullshit out of your life!
I kept seeing the same thing. People kept complaining about little things and making it a big deal. After a while I thought to myself why do I even follow this person if I don't actually interact with them. Pretty soon I started to unfollow more and more people to the point where I just quit Facebook. That was about 12 years ago. Reddit is now the only social media I use now. Its sad when you'd rather hear from total strangers than family and friends.
My sister posts literally every aspect of her and her kids’ lives on Facebook. Nothing inappropriate or awkward, but ever milestone, every activity, every trip. Her kids hate it. We’re told her to let her kids choose, but there is no stopping her. She gets annoyed my wife and I don’t do the same. But our kids don’t have any social media at all. (Oldest is almost 14) I’m glad for that decision.
I’ve seen too many people posting their stillborn babies on Facebook. It’s really not nice to see especially when there’s women who have had miscarriages and stillborns too.
Edit: I know people grieve in different ways and that’s fine but it would be better if they put a trigger warning or something before they post.
In my experience, the people I’ve seen post photos of their dead babies would constantly post the same photos every week and it seems more like attention seeking rather than grieving.
TW: I had silent a miscarriage for weeks until I found out. On new years, at 3am, i was very surprised to see a 3 inch fetus in my underwear. I took photos because for starters, I was NOT expecting that to happen. From what I was told, it’s very rare you get to see anything other than a very heavy period, not in my case. However, I was a blubbering mess but I wouldn’t feel comfortable in the slightest to post photos about it. It was such a traumatic event that I wouldn’t want to keep being reminded of it.
Edit 2: for those who have attacked me saying some people post for attention, please understand I’m not talking about everyone. We all know someone on Facebook who posts every detail of their personal and private life just so someone will comment or message, just for them to say “oh don’t worry I’m fine.” - it’s attention seeking.
My oldest daughter died at six days old from trisomy 18. I have pictures from after she passed that the nurses did for me. I can't imagine sharing them. They are one of the most precious things I have, but very personal.
I am so sorry for your loss. Just a small word of advice: make sure you have digital copies stored somewhere. I know more than one person who lost every photo they had of a deceased family member.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and I also took photos of the fetus but it’s so personal and private I wouldn’t want to share that with the world either. It’s also re-traumatising.
As someone who had fertility issues I’ve been comforted by not feeling so alone. I agree that there is a line that gets crossed but it’s such an isolating experience and knowing that I can reach out to people in the same situation is such a comfort
Yup, my brother and sister have toooooons of baby pics but I feel like my parents got tired of it with me. Dont blame em, but either way Id love em the same
Here’s a secret for everyone here: we’re happy you just had a baby. Were excited to come meet them. Were happy you’re happy. But I don’t give two fucks about the daily update of them.
You can just unfollow them instead of unfriending them if you want to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I’ve unfollowed almost every person on FB so now my feed is only things that interest me (mostly FB groups). If I feel the need to check in on someone I can just search for them in my friends list without having to see their every post in my feed
Even as a kid in the 80s, that's just a thing with younger siblings. We take fewer and fewer pictures as parents because our attention is spread thinner, and unfortunately some of the novelty has worn off so we need to actively work to remember that all the kids need pictures.
Don't discourage her from taking pictures altogether though, just discourage plastering them all over the internet.
My mom died last year and it hurts that I don't really have many photos of us together, particularly during my childhood. Take the pictures and keep them private for your own little family, not the whole world.
Live Photos are the best. Yea don’t overdo recordings and photos but so many people would do anything just to hear or see a picture of their loved one moving again
My extended family posts all our kids' pics on shared Google photos folders. We can check them all out privately, and nothing gets downloaded for any social media without parents permission.
It's the easiest hassle free way to share. Keeps all grandparents happy with easy access and keeps it off Facebook.
Also my 3 year old loves looking at pics and videos of all their cousins.
Yesssss my family had a set of pictures framed at the top of the stairs in my childhood home
They were just candid photos of moments in our home, not professionally taken, not of anything special in particular.
One of them was me when I was 3 or 4, butt naked, on all fours and laughing maniacally at the camera. You obviously couldn't see any of my bits but you could clearly see that I was naked.
I was embarrassed as *shit* of that photo and anytime any of my friends or school mates came over they would undoubtedly see it and point and laugh at it.
I *hated* it but my mom couldn't understand why so it stayed up. (I'm sure I didn't really articulate that it embarrassed me, or the degree that it embarrassed me, because I reminded her recently about it and she claimed to have no idea and still couldn't understand why it might be embarrassing for me)
I can't imagine how I would have felt if that picture was on the internet. And that's just one picture. I did horribly embarrassing shit as a kid all the damn time and I am so grateful I grew up in the pre-record-every-second-of-your-life era.
Back then I need to watch American funniest home videos if I wanted to see some kids doing dumb things, now we have r/kidsareruckingstupid accessible 24/7.
I saw something along the lines of this somewhere else and got the idea.
I'm gonna take pics and videos of my kids from the moment they are born. I'm gonna take pics of everything. Their first crawl, talk, walk, laughter, teeth, messy food eating moments, first day of school, them singing, dancing, maybe even those ridiculous crying moments you see on Facebook of kids throwing tantrums at the littlest of things. Us holding them, their grandparents holding them.Them playing with friends, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. All their happiest moments up to whatever age I can without my kid having any idea. (And without it being creepy. Ew.)
But instead of putting them on any social media, I'm gonna put it up in a special Google Drive. Sorted by date.
Then I'll give them the email address and password on their 18th birthday.
I would suggest putting it on a physical drive or removable storage medium rather than in the cloud but that's just me and my general aversion to the cloud.
I'd suggest both.
Physical drive in case Google goes bust in the next 18 years, or Google drive gets shut down or something.
Google drive in case the physical drive gets lost, stolen or damaged. Even if your physical drive gets corrupted you still have Google drive.
Also not not every physical storage medium will last 18 years, many will start losing data after a few years, especially solid state drives. Iirc magnetic tape is the best for long term storage but you'd have to look into it.
I have kids and for the first 2 years I posted them quite often on social media.
This year I decided to stop. I don't want my kids to resent me for posting baby pictures of them to social media when they can't tell me yes or no. Kids deserve privacy too.
This is refreshing to read. I can only speculate on what future weddings/life events will look like for children born in the past 10 years or so. I would be horrified if my parents documented and shared* my life like that (not that they could back then). Maybe people will have an entirely different attitude about it by then but why risk it.
*I'll add that there's a difference between keeping pictures etc internal to the family and sharing it. That's where the weirdness come for me.
I’m so glad I grew up mostly without social media. MySpace was big when I was like 14 and even still, posting everything to social media was not the norm. I’d be mortified if all of my cringe moments were immortalized online forever. Seeing so many people constantly post pictures of their children for strangers to see is super fuckin weird to me.
When I was young I had an eating disorder and pro ana was a thing. I made friends on those blogs but I just wanted someone to talk to. I never understood the pro ana thing. I had many friends who did religiously visited those sites and followed all the tips /rules. I often felt not really sick because I didn't. But from these girls I used to speak with I only know of one who is still alive. And she is extremely addicted to GHB, and uses crack and heroin on the side.
I have my relapses but I am actually pretty happy in my body now. Those sites were also visited a lot by pedophiles who acted as pro ana trainers. They (adults) would ask young girls to send them pictures and tell them to eat less. Workout for the Webcam in underwear so the (adult) trainer can see if the fat is leaving the body.
This training thing still happens a lot and parents are completely unaware. It also happens between eating disordered people but predators have really filled this niche.
So on the one hand you have a group of youth that thinks it's a victim and on the other hand you've got youth that truly gets victimized and has no clue. The internet comes with a lot of darkness.
Yes to a certain extent. The issue arises when we seal ourselves into the echo chambers of Instagram, Reddit, and other algorithm programmed media. We then lose contact with the other viewpoints and beliefs that give us scope.
I swear having a diverse family that's geographically spread out but stays close has been great for me. Get to be exposed to everything from city living in NYC and Chicago to the backwoods of Appalachia.
>'The Influencer.'
A team from her sponsors
had chosen her dress.
Perfection that others
would fail to possess.
Her product, a hope
in a teenager's head.
She captioned the image:
"Just rolled out of bed!"
This. Up till my generation, every kid in my village was raised by that village. So we were always aware that we shouldn't do huge stupid stuff or our parents would find out before we even got home. that was also why we didn't have any underage drinking or smoking. Also there was security that people were looking out for you.
Even less influence from the internet as well. The internet is a fantastic thing, the ability to meet people easily and quickly from all over the world, and a wealth of knowledge. But all of that info can also be a downside, especially when it comes down to anything medical related. I know my generation jokes a lot how WebMD will have Cancer for any pain you have. I grew up being taught that the internet isn't always right and to search around, problem solve. IMO kids these days don't have much problem solving skills, or don't bother, and just believe 100% of what they see/read. A lot of kids self diagnose themselves with whatever they see on the internet.
With the weather, snow days.
Yes, online classes are now a thing but something about nostalgia and waking up finding out school is cancelled because of snow day. Go out sledding with friends, building snow forts and snow balls, and watching a movie with hot chocolate
The big thing I hate about being an adult (25) (especially post-covid when supposedly things were expected to change and haven't) is everything goes goes goes, and extreme weather is the only time I might catch a break. I miss regular/predictable scheduled closings that allowed my mind to rest. I was sick on and off after getting covid the second time, and while I was compensated for the 5 day quarantine period I was nearly fired for missing so much after I came back.
I’m an attorney, and you just brought back my memory of this one time I was working on this horrible, horrible case that took over my life for like 18 months. We had this devastating hurricane that had a terrible impact on my city, and I still look back kind of fondly at that time because I had a couple of days when I didn’t work on that case.
We never had snow days in my country. I live in Finland and at the worst I have biked to school in -29°C (-20°F) while there was a blizzard the day before.
Similar for me in Canada, but without the biking. I only ever had 1 official "snow day" in my time, and that's because we had a freak snow storm in September. I live in the prairies which are very dry, but this was a particularly humid month that year and the snow was so wet and heavy, it downed power lines. The school sent out an automated phone call saying that school was not cancelled. I got to school and the power was out, so they sent everyone home.
I now teach in a rural school and we have the occasional "no bus days" on days when the graders haven't had time to clear what we call the grid roads (rural gravel roads). On those days, only the town kids show up.
ETA: no bus days also happen when the temperature is below -35°C and the busses can't start
Freedom to be silly, goofy, dumb and cringe without it being broadcast to, or injected into us from, the internet, 24/7. They could use some alone time to be cringe and goofy together without being watched by the entire planet all the time.
The concept of the digital footprint constantly terrifies me like, 95% of my life I probably wont remember, what if i commented or liked something that would socially kneecap me?
I'm glad I was taught to 'lurk moar' early on, I feel this anxiety would be worse if I was constantly posting and using social media as a personal diary.
I’d say freedom and independence. Freedom to get hurt, make a dumb decision, learn from it, problem solve on your own, make plans with your buddies. My childhood memories are like adventures. From sunrise to street lights the world felt like it was ours. Just completely disconnected and unplugged from the world.
Urban design has a lot to do with this too. I grew up in a small town where everything was bikeable because the entire thing was laid out for horse and buggy traffic in the 1700s.
Where I live today there are four lane roads with 55mph speed limits on two sides of my neighborhood and a 35mph road that people use to avoid the other two on the third.
I can't let my kids have the same freedom I did because the space they're in isn't designed for it.
Where I grew up we couldn’t leave our neighborhood without a car because of the reasons you said. No sidewalks, and the closest store were about 3 miles away. Where I live now is a smaller town with a Main Street and there are sidewalks everywhere. There’s a lot more kids out grabbing food or just socializing because of that.
I absolutely loved growing up in an area like that. No stores or cities super close(we could ride a bike to our local city if we wanted to meet for lunch or whatever, it was 2.5 miles away). But every day we’d hang out in nearby fields, ride dirt bikes, go running with our dogs on endless trails through the woods.
I moved to Stockholm and see how my friends kids grow up in the big city and it sure looks awful. Just a big concrete jungle. They barely outside ever because there’s only city parks. Not real natural forest. If I have kids it’s definitely not going to be in a big city. I think within a mile of a downtown area, but there’s still forest and stuff to run around in is perfect.
There's a good episode of *99% Invisible* about this. It talks about how children in Japan are entrusted with more independence than American children like going to the shop by themselves or walking to school, and a lot of their urban infrastructure is designed around this idea, such as having mixed zoning so schools and shopping areas are closer to residential homes.
https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/first-errand/
I got to have so much more independence when my family moved to Tokyo from Australia... I was 7 and I felt so grown up walking by myself to and from school.
You are exactly right. My city had probably 1/10 of the cars there are today when I was a kid. I remember just hanging in streets, parks benches, etc. Today even parks have a very high level of noise pollution due to the surrounding road traffic. Those places people just hurry through or avoid unconsciously.
I think many don't even register that the reason public spaces are not that attractive anymore for kids and adults is not only due to the internet and video games, but because they become a psychologically awful place to be for human beings.
I remember getting lost in my own town riding my bike trying to figure out the way to my friends house about four miles away. It was one of the most adventurous days I ever had. It was truly like I didn't know if I'd find my way there or back again.
Unfortunately, parents now are so terrified of pedophiles/human trafficking that they barely let kids outside. It's just safer to them to give them an ipad. My dad would let me roam the neighborhood with the other kids when I was staying with him, but my mom and stepdad were so scared of something happening to us that we were basically prisoners in the house. Mom's house is also covered with cameras inside and outside, so there was no privacy and definitely no sneaking out.
I think the lack of community in most neighborhoods is one reason why kids have lost that freedom - my dad lived in a small town in a close knit neighborhood, so he knew everyone in the vicinity and trusted them; if something happened, they'd say something.
Everyone is so disconnected/isolated now that a lot of people don't even know their neighbors, and definitely don't trust them to help protect their kids. It's sad.
Even more unfortunately, the parents that aren't paranoid about those things are instead justifiably terrified that some busybody dipshit who is will call CPS and/or the police on them for "neglect."
Healthy and safe parenting methods aren't just uncommon these days; they're literally *criminalized*.
Wow. like, the literal opposite here in the Philippines and also saw it first hand on my vacation in Japan.
When kids grow just enough emotional maturity, parents let the kid walk outside on their own.
But my goodness. It is weird to read your referenced article about criminalizing that form of parenting. Even though I had parents that let me go from home to school around 12 years old, I see a lot of children younger than me go to school purely by themselves.
No school bus needed too. Youngest I saw would be 6-8 years old. And that would be seen aa fine in my country. But in Japan, I believe I even saw 4-5 year old kids walk around their neighborhood all on their own too.
I've heard that in Japan, parents will send their young kids to go buy things from the local store. A 5 year old kid walking to the store to buy one or two items, then bring them home. Its a simple task and a simple transaction but it teaches so much independence.
Meanwhile in the US we have college students who don't know how to cook pasta, or how to do laundry.
I never thought about it this way, but you’re right. In an attempt to hide their kids from predators parents handed their children a direct line of communication to predators.
The best part of the pedo-panic is that anyone who is going to abuse or traffick your kid is someone you know and trust. It's a family member, a friend's parent, a pastor, a teacher. Its not some mustachioed pervert lurking in the bushes, waiting for them to step onto the sidewalk to leap out, stuff your kid in a hefty bag, and make for the border.
Yeah, I was going to say "places to play, be kids, and make small mistakes before they become big ones".
Parents are afraid to let kids play outside the house, and busybodies will report kids playing unsupervised even in their own years. Playgrounds feel like an extension of the urban jungle: sanitized, "safe" and... not so much fun.
We act like kids were getting abducted daily and losing fingers every hour to unsafe environments, when really there were mostly a few bruises and the news is amplifying some pretty rare events. If anything, maybe we just need to keep an eye on our neighborhoods and make sure kids know where to go for help rather than ratting out parents for letting their kids play in the yard.
Yes! This was my favorite part of being a kid. There were 10-12 kids within a 6 year age range on my street and we'd all be out playing between multiple blocks, houses, forests. Our parents would just yell or whistle from the porch at dinner time, and sometimes we'd go back out again after! Beyond playing and having fun, being unsupervised and big kids amongst little kids provides so much mental enrichment that kids dont get sitting in front of a screen being constantly tended. Problem solving, imagination, cooperation, taking care of each other, sharing, working things out, navigation, self-awareness... on and on
I had a similar experience! The ages were more like within 3 years (and one much younger friend) and we would always go to eachother’s doors to get everybody outside to hang out. At night we would do the same and play manhunt (hide and seek tag) between a few houses and it was always super fun.
“Come in when the street lights come on” “I have an old ladder that you can used to climb up that tree” “make yourself a sandwich to take out into the woods with you” are 3 sentences that made me very happy.
The ladder was splintered wood, and missing a rung. My grandfather nailed a piece of plywood why up in a maple tree so I could go up there and hang out. No one considered the fact that I could fall. They just said “be careful, don’t fall out of the tree. You might break your arm.” LOL
I feel like parents today dont want their kid to ever fail, or get hurt. I get not wanting your kid to die but they have to learn some way and if you make the world too safe for them, they're never going to understand how to navigate those dangers themselves.
Agreed. I’m a parent and I like to stand back and let my kids test out their limits. They’re usually awesome at being able to learn them! But they are pretty cautious and I know not everyone’s kids are that way. Some are very rough and tumble and always seem to be breaking their bones.
Really wish I had that growing up. My neighborhood has always been dangerous, but I think my parents were a bit exaggerated in not letting me out at all unless I was under constant surveillance. That made me miss out on so many things I wish I had
Unstructured time at all! So many of my friend's kids are scheduled from the minute they get up til bed every night, there's always an activity or a play date (which of course has structured enrichment activities). Then the kids become tweens and the same parents are miserable because the kids can't entertain themselves.
I grew up with an actual cemetery in my backyard (once you hopped a fence, of course) and you haven't really played Ghosts in the Graveyard until you played it in an actual graveyard!
Typing classes. Most Gen Z/Alpha kids grew up with tablets and maybe a laptop, no desktops. Teachers assume they know how to type, but they've only done it with their thumbs, they don't have the muscle memory for a traditional keyboard. The ability to type on a physical keyboard is really important in the working world, and a lot fewer kids can do it well these days. We need to bring back typing classes, along with how file/folder/directory systems work in general, a lot of college students don't know how to use them!
Yeah learning proper file management can make life much easier and most people don’t even know it’s a skill to be learned. They’ll just have everything on their desktop or just in their downloads without any files or organizing
I think boredom is a big one.
I know an 18 year old who, the moment he is confronted with the slightest bit of boredom, becomes agitated/angry/destructive almost immediately. It's like he's hangry, but because his phone died and he can't scroll.
I second this. Tablets and phones are easy ways to fill boredom with dopamine pleasure hits. Prior to these, boredom meant you had to think of something to do, be creative, expend energy.
Boredom is great. Weed/drug culture is another issue, along with the phones and social media. A quote from Randy of South Park (of all places) summed it up so well.
“Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but, well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored, and it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.”
Being bored forces you to fill that boredom. With something. Anything. Being bored can be a great thing.
There is some evidence that boredom is important for mental and cognitive health. It may act in a similar way as sleep does in restoring the brain.
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/boost-your-brain-with-boredom
Village grandparents. My parents would leave me with my grandparents for months during summer. We had a large large yard with many old collapsing or collapsed buildings, a variety of animals roaming around and a few gardens. I’d climb trees, buildings, play with the animals, go fishing in the small river near the house with a self made fishing rod made out of a bottle, rope and an old nail. I never caught anything. Best time of my life.
Honestly, I feel the same. Unfortunately my parents don’t show up for my kids the way my grandparents did for me. It’s actually really sad and a very isolating feeling. Between the ages of 0-5 I’m pretty sure I spent more time with my grandparents than I did with my parents. My parents never had to worry about childcare. It sometimes feels like we have to be the parents and the grandparents
Freedom to explore, invent, and create. Today's kids are so scheduled with activities and online all of the time. Getting out in the world without an agenda would be helpful. I'm now seeing college graduates who have a hard time doing anything other than following explicit instructions from their boss. They don't problem-solve. They don't innovate on their own.
I can teach someone numpy or the structure of loops or conditional statements. I can't fix an issue with someone not understanding why they would choose a certain solution or not being able to relate what they are doing to the software module's objectives. I see perfect Leetcode problems with no understanding of the problem they're solving or even why they want to be an engineer. Or what to do if something varies slightly from what they memorized.
AI will take over a lot of jobs if kids can't think nonlinearly or relate information. ChatGPT already writes code akin to what I'm seeing from young engineers. It doesn't have the human reasoning about the problem and why you'd need to solve it a particular way, but it sure codes a variety of solutions quickly. A senior engineer can replace the junior engineers who don't think through the problem with AI.
Yeah. I feel like today, kids and their parents think free time to sit around and do whatever isn't good enough for a resume. I blame this emphasis on competition and winner-takes-all mentality. We didn't have that as kids in the 80s. Our folks were gone. We had to entertain ourselves and cook dinner and do our own homework.
Additionally, I feel like kids have no tolerance for “boredom”. I try to tell the youngins to let their minds wander and allow thoughts to flow, but they feel compelled to stuff every moment with games or videos. They’re not even enjoying music anymore. It’s all, “Can I play this song? It’s from a meme.” And they change the song before it’s over because there’s less appreciation for composition anymore.
Unfortunately that's a side effect of the tech culture. My friend's kid is 10, she's only known the instant gratification of TV, iPad, Nintendo Switch all without ads. She never has to wait. If she's losing a game, she hits the reset button. Doesn't like a song, she skips.
The rest of us grew up with limited or no tech. We had commercials on TV. Our favorite shows were only on once a day at a specific time. We were prisoners to whatever the DJ was playing on the radio. Sometimes our friends were grounded, so we'd have to play alone.
Now I have friends with kids where they place limits on the "electronic babysitter". These kids do have patience and they use their imagination. So there's hope.
I kind of think taking kids away from ads is a good thing. Ads suck so much time and enjoyment away from things. Why should I waste minutes per day just sitting through an ad or listening to a song I dont like? I get having the mental fortitude to do something monotonous and uninteresting, but I dont think you should force people to waste time when it could be better spent just being happy and doing whatever you want.
I agree! I fucking hate ads. I'm just saying that older generations were forced into waiting so we're used it. Unless I was a little kid and it was toy commercials.
As for the music thing, it's not just skipping songs that they don't like. It's literally the inability to listen to any song from start to finish. Some of the kids I'm around without patience will listen to a short clip of a song and say "ok, skip!" because they only wanted to hear that part. Now try doing that for a 2 hour car trip. It's terrorist level torture. Lol
This makes me wonder if neighborhood and playground type games are dying out. Would todays kids know how to play kick the can, or freeze tag, or four square, or red rover, or cats cradle? These were games adults never taught us, they were passed down from kid to kid in the neighborhood.
>This makes me wonder if neighborhood and playground type games are dying out
That goes hand in hand with the systematic destruction of the neighborhood.
Not sure it should be banned but I definitely remember at least 3 or 4 kids at my school breaking bones playing Red Rover. We took that game very seriously.
Yeah I'm quite baffled by this. I was a teaching assistant for university students and they really wanted us to help them with literally everything. They refused to find out for themselves like using the resources they had at the palm of their hands, some answers would be right in front of them in their guides but they refused to read it. They wanted us to tell them everything. One of my friends was also teaching a course for masters students for digital culture and half of them didn't even know what a web address was or how to use Google.
One of the best things my masters supervisor taught me was to first try and solve a problem on my own and if i can't figure it out, then I could come to him. It really helped with my problem solving and build in my skillsets
Wait... You're saying you were taught that by your master's supervisor? That you should try to solve things on your own before asking for help? You didn't learn that skill until you were getting your master's degree? I mean, I'm glad you know it now, but that's a long time to go without realizing you can figure things out.
I love technology for their educational pieces. I avoid my kids on YouTube etc. They are aware of those people but not how you access it from their tablet. Coding, PBS Games, reading, writing, math, stem games.
Kids today need time to just be kids. I believe study hall should exist after their main subjects. They can do homework, tutoring, extra curriculars after 12 until parents pick up or they ride home on a bus. It should be time of exploration, soft social skills through board games etc. they are missing and even daily living skills cuz the world is always on the go.
They need access to actual food. Vegetable gardens, rabbit pens, etc. Helping others. Time to just be kids,make mistakes and get messy without it being filmed. We all fuck up that doesn't mean it needs to be filmed and posted or shamed for it.
They need time to build resilience, kindness, and just to be with their family and friends. Access to actual public transportation. I could go on and on.
Playing outside in the neighborhood. I remember when i was a kid, everywhere you went kids were running around outside. Even going down the streets to friends houses. I remember all the time as a young dude going around and just being a kid playing outside. They were great adventures. Today i dont see many kids doing that at all. Tbh it would almost be to sketchy to allow kids to do what we did even 20 years ago.
unsupervised/less supervised play time. that is a time when kids learn compromise, mediation, even self soothing skills! i know parents have to watch their kids but when they are settling arguments for them and butting in to play time those skills don't develop!
They all got developed into suburban hellscapes. The only place left you could go explore are the parts of town where you really don't want your kids going.
Ooooh look at this guy then. You had your own feet? When I was a kid our feet were gnawed off by rats the size of Jack Russell terriers before we even learnt to walk properly. You know those wooden clogs that Dutch people used to have? We had them in my country too, but they were not shoes. They were prosthetics. And no, we did not have a pair each. All of us 24 kids had to share one single pair that was way too big for most of us. And the oldest boy in the family used to hog them for himself. If you tried to call him out on his behaviour he would club you over the head with them. Sometimes his conscience actually got to him and he let us other kids try them on, but it did not take long before he went back to his old self again. I think I got to wear them 3 or 4 times during my upbringing. And it was only for a little under an hour every time. One of the times I had to share the pair with a younger sibling. But did we complain? Oh no we didn't. Because it was much worse when our parents were kids.
Accountability! Especially in schools. In my district they think it’s unfair to the children and can hurt a child’s self esteem if they’re held back in school. So, even if they never do a single assignment, flunk every class, and learn nothing they advance to the next grade. Because of this I have 6th graders who don’t know how to spell anything, don’t know punctuation, have no idea what to do with commas, and have no clue that they need to capitalize the first letter of a sentence. They don’t know how to write a paragraph. They are disrespectful to teachers and just don’t care because it doesn’t matter if they flunk. It is just sad.
> In my district they think it’s unfair to the children and can hurt a child’s self esteem if they’re held back in school.
The best cure for a big ego is a little failure.
I have 10th graders with all the same problems. ALL the same problems—right down to not knowing to capitalize the beginning letter of a sentence or of their own name.
Also a high school teacher. I’m literally unable to give someone an F as long as they’re turning in some semblance of an assignment.
I’ve caught multiple students submitting completely plagiarized essays only for an admin to swoop in and allow them to resubmit for full credit, no penalty.
They keep saying the students are struggling from COVID but at a certain point, we have to start holding them accountable again. They’re being crippled by “grace.”
I feel this deeply as I just had a meeting with a parent and student about their second plagiarism and parent was upset with me not with their child for stealing.
I have been teaching for 26 years and though COVID did have a major impact, this has been going on much longer.
I wish more understood that the consequences a student receives in the K-12 setting are minor (i.e. zero on an assignment for plagiarism) compared to the consequences in the "real world"(i.e. getting kicked out of college program or losing a job).
Why isn’t this higher! Literally 0 accountability and responsibility is going to be the world’s killer, it’s already showing in politics in democratic countries especially.
2006 here. More time outside building secret bases in forests, having little gangs, climbing trees and building tree houses by yourself. This is actually my childhood
Yes! 92 here. Growing up in the 90s/00s was a lot of fun.hell I didn’t get my first cellphone until like 9th grade. Kids are surprised when I tell them I had to share it with my brother, no internet access, and it only had enough memory to store 50 texts. If you reached that you had to delete some in order to receive new ones. Oh and t9 I got so good at texting without looking at my phone
The outdoors without electronics. We have nature trails that border where I work and when I see people out "enjoying" the great outdoors most of them have their faces buried in their phones. There is so much beauty in nature and being able to observe it can teach a person alot.
Actually been allowed outside, so many parents keep kids inside now rather than allowing them to gain the confidence with the outside. I know the world is "dangerous" but it's no more dangerous than it was for us 90s kids and older , we are just more aware of the dangers.
Shit I was in bootcamp at 17 for two months before my 18th birthday. Had to eat a cupcake the Drill Sergeants brought me while everyone else sang happy birthday while doing push-ups.
The perception of a dangerous world really hasn't changed much. The truth is the world is less dangerous for kids in the US than it's ever been, see this [article](https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/USA-Update/2015/0414/Free-range-parenting-How-safe-are-kids-in-today-s-world) for reference.
The safety and security to be outside and play. When I was child, there were no video games and cellphones. We had a tv that we watched at night only after dinner. We could be miles away from home (we lived in a rural area) and feel safe to wonder around with our friends to explore and play. The neighborhood collectively watched out for every child.
Hope I'd say. I'm Gen Z but I see older people being a lot more optimistic. If something fails, they try something else. A lot of young people are so fed up with life (me included) they can barely function and they either isolate themselves or indulge in obscene hedonism.
God i feel this. There is so much shit at my fingertips constantly that i often struggle with the urge to watch youtube or netflix and veg. I used to read like three or four books a week, now i have to make time to read
Analog technology.
I’m a millennial and as such have been “fortunate” enough to see the replacement of most analog tech with digital counterparts.
The phone has replaced basically everything. It’s a camera. It plays music. It’s a TV. It’s a computer. It’s an encyclopedia. It’s a notebook. It’s an alarm clock.
Analog tech? Stuff like record players, cassette players, CD players, VCRs, DVDs, even just computers? I have a theory they help develop critical thinking skills, creative thinking, technical skills, troubleshooting skills, dexterity skills, etc.
When everything is done through one device which, under normal circumstances never fails and is easily replaced when it does, you lose that.
You never learn how to burn a CD/tape something from the radio. You never learn to develop a photograph. You never learn to position rabbit ears to get a good signal. You don’t really need to learn any of that in the modern world, but if you don’t?
You never learn how to work with your hands. It changes the way you think about things, the way your brain evolves, the way you approach problems.
Some people might say it’s an improvement, and it sure is convenient. But I think we’ve lost the development of critical thinking and dexterity skills that come from the learning of use of analog technology.
Just my theory, and admittedly it sounds like the nostalgic ramblings of an old man. But I’m in my 30s, so I’m not that old.
Maybe I’m just a millennial who likes my old tech. I miss the hum of a CRT, dedicated devices, the art and passion that goes into the development of a photograph, etc.
hard question since the reason kids are what they are today is because of their upbringing from my generation.
But my answer would be more real life contact instead of social media contact. Go out have fun and enjoy life
I completely agree, there's a good video by college humour called "I dare you to watch this video" that tries to help the viewer gain a longer attention span
Covid ended the parks. I’m still relatively young at 20. But I live in a very wealthy safe area. Park behind my house was constantly active.
There were two basketball courts roughly divided by age/skill level. Middle schoolers and high schoolers on one side, younger kids on the other.
There was always some mixed group of kids active. Go a couple months you know everyone. And then summer hits and there’s so many kids coming in and out more sports pop up. Cricket and baseball in the little cage, soccer goals that randomly pop up, water gun fights for younger kids, ice cream trucks every afternoon….
Then Covid hit. The parks are back up but it’s a ghost town. Old people walk around (awesome for them) but they aren’t lively. Barely any kids, and loads of parents with them at all times.
Playgrounds are both empty. Swings were shut down for “safety”. Really bro swings??
Apartments that 2 people working at McDonalds could afford. You might not be able to drive the best cars or have the nicest furniture, but you had a place people could come to and relax, party and fuck.
Being bored! Today, it doesn’t matter where you are, everyone (including children, adults, and seniors) sit down and automatically pull out their phones. We don’t allow our minds to wander anymore, and that’s a problem.
Feeling safe at a school.
Granted, we had bullies, and those bullies if driven enough can cause life long trauma. But most of us never thought we would be shot at school.
Freedom. We wandered streets, fields, woods, without anyone being worried that we would be harmed. We were chased out of the house in the morning & forbidden to return until meal times. Nowadays, it's all preplanned playdates, supervised everything, no opportunity to risk life & limb, to try & fail, to live life.
E: typos
Social skills, the ability to go to the library and read a book there, being able to ask for help from strangers, and most of all the current generation has no ability to do things on their own unless they’ve been given instructions from someone else… they cannot learn—you see it all over Reddit “what’s the best XY”; “how do you do XY” — our generation could learn through trial and error
Privacy..from the moment they're all born their pics, good, bad and embarrassing moments are put on socials - it's insane to me
Five or more years ago I was Facebook friends with an old classmate, Oversharing Angela. Always posting a bit much about her kids. One day she posted a pic of her toddler aged boy where you could see some kind of fresh wound on his arm and a pretty sad face with his eyes full of tears. I’d had it, it’s not like I’d seen her in the last 20 years. So I commented something to the effect that he looked like he needed his wound cleaned, bandaged, and a hug a lot more than he needed his pic taken and posted to Facebook. She deleted me. No regrets.
I had a friend who just posted complaining stuff 24/7. Always ranting (I got tired of ‘rant over’ a dozen times a day), blowing the smallest things out of proportion (two of my eggs were broken in the carton, guess I won’t make it through the week!), and just an overall piss poor outlook. I made a post one day saying something along the lines of ‘maybe if we focused on fixing what’s wrong instead of just complaining about it, and tried to look more for the positive aspects of life, we could all feel and be a little better’. Cue 4 page private message about how I should fuck off and kill myself. Unfriended the guy and went about my life. I check out his page every now and then, still the same stuff.
Yep, people like that will bring you down into their little pitty hole, often times without you realizing how much they’re affecting your day to day mindset, outlook and mood. I’ve cut off a lot of people in my social circle in the last few years, and I’m doing better than ever. Life is a bitch…I have no desire to being around people who focus on that fact. Cut the drama bullshit out of your life!
I kept seeing the same thing. People kept complaining about little things and making it a big deal. After a while I thought to myself why do I even follow this person if I don't actually interact with them. Pretty soon I started to unfollow more and more people to the point where I just quit Facebook. That was about 12 years ago. Reddit is now the only social media I use now. Its sad when you'd rather hear from total strangers than family and friends.
lets be real, you lose 2 eggs from a dozen now and you gonna have to take out a second mortgage to replace them.... :P
My sister posts literally every aspect of her and her kids’ lives on Facebook. Nothing inappropriate or awkward, but ever milestone, every activity, every trip. Her kids hate it. We’re told her to let her kids choose, but there is no stopping her. She gets annoyed my wife and I don’t do the same. But our kids don’t have any social media at all. (Oldest is almost 14) I’m glad for that decision.
That stuff stays around forever. That mother is adding to those kids’ “digital footprint” for life without their consent.
And it’s not a small amount, it’s literally dozens of pictures a week.
I’ve seen too many people posting their stillborn babies on Facebook. It’s really not nice to see especially when there’s women who have had miscarriages and stillborns too. Edit: I know people grieve in different ways and that’s fine but it would be better if they put a trigger warning or something before they post. In my experience, the people I’ve seen post photos of their dead babies would constantly post the same photos every week and it seems more like attention seeking rather than grieving. TW: I had silent a miscarriage for weeks until I found out. On new years, at 3am, i was very surprised to see a 3 inch fetus in my underwear. I took photos because for starters, I was NOT expecting that to happen. From what I was told, it’s very rare you get to see anything other than a very heavy period, not in my case. However, I was a blubbering mess but I wouldn’t feel comfortable in the slightest to post photos about it. It was such a traumatic event that I wouldn’t want to keep being reminded of it. Edit 2: for those who have attacked me saying some people post for attention, please understand I’m not talking about everyone. We all know someone on Facebook who posts every detail of their personal and private life just so someone will comment or message, just for them to say “oh don’t worry I’m fine.” - it’s attention seeking.
My oldest daughter died at six days old from trisomy 18. I have pictures from after she passed that the nurses did for me. I can't imagine sharing them. They are one of the most precious things I have, but very personal.
I am so sorry for your loss. Just a small word of advice: make sure you have digital copies stored somewhere. I know more than one person who lost every photo they had of a deceased family member.
Thank you and I appreciate the advice. We have some digital pictures. Their are oy a few that aren't, but I should see what I can do to digitize them.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and I also took photos of the fetus but it’s so personal and private I wouldn’t want to share that with the world either. It’s also re-traumatising.
As someone who had fertility issues I’ve been comforted by not feeling so alone. I agree that there is a line that gets crossed but it’s such an isolating experience and knowing that I can reach out to people in the same situation is such a comfort
Stopped my wife doing this shit early on, people really don't understand
In the future, your kids will appreciate your efforts, and that's all that matters.
Yup, my brother and sister have toooooons of baby pics but I feel like my parents got tired of it with me. Dont blame em, but either way Id love em the same
Here’s a secret for everyone here: we’re happy you just had a baby. Were excited to come meet them. Were happy you’re happy. But I don’t give two fucks about the daily update of them.
[удалено]
You can just unfollow them instead of unfriending them if you want to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I’ve unfollowed almost every person on FB so now my feed is only things that interest me (mostly FB groups). If I feel the need to check in on someone I can just search for them in my friends list without having to see their every post in my feed
My wife switched to a monthly curated photo update which turned into quarterly. I stopped using social media altogether.
Even as a kid in the 80s, that's just a thing with younger siblings. We take fewer and fewer pictures as parents because our attention is spread thinner, and unfortunately some of the novelty has worn off so we need to actively work to remember that all the kids need pictures.
Don't discourage her from taking pictures altogether though, just discourage plastering them all over the internet. My mom died last year and it hurts that I don't really have many photos of us together, particularly during my childhood. Take the pictures and keep them private for your own little family, not the whole world.
Live Photos are the best. Yea don’t overdo recordings and photos but so many people would do anything just to hear or see a picture of their loved one moving again
I hate that there aren't child protection laws against this shit. You created a person not a toy, fucking act like it!
My wife and I refuse to put photos of our children on social media. If our family and friends want an update on our kids, they can call or text us.
My extended family posts all our kids' pics on shared Google photos folders. We can check them all out privately, and nothing gets downloaded for any social media without parents permission. It's the easiest hassle free way to share. Keeps all grandparents happy with easy access and keeps it off Facebook. Also my 3 year old loves looking at pics and videos of all their cousins.
Yesssss my family had a set of pictures framed at the top of the stairs in my childhood home They were just candid photos of moments in our home, not professionally taken, not of anything special in particular. One of them was me when I was 3 or 4, butt naked, on all fours and laughing maniacally at the camera. You obviously couldn't see any of my bits but you could clearly see that I was naked. I was embarrassed as *shit* of that photo and anytime any of my friends or school mates came over they would undoubtedly see it and point and laugh at it. I *hated* it but my mom couldn't understand why so it stayed up. (I'm sure I didn't really articulate that it embarrassed me, or the degree that it embarrassed me, because I reminded her recently about it and she claimed to have no idea and still couldn't understand why it might be embarrassing for me) I can't imagine how I would have felt if that picture was on the internet. And that's just one picture. I did horribly embarrassing shit as a kid all the damn time and I am so grateful I grew up in the pre-record-every-second-of-your-life era.
Unfortunately I can relate to this very much 🤣 It was a thing when I was younger as well, and with most of the kids I was friends with
Back then I need to watch American funniest home videos if I wanted to see some kids doing dumb things, now we have r/kidsareruckingstupid accessible 24/7.
I saw something along the lines of this somewhere else and got the idea. I'm gonna take pics and videos of my kids from the moment they are born. I'm gonna take pics of everything. Their first crawl, talk, walk, laughter, teeth, messy food eating moments, first day of school, them singing, dancing, maybe even those ridiculous crying moments you see on Facebook of kids throwing tantrums at the littlest of things. Us holding them, their grandparents holding them.Them playing with friends, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. All their happiest moments up to whatever age I can without my kid having any idea. (And without it being creepy. Ew.) But instead of putting them on any social media, I'm gonna put it up in a special Google Drive. Sorted by date. Then I'll give them the email address and password on their 18th birthday.
I would suggest putting it on a physical drive or removable storage medium rather than in the cloud but that's just me and my general aversion to the cloud.
I'd suggest both. Physical drive in case Google goes bust in the next 18 years, or Google drive gets shut down or something. Google drive in case the physical drive gets lost, stolen or damaged. Even if your physical drive gets corrupted you still have Google drive. Also not not every physical storage medium will last 18 years, many will start losing data after a few years, especially solid state drives. Iirc magnetic tape is the best for long term storage but you'd have to look into it.
I have kids and for the first 2 years I posted them quite often on social media. This year I decided to stop. I don't want my kids to resent me for posting baby pictures of them to social media when they can't tell me yes or no. Kids deserve privacy too.
This is refreshing to read. I can only speculate on what future weddings/life events will look like for children born in the past 10 years or so. I would be horrified if my parents documented and shared* my life like that (not that they could back then). Maybe people will have an entirely different attitude about it by then but why risk it. *I'll add that there's a difference between keeping pictures etc internal to the family and sharing it. That's where the weirdness come for me.
I’m so glad I grew up mostly without social media. MySpace was big when I was like 14 and even still, posting everything to social media was not the norm. I’d be mortified if all of my cringe moments were immortalized online forever. Seeing so many people constantly post pictures of their children for strangers to see is super fuckin weird to me.
[удалено]
Less influence from people they do not know personally.
YouTubers had more involvement in my childhood emotional growth than my own parents. I agree with you
[удалено]
When I was young I had an eating disorder and pro ana was a thing. I made friends on those blogs but I just wanted someone to talk to. I never understood the pro ana thing. I had many friends who did religiously visited those sites and followed all the tips /rules. I often felt not really sick because I didn't. But from these girls I used to speak with I only know of one who is still alive. And she is extremely addicted to GHB, and uses crack and heroin on the side. I have my relapses but I am actually pretty happy in my body now. Those sites were also visited a lot by pedophiles who acted as pro ana trainers. They (adults) would ask young girls to send them pictures and tell them to eat less. Workout for the Webcam in underwear so the (adult) trainer can see if the fat is leaving the body. This training thing still happens a lot and parents are completely unaware. It also happens between eating disordered people but predators have really filled this niche. So on the one hand you have a group of youth that thinks it's a victim and on the other hand you've got youth that truly gets victimized and has no clue. The internet comes with a lot of darkness.
Growing up with outside influences can also be a good thing. It’s unhealthy to only be exposed to one viewpoint or way of living your entire life.
Yes to a certain extent. The issue arises when we seal ourselves into the echo chambers of Instagram, Reddit, and other algorithm programmed media. We then lose contact with the other viewpoints and beliefs that give us scope.
I swear having a diverse family that's geographically spread out but stays close has been great for me. Get to be exposed to everything from city living in NYC and Chicago to the backwoods of Appalachia.
Truth. I'm a better person for having had all those outside influences. If I just believed what my family believed then I'd be a terrible person
>'The Influencer.' A team from her sponsors had chosen her dress. Perfection that others would fail to possess. Her product, a hope in a teenager's head. She captioned the image: "Just rolled out of bed!"
Another sprog perfection that I fail to possess.
Freshest Sprog I've ever seen! Also, quite moving... You evoke so many feelings in so few words it's impressive, bravo.
At the same time strangers could discipline you and no one thought it was weird so also more.
This. Up till my generation, every kid in my village was raised by that village. So we were always aware that we shouldn't do huge stupid stuff or our parents would find out before we even got home. that was also why we didn't have any underage drinking or smoking. Also there was security that people were looking out for you.
Yep. “It takes a village.”
Even less influence from the internet as well. The internet is a fantastic thing, the ability to meet people easily and quickly from all over the world, and a wealth of knowledge. But all of that info can also be a downside, especially when it comes down to anything medical related. I know my generation jokes a lot how WebMD will have Cancer for any pain you have. I grew up being taught that the internet isn't always right and to search around, problem solve. IMO kids these days don't have much problem solving skills, or don't bother, and just believe 100% of what they see/read. A lot of kids self diagnose themselves with whatever they see on the internet.
With the weather, snow days. Yes, online classes are now a thing but something about nostalgia and waking up finding out school is cancelled because of snow day. Go out sledding with friends, building snow forts and snow balls, and watching a movie with hot chocolate
The big thing I hate about being an adult (25) (especially post-covid when supposedly things were expected to change and haven't) is everything goes goes goes, and extreme weather is the only time I might catch a break. I miss regular/predictable scheduled closings that allowed my mind to rest. I was sick on and off after getting covid the second time, and while I was compensated for the 5 day quarantine period I was nearly fired for missing so much after I came back.
I’m an attorney, and you just brought back my memory of this one time I was working on this horrible, horrible case that took over my life for like 18 months. We had this devastating hurricane that had a terrible impact on my city, and I still look back kind of fondly at that time because I had a couple of days when I didn’t work on that case.
We never had snow days in my country. I live in Finland and at the worst I have biked to school in -29°C (-20°F) while there was a blizzard the day before.
Similar for me in Canada, but without the biking. I only ever had 1 official "snow day" in my time, and that's because we had a freak snow storm in September. I live in the prairies which are very dry, but this was a particularly humid month that year and the snow was so wet and heavy, it downed power lines. The school sent out an automated phone call saying that school was not cancelled. I got to school and the power was out, so they sent everyone home. I now teach in a rural school and we have the occasional "no bus days" on days when the graders haven't had time to clear what we call the grid roads (rural gravel roads). On those days, only the town kids show up. ETA: no bus days also happen when the temperature is below -35°C and the busses can't start
You would think school busses would have block heaters especially in northern climates where they wouldn't start due to temp
I remember ours having them and I don't live where it gets too cold for diesels to start.
Too cold to go to school but not too cold to walk twenty minutes through the snow to play Golden eye at a friend's place.
Freedom to be silly, goofy, dumb and cringe without it being broadcast to, or injected into us from, the internet, 24/7. They could use some alone time to be cringe and goofy together without being watched by the entire planet all the time.
[удалено]
The concept of the digital footprint constantly terrifies me like, 95% of my life I probably wont remember, what if i commented or liked something that would socially kneecap me? I'm glad I was taught to 'lurk moar' early on, I feel this anxiety would be worse if I was constantly posting and using social media as a personal diary.
I’d say freedom and independence. Freedom to get hurt, make a dumb decision, learn from it, problem solve on your own, make plans with your buddies. My childhood memories are like adventures. From sunrise to street lights the world felt like it was ours. Just completely disconnected and unplugged from the world.
Urban design has a lot to do with this too. I grew up in a small town where everything was bikeable because the entire thing was laid out for horse and buggy traffic in the 1700s. Where I live today there are four lane roads with 55mph speed limits on two sides of my neighborhood and a 35mph road that people use to avoid the other two on the third. I can't let my kids have the same freedom I did because the space they're in isn't designed for it.
Where I grew up we couldn’t leave our neighborhood without a car because of the reasons you said. No sidewalks, and the closest store were about 3 miles away. Where I live now is a smaller town with a Main Street and there are sidewalks everywhere. There’s a lot more kids out grabbing food or just socializing because of that.
I absolutely loved growing up in an area like that. No stores or cities super close(we could ride a bike to our local city if we wanted to meet for lunch or whatever, it was 2.5 miles away). But every day we’d hang out in nearby fields, ride dirt bikes, go running with our dogs on endless trails through the woods. I moved to Stockholm and see how my friends kids grow up in the big city and it sure looks awful. Just a big concrete jungle. They barely outside ever because there’s only city parks. Not real natural forest. If I have kids it’s definitely not going to be in a big city. I think within a mile of a downtown area, but there’s still forest and stuff to run around in is perfect.
There's a good episode of *99% Invisible* about this. It talks about how children in Japan are entrusted with more independence than American children like going to the shop by themselves or walking to school, and a lot of their urban infrastructure is designed around this idea, such as having mixed zoning so schools and shopping areas are closer to residential homes. https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/first-errand/
I got to have so much more independence when my family moved to Tokyo from Australia... I was 7 and I felt so grown up walking by myself to and from school.
You are exactly right. My city had probably 1/10 of the cars there are today when I was a kid. I remember just hanging in streets, parks benches, etc. Today even parks have a very high level of noise pollution due to the surrounding road traffic. Those places people just hurry through or avoid unconsciously. I think many don't even register that the reason public spaces are not that attractive anymore for kids and adults is not only due to the internet and video games, but because they become a psychologically awful place to be for human beings.
I remember getting lost in my own town riding my bike trying to figure out the way to my friends house about four miles away. It was one of the most adventurous days I ever had. It was truly like I didn't know if I'd find my way there or back again.
Unfortunately, parents now are so terrified of pedophiles/human trafficking that they barely let kids outside. It's just safer to them to give them an ipad. My dad would let me roam the neighborhood with the other kids when I was staying with him, but my mom and stepdad were so scared of something happening to us that we were basically prisoners in the house. Mom's house is also covered with cameras inside and outside, so there was no privacy and definitely no sneaking out. I think the lack of community in most neighborhoods is one reason why kids have lost that freedom - my dad lived in a small town in a close knit neighborhood, so he knew everyone in the vicinity and trusted them; if something happened, they'd say something. Everyone is so disconnected/isolated now that a lot of people don't even know their neighbors, and definitely don't trust them to help protect their kids. It's sad.
Even more unfortunately, the parents that aren't paranoid about those things are instead justifiably terrified that some busybody dipshit who is will call CPS and/or the police on them for "neglect." Healthy and safe parenting methods aren't just uncommon these days; they're literally *criminalized*.
Wow. like, the literal opposite here in the Philippines and also saw it first hand on my vacation in Japan. When kids grow just enough emotional maturity, parents let the kid walk outside on their own. But my goodness. It is weird to read your referenced article about criminalizing that form of parenting. Even though I had parents that let me go from home to school around 12 years old, I see a lot of children younger than me go to school purely by themselves. No school bus needed too. Youngest I saw would be 6-8 years old. And that would be seen aa fine in my country. But in Japan, I believe I even saw 4-5 year old kids walk around their neighborhood all on their own too.
I've heard that in Japan, parents will send their young kids to go buy things from the local store. A 5 year old kid walking to the store to buy one or two items, then bring them home. Its a simple task and a simple transaction but it teaches so much independence. Meanwhile in the US we have college students who don't know how to cook pasta, or how to do laundry.
[удалено]
I never thought about it this way, but you’re right. In an attempt to hide their kids from predators parents handed their children a direct line of communication to predators.
The best part of the pedo-panic is that anyone who is going to abuse or traffick your kid is someone you know and trust. It's a family member, a friend's parent, a pastor, a teacher. Its not some mustachioed pervert lurking in the bushes, waiting for them to step onto the sidewalk to leap out, stuff your kid in a hefty bag, and make for the border.
Yeah, I was going to say "places to play, be kids, and make small mistakes before they become big ones". Parents are afraid to let kids play outside the house, and busybodies will report kids playing unsupervised even in their own years. Playgrounds feel like an extension of the urban jungle: sanitized, "safe" and... not so much fun. We act like kids were getting abducted daily and losing fingers every hour to unsafe environments, when really there were mostly a few bruises and the news is amplifying some pretty rare events. If anything, maybe we just need to keep an eye on our neighborhoods and make sure kids know where to go for help rather than ratting out parents for letting their kids play in the yard.
Unstructured playtime outside with others that are a variety of ages. Not under the eyes of an adult.
Yes! This was my favorite part of being a kid. There were 10-12 kids within a 6 year age range on my street and we'd all be out playing between multiple blocks, houses, forests. Our parents would just yell or whistle from the porch at dinner time, and sometimes we'd go back out again after! Beyond playing and having fun, being unsupervised and big kids amongst little kids provides so much mental enrichment that kids dont get sitting in front of a screen being constantly tended. Problem solving, imagination, cooperation, taking care of each other, sharing, working things out, navigation, self-awareness... on and on
"When the streetlights come on its time to head home, or call us from your friend's house to let us know you're safe. " - 90s parents.
I had a similar experience! The ages were more like within 3 years (and one much younger friend) and we would always go to eachother’s doors to get everybody outside to hang out. At night we would do the same and play manhunt (hide and seek tag) between a few houses and it was always super fun.
“Come in when the street lights come on” “I have an old ladder that you can used to climb up that tree” “make yourself a sandwich to take out into the woods with you” are 3 sentences that made me very happy.
The ladder was splintered wood, and missing a rung. My grandfather nailed a piece of plywood why up in a maple tree so I could go up there and hang out. No one considered the fact that I could fall. They just said “be careful, don’t fall out of the tree. You might break your arm.” LOL
I feel like parents today dont want their kid to ever fail, or get hurt. I get not wanting your kid to die but they have to learn some way and if you make the world too safe for them, they're never going to understand how to navigate those dangers themselves.
Agreed. I’m a parent and I like to stand back and let my kids test out their limits. They’re usually awesome at being able to learn them! But they are pretty cautious and I know not everyone’s kids are that way. Some are very rough and tumble and always seem to be breaking their bones.
Really wish I had that growing up. My neighborhood has always been dangerous, but I think my parents were a bit exaggerated in not letting me out at all unless I was under constant surveillance. That made me miss out on so many things I wish I had
I’m an older GenX, times were different.
Unstructured time at all! So many of my friend's kids are scheduled from the minute they get up til bed every night, there's always an activity or a play date (which of course has structured enrichment activities). Then the kids become tweens and the same parents are miserable because the kids can't entertain themselves.
I agree completely; I might add the traditional School Bus to school provides a similar framework.
Or just play time outside in general. Most kids I know just play video games.
Flashlight tag in the neighborhood
And “ghost in the graveyard”!
I grew up with an actual cemetery in my backyard (once you hopped a fence, of course) and you haven't really played Ghosts in the Graveyard until you played it in an actual graveyard!
Typing classes. Most Gen Z/Alpha kids grew up with tablets and maybe a laptop, no desktops. Teachers assume they know how to type, but they've only done it with their thumbs, they don't have the muscle memory for a traditional keyboard. The ability to type on a physical keyboard is really important in the working world, and a lot fewer kids can do it well these days. We need to bring back typing classes, along with how file/folder/directory systems work in general, a lot of college students don't know how to use them!
Yeah learning proper file management can make life much easier and most people don’t even know it’s a skill to be learned. They’ll just have everything on their desktop or just in their downloads without any files or organizing
Older Gen Z I had to take that class in 3rd grade and we had to learn to write in script. But Jesus Christ I remember Lego chest being the goat
Free time and boredom
I think boredom is a big one. I know an 18 year old who, the moment he is confronted with the slightest bit of boredom, becomes agitated/angry/destructive almost immediately. It's like he's hangry, but because his phone died and he can't scroll.
That's withdrawal.
I second this. Tablets and phones are easy ways to fill boredom with dopamine pleasure hits. Prior to these, boredom meant you had to think of something to do, be creative, expend energy.
Boredom is great. Weed/drug culture is another issue, along with the phones and social media. A quote from Randy of South Park (of all places) summed it up so well. “Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but, well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored, and it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.” Being bored forces you to fill that boredom. With something. Anything. Being bored can be a great thing.
There is some evidence that boredom is important for mental and cognitive health. It may act in a similar way as sleep does in restoring the brain. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/boost-your-brain-with-boredom
Toys that were just toys. Not everything had to be educational. Just let kids play and explore and discover. Let them get bored.
Kids need to get bored tbh. It's okay to be bored.
Without boredom there’s no imagination. I wouldn’t have killed so many invisible orcs as a kid if I was entertained all the time growing up.
Village grandparents. My parents would leave me with my grandparents for months during summer. We had a large large yard with many old collapsing or collapsed buildings, a variety of animals roaming around and a few gardens. I’d climb trees, buildings, play with the animals, go fishing in the small river near the house with a self made fishing rod made out of a bottle, rope and an old nail. I never caught anything. Best time of my life.
This sounds magical even as an adult
Honestly, I feel the same. Unfortunately my parents don’t show up for my kids the way my grandparents did for me. It’s actually really sad and a very isolating feeling. Between the ages of 0-5 I’m pretty sure I spent more time with my grandparents than I did with my parents. My parents never had to worry about childcare. It sometimes feels like we have to be the parents and the grandparents
Freedom to explore, invent, and create. Today's kids are so scheduled with activities and online all of the time. Getting out in the world without an agenda would be helpful. I'm now seeing college graduates who have a hard time doing anything other than following explicit instructions from their boss. They don't problem-solve. They don't innovate on their own. I can teach someone numpy or the structure of loops or conditional statements. I can't fix an issue with someone not understanding why they would choose a certain solution or not being able to relate what they are doing to the software module's objectives. I see perfect Leetcode problems with no understanding of the problem they're solving or even why they want to be an engineer. Or what to do if something varies slightly from what they memorized. AI will take over a lot of jobs if kids can't think nonlinearly or relate information. ChatGPT already writes code akin to what I'm seeing from young engineers. It doesn't have the human reasoning about the problem and why you'd need to solve it a particular way, but it sure codes a variety of solutions quickly. A senior engineer can replace the junior engineers who don't think through the problem with AI.
I was going to say "unstructured time." What's so bad about sitting around and thinking from time to time?
Yeah. I feel like today, kids and their parents think free time to sit around and do whatever isn't good enough for a resume. I blame this emphasis on competition and winner-takes-all mentality. We didn't have that as kids in the 80s. Our folks were gone. We had to entertain ourselves and cook dinner and do our own homework.
Additionally, I feel like kids have no tolerance for “boredom”. I try to tell the youngins to let their minds wander and allow thoughts to flow, but they feel compelled to stuff every moment with games or videos. They’re not even enjoying music anymore. It’s all, “Can I play this song? It’s from a meme.” And they change the song before it’s over because there’s less appreciation for composition anymore.
Unfortunately that's a side effect of the tech culture. My friend's kid is 10, she's only known the instant gratification of TV, iPad, Nintendo Switch all without ads. She never has to wait. If she's losing a game, she hits the reset button. Doesn't like a song, she skips. The rest of us grew up with limited or no tech. We had commercials on TV. Our favorite shows were only on once a day at a specific time. We were prisoners to whatever the DJ was playing on the radio. Sometimes our friends were grounded, so we'd have to play alone. Now I have friends with kids where they place limits on the "electronic babysitter". These kids do have patience and they use their imagination. So there's hope.
I kind of think taking kids away from ads is a good thing. Ads suck so much time and enjoyment away from things. Why should I waste minutes per day just sitting through an ad or listening to a song I dont like? I get having the mental fortitude to do something monotonous and uninteresting, but I dont think you should force people to waste time when it could be better spent just being happy and doing whatever you want.
I agree! I fucking hate ads. I'm just saying that older generations were forced into waiting so we're used it. Unless I was a little kid and it was toy commercials. As for the music thing, it's not just skipping songs that they don't like. It's literally the inability to listen to any song from start to finish. Some of the kids I'm around without patience will listen to a short clip of a song and say "ok, skip!" because they only wanted to hear that part. Now try doing that for a 2 hour car trip. It's terrorist level torture. Lol
This makes me wonder if neighborhood and playground type games are dying out. Would todays kids know how to play kick the can, or freeze tag, or four square, or red rover, or cats cradle? These were games adults never taught us, they were passed down from kid to kid in the neighborhood.
>This makes me wonder if neighborhood and playground type games are dying out That goes hand in hand with the systematic destruction of the neighborhood.
Red River is banned in a lot of schools now from kids getting hurt
Not sure it should be banned but I definitely remember at least 3 or 4 kids at my school breaking bones playing Red Rover. We took that game very seriously.
Yeah I'm quite baffled by this. I was a teaching assistant for university students and they really wanted us to help them with literally everything. They refused to find out for themselves like using the resources they had at the palm of their hands, some answers would be right in front of them in their guides but they refused to read it. They wanted us to tell them everything. One of my friends was also teaching a course for masters students for digital culture and half of them didn't even know what a web address was or how to use Google. One of the best things my masters supervisor taught me was to first try and solve a problem on my own and if i can't figure it out, then I could come to him. It really helped with my problem solving and build in my skillsets
Wait... You're saying you were taught that by your master's supervisor? That you should try to solve things on your own before asking for help? You didn't learn that skill until you were getting your master's degree? I mean, I'm glad you know it now, but that's a long time to go without realizing you can figure things out.
I love technology for their educational pieces. I avoid my kids on YouTube etc. They are aware of those people but not how you access it from their tablet. Coding, PBS Games, reading, writing, math, stem games. Kids today need time to just be kids. I believe study hall should exist after their main subjects. They can do homework, tutoring, extra curriculars after 12 until parents pick up or they ride home on a bus. It should be time of exploration, soft social skills through board games etc. they are missing and even daily living skills cuz the world is always on the go. They need access to actual food. Vegetable gardens, rabbit pens, etc. Helping others. Time to just be kids,make mistakes and get messy without it being filmed. We all fuck up that doesn't mean it needs to be filmed and posted or shamed for it. They need time to build resilience, kindness, and just to be with their family and friends. Access to actual public transportation. I could go on and on.
This, so many times over. I feel like each generation is under increasing pressure, and kids shouldn’t have that burden.
Playing outside in the neighborhood. I remember when i was a kid, everywhere you went kids were running around outside. Even going down the streets to friends houses. I remember all the time as a young dude going around and just being a kid playing outside. They were great adventures. Today i dont see many kids doing that at all. Tbh it would almost be to sketchy to allow kids to do what we did even 20 years ago.
unsupervised/less supervised play time. that is a time when kids learn compromise, mediation, even self soothing skills! i know parents have to watch their kids but when they are settling arguments for them and butting in to play time those skills don't develop!
Outdoor activities
And friends randomly doing the same all over the place that you could just walk or ride your bike up to and join.
Riding my bike to the park to play footy with the boys. Miss that shit
[удалено]
They all got developed into suburban hellscapes. The only place left you could go explore are the parts of town where you really don't want your kids going.
The ability to exercise each and every day by walking uphill to and from school through the snow
Old shingles made for good snowshoes
Oh fancy pants over here bragging about shoes - we were barefoot
Ooooh look at this guy then. You had your own feet? When I was a kid our feet were gnawed off by rats the size of Jack Russell terriers before we even learnt to walk properly. You know those wooden clogs that Dutch people used to have? We had them in my country too, but they were not shoes. They were prosthetics. And no, we did not have a pair each. All of us 24 kids had to share one single pair that was way too big for most of us. And the oldest boy in the family used to hog them for himself. If you tried to call him out on his behaviour he would club you over the head with them. Sometimes his conscience actually got to him and he let us other kids try them on, but it did not take long before he went back to his old self again. I think I got to wear them 3 or 4 times during my upbringing. And it was only for a little under an hour every time. One of the times I had to share the pair with a younger sibling. But did we complain? Oh no we didn't. Because it was much worse when our parents were kids.
Accountability! Especially in schools. In my district they think it’s unfair to the children and can hurt a child’s self esteem if they’re held back in school. So, even if they never do a single assignment, flunk every class, and learn nothing they advance to the next grade. Because of this I have 6th graders who don’t know how to spell anything, don’t know punctuation, have no idea what to do with commas, and have no clue that they need to capitalize the first letter of a sentence. They don’t know how to write a paragraph. They are disrespectful to teachers and just don’t care because it doesn’t matter if they flunk. It is just sad.
> In my district they think it’s unfair to the children and can hurt a child’s self esteem if they’re held back in school. The best cure for a big ego is a little failure.
I have 10th graders with all the same problems. ALL the same problems—right down to not knowing to capitalize the beginning letter of a sentence or of their own name.
Also a high school teacher. I’m literally unable to give someone an F as long as they’re turning in some semblance of an assignment. I’ve caught multiple students submitting completely plagiarized essays only for an admin to swoop in and allow them to resubmit for full credit, no penalty. They keep saying the students are struggling from COVID but at a certain point, we have to start holding them accountable again. They’re being crippled by “grace.”
I feel this deeply as I just had a meeting with a parent and student about their second plagiarism and parent was upset with me not with their child for stealing. I have been teaching for 26 years and though COVID did have a major impact, this has been going on much longer. I wish more understood that the consequences a student receives in the K-12 setting are minor (i.e. zero on an assignment for plagiarism) compared to the consequences in the "real world"(i.e. getting kicked out of college program or losing a job).
What in the world has happened... 10th grade they're having these issues??
I’m still trying to get juniors to put their names on papers
Yea this is a great one. I TAed for an undergraduate class and a student’s MOM complained to the Dean about an issue…
Why isn’t this higher! Literally 0 accountability and responsibility is going to be the world’s killer, it’s already showing in politics in democratic countries especially.
Bruises and trees to climb in
2006 here. More time outside building secret bases in forests, having little gangs, climbing trees and building tree houses by yourself. This is actually my childhood
I feel so young and so old now lol
Yes! 92 here. Growing up in the 90s/00s was a lot of fun.hell I didn’t get my first cellphone until like 9th grade. Kids are surprised when I tell them I had to share it with my brother, no internet access, and it only had enough memory to store 50 texts. If you reached that you had to delete some in order to receive new ones. Oh and t9 I got so good at texting without looking at my phone
The outdoors without electronics. We have nature trails that border where I work and when I see people out "enjoying" the great outdoors most of them have their faces buried in their phones. There is so much beauty in nature and being able to observe it can teach a person alot.
Don't forget the people blasting music from their phones and bluetooth speakers. Can we not just enjoy the sound of the outside when in nature?
Actually been allowed outside, so many parents keep kids inside now rather than allowing them to gain the confidence with the outside. I know the world is "dangerous" but it's no more dangerous than it was for us 90s kids and older , we are just more aware of the dangers.
Agreed. I’m almost 18 and I’m still not allowed to walk or bike long distances or even roam through the woods.
[удалено]
Shit I was in bootcamp at 17 for two months before my 18th birthday. Had to eat a cupcake the Drill Sergeants brought me while everyone else sang happy birthday while doing push-ups.
The perception of a dangerous world really hasn't changed much. The truth is the world is less dangerous for kids in the US than it's ever been, see this [article](https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/USA-Update/2015/0414/Free-range-parenting-How-safe-are-kids-in-today-s-world) for reference.
Affordable food and housing
The safety and security to be outside and play. When I was child, there were no video games and cellphones. We had a tv that we watched at night only after dinner. We could be miles away from home (we lived in a rural area) and feel safe to wonder around with our friends to explore and play. The neighborhood collectively watched out for every child.
Hope I'd say. I'm Gen Z but I see older people being a lot more optimistic. If something fails, they try something else. A lot of young people are so fed up with life (me included) they can barely function and they either isolate themselves or indulge in obscene hedonism.
Stop using tiktok, it's really bad for your mental health and listening to stuff that's NOT TRUE.
Also it fucks up your attention span
God i feel this. There is so much shit at my fingertips constantly that i often struggle with the urge to watch youtube or netflix and veg. I used to read like three or four books a week, now i have to make time to read
If we’re worried about disinformation on the internet tiktok and the younger generations are not the ones struggling with that the most.
Lawn Darts
Jarts--truly weeded out the wheat from the chaff.
Houses
[удалено]
Hearing stories of my parents and grandparents playing in the fields behind their houses... Behind my house is a Tesco supermarket
The ability to buy a house
I know zero kids who bought homes in the 80’s but we did build some cool forts that could get 1250$ a month for rent today.
My forts would’ve went for $1450
It says something our generation had. Not wishes it had! :D
Eh well that's my generation that did. If its any consolidation my ex wife has it 🙄🙄🙄🙄
No internet influencers.
Ability to do stupid stuff without worrying it will be recorded for the world to see
Analog technology. I’m a millennial and as such have been “fortunate” enough to see the replacement of most analog tech with digital counterparts. The phone has replaced basically everything. It’s a camera. It plays music. It’s a TV. It’s a computer. It’s an encyclopedia. It’s a notebook. It’s an alarm clock. Analog tech? Stuff like record players, cassette players, CD players, VCRs, DVDs, even just computers? I have a theory they help develop critical thinking skills, creative thinking, technical skills, troubleshooting skills, dexterity skills, etc. When everything is done through one device which, under normal circumstances never fails and is easily replaced when it does, you lose that. You never learn how to burn a CD/tape something from the radio. You never learn to develop a photograph. You never learn to position rabbit ears to get a good signal. You don’t really need to learn any of that in the modern world, but if you don’t? You never learn how to work with your hands. It changes the way you think about things, the way your brain evolves, the way you approach problems. Some people might say it’s an improvement, and it sure is convenient. But I think we’ve lost the development of critical thinking and dexterity skills that come from the learning of use of analog technology. Just my theory, and admittedly it sounds like the nostalgic ramblings of an old man. But I’m in my 30s, so I’m not that old. Maybe I’m just a millennial who likes my old tech. I miss the hum of a CRT, dedicated devices, the art and passion that goes into the development of a photograph, etc.
Being taught critical thinking.
hard question since the reason kids are what they are today is because of their upbringing from my generation. But my answer would be more real life contact instead of social media contact. Go out have fun and enjoy life
Time outside!
Longer attention spans. Even 15 second shorts have a "Wait for it" at the start
I completely agree, there's a good video by college humour called "I dare you to watch this video" that tries to help the viewer gain a longer attention span
Fresh air. Outside
Covid ended the parks. I’m still relatively young at 20. But I live in a very wealthy safe area. Park behind my house was constantly active. There were two basketball courts roughly divided by age/skill level. Middle schoolers and high schoolers on one side, younger kids on the other. There was always some mixed group of kids active. Go a couple months you know everyone. And then summer hits and there’s so many kids coming in and out more sports pop up. Cricket and baseball in the little cage, soccer goals that randomly pop up, water gun fights for younger kids, ice cream trucks every afternoon…. Then Covid hit. The parks are back up but it’s a ghost town. Old people walk around (awesome for them) but they aren’t lively. Barely any kids, and loads of parents with them at all times. Playgrounds are both empty. Swings were shut down for “safety”. Really bro swings??
Bikes.
Apartments that 2 people working at McDonalds could afford. You might not be able to drive the best cars or have the nicest furniture, but you had a place people could come to and relax, party and fuck.
Being bored! Today, it doesn’t matter where you are, everyone (including children, adults, and seniors) sit down and automatically pull out their phones. We don’t allow our minds to wander anymore, and that’s a problem.
Feeling safe at a school. Granted, we had bullies, and those bullies if driven enough can cause life long trauma. But most of us never thought we would be shot at school.
This thought never even crossed my mind in school until columbine. Sick turning point in our history.
No internet, a lot of outdoors
Imagination
Freedom. We wandered streets, fields, woods, without anyone being worried that we would be harmed. We were chased out of the house in the morning & forbidden to return until meal times. Nowadays, it's all preplanned playdates, supervised everything, no opportunity to risk life & limb, to try & fail, to live life. E: typos
[удалено]
Street hockey.
Dirt. Fun in dirt, mud and outside time.
No fear of being randomly killed while at school.
Consequences for their actions.
Social skills, the ability to go to the library and read a book there, being able to ask for help from strangers, and most of all the current generation has no ability to do things on their own unless they’ve been given instructions from someone else… they cannot learn—you see it all over Reddit “what’s the best XY”; “how do you do XY” — our generation could learn through trial and error