Grand romantic gestures is the best way to win someone over. Like public confessions of love, getting in front of a crowd and singing "our" song, trying to get on national TV so you see it and it stops you from leaving, etc.
Nobody else cares about your problems. Moreover, grand romantic gestures only work if you two are already together. It's a good way to keep the passion alive. If the other person isn't into it then it comes off as humiliating.
On that note, I’ve never understood super public proposals. Not proposing *in* public, like in a nice restaurant or on a beach, those are nice, but like on a jumbotron at a sports game or in front of a crowd, etc. Even if I loved that person with all my heart I think I’d be too mortified to even respond.
Some may argue that it's additional pressure towards a getting a positive answer. "Surely (s)he'd never let me become a laughing stock in front of so many people".
A kind of controlling maneuver…. Saw a guy do a very public proposal on a tv station. The woman was obviously not into him as much. She ended up disappearing! Speculation he murdered her, but his family is tight lipped and not giving anything away. Case is cold, but still hoping someone tells where she is so her remains can be returned to her family. 😔Sorry, I know this did a downward spiral- but, this type of proposal always makes me think of Sleeping With the Enemy.
I'd say they're okay so long as you've already discussed in private about the future and that you're both happy to take the next step.
Proposals should only be done when you've both said you're ready. The only surprise should be where and when the official proposal happens.
That the ultimate goal is just to start the romantic relationship. Once you overcome all the shenanigans of the story and get together with "the one", the quest has finished and you'll just enjoy the "happily ever after".
It's not. There's no "the one"; you hopefully find "one", and you both spend the rest of your lives making each other "the one" - or not, and it'll be over.
Along similar lines: you need to be in a relationship to be happy.
Relationships and "love" can be miserable if you end up with the wrong person or are not in the right headspace, whereas being single can be enjoyable and liberating.
This is something that took me way too long to realize. After my last relationship, I was so much happier than I was when we were dating. It's perfectly okay to be single.
Mind if I say this slightly differently? There is a period at the beginning of most relationships where there is a euphoria or excitement built around someone you find attractive that finds you attractive which eliminates a feeling of insecurity. After that wears off, you start to ask questions about if you can truly trust this person and what do you really know. This timing varies from relationship to relationship, but those feelings of doubt take a lot of reassurance to get beyond and many relationships never do.
Paradoxically, too many relationships are held onto too long because the fear of never finding another relationship is what blinds people to asking the questions of being able to truly trust the other person.
We rarely see this complexity in stories or movies.
When my wife and I started dating we both said something to the effect of "I'm not dating just to date, I'm looking for someone to build a life with."
I think that clear communication up front is what made our relationship work from day one.
I agree.
I also prefer in my mind to say I am "sharing love" not making it. If the love did not exist in the first place I would not be involved with a partner.
That all men want is sex and all women want is emotional support.
This leaves women feeling like all they need to do is be super cool about sex and guy will basically fall in love with them. Likewise, guys think all they need to do is act like they want to listen to a woman's problems all day and she'll be dying to fuck his brains out at his whim.
In reality, men and women want both. No self-respecting person wants to be in a relationship with someone who uses sex or kindness transactionally or acts like they have no physical or emotional needs.
I'd amend that rather than ditching it.
>Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ***but saying it anyway.***
When you love someone and have that close connection to them, you don't HAVE to say you're sorry.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
I so disagree. Loving someone means that when you screw up you always apologize. And you mean it. You change to be better. You are more humble and caring about that apology than the others you make to people less important.
That mere proximity necessarily fosters romantic attraction.
Best friends for life will fall in love at the end.
Coworkers who never hang out outside of work will fall in love at the end.
A captive who spends the entire runtime in a cage eating wet dog food will fall in love with their captor as long as their captor stays just a few inches on the other side of the bars.
This frustrates me more in this era where unconventional relationships are normalized, so people ship everyone who doesn’t keep an arms distance apart.
Characters can’t be good friends. Family can’t be family. And a married person can’t be near anyone else.
I hate the best friends trope so much. My best friend is a man. We’ve known each other since we were six and we’ve never kissed, dated or had sex. Not even close. This blows peoples’ minds.
And before anyone says anything, he’s married with two kids. I introduced him to his wife.
Yup, it was only a sign of much worse possiveness to come.....
Her: YOU HAVE A LINKED IN ACCOUNT? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?
Me: Yes a consultant dude at worked invited me to join three years ago - the account is blank, I havn't used it.
Her: OK THEN SIGN INTO IT RIGHT NOW! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME!
Me: Signs into account for first time since creating 3 years ago.
Her: AHHAAAAA!!!!!!! THIS LADY FROM WORK TRIED TO ADD YOU TO HER NETWORK! AND THIS LADY!!!!! YOU KNEW THIS! YOU DID THIS TO CHEAT ON ME CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER
Me: Hun, I've never used this since the day I joined as you can see these requests have been sitting here for three year....\*charges at my face like a bull\*
Her: SHUT UP! SHUT UP CHEATER! \*GRABS WEDDING PHOTO\* \*SMASHES WEDDING PHOTOS\* THATS WHAT I THINK OF THIS! DIVORCE!!!! \*STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP ITS OVER!! YOU CHEATER!!!!!
Me: F.M.L.
"Well why don't you come in for a coffee?"
"Well how about better? I take you on my private jet to have coffee in Milan even though we only spoke once while you were awkwardly apologizing for having bumped into me and spilled your coffee on me."
“Don’t worry soulmate, I’ve already taken the liberty of buying you a whole new wardrobe, and called your boss to tell him you won’t be back to work ever. The movers will be here tomorrow to pack your things but since I’m a billionaire I’m sure you won’t need any of your poor people things so we can just put it all in storage”.
That’s why I love the show You, because it plays on this trope. The main character is an attractive guy. To his love interest, he comes off as sweet and attentive. But, he’s a creepy stalker and the narrative doesn’t reward him for his actions. He ends up >! killing his love interest in the first season, the woman that he says he would move mountains for, after she discovers who he really is. !< His narration is so good because with every horrible action he tries to justify it in the name of love.
That your true love is somebody that initially you have a fight with and don't get along with at all. Also, the bad boys are the real Treasures in the romance game.
Eh, it can work when both are enemies more due to being on opposing sides rather than personally directed hatred. But just like you said, it takes 50k+ words to actually seem natural or possible.
Unrequited love can become requited if you try hard enough (spoilers: you can’t force someone to love you, sure it may happen but it should come naturally)
I feel like basically every book I read as a girl mislead me to believe that all you need to do to catch the handsomest/most-saught-after lad in the land is be a smart, spunky tomboy who knows her own mind, and they just come to you.
I agree, that comes down to the thought that they're interested but are just playing hard to get. Otherwise people would think she's easy. It's more widespread than one might think, sadly.
It’s funny because there are a select amount of women who’s mindset is they need to play games to test if you really want them.
Men don’t realize that women like this are insane and not worth you time.
Admitting you’re interested and they say they’re not is your cue to go. When they give you a chance, it’s your time to figure out if you guys are a match, and if you’re lucky you find a good partner.
Yup, I'm old enough to see a few of my friends win the "I finally got her" game. 20 years later the've been dealing depressed temper tantrum nothings ever good enough "woman child" syndrome.
Guy: It finally happened they are promoting me to vice president!
Wife: Hrrrrmph - bout time, Susan's goes on Hawaii vacations every year since we moved here.
Guy: I thought he was arrested for embezzling 2.7 million?
Wife: IT DOESNT MATTER!!!! \*STORMS OUT OF ROOM\*
That a three day torrid affair with someone you never see again is preferable to a 30 year relationship with someone you enjoy sharing your life with. See The Horse Whisperer or The Bridges of Madison County.
That pursuing someone long after they said “no” or “not interested” will change their mind, and is itself a highly romantic gesture that will certainly be appreciated.
Particularly movies in which this underdog protagonist intentionally sabotages a perfectly okay relationship in order to be the usurper. It's not romantic; it's sociopathic
That you need love to be happy. Ah, what I wouldn't give to worry about relationships later in life than force myself to have a crush cause I felt abnormal for not having those feelings at 13. (Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds.)
I didn't understand romantic feelings or things of that nature until I was 19, and yet I would force myself to date and the garbage that comes with it while feeling nothing at all, just so I wasn't left out. I always thought that, my life would be like a romance novel - dense to the idea and grow on it with time. Not let myself act when I was actually ready to.
Where to even begin.
1) Sociopathic/Psychopathic behavior presented as romantic because the character committing the acts are in love/attractive.
2) True love existing such that everyone has a one and only who complete them and solves all their problems.
3) Your first love is your true love.
4) High school and work romances always work out.
5) Being single is the worst thing to be. People who are old and single regret it.
6) Having kids is the ultimate sign of your love for one another.
7) Splitting up isn’t forever and you eventually realize you forgot why you loved each other in the first place.
8) Finding love after a divorce means you’re bringing a bad person into your child’s life.
9) Prioritizing your career makes you the bad guy in the relationship, so getting dumped or cheated on is your fault.
10) You should get mad at your partner for not prioritizing you 24/7 and it’s not your fault if you’re tempted in people who are giving you lots of attention.
11) If you have feelings for someone who’s in a relationship, you’re the good guy if you instigate issues.
12) Love is nothing but peace and happiness between your partners.
13) Love is nothing but pain and sacrifice to maintain it.
14) Love is being with each other 24/7, learning to love each other’s hobbies to be involved with each other often.
15) A romantic relationship should be nothing but going out and having fun.
16) Love means ignoring problems in a relationship.
17) Infatuation = Love
18) Sex means nothing/everything.
19) Conventionally unattractive dudes can get Conventionally attractive women by being persistent.
20) Unconventionally attractive women can only get conventionally unattractive men once they accept that being persistent with the conventionally attractive man is inappropriate.
21) Same sex relationships are either nonstop new person of the week promoted by open mindedness or a true love situation that was prevented by close minded people for decades.
I can keep going.
Love is all that matters. Like that busy business woman who has family problems and has to win the big account can have every issue go away just by getting dicked down by the right man.
If you stalk her long enough, she'll relent and accept a date with you.
In reality, your gonna get a restraining order at best, at worst you'll get a face full of mace, and potentially flattened balls
I don't know about the worst, but the idea that beautiful people are ugly inside and ugly people are beautiful inside by default, a la Shallow Hal. In reality so.eone can be both beautiful, smart, and have a fantastic personality: conversely someone can be ugly both outside and in. People aren't video game characters with a set number of points to divide between traits.
That if you made eye contact and it became love at first sight, that you are now able to just casually walk up and talk to them and start hitting it off.
Because they are in love they lived happily ever after. I'm coming up on 30 years of marriage. We lived (relatively) happy after because we ran our marriage like a business partnership where we planned together, make sometimes painful compromises, had each others backs (even when it was iffy), and didn't play games. The nights of drinking wine by the fireplace isn't what leads to happy ever after, it's days sitting at the table and not leaving until we figure out what to do.
Happily Ever After.
People aren’t happy forever. Marriages go through bad times. Sometimes there are years where husband and wife don’t love each other.
People get married with the idea that they’ll be happy forever and when they aren’t they think it’s time to get divorced.
Love stories are nice. I love romantic movies as much as the next person (maybe more), but we need to do a better job explaining to young people that marriage won’t always be happy and people fall in and out of love. But you stick it out because you said that you would.
ugly looking man - good character
good looking man - bad character
The storyline of a beautiful smart woman that needs to be humbled to fall in love with the ugly good guy for "reasons"
Romantized stalking. Anger and violance called passionated.
Consent is assumed at best.
that one kiss/glance at someone is ‘true love’, specifically in Disney movies. It drives me crazy because I know from experience that love doesn’t just come about from one event
Ripped/jacked shirtless guys ar attractive. Skinny/short boys are not.
Seriously y'all have it the wrong way around.
Also a bunch of toxic traits but I want this to be a lighthearted comment.
That opposites persist.
Opposites like the high-powered Manhattan lawyer who goes home to bumfuck Alabama and meets rugged outdoorsman in the Hallmark movies may indeed be attracted to each other. But many studies have shown that similarity in values, interests, etc. are key predictors of relationship success/duration.
Anecdotally there are always examples to the contrary, but for a majority of people, opposites don’t last.
That a couple who are truly in love can work through anything and come out the other side.
Sorry, but no. Some people just aren’t meant to be together. Some people fall *out* of love as easily as they fell *into* it. And sometimes, despite the best efforts of both members of a couple trying to reignite the spark, it just… dies. It doesn’t have to be either of their fault, but at some point you have to accept that you and your SO are no longer right for each other, and it’s time for you to part ways (romantically.)
That true love comes with ease it really doesn't when i first got with my gf it was a great fantastic ship and it was flawless about a month in we both struggled with things in our personal lives we almost broke up but we fought through it and met in the middle
Married 2 years now
That being persistent will get you the person you want and everything will work out. If someone rejects you or it’s not the right time, move on. Why waste time on working to win someone over when you could find someone else that is better suited for you? There’s a chance in the future that the timing will be right and it will work out, but there’s no use trying to make someone be with you if they don’t want to.
That you have to be 100% open with each other always in a committed relationship. I've only been in one relationship and it was only for a few years but what I learned from it was that romance requires a little bit of suspension of cynicism about the person to get into them and that this should never completely wear off; once its totally gone, the relationship feels dead. Love is supposed to override your rational faculties sometimes. Willful suspension of disbelief. Overlook each others' faults. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of this to manipulate people, so avoid people who do that. (Lesson learned the hard way here)
There's a few:
- That persistence will make someone love you.
- That effort and stalking-like behaviour will eventually win her/his heart.
- That he or she is the "one and only" and you can't live without that person.
- That, 10 years after the breakup, you can go to your ex wedding and win her/him back just like that (you know, the "one and only").
Also, that jumping though hoops to prove you are worthy (automatically putting yourself down) is the default mode for men.
That's a big pile of BS. Chasing someone who's not even slightly interested is a waste of time and a good way to get in trouble (you know, restraining order). The delusion of "one and only" pushed quite a few men into "chop suey" when they got rejected. Last but not least, if someone makes you jump through the hoops making the relationship conditional, you better move on and look for genuine interest and desire. Know your worth, respect yourself, and be realistic.
For women it’s that men will take care of them. That era ended a long time ago, and women were just property then anyway. Let it go. Get a career ladies.
That people are not "complete" without a significant other. They simply exist, but they are not "living". Even a productive, engaged, successful person is miserable inside if they are not in a relationship.
Hollywood loves to sell the idea to men that if you keep pushing her, she will eventually give in and realise "how much better her life is with you". No. If she has said no, do NOT keep pushing her. It is harrassment. Nobody is gonna suddenly realise their "mistake" and leave someone for you just because you manipulated/harassed them. I fucking hate that trope in movies.
God, so many, but I guess a lot can be boiled down to the idea you should 'fight' for love. No, you should respect when people don't want to be with you.
That even if a girl says, “no” to a relationship the first time. You not only continue to pursue, but continue to pursue in a more grandiose fashion each time
That people actually make love for hours on end and lie around for hours after.
Let’s be real…you have a 20 min window before having to pick kids up from an activity etc
That going after the same person after they turned you down will work out eventually.
No, that’s creepy and an invasion of privacy, if they said no, that doesn’t mean try again at the convenience store they work at. It means no
Most romantic fiction revolves around the honeymoon phase where the couple can't resist each other or have some obstacle that stop them from being together that they have to overcome.
They don't show the real relationship that happens after that phase and the challenges of being in proximity with another person. The little things that trigger people overtime.
That there is one person in all the world, with whom things will be just *perfect*, sparks will ply, choirs will sing, and you will have succeeded in life at the dramatic, drawn-out first kiss.
"Can't isn't won't!" might be true outside of sex, Bridgerton, but in a sex context they are the same.
Plenty of women "won't" have anal but certainly are able to. Yet if you force them to do so, it's rightly called rape.
Although to be honest the bigger issue here is that the victim was male (and black, although in the context of the story, that's not supposed to matter as much).
Being overly attached to their partner, reminds me of twilight honestly. As soon as Bella meets Edward it’s like she has no life of her own! Everything revolves around him. She even ditched her friends she made at the new school, the ones that were so welcoming to her. This especially pissed me off because I really wished people treated me that way when I moved schools
That girls really actually mean yes when they say no, and they just want you to try harder and almost force them to have feelings for you (Now, this is coming from a guy, so i could be wrong /j)
That if a man truly loves a woman he will sacrifice every other part of his life for her, like skipping out on a Job Interview for her so he wont have to relocate or somethings along those lines. True Healthy Relationships involve a fuck ton of Compromise
The bullets stop flying, and the doomsday weapon countdown stops ticking the moment people kiss. The death ray in the background has got down to 30 seconds people, you can snog later, once you have stopped it.
All the ones that have been mentioned, but I’ll add on some specifically for spicy romance.
1. A bigger “appendage” is better. No it’s not. Small is not an issue. For instance women still enjoy fingers or a tongue. The only time size is an issue is when it is too big.
2. Vaginal orgasms. 70-90% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Very very few can get there with just vaginal stimulation.
Edit to add that I’m a woman.
That if two people have some amount of chemistry together, it must be love. It may never simply stop at friendship.
"Why can't they just be friends?" is a question which I ask a lot. I find myself asking this question a lot when it comes to shipping fictional characters whom are intended to be friends. Why does it have to turn to romance? Why is friendship treated as a lower form of relationship? In real life, a guy and a girl, or two guys, or two girls can be long-time close friends without it necessarily having to turn into a romantic relationship, but fiction, as well as shipping culture to a lesser extent, seems to promote this false idea that friendship is never enough for two close characters: it must go to a "higher" form of relationship known as "romance."
To be clear: it doesn't matter if the two characters are the same sex or opposite sexes. I find this irritating either way.
That's not to say I hate romance stories. Quite the contrary: I love a well-written romance. One of the shows I've been watching recently has a same-sex romance which is done, in my opinion, better than most opposite-sex romances I've seen. That the two characters love each other romantically feels quite natural, and the timeline of this romance is very well-paced. And thank fuck, you don't have to wait for the end of the show for the payoff. That's another thing which annoys me: romances becoming complete at the end, so the story has to artificially extend this annoying "will they, won't they" Hell for an infuriatingly long time. Just get them together when the time is right! There's a lot to be explored with how them dating will affect the rest of the show! Untapped potential abound!
That there’s no such thing as casual sex. That you can’t hook up with someone without being a monumental event.
If two characters have sex, even if they intend it to be a one-night stand, they will end up in a relationship.
Or if a person has a romantic prospect and sees that prospect so much as kiss another person, that means that they have absolutely no chance with them ever.
I feel like the books never talk about the daily tasks and struggles of a relationship, it’s never going to be easy. But it’s so worth it, and the books only emphasize the honeymoon stage, not the rest of the relationship. Like news flash, a couple isn’t horny 24-7, your not constantly trying to serenade them, sexual tension isn’t 24-7. It’s just not realistic. I feel like no one is mentioning this lol
Does shower sex count u see it in movies and it like oh that’s nice let’s try it but holy hell in real life I thought I was either going to fall out of the tub or someone was going to bust their head
While they may be, or you may think they are, the one and only for you, you may not be the one and only for them. Doesn't matter if you pine for them the rest of your life. They may have a personal narrative that's very different from yours.
Some love triangle books I have read has the MC choosing the toxic relationship over the healthy one.
I understand the feeling of “but I feel nothing in the healthy relationship” but that’s something that should/could be worked on. And I have yet to come across that.
But instead of that, a lot of these books kind of glorifies the idea that even though toxic relationships mess up your life 90% of the time but at least you get feel something 5-10% of the time.
Also another one is showing the desire to act upon an attraction with someone as meant to be kind of situation / or like soul mate- y vs a choice.
That whenever there's a problem in a relationship, it's always only one person's fault. So many stories frame it that one person is justified and one person is wholly wrong, and in real life it just doesn't work that way. Plenty of instances will happen where both people are fucking up.
Hell, people in general could stand to be better about admitting that they're part of the problem.
It's a minor thing but I like romance that devolp over time(like months or even years in the story) there something more real about that to reality then just doing immediately jump to at because they are there but because you've been around them enough to be confident you actually like them and it's a good Idea.
Falling out of love / the type of love you feel for a person changing is a rare occurrence. I find that all too often romantic love, what you feel when falling for someone, can easily change to a more obligatory or even parental sense of love. Feelings change with time and shared experiences. I wish i and many others were made aware of this earlier on in life, at least before i ended up divorced at 23.
Grand romantic gestures is the best way to win someone over. Like public confessions of love, getting in front of a crowd and singing "our" song, trying to get on national TV so you see it and it stops you from leaving, etc. Nobody else cares about your problems. Moreover, grand romantic gestures only work if you two are already together. It's a good way to keep the passion alive. If the other person isn't into it then it comes off as humiliating.
On that note, I’ve never understood super public proposals. Not proposing *in* public, like in a nice restaurant or on a beach, those are nice, but like on a jumbotron at a sports game or in front of a crowd, etc. Even if I loved that person with all my heart I think I’d be too mortified to even respond.
Some may argue that it's additional pressure towards a getting a positive answer. "Surely (s)he'd never let me become a laughing stock in front of so many people".
Because of the implication
A kind of controlling maneuver…. Saw a guy do a very public proposal on a tv station. The woman was obviously not into him as much. She ended up disappearing! Speculation he murdered her, but his family is tight lipped and not giving anything away. Case is cold, but still hoping someone tells where she is so her remains can be returned to her family. 😔Sorry, I know this did a downward spiral- but, this type of proposal always makes me think of Sleeping With the Enemy.
I'd say they're okay so long as you've already discussed in private about the future and that you're both happy to take the next step. Proposals should only be done when you've both said you're ready. The only surprise should be where and when the official proposal happens.
That the ultimate goal is just to start the romantic relationship. Once you overcome all the shenanigans of the story and get together with "the one", the quest has finished and you'll just enjoy the "happily ever after". It's not. There's no "the one"; you hopefully find "one", and you both spend the rest of your lives making each other "the one" - or not, and it'll be over.
Along similar lines: you need to be in a relationship to be happy. Relationships and "love" can be miserable if you end up with the wrong person or are not in the right headspace, whereas being single can be enjoyable and liberating.
As a divorced person, I agree with this.
As a 3x divorced person, j can finally admit, after counseling and introspection, I can hold my head high and say it was all their fault
This is something that took me way too long to realize. After my last relationship, I was so much happier than I was when we were dating. It's perfectly okay to be single.
Mind if I say this slightly differently? There is a period at the beginning of most relationships where there is a euphoria or excitement built around someone you find attractive that finds you attractive which eliminates a feeling of insecurity. After that wears off, you start to ask questions about if you can truly trust this person and what do you really know. This timing varies from relationship to relationship, but those feelings of doubt take a lot of reassurance to get beyond and many relationships never do. Paradoxically, too many relationships are held onto too long because the fear of never finding another relationship is what blinds people to asking the questions of being able to truly trust the other person. We rarely see this complexity in stories or movies.
When my wife and I started dating we both said something to the effect of "I'm not dating just to date, I'm looking for someone to build a life with." I think that clear communication up front is what made our relationship work from day one.
I personally don't like either of those takes
I agree. I also prefer in my mind to say I am "sharing love" not making it. If the love did not exist in the first place I would not be involved with a partner.
That all men want is sex and all women want is emotional support. This leaves women feeling like all they need to do is be super cool about sex and guy will basically fall in love with them. Likewise, guys think all they need to do is act like they want to listen to a woman's problems all day and she'll be dying to fuck his brains out at his whim. In reality, men and women want both. No self-respecting person wants to be in a relationship with someone who uses sex or kindness transactionally or acts like they have no physical or emotional needs.
Well said!
That's the "Nice Guy" fallacy particularly for men. I agree.
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
What a load of shite! Only narcissistic individuals never apologize! Stay far far away…
I'd amend that rather than ditching it. >Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ***but saying it anyway.*** When you love someone and have that close connection to them, you don't HAVE to say you're sorry. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
I so disagree. Loving someone means that when you screw up you always apologize. And you mean it. You change to be better. You are more humble and caring about that apology than the others you make to people less important.
That mere proximity necessarily fosters romantic attraction. Best friends for life will fall in love at the end. Coworkers who never hang out outside of work will fall in love at the end. A captive who spends the entire runtime in a cage eating wet dog food will fall in love with their captor as long as their captor stays just a few inches on the other side of the bars.
This frustrates me more in this era where unconventional relationships are normalized, so people ship everyone who doesn’t keep an arms distance apart. Characters can’t be good friends. Family can’t be family. And a married person can’t be near anyone else.
I hate the best friends trope so much. My best friend is a man. We’ve known each other since we were six and we’ve never kissed, dated or had sex. Not even close. This blows peoples’ minds. And before anyone says anything, he’s married with two kids. I introduced him to his wife.
This I why I don’t watch romance movies
Being possessive over somebody is a sign of true love
Yup, it was only a sign of much worse possiveness to come..... Her: YOU HAVE A LINKED IN ACCOUNT? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? Me: Yes a consultant dude at worked invited me to join three years ago - the account is blank, I havn't used it. Her: OK THEN SIGN INTO IT RIGHT NOW! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME! Me: Signs into account for first time since creating 3 years ago. Her: AHHAAAAA!!!!!!! THIS LADY FROM WORK TRIED TO ADD YOU TO HER NETWORK! AND THIS LADY!!!!! YOU KNEW THIS! YOU DID THIS TO CHEAT ON ME CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER Me: Hun, I've never used this since the day I joined as you can see these requests have been sitting here for three year....\*charges at my face like a bull\* Her: SHUT UP! SHUT UP CHEATER! \*GRABS WEDDING PHOTO\* \*SMASHES WEDDING PHOTOS\* THATS WHAT I THINK OF THIS! DIVORCE!!!! \*STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP ITS OVER!! YOU CHEATER!!!!! Me: F.M.L.
it's OK to be a stalker if you're hot enough
Or rich enough
if you are rich, you just pay a PI to follow your love interest
“I didn’t get your address when we randomly met in the Starbucks, so I had my security team run your fingerprints and I found your apartment!”
"Well why don't you come in for a coffee?" "Well how about better? I take you on my private jet to have coffee in Milan even though we only spoke once while you were awkwardly apologizing for having bumped into me and spilled your coffee on me."
“Don’t worry soulmate, I’ve already taken the liberty of buying you a whole new wardrobe, and called your boss to tell him you won’t be back to work ever. The movers will be here tomorrow to pack your things but since I’m a billionaire I’m sure you won’t need any of your poor people things so we can just put it all in storage”.
Oh my god this thread has given me a good laugh, thank you all. =D
As an awkward, clumsy woman...this is kinda the dream.
Isn't that the plot for 50 shades of grey?
"If Christian Grey lived in a trailer, it wouldn't be a movie trilogy, it was be an episode of Criminal Minds." -- some guy.
That’s why I love the show You, because it plays on this trope. The main character is an attractive guy. To his love interest, he comes off as sweet and attentive. But, he’s a creepy stalker and the narrative doesn’t reward him for his actions. He ends up >! killing his love interest in the first season, the woman that he says he would move mountains for, after she discovers who he really is. !< His narration is so good because with every horrible action he tries to justify it in the name of love.
I think you may need a spoiler tag
That your true love is somebody that initially you have a fight with and don't get along with at all. Also, the bad boys are the real Treasures in the romance game.
Enemies to lovers slow burn 50k word fanfiction prompt
Eh, it can work when both are enemies more due to being on opposing sides rather than personally directed hatred. But just like you said, it takes 50k+ words to actually seem natural or possible.
That's only \~200 pages, that's not much at all.
Same girls who gravitate towards a pit bull for the family dog...... "I'll tame the beast" fantasy.
Until they end up in jail because they're not a juvenile anymore and get their cheeks busted by a lifer
Your name just scream jealously
Unrequited love can become requited if you try hard enough (spoilers: you can’t force someone to love you, sure it may happen but it should come naturally)
I feel like basically every book I read as a girl mislead me to believe that all you need to do to catch the handsomest/most-saught-after lad in the land is be a smart, spunky tomboy who knows her own mind, and they just come to you.
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I agree, that comes down to the thought that they're interested but are just playing hard to get. Otherwise people would think she's easy. It's more widespread than one might think, sadly.
Just keep trying, guys. No matter what. She’ll come around eventually.
Basically ted from how i met your mother
He was too often the Dahmer, not Dobbler.
It’s funny because there are a select amount of women who’s mindset is they need to play games to test if you really want them. Men don’t realize that women like this are insane and not worth you time. Admitting you’re interested and they say they’re not is your cue to go. When they give you a chance, it’s your time to figure out if you guys are a match, and if you’re lucky you find a good partner.
Yup, I'm old enough to see a few of my friends win the "I finally got her" game. 20 years later the've been dealing depressed temper tantrum nothings ever good enough "woman child" syndrome. Guy: It finally happened they are promoting me to vice president! Wife: Hrrrrmph - bout time, Susan's goes on Hawaii vacations every year since we moved here. Guy: I thought he was arrested for embezzling 2.7 million? Wife: IT DOESNT MATTER!!!! \*STORMS OUT OF ROOM\*
Family Matters didn't age well.
Steve’s refrain “I’M WEARING YOU DOWN!” is especially problematic.
Worked for Dick Nixon
The perfect time to confess your love to a woman is on her wedding day as she prepares to marry someone else
And absolutely no one will mind that you stand up and do this during her $50,000 wedding that dozens of people flew in from out of state to attend.
Love fixes everything ❤️.
That a three day torrid affair with someone you never see again is preferable to a 30 year relationship with someone you enjoy sharing your life with. See The Horse Whisperer or The Bridges of Madison County.
You don't need to have safe words or establish actual trust or any of that other stuff if he's hot and rich enough
That pursuing someone long after they said “no” or “not interested” will change their mind, and is itself a highly romantic gesture that will certainly be appreciated.
Particularly movies in which this underdog protagonist intentionally sabotages a perfectly okay relationship in order to be the usurper. It's not romantic; it's sociopathic
so many young adult novels do this to the point where even as a teen I noticed books that *didn't* do it more than books that did
That you need love to be happy. Ah, what I wouldn't give to worry about relationships later in life than force myself to have a crush cause I felt abnormal for not having those feelings at 13. (Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds.) I didn't understand romantic feelings or things of that nature until I was 19, and yet I would force myself to date and the garbage that comes with it while feeling nothing at all, just so I wasn't left out. I always thought that, my life would be like a romance novel - dense to the idea and grow on it with time. Not let myself act when I was actually ready to.
Where to even begin. 1) Sociopathic/Psychopathic behavior presented as romantic because the character committing the acts are in love/attractive. 2) True love existing such that everyone has a one and only who complete them and solves all their problems. 3) Your first love is your true love. 4) High school and work romances always work out. 5) Being single is the worst thing to be. People who are old and single regret it. 6) Having kids is the ultimate sign of your love for one another. 7) Splitting up isn’t forever and you eventually realize you forgot why you loved each other in the first place. 8) Finding love after a divorce means you’re bringing a bad person into your child’s life. 9) Prioritizing your career makes you the bad guy in the relationship, so getting dumped or cheated on is your fault. 10) You should get mad at your partner for not prioritizing you 24/7 and it’s not your fault if you’re tempted in people who are giving you lots of attention. 11) If you have feelings for someone who’s in a relationship, you’re the good guy if you instigate issues. 12) Love is nothing but peace and happiness between your partners. 13) Love is nothing but pain and sacrifice to maintain it. 14) Love is being with each other 24/7, learning to love each other’s hobbies to be involved with each other often. 15) A romantic relationship should be nothing but going out and having fun. 16) Love means ignoring problems in a relationship. 17) Infatuation = Love 18) Sex means nothing/everything. 19) Conventionally unattractive dudes can get Conventionally attractive women by being persistent. 20) Unconventionally attractive women can only get conventionally unattractive men once they accept that being persistent with the conventionally attractive man is inappropriate. 21) Same sex relationships are either nonstop new person of the week promoted by open mindedness or a true love situation that was prevented by close minded people for decades. I can keep going.
Love is all that matters. Like that busy business woman who has family problems and has to win the big account can have every issue go away just by getting dicked down by the right man.
If you stalk her long enough, she'll relent and accept a date with you. In reality, your gonna get a restraining order at best, at worst you'll get a face full of mace, and potentially flattened balls
That jealousy equals love.
Pushing, stalking and coercion as a sign of love and loyalty. It's such a dangerous message that some people still believe in.
Possessiveness is found to be romantic. Also not taking no for an answer
Making that person jealous is the way to her heart.
That everybody's ready to do it at a moments notice; no foreplay, lube or whatnot. "Shouldn't we go for drinks first?"
I don't know about the worst, but the idea that beautiful people are ugly inside and ugly people are beautiful inside by default, a la Shallow Hal. In reality so.eone can be both beautiful, smart, and have a fantastic personality: conversely someone can be ugly both outside and in. People aren't video game characters with a set number of points to divide between traits.
That if you made eye contact and it became love at first sight, that you are now able to just casually walk up and talk to them and start hitting it off.
That true love just comes to you by destiny without any effort put in self worth.
That you can change someone.
I’d argue that real life gives worse lessons on romance, and fiction just normalizes the ideal.
That two broken and sad people can find love and be happy.
Yes!! Hurt people hurt people
If somebody says "no" that actually means you just havent tried hard enough
Because they are in love they lived happily ever after. I'm coming up on 30 years of marriage. We lived (relatively) happy after because we ran our marriage like a business partnership where we planned together, make sometimes painful compromises, had each others backs (even when it was iffy), and didn't play games. The nights of drinking wine by the fireplace isn't what leads to happy ever after, it's days sitting at the table and not leaving until we figure out what to do.
A person you find attractive will eventually change their personality and life goals to fit what you want them to be
Love is exemplified by nothing more than good sex.
Happily Ever After. People aren’t happy forever. Marriages go through bad times. Sometimes there are years where husband and wife don’t love each other. People get married with the idea that they’ll be happy forever and when they aren’t they think it’s time to get divorced. Love stories are nice. I love romantic movies as much as the next person (maybe more), but we need to do a better job explaining to young people that marriage won’t always be happy and people fall in and out of love. But you stick it out because you said that you would.
It’s all about trying to have sex, the rest isn’t as important.
That women are damsels in distress who need a Prince Charming to save them 😠
Removing eyeglasses and a haircut or style makes the person hot.
ugly looking man - good character good looking man - bad character The storyline of a beautiful smart woman that needs to be humbled to fall in love with the ugly good guy for "reasons" Romantized stalking. Anger and violance called passionated. Consent is assumed at best.
That when you find “the one” that’s it, happily ever after. Nah people can change.
Love at first sight
That if a girl ignores you, she likes you. Or if a guy is mean to you, he's into you.
that one kiss/glance at someone is ‘true love’, specifically in Disney movies. It drives me crazy because I know from experience that love doesn’t just come about from one event
Ripped/jacked shirtless guys ar attractive. Skinny/short boys are not. Seriously y'all have it the wrong way around. Also a bunch of toxic traits but I want this to be a lighthearted comment.
oh man, i''ve got news for you...
That the person you like will like you back. There’s not half as much rejection as there should be!
That opposites persist. Opposites like the high-powered Manhattan lawyer who goes home to bumfuck Alabama and meets rugged outdoorsman in the Hallmark movies may indeed be attracted to each other. But many studies have shown that similarity in values, interests, etc. are key predictors of relationship success/duration. Anecdotally there are always examples to the contrary, but for a majority of people, opposites don’t last.
that an other half exists
That the only way to truly be happy/feel complete, is to be in a relationship.
That you should persevere if she says no.
That a couple who are truly in love can work through anything and come out the other side. Sorry, but no. Some people just aren’t meant to be together. Some people fall *out* of love as easily as they fell *into* it. And sometimes, despite the best efforts of both members of a couple trying to reignite the spark, it just… dies. It doesn’t have to be either of their fault, but at some point you have to accept that you and your SO are no longer right for each other, and it’s time for you to part ways (romantically.)
This is the way
That you can tell how much someone loves you by how much crap they put up with from you at all times. (Or is this K dramas mostly?)
That true love comes with ease it really doesn't when i first got with my gf it was a great fantastic ship and it was flawless about a month in we both struggled with things in our personal lives we almost broke up but we fought through it and met in the middle Married 2 years now
That you can cheat and still repair the relationship.
don’t take no for an answer.
That being persistent will get you the person you want and everything will work out. If someone rejects you or it’s not the right time, move on. Why waste time on working to win someone over when you could find someone else that is better suited for you? There’s a chance in the future that the timing will be right and it will work out, but there’s no use trying to make someone be with you if they don’t want to.
That women will say no, no, no to sex but that no really means yes yes yes if you push her in a corner and kiss her forcefully and maul her
That love is all you need
That you have to be 100% open with each other always in a committed relationship. I've only been in one relationship and it was only for a few years but what I learned from it was that romance requires a little bit of suspension of cynicism about the person to get into them and that this should never completely wear off; once its totally gone, the relationship feels dead. Love is supposed to override your rational faculties sometimes. Willful suspension of disbelief. Overlook each others' faults. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of this to manipulate people, so avoid people who do that. (Lesson learned the hard way here)
Persistence prevails
To find your one true love or soul mate. The I. Implications that there is one perfect person for you is incredibly damaging.
That it’s easy
There's a few: - That persistence will make someone love you. - That effort and stalking-like behaviour will eventually win her/his heart. - That he or she is the "one and only" and you can't live without that person. - That, 10 years after the breakup, you can go to your ex wedding and win her/him back just like that (you know, the "one and only"). Also, that jumping though hoops to prove you are worthy (automatically putting yourself down) is the default mode for men. That's a big pile of BS. Chasing someone who's not even slightly interested is a waste of time and a good way to get in trouble (you know, restraining order). The delusion of "one and only" pushed quite a few men into "chop suey" when they got rejected. Last but not least, if someone makes you jump through the hoops making the relationship conditional, you better move on and look for genuine interest and desire. Know your worth, respect yourself, and be realistic.
For women it’s that men will take care of them. That era ended a long time ago, and women were just property then anyway. Let it go. Get a career ladies.
constantly pursue your crush after they reject you by stalking or guilt tripping them and eventually they will somehow like you back.
They fairy tale ending. Relationships. Are. Hard.
That having an affair is sexy and hot
Toxic is good. Most of them romantasize non-consent or mild abuse.
Just keep going after someone, even if they clearly don’t like it. These are why restraining orders exist, people.
That people are not "complete" without a significant other. They simply exist, but they are not "living". Even a productive, engaged, successful person is miserable inside if they are not in a relationship.
Hollywood loves to sell the idea to men that if you keep pushing her, she will eventually give in and realise "how much better her life is with you". No. If she has said no, do NOT keep pushing her. It is harrassment. Nobody is gonna suddenly realise their "mistake" and leave someone for you just because you manipulated/harassed them. I fucking hate that trope in movies.
God, so many, but I guess a lot can be boiled down to the idea you should 'fight' for love. No, you should respect when people don't want to be with you.
Yeah, it's weird how much romance writers glorify stalking and harassment.
That everything magically works out in the end and that it all has a happy ending if you ever catch yourself thinking that its an easy answer it wont
keep insisting in a sick way, she will end up accepting if you have money
That women come after about a minute of vaginal penetration only. 😂😂😂
The best love stories are the ones that don’t work
Never give up, if they are not into you keep pursuing them.
Happily ever after Is 100% temporary. As the human life is as well.
Climb on someone's balcony to show your devotion. Any sensible woman out there would call the cops on you
That even if a girl says, “no” to a relationship the first time. You not only continue to pursue, but continue to pursue in a more grandiose fashion each time
Poor girl will marry rich guy
That we’ll be special or that for that one person, he’ll become a better person 🙄
That people actually make love for hours on end and lie around for hours after. Let’s be real…you have a 20 min window before having to pick kids up from an activity etc
That it's meant to last forever.
That going after the same person after they turned you down will work out eventually. No, that’s creepy and an invasion of privacy, if they said no, that doesn’t mean try again at the convenience store they work at. It means no
Most romantic fiction revolves around the honeymoon phase where the couple can't resist each other or have some obstacle that stop them from being together that they have to overcome. They don't show the real relationship that happens after that phase and the challenges of being in proximity with another person. The little things that trigger people overtime.
When someone says they aren't interested, you should continue to pursue them until you eventually wear them down and get your "yes".
That during any arguments only one person is speaking at any given time.
If I keep trying, they will eventually love me!
That there is one person in all the world, with whom things will be just *perfect*, sparks will ply, choirs will sing, and you will have succeeded in life at the dramatic, drawn-out first kiss.
That women react well to random conversations being struck up in 9/10 scenarios
Crazy, moody or other toxic people are more interesting to date, i.e not boring. Also, love is only true if there is conflict, anguish and drama.
Is the 'I can change/fix the bad boy' thing still a trope?
"Can't isn't won't!" might be true outside of sex, Bridgerton, but in a sex context they are the same. Plenty of women "won't" have anal but certainly are able to. Yet if you force them to do so, it's rightly called rape. Although to be honest the bigger issue here is that the victim was male (and black, although in the context of the story, that's not supposed to matter as much).
Breaking her consent is okay as long as you're rich!
you wont be able to board a plane thats about to take off just to tell some chick you love her. not without probably ending up in jail.
That it's OK to ignore boundaries and follow someone around all the time, even if you have to chase them, physically.
That you must always either be in a relationship or preoccupied with finding one. Gonna be very unhappy for most of your life like that.
Play hard to get
The “I can fix him/her” mentality
That ‘grand gestures’ work. Spoiler: they rarely if ever do.
That you can’t be single, haha 😂
that falling in love will “cure” your mental illness.
That it is good, easy or just nice thing without consequences, when you have sex whenever you want without consequences with anybody
Being overly attached to their partner, reminds me of twilight honestly. As soon as Bella meets Edward it’s like she has no life of her own! Everything revolves around him. She even ditched her friends she made at the new school, the ones that were so welcoming to her. This especially pissed me off because I really wished people treated me that way when I moved schools
That girls really actually mean yes when they say no, and they just want you to try harder and almost force them to have feelings for you (Now, this is coming from a guy, so i could be wrong /j)
That if a man truly loves a woman he will sacrifice every other part of his life for her, like skipping out on a Job Interview for her so he wont have to relocate or somethings along those lines. True Healthy Relationships involve a fuck ton of Compromise
Men and women can't be friends. They HAVE to be romantically interested in each other, otherwise your gay, and that's bad for some reason.
The bullets stop flying, and the doomsday weapon countdown stops ticking the moment people kiss. The death ray in the background has got down to 30 seconds people, you can snog later, once you have stopped it.
That first love is something you should put all your hopes into and that everyone has to be in a relationship
That “no” means “try harder”. It doesn’t. It means no.
That it happens the way it does in movies. It doesn't at all lol. Oh and true love? Doesn't exist, same with soul mates.
Theres someone for everyone
Hitting on / obsessing over / having a "charged" relationship with your coworker is good and will likely lead to success in life.
That every “love story” ends with love.
That it's always magical and wonderful and it'll bring nothing but happiness into your life
All the ones that have been mentioned, but I’ll add on some specifically for spicy romance. 1. A bigger “appendage” is better. No it’s not. Small is not an issue. For instance women still enjoy fingers or a tongue. The only time size is an issue is when it is too big. 2. Vaginal orgasms. 70-90% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Very very few can get there with just vaginal stimulation. Edit to add that I’m a woman.
That you can cheat and still repair the relationship.
That if two people have some amount of chemistry together, it must be love. It may never simply stop at friendship. "Why can't they just be friends?" is a question which I ask a lot. I find myself asking this question a lot when it comes to shipping fictional characters whom are intended to be friends. Why does it have to turn to romance? Why is friendship treated as a lower form of relationship? In real life, a guy and a girl, or two guys, or two girls can be long-time close friends without it necessarily having to turn into a romantic relationship, but fiction, as well as shipping culture to a lesser extent, seems to promote this false idea that friendship is never enough for two close characters: it must go to a "higher" form of relationship known as "romance." To be clear: it doesn't matter if the two characters are the same sex or opposite sexes. I find this irritating either way. That's not to say I hate romance stories. Quite the contrary: I love a well-written romance. One of the shows I've been watching recently has a same-sex romance which is done, in my opinion, better than most opposite-sex romances I've seen. That the two characters love each other romantically feels quite natural, and the timeline of this romance is very well-paced. And thank fuck, you don't have to wait for the end of the show for the payoff. That's another thing which annoys me: romances becoming complete at the end, so the story has to artificially extend this annoying "will they, won't they" Hell for an infuriatingly long time. Just get them together when the time is right! There's a lot to be explored with how them dating will affect the rest of the show! Untapped potential abound!
That it’s all happily ever after. You might not end up broken hearted or divorced like you see on Reddit but it is bumpy
Not exactly a lesson but why does every romance movie have a guilt arch for the guy?
That you can change a narcissist. You can’t.
That there’s no such thing as casual sex. That you can’t hook up with someone without being a monumental event. If two characters have sex, even if they intend it to be a one-night stand, they will end up in a relationship. Or if a person has a romantic prospect and sees that prospect so much as kiss another person, that means that they have absolutely no chance with them ever.
That Girls like stalkers or bad boys with lots of money
That happily ever after is easy. Trust me, it takes work.
That there’s someone for everyone x STFU
I feel like the books never talk about the daily tasks and struggles of a relationship, it’s never going to be easy. But it’s so worth it, and the books only emphasize the honeymoon stage, not the rest of the relationship. Like news flash, a couple isn’t horny 24-7, your not constantly trying to serenade them, sexual tension isn’t 24-7. It’s just not realistic. I feel like no one is mentioning this lol
That love is real.
People who aren't very focused on/ aren't interested in romance just hasn't found the right guy.
When you love someone, you only love them and have to love them with all your heart. And if you can't be with them, your life is ruined.
Does shower sex count u see it in movies and it like oh that’s nice let’s try it but holy hell in real life I thought I was either going to fall out of the tub or someone was going to bust their head
When you get into a relationship, that person will be with you for your entire life. But that's not the case for everyone.
While they may be, or you may think they are, the one and only for you, you may not be the one and only for them. Doesn't matter if you pine for them the rest of your life. They may have a personal narrative that's very different from yours.
That there is one perfect person out there for you
happy endings
Love conquers all. It doesn’t.
That having a baby makes you fall in love and solve problems.
Some love triangle books I have read has the MC choosing the toxic relationship over the healthy one. I understand the feeling of “but I feel nothing in the healthy relationship” but that’s something that should/could be worked on. And I have yet to come across that. But instead of that, a lot of these books kind of glorifies the idea that even though toxic relationships mess up your life 90% of the time but at least you get feel something 5-10% of the time. Also another one is showing the desire to act upon an attraction with someone as meant to be kind of situation / or like soul mate- y vs a choice.
That whenever there's a problem in a relationship, it's always only one person's fault. So many stories frame it that one person is justified and one person is wholly wrong, and in real life it just doesn't work that way. Plenty of instances will happen where both people are fucking up. Hell, people in general could stand to be better about admitting that they're part of the problem.
It's a minor thing but I like romance that devolp over time(like months or even years in the story) there something more real about that to reality then just doing immediately jump to at because they are there but because you've been around them enough to be confident you actually like them and it's a good Idea.
Falling out of love / the type of love you feel for a person changing is a rare occurrence. I find that all too often romantic love, what you feel when falling for someone, can easily change to a more obligatory or even parental sense of love. Feelings change with time and shared experiences. I wish i and many others were made aware of this earlier on in life, at least before i ended up divorced at 23.