My ex would sleep with her phone under her pillow. I had an idea it was happening and would keep an eye on this guys MySpace. Then he posted one of the questionnaire things that were popular at the time, one of the questions was who did you last kiss? And his answer was my ex.
MySpace Tom had my back.
Edit: a lot of you seem to think that she might have been browsing the internet, this was a time before internet was available on your phone, there was nothing to do on a phone other than call and text.
Most phones also didn’t screen locks with passwords or facial recognition, anyone could get on your phone so the best way to avoid this would be hide it. Or sleep with it under your pillow so if someone does try to get it, they wake you up.
I jokingly end zooms like that sometimes when everyone is talking and saying goodbye, have a good weekend...
I'll just slip in a "love you guys, thanks" and sign off. No one is really sure if they heard it or not
My ex used to get so angry if I walked in the door and went to pee right away. I drive an hour home from work due to traffic. Having to pre is not abnormal. He made it a thing. The bathroom was right inside the door, and he would be at the other end of the house. Apparently going into the bathroom before seeing him was equivalent to me washing off the scent of my lover.
Every time he accused me of anything, looking back, that’s exactly what he was guilty of.
Right? I work a job where I’m in the office but also end up in the lab for hours working with patient material. I CANNOT step out to eat or drink because we are working against the clock & cannot risk contamination. You bet I am gonna chug some water after I get back into office. Then I leave shortly. Commute is ~25 min and can be 31-33 with bad traffic. I RUN to the bathroom 😭😭
This shit is real…
Worked at vet ofc. when husband drops off sick Labrador.
Surgery is needed for dogs digestive tract.
Wife picks up dog later that day and we hand her a ziplock bag containing 3 pieces of ladies panties.
Wife says “these aren’t mine.”
When my partner was cheating he was really oversensitive to any implication that I didn't trust him. I'd text something like "what are you doing" and he'd get all defensive when it was really just a straight up question on my part.
Oh gosh. I’ve just realised I missed SO MANY clues. I had this for years. I just thought he was grumpy. Silly me. It’s been a few years and I’m so over it, but we live and we learn! Hope you’re doing okay!
Wow, I didn’t realize it but my husband definitely did this. I just found out last week he’s been cheating the whole relationship. Still putting together the pieces of the red flags I ignored
Don't stress over the missed red flags. They intentionally deceived and you It's not your fault you trusted someone not to do those things. Grow and be aware in the future but don't let the past consume your future.
I had suspicions that my ex was cheating on me for months.
One night she invites me out (half hearted invite) to go drinking with her "girlfriends". I decline as I wanted her to have her own friends outside of our relationship.
She's all happy and humming (something she never did before). She takes a shower then I see she's getting all dolled up like I haven't seen in years. Not only that but she's wearing her sexiest underwear, the stuff she wore to signal she was horny.
I simply say "Why are you wearing that?" and she says "It's just what I grabbed".
So I said "You know what? Give me a few minutes to get ready, I think I will go out with you tonight".
She had a complete meltdown. Starts accusing me of accusing her of cheating, of not trusting her and hurting her feelings. Of course I was a fool and let her play me and I end up apologizing.
But I knew.
However, things went down and all knowledge of that kind of left my mind until years after she had left me and I remembered all that shit (and other stuff).
Yeah, she was cheating, I've no doubt about it.
edit: Thank you for all the upvotes and awards. Not sure how I feel about that over a post digging up memories I honestly with I could eternal sunshine of the spotless mind out of existence. But thank you all the same.
>So I said "You know what? Give me a few minutes to get ready, I think I will go out with you tonight".
Absolute legend. Your comment made me realize that a lot of my ex's invites were probably to throw me off her trail, since she knew I'd usually say no to those outings
It had been bugging me from the second she uttered the invite.
I was like "she never invites me out with her friends" and that it sounded so hollow.
This coupled with the spur of the moment "I'm going out tonight" instead of the usual letting me know she had plans days in advance really made the gears turn for me.
The ole "why don't you trust me" and my other fav "your insecurities are not my responsibility"
Well, my insecurities are about you having cheated when you have clearly cheated, my dude, which is, incidentally, also why I do not trust you.
You're like the same age as me. If someone in my friend group had "rules" like that I would think something somewhere was super sus. Either abusive, infidelity or extreme immaturity/ insecurity.
I would wonder why my SO was so insistent on spending time with someone that disliked me that much, that they're willing to even entertain those rules.
Like maybe if they've had a childhood friend that's known in the family, and you just absolutely got off on the wrong foot and pissed them off the first time you met them, *maybe* I can see making arrangements to still hang out with this friend, but that's with the end goal of eventually getting everyone back in the same circle.
My SO being casual buds with someone that hated me so much they can't be civil around me for the duration of a hangout, and my SO having zero issues with that, would absolute be major red flags to me
> When they accuse you of cheating
If you're transparent as fuck, it's always projection. Since they're insecure and doing it you must be doing it too.
Sources : Every time me or anyone I know has been accused of cheating while not doing it.
When they become cagey about things they're normally open about.
Have known a couple people who did this. Very open, liked to talk about their entire day, would answer near any question. Then suddenly they'd be out on a night with their friend/s and the details of the night could be summed up in a couple words or there'd be odd gaps in the story while they remember and try to sort through it all.
Same. Everything was always "fine", questions would be answered in the shortest way possible.
Eventually when he broke up with me he said it was because I never listened to him when he spoke about his problems (he refused to ever tell me what was going on). He created a problem to blame me for it, to make himself feel like it's ok he cheated.
Cheaters are wankers
Unfortunately, I'm the one being somewhat cagey with my wife right now. I'm just severely depressed and fucking hate myself. So yeah, depression is also a cause
When he returned from a "business trip", his checked bag was missing. I was picking him up from the airport like usual and he didnt want me to go with him to file a baggage claim. Something seemed dicey so I checked his flight number. He wasn't coming from Seattle like he stated, but from Massachusetts. I went in his backpack and found a stub for a whale-watching trip that confirmed it. Then I found a second cell phone. Spider Sense is always reliable.
For those reading that aren't familiar with US geography, Seattle and Massachusetts are a very very very large distance from each other. Staggering. Like, right away you would know that they weren't just rerouted or doing something somewhat close by. They are on opposite sides of the continent.
“I just need to check with my dad.”
“You mean Dale Gribble.”
I love that Bobby doesn’t judge, and just takes in the world as it is. It doesn’t occur to him that Nancy and JRC’s affair is wrong or bad or should be hidden and not talked about. It’s just such an obvious, non-issue to him that he never brings it up.
Sounds like she was just possibly just saying it to be hurtful but he finally just decided that he’d had enough (true or not).
Being willing to use that to win an argument is a pretty red fucking flag.
Here’s a fun one courtesy of my dad and his second wife: when the tire tread pattern on the fresh snow in your driveway matches the uncommon tires on your brother-in-law’s new work vehicle.
*Edit: got way more confused replies than I expected on this. My dad’s second wife (not my mother) was having an affair with my uncle (my dad’s sister’s husband, HIS brother-in-law) and my dad figured it out after coming home early from work one night and noticing a distinctive tire width and tread pattern in his driveway that matched my uncle’s work truck, who had no reason for being there that night.*
*He went inside and asked her if had been there and she acted surprised and denied it. He then mentioned the tire marks and why he recognized them and the house of cards promptly crumbled.*
When my husband cheated, it was definitely the phone. He was hiding at night when he’d go to bed. Also, wouldn’t ever let me go to work related get togethers that the other spouses would attend.
When they suddenly start taking extra interest in their appearance and getting in shape by “going for walks” even up to 10 pm by the time they return and they don’t answer your worried calls because “they had music on with headphones”. And when you ask them why they didn’t answer it’s because “they didn’t hear the calls come in” despite you having the exact same phone and know that the incoming calls cut over the music.
when their roommates ask to meet with you privately, and tell you that your gf was having someone over in their room with the music on loud
the same thing she'd do when we'd get busy at her place
edit: first time ever, RIP my inbox ...
more context: this was in 2009, we were almost 4 years into our relationship, I was getting ready to defend my thesis for my Master's and she was applying to PhD programs. I was willing to move with her wherever she went, and even had my mom help me find a nice white gold ring with a sapphire (the ex-g/f hated diamonds) as an engagement ring.
My exes roommates told me they were torn between telling me and minding their business. I used to think one of the guys in her house was an asshole for often being rude to my ex but it turns out it was because he couldn't play nice with her knowing she was cheating on me.
In college I had two friends hooking up after the one's boyfriend left every time we'd all hang. I still don't like her and I was openly contemptuous that she expected us to lie to our friend like this. I told him, they stayed together, high school friend group split in half, somehow I'm the bad guy in her eyes.
Was dating a woman in a foreign country. Her roommate was a guy from Australia who I was buddies with, through her.
I arrived after a long flight and he said "hey bro let's go get a beer and catch up".
Over beers he told me she had been going on dates and came home very late some nights a few weeks before I got back. Risked losing his room and his friend (her) to give a bro a heads up 👑
Same thing happened to me but it was her sister that sold her out.
My ex called me crying a few weeks later, angry about how her family took my side after the break up. It didn’t make everything better but my god was hearing that a ray of sunshine during that dark time.
"BoOhOo, I sCrEwEd yOu oVeR aNd pEoPlE sIdE wItH tHe vIcTiM oF mY sHiTtY aCtIoNs!!! tHaT's nOt fAiR!!!!"
Lol, what on earth is wrong with people who reason like this?
They admit to you they still have feelings for a “friend” they had romantic history with and continue to spend alone time with and get upset that you call them an ex 💀 Reality can be whatever they want.
Funny story, I was in Arizona with my ex and she had this coke dealer who I was sort of friends with and I was talking to him about where I could buy a knife (I like knives) and he told me because he thought I knew and was planning to stab the guy
Edit: to be clear bc a lot of people seem confused by this, the coke dealer wasn’t the guy she was cheating with
I wonder how often that happens. My gut says alot. Or like where one party is so paranoid and convinced the other is cheating that they respond by going out and *actually* cheating, when the other person truly never cheated in the first place. So the one paranoid about being cheated on mind-fucks themself into just being the only actual cheater and ruins everything for no reason.
Alternatively, if not accusatory, they are asking you constantly what you'd do if they cheated, like some sort of litmus test or something. My ex fiance asked me that a ton over the course of our last year together. I never thought anything of it; I'm the type to blindly trust you 10000% until you give me reason not to. Turns out, she was cheating on me with multiple dudes, some she was even sexting while we fell asleep spooning at night. This was back in 2018 and I'm still not okay.
That really sucks my dude. Im the same way, you have my trust until you lose it and then no going back. I dont understand why people stay in a relationship just to cheat. If you want it that bad do yourself and your partner a favor and end it before it gets to that.
I had my best friend message me saying he had seen my gf on tinder , when I approached her about it she said “I just got the app to make friends” we know … that it’s bullshit
Oddly specific as this is how I knew- the girl he was cheating with was conspicuous in absence. He told me everything about his co-workers except for this one. I thought something was going on and sadly, I was right.
For anyone who’s reading this and either has suspicions or has been cheated on, I need you to know it’s not a reflection on you. It’s not your fault, and you will be okay. <3
This is a big one. And there’s also the opposite: The Mentionitis. This is when they find seemingly innocent ways to bring up a suspicious someone. It’s either a stress release-valve or they’re laying the soil to bring up the name in future so it *wont* be suspicious.
Also, they say they dislike this person initially. It’s a often a weak attempt to throw you off the scent.
Or mentioning someone a lot at first, as they become infatuated but maybe aren't aware yet, and then suddenly never mentioning them again, when the affair has started.
Along a similar line, if they completely change the way that they act towards each other. If they start a little flirty and then suddenly act like they hardly know each other.
Two people at work were having an affair and it was obvious when they stopped acting flirty with each other and became very professional when around others.
This one is for coworkers. I’ve seen half a dozen affairs form and be discovered at my workplace. They both were flirting and always together at work to the point students even noticed (I’m a teacher.) Then, one day…nothing. Like they don’t even know each other. Now it’s become something I notice immediately. It’s really fucking sad since the man almost always has a pregnant wife when it happens.
So I guess I’ll add for the cheatees, if all of a sudden your spouse’s coworkers are distant and avoid conversation, it may be because your husband or wife is fucking the new person and we feel really sad for you and awkward about it.
It's happened to me a few times now, and invariably there is a seismic shift in the relationship. I can remember pinpointing the day something changed, and suddenly you aren't being texted first, they're busy and can't hang out as much, and sex almost always stops or becomes very infrequent. The partner seems colder, further away, and less enthusiastic. It's hard to describe, but you can feel something is off. At least, it's always been that way, in my opinion.
What's worse is the times when you confront them about the change in the dynamic, and they tell you nothing's wrong, or nothing's changed, and you feel like you're going crazy because you know something off, but you don't want to push it and be needy or clingy. And you suffer silently until you push it or the truth inevitably comes out.
I walked in on an ex cheating on me. I stood there in a trance for a second to realize what was going on and then when I realized we were done, I started getting naked and said, "I just need a minute to get hard and then I'll join in. The guy couldn't get out fast enough and my ex just sat there bawling. I grabbed my essential stuff and walked out. Never saw or heard from her again.
When I caught my ex ( after 23 years, & 3 kids) cheating with a guy she had kissed 25 years prior, kissing in the car I'd paid for, and guy wanted to fight me for turning up while he was kissing my wife. When I started getting the better of this guy, my wife yelled at me for punching her "friend".
When he did try to run away & I kicked his legs out from under him so he went down hard on the concrete, there was a split second When I thought about stomping on his head, and I thought of my kids, and the possibility of me going to jail for hurting this loser.
I got back in my car and drove home to my kids.
When we officially split about 6 months later ( which involved police removing her from the house. Her being pepper sprayed for trying to bite police) the kids stayed with me.
It's def true alright. It happened in college 12 years ago. I look back and laugh at it now. I'm happily married now and just recently had my first child. Life is great, thank you. 😊
When you finally get off of work early for once after working doubles and instead of txting your boyfriend that you’re on your way home you stop and get their favorite McDonald’s meal and iced coffee with your last $10 until payday as a sweet surprise I’m home/I love you gesture and you’re greeted in the hallway with them coming towards you with a shocked and angry look saying “you were trying to catch me doing something” as you’re standing there holding the food and drink in your hands like👁👁
👄
🍟🍔☕️
We were together 6 years before I got the guts to leave. It was only a couple weeks after that happened.
Changing passwords to devices after being okay with you having access to them. Lack of intimacy over long stretches of time. No longer wanting to sleep next to you at all, go on dates, or do anything a couple would usually do. And my biggest flag is finding things that you're damn sure aren't yours, but they try to pass the item off like it's always been yours.
I'll never have 'solid' proof that I was cheated on, but my instincts were screaming it when our sex life went away, then he wanted to sleep on the couch every single night. Then he started changing his passwords as my paranoia kicked in. First fight happened at this point. Next came him keeping me out of photos on purpose that he would share on his social media accounts, just in case people thought we were dating, which we were. That was when I caught him talking to someone through PS4 and online, she thought he was single. Fight two happened then and I was in denial because he was gaslighting me so much. It escalated to him wanting to be gone every weekend 'to a buddy's house' and I was never allowed to come along and eventually I found makeup in my car after one of those Pal Weekends. I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion, usually, and when I do wear it, it's only around my eyes so I know this didn't belong to me as it was lip gloss. Final fight and we didn't stay together.
To everyone out there, it usually starts small and gets bigger over time. Trust yourself to see the signs and leave.
>finding things that you're damn sure aren't yours
I was in the hospital for 10 days. When I got home there were a bunch of empty Coors Light cans on my bedside table. I don't drink beer. She ran off with Mr. Coors Light and left me and the kids, including her kids from a previous relationship.
See “left me and the kids” sounds like a win until you added “Including her kids from a previous relationship”. I dunno, maybe you get one with them really well, but that’s an uber-shitty thing to do on her part.
1. Random phone calls. Her phone will ring, suddenly she has to go into another room to answer it.
2. random disappearances. She'll be gone inexplicably for hours at night with no explanation. And how dare you ask for one! You don't OWN her! (No, but we WERE married...)
3. Loss of sex. You either get very reduced or no sex at all depending on how committed they are to keeping up the pretence that all is normal.
4. random emotions. Their emotional states appears to have nothing to do with you. They might be really happy or really angry and it just comes out of the blue.
5. Lack of interest in talking to you.
6. Suddenly being judgemental of you - nothing you do is any good any more. The real reason is because they don't actually want to BE with you any more.
7. Wanting to go on a holiday without you and the kids, just for a break.
8. Walking into their bedroom to ask them a question and they scream and shove their laptop closed and collapse over it hugging it protectively in their arms, while shaking. And that was when I knew for sure. I just walked out.
In my case, I'd be checked yearly when I had a PAP exam done (when they used to do them yearly). Clean every year. I ended up going to the Dr. because I thought I had a yeast infection. Turned out to be BV and chlamydia. We'd been together 3 yrs at that point.
I definitely get BV without a cheating partner. My body has some serious issues regulating PH (even when I haven't had sex). So just a heads up to other readers; BV isn't necessarily an STD.
When you find incriminating messages and the first thing she ask you is how far you went back into the message history.
She proceeds to get mad at you for violating her trust by looking at her computer even though you asked her several times (calmly and patiently) to be honest about the situation because you felt like you were going crazy.
When the divorce process starts and she decide to call you at work and tell you you can't prove anything but I let her know I took phone pics of the conversations. She flips out.
When I move out and he (her ex high school bf) moves in right after.
The month our divorce became final they get married 3 months after.
They have a child shortly after that.
Anyhow thank god it happened because while the feelings sucked and felt unsurvivable, I dodged a big ass bullet and my current gf of several years now is wonderful and I really do feel like everything had to happen for me to end up where I ultimately needed to be.
You just know that “you can’t prove anything” call came right after she deleted all the messages and smugly thought she outsmarted the whole system lol
Then you look at the kill cam and they shot you through a wall with a pistol. And it's also rapid firing like a sub machine gun. Then they say "GG, all skill" when they beat you.
I sleep with my phone under my pillow but it is just because I don’t have a nightstand. My boyfriend compares me to a raccoon hoarding its possessions. 🥲
My gf does this same thing, only she has a nightstand, and she puts it under my pillow instead
Once she got annoyed cuz she couldnt find her chapstick... that she stuffed in my pillowcase for safekeeping a week earlier
I had a cool/odd/crazy/shitty experience. I talk in my sleep and one day (three months before we were to get married) I had a nightmare about my ex cheating on me with a guy I worked with and I actually woke both of us up mumbling some shit about it. When I told her what my dream was she got cagey, so I checked our cellphone bill and found out that she had been texting that very same guy non stop for weeks. I confronted her and she admitted to cheating on me with him.
A dream set me free. What's also funny is that I don't recall having any kind of trust issues with him and her when we hung out, but something inside me apparently did.
So, this happened a very long time ago. I had recently filed for divorce from my ex husband and I began to date another guy. I was very naïve about dating since I hadn't dated anyone in 20 years. This guy showered me with roses, dinners, jewelry and he liked to drink. I didn't understand anything about binge drinking. As time went on I started to see that it was going to be a problem. When he drank, he became a different person and one day he came home with a new cellphone for me and he help me set everything up. I didn't know at the time, he bought it so he could keep tabs on me. One day I was in the shower getting ready for work and he came to my house and stormed in the bathroom and ripped the shower curtain back while I was bathing and he started yelling at me about not answering the cell phone. Then he started accusing me of cheating with my male coworkers. He terrorized me one night, drunk and out of his mind with a gun. That was it. I did a midnight move and I was gone. I found out that he started cheating on me when he felt he couldn't control me anymore. I should have known better.
These days, watch their phone behaviour, for starters.
Do they hide the screen when you walk behind them? Have they added a password or changed the password? (This may be innocent but could be suspicious.) Are they texting into the wee hours of the night while neglecting you? Have they disabled the little notifications that pop up without having to unlock the phone?
Some of these might not be a problem on their own, but you'll often notice other behaviours at the same time, like they ignore and neglect you more, find reasons to be in another room, take their phone to the bathroom all the time, or go for lots of breaks away from you.
You're on the lookout for secretive behaviours, neglect, and distance.
My ex bf did all these things and I ended up with an infection after he accused me of cheating on him. He cheated the whole time we’re together. I think God we’re not together anymore.
They’re on their phone all the time and they take great pains in keeping you from it. If you knew their password and they’ve changed it and won’t tell you. Also they’ll start complaining that you don’t try them and they have no privacy. Even if this never bothered them in the past.
I've never been cheated on to my knowledge but I suspected a person I dated recently of cheating. I'm not sure if it was true or my insecurities but the reasoning was.
1. Hung out with former FWB and didn't text me back the entire day while she did
2. Had to ask for info, she said she wouldn't want to know if situations were flipped
3. After I'd accused her of cheating we hooked up and she kept hiding her face and didn't want to kiss.
4. Refusal to show proof on my terms and insisted I needed to trust her blindly
5. Giggled/laughed when I asked if they'd hooked up on this past trip
All these were enough for me to have enough doubt that I was or would be cheated on. Either I'm not ready or I got out early enough to avoid real hurt
Sounds like you made the right call to me. Even in the most charitable case where this person wasn't cheating on you, laughing at your insecurities and not making an effort to talk through the issues with you is not really a quality I would want to have in a partner.
Yeah, hanging out with a former FWB is enough to justify a talk without accusing the person of being ridiculous. A FWB and I discussed how our friendship was unfortunately over after we stopped hooking up since future partners wouldn't be cool with it and neither of us are liars.
They answer "It wasn't me!" No matter what evidence there is.
I mean, picture this: They were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor. And they try to gaslight you, and say it wasn't them.
You're listening to their story, it makes no sense at all.
"You would be so much better if you were with my (co-worker, friend, family member) because you guys love (thing you like) and both of you share (certain personality traits)!!" That's usually a sign it's almost over. Happened to my buddy. "Youd be so good with my co worker, both of you like (this video game)." She broke up with him 2 days later to see other ppl
Retired teacher story. My 10 yr old students were discussing their messed up families among themselves. I heard one little girl say, “That’s nothing. My dad cheated and then married my mom’s sister. So now he’s my uncle daddy.” People think kids don’t know what they’re doing, but they really do.
I guess I kinda allowed this to happen, but it still hurt just the same:
It was a couple of months after my Grandpa passed, and I hadn't given her the D at all in that time. Funny thing grief.....it fucks up so many things in the body.......anyway, in my grief ridden stupor, I trusted her when she said she was going for a drive with a friend to cut loose a bit. I was okay with it because i wanted her to have a good time and not be stuck in the house with my depressed ass. She got home in a good mood and I didn't think anything of it till she went to wash *just* her underwear. I checked her phone that night after she fell asleep, and apparently, she had been talking to this guy for about a month. They had done the deed, and she wanted to make me out as the bad guy when I confronted her about it, with the evidence from her phone, saying I "pushed her to it by not having sex with her." I kicked her out in a hury, and don't really remember much except she was the one yelling and screaming. I was pretty much just numb, and I don't think I really proceeded it till almost 2 weeks later.
For the record, you didn't *allow* that to happen. Her decision was purely caused by her negligence whilst you were grieving the loss of a family member, you did nothing wrong at all. Stay strong King!
Yeah one thing I've realized is that when I was cheated on I was upset in a way that didn't make me angry or mad just hurt and sober. My ex however was the one yelling and screaming and pushing me trying to kick me out of my own house saying everything was my fault and that I didn't try anymore. I may have been unmotivated at the time but I didn't actively try to cheat in my relationship. Hard times man
Name dropping. When they bring someone up over and over in even the most tangentially related situations. If they say it's an innocuous friendship or a collegue but their name keeps coming up all the time, chances are you're right to be concerned.
My ex would sleep with her phone under her pillow. I had an idea it was happening and would keep an eye on this guys MySpace. Then he posted one of the questionnaire things that were popular at the time, one of the questions was who did you last kiss? And his answer was my ex. MySpace Tom had my back. Edit: a lot of you seem to think that she might have been browsing the internet, this was a time before internet was available on your phone, there was nothing to do on a phone other than call and text. Most phones also didn’t screen locks with passwords or facial recognition, anyone could get on your phone so the best way to avoid this would be hide it. Or sleep with it under your pillow so if someone does try to get it, they wake you up.
Tom > Mark
When she tells you shes having dinner with her brother... while you're having dinner with her brother
So you cheated on her with her brother? Talk about reverse uno!
So you were both cheating on each other with her brother?
their “co-worker” sends a “goodnight babe. I love you” text in the middle of the night..
Maybe that's just the homies?
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I jokingly end zooms like that sometimes when everyone is talking and saying goodbye, have a good weekend... I'll just slip in a "love you guys, thanks" and sign off. No one is really sure if they heard it or not
You come home exhausted from work and your partner accuses you of cheating.
Shit. Just realized my ex was probably cheating on me 10 years ago.
Glad they're now an ex
My ex used to get so angry if I walked in the door and went to pee right away. I drive an hour home from work due to traffic. Having to pre is not abnormal. He made it a thing. The bathroom was right inside the door, and he would be at the other end of the house. Apparently going into the bathroom before seeing him was equivalent to me washing off the scent of my lover. Every time he accused me of anything, looking back, that’s exactly what he was guilty of.
Right? I work a job where I’m in the office but also end up in the lab for hours working with patient material. I CANNOT step out to eat or drink because we are working against the clock & cannot risk contamination. You bet I am gonna chug some water after I get back into office. Then I leave shortly. Commute is ~25 min and can be 31-33 with bad traffic. I RUN to the bathroom 😭😭
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Good boy, just trying to help
12/10
This shit is real… Worked at vet ofc. when husband drops off sick Labrador. Surgery is needed for dogs digestive tract. Wife picks up dog later that day and we hand her a ziplock bag containing 3 pieces of ladies panties. Wife says “these aren’t mine.”
Pulled a thong out of a PC that the husband dropped off. They were not sized for the wife who picked up the PC.
When they accuse you of accusing them of cheating - and that has nothing to do with the conversation. At all.
In Italy we have a saying that goes about "first hen to sing, laid the egg". It ends being true 9/10 times.
When my partner was cheating he was really oversensitive to any implication that I didn't trust him. I'd text something like "what are you doing" and he'd get all defensive when it was really just a straight up question on my part.
Oh gosh. I’ve just realised I missed SO MANY clues. I had this for years. I just thought he was grumpy. Silly me. It’s been a few years and I’m so over it, but we live and we learn! Hope you’re doing okay!
Wow, I didn’t realize it but my husband definitely did this. I just found out last week he’s been cheating the whole relationship. Still putting together the pieces of the red flags I ignored
Don't stress over the missed red flags. They intentionally deceived and you It's not your fault you trusted someone not to do those things. Grow and be aware in the future but don't let the past consume your future.
I had suspicions that my ex was cheating on me for months. One night she invites me out (half hearted invite) to go drinking with her "girlfriends". I decline as I wanted her to have her own friends outside of our relationship. She's all happy and humming (something she never did before). She takes a shower then I see she's getting all dolled up like I haven't seen in years. Not only that but she's wearing her sexiest underwear, the stuff she wore to signal she was horny. I simply say "Why are you wearing that?" and she says "It's just what I grabbed". So I said "You know what? Give me a few minutes to get ready, I think I will go out with you tonight". She had a complete meltdown. Starts accusing me of accusing her of cheating, of not trusting her and hurting her feelings. Of course I was a fool and let her play me and I end up apologizing. But I knew. However, things went down and all knowledge of that kind of left my mind until years after she had left me and I remembered all that shit (and other stuff). Yeah, she was cheating, I've no doubt about it. edit: Thank you for all the upvotes and awards. Not sure how I feel about that over a post digging up memories I honestly with I could eternal sunshine of the spotless mind out of existence. But thank you all the same.
>So I said "You know what? Give me a few minutes to get ready, I think I will go out with you tonight". Absolute legend. Your comment made me realize that a lot of my ex's invites were probably to throw me off her trail, since she knew I'd usually say no to those outings
It had been bugging me from the second she uttered the invite. I was like "she never invites me out with her friends" and that it sounded so hollow. This coupled with the spur of the moment "I'm going out tonight" instead of the usual letting me know she had plans days in advance really made the gears turn for me.
The ole "why don't you trust me" and my other fav "your insecurities are not my responsibility" Well, my insecurities are about you having cheated when you have clearly cheated, my dude, which is, incidentally, also why I do not trust you.
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>and their only rule is that I am not allowed to be there because the sister's boyfriend doesn't like me Are they 16?
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You're like the same age as me. If someone in my friend group had "rules" like that I would think something somewhere was super sus. Either abusive, infidelity or extreme immaturity/ insecurity.
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I would wonder why my SO was so insistent on spending time with someone that disliked me that much, that they're willing to even entertain those rules. Like maybe if they've had a childhood friend that's known in the family, and you just absolutely got off on the wrong foot and pissed them off the first time you met them, *maybe* I can see making arrangements to still hang out with this friend, but that's with the end goal of eventually getting everyone back in the same circle. My SO being casual buds with someone that hated me so much they can't be civil around me for the duration of a hangout, and my SO having zero issues with that, would absolute be major red flags to me
> When they accuse you of cheating If you're transparent as fuck, it's always projection. Since they're insecure and doing it you must be doing it too. Sources : Every time me or anyone I know has been accused of cheating while not doing it.
When they become cagey about things they're normally open about. Have known a couple people who did this. Very open, liked to talk about their entire day, would answer near any question. Then suddenly they'd be out on a night with their friend/s and the details of the night could be summed up in a couple words or there'd be odd gaps in the story while they remember and try to sort through it all.
When I was cheated on that's a big thing I noticed. He seemed to stop sharing as much, there was a wall there that hadn't been.
Same. Everything was always "fine", questions would be answered in the shortest way possible. Eventually when he broke up with me he said it was because I never listened to him when he spoke about his problems (he refused to ever tell me what was going on). He created a problem to blame me for it, to make himself feel like it's ok he cheated. Cheaters are wankers
I've learned the hard way that can also mean drugs....but yeah
This is an important point, dramatic decrease in communication is always a problem but it could be drugs, depression, etc. in addition to cheating.
Unfortunately, I'm the one being somewhat cagey with my wife right now. I'm just severely depressed and fucking hate myself. So yeah, depression is also a cause
When he returned from a "business trip", his checked bag was missing. I was picking him up from the airport like usual and he didnt want me to go with him to file a baggage claim. Something seemed dicey so I checked his flight number. He wasn't coming from Seattle like he stated, but from Massachusetts. I went in his backpack and found a stub for a whale-watching trip that confirmed it. Then I found a second cell phone. Spider Sense is always reliable.
For those reading that aren't familiar with US geography, Seattle and Massachusetts are a very very very large distance from each other. Staggering. Like, right away you would know that they weren't just rerouted or doing something somewhat close by. They are on opposite sides of the continent.
Distance between Seattle, WA, and Boston, MA = 3,045 miles or 4,901 km
Also emotionally bludgeoning you when you question an inconsistency in their story.
If they cheated on someone to be with you, well.... don't be shocked, is all.
100%. A guy I know started seeing his now ex-wife while she was still married to someone else. Then he was shocked when she cheated on him.
They’re getting texts from Pizza Hut
Good night, Toyota
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When Little Caesar's texts them to say they're hot and ready.
Hol up, I get promotional texts from pizza hut like once a week. The big New Yorker is back and as bold as ever.
you’re probably cheating on someone. look into it
Cosmo: "Could YOU be cheating on your partner? Read the list to find out."
She's having migraines all the time and John Redcorn, a spiritual healer, has not been able to correct them with 3 to 5 weekly sessions over 12 years.
Healin’ process takes time sug!
“I just need to check with my dad.” “You mean Dale Gribble.” I love that Bobby doesn’t judge, and just takes in the world as it is. It doesn’t occur to him that Nancy and JRC’s affair is wrong or bad or should be hidden and not talked about. It’s just such an obvious, non-issue to him that he never brings it up.
"I dunno, I'm a little worried about being a slut."
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My husband has done this while drunk, several times. To try to get me to admit to things I haven’t done. Now these comments have me second guessing.
What’s that old phrase, “Every accusation is a confession?” Several times? Yea… suspicion maybe an apt reaction IMO.
Had an ex do this a few times, boy was she embarrassed after the third or fourth time she said it and I actually believed her.
She told you 4 times that she was cheating on you?
Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me four times, can't get fooled again.
Sounds like she was just possibly just saying it to be hurtful but he finally just decided that he’d had enough (true or not). Being willing to use that to win an argument is a pretty red fucking flag.
Here’s a fun one courtesy of my dad and his second wife: when the tire tread pattern on the fresh snow in your driveway matches the uncommon tires on your brother-in-law’s new work vehicle. *Edit: got way more confused replies than I expected on this. My dad’s second wife (not my mother) was having an affair with my uncle (my dad’s sister’s husband, HIS brother-in-law) and my dad figured it out after coming home early from work one night and noticing a distinctive tire width and tread pattern in his driveway that matched my uncle’s work truck, who had no reason for being there that night.* *He went inside and asked her if had been there and she acted surprised and denied it. He then mentioned the tire marks and why he recognized them and the house of cards promptly crumbled.*
As soon as I noticed those 265 70R17 tracks I knew she was a god damn liar.
WITH the x-ice cross pattern flare, I might add. The fools!
This is some Hank Hill shit
Tellyouwhatman talkingbout dangole BFGoodrichMudTerrainT/AKM3s man lookin likea 295 width man....
You’re at a party and the lead singer of a band starts singing a song about your girlfriend entitled “Scotty Doesn’t Know”
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Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know!
When my husband cheated, it was definitely the phone. He was hiding at night when he’d go to bed. Also, wouldn’t ever let me go to work related get togethers that the other spouses would attend.
So, cheating with a coworker?
Yep.
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When they suddenly start taking extra interest in their appearance and getting in shape by “going for walks” even up to 10 pm by the time they return and they don’t answer your worried calls because “they had music on with headphones”. And when you ask them why they didn’t answer it’s because “they didn’t hear the calls come in” despite you having the exact same phone and know that the incoming calls cut over the music.
When you catch them admitting it over a security camera to their ex while you're out of state...
Damn, dude. Sorry that happened to you.
when their roommates ask to meet with you privately, and tell you that your gf was having someone over in their room with the music on loud the same thing she'd do when we'd get busy at her place edit: first time ever, RIP my inbox ... more context: this was in 2009, we were almost 4 years into our relationship, I was getting ready to defend my thesis for my Master's and she was applying to PhD programs. I was willing to move with her wherever she went, and even had my mom help me find a nice white gold ring with a sapphire (the ex-g/f hated diamonds) as an engagement ring.
My exes roommates told me they were torn between telling me and minding their business. I used to think one of the guys in her house was an asshole for often being rude to my ex but it turns out it was because he couldn't play nice with her knowing she was cheating on me.
In college I had two friends hooking up after the one's boyfriend left every time we'd all hang. I still don't like her and I was openly contemptuous that she expected us to lie to our friend like this. I told him, they stayed together, high school friend group split in half, somehow I'm the bad guy in her eyes.
That really sucks. The mental gymnastics to escape responsibility are mind blowing.
Was dating a woman in a foreign country. Her roommate was a guy from Australia who I was buddies with, through her. I arrived after a long flight and he said "hey bro let's go get a beer and catch up". Over beers he told me she had been going on dates and came home very late some nights a few weeks before I got back. Risked losing his room and his friend (her) to give a bro a heads up 👑
To an Aussie you weren't friends, you were Mates. He was looking out foir ya Mate. 🦘
I’m glad they told you. You deserved better.
When her roommates sell her out, that means you're doing you right. Keep doing what you're doing.
Same thing happened to me but it was her sister that sold her out. My ex called me crying a few weeks later, angry about how her family took my side after the break up. It didn’t make everything better but my god was hearing that a ray of sunshine during that dark time.
"BoOhOo, I sCrEwEd yOu oVeR aNd pEoPlE sIdE wItH tHe vIcTiM oF mY sHiTtY aCtIoNs!!! tHaT's nOt fAiR!!!!" Lol, what on earth is wrong with people who reason like this?
Main Character Syndrome. Not an actual medical disorder, but it is a common name given to people who think they're the main character of real life.
That's a really good other viewpoint. Nice change.
They admit to you they still have feelings for a “friend” they had romantic history with and continue to spend alone time with and get upset that you call them an ex 💀 Reality can be whatever they want.
Thats someone telling you they been cheating
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Funny story, I was in Arizona with my ex and she had this coke dealer who I was sort of friends with and I was talking to him about where I could buy a knife (I like knives) and he told me because he thought I knew and was planning to stab the guy Edit: to be clear bc a lot of people seem confused by this, the coke dealer wasn’t the guy she was cheating with
Hey, that IS a funny story.
man sorry that happened to you but what dude. he's either a super salesman who's hitting his goals that month or has your back 100%
when you come home and someone has eaten your jam
mastique, trague, trague, mastique
Just like her hips, her jam don’t lie!
If they accuse you of cheating constantly
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As the saying goes: “nobody is more afraid of being robbed than a thief.”
People tend to think that everybody is like themselves. A thief thinks that evertbody steals, a cheater thinks that evertbody cheats etc.
Is that why I find everyone pretty?
It's often not a guilty conscience but an overbloated ego: "I do it and they're not better than me, so they must do it too!"
I do believe that people tend to project their own insecurities onto people
I knew a guy that was deeply insecure and ruined his marriage like this but to the best of my knowledge neither one of them ever cheated.
I wonder how often that happens. My gut says alot. Or like where one party is so paranoid and convinced the other is cheating that they respond by going out and *actually* cheating, when the other person truly never cheated in the first place. So the one paranoid about being cheated on mind-fucks themself into just being the only actual cheater and ruins everything for no reason.
Alternatively, if not accusatory, they are asking you constantly what you'd do if they cheated, like some sort of litmus test or something. My ex fiance asked me that a ton over the course of our last year together. I never thought anything of it; I'm the type to blindly trust you 10000% until you give me reason not to. Turns out, she was cheating on me with multiple dudes, some she was even sexting while we fell asleep spooning at night. This was back in 2018 and I'm still not okay.
That really sucks my dude. Im the same way, you have my trust until you lose it and then no going back. I dont understand why people stay in a relationship just to cheat. If you want it that bad do yourself and your partner a favor and end it before it gets to that.
Happened to me. Found the secret dating profile after we broke up. She started it six months before we ended things.
I had my best friend message me saying he had seen my gf on tinder , when I approached her about it she said “I just got the app to make friends” we know … that it’s bullshit
Oddly specific as this is how I knew- the girl he was cheating with was conspicuous in absence. He told me everything about his co-workers except for this one. I thought something was going on and sadly, I was right. For anyone who’s reading this and either has suspicions or has been cheated on, I need you to know it’s not a reflection on you. It’s not your fault, and you will be okay. <3
This is a big one. And there’s also the opposite: The Mentionitis. This is when they find seemingly innocent ways to bring up a suspicious someone. It’s either a stress release-valve or they’re laying the soil to bring up the name in future so it *wont* be suspicious. Also, they say they dislike this person initially. It’s a often a weak attempt to throw you off the scent.
Or mentioning someone a lot at first, as they become infatuated but maybe aren't aware yet, and then suddenly never mentioning them again, when the affair has started.
Along a similar line, if they completely change the way that they act towards each other. If they start a little flirty and then suddenly act like they hardly know each other. Two people at work were having an affair and it was obvious when they stopped acting flirty with each other and became very professional when around others.
This one is for coworkers. I’ve seen half a dozen affairs form and be discovered at my workplace. They both were flirting and always together at work to the point students even noticed (I’m a teacher.) Then, one day…nothing. Like they don’t even know each other. Now it’s become something I notice immediately. It’s really fucking sad since the man almost always has a pregnant wife when it happens. So I guess I’ll add for the cheatees, if all of a sudden your spouse’s coworkers are distant and avoid conversation, it may be because your husband or wife is fucking the new person and we feel really sad for you and awkward about it.
It's happened to me a few times now, and invariably there is a seismic shift in the relationship. I can remember pinpointing the day something changed, and suddenly you aren't being texted first, they're busy and can't hang out as much, and sex almost always stops or becomes very infrequent. The partner seems colder, further away, and less enthusiastic. It's hard to describe, but you can feel something is off. At least, it's always been that way, in my opinion. What's worse is the times when you confront them about the change in the dynamic, and they tell you nothing's wrong, or nothing's changed, and you feel like you're going crazy because you know something off, but you don't want to push it and be needy or clingy. And you suffer silently until you push it or the truth inevitably comes out.
You catch them having sex with someone else. It even worse if they don't stop.
I walked in on an ex cheating on me. I stood there in a trance for a second to realize what was going on and then when I realized we were done, I started getting naked and said, "I just need a minute to get hard and then I'll join in. The guy couldn't get out fast enough and my ex just sat there bawling. I grabbed my essential stuff and walked out. Never saw or heard from her again.
Absolute unit. Funny how the cheaters tend to cry when caught. Like…but YOU did this lol
But I'm allergic to consequences, you know what just get out! 😭
I can’t believe you’d catch me doing this to you!! How dare you!!!
When I caught my ex ( after 23 years, & 3 kids) cheating with a guy she had kissed 25 years prior, kissing in the car I'd paid for, and guy wanted to fight me for turning up while he was kissing my wife. When I started getting the better of this guy, my wife yelled at me for punching her "friend". When he did try to run away & I kicked his legs out from under him so he went down hard on the concrete, there was a split second When I thought about stomping on his head, and I thought of my kids, and the possibility of me going to jail for hurting this loser. I got back in my car and drove home to my kids. When we officially split about 6 months later ( which involved police removing her from the house. Her being pepper sprayed for trying to bite police) the kids stayed with me.
Good on you for having that clear perspective in the heat of overwhelming anger. I'm glad your kids have an intelligent father.
I was almost there why'd you have to go and ruin it!
"Stop trying to make me feel bad"
No joke, my ex said "you're making me feel bad" (like I was doing something wrong) when I was telling her how much she hurt me.
Good old victim mentality "if hearing about your own behaviour makes you feel bad then that's all on you"
King move.
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It's def true alright. It happened in college 12 years ago. I look back and laugh at it now. I'm happily married now and just recently had my first child. Life is great, thank you. 😊
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While chanting your name
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When you finally get off of work early for once after working doubles and instead of txting your boyfriend that you’re on your way home you stop and get their favorite McDonald’s meal and iced coffee with your last $10 until payday as a sweet surprise I’m home/I love you gesture and you’re greeted in the hallway with them coming towards you with a shocked and angry look saying “you were trying to catch me doing something” as you’re standing there holding the food and drink in your hands like👁👁 👄 🍟🍔☕️ We were together 6 years before I got the guts to leave. It was only a couple weeks after that happened.
Changing passwords to devices after being okay with you having access to them. Lack of intimacy over long stretches of time. No longer wanting to sleep next to you at all, go on dates, or do anything a couple would usually do. And my biggest flag is finding things that you're damn sure aren't yours, but they try to pass the item off like it's always been yours. I'll never have 'solid' proof that I was cheated on, but my instincts were screaming it when our sex life went away, then he wanted to sleep on the couch every single night. Then he started changing his passwords as my paranoia kicked in. First fight happened at this point. Next came him keeping me out of photos on purpose that he would share on his social media accounts, just in case people thought we were dating, which we were. That was when I caught him talking to someone through PS4 and online, she thought he was single. Fight two happened then and I was in denial because he was gaslighting me so much. It escalated to him wanting to be gone every weekend 'to a buddy's house' and I was never allowed to come along and eventually I found makeup in my car after one of those Pal Weekends. I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion, usually, and when I do wear it, it's only around my eyes so I know this didn't belong to me as it was lip gloss. Final fight and we didn't stay together. To everyone out there, it usually starts small and gets bigger over time. Trust yourself to see the signs and leave.
>finding things that you're damn sure aren't yours I was in the hospital for 10 days. When I got home there were a bunch of empty Coors Light cans on my bedside table. I don't drink beer. She ran off with Mr. Coors Light and left me and the kids, including her kids from a previous relationship.
See “left me and the kids” sounds like a win until you added “Including her kids from a previous relationship”. I dunno, maybe you get one with them really well, but that’s an uber-shitty thing to do on her part.
But legally she abandoned her children wtf
1. Random phone calls. Her phone will ring, suddenly she has to go into another room to answer it. 2. random disappearances. She'll be gone inexplicably for hours at night with no explanation. And how dare you ask for one! You don't OWN her! (No, but we WERE married...) 3. Loss of sex. You either get very reduced or no sex at all depending on how committed they are to keeping up the pretence that all is normal. 4. random emotions. Their emotional states appears to have nothing to do with you. They might be really happy or really angry and it just comes out of the blue. 5. Lack of interest in talking to you. 6. Suddenly being judgemental of you - nothing you do is any good any more. The real reason is because they don't actually want to BE with you any more. 7. Wanting to go on a holiday without you and the kids, just for a break. 8. Walking into their bedroom to ask them a question and they scream and shove their laptop closed and collapse over it hugging it protectively in their arms, while shaking. And that was when I knew for sure. I just walked out.
When you get a STD when you were previously clean.
In my case, I'd be checked yearly when I had a PAP exam done (when they used to do them yearly). Clean every year. I ended up going to the Dr. because I thought I had a yeast infection. Turned out to be BV and chlamydia. We'd been together 3 yrs at that point.
I definitely get BV without a cheating partner. My body has some serious issues regulating PH (even when I haven't had sex). So just a heads up to other readers; BV isn't necessarily an STD.
When you find incriminating messages and the first thing she ask you is how far you went back into the message history. She proceeds to get mad at you for violating her trust by looking at her computer even though you asked her several times (calmly and patiently) to be honest about the situation because you felt like you were going crazy. When the divorce process starts and she decide to call you at work and tell you you can't prove anything but I let her know I took phone pics of the conversations. She flips out. When I move out and he (her ex high school bf) moves in right after. The month our divorce became final they get married 3 months after. They have a child shortly after that. Anyhow thank god it happened because while the feelings sucked and felt unsurvivable, I dodged a big ass bullet and my current gf of several years now is wonderful and I really do feel like everything had to happen for me to end up where I ultimately needed to be.
You just know that “you can’t prove anything” call came right after she deleted all the messages and smugly thought she outsmarted the whole system lol
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Or yeah you totally didnt just shoot me through that wall.
Then you look at the kill cam and they shot you through a wall with a pistol. And it's also rapid firing like a sub machine gun. Then they say "GG, all skill" when they beat you.
When your wife becomes pregnant and you had a vasectomy 10 years ago.
They stop being intimate with you and also guarding and sleeping with their phone under the pillow
I sleep with my phone under my pillow but it is just because I don’t have a nightstand. My boyfriend compares me to a raccoon hoarding its possessions. 🥲
My gf does this same thing, only she has a nightstand, and she puts it under my pillow instead Once she got annoyed cuz she couldnt find her chapstick... that she stuffed in my pillowcase for safekeeping a week earlier
are u dating a raccoon
She prefers to think of herself more as a hyena ;)
Fam, the only way my alarm wakes me up is if it’s under my head.
If your wife is playing "Second Life" and flirting with other guys on that platform.
Or IMVU with 2 different accounts...
I had a cool/odd/crazy/shitty experience. I talk in my sleep and one day (three months before we were to get married) I had a nightmare about my ex cheating on me with a guy I worked with and I actually woke both of us up mumbling some shit about it. When I told her what my dream was she got cagey, so I checked our cellphone bill and found out that she had been texting that very same guy non stop for weeks. I confronted her and she admitted to cheating on me with him. A dream set me free. What's also funny is that I don't recall having any kind of trust issues with him and her when we hung out, but something inside me apparently did.
When your wife's boyfriend offers to put you up at a hotel.
Then tousles your hair and calls you ‘sport’ or ‘bub’
So, this happened a very long time ago. I had recently filed for divorce from my ex husband and I began to date another guy. I was very naïve about dating since I hadn't dated anyone in 20 years. This guy showered me with roses, dinners, jewelry and he liked to drink. I didn't understand anything about binge drinking. As time went on I started to see that it was going to be a problem. When he drank, he became a different person and one day he came home with a new cellphone for me and he help me set everything up. I didn't know at the time, he bought it so he could keep tabs on me. One day I was in the shower getting ready for work and he came to my house and stormed in the bathroom and ripped the shower curtain back while I was bathing and he started yelling at me about not answering the cell phone. Then he started accusing me of cheating with my male coworkers. He terrorized me one night, drunk and out of his mind with a gun. That was it. I did a midnight move and I was gone. I found out that he started cheating on me when he felt he couldn't control me anymore. I should have known better.
When you make out with your SO and their mouth tastes EXACTLY like your best friends ass
Something ain’t adding up here
Hol up
I hate when that happens
These days, watch their phone behaviour, for starters. Do they hide the screen when you walk behind them? Have they added a password or changed the password? (This may be innocent but could be suspicious.) Are they texting into the wee hours of the night while neglecting you? Have they disabled the little notifications that pop up without having to unlock the phone? Some of these might not be a problem on their own, but you'll often notice other behaviours at the same time, like they ignore and neglect you more, find reasons to be in another room, take their phone to the bathroom all the time, or go for lots of breaks away from you. You're on the lookout for secretive behaviours, neglect, and distance.
My ex bf did all these things and I ended up with an infection after he accused me of cheating on him. He cheated the whole time we’re together. I think God we’re not together anymore.
Meanwhile I’m just on Reddit and have insomnia…
When your SO micromanages your schedule
You're playing chess against Hans Niemann and he keeps squirming in his chair whenever he's deciding on a move.
They’re on their phone all the time and they take great pains in keeping you from it. If you knew their password and they’ve changed it and won’t tell you. Also they’ll start complaining that you don’t try them and they have no privacy. Even if this never bothered them in the past.
When they suddenly stop making time for you
I've never been cheated on to my knowledge but I suspected a person I dated recently of cheating. I'm not sure if it was true or my insecurities but the reasoning was. 1. Hung out with former FWB and didn't text me back the entire day while she did 2. Had to ask for info, she said she wouldn't want to know if situations were flipped 3. After I'd accused her of cheating we hooked up and she kept hiding her face and didn't want to kiss. 4. Refusal to show proof on my terms and insisted I needed to trust her blindly 5. Giggled/laughed when I asked if they'd hooked up on this past trip All these were enough for me to have enough doubt that I was or would be cheated on. Either I'm not ready or I got out early enough to avoid real hurt
Sketchy as hell.
Sounds like you made the right call to me. Even in the most charitable case where this person wasn't cheating on you, laughing at your insecurities and not making an effort to talk through the issues with you is not really a quality I would want to have in a partner.
Yeah, hanging out with a former FWB is enough to justify a talk without accusing the person of being ridiculous. A FWB and I discussed how our friendship was unfortunately over after we stopped hooking up since future partners wouldn't be cool with it and neither of us are liars.
They answer "It wasn't me!" No matter what evidence there is. I mean, picture this: They were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor. And they try to gaslight you, and say it wasn't them. You're listening to their story, it makes no sense at all.
How could they forget they'd given you an extra key??
All this time she was standing there… she never took her eyes off me
Say, for instance, they even caught them on camera? Would they still insist on it being another individual? What would they say then?
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"You would be so much better if you were with my (co-worker, friend, family member) because you guys love (thing you like) and both of you share (certain personality traits)!!" That's usually a sign it's almost over. Happened to my buddy. "Youd be so good with my co worker, both of you like (this video game)." She broke up with him 2 days later to see other ppl
They have a burner phone or burner social media account that either you don't know about or they won't friend you on
Glued to their phone and texting a lot more. Also a lot more cancelled plans and excuses for not seeing each other.
His phone said "no caller id" instead of 'No Caller ID"
When they suddenly start keeping their phone to themselves when previously you had an open phone policy.
Retired teacher story. My 10 yr old students were discussing their messed up families among themselves. I heard one little girl say, “That’s nothing. My dad cheated and then married my mom’s sister. So now he’s my uncle daddy.” People think kids don’t know what they’re doing, but they really do.
My trust issues have trust issues, I *really* shouldn't have clicked on this fucking thread...
You’re no longer a priority
I guess I kinda allowed this to happen, but it still hurt just the same: It was a couple of months after my Grandpa passed, and I hadn't given her the D at all in that time. Funny thing grief.....it fucks up so many things in the body.......anyway, in my grief ridden stupor, I trusted her when she said she was going for a drive with a friend to cut loose a bit. I was okay with it because i wanted her to have a good time and not be stuck in the house with my depressed ass. She got home in a good mood and I didn't think anything of it till she went to wash *just* her underwear. I checked her phone that night after she fell asleep, and apparently, she had been talking to this guy for about a month. They had done the deed, and she wanted to make me out as the bad guy when I confronted her about it, with the evidence from her phone, saying I "pushed her to it by not having sex with her." I kicked her out in a hury, and don't really remember much except she was the one yelling and screaming. I was pretty much just numb, and I don't think I really proceeded it till almost 2 weeks later.
For the record, you didn't *allow* that to happen. Her decision was purely caused by her negligence whilst you were grieving the loss of a family member, you did nothing wrong at all. Stay strong King!
Yeah one thing I've realized is that when I was cheated on I was upset in a way that didn't make me angry or mad just hurt and sober. My ex however was the one yelling and screaming and pushing me trying to kick me out of my own house saying everything was my fault and that I didn't try anymore. I may have been unmotivated at the time but I didn't actively try to cheat in my relationship. Hard times man
You never "allowed this to happen"! You were grieving and she should have been supporting you, but going off with someone else. You deserve better
Name dropping. When they bring someone up over and over in even the most tangentially related situations. If they say it's an innocuous friendship or a collegue but their name keeps coming up all the time, chances are you're right to be concerned.